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damon-loves-pie · 2 years

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“Wish I Could Be Your Man.”

I had to reshare this again this morning because I couldn’t find it any of the original hashtags I had done. And I spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME writing this for it to not get the recognition it deserves.

Pairing: Eddie Munson x female reader.

Word count: About 11k words. ( I GOT CARRIED AWAY)

Warnings: 18+, SMUTTY- FLUFFY- ANGSTY KIND OF SLOW BURN STORY. Talks of reader moving around a lot, there is angst with crying and fighting between the reader and Eddie at some point. Reader was cheated on by an ex who slept with her best friend. LOTS OF POT SMOKING.(Eddie is her dealer.) There is pussy eating, fingering, sex of course, and not really much dick sucking. No safe sex happens, (WRAP IT UP PLEASE, I AM PREGNANT BY ACCIDENT SO DON’T BE LIKE ME), Reader does drive stoned. (DO NOT DO THAT PLEASE.) Cigarette smoking, other than that I think that’s all???

I did use inspiration from Eddie’s and Chrissy scene in their first hang out.

Requested by: Anonymous, link to request is here. Overall was requested for a female reader x Eddie fic based off the ending of the song, The Summoning By Sleep Token. (I am not taking anymore request at the moment.)

Summary: Reader had moved around most of her life leaving her unwilling to let anyone close to her after having her heart broken at a young age, she’d rather spend her Senior year alone than with people who probably wouldn’t care for her. She starts working at Family Video in which she asks Steve if he knew where she could find the local dealer. After learning about Eddie Munson ,reader starts buying from him, overtime starting to grow fond of him till a small relationship forms. Eddie wants more than the reader is allowing, causing a fight to break out over him begging her to come see his band play. Reader in the end pulls her head out of her ass, and realizes she cares about the boy as much as he cares about her.

Author’s note: I WILL SAY THE BEGINING IS LONG, AND EDDIE DOESN’T COME IN FOR A MINUTE. BUT PLEASE bare with me. I HAD TO ESABILISH SOME KIND OF STORY. You don't get to see Eddie till a little over 2,000 words in. BUT I PROMISE YOU, IT’S WORTH IT.

I spent the last few days working solely on this and have proofread but it was superlong so I hope I didn’t miss anything.

But to whoever requested this I hope you enjoy the vision I had came up with.

Writing Masterlist

Hawkins, Indiana. The home of the small town high school, Hawkins High, which I'll be attending till graduation in the spring.

Other than that, Hawkins was just another small town on the list of places I've lived.

It was a place that probably won't cross my mind ever again when I leave for college in the fall just like any of the other towns I have called home over the years.

My father's job caused us to move so often that I stopped being interested in finding ties to a town I wouldn't be in for long.

Ever since getting a promotion before I went into 7th grade, he has constantly moved our family so he could help run or set up different stores across the country.

In result of that, the longest I tend to stay in a place is just for the school year. Maybe for the summer too if I'm lucky, but that seems to be about every other year.

Growing up with constantly moving made me crave structure. I act like I hate the idea of settling down and making friends, but actually I yearned for it.

I wanted strong friendships, I wanted to be on first name basis with the gas station clerk kind of thing, I wanted everything that came with a normal life.

But over the last few years I didn't see the point in making friends who would stop answering my calls or letters after a few weeks of me moving away.

So that dream life will just have to wait till I go to college next fall.

I had been dreaming of it since the summer of my freshman year.

I even started working that summer to save up for my apartment that I'll have during the four years I plan on attending.

I have so much money saved up because how badly I want this, and have worked my ass off to make sure I will get accepted.

I needed to have control of something in my life and this was the easiest most important way I could.

I thought about my life and the things that made up it as I drove down the run down road towards the high school.

How after having been to five other schools as the new girl, this sixth one probably wasn't going to be any different.

The nerves I had in middle school about starting new were gone now, having died out by freshman year.

The thought of being the new girl wasn't scary anymore, it was now routine.

My tires screech against the pavement as I pull into the parking lot, entering into an empty space.

Knowing what awaited me I grabbed by backpack and Walkman off the passenger side, throwing the worn out headphones over my ears.

My fingers pressing play as I hopped out of the seat of my car.

Walking towards the wide open doors, my eyes studied the school.

Hawkins High wasn't anything special, but neither were most the schools I went to.

It was your normal brick building with the school colors scatter about to capture that 'school spirt', with a big welcome sign seated up front to welcome in the new and returning students.

I reach the doors feeling eyes turn towards me from the lockers lined down the hall, other students taking a glimpse at the unknown student.

I was used to people whispering about me, usually wondering about the newest girl of the year. And I defiantly knew it was going to be bigger news once people found out I was a senior.

Not paying them any mind I followed the wall signs towards the door labeled 'office.'

I spent the twenty minutes before class filling out paperwork as the secretary retrieved my schedule. Reassuring the people in the office multiple times that I didn't need a student to show me around before heading to my classes for the day.

My first few classes were as normal as they could be. The teachers having me introduce myself to the class after realizing there was a new student on their roster. Syllabuses got handed out and read, stating what was expected for each class. And then most students avoiding me like the plague or gave me a small smile and a wave when passing in the hall.

Walking into lunch I felt heads turn towards me, knowing all the small-town kids who've known each other since preschool were talking about the new girl. Wondering if she had somewhere to sit or would dare sit alone.

That was the thing they didn't know though, I would rather sit by myself any day then beg someone to be my friend so I wouldn't be alone.

Finding an empty table near the windows I plopped myself into a seat, music playing through my headphones as I pulled out the work Mrs. Click had given us already.

I wasn't wanting to worry about finishing it later tonight since my first shift at my new job started after school.

I would rather eat a quick lunch on the way there than get off tonight and have to worry about finishing the assignment.

After lunch was over the second half of the day seemed to fly by, surprising me as the clock hit four pm when I got home.

I threw my bag onto my bed, grabbing the dark green Family Video vest off my chair as I made my way back to my car.

The job didn't seem like anything special from the outside and I doubt it was going to change my life or anything. But it was a way to make money and something to keep me occupied during my time here in Hawkins.

The sound of the bell ringing greeted me as I entered the store, causing me to groan internally because I knew soon I was going to loathe the sound.

My line of vision hit the front desk, looking for the man named Steve Harrington, who Keith told me would be training me today.

A tall brunette comes from behind the shelf, huge hands holding a small stack of tapes.

"Welcome to Fam- Oh, you must be (Y/N) the new hire. I'm Steve." He smiles, eyes glimmering as they meet the vest I'm wearing.

"That's me." I shrug slightly, watching as he studied me.

Steve wasn't bad looking and defiantly was not my usual type, but he wasn't something I wouldn't mind looking at from time to time. I memorized the way his longish hair sat and freckles that scattered across his neck to the way his muscles peaked out from under his polo as he held the tapes.

Realizing he had spent 30 seconds too long staring, he coughed awkwardly motioning his head towards the back of the counter.

"We should probably get you clocked in before we start training you in the 'Family Video way." He quotes sarcastically.

His free hand making quotations causing me to roll my eyes playfully in response.

Steve notices, laughing lightly while he placed the tapes on the counter.

"It's what Keith says we have to say when we train someone new. But I think he just likes trying to make my job a little harder." Steve explains, rummaging through a drawer till he pulls out a blank time card.

Laughing at his comment, I take the time card and pen from his grasp.

"So you can smile, I was worried you were going to have the whole 'I'm going to kill you vibe' all night long." He teases, watching as I write my name and the date across the paper.

"Don't get too excited, if I end up not liking you it could still happen." I shake my head playfully, going to sign on the time.

"You can write you were here 10 minutes earlier, Keith never checks the cameras." Steve promises, catching me off guard as my eyebrow raises in response.

"You trying to get me fired already Steve?" I mock, watching his lips turn up into a smile.

"I wouldn't do that unless you actually tried to kill me." He jokes, causing me to grin in amusement, scribbling 4:15 onto my time card.

The bell rings again for the second time that night as I look over to him,

"Looks like we have our first customer of the night." I sigh, placing my time card with the rest on the counter.

As the night went on I realized my job here at Family Video was actually one of the easier jobs I've had over the years.

There really wasn't much to it other than helping customers, keeping track and stocking innovatory, taking care of the store plus it's merchandise and either closing or opening the store depending on your shift.

Not to mention as well that Steve was surprisingly a good trainer. He was fun, light hearted, and didn't get upset or acted like I was stupid if I forgot how to do something. Instead he would explain it again understanding sometimes it was hard to get used to some things.

The night went by fast due to the steady stream of customers we had, which Steve promised wasn't normal for a Monday and that next week would probably feel so slow compared to today.

Steve had allowed me to do honors of locking the door after waving off the last customer of the night, celebrating a successful evening.

We finished rewinding the brought back tapes and putting them into their designated areas before closing down the register, deciding to save sweeping and mopping for last.

Steve followed behind me as I swept, mopping the hardwood floors.

"How is Hawkins treating you so far?" Steve asks filling the quiet air while swirling the soapy mop against the walkway.

Thinking about my response I stop sweeping, turning towards him.

"Can I be honest or are you going to judge me if I say the wrong thing?" I ask him with a serious look on my face.

Stopping his movements as well, he brings his eyes to mine.

"Why would I judge you?" He asks, bringing his hand to his hip while the other hand leaned against the mop handle.

"Hawkins has been fine the past couple of days, but uh" I trail off, moving my eyes down to the broom handle I was playing with nervously.

"But?" He asks as I sigh, lifting my eyes back up to meet his.

"But I can't seem to find out where to get any uh-stuff around here." I tell him, hoping he would understand.

"What stuff?" He asks confused, causing me to roll my eyes at the boy.

"Weed Harrington, weed. I haven't learned who sells here yet." I laugh watching the realization of what I meant wash over his face.

"Oh okay. Well that's easy, you could go to Eddie Munson." He tells me, dipping the mop back into the bucket of water.

"So where do I find him then?" I ask, going back to moving the broom across the floor, picking up pieces of dirt and dust.

"Uh, I think he's actually in school again this year since I didn't see him at graduation. So you could probably find him tomorrow." He answers, letting the loud thud of the mop head hit the floor.

"But be careful around him." Steve warns, lifting up a finger to me.

Stopping my movements again I turn towards the boy.

"Wait why be careful?" I ask him, confused on why he would say that. Unless the guy was like a serial killer or something.

"He's just a little bit of a freak. He listens to crazy music and of course as I told you deals drugs. Plus he plays that kid game, DND, and he's also in like a satanic band." Steve explains, the judgment in his voice lingering as he mops the dry wood.

"In a band you say. Does he play the guitar? Can he sing?" I joke, going back to finishing the floor.

"Yeah, I think he does play and if you want to call what he does singing." Steve answers, chuckling slightly.

"Sounds like he may be my type Harrington." I tease, knowing he's rolling his eyes behind me while we finish closing the store.

Heading into the school the next morning I was praying to find this Eddie Munson that Steve had told me to find.

I was desperate need of release because I finished the rest of my stash after getting off work last night.

If I don't get something soon I don't know how I'll survive the stress of senior year and work.

I had asked Steve before getting into my car where I would more than likely find him at school but he didn't have a clear answer since he didn't know much about the boy.

Just said I'll know he's him when I see him, that him and his friends are different from everyone else the high school.

Which basically left me with nothing, because what the hell was the supposed to mean?

I've came to notice two things over the years when figuring out who the dealer or dealers of the schools were. They were usually either the jocks no one would expect or the students with just enough charisma that they could convince anyone they wouldn't dare do that.

But they didn't always fall into those categories.

I scanned the halls as I walked to my first class, seeing the usual cheerleaders and jocks in their letterman jackets but none of them giving off the vibe of the local dealer.

The rest of the students left in the hall looked like they wouldn't dare touch it, let alone sell it.

None of them looked the way Steve had led me to believe Eddie would look like.

I felt discouraged as I sat down at my desk, hopping to find him at some point in the day. But at the moment it felt like I was looking for a needle in a haystack.

By the time lunch came around I wondered if Steve might have been wrong about him still being in school. Maybe he did graduate and Steve hadn't noticed. Or maybe he dropped out, having not wanted to finish school.

Or maybe he wasn't as bad as Steve tried to make him out to be so I'm looking for the wrong person.

Sitting down at the table I had sat the day before, I listened to the music playing through my ears. My eyes scanning the room over the top of my book.

I saw the usual cliques as I looked around the room but nothing screaming "Satan worshipers' like Steve had warned.

Turning my line of vision towards the tables in front of me I see a group stand out over the rest of the students a few tables down.

The occupants of the table were wearing leather jackets, torn vests and jeans. Just overall looking like themselves compared to the other students who looked like they walked out of a page of the latest magazine.

Leaning back slightly I eyed the table. My vision being drawn to the front to see a long curly haired brunette telling what seemed to be a dramatic story. The rest of the table watched in awe, laughing and making comments at the boy.

I took his appearance in, he was wearing black jeans that were ripped at the knee. There was a chain poking out beside him, the leather jacket he wore had a battle vest paired with. It had patches and pins scattered across it. The hand that brought whatever he was eating to his mouth were decorated in chunky silver rings, leather and chain bracelets sticking out as his sleeve rolled down slightly.

That has to be him, I thought to myself as I drooled mentally for a second.

I may have been right, this man was just my type.

I decided to let myself admire him for a second longer, not realizing he would notice the feeling of my eyes observing him so soon.

His eyes turned to meet mine as I adverted my sight quickly towards the words in front of me, feeling my face reddening slightly while the boy watched me for a moment.

I didn't dare to look up from my book the rest of lunch and wondered if the stares I felt were coming from him or someone else in the room.

I was one of the first students out of the lunch room when the bell rang to dismiss us.

Nervous about having been caught, I headed to the bathroom before going to class to catch my breath for a second.

Making my way down the hall I turn the corner not expecting to run chest first into someone this late into the passing period.

"Oh shit I'm so- you're new right?" I hear as I look at the chest of the person I ran into.

The battle vest and leather looking familiar as I took in the pins and patches, realizing as I stepped back that I had ran into the person I've been looking for.

"Are you alright?" He asks with concern in his voice, his hand moving to touch my forearm gently.

"I'm fine, just kind of shocked that's all." I laugh lightly, lifting my gaze to meet his to see the worry in his eyes disappear.

"And uh- yeah I just moved here for my senior year." I finish, watching his brown eyes crinkle while his lip curl up into a smile.

"Well welcome to Hawkins, I'm Eddie. Eddie Munson, I do wish we could of had a less painful introduction than this though." He grins, dimples popping out as he extends his hand towards mine.

"(Y/N), (Y/N) (Y/L/N)." I smile lightly, taking his hand into mine.

The bell above us rings making me pull my hand away in shock as we realize passing period is now over.

"I should get going if actually plan on graduating this year." Eddie chuckles, pulling his hand back awkwardly.

Nodding in agreement we both stand there for a second, neither of us taking the first step to leave.

"Before I go, I uh saw you sitting alone at lunch. And if you want you could always join me and the rest of hellfire." He offers, twirling the ring on his left pointer finger nervously. A small blush playing on his cheeks, while he glances down at his shoes.

"Hellfire? Is that your band?" I ask curiously, watching his demeanor change in response.

"It's not, but you have heard of me?" He questions with amusement in his voice. His body stands a little taller, moving to lean against the lockers next to me as his arms cross across his chest. Smile tugging on his lips playfully.

"I had um- asked around about finding uh- supplies and I got your name along with some warnings." I tell him sheepishly, hearing his laugh escape through his lips.

"Sounds about right, just I can't get you stuff at the moment." Eddie tells me, glancing at the clock on the wall.

"But we are already late, so how do you feel about going out to the woods?" Eddie asks with a raised eyebrow, bringing his fingers to his lips in a smoking motion.

"I would beg please." I laugh, watching his smile widen.

He leads me out the door in the hallway, showing me the way to the picnic table in the woods.

I sit down across from him watching him dig around the pack of camels he pulled out of his jacket pocket.

Pulling out an already rolled joint Eddie smiles in triumph, handing it to me along with his lighter.

"Most people around here have smoked my weed at some point before they even come up to me. So um since you're new I figured you can smoke it before you decide to buy it." Eddie explains, watching as I bring the joint to my lips. The clicking of the lighter lighting the paper into a burning ember.

Inhaling I feel the familiar haze wash over my body and mind releasing all the stress and tension the day had brought so far.

Coughing slightly due to the harsh hit, I pass the joint back to Eddie.

"Thank you, you don't know how bad I needed this." I thank him, exhaling the thick smoke into the air around us.

"Trust me, I get it. High school and life can be rough." He welcomes, bringing the burning smoke to his lips.

"So tonight doesn't work for me to meet up with you because I'm playing at the hideout tonight. But I could meet up with you here tomorrow or after school at one of our places if you're comfortable with that." He tells me, as my smaller fingers takes the joint back from between his.

