#who the fuck am i kidding at this point.
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love being humbled and being reminded that doing a PhD is really not for me. i am struggling so hard with my MA thesis, lordy. independent research with a deadline set far enough in the future that my brain can't feel any urgency but close enough that i have a constant anxiety tummy ache anyway while not doing anything because my brain is only static white noise? hell.
#college#my thoughts#and i had already made peace with that okay? i have.#even told my dad who totally flipped out because he thinks too highly of me#and thinks the only thing that's gonna make me happy is doing a phd and staying in academia#but just. for a few days there i was like. why did you decide against pursueing a phd actually? this seems fun?#but now ive been reminded.#this ain't .... it#if tomorrow doesnt go any better i will literally SCREAM#anyway... im going home now#who the fuck am i kidding at this point.#i wrote 3 sentences in the 6 hours ive spent in the library dflkgh#i have 37 days left........................
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(request) *teleports next to you and gives you a big smooch*
#someone requested more shimaseri yuri... who am i to decline#have i even drawn these two as dudes??? just regular ass shimaseri?? lol maybe ill try cooking some of that too...#i just wanna draw girls... love mp100 but like ive drawn nothing but dudes for like a year because of it... grrr!!!#(person who has more girl ocs than dudes)#also regular shimazaki just pisses me off sometimes... like i wanna fight him#meanwhile fem shimazaki… yknow what she might have a point fuck them kids actually#my art#mp100#mob psycho 100#serizawa katsuya#shimazaki ryou#shimaseri#girl psycho 100
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Today in Gay People: Hassel.
There's something I've noticed about our resident art teacher, and that's... well, Flapple. I mean, we all know how gay the whole Applin deal is, but... well, it's where it is that's particularly interesting.
This is Steven Stone's team.
This is Cynthia's team...
This is Wallace's team...
I could go on. (And yes, I'm using champions because, like Hassel, they're important, powerful NPCs with a proper team, and let's be real here, Hassel is five minutes, that Tournament Dragonite and a fuck to give away from kicking Geeta out of his office.)
But the point here is... well, that penultimate slot. The fifth slot in a champion's team - or fourth, in Hassel's case - is reserved for the vice-captain role. It's the Pokemon hardest to take down before the ace, meant to weaken you up - the secondary signature mon. We see here with Milotic - defence for days, Marvel Scale, offensive too. And we see it with Armaldo - excellent attack, difficult type. And then we see it with Gyrados - Dragon Dance, Earthquake, power. Utility. That second-to-last slot is designed to weaken you up for the finale, the real powerhouse of the squad. Leon does it too - his fifth slot is the starter strong against yours, the one you may not have a counter to if your team-building isn't on point.
... And then we have Hassel.
... Now, there's a few things to note here.
Flapple shares the same quad weakness as Noivern, which leads. That's, er... different.
Flapple, statistically, is the weakest Pokemon here. Not by a lot - Dragalge is only ten points or so better, but it's a defensive Pokemon. It's meant to fill that role, as well as being a counter to Fairies.
Flapple isn't the utility mon most penultimate-slot mons are.
... And yet, here it is. Now, I could draw upon Hassel's six-mon Tournament team here, which adds Dragonite into this slot instead, but the Tournament is Hassel fucking about. He's been chilling in the staffroom and someone's gone "oh, that champion-rank kid's up, get out here." The Elite Test line-up is him at work. He's specifically chosen to leave a pseudo-legendary at home... for Flapple.
And why would he do that? @edgeanescence pointed out on the EphemeralArt Discord that the penultimate slot is meant to represent the trainer; the personality and the heart of them, as well as acting as vice-captain. And, well...
Cynthia's is a Milotic. Grace, beauty, the defence of Sinnoh against Cyrus.
Steven's is an Armaldo. A fossil, a Rock-type, the strongest of all fossils at the time - perfect sentiments for him.
Wallace's is a Gyrados. Power, controlled by a former eighth gym slot; ferocity in water.
