#wilbur: this person is giving us problems

[thetismcave]

Figuring out the dream and Wilbur dynamic for my au is a joy because dw!Wilbur is positively feral but he looks downright responsible next to dream lmfao

Wilbur and dream, co-leading the resistance and constantly tossing the role of Designated Impulse Control between them like it’s a game of hot-potato: “never let them know your next move”

[firesnap]

i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.

ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?

its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?

im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.

This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.

I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.

This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.

My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.

With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.

Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.

(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)

But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.

[the-l00ker]

I'm in a 'you talk shit then you get shit' camp.

If you're old enough to be there then your old enough to face the responsibility of your actions

With that being said.

This twitter use believes that shelby should have kept her mouth shut so that THEM AND THERE FOLLOWING COULD HAVE HAD WILBUR CONTENT IN 2024

Shubble did not ruin this opportunity, Wilbur did with his actions. This wouldn't even be a problem at all if Wilbur was a decent person.

Imagine telling a victims to shut up so you can emotional profit off of the content a literally criminal provided

They blame everything on shelby and NOT on the people who are actually responsible. Did shelby go out of her way to doxx anyone? Did she tell someone to?

"but but, it was her fan" and? No one condoned that behaviour or told them to.

If a Catholic hurts someone in the name of the Lord, is it now Jesus' fault?

If a person hit another would you blame the hospital that helped the mother give birth?

THE WILBUR SOOT SUPPORT SQUAD is literally tell this person to stop, that they're being selfish and is question whether they should be apart of the movement.

How do you have both sides fighting against you?

This is the reason why celebrities and famous people get away with crimes or shitty actions, because victims stayed silent because of people like them.

Idc what you did with this. But just don't be like them.

[imhidingonceagain]

Slimeriana and QSMP fans, we need to talk (really, I'm going to talk about a few things).

CW: nsfw

Warning: long post.

At this point I think majority of you guys know what happened with Mariana yesterday (especially because the fliporiana community is small compared to other ones).

I'm gonna write some stuff Mariana said and I'm gonna be explicit about it because I want you guys to understand the severity of the situation (this is your warning):

Context: He was curious to see if people actually posted nsfw stuff about him (and poor boy, he really thought he wouldn't find any).

And I quote what he said after seeing some posts: "No, no, no! Why's Slime penetrating me?!" (He was probably looking at a fanart)

"I'm not doing role like that with Slime anymore. I thought you guys found it funny (he was talking about the sex role in the QSMP) but it only fills your minds with shit"

"I'm gonna say it in English because I know there's QSMP fans who do it as well: Don't draw hentai about me, don't draw us fucking, that's being a pervert, that's wrong"

Some months ago I wrote a post when we got the first warning in regards of this topic.

Mariana and Slime have talked about fanart before and at the time they didn't seem uncomfortable about it (though it seems like Charlie's girlfriend was).

So I wrote: it's not necessary to stop doing fanart about them. Just be careful with what you draw and where you post it.

To me even "suggestive" fanarts are "okay" (but with suggestive I mean the characters looking at each other like they want to kiss each other so bad, that's it). But when and how did that translate to some of you thinking that drawing real people having sex and not only having sex (because there's always ways to show intercourse without being explicit or disgusting) but also showing private parts is okay?

Because it's obvious Mariana saw something super explicit by the way he reacted (because he doesn't get bothered too easily). My poor man was distressed!

And let me tell you something. This is not only about Mariana and Slimecicle. This is a REAL PROBLEM within the fandom. Let me give you some examples:

I love reading fanfiction and months ago I was scrolling through the QSMP section on AO3 and let me tell you something: the amount of fanfiction written about the eggs and their parents in a non platonic way is CONCERNING.

Especially Wilbur Soot's fandom seems to have a lot of rotten apples who think that writing abusive stories about q! Wilbur and Tallulah is fine.

I understand some people write stories like that not because they're crime apologists, but because that's their way to deal with trauma (and dealing with trauma through art is okay). But PLEASE remember that while the eggs are fictional, their "parents" are REAL people.

Use fictional characters, please. Stop writing real people into pedophilic or highly abusive situations. THAT'S HORRENDOUS.

Another example is the following: Some weeks ago people were reporting a Twitter account and I clicked on the account (I personally don't like reporting people without making sure they deserved) and it took me like three seconds of scrolling to see more than 5 Ccs being disrespected (including Slimecicle, Quackity, Cellbit, Roier and Badboyhalo). Explicit Pictures, videos and fanarts were being posted about these creators.

You know what I think? I think Cellbit made his character asexual not only for the representation (it's clear by now that q! Cellbit is a sex positive asexual which is still representation yay!) But because he has been on the internet since around 2011 and he knows how disrespectful people can be. I think he knew that his and Roier's ship was getting too popular and that makes them both unprotected to shit like this.

Sadly, it's clear that it didn't matter that Cellbit made his character asexual, people can't seem to respect that detail about his character and about himself as a real person.

To some people it doesn't matter if the Cc is ambiguous or completely clear about their boundaries, they still don't give a fuck.

Please remember that behind each character is a real person. I understand sometimes you guys want to see your favorite characters fuck -me too, honestly- but for people like streamers that's out of the questions because not only they're real people, but because their work is related to social media and the possibilities of them finding EVERYTHING we write and post about them are super high.

I don't know how to feel. It's obvious that Mariana has not been feeling the same about the server since Juanaflippa died. Maybe this will make him feel even worse about the QSMP but I hope I'm wrong.

[thestreamdreampony]

Me adding my two cents is probably not gonna do much, but here I go, I guess:

I want to preface this with saying that Wilbur's content and Lovejoy have been incredibly important to me and I've put a lot of time, effort and money into supporting Lovejoy especially. So finding out about this, before finding out about the details, I had originally reacted with incredulous derision of twitter stans. And then erring on the side of caution about how things developed.

At this point there's almost no question that it's Wilbur, for the simple reason that Shubble would have cleared up his name if it wasn't. There's no way she would throw someone innocent under the bus, if she knew somebody else was guilty. Additionally, not a single person in Wilbur's surroundings has disputed any claims and have only narrowed it down further towards Wilbur. At this point it is incredibly unlikely she is talking about anybody else.

I do want to take a moment to comdemn those (mostly on twitter) who used this opportunity to dig into both Shubble and Wilbur's private lives, trying to construct a narrative of her abuse and in some cases going so far as doxxing Wilbur. It is entirely possible to support Shelby and condemn her abuser, without invading their privacy and endangering people's lives. Shelby's goal was to warn people and to make them more aware of the signs of abuse. As well as make it as clear as possible, who she's talking about without saying who it is directly, for a meriad of possible reasons. It was not an invitation to write abuse fanfiction about her private life.

That being said, the way I will feel about this in the long run will depend heavily on how Wilbur deals with this situation. I will definitely distance myself either way (slowly but surely), but his reaction to this will influence how I will act moving forward.

Should he stay silent or respond with insincerity/derision/defensiveness/etc., then that's it for me. Fuck him.

But should he come forward, own up to it, apologize and prove that he is working on himself, then I might be able to find it in myself to give him a second chance over time. I just don't believe that doing bad things makes you irredeemable forever and ever and ever.

We know for a fact that Wilbur has been struggling with mental health problems for most of his teen and adult life and from his solo music we are also aware that he is incredibly aware of the fact that he is the problem in his relationships. Expressing dark thoughts in music, does not automatically mean somebody is abusive. In fact, creating dark art is an excellent way to deal with harmful thoughts and impulses. I have literally never taken his lyrics to mean that.

