I can't stop thinking about Colin on his travels. Colin, alone, on a journey to 17 different cities, across several countries. Colin on his own.
Colin who writes letter after letter, to his family, to his friends, and barely gets a response back. How long before he understands that they didn't get lost in the mail? How long until he realizes that, just like when he was a boy, no one has the time for him? The space for him? How many letters unanswered before he lets it finally take root and fester in his mind?
He could have died on that tour.
Would they even notice? Would they see when the letters slow until they cease? Would they wonder why? His mum, surely (maybe, possibly, but she has enough on her hands, besides, and he's never been a concern, in need of her assistance, before), but anyone else? Anthony on his honeymoon, Eloise a stormcloud personified, Benedict taking on the familial responsibilities, Fran preparing for the marriage mart and in Bath, regardless. Daphne, his closest sister, a mum running her own estate.
Greg and Hyacinth who enjoy his stories, but are children.
Pen who ignores him. No explanation, no goodbye.
Colin who has no one in his corner. Colin who travels city to city, putting on personas. Will they like me? What about now? Colin who has hardly anything to read from the people he loves. Who do not think of him.
And yet he thinks of them. Brings them back gifts, writes his recollections for them until it hits him that, oh, they don't care. They don't care what he's doing, how he's doing. They didn't want to hear it before, when he was there with them, and they do not want to hear it now, either. Did they even open those envelopes? Did they see them come through the post, just as proof he's alive, and shrug off the contents? Did they look? Once, Colin sends an empty page. No one notices. Easier, then, to send just the outsides. People only ever care about the outsides. Pretty and prim in neat packages, uncaring of what lies beneath. Sea sick on the rocking boats, staring up at stars on the continent, Colin grows aware, but not bitter. Sad, but resigned.
He loves his family, he loves Pen, loves them to grace, loves them to it's okay. It was him, he determines. Too chatty, his letters too long, uninteresting, his passions dull or droll, or else, worse, he's displeased them in some way. Colin who takes refuge in stranger's arms and homes, who dreams and tries to sate his curiosity. Colin who pretends, because anyone, anyone but him would be received better, he's sure of it. Colin who must talk too much, surely, and with no one to listen. Colin who learns to hush.
Yes. Remarkable- as in, I have many remarks about it.
How many times did he go to excitedly write of what he did that week, and stopped himself, knowing it was a waste? How many times did he write and throw into the fire a letter asking Why don't you see me? Why don't you care?
If he didn't make it, how long would it take for anyone to notice? A month? Two? A year? Would they wave it off as his frivolity, denounce him as a flake and fume about the funds? Would they wonder where it was he had lost himself off at?
He cannot fall into that, so, he writes in his journal, instead. Of the ache of it, of how he longs for connection, for understanding, for someone to take him seriously. He keeps it with him, this log of his discontent, of his folly and felicity, of his pitfalls and pains.
If he didn't make it, would they realize all that's left of him is what he sent them, not even a body to bury? Did he look over the side of a bow of a boat and look at the churn of the ocean and think of how many bones it held? Did he tip his face to the sun? How many new scars did he earn? Who did he befriend?
Who did he become?
Somewhere along the line, Colin learned. He learned the real him wasn't wanted.
Somewhere along the line, somewhere between Patmos and Paris, Colin left Colin behind.
And, somewhere along the line, Colin laid face to face with loneliness in his bed, and it wrapped its arms around him.
Things that happened in Martyn & Cleo Double Life canon:
Cleo hoping to find her soulmate and start a life with them
Cleo dumping Martyn without giving him a chance to explain his side of the story, but hearing him out when he comes to her later
Martyn watching Cleo through his spyglass and telling the audience she seems safe and happy even though he thinks it's weird she's outside at night
Martyn, after he's had time to consider how he wants to play this, spinning a story about trying to be a provider for her and Cleo explaining that she wanted him, not things
Cleo not being remotely impressed by the "I was providing" sob story, lol
Martyn calling Cleo selfish for choosing to be with Scott because she's supposed to be HIS soulmate and he wants a partner
Cleo willing to forgive Martyn if he meets them halfway
Martyn refusing to meet them halfway because he doesn't think he did anything wrong
Martyn screaming about how Cleo's building bridges with Scott but "When will she think about mending our bridges???"