... And Hassel's is a Flapple. Like him, she has power, but what she represents as a Grass/Dragon is much more important to him than raw offence or defence. She is his softness; she is his tears, and pride in his students; she is part-Brassius. Whether Brassius gave him the Flapple or not is irrelevant, though it's pretty compelling that he did - this man takes a representation of his heart and of his love into battle over the Dragonite, who has 120 more points of stats. By rights, even if he's leaving the Dragonite at home, Haxorus should be here if this is about power, not Flapple.
And you can tell me that it's about game balance as much as you like, but oh look:
Brassius's rematch team, everyone, and look at that penultimate slot.
Look at that Arboliva sculpture, with Brass's own spikiness and Dragon-type purple-tinged blue.
Brassius is not like Appletun, the obvious counterpoint here. Brassius is drama; Brassius is a man formerly weak, much like Smoliv; Brassius is not home comforts, apple pies, yet he's surprisingly kind and encouraging. Reminding you of anything?
... Ah, yes. Arboliva, depending on mood. And, if you're not already convinced...
That's Flapple, in the Violet dex. Strong, and covered in clay. Like a fucking artist, or a man who loves a sculptor.
When the chips are down, when they show up to work, when they have important, key battles, Hassel and Brassius don't just take their Pokemon to the arena.
They take themselves, and they take each other.
#ephemeralartshipping#brassius x hassel#brassius#hassel#pokemon scarlet and violet#... you know I'd say I was done with these old gays at this point#but who the fuck am I kidding#I haven't even done the artazon art yet lmao#honestly game freak what the fuck#I am so desperately normal about these old men#*soft scream*
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thinking about compiling screenshots of golden/silver age batman exclusively calling dick his ward to combat the allegations that it was “initially a father-child relationship”
#dc#batman#brudick#i don’t even ship it#i think i'm still mad at the poll when people were trying to refute the brudick points#by saying shippers are also biased and ignoring the history and that it really was a familial relationship early on#me the only asshole on this website enough of dumbass to try to read early batman “no it fucking wasn't”#if you hate the ship fine but don't back up your argument with complete lies#the pro-brudick camp has receipts which gives them way more validity than the haters#i'm sure somewhere out there there's dick grayson pre-crisis saying bruce is like a father to him#there's so many comics and i've barely scratched the surface#but i did read both the first golden age compilation book of batman and silver age world's finest compilation#and neither of them say anything like that#and no “his ward dick grayson” is how he's called constantly it's one of the stock phrases in the ever present narration#early comics fundamentally didn't understand they were a visual medium and are full of very tedious and unnecessary text panels#and to be fair each issue needed to function as an intro to someone who had never heard of batman and robin before so#“and his ward dick grayson”#every damn time#their relationship was adult man and his plucky kid sidekick he inexplicably hangs out with#which doesn't make sense and doesn't parallel to real life real social interaction#but neither does a man going in a batsuit to fight crime#and the out-of-universe explanation is because this comic was aimed at kids who were supposed to project onto dick grayson#and the kids want to be batman's kid-partner not his kid-son#it's not that complicated this trope still exists today#kid who should not be here but is because it's a kids' show/book/movie/etc#i stg i'm gonna become a brudick shipper out of spite at this point#and WHILE I'M COMPLAINING i am also going to be mad at the people who get all up-in-arms#about all the evil heroes doing child endangerment on their poor abused sidekicks#should there be kid heroes? no but cape comics would suck without them so stop complaining and enjoy yourselves#RL vigilantism is also always bad stop bringing real world standards into this they don't apply