However, his lyrics in YCGMA and MSR have always been incredibly autobiographical and do show that he is acutely aware that he's the unhealthy element in his unhealthy relationships.

We also know directly from him, that he has distanced himself from most of his social circle and sought out therapy as recently as 2 weeks ago in an effort to improve his mental health.

This does not excuse his actions whatsoever. Mentally ill people are still responsible for the harm that they cause and Shelby is unbelievably brave to tell their story. I hope they finds peace, I hope she has all the support she could ever need and I hope she has achieved her goal of making people more aware of how people end up in situations like this. She is an inspiration for standing up for herself like this.

But I also think that, should Wilbur come forward, admit to his wrongdoings and prove over time that he is working on becoming a better person, friend and partner, that he does not have to be shunned forever and ever and ever. He has a long life in front of him and I hope both for him and all his future friends and partners that he manages to find a healthy, happy way of living. This can happen, even while he never bothers Shelby, or the other people he hurt, again.

This is a best case scenario. I do think he is allowed to take some time to formulate a response. A hasty response to situations like this have never helped anyone ever, neither the victim, nor the accused. Taking his time to come to terms with the situation, which surely came as a shock, and to really think about how he wants to deal with this situation is much better than him writing a twitlonger as soon as he finds out.

Either way, I will distance myself from him and Lovejoy, slowly but surely. I won't get rid of the merch clothing I own because it was quite expensive and throwing it away is a waste of perfectly good clothing, but I won't find the joy I once felt wearing them. (I am salty about me being gone from home for a few months and having ordered Lovejoy merch, which had been waiting for me for weeks and then finding out about this literally the day I travelled back. It definitely felt weird as hell to unpack that stupid NORMAL longsleeve with his fucking face on it, while being hurt and confused and angry.)

Listening to Lovejoy's music, likewise, will never feel as euphoric as it once did, even if I go back to it. Which really sucks cuz they genuinly hit my sweet spot in music taste. YCGMA and SISV specifically, have been so, so important to me and removing them from my listening rotation i going to Hurt.

Interestingly, I don't feel quite as terrible as last time I had to suddenly cut a content creator out of my life. So I guess practice makes perfect lmao.

I don't know if me writing and posting this had any point. I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest and maybe it resonates with somebody.

Anyway, take care of yourselves. Take it easy and try to focus on other things, if this hit you hard (ideally offline). Try to meet with friends, maybe play some boardgames (or video games), go for a walk,read a book, have a coffee with a loved one. There's joy in the world, despite it all.

[spookymultimedia]

Do you have any headcanons 4 cartman's pets? :3

Oh I absolutely do!! :D (very very long)

(CW mentions of pet death/loss)

Cartman got Mr.Kitty as a pet when he saw her outside at 4 years old. He chased the cat and physically dragged her inside, which prompted her to freak out in the house. Then Cartman fed her cake and begged pretty please with a cherry on top to keep the kitty. Liane has no choice in the matter really so of course they kept the cat. They didn't give her shots or neuter her, they just gave her a bath and fed her cat food and called it a day.

Cartman got Fluffy from the County Fair from winning a pie eating contest. Liane was shocked to see Cartman with yet another animal he wanted to keep. And she can't say no, so Fluffy came home with them. Funny enough she was actually easier to take care of than the cat. They usually fed her scraps. She had a pretty good diet of food that Cartman was supposed to eat but he gave it to her and pretended to eat his veggies so he could have dessert please. He taught Fluffy a couple of tricks like spinning and sitting on command. He even claimed he was gonna take her to the fair just like Wilbur in that Charlottes Web movie. Fun fact for years Cartman was convinced Wilbur was a girl and hated when people corrected him because he's used to thinking about the character a certain way and didn't feel like changing how he watched it.

He loved fluffy to bits but she died due to hereditary health problems. Instead of telling Cartman the piggy was dead she just fell in love with a daddy pig and ran away with him to have sex and babies. Cartman resents Fluffy for being such a whore and leaving him behind. He still cried in bed about it for a couple nights though.

Once Cartman tried to keep a pet frog. On wet mornings when frogs huddled around all the puddles, he and the other 3 tried to catch frogs. All of the frogs they caught always went missing every time they tried, so eventually they just gave up and moved onto something else.

Once Gerald snatched up Mr.Kitty and took her away by force while Cartman was screaming and crying at him to let her go. Later he claimed she wasn't vaccinated so she was dangerous to be around Cartman, but he was also using her for cheesing. Later Kyle helped Cartman steal his cat back and Liane promised they would give the cats shots and gave her neutered. After that Gerald left their cat alone.

When they got Mr.Kitty neutered they discovered that she's is actually intersex. Cartman was extremely extremely happy to have a pet who's just like him. Well not exactly like him but still.

For years he depended on Mr.Kitty to get him through his audio hallucinations and grounding himself. If she didn't wake up then no one is at the door trying to harm him and it's just his head being weird. Petting her is very therapeutic for him and calms him down when he's experiencing big scary emotions. He also liked letting her in his bed so she can be there if he gets a nightmare.

During middle school his cat went missing and he was extremely upset about it. He kept accusing that his girlfriend Heidi is responsible for the cat going missing. The longer she was missing the more he accused Heidi of lying to him, hurting his cat because she resents him and she's an awful person. For two whole weeks Butters helped Cartman search for his cat. His friends also helped but Butters helped the most. One night while he was driving home without Mr.Kitty yet again and realized he's never going to see his cat ever again. He broke into tears while Butters and Stan comforted him. Later Heidi finds him grieving his cat and she tells him he forgives him for getting upset at her and understands he was just stressed and didn't mean it. Cartman didn't apologize at all and let her hug and console him.

After that Cartman didn't own a pet for several several years. When he was in his late 40s and the most depressed he had ever been in his life, his therapist suggested owning a cat to give him a routine to have and help him cope with loneliness. So he adopted a cat and it worked. After awhile he ended up with 9 cats in his house, but then he got his shit together and gave away the ones that had bad relationships with the other cats or didn't enjoy being in his house. Then he was left with four cats. Which was a pretty big improvement but still makes normal people gawk at him. And he kept those cats for a long long time. I haven't thought much about the other three, but I know one of the cats is a three legged cat named Zipper. He was born like that. He's the fastest of the four cats and the most friendly one.

After Cartman passed away from cancer in his early 60s Kyle and Stan the two cats Cartman still had. The cats where very comforting for Kyle since he had a harder time coping with his the loss.

And not a pet headcannon technically but Kyle had a habit of putting cat food and cat nip near Cartman's gave to "keep him company." People give Kyle weird looks when he brings cat food to a graveyard but it makes him happy so he doesn't care.

[modelbus]

can i please request a tommy x reader where the reader has a cat, a kid if you will, i just need some tommy interactions with his girlfriend’s cat 😭

I’m actually deathly allergic to cats so I had to ask my friends what cats do… they told me cats are either the devil reincarnated or cute fluffy guys, so let’s assume your cat is a cute fluffy guy.

Pairing: CC!Tommy x Gn!Reader

Cute Cat

Tommy is more of a dog person, but because the cat is important to you, he’ll tolerate it. If your cat is nice, he’ll warm up to it after a few visits, but if your cat is mean he’ll call it Satan and rant about it on stream.

He will refuse to call your cat anything but pussy. It’s gotten so bad that your cat responds to pussy as a name more often than its actual name.

