#word of mouth is so fun until you have to explain it to those uninformed and then its TERRIFYING

[akilliosacheron]

well jenkins won my poll from a while ago so i guess its my time to talk about jenkins. lemme kinda go back to the beginning about it.

So, Season 12 is when i started being a blaseball fan. I officially on the site roll up to the canada moist talkers on the election sunday that the big siesta starts so im out here like what the fuck is going on while my pal corvoda is a decent bit more interested than i am at that point but i digress.

I miss the coffee cup and related events and i finally start showing my face in the discord, i think i got started on jenkins because i had stumbled across some of the blaseball rp twitters and wanted to join in, so i picked a blaseball player who didn't have a twitter at the time which was jesús and jenkins and i picked jenkins.

there is a message specifically telling me that jenkins doesnt get much love compared to other players on the team and lemme tell you, i took that PERSONALLY.

the first couple things i learned about jenkins was assorted stuff from their wiki. Flaming eye, gamer, and from greer's wiki i think i learned that jenkins and greer were.... something. relationship something.

after a while, i took a crack at making a jenkins interp that combined two other interps i had seen, big lizardy jenkins and mostly humanoid jenkins and ended up with salamander jenkins, eventually switching over to leopard gecko jenkins.

the thing that both entertained me and made me sad is that nothing ever really happened to jenkins. this player who i loved so much didnt recieve a stat buff till late expansion, despite being active with the same stat total since s4 election. sure they got crows mod but rarely did they play in bird weather just cuz of how weather works.

if i can be salty a little bit, i've always had a weird relationship with greer because of how much we focus on her. i know buff greer was funny and it definitely is super funny dont get me wrong but jenkins was a great pitcher until the stat creep hit. we still has to spend several elections on greer because she was a fan favourite. i feel in my heart that if it had been jenkins in that feedback there probably wouldnt have been as much of a push to get them back and idk that always scared me.

its not that jenkins was truly irredeemably bad at the time but compared to a player like greer? if we had to choose between greer or jenkins in something i know greer is winning and that does weird things to my brain sometimes idk i will digress again

jenkins being an active player vs kennedy trevino tyvi who are (were, in tyvi's case) fuckin dead is a wierd space to be in too. especially now that jenkins is on the tacos in new era i rotate between happiness that the tacos like them and deathly fear that theyre going to misconstrue something about them because jenkins is just so specifically Talkers-fied that you really had to be there for the jenkins conversations to understand jenkins' vibes. Its one of those things that like, jenkins was an s1 talker, they had all this time on the team so you just Got the vibes.

my sad thing about jenkins on the tacos? i feel like i cant talk about them anymore. my jenkins is talkers jenkins and i dont know the tacos and i am afraid. this is not my jenkins good anymore this is a whole other jenkins now and i think.... thats really the thing thats fucking me up about this new era. but at least jenkins is doing okay last i checked.

uhhhh lemme actually say some fun headcanons here... Jenkins has a math related degree in Orb Studies and can determine the exact salt content in food just by licking it. they eventually get a pet gecko named Adkins.

[logansanderslove]

Logan 3.0  (8/?)

CO-AUTHOR: @demented-dukey

Summary: Remus is an incorrigible flirt, and Logan can only bear the innuendo for so long until something has to give. Passions erupt, but there are more lasting repercussions than either could have predicted, including a significant transformation to Logan himself! How will these new changes affect the delicate balance of Thomas’s mental state? When a new dark side threatens the lives of several of the other sides, will Logan and Remus’s love be strong enough to save everyone, including Thomas?

Ships: INTRULOGICAL

Sanders Sides: Logan, Remus, Thomas, Roman, Virgil, Patton, Deceit

Fic type: Drama, Romantic, Action, Flirty

Trigger Warnings: no character deaths, but a lot of very close calls. Consensual knife play and bloodplay, and lots of bloody fighting and monster attacks. If you’re sensitive to unsympathetic characters, some parts flirt pretty close to that, but there’s also a lot of extenuating circumstances to explain the situation, and there’s a happy ending once you get through the angst and misunderstandings. Self-harm and references to such, and suicidal tendencies.