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ill probably delete this in a minute but ive just been fuckin boggled by what ive seen across tumblr in the last few days in particular. its why i havent really been around. like holy fucking shit, its really like some of yall just dont want a chunk of the trans community to exist. like some of yall are thisclose to saying it verbatum. way too many already have. 'shut up sit down be quiet and smile for us' type shit, gee where have i heard that before. oh yeah my entire life cause i was forcefully gendered as someones daughter. shock horror i know. you might be surprised to remember and/or learn that very few trans folks know theyre trans before we're 5, or even 10, and that that gendered experience stays with all of us in both/either small or large ways. either bc we literally dont have a solid identity yet (bc we're very small children), dont have the words, we're repressing it out of fear from how others will treat us, we're actually enjoying or enjoyed being another gender in our childhood, or we just genuinely didnt fuckin know until shit lined up later in life. weird isnt it that transmascs dont pop out as 6'1 brick shithouse cis men when we're born so yall know for certain that we're confused lost girls/women oops i mean big dangerous scary men. its almost like we're transgender too. none of yall actually know what intersectionality is or means
#my t#transandrophobia#yeah ill tag it why tf not#i just dont understand why transmasculinity is scrutinized and dissected like this within the trans community#when its just not the case for other gendered trans folks amongst themselves more often than not these days#which is a good thing! a really really good thing! but why are we scapegoating transmascs#''we need more weird trans people!!'' yall cant even handle like. a pre-everything trans guy coming out for the first time#yall cant handle a pre-everything tguy wearing a tshirt without tearing him to shreds & calling him shit like afag/theyfab & ukelele boy#im tired of my identity being treated as a debate. i had enough of that in highschool as#very literally. **the only trans kid in my grade** surrounded by cis teachers & peers USING ME AND MY BODY AS A TALKING POINT#i was the only one who wasnt deeply closeted that is. and holy fuck do i still not blame anyone for being closeted in that school#why is it only okay to try to separate trans ppl from our gender when we're not fem/me#why is one celebrated and the other treated like radioactive waste **within our own community**#god i need to find an irl community fuckin badly online trans circles are hell on earth#ill be describing smth that happened to me as a clocky tguy and someone else will say TO MY FACE#that what happened to me wasnt bc i was a clocky guy but purely bc i was trans#like i. what. how. how does that make any kind of fucking sense#i wouldnt be clocky if i wasnt trying to look like my gender. like i. hello?#would u say that to any other trans person or am i just that special?
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things you can't get back
aka i've been waiting so patiently to see kidd get his ass beat by shanks (affectionate)
#fun fact i am an anime only-er#because i'm watching it with someone who hasn't read the manga and i don't want to get ahead of them. we're in this together#but i was very aware of how the fight went in advance lmao#(and i may or may not be writing a fic that this is based on)#just smth about killer warning kidd they might not be so lucky as to survive this time#and kidd saying “oh well that's only if i lose!” is very interesting to me#bc kidd cares for his crew a lot but he is also very arrogant. and so he kind of fails to consider their safety bc he's so confident#he's not stupid he knows the risk to his own life. but there is an entire crew of people behind him who could also die#who he is currently disregarding a little bit. which i think was kind of killer's point in warning him#trying to get him to maybe reconsider on his own bc he's going to do what kidd says regardless#even if he thinks its an awful idea#and i just think kidd should get to go through the horrors over the outcome. just a little (a lot)#since killer tried to talk him out of it and he didn't listen and now they're all kinda fucked#i love him a lot and i want him to suffer deeply#what is a man without crushing guilt#kidkiller#eustass captain kidd#eustass kid#massacre soldier killer#killer one piece#one piece#one piece fanart#my art
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I think of so many stupid shenanigans between Wriothesley and his daughters in the Addison Lee verse. They tell Wriothesley crazy shit all the time, their daddy-daughter secrets, and it drives Neuvillette nuts that Wriothesley won't snitch.
Sigewinne, whispering into his ear: Today at school I punched a boy because he was being mean. I waited until it was recess, and made sure that no one was watching, and I punched him. Everyone knows he is a liar, so noooo one believed him when he cried about it. And Sigewinne is aaaalways a superstar so Mr Vautrin didn't suspect a thing !
Wriothesley, mildly concerned: Uh huh.