“Here Pussy, Pussy!” Tommy yells.

“You know that’s not-“ you begin but get cut off by a loud meow coming from somewhere. “THE FUCK?!” Your cat doesn’t even respond to its actual name, but it’ll respond to pussy?!

If your cat ever scratches him, accidentally or on purpose, he definitely complains about it on stream like “HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT THAT EVIL MOTHERFUCKER DID TO ME?! WIL, WILBUR, IT TRIED TO KILL ME!”

He talks to it like it’s an actual person though, creeping you out sometimes.

“Stop staring at me like that, mate. I think you’ve got a staring problem.” Tommy points at your cat with the TV remote, “close them eyes before they dry out king. I know I’m hot, but you can’t have me. I’m a taken man.”

He's mean to your cat constantly as a defense mechanism because he’s meant to be a dog person. Don't worry though, he secretly loves your cat.

And he keeps trying to show off your cat to streams, constantly badgering you until you just give in.

His Twitter and Instagram are occasionally graced with cat photos, which he also uses as a sub goal.

The first time your cat brought a dead animal to you while he was there was certainly traumatizing for him...

"Hey Puss- what's in your mouth?" Tommy asks, cutting himself off.

"Huh?" You hum, turning to look at your beloved cat. All too used to owning a cat, you immediately recognize the dead animal being deposited on your carpet.

"What the fuck is that?"

"Tommy, don't freak out, okay?"

"IS THAT A FUCKING MOUSE?! IS IT DEAD?! YOUR CAT IS A MURDERER!"

Despite the trauma your cat has put him through, he still loves to play with it. His favorite is definitely one of those dangly feather things because he's amazed at how high your cat can jump.

Although he is very sick and tired of your cat trying to fight his feet and sitting on his shoes.

Tommy convinced you one time to get your cat "high" on catnip, which ended in a very weird Tik Tok.

"No, no, no, trust me. It's just a little catnip. He'll only get a little high."

"A LITTLE HIGH?! YOU WANT TO GET MY CHILD HIGH?!"

After you make a big deal out of it, he buys something for your cat's birthday like a good boyfriend <3

[tobi-smp]

the problem with talking about ghostbur's relation to wilbur is that going too far in Either direction muddles the waters.

people like to think of ghostbur as an entirely separate entity from wilbur, where nothing about him informs wilbur as a character. this often comes packed with dehumanization, either of Wilbur (with ghostbur being the Good version of wilbur while wilbur is the bad) or of Ghostbur (why does it matter how anybody treats ghostbur when he isn't Really wilbur).

and it's strange and uncomfortable ! because ghostbur so clearly gives us an insight on wilbur as a person. we learn so much About wilbur Through ghostbur. it's just ! absurd to use one to lessen the other when they're so clearly different views of the same Whole.

but at the same time, I Remember ghostbur begging for personhood. I Remember ghostbur begging to have his feelings taken seriously, to be seen as more than just a joke. I remember ghostbur building tommy a home in logstedsire and mourning when it was lost. I remember him mourning new l'manberg. I remember him wanting to bring wilbur back. I remember how tommy mourned him. built him a grave a Grieved him when nobody else did because they didn't think they had to. why would they, when wilbur was right there in front of them? I remember, I Remember.

and the thing About ghostbur is that I Do think that he is a reflection of wilbur. it's ridiculous to try to say that one doesn't inform us of the other.

but I think about how much of his character is wrapped around this desperate want for Personhood. trying to figure out who he is, to carve a place for himself as the memory of someone who was already gone and yet a fully formed being perfectly capable of feeling emotion.

and I think that, too, is a reflection on wilbur.

ghostbur didn't want to be wilbur because Wilbur didn't want to be wilbur anymore. but wilbur didn't know What to be either. trying to break out of the mold he made for himself and figure out what it means now to live as a Person with agency and feelings that matter.

wilbur didn't kill himself because it was an inevitable part of his story as the villain, he did it because he was sad. learning how to be someone who can admit that was Hard.

he'd cried as the president of l'manberg over the pressure of being responsible for everyone, of not being able to live up to what he thought he had to be. and we learned that from ghostbur.

and like ! it's exactly Because of all of this that I can't find it in me to deny ghostbur his personhood. to look at someone who once begged people to realize that he has feelings that Matter, that the things that happen to him Matter because he has agency, because he's a person, and to say No.

I had a theory, once, that the thing that made ranboo Ranboo is that he was half dead. there was the enderwalk that remembered everything, and there was ranboo who lived as a separate antonymous person. ranboo is, in a way, a reflection of this other person, and yet he's not Lesser as a person either. ranboo being formed around a smaller pool of memories means that he grows Differently from this enderwalk version of himself. his personality shifts, the choices he makes are different, even if fundamentally the building blocks are shared.

I had a theory, then, that the whole point of ranboo dying was to have this enderwalk and our ranboo Fuse. not into the whole person that ranboo was split from, but into the New person that they make together.

and that's how I like to conceptualize wilbur and ghostbur. not two unrelated entities and yet both People in their own right.

moreover, that's exactly what I would've liked for them as well.

[itslouisan]

Time to have C!Techno headcannons!!!

Heyo, seems like finally I reached my 2nd favorite cc ever! I think techno's character is REALLY interesting, with great writing and details and I can definitely add some hc of my own in there, so without further ado, let's go!

(btw @syndicatedsystem you might like some of my headcannons involving Jschlatt and Techno I talk about here so yeah! Also feel free to discuss em' with me or make asks abt it, hell your blog inspires me a lot)

(I lost the name of the artist if anyone knows please tell me)

• Techno has some braids in his hair, the longer, the more he values the person

Longest: Philza, it's braided with gold details

2nd longest: Ranboo, has a amethyst crystal for purple

Mid-term: Wilbur, he braided it in consideration of a battle friend and some good times with Will, he doesn't hate or likes Wilbur, but still can't deny they do have a connection

Shortest: Tommy.

• Techno prepared a space in the cabin for Tommy in case some day, his demons and the hell he was looking for, finally was found, he'd welcome Tommy with open arms, since he'd view that the kid suffered enough and had the time to change and face any consequences he'd need to face, the space is safe, always available, but, he'd never tell Tommy that, he keeps it hidden, he's not ready to be vulnerable to the demon child again and openly say Tommy could count on him, not until Tommy makes the first step.

• Keeps the pickaxe that blinded Quackity as a trophy, this and keeps all weapons from powerful enemies with him as a reminder of a great battle he won once again

• Likes to write poetry about people and events, he'd never give them to the person, but keep it in a dusty small box in his room in the attic of the cabin

• OKAY, LET'S ALL AGREE TECHNO IS ARO/ACE? GOOD.

