#who’s feelings am I going to hurt?? the robots? because I’m not criticizing your art since it’s not made by you hope this helps <3

[meggie-moo]

Nobody will ever be more annoying than the ai art community

[aotopmha]

So, I saw Evangelion 3.0+1.0.

(Spoilers ahead.)

I think it's my favourite Evangelion thing now solely because it cut off all of the obstructive elements and finally, FINALLY got a philosophical backbone that's not just a generic sentiment of "go outside" or "human connection is awesome".

You will never be able to love yourself if you never see anything worth loving in yourself.

This is why I think the original series is broken to me, fascinating as a piece of art for sure (which is why I've seen it several times), but emotionally distant. It was never going to have a solid conclusion because it didn't understand the very first thing about learning to love yourself.

The story was stuck in a cursed cycle induced by the lack of a strong philosophy in its writing, stuck by not actually letting the characters grow by increasingly weaker plot contrivances and I really don't think that was a deliberate writing choice to make a point.

The original series understands how people feel when they are depressed and the difficulties of connecting with people, but not how to get out of it, so it just tacked on Shinji's realisation at the end of the final episode without any of the logic behind why he came to the realisation and End of Evangelion only doubled down.

I think 3.0+1.0 basically understands pretty much *everything*.

For someone to overcome depression they need people to give them time to breathe.

They need time to breathe and someone who validates their feelings, so they could come to their own realisation about who they are and what they want and why.

Yelling at Shinji to get in the robot is the worst thing to do for him.

This movie isn't good because everyone basically got either a happy or heroic ending, it's good because it not only understood how depressed people feel, but also how they can move forward (and, for children, do all of that coming of age stuff like taking responsibility).

It understands that children shouldn't bear responsibility like adults.

It understands that you need to accept your weakness to move forward from your emotional struggles.

As said, validation and acknowledgement is what leads the way forward to confidence and action.

And this was always almost there with Eva, the series almost got it, but then about 2/3rds into the original series, the characters just started to speak like robots and the lore babble took over and when it did get back to talking about feelings, it always did it with this unnecessarily bloated prose that you had to decipher, along with being insecure about what it wanted to say.

This movie had clear, concise prose, had just enough show and just enough tell and it knew what it wanted to say from the beginning to the end.

I think the only part I didn't like is the Mari thing at the end.

I get the point: you actually might end up with the most unexpected person in your life.

One of the best lines in the movie is by Asuka: Shinji doesn't need a girlfriend. He needs a mother.

It's such an amazing line to me because it encapsulates and addresses all of the criticism I find to be emotionally blind/emotionally unintelligent that is levied at Evangelion.

Getting laid doesn't fix depression. Emotional support and digesting your feelings does.

So the ending with Shinji and who he ends up with is actually pretty irrelevant.

But it's still a bit too tacked on for my taste.

But again, the movie at least gets everything that's important and I'd argue executes those bits as good as it possibly can.

I think I was crying the entire first act of the movie because it was so empathic to Shinji's fuckups and suffering and everyone else as *characters*.

And it's that patience and kindness displayed by his friend Toji that paid off.

I think this is the first time I also actually liked Rei because the focus was on her as a character, not a thematic mouthpiece and I like that quite a few minutes were actually spent exploring Gendo.

This finally connected with me as someone who has gone through depression and I'm glad about that.

I can finally say Evangelion connected with me and made me actually feel things and pretty strong things.

And among many things, it followed through with the Freudian elements, too.

Shinji erased the Evas from existence, leaving the mother's womb. Which Freud essentially viewed as growing up.

I'm not a huge fan of the CG, but I think it's a fascinating decision to only use it in action scenes because one of the movie's points is that this kind of psychological stuff is not something that can be solved with violence – using violence will only get innocent people mixed up in it and cause hurt and destruction. So violence is depicted with something artificial, CG and everything to do with people is 2D animation (at the very least that's the principle everything felt to be operating under; some scenes with people might've been CG, but there seemed to be an aesthetic distinction at least, one being "surface level, physical" stuff and the other "the heart" of the matter).

But I am a huge fan of the direction as I've always been with Eva.

I love Anno's ability to depict the grand and of course, I love the viceral aspect of the gore in this series as I think that kind of stuff gives it a kind of specific, earthy humanity, highlighting the fleshy, dirty elements within humanity, something the series is literally about (and why I think I like these series combining viceral violence with strong empathy, I find the ugly and dirty parts of humanity and living beings in general fascinating).

Not as much bloated and stilted prose as End of Eva and the original ending of the series, but not as simple as 2.0. A really good blend instead.

I find it to be a incredibly emotionally intelligent and mature movie.

And in terms of overall quality, a pretty great movie to me on this first viewing.

[pebblysand]

[writing rant - on filler words]

[yes, i should be writing castles but here i am giving you unwarranted writing advice instead. sue me.]

this morning, you might have seen me reblog this post on filler words. it's a classic, very typical piece of writing advice where the author lists a number of filler words/sentences that you should scrape from your writing to appeal to publishers or make your prose seem more professional or whatever. i reblogged it saying: 'i disagree with most of these, don't listen to people who tell you how to write.' which a couple of you liked (cheers!) but upon reflection, i feel like this needs a bit more of a nuanced response, which is what i'm doing now. i'm not reblogging the post again because it's long and this is going to be long, and tumblr isn't necessarily text-friendly but do go read it first if you fancy.

now, as far as i'm concerned, the truth isn't that i think filler words are amazing and that you should keep them all, love them all equally like your precious children. of course, you should watch out for them. just like we do when we speak, we fill our written sentences with a lot of pointless fluff that brings nothing to our message. when used "wrongly," filler words slow down sentence pacing, hurt the rhythm of your prose, your ability to choose the correct lexicon for certain actions, etc. they're not always good, and you should definitely be aware of them in your prose.

however, what i dislike about these types of posts is the way people dispensing this "writing advice" make whatever they're saying sound like some sort of golden rule. like: if you don't do this, your story will be shit and never get published. i don't know much about the publishing world but i have written 300,000+ words of mildly successful fanfiction over the years, so i do know a thing or two about writing as a craft, if not a business. and, here's the raw, honest truth: believing that anything about this crazy art we're making is set in stone? that is the kind of thing that will make you a shit writer.

