#working on making a full lineup god save me

[ballads-of-a-bluejay]

more of them btw. if you care

(IDs in alt)

[diorcities]

icarus

pairing: jeno x fem reader.

genre: smut, angst

content: mention of inexperience reader, mention of virginity, face riding (female), slight bondage (collarbone), female masturbation, fingering, anal fingering, multiple orgasms, riding, oral sex (male).

wc: 2.5 k

an: stop bc this look so ridiculous i don't even care. am i projecting? yes. do i want my yn moment? also yes. i love daydreams, and i love being delusional, anyway, enjoy <3

masterlist

oh, icarus! for all you have fallen, still you flew! and for a moment, the sun knew of you, too.

“yn, you're here?” your friend snaps her fingers in front of you, making you blink twice. “i'm having a collapse,” you confess, grabbing your head. “oh, no, i think i'm having a panic attack.” your eyes widening as the realization hit you in the stomach. “yeah... can you have it later? we're in the middle of something.” you laugh, tense. “i mean, what's going on? we've been here before,” she wanders around, as the lineup moves. “like, past year, you forgot?” you shake your head, a glimpse of a smile slowly dancing on your lips.

of course you remember.

last summer was the best summer of your life. after you have studied all year for your final exams at university, you and your friend went on a summer trip full of concerts and traveling around the globe. it was a rewarding experience for passing all your exams with good grades and saving money on your part-time job. it didn't matter what concerts you were attending. imagine dragons, coldplay, taylor swift... after a whole year of working hard, it was kind of a present from you to yourself. forgetting completely about college, both of you had a great time last year.

one night you two bumped into a concert having a place in your city. your friend immediately wanted to go, and consequently, dragged you with her. since your motto was <enjoy the summer as if it was your last> you didn't waste time and started to feel the vibe of the moment. letting yourself go.

a guy caught your attention that night. spending all evening looking at him in awe. amazed. later that night, you were sure his gaze was fixed on you. stealing glances from time to time, your heart beating so fast in your chest from the arousal. when the concert was over, he invited you to come with him.

his voice was low and raspy, like a shot of rum. and later that night, you knew his breathing was sharp and heavy. arms covered in veins, body sculpture, and chiseled by some divine god. eyes so dark you are scared to drown in the void of his pupils. nose long and manly that still makes you wet your underwear. you let him have you that night. a couple times.

“oh, god, i lost you again.” your friend rolls her eyes. “what's the deal with you?”.

“sorry, i got lost in my thoughts,” you reply, advancing with the line. your friend gives you a look. “you sound flustered,” she notices, smiling. “stop that,” you cut her off, hearing his laugh. “i mean, i'm a human, i'm nosy,” she defends herself. “what if i wanna know what happened?” “nothing happened,” you answer. she huffs. “lies.”

once inside, you and your friend go to the right side of the scenario. “you never told me about that guy you met last year,” she comments. “you know... your first time.” she adds. “oh, what if he's here tonight?” her eyes wides. “could be,” you say, distracted. “that's why you've been smiling so hard, i just know it.” she laughs. “i kinda wanna meet this sex god that has you smiling like an idiot.” you join her and laugh. your smile dies in your lips as the bitterness hit you. chest starting to hurt. what if he doesn't remember you? what if he doesn't want to see you? your fingers start to fidget the moment the lights go out.

and there he is again. the warmth expanding in your chest when your eyes manage to find him. he looks the same as always. ethereal. unreachable. magical. your eyes opening, trying to grasp everything. frame it in your head. tattoo it. he doesn't look at you. his eyes sweep the whole place with parsimony, but his eyes don't find yours. and the flame in your chest spreads. wanting. wishing. your muscles move on their own as you stand up, without worrying about how ridiculous you are trying right now. but your attempt worked. and now his eyes lock with yours. and you feel like you're holding your breath, yearning.

is this how icarus felt when he approached the sun? this burnt feeling through the limbs, only to find out he was burning inside out? suddenly falling (in love) with joy because, for a moment, he was close to the sun?.

his eyes weigh down when he looks at you. charged with a deep feeling, an unknown emotion. licking his lips as he sinks into his thoughts, imagining. his hectic breathing makes him look attractive. his skin glowing with sweat. flexed arms looking bigger; the memory of them holding you tightly as he penetrated you with care. you bite your lip instinctively, and you see him spasm where he stands.

both of you don't think you can hold it anymore.

the hours pass slowly. a torture for you, already waiting for him. your fiery pussy wet by your violent desires. lips part open as you breathe fast and superficial. he disappears behind backstage and doubt freeze you right where you are. wondering if you imagined it all. until a message.

j: you free?

“no. fucking. way.” you shush her watching her open her mouth, in disbelief. “you're texting jeno!?” she whispers, and you nod. “wait, what? hold on.” her eyes sparkle. “so this mysterious guy is the one and only jeno lee?” you roll your eyes. “jeez, you'll let everyone know.” she glances at your phone. “well, you better go, right?” she says. “wait, you're not coming with me?” you ask, worried. “i mean, i don't see any threesome word anywhere, so yes, i'm leaving,” she says, “you better show off. tell me all about it tomorrow,” she demands, walking away. “eh, can i have an autograph, perhaps?” she jokes, before winking. you watch her leave before responding to the message.

you: always.

even up close, your eyesight doesn't do justice to his beauty. he had a shower before you arrived. water pearls forming in his jet-black hair. his hands guide you to a wall before attacking your lips fervently. with sharp and hungry movements, he devours your mouth with desperation. leaving you breathless. the kiss breaks enough to take a breath of air, a thread of saliva connected to your lips due to arousal. feeling his tongue make its way through your mouth, flicking and moving, causing your arousal released in your core. “i want you,” you whisper in his mouth, feeling his hands running over you. “how much?” he breathes. your hands guide one of his hands under your skirt. his palm rests in your pussy. wetness going through the fabric. a filthy groan leaves his mouth. “take it off for me, angel.”

you do as you're told. lowering your underwear to your ankles and picking it up from the floor. you hand it to him, watching him bring your underwear to his face, sniffing your scent. “cute,” he says, before he kisses you. hands finding the buttons of your shirt, undressing you. leaving quick pecks on your lips, he guides you to his hotel bed. you drop yourself on the surface, staring intently at him standing in front of the bed. “show me how much you want me.” his glossy eyes darken at the sight of you spreading in the bed as you do what he wants. your black skirt lifted up, showing your wet pussy. your fingers slide between your folds, before inserting two in your cunt, remembering the times you touched yourself thinking it was him.

your head pulls back, eyes shut, feeling a sweet warmth in your intimate area. your mouth opening to let out little gasps, while your fingers move rhythmically and quickly in and out of your pussy, hitting hardly your spot. “jen-o,” you pant with a whine. the only mention of his name on your glossy lips makes his dick twitch inside his pants. he sits in the bed, eyes glued on your fingers stroking your cunt. your back arch as you feel the flames spreading inside you, his hands stopping you from reaching your climax. a wave of spasms shakes your body, as you bite your lips, opening your eyes, before he uses the same hand that pulled out your fingers from your pussy to insert his own. “let me.”

his movements are by far more precise and agile than yours. his long fingers going in and out, as you stirred and hissed and twitched your face in pleasure under the blackhair's gaze. his free hand goes to your collarbone, restraining you from moving under his touch. the wet sounds filling the room with your whimpers and moans, feeling his fingers increase intensity and speed, driving you insane, making a mess of babbling and incoherent words. your eyesight going black when he hit your sweet spot repeatedly, limbs going numb, before the fire pools and spread in your core, to the rest of your body. legs pressing together as he keeps flicking his fingers inside, your walls contracting and pulsing in his digits.

he lets you go to lick your arousal from his fingers, humming in an instance. “so sweet.” he states. “fuck, let me taste a little more.” you feel his breath in your pussy, before his tongue wipes out your sensitive core. your hands go to his hair, feeling him licking and sucking you. your legs spread open, as he dives into your pussy with heavy breath.

he detaches from your pussy and sits up on the bed. his hands seek yours and climb you on his lap without difficulty due to your muscles still stiff, body feeling lightweight. he kisses your neck and lips. hands disappearing under your skirt sensing his fingers testing your ass, sliding his index finger along the length, until finding your hole, inserting his digit with a quick move. your body stutter as the warm feeling embraces you, starting to wiggle while his finger fucks you. it's a new feeling for you, arching your back due to the strange pleasure that hits you. starting to grind against his lap. his free hand goes to your back, unfastening your bra. his thumb rubs circles in your nipple while his mouth wraps the other one, sucking gently.

he stops his fingers while lifting you with one arm enough to pull down his pants. “are you gonna be a good girl and ride this dick? mmm.” you nod effusively. he releases his length and it hit your leg, twitching. your hands go to your skirt, but he stops you, “leave it on, you look cute.” glancing at his bulge you think that it must hurt him. so you don't waste time after he puts a condom in, taking it on your hands and plunging it inside, already craving it. a sweet burn embraces your pussy due to his thickness. stretching you out. adjusting and wriggling on his length. jeno lets out a rasping grunt before he makes you bounce on his lap. pounding into his dick, your vision fades to black, sensing the waves of pleasure washing you. your breathy moans and soft whines mixing with his guttural sounds. kissing his lips, grinding against him. awakening all your nerve endings.

you contract your walls feeling his dick twitch, before pushing it deeper, the dizziness clouding your senses as you go up and down, constantly hitting your core, almost seeing stars. “fuck, i'm gonna cum.” his raspy voice warns. you go faster and harder, riding him to his climax. feeling his dick, pulsating against your walls, you grind him, rocking your hips back and forth, feeling his cock still hard. your moves becoming sloppy the more you approach your orgasm, finally exploding and throbbing around his length.

you pant, exhausted. feeling mind blurry and body buzzing on top of him.

“sit on my face,” he hisses, lifting you up with ease. his body rests on the mattress as you climb to his chest, hands holding you for support before you sit down on his face. nose rubbing your clit.

you let out a little moan before you start moving. his hands holding your thighs tightly while you rock your hips into his face. tongue licking along your folds, nose stroking your clit, grinding against him, mixing your juices with his saliva. his warm breath hitting your core sweetly while he mumbles “taste so good.” speeding your moves as the knot in your stomach tightens. quivering and crying out because his tongue feels so good, before releasing your extasis in his mouth. your orgasm washes you over, dissolving in shockwaves.

you stroke his hair while he force you to rock your hips along his mouth. feeling so satisfied it hurts. “s-too much...” you cry, trying to stop him from moving you, but he's stronger, so it doesn't happen. “go on, darling, a little more.” he mutters into your core, sending shivers through your body due to the sensation. you swallow, deeply. “let me... i want to taste you too, ” you confess, fluttering your eyes because of how sensitive you were.

you hop off his body and drop your knees in front of him.

holding his cock in your hands, starting to move them up and down. he's already hard. you strike your tongue along his length, hearing his throaty breathing. “put it in your mouth, yeah?” he urges you. your warm mouth receives his cock with pleasure. sucking gently and watching him stare at you while you do it. tongue going to the underside of his shaft before returning to the tip, swollen and red. inserting it with ease until it hits the back of your throat. “you're taking it so well,” he says, breathy. you hum with his cock still in your mouth, causing him to swear. watching him so needy and agitated for you. oh, you wish you were the only one who could see him like that. his cock feeling so good, his tip resting on your tongue as you stroke him. feeling his flavourful seed spilling in your mouth before you swallow it.

you get up from the ground wiping the corner of your lips, staring at him, seeking his approval. “have i done it right?” you wonder. his hand caressed your cheek before sliding into your mouth. “mmm,” he grants. he taste himself on your lips.

“now, all fours on the bed. i'd like to destroy you a few times more.” strocking his length.

you feel him settle behind you, and you don't have time to get ready when his cock buries inside with a hard move. body propelled forward. his hands hold you in place before he starts to smack his hips against yours, pounding at a slow and hard pace, making you feel demolished. gasping with each thrust, your body collapses between the sheets, before he uses his strength to make you arch your back. mumbling and babbling like a fool, brainwashed by the way he's fucking you. your whole body shivering due to the overwhelming feeling of his cock sliding in and out of your abused pussy. “fu-uck.” biting your lips and rolling your eyes to the back of your head, spinning. your pulsing walls wrapping him tight while he curses a lot.

a few more thrusts are done before you release yourself around him. your limbs numbing with a white feeling. mouth part open letting out incoherent words, mind going blank. you feel his grip on your legs, turning you around, now facing him. “want to stop?” he asks, hovering over you and leaving kisses on your neck and chest. his eyes meeting your eyes, watching you smile languidly shaking your head. he smiles before he pulls in. “good girl.”

[dduane]

After knowingly being a fan of your Star Trek work since the 90s, and having pushed Young Wizards on as many folks as I can for the last (how long have I been on here?) dozen years or so, and having bought the full download pack just before UK sales went on hiatus due to taxes, I have finally, finally started reading SYWTBAW. I'm instantly in love. The character introductions are perfect. The system explanations are natural, fitting with what the characters know themselves. I'm so happy! But that's an aside, a happy bonus...

I have been a fan of the X-Com/UFO game series since I first discovered it, which was when they brought the game to the Playstation in '95? Wow, that game was wild. I would go visit my friend and play with him, working on tactics for missions for hours on end, then come home and boot up my own system and run more missions on my own. I had multiple memory cards so I could save while engaging the enemy and also keep a save safely back at base if things went pearshaped. When I finally entered the PC-owners market in 97, it was one of the first games I installed there and I still have a copy on every computer I've owned since, and play regularly. I have the official strategy guide, and (the point of this message) I have the tie-in novel that you wrote! Finding that was a lucky thing, I've never seen or heard of another copy. I love what you did with the story, how it ties in well to the mechanics and spirit of the game without remaining constrained to the specifics of the game engine's limitations due to programming requirements.

When it came to writing about games, and writing for games such as Wing Commander, did you (do you still) play (m)any of them to learn more about the systems and lore?

Firstly: thanks for the nice words about my work. :) Much appreciated.

In answer to the question you wound up with: I'm not gaming actively at the moment... there's too much other stuff going on locally that requires my attention. But when I've been asked to participate in a game-based project, I absolutely spend as much time playing it as possible before I get down to work. I'll never be able to spend as much time on it as any given game's major enthusiasts would. But I do my homework, and make sure I have the data I need to handle the story issues and to drive a decent plot.

When I was working on Privateer 2: The Darkening, this wasn't so much of a problem, because I came in as cold as anyone else: nobody outside EA had played the game before. :) That said, I hadn't been hired for my expertise as a gamer, but as a screenwriter. I did spend a lot of time with the game designers and engineers, watching how gameplay was supposed to go and working out how I could best reinforce that rhythm in the way the scenes I was writing played out. It was a really enjoyable collaboration, as the engineers were as fascinated with what I was doing as I was with what they were up to. If there was a downside to the experience, it was having to be more or less a prisoner in Slough for six weeks while the writing and rewriting happened. But this kind of thing is an occupational hazard, best taken as gracefully as possible. (Though that wasn't hard in retrospect, especially considering the cast who wound up speaking the lines I'd written. Clive Owen, Brian Blessed, Mary Tamm, David Warner, John Hurt, Mathilda May, David McCallum, Jürgen Prochnow,... my God, what a lineup.)