• Techno was friends with Jschlatt before everything went to hell, they liked to talk about random bs while watching the fire crack at night and drink some cheap booze for Jschlatt and coffee for Techno

• I view Techno also having some boar traits, so yeah territorial as FUCK don't mess with his stuff or house, also he chases pray like crazy and can eat almost anything without a problem due to that

• Doesn't CARE for alcohol, just doesn't like the idea of having a hangover afterwards since he'd be unable to fight the next day

• Would gossip with Jschlatt, Tommy and the syndicate like, ABOUT EVERYTHING, I imagine him and Jschlatt favorite hobby is shit talking people they hate

• Techno being aro/ace also means if you flirt with him, he'll just stare at your soul and bully the shit out of you, sometimes calls Phil and/or Jschlatt to roast the shit out of the person, also WILL defend himself from any creeps and defend his friends from ANY strange people since for him touch is STRICTLY a death sentence and something that takes time

• Techno smokes when stressed or in the syndicate room, making Phil always carry an extra lighter for him just in case, the 2 used to be smoking buddies before Phil quit when he adopted Chayanne and Tallulah

• Techno in the QSMP is an entity, a god watching above everyone but never leaving Phil side and the eggs side, sometimes he'd talk to Tallulah directly, or influence Phil like a voice in his head to do the right thing in his vision or appear to Chayanne in his dreams to have a chat

• Can and will drink blood from the enemies

• Loves to talk about skulls and anatomy of the body in general, a dark fact, due to respect to Jschlatt, after he died (not considering revival, I view revival as either the decomposed body coming back to life in a LESS but STILL fucked up state or a kind of new body that is the users body in the afterlife coming to the alive realm, if you guys want, I can make a post about this) picked and kept Jschlatt sheep skull, with horns and everything

(art by sadist)

• Would talk about historical wars and battles with his own analysis and commentaries on it, making a great history teacher

• totally collects greek mythology stuff, books, items, anything.

• Has a couple of tattoos but one that is pretty badass is a wither skull with red smoke on his ribs in the right, a tattoo of a emerald in the inside of his left wrist, a tattoo of a squid with a fork on it's head in reference to the potato war on his right wrist really tiny and "everything starts with blood" and "the voices demand blood" written in his tights

• My boy 100% has piercings due to piglin culture, around 75% of them being made of gold

[haunted-headset]

♩ Come Be Lonely With Me ♩

Summary: You're known as the 'loner' kid in high school. Wilbur's the popular boy. When he sticks up for you when his friends mess with you, he gets kicked out of his friend group. So, you two decide to be lonely together.

author's note: hey guys! i know nobody requested this, but I was bored :) this was based off of the song This Side of Paradise by Coyote Theory!

pairing: school!bur x afab!reader

pronouns used for reader: She/her/hers

word count: 796

proofread?: nope :)

tags: @vibestillaxxx @joviepog (lemme know if you want to be tagged in the next one!)

warnings/cw: reader skips a meal, someone making a self-harm joke, mention of h*ntai (doesn't describe it, someone just assumes what someone's artwork is), swearing, mention of Wilbur shoving someone,

genre: fluff & a teensy tiny bit of angst

You sat down at your usual lunch table near the school's tennis courts & looked at your meal; the usual stale grilled cheese with a (most likely moldy) apple. You sighed & threw both items in the trash. You weren't hungry anyway.

You heard a loud crash sound from the table behind you. You turned around to be greeted with the sight of the popular kids getting involved in a food fight. They all looked identical; the girls were bake blondies & had their boobs practically spilling out of their tank tops, & the guys needed to pull up their pants. The only one who stood out to you was a boy named Wilbur. It was always odd how he ended up in the popular crowd since he seemed so...different from the rest. Unlike the other popular boys, he had a nice sense of style & didn't have a hideous haircut. Not to mention that he actually had potential, unlike his brain-dead friends.

You were too busy spacing out to react to one of the boys throwing an apple at your head. This earned a hearty laugh from everyone except for Wilbur.

"What's your problem?" you muttered.

"Yo! Lemme scan your barcodes!" one of the boys shouted to you.

Wilbur looked over at you with eyes filled with pity. You gave him a scowl in return.

"I bet she gets jealous of her phone when it dies," one of the girls laughed.

You rolled your eyes & put your earbuds in. You pulled out your sketchbook & you drew Wilbur, not knowing what else to draw. You liked his hair & wanted to try & make it look good on paper.

RJ, one of the popular guys, grabbed your earbuds & said to his mates, "Oi! I bet she's listenin' to MCR or some shit!"

"What the fuck is your problem?" you snapped, reaching out to grab your earbuds. He chucks them into the trash can before you can grab them.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" you shouted, which caused the group to laugh.

"I bet she's drawin' h*ntai, too!" RJ mocked, grabbing your sketchbook. "What's this? It looks like shit."

"It's nobody, now give it ba-" you started.

"I think it's Wilbur!" a girl laughed.

Wilbur's cheeks lit up like a red stoplight. Your cheeks followed suit.

"Aww, have you got a crush on 'im?" RJ teased. He chucked your sketchbook into the trash can.

"What the-my GSCE work was in there!" you yelled, blinking back tears.

"Oh yeah? You gonna cry?" he teased.

& then Wilbur did something very surprising. He shoved RJ to the ground.

"Can you leave her the fuck alone & not be a prick for about five seconds?" he snapped. You expected at least one person to agree. Instead, Wilbur was met with boos from his friends.

"We're just joking, Wilbs!" a girl shouted. "Don't be such an ass!"

"I'm not an ass, she just doesn't deserve harsh treatment," Wilbur said. You didn't stick around for the rest of the conversation. You walked over to the trashcan, fished your earbuds & sketchbook out of the trashcan & quickly walked over to the lockers.

You leaned against the wall next to your locker & slid to the floor. You sighed angrily & groaned with exhaustion. The bullying was a normal thing, but it wasn't ever like this. What was different? You weren't aware of any new rumors about you that had spread, so it couldn't have been that.

"Y/n?" You suddenly heard Wilbur's voice & he was standing in front of you.

"Yeah?" you asked, raising a brow.

He sat down in front of you. "You seem sad."

"I'm just pissed."

"Is there really a difference?"

"Yeah. When I'm pissed, I want to break a wall. When I'm sad, I want to break myself."

He nodded. "That makes sense."

"Does it?" you asked.

"Yeah. You're very good at explaining, from what I can tell. You're also very good at art. & you have cool hair."

He motioned toward your hair, which was dyed h/c. You smiled for the first time in weeks. He chuckled in response.

"Y/n, can I ask you a question?"

You raised your brow. "Sure."

"Are you lonely?"

You blinked in surprise at the blunt question. "I suppose so."

He stood up & held out his hand with a smile. "Come be lonely with me."

You laughed & he helped you stand up. You two walked out to a field for the rest of lunch, & when the bell rang, you two decided to hop over the fence to skip class for the rest of the day to hang out at the milkshake shop nearby.

It was nice to be lonely with him.

[nomsfaultau]

SCP Sleepy Bois Inc as animals

(specifically animals they aren’t usually coded as) (because otherwise what’s the point)

Philza—African Jacana

He’s just a dad carrying around his chicks. What more do you want from him? Male African Jacana are known for raising hatchlings on their own. Gives people nightmares when they’re just trying to protect their chicks. They also use their long toes to walk on water (really on floating vegetation but shh) and are referred to as Jesus birds. Other than the fact Philza is a god, he occasionally forgets to be affected by gravity since pretending to be a person is pretty hard. (I’m ignoring the few decades Philza accidentally spent as a crow so hard rn.)

Tommy—Clownfish

This is 100% serious actually. Specifically a red bullet hole clownfish, to mimic Red’s splatters. Tommy’s very much a small fish in a big pond. Clownfish purposefully coat themselves in sea anemone toxin that is harmless to them but really bad for anyone else, much like Red. If we make The Blood God an anemone in this analogy, Tommy is always running to him for safety, luring in doomed predators that that are slaughtered in a symbiotic relationship between the two. Tommy is also the dominant male of the group, and should the female die he’ll become trans— wait. Maybe not that last fun fact, since Tommy is the most reliably cishet in Fault. Also yes fine he’s a silly goofy guy who acts flashy for attention.

