#why am i watchign so much

[raichana]

Favourites~

Tagged by @omgfloofy

this looks super fun so lets jump in! 

favourite colour: Red, I love the colour red and will always pick it above anything else, pink and purple are closeseconds but Red is where it’s at~ 

favourite flavour: Ginger, ever since i was little it has always been my fav. grom gingerale to ginger cookies I just love the stuff. 

favourite music: So I almost exclusively listen to video gaem soundtracks and jpop. every once in a while I try to listen to current/popular music and most of it just sounds like droning noise to me... every once in  while i’ll hear something and be like this is greta but yeah... mostly jpop and game/anime soundtracks for me...

favourite movie: Princess Bride, people think I am kidding when I say this and I assure you I am not. I love that film with every fiber of my being and could probably recite the whole thing from start to end with only minor mistakes cause I have easily watched it far too many times.

favourite series: gunna take a page from floofy. Games it’s easily Ys or Kiseki, maybe a slight nod to Ys but I really love both. Anime: I have a few but as to not repeat myself in a second I’ll say Natsume Yuujinchou. Book: Ascendance of a bookworm, I just love everything about it from the character and story growth to the world building to the fact we get a volume every other month. 

last song: According to Itunes it’s Sunnyboy Rainygirl by Daoko which was an album i got cause she did music for dragalia and I was sad the game i loved was being shut down. 

last movie: uhhhhh.... I watched a little bit of groundhog day with the family but the last film I watched was No Way Out with Kevin Costner. it was on the movie chanel and really enjoyable. 

currently reading: It’s technically re-reading but Ascendance of a bookworm part 3 vol 1. I had read it before on kindle but now i have the physical book so i had to reread~ 

currently watching: ........ *sighs* too much... ok On crunchyroll: The tale of outcast, saving 80 000 gold in another world for my retirement (may drop), Legend of heroes: trails of cold steel northern war, Sugar apple fairy tale (fav this season so far), The magical revolution of the reincarnated princess and the genius girl, campfire cooking in another world with my absurd skills, welcome to demon school iruma kun, chilling in my 30s after getting fired from the demon kings army, Neir: automata ver 1.1a, bungo stray dogs s4, buddy dadies, trigun stampede, revenger and eventually the misfit of demon king academy (may drop) and by the grace of the gods season 2 (may drop)....... then on hidive: is it wrong to pick up girls in a dungeon season 4 (also highly recommend the LN for this even if it’s embarrassing to say one of your fav series has such a bad title) The latest on tsundere villian liselotte and eventually tsurune 2, i’m avoiding starting sequels right now cause i am watching WAY to much... i never watch this much in a season normally it’s like 4-7 shows... 

currently working on: I’m planning an ambitious felt of my oc Ciella, thinking about some stands to make and then wait for a zap sale and then maybe throw some valentines art on the pile cause i just have nothing to do apparently 

tagging: Only do it if you want to of course but I tag @teresashiho @greywaysart @cloudedpoetry

[unclejuho]

once again nobody doing it like nflying...

[mcytblrconfessions]

just started watchign empires today in jimmy's pov and. onh no. ive been watching so much stuff with jimmy IN it but never jimmy's actual POV and. god theres something about the way he smiles. the way he's so pathetic about everything. the way he holds norman. i am absolutely besotted with him. this is mumbo and gtws all over again!!! WHY do i keep falling head over heels for minecraft boys this is becomign a problem!!!

[sherlock-is-ace]

About your post regarding bothering Neil, can we also talk about how people absolutely won't accept the "they are sexless" thing. Like somehow Aziraphale and Crowley aren't truly Gay™ unless they want to have sex. I do get the criticism of Neil, but also it really feels like people don't want to accept an asexual couple

  Hi anon, sorry it took me this long to answer, I was gonna do it sooner from my phone but the answer was too long and I needed a keyboard lol.

  I agree, people are so obsessed with sex that they think that’s the only way a couple can be “canon” even in real life… Besides they’re also forgetting that even if they could/wanted to have sex, there’s a billion other sexualities they could be…

  Besides, Neil has established that none of the angels, none of the demons, not God nor the horsepersons are gendered… None of those are human, if they’re “not bound by physics” and their “geography is immaterial”  then why is it so hard to understand that they don’t have a gender nor a sexuality?

  I’m personally so happy that we finally got non human characters behaving non humanly for once. I’m so tired of robots and animals falling in love, and supernatural creatures and aliens with the same morals and ideals as the human race… They’re fictional races, you can even argue that none of those exist, then why limit yourself by human standars?!  And here I am, quoting Roswell New Mexico but it is true: “we are literally aliens and you’re gonna hold me to some outdated binary of sexuality?”   Like I get it that the point of Crowley and Aziraphale is that they’ve been on Earth for so long that they’re used to a human lifestyle but that doesn’t change your sexuality… if you are, per say, asexual because you don’t experience sexual attraction then it doesn’t matter how many allosexuals you meet, you won’t catch it… We would all be straight if that were how it worked…  And the gender thing… even if they did experience sexual attraction towards each other… neither of them are male, they’re not the same gender, because they don’t have one so they can’t be gay…

  Now that said, of course we, as humans, with our human words and lables, are gonna see them and lable them judging by our standars and our interpretation… but that’s my fucking point… Do it, lable them, headcanon them, interpret them as whatever you want! But don’t go after Neil for not using that one word you think he’s obligated to use. Neil has been delightful about this, making it so easy for all of us to just go for it with whatever we think, yet he’s getting so much hate, being called homophobic, or aphobic, and people saying that he’s queerbaiting… The alternative is him imposing his view of the characters (aka his work btw…) by telling us we cannot see them as anything but what he says they are, is that better? Like, do you think that even if he says “oh yeah, they’re two human males and gay and have sex with each other” (a la JK Rowling) that means that all our headcanons are automatically shut down? that we can’t think differently? No, that would just give people an excuse to fight over headcanons and ships like they do in every other fandom because “ThE wRiTtEr sAid blah blah”…

  People wanting Neil to #confirm that Aziraphale and Crowley are gay, are just looking for an excuse to be aphobic to the people who can finally see a couple on tv who don’t even kiss!

  Besides these characters have been in people’s lives for almost 30 years now, a tv show, or a word from just one person (and only one of the writters at that) is not going to change what they’ve first thought about Aziraphale and Crowley. I strongly believe that this “he needs to say they’re gay for representation sake” is coming mostly from new fans who haven’t read the book or that read it after watchign the show…

  And last thing, to people who say Good Omens is queerbaity… why? what makes it queerbait?The fact that they don’t kiss? We don’t see people shitting in tv shows either, does that mean they cannonically don’t poop?The fact that they didn’t say “I love you” to each other? Isn’t it fucking enough that they continue to save each other’s lives, risk their own lives for each other, defy literal God and literal Satan for each other?

And if you really need the word of Neil Gaiman to be happy… Then isn’t “they love each other” enough?!

Jesus fucking Christ, people!

[finding-the-daylight]

Today has been a very stressful day, so guess wtf time it is? Drunk Breaking Dawn Pt. 1. Here is what I soberly remember of the movie (I have not watched it since BD2 came out): 

1. There’s a wedding.

2. There’s a honeymoon.

3. There’s swimming in the ocean.

4. There’s an accidental pregnancy.

5. The baby almost kills Bella.

6. The canon incident that we all hate happens.

7. The Volturi evilly laugh. 

Same as Eclipse, my drunken narration of the movie will be below the break.

A brief intro statement, I was 100% sober and just beginning to drink at the beginning of the Eclipse post and progressively got more drunk. For BD1, I’m throwing back before I even start watching this shit show.

- I love the effects of the intro. it’s very calming. THe putting away childish things quote is literally a Bible verse. I hate that Stpehen appropriated Quileute culture, Christian culture, and every culture. I know she’s mormon but sitll. THis shit feels real appropriated.

- Idk why rennee is all happy. she never gave a shit before.

- OMG ALICE TEHCING BELLA TO WALK IN HEELS IS THE CUTEST ICRY.

- carlisle carryign the bench is literally the hottest hting i’ve ever seen fck

- lowkey kinda creeprd out because she’s literally sacrificing her humanity to marry this deud she’s known for like a year but everyone other than jacob is super supportive

- damn she’s looking @ this dreamcatcher and it’s making me sad but tbh that shit probably caused half her nightmares because she’s not native so sleep paralysis (if you know you know).

- DAMN EDWAD RELALY JUST ADMITTED HE’S BEEN A VIRGING FOR OVER 100 YEARS WHAT AB RAVE MAN WE STAN

- BUT FOR REAL WHY IS NO ONE FREAKING TF OUT THAT SHE’S LITERALLY BEGGING TO DIE FOR THIUS DUE?

