Parasite WIP is so good and I desperately want more of it! I voted for it in the poll and I’m so sad it didn’t win
Friend, I appreciate you asking after it because it really is one of my fucked-up faves that I really need to work on more, so uh . . . have all 4500 words of the prose so far all together, hahaha. Yes, yes I DID reformat this whole thing into Tumblr-friendliness all for you. THAT IS HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE YOUR APPRECIATION, FRIEND.
( so definitely we are gonna need that read-more down there, lol. )
Clark wakes up.
Clark didn't even know he wasn't awake.
"Superman," Bruce says with absolute neutrality. He's wearing the cowl. Standing in rubble. Clark is . . . not standing in rubble.
Laying in rubble. That's what Clark is doing.
Bruce is looking down at him very, very carefully, and seems . . . reserved.
Reserved for Bruce, even.
"What happened?" Clark asks, trying not to concentrate on the little seed of dread that the sight of that reservation invokes in him. He can hear the heartbeats of other League members, here and there in the wreckage of the street around them. Hear civilians and city noise. Hear Lois and Jon, distantly, and Ma and Pa, even more distant. And . . . Kara–both of her–and . . .
"We'll go with 'electrocution', but I think we can safely say just about anyone else would've been virtually incinerated," Bruce informs him, distracting Clark from his mental rundown of people he's currently worried about. "Or just exploded."
"Ah," Clark says with a grimace. Well, that explains why his head hurts so damn bad, he guesses.
At least it was him, then, and not any "anyone else"s.
He pushes himself up. Looks around. He . . . isn't sure where they are, exactly, except that it's probably somewhere on Earth and within the continental United States, judging by the architecture and signs he's seeing and the accents and languages he's hearing.
He has absolutely no idea how they got here, though. The last thing he remembers is . . .
. . . he's not actually sure what the last thing he remembers is.
Not a great sign, that.
Bruce is watching him. Like he's . . . expecting something, almost. Clark would ask, but there's an odd feeling distracting him. Something's . . . off, somehow.
Missing.
Bruce's utility belt is a new design, he notes absently. J'onn is down the street a bit and his costume looks a little different too. And Diana . . .
Diana is over across the way, and her hair is a couple inches longer than he remembers it being.
Clark would assume he was mistaken, except for the eidetic memory and all.
"Hm," Clark says.
"Hm?" Bruce says. He still sounds faultlessly neutral.
"Trying to figure out if I'm in the right reality. Things look a little off," Clark replies, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes in concentration. No unexpected sounds or scents. No particular feeling of disorientation that can't be accounted for by being apparently electrocuted. No additional pains past the dull pressure in his head or any immediately obvious peculiarities beyond the minor little scattered differences here and there in his teammates.
But something is–
"I can't hear Kon," Clark realizes abruptly. He doesn't usually especially keep an ear out for the kid, at least not deliberately, but . . .
Bruce . . . pauses.
"You can't," he says, very carefully. It doesn't sound like a question.
It sounds like something, though.
"I can't," Clark confirms anyway, glancing around again. He still doesn't know where this is. "Where are we, exactly?"
"What's the date, Kal?" Bruce asks, and Clark's heart sinks.
He answers the question.
Bruce's mouth thins.
Hell, Clark thinks.
"We're currently in Keystone City," Bruce says, very carefully expressionless. "We've been here for three days. The date you just provided me was a full fourteen months ago. And Kon-El has been MIA for roughly thirteen and a half of those months."
Hell, Clark thinks, and doesn't let himself process anything past that.
"We need to get a scan of your brain," Bruce says. "For starters."
"For starters," Clark agrees tightly.
Bruce tells Diana they're leaving, then abandons the rubble and takes Clark up to the Watchtower. Clark goes. He doesn't ask what electrocuted him or who's died in the past fourteen months or if there's anything immediately urgent that he should know. Bruce would've already told him, if there was.
And he thinks he'd choke on the question if he tried, anyway.
They go to the med bay. There's a total stranger standing in it who smiles at them when they step through the door.
"Haven't seen you in here in quite a while, Superman," the stranger observes in amusement, tapping a pen against the clipboard in their hands. "You still haven't been in for that checkup I owe you, you know."
"He doesn't know you," Bruce informs them evenly. The stranger blinks.
"Sorry?" they say.
"He was electrocuted," Bruce says. "Now he thinks it's fourteen months ago. We need a brain scan. Immediately."
"Hell," the stranger says, their eyes widening in alarm.
Clark gets the brain scan.