Tubbo—Honey Guide

What animal could better represent the hive save for a bird that lures people to bee hives? Since, again, this challenge is about avoiding the obvious answer. Much like Tubbo, these little guys have a pretty positive mutualistic relationship with humans. Anyway, this friendly and helpful passerine is also a brood parasite! They lay eggs in the nests of others and then murder the other chicks so that the honey guide is raised by unsuspecting parent birds. This fits well with Tubbos’ design as a changeling that’s meant to mimic humans in order to replace individuals (by adding them to the hive mind). Worked decently since Tubbo was raised by humans (ignoring how badly it went with the first nest they infiltrated).

Wilbur—Polyphemus Moth

Named of course after the famous cyclops, I thought the name and appearance were a fantastic reference to the void embedded in half of Wilbur’s face. Beyond that, moths are very night coded, much like Wilbur, though are uncontrollably attracted to the light (Philza). Notably, a Polyphemus moth eats 86,000 times their body weight in the 56 days that it lives, which plays well to Wilbur being a Devourer of All and a man who’s extremely aware he isn’t going to have a long life span. Plus their spooky design fits in with how much of a flashy edgelord Wilbur is. Only problem is they spend almost half their existence in their silk cocoon and Wilbur is a chronic insomniac who could NEVER.

The Blade—Hippopotamus

Both are insanely aggressive and deadly, and are the top of the food chain (once adults). Plus the semi aquatic nature of the hippopotamus plays well into the (arguably literal) sea of voices from which The Blade has to fight his way out of or else succumb to the fathoms. Just like how hippos can’t actually swim? Both faster than anyone would prefer them to be able to move. uh. About the same size. uhhh. They both can’t sweat and so enjoy a good mud bath..? could be unethically hunted for ivory…….? Bro he’s so pig idk

[mentallhealthmatters]

Hey didn’t Shubble say that Wilbur would bit her in front of other people and she would “play along”? Aside from the obvious, she admitted that actively hid how she felt about some of the things he did. And she doubles down on that line of thinking, when Wilbur was depressed and couldn’t clean, did she say she tried talking to him or his friends and family for help? No she just stayed silent and cleaned. She claims Wilbur bit down a bit harder after she said the safe word? Well if he was used to biting up to that point wouldn’t he be surprised or shocked when he heard it? She doesn’t tell him off or ask him not to do it anymore, she implies it happened multiple times. That she gave him her permission to keep going. It shows that she would hide things from him that he would need to know, and she has the audacity to complain how he should’ve known?! Like girl if you had a problem with him then it’s up to you to talk to him about it!

Thats what im thinking! She said they talked it out, but it sounds like she was never honest with him and is blaming HIM for HER dishonesty, like girl people arent mind readers and dont gain the ability to read minds when you fucking start dating eachother.

Like if shes lying to him, thats not him being manupltive thats her not advocating for herself and or communicating honestly with her partner.

Shes the source the problem shes complaining about and the fact she has the nerve, my gods undatable. Shes undatable. Shes so neurotypical. Her talking mental health and depression makes it clear, shes very not demure mindful and very neurotypical.

And i dont say that with a funny haha, i mean shes generic white girl with firet world issues number 1097933 looking for excuses and drama. Im pretty sure she had less of an issue back then and then some friends conviencied her it was an issue.

Shes extremely dumb too, she keeps insisting because she never name dropped in her FIRST time talking about the issue that means she cant be sued when she would kater change the accuations and admit its him shes talking about, meaning technically yes, especially than thats hes coming to america, he CAN 100% slap back with a lawsuit of various kinds.

By her changing the story, shes actually giving herself less legal ground to stand out. Where as wilbur actually didnt admit to it, just said "im sorry you felt that way, i had no idea, i wish i knew because i have texts saying the opposite of what your claiming and we could have talked it out" like more or less, but like

Notice how wilbur doesnt bring up the accuations every two weeks, notice how hes not giving himself every other breath to change his story, hes not letting himself do that and by doing so hes giving himself more legal ground by ensuring he can keep his story straight. Hes doubling down on his version of events, but he didnt retell his version of events when hes annoucing hes doubling down, hes just saying that hes not changing his story and thats it.

Shelby even if unintentionally, has changed story and technically harrassed him trying to change the limelight to focus on her every other week, thats in the eyes of court, not the actions of a victim an innocent person. Thats the accuations of someone whos cried wolf and wants attention because she thinks shes pretty and people will gkve her what she wants.

Like her behavoir is text book "how to spot a liar" and im honestly annoyed at how dumb and sheep like her followers and @ranboosaysstuffs is. Like not my fuilt theyre gullible mindless sheep with no personaility and need someone else to tell them what to think or what to believe.

Like 🫠 honestly if you gonna be like that just leave the fandom, im glad Ranboo dropped minecrfat because honestly his old friends were too good for him and they dont deserve them, his old friends, tcehnoblade, philza, tommy deserve better than that spineless coward.

[sannylity]

Royalty AU for Slimeriana.

The Crown series inspired.

Mariana is a prince, soon-to-be heir who needs to marry to become the king and ruler. Five bachelors are selected by the council to stay with him in the castle for a month, an opportunity to get to know them and by the end of it, he gets to choose his partner.

Here’s the thing, the council personally handpicked four people to be either royalties or rich merchants with power, and one contestant is meant to be an ordinary man/woman without any influence to appeal to the low-middle class public and appear like the crown has humility for the kingdom in all walks of life.

Let’s say this whole process was an old pact that has been bastardized over the years and it just became more favorable to the people in positions of power but hey, at least they’re not homophobic lmaooooo

The bachelors can be anyone. It can be Foolish, a prince from a powerful kingdom, an obvious pick and a favorite by the council. Cellbit who is the son of a rich merchant, who in the end fell in love with the Prince’s right hand man instead.

Charlie is the one contestant who came from a poor family, fuck it, he doesn’t even have a family. He was an orphan and the only reason he signed up was because he lost a bet from Wilbur and Wilbur thought it’d be funny. It’s not like he was getting chosen as the token poor contestant anyway.

Well… three days later, he receives an invitation from the council.

No lowlife has ever won the heart of the prince/princess. Charlie is pretty self-aware that the whole system is rigged against someone like him and he wasn’t expecting to win or is there to win Mariana’s heart anyway. He might just as well enjoy the fancy living until he gets sent home.

But… Things don’t go according to plan.

Somehow, in some way, Prince Mariana takes interest in him. And for a while, Charlie sees it as pity and nothing more. Because what does he have to offer that the four other men don’t already have? He even lets Mariana know that he was on my there for a bet, that he doesn’t even want to get married.

Still, for that reason, Mariana keeps him around. And they get to know each other more and more. And Charlie slowly lets his guard down. They become close and his opinions about not wanting to get married felt like ages ago. And soon enough, Charlie has also fallen in love with the prince.

This poses a huge problem to the council because it sparks an interest and even an inspiration to the rest of the public to vote more for Charlie.

Let’s say choosing the prince/princess’ spouse is split from: the council = 30%, the public = 30% and the prince/princess = 40%.

And Charlie is climbing the ranks, winning the public’s favor unintentionally.

So, imagine the council doing everything in their power to rig the votes against him. They expose his past to sway the public, twist and make up stories like how Wilbur is secretly his boyfriend and he’s only marrying into royalty to sway Mariana, etc etc.