Sigewinne: Papa would say Sigewinne has to be nice to everyone, but, Sigewinne thinks bullies need to get punched sometimes, b'cos, b'cos otherwise, they think everyone is just gonna let them be mean
Wriothesley: Y'know what. That's fair
#They tend to play with him more than Neuvillette because he can match their energies#but Neuvillette usually is who they'd run to when they#need calmness and comfort#at night. when they're all asleep. Neuv would pin his husband down and be like. Tell me. Tell me the secrets.#and Wriothesley is like Noooooooo snitches get stitches Neuv#obviously if it's serious he'd let him know. but. if Carole comes up to him and is like daddy I secretly put a roach in Mr Vautrin's lunch#he'd be like. Did he think it was yummy?#and Carole is like aheeheeehee noooo don't be silly !! It was a prank and the roach was plastic so he can't eat it anyway#ingital#also vautrin teaches all 3 of their kids#for like. first grade#so he's basically a family friend at this point#I also have this stupid#scene in my head. the Swear Jar. I imagine like swear words in the Wriollette household is a hotly debated topic. because Daddy say it#aaaaaall the time. And Wriothesley doesn't believe in banning words. He explains it to the kids when they ask but he's like. You can be#just as hurtful. if not more. with words that are not considered 'bad'. You can still be mean without saying fuck. The point is to be nice#and daddy is nice isn't he. even if he says bad words sometimes.#but neuvillette is like No. No Bad Words. It is considered socially inappropriate for your age group. When you are older#you can decide if you want to use them. however. there are some rules in the classroom and I do not want you girls to get into trouble.#if you get into the habit of cursing like your dad. it'd be hard to keep away from them when you are in class. and bad words frighten papa#so. I ask that you ladies do not use them.#but like I don't think. they'd Punish the kids. the swear jar isn't even like. a punishment. it is a swear tax. every time you say bad word#you have to pay the swear tax. and whatever's in the jar gets taken out for ice cream or whatever to make papa feel better#[ this is how wriothesley explain it ]#and it leads to stuff like. The girls being considerate to Neuvillette firstly (he isn't actually all that bothered he's more scared#of the social repercussions for the girls. But they think he's Scared Of All Bad Words)#so they'd be like. papa cover your ears. I am going to say frightening words. FUCK YOU TIMMY. and then they pay their swear tax#and when Wriothesley curse in front of Neuvillette. the girls are like stop it. you will frighten papa. pay the swear tax NOW#we must acquire the icecream for papa. lest he gets so frightened he runs away forever. and wriothesley is like oh shit yeah that'd be bad#and theyre like DADDY. STOP IT
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he still has his tonsils. by the way if you even care
#sorry this is fucking UNINTELLIGIBLE but unfortunately i’m still on my bullshit about dr. daddyissues. yeah it’s gonna be all month#i am rotating episode 2.8 ‘the mistake’ in my head at breakneck speed. i am gnawing on it i want to swallow it#oh he’s such a lying liar who lies. charming little bastard. would rather die/lose his license than express one wholly unaffected emotion#‘he thinks not giving a crap makes him like house. like it’s something to aspire to’ quick question HOW serious do the daddy issues have to#be before you start latching on to fucking GREGORY HOUSE as a paternal figure and role model. really#even cameron is not down this bad. even WILSON is not down this bad.#the daddy issues of it all are very understandable though because even setting aside whatever went down back in childhood that shit his#father did to him in seasons 1-2 is SO messed up. jesus#imagine traveling all the way across the world to the hospital your son works in for a consult which confirms what you already knew: you’re#going to die of cancer in like 2 months. making a whole point out of stopping by to visit your son. not telling him what’s going on.