X-Com: UFO Defense, though, I'd known for a long time and had played quite a bit: so when asked to pitch, I more or less came in hot with a bunch of issues that I felt needed more attention than they'd had in the actual game. I was delighted to get more or less carte blanche to handle them, and to create a bunch of edgily professional characters to run around destroying the bad guys. It was also, frankly, a ton of fun to use the narrative to blow up or drop alien spacecraft on things that (in real life) were annoying me in that timeframe. For example, in the culmination of one battle I dropped a big alien ship through the beautiful Renaissance Revival roof of the main rail station in Zurich because I was cranky about some slippery floor tile they'd installed downstairs in a refurbishment of the ShopVille shopping center. (I mean, seriously, people track huge amounts of snow and slush in down there when they come off the escalators from street level: why would you not put nonslip tile on that floor? It's deeply irresponsible. So they had it coming.) :)

...Anyway, it was really enjoyable having a chance to play around with what I imagined Earth's geopolitics to be doing under gameplay conditions, while also enacting a more than usually complex game scenario in prose. I don't know if or when I'll be doing that kind of work next, but writing the X-Com: UFO Defense novel definitely left a good taste in my mouth.

Thanks for asking!

(ETA: and here are those tiles. ...The cubical affair in front is an art installation: an illuminated "fountain". It was originally made of wires or strands of plastic cable, down which drops of glycerine, or something like it, slowly slid. But they seem to have swapped that out for water. And, oh look, there's video!)

[crescentmoonteas]

hii i was gonna ask about the mc haru au but i kinda stalked the tag and read some of your asks so i have some other questions if you have time! my first question was if sojiro and akiren(akira i guess in this au?) will meet and have their past dadxson relationship but i saw he starts working part time in le blanc /yeay/which; do his parents know about it? what do they think?

Second question; does goro and akira know the other knows about their previous timeline? or will they have a ‘oh he knows’ moment later?

Thirdd: i learned akira won’t have his past memories of the ng+ akira which kinda saddens me that the ng+ akira won’t be the one gaining persona or will he? like.. the palace will be about ng+kira’s parents but akira doesn’t know about them.. or is it the richer version of his own parents?? but still they sound like two different people with different lives idk how does that work? won’t ann realize akira isn’t like his usual self (since they are childhood friends they must be close?) /also villain ann is sooo good ahhhhh/

Fourth: WHO DOES HARU KICK IN THE BALLS??

(thank you)

hello!! I am Ready to Answer some Questions!!!

so 1. Akira's parents don't know about him working at Leblanc (Akira sneaks away and works when his parents think he's studying or doing....... model.... stuff) and Sojiro's not going to snitch on him anytime soon.

hang on I do know the answer to question 2......... okay after searching through my Discord DMs it seems Jazzy and I have yet to choose an actual moment where they both realise they know BUT the two of them awaken in the new timeline about ~3 months prior to Haru moving to Leblanc and kicking off the story etc etc so in those 3 months I imagine they find each other? I swear we've discussed this hang on

okay so yeah the two of them manage to find each other in the few weeks before the 'game' kicks off and in that short timespan Goro manages to wreak havoc on half of Tokyo. Akira's obviously a bit more organised and trying to work out what's going on and why it's going on while Goro is alternating wildly between beating up shadows in Mementos and beating up people irl. he's full of rage.

third: this is actually a plot hole I have yet to deal with!! I've even noted it in the ol' Google Doc(TM)

obviously this is less of a problem for magician!Goro because he's kind of a magical construct rather than getting isekai'd into the Goro Akechi of this timeline (I know "isekai" isn't a verb and yet I will continue to use it like that) BUT I would assume that the Personas, awakenings, outfit theme, etc etc in IYR/RTG DO reflect the Akira of that timeline, or else we'd just get Joker with Arsene and Raoul and some other third guy again. like even though NG+Akira is in his body, canon!Akira is still somehow in there? merging of minds? oh god I'm making the plot hole into a plot canyon. help

also for the parents thing: Jazzy and I actually worked this out yesterday! Akira's parents in this timeline are essentially the same as his own in the original timeline but in the IYR/RTG timeline they managed to get lucky and started the modelling business thing. that way Akira still has an attachment to them without him being like [person just standing there emoji]

as for the fourth question: if I told you that, I'd have to recruit you into the Super Secret Writer's Room (although I'm sure you can piece together who Haru fights based on parallels to the original timeline and palace lineups!) (also pls note the attack was NOT unprovoked. Haru stepped into save a girl being harassed. she's not just going around kneeing people in the crotch.) (or is she?) (edit: I realised I've literally already answered this and I'm a fool lol it's Kamoshida!!)

[wellthebardsdead]

Gateway {Hanzo Shimada X Fem Reader}

I’m probably going to re-write this fic at some point because I’m just not happy with it.

{Edit: also for this I know Hanzo doesn’t actually have prosthetics he just got dainty ankles but dammit I love the tortured possibilities the head cannon gives him as a character so I’m doing it dang it!}

Enjoy!~Bambi

The bustling of the convention floor echoed on every wall and through every hall, BlizzCon was in full swing, and you along with a selection of guest cosplayers had a front seat row to it all.

To say it was a dream come true would be an understatement. To think a year ago you were just a collage student, and now you were a rising star amongst the cosplay community, more specifically, the overwatch community in general.

You initially bought the game to play with friends in your free time, and you fell head over heels in love with the characters and their designs. One character in particular though stole not only your attention, but your heart. Hanzo Shimada.

His hair, his costumes, his tattoos. Everything about him was breathtaking to you. You found yourself analysing piece by piece of his look until eventually you scrimped and saved enough to go out and buy the materials needed to make it for yourself, a feminine variant of it at least. Your main was your very first cosplay, and the one that sparked your professional career.

Upon wearing it to a small local convention you bumped into several well known cosplayers who were chasing the con season for all its worth. They fawned over your craftsmanship and when you mentioned setting up an Instagram for your work they begged you to do so so they could follow you.

You uploaded a single photo, that was all it took. From there your career spiraled up the ladder and your follower count rose drastically. And now here you were, a renowned artist with a lineup of supporters waiting for their photo with you.

You stood at your booth dawning your latest creation, cyber ninja Hanzo. It wasn’t your most comfortable cosplay, it was an exact replica but it was rigid, hard to sit down in and impossible to go to the bathroom in. Still blizzard paid you a pretty penny to make and wear it, plus, you had thousands of people lined up just to see you, who were you to complain.

A beaming smile spread across your face as your next fan approached, although it was hidden by your mask. You gave them a hug and thanked them for their support before the photographer snapped a pic. Hug, thanks, photo, bye. Hug, thanks, photo, bye... hug... thanks... photo...

...“god you smell so good in person my sweet dragon girl, I finally get to hold you, I finally have you.” ...

You felt the strange man press up something against your hip... it was wet...

“LET GO OF ME!! HELP ME PLEASE!!!!” You screamed.

You don’t recall what happened, just con security running off after that creep, and a number of staff and convention officials crowding around where you lay on the floor sobbing in panic...

...

That was a month ago now....

...

A loud knock at the door startled your attention away from your work, a sharp pained gasp escaped your lips as you accidentally pricked your finger with the sewing needle. You quickly set the silk down before wrapping your finger in a bandaid. This fabric was too expensive to be ruined.

The sub emote on your twitch drew your attention to the screen. Several comments asking if you were okay, others saying to have your phone ready when you answer the door. “Thank you for the subs guys... y-yeah I’m okay.” You smile sheepishly before standing up from your desk and walking out of your craft studio.

You cautiously crept through the hall being mindful of all the packing boxes stacked along the wall. You’d moved into this apartment after the incident at BlizzCon... When you arrived home after the weekend you found him waiting outside your front door with a bouquet of roses in his hands... you called the police... he got away before they could arrive.

...You had a stalker...

Immediately they had you pack up your belongings and you had no choice but to move across state for your own safety. You closed your fan mail P.O. Box and didn’t dare reopen one in case he figured out your new city... but you weren’t free of him... no, he wouldn’t leave you alone...

He flooded your emails, your comments on every post, and every stream with his deluded sick ramblings. Outright demanding you be his wife, calling you a slut for sharing more provocative cosplays with anyone else but him, sending you links to articles of clothing he wanted you to wear, to begging you to give him your address so he could deliver you ‘gifts’ in person...

Each time you blocked him, and each time he came back with a new number, a new email, a new account. The police couldn’t track him, and he openly admitted he loved how afraid he’d made you feel, saying he felt like a real life yandere... and you were his darling...

Needless to say, it had taken an aggressive toll on your health. The high levels of stress you were experiencing left you neurotic, you were afraid to leave the house and each time you did you felt like you were being watched, even a short trip to the corner store felt impossible without a disguise and at least one other person with you.

And to say it had affected your physical health as much as it did your mental state was an understatement at best. Constant stomach aches and bouts of anxiety left you without appetite and unable to eat more than a few bites most days, and nothing at all on others. You’d lost a lot of weight, too much weight... Your skin was palled and you looked like you were trapped in a constant sleep like state of forlornness within your own home, your mind, and your body...

Another knock sounded at the door, louder this time. Your fingers felt like ice, your palms were sweaty and your chest felt tight, you held your breath as you approached.., you peered through the peephole and smiled releasing a breath you didn’t know you were holding...

...

The stream sparked with comments as suddenly you returned holding a large box of pizza and a bottle of soda along with your nightly medications to help you sleep without fear and try to get your anxiety under control. “False alarm guys! All safe! It was just the pizza guy!” You chime as you began to eat. Heartfelt comments of relief bubbled up before your eyes. All saying how happy they were that you were safe and that they were glad to see you eating something filling even if it wasn’t the healthiest.

A few others caught your attention amongst the praise and concern, ‘are you going to be attending BlizzCon again after what happened?’ It was a pretty common question these days, but one with good intentions. “Thanks guys... and Yeah I will, just... no more hugs or photos for the foreseeable future, just autographs... I’m sorry...” you frowned as you finished another slice before taking your medicine.

“But the good news is I’ll be debuting this cosplay there!” You smiled holding up the fabric carefully showing it off for your audience. Custom woven silk youd had handmade to look just like Hanzos original haori pattern, it was a highly expensive brocade, and one you were extremely proud of. You decided remaking your first ever costume would be a great idea to celebrate your careers anniversary.

You smiled seeing the comments flood in over how excited they were to see the finished look. You continued eating your dinner before swallowing the last of your medicine. Your blood turned to ice in your veins as a huge red flag popped up in your stream...

‘Such a good girl swallowing your medicine~ id love to drug you and tie you up my little dragon girl~

Immediately your moderators jumped in and kicked the user from the chat as they saw the visible distress they’d caused you... Your community rallied together sending comforting words through the screen for you, “I...I’m okay guys... I-I’ll be okay.” You sighed folding the box shut... only 4 slices but... at least you ate something today. You forced a smile despite the huge knot forming in your stomach, you felt so sick, “any suggestions for music while I w-”

‘-Teleporter online...I have opened the path.-‘

You blinked looking at the screen for a moment thinking you had an open tab or maybe that was an emote you set and forgot about. You watched in shock as the stream went wild flooding with comments and subs so fast the server began to lag. All of them screaming for you to turn around and-

“Look ou-” You were struck hard on the back of the head by something blunt and hard before something or someone, stocky and heavy slammed into you sending the garment flying from your grip, and you tumbling from your chair.

You flogged your head hard on the corner of the desk splitting your scalp open as you fell to the floor... You lay there, the room spinning like a teacup ride... you could hear gunfire but... where from?... you looked around trying to get your bearing as blood coated your vision. You saw what you could only describe as a giant portal on the wall adjacent to your desk... And through it you saw an all too familiar, tall, purple, sniper. Striding right towards you with her gun drawn....

Widowmaker...

As she moved to pull the trigger a loud blast sounded knocking her back from the gateway... was she after you?... Another explosion erupted through the portal and shrapnel flew through the opening right towards you. You couldn’t move, you closed your eyes and prepared for your death... but instead you heard a pained cry and felt a strong body clamber over top of of your own, shielding you from the potentially fatal blow...

The gateway closed... you looked up blinking your eyes trying to see with the blood coating your vision... so much blood... You couldn’t make out much, but what you could showed you exactly who this person was... Was this a dream? It had to be... were you dead?... possibly... Midnight black hair tied into a bun with a neat undercut, tidy facial hair, a pierced nose bridge and ears, and a beautifully ornate tattoo stretching from his neck down his muscular well toned arm... Hanzo Shimada...

You looked up at him in disbelief as your vision began to tunnel, this was a dream, there was no way this was real and yet... you reached up your delicate and soft hand placing it on his cheek, you could feel stubble from where he’d shaved, feel how smooth his skin was... he looked at you confused, you let out a soft gasp as your eyes met his... those sharp, beautiful eyes... this was him... this was your main.. your archer... your...

“H-Hanzo?...” you whispered. His eyes widened and his mouth hung slightly agape as he tried to fathom how you knew him or how to even reply... “Nani?...” he whispered. His voice, oh god his voice... this was him... you couldn’t help but giggle in repose before letting out a fragile whimper as unconsciousness finally took you.

He let out a panicked gasp thinking you’d suddenly dropped dead... he felt your pulse and was relieved to find you were still with him... he let out a pained grunt as he sat back on his knees trying to catch his breath, just for a moment... he looked to the wall where he’d come from seeing the portal was gone... He was stuck... “-oh god... ohhh my god what do I do?!-” he thought. His side hurt, he definitely had at least one broken rib and upon inspecting his armour he could see a number of metal and glass fragments sticking out of the bullet proof material... He only had one med pack on him but... He looked at you and frowned... he couldn’t just use it on himself when you were in this state...

As he moved to pick you up he paused hearing a noise above the desk... he stood and blinked seeing the twitch chat going insane typing his name... He watched as comment after comment flooded in fawning and fangirling over him, one however caught his keen eye as it passed, ‘who the hell are you?! How could she cheat on me?!....’

A million questions filled his mind... but right now it was clear he’d have to wait for them to be answered. He reached out and pulled the cord... He sighed and turned his attention back to you. He was an assassin, a killer... but he had a good heart. He’d never leave a civilian in a state like yours, plus... it was pretty obvious you knew who he was and... you were very cute...

The archer immediately looked around for something to wipe up the blood.. and the silky blue fabric strewn onto the floor seemed like a perfect option... he grabbed it without hesitation and held it to your wound as he lifted you up and carried you out into the hall in search of the bathroom... You felt far too lite even for him...

...

After patching you up and washing the blood from your face and hair Hanzo found himself in the awkward situation of having to change your shirt. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and looked away as he pulled the bloodied cloth from your body... now to get the clean one on...

His face was bright red as he peered his eyes open casting them nervously in your direction... Immediately his apprehension melted away as he saw how sickly you looked... Pale, skinny, so fragile looking he thought it was a miracle he didn’t hurt you just by picking you up... he carefully guided the loose shirt over your delicate body before scooping you up as if he was handling a baby bird...

He carried you back into the hall and after opening several doors and tripping over boxes he managed to find your bedroom. Just a bed and a nightstand with several boxes stacked everywhere. It was clear you’d just moved in, or you were planning on moving out soon. Either way, it’d do....

After navigating around the boxes he gently lay you on the plush bedding tucking you in with care. Swaddled in the soft pillows and blankets you looked so sweet and delicate. He couldn’t stop his heart from thudding hard against his chest.