But through all the trials and tribulations, Charlie and Mariana gets married and live happily ever after! :D

—

I don’t know. I just want Charlie to somehow pull a bad bitch like Mariana with his wet cat, pathetic rizz, but like, make it royalty lol

Feel free to use this AU however you want. Just give a little credit and tag me so I could share and also see it! <3

[wilbursprincess]

wilbur and dyspraxia or chronically i’ll partner headcanons! i never see fanfics with chronic disability recognition (as someone with a chronic disability)

Wilbur With a Chronically Ill/Disabled Partner

Wilbur Soot x Gender Neutral Reader

Warnings: Mentions of hospitals, pills and medication, vomit, just general illness stuff

You did specify Dyspraxia, so I threw that in, but wanted to add as many other symptoms as I possibly could because you’re right! It’s hard to find chronic illness representation! I have severe Endometriosis myself, and love to hear from my fellow chronically ill/disabled Wilbur fans! Another lovely request from @loserconfirmed that was written while I binge-watched Octonauts.

Headcannons below cut :)

~First of all, Wilbur’s just a total sweetheart. No matter what your diagnosis is, he’d be the most helpful person you could ever want.

~If your chronic illness sends you to the emergency room and Wilbur’s not by your side, he’s dropping everything to come and be there for you. Whether band practice, a gig, filming with the Sorry Boys, or streaming, he’s abandoning it for you.

~Nausea or vomiting? No problem. Even though Wilbur has said a few times he’s not great with vomit, he’d be right with you as you lean over the toilet, rubbing your back, holding back your hair if it’s long, and giving you sips of water in between.

~If you have a condition like Dyspraxia, affecting your coordination, Wilbur would be an absolute angel. If you needed help zipping your jacket, brushing your teeth, or anything in-between, he’s got it for you. He also wouldn’t make it a big deal or act like it’s out of the ordinary to make you more comfortable. Like I said, angel.

~Use a wheelchair? Wilbur would 100% push it for you if it was manual and your arms got tired, or make sure to keep it charged if it’s electric. King of researching accessible dates for you two, making sure every single place is wheelchair accessible.

~Has a timetable for all the pills you need. Would definitely have one of those labled pill boxes for morning and evening, because let’s be honest, he’d rather go overkill with organisation than have you miss a dose and feel worse.

~Have POTS or get dizzy and faint often? Wilbur would keep an eye on you, making sure you sat down and rested at the first sign you might faint or the second you get a dizzy spell.

~If you’re bedbound by fatigue or pain, it won’t phase Wilbur in the slightest. Just means you two get more time to cuddle, binge watch TV or movies, and spend time together.

~Being with a chronically ill/disabled partner has made Wilbur look more at the accessibility of both his gigs and content. He now only plays in venues with accommodations for fans with disabilities, adding subtitles to all his YouTube videos and putting them on Sorry Boys videos, too. All in an easily-readable font, color-coded for who’s speaking at the time.

*I don’t normally add an afterthought, but I just wanted to say that when I saw Lovejoy on the Road To 100 tour, the venue I was at had FANTASTIC disability accommodations , and I encourage anyone who’s hesitant to attend a gig due to their disability to check with the venue to see if they can accommodate you! I sat in the balcony and had no issues with flaring up during my show :)

[etoilesbienne]

Nice to see that apparently we’ve all read it runs in the family. It was my guilty pleasure fic and i didn’t expect to see other people talking about it. I started reading it like a month after i got into bad and dsmp and i was /obsessed/. It’s one of those fics that changes your brain chemistry and makes you stare at a wall after reading it. To this day im still subbed to it on the off chance that it gets another chapter.

like genuinely its an enamoring fic it has an odd premise but like the author has so much potential in, like, being able to write genuinely engaging narratives. i'm shocked at how much setup is put into the work and you can tell where the narrative is going in a way that's like watching a trainwreck. You know exactly where it is going but the journey of getting there is so fascinating to watch.

anyway i want to ramble about what i liked and what i didn't like in the fic. so. huge reader discretion advised, go look at the other warnings i posted about this fic before reading this (also spoilers for the fic ahead)

like part of its most interesting facets is it is one of the few fics that tackles this sort of heavy subject matter of assault and kidnapping and doesn't really shy away from how genuinely negative it is and can be. like don't get me wrong ive enjoyed other psychological horror before, but it was, like, nice? to see the "pets" all be like genuinely upset and respond realistically to the situation they're in. no "they really like it secretly" undertone.

not a criticism but my favorite part of this story is the random ass normal human names they try to give everyone. they made skeppy have a white ass last name. bbh's name is Bad Halo. purpled doesn't even show up but his name is mentioned to be, like, "nolan purpled but he goes by purpled because his cheating whore of a mom named him nolan and he hates her" genuinely funniest line of the whole fic one of my favorites i can never ever forget it. i need to find all the human names in this theyre so fucking funny.

also badboyhalo? while he IS woobified and made much more demure and defanged, he's still like... that IS badboyhalo. his moments of complete suspicion at every encounter. his doubting. refusal to break the mould and rock the boat out if fear something bad would happen. VERY badboyhalo sentiments. also the fact the writer knew about skephalo divorce. going to be honest, looking at how their other work contains a6d, i think the writer was/is a bbh watcher. and then the schlatthalo. the fact they made schlatt ask to curse? and then bbh laughed when he did? this person understood both of these guys. they did their homework. schlatt isn't a megalomaniac evil villain one note. i don't know if i'd call both of them "in character" per say, but i can definitely say they had consistent characterization and i could understand how their characters got to these versions.

also the technohalo multifaceted concept? techno seeing bbh as too innocent? putting bbh on a pedestal and denying his humanity in that way? WILD. the setup and writing was all there for, like, bbh using his body and manipulating techno to turn against phil.

like the good parts of this fic are such crazy highs and peaks it makes the lows look so much worse.

speaking of which: wilbur soot.

by god is wilbur soot not a character, he is a force of nature and just continuous digging deeper on trying to fix a problem the writer accidentally started. none of sbi really are fleshed out or rounded characters, but wilbur soot is like by far getting the worst treatment. im not even a wilbur fan LOL.

he's supposed to be a schizophrenic serial killer which already isn't a great start, and then you watch the writer realize the issue and try to fix what they've started. this is when schizophrenic medicated slimecicle comes in. followed by badboyhalo looking at the camera and going Not All Mentally Ill People Are Bad. which was just really funny in such a morbid way. but then the writer DOES go in an interesting direction with phil denying his condition and refusing to help him get medicated. however with the slimecicle medicated moment it comes off as a medication = The Good Mentally Ill Person narrative. genuinely i dont know how id solve the wilbur issue without extensive rewriting. he's just a mess.

phil i think is one of the most interesting of sbi, being made into a central antagonist and a genuinely good villain. his scenes have well made tension and poses actual threat and stakes to the narrative. he's a good villain! techno has an interesting arc with bbh but just isn't given enough screentime and doesn't have much beyond "brute to be manipulated" which sucks a little. tommy is tommy. only one of sbi i could see not dying in a fire at the end. wilbur, despite his other issues is a narrative driver with his capriciousness, but the schizophrenia plotline is such a mess that he just is not a person here, he's a plot device more than anything.