MASTERLIST

Chapter 8: The Plan

Logan stood still as he dropped his hand to his side, his shoulders shaking. Everyone was silent as they heard the quiet sobs coming from him, and Patton slowly walked forward.

"Lo?" He said quietly, placing his hand on his shoulder, but Logan spun around instantly, shoving Patton's hand away.

"Don't touch me!" He yelled, glaring at the others, who stepped back with fear upon seeing the red specks in his eyes that were slowly spreading to cover the blue. Patton stared at his best friend with sorrow. Logan clenched his fists. "Don't you get it?! I just lost everything!! Remus meant everything to me, and because of my own mistake, I fucked everything up and now he's gone!! GONE." His breath was hard, blinking back tears. Looking up as wiped his nose quickly, he took a deep breath. "You'll never know what that feels like."

Virgil shook his head. "Logan, we understand how painful this is-"

"No, you don't." Logan stopped him, scoffing. "You don't really understand. You just say that to make me feel better. People always say that they 'understand'. But are you in my shoes? NO. Did you just lose the man who you treasured more than anything? No-"

"YES, Logan."

The others turned to stare at Roman, surprised at the Prince's weakened face, the tears running down his cheeks. Logan cocked his head. 

"What?"

Roman looked at him with pain. "Logan, he's my brother! I care about him, too!! Hell, I'd even go so far as to say I love him! He's my family, Logan!! I'm going through just as much pain as you are! So when I say that I understand, for the love of Shakespeare I mean it!!" He shouted, his voice cracking as he held back a sob.

Logan was quiet for a moment, then his eyes that were almost fully red faded to his natural blue as he took a long breath, then he nodded. "Well, then. Let's do something about it."

Thomas stared at Logan. "What do you mean? We can't go after him! You heard Roman, no one knows the Subconscious better than Remus-"

"But Roman knows it almost as well, and I can cover a lot of ground. Roman and I will go out and look for him. If you need us, call us right back and we'll be here. But I...I have to find him." He finally let the tears roll down his cheeks that he had been trying to hold in. "I can't bear to lose him..."

“At least-,” Virgil said, hesitantly, “-wait until morning? You need to rest-” he held up a hand, stopping Logan’s protest, “-and even if you refuse, think of Thomas. He just had a mental breakdown, and he needs to recover before you start putting him through more mental strain.”

Thomas hugged himself dejectedly, “I’m sorry, Logan. I really want to find Remus too, I just-”

“No,” Logan sighed, “You’re right. Self-care is important, and we’ve both been through a lot today.” He looked at Roman, “Do you… do you think Remus will be okay that long?”

“Yeah,” admitted Roman. “He once spent a week in there for fun, I think he’ll be fine overnight. And we could use the time to create a plan of attack.”

“Maybe he’ll come back on his own?” said Patton. “Once he has a chance to cool down?”

“Maybe, padre.” Roman shrugged, but his tone didn’t sound hopeful. “Re can be pretty stubborn.”

“He’s met his match,” Logan said, jaw set in determination.

Thomas yawned and clapped a hand over his mouth in embarrassment. “Oh my goodness, I’m sorry guys!”

“And with that,” Virgil said, “It’s time for Thomas to wake up so he can get some real sleep.” He wrapped an arm around Thomas’s shoulders and they both sank out.

“I’ll come with!” Patton said, voice fading away as he sunk out with them, “I can tuck you in, or make you some hot cocoa…”

Roman glanced around the dark side's common room, “Maybe we should take this back to my room? I think I might still have some maps I made when we were kids. They might be outdated though...”

“Every little bit helps.” Logan said, “Lead the way.”

~

Back in his own room, Roman sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m not sure where to begin, Lo.”

“We start at the beginning,” Logan said, manifesting a pen and a stack of flashcards to jot down notes. “What kind of threats can we expect to find in the subconscious?” 

Roman groaned, falling back against the wall with a hard breath. "God, where do I begin?" He muttered. "Well, you have the obvious Dragon Witches that I let loose in there, you have the Nightmare Fuel-"

Logan held up his hand. "Wait, wait. 'Nightmare Fuel'? What's that?"