#letting him spend a whole episode’s worth of time gradually coming to terms with his complicated feelings towards you (complicated on#account of a whole childhood of objectively awful parenting). the kid finally is able to try reaching back out to you. after YOU initiated#the contact in the first place. how do you react? well obviously by telling him ‘oh sorry i actually have to get in a taxi right now’ and#fucking back off to the other side of the world without giving him a chance to actually talk to you at all and resolve any of the emotions#you just dredged up. oh by the way you still haven’t fucking told him you’re about to die and in fact actively mislead him into thinking#he’s going to have the chance to try meeting with you again next time he visits your home country.#especially fucked up given that the whole reason it DID take your son so long to come around THIS time is that he feels like every time#he’s tried reaching out to you in the past you’ve just disappointed him by refusing to put in the effort to meet him there.#And Now Here We Are Again.#rowan what the FUCK is wrong with you. i want to dig you up and kill you again#house md#robert chase#caseyposting
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i cannot stand the aot fandom this is not a new take at all they are universally intolerable but oh my dayssss u are FORBIDDEN from making ANY take about the show it's actually insane to watch. 'aot is perfect' no show is perfect. 'tell me you didnt get the show 😂🫵' people have different opinions/interpretations about things. 'eren is a good guy they could never make me hate him' i think there's actually 4 seasons and two movies explicitely using him as a tool to show that no one is 'good' or 'evil' they are only trying to survive. hello. the fandom r all so far up aot's ass that they actually discredit its writing in the process and it would be laughable if it wasn't so frustrating
#bc aot IS insanely well written but no one talks about it???#like all they do is SAY how well written it is but no one is brave enough to give examples or meta bc SOMEONE will jump on it#declaring they've misinterpreted the Single Correct Way of watching the show and are dumb and a hater for saying such a thing#i remember posting about my initial aot watch on here and i did NOT like eren i thought he was whiney and annoying (he is <3)#and i thought aot was overhyped but ive since finished it at long last and omg. it is so fucking good#one of those shows that you need to watch ALL of it to truly get what's going on#and the conclusion of eren's character i am genuinely so obsessed with ill probs make a separate post just about him#bc i have really 180'd on eren and i can see now he IS well written. but not for any reason i can see anyone else talking about???#people are just banging on about he was right and justified and a saviour and tragic etc etc and while those things are important#and should be considered that also like. was not the point imo#the irony and tragedy of eren jaeger was that after all the 'i am special simply bc i was born into this world'#concluded with the revelation that actually he was not special. the rumbling happened because a normal boy got a hold of a great power#and he mishandled it. he was immature. he acted his age. he was just some teenage boy and he responded in kind#there was selfishness and silly whims and a quick temper. he was never this godlike figure he gets painted as#and i ADORE THAT TAKE. THAT IS SUCH AN ICE COLD CONCLUSION. EREN WAS NEVER SPECIAL - THAT'S THE POINT#and like countless times through history one selfish person with their hands on an insane amount of power and a conviction#that they are doing the right thing goes on to lead to a continuation of the cycle of war#like the end credits with the tree is genuinely HAUNTING. it never ended. eren KNEW the rumbling would be unnsuccessful#and would leave enough of their enemies alive that they'd eventually retaliate HE KNEW THAT and did it anyway#why? bc he just /wanted/ it. desperately and immaturely. and so the war turned over for another generation and another and#LIKE THAT IS SUCH A POIGNANT HAUNTING TAKE. I FR STARED AT THE BLACK SCREEN ONCE I FINISHED IT FOR 5 MINS IN HORRIFIED SILENCE#yes it's not his sole motivation but ultimately the crux of his character boils down to the fact he's just some kid#to the point even when he's explaining it to armin at the very end they SHOW HIM AS A KID. THAT IS THE REAL EREN#THAT ANGRY SCRAPPY CHILD WHO THOUGHT HE COULD BEAT THE WORLD INTO SUBMISSION#NOT A HERO NOT A GOD NOT A DEVIL - JUST A KID GIVEN A POWER HE NEVER SHOULD HAVE GOT HIS HANDS ON#but if u say all that some chucklefuck tells u to kys and that u just Didnt Get The Masterpiece Of Attack On Titan#but do u know what? maybe people disagree w me! maybe this is just my interpretation! guess who's NOT gonna have a hissy fit about it?#fandom is about DISCUSSION and i have never seen a fandom as fucking allergic to it than the aot fandom#like omdddddddddd have a day off man isayama isnt gonna suck you off#aot