more abstractly i do wish they committed and, like, had sex scenes or were blatant about sex happening. like they keep dancing around it but so much of the fic does not make sense if sex isn't what's occurring here. like i get subtlety if the avoidance of sex is what they're aiming for! but its okay to, like, maybe make it more clear whatever techno and bbh have going on is obviously sexual, because that can be used to advance the narrative and make it more clear bbh is using his body to manipulate here, because that'd be a good plot point to continue the themes and motifs of the story. i also just do not know how else to interpret the relationship lol.

my other biggest criticism is make it less misogynistic. the only three named women are the dead samsung smart fridge (who is now a dead mom named samantha), minx the alcoholic witness, and puffy, who is somehow ranboo's mom. like the ableism is horrific here but its so over the top stupid in the ableism, while the misogyny is subtle and just reeks. genuinely why is puffy ranboo's mom that sucks so fucking bad. make her be his aunt or guardian or something. but mom? c'mon.

i rambled way too long lol there's more i can say but this fic is my roman empire. the writer has so much potential but just needs more life experience to understand mental illness and misogyny. also a beta reader to fix their formatting. and maybe make their dialogue more human. shoutout to ranboo giving his name and phone number to tommy after tommy literally fucking tells him he'd "make a beautiful corpse" CRAZY exchange. no human would do that.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

In the clouds

Wilbur looked at his communicator for the daily quests. The assignments that decided whether his child would lose a life — or worse, be unhappy. No child of his would ever be sad, if he could help it.

Now, he wasn’t great at the whole ‘existing in a dangerous world’ thing, death was very probable, even if he loathed to admit it.

But he would make sure that his daughter had a good life until then, at least.

The quests were pretty simple… give the baby a food that starts with a ‘b’, spend time with another baby…

Bathe the baby!

Ah, yeah, that one was probably going to be a problem.

Wilbur didn’t have a bath.

It wasn’t that he didn’t bathe, don’t get him wrong, he had a river outside of his house, and he was happy to duck under from time to time to scrub away dirt and grime. He was content to let Tallulah do the same, would even help her dislodge the flower petals and leaves that always seemed to stick themselves in her curly hair…

But he didn’t know whether that would count. The federation, from what he had heard, was very particular.

So, he did what every person who had just had kids does:

WilburSoot: phil

WilburSoot: phil

WilburSoot: phil

WilburSoot: phil

WilburSoot: phil

Ph1LzA: what mate?

WilburSoot: phil

WilburSoot: oh

WilburSoot: help

He could almost hear Phil groan from atop the wall.

Ph1LzA: okay fine

Ph1LzA: warp up

Wilbur grinned widely and turned to look for Tallulah. As usual, his little girl was being an angel. She was at their (admittedly pitifully small) farm, poking at wheat grains as if that would make them grow faster.

They had food. Phil had made sure that they had a plentiful supply of avocado toast, but Tallulah was apparently sick of the taste. Wilbur wasn’t sure how to break it to her that the wheat would be used to make more bread, so he was opting to cross that bridge when he got to it. Which was decidedly not happening anytime soon, much to Tallulah's current chagrin.

“Sweetheart!” he called, and her head jerked up to look at him. “Anything that starts with a ‘b’ in there?”

She shook her head.

Wilbur hummed. “Worth a shot. We’re visiting your abuelito.”

“And tio Chayanne?” she signed.

Wilbur bit back the words ‘I sure hope not’, borne out of a sibling rivalry that was frankly a little embarrassing considering the age gap between Chayanne and himself.

Not because he didn’t want to say it, but because he remembered that one of the tasks was to hang out with another kid, and Wilbur didn’t really know anyone else on the island enough to do a playdate.

(Okay, technically he knew Quackity and Slimecicle rather well, but he didn’t think that going to see their childrens’ memorials would count for the quest, and there was no need to traumatize his young daughter by showing her such depressing things.)

“We’ll see,” he said instead, smiling. “C’mon, I’ll set up the warpstone.”

She rushed to the tiny building they had set up their warpstone in, circling it with bright eyes, practically bouncing in place as Wilbur worked at calibrating it to send them to Phil and Missa’s house.

It didn’t take long, he practically had the coordinates memorized at this point, but apparently it was too long for Tallulah, who had slapped a hand to the pillar the moment Wilbur drew his hands back, his mouth still partially open, his tongue pressed against the top of his mouth in preparation to form the ‘d’ sound in ‘done’.

He snickered to himself, waiting until he saw her disappear in a flurry of purple particles before allowing the warpstone to take him, as well.

His smell was what returned to him first. The smell of flora, bread in the oven, and a million or so barrels of potatoes.

Then it was sound. The quiet trickle of water. One of those annoying flies that plagued the place. A child’s laughter and the rustling of leaves.

His sight was next, and what a welcoming sight it was. His father, standing there, his eyes rimmed with dark circles but crinkled at the edges with a kind of fondness regardless, smiling at his family.

And, you see, when he rediscovered touch, he realized why that smile had held the barest traces of mischief:

A weight went crashing into his back, and Wilbur nearly fell over with the force of it, cursing under his breath, but he managed to right himself before he hit the stone. Which was great, because this meant that he was able to be beaten over the head with the flat side of a wooden sword.

Wilbur bore approximately three hits before he looked up at the child that was now sitting on his shoulders. Chayanne, his little brother.

“Why?” he asked.

Chayanne scowled, his tiny face screwing up in frustration behind the skeleton mask that had been formed out of his old eggshell, and he tucked the sword beneath his arm to sign the word ‘die’ over and over again.

“Rude,” Wilbur said flatly.

His message received, Chayanne took his sword out and started to hit him once again.

Wilbur sighed. He looked at Phil.

“Well?” Phil said, smiling, utterly unhelpful. “Die.”

Wilbur waited a few moments more, just long enough to get across the point that he was not happy about his current predicament, before he fell back. Right onto Chayanne.

The boy screeched at the weight pinning him down and tossed away his sword in favor of signing in front of Wilbur’s face.

“Can’t read that, can’t get up. I’m dead,” he said, closing his eyes.

Chayanne was not pleased by this development. He made another frustrated sound before throwing his hands down onto Wilbur’s face. Wilbur grimaced, which is never a good thing to do with children, you can not show weakness. Because children will immediately double down on whatever upset you. Hands began smacking at all of the skin that the boy, pinned as he was, could reach.

Another set of hands joined in, little fingers tugging at his shirt to try and make him move as well.

Wilbur, however, was dead, so he was not able to grant the childrens’ wishes.

A light flashed behind Wilbur’s eyelids, and he lifted his head slightly, opening his eyes to squint at his father.

His father was utterly remorseless. He shook out the photo a few times, and then turned it around to make sure it had developed properly.

“Awwww,” he cooed, rushing over to show Wilbur. The three of them were on the ground. Chayanne was frantically hitting at his face, trying to free himself. Tallulah was shaking Wilbur’s shoulder, as if he was asleep and she was simply there trying to wake him. Wilbur’s lips were curled into the barest trace of a smile.

It was, admittedly, a cute photo.

“Give me the picture, Phil, I must burn it.”

“No.”

Wilbur made a mad grab for the photo, but it was gone, tucked away in Phil’s inventory before he could even get close.

Even worse, Chayanne used this chance to scramble out from under him and then snatch up his sword. He held it up in the air, victorious.

Wilbur sighed. He looked at Tallulah, who was giggling at her uncle's antics. “Why must you forsake me so?”

Tallulah only smiled.

Wilbur pouted playfully and looked at Phil. “Not even my daughter is on my side.”

“To be fair, how could she take your side when your opposition is so cute?”