He took a moment to admire you, the archer had always had a taste for the finer things in life, and he couldn’t help but stop and admire things he found beautiful. And you were one such thing...

A radiant blue light began to wisp from his tattoo as two serpent like ethereal beings swirled from the inkwork and took on physical forms as they perched at your side. His two beloved dragons. Tomo and Mochi. They sat about the size of two large house cats. Dainty paw like claws, glistening cerulean blue top scales, silky ocean blue fur, and soft peachy pink and yellow underbellies. Along with a set of floppy ears and the most boopable noses in existence they truely were a majestic and yet the most adorable sight in the world.

The two chirped and preened at you curiously, tails swishing and whiskers twitching as they inspected you. “Pretty isn’t she?...” Hanzo whispered. They both looked up at their master and whistled approvingly at him before turning their attention back to you... they both whimpered spotting the wound before taking note of your sickly appearance...

“Hurt... frightened... frightened... scared... help...” mochi whispered. Her voice so soft and melodic.

“Bad man... bad man... protect... protect...” tomo growled curling up on your chest. His voice sounded like the crashing of tides during a violent storm and yet.., still so calm. Hanzo looked at them both before patting them and looking at you... “bad man huh?...” he whispered adding two and two together. Someone was causing you distress, and chances were it was related to your poorly appearance. “You want me to protect her from the bad man?” He asked.

The two nodded before proceeding to kneed the blanket like a cat would. They really were just scaly cats. He smiled and sighed gently stroking your hair. “Alright... I’ll look after her...” he whispered. He’d forever trust their judgment. They didn’t just manifest physically for anyone, and The last and only time he ever went against it resulted in the ‘death’ of his little brother Genji.... “Genji...” he gasped, panic surging through him as he remembered his brother was in that battle...

He had to get back, he had to find another gateway, something, anything, “Safe...” mochi suddenly chimed looking up at him. He paused looking at the large blue lizard. “Safe?... is Genji?...” he whispered. She nodded and hummed, “soba... Genji... Safe.” She purred. The archer sighed with relief, his little brother was alright... He could rest easy for now at least...

As Hanzo inhaled he felt a sharp pain sting his side... he was still wounded... he looked at you... then at the dragons... “please come get me if she wakes I... I need to...” he said gesturing to the wounds. The dragons nodded and whimpered with worry seeing their master was injured. “I-I’m alright you guys... really.” He smiled patting them both gently. They nuzzled his hands and chirped sweetly as he walked off to the bathroom to wash up and tend to himself...

...

Hanzo sighed contently as the hot water poured down his perfectly toned body. His muscles ached like all hell, and the warmth stung his now freshly stitched wounds, but it felt good. So nice to be clean, out of danger... Even still.... he looked down at his legs and sighed seeing where his prosthetics met what was left of his shins... He was in an unfamiliar place, he had no clue if it was even truely safe here... he was so afraid to take them off he even bathed with them just to be safe, they were waterproof anyway... a little longer wouldn’t hurt...

He thought about the battle, how it all went wrong so quickly, if they had of just listened to Genji it wouldn’t have happened but they didn’t.. and it did... And then the portal opened, he was so busy avoiding Widowmakers gunfire he didn’t even see it and he stumbled right through injuring you as he did so... He sighed... He felt like no matter what he did, even when he was trying to do good, he’d always end up hurting someone...

Your face sparkled in his mind, so sweet, so fragile... And he’d hurt you, unintentionally yes but still... He furrowed his brow remembering your gentle voice whispering his name, the comments on that screen typing it frantically as if they knew him... How did you know him? How did they know him?... Who was that commenter? Why did they think you were... cheating, on them?...

He sighed turning off the water and stepping from the shower... right onto the bloodied cloth... he leaned down and picked it up before pausing as he observed its shape, and the albeit bloodied but distinct pattern... It looked exactly like a slightly incomplete version of his traditional garb... “what... the fuck is going on here?...” he muttered to himself before setting it down and drying off...

...

After applying some disinfectant and the few remaining patches he had to his wounds he pulled on his trousers and stepped out carting they dirty laundry with him, The cloth included. He peered back into your room relieved to find you still asleep, and it seemed the dragons had decided to join you in a much needed rest.

He found himself exploring your apartment, mostly in search of the laundry. After putting the load in the washing machine he went about inspecting the rest of the building. It was pretty empty minus the boxes so there wasn’t really much to find. Eventually curiosity got the better of him, he thought maybe he could find you some comfier clothes to wear, or an extra blanket amongst the many boxes scattered throughout the home... He wasn’t expecting to find Mccrees hat... or Soldier 76’s visor... Or... “EEEEEK!!!!” He shrieked stumbling back out of shock....

He held a hand to his chest feeling like he’d just experienced a heart attack. He cautiously crept back to the box and pulled out its contents... He sighed with relief seeing it was an exact and thankfully empty replica of genjis helmet... The questions just became bigger and bigger with each box he opened. Even more so after finding an exact double of his stormbow, and multiple different outfits that looked far too similar to his own to be coincidental... Wherever he was, it was clear you knew him, and who overwatch and talon were for that matter too...

Unable to handle another possibly death inducing fright he decided it’d be best to look for something to feed you. If he was going to be stuck here he’d have to look after you, especially after clubbing you over the head with his bow... he set off to the kitchen.

Upon searching the pantry he found the usual suspects, sugar, salt, a bag of flour. But in terms of food that didn’t require much prep all he found was a bag of rice and an unopened pack of instant noodles. He grimaced remembering his life on the run from the clan, he’d eaten so many instant meals the thought of doing it willingly made him feel sick. He turned his attention to the fridge instead and blinked in confusion at first seeing it was full of food... but most of it was well past it’s expiry... Youd obviously bought it with intent to eat it but something had upset you enough that you couldn’t bring yourself to stomach it.

He got it... he really did. He’d suffered with anxiety his whole life and during the worst bouts of it he couldn’t even eat a few mouthfuls of rice never mind eat enough to maintain a healthy weight. He sighed and began to sort out the items tossing the expired food in the trash, if he was going to be stuck here, he’d be making some changes to your lifestyle real quick...

...

It was around 5am when he’d finished tossing out the garbage... The sun was beginning to rise and he had a beautiful view from your kitchen balcony. He yawned tiredly, he wanted so badly to just lay down and faint, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t just leave you unsupervised and chances are if he fell asleep now even the dragons clawing at him wouldn’t wake him up until he was rested.

“H-ey ar-...eey arch-er!! Ha-anzo can you h-ear me??” A familiar Latina voice sounded through his com earpiece. He’d put it back in his pocket after getting out of the shower. He almost didn’t hear it at first. Once he did though he fumbled with it clipping it back onto his ear and flicking the mike. “Sombra? Is that you?” He said sounding more hopeful than he intended to.

“Yeah it’s me! You’re alive!!” She laughed. “Yo guys! It’s all good we got him!” She cheered to somebody in the background. He could hear different members of overwatch cheering and sighing with relief... did... they miss him?... he couldn’t help but smile at the idea.. he was on good terms with all of them but still, he couldn’t help but feel there was some underlining hatred over the incident with Genji...

“Genji... is he? Is he alrig-” He tried to ask before a soft almost robotic voice cut him off. “I’m fine Anija, I’m just fine. Are you okay? The last we saw of you Widowmaker had you cornered and then you just... disappeared...” Genji said with worry heavy in his words.

“I’m okay..” Hanzo whispered feeling so relieved just to hear his brothers voice and know for certain that he was alright. “Are you sure Anija? You sound upset?... where are you? We couldn’t find you on location...” Genji frowned. Hanzo sighed rubbing his brow fixing his nose piercing as he did so. “I... I sustained a few injuries but I’ll survive... Is symmetra there? It... was one of her portals. It malfunctioned and when I fell through I... I may have injured a civilian...” he said anxiously.

“Are they alright?” Genji asked sounding calm as ever. “She’s unconscious, she hit her head but I’ve got it under control, it was an accident I swear!” He said panic rising in his voice. Genji smiled listening to him, Hanzo had such a gentle heart. He could tell by the tone of his voice alone he felt immense guilt, “Shh, Shh it’s alright Anija... if you got it under control and she’s alright that’s all that matters.” He whispers comfortingly, “just breathe.”

Hanzo sighed taking in a deep breath as he was told before exhaling. It fogged up in the cool morning air, “you’re right... it’ll be okay... Things are just... really weird here Genji...” he frowned. Suddenly sombras voice chimed in over the com, “while you two were having a heart to heart I’ve locked onto the signal location. I’ve informed Satya and Winston and they’re working on a fix now. I can’t keep this call active much longer before reaper gets suspicious so if there’s something you need hurry up and ask.” She said sounding urgent but there was an underlining tone of concern to her words.

Hanzo thought for a moment, “can you see if I can access my funds from here?...” he asked shivering slightly having forgotten he was shirtless. It was quiet for a moment, if it weren’t for the tapping of sombras fingers on her holopad he’d of thought the call had cut out. “All good to go, anything else?” She said sounding a bit more urgent. “No... thank you miss colomar.” He sighed, “Genji just... promise me you’ll stay safe...” he said looking down the street as the sunlight peered over the buildings.

“I will Anija... I promise.” Genji smiled. “Promise me you’ll do the same?...” he asked. Hanzo chuckled and smiled, “I will sparrow...” He said softly. Sombras voice chimed in again. “Good luck Robin Hood, we’ll get you back as soon as we can... Sombra out.” And with that the call went dead...

Hanzo sighed turning the com off, at least everyone was alright... the worst of his fears were taken care of.. he turned to head inside before blinking as he saw a hooded figure duck into an alleyway down the street... He’d always had a good sense for people... and he got nothing but bad vibes from that individual.. ‘-bad man... bad man...-’ the dragons words repeated in his mind.

He stared at the alley quietly waiting to see if anything or anyone would come creeping out... after a moment or two of nothing he sighed and headed inside, he was a patient man, but you’d undoubtably be waking soon and he wanted to have breakfast ready... plus his nipples were freezing.

...

You woke to the scent of bacon sizzling from down the hall, along with the smell of toast and pancakes?... as you moved to sit up you blinked feeling a sudden weight appear on your chest keeping you pinned and from moving your head... you managed to glance down just enough to see two Labrador sized... dragons... Laying there... looking at you...

“AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!”

*crows flying away*

Hanzo was in the middle of dishing up breakfast when your ear splitting scream shook the apartment complex to its foundation.

He flew into the room, his bow drawn with an arrow knocked and ready only to see... you giggling and squealing in delight as the dragons tickled you... he blinked and lowered his weapon as he stared at you with a look of utter confusion on his face... you weren’t scared?

“That’s enough you two...” he said sternly and immediately the dragons backed off returning to a cat like size as he approached. You looked up at him bleary eyed... “a...am I dreaming?..” you whispered... “o-or am I dead?...”

He frowned and kneeled down gently checking your wound. It was already healing beautifully, Angela’s medicines never failed. “Neither..” he whispered as he gently pat your hair. “You’re... not... afraid?..” he asked confused.

You could remember last night fairly clearly, and despite the concussion the medications you were on surprisingly numbed the pain. You remembered the stream, the portal, hitting your head, Hanzo saving you... touching his face... feeling his presence... “why would I be afraid of you?...” you whispered smiling up at him.

“Because I’m a stranger in your home and I’m a lot more dangerous than I look.” He said frowning. “Oh... no that doesn’t sound right. I know all about you, you’re a 38 year old marshmallowy dorky Robin Hood knockoff disguised as an edgy cactus cosplaying as the green arrow who killed his brother and was emo about it for 10 years before putting on the best drama performance known to man since les Miserables once you found out he was alive. And you have two blue noodles... so scary.” You giggled.

He blinked before scowling and narrowing his gaze... he was naturally intimidating simply with his face at rest... but this... you felt genuinely unnerved by how dark his eyes had become... he suddenly smiled and began to laugh. Immediately all apprehension melted away, he had a beautiful laugh.

“Well, I can’t argue with that.” He chuckled before standing up. Your face went bright red as you realised he was standing before you completely shirtless... Your embarrassment faded quickly though as you spotted the number of patches and bruising riddling his sides. “Y-you’re Hurt!” You say trying to sit up. He gently lay you back down tucking you in as he did so. “I’m fine... believe me when I say I’ve had worse.” He frowned feeling his legs ache... he’d left them on far too long... But you were awake... he’d have to deal with it...

You frown and reach up gently touching his cheek making him recoil slightly. “D-don’t be dumb...” you whisper. “Y-you’re hurt... you... you shouldn’t push peoples concern away when you’re hurt...” you mumble shyly. He tilted his head a little before leaning into your touch. “I know... but believe me. I’m fine... Right now I’m not the one with a concussion.” He whispered gently taking your hand from his cheek and squeezing it slightly.

You blushed feeling his rough skin on yours. His fingers were calloused in places from a life time of fighting and drawing back arrows. So coarse but... so gentle. “I’ve made you something to eat...” he said looking at how thin your wrist was, “Do you... have the energy to eat it or would you prefer I assist?”

If your face was pink before it was neon red now. “W...Wah?” You say shyly. He chuckled a little before stepping out. After a moment he returned with two plates and a bowl. He set the bowl on the floor and immediately the dragons leapt down tucking into whatever he’d prepared for them. He set the plates on the nightstand and immediately your mouth watered at the sight of what he’d made.

“it’s not much, just what I could find in the fridge that wouldn’t give you food poisoning... I’ve already caused you enough grief.” He sighed as he propped you up carefully amongst the pillows. “I-it looks so good...” you whisper feeling your stomach growl. In his presence any and all anxieties you had seemed to just... melt away like the pat of butter on those pancakes.

He suddenly held a forkful to your lips and you shyly nibbled at it until it was gone. “May I ask your name?..” he said as he fed you another bite. After swallowing it you blinked realising you knew so much about him, and yet the poor thing didn’t have a clue who you even were... “y/n... I’m... im y/n l/n.” You whisper. He nodded and continued feeding you seemingly satisfied when in reality he didn’t want to bombard you with questions when you’d just woken up.

As he finished feeding you he blinked as you began to sit up fully. “Nani? Stop that.” He scolded gently laying you back down. “I I need to have my morning medicine, and my morning stream starts at- o-oh god no! The haori!! What happened to it!” You say trying to get up but he wouldn’t allow it. He didn’t even have to struggle to keep you pinned under his palm.

“Y/n.” He said calmly and clearly. Immediately you froze as his eyes locked with yours... “Everything is alright...” he whispered, “I’ll go get your medicine for you... the haori is hanging up to dry... and... stream? Is... that a woman thing?” He asked confused.

You looked at him baffled for a moment before giggling, “no... I mean a live stream... I’m a cosplayer, I show my followers the process of me making my pieces... I... I was working on one of you actually...” you whisper. “You’re... a video game character here, i in fact all of Overwatch and talon are too.. it’s all just a video game franchise here.” You say trying to avert your gaze thinking he wouldn’t believe you...

He sat on the edge of the bed and hummed. “Well. That... actually answers most of my questions.” He chuckled. “Just so you know I nearly dropped dead from horror upon opening a box to find my brothers head. I’m amazed my screaming didn’t wake you up.” He snickered. He had such a mischievous grin, one you’d only ever pictured Genji wearing and yet... Hanzo wore it so well.