He and Bruce wait in a convenient exam room for the results, which seem to be taking a while. Bruce seems a bit more guarded than usual, which means Clark is standing next to goddamn Fort Knox right now. He sighs to himself.
"Suppose at this rate I should call and tell Lois and Jon I'll be late for dinner," he jokes wryly as he folds his arms, no real humor in the comment, and Bruce goes very, very still beside him.
. . . hell.
They're not dead. He knows they're not dead, he heard their heartbeats before they left for the watchtower, Bruce would've already told him if either of them were–
"They aren't expecting you," Bruce says with absolutely no intonation whatsoever in his voice. "You moved out eight months ago. The divorce is already finalized."
"Ah," Clark says, very slowly. He doesn't let himself process, again. Not–just, not yet. "What happened?"
"You left them," Bruce says, and Clark . . . blinks.
"I left them?!" he demands incredulously. Leaving Lois is one thing, horrible and impossible a thought as it is, but– "Not just–I left them both?!"
"As you explained it to me, you were no longer interested in maintaining the . . . 'persona' of Clark Kent," Bruce replies carefully, looking just past him. "You said you couldn't stand the screaming anymore. That you appreciated us . . . humoring you for so long, but you couldn't just keep walking around making excuses and lying to everyone while people were suffering and dying just because you had to pretend to be human for a while. So yes. You left them. Haven't visited since Lois finally signed the divorce papers. Haven't spoken to your parents either. You've been . . . erratic. Since Kon-El's disappearance. When we couldn't find him . . . when we couldn't even find out what happened to him . . ."
"Oh," Clark says, and his heart sinks again.
He doesn't understand, though. Kon is–he cares about the kid, obviously. Cares very deeply about him. He's pretty sure he even loves him, at this point. But he's not . . .
It feels terrible to think it, but Clark doesn't understand why Kon disappearing like that would affect him enough to stop being Clark. It's awful, and he still hasn't let himself actually think about it happening at all because he really can't process it right now, but that awful? Really? Awful enough to abandon being any semblance of a normal person? Abandon Lois and his parents entirely?
Abandon Jon entirely?
Apparently, yes.
"Technically you're on unpaid sabbatical from the Planet," Bruce tells him. "We thought you might . . . reconsider, once you'd grieved properly, so Lois pulled some strings with Perry White. He thinks you're having an early mid-life crisis and your co-workers think you're off finding yourself in South America with a bad cell phone plan."
"I guess I don't believe in satellite phones?" Clark says, trying for wry again. It doesn't work, but he tries all the same.
"This is unfair of me, but I'm going to take advantage of your current mental state," Bruce says. He's looking at the wall, though there's nothing there to actually be looking at. Not even anything on the other side, at least not according to X-ray vision. "Try to remember how you feel right now, when your memories of the past year return. Try to remember who you are right now, when those memories return."
"Why?" Clark asks, watching him carefully as he does. The corners of Bruce's mouth tighten. Just barely, but undeniably.
"You've been . . . gone, Clark," Bruce says slowly. "You won't even answer to 'Clark' anymore. You aren't the same man that I . . . that we all . . ."
The stranger comes back before Bruce has to admit to too many personal feelings or Clark can figure out what to say to any of that, which might be a mercy but might also be–
The stranger looks . . . strange, Clark notices. Nauseated, almost. And definitely distressed.
"I haven't done brain scans on Superman before," they say, their grip on their clipboard concerningly close to white-knuckled. "And my predecessor apparently hadn't done any in a while either. Last ones in the system are over two years old."
"What's wrong?" Bruce says, narrowing his eyes. Honestly at this point Clark figures a kryptonite brain tumor would really just be the icing on the cake, and frankly would probably explain some of his apparent behavioral changes and current memory loss. That genuinely makes more sense than anything else, really, even with grief and guilt to contend with.
More sense than abandoning his own damn kid does, at least.
Although a tumor's the worst-case scenario, obviously. And it can't be any worse than that, really, or any worse than anything he's apparently done to his family this past year, so at least he's braced for–
"There's an . . . organism," the stranger says, swallowing uncomfortably. "In your brain."
"What?" Clark says.
"A dead organism, now," the stranger clarifies. "But it looks like it's been there for a while. There are . . . roots. And . . . lesions, too."
"An organism," Bruce repeats very, very slowly. "In Superman's brain."
"Yes," the stranger says.
"I don't . . ." Clark trails off.
"We need more scans," Bruce says.
"I ran it four times on two different machines," the stranger says. "It's organic. It's not giving off any recognizable life signs. It seems like it might've been . . . you mentioned electrocution, before?"