Roman sighed. "Well, it's exactly what it sounds like. Anything that would cause Thomas to have a nightmare. After a while it built itself up into its own creature, and trust me, you do not want to tussle with that thing. Remus and I took it on when we were kids, and boy, was it a mistake. I can only imagine what it’s like now. So let's try to steer clear of that."

Logan nodded, quickly scribbling down notes. Roman frowned. "Hmm...well, there are the shadow demons.”

Logan's head snapped up. "Shadow Demons?! What the hell? Why are those in the Subconscious?" He exclaimed, but Roman only shrugged. 

"Thomas is scared of them, that's why he keeps his closet door shut at night. He also keeps it shut in case-"

"In case the Demogorgon gets him, yes, I am aware. Please tell me that there is no Demogorgon in the Subconscious so we don't have to deal with any more Stranger Things than we need to." Logan muttered. 

Roman smirked. "You made a joke. That's adorable. But anyway, no Demogorgon." He bit his lip. "There are the Creepers, though."

Logan was writing on his notecard but stopped, raising an eyebrow. "'Creepers'? What are they?"

Roman scrunched up his face. "Nothing good. They're a kind of vine monster, and if they get ahold of you, they drag you off and tear you apart. Remus saved me from them on more than one account, and I did the same for him. They are nasty. They prey on the other creatures, Logan. Even the Dragons. They're that dangerous."

Pursing his lips, Logan relaxed back against Roman's bed. "Wonderful. It looks like we have our hands full, then." Leaning forward, Logan met Roman's eyes. "So. Where's the best place to start?"

Roman opened a closet, pulled out a large pirate chest, and began rummaging inside it. With a cry of triumph, he pulled out several scrolls, unrolling the parchment to show childishly-drawn maps. “Don’t judge. I was eleven.” Roman muttered.

“I wasn’t going to say a word,” Logan assured him.

Spreading out the maps, Roman pointed to various landmarks, “Assuming the layout hasn’t drastically changed, here’s where Remus’s room enters the subconscious, and here-” he pointed to another section of the map, “-is where Remus used to prefer to hide when we played. We should search together in case we run into trouble - I suggest we start between those two points and spread outward. We can divide the map up into a grid and mark off each section as we go.”

There were hundreds of X’s drawn over the map, clumping in different areas. “Known monster nests?” Logan guessed.

“Yup.” Roman said, popping the ‘p’. “Out of date, like the rest of the map, but I’m sure the population has only grown as time passed.”

Logan pointed out other symbols on the map, “And these?”

“Mystery spots.” Roman explained, “Places where time speeds up or slows down, or where portals can spit you out in other random spots of the subconscious.”

“Where the laws of physics go out the window,” Logan rubbed his forehead unhappily.

“Mmhmm,” Roman said, looking over the maps. “Y’know… it might’ve been a blessing in disguise that Remus almost killed you.”

Logan blinked. “Why do you say that?”

“Because, nerdbreath, you are scarily uninformed about what goes on down there. Flying around alone painted a big target on your back, and if any other creature had attacked you instead of Remus, you probably wouldn’t have lived to tell the tale. The rest of us wouldn’t have known anything was wrong until Thomas had his mental breakdown, and by then it would’ve been too late.”

Logan dropped his head into his hands, groaning. "Now that you put it in perspective, it seems that Logic has lost all logic." He muttered, then he let out a loud huff and sat back. "Okay. So. What kind of weapons do we have in case of a fight?" He asked, and Roman raised his eyebrow.

"I never really pictured you as one to use a weapon, Lo. You always struck me as one of those ‘the pen is mightier than the sword’ kinda guys." He said, but Logan shook his head. 

"Trust me, I'm good with a knife. And if you can recall, I have quite the punch." He smirked. "If you also factor my Dragon morph into the equation, I'd say I have quite a lot to offer."

Something sparked in Roman's eyes, "So, what I hear you saying is.." he said, barely controlling his glee, "You really can shoot fire like Toothless?"

Logan shrugged with a smirk. "I haven't directly tried it, but I'm well aware that I can. I can feel it when I morph." His smile dampened a bit. "But you didn't answer my question, Roman. What other weapons do we have? You were right. When I went flying around down there carelessly, I might as well have been wearing a neon sign. I can't change into a Night Fury unless our lives depend on it. I won't risk our safety. So it's going to be hand-to-hand combat. What do you have for me?"