- he just todl her hes killed people and explained it and it didn’t work she’s still down to clown with this vapire emo boi

- HOW HE’S SMILTING @ HR WTF I AM SO ALONEEEE

- i just wama ne im loved amd ne loved in retun plz

- this dream sequence is awful also fck the volturi is til hate that they never overthrew that crabbyass monarchy bullshit they were powerful enough

- i just wanna be like rosalie when i greow up

- charlie knew shit was off when he saw those crapsk 

- why the HELL is renen actin liks she cares? bitch go the fuck back home

- jessica is the only one with any damn common sense in this whole series talking about they’re too fucking young for this shitt bitch true and itm akes sene now why she was the valedictioajrn 

- SLEEPING AT LAST IS THT GROUP IDK IF YALL HAVE HEARD ANY OF HTEIR OTHER STUFF BUT THEY’RE AMAIZNG AND I USED TO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP # THAT SHIT

- damn id’ be fuckign panicking too your lfie is over hoe 

- stpeheen sto pwiht your racist ass smiling its offensive

- CHARLIE FUCKING DEWEVRE BETTER SOMEONE LOVE HIM PLEASR

- this wedding is gorgoeus though i live for hte fuckj g aestiec 

- OH MY GORD THE PROM SONGGGGGGGG  FCK ME RIGHT IN THE EMO 

- IT JUST HIT ME WHN THEY WRE LOOKI  @ EACH OTHERS EYES THIS BTCH REALLY MARYING AN UNDRSF VAMPIRE HOE this shit is horryighn why was i not scare?

- carlisle is the love of y life

- sth is a lil ray of sunishen 

- i just reaized howd fucked it is that sue and chalrie are starng to catch feelz ut sue knows his daughter is funckugn off with a unded vamp emo iboi

- OMG I FCUKING HATE STEPHENE RACIST ASS I LEGIT MADE AP OST EARLIER SYAING LAURENT WANTED TO DO THE RIGHT THING ANDWOUVLEBE BEND A VEGETATIAN BITCH AND IRENEA CONFIRMED FCK THIS SHIT IM OUT ANG ANGRY

- charlie is gget ing drunk as hell my spiritn animel

- jesica is smart and beautiful she needs t os stop being jealous and petty know ya wotht girlie you got itl

- I SWEAR WHEN IGET MARRIED OSMEDAY IF ANYONE GIVES A SPEECH LIKE THIS I WILL PERSONALLY DRAGT HER ASS OUT.

- edwar lves her so much fck im all alone\

- how haoph hacob is when they hig i hate canonn they were best friends fc,

- jacob stay the fck outta her sex life she;s been wanting this for ad dman year fkc steohe let them jsut befriend

- steh is so swert but e is a chidl fck the is reacist plot bulshit

- CHARLIE DESEVRD BETTR FCK THIS PLOT FOR REAL I HAE CANON

- bela looks os ad she knows it’s goodbye but edward’s family is all smiling because they have her now hwat fthe ckc

- jac0bs cryng my heart brke

- i love bineg dunk 

- the scene isn rio is my faorite isn any of the movies eveyrhting looks warm and happy

- this bich can drive ab oat too damn he can just fod evryhin cant he

- CARLISLE BOUGHT A WHOEL DAMN ISALND FOR HIS WIFE AND I CANT ECVE GET A TEXT BACK? 

- deis this honeymon scene make anuone else unconmfy becuae same

- marying a vampire would be horrying af but also hot af and good af becuase htye oculd love so much and protect you from everythign fck 1-/10 woukd efeel safe

- bwll gaving a panic attakc ism e anyt tinme i try talking to an attractive man

- slepeign at last fckign ti up agin bit ch theis m yshit 

- when he said it was the best night i cred 

- tstoehe added the chess game like this shit is a hoje but i would love to play chess on my honemodn idk how uut  i want a man to each me but not mansplin

- WHY THE FUCJ AR THEY SO CTE ON THIS AMN HONEYMOON?

- i know i sadn it was horryig but i want a hotass vamp emo boi husband plas 

- damn jacob is being too emo she aint really gonan be ded for ever youll see her agianb itch

- ‘CULLENS ARE NOT A DNAGER TO THE TOWN OR TRUBE” BITCH IB EG TO FUCKIN DIFFER THIS SHIT BIOLOGICAL WARDARE RACIST ASS STPEHEN WRITING THIS FUCKING BULLTSIT

- ‘NONE OF THEM BELONG TO THEMSEVLES ANYGMROE” - SOMEONE SAID IT BITCH THSI SHIT IS FUCKRE IP

- i fucking hates these vamp racist bitches but i want a nonracist va,p husband bitch thus hot afck

- how tf does she not know shes rpegr yet eatin this weid ass shit?

- THESE FKERS BEEN AROUND FOR CENTURIES TLAKING BOU IDK IF ITS VEEN POSSIBEL BTICH YU SHOULD FUCKUGN KNO BY NOW

- ROVERT SPOEAKIN G PORTGUEVE IS SO KING ATRACTIV

- poor bella her life chaned so uqick and she[s soc scared fck dcnaon

- POOR CHARLIE I HATE THIS HE DESERVES TO BE LOVED AND TURTH TOLD

- ROSALEI IS THE EST 

- “YOU LOOK TERRBLE’ THIS IS THE FRIENDHSOP WE WANT WHYT THE FCK DOES FOPSTHE RUIN EALL THIS SHIT

- CARLISE IS FUNCIGJ HOT

- LIRALY BITCH I JUST WNAT A PURE FIRENDHSIP WUTH JACOB AND BELLA ITS WHAT THEY DESERVE FJC CAON

 - this montage is turopy a f when youre drunk waht the helc por jake thugh

- im sorry but i;n laughign my ass off at these fuckugn wolf vocie overs lmaoooo this shit hilarious

- SETH HAS SUCH A PURE HEART WHTY TF DID SPTEHEH RUIB HUS FUCJING CHILDHOOD BULTHIST

- WHY IS EVEYRIJE BSUCG AFUCKUGN BUTCG TO LEAH???? SHE DESEVRED THE FUCKING WORLD STPEHEN IS A RACISHT BITCHHHHHH

- calisbe is fos unicngn hot

- i just reaized robert is like the best fuckugn actor like this diolaguge is wha k as fuck btu he’s acitng all emo boi oscar worhty shti

- they realy had her fuckin drink blodo i hate cannjnonnn

- ifelel the same as kaje watchign this 

- but carlisle’s prety face made it all fuckig hetter

- FUCKRT HIS SHTI CHARLIE DESERVED BETTER HE’S THE BEST DAD FCK CANO NFUCK STEPRHNE 

- okay ut id is cute as fkc whe nedward hears the baby 

- esme and calrisle wilougn to risk their lives for bella i cryi

- fkc i really do hate cnaon because jake is acting liek an adult now and trying to do the honrble thig bue he should be a hpaoy chidl 

-  resnemsien is a ficking ridjcils name and we all fuckj nnew

- i ahte this part i’n bot even wathcing this shit rgros me rout 

- WHY THDID FUCK DID THIS BITCH HAVE A FUKCUNG SYRINGE OG VENOM LAYING AORUND? HOE!?!?!

- literlaiy fuick the dynamics of this whole moty hfknfucjg storyline plot bitch

- LEAH AND STHE DESERVERD BETTER

- SO DID JACOB

- SO DID ALL THE WOLFPAKC STPEHEN IS A RACIST AS SHOE

- aw hell here the fucks we hgo with theu ickgn im************** bulshit i ghate cnaojn canon can suck ad ick

- YES BILLY DEFEND YOUR CHIDL 

- rosalie is literally perfect when cnai b ehr 

- im real glad im drunk rin now because ioculd nto sit throguh this shit sober

- imp&******* is the worst plotline fkc]

- bit iamgiben falling alseo lookin gsick and waking up fhot as uck goals

- this sogn making me cry literlalu imcruing ims o alone lmao

- rheye really ended htoe move wirh red eyws lmaoooo

- hodl the fick up a damn minute stpeehebn producre htis cufkcng shit?

- now heres the hoes iv’ve been waiting on burnt the monarch fuckwits i hate thes epompis fuckers

- OVERTURBR THESE FUCKSERS THEY HAVE TIOO MUCH POWR 

CARLISR COULD FUCKING D OI T I HATE CNAON BRING THE VAMPIRE DECONOARCY

- OOHG BRUNNO MARS BRINGNG THE FUCKING SIMPSSHOES ANTHM I NEEDLOVE IT

[serenagaywaterford]

'#i am so upset at tht about this lol #(mostly cos yeah reality is that. but i'm watchign fiction dudes. gimme some character journeys. gimme development. gimme hope. #this flatline they have serena on just isn't good storytelling. straight up.)' -- i agree. & the idea i hate the most is that moss & the tht crew might have had a boner over whitford joining them & decided to give him what could have been serena's arc. the architect of the damn colonies can turn out decent but serena can't. GOT IT

“the architect of the damn colonies can turn out decent but serena can’t. GOT IT”

this is probably what drives me the most mad about the choices they made for characters in s3. lawrence literally–unequivocally and by his own admission as well as multiple other characters–created THE FUCKING COLONIES: prison labour camps where ONLY women go to suffer excruciating pain and rot from disease and DIE. he also, unarguably and explicitly, created THE ENTIRE ECONOMIC SYSTEM on which gilead relies on for its propagation and survival.

without HIM, gilead would NOT exist. and this isn’t a little thing. it’s like, it literally would have fallen apart without his massive contribution. (sure, maybe they would have found another genius economist with a penchant for brutal misogyny but as it stands, they didn’t have one. and HE STILL helps gilead survive.)

but uwu, he makes jokes and doesn’t do the ceremony and loves his wife so WHAT A GREAT GUY! LET’S GIVE HIM A RELUCTANT REDEMPTION ARC!!!!