"You think the electricity killed it," Bruce realizes. "And then Superman forgot fourteen months?"
"I'm not sure Superman ever experienced those fourteen months to begin with," the stranger says tightly, gripping their clipboard even harder.
Clark was in no way whatsoever braced for this.
"Fuck," Bruce says.
More scans happen after all. A lot more scans, a lot of specialists, and a lot of arguing. Everything's a bit of a blur, in a sense. Clark absorbs very little of it, and mostly leaves things to Bruce unless he's asked a direct question about his medical history. His judgment might be compromised right now, after all, whether the . . . organism is dead or not.
The emergency OR gets prepped. The red sun lamps get set up inside it.
"Should we contact Lois?" Bruce asks as Clark's shrugging into an ill-fitting hospital gown and preparing himself to possibly die in pursuit of getting a dead who-knows-what out of his brain before it can start to rot there and potentially kill him that way. "Or your parents?"
"No," Clark says. "Just get this damn thing out of my head."
If he doesn't survive the removal process . . .
They don't know what's been going on. What he let happen to himself, somehow.
He isn't going to tell them he's back just to immediately take himself away again.
He records something for Jon, just in case. It's not enough, but it's–something, he tells himself. It's something.
It's all he can bring himself to do.
He leaves the disk with the recording on it with Bruce and asks him to have Dick deliver it, if it's necessary.
Things proceed from there, and Clark wakes up again a week later in a private room in the med bay, connected to half a dozen machines and needles and tubes and directly facing the sun. Diana is dozing in the chair next to his bed. Bruce is pacing at the foot of it. They're both in costume. Clark feels weak and groggy, but he can hear half a dozen other heartbeats lingering in the hall, so presumably they were expecting him to wake up around now.
"Mm," he says. Diana snaps awake. Bruce stops mid-step.
They both look at him.
"The operation was a success," Bruce informs him. "Textbook. Or as textbook as removing a mind-controlling parasite of unknown origins from a Kryptonian brain can get for mostly-human surgeons, anyway."
"Do you need anything?" Diana asks. "Would you like us to call your family yet?"
Clark shakes his head, then closes his eyes and sleeps for another week.
"Sleep", he supposes, counts as something that he needs right now.
The next time he wakes up, he's alone in his room and disconnected from the machines and just feels . . . normal, really. Like nothing was ever wrong at all and he didn't just have major surgery that was, essentially, the equivalent of multiple traumatic brain injuries. His hair is already starting to grow back from where it was buzzed down for the surgery, and there's not even any bandages on his head.
There's no noticeable scarring, Clark observes when he makes it to the little ensuite bathroom to take a look in the mirror. The surgeons told him there probably wouldn't be, given both the methods they'd been intending to use and the nature of his own physiology, but seeing the total lack of proof of what happened to him is just . . . strange, somehow.
It feels almost like a cheat. Like it should be obvious, in some way.
There was a parasite in his head. Something controlling him. Pretending to be him. Passing for him. It could've done anything it wanted.
It did do things that Clark still has no idea about.
So many things.
He couldn't even fight it. Wasn't conscious or aware enough to, or just not strong enough to, or just . . .
He couldn't even fight it.
And he doesn't know what it did.
The door opens. Diana walks in.
"Would you like us to call your family now?" she asks.
"Yes," Clark says roughly, curling his fingers around the sides of the sink in front of him. "Please."
"Of course," Diana says with a terrible and merciless gentleness.
Clark sits down on the lid of the toilet and just . . . cries. Just for a minute.
Or twenty.
Diana kneels in front of him and holds his hands in her own.
Fourteen months, Clark thinks, all twisted up with grief and pain and so, so much regret. He missed so much. He wasn't there for Jon or Lois or his parents. He wasn't there for Bruce or Diana or the League, for either of Kara, for . . .
For Kon. He wasn't there for Kon.
Wasn't there for Kon when the kid needed him.
Kon completely vanished, and who knows if the damn parasite even pretended to help look for him? If it did anything at all for him? Who knows if Clark could've found him, could've saved him, if he'd still been himself at the time?
. . . who knows if the parasite isn't what made Kon disappear to begin with?
It took fourteen months of Clark's life, and Kon . . . Kon disappeared two weeks into those fourteen months.
If nothing else, the timing is a screaming red flag.
Clark abandoned his son and might've murdered a kid who only ever looked up to him, a kid who he was never really able to fully understand but literally named, and he can't do anything to bring Kon back or to make up for the year that he wasn't there for the rest of his family.
Their family.