“S-sorry... I hope you don’t think I’m weird for it...” you whispered. Hanzo gently lifted your chin to face him before pointing at the dragons as they licked the bowl clean. “I have them, my brothers a cyborg, I come from a world where Im employed by a genetically enhanced gorilla and I fell through a portal in your wall after being shot at by a brainwashed ballerina made purple sniper... What part of me isn’t weird?” He says tilting his head.

You blinked up at him before laughing, you’d never expected him to have such a sense of humour, “I suppose you’re right.” You giggled before yawning. He smiled feeling his heart flutter, you had a beautiful laugh. He tucked you in once more as the dragons both jumped back up onto the bed, “I’ll go get your medicine...” he looked at the noodles as they began to kneed the blankets before getting comfy. “Don’t let her get up.” He smiled. They both nodded, you pouted.

As he left the dragons turned their attention to you... you booped their noses. They blepped.

He stepped into the kitchen and picked up the meds, as he went to fill a glass with water he paused hearing a ruckus... not from up the hall... but from outside the balcony.... he quietly crept closer to the sliding door and opened it as silently as he could before stepping out. He peered over the railing to see that hooded figure stumbling to his feet.

It was clearly a man, though he couldn’t see his face to confirm it he could hear him muttering and swearing. Beside him a number of over turned trash cans lay scattered about and busted as if he’d tried stacking them to climb up... After a moment of dusting himself off he turned around to pick them up and paused seeing the archer watching him...

He dropped the trash can and bolted for it... immediately alarm bells rang off in Hanzos mind. He stepped back inside and locked the balcony door, he locked the screen one to be safe as well before drawing the curtains... What should he do, call the police? No then he’d have to let you know, you were already distressed and he’d only just managed to get you to eat... He’d have no trouble protecting you himself anyway, and worse comes to worse... the dragons aren’t above eating human flesh...

He sighed and returned to gathering your meds, thankfully you’d had them all labeled but... so many different ones... You really weren’t well.

After getting a glass of water he returned to your room and paused seeing both you and the dragons were missing, ‘-she’d better be using the bathroom..-” He thought as he placed the medicine on your nightstand before going in search of you...

After checking a few rooms he finally located you in your little studio, wrapped in your duvet as you picked your chair up off the floor and climbed into it. The dragons both tugging frantically at you to get you back to bed. As you went to reconnect the power board you paused as a strong pair of arms lifted you up and swaddled you in your blanket, “what do you think you’re doing?” He asked as he carried you out.

“I-I have to start my morning stream! I-I’ve never missed one not even when I’m at a convention! I have to edit footage for a tutorial t- oh god the footage!! The stream last night they saw everything!! I have to let them know I’m al-” he gently placed his thumb to your lips silencing you. “That’s enough. You can afford to have a day off. You’re not well y/n...” he whispered as he placed you back into bed.

He didn’t offer you a chance to protest, as soon as you opened your mouth he gave you your medicine. You could only blush and comply. After taking the last one he made sure you drank the rest of the water too. In your current state you needed it more than ever. He waited until you were done before setting the glass down and making sure you were comfy. “Now, go back to sleep...” he said as the dragons climbed back up to snuggle with you. They both changed size again, now they stood about the height of two large dogs.

“B-but....” you tried to argue but one steely eyed gaze from the archer silenced your pleas, you knew he was right, but you were just as stubborn as he was. Even still, you did as you were told feeling far too tired to argue. You relaxed into the pillows and sighed, “okay..” you mumbled. He nodded and gently pat your hair checking on the wound one more time. It was healing far quicker than he’d expected. He blinked as suddenly Tomo leaned in close sniffing at the cut before licking at it. As he did so it healed over a bit more... “well... that explains that then.” He chuckled patting the dragon, “good boy...” he smiled before standing up.

“I’ll wake you around lunch time. If you need me I’ll be close by, I promise.” He smiled back at you from the doorway before stepping out. You watched him go before sighing happily and cuddling your pillow as the dragons curled up around you protectively. If this was a dream, you never wanted to wake up...

...

True to his word Hanzo woke you around noon. He’d spent the morning mulling about your apartment, tidying up the place a little, preparing lunch with the little food you had left, and literally sewing himself a new shirt given his other one was well and truely torn up to all hell, and walking around in his battle gear in public didn’t exactly sound pleasant or smart for that matter. It wasn’t perfect, but he’d learnt enough during his time on the run that it would do.

He quietly opened your bedroom door and smiled at the sight that greeted him. You fast asleep and the dragons watching you adoringly. They both lifted their heads greeting their master as he entered, well, either because of him or the food he was holding he wasn’t sure.

You suddenly stirred from your short rest, your eyelids fluttered open and you yawned stretching a little before smiling as the archer approached, “sleep well?...” he whispered as he sat beside you again. You nodded rubbing your eyes in the most adorable fashion, “mhm..” you hum as helped you sit up right.

As if out of reflex he immediately held a mouthful of food to you, he’d spent his whole life looking after others, and it seemed that even after 10 years on the run those needs and habits hadn’t left him. Besides, he quite enjoyed looking after you.

You blushed and opened up for him gladly, who were you to argue? Your main had appeared from thin air and was doting over you on his own accord without hesitation, it was a literal dream come true.

Once he was done feeding you he set the dish down letting the dragons have the remnants, he wasn’t planning to but the guilt trip they were pulling gave him little choice. They both pounced on it in a comical manner making you giggle, it was music to Hanzos ears, you had a beautiful laugh.

He leaned in closer seeing your wound had closed over, while it was still bruised it looked almost completely healed... he smiled and gently took your hands in his. “I think you’ll be alright to get up now.” He whispered as he gazed into your eyes. You blushed and nodded cutely up at him, “th-Thank you.” You said shyly.

It wasn’t hard for him to help you up, though he did hold you a little longer than expected out of fear you’d faint or get dizzy but amazingly you were fine. You looked up at him before awkwardly fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. “Can I?... st-” he cut you off by picking you up to put you back into bed. “No,” he said sternly. “Okay! Okay! Can I have a shower then p-please?” You blushed up at him.

He thought for a moment before nodding. “Okay but first... is... there a store nearby here?” He asked. The question confused you but you answered anyway, “yeah... why?” You blinked. “I’ll need to get some more disinfectant for your wound... and my own ones for that matter too. The med packs are only designed for one use until a medic can find you.” He sighed, “plus I need to get some new clothes if I’m going to be here for a while, and I don’t have enough ingredients to make dinner...”

“ohhh I see.” You smile. “There’s one a short walk from here but...” you looked down worriedly. He placed his hands on your shoulders and smiled. “Go have a shower and get dressed, you can come with me... I can’t exactly leave you unsupervised and I don’t trust those two on their own.” He chuckled making the dragons pout. Your heart fluttered slightly, while the idea of going outside terrified you, the idea of being alone was even worse, plus... You felt safe with Hanzo... he’d keep you safe...

You nodded and smiled up at him, “okay!” You chirp before shuffling to one of the packing boxes and pulling out some clothes before heading ro the shower. After clicking the door shut you blinked seeing Hanzos armour folded neatly on the vanity, he vest cut up, the chest plate cracked... why didn’t he gave any boots or... where were his grieves?... was he still wearing them?... why?...

...

After a quick shower you applied a little makeup to look less like a corpse before doing your hair up in a messy bun and getting dressed. A simple but cute look. You stepped into the living room in time to see Hanzo absorbing the dragons back into his tattoo. They both spiralled around his arm returning to their places in the inkwork masterpiece. He turned his gaze and smiled seeing you. “Ready?” He asked. You nodded and walked to his side jumping a little in surprise as his firm hand slid around your waist, “if you get tired or feel any unpleasantness let me know...” he whispered.

You felt your heart beat a mile a minute as he pulled you closer, holding you so gently, so protectively... you felt so safe, you nodded and looked up at him shyly, “I will.” You smile sheepishly. He looked down at you and smiled before seeing your feet. “You can’t go out barefoot...” he says sitting you down at the dining table before fetching you some sneakers. He kneeled down and you heard the soft hiss and click of the pressure locks on his legs... were... they just grieves?...

He took his time sliding the socks onto your feet, he couldn’t resist sliding his hand up your delicate legs as he did so, the bold action made you shiver in delight... He slid your shoes on and tied them in an unusual but pretty criss cross bow before helping you back up. “There.” He smiled.

“I-i could have worn sandals.” You blushed. “They’re not the best shoes for walking... though granted I haven’t had to wear them for a long time.” He sighed slightly as he took your hand in his. “Let’s go.” He smiled glancing at you as he lead the way. ‘-what did he mean by that?...-’ you thought before following after him obediently.

...

The walk to the store was pleasant though it did take some coaxing on Hanzos part to get you further than the street corner. When the archer offered to carry you instead you gladly accepted. He lifted you onto his back with no trouble though the way his knees buckled slightly caused you worry. He didn’t seem bothered though so you tried to ignore it as best you could, but it made you feel guilty nevertheless... He was hurt and hiding it for your sake...

You couldn’t help but feel slightly embarrassed as he sat you in the cart and proceeded to push you around the store like that, “comfy?” He asked as he looked for a decent loaf of bread. “E-everyone’s staring.” You whisper. He looked at you and smiled, “Aren’t people allowed to look at beautiful things?” He paused realising he’d said that outloud.

The two of you stared at each other in awkward silence before you reached over and grabbed a loaf of bread to hide your reddening face. He couldn’t help but chuckle, he plucked it from your grip and replaced it with a better brand, “well, I’m not lying.” He smiled swallowing his fear as he proceeded to push you along.

You looked up at him stunned before throwing the loaf of bread at him. His hand swung up faster than anything you’d ever seen catching it with ease, he looked at you and winked. Your heart almost exploded. You hid your face and squealed intangibly. He shook his head unable to contain the grin spreading across his face.

After grabbing a few more things including some snacks you liked he pushed you through the checkout and paid. The girl behind the counter looked so envious of you, thinking Hanzo was your boyfriend by the way you two were behaving.

It wasn’t until you two left the store you realised the archer had paid for your groceries. “H-hey wait a minute! How much was all that?!” You blurt out as he hooked the bags over his shoulder and lifted you from the cart, “Not much why?” He said taking your hand and walking towards a clothing store across the street. “S-so I can pay you back! You didn’t have t-” your words died in your throat as he turned on his heel and planted a gentle kiss to your forehead. “That’s enough. Help me pick out some clothes, or I’ll have no choice but to go naked.” He winked playfully before leading you inside.

You didn’t know how to respond, your face was bright red, it felt like it was on fire. Did this mean he wanted you? Wanted to be yours? Did he do it just to shut you up? Had he been flirting with you this whole time? You could only manage a meek little whimper in response as you followed him into the store.

...

It was pleasant inside the little shop. You’d never been in here before but it was nice, the clothes were mostly band tees or alternative styles, you were surprised with how quickly Hanzo chose what he wanted. He knew what fit him and what he liked and stuck with it.

You sat patiently on one of the sofas they had for customers to rest on and waited. The music was nice, the atmosphere was peaceful. Part of you had begun to feel silly for letting fear keep you from the outside world until.... you looked out the window... You saw a hooded figure standing across the street with their phone raised in your direction. You felt panic begin to rise within your chest, they were the right height but you couldn’t see their face, maybe it was someone else? It had to be! Maybe they were taking a selfie? Or a photo of the street for Instagram? There had to be an explanation.

“Y/n?...” Hanzos deep voice cut through the anxiety clouding your mind. You jumped realising he was holding you now... you looked back out the window to see the man was gone... “y/n...” he said again making you look at him. The dragons were snarling and roaring within his mind... “I saw him too....” he whispered and your blood ran cold...

You don’t remember the walk back, you spent it clinging onto the archer for dear life sobbing uncontrollably until you reached home. As soon as you were inside he dropped everything and hugged you tightly to his chest. “Breathe now....” he whispered. “Tell me 5 things you can see....” he said as he began to ground you...

“Th-the” you hiccuped out as he carried you to the sofa, he laid down and held you close letting you rest against him, “take your time.” He crooned. “The tv... the groceries, the kitchen, the table, y-... you” you whispered. He nodded, “now 5 things you can hear.” He said as the dragons suddenly emerged from his arm, they instantly flocked to you sensing your distress.

“I can hear... the t-traffic outside, the dragons, they make very cute sounds...” you sigh and cuddle them close as your breathing steadied, they licked at your cheeks cleaning up your tears before gagging as they tasted your makeup. “Sorry guys.” You whisper patting them. “Anything else? It doesn’t have to be 5.” Hanzo whispered. “...your heartbeat... it’s so... soothing.” You hummed as you finally calmed down.

He smiled and leaned down kissing your hair before realising... the wound was gone... He blinked looking at the small scar before chuckling slightly, “I knew the dragons had healing powers but... They never fully worked on me. It seems on you though, they tried their hardest to help you.” He sighed with relief, “your wound is all better now.”

You looked up at him confused before feeling your scalp. It was gone... you turned your attention to the dragons who were still looking at you with such worry in their eyes... you hugged them both tightly and smiled. “Thank you guys.”

“Welcome... you’re welcome.. happy? Happy? Safe....” they hummed. You blinked. “They can talk?” You asked. Hanzos eyes nearly popped out of his head in shock, “you can hear them?!” He said looking at them as they rolled over displaying their bellies for tummy rubs of which you gladly supplied. “Yeah... I mean... I think?” You said patting them, “in my head?” You say looking back at him.

He looked at the dragons who nodded at him approvingly... he gently placed his hand on your chest. “In your soul... Theyre spirits after all... they can not communicate the same as you and I would... for... whatever reason they’ve deemed you worthy of hearing them.” He whispered...

You blushed gently placing your hand on his trying to keep your heartbeat steady and failing. “Hanzo...” you whispered. He looked at you so fondly, “yes y/n?..” he whispered. “Do you?... like me?... is that why I can hear the-” you froze as he pressed his lips to your forehead again, “does that answer your question?...” he sighed, “I’m sorry if I’m too forward I...” he paused as you pecked him on the cheek in response.

His face went bright red and he cleared his throat looking away suddenly very shy. Displays of affection were uncommon for him, and he honestly was expecting you to reject him. He definitely wasn’t prepared for you to return his affections... “does... this mean?” He asked sheepishly. You nodded and smiled slightly, “yeah, if... if you want me I mean...” you hid your face in his chest, “I-I’ve been crushing on you for so long and I I’d really like to be yours!!” You squeal your words slightly muffled by his shirt.

He blinked and smiled looking at you then the dragons who both nodded eagerly for him to seal the deal... he gently lifted your chin and locked his eyes with yours, “in that case...” he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. Your breath hitched in your throat and your eyes fluttered shut leaning into the kiss... He pulled away after a moment and smiled, “Will you be mine?...” he asked shyly. You nodded maybe a little too eagerly in response. He smiled and pressed his lips back to yours in another chaste kiss.

The two of you stayed like that for a moment, his strong hands pulling you flush against his body and your soft lips nibbling playfully at his wanting further purchase of his mouth. He smiled pulling away softly as his brow furrowed, a number of burning questions in his mind forming on his tongue. “Now then... before we continue any further.” He sighed. “I need to know... who is that man?.. why are you so afraid of leaving your home?... and why did he set you off?...” he frowned.