now, if you're following this blog, i'm guessing you like my writing, are probably quite familiar with it. then, this will not be a surprise to you: while i don't pretend to hold any sort of truth on the matter, god knows, i use a shit ton of filler words. by which i mean: a SHIT TON. take any paragraph of any fic i've ever written and i'm sure i could point you to some random word "botox" in pretty much every sentence. this post itself, if you're paying close attention, is also filled with them. and, another surprise: i know that. it's by design.

and, that, my friends, is what matters most. you should watch out for filler words, be aware of them, but if they end up in your final draft, it has to be for a reason. in fairness, i think that's where most of those writing advice posts get it "wrong" and why they annoy me so much: they tell part of the story, but not all of it. they talk about words in a vacuum like our words only exist to be pretty on a page, rather than to share something with other human beings.

now, as a disclaimer, i should preface this by saying that: it depends what kind of writing you're into. this is all very related to personal taste. as a reader, i tend to prefer stories that are told from a very distinct pov, where the story is told by a character rather than by the author. this preference also informs my writing. to me, a story can be first person or third person, it doesn't really matter, but i like a good old restrictive, terribly biased and unreliable pov in a story. i'm someone who 100% favours character over plot (although plot is terribly important too, don't get me wrong) and i like a person to tell me a story, not a robot.

in that context, "filler words" aren't just sentence "botox," they tell a story, too. they tell you who your narrator is. in a post like this, they inform you that i probably speak quickly, that i'm somewhat bubbly but assertive, that my sentences are long and rhythmic, and when i write "in fairness" rather than "to be fair," or "to be honest," it even hints to the fact that my main dialect is hiberno-English. in a work of fiction, filler words can tell you mountains about where your character is from, what they think, feel, etc... are their sentences short and devoid of any filler words? perhaps, they are extremely poised and self-confident, or perhaps they are so detached from what is happening that they are actually on the verge of an emotional breakdown. are their sentences filled with "just"s and "you know"s and "slightly"s and "really"s? perhaps they are insecure, unsure of what their next move will be.

filler words are also where style and pet peeves happen. you'll notice that i use "and:" and "like:" as sentence openers relatively often. it depends on the work and how i feel about the character, but it is something i enjoy playing with. i use 'rather' and 'perhaps' frequently, too, frankly for no other reason than the fact that i like the sound of them. not everyone does, obviously, but since i'm the queen of my own fictional kingdom, i get to authoritatively decide to abuse them. that og post said to not use "that" as a conjunction (prefer: "he said he wouldn't," to: "he said that he wouldn't). man, aside from dialogue, i hate "he said he wouldn't" with a passion. i always use "that" as a conjunction and detest the way my sentences sound without it. i find the absence of "that" clunky and unclear. i don't know whether it is right or wrong, but that's how i roll. the people of the internet seem to like it but if they don't, they're more than welcome to read the work of another author who doesn't use "that" as a conjunction. i'm not holding a gun to their head.

however, as you've probably guessed from the above, this doesn't mean that you shouldn't be aware of your filler words. both yours and your characters'. know what you like, what you don't like, how your narrator narrates and how your characters speak. know how you speak and write, what your strengths and weaknesses as a writer are. edit your work critically. this being said, scraping all the words that make the work special is ludicrous. you would be scraping your work of so much personality that could actually be what makes it unique. writing is an art, not a game of exactitude. if the goal was to write everything perfectly, you could ask siri or alexa to write your short story for you. where you need to be careful with filler words is for them to serve your story, rather than hurt it. the filler words? they need to be carefully considered, questioned, and you need to make sure that they are intentional, not accidental.

and, of course, that's the hard part. that's the part of the writing advice these posts never get into because making blanket statements in the world is always easier than saying: it depends. creating a work of art out of thin air isn't as easy as cmd+f-ing all the "just"s and hitting "delete all." it's noticing which of those filler words you overuse, and keeping them in the back of your mind while you edit, taking a lot of them out. it's listening to your beta/editor when they tell you to take more out. it's also sitting for hours in front of your word document, contemplating every sentence and asking: should i use "just" here? does it show anything? does it have a purpose? does it sound right? let me read this out loud. and, what about the "eventually" there? does that sound natural? is that more of dialogue thing?

that's the line of critical thinking that will make you write better. and, don't get me wrong, posts like the above are useful as a guide in the way that they tend to list the most frequently used filler words, which you can then use as an inspiration to spot these idiosyncrasies in your writing, decide whether to scratch them or use them creatively. but: i'm sorry to say, there's no golden rule to it all. just hard work and practice. trust yourself.

i hope this helps.

[kisekinodrabbles]

Sam you're back!!! Can i get a request where aomine preparing a proposal marriage to his so but accidentally mention it to his so? And it ended up funny please!! I've been waiting for your ask box to be opened 🤗🤗

alwkerjalkejr im sorry this is so late and im bad at Humor so this is the best i can do for now, i hope u enjoy it 

Aomine wasn’t a planner. Not even close. He had breezed through high school with poor grades and actions decided solely on impulse. He had faced college head on with no particular direction and went where the wind sent him. The only thing he was certain about had been basketball and that had been the only thing pushing him forward. 

However, of course, it was different after he met you. The game changer, some called you. No one would guess that Aomine would’ve settled down at the raw age of 24 with a woman he had known for exactly seven months and three days. A blind date first encounter, several dates and sexy times later, the two of you had made it exclusive. 

And Aomine was whipped to say the least. 

24 was a far cry from his expected settlement age. The two of you butt heads on many things, including your relationship and the long-term perspective. He viewed marriage as a trap, a cage to keep him locked up and away. But you had illuminated the difference in his mind. 

Marriage wasn’t a prison, it was a commitment. Commitment that didn’t leave him feeling stuck, but instead liberated. The thought of spending the rest of his life with you both terrified and enthralled him. Terrified not because he feared giving up the rest of his life, but because the idea of losing you imprinted a searing pain into his heart.

He twiddled with the ring box in his hands, feeling the smooth velvet underneath his fingertips. He had bought it on impulse - a glance into a jewelry store when the two of you were out for your biweekly date (given your busy schedules – Aomine with training and you with your mundane desk job). He had gotten a bonus for the season for doing particularly well, not that it was hard.