i fucking loathe him. and he was shown multiple times even in s3 what he thinks of ALL women, and that isn’t fucking much. he’s gross. “i love my wife” YEAH sure buddy. fuck you. if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t have created an entire system where she gets fucked right over to the point she kills herself. cool beans, dude.

s3 was all about lawrence and june being reluctant allies and her working her dumbass moves on him, and that bullshit handholding at the funeral FOR THE WIFE THAT JUNE BASICALLY KILLED??? please just let me vomit in my mouth a bit.

he is not a good guy. he is not a nice guy. he does not like women. he does not care about them. he’s a pathetic little misogynist that she looks out for himself. but omg look how conflicted he is about the ceremony!!! UWU PRECIOUS BEAN, TOO PURE FOR THIS HORRIBLE WORLD!!

it’s like fandom/the showrunners are just salivating over male characters to woobiefy.

meanwhile MEANWHILE there’s a female character, the second most developed character on the entire show with the second most amount of screentime (prior to mid s3 anyway) and already a foil to june and “villain”esque character theoretically capable of change, but hey, no. let’s ignore the entire trajectory serena was on for the latter half of s2. let’s even ignore early s3 and all that set up. let’s just FUCKING FLATLINE her and make her 100% obsessed with a baby. it’s not like that storyline was already wrapped up in s2 and she’d moved on by early s3.

all so june could have some ~exciting plot of winning over lawrence and oooooh look it’s bradley whitford. what a great guy. he’s so funnieeeee and nice. 

it really does feel like they aborted serena’s arc for the sake of inserting whitford into what should have been serena’s journey of gradually coming to terms with her involvement in gilead, her own overwhelming guilt about her involvement (which i would like to point out is LESS than lawrence’s contributions. just so we’re all on the same page). and i know miller has said he “doesn’t believe in redemption arcs” (bullshit. that’s pure bullshit. they exist whether you believe in them or not, for one thing.) but lawrence’s character has been doing EXACTLY that. and all the fandom is frothing about how amazing he is blah blah blah. fucking miss me with that. i will NEVER root for a man who has done that to women and is a KEY player in gilead. he didn’t just help invent it, he CURRENTLY still sustains it. he seemed to have little concern for ANYBODY even at the beginning of s3. yet still he’s a hero. (at least the character is like “oooh i’m not a hero” which kinda sounded totally insincere to me. the same way people throw pity parties for themselves.)

but god forbid a problematic female character portrayed by a fantastic (but lesser known) actress gets the same generosity. and what’s even crazier is that the audience was generally in favor and excited about serena joining june in the resistance prior to s3, and even in the beginning episodes of s3. based on social media anyway.

but no……….

i just….

it infuriates me how they chose to give what could have been a decent character arc for serena to lawrence instead (and to take that from yvonne and hand it over to whitford cos he’s just so great. rolling my eyes so hard.). and everyone is just like “yasss king! we love you!! what great guy for saving those kids!!! yay redemption for lawrence! i love brad whitford so amazing give him an emmy!!!” 

i get they need to keep serena around and in some sort of conflict for june. 

actually no. i don’t get it. i don’t think it’s necessary at this point to have a female adversary of that degree for june. i think she could easily be a complicated/conflicted ally, or at least not a direct enemy of june’s. the SYSTEM is evil enough and produces enough conflict on its own. june no longer needs the personification of it and neither do we. just… ugh. stagnating the MOST complex character on the show (fight me. serena as a character was more complex and dynamic than june.) for the sake of throwing her in some stupid sideplot that had nothing to do with the protagonist, and made her entire story arc stall into a dead stop was a dumbass fucking move. the whole fred thing dragged her the fuck down cos there was zero acknowledgement or exploration of the actual dynamic of the domestic abuse cycle which was PLAINLY visible in early s3. instead it was just NICHOLEEEEEE!!!!! GIVE ME BABBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUST HAVE BABBY!!!!!!!!!! every single character motivation serena had in s3 was a fucking sexist trope about women and baby fever. (not that they wrote june much better but this rant is about the shit they pulled with serena.)

there is no depth to any conflict anymore. and what drives me even crazier is that the few scenes with june and serena are still 100 times more interesting because of the pre-existing chemistry and dynamic they still have. but instead we’ve just got the same fucking scene of june/lawrence over and over for 8 episodes. “ooh is he a friend or foe? oh i will manipulate him! he is an ally! oh maybe he’s a foe, or friend, or foe, or friend?! who cares!! look how he lubs childrens! uwu!!”

they seem absolutely intent on keeping serena a villain, to the point of total irrationality. and the only way to do that is strip her character of any nuance and give her a singular and stupid motivation and pair that with a really boring and flat subplot. cos, organically, the character WOULD develop and learn and change, but since they’re fucking obsessed with not giving her anything even resembling “redemption” for some bullshit reason, they’ve thrown her entire narrative arc under the bus and just left her there.

and people wonder why i have no interest in s4. it’s cos of this shit. why the fuck would i be interested in watching yet another season of serena doing fuck all? (ooh a trial? BORING and guaranteed to make no rational sense. back to gilead? what for?! they’re never going to let her change/grow anyway!)… and june being painted as some saint and saviour, despite being not that much better anymore. and Lawrence being lauded as a goddamn hero for doing the very fucking bare minimum for no real discernible reason we’ve seen other than june’s oh so amazing ~wiles. like please.

i can’t stand june anymore. i fucking loathe lawrence (to me, he’s just nick 2.0). i don’t care about fred. moira and emily who? and am butthurt about what they’ve done to serena’s character journey (and can’t see that changing if miller, moss, & co. are so itnent on keeping her “evil”). so s4 doesn’t seem that fun to me.

and the fact everyone seems to have a hard on for whitford, including cast and crew just makes me angry. sure, give this dude all the good shit. take it away from the amazing female actors and just give it to him. why not? THT is male-run anyway and IT SHOWS. he should have been a minor character, not the focus next to june. (don’t even get me started on how fiennes gets second billing in the credits before yvonne cos i am so livid every single time i see taht.)

whatever, THT. whatever. bye. ugh.

wow anyway that was a rant i didn’t expect to make. thanks anon for drawing that out. i think i’ve been sitting on it a while lol.

i have a lot of rage.

[amazon-me-bitches]

i just cried for a solid 15 minutes over...wait for it....NOTHING LEGIT NOTHING. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? Was I watchign Bojack? Yes Have I been drinking? Yes Am i on my period? Yes but you know what? I dont think it is because of any of these reasons, I think this is just me. I am always lowkey sad or feeling nothing at all and it SUCKS, because i feel guilty as FUCK about it. I want to be happy, there is nothing WRONG in my life. I have the best wife in the whole damn world that i love so much and dont deserve at all, i have a brand new job, a car, almost a new place to live, a family who loves me but I am still....like this and I don;t know how to shake it off. I have tried CBD oil, thinking on the positive side, waking up early, bettering my life, nothing. nothing is making me feel better, i feel broken and I dont know how to fix me. we dont have money or insurance for pills so thats probably not going to work out. I dont know how everyone else does it...why does everyone else just get ten scoops of dopamine and saratonin but when i come by they hide the scooper? that was a stupid analogy this whole thing is stupid, but what good is having a blog if you cant bitch to the void? I dont know what it is going to take to make my brain work right where i can feel things and not just sad things but fuck man.....sometimes i think i am never going to have a purpose in life like i dont mean anything and eveyone would be a lot better off without me...like i know that sounds cliche and NO im not thinking about "BADDDDD" things, im just throwing out shit that bounces in my head all day. I feel like im not good enough for anything or at anything or for anyone and no amout of pep talks or reassurance is goign to make me unfeel this. I cant drive a damn car bc im scared and stupid. im probbly not going to get better in school if they even let me in. i am a physical and emotional drain on everyone i know including, nay especially to my self. One day I am goign to be old and frail and look back and thing i wasted my life being unhappy and i know that yet somehow dispite me wanting to be happy im not and i dont want to talk about this with my wife because she is wonderful and perfect and does everything for me , she is my whole world and all i do is bitch constantly and im afraid if i bring this up she will think i am ungreatful or that i dont love her and leave me. because she is so great and smart and beautiful and im not and i think everyday about how she could do better than someone like me. and that scares me because i love her so much i would die without her and now im crying again like a little bitch. asdfghjmvj knlf v I keep putting off going to the dr about this because i dont want to seem like a pillhead wanting drugs but beth says it aint like that and that she will come with me and we can figure this out i just know this isnt a great time we have so much going on right now....i need to get pills for fasd bc over the past year i discovered i have that and that is what everything else wrong with me stems from. so maybe i will target that. yanno writing does help, its nice to get everything out of my head so i can see it. if you read all the way though thanks, if not its cool this has been one long babble but it felt good to get this out.

[decadentenemyturtle]

Party hard

Promt 1/Day 1 for @sdavid09​ ‘s Writing challenge.

Promt of day; Hank’s first time at a party.

Pairing; Hank x Connor

Words; 1255

Promt Masterlist

 Hank and Connor sit on the sofa, enjoying their lazy friday evening. They were watching an action movie and Hank was enjoying a beer alongside with it.

"Hank, have you ever been at any kind of party?" Connor suddenly asks. Hank's brow rises, his hand holding the beer stopping before his lips. Hank's eyes turns to Connor who in turn is looking at Hank rather curiously. Hank knew - well, he quessed - where Connor got the sudden idea for the party, it was showing a part scene at the movie, but Hank had no idea why the android wanted to kno such thing.

