#wizard's first rule

[haveyoureadthisfantasybook]

vote yes if you have finished the entire book.

vote no if you have not finished the entire book.

(faq · submit a book)

[thelastofthebookworms]

When the other polls will be out, they'll be in my 'fantasy polls' tag.

[pargolettasworld]

An Australian equestrian event is held in which riders are asked to dress in costumes. "Fancy dress" is the term used.

One of the riders shows up in a bright orange mankini. Now, I, personally, would not feel comfortable wearing a garment that looks like this on the back of a moving horse, but clearly this guy did.

The equestrian officials were shocked, shocked that a guy showed up wearing an outrageous costume to the Outrageous Costume Horse Competition. They suggest that this makes him unfit for Olympic competition, because . . . I don't know, he might wear a mankini instead of the official team uniform at the Olympics? Which, the keen-eyed observer will note, is a different competition from the Outrageous Costume Horse Competition.

The official national governing body of the sport determined that, no, this guy did not, in fact, do anything wrong by showing up to the Outrageous Costume Horse Competition in an outrageous costume.

Guy apologizes to . . . someone for . . . I don't know, the crime of wearing a mankini on horseback at the age of 50? My dudes, if this fellow is an Olympic-level athlete at the age of 50, he has, or of right ought to have, the right to wear whatever the hell he wants to ride horses in.

The national governing body decides that he has groveled sufficiently, and they are now convinced enough that he isn't planning to wear a mankini to the Olympics that they'll let him continue in his quest to represent their august selves at said Olympics.

?????

Profit! "In light of Rose’s outfit, agriculture machinery supplier Bowral Kubota, which sponsors the Wallaby Hill Extravaganza, said that it will donate a mankini to all spectators at next year’s event and give 100 Australian dollars (around $65) to support men’s health for any spectator who “tries to outdo Shane.”

[twicedailyquotes]

Everything is valuable under the right conditions. To a man dying of thirst, water be more precious than gold. To a drowning man, water be of little worth and great trouble.

Terry Goodkind

Wizard’s First Rule

[lowdowndandy]

hotboxing the ritual Ritual Room by burning a half ounce of sticky icky in the communal cauldron

[tbookblurbs]

Wizard's First Rule - Terry Goodkind

TW/CW for rape, SA

0/5 - I'd give this negative stars if I could. Poorly written, weirdly rape-y for the ENTIRE book, misogynistic, derivative, unimaginative magic system, 15-20 pages dedicated to BDSM sexual assault? Save yourself the time, energy, and brain cells.

Where to start? Ah, I know! Let's start with the fact that this book is a blatant rip-off of the Wheel of Time (I just read Eye of the World, so I can confirm). Even if it weren't following the plot beat-by-beat, its unimaginative at best. Everything you read here has been done better by someone else. The parts that aren't lifted from Eye of the World are poor copies of Tolkien's work (which WoT is also guilty of ... but that's for a later post).

Goodkind's writing style seems to consist mostly of just narrating. There is minimal dialogue. There is technically action. But mostly, there's the author telling you exactly how the characters are feeling and why they might make the decisions they'll make with no evidence to WHY that might be true. You don't get to experience any of this for yourself. Richard and Kahlan allegedly fall in love within 24 hours of meeting each other, but without the author telling you this every other page, you'd never know based on how they act with each other. I saw them as colleagues at best, despite the professions of love at the end. Personally, I'm convinced Goodkind has never been friends with a woman.

Beyond this, Kahlan spends ALL of her time bemoaning the fact that she can't be in love with a man properly without forcing him to fall in orgasmic love with her. I'm being 100% serious here, that's the beginning, middle, and end of her magical powers. She rarely talks about having friends or family, and when she does, that singular friend is the main character of an anecdote about sexual assault. Lovely.

Richard, on the other hand, doesn't ever seem to BE thinking. Goodkind tells you that he is the most special boy to ever live and that also, twist! he's the product of rape. His power is *waves hand* Truth and no, that is never explained.

This is all without even TOUCHING the BDSM plotline which, frankly, does a disservice to anyone who has ever engaged in kink. It's all hot women in leather who are torturing our protagonist to feel pain and the men (yes, it's always men) usually die from the experience. But Richard, being the most special boy to ever live, is different. He has this experiences, sleeps with his mistress under dubiously consesual circumstances, and defeats her with the power of falling in love with her, because she was actually just a nice girl with issues this whole time. Oh, also a key point of these women is that they're tortured into becoming torturers. The whole plotline is absolutely miserable and that still leaves about 30% of the book left. I almost quit right then.

One of the few joys of this book was Zedd, but honestly, if you've read one whimsical wizard, you've met him already. He doesn't hold a candle to Gandalf or Yoda or any other quirky magical mentor.

To conclude! I hated this book, will never read another one of Goodkind's book, and I hope and pray that none of you will ever be subjected to his writing.

[librarytracking]

many people must be ruled to thrive. In their selfishness and greed, they see free people as their oppressors. They wish to have a leader who will cut the taller plants so the sun will reach them. They think no plant should be allowed to grow taller than the shortest, and in that way give light to all. They would rather be provided a guiding light, regardless of the fuel, than light a candle themselves.

-Terry Goodkind "Wizard's First Rule"

[remuslupinlovebot]

rosekiller is literally canon, wdym???