It was the extra cash, he would say, that made him do it. When you traipsed off into a bakery, he wandered in the opposite direction and ended up back in front of the glimmering diamonds. He was just going to take a look, he figured. No harm done.

However, he ended up walking out with a small bag that he quickly hid from sight in his gym bag – the weight of the tiny compartment placing a heavy burden on his shoulders. His nerves crept up on him as if the box would sear right through the fabric and you would find out that This Idiot had bought a ring on a whim. A pricey one at that (he had to recalculate his budgeting for the month after this).

“Daiki,” you called, snapping your fingers in front of his face.

Aomine descended back to reality and to the meal before him. The two of you were sharing dinner and apparently you had been sharing a story about your coworker who he couldn’t really give less shit about but he just enjoyed listening to the sound of your voice fill the room. 

“Huh?” he asked, mouthful of pasta opening to let bits fall out.

You crinkled your nose in disgust, eyeing the fallen pieces on his plate. “You’re gross, first of all. Second, you’re not listening to me.”

“Yes, your coworker has stolen multiple pens from your table and hasn’t given a single one back but you’ve seen it on other people’s desks.” Years of “not” listening to Momoi nag his ass off had trained him to pick up on key points of conversation. He had gotten multiple earfuls from his childhood friend for not listening and he was almost thankful that he had a skillful ear. 

Oh. That had you closing your mouth and blushing. Cute. “Okay, fine, so you were listening. But still!” 

“Babe, it really isn’t a big deal. Just ask for them back from your other coworkers, I’m sure they’ll be cool with it.”

“I guess,” you mumbled. 

Aomine’s lips quirked up. You didn’t like confrontation and especially not over something so small. Cute.

“Are you cleaning the bedroom tomorrow or am I?” you said, collecting both your plates and leaving them in the sink. Aomine instinctively followed after you to get started on the dishes – he had been well-trained in the art of kitchen hygiene mainly through your incessant criticism of how bad he was at it. 

Meanwhile, you headed over to your shared bedroom only to be dismayed by the sight of his gym bag. You could practically see the smell leaking out from it. “Daiki,” you groaned again. What was it this time, he wondered. He was distracted by getting every inch of stain off the plates when you grumbled, bringing out his bag. “What did I tell you about leaving your gross, used uniform in your bag? We have a laundry basket, babe.”

“Yep, sorry, forgot,” he noted almost robotically. This happened weekly and, no matter how many times you reminded him, he was going to keep forgetting. It wasn’t as if he wasn’t going to sweat in the clothes again. 

He heard you distinctively moan some more in the background but he was so focused on that one sauce mark that he barely processed what you were saying, answering your questions with half his attention on you.

“When did you bring these back?”

“Two days ago.”

“Two days ago! Do you not smell it?”

“No.”

“My god, what is this mess? What’s this stain?”

“Probably the burger I ate with the team.”

“Your towel has another stain.”

“Oh, Eiji spilled his soda on it.”

“What’s this box?”

“Engagement ring.”

It didn’t register with him what he just said. It was another answer to another question, nothing else. It was only when the silence weighed heavily in the air that he turned to check on you.

You who were standing frozen in your spot, velvet box still in hand and eyes the size of saucers. “A what?”

Aomine blanked out then. How in the fuck was he supposed to get out of this situation? He wanted to do this properly, the way that you deserved. It wasn’t as if you were a die-hard romantic who needed roses spread across their apartment, but he certainly wanted to give you something equivalent that you would enjoy. A gesture that you deserved for all the time you spent putting up with him. 

So he thought of the next best thing. “For my friend. Um, he asked me to pick it up.”

“Daiki, I know all your friends and I don’t think any of them have significant others.”

“It’s a distant friend, he did it to not be suspicious.” 

You shrugged, shoving it back into his bag. For a moment, he could’ve sworn he saw a flash of hurt across your eyes. It wasn’t as if you hadn’t brought up marriage before, but it’s something Aomine had always waved off. Perhaps you were instantly convinced, a dream close to your fingertips but still out of reach. 

“I lied,” he quickly blurted out, getting up from his seat to approach you and pluck the box from your hands. He ran his thumb across the smooth cover, taking in a deep breath. “This is for us. For you. I wanted it to be a surprise, but I also want you to know that I am serious about you, no matter how many times I joke about it. You... mean the world to me and there’s nothing I won’t do to keep you by my side.” 

He watched your lips part in surprise, a revelation that had struck you to the core. Aomine, who had been so adamant that marriage was nothing but a lie, was thinking of proposing. You could feel your brain shortcircuit and it seemed to show on your face.

Aomine chuckled, ruffling your hair, “Don’t look so shaken. I’m not going to do it now. Like I said, it’s going to be a surprise so I’m not going to ask you now. But just know that I will ask you—and ask you properly. When that time comes, you better be ready to say yes.”

You smiled, “I’ve never been readier for anything.”

[sunritual]

Robots don’t need to be sentient to destroy us.

Navy mock neck long sleeves big orange and little white stripe on tube cage sides

A veritcal line stretch waistband

Cross cross and straps back

Square high neck

Scarlet polka dots around can light blue text and beach image as front

Blue stroke red inside square, blue triangle rainbow with eye and funky font

Y either know a particular topic or not , but it’s hard to pin down intelligence on one category

Cream background , ice cream pink script name kinda bev hills hotel script looking ish

Move your mouth in a differ way

Supersonic vibrating butt cleaner

Half magenta half red violet a blue teacup in the center with white floral frills thick serif font

Pink background am orange flower in a vase white present ribbon n red as a table

An app that familiarizes people with science - through experimental learning ― hands on experiences that make it seem less top down and authoritarian , and more like a set of steps that we take, things that anyone can do to get closer with nature and the world

A social media philosophy app - teaches what others said and gives people a chance to express their views , postulate, argue, etc gadfly? How would be avoid a shit show, how can we make social media more humanitarian. how can we care about people while also expressing deeply held ideas , how can we encourage users to examine their deeply held ideas without alienating them. How can we discourage hatred and abuse and groupthink with design? How do we slow people down and encourage them to recognize the human behind the screen. Street epistemology? Socratic dialogue?

Socrates - asking questions. Breaking it down to bits. Deeply understanding their argument. Asking about different possibilities and circumstances. Take vast assumptions and show scenarios that make go against them.