"Uh, yea, I've been at them once in my youth. Why ye wanna know?" Hank says, then he takes a sip from his beer. Connor turns back to the movie.

"I was just curious to know if you've ever been in them. I've only seen you go to the bar to have a drink" Connor says. Hank lets out a dry laughs and then he shakes his head. Connor's curious yes turns back to the old man. He says nothing, but Hank can tell he want's to know what Hank found so funny.

"I'm too old to go in a party, those kind of things are for the younger people. Bars suits for the older folk more, home with sofa, movie, beer and chips even more" Hank answers, and turns to Connor with a small smirk. Connor nods slowly and then they are quiet again for some time, watchign the TV.

"What kind of partied did you attempt at?" Connor asks. Hank lifts his brown and glances at Connor, who is still looking at the TV. How he suddenly got so curious? Connor rarely asked anything from his past, not that Hank would tell him about it without him asking.

"Well, at school I attempted to my school buddies parties whenever I got the chance. Later on came what not parties" Hank says shortly. To him they were just parties with same kind of content - lots of drinking, listening too loud music, talking shit, laugching, and if you were lucky and single (or taken and an idiot) you'd find an kissing buddy and a bed warmer, maybe even a girlfriend.

"Did you like to go in the parties?" Connor keeps on asking. Hank hummed his answer. Did he like to go in them? Yes, free drinks, hot girls, good way to spend your time instead of doing something more important. Connor turns to look at Hank as he puts the empty beer can down on the table.

"I remember my first party being at my best friends David's friends home. Some rich guy's kid. Big house with a swimming pool and jacuzzi on the bag yard. There was so much alcohol that we could've partied to night's a row" Hank suddenly says. Connor, bit of a surprised, turns to Hank. And smiels a little. He was happy to hear Hank telling something of his past without him asking about it.

"How did the party go?" Connor asks. Now that Hank had opened a little this topic, he may as well as ask more abotu it. And he saw that Hank didn't mind that much, he had even a small smile on his lips - for whatever remembering his first party he had attended or just being happy to talk about it.

"Well, I was a bit awkward at first when I got there, since t'was my first one ever. But after having few cups of punch I was nothign but awkward, or that at leas how it felt back then. I got drunk pretty fast since I hadn't drank any alchohol before" Hank says, still smiling a little to the memory of him drinking whatever alcohol he could reach for. Connor frowns a little. He was worried over the past Hank, even when he was sure nothing bad couldn't happened. Not since Hank was sitting here with him.

"Did you pass out somewhere after so many drinks?" he asked, worry sounding in his voice. Hank turned to Connor and grinned.

"Aye, but after kissing with Hannah Singer" he answers. Connor's brow rose. Hannah Singer, the famous actress from Detroit?

"The Hannah Singer, from Sharp and Glorious?" Connor asks, doupting the woman to be the same. But when Hank's grin just widened and he snorted, Connor it to be the same person. So, Hank had kissed a seleprity when he was young. Connor shook his head a little and smiled, for Hannah was one of those who you didn't wan't to be in your "I kissed this woman" -list.

"How many husband she has had?" Connor asks. When Hank turns back to him, his brow up, Connor clarifies "Hannah Singer" Hank shrugs, even he wasn't sure.

"Am not sure, maybe the newest is fifth. Or was it sixth?" he muses, scratching the back of his neck. Then he turns to Connor with a playfull glee in his eyes.

"Not my proudest wank, must admit, but dam was she good in bed" Hank says as if he was talking about a weather. Connor stares at Hank maybe longer than he should have. Hank did not only kiss her, but he had slept with her? It seems, that even Hank didn't always have a good taste with women - even when Hannah hadn't gone through all those plastic surgery's back then.

"So you were kissing her and sleeping with her that night at the party?" Connor asks, not daring to look at Hank. He preferres to seem just mildly curious.

"No, we just kissed at my first party. The next time, maybe a year later, when David's rich friend threw a party and where I got in, we actually did it. In a bathroom" Hank says. Connor was happy that he could keep his face neutral and he could keep the grimace at pay. He didn't want to think Hank with Hannah Singer doing some naughty thing in the bathroom.

"So, when did you pass out? And I do hope it was somewhere safe, not in outside next to the swimming pool" Connor says, deciding to change the subject from Hannah back to Hank pasing out. Hank throws a look at him and then he turns back to the movie.

"On the sofa, after half of the people had left home. Someone had borrowed David's friends mother's makeup and made me look pretty after I had passed out. Didn't approve it, I tell you that" Connor sends one of his rare smirks to Hank, picturing him in a make up. And he didn't regret it, thought letting out chuckle for it may have not been so smart since Hank glared him for second.

"I imagine the next day wasn't that easy, given the fact that you had your first taste of alcohol the last evening" Connor says. Hank hums. It surely hadn't been.

"I had hella bad hangover, threw up to their white carpet before I could even think about running to the toilet. And the headache felt like it was killing me. Promised myself back then that Iwouldn't drink ever. Found myself in next parties few week later, drinking alcohol like my first hangover never existed" Hank hums and then he stand up walking to the kitchen. Connor's eyes follow him before he turns to look at the TV.

When Hank sits back down, he sits a bit closer to connor than before. For the rest of the movie they do not speak of Hank's first party.

[tomioneer]

yyh rewatch number 11 WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY KIDS NOW

been a few days bc I am BUSY AF irl, and I made it through the dr ichigaki fight--just barely without tears--by watching with a friend. now we’re at episode 35 and watch straight through to 42, and I can’t help but blog about it because HELLOOOO, NINJA BABES

guess who’s here

it’s jin and TOUYA BITCHES

kurama recognizes them, I wonder if he's actually fought them before

I remember that hiei and kuwabara both get taken out of the fight, but can’t recall if genkai does as well

what I figured out when my friend asked why koenma knows genkai’s younger face is that since she was on a mostly human team in the past, she was probably one of the special guests at the tournament? and thus a member of a team koenma technically owned 

it’s upsetting that toguro didn’t seem to recognize his EX GIRLFRIEND.

jin speaks so quickly I can hardly understand him

it’s like merida in the new wreck it ralph trailer, just.. irish

ps JERRY FUCKING JEWELL again, for those keeping track

I’m gonna go ahead and mark yusuke and jin down as a ship now before I lose control

also, jin and touya

ship count: 8/400

I should really make a list of whose’ who in that count lol

oh yeah, here’s the medical exam, I remember it

her hair is gorgeous I would marry him if she asked

WOW she doesn’t even take kuwabara just genkai and hiei

a barrier master

and she’s just

oh man she took her coat off and I melted

STOP ELECTROCUTING MY KID BABE

epilepsy warning for this whole arc

koenma you’re a jerk

jin decides to fuck off because he doesn’t like fixed fights, bless him, he’s a terrible shinobi

demon makeup cool. not cool? the FUCKING RACIST image in the back during the explanation. I SAW that feathered headdress, togashi!!

kurama isn’t BOTHERING to attack because he’s observing

and hiei tells us why kurama is going to be fucked

jin is so done with this subterfuge bullshit

the audience is eating this up and touya speaks at last, my love, my darling, my short spiky blue beautiful man

I would kill to be able to put on makeup that perfectly, that easily

I know how kurama finishes this fight, but my friend can’t remember. I love it, this is so good.

“with his hair??” she asks, shocked

“only an amateur depends on arms and legs for victory”--kurama, with a whip coming out of his hair

“How is he controlling that?”

“With his spirit energy?”

isn’t there more behind why this guy is trying os hard? they’re not being blackmailed are they

oh.

there’s more, the patterns--

fuuuuck

and of COURSE his reiki is sealed, and as long as he’s standing--goddamn

wait

touya fights an immobilized kurama?

I don’t remember that!!!! son of a BITCH

“how will yusuke’s shattered team survive” asks the narrator. “This is bad” says yusuke

this is not good

I hate that kurama seemed to observe that gama’s paint was made of blood but didn’t like. pay attention to it?

friend just punned: “Touya is a cool dude���

I’m screaming she hates puns

one of the black black club just asked sakya why he is sharing “Ass space” with demons. fucking. what.

why does the committee want yusuke so dead, when they invted him? I guess that’s the whole REASON they invited him, ugh.

genkai tries to be optimistic for the first time in this series, and kiei shuts her down immediately

ohhhh the shinobi just need attention so they keep getting jobs

koto freezes to death, it’s very sad

touya somehow thinks a theif can’t keep running.. and seems to be right

“running like a baby is perfectly brave if the odds are uneven enough”--Koenma’s words of wisdom

such an inspiring leader the spirit world has

doesn’t he smudge the seal withhis own blood HEY he does

I am remembering these things seconds before it comes into play

touya’s attacks are honestly amazing

koto is a bit twisted

kurama plants something in himself, and then that’s what holds him immobile for the next guy right?? the big one yusuke kills

why doesn’t touya know who he is??? I thought, if they called him a traitor, we could ASSUME they knoew who kurama was??

why was touya blishin’?

the ICE SWORD man oh man one of my old old old old mary sues had that attack

oh yeah there it is, the arm wound, he plants it in that

“son of a frickin bitch”--yusuke urameshi

Koenma: Why do I get the feeling our most intelligent fighter is about to do something incredibly stupid?