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i don't know much about Horrid Henry but from what i have seen of the cartoon it's just his shitass mum blaming and unfairly punishing her kid, who obviously has undiagnosed and unaccommodated adhd, on small mistakes, things that aren't even remotely horrid and stuff that wasn't even his fault in the first place. lock this woman up and get this kid (and his brother) some halloween sweets
#horrid henry#fuck henry's mum all my homies hate henry's mum#does she even love her kids at all??? like on god does she even LIKE them????#this character and ruby from max and ruby are kids characters who i absolutely unapologetically hate with a passion#anyway yeah fuck henry's mum#henry and peter deserve better#henry's actually bad actions are usually a result of him lashing out and poor peter has crippling perfectionism#they will both need therapy#i don't wanna hear a single person defending henry's mum in these notes i am beyond not hating her at this point#horrid henry deserves better#this is such a random post but as someone who grew up with quite a bit of british media and as someone who just ''gets'' british media-#-i feel like this is up my alley#justice for henry and peter
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Man that DLC's final boss has got me feeling kinda fucked. I'm kinda depressed about it now that I'm done. Everything else is, was, so good. But I do not like that plot development. I honestly think it is bad. Why did they choose not to foreshadow this in literally any way? Why did Miquella attempt to resurrect Godwyn at all in the first place, then? Practice? Was this really what was originally planned? There's no actual evidence to the contrary so you gotta assume it must've been.
So yeowch...
#sote spoilers#elden ring#tlgtw ooc#literally actually nothing from the base game is resolved. Except where the Land of the Numen were.#That in itself is fine tho--actually. It's clearly a statement: Marika's hair talisman from Shaman Village confirms this for me.#Some things are lost to history or just plain out of reach. And there's nothing anyone can do about it.#We'll never ACTUALLY know who the Gloam-Eyed Queen was--just that all signs pointed to Miquella.#But there's no way to confirm it: Nobody's alive to tell the tale.#So like. THAT part. The extancy of all those unanswered questions. I actually am not gonna lie I kinda really like that. Despite everything#But I think Radahn Consort of Miquella is fucking terrible. “Miquella saw how kind Radahn was” I'm sorry HOW kind was Radahn?#The fucking infinite warmonger who literally explicitly made himself a copy of Godfrey?#There are literally ZERO examples of Radahn being kind in any way. Outside of having one (1) pet horse.#It should've been Godwyn. I'm not even kidding. Godwyn at least is someone who has explicitly succeeded in diplomacy.#Since he befriended his mortal enemy Fortissax and spared the Ancient Dragons by creating the Dragon Cult.#THAT'S something you could point to as an example of kindness. Especially since that's Godfrey's direct heir.#WHAT the FUCK does RADAHN do?????#He doesn't do anything!!! He just kills people!!#We never even get to see what weapon Godwyn used to use!#I don't like it. I think it is not very good.#Rest of the DLC is astounding but how can it all lead up to that? Ah...#Nothing like I had imaged: There's a lot I have to figure out now.
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Ngl it's weird finishing the Knuckles tv show and going to tumblr about it only for people (even who I consider bigger name fans) who also watched the entire show to claim that it "confirmed Knuckles Wachowski"
Like
I'm sorry
Did you somehow miss the part in the last episode where Knuckles had a whole montage of hanging with the Whipple family and Wade and saying "home" or something?