Build fact checking into apps

Narrative self vs experiential

Walks you through steps of the sciefitifc method and encourages you to explain how you feel each step actually helped you- then walks you through a scientist doing the same for their reasarch

Republicans only want to be free in the specific ways that benefit corporations

Are Christians more willing to support the death pen early because they already believe in the cruel and overstepping punishment of hell?

Where did the idea come from that you need to remain impartial when trying to persuade

The idea that there is someone in a similar but different dwelling, hearing similar but different sounds and feeling similar but different feelings is wild

We synthesize sets of traits, and particular actions in a super biased culturally constructed way

With the way we see things as humans- we categorize things into groups that aren’t really reaaal ― paratheletic groups

I just want the people and jobs that benefit society

Connection to nietzsches Dionysian art and eckheart tolle/Taoism

No matter your personality, there is probably a part of the world that you would fit in with naturally.

An ordinary girl is selected as one of the representatives of earth in the first meeting of various alien species after one advanced planet discovered and United 10. Confused as to why she was chosen, she goes on her journey meeting

Wha ba Bada da da da da dada he’s a wha ba ba dadada as a matter of fact it’s not my fault if you came up here thinking that you would win

Wanting to break boundaries and rules for the sake those who are hurt by the rules

You are imagining the best case scenario of the life you want to have and experience Ming the reality of the life you so have.

Yes her drips cosmetics line to students i. Class

Chez it people can goldfish people

Your personality flows where a system needs it to go to maintain balance

Ah you fucking saw a tik Tok about that didn’t you

Coincidence and intention are two sides of a tapestry, my lord. You may find one more agreeable to look at, but you cannot say one is true and the other is false.””

Clay busts with abstract art and philosophical musings (throws up)

Do a sketch a day

What if someone ran for president as an impression of a famous person

Full stemmed flowers, wiggly text creeping behind

Balloons of various sizes and cooors holding people and things

Kelly green cream hot pink black

Green outline one pink air brush cream background black marks

Emdr applebees , bat mitzvah toasts Amitals bat mitzvah , Fiona - i like her better just kidding ,

We tend to learn words by synonyms and not definitions

A bully who takes a kids lunch money everyday all through out high school and secretly puts it in a Roth IRA and presents it to them at graduation

Set up drum set

When it comes to something we have no knowledge of or evidence or proof being certain is the most illogical thing you can be

Getting a degree in philosophy is the not going to college of going to college

It ain’t what they call you it’s what you answer to

You don’t just get to jump from bright moment to bright moment - part of the job is the frustrating ones and the climb to get to be actually good. It’s gonna be bad in the beginning but it’s a measure of how dedicated you are to your craft. Frustration is the process.

You have to decide whit shit sandwjicj you prefer - everything is gonna suck some of the time but if you pick your dream you’ll have those bright moments and at least that shit sammie will be worth it - the bad parts of job you have no interest in don’t add up to anything. If you love what you do you will accept the downsides.

People are like tape. Going through the world collecting bits and pieces of things but none of those things are really them . We can identi ft with them and create with them but we can also escape from them.

I wonder what all these people think about being alive

Curiosity makes everything play. It invites exploration. It makes me see opportunities everywhere makes everything new

Bias to action. Try things. Get your hands dirty, fail Fortean and find what works. Remaining nimble and constantly rethinking

Reframe the problem. Step back, re-examine the problem, examine biases and be open to new solutions

Clay matches clay fire

The differences and similarities between us

Looking back, historical events seem bound to happen, but a few small events could’ve stopped them. Thinking diffently.

“They became revolutionaries despite themselves”

Artists way workbook design

I’m at Eton having to walk around to quell the feeling of being so exited about the future and my possibilities and so sure of success and beauty and magic and love and adventure. I’m going to make beautiful pictures I’m going. To tear down the status quo I’m going g to make people feel like they have on antigravity. I’m so a part of it i made it. I’m a muse I’m it omg I’m so exited - listening to John Denver

Joy is just a thing that he was raised on love is just a way to live and die.

The only thing that made Abe Lincoln Abe Lincoln (tm) was doing what Abe Lincoln (tm) did. The actions that he took made him a hero in history. There was nothing i ate in him that made his great, his actions did. Whatever help inate qualities may have gave him in terms of doing the actions that made him what he was could be negated by pma and doing the damn work to get yourself to where you need to be. Believing it so makes you inclined to take the actions that improve your skills and get to to the point where you can do the things it takes to be who you want to be.

Little vases

I feel like we’ve become addicted to finding things wrong with what people say. Silence the critic. It’s fine. Most people have the best intentions. It’s not that serious. The group you are offended for likely aren’t mad anyway. There is way more you can do - they don’t care about picking the right term

I wanted a very simple menu that could maximize customization options in The shortest amount of time possible for a very fast paced food truck. The system allows the customers to design their own grilled cheese sandwich but ideally would save time by not requiring each guest to decide which cheese and which bread from a long line of choices.

I feel I’m so afraid of being dunning Krueger that i tell myself i am terrible at everything no matter what i actually think about my abilities. You can just say your a beginner you don’t have to say you suck. Plus thinking you suck doesn’t make you any better, honestly worse. You don’t have to rate your abilities just focus on the future, make sure your doing baby steps and make sure they are the right baby steps

Chives ward off insects

Loving thebsunlightttttyt!!

I don’t think music is really something that needs to be critiqued for me ― it’s more about feeling it’s about magic and truth and light or darkness. Getting whatever needs to be out out. it all serves a purpose and is for an audience , if your not in that audience then there’s no need to comment

I have to is weird backwards idea that it’s Nobel to be like you know what I’m not good at this imma bow out. But that is so wrong you have to struggle through it. Pike how i feel like my thoughts are more concise then my writing. There’s no glory in not trying to improve that. You have to awkawardly write until you can beautifully write.

[sweetjekyll]

Writerly contemplation tag!

tagged by the lovely @j-pping; thank you for the tag!

this might end up being long so I’ll add a read more cut ☺️

2020

what was the most challenging part of writing this year?