Martyn explaining to Cleo that he doesn't understand why his Session 1 actions bothered them
Martyn centering his character arc and roleplay on trying to win Cleo back without actually apologizing
Cleo giving Martyn a flower and stating that if he loses it, she'll be real cross with him
Cleo chasing Martyn out of her yard because he tried to put an HOA sign on her base and she wanted to make it clear that she wasn't associated with them and their hate for his base (even though she does think his heart base is strange)
Martyn attacking Cleo after she said attacking is a form of affection to her
Cleo setting boundaries with Martyn and explaining what he can do to get her back
Cleo sighing when Scar set her up on a date with Martyn, but taking the chance to talk to him instead of walking out
Cleo genuinely wanting Martyn in her alliance
Martyn and Cleo giggling constantly when they chat
Scar asking if Martyn wanted him to play a romantic music disc for him and Cleo (and Martyn getting excited and saying yes)
Martyn offering to take Cleo's armor and weapons to the deep dark so he can enchant them and bring them back while she stays safe
Cleo gifting Martyn diamonds, expecting nothing in return but not wanting him to die from lack of a good sword
Martyn and Cleo forming a secret alliance that allows Cleo to live with Scott while being on good terms with Martyn
Martyn expressing frustration that Cleo wants to keep this alliance secret because he wants them to be public allies; Cleo softly shushes him when people approach and might overhear
Martyn telling Cleo that she's putting out a lot of mixed signals because she keeps reeling him in and then pushing him away, claiming he is very confused about where he stands with her
Martyn teasing Cleo by punching her off a cliff and accidentally killing her and feeling so bad about it that he apologizes profusely despite roleplaying as someone who refused to apologize for Session 1
Martyn and Cleo immediately threatening Bdubs together when he said hi to them while they were hanging out, sdkfj
Martyn genuinely apologizing to Pearl for dumping her after Session 1
Martyn hiding under Cleo's bed while she defends him from an enderman attack
Cleo offering to let Martyn move into her house after Etho and Joel grief his base; Martyn saying he might take her up on that
Cleo and Martyn agreeing to move out and base together at Box
Cleo trusting Martyn with the location and resources of her red life base
Martyn rushing to Cleo's aid in the deep dark and trying to turn everyone against him instead
Cleo responding to Martyn's panicked shouts for her to eat by opening her inventory to get food (and drowning because she forgot she was in water)
Cleo hanging back and letting Martyn attack Scott while she does nothing to stop him from doing so, implying as much as she likes Scott, she won't kill Martyn (and herself) for him (and/or she trusted Scott to handle himself even though he ran away while Martyn was shooting at him)
Things that did not happen:
Cleo unwilling to forgive Martyn or consider being his friend and partner
recognizing t//erf red flags on posts is a gift i am burdened with bc i do not want to go into my mutuals' asks every time to be like "that poll you reblogged said 'males' so i went to op's blog and sure enough she's ranting about how her 'sister' is trans now so is 'allegedly her brother'" bc ultimately it's usually on some inane fucking post and i don't want to be that annoying but like
:/
anyways..... if u see anyone making posts using only the term "male" instead of men 9/10 times just go to their blog and bam! t//erf. this is usually fool-proof.
pinning someone down and they're struggling against you and then they hit you with the dom stare, and so you don't really want to let go but you're excited to see what will happen so you loosen your grip a little bit and they say "you're loosening your grip" and you say "yeah i wanted to see what would happen" and they hit you with the "don't let go" with the fucking dom death stare look in your eyes so you have no choice but to obey and then they spend the rest of the time criticising you and making you readjust your grip ughhhhh
hc that Richie convinces Eddie to move to LA by constantly singing it never rains in Southern California and Eddie keeps saying “that song is literally about a man moving to LA and flopping so hard he wants to go back home” until Richie says “if LA is home there’s nowhere else to go ♥️”
you know if we do accept the last epilogue-esque sequence as a sort of dream/wish of ted's and therefore not necessarily canon, very funny if we then simply go "yeah, trent's book is called 'the lasso way' actually. he didn't change that. nope."
Yay another one of these moments where i snatch characters and make a design for them for my goofy ahh AU isnt this wonderful yall🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️💥💥💥💥💥
Anyways, meet the silly guy cuz i legit wanted to draw him for a long time and now i had the opportunity to do so, have da baby (had to use a reference for that cuz i needed smth to make it look nice🤌✨)
The thought of drawing this creature made me think "hm, why do i only draw Ethan or Gold or anything related to this man". I mean, come on, that man right there went through a ton of trauma and yall be laughin /hj. Ngl tho, i love Ethan and Gold and all these creepypastas about him, BUT WHY DOES HE ALWAYS HAVE TO LOSE LIMBS PLEASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 LEAVE MY BABY BOY ALONE💥💥💥💥😭💥😭💥💥😭💥😭💥💥😭💥😭💥😭💥😭
hes calling hfor help hes calling for help i can hear him saying カービィ(kirby) and タスケテ(tasukete/"help me") i can tfucking do this
and then the special page text YELLLLSSSSSSSSSS YELLING SCREAMING. SOBBING AUGHGHHHG
"You know, Kirby, I don't really like you. Even when you realized you've been duped, you just sat there with a puzzled stare. I hate having to rely on you so many times... but I don't care anymore. Kirby of the Stars... Hurry, break this thing on my head. Then...kukuku...I can tease you again!"
My friend has given me a very passionate recommendation of epic: the musical and it sounds so interesting but since that recommendation i've encountered the online fandom for it and they've all been the most insufferable people alive 😔 I try not to let fandom influence my enjoyment of a work but that's usually AFTER i've already consumed and enjoyed it, not before. You fuckers are gonna make me get a bad grade in friendship media resonance.
I honestly do not understand how people can be calm and enjoy driving. there's so many rules of the road and shit to pay attention to and possible distractions that can result in tragedy. it's mentally exhausting and unpredictable. if you make a mistake the best case scenario is someone honking, the worst is ending up dead or killing someone.