Chayanne huffed and set his sword down once again to sign the words "I am not cute, I am menacing!" at Phil.

Wilbur was also displeased by this development. “This is favoritism, Phil, I’m clearly cuter.”

Chayanne paused, now looking unsure about his previous position. Torn as to whether he should be proud that he had beaten Wilbur at something or remain upset about being considered adorable.

Phil didn’t give the boy much time to ponder this conundrum, because he chose that moment to finally ask Wilbur why, exactly, he was there.

“I thought I would do you a favor, Phil,” said Wilbur, smiling in a way that might have charmed someone else, but did little in the face of the guy who had raised him. Still, he, bravely, continued on: “I saw that the quests for the day said that you have to have a playdate with another kid and, lookee here, a child for you to have a playdate with!”

He motioned to Tallulah, showing her off as if Phil hadn’t seen her several times before.

Phil, of course, smiled at her like a sap. And then gave Wilbur a mildly exasperated look. “I thought you needed help?”

“I…” did not think this through, but Wilbur was nothing if not one to commit to the bit. “I was saying that I wanted to help you, of course!”

“Yeah?” said Phil, smiling in that way that suggested he was only humoring Wilbur. Which did not make sense, for there was no humor in this situation at all. “Then I guess this has nothing to do with the ‘Bathe the baby’ quest and the copious amount of dirt and twigs on your daughter?”

Tallulah shoved her particularly dirt-covered hands behind her back, smiling sheepishly.

“None at all,” Wilbur confirmed.

“And if I were to say that I was just about to bathe Chayanne…”

“Then I would say that sounded like a fun playdate idea!”

Phil laughed, his wing coming out to hit Wilbur over the head. He pouted over this terrible child abuse that he was enduring.

Phil, of course, did not care about this. He turned to the kids, clapping his hands together by his ear. “Bath time!”

Chayanne lit up, grabbing Tallulah by the hand and immediately dragging her off in the direction of the bath, and the two adults shared fond smiles as they followed after them.

Before long, they were in a tiny greenhouse-like structure attached to the back of Chayanne’s house, sitting amongst the flowers and preparing the water so the kids couldn’t complain about freezing to death.

Chayanne had taken out a duck-shaped rubber ring and presented it to Wilbur with pride. Wilbur was not sure why the kid was going to be wearing it in the bath, that seemed counterproductive to the act of bathing, but who was he to argue with a child’s strange outfit choices? He wore the same outfit, every day, to everything, with only breaks to wash it in the river, so he wasn’t one to judge.

Tallulah smiled as she sat at the edge of the tub, waving to the two tortoises bobbing in the water. The tortoises did not say anything back, or even really acknowledge her, too concerned with trying to get out over the sides of the unfortunately slick tub.

“The turtles really don’t like it in there,” Wilbur commented.

“Shut,” said Phil.

Wilbur held his hands up in surrender.

Which was great. They were in the perfect position for him to defend himself when Chayanne jumped into the water, splashing it everywhere.

Those poor tortoises.

But enough about them!

Wilbur turned to Tallulah and motioned for her to come in closer so he could start picking the usual branches out of her tangled hair.

“How do you always get plants in your hair anyways?” he sighed, tossing a leaf aside.

“Flowers,” she signed.

“Understandable, understandable,” said Wilbur, nodding sagely.

She nodded back, just as sage.

Once she was deemed clean enough to take a bath (a strange thought to have, but who wants to get their bath water dirty?), she was helped in with far more grace than Chayanne, and the two parents started scrubbing their kids down. As is the purpose of a bath.

Just kidding, that’s the purpose of the first few minutes of a bath. The rest of a bath should be devoted to just enjoying yourself. Which is what the kids did. Splashing each other, making themselves beards with the bubbles, and playing with those eternally suffering tortoises.

It was nice.

Until. Disaster struck.

After some time, Tallulah gasped.

All eyes turned onto her as she pulled her flute from her pocket, and Wilbur grimaced as he realized that it was waterlogged. She looked him in the eyes as she brought it to her lips. It made a pitiful sound, water bubbling out.

She looked at him for a long moment, scandalized.

“Honey…” he said, at a loss.

She faceplanted in the water.

“NO, TALLULAH!”

While Wilbur righted her in the water, scrubbing at her face with the towel around his shoulders to make sure she was okay, Phil frantically searched through his backpack. Eventually, he procured a… piece of bamboo.

Tallulah looked unimpressed. But, to be fair, it was hard to look impressed when your hair was a wet mop in your face.

Phil smiled. “When we’re done here, I'll make you a new flute. How does that sound?"

Tallulah lit up. “We must finish now!” she signed.

Wilbur laughed. “Okay, okay, let me just get the last of the suds off.”

Despite her original excitement, though, getting them out of the bath was not easy. Chayanne hugged his duck floatie, squinting at Phil with contempt when he dared to hold up the towel, waving it in a way that he clearly hoped to be tempting. Tallulah sunk until she was beneath the water, only the top half of her face peeking out, her mouth blowing bubbles when she sighed.

“Okay, fine, we’ll wait,” said Wilbur.

Bad move. Never challenge children. They are the most stubborn things alive.

Eventually, the water got cold.

However, the kids still refused to get out.

Not because they didn’t want to get out. They would be more than happy with that at this point. But because they didn’t want to get out first.

Phil pulled the tub stopper out. A tiny whirlpool began stealing away the water and bubbles.

“Smaaaart,” said Wilbur, who had never had kids before, and therefore was not expecting them to continue sitting there until they were shivering wet in an empty tub.

He locked eyes with Phil. They nodded once.

And then, with the kind of coordination only seen from those who are comrades on the battlefield called raising dragon children, they wrapped their towels around their kids and dragged them out. The kids screamed bloody murder, but there was no one there to hear. No one other than their exhausted parents who were just trying to make sure they didn’t get sick.

They looked up at their parents, affronted by their care for them.

“You’ll get over it,” Wilbur told Tallulah.

She stuck her tongue out at him.

He smiled and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I love you,” he almost sang.

She melted a little. Hesitantly, she lifted her hands to sign the words, “I love you too, papa.”

They both ignored Phil bargaining with Chayanne in the background, promising to let him wear the floatie for just a little longer. ‘A little longer’ would surely devolve into ‘until mere seconds before bed’.

Until then, though, they changed the kids, and Wilbur tried (and failed) to figure out how to give Tallulah one of those towel hats that women always put their hair into, and Phil whittled the bamboo into the promised flute for Tallulah, and Chayanne started bickering with Wilbur about whether or not he could claim the MCC win when, by his own admission, he was only there to balance out the frankly overpowered team he had had during MCC4…

Before they knew it, the day had faded into night, and it was time for them to start heading home.

Wilbur smiled as he glanced over his tasks.

“Thanks for everything, Phil… I think that’s everything done for to –... oh! I need to give her something that starts with ‘b’. Do you have anything you can spare?”

Before Phil could open his mouth, Chayanne gasped and held up a finger, the (possibly) universal ‘one moment’ gesture, before rushing off. He came back bearing a baked potato, presenting it to Tallulah.

Wilbur plucked it right out of the boy’s hand and then offered it to Tallulah.

Chayanne scowled.

“Tasks say that I have to do it,” Wilbur explained.

Chayanne looked no less displeased.

And strangely, Tallulah mirrored his expression. She took the baked potato into her hands and looked down at it for a moment before staring at Wilbur with wide eyes. She, somehow, looked even more affronted by this meal than she was whenever he gave her avocado toast.