I guess the most challenging part of writing this year was tuning out the real world. I’ve always used reading and writing as a form of coping and escapism from all the things that were troubling me. Unfortunately there were times when simply reading and writing weren’t helping me and I took so many breaks, postponed so many WIPs I was excited about... I ended up beating myself down for not being able to keep up with an expectation I had for myself and my writing. Considering 2020 was hell for everyone, I came to terms with myself that it cannot be always my fault, I can’t blame myself for not being able to do things I set my mind to do, sometimes there are obstacles that take time for you to cross.

I’m just going to quickly mention stressful anons and hopefully get a point across for all fan fictions writers. WE ARE NOT ROBOTS. WE ARE HUMAN. All of us write for many personal reasons, mine are that I just love writing things which I wish to read! Simple as that. What I wish for some rude people to understand is that the least you could do for us creators is be thankful and be kind to us, give feedback and constructive criticism, share our work. I don’t understand why you are scared of the reblog button. When I go through my notes and take a look at some blogs, they are empty. No one is paying us to contribute creatively to the fandom, you are enjoying our content for free while we put hard work and our free time into it, so why should we “hurry up”, “update faster” and “write more/this/that”? Please, remember that we are people too, and the toxicity some people spread on anonymous asks is just incredibly baffling and hurtful to me. If you, as a reader, believe that my request is nonsense and my words are too harsh, then perhaps you should reconsider how you’re viewing content creators before disagreeing without a valid reason.

what was the most enjoyable/rewarding part of writing this year?

The happiness that came from writing something which I enjoyed reading as well! I have been a writer for years on another platform until I had to take a long hiatus because of writer’s block and depression. For how cheesy this may sound, the most enjoyable and rewarding part of writing is in fact writing something that makes me happy even if I’m torturing my characters and traumatizing them. There is truly no point for me to write things that I don’t feel I am enjoying. As I have said other times before on the blog, I would much rather post something that makes me happy, than post something just to get notes from silent readers.

what piece has left the most impact on you and why?

Given the fact that I have not written a lot because of my constant mental health breaks (yes 2020 had me on rollercoaster mental breakdowns more often than usual), I have to say that Damaged is what really kept me entertained with myself and perhaps sane. It has been way too long since I’ve taken on something so creative as building an entire universe from just a dream, but it’s what reminded me why I love writing so much, it reignited my passion. With this story I really wanted to challenge myself to write something unique, something I’ve never done before with any other work... And I admit it’s quite difficult; the easiest part was taking inspiration from EXO’s lore, but the hardest was incorporating it in a universe and storyline completely different to the original concept. It’s something I’m set on finishing as a complete multi-chapter story no matter how long it takes.

what have you learned about yourself through the process of writing in the past year?

To be completely honest, I learned that I can push myself out of my comfort zone when writing, because every piece is a fictional world of its own, every character can be more than a copy and paste personality. What do I truly learn about myself if I don’t explore things I have not thought about before? I learned that I should not be afraid to write of things that I don’t know or fully understand, specifically about things that I didn’t post but tried for just for fun. It is a good way of finding out whether a certain subjects interests me or doesn’t. I love doing lots of research and gather information for the stories I’m writing, you get to learn about stuff you usually would never think about.

how has your writing changed in the past year? how have you grown?

Well, I don’t really have anything to compare my writing to except my older fan fictions for movies and tv shows. I guess I have changed quite a lot since 2018; my writing style has become more fluid, at least I think it has. I’m also able to write longer chapters without feeling as if I am dragging it out for the sake of the word count, yet now I have to literally stop myself from just writing too much! It pleases me, to be honest. I remember struggling to sometimes put ideas into words and balance narrative, dialogue and descriptions.

2021

ignoring your wips for a second, if you had all the time and energy in the world to write your magnum opus piece, what would it be about? why is that the dream story you’d write, all other things controlled for?

This can go back to Damaged, honestly! It’s something that I haven’t finished writing and it will be a long story. It’s the fan fiction which has gotten me out of a 2-year-long writer’s block with such strength, I feel truly attached to it. As I mentioned in one of my first answers for 2020, this is the WIP I want to focus on the most and be proud of it.

how do you want to grow in your writing this year?

I mentioned this is my first 2021 post after I took a short break, but one of my resolutions for this year is to work on self acceptance when it comes to my projects. (I’ll copy and paste what I wrote there so I don’t repeat myself with other words) One of my resolutions for 2021 is to write more, to not be afraid of beginning something and even if I end up setting the story aside, at least I will have gotten it out on (digital) paper. I punish myself way too much when I’m not able to finish something, and that is truly one of the worst things a content creators can go through, in my opinion. I have many drafted works that may or may never be published and I wish to appreciate them more instead of dwelling on the fact of what they could have been.

what’s one thing you’d wish to see in the fan-writing community this year?

I wish for more love and recognition of the amazing and talented writers that share their content with everyone on tumblr. We are a community, or at least we are supposed to be. I would absolutely love to see more readers actively interacting with writers, share ideas, share art inspired by what you read! As readers, you can contribute as well by sharing moodboards, song recommendations and/or playlists! You are more than welcome to join us in the community as writers too! 

As for myself, I have mentioned this towards last year but I still want to compile a list of all the writers I am currently following and read their works. I haven’t been in a good mindset to do that for a long time and I wish to get to know them. I’m a pretty shy person who struggles to start up a conversation, so I hope I get to make some friends on tumblr this year!

name one new thing you want to try doing in your writing this year.

I would like to make a list of aus and experiment with them for either one shots or some short series! I have so many creative ideas and thoughts but I always forget to take a note or maybe I’m doing something else and I end up getting caught up in a stream of consciousness, until I lose the initial spark. Also mentioned plenty of times, I would love to write for other groups, like nct, but for now I’ll focus on exo.

✨✨✨

anyway, that was it for my writerly contemplation tag!

I’m tagging a few fellow writers, but feel free to ignore for any reason! sorry if I forgot someone but feel free to do this even if I didn’t tag you!! @pororodks @velvetsehun @yeoldontknow @yeagerluvr @soos-goddess @shaalk @mooneylooney1 @dewbebe

[completingclara]

Since it's my birth month, April is an important month for me. Rather than simply celebrating my birthday, I like to focus on contemplation and aspirations. I'm not a big goal-setter because I almost never achieve the goal; then I pile on the guilt and negative self-talk making the whole experience pretty shitty. I like to set intentions for my life and work on manifesting what I need.