The colour drained from your cheeks slightly and you buried your face into his neck... “he... I don’t know if it was him... it can’t be... I moved so far away, I was so careful... the police promised he’d never find me...” you whimpered.

“Y/n...” Hanzo whispered lifting your chin to face him, “answer me... please... I promise if he’s a threat to you I’ll protect you..” he said looking into your eyes. You stared up at him before letting out a shaky sob.. “remember how I told you I was a streamer?... well.. I... I have a lot of fans...”

...

It was sunset by the time you were done recounting your story to him, he held you tight through all of it, he listened intently to each word and dried your eyes as you cried. He couldn’t bring himself to mention his previous encounters, that’d only upset you further... Instead he resolved himself to comforting you with intent on telling you later...

The two of you lay there with the dragons snuggled beside you. Hanzo gently ran his fingers through your hair, smiling tiredly at you as he did so, the battle, the long night, and the even longer day were clearly taking their affect on him but he was determined to stay awake for you. “Would you like to help me cook dinner?” He asked stifling a yawn. You nodded and hummed in response before getting up.

The dragons both slid off the couch after you stretching before waiting for their master... Hanzo stood and as soon as he did his knees buckled in pain. He managed to grab the coffee table saving himself in time from hitting the floor. “H-hanzo?!” You gasped grabbing hold of him as he stood up right. “I...I’m fine.” He grimaced, “just... a little more sore than I was expecting...” he sighed.

You looked up at him seeing the pain in his eyes... “but..” you tried to press him further but he simply patted your hair and walked to the groceries... or rather... limped to them... how long had he been limping for?... You frowned and followed after him stepping between him and the fridge as he tried to put the groceries away. “L-let me see your leg!” You demanded. You weren’t expecting his face to go so pale at that question...

“No... I told you.. I’m fine..” he sighed before lifting you out of the way but not before planting a kiss on your forehead. You frowned getting upset that he wouldn’t let you help him. “I told you not to be dumb!!” You suddenly shouted making him freeze and look at you. “I-I told you, you shouldn’t push peoples concern away when you’re hurt... and you are hurt aren’t you! That’s why you’re limping!! Please let me help you!” You scream as you began to tear up...

He looked at you for a moment before proceeding to put the last of the groceries away... He frowned glancing at you again before walking to the kitchen table and pulling out a chair to sit down so he could face you. “I suppose... if were to be in a relationship I shouldn’t hide this from you... no matter how much the memory alone hurts me.” He sighed as he sat.

You looked at him confused as he pulled up his trousers over his knee revealing his leg... Youd always thought they were grieves, everyone did, everyone in the Overwatch community was told he just had dainty ankles, that he was designed that way... Your eyes widened as he clicked the pressure lock release. A click, a hiss of steam, and the limb literally dropped off revealing a stump... covered in dried blood...

He frowned looking at it, “I left them on too long again.” He sighed, “the skin gets irritated after a while with all the friction and movement... and.., if I leave it on too long, it’ll ble-” he froze as you suddenly placed a wet cloth over the stump... The haori fabric you’d been so worried about damaging... The skin needed something soft and smooth... To hell with the cost, he needed it..

The archer sat there in stunned silence as you cleaned the dried blood away before applying moisturiser to the inflamed skin. You clicked off the other leg without warning and he grabbed hold of the limb clicking it back on, “NO!!” He shouted a lot louder than he’d intended... “please no...” he whimpered meekly looking away from you... you jumped a little in fright but you obviously felt no where near as frightened as the archer did... You carefully put the other leg back onto him clicking it back into place before climbing into his lap and cuddling him... “I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to scare you...” you whispered.

He sighed and pulled you closer hiding his face into your neck, “i...I just..” he forced out a shaky breath, “I hate how vunerable I feel without them...” he whispered. “I understand... it’s... like how I feel right?... the fear you’ll be caught unawares by someone after you?...” you cooed as you untied the ribbon holding his hair so you could run your fingers through it. He nodded slightly. “Exactly like that...” he frowned. “I’m sorry I... I had no right to raise my voice at you blossom.”

You blushed at the sweet little pet name and smiled hugging him tighter, “its okay.., I should have asked, I only wanted to check it.. I promise.” You hummed. He nodded, “I know you did I... I...” he croaked. “It just scared me is all...” he whispered. You smiled patting his hair, you’d only ever seen Hanzo displayed as this cold hearted warrior, to see him so vunerable and fragile like this... it made your heart both melt and ache at the same time. “Let’s cook dinner okay?.. then...” you paused and blushed. “We can shower.. together... and I I can repay you for looking after me by... looking after you.” You smiled shyly.

He sat back and looked at you surprised, “I... what? Are you serious I mean.. I-I’m not complaining I but-” he stammered now very flustered. You giggled and kissed his forehead again before standing back up, “will... you be okay to stand?” You asked with worry in your voice. He nodded and grunted as he stood up, you frowned hugging him tightly in an attempt to support his weight though even if you weren’t so skinny it wouldn’t have done much. He smiled and hugged you back, “I’m alright... now... give me back my hair tie so I can see.”

You looked up at him and started laughing seeing his hair was covering his eyes, “here lemme fix it.” You giggled reaching up to tie his hair out of the way.

...

The evening carried on at a pleasant pace, the two of you made dinner, Hanzo both impressed and terrified you with how fast he could chop vegetables, and he amazed you with how good of a cook he was when he had a wider variety of ingredients to work with.

You both ate and conversed all the while feeding bite sized pieces to the dragons as they begged for your food. Occasionally Hanzo would feed you a bit of his, and in turn youd give him some of yours though he was intentionally ‘missing’ your mouth so he’d have an excuse to lick it off~

He insisted on doing the dishes despite your arguments. It resulted in him sitting you on the bench by the sink and giving you the title of supervisor, he proceeded to clean up while you got to sit and relax, pouting that he’d gotten his way.

Once he was done he turned to you and smiled lifting you from the counter and into his arms. He looked so nervous... “ready for that shower?...” he whispered. You nodded and smiled, “I promise I’ll be kind...” you hummed. He chuckled slightly and nodded, “thank you blossom...” he smiled kissing your chin before carrying you to the shower. He placed you on the vanity and continued to nibble at your neck as his deft hands slid your shorts and panties down in one go.

“H-hanzo..” you gasped shaking slightly, how long had it been since you’d had this? Anything like this? He looked at you curiously, a hint of worry in his eyes. “Too fast?...” he whispered. You shook your head as a deep blush coated your cheeks, “n-no I... I just... I’m nervous.” You whisper. He smiled and planted another gentle kiss to your lips, always so gentle, “don’t worry, I am too...” he sighed.

You looked at him and smiled sheepishly before gently tugging at his shirt wanting to take it off. He smiled and lifted his arms helping you slide it over his broad shoulders revealing his well toned torso to you. You’d already seen it before, plenty of times if you counted him in the video game! Why did it feel so different now?... You looked away shyly and he hummed turning your chin back to face him as he tensed and flexed his muscles for you a little. “Oh gosh.” You say feeling like your face was on fire.

He chuckled and gently placed his hands on your sides sliding them up and slowly lifting your shirt over your head before dropping it to the floor and admiring your body now only dressed in a cute lacy bra. “Still so thin... don’t worry koneko-chan, we’ll get you better in no time.” He smiled before making short work of the clasps and removing the delicate garment leaving you exposed all for his viewing pleasure.

You shyly hid your face in his chest, “h-hanzo...” you whispered timidly. He practically purred in response as he lifted you into his arms, “yes?” He paused feeling you tugging on the waistband of his trousers, “eager are we?” He teased playfully before untying the ribbon letting them fall to his ankles... he sighed and set you in the shower, you could see the anxiety forming within him as his body grew more and more tense... He stepped into the shower and sat down before removing his legs and setting them out, you’d never imagined you’d see him like this, so vunerable...

A gentle smile crept onto your lips as you turned the steamy water on, you sat down between his thighs and began to help him bathe, “I think you’re still handsome.” You coo. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t curious what happened to him but... Right now it was best not to pry.

He smiled and gently pulled you closer as he rested his head against the wall, “Thank you blossom...” he sighed closing his eyes as you began to wash his hair, “I can do that myself kitten.” He hummed. “And I could feed myself but you did that for me.” You chirped. He snickered in response, “touché.” He smiled.

Up this close you could see how tired he really was, his eyes looked heavy with sleep and his tense muscles were growing more and more relaxed by the second. His strong hands suddenly slid up your back as he began to bathe you too, he blinked as you gently grabbed his wrists stopping him. “N-no... y-you can wait until I’m done looking after you!” You pouted. He blinked before laughing softly and sitting still once more, “very well.” He sighed.

You smiled triumphantly and continued to clean him being mindful of his wounds, though you had to admit you were getting very distracted by the archers muscles... and as your eyes drifted down his torso and beyond you froze seeing the heat he’d been packing, he was slightly longer than average but, thick... he was so thick. Your face went bright red and you looked up to see him looking at you with a playful smirk and a raised eyebrow, “took you that long to notice? I’m hurt~” he snickered.

“I! I! I didn’t mean I! I’m sorry! I wha?!” You stammered out and covered your face now extremely flustered. He smiled taking your delicate wrists and removing your hands from your face, “I think it’s my turn to wash you now don’t you think?” He whispered. You nodded shyly closing your eyes, “o-oka-....” you paused hearing chirping and whimpering...

The two of you looked up to see the dragons trying to climb over the lip of the shower screen, behaving like pets worried their owners were drowning. “Oh stop it you pair we’re fine!” Hanzo groaned. You laughed as they slid down into the water before panicking as they tried to get out.

...

After managing to wrangle the worried noodles out of the bath you finished bathing and helped Hanzo reattach his legs but not before applying some of your moisturiser to the inflamed skin. After helping him reapply the patches to his wounds the two of you spent a good 30 minutes just standing and holding each other in a fluffy towel, no talking, no worries, the whole world melted away and it was just the pair of you.

Changing the bedsheets was an interesting endeavour with the dragons snaking their way under the blankets every 5 seconds. No matter how annoyed Hanzo seemed to get with them they refused to listen, only because they loved making you laugh.

Eventually though, the pair of you got settled beneath the sheets, your head resting against his chest, and the dragons curled up inbetween your legs. You’d managed to convince the archer to keep his prosthetics off for the night. He was hesitant but agreed nonetheless, he set them close by in case... right next to his stormbow. Old habits die hard...

He held you close smiling as he felt your heartbeat against his body, “I certainly wasn’t expecting this when I boarded the dropship for that mission... but I’m not complaining.” He yawned as he rubbed your back. You hummed in response as your eyelids grew heavy, it was a long day and you were both exhausted, granted the archer was probably struggling to stay awake more than you right about now.

You leaned up and kissed his chin as you closed your eyes, “I’d never even thought it possible and yet my wildest dream came true.” You whispered. He laughed softly and nuzzled your hair loving the scent of your strawberry shampoo, “I’ve been called many things in my life, that’s definitely a new one to add to the list.” He whispered. You giggled and yawned in response, “mhm~”

He smiled down at you before kissing your hair where the little scar remained, “goodnight blossom...” he whispered, “night...night... Hanzo...” you yawned as you drifted off. He gently patted your hair before flicking off the lamp and snuggling up with you for a well deserved rest...

...

‘-...Bad....Man...’

‘...Bad...Man....Outside...Outside...’

‘Danger.... kill...Kill...KILL!!’

Hanzo woke with a start and frantically looked around the room, it was early in the morning and the sun had yet to rise... He rubbed his eyes tiredly seeing the dragons both guarding the bed and staring at the hallway with teeth bared into vicious snarls... He looked to his side and paused seeing you there... sleeping so serenely... He’d never let anyone terrorise you again... The cause of your anxieties and fear ended now...

He planted a soft kiss to your cheek before clicking on his legs and grabbing his bow and quiver... He looked at the dragons who stared back at him awaiting a command... he nodded and they both faded back into his tattoo to guide him.

The apartment was dark but there was a faint glimmer of moonlight shining in from the windows... and the now very open balcony door. The archer had always been a master at hiding in the shadows. He’d taken down countless targets under the cover of night, murderers, rapists, human traffickers, and drug running kingpins... But none had made his blood boil as much as this creep, dragons were extremely protective entities, and this monster had harmed his princess...

He knelt down and allowed his eyes to adjust to the space scanning for any movement... He saw a figure creeping out of the laundry and into the living room holding something... your underwear... The archer drew an arrow and knocked it into his bow, he intentionally made a sound doing so... He wanted to play with this rat...

The hooded figure jumped slightly and looked around for the source of the noise... He stuffed your panties into his pocket and began creeping towards the hall clearly not seeing the number of boxes you’d left stacked in the way. He tripped and staggered forward landing on his face with a loud thud. “Ugh fuck!” He blurted out. He clearly wasn’t afraid about getting caught, he was parading around like he owned this place.

He stood up and groaned before kicking the box over scattering its contents out, it clattered loudly and from down the hall Hanzo heard you stir... he had to protect you, he had to keep you safe. He backed up down the hall, slowly standing upright as he did so. The silicone padding on the bottom of his feet allowed him to move silently. But right now, silence was not what he wanted, he wanted to lure him closer, he wanted to be sure there was no chance of him escaping.

The archer tapped the toe of his prosthetic against the hardwood floor making your stalker turn his attention to the hall, “y/n?... is that you my love?” He called out approaching slowly.

‘-closer... just a little closer...-’ Hanzo thought as he drew back is arrow taking aim. “Babe?...” your sweet soft voice sounded from the bedroom and the creeps eyes seemingly glistened from under the hood as he started rushing down the hall towards your room, “yes my love! It’s me! I’m here! I-”

He froze seeing a brilliant blue light glimmer from the darkness and a war cry that echoed like the thunder of a raging storm assaulted his ears. Hanzo stared him down and released the dragons.... “ryuuga wagateki wo KURAU!!!”

...

As you stepped out of the bedroom you immediately staggered back in as a blinding blue light flashed through the darkened corridor and the screaming of a man mingled with the howling roars of two great beasts...

After another moment it was completely silent, and a light turned on in the kitchen. You rushed out to see Hanzo having a glass of water, the dragons both lounging on the counter looking pleased with themselves. The balcony door was closed, and the box neatly packed back up. The archer glanced at you and smiled adoringly, “did I wake you blossom?” He asked.

“Wh-What happened?” You whimpered rushing into his arms. “Nothing to worry about blossom...” he crooned hugging you close. “Just took care of an unwanted pest... Go back to bed I’ll be right there in a moment.” He hummed. You looked up at him confused then at the dragons as suddenly mochi started heaving. After a few seconds she spat out your underwear... And a cellphone...

You picked it up and shook it to get the dragon drool off of it before freezing as you saw the phone screen... A photo of you sitting in a clothing store... taken from outside... across a street... you dropped the phone before looking up at hanzo. The archer looked at you sheepishly as if he was afraid he’d upset you, or that you’d hate him for what he’d done.

You smiled as tears pooled in your eyes... A weight rose up from your shoulders and the air felt so crisp in your lungs as in that moment you felt like you could finally breathe. You couldn’t contain your emotions any longer and you started to sob openly, free, you were finally free from this nightmare. “Y/n d-dont cry, I’m s-” Hanzo tried to apologise thinking you were upset, you hugged him tightly cutting him off mid sentence. “Thank you...” you cried nuzzling into his chest.