Forcing himself not to bounce in excitement, Roman rushed to another closet and threw the door open. “Sorry, sorry, you’re right, not the time.” He grabbed a large rack and began hauling it into the main room - the rack kept coming and coming, appearing to be much larger than should have been able to fit inside the closet. “For your consideration, may I present my personal armory,” Roman said with a flourish. Across the shelves and hooks of the rack hung various pieces of body armor and weapons. There was a large selection of swords and shields (some of them looking well-worn and battle-damaged), along with a wide variety of daggers and axes. There were spears and throwing knives, along with crossbows and bulging leather bags. 

“What’s in those?” Logan asked, pointing at them.

Roman grinned, opening one of the bags and carefully pulling out a handful of dangerous-looking metal spikes. “Caltrops,” Roman preened. “Remus’s idea; he liked playing jacks with them.” He poured the twisted nails back into the bag and closed it, hanging it back on the rack. “Anything else you want, I can probably create it before we go, but we should pack whatever we need. The subconscious tends to drain our powers, and if we spend too long in there I won’t be able to manifest anything anymore.”

Logan nodded. "Alright then. We should pack our things tonight so we can leave early in the morning. I'll be well set with a sword and a dagger, Roman. Nothing else. I feel it will weigh me down. Besides, I'm quick. Fighting with a shield slows you down some. Is that alright with you?"

“Sounds like a plan,” Roman said, letting Logan select the weapons that caught his eye. Pulling his favorite shield off the rack (it was shaped like his logo and had many dents and scratches from battles long past), he set it against one wall, alongside his faithful katana. He added a bag of caltrops for himself, along with a spare dagger for emergencies.

Logan met Roman's eyes. "I'll be right back." He sunk out, Roman watching him go. Moments later he popped back up, and Roman raised his eyebrow at his changed outfit.

His black shirt and tie had been replaced with a different black shirt, one that seemed to be more casual while also being practical for what they were about to do. His jeans were the same black, but his black Vans had turned to a pair of short black rugged boots. Over it all, Logan wore a long black coat, the collar high and the buttons undone. 

Roman stared at him with wide eyes, blinking a few times as Logan pulled off his coat and folded it over his arm, now showing that the shirt was ripped in some places, almost like Virgil's purple shirt he always wore, but it also had a few interesting straps on it, where it almost seemed like something could be attached, but possibly also just for design.

Logan lifted his eyebrow. "Are you okay, Roman? You seem a bit frozen." He asked casually, and finally Roman found the words to speak.

"Holy shit, I can totally see why my brother likes you..." He muttered, eyeing Logan up and down.

Logan's eyebrow cocked. "What?"

Roman's eyes went wide, his face flushing. "WHAT? Nothing! You just...you look so different-"

Logan stared at Roman with a scrunched up expression. "I heard what you said, Roman, and while I am flattered, there are more pressing matters."

Roman let out a hard breath. "HEY, it's not my fault that you're super sexy now that you're all bad boy and stuff!!" He said, immediately clamping his hand over his mouth as Logan stared at him with wide eyes, then a smirk grew on the Neutral's face. 

"Again, thank you for the flattery, but honestly, only Remus is allowed to have this," he gestured to himself with an eyebrow flick. 

Roman chuckled. "Boy, have you changed. No more stick up your butt, I see, and now you're making jokes, you're way sassier, and you're super cool and badass! I like this new you, Lo! It fits you." Roman said, then he snapped his fingers with a realization. Walking over to his weapons rack, he glanced over his shoulder. "I know you said that you didn't want a shield, but your outfit just totally reminded me of this awesome shield I stole from Remus years ago. It's retractable, so you can just clip it to your belt when you don't need it." 

He took something off the rack, then turned around to face Logan with a smile, holding a small black metal shield with intricate designs etched with green. Logan smirked, walking forward and gently taking it from Roman's hand, then he saw a button on the inside, and as soon as he pressed it, the shield collapsed into a small strip that Logan easily locked onto his belt. He glanced up at Roman. 