Kurama: Let me do what I must... *does something stupid*

touya decides they’re friends now, so he wants to kill kurama painlessly

is

is touya fucking DEAD

oh good he’s alive

but also it’s not good

oh but okay kurama won

three more then

I know kurama vs. bakken is terrible

kurama also thinks they’re friends

faint heartbeat

amazing

ah, bakken

I hate him

“a fighter standing in the ring cannot be removed agains this will. as will cannot be determined...”

hatred

hiei is ready to go to war for his man

how is that motherfucker even a shinobi

yikes that last shot of the ep is absolutely awful

yusuke promises the audience that of he goes, it will be with a bang. I remember more of a whimper when sensui kills him.

who is that last guy on team masho? I remember bakken, and it’s clearly jin, but the third one, I can’t remember

BAKKEN JUST BITCH SLAPPED KOTO

yusuke is my BOY

I love him

this “kill the traitor” count is just. horrible

kuwabara is STILL out for the count

kick his ass baby boy

yusuke is my hero

why is uh. bakken sweating so much

mist made from his own uh. sweat. that’s pretty nasty

yusuke: I hate saunas.

I don’t remember this fight taking even this long???

yusuke has such great eyelashes

boy is already so like. pumped to fight jin. 

yusuke just used eighth grade science”you can get on your hands an knees and start begging.and maybe, just maybe, I’ll listen.”--yusuke urameshi

KILL HIM YUSUKE 

he’s ready to commmit murder and it’s amazing

jin didn’t even flinch

“That’s a pretty good fight”

kurama’s gorgeous and also awake

he’s making plant jokes and I hate it

I STILL DONT REMEMBER THIS RISHO BITCH

look how great these kids are. 

I DID remember about ruka’s barrier thing healing hiei

no way jin can’t fight first if he does how does yusuke fight him SECOND????

“If I win my whole team’s screwed and if I lose I have to fight again.”

jin is amazing. seriously. also, can these boys get married please?

you know I’m a multi shipper right 

well that was a fun match, sad it’s over

jin is just

such a happy guy I love it

they call them brothers but really the chu thing is much closer to that

“ass space” bbc guy now claims to pull the tournament committee by his the “ass hairs”

so quick!!

kuwabara seems insistent on the fact that he is “spiritually aware” in situations where he lacks that talent to actually observe

yusuke lands exactly one punch and jin floats up to let the impact wear off

“Hey, I needed that!” says yusuke when his spirit gun is deflected by jins wind 

jin thinks he’s very funny

he’s right

why is boan lashing out at kuwabara, when she’s supposed to be TREATING HIM

somehow Jin with his irish accent--or rather, Jerry fucking jewell  with his irish accent--isn’t triggering at all lmao. maybe because this is how I prefer him

yusuke’s hero eyes, at it again

how many reigun shots does yusuke have left?

jin’s so good at fights I love him so much

“something always comes ot me at the end” say yusuke about his battle stretegy

hiei

genkai, sarcastic: you truly havbe a way with women, hiei

JIN IS HUMMING LOVE HIM

yusuke plans to try the spirit wave, somehow forgetting his shotgun move???

shizuru once again knows exactly what’s up

bless the kuwabara family sixth sense

it’s so weird how genkai is speaking in third person

have I mentioned how much I love Jin’s eyes? 

yusuke call shimself a freak because he enjoys fighting

okay we’re back to who the fuck risho is???

if jin’s the official captain---

oh my god I just screamed when risho revealed himself and dropped my laptop holy shit

like a gut punching, throat-tearing godawful scream. 

“IT’S YOU!!!”

oh my god I don’t reember anyting about him other than earth and rocks and how much I HATE HIM

does he fight kuwabara? yukina just showed up trying to get in to see the tournament, does she heal kuwabara for this fight?

touya comes up. does risho attack him? that would explain why I hate him

yusuke defends koto, who he doesn’t like

hiei

i love

these two children are so angry

lkjlkjdasdflkjsadfkhjsdfasdf;lkjsadf

shizuru finds yukina and recognizes her from watchign that video, bless her

girls helpin’ girls

kuwabara was never technically ruled ineligible to fight, and I hate life

ginger son, don’t do it

he is so goddamn fucking helplessly sacrificial

yukina, go inside and heal your goddamn boyfriend

yukina is looking for her brother, oh SHOCK

shizuru intimadates an entire crowd of demons

her legs oh my god

just wait kuwbara, your girl with healing powers will be there soon

kuwabara is doing his best

keiko gets hit on by a bouncer and murders him

shizuru once again takes out a demon

can kuwabara shizuru marry kino makoto please???

risho is a dick

koto is clearly a sado-masochist

hiei GET OUT OF THERE

ruka is just like. a fetish indulgence of the artists. I know she’s hot but how long are they going to draw this out? 

koto: I’m goign to take the ocunt now, so everybody make sure to tell me how I’m doing it wrong, okay?

savage

START the DOUNT KOTO, he’s OUT of the ring

shizuru WRECK THEM

oh yukina has ptsd flashbacks when she runs into toguro

sakyo lets shizuru escape bless her

kuwabara prepares to sacrifice his ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE and becomes telpathic?? bless

kuwabara can’t imagine what to say to yusuke, who means so much to him, goddamnit

yukina is in the stadium, babies

YOU’VE GOT TO BELIIIIIIIIIIIIEVE IN THE POWER OF LOOOOVE

IT GIVE MEANING TO EACH MOMENT

IT’S WHAT OUR HEARTS ARE ALL MADE OF (just look inside)

oh my god

amazing

“That’s my girlfriend!”--Kuwabara Kazuma, aged fourteen

yusuke is astounded by his boy

koto isn’t counting either of them

SPIRIT SWORD

GET IN THE RING 

damn kuwabara

I can’t beleive he did it that’ s an highly unlikely triumph

hiei

“She’s... really here.”

Kuwabara bonds with yukina while keikpo and keiko FINALLY talk

KILL HIM BABY GIRL

pls get married

t;dr I would marry shizuru in a heartbeat if I didn’t know she was meant for sailor jupiter

shoutout to @batmares!!! thank you ever so much for joining me today for the Urameshi vs. Ninja arc of the dark tournament saga!

[asparklingdiamond]

YOU DONT PLAY AGAINST EMILY BETT? Thank god, she's a disgusting human being.

i gotta be honest, the biggest reason why i have her on my banned list is because of Ar/row and Ol*city. I don’t follow her personal life. I don’t watch any of the DCTV shows (i did watch s1 of Supergirl and am planning on watchign The Flash at some point), but that thing that happened on the crossover recently???? With those characters interrupting a wedding? First of all, who raised you??? Who interrupts the wedding of someone you supposedly consider a friend, to butt in about getting married too? Like that rubs me the wrong way so fucking much yet viewers are supposed to find it cute and endearing??? Again, I don’t watch any of these shows but fuck that and fuck Ol*city and Ar//row. That ship just irks the fuck out of me and I’m so thankful that the majority of my mutuals don’t post them lmaooo. Anyway-- that show/ship/characters were the biggest reason why I don’t care for EBR, but I got curious and just went in the anti EBR tag rn and i’m just??? yikes!!! 

[calliecat93]

TMNT: Final Retrospective

I was going to wait until the finale aired to post this. However at this point, my interest in the show is pretty much gone and I don’t plan on watching it. I still love it, but I realized during Season 4 that the quality was going down. Who to blame? Ciro? Brandon? Nickelodoen? Viacom? Playmates? All of them? IDK, and at this point it doesn’t matter. Plus I’ve been obsessed with the show since 2012, to the point that it began to affect my actual life and cause problems, hence why I had to start letting it go. So, for now, I don’t plan on watching the finale. But I still love this show and have fond memories of it. So I want to make one more post about it and finally say goodbye to both it and the fandom (I’ll still reblog stuff, but I’m not going to do anymore analysis).

In 2012, things were... not great in RL. I mean they’re bad now, but it was harder to deal with back then because I didn’t have anything to use as an outlet. Fortunately I had discovered Tumblr (and it was a LOT tamer back then), made friends, and found a way to enjoy my shows without having to go to forums/Fanfiction,com all the time. When at my grandparents, the show premiered. I wasn't interested, but my grandfather was currently at a nursing home due to surgery and I was tired and needed something to do. SO I put it on there with no idea what to expect. I had watched the 2k3 Turtles and liked it, but never became a fan and even then I was weary about reboots. 

But the premiere blew my expectations. Great animation, well-rounded characters, perfect casting, a fun and well-paced story, very well done fight scenes, and it all just blended together into one of the best shows I saw on Nick. I mean it’s only competition in terms of good shows was The Legend of Korra, so... but yeah, it pulled me in instantly. At that time the only other thing I was watchign was a PBS ids show called Wild Kratts (that I highly recommend) so I needed another show, so it filled the void. Heck it made me like CGI animation when at the time I was bitter over it due to it killing off 2D.

I hadn’t planned on getting seriously involve din the fandom, just reblog things. Mainly because I saw what doing that did in various anime forums. But the longer I was on here, so many of the complaints began to get on my nerves. I understand why those complaints existed, like lack of female characters, but it angered me that so many were personally attacking the people behind the show. Plus the mroe I watched the show, while I saw the flaws, I felt that people needed to look at them from another end. April was complained about for being a useless damsel in distress without looking at how she was actively involved in helping and there’s a VERY good reason why she was more downkey int he beginning (she wasn’t a ninja at the time for one). It was enough to make me go ‘well if these people can express their opinions and say whatever they want and not are if anyone agrees, why can’t I?’ Plus college made me analyzing things more or less mandatory, so I really began to look deeply into this show more that I had any other. And that led to me analyzing and reviewing the show for the net 3-4 years.