[honeybakedhams]

i'm scared that instead of a tasteful fade to black i'm going to have to skim over the most awkward and unsexy sex scene i have ever had the misfortune to read

[mildmayfoxe]

actually speaking of here's a link to read melusine on internet archive and here's another link to read it on another site where it looks like you can also download a pdf. the books were out of print for a while but when i just googled it looks like the whole four book series got rereleased as ebooks this past summer under sarah monette's new writing name katherine addison, which you may recognize if you read the goblin emperor which i would also recommend. actually you know what here's the goblin emperor on the internet archive too that's also really good

[collectorcookie]

Central Country textposts but it's mostly oz because he's just that memeable

[avirxy]

when in doubt make memes about ur au and mr rotting corpse in his summer attire

[soloavengers]

reading a stupid classic fantasy book and the protagonist is giving syl vibes. save me

[pargolettasworld]

Today in "just because you can does not necessarily mean that you should."

The Icarus Theatre Collective in London has decided that it would be a Really Good Idea™ right now to stage a production of Romeo and Juliet set in Germany in the 1930s, featuring Nazi!Romeo and Jewish!Juliet. The article focuses in on the fact that the casting call did not specifically mention looking for Jewish actors to play various Capulets, which . . . sure. It's the equivalent of looking at a note that reads "I have kidnaped your wife and will shoot her in the head unless you deliver me five million dollars by sunset" and worrying that "kidnapped" was misspelled, but sure.

I mean, I get it. It's Shakespeare, so it's practically a tradition at this point to stage his plays in literally any other setting than the one ol' Willie had in mind for them. And Richard Loncraine's 1995 Nazi-themed film version of Richard III was completely brilliant. And Romeo and Juliet is about A Feud™, and what better Feud™ could you possibly want to see on stage than this one, pitting nattily dressed Montagues managing to twirl toothbrush mustaches against the poor, helpless Capulets* in the Shadow of Oppression? Making the usually sympathetic Montagues the villains in this setup is certainly A Choice, and, in other circumstances, I would really love to see how a stage director could set that up.

But I have to hand it to these people . . . it's rare to see professional theater people misunderstand Romeo and Juliet (famously straightforward enough that you can give it to high school kids as Baby's First Shakespeare) and The Holocaust (1939 - 1945) that badly. ** Like, you know it was a group effort. There were people tooling away at ignoring the Yikes Factor of showing Nazis and Jews in romantic situations, other people merrily chanting "The power of redemptive love through death is exactly the kind of story that we want to use Jewish characters to tell," and still other people la-la-la-ing about how that whole "two households, both alike in dignity" thing can't possibly be an important part of the not-terribly-subtle story that Shakespeare was trying to tell with this play.*** Teamwork! Let's all stroke together, like the Princeton crew . . .

Honestly, there is a part of me that wants to see this production, just for the sheer entertainment value of watching people forge ahead and apply all their best talents to such an egregiously bad idea. But I guess we'll just have to see what happens. And see if any actual Jewish actors decide to show up to audition to be Capulets, I suppose.

*NGL, I'm actually kind of interested in how a character like Tybalt fits into this scheme. A kind of Herschel Grynszpan figure, perhaps?

**But not unknown. I once paid $85 to see the Chicago Shakespeare Company butcher it, so, you know, professionals are entirely capable of screwing this one up.

***This is, in fact, exactly their plan. That speech will be cut, in its entirety. As it would have to be, to make this idea work.

[backpackingspace]

so I'm rereading the sword of truth series

shout out to wizards first rule kahlan and Richard who are scared of the underworld.

Richard wondered what a wizards rage looked like: the irony

Forgot how slow this book is

Richard: there's no way my brother is a fanatic him outlawing fire isn't a red flag at all. And neither is the fact that he's awful to me. Here's a story about how manipulative and awful he is as proof. Kahlan: ....I'm sure your right.

richard: so this great one has the power to stop darken rahl? Kahlan: who now knows Richard is the seeker: .....no.

That funky fairy: no no he's trying to kill you. You have to seek the truth with in you. It's all about you. Kahlan: shut the fuck up??

I fucking forgot about the weird fucking breeding confessors do.

Kahlan: swinging from 0 oh yes to were just friends definitely not falling in love to 100 I'm going to kill you right here and now over a misunderstanding richard: ....haha Kay cool I'm in love

Forgot zedd is a nudist

Richard: don't be ridiculous zedd isn't magic he's just old and weird and forces me to learn the same stuff. Zedd: very obviously teaching him magic, kahlan zedd every older person who remembers magic : no no he's definitely teaching you magic

Spiderman meme: zedd and Kahlan pointing at each other you're a fucking important dangerous person what are you doing with this person

Listen Richard is pathetic poor little mew mew he spends so much time in this series sick or dying or kidnapped or all of the above

Richard being trained as the chosen one for his entire childhood. His father apologizing every day for the burden he is forcing him to carry. Richard: I don't mind this is fun childhood bonding that will not be relevant at all later :) anyway I'm now convinced that every elder in that town knew who Richard was and were all like ....yes well pretend he's a simple woodsman.

"and how is what you do now any different?" Fucking brutal

Richard felt rather stupid. Girlie pop get fucking use to it you are stupid

I fucking forgot that that Richard's sword has truth carved into the hilt and so Richard has truth carved into his palms

Everybody: it's not our problem you're the seeker you'll find the answer richard: I'm???? A godsdamn??? Woodsman??? Show me the qualifications I have

okay but the quick tone change richard has after he becomes seeker

"There is no secrets here" lmaooooo

Hey yo did Richard know how to use a sword before this??? People want to know

Richard just exciting: helps saves a girl everyone's now pledging to give their life for him

[lowdowndandy]

Wizards got in the computer room...