This year I’ve been given a really unique opportunity to dig deeper into my usual soul searching because I’ll likely be out of work for the entire month (a daunting yet liberating thought). It seems incredibly serendipitous that this month’s content focus in my sobriety group is self care. I’m aware that a lot of this focus on self-care right now is in response to the COVID-19 pandemic but I can’t shake the feeling that the universe has sent me a gift (see notes).

Before I left work to practice self isolation, my everyday was filled to the brim with stress. I was so stressed out that I was essentially a mindless robot alternating between high-stress work mode and disabled (I’m talking hours of TV and phone games). Having such an unhealthy level of stress is toxic to our bodies, our inner-selves, our emotional wellness, and our social connections. The thing is, before I abruptly left that so very toxic bubble I didn’t even realize I was that stressed! Two weeks later and I realized “oh god, I am so mother fucking relaxed!” in a way I haven’t felt in years. Not being on that emotional roller coaster of emotional highs and lows (and numbing) allows the room for intensive self care and reflection.

As Walt Whitman says, “I contain multitudes.” The multitudes of my inner-self are vast and I want to meet them all with compassion. With this gift of time, I choose to get down into the subterranean of my inner world as an act of self care. I’m going to open the windows and doors to let out the unspoken, unrecognized things of who I am and I’ll ask them questions. I won’t write down all the things I want to ask myself (because it is endless) but the most pressing ones are listed here:

What is the dream (or dreams) that you stopped believing in? What do you feel you’ve missed out on because of fear? What was laying beneath that fear? Who is the voice of your inner-critic? Would you subject your loved ones to that same voice? What truly brings you joy without judgment? What drains your emotional or physical energy?

Self talk is something I’ve been working really hard to shake up. We’ve all got an inner voice that pops up every time we make a mistake. How many of you have heard yourself say something like “I’m such a fucking idiot” or “I mess up everything I do” or “no one loves me” because of that mistake? Probably every single one of us. For me, maybe for you too, I didn’t realize that voice was on all the time whispering soft negativity throughout entire days, weeks, months, years.

Holly Whitaker (Tempest Sobriety School) talks a lot about talking to yourself like you’d talk to a small child. As an act of self care and reflection I’m going to be using that voice intentionally throughout every day. It shouldn’t been so hard seeing as I use that kind, loving voice with actual small children for my work and yet I do struggle to be kind to myself.

While rationally I know that I’m deserving of compassion and understanding just like the kids in my class, my negative self-talk has been so deeply ingrained that it often happens without my noticing. For the next month (at lest) I want to begin paying attention to my self talk and using my Loving Teacher Voice on myself.

I’m also going to be challenging my intense perfectionism during this time as I focus on making space for self expression. I tend to be a little bit obsessive in my life which is really just a coping mechanism for anxiety and ADHD. I used to think I was simply “detail oriented” but it goes much further than that. The anxiety that ensues from doing an activity that I deem “not right” is so strong that it’s made me totally abandon many parts of myself where there could have been growth. I see this very clearly in my passion for art.

I’ve always said to people “I’m really passionate about art but I’m not an artist because I’m no good” with a laugh. That is a perfect example of both negative self talk and my obsession with perfection. There’s a deeper layer to this perfectionism that’s rooted in my trauma from growing up with undiagnosed ADHD - which is a topic I can process another time. For this April, I’m going to be practicing acceptance as I follow Morgan Harper Nichols’ #MakeThingsApril challenge and Jo Franco’s journaling prompts. Which also means accepting if I don’t do the prompts everyday or forget to post them without guilting myself. My intention in doing these challenges is to explore what might add joy to my life so if at any point this exploration becomes a negative experience I’m going to stop and remind myself why I’m doing it all.

Lastly, I want to spend time this month reflecting on my physical being. My body and my health has been a trigger point for me my entire life. I’ve been told my entire life that I was a hypochondriac or that I was simply making everything up. Within the last couple years, I’ve begun to explore the possibly that I might actually be ill which has lead to a series of diagnosis. Self-doubt is by far the most pervasive aspect of living with chronic illness and needless to say I’ve got bundles of it. Getting diagnosed lifted the veil from my eyes so I was able to see myself clearly thus allowing me to believe myself and my body. It has been so fucking freeing to say the words “chronically ill” in reference to myself.

Now I’m in what feels like a whole new world. I’m able to actually recognize and accept what’s happening in my body rather of ignoring it or forcing myself though it. That’s a huge step! The next step is finding what works for me instead of attempting to force myself into what I’m “supposed” to do. There’s about 53 million things that I could adjust to better suit my body but I’m going to focus on exercise.

Typical exercise for something with my diagnoses can cause sprains/strains, auto-immune reactions, joint pain, muscles spasms, and severe fatigue which is why (even before I was diagnosed) I stopped exercising completely. Now I get to explore new ways of moving that won’t make me feel like shit so I can be active once again. The things I’m most looking forward to? Expanding my yoga practice with tips from others who share my condition and learning myofascial release techniques.

I’m really looking forward to spending more time with my most vulnerable bits. Using journaling and art as reflection and self care is a really great tool and I don’t think it will come easily. It’s easier to sit in the stress and anger and using distraction as the only coping mechanism. I don’t want to be distracted from my emotions or dreams or passions or traumas anymore. I want to feel them all and grow because of them. Self care is intense and self care is not my default setting. I’m expecting there to be bumps in the road throughout this month — emotional hurdles, trauma processing, inner-child healing. A little bit of pain doesn’t scare me though. After all, “if it’s to heal it has to hurt”. 

As a practice of imperfection acceptance, I’m going to post this (novel length) journal entry without revision, editing, or proofreading. 100% unfiltered thoughts copied down for self expression and care.

I love you, I accept you, I cherish you,

I thank you for reading,

Clara

[failure-friendly]

The Cost of Creativity

If you choose a creative path you need to know about the risks of creative burnout on your mental health. Creative burnout, like creative anxiety, is not openly discussed so it’s likely no one is preparing you for it. The truth is that artists struggle disproportionately with mental illness. Statistics show that creative people have a 1 in 3 chance of struggling with serious mental illness compared to that of the average, which is 1 in 5. With the average lifespan of a musician reaching only 52 years. Let’s explore what can be done to better your odds.