"Thanks."

Roman nodded, then checked his watch. "Well, we should head to bed. We want to get started early, so we need to rest."

Logan nodded, then plopped down on the small couch that Roman had in his room, his feet hanging over the arm. Roman raised his eyebrow. 

"What are you doing?"

Logan shrugged, laying his arm across his eyes. "Eh, if we're going to be leaving right from here, what's the point of going all the way back to my room when all my stuff is already here? I'll just crash in your room, Ro. No worries, I don't snore." He said with a yawn, and Roman eyed his friend with a bit of caution, then it went away as Logan's breath slowed, and Roman knew that the Neutral Side was asleep. He kicked off his boots and collapsed onto his own bed, flicking off the light and sighing as he closed his eyes, ready to embark tomorrow morning to search for his brother.

(If you want to see the character sketches for Logan, I will be posting them to my side blog I’m starting, https://badasslogan.tumblr.com )

[mianite-3-unofficial]

Starry

Jericho threw the door to the Inn open, making eye contract with Tom, who was behind the bar, polishing a glass.

“Hey Tucker! Look! I’m a fuckin bartender.”

Tucker looked at the nearly empty room. A man was passed out, head on the table, a glass of... something in his hand. There were little particles floating in it, like stars in the sky. Jericho picked it up, sniffing it. Gingerly, he sipped it, the strong taste overwhelming and disgusting, burning his mouth. Ew. He set it down, debating if the bad drink was a zombie thing or a Tom thing. Probably both.

“Alright. Where’s everyone else? I need to tell them something. And why are you-“

“Ladia asked me to help clean up a little. So I did! I found a really cool looking rock, and it’s mine now. But the guy came in asking for a drink so I got him one!”

Jericho ran his hands over his face.

“Look, where’s Wag? Where’s Sparkelz? Martha? Dianite? Mot?”

Tom set the glass down.

“What’s got your panties in a twist?”

“Where are they.”

Tom raised his hands in defeat, staring at the ceiling, thinking.

“Sleeping, I don’t know, probably with Ladia, new house.”

“New house?”

“Yeah, Dia and Mot got a house in the city.”

“With what money?!?!”

“Oh, they’re like, super fucking rich now.”

“Since when???”

Tom shrugged, “Dunno? They mentioned a bet of some sort a week ago, and now they’ve got a goddamn house.”

“Why was I never told about this?!?”

Tom jumped over the bar, nearly hitting the ceiling, landing without an ounce of grace.

“Because you were too busy getting dicked down by that wizard bitch. I can’t pronounce his name.”

Jericho flushed bright red, smacking Tom over the head.

“That’s not what we’re doing, and his name is Gijsbert. I need to tell you something.”

“That you’re fucking the wizard? I knew it! You’re traitoring all of us for wizard co-“

Jericho shoved him, Tom cackling. “No! Not that! Jesus, Tom!”

“Then what is it?”

“Stop interrupting me!” Jericho cried. Tom blinked owlishly. He was wearing a little leather sheath around his waist for that knife he got, thank god.

“I’m not doing anything,” he said with the tone of a man who knew he was doing something.

“Well-“

“It’s not my fault you talk so slow!”

“If you would just-“

“Come on, spill the beans. But it can’t be that bad-“

“There are shadows here.”

Tom shut his jaw with a click. His hand went to the knife on his hip. His green skin seemed just a little paler, if that was even possible.

“Like that Historian dude?” He whispered, “And the guys from the first island?”

Jericho nodded.

“We got to go tell them. Come on- follow me, I know where they live. Dia and Mot, I mean.”

Tom pushed past him and out of the bar, into the night enveloping Vatredas.

—

“It’s fucking locked?” Jericho whined. Tom shot him a glare from where he kneeled by the lock. He had two sticks he found in the ground and sharpened to thin, sharp points with his knife. Unsurprisingly, they made pisspoor lock picks. The house looked lovely, Jericho had to admit, stone brick and some sort of dark wood- it almost looked like a Dianite version of Martha’s house, except just a little more compact.

Tom leaned back from the lock, studying it with the gaze of a man who has never picked a lock before. That is to say, confused.