"I couldn't do tonight anyway because I work Tuesdays, but I can do tomorrow. And meeting at your house will work, I need to learn my way around town anyway." I laugh lightly feeling the high starting to hit me as I breathe out what was left of my hit.

"So what's the hideout?" I ask him curiously, seeing his eyes spark up as he takes a hit.

"It's just some shitty bar here in town, and it's pretty cool actually. And we get a crowd there of about um- five drunks." Eddie tells me, humor in voice.

I hear myself giggle in response, fingers brushing against his more the higher I get.

"Yeah, it's not exactly the Garden, but you gotta start somewhere right?" He finishes, playfully shrugging his shoulders.

"So is that what you hope to do with your life? Get somewhere with your music?" I ask, taking the second to last hit that was left.

"That's the plan. I love music and love the thought of being able to travel the country while doing what I love." Eddie nods, taking the joint between his lips before putting it out on the table.

"If that's what you want, then it sounds nice. I think everyone should do what makes them happy." I tell him, touching his forearm gently.

"How about you? What plan do you have?" He questions, resting his chin on his hand.

"Um, I've moved around every year the last five, six years so I'm really trying to make it to college and decide from there." I admit to him.

"So we're on two different spectrums?" He chuckles, as I nod in agreement.

"So it would seem." I laugh lightly.

"Do you know much are you wanting tomorrow?" Eddie asks, pulling a cigarette out of the pack on the table.

"What are your prices?" I ask him, watching him light the cigarette.

He inhales, chewing on his lip for a second before talking.

"I can do a half ounce for um $20." Eddie offers, lifting the cigarette up for me to take.

"That works and would be great." I smile, taking the cigarette from him.

"You know you don't seem as bad as people say." I tell him as the cigarette rest on my lips, my glassy eyes smiling over at him.

"Mean and scary?" Eddie asks, hand rubbing his cheek while a smile forms.

"Yeah." I nod, biting back my smile as I pass him the cigarette.

"Actually in other good news- flattery works with me. " Eddie smiles, as I raise an eyebrow.

"So uh 25% discount for the half. I can do fifteen bucks. But just so you know, you're robbing me blind here." He finishes, with a grin and a blush across his face when he brings the cigarette to his lips.

The moment in the woods with Eddie helped me surive the rest of my classes and made me ready to set Steve straight at work.

"Steve, he is not that bad." I tell him grabbing my time card out of the stack.

"Who?" He asks, glancing up from the computer.

"Eddie." I tell him scrunching my eyebrow, because who else would I be talking about?

"Whatever you say." He shakes his head, tying away on the keyboard.

"So does that mean you got your stuff?" Steve asks, looking up to me as I peak over from the side of him to watch him check accounts for past due movies.

"No, but I did talk to him. We're supposed to meet at his place tomorrow." I shrug, watching him mark an account with a late charge.

"Meeting at his place huh?" Steve teases, playful smirk on his face as I bump my hip against his shoulder.

"Stop it's not like that, plus I don't do relationships. I learned that after my freshman year." I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest.

"You do know you don't have to be in a relationship for stuff to happen right?" He asks, eyes meeting playfully with mine.

"Steve, we aren't close enough yet for you to tease me like this. Now stop before I do go back to having my murderous stare." I laugh, giving him another small shove.

"I was just saying." He shrugs, going back to typing away.

The next day and a half went by fast as I waited in anticipation for meeting with Eddie.

Pulling into the Munson's drive, I felt more nervous now than I had felt about starting school.

It felt different being here than being out in the woods with him since now I knew he wasn't a dick like some of the drug dealers I had in the past.

Walking up to the door I take a deep breath as I knocked, praying to god Eddie would be the one to answer.

A few moments after my fist met the door, it opens to reveal a smiling Eddie.

"Hey, you made it, come on in." He tells me, extending his arm out into the home.

"Why wouldn't I?" I ask him, taking a step inside.

All the mugs scattered on the walls catches my eye as I scan over them. Turning towards him with a raised brow, I smile watching him redden up a bit.

"Yeah sorry about that, they're my uncle's. It's just me and him here, but don't worry he's already gone for work. And uh, I was worried you might have decided against meeting here." Eddie tells me, leading me to the kitchen.

"But anyway, my stuff is on the counter over here." He motions to the counter where a scale and a jar sat.

I watched as he set the scale, weighting the product to measure it out.

"You want to take a look?" Eddie asks taking a step back so I could read the scale.

"Eddie that's a little more than a half?" I turn towards him to see him nodding lightly.

"Consider it a gift for being a first time buyer." He winks, going to bag it up for me.

"Can I just give you $20 then, you're already giving me a great deal." I beg digging into my purse for the money before holding it out to him.

"I told you 15 yesterday so it's 15."He shakes his head, pushing away the 20.

"That was for a half though, and this clearly isn't a half." I argue holding the bag he gives me, feeling bad because he gave me two more grams than he was supposed to on top of the deal he was already giving me.

"Sweetheart, it's fine I promise you." Eddie reassures me, as I feel my cheeks redden at the nickname.

"Whatever you say Eddie." I sigh, going to grab a 10 and a 5 to complete the transaction.

Eddie walks me to back to the front door, his hand resting in his back pocket.

"Thank you for this, it should last me a while." I tell him, tapping my purse.

"It's no problem really, thank you for coming to me." He smiles, freehand rubbing the back of his neck.

"Well it's kind of late, I should probably be heading home." I trail, looking around nervously, not wanting to intrude.

I'm about to reach the doorknob as Eddie interrupts.

"Unless you want to stay for a little while?" He asks, causing me to turn back around.

"We could watch a movie and match joint for joint?" He offers as my thumb plays with the strap of my purse while I contemplate staying.

I don't usually hang out with people, let alone smoke with other people, especially more than once.

But he doesn't seem to be a horrible person to be around, and I probably will be seeing him for a good amount of the next year.

"Okay." I nod, watching Eddie's face light up.

We sat there watching something that was playing on TV, surrounded in thick smoke as we passed the joint back and forth. Bodies naturally getting closer with each pass we do.

"So what do you do in your free time? Other than smoke obviously?" Eddie asks me, pulling my attention away from the movie.

"Oh um, I mostly work or just do homework. Like I said the other day, I've been dreaming of college so I mostly just focus on that." I tell him, blowing out smoke.

"I wish I could say the same for me, this is my third year as a senior. My GPA is like less than 1 if that's even possible." He admits to me, a nervous laugh following as I give him the joint.

I watch him take a hit, feeling shy to look over after sharing the information.

Leaning in a bit more, I rest my hand on his freehand.

"Hey, at least you're here. There's many people who would of gave up after failing the first time. Plus everyone has their own speed, life isn't a race to win." I smile softly, Eddie's brown eyes moving to meet mine.

"Plus, if you ever need help you could just ask me." I tell him, feeling my eyes glimmer.

"Thank you." He nods before opening his mouth again.

"I actually really think this is my year." Eddie tells me smiling slightly, causing me to laugh lightly in response.

"Yeah?" I grin at him.

"Yeah," He nods, giving my hand a light squeeze.

Seeing through the cloudiness in my brain, I realize we're still holding hands after a few moments.

Pulling away, I glance over to the clock by the TV.

"It's been fun, but I should really get going." I tell Eddie, standing up.

"It is getting late, but I'll see you at school tomorrow right?" He asks, standing up as well.

"Yeah, I'll be there." I nod at him, feeling him watch me gather my things.

"Think you might sit with Hellfire at lunch?" Eddie questions as I start heading towards the door.

Reaching the door I turn around slightly, hand resting on the knob.

"Probably not Eddie, nothing against you or them I promise. I just don't like to make friends, I've lost too many of them over the years." I confess, his face dropping slightly as he nods.

"Well if you ever change your mind, there's always a spot available." He smiles lightly, trying to mask the pain while taking a step forward.

"But really thank you for this Eddie, I really needed it." I tell him truthfully. Taking a step forward before I realize what I'm doing, I find my lips being placed on his cheek.

Pulling away shocked at my actions, I open the door quickly, turning to tell him goodbye.

"I'll see you soon, I promise," I smile, basically running out of his trailer.

It's been a little over a month of me living in Hawkins since that first transaction with Eddie.

School had been decent and working with Robin and Steve had actually been a blessing. I don't know how I would survive there without them.

Eddie and I talk quite a bit actually, sometimes just in passing through the halls. Sometimes before entering lunch as he asks me if I'm sure I didn't want to sit at his table, which I reassure him I'm okay alone especially since I usually work on homework anyway and didn't want any distractions.

Sometimes we just meet up in the woods for a smoke break on days that seem unbearable.

With everything going on with Eddie and the duo at work I've been feeling conflicted and have been questioning everything.

I don't usually allow myself to be so vulnerable with people.

I've had laughs with them, hell have hung out with them all at some point even.

That wasn't who I was when I got here, I hadn't allowed myself to feel for years before moving here.

It has me wondering what was in the air here in Hawkins.

Hell Robin even sits next me in the few classes we have together, leaving me to have a partner when a teacher says to partner up for the first time in years.

I am thankful for her though because she does make school not be as boring.

Exiting our last class for the day, Robin follows me towards my locker.

"What are you doing today on your day off?" She asks as I open the door.

"I have no idea, but I need to talk to Eddie about getting some more.. stuff soon." I whisper quietly motioning to the teachers standing outside their doors.

"On a Friday?" She smirks teasingly.

"Stop, it's not like that." I tell her, rolling my eyes while putting away the books I didn't need.

"Mmmh. Well because of Dustin I know they have Hellfire tonight, but I'm sure Eddie would love meeting up with you after its over, you know late at night." Robin says playfully, leaning against the locker next to mine.

"Robin, I swear to god I will quit our job right now leaving to work with either Steve or Keith alone on all of your shifts." I raise an eyebrow, challenging her to continue.

"Okay, I'll stop but I just think you two would be cute, and I know you two like each other. I can see it." She says holding her books in defense.

"I think you're delusional, plus shouldn't you be leaving to get to work on time since band isn't needed today?" I ask her, packing my backpack.

"Okay, I may be delusional most days but I promise you not on this." Robin laughs, removing her back from the locker.

"And yeah, Steve's probably outside. I'll see you tomorrow night at work though, and make sure you tell me everything that happens." She calls out, turning down to walk towards the exit.

"Nothing is going to happen!" I yell, hearing footsteps approach me on my other side.

"What's not going to happen?" A curious Eddie asks as I look over.

"Robin was just being stupid and teasing me about not having anything to do on a Friday since I'm off." I shake my head, throwing my bag over my shoulder while my free hand closed my locker.

"Oh?" He asks, playing with his rings.

"Yeah, but actually would you be free tonight for me to come... visit? I got paid yesterday." I trail off, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Are you already out again?" Eddie chuckles as I redden.

"No but I'm getting close, I don't think you understand how much I uh-consume a day." I chose my words carefully, waving as Mrs. Click walks pass us.

"Would around 8:30/9 work for you? I have hellfire tonight and it's probably going to go on late tonight." He asks.

"Yeah, I'll be there then. Thank you, see you then." I smile, touching his arm before waving goodbye.

I wait till it's closer to nine to leave my house, determining it would be better to arrive later in case he wasn't done as early as he thought.

Pulling into his driveway I see his van parked and Eddie waiting on the porch for me, smoking a cigarette.

"How was your campaign?" I ask climbing out of my car as he stands up.

"It actually went really well, how was having some free time for once?" Eddie teases while I make my way to the porch.

"Actually I uh did homework for most the night, but now I don't have to worry about finishing anything this weekend." I tell him, shrugging slightly, feeling my lips turn up into a smile.

"You're something else (Y/L/N)." He chuckles, opening his door for me.

"Same as usual right?" Eddie asks as I nod.

As he goes to weight it I sit on the couch opening my draw string bag I brought with me.

"Yow know, I um checked this out last night before I left work because in the next couple months everyone's going to want it once the second one comes out. I still haven't gotten around to re-watching it, and really don't want to waste the money I spent renting it?" I explain, waving Nightmare On Elm Street between my fingers.

"Is that your way of asking if I want to watch it with you tonight?" Eddie grins teasingly, walking over to hand me the bag he filled.

"Might be." I laugh, handing him his money and the tape.

"What if I would of been busy tonight?' He questions, humor in his voice as he puts the tape in.

"Then I guess you would of had to cancel." I tell him, raising an eyebrow as Eddie shakes his head making his way towards the couch.

Smoke filled the room while we watched the movie.

Even though I had seen this a few times, I tucked my head against his shoulder throughout different portions of the movie. My high making me jump more than I would usually.

"Scared princess?" Eddie smirks, lighting another joint he had rolled.

"No," I lie, taking the joint from him as he gives me a blank stare.

"I'm not, I'm more like grossed out." I laugh, bringing it to my lips, still leaning onto him with my feet tucked under me.

"Don't like gore?" He asks, watching my mouth pull away from the joint.

"No, not at all." I admit, holding down a cough as his fingers linger longer than usual when I pass him the smoke.

"Then why would you pick a glory movie?" Eddie snorts.

"I didn't remember it being it this bad." I tell him truthfully, feeling his arm wrap around to hold me while he leans forward to ash the joint.

"You know, if you wanted to cuddle with me you could of just asked." Eddie jokes, leaning back to pass it to me.

"I didn't want to cuddle with you." I shake my head in response, inhaling the smoke.

I felt my cheeks start to redden as the air seemed to shift, wondering if there was tension between us or if I was just high and imagining it.

"Babe, you're already are." Eddie laughs, giving my side that he was holding a light squeeze.

"Munson, if I wanted to get under you I wouldn't have had to use a scary movie, that's just more work on my part." I tell him, smirk playing on my lip as I give him the last hit.

"Are you calling me easy?" He asks, eyes gleaming as he inhales the rest before putting it out, strong grip never leaving my side.

"I don't know, are you?" I tease, feeling my heart starting to beat faster at the way he was looking at me.

"Are you trying to find out?" He questions, eyes moving from my lips to my eyes while his hand traces circles on the exposed part of my hip.

I took a deep breath, resting my hand onto his chest.

"And if I was? What would you do?" I ask batting my eyes lightly, the glimmer of the forgotten movie lighting his face.

"What would you let me do?" He gulps, other hand moving to hold my knee.

"Honestly? Anything." I barely whisper, this time taking my eyes from his to his lips and back.

Taking that as a sign, Eddie leans in gently. His lips brushing against mine as his hand lightly digs into my thigh, both of us holding our breath as our lips meet.

Kissing back slowly, I feel him part his lips lightly against mine. The tenderness of the kiss making me breath heavy as he presses into the kiss a little harder. I feel my hand grip his shirt tighter as my other hand moved to hold the back of his head.

We sit there for a few minutes, lips connecting sweetly as we explore each other's mouths. His tongue lightly licking my bottom lip before entering. The feeling of his hair between my fingers made me moan as he ran his tongue against mine, a little rougher than how he had been kissing me.

Not removing my mouth from his, I lift myself up slightly so I can slide onto his lap. Straddling him, I feel his hands move to hold the tops of my thighs as I slowly rock my hips against his. The kisses start to get a little heavier as I start pulling his jacket off his chest, biting his lip lightly between kisses.

I felt like I never wanted this moment to end, the taste of weed and cigarettes taking up my taste buds as I slide my tongue against his. Eddie groans against my mouth, his hands roaming up underneath my shirt to hold me close.

Pulling away I felt my chest feeling like my heart was about to burst through my shirt.

"Eddie?" I ask him, resting my forehead against his.

"Hm?" He hums at me, breathing as heavily as I was.

"If you want this, then that's all this will ever be. Nothing more, and I'm okay with it if you are but I just needed you to know in case you thought this was something else." I tell him watching him take in the information as I pull back slightly.

"If you don't want to do that then we can forget this ever happened." I continue nervously, loosening up my grip on his shirt.

Eddie licks his lips lightly as I held my breath. In reality it had only been a few seconds but the cloudiness of my mind made it feel like forever.

"(Y/N), I'm okay with this if you are." He reassures me, hands moving to hold my hips as he looked at me deeply.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to do something you don't actually want to do." I ask, watching as he groans teasingly.

"God, why won't you listen to what I say?" Eddie laughs, moving to lay me down on the couch beneath him.

Climbing over me, I smile as he hovers above my face.

"When I say I'm okay with something, I'm okay with it. Doesn't matter if it's this, giving you more weed, or anything. If I said it's okay, then it's okay." Eddie tells me, smile playing on his lips.

"Okay." I nod biting my lip as he leans down to connect his with mine again.

Pulling away he starts kissing on my neck, hands running beneath my shirt to pinch my nipples lightly causing me to gasp underneath him.

"Now, let me make you feel good." Eddie breaths against me, licking a sensitive spot on my neck.

"Okay," I nod, eyes closed as I whimper at the feeling of his rough tongue against my neck. The coolness of it soothing the hash bites and nips he trails across it.

"Good, because you deserve to relax princess." He tells me, tongue connecting with my ear lobe, as my shoulder tenses in response.