Beneath it all,t he show made me happy. I was able to relate to all the characters. Leo having to become responsible and tired of receiving no gratitude for it, Mikey wanting to make friends despite what hes perceived as without losing his lightheartedness, Donnie’s awkwardness an frustrations about being behind everyone else, Raph’s temper and ability to get easily frustrated, April wanting to be helpful and do more but lacking the ability to do so. I was going through those issues at the time, and in a way I still am now and seeing these characters have those issues and working through them made me feel better. This version of these characters are why I stuck with the show, even if i admit several episodes (Pizza Face for example) were really stupid. I wanted to see what they’d do an where they’d end up. It’s why The Invasion  impacted me so much, it made me fear for them for the first time and I wanted to see if they’d be okay. It’s why I analyzed and began liveblogging, because I wanted to talk about their journeys as characters and explain why they ended up where they are. April especially became so important to be because the hate against her was by far the most unfair and due to it, I got to know her and care about her more and ore. She is still my favorite character and I will still defend her if I have to, because I want people to see why she’s not a horrible cheating, useless idiot. She’s the complete opposite.

But... all good thigns come to an end. As I said my obsession with the show and Season 4′s decline (I blame marketing cause if not for the Space Arc, they could have done FAR more, but gotta sell the toys!) are big factors on why I veered away from the show. But another reason is... well, I was starting to not enjoy it and not just because of the previous reasons. I began to take the show too seriously.I had to argue about everything. I wanted to prove haters wrong, even when now that I look back, there are flaws and good points about them. I realized that I was really no better than the haters, I was blindly in love with the show that I couldn't accept nay criticism about ti. And that was wrong. I was also burnt out from all of it and with RWBY and Miraculous now around, I was ready to move on to something else. TMNT only had the Aeon crystal and the eventual final duel with Shredder left for me, and when those happened I was over it.

Looking back now, I just facepalm at myself. I let the show overrule my life and I should have had more self control. I should have admitted that the show had glaring problems in it. I guess I was worried that if I did, I wouldn't be a real fan, and that’s bullshit. So now we’re at the end, and I really don’t feel anything. I had already moved on by then. I only felt angry that Nick was treating it so horribly, but as for the show ending? I was like “Huh... okay then.”. But I still love this show. I still have so many good memories of it. It helped me through a lot and even with the flaws, it had plenty of good as well. t helped me realize that I like reviewing, hence why I’m trying to become better at it with the Miraculous reviews. And as much as I complained about how volatile fans could be,  can’t say that I hate the fandom. There are a lot of talented people and deep down I know that most people are just as passionate as I was for it, even if not for the same reasons. We all wanted to see the show to succeed, and due tot hat I respect those people. It really was a fun ride all in all, and I wouldn’t change anything about it... except for the personal attacks on the showrunners. I’d get rid of that, but that’s about it.

Thank you TMNT 2012, for everything. For being there for me through these past five years. For making be a better person. For being what would make me smile when I wanted the world to end. You will always hold a special place in my heart. Thank you, and goodbye. Booyakasha everybody!

[bbgleeproject]

[2/6/17, 10:41:50 PM] Roxy: andie and i have a showmance already [2/6/17, 10:42:01 PM] Roxy: we had    lots of  banter lol

[2/6/17, 10:51:17 PM] Roxy: lollolo [2/6/17, 10:58:27 PM] Roxy: I’ve been added to a felinenist alliance and now a menemist group lol

[2/7/17, 1:40:42 AM] Roxy: oh god I’m so fucked for this game everyone knows each other like buddys for life [2/7/17, 1:40:49 AM] Roxy: they just had like a 4 hour call and its still going lol

[2/7/17, 10:31:33 AM] Ruthie: (*) WILL YOU BE TRYING TO SHOWMANCE ANYONE THIS SEASON? (*) [2/7/17, 3:35:43 PM] Roxy: Yes. U.

[2/7/17, 11:03:34 PM] Ruthie: (*) NICHOLAS WON HOH.  HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT THAT? (*) [2/7/17, 11:04:48 PM] Roxy: they do that exact  star thingy in  dreamworld smh [2/7/17, 11:05:33 PM] Roxy: use like [2/7/17, 11:05:35 PM] Roxy: (dance) [2/7/17, 11:05:48 PM] Roxy: (dance)  NICHOLAS WON HOH.  HOW ARE YOU FEELING ABOUT THAT?  (dance) [2/7/17, 11:06:02 PM] Roxy: good lol we good

[2/9/17, 10:49:08 PM] Ruthie: (*) HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT NICHOLAS WINNING POV? (*)

(*) HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE PEOPLE IN YOUR CLIQUE? (*) [2/10/17, 12:32:42 AM] Roxy: Nicholas is bae and p I my cliwueare there

[2/11/17, 6:25:30 AM] Roxy: everyone isa  prisoner [2/11/17, 6:25:37 AM] Roxy: americans  and canadians and  aussies [2/11/17, 6:25:41 AM] wolfchief1998: you are the only prisoner. [2/11/17, 6:25:49 AM] wolfchief1998: with terrible grammar. [2/11/17, 6:25:52 AM] Roxy: I’m a prisoner caasue I’m into bdsm smh [2/11/17, 6:26:00 AM] Roxy: my grammar is fine I’m just too lazy to type welll

[2/11/17, 8:15:28 AM] Roxy: And I usually theow hohs lol [2/11/17, 8:15:46 AM] Roxy: In embb3 I thre almost all of the hohs [2/11/17, 8:19:55 AM] Roxy: Lelmoo where t f ddo u even live tbh

[2/12/17, 2:08:54 AM] Roxy: LOL [2/12/17, 2:09:02 AM] Roxy: im in a weird mood [2/12/17, 2:09:03 AM] Roxy: like [2/12/17, 2:09:05 AM] Roxy: im hyperactive [2/12/17, 2:09:10 AM] Roxy: and my sexual banter [2/12/17, 2:09:11 AM] Roxy: is like [2/12/17, 2:09:13 AM] Roxy: unstoppablee!!

[2/12/17, 2:10:15 AM] Ruthie: I can tell! :P [2/12/17, 2:12:58 AM] Roxy: ;)  you wanna do more than tell? ou wanna feel? [2/12/17, 2:12:58 AM] Roxy: jks [2/12/17, 2:12:59 AM] Roxy: bye

[2/12/17, 3:06:53 PM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: (lips) YOU NOW HAVE MONO.  NAME WHICH HOUSEGUEST YOU WOULD LIKE TO INFECT WITH MONO. (lips)

Chrissa Elijah [2/12/17, 3:07:13 PM] moioonelmo: roxy choose wisely!! [2/12/17, 3:07:34 PM] Ruthie: GOOD LUCK <3 [2/12/17, 3:07:36 PM] moioonelmo: and ill stand by your decision! [2/12/17, 4:48:25 PM] Roxy: Lol [2/12/17, 4:48:43 PM] Roxy: Julia wants me to kiss ellijah so that  nic cpuld be nommed [2/12/17, 4:50:40 PM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: Is that your answer???? [2/12/17, 4:50:54 PM] Roxy: No lol [2/12/17, 4:51:02 PM] Roxy: Its my musings [2/12/17, 4:51:21 PM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: Let us know your final decision!!!! [2/12/17, 4:54:53 PM] Ruthie: :* [2/12/17, 4:55:57 PM] Roxy: I probably wont say till abput 11 am my time during my break [2/12/17, 4:57:37 PM] Ruthie: Let us know soon! :) [2/12/17, 5:03:34 PM] Roxy: 11 is in 2hrs lol [2/12/17, 5:05:03 PM] Ruthie: :o :o :o [2/12/17, 5:05:10 PM] moioonelmo: #pressure [2/12/17, 5:05:26 PM] Ruthie: Decisions decisions [2/12/17, 5:05:40 PM] Roxy: Lol [2/12/17, 5:06:17 PM] Roxy: If I bite elijah I hurt an ally slightly and I become a sheep of the Julia rae cult [2/12/17, 5:06:36 PM] Roxy: But if I dont bite elijah I hurt the cult and they might go aftdr me for it

[2/12/17, 5:58:27 PM] Roxy: C.p this: [2/12/17, 5:59:54 PM] Roxy: As a fujoshi (google it) I cannot kiss elijah! Id prefferto watch him kiss another guy! So I kiss chrissa cause tgeir lip looks so sensual and invoting my pussy was like bitch if u dont kids this hoe im slappi, u

[2/13/17, 12:09:41 AM] Ruthie: (lips) HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ELIJAH WINNING HEAD OF HOUSEHOLD? (lips) [2/13/17, 12:26:37 AM] Roxy: Hungry

[2/14/17, 6:59:10 AM] Roxy: ugh coudlnt find anything [2/14/17, 6:59:55 AM] Roxy: elmo T_T [2/14/17, 7:01:20 AM] Roxy: elmo lol i joined an org about a tv show i never seen an episode of lol