“I could kick it down,” he offered.

Jericho groaned, took a few steps backwards, cracking his neck. “Alright, I’m gonna do something, do me a favor and don’t scream.”

Tom looked up from the lock, face utterly confused, and not just from the lock.

Jericho waved his hand to shut him up, and thought of being on the inside of that door. A little flower petal slipping through the cracks of door. Swirling, slipping, then on the inside... The world swirled around him. He opened his eyes.

The foyer (was it called a foyer?) was just as nice as the outside, lit by lanterns and some strange orbs that floated in the air- probably magic. Not much tech in this universe, it seemed. He turned towards the door, undid the lock, and swung it open. Tom gaped at him, somehow more confused looking.

“You fuckin?”

Jericho waved his hand.

“It’s nothing. Um. Let’s go.”

“It’s not nothing! You! You fuckin! Wizard!!!”

“Come on, Tom, this is important!”

“Yeah! You teleported for the love of- how??”

Jericho covered his face with his hands, took a deep breath, then sighed.

“Let’s tell them,” Jericho said, “and then I’ll explain.”

Tom nodded, shakily standing up from outside the door.

“Yeah, you owe me an explanation.”

Heavy footsteps came from down the hall. Jericho whipped around, and there Dianite was, soaking wet, in nothing but a loosely tied bathrobe.

“I believe I’m owed an explanation as well,” Dianite cooed.

“Jericho can teleport!” Tom blurted. Dianite raised an eyebrow, opening his mouth to say something, but Jericho quickly interrupted.

“There are shadows here,” he said.

Dianite’s face fell. He looked grim, as grim as one look while wearing a bathrobe.

“Then you both best make yourself at home. We have much to discuss.”

—

They ended up in the kitchen. Dianite made the three of them coffee, hot and fresh. It tasted nothing like the crap Gijsbert made, black and sour without sugar or cream. The fact it was warm instead of cold with disinterest (more like forgetfulness) made it just a little better.

Jericho took another sip.

“I don’t know much. All I know, really, is that they’re here. And they were in the first world as well, and... they’re bad news. Gijsbert is supposed to tell me more tomorrow. I’d like you to be there, since you, uh, know them.”

Dianite sighed.

“I don’t have my powers, Joshua.”

“It’s Jericho.”

“...Nevermind. I don’t have my magic. Can’t summon things, fly, anything. Still got my moxy, so does Mot... Tom,” Jericho sighed as Dianite turned to him, feeling the conversation start to go off it’s rails, “Do you know what size ring Mot wears?”

Tom shrugged, “Size 8? Mans got tiny hands.” He sipped his coffee.

“Good. I’m going to ask him to marry me.”

“Fun.” Tom said, taking another sip.

Dianite and Jericho made eye contact.

Tom spat out his coffee in shock, the words finally sinking in. He spilled it on himself, shreiking and cursing as he set the mug on the table, jolting out of the table and jumping in place. Jericho tilted his head, unable to tell if it was from pain or excitement.

“MARRY?”

“Tom, calm down.“ Jericho tried. Dianite was chuckling, the bastard.

“CALM DOWN? OH MY GOD!!!! OH MY YOU!”

“Tom, please,”

“HOLY SHIT! CAN I BE A FLOWER BOY? CAN WE BE FLOWER BOYS?”

“Tom, the shadows-“

“Actually,” Dianite said smoothly, “I was thinking you’d be my best man, Tom.”

Tom let out a wordless screech and Dianite laughed, hardy and happy.

“Alright, boyo. Keep it a secret. And Jericho?”

Jericho straightened up in his seat.

“Yes?”

“Let’s wait until tomorrow to discuss the shadows. We needn’t jump in head first while still uninformed. Now then,” he stood, speaking with an air of formality, “both of you, out. I have a bath to get back to.”

Jericho bit his lip, irritated beyond belief, but said nothing. If only he could’ve gotten Gijsbert to talk-

“Tomorrow, yeah, alright, sounds good.”

Jericho stood, knocking back the rest of his coffee like a shot, and walked to the door, Tom buzzing around him like a loud and coffee scented fly. He spoke in a rush, too fast to catch-

“Where are you going?”