God, what has he done? What has Clark done, and did Kon die feeling afraid or shocked or terrified? Did he die feeling betrayed? Did he think it was Clark doing it, however it happened?
Did he die thinking Clark wanted him to die?
Clark doesn't even know what happened to his body.
There won't be another resurrection.
Clark chokes. Diana squeezes his hands. He grips hers like a lifeline and shudders through it. The grief is a terrible, ugly thing. It's one of the worst things Clark's ever felt.
The guilt is worse.
"Lois," he murmurs finally, feeling like the weakest man alive. "Could you call . . . Lois, please, and just . . . ask if she'll come. I'll explain it all to her, just–could you call her, please."
"Yes," Diana says, squeezing his hands again. "Of course."
"Thank you," Clark says.
He pulls himself together, more or less, and Diana goes to make the call. She comes back a few minutes later and tells him Lois agreed, but needs to find a babysitter first. Clark in no way blames her for not bringing Jon along and frankly is surprised she's willing to come at all.
He's not sure what he could even say to Jon right now.
What can he?
Diana makes sure he eats something, then leaves for monitor duty. Clark tries not to overthink things. Tries not to think too much at all.
He spent fourteen months not thinking at all, though, all of it lost in one oblivious blink, so that doesn't work out all that well for him.
An hour later, he hears the Zeta platform activate on the opposite side of the base, and hears Lois's heartbeat appear inside the watchtower.
Clark exhales, very slowly.
He waits.
Lois comes to the med bay. She doesn't stop to talk to anyone on the way. Doesn't talk to anyone except that stranger Clark still doesn't actually know the name of, who tells her where to find him.
And then a minute or a millennium later she's standing in the open doorway of his room, and Clark is looking at her. Her expression is neutral, and her hair is shorter than it was the last time he remembers seeing her–the last time he was the one actually seeing her. An inverse bob, not shoulder-length anymore. He recognizes the blazer and heels that she's wearing, but not the blouse or the pants. Not the earrings or the necklace, either.
And there's no wedding ring to recognize either way.
Clark wonders what happened to his.
God, but she's still the most amazing woman he's ever seen, and he's still never once deserved a single part of her. Not even a fraction of a part.
Especially not now.
"Kal," she greets, tone just as neutral as her expression, and Clark aches.
"Clark," he says, just a little too abrupt, and Lois–pauses.
"Clark," she amends casually as she tucks her hands into the pockets of her blazer, and if he didn't know her quite so well he wouldn't have even heard the crack in her voice around his name, super-hearing or not. "Never seen your hair this short. I kinda miss the curl, not gonna lie. It has charm, you know? Very boy scout next door."
"I had emergency brain surgery," Clark says. Lois pauses again. Tilts her head. He keeps talking. "Two weeks ago, now. Just woke up again fully today."
"What?" she says, just staring at him. "You–what happened?"
"It's . . . unclear, still," Clark replies slowly. "But as far as we can tell, roughly fourteen months back an unidentified alien parasite moved into my brain and . . . took me over, essentially. I don't actually–I don't remember any of that time. At all. Then two weeks ago I got electrocuted in Keystone and the parasite died. The surgery was to remove its body so my brain could heal from the damage it did without it rotting in there."
Lois keeps staring at him.
"Fourteen months," she echoes very, very carefully.
"I'm so sorry," Clark says tightly. "Bruce told me I left you. Left you and Jon. That I stopped being . . . myself. I can't imagine how difficult that was, or how it must've felt."
"I can't imagine how waking up and hearing that none of us even noticed you were gone felt," Lois says.
"You never do pull a punch, do you," Clark says with a weak attempt at a smile.
"I'm sorry," Lois says evenly. "I should've known."
"No one did," Clark says, then . . . hesitates. "Or . . . we think no one did."
"You think that's what happened to Kon," Lois says, because of course she's already done the math, and of course she's already had the thought herself. Obviously she would've.
"The timing is . . . likely, at least," Clark says. "And really, if anyone was going to see my face and notice that a different person was wearing it . . ."
"You have a point," Lois murmurs. She steps into the room. Clark wants to hold her. He also wants to bury himself in the coldest, darkest place that he can find and never, ever let himself see the sun again.
He doesn't deserve it anymore.
"I'm so angry that I want to cry," Lois says, her voice very distant and her eyes locked on his. Clark can see her hands fisting in her pockets. "I'm so . . . god. I should've known. You never would've left Jon. Not like that."
"Bruce made it sound like the parasite was . . . very convincing," Clark says. It convinced Bruce, who may just be the most paranoid mind on the planet, so . . .