He stood there confused beyond words. He looked at the dragons who both tilted their heads towards you. He smiled and hugged you back lifting you into his arms. “It’ll be okay now...” he whispered as he carried you back to bed. He pulled back the covers and rested you in the plush bedding planting a loving kiss to your lips as he dried your tears, “Shh now, no more crying.” He whispered as he huddled over you to pepper your cheeks with kisses.

You’d never expected him to be such a passionate or affectionate man, and yet here he was comforting you with innocent and loving kisses, it was so strange but so lovely to see this hardened assassin you once thought you’d only ever see on a screen be so soft and gentle. And all for you. “H-Hanzo...” you hiccuped as you tried to settle down.

The archer just smiled and pressed his forehead to yours, “Shh take your time. Breathe now.” He cooed softly, you nodded slightly looking up into his eyes. “Thank you...”

...

A couple weeks passed by, when the topic of staying or returning with Hanzo was brought up it wasn’t a difficult decision for you. You wanted to be with him, and you’d get to live with him in a world you’d only ever dreamed of living in. Plus, you didn’t really have to pack anything given you never really unpacked to begin with.

In the short time period together your relationship with the archer had flourished, he made a habit of taking you out of the house each day, and each day he’d take you somewhere different, somewhere further from the safety net of your home. Although your stalker was gone the fear he’d instilled within you lingered, itd be a while before you would be better, but that was okay. In both your mental and physical health Hanzo swore to be at your side each step of the way.

Your streams had become less frequent as you explained to your followers you were moving again and would be gone for a while, you hoped they’d just forget about you and move on... life’s more interesting with mystery and so forth.

Despite your best efforts in trying to explain away that fateful night to your followers all of your livechats were filled with comments about the ‘strange man’ whose resemblance with ‘the real’ Hanzo was uncanny. You’d initially tried to say he was a friend not wanting to reveal too much of your now unbelievable personal life. That flew out the window during a gaming stream when the archer casually walked in and hugged you from behind in only a towel.

Hanzo found it nearly impossible to keep his hands off of you, he’d never loved anyone as much as he did you. Each time he looked at you he couldn’t help but smile, and in only a few days you’d brought him out of the prickly shell he’d surrounded himself in for so long.

You made it your life’s mission to make him laugh at any opportunity after you made him literally snort and cry from laughing at a silly joke. You made him so happy in ways you’d never fully know, and if only he knew just how much you loved him, how greatful you were for him.

...

You yawned and stretched as you woke, it was morning.. and the spot next to you was mysteriously empty... but you knew where your dragon man was.

Sure enough after a moment the door creaked open to the dragons scampering in and jumping onto the bed for snuggles. And Hanzo followed them in holding breakfast.

You smiled and hummed drinking him in with your eyes, he was a vision in the morning light, his long black hair draped elegantly over his shoulder, his bare chest exposed, and the only thing covering him were a loose pair of sweats. “Good morning my darling blossom.” He smiled walking to you.

“Mmmorning love~” you hummed as he set the plates down on the bedside table, “it smells nice, did you sleep well?” You asked as he helped you sit up, you were a lot healthier now but it had become pretty clear by now that he enjoyed pampering you, his beloved deserved only the best after all.

“Mhm.” He smiled looking at the food before looking at you with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “I think I want a snack before breakfast.” He purred lowly. You blushed and rubbed your eyes in an adorable fashion, “oh? But won’t that spoil your appetite?~” you giggled and without warning he pounced pinning you into the pillows and nibbling at your lips with hungry passionate kisses that stole your breath away and left your lips pink and swollen.

His hands began to trace under your shirt as you clawed at his back, he was a beast in bed, and you loved how wild he could get in the throws of passion. He began to slide off your pyjama shorts when suddenly-

‘-Teleporter online, I have opened the path-‘

You both turned your attention to the wall next to the bed as a huge portal opened and a tall and very familiar woman entered. Symmetra, “Hanz-Oh my.” She paused looking at you two, “pardon my intrusion I’ll come b-” she was cut off as another familiar face stepped through..

“Anija!!.... OHHHH MY GOOOOOD!!!!” Genji screamed before bursting into a fit of excitedly happy laughter. “YOU FINALLY GOT LAID!” He cackled. Hanzo grabbed one of the plates and threw it at him red faced with either embarrassment or anger. Either way you couldn’t help but giggle.

It didn’t take long to get your stuff through the gateway, immediately d.Va was all over you begging you to let her hook you up as a streamer. Genji was swift to jump in and get to know you as well, he couldn’t keep from teasing his older brother about when you two would be getting married. It took Mccree having to carry him away to get him to stop.

You took one last walk through your empty apartment before sighing as you spared a final thought for your old life and the journey ahead. You smiled feeling an ever present hand wrap itself in yours. You looked up and smiled as Hanzo smiled back, “ready?” He asked squeezing your hand slightly. You squeezed back and nodded, “ready.” You hum. He nodded and picked you up holding you tight and kissing you gentle as he carried you through the gateway...

The only thing you left behind was a bag of trash in the bin, and in it... the bloodied remnants of an unfinished haori... and a cellphone...

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

watched s11ep1

i will provide you with a quick review before i disappear back into the ether of twd avoidance

lots of spoilers under the cut. also i wrote way too much and i worked all night and haven’t slept so i didn’t bother to reread literally any of it, so it might be completely nonsensical, tho if you don’t expect that from me by this point idk whose blog you’ve been reading

enjoy:

hokay, first off, i’ll start by saying that i enjoyed it more than i expected to. i’ve been avoiding any sort of discussion about stuff, but my google algorithm is so fucked at this point that i still get recommended articles and stuff every now and then, so i was already pretty aware of what i was walking into, and was expecting it to be eh, but actually i prob enjoyed it more than i enjoyed the finale

(don’t get too excited tho, the finale was rly boring lmfao)

anyway

episode starts off with a tense scouting mission

it takes .005 seconds into the episode for caryl to exchange a look of longing, establishing that they are still having weird conflict and are both too fucking stubborn to do anything about it even tho they hate it desperately

i imagine that will continue for a while

rosita, kelly, carol, maggie, what’s her face with the bad hair, and lydia (i think that’s everyone?) lower down to some army bunker or something, where a bunch of walkers are taking a snooze, and the girls are very respectful of walker naptime, and do their best not to wake them up

obviously they eventually wake up, but i’ll get to that in a sec

as they’re tiptoeing through the walker tulips, there’s this split second where carol spots a machine gun, and looks at maggie with a face like, “can i plzzzz, i am mad horny for that machine gun,” but maggie tells her no. (i 110% expected her to defy orders and accidentally wake up all the walkers, but she actually behaved herself for once. well. mostly)

never fear, tho, after the girl gang collects a bunch of MREs they go back to wait for the dudes waiting up top to pull them up, and bc men ruin everything, one of the ropes break, and daryl catches it before it falls, but then a slow motion drop of blood falls on a walker’s face, and just like that, walker naptime is over, and carol uses her bow and arrow for two seconds before she is like “fuck this” and whips out the machine gun

yes, she is super hot using it

yes, daryl watches her do it

anyway, all the other girls get rescued, and carol is about to be pulled up, but bc she is a #girlboss, she first makes a beeline for one more crate full of MREs. daryl covers her while she gets the loot, and when she gets back up top they have another charged moment as carol hands him back his knife

just fuck already, jfc

titles!

cut to alexandria where everything is still not smilestimes

BUT, we do get to see uncle daryl run and hug rj and judith (and dog), and FUCKING HERSHEL JR, LIGHT OF MY LIFE is also there

istg, they could not have casted a better child, i a d o r e him

oh, and some friends of maggie’s show up too, idk

cut to a staff meeting where everyone is like, whomp whomp, we’re all gonna starve to death unless we figure out something quick

cue maggie going, “oh, i know where food is, but it requires me to tell you my tragic backstory, in case anyone didn’t watch my bottle episode”

she tells her dramatic backstory about all her friends getting slaughtered by the reapers for no apparent reason, and then she’s like “anyway, let’s go back there!”

no one thinks it’s a great idea, but a group of people decide to go anyway, including daryl and gabriel. rosita is super pissed that gabriel is going, and carol doesn’t go, probably partly bc it’s a shitty fucking idea, and also bc they have to keep caryl apart bc otherwise they’ll fix their problems ahead of schedule and they won’t be able to drag out the needless angst

daryl looks kind of annoyed that carol doesn’t volunteer to go 

bitch, i thought you wanted her to stop putting herself in the line of fire! make up your damn mind!

moving on

cut to a thunderstorm, where, if you look closely, you’ll notice daryl is wearing the STUPIDEST hat i’ve ever seen. just get an umbrella, jfc

for some reason negan is with them, bc ig he knows his way around washington dc, and no one in six years has bothered to figure out how to get around the city and/or get a map, and he is like “hey guys, maybe we shouldn’t try to walk in this fucking hurricane,” and everyone is like “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” 

this will be a common occurrence 

but eventually daryl is even like “actually, it’s rly unpleasant out here, and my hat is mad stupid, can we go inside plz?”

so they go inside an old metro station, which is actually a rly cool cinematic choice. i rly like the idea, and they executed it rly well

speaking of executions

there are some fucking RULL CREEPY walkers. idk why they bothered me so badly, but they were what they at first assumed were corpses wrapped up in tarps, but turns out none of them had been properly put down, so they go through killing these rotted bodies that had supposedly been there since The Fall, and it’s very gross and cool

this entire time, btw, negan is like “hey, i know i’m a shitty person, but i have some rational arguments about why we shouldn’t be doing this right now,” and everyone is like, “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” and he’s just like “god fucking damnit”

(i forgot to mention that at one point, when they’re headed into the metro station, negan is trying to warn ppl of the potential danger, and everyone is ignoring him, and he tries to talk to daryl, and daryl is like “fuck you, you think we’re BUDDIES?” and negan is like “oh, ok, so you’re gonna be like that too? fanfreakingtastic” and it’s very funny)

anyway. a fat monster zombie escapes its tarp at one point, and tries to eat some npc, and negan saves him, again is like “hey, anyone else realize that this is a FUCKING BAD PLAN?”, and everyone is like “we don’t care, you’re still shitty and we’re not listening to you, and you don’t actually care about random npc i would literally not be able to pick out in a lineup bc his face is so generic, you’re not the boss of us!!!”

it’s at this point that negan finally is like, “why am i even here? bc i know how to get around washington dc? do none of you have a map?” and i was like, “right?! that’s what i said!” 

it’s then revealed that maggie only brought negan along to murder him under the guise of “oops, he got hurt in the line of duty, it wasn’t my fault,” and daryl has this look on his face that says, “i seriously need to stop hanging out with lethal women bent on revenge bc it’s gonna give me high blood pressure,” and maggie has a badass moment where she points a gun she has for some reason at negan and is like “i have like, one shred of human compassion left inside of me, and if you keep pushing me i will fucking kill you without a second thought, so shut the hell up”

(in her defense, negan had just dropped glenn’s name to purposely antagonize her, which was rude as hell)

(for the record, i’m completely on maggie’s side here, but negan still is right that trapping themselves in a metro station is a bad call)

anyway, moving away from that briefly

i think this jump cut happens sooner, i don’t actually remember, but whatever who cares, point is, we get to the part of the show that actually matters, and that’s anything involving my love, juanita “princess” sanchez

and also eugene, yumiko, and ezekiel

they are being asked increasingly invasive questions by commonwealth ppl, some of which i wish they actually would of answered (what do they use to wipe their asses with?? surely toilet paper has long since become extinct)

zeke, who is so much more tolerable as a character now that he’s not larping as a king, has this incredibly weird and sort of sexually charged moment with a dude in an orange stormtrooper costume, where he’s like, “i bet you were an asshole cop back before The Fall, you stupid fascist, #fuckthepolice, mb literally? idk, this moment has a lot of pent up aggression that could easily translate to hate sex, it might just be the intense eye contact, but w/e, let’s just move along,” and then he has a coughing fit to remind the audience that he’s currently dying of cancer, and orange stormtrooper is like “lolz, loser, drink some water you dumb piece of shit”

cut to the wholesome foursome sitting at a picnic table in a guarded courtyard eating gruel, and yumkio, who finally has a personality, and princess are like “hey, this place fucking sucks, can we leave?” and zeke is like, “yeah, i met this orange stormtrooper who i think might be dtf and/or murder, so we should probably bounce”

but eugene is like, “but i want some hot stephanie ass, and also some bullshit excuse about how mb commonewealth will save alexandria” which, they left before things went super downhill, right? idr. it was after hilltop fell, but they don’t know alexandria got fucked either, if i recall? w/e, not important

two seconds after he says this, they talk to some people who are like “we’ve been here for four months, or maybe it’s been nine, i don’t actually remember, i’ve stopped processing the passage of time,” and the wholesome foursome takes this as a bad sign, tho that’s just the life i’ve lived as a night worker during a pandemic, so i was like #mood

but then they watch some guy get dragged away screaming to get “reprocessed” and eugene is like “ok, nvm, let’s bounce”

(my theory on what “reprocessing” is, is that they’re stuck in a room and have to watch hours and hours of customer service training videos on vhs from the 90s)

i definitely got my jump cut scenes mixed up bc i think the negan accusing maggie of a murder plot thing happened in between this scene and then the next commonwealth scene, but w/e, i’ll just finish what happens in the commonwealth arch

the wholesome foursome are trying to hatch a plan to escape, except princess, my love, is distracted watching some stormtroopers flirt, and the other three are like “wtf, dude, how can you even tell any of them apart?” and princess then tells them every stormtroopers backstory bc she is brilliant and pays rly close attention to shit, and the other three are like, “this is useful information, thank you for being an insane person”

their plan involves yumiko and eugene dressing up as stormtroopers and leading princess and zeke out of the place, which works fine actually, except on their way out they come across the Depressing Wall of Probably Mostly Dead Missing Loved Ones

they’re about to leave, when princess is like, “wait, yumiko, you’re on here, that’s weird huh?”

sure enough, yumiko  is on the wall, with a note from ig her sister 

the scene ends with yumiko going, “guys...i can’t leave...i have tragic backstory to unveil”

tragic backstory to be continued ig

back in murder metro town, npc and some other npc have stolen all the supplies, there’s a train blocking the track, and a horde of walkers are coming towards them, so things are not going fantastic

they horde is too big to take down, so they start to climb on top of the train car to get away

but dog runs away!

and daryl, being every pet owner ever, is like “gotta go get my dog, guys, try not to get killed while i’m gone, c u soon!” and he ducks under the train and disappears

#priorities

the episode ends with maggie climbing up the train car but getting grabbed by a walker and dangling off the edge, and negan is there and they have a lion king moment where maggie is like, “scar! help me!” and negan is like “long live the king, bitch” and walks away into the shadows, leaving maggie to a potential death

which, while i know isn’t actually going to happen, would be a really fucking funny move on the writers’ part

like, “look, lauren’s back! and now she’s dead, bet you didn’t expect that!”

anyway

my assumption is negan will actually end up helping her up or something, continuing his ambiguous morality bullshit that actually isn’t ambiguous bc he BEAT GLENN TO DEATH WITH A FUCKING BAT WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE IN FRONT OF HIS PREGNANT WIFE

the maggie/negan arch is kind of dumb, but whatevs, i’ll tolerate it, as long as my boy glenn gets justice in the end

anyway, cue credits!

final assessment: good episode. i’m much more interested in commonwealth than the reapers, tho i am hoping that daryl’s personality-less ex turns out to be a monster killing machine with no conscience, that’ll be fun. princess is a gift from god. hershel jr needs his own tv show. needs more carol (and caryl)

the end! going back into my walking dead free chamber! see you next episode!