"Uh, uh. Sweetheart, lets see you loosen up." He tsks, biting my lobe, causing me to cry out beneath him as I take a deep breathe in hopes of relaxing my body.

"Good girl sweetheart, how about we get these pants off?" Eddie praises, pulling up to unbutton my jeans.

Hooking his long fingers with the inside of the pants, he pulls them down completely along with the purple lace panties I had wore tonight.

"Aw did you expect something to happen tonight sweetheart?" He teases, tossing them to the floor.

"No, but I wore them in case." I admit, breathing hitching as he licks up my thigh. His mouth leaving small bites while one of his hands moved to sperate my legs. Pulling it over on to his shoulder.

A gasp slips my lips when Eddie takes his tongue lightly between my folds, licking softly.

One of my hand move to hold his hair as he dives in, tongue meeting my clit as he slowly circles around it.

"Hold as tightly as you need baby." Eddie tells me, taking one hand and tracing his finger up and down slowly before slipping it inside of me. As I arche my back in response feeling Eddie smirk against me.

Matching speed with his finger, he flicked his tongue against my clit while he pumped his finger in and out of me leaving me moaning beneath him.

Taking my freehand I move to lift up my shirt, feeling Eddie help me slide it up with his other hand.

Pitching my nipple I look down to make eye contact with Eddie as he moans against me, brown eyes shinning towards mine.

He adjusts himself so he can support himself up and pay attention my other nipple while my hand holds his hair.

Feeling that usual squeeze in my stomach, I cry out feeling him add another finger.

The feeling of his mouth licking and sucking lightly on my clit driving me wild as the edges of his rings press inside of me when he curls his fingers, pumping them in and out.

"Come on princess, let yourself go. It's okay to relax," Eddie mumbles against me.

"I feel you tensing beneath me. Just breathe okay? Let yourself cum all over me." He assures me before diving back into pleasing me.

Nodding, I take a deep breath, allowing my body to feel the pleasure coming from all directions.

Eddie speeds up a little bit. Fingers pumping faster as his tongue rubs against my clit at the same pace.

"I'm getting close Eddie." I cry out, leaning forward more as he hums against me, bringing his eyes back to mine.

I feel the usual wave of emotion hit my body as I unwind all over him, screaming out his name as he rides out my high on his mouth and fingers.

He pulls fingers out of me, bringing them to my mouth which I opened up obediently for him, licking and sucking on them while he licks me clean below.

"Such a good girl baby." Eddie smirks, pulling away from me as he wipes his mouth clean.

"Think you're ready for me? Or do you need a moment?" He asks, sitting up to undo his jeans.

"I'm ready for you." I nod, leaning forward to help him pull them down as his cock springs up.

"You're just full of many surprises aren't you Munson?" I smirk, leaning forward to lick up his long shaft, hearing him groan from the friction.

"Sweetheart as much as I would love to see what that mouth could do, I almost came while taking care of you." Eddie chuckles, hand going underneath my chin to stop me when I tried to go back down on him.

Nodding I sit up, pulling my shirt off completely as he pulls his off over his head as well.

Climbing on to him I position him below me, moving down slowly as his hands grip my hips harshly.

"Fuck (Y/N), you feel so fucking good wrapped around me baby." Eddie breathes, face scrunching up in pleasure as he bottoms out into me.

"You're so big Eddie, stretching me out completely." I tell him, eyes rolling to the back of my head as I rock against him.

The feeling of his huge cock hitting my cervix makes me whimper as I started to lift and roll my hips against his.

Leaning forward I attach my mouth to his Adam's apple that he had exposed while being a moaning mess beneath me.

I bite the area lightly, letting my nails dig into his chest while I worked on his neck.

"Fuck baby, just like that." Eddie groans, making me moan as I feel the vibrations through his neck while I licked and sucked all over him.

I whimper feeling him adjust below me as he starts pounding into me while I work my hips down.

Moving his head so his lips meet mine, I moan into the kiss, tongue sliding against his as I struggled to hold myself still against him. All the movement from both us making me cry out as I felt my stomach starting to turn again.

Feeling Eddie let go of one side of me, I feel my body shutter when his thumb meets my clit, rubbing a circular motion as we both chased to find our highs.

Eddie moves his other hand to hold my throat, making me look straight at him as he pounds up into me.

"Come on baby, you can do it. " He mutters, leaning down to bite my collarbone.

"Let yourself cum for me again baby, just remember to breathe okay?" Eddie orders bringing kisses to my jaw.

I feel my airway tightening as he brings his mouth towards my neck and ear, licking and sucking making me want to scream as I try my hardest to breathe through the stimulation at hand.

"Cum for me princess, cum all over my cock." He whispers.

Taking a deep breathe I cry out feeling my stomach twist, knowing I was done for.

"Eddie, I'm cumming. Fuck." I let out, feeling him not stop his motions as I ride out my orgasm.

Once I was done I felt Eddie twitch inside me, warm liquid pooling as his thrusts got sloppier.

Pulling off of him, I lay down onto the couch, not being able to breathe.

Eddie gets up tiredly, walking to find me a cloth get get cleaned up with.

"Do you want to stay the night?" Eddie asks, still breathing heavily as he hands me my clothes. Shaking my head, I go to pull my shirt over my head.

"Eddie I can't, I told you what this was going to be. That's going out of territory." I sigh, standing up to put on my bottoms.

"Come on just this once, it's late and you're still a little stoned. We smoked more that usual and I don't want to risk you getting hurt." He pleads, grabbing my hand to pull me towards him.

I sigh, looking up into his eyes while pressed against his chest, knowing he was right.

"Only this one time Munson, I swear." I tell him, watching his eyes light up the few inches above mine.

It didn't end up being that one night only.

It's been a few more months since that night and I have spent the night at least one time every weekend, breaking my own rule because I couldn't say no to those big doe eyes.

It had became ritual to hook up either before school or after school, (sometimes even during school,) at least once a day.

Robin and Steve have teased me, especially the day after the first night because it looked like I had been mauled by a bear by the time I had gotten to work the next day.

But they say I look happier, which I shrug off because there wasn't any reason for me to be happier. We were just two people hooking up.

At least we were supposed to be.

But not long after, things started to go into a territory it shouldn't have.

It started off with small things, Eddie leaving notes in my locker. Sometimes leaving hand picked flowers in my drivers side for me to find after school.

Hell he even brought me lunch at work a few times, trying to pass it off that it was because Dustin wanted to visit Steve.

With every action I would ask him if he was okay with what we're doing, scared he wasn't. But he would always say he was fine with our arrangement, it was my fault I listened.

It wasn't that I didn't like how Eddie was treating me, to be honest I was shocked most the time because I had never had anyone do the things he's done.

The last time I had fully dated anyone was my freshman year and we promised each other to still talk over the summer and see about me coming down to visit. But before I was supposed to visit I found out he had started hooking up with the girl who was supposed to be my best friend.

After that I swore I wasn't going to date again, or make friends, just leave things casual with me and anyone.

Which is why I wasn't sure how casual it was with me laying in Eddie's arms cuddling with him on a Friday night after hooking up for probably the millionth time.

I felt his fingers run up and down my arm as my eyes grew heavy.

"Do you think you could come see me play Tuesday?" He asks out of nowhere causing my eyes to open up wide.

"What?" I question, sitting up slightly to look down at him.

"Would you come see us play Tuesday, it's been months of this and you still haven't came to a show." Eddie tells me, moving to sit up with me.

Holding one of his blankets to my chest, I stand up.

"Eddie, you know I work Tuesdays." I tell him nervously, looking for my clothes on the floor.

"Just ask for the day off." He shrugs, standing up with me.

Grabbing my shirt off the floor, I throw it on.

"Eddie why would I ask for a day off to see you play? We aren't serious enough for me to do that." I ask him, feeling anger starting to take over.

"Not serious enough (Y/N)? Then what the hell have we been doing?" He expresses, raising his voice slightly as I grab my jeans.

"We've been having fun Eddie, and it's not my fault if you couldn't keep your eyes on the agreement we had made." I spit at him, the words hitting him like venom.

"Well I'm sorry for thinking you had started to feel the same way I did." Eddie rolls his eyes, grabbing his shirt to put on.

"I think we need to end this." I tell him going to grab my purse as he pulls my hand.

"Wait, please don't go." He begs as I take a deep breath, realizing how serious this fight had gotten.

"Eddie, I think I need to leave before you get hurt and your heart gets broken." I whisper, watching his eyes break.

"(Y/N) I don't care if you hurt me, because guess what if you walk out that door my heart is going to break either way. I would rather have whatever this is as long as I can before it does get broken." Eddie admits to me causing my eyes to water, tear slipping down my face.

Shaking him off my arm and wiping away the tears, I start walking towards the door before turning around slightly.

"That's why I have to go Eddie, I couldn't stand to know how much you were hurting and that it was my fault. I might as well leave before it gets worse." I apologize, turning towards the door before rushing out.

Eddie follows me out in his boxers and t-shirt calling out to me, begging for me to stay and fix things.

I ignored his advances pulling out of his drive with tears streaming heavily, seeing him follow me out into the street, yelling as he watched me drive away.

Getting home I made my parents promise to tell anyone who may show up other than Robin that I wasn't feeling well or accepting visitors.

I called out from work the next two days, knowing Eddie would show up looking for me and I wouldn't be able to handle seeing him.

Robin came by Sunday night after work demanding to know what was going on.

"Tell me what is going on with you? It's not like you to call out one day let alone two in a row." She asks sitting next to me while I sniffle against my pillow, not wanting to look at her.

"I just feel like a bad person. I broke one of my few rules and hurt someone important to me." I tell her, feeling the sympathy radiate off of her.

"Is this about Eddie?" She whispers quietly, bringing her hand to rub my hair.

"Mmh. And god, why do you and Steve have to be so great too? All of you made me break my rules." I sob into my pillow as she laughs lightly, patting my head.

"(Y/N) most rules are meant to be broken at one point or another." Robin tells me as I catch my breath to look at her.

"You don't understand why I have them." I remind her, sitting up slightly as she scoots over.

"Then tell me, and then maybe tell Eddie." She asks as I nod slightly.

"My freshman year I fell head-over-heels for this sophomore, thought it was love. All that 14-15 year old crap." I laugh lightly as she nods, listening.

"We did everything together, went on dates, car rides, even lost my virginity to him." I continue, playing with my hands nervously.

"And then I moved and we continued talking on the phone for the first month of summer all the time. But then he started missing calls, or getting off the phone earlier than usual. Then when I would try to call my 'best friend' she would be missing calls as well, and that went on for about a month before I was supposed to go down for the fourth of July." I tell her.

"Then what happened?" Robin asks, face in her hand as her arm rests on her knee

"Then a week before I was about to come down Bailey called me crying one night, telling me she was sorry and hated herself. Told me she had started hooking up with Michael a few weeks prior." I sigh, feeling my eyes water as hers widen.

"No way." Robin exclaims as I nod.

"Yeah, and when I confronted Michael he said it was all true. So from there on out I refused to make friends or even try to let someone in." I finish, feeling her rest her hand on my knee.

"Why didn't you just tell Eddie that? Look I don't know him very well, but I don't think he could ever do that to you, also I think he would understand what that kind of trauma could do to you." Robin reassures me.

"I don't know if I'll ever speak to him again. He deserves better than me, I'm selfish and don't know how to be social since everything. He deserves someone who can match his energy, which isn't me." I tell her, sniffling to hold back tears as she gives me a sympathetic smile.

"Look (Y/N), you clearly care about him. And I know he gives off golden retriever energy once you start talking to him and you're more of a black cat energy kind of girl. But those sometimes are the best combinations." She tells me, smile still holding on her lips.

"Trust me, I do work in a movie store, so I do know the best couples." She teases softly.

"Do you think you could do me a huge favor?" I ask her as she nods.

"Anything." She agrees.

I spent the next two days avoiding Eddie the best I could. I would turn back down the hall when I saw him walking, would hide in the bathroom telling the teacher's I was having girl problems. Even ate lunch in the my car and parked down the block in case he decided to go see if I was outside.

I had went to work on Monday, and spent most the night in the back putting the newest tapes into the system.

But by the end of the night Steve had said there wasn't any sight of Eddie.

Now I was sitting in my car tapping my fingers nervously as I stared at the little rundown bar in front of me, wondering if I should actually go in.

Robin had agreed to skip band practice this once to take my shift so I could come tonight.

Glancing at the clock I realized it was now and never, and knew if I didn't go in Robin would kill me for making her take my shift.

Walking inside I hear them playing from the corner stage in the bar.

The lights illuminating only the stage and the bar for those wanting drinks.

I take a seat at the bar stool closest to the door, watching as they finished the song.

Eddie looks around at the small crowed who was hooting and hollering before speaking.

"Our last song for the night is a sneak peak of something I'm working on. So far it is unheard of outside of the band, but it's something I've been dealing with recently and it means a lot to me so I hope you all enjoy." He tells the crowd before starting to strum his guitar, fingers moving up and down as the rest of the band seemed to follow.

I watched him play. Seeing his face focus in concentration, tongue peaking out slightly as he worked against the instrument.

His long hair that was usually free was held back by the black bandana that mostly took home in his back pocket.

Pieces of his hair remained free though, peaking out around his face as his arm muscles flexed slightly with every pluck he gave the cords.

I didn't know what to expect when he opened his mouth, I hadn't heard him sing at all yet.

But god when he opened his mouth I thought I was going to die. If I hadn't already fucked him, I would of wanted to right there.

His voice was so raspy and sexy as he sung into the microphone, keeping eye contact with the crowd.

I listened admiring the beauty of him and his words watching him belt out the rest of the lyrics.

"Oh and my love," He sang into the microphone. Lips brushing against the metal as his eyes came to the bar.

"Did I mistake you for a sign from god?" Eddie hums out, his eyes getting pulled to meet mine.

I feel my cheeks redden as he adjusts his guitar, clearly surprised to see me.

I watch him as he continues, not looking away from me.

"Or are you really here to cut me off?" He questions, eyebrow raising slightly, handing moving down the next of his guitar.

"Or maybe just to turn me on?" He teases into the mic, leaning more towards my side of the bar as he gets into his song.

"Cause these days." He continues as I feel different emotions start to run through my body.

"I would be lying if I told you that, I didn't wish that I could be your man." Eddie sings strongly, both hands moving to hold the mic.

"Or maybe make a good girl bad." He sings out breathy as I feel tears start to run down.

Wiping them away I leave, not wanting to be seen crying in the bar.

Wanting to run away from everything I find myself parked at lover's lake, just thinking about my life and the choices I made. Wondering if it was my fault for how miserable it was.

Laying on the hood of my car I smoked, hoping to find some peace while I decided what to do.

Moving to sit in my car I see the time flash as I start it.

10:17pm.

I start my car, not even having a destination in mind as I start to drive.

Just letting my high lead my subconscious as I head down the road.

Which is why I'm not that surprised when I find myself outside of the Munson's trailer.

But Eddie's van was no where in sight, even with how late it was I hoped he would be home at some point soon.

I opened my car door, lighting a cigarette, listening to music as I waited to the metalhead to get home.

Eddie's P.O.V.

"What do you mean you haven't seen her Robin? She's your friend." I ask her, rubbing my temple feeling a headache starting to form.

"As far as I knew she was supposed to go see you." Robin tells me, loading tapes onto a cart.

"She did, but she left in the middle of a song. It looked like she had started crying." I explain her.

"Why did she start crying? And did you check her house?" Robin questions as I follow behind her.

"Probably because the song was about us, and yes of course I checked her house first. Do you know where else she may be?" I sigh, feeling defeated while she starts loading the sci-fi section.

"I don't really. She is always either at school, work, home, or your house." She shrugs in response.

"Okay, thank you anyway." I tell her, going to head back home in hopes of her calling.

"Wait Eddie, I think there's something you might want to know about why (Y/N) is the way she is." Robin calls, stopping me.

"What is it?" I ask turning around.

Reader's P.O.V-

I see the van pull up as Eddie's face lights up seeing my car.

Parking next to me, he hops out as I stand up out of my seat.

Eddie takes the first step, walking to wrap his arms around me tightly.

Connecting my body with his, I hold him close. Feeling the tears start to fall down my face as I hug him.

"I'm sorry." I sniffle against his shoulder.

"No it's okay, I'm sorry. I didn't know what you had been through." He shushes me as I pull away slightly, eyes still watering as I look at him confused.

"Don't be mad at Robin, I went to the store looking for you and she told me about what happened your freshman year." Eddie tells me, bringing his hands to wipe away my tears.

"I should of told you before things got this serious." I admit, bringing my hands to hold his wrist as he cradles my face.

"Are we still serious?" Eddie asks hopefully, smiling pulling on his lips as his head tils towards me.

"Do you want to be?" I ask, eyes lighting up as the moonlight danced across his face.

"More than anything." He nods, eyes gleaming down at me.

"Good, because I want this too." I smile, feeling Eddie bring his lips to mine.

The kiss feeling soft against my lips as he pressed his into mine.