#sonic the hedgehog#knuckles series#knuckles the echidna#knuckles 2024#knuckles whipple#sonic movie#knuckles 2024 spoilers#knuckles series spoilers#fandom wank#Sorry do you just think that this entire show was a sidequest so Knuckles could go back to the Wachowski house and be their kid now like#nothing ever happened?#In the show where episode 1 clearly showed that Knuckles couldn't mesh with the household and that Sonic considered him a roommate?#This place was not home for him. The show was about him finding home. How is the Wachowski household Knuckles' home after he had an epiphany#that his home was with the whipple family??#Ah wait sorry how could I forget. Sonic fans are just used to absorbing canon with a toothpick and picking the parts they like and then#claiming their headcanons for filling in the gaps are canon#Only the things they personally like are what happened of course#Sorry for being salty I'm just annoyed. Like you can have whatever headcanons or fanon you want. Heck I loved all those 'maddie is knuckles'#mom' comics and whatnot. I'm not even saying we have to interpret the media the same way. But Knuckles having a montage and calling being#with the whipple family 'home' happened. That happened.#A friend and I are running a bet that most people won't acknowledge that it happened unless Sonic movie 3 shoves it in our faces#The universe tests me every day by having put me into Sonic fandom. It is a constant test of one's soul not only to exist in proximity of a#community who you often disagree on big points with‚ but to watch a bunch of loud people claim things are canon but only accept textual#evidence when it serves them. Or to explain a little better#to watch a fandom try to build an 'accepted idea' of what canon is like that becomes so divorced from actual canon that you get people#saying that it's canon and ignoring anything that doesn't fit it because 'writing bad anyways'#Like guys please I am grasping your shoulders. If you don't like canon just say 'fuck you I'm going to make content of this because I think#it's better'. You don't have to assert that everything you believe is canon and ignore when it's not#i just be ramblin
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Interesting. Don’t necessarily think I’m autistic but I have more going on than just ADHD and I’m not sure what that is.
#I’m not even sure if the ADHD is actually ADHD either or if it’s just technology addiction#Gonna get a REAL neuropsych evaluation at some point out of sheer curiosity as to what the fuck is wrong with me#I relate to a lot of autistic things and I relate to a lot of ADHD things; but I don’t entirely relate to the majority of either population#and I don’t relate to people with both enough to think I have both#I’ve begun treating myself as if I am autistic just for Kicks and using things that help them and it’s helping in some ways#but I know it’s probably not autism because even though I struggle socially; it’s not because of the same reasons#I understand social cues; I was only accidentally perceived as rude as a kid (and most kids are kind of blunt)#(Mostly a moderate amount of “Stop correcting me! It’s disrespectful!” from my parents)#And nowadays because of how much psychology and acting I study; I can perceive shrimp social cues#And I’m purposefully doing all the right things but it still feels like I fail social interactions because of my lack of assertiveness#which I KNOW come from being raised in a cult#so perhaps my odd social behavior is from CPTSD from being raised in a puritan doomsday cult as an only child#Because I was NOT introverted or sensitive to others as a child#I did not have routines as a child and the ones I did have were for fun and did not distress me if I strayed from them#But now I need structure as an adult because I don’t know what else to do with myself if I have nowhere to be#But at the same time everyone feels worse when they have no routine or expectations#And is it actually inattentive ADHD or severe derealization and an itch to do as many things as possible#because I spent my childhood being raised in a boring doomsday cult by disabled older parents who couldn’t physically do much?#(And I don’t fault my parents for being disabled but I do fault them for the whole doomsday cult thing)#So I spent my whole childhood doing mentally tedious things when really I’m more wired for physically spontaneous things#Because I was not allowed to walk around the neighborhood alone until I was sixteen#And I couldn’t hang out with friends I wanted to hang out with because they were bad association#So of course I got really good at drawing even though I don’t even like drawing that much#Of course I got really good at writing even though I don’t like writing that much#Now that I don’t need to escape from anything I find I actually hate drawing and writing because it’s such a chore#they make my heart rate accelerate in a way I don’t like to feel#(I hate writing less than drawing)
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weed vs coke