[2/16/17, 8:54:05 PM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: (*) How do you feel about Chrissa leaving? Do you think there will be a buyback? How important is HOH? (*) [2/17/17, 12:52:26 AM] Roxy: buyback  maybe   idc much she didn’t care for me   so meh

[2/17/17, 2:12:53 AM] Roxy: i want a new one each week! [2/17/17, 2:13:02 AM] Roxy: but idk that many ppl lol [2/17/17, 8:12:51 AM] Roxy: i wanna add chris  as a guest lol [2/17/17, 8:12:57 AM] Roxy: and maybe to the guest list for main [2/17/17, 8:13:12 AM] Roxy: he isn’t very iconic but he is the leader of the survivor community we play in

[2/17/17, 9:48:22 AM] Roxy: lol [2/17/17, 9:48:39 AM] Roxy: chris i joined an org about a show i never watched and the  things are about the show and i got no clue lol [2/17/17, 9:48:47 AM] Roxy: which reminds me that imma have to abstain from hoh [2/17/17, 9:49:05 AM] Roxy: it like a challenge where you gotta  put a  video in sequence like snces from an episode of glee lol

[2/17/17, 9:49:40 AM] Roxy: lul [2/17/17, 9:49:53 AM] Roxy: i don’t even like glee lol  I’m just here for ruthie

[2/17/17, 9:00:18 PM] Ruthie: Hey, Julia, are you going to try for HOH or are you really abstaining? (lips) [2/17/17, 9:00:47 PM] Roxy: um  if this  thingy requiring me of editing the actual video? [2/17/17, 9:01:01 PM] Roxy: or can i random.org scenes? lol

[2/17/17, 11:22:13 PM] Ruthie: (lips) THERE WASN’T AN ADVANTAGE IN THE HOH RESULTS POST THIS WEEK!  DO YOU THINK ONE WILL SHOW UP OR….? (lips) [2/17/17, 11:26:55 PM] Roxy: if it does ill be unable to find it due to my lack of knowledge of   glee [2/17/17, 11:27:03 PM] Roxy: also low key if there isnt a singing comp ill cry [2/17/17, 11:27:11 PM] Roxy: and if you do it after i get evicted ill cry harder

[2/18/17, 12:41:09 PM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: (*) WITH SO MUCH GOING ON IN THE HOUSE WHO DO YOU KNOW YOU CAN TRUST?? WHO IS DEFINITELY NOT TRUST WORTHY??? (*) [2/18/17, 4:00:06 PM] Roxy: Ur FACE

[2/21/17, 4:13:37 PM] Roxy: Lol [2/21/17, 4:13:48 PM] Roxy: I dont like glee cause its too fake for me

[2/21/17, 9:55:31 PM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: (party) I’m here if  you’re ready to get punished! (party) [2/21/17, 9:55:41 PM] Ruthie: PUNISH HER ASHLEY SARAH ;) [2/21/17, 9:55:45 PM] Roxy: omg  i accepted al lthe punishments in   dreamworld lmfao [2/21/17, 9:55:47 PM] Ruthie: (party) [2/21/17, 9:55:49 PM] Roxy: lmfaooo im ready

[2/22/17, 10:54:46 AM] AshleySarah ~Glee Host~: (party) WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON SUES TAKEOVER??? (party) [2/22/17, 4:08:58 PM] Roxy: Who? [2/22/17, 4:14:00 PM] Roxy: Oh lmfao

[2/25/17, 8:00:48 PM] Roxy: kurt is my fav so far cause like he is so fationable [2/25/17, 8:00:59 PM] Roxy: fuck you guys i think I’m going to watch glee episode 1 now   after this collage [2/25/17, 8:01:00 PM] Roxy: ugh [2/25/17, 8:01:05 PM] Roxy: tbh i rememebr watchign episode 1 before [2/25/17, 8:01:08 PM] Roxy: casue i was curious [2/25/17, 8:01:10 PM] Roxy: never finished it

[2/26/17, 7:17:09 PM] Roxy: ;P [2/26/17, 7:17:14 PM] Roxy: side note i had a glee daydream today

[3/1/17, 11:12:19 PM] Roxy: loool [3/1/17, 11:12:22 PM] Roxy: try to save yourself:: [3/1/17, 11:12:27 PM] Roxy: this is how i tried to save myself [3/1/17, 11:12:36 PM] Roxy: [2/03/2017 2:15:02 pm] Roxyearl (EMVivor Host): 2017-02-25, 1:00:39 AM] zach: if you use the veto [2017-02-25, 1:00:40 AM] zach: sydneys going up [2017-02-25, 1:00:41 AM] zach: ive decided . [2017-02-25, 1:01:00 AM] julia rae: why wont u put up roxy [2/03/2017 2:15:04 pm] Roxyearl (EMVivor Host): tea? [2/03/2017 2:55:59 pm] julia rae: i don't know why it's just me when literally it was other people's idea [3/1/17, 11:13:13 PM] Roxy: [2/03/2017 1:50:02 pm] nicholas: yeah but you shouldn’t assume you were safe [2/03/2017 1:50:06 pm] nicholas: week 1 i had to come to you [2/03/2017 1:50:13 pm] nicholas: when i was hoh [2/03/2017 1:50:38 pm] Roxyearl (EMVivor Host): sorry i just assumed you wouldn’t be foolish enough to nom me cause its such a useless move [2/03/2017 1:50:49 pm] Roxyearl (EMVivor Host): and i never  had it going for you  so  you’ve had no reason to either [2/03/2017 1:51:10 pm] Roxyearl (EMVivor Host): and  the one person you thought i was working with bussed me so idk why you’d wnana believe what he said PLUS he nonmed me [2/03/2017 1:51:42 pm] Roxyearl (EMVivor Host): pluses its pretty  obvious how bad my social game is in glee bb [2/03/2017 1:52:00 pm] Roxyearl (EMVivor Host): so  i assumed u wouldn’t be  foolish enough to waste your hoh like that [3/1/17, 11:13:24 PM] Roxy: XD this is my tryna save myself [3/1/17, 11:13:25 PM] Roxy: kekek

[3/1/17, 11:26:50 PM] Roxy: rather [3/1/17, 11:26:53 PM] Roxy: there were 4 noms [3/1/17, 11:26:54 PM] Roxy: *Are [3/1/17, 11:27:08 PM] Roxy: and 1 is a target of a majority  pre made in this game [3/1/17, 11:27:22 PM] Roxy: so ill be safe if  he doesn’t win pov

[3/3/17, 6:13:22 PM] Roxy: Yes lolits a buyback now [3/3/17, 6:13:29 PM] Roxy: It was 3-3 [3/3/17, 6:13:34 PM] nightoned: ouch [3/3/17, 6:13:41 PM] Roxy: And that hoe nicholas voted me out the hoh

[s4k07]

01-15-2019 - 23:27

I hate myself so much right now. I wish i wasn’t existing right now. i hate the fact that i can’t learn anything and i cant even focus on anything, and i need to ttake fucking meds in order to focus, but nooo that gives me overwhelming anxiety to the point of where i can’t go outside. i fucking hate myself. i have no motivation and drive and i am so indecisive. im lonely and sad and want a boyfriend, but then I want to love only bts and i know that’s obsessive but i dont know how to stop it because im so happy with them right now. i just want to be completly alone with it raining outside and tons of blankets and all of bts in an apartment with me. alone. just to hang out. and be with them. i know that’ll never happen. shut up. i love them so much. sometimes i question my love for them because i know other people will judge me for it. i dont know what to say. i feel like everyone’s awlays watchign me. i feel like i always have to justify everything i do. i hate it. i just want everything to leave me alone except bts. I wish everyone would leave them alone. i hate the fact that i eat so much. i just want to be 115/24″ waist. why am i constantly eating. and then i don’t have the drive to starve myself anymore. i need to just stop being a fucking bitch and fucking understand that if i dont do something right for once im going to continue to be a fucking failure. I hate everything about myself. i want to just curl up in a ball and cry. i dont want to do my homework. i dont want to move. i just want to sit and listen to bts and cry. i hate everything. i hate myself.

[mylockholmes]

Reclaimed Crown  ~ Part 4

Authors note: the text post are @deepsexts

Part One  Part Two  Part Three

she sat staring at him “this is so awkward. we are both intelligent people and you can’t even figure out how to be comfortable with the sex talk.”

“Before i get to that i wanted to thank you for being patient with me.  this....has all taken a lot of adjustemtn for everyone involved. and of course last week we dealt with Eurus.” he sighed when he mentioned his sister. “Yopu seem to be the least troubled one in our family.”

“You are not going to convince me to work for the government i want to to do somethign where i can work with Molly and Charlie. I don;t want to be professional dancer it is just a hobby.” 

he looked at her and sighed “I wish i had been so sure of myself when i was your age most of where i am today i fell into by chance due to protecting sherlock from his addictions. Part of the reason i am glad you didn;t come to london until last year because Surelock may have done thigns that would have indirectly harmed you.”  he caressed her cheek. 

He stammered his way through an explantion of human reporduction “Sex isn’t to be taken lightly. One can hope if you ended up in the same situtation you were created from. that young Mister Msdaniel would take responsibility.”

“You’re the anonymous benefactor that paid for me to study in Copenhagen for three months.” he smiled at her “Daddy, i am not an idiot and Charlie isnlt either. we are waiting until it feels right.”