"So does that mean you're going to be my girl?" Eddie smiles, pulling away slightly.

"And you're going to be my man?" I nod happily, referring to the lyrics he sung earlier that night.

Standing up slightly on my the tips of my toes, I connect my lips with his.

Deciding it was okay to be vulnerable with him.

----

If you made it this far just know I LOVE YOU for reading my work even if you didn’t enjoy it. Thank you so much for your time because I know it was long.

#eddie munson fluff #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x plus size reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x female reader #stranger things #joseph quinn #joseph quinn imagine #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fic #eddie munson angst #joseph quinn x female reader

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herofics · 2 months

Text

Long distance, part 2

A/N: This is kinda like a part 2 to this Gojo post, aka the long distance thingy. For us here in Finland, one uni credit is worth 27 hours of work, Idk how it is in other places and I’m too lazy to google it. This is kinda based on how my summer has been so far, so there are some pretty specific things in this, but I enjoyed writing it so I don’t really care. I’m too tired to proofread this because I need to go to sleep, but I think it’s probably fine...

The last two months had been hell. It was so hot and your apartment didn’t have AC, so you had to survive with just a table fan and a cold, wet towel. It was summer, so you were off on summer break from your normal university studies, but you’d taken some summer courses which you regretted immensely the minute you realized you would not have a single free moment the whole summer. Between going to see your family, visiting Gojo in Tokyo and the fact that you were supposed to do 15 credits worth of school work in two months, you were busy to say the least.

As the end of July drew closer, you started to realize that you hadn’t really had a single moment to yourself the whole summer. You’d visited your family twice, both times for about two weeks and when you were there you couldn’t get any school work done, because you were basically a full-time babysitter for your youngest siblings, a therapist and sounding board for your mother, and a cook for the whole family.

You’d finally returned to your apartment after two weeks with your family, and you were exhausted. The moment you got inside, you dropped your bags on the floor and fell face-first into bed. Your apartment was hot as hell, and you were quite sure you wouldn’t be able to sleep, even though you really wanted to. You just laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling. It was nicer to sleep alone in the summer, it wasn’t as hot that way, but you also kind of missed the way Gojo wrapped himself around you whenever he slept with you.

“I should call him” you muttered.

Gojo was supposed to come see you while you were with your family, because you couldn’t get away to come to Tokyo to see him, but he had gotten called away on a mission and those plans had gone out the window. You pulled your phone out of your bag and noticed you had gotten a message from him just a few minutes ago.

“You home yet?” it said.

“Yep, can I call you?” you answered.

He usually texted you back almost instantly, but you knew you couldn’t just expect him to be available all the time. He could’ve been on a mission or in a meeting with those old geezers he disliked so much. Though, you were pretty sure he would have texted you back even if he was in a meeting with the higher ups, because he would have been more interested in your text than whatever they had to say to him.

You placed your phone on the nightstand and continued staring at the ceiling, while wondering how long he would take to answer your text. You really missed him. You hadn’t seen Gojo in almost a month, because you had both been busy and your schedules just hadn’t aligned. You’d been calling and texting, but it wasn’t the same as seeing him in person. After you moved, it had certainly been an adjustment for both of you. You still weren’t used to seeing him almost every day. You missed feeling his arms around you, you missed his lips on yours.

You were pulled out of your head by the sound of your phone ringing. You grabbed it from the nightstand and checked who was calling. A smile spread on your face as you saw it was Gojo.

“Hey Toru” you answered cheerfully.

“Hey doll. Glad to hear you’re finally back home”

“Yeah, me too. I’m exhausted, but it’s way too damn hot here, so I can’t even sleep”

“It’s like seven in the evening. You going to sleep already?”

“I would love to, but it’s too hot and the sun is shining directly in my window so eeehh, I don’t know” you shrugged.

Suddenly, you heard your doorbell ring.

“You expecting someone?” Gojo asked.

“Nope. I’m sure they’ve just got the wrong apartment, they’ll go away eventually” you sighed.

“You sure? Maybe it’s someone important” he said in a playful tone.

“I doubt it”

“You should go check it out anyway” Gojo chuckled.

It took you a moment to realize what was going on, but when you did, you rushed to the front door and opened it.

Gojo was waiting behind your door and as you opened it, you almost slammed it in his face. He was so glad to see you and he just couldn’t stop smiling. The last nine months had been a pain in the ass for him. Sure, you’d seen each other at least once a month but compared to the previous multiple times a week, it was basically nothing. He missed you all the time, he missed putting his hand on your waist while you made your morning tea in the kitchen, while he was still half asleep. He missed the smell of your hair and the way you would pepper kisses on his shoulders while hugging him from behind. He missed the feeling of your soft skin under his hands, and the way you lightly bit his lip when you needed to catch your breath while kissing. There you were, right in front of him, and he was just standing there, with these thoughts running circles in his head.

“Satoru?” you asked, tilting your head to the side a bit. “Are you gonna come in?”

“Hmm? Yeah of course” he snapped out of it.

You grabbed his hand and pulled him into the apartment, before pulling the door shut behind him. He took a few steps into the apartment, before stopping in his tracks.

“You’re acting weird. Are you okay?” you asked when you turned back to him after closing the door.

You weren’t really sure what was going on. Sure, this was the longest you’d gone without seeing each other since you met almost ten years ago, but you’d never seen him like this. Was he upset about something? Was he just out of it for some reason? You reached for his hand again and the second you touched him, he grabbed your hand and pulled you into a hug.

“I missed you” he inhaled deeply, burying his face into the crook of your neck.

“I missed you too” you said, pulling him closer.

You just stayed there for a moment, holding each other. You eventually pulled back and placed your hand on the side of his face, slipping a couple of fingers under his blindfold.

“Is it okay if I take it off?” you asked. “You won’t get a migraine later?”

Gojo placed a hand on top of yours and pressed a kiss on your palm. “It’s fine, even if I do get one”

“You sure?” you reiterated.

“Yeah, and besides, if I do get a migraine, I have you to take care of me” he smirked.

You rolled your eyes with a small smile and pulled his blindfold off. You never got used to how beautiful his eyes were, it was breathtaking every time. You could get lost in those eyes if you weren’t careful.

“What’s with that look? Had you forgotten how handsome I am already? We clearly need to see each other more often” Gojo joked.

“Shut up and kiss me already, pretty boy” you said and grabbed his collar.

Gojo grinned as he started to close the distance between your lips, but he was doing it agonizingly slowly. He was clearly savoring the look on your face. You huffed and rolled your eyes, before pulling him into a kiss by his collar. Gojo placed his hands under your ass and lifted you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist and let him pin you between his body and the wall. His right hand had found its way under your shirt while the other one was still on your ass, holding you up. You were running out of air, so you gently bit down on his lower lip. It didn’t stop him from kissing you, it just made him move to your neck.

“Toru” you said breathlessly.

He didn’t even seem to hear you, so you pulled his head back by his hair. “Timeout” you panted.

“You okay?” he asked, catching his breath, searching your face for any signs of discomfort, while still holding you up against the wall.

“I’m good, just… a bit lightheaded”

“And you were worried about me” Gojo smirked.

“Oh, you’re gonna be the death of me” you grinned, before pulling him close again and kissing him. It was going to be the start of a long, enjoyable night.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk x you #jjk scenarios #jujutsu kaisen scenarios #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jjk fanfic #jujutsu kaisen fanfic

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lfghughes · 1 year

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Me + All Your Reasons

a/n: i had a lot of fun writing this so i hope you guys enjoyed it. if it’s something you would like for me to continue in more parts just let me know!

warnings: anxiety and some heartbreak

Sports had always been a big part of your life and your families life but also social media and creativity were another thing you were good at. So when it came time to pick a field to work in no one was surprised when you wanted to work for a sports team for their media team. That is exactly how you landed your spot working for the New Jersey Devils and yes the deadlines were stressful and the anxiety of thinking people wouldn’t like your work was also in the back of your mind. You had a many different demographics to please and you just wanted to make sure everyone was happy with your work. Aside from the stress though, it was a lot of fun. The traveling was fun, seeing how the team grew over the season was amazing, but also the friendships you made with people. You knew that doing videos for social media wasn’t always something the boys were looking forward to and sometimes you had one who just wasn’t in the mood but most of them had become good enough friends with you that you could bribe them easily. Nico was probably the easiest one to convince to do things and it was probably because he had the biggest heart and couldn’t say no or he felt like as the captain he needed to at least try to help you. You had only really picked up on it potentially being another reason when you were bribing Jack to help you with a video because Nico had been busy. “I’m pretty surprised he didn’t move his schedule around for you.” Jack teased, the boyish grin on his lips. “Why would he do that? He helps out plenty.” You pointed out, not thinking much of it. “Oh come on, why do you think he’s always so willing to help you with those big old puppy dog eyes.” And then it dawned on you what Jack was trying to say. “Whatever you’re thinking, just stop. That’s not what it is.” You told him and he quickly shrugged at you. “Whatever you say.” Both of you wrapped up what you needed to get done but your head had been elsewhere after that. Nico was a great guy, there was no doubt there. He was also attractive, there was no question there but you were not risking your job and also your reputation by getting involved with a player that was a big no no for the company. As weeks passed you noticed what Jack had pointed out and you came to realize that you didn’t just think Nico was a great person but in any other case he would have been someone you would have agreed to go on at least a date with. It didn’t matter though, the season was ending and you would keep your mind off of it all summer and then by the time the season restarted this crush would be gone from both sides. That’s the reasoning that got you through the next few weeks until the end of the season. It was also what got you through every interaction with him. Now it was the end of the season and you had come in for their exit interviews so you could say goodbye (for now) to the boys. Of course you saved one of your biggest hugs for Jack who had kind of become like a brother to you even if he was a pain sometimes. Then it was finally Nicos turn and you were ready for a quick goodbye but after you gave him a quick hug, his hand went to your elbow to hold you there. “We’re all going to Mr. Purple’s if you want to join later. It’s just an end of the season thing, not sure if Jack or one of the other boys mentioned it to you but we all deserve an outing.” He told you with that stupidly cute smile. “Yeah, of course. I’ll be there.” And well you lived up to your promises so you didn’t go and the night was actually fun but once again you were doing that thing of avoiding Nico and these stupid feelings so you spent a good chunk of the night being entertained by Marino, Jack, and Luke. At one point you went to grab a drink and Nico caught you, starting a conversation with you. Both of you had ended up moving to one of those smaller couches and you forgot temporarily how bad of an idea it was to flirt with him. The area was definitely a lot more intimate than where you had been with the whole group before. As your conversation progressed at some point his hand went to your knee and you didn’t move it, if anything you liked it there. “I really have to start heading home, It’s late and I have a lot of end of season editing to do.” “I’ll walk you out to your uber.” Yep, he was perfect, that was confirmed. As he walked you out, once you were away from everyone his hand caught yours “Wait…” He said as he pulled you in for a kiss but before he could it’s like you remembered why you couldn’t. “Nico I’m sorry, I can’t.” A confused look had grown on his face and then realization had hit him. “Oh shit, I’m sorry. It’s Jack, isn’t it? He’s a great guy, I can’t blame you.” You immediately shook your head as if that was the craziest idea you’ve heard. “What no, It’s not Jack. I just can’t do this Nico. I’m so sorry. I like you, it’s just…we can’t.” You pulled your hand away and tried to not look at the pained look on his face. “But why can’t we? If you like me and I like you?” He asked and you put your hands up to stop him. “I just can’t Nico. Goodnight.” And that was how you left him, not wanting to turn back and look at him because you knew you couldn’t handle seeing his face right now and keep saying no. So instead you just kept going, getting into an uber before you let yourself cry about it.

#nico hischier #nico hischier x reader #nico hischier imagine #nico hischier blurb #( me + all your reasons ft nico hischier )

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calumthoodshands · 1 year

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LUKE HEMMINGS for TUSH magazine

- Tailor made -

On stage, Luke Hemmings is living his bloom, For Givenchy Beauty, the butterfly follows a different trail of scent.

Von Domen & Van De Velde - Into the flowerbed -

Interview by Afra Ugurlu.

It's pouring rain in L.A. when Luke Hemmings joins our zoom call. Just in time, the frontman of 5 Seconds of Summer (5SOS) finds refuge in his car on the side of a quiet road, not far from the big Hollywood sign. A look in the rear-view mirror: At the age of barely 16, Luke and his bandmates from 5SOS found themselves in the middle of an international fanbase. Their songs enthralled especially because of the band's juvenile euphoria, and the Australians quickly soared to new heights in the middle of the YouTube madness of the 2010s. But what happens when boybands grow up? After a decade of pop punk influences and with a little more chest hair, Luke took upon a solo career path for the first time and in 2021 released his debut album “When facing the things we turn away from”; a whole new insight into the obstacles and the success of the last years, he later reveals.

Almost 10 years have passed since “She looks so perfect” and “Don’t stop”. What has the last decade been like for you?

I'm living my dream, what else can I say? It was all very intense. You just accepted whatever came at you. For eleven years, for as long as I grew up, that’s been my whole life. Quite crazy, all the stuff that just came flying at us. I don't know whether we would have allowed ourselves this, even if rather short, break if not for the pandemic. Usually it all feels so fast-paced, I often have to pause to mentally take it all in—if you asked me to describe the last decade, then it’d consist of so many moments like that.

Did you ever feel like you were missing out on certain things and experiences during all that hustle and bustle?

I think they were very formative years, so there are probably some life skills I missed out on. In retrospect, you wonder: when was I supposed to learn that? And then you try to somehow fill those gaps. I had to emotionally catch up, but also with things like doing laundry, running errands and so on. There are some more significant matters, like not being close to my family, not to mention that I was missing my home in general. But then you start to put all those thoughts into another perspective: we did what we always wanted to do: write music and perform.

I remember 2014 and 2015, black, ripped skinny jeans and vans. How do you see yourself now, regarding your style?

Pop punk has always been a huge inspiration, and it was simply the style of all these bands like Green Day, Blink 182 and Silverchair. Back then, I was an absolute late bloomer and had to first of all grow into my own identity. I think it was similar with the other guys. We had found a thing that worked, and just stuck with it. It also just felt like a risk to me, doing something other than that, especially in front of an audience. Around the time of our third album, I started to open up a bit more. Our music was changing, and with it our style. At that point I understood myself a little bit better. From then on it just kind of evolved, and I think it still does.

By now you are someone who likes to step out and look beyond the binary. Was that always something that you were interested in or did you rather find yourself getting into it step by step over time?

Where I grew up, people weren’t open at all, everyone wore the same thing. For a long time, it simply wasn’t even on my radar. And of course, I’m not doing anything that someone else hasn't already done before me. I think it was in 2017 when I just started experimenting with glitter and nail polish. From that moment on it all evolved a bit, but it's actually always been something that fascinated me. It just took a while for me to find that part of myself. I feel pretty doing it, and who doesn't want to feel that way? If you only go on stage with a tracksuit, that might be cool. But I'm not an extrovert, quite the opposite, and when I perform and feel so much bigger, it's almost like playing a character. The makeup only emphasises that and turns me into someone who is not introverted and lost in thought. That's the origin of it all, so to speak.

How can we overcome these toxic gender perceptions and behavioural patterns, and heal?

I think a lot of the stigma we experience comes from people projecting their own insecurities onto us. I understand it better now because I grew up in a place that was very toxic in that regard. I'm from West Sydney, which was very conservative. If you’re a man, you have to be really ‘masculine’ and I think that's just complete nonsense. And I think that just sticks with you, growing up like that. There was a time when I came home and didn't want to wear makeup on stage. There was no way I would have done that, whereas now I just do what I'm most comfortable with. Personal growth means putting yourself first and accepting that people will think what they want either way. So really, you should just do whatever you want. That’s the way I'm trying to see it now. It sounds very simple and banal, but I wouldn’t know how else to put it.

Congratulations, by the way, on the release of your first solo album, “When facing the things we turn away from”. Which things do you want to turn away from this year and what else is there to come for you?

I’m facing myself and trying to be more open with the way I deal with stuff. My wish is to just enjoy everything a little bit more. I constantly worry about what might happen tomorrow. I’m not really present or enjoying the moment to the fullest. Everyone probably says that, but I believe it's more important than ever to live in the here and now. We're always looking for the next thing. You want to be at home when you're out and about, on the road when you’re at home. Only when it's over do you see what you actually had going for yourself, and are frustrated; so no ‘Live Fast, Die Young’. But I also think that this year will be a creative one for me. I want to try out new things. We’ll see which doors are going to open for me.

What kind of creative directions are you thinking about?

I can't really say yet. But also in general I don't want to limit myself by excluding new paths. Doing something by myself musically like the album was very intimidating at first. In the end, though, it was very encouraging as well because it was the first time in a long time that I tried something new again. Obviously I love being in the band, it’s my home base. But the solo album is something I never thought I’d be capable of, and now that I know that I am it’s definitely something I want to pursue further.