"It was," Lois agrees, still without taking her eyes off his. "But I still should've known."
Clark blinks a little too quickly. Lois tightens her jaw. Takes her hands out of her pockets and leaves them at her sides instead. Clark never thought he'd see them without her wedding ring again.
"It's been–months, I know," he says, hating himself for thinking he even deserves to say this. "For you. But I still . . ."
"I love you," Lois says. "Come home."
There is no possible world in which he could tell her "no".
Med bay makes him wait for another two hours of observation and runs some scans, but then they let him go. Lois waits with him the whole time. She doesn't call anyone or send any texts. Doesn't leave the room. Barely says a word. Hardly even takes her eyes off him, like she thinks if she blinks he's going to disappear.
Clark can hardly keep her heartbeat out of his ears, so he doesn't blame her.
He doesn't blame her at all.
They go to Smallville. Bruce had said he'd send Dick to pick up Jon from the babysitter's and get him to the farm, and as much as Clark had wanted to go straight to him himself . . .
Ma and Pa first, he reminds himself. This is going to be upsetting for Jon–most likely traumatic, once it all sinks in. And definitely disorienting. It'll be best if as many of the adults in his life as possible know what's going on in advance, so he can go to whoever he needs to go to; get whatever comfort they can prepare themselves to offer.
Clark doesn't know how to do this.
He doesn't . . .
They don't take two steps onto the farm before a familiar blur is crashing into him head-on.
"Oh," Clark manages, and Krypto barks excitedly and flies up to lick his face, tail wagging wildly as he jumps all over him. Like he's missed him. Like he's been waiting for him.
Clark nearly cries again.
"Good boy, Krypto," he tells him, quiet and rough. "I missed you too, boy."
He scratches Krypto's ears. Strokes his back. Krypto nearly bowls him over in delight.
Clark buries his face in his neck and cries a bit after all.
Lois watches.
Waits.
Clark spends . . . maybe a little bit too long crying on his dog, and then they all head up to the house. Ma and Pa are both standing on the porch; presumably they heard Krypto barking. They both look a little bit startled and a little bit confused and a lot more pained at the sight of him, and Clark swallows painfully and stops just before the porch steps.
He looks at them, and he loves them so desperately. Everything they ever did for him, and everything they've ever been to him, and . . .
"I'm sorry," he says. "I just . . . there was . . ."
God, the way this hurts.
"It was mind control," he says. "The past fourteen months or so. I was . . . I wasn't. Wasn't here. Or . . . anywhere."
"Oh," Ma says, and her eyes are instantly wet with tears. Pa blinks very quickly, his hand curling against the porch railing.
"I'm so, so sorry," Clark repeats tightly, his own hands in useless fists. "But I'm–back now. I'm home."
"Oh, Clark," Ma chokes, and then they both throw themselves at him. Clark's been hugged by people with strength far past superhuman, but it's never felt . . .
No. It's never once felt the same way as when his parents do it.
They cling to him. He clings back. Krypto barks again and swoops around the knot of them, wagging his tail hard enough to nearly knock Lois over with the force of wind it stirs up. Definitely some of the porch furniture gets displaced.
Clark feels so much.
They sit together on the porch, Krypto sprawled contentedly across Clark's lap and Lois on the steps beside him. Clark gives Ma and Pa what explanation he can–tells them everything he knows about Keystone and the electrocution and the watchtower and the surgery and waking up. They watch him just as intently as Lois does the entire time.
He doesn't . . . he doesn't mention his suspicions about what might've happened to Kon. Not . . . not yet.
He doesn't know how to. Not to Ma and Pa. Not after he brought the kid here and left him on their doorstep with no real direction and . . .
Just–he'll tell them. He'll tell them soon.
Just . . . not yet.
It's not a very long talk, in the end. Ma and Pa take in everything he says and just take it all in stride, just like they always have. Baby in a spaceship? Kid with superpowers? Son who thinks he can save the whole damn world?
Of course they take it in stride.
Clark loves them too much to even define. Too much to even wrap his own head around. They're the best people he knows. The best people he's ever known.
They don't even think there's anything for him to be sorry for.
It's . . . painful, a little, when Clark realizes that.
Or a lot.
So, so damn painful.
Clark hears the definitely-not-a-Batmobile coming, far down the road. Three heartbeats inside it. Dick, Damian, and . . .
Jon.
Obviously.
Clark strokes Krypto's ears one last time, then gets up. No one asks him why, but he supposes the look on his face must be answer enough right now.
He steps off the porch and goes to wait by the driveway.
It's not that long a wait, but it feels like the better part of eternity.
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