“How about we go somewhere for dinner. my flat is sadly in need of food and i need a change.”  

“as long as you eat a slice of cake i know it is one of your guilty pleasures.” she said as they went to his “By the way for fouture reference i was hte only one who was fully paying attention during human reproduction the only part of the biolgy classes my mind wandered durign was disection.”

“You found the false panel in the back of the cabinet?”

“six weeks ago. you are an adult you shouldnlt pretend you don;t like cake. by the way why did you take charlie to the Diogenes Club.”

“it is where i go to relax i figured he needed a quiet place that wasn’t surrounded by death.” he was also debating admitting younger members to the club and changing things up a little because having his daughter around made him realize he didn;t have to pretend like he didn’t matter.”I spent so much of my life creating a comfort zone. and I didnlt even let anyone in the family into that often.”

“Ifigured that otu the first timei  saw your flat it is a lirrle more closed in than 221B.” she said 

the next day at Charlie’s flat “I think in his way Dad has accepted you into his inner circle.” she started giggling when he kissed her neck

“he really had the sex talk with you i am trying to Imagine Mycroft Holmes.” he said “is this because i am five years older than you and he thinks that since i m guy i bug you for sex.” 

“he;s just trying to be normal dad which is hard considering he controls assassins and is datign hte prime minister.” she laughs as he kisses her neck “at least let me put my phone in the table drawer before you start cuddling it took me an hour to find it last time.”

He nuzzled his face into her neck “I passed my architecture finals.” they both knew Mycroft was the reason reporters weren’t hanging out outside the building he lived in. “My anatomy finals are next week and i think my professor thinks of me as a fluke.”

“Charles Mcdaniel, listen to me. you are beign taught anatomy by one of the most brilliant women in England. You will be able to pass anatomy finals.  After your semester is ove r we can go to Italy for a few weeks.”  

“Why not next week.”

“Because i convinced dad to clear his schedule for a few days so we can go to paris. we havenlt gone on trip at all since i came to London.” she looked at him and giggled as he kissed her nose “Maybe when we go on our trip i will be ready for that next step.” 

“are you sure?”

she nodded.

a week later in paris

“So the real reson you have absolutely no peoper way to act when sherlock shows you pictures of Rosie is it reminds you of all the moments you missed with me?” Lucy said as they stood on the balsony watchign the night life of paris go on below them

“Yes. In part. and it also makes me wish i had lived my life a little more. I love your uncle. But sometimes feelign obligated to watch over him feels like a burden.”

“I figured htere was reason that John is almost the exact same age you are. you needed someone you knew you could trust to balance out sherlock and become his friend withut making him worse.”

“i suppose so. By the way you speak french better than i did when i was your age.”

Meanwhile i nthe St Bart’s Morgue ”Charlie i know you can get this right. we need a break.”  lets play some music 

“You’re right We’ve been goign ovet the information for my exam for 8 hours.”  the turth was he missed Lucy and he knew he could call her but he didnlt want to interrupt her bonding time “i am kind of hungry i forget to eat when LUcy;s not around.”  he takes off his rupbber gloves and washes his hands

“I think sherlock is goign to ask me to Marry him but hels waitign Until Lucy and Mycroft get back. I am sure Lucy is goign to take you the Anniversary party for her Grandparents’ wedding anniversary.”

“Mrs. Holmes invited me. It is hard to believe such sweet people raised Mycoft.” he said

“well if you want to be tchnical Sherlock and Mycroft were what americans call latchkey kids.” Mycroft said as she entered. “I was bringing Rose to the pedtrican for a check up and decided to see if you two needed somethign to eat.”

they both laugh “I fact we were about to take a break. this young man is having hard time focusing on his studied with Lucy in Paris with Mycroft.” Molly said “here is my little god-daughter?”

“She;s being fawned over by the nurses upstairs. they still have hard time beliieving that sherlock Holmes delivered a bab y in the back seat of a car. let alone that I asked him to the be the baby’s godfather.”

Molly “have i ever told you about hte day of Rosie’s christening?” she paused “t a was few months before Lucy came to London and Sherlock was tryign to keep his mind occupoed and he wouldnlt stop texting for like two weeks. I hade to keep tellign him to put his phone away! he finally quit when i elbowed him.”

Charlie laughed ‘Good grief that must have been a sight.” he paused “xan we go somewhere where can get soemthign a bit stronger than tea.  and i am not talking about coffee.”  he respected Lucy;s rule about not drinkign aroudn her but he needed something like scotch or something “Before they left to go on their trip Mycroft invited me to be the first of new genration and new chapter in the History of hte Diogenes Club.”

“I think it means hels taking Lucy;s advise on broadening his social circle the way she described that place to me it is depressing it is all bunch of men who could be sittign around having intelligent conversation but they all just sit around reading and being antisocial in a room together.”

“we could go to my house. because I am not taking Rosie to a pub.” Mary said.

In Paris......Mycroft looked at Lucy :Ican see that looks in your eyes. it is okay with me if you make a Quick Phone call to Charles. He probably misses you. you;ve been apart for three days.”

Lucy goes into the next room and texts charlie

Shrlie reads the text and grins “I’ll be right back.” he steps outside and calls Lucy :”I miss you baby.  how is hte trip going?”

Lucy smiled “I love you, Charlie. I miss you.” she paused “the trip is goign fine Dad saw i was missing you and said it would be alright if i called you.”

he laughed “I was avoiding callign you because I didnlt want to itnerrupt your time with your father.” he texts him a picture of Paris “Maybe someday we can go to Paris together.”

“I havenlt even discussed hte fact that his girlfriend toffered me a Job as an intern in her pr department. i will pay well it and it involves photography.” before the battery in ehr phone die she sends him one ore text 

“Thanks for understanding Dad. I wanted to devote my time to you but seeing the couples along hte river posing for chracatures amd kissing made me think fof Charlie.”

In London......

“Ack, Molly is it insane that i want to marry Lucy.  i even know what i want to say to her.” he pauses “Frget a hicky i want to mark you with my name.”

they squeeled a little “that’s so precious. “ 

“Lucy is very special person. i am not just saying because her mother  is a semi retired CIA agent.  she’s a clever per.” Molly said 

Mary comes into the livign room with Rosie “Rosie is being too stubborn to sleep so i brought her in.”

Charlie “It surprises me that you chose Sherlock as a God father.”

“He is John’s best friend. and Molly and greg balance out Sherlock though.”

Molly “I think it is partly to get Sherlock to spend more time with me.”

“Maybe.” she loved being Mary Watson more than she liked her life as an assassin.”

In Paris

they sit on the couch in their suite. “tell me what Quentin was like as a father. I know you adored the man before you realized i was your father.” lucy rested her head on his chest. 

“i remember whenever i was sick and couldnlt leave collinwood he would have the servants take me to the grand dining room andlet me rest, on the chaise, he would play classical music on his piano until i fell asleep.  on my 13th Birthday he took me to Florida. not to the well known theme parks but to out of way museums.”  

“Did he ever compose and original tune for you? Sherlock mentioned you asked him to compose somethign for your 21sr Birthday.” 

“He never really brought it up but i think he wanted for my 18th Birthday. because found blank sheet music before i met you that said for Lucy, on it.”

“He did have a point. He knew i would never talk to you.  i regret not having the nerve to talk to you sooner. Anastasia was name i suggested..” Mycroft said

“How are things Going between you and Lady Smallwood?”  she said grinning, she knew he would never bring it up “I figured it had to have been suggested from Someone because Olivia was her Grandmother’s name.”

“i am not sure what to say about MY relationship with Lady Smallwood. it is all new to me i;ve never been in a relationship before. I’ve spent most of my life since age age 13 taking care of Sherlock. I need to do somethign for myself and let Sherlock be Sherlock.”

Lucy stands up “I’m going to order Cake from room service you need to Indulge. we are on Vacation.” she said as she called room service and ordered two slices of cake and two glasses of milk. “Merci.”

An hour later “I need to remember to indulge once in while it will always be enriching. You should take hte Job with lady Smallwood. It would be good on future resumes.  It will be a good way for you to stay in London while Charles is studying Medicine.” 

“You knew about that?” 

“she asked me if i thought it would be a good idea. Not many americans get chance to work for the British Government.” he smiled, for the first time in his life he had somethign to be proud of. “You are remarkable young woman. i only wish i had taken part in raising you sooner.”

“You are doing just fine dad. stop dragging yourself down.” she looked at him “You are an amazing personand you are doing your best. I am honestly amazed that all of Sherlock’s friends accepted me.” she said as she started to yawn.  she goes itn othe bathroom to brush her teeth and get ready for bed while Mycroft  places the tray out i nthe hall for housekeeping to pick up.

a few days later when they return to London Charlie is waiting there

“I;ve done some stupid shit. But asking you out was one of the best decisions in my life.” he said as he kissed her “Your dad’s car is waiting outside.”  he smiled “I’m here. I intend to stay.”

Mycroft decided to give them space as they walked out to the car, he honestly liked their energy he spent so much time around serious people

“I missed you so much, Lulu Bell.” he said as they got to the car and he helped the driver put the luggage in the trunk

“I missed you too, Charlie.”  she smiled “How did you do on your final.”

“I don’t know it will take the professor a week to grade everything/ but i was able to study better after i talked to you.” 

Mycroft rolled up the window after he got in..

To Be continued......