How do you manage working both on your solo career and with the band at the same time, and are there any points of overlap?

I have a feeling that with the first album it was a bit easier. We were in lockdown and everything on the band's schedule had to be cancelled. Suddenly, I had more free time than in the last 10 years together. I don’t think I would have made a solo album if it didn't come about this way. With four people in the band, all great songwriters and each having their own projects in the pipeline, I feel like it's actually for everyone’s benefit to give other things a try as well. I wondered what it could be like to produce a song from start to finish, and learned so much in the process. Afterwards, when I return to the band, it makes me feel like I know so much more about the recording process and can thus also be a better band member.

How did writing and composing for only yourself change your overall sound?

I don't know whether it significantly changed my sound, but I feel more confident than ever. When you're in a band, you have the luxury to lean on other people and ask: What do you think of this? Do you think it's good, or should we change this? Or someone will encourage you when you're on the right track, telling you to keep going. With this, the only input came from myself. I had to trust my instincts and first of all understand what my own sound really did sound like.

You have no features on your album. Was it important to you to create your first solo album by yourself?

After 10 years on tour, it was quite good to be alone for once and deal with my subconscious. The album is so personal and emotional to me, it didn't really lend itself to include any features. Maybe someday, but I think it has to fit perfectly then. And who knows what’s coming soon. But I think the point and purpose of doing something by yourself is to get accustomed to working without your usual tools.

What did you learn about yourself while working on “When facing the things we turn away from”?

Newfound empathy and love towards myself. The stories of these songs and the lyrics are mostly things I’m dealing with for the very first time. It's almost like writing a diary, you don't have any idea how to start. You sit down and something comes out of it, and that’s what you then try to decipher.

#5sos #luke hemmings #sololuke #hope this helps!#if you click on the title you'll find the photos @ meg's post!

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encouraging-growth · 2 months

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Hiatus

Hi all.

Today I come to you to discuss something that I’ve been in severe denial of for a very long time: I’m burnt out and want to stop making content. To find out why, continue reading below the cut.

Well, perhaps “burnt out” isn’t necessarily the correct phrase, but rather I’ve been feeling a lot of detachment and even despair regarding my audios/fics for well over a year (more heavily since grad school started last August). I feel like I’m always behind, never able to catch up, never able to get ahead, and, most frequently as of late, never in the mood to work on anything. In fact, it feels like a burden more often than not, especially during the school year (which is understandable, considering, y’know, schoolwork), but even during the summer, I find myself struggling to want to put anything out.

Starting Beautiful Things has only exacerbated the issue. I feel incredibly passionate about Beautiful Things, and I believe in its quality and value and merits of being published far more than I have with any other work I’ve ever planned, started, or finished. But ever since starting it in June, I’ve been operating under the mentality of “I need to get as much done now as I can because once the school year starts, I’ll have to push it aside to focus on schoolwork and OF content.” But then I thought to myself, “Well…should I? Should I put BT to the side when I feel so passionately about it in favor of something I’m not passionate about? Should I unravel all the diligent work I’ve been doing this past month and a half for the sake of something that causes me significantly more stress than satisfaction?”

The more I think about it, the less I can justify saying yes.

The biggest gripe, of course, is the financial implications. I don’t make a *ton* of money doing content, but I average between $300 and $400 a month, depending on MV performance and customs, and that’s a decent enough paycheck that I hesitate to lose it. But again, I just don’t think I can justify forcing myself to produce work that isn’t bringing me joy.

Now, all that said, I won’t be fully shutting everything down and wiping myself from the face of the internet. YouTube and DeviantArt will remain as they are, and the OF will also remain open at a discounted rate ($5/month, which is the minimum OF will let me charge) for access to the audio archive. I’ll still be active on Tumblr, as I have been for a while, but I won’t be creating any new content (outside of Beautiful Things) for at least a few months—if not ever again. I don’t want to speculate too far into the future, but if I see a significant boost in my mental health after a few months of not worrying about OF posting, then that is a bridge I will have to cross.

I do want to extend a massive thank you to everyone who’s supported me, especially those who have paid for subscriptions, and even more especially those who have been around since the Patreon days. This community has been an immense source of comfort, confidence, and validation, both for my writing ability/creativity as well as my personality and even physical appearance. Again, I’m not planning on fully disappearing from the community forever; I’ll still be active on here, and I’ll probably also come onto OF every few weeks or so to let those who are left there know how I’m doing—I just won’t be putting any new content out for the foreseeable future.

I’ll be making the necessary updates to OF and other platforms within the next few days. For now, though, I hope you enjoy the archive, and though I’ll be sparse, remember:

Keep eating.

—EG

#not feedism #update

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yaachtynoboat711 · 1 year

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Can We Talk?

A/N: Hey y’all! If I didn’t know any better, I’d suspect y’all really like Karis and Kevin, probably because we’re deprived of Kevin being happy on the show. School has been beating my ASS and had taken all bits of skill (writing included) from me. Hopefully, I can create more this summer! Anyways, I hope you all enjoy Karis and Kevin’s first date!!! Once again, shout out to @awerkofart for enabling this series! Love you 🥹.

Warning(s): Language, Drinking

Word Count: 2814

Like many other Milennials, one of the staples of Karis Brown’s social life was weekend brunch. Sunday Brunch, specifically, was for recapping the times of fun from the night before. However, this Sunday Brunch was no usual outing. It was a date with Coffee Bae, Kevin. He’d called her 20 minutes before to set it up and it was up to her to solidify an unforgettable second impression.

*buzz* *buzz* Incoming Group FaceTime Call from Sisterhood of the Traveling Scrubs

Loren and Jada were waiting on Karis to answer. “Heyy—oop! Hold on…,” Jada watched Karis as she propped her phone on a shelf, “…girl, what you got goin’?!” Loren brought her attention to the screen. Essence, Rose, and Rochelle all staggered into the group call, all shocked to see their friend searching for an outfit.

“Who you gettin’ cute for, bitch?,” Rose demanded. Everyone seconded her question.

Karis laughed to herself, “I never got a chance to bring it up, but I met a guy at Jahva on Friday. He asked me out for brunch, so I’m taking him up on his offer.”

“WHAAAAAT?!?!? Karis Zhanai Brown…going on a DATE?! He better be the finest man in the city,” Essence added, the girls agreed, “Does he have a name?”

“Kevin,” Karis replied fighting a cheesy grin. The girls had been Karis’s girls since med school orientation, but they still knew how to grind her gears. It didn’t make it any better that they were neighbors with key access to each other’s houses. They were going to be over there when Karis and Kevin returned from brunch. She was certain.

Karis paid her friends no mind as she changed into her sweatsuit. The girls threw out hypotheses and theories about this mythical Kevin. Little did they know, they were on mute as Karis tamed her coily hair into a half-up half-down style.

Karis finally unmuted herself as she laid her edges, “Y’all done?” Her friends looked to each other in silence, shocked that she’d just spoken after 5 minutes of unbridled chaos. “I just want to have a good time…for once. Let me just go to brunch and enjoy Kevin’s company. I appreciate the uproar around him, but let’s take this one moment at a time, aight?” Karis got up to pick out some shoes, “Sacai’s or Yeezy’s?”

Karis couldn’t remember the last time she’d been on a date. She couldn’t even remember going to a pleasurable business dinner. Studying and practicing medicine drained her of a social life and the opportunity to go on dates. Her family worked tirelessly for her to be the first doctor in the family, not be another wife. But this brunch date was different.

Karis sat in the car 10 minutes ahead of schedule, chest tight, and palms sweaty. Every social skill she possessed suddenly ceased to exist in this moment. She couldn’t even read the menu she’d just Googled. How amazing was the sight of the incomparable Dr. Karis Z. Brown herself—the surgeon that could do CABGs with one arm tied and repair carotids for breakfast—nearly hyperventilating at the thought of going to brunch with someone she met in her godparents’ coffee shop earlier in the week. “Get it together, mane,” she encouraged herself as she opened the car door to the slap of the sharp October Chicago wind at your face.

“What if she ghosts and makes me look like a fool?,” Kevin asked Kim as his leg bopped to the beat of the overhead music.

“Based on what you’ve told me about her, she doesn’t sound like the ghosting type. Besides, she’s 5 minutes early. Just breathe, Kev,” Adam instructed him over the phone. “Hey…,”he caught his attention, “…she might be as nervous as you are, if not more. The way you talked about her yesterday, it sounds impossible that she’d flake. Go enjoy yourself.”

Just as the call disconnected, the elevator door opened, revealing a nervous Karis looking down at her phone. Kevin’s face lit up as he saw her walk towards him in her khaki sweatsuit, brown fleece coat, matching chocolate Telfar, and Yeezy Foam Runners. She noticed his jeans, grey hoodie,navy flannel shirt, and wolf grey retro Jordan 12s.

The two embraced for the first time ever. She wasn’t certain of the cologne he wore, something with tobacco…maybe musk and leather… but whatever it was made her melt into his embrace. Lord, he smelled like a grown ass man.

After reluctantly pulling from his embrace, he offered Karis the seat in the booth. “A gentleman,” she complimented. The smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth spread to a full smile.

Karis got a corner glance at his shoes before he sat down, impressed at his shoe choice, “It could be my exhaustion, but are those the wolf grey 12’s?! They’ve been sold out here since I’ve moved here.”

His jaw dropped, “Girl, what you know ‘bout that?! Lemme find out you a sneaker head and a surgeon?!,” he remarked.

She threw her hands up, “Guilty as charged. It’s like the one thing that keeps me sane.” Karis felt her gapped smile betray her once again as she nervously fiddled with the gold necklaces around her neck. Kevin took notice; he was already entranced by her smile. He bit his lip, thinking of what to say next. The waiter coming to send the mimosa and water carafes gave him enough time to conjure something.

He looked at the caduceus and anatomical heart necklaces, “You always knew you wanted to be a heart surgeon?”

Karis glanced down at her heart necklace, shaking her head, “Nope. Wasn’t even in the cards until my med school rotations.”

Kevin’s eyes bucked open, “For real?!”

“I initially wanted to be a trauma surgeon or in sports med,” she admitted, filling both stemless flutes with passion fruit mimosas.

Kevin took a sip, noticing the potency of the drink, “So…shit that’s strong…what was that ‘a-ha’ moment?”

“My mom. She’d gotten sick from past trauma and I almost lost her. She had a cardiac tamponade—fluid from a sac in the heart fills the veins and blood and decreases oxygen flow, amongst other things. I wanted to help find a cause and solutions for her, so I went deep in my cardio books and found something. It saved her life.”

“I take it you and ya moms close?”

She pondered, “I’m her only child and there was a point that we were all we had. With everything we went through, we became trauma bonded.”

Kevin didn’t think he and Karis would have somewhat similar upbringings. His raising himself and later his siblings in Chicago and her being basically raised in Memphis by her mom before she met Karis’s stepdad. He had her figured out until they conversed.

It was easy to talk to each other. The conversations with one another felt familiar, as though they’d been friends for ages. With the aged feel of those conversations came the novelty of learning about one another. Karis quickly learned that Jordan and Vinessa—Kevin’s siblings—were the center of his universe. He showed her pictures of them, the smile on his face getting brighter the more he talked about them. In the same vain, Karis’s nieces and nephews (her step-sister Mary Margaret’s kids) were the lights of her life. Karis showed him the picture of her, Mary Evelyn, Luke, and Jacob at Jacob’s baptism. They were her “loaner kids” whenever she was back in Memphis.

Kevin’s gears began turning. He noticed how much Karis was active in church, based on the baptism picture and the mention of receiving Eucharist earlier this morning. He had to ask, “You Catholic?”

She huffed, “Close. Episcopalian. My mother is married to the Bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of West Tennessee. Charleta Duncan, the blackest of women, married the whitest man in all of Memphis, Patrick O’Doughtery Brown. Yet it somehow works,” she caught herself holding back a loud laugh. Kevin laughed with her.

Karis finally checked her phone, which revealed that an hour and a half had passed. Where did the time go? Karis also saw the group chat was abuzz for updates and her whereabouts. Loren and Essence were asking for Kevin’s Social Security number, while Jada asked for his dental records (ironic since she was a DDS) and most recent background check. Karis prayed an “I’m fine. Lemme have fun” reply would suffice.

The DJ had been playing 90s R&B all day. Banger after banger after banger, people found themselves dancing in between tables and singing their hearts out.

Then it happened. She heard the three piano chords and 808 beat of her favorite song, Can We Talk, and that was all she needed to hear. Karis dramatically dropped her phone on the table, hands high in the air as to submit to the beat of the song.

“Girl whatchu know bout this,” Kevin joked as he watched her dance in her seat.

She didn’t respond. Karis waited for the lyrics to start. As Tevin Campbell began to talk his shit, so, too, she began lip-syncing to the words. Kevin, also singing, scooted out of the booth. He reached out for her hand saying, “Let’s talk then, mamas.” Karis accepted his offer, sliding out of the booth.

“Lemme show you how to step,” he offered. He took her free hand into his. He began twirling heg around, while moving his feet front, back, front, side, side, left, and right. She did her own combination, surprising Kevin.

He twirled her away from him, “I thought surgeons couldn’t dance,” he pulled her back in close.

“You ain’t met one from Nawf Memphis with an uncle and aunt in Chicago, mane,” she retorted. The pair continued stepping, working in tandem with the rhythm. He maneuvered her away and close to him while still singing with her.

They sang the final bridge at the top of their lungs. Everyone else in the restaurant became a choir as they all sang aloud. As the song ended, Kevin escorted Karis back to the booth. Luckily for them, the waitress had finally appeared with their entrees. Kevin remarked about the fun he had and how ready he was to eat. Karis seconded.

As Kevin ate the sample of salmon and eggs she offered, she found the right moment to ask, “Y’know, you’ve asked a lot about me. I wanna know about you. If you don’t mind me asking, what do you do for a living?”

He choked on a piece of egg, “I’m a uh…business consultant,” he replied after gathering himself.

Her gut turned as he replied, “Is that your final answer?” He knew she knew something. Not quite that he was an undercover cop, but something.

“Yeah,” he answered.

“What’s your life goal?,” she asked without skipping a beat.

Kevin pondered, “Being a househusband.”

“You’re joking,” he wasn’t. There was a smirk held back, but he was about 45% serious.

“I mean, you’re a surgeon. Jackpot, right?,” he winked and licked his lips.

Karis re-adjusted herself, tilting her head before she spoke.

“To call yourself a househusband implies that we got married; to be married implies that we were betrothed; to be betrothed implies that were courted; to have courted implies that we went on other dates besides this one. Correct me if I’m wrong, Mr. Atwater, but it appears that you’re enjoying yourself and want to go on a another date?,” she observed as she downed her final mimosa, proud of her Sherlock-level deduction skills.

“Somethin’ like that. I do like being around you and I’d love to see you again,” Kevin offered her another bite of his chicken and red velvet waffles as he looked at her, clearly flustered at his charm and suave nature.

“I’d love a second date.”

He insisted on following her back home. He was concerned for her safety and wanted to see his date get in the house. He jogged to her door from his Hellcat, being sure she didn’t touch the handle. After the fight over the check (which she won), the least he could do was open Karis’s door. Karis usually went through the garage into the house; but since she had an audience in the foyer, it was her obligation to give them a show.

Karis led Kevin through the pathway in her front yard to the door. The rustled curtains confirmed Karis’s suspicion of nosy ass friends awaiting her arrival.

Kevin looked behind his date to see curtains rustling, “You must have someone over expecting you.”

Karis kicked the front door and adjacent wood panel, an attempt to shoo the girls away, “Oh, Kev, don’t pay they nosy asses no mind,” she said loud enough for them to hear inside. The two of you guffawed. The fact there were doctors listening to their friend’s conversation behind the door and foyer wall was so childish, yet comical. In the midst of the laughter, Kevin found her hands and held them between the two of them. Smooth fucker.

Once more, their eyes connected and simultaneously bit their lips, smitten with each other in the moment.

There was an obvious connection between the two love birds. For once, they mutually felt a sense of relief to be themselves. How is it that two strangers that met in a coffee shop by happenstance, were already so close after one brunch date? The romantic tension around them was nearly physical. It seemed as though they couldn’t be too far away from each other. Every once in a while, two people meet and in that initial meeting, it’s apparent to the Universe that they are meant for each other. They weren’t able to put their finger on it immediately, but this was Kevin & Karis. For once, they were able to enjoy someone’s company and immediately want to go somewhere else before their first date ended. They were destined.

“Karis, I really enjoyed you today. Seriously,” Kevin flashed a smile that made Karis’s feel an unfamiliar warm sensation radiate through her body.

“Same here, Kev. This was a breath of fresh air. We should do this again. Hopefully soon?”

He gently placed his large hand over her chin, peppering her lips with a meaningful, yet brief kiss, “Yeah. Real soon. I’ll holla atcha when I get to the crib?”

The sensation of his kiss, though temporary, weighed on her lips. She’d gone a hot minute without a kiss on the lips, yet his satisfied the long-ignored absence.