-diz

[princess-rosie]

So @pie-bean made a post about trying to invite Roscoe as a random camper, talking about how difficult the mechanic is to get them to replace someone you want, (here is the post) I was gonna just add some of my own thoughts but it got kinda…. Long. So to avoid derailing I thought I’d make my own!! Making these kinds of posts is kinda new for me buuuutt I call this

The Problem with New Horizons’ villager mechanics

So in new leaf it wasn’t even possible to invite a random camper when you already had the full 10 so i agree that this is an improvement!! But NH definitely falls short in a lot of ways in terms of annoying villager RNG. That said, the most dedicated players will always find a way around it and there’s little Nintendo can do, despite the fact that this is clearly not the way they want their game to be played

Resetting to get a camper to say someone specific is just one of those things that wasn’t intended, but technically is possible. similar to using NMT after NMT until you find a specific villager, especially with cats. Nintendo intended us to go through the dialogue, see the one villager the random camper wants to replace, assess the trade-off as it’s given to you then accept or decline. That in itself wouldn’t take too long, but it could come with losing a beloved villager or missing out on a dreamie because of this.

They intended you to use a few, maybe like 10 nook miles tickets that you’ve redeemed yourself, see who you meet and invite someone you like the vibe of. But there’s a good chance you can go for like 100 tickets without seeing someone you would even consider. Don’t even get me started on the mystery island RNG, god knows why they did it like that. If anyone’s unfamiliar with how all that works I can explain it to you but the gist is, some villager species are a lot rarer to find on NMT islands than others.

But the game doesn’t save during dialogue, so if you’ve got the time you’ll always be able to use a random camper to kick out whoever you want eventually, and get the final say on who stays and who goes. and if you have enough tickets you can time travel, keep a plot open and go to like 1000 or even more islands to find the specific cat you want. And if it’s possible without hacks, the majority of players are absolutely going to do it so they have more choice over their gameplay experience and can get their dreamies without paying real money for amiibo. Like if I hadn’t been so lucky with Raymond that one time I probably would’ve caved and tried to hunt for him eventually. Cats being so rare is actually one of the main factors that caused all the Raymond drama last year - so many players wanted him, no one could find him through tickets so they turned to trading sites. As we all know from the Raymond situation, people will do whatever it takes within the game, trading ridiculous amounts of bells/NMT to get the villager they want, even if it’s not at all how Nintendo wanted/predicted their game would be played.

I’m not even getting into the move-in queue here. I don’t know enough about it (I doubt anyone does tbh) to be able to talk about the issues surrounding it with enough confidence. It is definitely another problem though, so if you’re curious let me know and I can try and explain all that is known about the move-in queue that dictates who moves in when you autofill a plot.

Don’t get me wrong, this game did so many things right and took some amazing steps to being able to have more control over your town - I will constantly gush about how much I love it but it goes without saying that the mechanics and villager RNG work in less than convenient ways and need some improvement. But we have to cut Nintendo some slack because new horizons was so different than anything they’ve attempted before with an ac game- this is the first animal crossing game with villager hunting, swapping out villagers using random campers, literally having any control at all over your villager lineup without amiibo. Ultimately, although it may take a lot of patience, you decide who stays and who goes and that’s never really been a thing in a mainline AC game before. NH has introduced so much amazing stuff and I’m sure they’ll listen to our feedback and do even better with the mechanics next time. This is not meant to be an attack on Nintendo or anyone in the community, just my thoughts on the game and some of its mechanics

Thanks so much for reading this mini-essay of my thoughts!! I don’t normally do long posts like this but this definitely was fun to write!! I’d love to see the thoughts/experiences of other acnh players on this as well so please feel free to add on!!

[steve0discusses]

S5 Ep 3: Apdnarg is Really Hard to Spell

 Yo guys, people are getting vaccinated, the sun is parting through the clouds, and I felt so nice that I even stopped listening to quite so many throwback 00′s BTS mashups (and yet I keep clicking on these dissonant catastrophes thinking “this time it’s got to be better. This time they’ll figure it out.” and like, no. Turns out you can’t match Brittany’s Toxic with BTS’ Black Swan. You can’t do that.)

This must be a sign that things are getting better. If anything, it means my personal tastes are improving. I mean I only clicked on like 3 “Dark Academia” Playlists where I could pretend I’m some sort of spooky witch in an abandoned library with a bad music player and basic taste in classical music (like can we ban Satie from Youtube for a little while?). Hell, I might even do a prompt update to this blog!

Yeah, you heard me, I’m actually going to stay ahead of the update schedule for Yugioh Abridged (maybe. I haven’t actually watched cuz of spoilers, I just noticed the thumbnail pop up on Youtube and was like “Damn it, they came out of hiatus??? I got hurry UP.”)

Anyway, speaking of the sky parting.

I’ll have you know my bro said this is actually more like a circumcision and it was one of the worst thing I have ever heard.

We get a chance to take in this lineup of confusing and varied character designs, and Joey. who is...still Joey.

The animators probably had to hold a strike in order for them to put Yugi in the audience, lets be real. There are TOO MANY PEOPLE in this shot and one is wearing a turban where you draw every single wrap. I hope those artists charged by the line.

Tea has a subplot where she’s just very frustrated with everyone she knows. They have been traveling together for like many weeks and got trapped in a foreign country so I get it. But at the same time, it’s kind of hard to picture Tea with female friends.

Because right now you got this 12 year old child, the other duelist who does not care about anything besides cards, and Kaiba’s 3 dragon cards that we’ve all collectively decided are female.

Hell it’s almost like the writers are asking themselves why Tea is here. Maybe they forgot. There’s no more ghosts to bus, no more people to knock out with her ass with random Olympic feats. Tea’s just sidelining.

(read more under the cut)

Mokuba is a itty bit bit taller this season, and so I guess that means he can legally climb on top of the cherry picker in order to give a riveting speech.

Really says a lot about Mokuba that he is so unphased about talking to, I dunno...an entire planet of people. Kind of a shame we never see this courage from Mokuba used for anything other than talking really, really big and giving everyone around him a really hard time.

Mokuba takes a moment to dunk on Yugi Muto, as is Kaiba tradition.

And then introduce the first pair of duelists, which obviously must be between the few people in this tournament that we actually know and care about.

Thankfully, in between last episode and this episode, Yugi has figured out who his own Grandpa is. This is a relief, because Yugi is such a mess, that I was fully convinced it would take over half a season for him to recognize it. I mean how long did it take him to figure out he shares a body with a ghost? Like half a season?

Instead Yugi recovered gracefully from not recognizing his grandpa, but it’s not like he bothered to tell anyone else, so the rest of our cast is just gonna be like “Is he my hairdresser? The guy who delivers my mail? Who is this guy who made absolutely no significant changes to his outfit or voice?”

Like sometimes this show goes full Spongebob silly kid’s show and you never know when to take it seriously or not. They might be sacrificing the entire cast next episode. I really don’t know. But for now their big concern is who is grandpa??? Like an innocent card version of “Are you my Mother?”

Faced with public speaking, Yugi decides to have a melt down.

We have seen him face monsters, we’ve seen him on TV dozens of times, he’s been in multiple competitions...but give a speech? Of course he can’t do that. The kid doesn’t attend enough school to know how to do that. Them’s learning skills.

And that was when a newly assembled wife-jet spliced through the sky like a souped up razer scooter and deposited 1 fully equipped Seto Kaiba in a Buzz Lightyear jetsuit.

THE RECOVERY.

Seto always watching over his Brother, ready to save this awkward party if it kills him (and it really should, that suit is held together by two seat-belts), making sure to get on that platform before Yugi starts going off about how he’s half an Ancient Egyptian. (Ah, life before social media. You could just be hella famous and also half a dead dude and people would just not know. I kinda miss the time before I knew literally everything about everyone.)

Please admire how close those flames are to setting Mokuba’s heavily hairsprayed mane completely alight. It would be an unforgettable spectacle.

These were absolutely just random ass jet packs that Gozaburo Kaiba made to kill hell tons of people, right? Like Seto found it in the family cabin, clutched to the heart of some crispy fried corpse and was like “neat! Mokuba! I found a cool toy!” and just plucked that thing out of that skeleton’s clutches and has been flying around for months?

Like this is Seto Kaiba’s Butter Glider, right?

Seriously what type of vehicle license do you need for one of these things? RIP My ‘Seto only has a scooter license’ headcanon.

Which I’m only even thinking about because I’ve had to try and make an appt with the DMV for days to get a freakin REAL ID. I went to sleep in 2019 and I could fly on a plane. I woke up in 2021 and it’s like “Want one last screw you?” and just...can 2020 please stop screwing me over? It’s March.

Anyway, the Jet is removed soon after, so no, this is not part of his new outfit. He goes right back to his Post-S4-Trauma-Normcore.

After wrestling this competition out of his brother’s hands and confusing everyone in the audience, Roland must have gotten the memo to cut the microphone before Seto got too excited and we were quickly ushered on to the next stage of the tournament.

One sec...the BTS Mashup playlist I just clicked on did a Black Swan X 7 rings mashup and it’s the worst thing my ears have ever heard.

Holy crap. I had to actually turn down my volume. Like...Ariana Grande already has music that has way too many overlapping singing parts on it--and then lets just stick a 52-person boy band on top? That’ll fix it. Yeah. Go ahead.

Wow. Even I had to change the song and you know how much I enjoy pop culture mistakes.

Spot the Mickey but like a million times easier because it’s a Massive Dick Shaped Dragon.

Yep. That’s my grocery shopping outfit. Except maybe not a lab coat and a duel disk. Wish I had a duel disk, that would make social distancing just a hell ton earlier. Just a “Yo, only one person in checkout, please” and then bap them on the head with a propelled discuss/hologram.

Anyway, Grocery shopping/Doctor man dueled the Purple Hair Boy, and considering that Purple Hair got screen time and shook Yugi’s hand once--I think that Doctor man doesn’t stand a freakin chance.

Good. I hate him.

Also, every time he breathes he’s gonna fog up his glasses. I have experience in this area. He can’t read his own cards in the same way I can’t read my phone if I’m in the refrigerated aisle.

So the way this tournament works, is everyone has to sit in the stadium to watch the show. Kinda like showing up to a football stadium just to watch a recorded TV monitor...but then again...that is how it feels to watch a football game at a football stadium when it’s live (at least with the tickets I usually get.)

And as we watch Grandpa waiting for his competitor, we find out that his competitor (Joey) is too busy eating snacks to give him the time of day.

Why do cartoon hot dogs always have lettuce? Is that seriously supposed to be relish? Or is there a place in the world where you put lettuce on your hot dog?

Sorry, bro has just informed of his favorite hot dog order, which is absolutely terrible so I will share it with you: a Five Guys hot dog with ketchup, mustard, pickle relish, onions, mushrooms, pickled peppers, and you guessed it--topped with freakin lettuce.

My own kin. How am I over 30 and just finding out that my baby brother thinks it’s normal to walk into a restaurant with normal god-fearing law-abiding people and order lettuce and mushrooms on a hot dog?

I have fully failed him.

The rest of this episode is watching both Joey Wheeler and Mokuba have a shared panic attack while Seto does freakin nothing.

Please remember that Seto has both a jetpack and a dragon wife plane and could have easily solved this problem. But nah.

Then again, Seto Kaiba has given this crew so MANY rides, that maybe he’s tired of being the Soccer Mom for the team?

Like they don’t actually say this episode, but Seto was the one in charge of like...this entire place, do you think he made the 2 for 1 special just to get Joey where it hurts the most? Or does it actually not take any subterfuge to screw Joey Wheeler because he’s just naturally this way?

Like Mokuba wasn’t there when Joey was told “stay right here, and then we will all go together to fight Dartz” and Joey was like “I’mma save Mai from herself although she told me not to!” and then he Hella Died. But, Mokuba did see the result, AKA, Joey’s dead body being carried on the back of Tristan. Maybe Mokuba never realized that Joey died because he went out of his way to be late?

Lets do a tally of every time I can recall with my dodgy memory that Joey was threatened to be DQ’d/pretty much was DQ’d either by his own fault or no fault of his own

-When he wasn’t allowed to go on the boat to Murder Island because he was a stupid nobody kid who did not have a dueling glove

-When he wasn’t actually supposed to be in Pegasus’ tourney and was, in fact, secretly using half of Yugi’s entrance ticket the entire time

-when Bandit Keith stole the ticket that Joey got from Yugi so then Joey had to borrow Mai’s ticket although she had just used it so it really shouldn't have counted. Because, really anyone could have just piggy backed off of each other’s ticket until the whole boat went through that castle.

-When his account was hacked to get entered into Kaiba’s tourney when Kaiba very clearly told him he could not apply solely because he was Joey Wheeler.

-When he was late to his sister’s eye surgery because he got mugged by Marik’s Rare Hunters, so she almost refused to do the surgery.

-When Joey got possessed by Marik, and as Marik, threatened to murder everyone else in the tournament including both of the Kaiba brother’s who’s tournament it was, and then chained himself to Yugi Muto to throw both of them to the bottom of the ocean.

-I think there was a point when he threatened to attack Kaiba in Kaiba’s own tourney while not possessed? Like several times?

-when he got struck by Lightning and almost did not stand up fast enough after being struck by lightning, which is apparently a type of DQ in Duel Monsters.

-When he tried to save Mai from getting hit by a fireball, but then Yugi did it instead, and then so many people were standing on the dueling platform that Kaiba couldn’t possibly DQ them all.

-When he entered the restricted area of the blimp in order to hassle Kaiba into landing the Blimp, which Kaiba did not do.

-When Marik killed Joey before Joey could press the “go” button on his duel disk to play the card that should have won Joey the match.

-When he was dueling a lawyer in a digital universe but then the dice was like...weighted? So Noah had to walk over and be like “The hell is this weighted dice? This is my perfect digital world? How did you even do that?” and then Joey won because the match was no longer legit.

-When Joey yelled at Noah too much and so Noah turned Joey to stone for being a rude ass spectator

-When Mai was like “Wheeler and Valon, listen closely: do NOT murder each other” and then Joey did a murder on Valon so she was like “I guess I have no choice, I was very clear” and killed Joey straight up.

-When Joey decided to block Seto’s fireballs while Joey Wheeler WAS a playing card, somehow disrespecting both Dartz and Seto Kaiba at the same time.

-When Joey was playing cards but then got absorbed into a giant Leviathan and basically couldn’t play anymore after that.

-There’s probably hell ton of S0 stuff I just haven’t seen yet.

-This episode

And Joey runs fast for a montage of wacky things that really have no business being in a theme park. Things like this:

(remember when Bakura almost died from a rock that ended up being a balloon? It comes full circle.)

The stuff that the Kaiba brother’s think is normal and fun.

Anyway Joey fights off a bunch of hologram snakes and bats and everyone is like “Should we tell him it’s just holograms???” And it’s like wow, guys, how many times have these ‘holograms’ straight up murdered Joey Wheeler and everyone else on this cast? Too many? Because I have a google doc with so many deaths on it. 7,805,844,048, to be exact.