Lately I’ve been listening to old Audioslave albums. A year after the suicide of songwriter Chris Cornell, I am struck by the depth of sadness in his songs, something I didn’t fully appreciated until now. Trying to brighten the mood I dug out an Elton John vinyl that belonged to my mum in the 70′s. Before I knew it ‘Candle in the Wind’ had filled the room with the same beautiful darkness, a song of a legendary creative burnout, the story of many sensitive artists taken out by the bright lights. Which led me think about how creative people are almost expected to burnout for the sake of consumerism.

History is littered with examples of creativity being sold at the expense of its creators. Whether it’s gentrification or subcultures being turned into mainstream fads, it’s never the creators who seem to benefit. Brooklyn, Berlin and Byron Bay. Places that attracted communities of artists because the cost was cheap and the lifestyle was free. Where boundaries were pushed to make way for the creation of new music, art and style. Creative hubs are doomed to become cool, and ‘cool’ is very sell-able. So in go the overpriced and out go the artists who can no longer afford to live in the world they created.

History is also littered with stars that shone so brightly, they burnt out long before their time. Van Gogh, Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain, Heath Ledger, Robin Williams, the list is endless and that’s just the 'famous’ ones. Why people who bring so much value to the world are not given the tools they need to thrive and survive, frankly, infuriates me. Instead their pain is often excused and romanticised with the old ‘tortured artist’ narrative. I believe it comes down to society not understanding how creativity works, and how creative people are wired, which lead us to treat creative people like machines rather than people.

Creative people are sensitive. This heightened sensitivity is what enables them to see the inspiration and connections that others do not. To feel deeply, often plunging to the depths of their soul in order to create. They experience an intense creative process that is full of fear, uncertainty, self-doubt, vulnerability and criticism. The process is emotionally and physically demanding. Sure they can tap into a flow state where energy is harnessed from a seemingly outside source, but the aftermath is exhaustion. They need rest, lots of rest. And sometimes when it looks like they’re resting, their minds are ticking away and are really hard at work.  

People who don’t experience the creative process can assume it’s all easy and fun. Whether they realise it or not, society begins to treat creative’s like content factories, wanting them to produce and perform endlessly without rest and rejuvenation. Even machines need fuel and servicing. Creativity is not convenient, it can’t be reliably predicted or scheduled for, as it’s never exactly the same twice. Our systemised world teaches us that that which is not easily categorised and replicated it’s not efficient - it’s deficient. This attitude is hurting creative minds. 

Never in my creative training did anyone mention how to stay mentally healthy while doing deep emotional work and pouring my soul into projects. There was no mention of setting boundaries, creating safe spaces, resting and refueling. We are expected to learn the hard way that our soul is not a tap you can turn on whenever you want, and take from without ever feeding. It’s not just the masses that don’t understand us and our needs, but creative people themselves mistrust the mystery of who they are. Most of us are ill-equipped to navigate our own process, and expect too much from ourselves. Sleepless nights, endless tours, creative work and self promotion all in the same day and never encouraged to switch off (in a healthy way). When you think about what we are really asking of creative minds, the statistics are not so surprising.  

It just seems so wrong that the same ‘mainstream’ that refuses to make room for creative nature and it’s needs by labeling it as weird, difficult or wrong, has no problem embracing the products of creativity. Not just celebrating the artist but ripping off the art, watering it down, mass producing it until every last dollar is squeezed from the concept. K-mart’s cheap imitations of artisan products spring to mind. Don’t let the thrill of cheap fashion distract you from the fact that creative people are literally killing themselves to deliver the originals.   

If the sad statistics don’t inspire you let’s bring it back to the economy. In the globalised information age in which we live, where robots do the work of yesterday; It’s creative thinking and problem solving that will create the work of tomorrow. It’s those special people who think outside the box that will create the systems that run our lives and businesses. Kids today are growing up with aspirations to be youtubers and social influencers - jobs that literally didn’t exist a few short years ago. It’s time to reform our priorities. It’s time the fostering of holistic creativity became an open discussion.

If you have been made to feel different or weird because of the way you think, feel, and express yourself - know that it’s not you who needs to change. But it is you who can start to change the world for all creatives, for everyone. Can you make your mind a safe place to feel and dream without judgement and criticism? Can you celebrate your need for rest and refuel in the same way you honour your need to express yourself creatively? Can you listen to your body’s needs over the needs of ‘The Man’s’? Can you show the world how creative people should be treated? Can you stop charging for less then your worth?

The Failure Friendly Book is a collection of all the things that I wish I didn’t have to learn the hard way, and this blog is my ongoing commitment to share the tools and resources creative minds need to navigate creative life. I will walk beside you on your creative path and cheer you on along the way. My faith in you is unwavering. Lean on it when you need to and ask for help whenever you want to. 

I’m here for you.  

Your Friend,

Buzzy

DOWNLOAD > Free Failure Friendly Toolkit

SHOP > Failure Friendly Action Cards

[tteastains]

the tension of opposites

Life pulls alternately back and forth, like a wrestling match. Love, he says, always wins.

  All my life, I have been a writer. I have always filled notebooks and journals with all kinds of stories. I have always been eager to share them with people. Writing has always been a deep-seated and essential part of my identity—the way I see myself, describe myself and place myself in the world.

All my life, I have had the idea that creative passions and careers are simply not worth the time or effort thrown at me nonstop. I have heard that creative fields are not “real jobs” and that making a living from creative passions is something that takes nothing more than privilege and a stroke of luck that is not afforded to most people.

I have now finished my first year of college, in which I took two vastly different writing classes that I thoroughly enjoyed. Having already completed two semesters of College English in high school, I’m technically “done” with it. And as my second semester wrapped up and I needed to make a schedule for next fall, I started to have this creeping feeling of something I wouldn’t quite call “dread,” but it was definitely building up to that.

I’ve always told myself (and frankly, have always been told) that writing is something I’ll always “have.” Something I can always “do,” after I find something “better.” After I find A Real Job.

But after this past year, I’ve realized something that makes my heart hurt. The minimal writing that I have been doing since finishing high school is already suffering. As an undergraduate student who did not work, I still didn’t have time to sit down and commit to writing. Because—brace yourself—writing does require discipline and commitment. Especially in my second semester, that discipline and commitment was almost exclusively applied to my schoolwork.   