“Yeah,” was all Karis could muster.

He flashed one last wink before ducking into his Hellcat and driving off.

Karis couldn’t focus on getting your key into the door. Between the kiss, the cold, and the mimosas, she was literally stuck. After struggling to turn the key into the ever-moving lock, her friends were pushed out of the way by the 70+ year-old wooden door. Karis silently made her way to her usual spot on the L-shaped sofa. The girls filed into their usual seats in the den, all grinning with anticipation to ask about the date, parts seen and unseen. The minute Karis looked up, they all shrieked, startling her. “Don’t start allat bullshit, now,” Karis warned as she took her bra off, sighing in relief.

The warning went unanswered; the girls attacked their slightly buzzed friend with a group hug, to which she immediately swatted away.

“GIRL!,” Essence began, “He is FOINE AS HELL! Look at you!”

Loren added, “I gotta say, Kare, you did good. The fact I’ve never seen him before shows me that you’re real good. You gotta tell everything! I mean…ev-ver-ree-thang!”

Karis recalled what she could, from the call to the kiss. The whole time, she grinned, showing how smitten she was with Kevin. Seeing her elated made them happy. They knew the insecurity she had about being alone.

A few hours passed and everyone had returned home to get ready for work. Karis showered, did her nightly skincare routine, and prepped her work bag. Finally in bed, she turned to cut her bedside lamp off.

As if on cue, her phone buzzed. Kevin was trying to FaceTime.

“You must’ve seen me get in bed,” she jokingly answered.

Kevin chuckled, “Nah, just calling to let you know I got home 40 minutes ago. I had to help Vinessa with somethin’ and forgot to call you.”

“Oh really?,” she yawned, “Welp, I gotta be at Med at 4:45 a.m. for a surgery. Talk to you afterwards?”

“Sounds good, mamas, sounds good. Night.”

“Night, househusband-in-training,” she concluded, both laughing at her recall of their new inside joke.

Karis chuckled to herself as the sounds of crashing waves lulled her to sleep.

Kevin is going to be here a while.

DAAAAAAMNNNNNNNN! TAGLIST GOT ME PARKED IN DOWNTOWN AT-LANNUH 😭

@muse-of-mbaku @kumkaniudaku @goddessofthundathighs @mbakusthrone @mbakuwife @crushed-pink-petals-writes @forgottenthoughtsandmemories @jackburtonsays @randomwordprompts @bakarilennox @wakandan-flowerz @blackpantherreblogs @ljstraightnochaser @babygirlofwakanda @eerythingisshaka @turn-thy-paige @darqchilddaydreamz @doublesidedscoobysnacks @wakandas-vibranium @oshasimone @destinio1 @sonofnjobu @teheeboo @itsjustyazz @chaneajoyyy @lovelynervouschaos @katasstrophey @mareethequeen @jozigrrl @jellybean531 @awerkofart @storibambino @blackgirloneshots @royallyprincesslilly @certifiednatural

#yaa the author #kevin atwater fanfiction #kevin atwater x black reader #kevin atwater x reader #kevin atwater x black oc #Karis and Kev #chicago pd fanfiction #one chicago #kevin atwater fluff #kevin atwater imagines #kevin atwater

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kazumiwrites-fanfiction · 1 year

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A Birthday Date With Mikey

SUMMARY: How Mikey spent his birthday with you ♡ WORD COUNT: 1.4k (phew)

WARNINGS: Toman Mikey (lil 15 year old guy lol), semi-suggestive at times, lots of domestic fluff and kisses, mild angst/panicking near the end because apparently I need my angst in every single thing I write for myself.

A/N: Since it is our favorite Mikey’s birthday today (the wording in that I’m-), I thought I’d write a little something (instead of doing my summer homework lol- school starts in a little over a week, I should be doing it-). But anyways! Hope you enjoy! (Can’t believe the guy is turning 32... Lol.) A/N PART 2: This is probably chaotic and OOC but! I wanted to write a fic for Mikey. So yes <3 Also the ending is a mess but I don’t want to change it soooo- yeah. A/N PART 3: Originally posted here

Mikey let out a soft yawn, rubbing at his eyes a bit as he answered the door. “[Y/N]...?” He mumbled before he wrapped his arms around you, clinging to you happily.

“Hey, Mikey.” You smiled softly as you wrapped a gentle arm around him, rubbing his back. “Sleepy?” You laughed a little as you pulled away slightly to look at his face. “You really need to get more sleep... Maybe you should have the meetings end earlier.”

“No- A gang needs its meetings to be at night.” He huffed softly at you, dark eyes almost begging for you to understand.

You rolled your eyes a little. “Yeah, yeah, I get it, Mikey. Now, c’mon, let’s go to your room.” You were probably the one to have remembered his birthday, Mikey himself didn’t think too much of it.

You hummed softly as you held Mikey’s hand, walking to his room. Well, it was mostly full of Shinichiro’s stuff, but... It was nice. You had been friends with Mikey and knew Shinichiro that way... It was comforting to see that his memory still lived on. You then shook your head slightly to clear those thoughts. Today was for Mikey. Though, the birthday boy seemed more asleep than anything.

“Mikey, love...” You gently poked his cheek. “You need to wake up. I have some stuff planned for today; c’mon.” You sat down on the bed, dragging him down beside you. “Would a kiss wake you up?”

That got his attention. He leaned in to you, tilting his head slightly to the side. “Mhm... Lots of kisses.”

You laughed softly before leaning in, peppering gentle kisses over his face before kissing his lips. “Good enough?”

“One more.” You smiled softly before indulging him.

“Now wake up, c’mon.” You ran a hand through his hair, smoothing it slightly. “I’ll do your hair for you, too, while you try to wake up more.”

He nodded sleepily before just letting you, which you soon finished (it wasn’t the first time you fixed his hair up for him—and probably wouldn’t be the last).

“There. All done. You can change out of your clothes, can’t you?” You raised a brow as you watched him. “‘Cause we’re going somewhere today.”

“Really?” He blinked up at you, almost like a small child before he grinned playfully. “You sure you don’t wanna see me changing?”

You rolled your eyes with a soft laugh, feeling your cheeks heat up slightly. “I would, but I know that if I do that, we’ll never be able to go out. So shush and go change. I’ll wait outside.” And with that, you walked out.

Mikey quickly got himself dressed, wondering what was going on. Now that he thought about it, you had dressed yourself up a bit differently than usual... More pretty. He shrugged to himself before walking out, rubbing the last bits of sleep from his eyes. “[Y/N]-channnn- where are we going?”

You gave him a smile as you grabbed his hand, almost skipping as you walked out. “You don’t remember what today is?”

That made him pause. What was today...? But before he could think of it any more, you started running, forcing him to run after you.

He quickly caught up to you, but you just continued to sprint, soon reaching a cafe—one that you knew he liked. “Here we are,” you panted a bit, but soon caught your breath. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, was just as normal; a little run didn’t tire him out.

“Why are we here, though?” He blinked slightly at you.

“Well, if I told you everything, that would ruin the fun.” You blinked back at him before a teasing look flashed in your eyes. “And that would make things boring.” You shrugged slightly before walking inside, grabbing his hand as you did so.

You hummed softly as you ordered two parfaits, a happy smile on your face. Your boyfriend was just confused, but happy to see you happy—and that you had remembered him saying that he loved parfaits here. Last time he went, the cup had been filled completely. And also? It didn’t cost too much, either.

As you got the two parfaits, you nudged him toward a booth. “Go sit.” You followed after him as he sat down, placing the parfait in front of him before sitting down in front of him.

You watched fondly as he started eating, a content smile on your face as he let out soft exclamations of happiness. It was cute, after all.

After you both had finished eating, you brushed a finger over his nose, getting a bit of cream. “...Anyways. I just wanted to give you something, since it is your birthday, and all.” A faint smile flickered over your lips as you watched his eyes widen.

“It’s my birthday??”

“Yes, you dumb child,” you laughed softly, poking his cheek. “It’s your birthday. Do you think I would do all this without reason?”

“...Yes. You would.”

“I’m not like you, love.” You shook your head in amusement, before letting out a soft sigh. “I just, wanted to give you this.” You pulled a small box from your pocket, before giving it to him. “I dunno... I just thought we should match.”

Inside the box, there was a small silver bracelet, with both of your initials surrounded by a heart. You watched his reaction, uncertain—was this too much?

Before your thoughts could spiral down, he looked at you with a soft, almost uncertain smile. “I... I love it...” He whispered, glancing down at the bracelet again before sliding it on. He marveled at it. “Must’ve cost a lot...”

“Mhm... But, but, that doesn’t matter as long as you’re happy.” You smiled a little at him, searching his gaze; was he really happy, or trying to placate you?

“I love it. [Y/N], don’t you dare try to think otherwise.” He let out a soft huff before getting up, walking to your side and sitting next to you, giving you a small kiss.

Your eyes softened as you nodded. “Mkay...”

“Now, put yours on.” He let out a soft grumble as he waited.

“Okay, okay.” You laughed softly as you grabbed yours, putting it on your wrist. “There, happy?”

He nodded slightly before grabbing your hand, placing a gentle kiss on your bracelet before moving to the palm of your hand, licking it a tiny bit—just enough to make you squeal. A playful glint was in his eyes as you pulled your hand away.

“Mikey- Ew!” You laughed again, shaking your head. “Don’t do that-”

“We’ve done worse-”

“No we haven’t, stop trying to act like we did something.” You let out a soft huff, shaking your head a little. “And anyways, if we keep on being this loud, we’ll get kicked out.”

“Whatever.”

“Oh hush.” You rolled your eyes a little before leaning in, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. “Anyways. Happy birthday, Mikey.”

“Mm... Thank you.” He paused for a moment. “..Would you laugh at me if I said that I almost said ‘happy birthday to you too’ to you?”

You let out a soft snort. “Mikey, I-”

“You’re laughing-”

“No I’m not-”

“You are-”

And with that, chaos ensued and you were yelled at/almost kicked out. Though, you had a fun time, and that’s what counts, right?

BONUS:

Hina and Emma were watching over the two of you with a happy smile.

“See, I told [Y/N]-chan that they’d be okay.” Emma shook her head slightly. “Mikey’s head-over-heels in love. They could literally punch him and they’d be fine.”

Hina winced slightly as the memory of her slapping Mikey came up. “Well... I mean, he wouldn’t hurt his friends, and [Y/N]-chan is also a friend...?”

“True, true, but [Y/N]-chan is special. Like, anything is okay.” Emma let out a soft laugh. “C’mon, I got some good pictures... Let’s give them to the guys, yeah?” Her eyes glimmered mischievously.

“Emma-chan, I don’t think that that’s-”

“It’ll be fine, Hina-chan! He won’t do anything, don’t worry.” Emma smiled happily before getting up, grabbing Hina’s hand and skipping away. Thankfully, Mikey didn’t see them go... Though he definitely was confused when people started complimenting his partner that they were “really going for it” and that they “were a good partner for him.” Like- where did that come from? (Someone (probably Mitsuya, Takemichi, or Draken) eventually showed him the pictures of you two... That did not end well-)

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crazylittlejester · 4 months

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I'm still on my Four Swords brainrot detour so you get to hear all about that today. Consider this my vote for you to read the book. I have the legendary copy, it was my big summer purchase last year (it's not that expensive, I'm just a broke college student) and I love it to pieces. I'm usually more into LU due to the fact that the FS fandom is pretty small and I'm not very active in it and my favorite artist is on hiatus. However. When the brainrot circles back around I am stuck in it for a while.

Anyway, it's the only LoZ game I've written anything for (except HW but that was a short bit about gender crises so it hardly counts).

I've taken inspiration from @zarvasace's series Shatterproof, and started working on a disability AU for FS out of pure indulgence.

Have I made basically any progress since I started it? No.

Has it been completely rotting my brain this past week? Yes.

The way I have it planned out is that I'm going to write a chapter for each of the Links, including Shadow, and one for Zelda. Each chapter is going to be a short story about their experiences with being disabled and how they feel about that. I'm supposed to be working on Green's chapter right now and I think it's maybe half done, but I'm contemplating taking it apart and picking at the pieces some more before I actually write the second half out.

The thing about Green is that he's kind of your generic Link. He's as close as you get to the original as far as personality and temperament go, so that's been my main issue thus far. He's just... really, really vanilla. Even his part of the story is kind of vanilla! He gets his death faked twice and he's not even the person doing the faking! He's just there as a driving force and it bugs me sometimes because he's like the FS version of the nameless "prince charming" and I could go off on a whole extra tangent but I should save that for when you've actually read the book.

The point is, he's not a character I easily get vibes from, so I've had to do a bunch of thinking and I came to the conclusion that he's going to be the one to be hit over the head with a work-related injury. Literally. He ends up with a bad head injury that impacts his ability to do a lot of things that knights need to be good at.

I haven't decided if he ends up keeping his job after he recovers or not, but he does have a lot of angst over that because he's a bit of a workaholic and spent most of his time working so that Red, Blue, Vio, and Shadow could focus on taking care of the house and each other. He considers himself to be the main breadwinner and then suddenly can't work because of his injury and has to wait and see if he'll be able to go back to work. There's going to be a whole thing about overcoming internalized ableism, and how even if you aren't ableist towards other people you can still be ableist towards yourself and it's a lot of work to build up the self-esteem necessary to stop that thought process.

I just love his chapter so much even though I'm probably going to use those themes throughout the entire work. There's just something about his part that really scratches the itch in my brain.

I have rough ideas planned out for Vio, Blue, and Red, but I'm not really sure what to do about Shadow and Zelda. Prior to finding out about your Warriors having blood sugar problems I was thinking about giving her diabetes or something similar, but I'm not really sure how much I can fudge in a fantasy setting without accidentally killing her. So I'm still at the drawing board for her.

Thank you for being my FS brainrot victim. :)

I gotta get the four swords legendary edition, I thought I had it but i dont 💔💔💔 I’m also a broke college student so i feel ya

GREEN ISNT EVEN THE ONE WHO FAKES HIS OWN DEATH TWICE ALSKSKDK?

ooooooh work related injury and overcoming internalized ableism, I’m so excited to read that!! (if you share it)

You could totally still give her a blood sugar issue if you wanted, it’d be cool to read about if you do decide to do that, but also anything else you come up with would be cool, all of this sounds awesome

THANK YOU FOR THE DAILY BRAINROT, TODAY WAS EXHAUSTING AND I DONT FEEL GREAT AND THIS LITERALLY CAME AT THE PERFECT TIME >:)

#jes talks #jes ask #DAILY BRAINROT!!

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subbe93 · 1 year

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It Has Always Been You, Chapter 1

A/N: Finally, here we are! Here is the start for @starmia ‘s request! I tried to reread and publish this around Easter, but I couldn’t make it, so I decided that as soon as I’m free from school and start my summer holiday, I’m going to do it. And here we are!

Though this time I’m working differently with this fic. Usually, I have drafted the whole story before I have started to reread and publish chapters. I like to do that because this way I make sure that any of my long fics wouldn’t be left unfinished, and I also can promise when the next chapter comes out. But to be honest, I started to feel like I have promised to work on this fic so long and still hadn’t had a chance to start publishing. So I promised myself that as soon as I start my summer holiday, I finished this first chapter and publish it. But the thing is when I’m writing this (it’s Friday, 16.6.), I have nothing written for chapter two. Yeah, you read right: I have nothing for chapter 2, not even a word ^^’ But I start to work on it, and I promise to publish the next chapters as soon as I got them ready! And I’m really sorry about that because I can’t even guess when I got the next chapter ready ^^’

But back to the fic! The request was that Shinichi and Ran tried to date in uni but it didn’t work so they decided to be friends, Shinichi went away and years later after he comes back he is engaged but he realizes that he is still in love with Ran.

So here is a start, I hope you like it ^^

Chapter 1: Back in Tokyo

Shinichi didn’t remember how beautiful Tokyo was. Or maybe he hadn’t appreciated it back then when it was part of his everyday life scenario. But now, after five years in America…

Probably it would have been many years more before he would have even planned to make a visit to Japan if he wouldn’t have got a call from Nakamichi. After catching up, he told him that they were planning a class reunion with their group from high school. So, of course, Kudo Shinichi needs to be there too!

To be honest, part of him wasn’t a big fan of an idea, but people around him started to be excited about it. His mother started almost immediately planning the flight to Tokyo. And when Shinichi tried to get help from his fiancee to find any good excuse not to go, she had just looked as excited as his mother and told him that they really, really need to make that trip!

Well, he could understand why Julia was so eager to make a visit to Japan. That light-haired woman had lived all her life in America and hadn’t traveled anywhere. She had dreamed about traveling around the world and seeing so many different places, but because of school and everything, her dreams hadn’t come true - at least not yet. So it was only understandable that when Shinichi’s parents promised to pay for her tickets to Tokyo and back and also a hotel room - even though Shinichi had said they don’t have to! - she was so eager to go. Well, Shinichi was pretty sure that Julia would have come even though his mother wouldn’t have promised to pay anything.