#hi stefan! he doesn't do coke#he just drinks and takes his anti-depressants together#i am very much feeling his spikey hair like yeah that fits him being a touch unhinged yuka fell in love with that version of him#this is nick dad they alike#he's my fav#he kinda looks like robert if you stare at him long enough....from fallout 4 my favorite video game husband#his voice is deep as hell and he's polish#hates his father for a good reason is the favorite child oldest of five#has two kids because he counts kina as his daughter#the fun uncle#to his neices and nephews he'll give you a beer if you ask#on a serious note he's a very decent dad he wished he could've been a better dad but he's got a lot of stuff going on mentally so he was a#little checked out alot of the time but it got better.#he and kina relationship is my favorite because he really took in two kids at his lowest point in his life from his ex girlfriend who#lived halfway across the country and kinda fucked him over and up and never really got to connect to his kid much until nick was damn near#and he got a random baby girl to look after and he thrived with her honestly kina be like i got two dads#hes a sweet person just been through the wringer a lot#ts4#simblr#sims 4#my sims#stefan piotrowski
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why do baby otohan’s colors look like fuckign TOOTHPASTE in this version 😭😭😭
#first version was a red-orange to vaguely green yellow analogous palette then i messed with the clothes a little and now i am failing at#color theory. help. this split complementary teal(ish) color and orange(ish) and pink(ish) is NOT working out#i do like my og colors so I’ll recolor this clothing version with that palette. but make otohan’s skin more saturated lol#i always desaturate skin so much 😭 it looks okay after rendering but OOF. light skin especially fucks me up WHY IS IT SO HARD TO DRAW#but yeah back to the original point I’m definitely gonna try out a bunch of different color palettes#i like the new clothes. i was definitely NOT an outdoorsy kid so idk what I’m doing here but#for the purposes of giving her a pointy stick I hc otohan to be that. i love the outdoorsy toothpaste baby. that’s a normal sentence to say#about otohan thull who is not depicted to be ANY of those things canonically. can you imagine if she was though. toothpaste killed 3 of bh#while screaming and crying and flailing around as babies do. can you imagine#… can y’all tell it’s INCREDIBLY late lmao?#wait i think i have a “late night art rambling” tag one sec#anyways that’s that for tonight’s late night art ramblings lol#<- THERE IT IS!#art ramblings
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im being sentimental again but i think one of the most beautiful things to live for are those moments that explicitely and suddenly show you that you have healed and grown from something. like the day i first cried in front of a friend without feeling entirely nauseas about it and i had the really sudden and random thought that my twelve year old self would be horrified and digusted by my current self. and i had no idea when that happened, at what point i stopped being twelve and scared and started instead just letting myself feel things. it's proof i finally learnt to let people in even if i have no recollection of opening the door. and as a child reading books, i thought romantic love was the best thing that could ever happen to a person, and as a teenager with failing friendships, that dream of being saved by The Love of My Life kept me afloat. but last night i went on a date and yeah it went well, but also when i came home my two flatmates were waiting giggling in my bed like children and we all squeezed in so they could find out every silly detail, and i thought that love was just as beautiful as anything id conjured in my head. like just having those moments in life where you realise you are so different to how you once were, in ways that would both enthrall and horrify your younger self. having proof that you have grown. you have healed. you are making a life that's beautiful
#like coming home i was so excited bc i was like 'this is it. im finally letting myself delve into romantic attraction'#which in and of itself like the crying thing is just something 12-17 year old me would be TERRIFIED of bc the vulnerability of it#so that in itself should have been its own moment of the night for me to go#'look. i am so explicitely not the girl i was to the point it's showing in my ACTIONS. i have PROOF'#but then i came home and my flatmates were literally just waiting for me like kids waiting to go downstairs at xmas#and as someone who always struggled maintaining friendships at school and never truly let myself love or be loved platonically#it was such a viceral moment of 'shit. i really fucking love my friends'#and ive quite honestly never had that before this year#like yes the date and the romantic angle is exciting. but i dont need it to save me like i used to#idk this is all very cringe and whimsical but luckily for me and unluckily for you this is also thee cringe whimsical website
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