Jericho sighed, almost sounding like a growl.

“Back to the library. Or the Inn. I need to sleep.”

“How can you sleep?” Tom shouted, “isn’t that amazing news!?!”

“Look, man, I just want it to be tomorrow already.”

Tom nodded, a little too frantic, taking Jericho by the wrist.

“Then stay up a little later, with me. The sun will rise when it rises but- look!” He gestured broadly to the sky, “It’s a nice night! All those stars!”

Jericho didn’t look at the sky, instead staring at the horizon. The sun would rise, eventually, and sunrise would destroy the black water of the sky. He slipped his wrist from Tom’s hold, watching as he stared at the sky, as if it would always be there, as if it would always be a glittering, golden night filled with stars.

He looked away from the sky. Staring at Jericho with a small, hopeful smile. Jericho shook his head.

They walked in silence back to the inn.

[actualmythicalcreature]

Man. I get super frustrated about parents who shelter their kids from sexual health and reproductive science.

I NEED TO YELL. THIS IS ME, YELLING. Sorry it’s so long. Also it’s directed at parents, and I get that most of my followers are young and not parents - but this is still relevant to literally every person ever who might some day be responsible for the upbringing and development of a child. Someone I know asked on facebook what to tell their almost 10 year old, who saw some blood she had accidentally left on the toilet during her menstrual cycle. I’ve been having reproductive conversations with my kid since he was 4. I use scientific terms, and comparisons to systems in nature that he’s already familiar with (eggs from birds and nests from our nature studies). I have always used gender neutral language that doesn’t attach gender to anatomy. I don’t say anything heteronormative. My son has literally NEVER been confused about anything I’ve said to him - and so far (he’s 7, now) hasn’t shown any shame around sexual health and reproduction. Like, he’s consistently reacted the same way he did when I explained how tornado’s are formed, where they show up, and what to do if he finds himself near one. He asked questions, but he wasn’t nervous or uncomfortable - because we’ve literally been talking about this openly and honestly in our home for three years - which is as far back as he can remember. This mom asked for help figuring out what to say to an almost 10 year old - so I gave her a script. I told her to start with the base simple reproductive system, if she hadn’t already - as a framework for then talking about the menstrual cycle.  