But yeah. After that, he hadn’t had any chance to say no anymore.

But maybe deep done, he was happy that others were eager to make this trip. Because after stepping on Japan’s land, he felt at home. It was weird, because he had a home in America, but Japan had still a special place in his heart. He had grown up in here, learned much from here… And truthfully, he really missed his old friends. After high school, they went their different ways and didn’t see each other as often as before. He can admit that he hadn’t been very good at keeping in touch with them, but then again, they haven’t with him.

So walking those streets and seeing those familiar places - though some of them had gotten little different looks during the years - brought back so many good memories. All those adventures he had as a child, his first day at kindergarten, his first day at school, all those soccer games he played with his friends, he remembered all cases…

With all those fond memories, he realized how much he had missed it all. Though some things had changed, including his childhood home, which made him feel a little bit sad. But his parents had sold it after Shinichi was sure that he would like to stay in America, so it was only understandable that there were new owners who wanted to make that house look like theirs.

And here he was, being emotional.

“It’s so beautiful”, he heard Julia say as they walked to the park. She looked around dreamily, but that’s how she had walked after yesterday when they had landed. Everything she saw was awesome and beautiful. She had even forgotten her urge to learn Japanese as soon as she had gotten off the plane. Some of the greetings she knew and she knew how to thank, but since she had been too busy to look around while his parents had taken care of everything else, she had lost all possibilities to learn more. But Shinichi hadn’t mind, and to be honest, he was sure that it would be more exciting for her to concentrate to see everything around her instead of trying to learn a new language. At least she could do it when they would be back in America, but views? Well, of course, she could always check pictures from the internet, but to be honest, it wouldn’t be the same as experiencing them now, right here.

“Right?” Yukiko answered excitedly. “So much different than New York.”

“So much”, Julia laughed happily, and from the corner of his eyes, he noticed how she turned to look at him. “You’re so lucky that you got to live both of them.”

That’s what his classmates had said when his parents moved to America. First, they had thought that Shinichi had been a fool because he hadn’t moved with them, and later they had claimed how lucky Shinichi was, to have an easy way to make a visit to America. But he hadn’t seen anything interesting in it. Besides, it just meant packing and all if he had wanted to visit his parents, which he had considered just troublesome.

“I don’t think it’s really anything special”, he said finally and looked at Julia, but those amber-colored eyes were looking around, trying to see everything. “If you want to live or visit somewhere, you just have to do it, right?”

Yet she turned to look at him, giving him that certain smile while rolling her eyes. “It’s not that easy for everyone, you know?”

“But you can always work for it”, he answered.

She shook her head. “You don’t understand, do you?”

He shrugged. “It seems I don’t” he admitted.

Julia laughed and nudged him with her weight. “Don’t ever chance, okay?”

He grinned in answer.

“Alright, lovebirds”, he heard Yukiko say, making Shinichi look at his mother. “Should we grab something to eat? I’m starting to feel hungry.”

“Oh, yes!” Julia answered, as energetic as always. She took a few run steps to walk beside Yukiko, looking at her excitedly, wrapping her arms around Yukiko’s arm. “What do you recommend? I want something new! Actually, Shinichi mentioned…”

Shinichi shook his head mostly himself before following those two and his father. Yet, those cute, pink Sakura flowers stole his attention and his eyes went back to them. He had to admit that he hadn’t remembered how beautiful they were. And they brought back memories that he had kind of forgotten. Well, not necessarily forgotten, but dealt with them and moved forward, leaving them behind when there hasn’t been anything to remind him of them.

And those memories, they were still dear to him. Painful, but dear. But he still pushed them a little further, because now wasn’t a time for them. Right now, he needed to…

“Shinichi?”

And he stopped right there.

That voice…

His name, with that voice, was enough to make him forget everything else around him. For a moment he thought that his mind is doing tricks, because what were the odds to hear that voice just when those memories were coming back to him, but when he turned around, he saw her. That long, dark-haired woman standing there, those orchid-colored eyes looking like there were tears and lips… Those lips turned slowly into that smile. Into that certain smile that had always made his heart race in his chest.

The same smile he had fallen in love with in the first place.

She looked almost the same as five years ago, yet maybe… more like a woman.

“Ran.” It was the only word that came out of his mouth, and for him, it sounded more like a whisper, but seeing how her smile widened even more, he knew it had been much more. Or maybe she had just read it from his lips?

She let out a laugh and ran towards him. Shinichi smiled while opening his arms, taking only a few steps toward her before she jumped on him, wrapping her arms around his neck. He laughed with her, closing her into his embrace as he had done so many times years ago. He felt how she pressed against him, and he smelled that same, familiar scent that had always made him a little bit nervous, and yet, when he closed his eyes, he wanted to drown in it. That scent and warmth were so comfortable and caring, making him feel like… home.

And all those memories that he had pushed away, came back to him. He remembered that little girl, tears in her eyes when she had made him a Sakura badge. He remembered all the adventures they had had as a child and how afterward Ran’s mother had scolded them about it. He remembered years in elementary school, he remembered all events from the teen years, all the things they have laughed at, many places where they have visited, many crime scenes that he had wanted to keep her away, many tears she had shed… He remembered every time when she had grabbed his arm, he remembered every time they had held each other’s hands, remembered every kiss…

He remembered the night when he had decided to follow those men in black. He remembered how they had made him take the name Edogawa Conan, and he remembered all the lies he had to tell Ran to keep her safe. He remembered her disappointed and betrayed look when he had finally taken down the Organisation and became back to Kudo Shinichi without fearing to lose her or anyone else close to him. He remembered how after some time they had decided to date again and… and…

“I can’t trust you, Shinichi. Not like… before.”

Without realizing it, he tightened his grip around her.

“It’s been years”, he said finally and opened his eyes, ripping himself out of those memories. Even though he still held them as important and dear memories, everything was connected to everything he had done wrong. He hadn’t lost only the love of his life for that stupid mistake, but he had also lost his closest and dearest friend too. And even though he had made peace with it, learned to live with it, he had to admit that it hurt. Knowing that he had hurt the one he cared about the most…

The fact that she never could trust him as before. The fact that there were always hints of doubt.

Scars that he made, but what he couldn’t heal.

But that all was in the past. He couldn’t chance it. And even though getting over her was painful, seeing her now, looking healthy and fine, he was happy. That had been all he had wished for, that she would be safe and sound, and happy.

“It really had”, he heard her say and sniff while her grip tightened. “Where have you been, Shinichi? I have been so worried…”

It made him let out a soft laugh.

You have still been worried?

“God, Ran, how many times do I have to tell you that you don’t have to worry about me”, he said, feeling somehow nostalgic. Finally, he made her move a little farther so that he could see her face, examined them, and…

She was still beautiful. She looked exactly the same woman that he had loved, the same woman that he had left behind.

The same woman that moved on, while he couldn’t.

He observed how Ran opened her mouth, like planning to say something, but then she shut her mouth, looking down with a sad smile. And even though Shinichi couldn’t know for sure, he got some kind of feeling that he knew what she would have wanted to say.

“You haven’t called.”

The same phrase he had heard so many times during his being Conan. And now that he thought about it, he could have called her more often back then. But at this point, it didn’t matter.

But while living in America? How in the world he should have known that Ran still wanted to be in touch with him? In the ens…

“You left without saying anything”, Ran said finally, getting him out of his thoughts. She raised her head, orchid-colored eyes meeting his. “I thought…. I thought something terrible happened to you.”

Like in Tropical Land, many years ago…

It surprised him a little bit. After their break-up, Ran was the one who was okay with it. While Shinichi himself tried to patch his broken heart, Ran had been the one who continued her life without a problem and started to go on dates with others.

She had been the one who moved on.

Shinichi had just been stuck in his sorrow, feeling jealous, angry, and sad when he had seen how Ran dated others. Of course, they had greeted each other, talked if being the same group, or met somewhere and had time, but to be honest, for Shinichi, it had looked like they couldn’t even patch their relationship back to the same level as it had been before their dating. And it hadn’t been a surprise, because she had lost her trust in him. She didn’t talk to him as before, they weren’t in touch as often…

For him, it had looked like she didn’t need him in her life anymore. That she hadn’t been interested anymore to know what he was doing, how he was doing. And maybe it was only understandable.

It had been the reason why he went to America. Well, honestly he hadn’t planned to stay there long, only enough to get his thoughts in order without seeing Ran or getting depressed to see her with others. It had been a trip that was meant to give him enough space to heal his wound. But then he got a chance to continue his studies in New York. And after some thinking, he had stayed.

So he hadn’t even thought that Ran would be interested to know what he was doing and whatnot, which had been the biggest reason why he hadn’t been in touch. And if she really had been that interested, she could have just asked. Even though he had changed his number, there were still ways to make contact. God, if Nakamichi had found his number, why Ran hadn’t had?

But he didn’t blame her. Almost six years ago, he had known that woman better than anyone else. And if she hadn’t changed, he was pretty sure that the only reason why Ran hadn’t been in touch with him, is because she hadn’t had enough courage to do so.

That’s Ran. Always overthinking even the simplest things. Or at least she had used to.

“To be fair, I didn’t know either that I would stay in America”, he answered finally. “I just planned a visit to my parents like a few weeks or something, but…” He chuckled. “Well, I got a chance to transfer my studies and continue in New York, so I stayed.”

In the end, you were the reason why I stayed in Japan in the first place…

“Oh”, Ran said and frowned. “You should have… I would… I…” Then she shut her mouth and looked away.

She genuinely looked melancholic, and it made Shinichi think that maybe…

“Shinichi? Who is she?”

Shinichi snapped out of his thoughts and turned to look beside him. Julia stood there, looking curiously at him, then Ran…

Oh, he had totally forgotten Julia and his parents!

“Oh”, Shinichi let out, dropping his arms around Ran and taking a step away from her. He wondered how bad it had looked in Julia’s eyes! He hadn’t thought, not at all… “Oh, she…” He stopped and reminded himself to use English again, so Julia could understand him. “She is Mouri Ran, my childhood friend, and… my ex-girlfriend.”

Julia's expression brightened. “Oh, so this is that Ran you had told me so much?” she asked and sounded excited - a little too excited if someone would ask Shinichi. He followed how she went closer to Ran and offered her hand. “My name is Julia Williams, Shinichi’s fiancee.”

Nothing happened. Shinichi turned to look at Ran, who just stared at Julia. Her smile had faded a little bit like there was something wrong. Shinichi frowned. But Ran had been good at English back then, why she…

“Julia, darling, not like that”, Shinichi heard his mother's voice, but he still couldn’t get his eyes away from Ran, who still stared at Julia with some weird expression. He tried to read it so he could do something to help, but… “In Japan, when we met a new person, we introduce ourselves, and after that, we bow a little”, he heard his mother explain, and finally Shinichi turned to look at them when Yukiko put her hand on Julia’s arm, making her lower it. “And it would be more polite to call her Mouri-san or Ran-san.”

“Oh!” Julia shouted out and turned to look at Yukiko confused. “But you always talk about Ran…”

“Because she is our dear family friend”, she explained gently before turning to Ran. Then Yukiko went to her and grab her into a tight hug, continuing in Japanese. “It has been years, Ran-chan! How have you been? You look as beautiful as always!”

“I’m fine, I’m fine”, Ran laughed and hugged Yukiko back, but Shinichi still could see that something was bothering her, even though she tried to hide it.

“Oh, come on, Ran-chan!”, Yukiko laughed and get away from her enough to face her. “You have to tell me more! What you have done during these years? Do you still live in Beika? Do you have a job? Fiancee? Children?”

“Mom!”

Well, it wasn’t like this should have been a surprise: His mother had always been curious, and when she opened her mouth, there could come out anything! But Shinichi couldn’t help but feel so embarrassed. Why did she need to bluntly ask everything that came to her mind? Wasn’t she the one who just a moment ago told Julia to be more polite?

If he would still be on good terms with Ran, this wouldn’t be so awkward, but now?

So when Yukiko turned to look at her, like she had done nothing wrong, Shinichi continued: “Don’t harass her like that! It’s not your concern…”

“Mou, Shin-chan!” Yukiko said. “But I want to know…”

Shinichi rolled his eyes. This wasn’t fine! “Maybe Ran tells you if she feels like it”, he answered.

“It’s okay, Shinichi”, Ran interrupted, taking his attention. He met her eyes and he knew that she meant it. She had always been kind, it seemed that she still was.

And she had been used to his mother’s curiosity, so that was probably the reason that she didn’t mind.

But honestly, the difference from the past was that he wasn’t as close to Ran as he used to be. And he didn’t want her to bother Ran too much.

But Ran smiled gently when turned back to look at Yukiko. “Yes, I still live in Beika and I’m working the closest kindergarten, and… I… I live alone.”

“Oh, but that sounds good”, Yukiko said, yet not as energetic as usual. “Though I’m sad that you are still single…”

“Mom, no”, Shinichi interrupted before she would have time start to pry anything more. Again Yukiko turned to look at him and opened her mouth.

“What about we continue our way to eat something?” Yusaku interrupted smoothly, making only then Shinichi remember that his father was also there. He glanced at him and saw how looked at Ran, smiling gently. “You can join us, if you want, Ran-chan. We offer.”

“Oh, that would be amazing!” Yukiko shouted out happily, hitting her hands together. “We offer and meanwhile you can tell us everything…”

“Mom…” Shinichi sighed. Why did his mother need to be like that?

“I’m grateful for the offer, but sadly, I need to be somewhere else soon”, Ran answered and raised her hand to glance at her wristwatch. And even though it made him happy that his mother wouldn’t have a chance to pry anything else, he still felt a little bit disappointed. It would have been nice to catch up with her, after all these years.

Well, maybe he would get that chance at the class reunion.

“Oh, that’s a shame”, Yukiko muttered. “But it can’t be helped…” Then she started to smile again. “Is it a date?”

Shinichi rolled his eyes.

“Ah, no”, Ran laughed. “I’m just seeing Sonoko.”

“Ah”, Shinichi let out, remembering that annoyed woman… “She’s still here?”

Ran laughed again. “Yes, she still lives here too”, she answered, looking at him with that big smile. “She would be so happy to hear that you’re ba-... in Tokyo. Do I tell your regards to her?”

“Please, don’t”, Shinichi answered and grinned. “Somehow my sanity has been so much better when she isn’t around.”

God, and now he missed Sonoko too. He had never guessed that there would be a day when he would have been ready to drop everything else just to see Suzuki Sonoko and hear her irritating voice. God, he would have liked to… But she probably didn’t want to see him. They haven’t been in touch either, not after his and Ran’s breakup. Shinichi was pretty sure that Sonoko was on Ran’s side and hated him for breaking Ran’s heart.

Well, he wanted to say that he was the one who got that broken heart, but it wouldn’t probably matter. He was the one who had done wrong. But maybe he would get a chance to see her at the class reunion and see how much she would hate him.

But he would never admit to anyone that he missed her. Not even for Ran.

Ran giggled. “Well, that would make her sad, just saying”, she said.

Shinichi shrugged. “I doubt that.”

Then there was a silence. Shinichi looked at Ran’s eyes before she dropped them on the ground, looking nervous. And even after years, even though he had been over her, and moved on, seeing that gesture made him feel a little sad. Somehow this moment only proved to him how much he had lost. It had never been this hard for them to say goodbyes.

“Well”, he started and moved his eyes to Julia, who was observing him. “I think we planned to go to eat?”

“Oh”, Ran let out, making Shinichi look back at her. “Oh, yeah, sorry for keeping you! And I believe Sonoko is waiting too…”

Shinichi nodded. He hated how awkward this was between them.

“It was so good to see you again, Ran-chan”, Yukiko said and gave a fast hug to Ran before moving away. “Maybe we should meet before we got back to New York?”

“It… sounds like a good idea”, Ran answered with that sweet smile.

“It was nice to meet you, Ran-san”, Julia interrupted in English. “And I’m sorry about earlier…”

“No, don’t worry about it, it’s okay”, Ran answered now, smiling apologetically. “I just… I just was surprised… Sorry about that!”

It seemed just to make Julia happy. “Don’t worry!” she answered. “And… I would also love to see you again! Shinichi’s friends are mine too!”

“Yeah”, Ran answered, but somehow it wasn’t as bright as the answer for Yukiko. “I would like that.”

Julia’s smile just widened.

“Okay, maybe we should continue”, Shinichi said because even though he hadn’t seen Ran in years, he still got some kind of feeling that she was a little bit uneasy. “I’m starting to be so hungry.” Then he looked at Ran and smiled. “See you at the class reunion, right?”

Ran smiled at him, but somehow it seemed sad. “Yeah, see you.”

Shinichi nodded before turning. He put his hand on Julia’s back to push her to move with him.