So I’ve had a lot of days (and very late nights) that I just get lost in the thought of letting writing go, completely setting it aside and saving it for when I do have the time. Devote myself to this obscure concept of a “real job” that everyone talks down to me about all the time.

During the past year or two, I have taken a genuine interest in psychology. Now that’s what I call A Real Job, right? There are so many places you go with psych! So many well-paying options! All I have to do is pursue a career in psychology, land a decent job, and then all the sudden I’ll have the time and funds to commit myself to writing again! Maybe I can even write a book about psychology!

That’s not how it works. And it’s so not the point.

I am tired. I’m tired of creative people being forced to stifle their creativity and their passions because they are told that they don’t count. I’m tired of hearing the same story over and over of artists pursuing a degree in a field that they hate because they have been taught that that’s just what they have to do to survive. I’m tired of the people who do honor their creativity being stepped on by others for doing so.

Now, I understand that doing sitting at my desk alternating between scribbling in a notebook and tapping furiously at a keyboard is not a valid career option in the eyes of many. I understand that maybe it’s not a valid career option, period.

What I want to know is what the point of life is if all you’re doing is setting your passions aside for the promise of money.

The prospect of starving to death or being stuck in one miserable place (physical or metaphorical) is the only thing that has ever stopped me from completely diving into writing with everything I have. Toward the end of last semester in my writing class, we were given an assignment that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. It was a question that we had to respond to in something like 200 words.

What would we do with our lives if there was a universal basement income and no one had to work anymore? This was part of a whole discussion we’d been having about our future of work becoming overrun with technology to the point of there being no work for human beings.

It seemed like a lot of people in my class were stumped or hadn’t really thought about it that much. I don’t know that for sure because I never saw what they wrote or spoke to anyone about it, but I understand why they might have had trouble. It was a Writing for STEM class, so it’s safe to assume that a lot of the people around me were set on a very smart-sounding and impressive career that they had always wanted to pursue. Chemical engineering, professional hacking, things like that. Various jobs that people don’t really think about being taken over by robots someday very soon.

It didn’t take me very long at all to finish my assignment because it was a question I had already thought about extensively. If I didn’t have to worry about surviving anymore, I would create a space for myself that I could write until my fingers fell off and my eyes fell out. When I ran out of ideas or hit a slump, I’d keep going to school and learn about all the other things that interest me. I’d take a breath and commit to reading more.

The most refreshing part about that whole discussion was that the professor brought up the topic of music that had been composed by robots and screenplays written by computers. Most of the class agreed (only after the professor said it more than once) that humans in creative fields like music and writing and painting technically can be replaced by machines, sure. But when you listen to that music, or look at that drawing, or watch that screenplay being acted out… it’s just not right. “It’s just very obvious that it was not written by a human being.” After that, we had a brief discussion about how screwed up the publishing process is for writing a book after someone made a comment along the lines of, “if you’re a good writer, you sell a million books, you’re set for life.” The professor and I both cringed because frankly, I wish that were true.

But anyway. For some reason, the reflex of so many people is to stamp out any spark of creativity and spit on people who study the arts. They don’t take into account that discouraging artists will soon make movies, books, music, and interesting clothing disappear. 

They don’t take into account how much damage that does to someone, to be told constantly to find something because what they love doesn’t count.

College has brought me many things, not all positive, but I’m grateful for most all of them. Recently, I was granted the choice between statistics and creative writing.

Since go, I’ve understood college in perhaps the most incorrect way possible. I had the idea in my head that picking up classes because they sounded neat was somehow wrong. I also know that an understanding of statistics is a pretty useful tool for most things. Those two things were all it took for me to tell myself, “yeah, math sucks but this is useful and it’s better to just get it over with.”

I didn’t know at that time that a creative writing class was an alternative until a third party stepped in and laid my choices in front of me and started asking me questions that I already knew I was failing to ask myself.

And the fact is that knowledge of statistics is useful and often even required. Another fact, however, is that there is not a shortage of opportunities to pursue a statistics course. I’m not running short on time, either.

Dropping statistics in exchange for a second creative writing course was not a hard choice. In fact, it was kind of terrifyingly easy. When it comes to choosing between writing and something else, writing is my first choice most of the time. However, since about my sophomore year of high school, I’ve had to set it aside and focus on other things, and I guess you could say that my brain is hardwired that way now. Meaning, I tend to just assume that writing needs to go on the backburner until “later.”

Coming into summer and reflecting on the things I’ve learned over the past two semesters has lead me onto a weird thought train. 

I’ve learned that it’s not okay to leave the things I love on the back burner or in the margins of my life. That’s why I’m so excited about the classes I’m taking in the fall, and yet I’m still harboring a weird feeling, something that almost feels like guilt.

 Because like I said, my brain feels hard-wired into thinking that writing is something that needs to wait. It brings me back to the ideas about “real jobs” that I’ve been taught forever, that have always scared me so much for so many reasons.

Maybe writing isn’t a real job. Maybe I’ll take this next creative writing course and love it, and find the time and motivation to finish the YA novel I’ve been working on for three years. Maybe after that, I’ll be satisfied and never want to write another thing ever again.

That last one may be very unlikely, but I won’t know for certain until I get there. Nothing is certain, especially not when it comes to things like this.

I don’t want to spend my life stifling my creativity and my passions for the sake of not facing criticism or for the sake of money or because I’ve convinced myself that it will make my life easier. 

I will start my second year of college in the fall, and I will be starting it with a new mindset. I don’t want to deny myself the enjoyment of pursuing courses that seem cool just because I won’t “use” them.

I had to take a Geometry and Trigonometry (twice!) in high school and I suffered all the way through. It’s safe to assume I won’t be using those in my everyday life. So, forgive me if I’ve realized that now’s the time to take a few classes that I enjoy, even if I won’t “use” them or don’t “need” them. Because I no longer believe that those two things are or need to be mutually exclusive.

I’m not ready to be “done” with writing or English classes, and that’s something that I have always known but I had to be pushed toward realizing. Especially realizing that it’s okay, and that if I don’t go for it now, I will probably grow to resent myself at some point down the line. 

Because, of course: in the end, love always wins.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2rFBack via IFTTT