"A baby is made when sperm, which is made inside testicles in the scrotum - finds an egg called an ovum, which are made inside ovaries. The sperm fertilizes the egg, and the egg grows into a baby. When the baby is ready to come out, it comes out through the vaginal canal." so, the first observation about that is that 1 - I don’t mention how the sperm gets to the egg. I left sex out of the conversation completely - because when I talk about sex, I want to be able to include conversations about non-reproductive sex, non-penetrative sex, non-heteronormative sex, and sexual health - and he’s not there yet. Those conversations will be a series of small baby steps- but those steps do start soon. We will definitely have had them by the time he’s 10 - like the kid of the mom in question. We’ve had other conversations about private parts, not keeping secrets about private areas, and that touching your genitals is normal, it can feel good, and that he should only do it in private when he’s alone, either in his room or in the bath. So. There. All the base knowledge a 7 year old could ever need. In fact, from talking to other parents- it’s apparently like WAY MORE than ANY OF THEM give their kids. So, I guess my kid is ahead of the game? This specific mom wanted to know about explaining the menstrual cycle though, so I gave her that script too. "Every month, some folks bodies prepare to possibly grow a baby. The egg (or ovum) gets ready for fertilization, and the body builds a nest of sorts for the egg (or ovum), this nest is called the uterine lining - it is very soft like the skin on the inside of your mouth. However - if the egg isn't fertilized, the body has to get rid of that "nest". The body uses muscle cramps to push the uterine lining out slowly through the vaginal canal, over the course of a week, and there is some blood. For most people, It hurts a little, but not all the time. I have to be careful and gentle with my body during this time. Once all the uterine lining is gone, my body starts making a new one to prepare for the next ovum, just in case that one gets fertilized.  The cycle is a month long, so my body spends the first part making the nest, and at the end it sheds the uterine lining for about a week - some people call this week their “period”. It happens to most people with a vagina - for most of their life. It starts when they go through puberty. It's totally normal and natural, and it's been happening since the beginning of time. It is how we make safe homes inside our bodies, for our babies - and how we keep our bodies healthy and happy until we choose if we want to have babies." When I talk about these things, I pull up pictures on my phone that are cartoonish, but anatomically correct - of various reproductive organs. I only show him ones that don’t have gender labels in big words at the top. I point out the different areas while I talk about them. He had questions about the ovum - he wanted to know if it was like a chickens egg. I explained that chicken eggs have hard shells because they do most of their growing outside of their parents body - and the hard shell protects them. We do most of our growing on the inside of the body, so our ovum are very small and soft. It was a logical question considering that he was comparing ovum to the eggs he had seen in the past. Other than that, he didn’t have any questions other than to re-state some things I had said to clarify that he had understood them correctly. He is 7. He found the whole thing interesting, but a little boring. When I asked him if there was anything else he wanted to know - he asked if he was allowed to go play angry birds. I don’t find it embarrassing talking to him about this, or answering his questions - it don’t find it difficult. Never has my son asked me anything that I didn’t know how to answer. I answer honestly - and make sure it’s scientifically sound - while being worded in a way that a 7 year old can understand. He gets it. He’s cool with it. There’s no issues. But the mom that asked for help? She was like “OH. Yeah my kid isn’t ready for ANY of that.” and I am like.... he’s almost three years older than my kid.... if my kid can handle it, so can yours. Its your job to help make him ready. I know that all kids are different, and it’s important to respect this difference - but if your kid saw blood in the toilet and is ASKING YOU to explain - you do them a disservice by deciding they aren’t ready for the unbiased, sex-positive, body-positive, gender-neutral truth. They are ready - THEY ASKED. In fact, with how early puberty has started to affect kids - there’s a chance someone in his class will be starting their menstrual cylce shortly. That means that it is absolutely time to explain - or they will learn about it, probably incorrectly, and probably coated in body shame - from other kids at school. I know this mom. She’s normally an amazing person who is totally great - and I completely respect her parenting style and opinions. I honestly adore her. Shes one of my favorite people - and I am trying to be empathetic and understanding about the fact that she has her own shame to come to grips with before she teaches her children about these topics. I accept that no one is perfect, hell - I am far from perfect. Yesterday I yelled “hoe don’t do it” to a bird that was attacking our house, and my kid immediately went “Yeah hoe - back off!”.... we were on facebook live at the time. Not my proudest moment. But I try. I correct myself. I admit when I am wrong, or when something is hard for me. I admit TO MY KID when I am struggling. I apologize when I didn’t do my best. I am the last person to normally throw any shade at another parent (unless their abusive - than I throw scalding hott tea in their face), but this topic is, apparently, super important to me. I didn’t realize just how important it was, until I saw her response and felt myself get HELLA MAD. So here’s my bit, to all those people who are now or someday might be parents: It’s your job as a parent to make your child ready for the world - and if part of that world is too difficult for you to speak about, you need to find someone else or the appropriate resources to get the job done to the best of your ability. You can’t just stick your fingers in your ears and hope for the best. You need to do whatever you can to stop yourself from inadvertently spreading your own shame and repression to the next generation. That is not okay. That it where I draw the line. Get over your stuff. Get over your shame. Get over the “gross ewwwww” shit from your childhood. Get over the assumption that human bodies - especially those who create life - are somehow shameful, dirty and wrong. Get over the ingrained concept that talking about natural functions of the body will somehow affect your child's “innocence”. Do better. Be better. Teach. Your. Fucking. Children. About. Their. Bodies. Teach. Your. Fucking. Children. About. The. Bodies. Of. Others. Tell. Your. Children. The. Fucking. Truth. If you act like these topics are shameful or taboo - your child will to. They will spread that. They will make fun of folks who get their period at school - and those folks who get made fun of it will internalize it and perpetuate it themselves. They will be rude and unkind about it - because they are ignorant about it - to other peoples children. Your kid being uninformed, means that my kid might suffer when he tries to correct their assumptions. DO BETTER FOLKS. THIS ISN’T NEARLY AS DIFFICULT AS YOU MAKE IT OUT TO BE. //rant over.