But even though meeting with Ran had gone well - much better than had thought, and honestly, he hadn’t even thought of chatting with Ran even in the class reunion -, something still bothered him. Why Ran had looked a little bit sad? If she hadn’t wanted to chat with him, she probably wouldn’t have stopped him. But he hadn’t blamed her for anything either, right? Or maybe she was just uneasy because it was their first meeting after five years and there were also others…

“You have to continue teaching me more Japanese, Shinichi”, Julia said, snapping him out of his thoughts. He looked at her and saw how those amber-colored eyes looked at him. “I have forgotten the whole thing when we arrived yesterday, and I’m kind of sad that I couldn’t greet your childhood friend correctly!”

“I don’t think Ran minds about that”, he comforted her. “Besides, I thought you would like to concentrate more on views,” he said and nudged her a little bit. “In the end, you don’t see these every day, but making me teach Japanese to you can happen whenever you want to.”

She pouted. “I know, but…”

“Shinichi!”

Shinichi stopped and turned around. Ran was still standing where they had left her, still looking at him. But now she looked a little bit shy. There was a hint of insecurity in her.

“I… I wonder… Would you like to meet before the class reunion?” she asked before letting out a nervous laugh and looking away. “If you have time at some point? I…” Then she met his eyes again. “There are things I would… like to clear up between us. If… if you want give me a chance, of course.”

And even when she smiled, there was glimmering in her eyes. Like…

Like he could say no to her. Has he ever? Besides, that is what he would like to do. If it would mean that they could get back even part of the relationship that they had before the Tropical Land, he would do it. Even though they wouldn’t love each other as they had, she was still dear to him, and he would give pretty much if she would still be part of his life.

“Fine by me”, he answered finally. “If you have the same number as before, we can settle where and when, okay?”

Her smile widened a little bit. “Okay.”

Chapter 2

#ShinRan #It Has Always Been You #I don't know how to tag this!#Meeting after break-up #Getting back together #Shinichi/OC #Post-canon #Kudo Shinichi #Mouri Ran #Detective Conan #Fanfiction #Chapter 1

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whinlatter · 1 year

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Hello! I just read the latest chapter of Beasts and I am, once again, blown away by your skill. I don’t usually read fics in the HP fandom (not sure why, to be honest- there are so many good ones!) but yours are far and away my favorite of the works I have read. (Re: Beasts, I would like to note that your portrayal of Hermione is dead-accurate and delightfully layered. I appreciate the kindness with which you write her, as neither a saint nor a monster— just a deeply traumatized teenage girl.)

I’m not sure if you dispense writing advice on here— if not, feel free to ignore the following— but if you are, I would love some pointers! I’m sure part of it is my anxiety talking, but I find whatever I write to be irritatingly juvenile. You do such a wonderful job of bringing nuance to your works, and I’d appreciate any guidance you have for amateur writers looking to take their fics to the “next level,” so to speak. Also, on a broader level, any tips you have about nailing characterization would be very welcome. I know the ultimate answer to my questions is simply “time and practice,” but I have a genuine desire to improve, and I figure there’s something I can do to hurry the process along.

In the interest of not wasting your time, I’ll wrap it up here. Many, many thanks!

Oh man, I’m blown away by this comment, are you kidding me? Thank you so so much. You really don’t know how much that means to hear (saving this to look back on on a rainy low self-esteem day).

On writing advice... I'm always a bit hesitant about offering writing advice, even though I have benefited so so much from other people’s advice over the years in lots of different ways (probably because I suspect few of us ever really see our own work very clearly). This is also sort of hypocritical of me because I literally teach (non-fiction) writing as part of my job, lol, but maybe this is my imposter syndrome syndroming.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot about this question since you sent this, and wanted to say something that might be useful. I actually ended up going back to the (very bad) fanfiction I wrote about 15+ years ago for another fandom (I will not be linking this here lmao), to see what I do differently now and what I’d gotten better at. This was both a very unsettling but also very cathartic process, lol, because I think I’ve gotten a lot better since then (though, truthfully, it couldn’t have gotten much worse).

So, having done that, I’ve tried to put some writing advice and reflections and thoughts below that I think I’ve learnt since I first started writing and that I feel I’ve found out the hard way (by getting it wrong first time around). My points below are more ‘what I admire in other people’s work and ‘what I would like my writing to do’ rather than me thinking I do all these things well all the time, especially on the nuance and characterisation questions. Some are going to sound super obvious but I definitely did not know them once and have definitely had to work to learn all of them, so I really hope they’re useful to you all the same.

Having now sat down and read my truly truly dire past fanfiction (which has a lot of reviews on it telling me, in no uncertain terms, how and why the work sucked), I think these are the things I wish someone had told me or the things I've learnt after a long long time of getting it extremely wrong...

Writing should answer a question, or a series of questions. I think the big shift from the fanfiction I used to write is that I would start from the premise of ‘I want to write these two characters in X setting’ or ‘I want to fill in Y missing moment’. It’s not that these are bad premises - often, fic ideas start this way - but there needs to be a step after this idea before the writing happens, which is the ‘what question would this answer and what would the answer be’. To give an example, for Orchards I always wanted to write a Harry/Ginny summer teenage love story, but I never really thought of it as answering a question, and so every version I could imagine doing of it was unsatisfying. It was only when I realised the question I had was how does someone fall in love and not realise it (and, I guess, and what do they do when they’ve realised it too late?) that I was like ohhh ok, the fic needs to answer that question, and the conceit is how do we get from A (not being in love) to B (falling in love, but not knowing it) to C (knowing it, and being tormented by knowing it). The later layers the fic took on and that I now like so much - flashbacks, use of the future tense to switch to a period where Harry knows he’s in love but can’t do anything about it - all came after that realisation, and I think the fic is more satisfying for me as a writer because it answers a question I had always had in the back of my mind but hadn’t made conscious.

Show, don’t tell - so, signpost, but give the reader credit. Work that I really admire and take the most from is work that doesn’t beat the reader around the head with the point of each scene. You don’t need to tell the reader how x character is feeling. ‘Ginny felt angry because she thought Hermione was being dismissive of other people’s feelings’ - that’s a note to yourself as a writer more than it needs to be expressed so obviously written to the reader. On a first draft, maybe you need that line to be written out as you figure out how characters are feeling in that scene - that’s completely fine. But as you edit, think of ways you can show that kind of emotional response without coming out and straight up saying it. Try to cut lines that state emotional responses so starkly and jarringly, because they take the reader out of the flow of the scene. How might Ginny as a character show she’s pissed off in ways that are legible to the reader (especially a reader of fanfiction, who is familiar with her)? How can we show Hermione being dismissive (not making eye contact, for instance, or saying curt, dismissive statements that shut down the conversation). This relates to the next point which is…

Make the setting work for you - or even let it be a character in its own right. It’s rare in any form of fiction writing that the setting or the activities around characters are incidental. This is especially true for HP, where the author uses the setting throughout to both build a sense of atmosphere but also parallel/symbolise the dynamics of the scene at hand, like little winks to the reader. The weather is often the most obvious way of doing this. As the author, you play god - the weather is exactly what you want or need it to be to best serve the scene. That doesn’t mean necessarily happy scene has to = sunny, or sad scene = rain,, but it could mean torrential rain = huge release of something pent up that’s been building for hours (think of the rain pounding on the tent when Harry and Ron have their screaming match in DH - it’s like a fourth character in that scene), or too-hot sun = rising pressure, huge discomfort, feeling prickled and angry and trapped with no shade (think of Harry at the start of OotP, in the heatwave). It doesn’t have to be weather, either. If you want to show how a character is guarded, struggling to let another character in, why not have them have the conversation hovering in a doorway, with the door partly closed? If you want to write a scene where two characters are thinking about their future together and really getting somewhere emotionally, why not have them have the conversation in a moving car, heading towards a meaningful destination (you could even have the instigator of the conversation in the literal driving seat, if you want to suggest dynamics of control or maturity). These are just examples, obviously, but the writing I really admire does this so well (and rewards re-reads for that reason).

Find a motif or a hook. This is more a personal preference, but I love reading pieces of writing that have a clear framing. The post-war summer fic I’ve been working on for nine thousand years lol only really started coming quicker once I finally found a conceit - an image, really - that worked for me (the fic is called Rubble, and the conceit is: how do you literally build a house that is a family home, as a way of thinking about rebuilding after the war, told around the Weasleys as a family). For Orchards, there are a few motifs: ‘the truth’ as a character; ‘truth or dare’ as a game, but also as a metaphor for Harry and Ginny’s early love story, and Quidditch (love is a quaffle). In Beasts, I have motifs and hooks that I hope to stretch over the entirety of the fic, not least this idea about beasts and beings and the hubris and the monstrousness of the wizarding world - I wanted to write a postwar fic for a long time, but I didn’t have a conceit that allowed me to get at the type of story I wanted to tell for ages. Within each chapter, I also like to have a little motif: so chapter two it was ‘coming back’, chapter three it was sleep and dreams, chapter four it was the soul/what makes a person who they are, chapter five was the sea. Some of these were more successful than others lol, but it helps me to fashion and discipline a piece when writing and when editing/cutting to think: everything in this piece, in some loose way, needs to link back to this theme I’m trying to thread through.

Make sure people sound/think/behave like people. I’ve put points specifically about characterisation below, but this is a more general point: characters shouldn’t sound like generic talking points, they should sound like real people putting together sentences. I think in fanfiction writing, because we often want to resolve flaws in characters, write about characters we love and admire, or want them to have the difficult conversations or hard confessions that they don’t do in canon, we sometimes can both idealise them and make them sound like very self-aware consistently compassionate angels who are experts at expressing exactly how they’re feeling in extremely emotionally healthy and communicative ways. It would be nice if our characters all did that, sure! But what makes for immersive, compelling writing is when characters try and struggle and fuck up and live their flaws, and sound like real living breathing failing growing people.

You probably need to lose the last line. The last line of a fic is important, but sometimes you can lose a reader who’s been with you the whole time with a clumsy last line or one that’s excessively cheesy or overly summarising or just seems like an afterthought because you wrap up. I say this as a real mea culpa because I still suck at last lines, but the best advice I have gotten on this is, if in doubt, cut the last line you were going to go with, lol. Let the scene end without the line you think is a great summative profound line or something reassuring or overly comforting for the reader. I am definitely still learning this (the end line of chapter four of Beasts I’m still considering cutting or editing severely lol - it’s too on the nose for my taste, and I don’t love it), but the last lines I do like most are always the most minimalist, sparse, simple, or even abstract. basically - if it sounds like chat gpt could write your last line (chat gpt loves an on-the-nose happy ending - eg. ‘Hermione knew it was all going to be ok after all’) then go back to the drawing board.

Embrace critique. This is a very subjective one, especially for writing fanfic. Writing fanfic is a rich and rewarding hobby but I recognise that it is a hobby and a source of pleasure, so lots of people prefer not to get constructive critique. I’m actually being a bit hypocritical here as I don’t currently have a beta for fic writing, but I do have a brutal self-editing process (oh, the scenes and sentences I’ve cut!) and I have spent the last decade of my life in academic writing and sharing my work-in-progress written work over and over and over again, often for a couple of hours every few weeks in front of a room of people more senior and much smarter than me all with my written work printed out in front of them ready to tell me what I got wrong and what I need to change or get better at, lol. This has been bruising to say the least, but it 100% has made me a better writer and disabused me of a lot of the bad habits I picked up when starting out, and kicked the ego out of me thinking I didn’t need to edit and draft and re-draft everything several times. I’ve also spent a long time reading and editing and responding to other people’s work, in the same way, and that’s also been super productive to help me think about how to better communicate written ideas, fiction or non-fiction. So I think real improvement and growth in your writing has to come from getting a thick skin and being able to take critique from people you respect, who are constructive not destructive, and who believe in your talents, your right to show them, and want to see your work presented in the best possible way.

On characterisation specifically...

Look for similar scenarios in the books and see how the character reacts to those. I go back to canon a lot to find plots that are analogous to the plots I’m writing to see how characters physically and verbally respond to them. My thought processes are like, Hermione and Ginny in conflict? Head to HBP when they clash over Harry and Sectumsempra to see how they fight lol. Need to write a Weasley ensemble scene? Head to Goblet of Fire Burrow chapters pre-world cup to see the family dynamics in full swing, and see how the text conveys warmth and love between the characters, while also attending to power dynamics and changing/fractious relationships, down to the adverbs used to describe how people speak, how they physically occupy the space. (I used this chapter a lot when writing the beach day scene for the latest chapter of Beasts, because I knew I was going to have a scene that in part shows how Bill operates an older brother, especially how he deals with his parents and Percy, but also how to distinguish Bill from Charlie when they’re often characters that can get blurred together a bit as ‘the older ones’.) I’m doing this a ton with Hermione atm, because I think she sometimes exists in fanon differently to how she appears in canon and I didn’t want to just assume I knew her speech patterns based on reading a lot of fanfiction about her, but also because Hermione, unlike Ron, doesn’t have her existential crisis within canon but probably (I suspect) has a post-war reckoning that speaks on insecurities and traumas that do occur within the canon text. So if I’m looking at Hermione struggling to relate to the student body, I need to go back to the canon text and find moments where some of those dynamics were already starting to come into play (eg. Hermione not getting Quidditch, Hermione’s responses to Neville telling them what life was like under the Carrows, Hermione’s relationship with other girls in her year eg. Lavender and Parvati).

Relatedly: look at how characters that are similar to each other react to certain scenarios if you don't have enough evidence of how one character might behave. I decided with Beasts that, while Harry and Ginny are not the same person, they are characters that often react in certain situations similarly, so if I don’t have an example of how Ginny herself would respond to a certain situation (eg. injury in Quidditch), I can use Harry’s response as a bit of a guide for what Ginny would be like. That scene in chapter two where Harry and Ginny discuss her going back to Hogwarts actually borrows lines from Dumbledore and Harry’s conversation in the purgatory King’s Cross after Harry’s ‘death’ - ‘I have to go back, don’t I?’ ‘That’s up to you’ - because although Ginny deciding to go back to Hogwarts is not exactly the same as the decision Harry makes not to ‘go on’, it seemed there were enough analogies with it that I could borrow little lines and colour from that scene. (I have a bit of a cop-out dumb joke to myself in this scene - Harry saying to Ginny ‘we’re the same’ is me nodding to swapping out two very similar protagonists).

Play the ‘there’s a pigeon in the living room’ game. There’s lots of different versions of this exercise for improving characterisation, but I like this one: if this character woke up tomorrow, went into their living room and found a pigeon in it, what would they do? How would they respond? Would they scream/swear/laugh/calmly acknowledge the situation? How would they physically respond - would they try to get the pigeon out, if so how would they physically try to do that? What words could you use for how their body would move in the space while they tried to, say, open a window, or shoo it out the door? Would they call someone to help, if so, who, and why? What would they say, and how would they say it? It's such a stupid game but I do really find it helpful to better inhabit the character, especially if the character is very different from you as the author.

Good characterisation means trying to get everyone right. The trouble sometimes with fanfiction writing is that we have our main character as someone that we love and want to write about, and then harness all other characters in the service of our main character’s personal development. But that’s not really how real people behave - people rarely walk around thinking all day every day about one specific main-character person they know, lol (I always think of the bits in Inception where everyone starts looking at the person in the dream…) Strong characterisation means having at least a working understanding of what motivates every character that interacts with the main character in the fic, that thinks about how both characters perceive their relationship, and how their behaviours and the things they say might change based on who they’re talking to. Characterisation is deeply relational, and very much about how characters react or respond in a way that’s highly specific and contextual. It just takes a lot of really boring slog work of figuring how characters’ typical sentence structures, their body language, their thought-processes, who they gravitate towards, the kind of arc or change they are capable of. It’s important not to come in with judgement, and from a place of wanting to understand and empathise with a character. (It's why I don't really write characters I don't fully understand or 'get' - I'd do a horrible job!)

The last thing I want to say is that the best advice I ever received is pretentious and cloying but true: it's to know your gift. You say you find your own writing ‘irritatingly juvenile’. But in even asking a question like the one you’ve asked, you’ve shown you’re clearly a thoughtful, curious and creative person - and thoughtful, curious and creative people will always produce writing that other people will get something out of. I’ll bet your writing has real strengths, some that you don’t even see and others that actually (at least I hope!) you recognise and that you’re really proud of. This doesn’t mean you can’t develop new skills or improve or challenge yourself. But starting any process of improvement by clearly identifying what you’re good at (knowing your gift), figuring out why you’re good at it, thinking about how best to showcase it and believing you have a right to show this talent or skill is really important. I know this is excruciating to do but I really recommend making a little list of things and starting from this point of acknowledging you have stories to tell and ways of telling them that other people will admire and benefit from you sharing with them. You'll never actually want to improve if you come from a place of being horrible to yourself as a writer. What you do has worth, and wanting to improve is a journey we're all on, just trying to find ways to better share what we have and have it mean something to someone else who comes across it.

#writing #writing advice #beasts #thank you anon #i really hope this is helpful and i just know your writing will be wonderful #also i will be dining out on your praise for precisely one million years

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