Anyway, he gets there with five seconds to spare and Mokuba’s like “well at least you were still entertaining while we filmed you in front of a live audience being a total spaz for 15 minutes straight, so I’ll let you go.”

Grandpa and Joey start playing, Joey completely oblivious that this is just an older Muto, while Hawkins walks up awkwardly and is like “hey guys. I’m so sorry about this.”

(welcome to my font choices, for those new here, I have to make weird font color choices to make sure it’s legible for the colorblind and also for the non-colorblind. This one is not much contrast, so I may change it up in the future, but for now, this is Grandpa Muto’s new font. I apologize to every graphic designer reading this. Please don’t tell anyone who has ever hired me for graphic design about this blog.)

What’s funny about this exchange is that after they find out that Yugi’s Grandpa is Apdnarg (HOLY my brain cannot get around the spelling for that, and I will not change it in the caps. I cannot do a ‘pdn’ ever again), they don’t stand on his side of the field or anything. Hawkins is legit Solomon Muto’s only fan during this exchange and like...damn. Way not to back your Grandpa, Yugi.

Yugi immediately strides up to Mokuba to non-confrontation-ally inform him that he has stepped over a line and Mokuba is like “what are these things you say called ‘lines?’”

According to Mokuba, Solomon Muto begged him to be in the competition so he could relive his glory days (glory days making no sense here, because the game has only been released for the past 15 years, so glory days is like...the before times that can only be referring to disgraced archeologists and Pegasus ((who is, in his own way...a disgraced archeologist, too))) and Mokuba was like

“You trained Yugi Muto, right? Hey that’s good enough for me. This drama is gold. People will eat it up. Hell yes. Don’t be afraid to abduct him a little bit. Maybe trap a couple people in a digital hellscape for a little while? Now we go by Pegasus house rules here, so fire as many lasers as you want, but just make sure not to hit anyone in the face. Oh man, we are going to be swimming in cash. Love it, Muto Sr, love it.”

But I dunno, I feel like Grandpa won’t make it past next episode. It is Joey. We kinda need him to make it past Ep 4 of the arc. If Grandpa Muto becomes the new Joey Wheeler, that will be a weird transition for this show to make.

But that’s all for today, as always, here is the link to read these in chrono order becuase there’s SO MANY that you don’t need to read backwards--don’t do it--just use the chrono tag (and I don’t know if you can add compound tags, but I did separate the Season from the Episode, so if you write S4, it should only pop up stuff from S4. I didn't’ do that to seasons 1-3 though because I just...didn’t.)

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

And because I brought it up: here it is, the best BTS Mashup that I found on my deep dive. Like legit--this one isn’t a mess:

Most of other ones are horrible in a fascinating way. Like I’m not even a BTS fan, I think I sort of age out of that metric, I’m just bored and quarantined. And lets be real, we all appreciate a good bop when we hear it.

[valiantarcher]

This is rather delayed, but I’ve got some thoughts on Waking Rose after my last reread. Below the cut for spoilers and extreme length.

Timeline/Continuity:

Rose says it’s been almost three years since she met Fish - but if she’s 19 now, it should only be two years (it also makes more sense for Blanche and Bear to get married a year after Black as Night rather than two years after).

Back to Steve/Steven Foster (instead of Stephen).

Per Rose, Fish and Bear slept on the Fosters' couch.

Ben was 13 when his mom died, 16 when Father Raymond died.

Little Things Short Comments (mostly):

I love Bear inviting Rose to dance with him and Blanche on the last song - remembering that it started with the three of them.

Kateri is an observant and good friend - I too would probably tell Rose Fish wasn't worth it under the circumstances.

"Your particular brand of exuberance"

Ach, but Rose wants Fish to be happy and he tells her he's "happy enough" (...true for very low values of "happiness") but follows it up with "God's going to take care of me," which IS true.

Rose’s dramatic “I shall have twenty cats...” poetry.

Fish trying to make himself look like someone who doesn't folk dance. 

"What you see in front of you is fighting."

Rose thinking Fish's vocation is to be at the right place at the right time; Ben would probably argue that, but there is an extent it’s true.

We get the charges against Edward (I think this is the first time we learn his first name) Freet: (2) Attempted murder - Rose and Bear, (2) Assault - Rose and Fish (or Bear - it’s unclear), (3) Kidnapping - Fish, Rose, and I’m not sure if the third charge is for his involvement in Blanche’s kidnapping?

“Not that it was going to make much of a difference in the world, but it was good to attempt to bring some justice to this literary question.”

Fish dealing with the nuns is...I’m not sure humourous is the right word for it, but I appreciate his internal “they’re crazy, Father Raymond warned me about Catholics like them” dialogue.

“He had known too many manipulative women to be convinced by tears.” Well, Elaine is the first one to come to mind - no idea who the others are.

I know we get the hints towards the Rumpelstiltskin retelling with Fish (I think his role is the servant?), but I’m torn between going a) YES, GIVE ME MORE and b) no way I want to see Fish suffer even more, as I know he will in that story.

Alex assigning everyone who gets in trouble to read Thomas Aquinas outside.

I love that Kateri and Ben become really good friends - she asks after his health and knows when he’s cooking a Scheme and he keeps an eye out for her and worries after her and bails her out of jail.

“You’ve got to be kidding. I don’t want to be explaining to some bereaved parent or college official why their charge is dead, maimed, or serving a prison sentence because of something I set up.” “Since when were you expendable? Says the older brother who nearly went out of his mind scouring the streets of New York for you when you were kidnapped for three days.”

The idea of a fatal/fundamental doubt is echoed when Ben doubts that Dr. Murray is guilty for just a second.

Ben warning Alex that he’s now an arrested suspect and that by driving off with him in the car, he could be liable for part of his crime, and Alex just being like, “Well, I guessed that much - where do you want to go?”

Ben telling Alex about the assault and looking him in the face to do it - something he has struggled with so much - and Alex just taking it calmly and with sorrow.

Ben being like, “You don’t understand how bad this is,” and Alex being like, “Maybe not, but I understand enough, and it doesn’t change anything.”

Also, Alex basically blessing Ben as he goes off to the barn? Ach.

Ben’s birthday is in April, and so is little Ben’s!

Longer Comments (In no particular order or level of clarity - apologies):

Fish shows his propensity for law and justice while questioning Donna (even though or maybe especially because he’s angry and loses his temper). And then Kateri shows her heart by her interactions with Donna. I really like the conversation she and Ben have after they leave and when they clear the air, including the fact Kateri has had a grudge against Fish for ages.

I appreciate Alex more and more this reread. In addition to the above comments, he’s the one who suggest and inducts Rose and Nanette into being Ladies of Sacra Cor (and basically tells them it means they’ll start training too), he’s the one who remembers to call Ben Ben, and he’s the one who’s training the other guys and deciding when they’re ready to be knighted.  ALSO, he and Ben challenge each other - he tells Ben that the world doesn’t stop being evil just because you stop fighting, and Ben is the one who tells Alex to put his beliefs into action and back Kateri up.

The whole scene where Alex, Kateri, and Ben are wandering around Graceton looking for Paul and how Ben says that for being so tall, Paul sure got himself pretty lost, and they all nod BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL AVERAGE TO SHORT HEIGHT. And then how mad Alex is at Paul for going off on an interesting diversion and making him late for the proctor meeting and assigns him Thomas Aquinas to read.

“Blanche, you are a lifesaver,” Ben says when she tells him about Nurse Johnson. And, though he doesn’t know it, it ends up being quite literal as that starts the chain of believing Dr. Prosser is behind everything, leading to Ben doing his sting operation, and ultimately leading towards him realising Rose isn’t actually comatose and thus her being woken and saved.

Okay, so in the car going to see Rose, and they’re talking about Christmas plans and Fish says he’s staying there, so James asks where Fish’s parents are from. Fish says New York, but they’re both dead. James says, “Oh, sorry,” AS YOU DO and Fish replies back, “That’s okay. I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.” AND YOU KNOW THAT BOTH YOUR PARENTS DIED FROM MEDICAL ISSUES, BEN - IT’S VERY MUCH NOT JAMES’ FAULT.

Also, when Donna does go and tell Fish about following Rose to the barn - Fish very much doesn’t trust her, but he does thank her and even goes with her to talk to the police (again, legal/experiential side coming through). (Also, “Fish, being Fish, didn’t want to answer the question directly.” But he then gives her an answer by reasoning out that she has nothing to gain from telling him.)

On a tangent, the entire idea of Fish being the protector and having never wanted the Briers (or any other bystanders) involved in his and Bear’s work is why it’s so important that Rose gets into trouble all on her own: it means that Fish doesn’t feel guilty (...well, besides his stray thoughts which he thankfully gets under control pretty quickly) about causing Rose’s coma or obligated to look into what she was investigating for any reason beyond his own desire and sense of justice. And it takes a while, but that’s why it’s so important he does decide to do the undercover sting and try to bring justice to this - not as an obligation but as an active choice to try to fight the evil in the world.

Dinner at Fish’s apartment after the sit-in is great. Paul is not at all chill about being a hero in Kateri’s story and then there’s the stare-down between Alex and Kateri with loaded subcontext (how awkward might that have been for Donna, Paul, and Ben?).

Fish tells Donna that he’s convinced by actions, not words. Which makes sense, but it’s also interesting to see how that works out - because when she comes clean and tells him she lied, he believes her but he doesn’t trust her. And he accepts her into the group because Kateri trusts her and he trusts Kateri, but then he decides to trust her with the makeover for the sting operation. And, after that, he trusts her to take him to the barn and then - most of all - to get the antidote back to Rose in time.

Fish tries to claim he’s expendable and Bear is having none of that. Also, Bear puts his foot down about Fish working solo - either he has backup, or he doesn’t do this. And so Fish asks Alex to be his getaway driver.

And then Kateri and Paul and James and Leroy and DONNA! They all came even though Alex explained the situation and told them not to, and Ben is mad and explains how much legal trouble they’ll be in, but they don’t care. As Kateri says, “We’re not letting you do this alone.”

Alex organising the troops and planning it all out so that there’s the best chance for Rose to survive and for Ben to make it through. And Kateri being indignant about being left out of the lineup until Alex tells her her job is to sacrifice herself to save Paul and Rose, if the staff get through him and Leroy and James. Even if Paul won’t let that actually happen.

DONNA. I had forgotten that Donna not only played a crucial part in saving Rose’s life by getting through the staff/police barricade but also in saving Ben’s by sending Bear to the barn to help him. And I’m just so happy that she was redeemed and healed and she fully joined in - she could have easily said no or just done the bare minimum, but she waded in just the same as the rest of the group. Although it’s not explicitly stated, I fully expect her and Kateri to have been full-fledged ladies of Sacra Cor by their last appearance if they weren’t already. And she tells Ben she’s praying for him and gives him a kiss on the cheek, and he tells her thank you, truly and sincerely, and there’s peace!!

And Kateri also!! She and Ben have become full friends now, and he gets a kiss on the cheek from her and there’s half an idea that he’s kind of smug and pleased about her and Alex.

I wonder if Blanche had a premonition about Ben at all? Since she has them (or references them) multiple times in the previous books, it would make sense (and also help explain why she sent Bear off after him so soon after baby Ben’s birth - granted, she probably knew there was a sting operation, if not details), but there’s no comment about it at all.

I still would have liked a reunion between Rose and her family (beyond just a scene with her and Jean - though, I guess we got to see her and Bear’s meeting again, but it was pretty distracted, of course), even if it wasn’t strictly necessary for the story.

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 3--Hunted.

 Most of you lovelies already realize this, but my thoughts tend to zig and zag quite a bit, lol.  So.  To save some of you the headache and spare you from seeing spoilers you’d rather not see yet, I’m again placing them behind a cut.  

First things first.  I have totally turned into Yvette Nicole Brown with her TWD notebooks, lol, and I’m not even sorry.  I just felt like it would be fun to go back when the final episode is in the books and see how well my thoughts from these early episodes line up with what I’m feeling when we say our (not-so) final goodbyes.  

But that’s enough about that. Let’s get to this thing.  

It really is insane how very much I love Melissa McBride.  Just hearing her doing the previously on TWD recap voiceover makes me ridiculously happy.  

Cole!  Dude!  We hardly knew ya.  

Not gonna lie.  That first shot of Maggie in all the chaos reminded of a shirt I’ve seen.  It says--”Well, well, well.  If it isn’t the consequences of my actions.”  

I have to hand it to Angela and the rest of her team.  These opening scenes--on all 3 episodes--have been BOMB so far.  They really hook you in right away.  At least IMHO.  

I realize I’m behind the game on this little tidbit, but how much do I adore the fact that Dog is now in the opening credits?  

Okay.  Alexandria might look like it’s been on some kind of post-apocalyptic bender but all our girls are looking beautiful as ever.  Maybe it’s Maybelline, lol.  

I love to see Kelly and Carol still gravitating toward each other.  It really speaks to each woman’s heart.  Carol wants to make amends so badly and Kelly just has the most lovely, warm, forgiving heart.  

Carol’s point about Alexandria still needing the horses to help with the heavy lifting and pointing out the walls and rebuilding won’t matter quite as much if they’re limited by their  hunger and what they can physically lift on their own isn’t wrong.  But I’m sure the same viewers that were okay with Daryl and Co. going out on Maggie’s suicide mission (using the same reasoning) and saying it made sense for the bigger picture will pretend not to recognize that the same element is there in Carol’s desire to go out there and look for the horses.  You know.  Because it was Carol’s idea and not that of their fave(s).  

Aaron, Man.  Or maybe I should say Angela.   You just had to put a pit of dread in my belly mentioning Buttons like that.  RIP, Buttons.  You deserved better.  I’m still traumatized.  

Look at all the babies bonding.  Look at RJ getting to sit at the big kid table.  

“My mom always comes back.”  She damn well better.  Those babies need her.  Until she does, though, Uncle Daryl and Aunt Carol (and Aunt Rosita and everybody else) are going to be there.  

Anyway.  Poor RJ.  He barely ever gets any lines, lol.  

Hershel and Judith are obviously the mini-adults in this group and baby Rhee is already more cynical and jaded than his sweet daddy was until they reached Alexandria and the wheels started to come off.  

So.  Does Maggie just think everybody’s already dead here or what?  Hmm.  

You know.  Any building can be creepy AF when the lights are off and it’s dark, lol.  Any building.  

So much darkness so far this season.  I’m going to have to invest in some blackout curtains.  I just know it.  

Where are all those stairs leading?  Why am I thinking of Hitchcock?  Am I mixing up my scary, suspenseful movies?  Probably.  

Of fucking course, Maggie dropped her flashlight.  Thank goodness she had that lighter at the ready just before Ghost Face Reaper took a swipe at her.  

Is that Father G with a screwdriver impaled in his thigh?  Listen.  These people deserve a Mega Bottle of pain killers and a week just vegging out in a soft, luxurious bed.  

All these horror movie tropes.  Some of them are cheesy, yes.  But I’m totally here for it.  

LMAO.  That’s it, Maggie.  A good old punch in the nuts works every time.  

Alden really is having a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.  

Negan is still Negan.  Self-serving and looking out for number one.  But I believe the man really does feel the group is his group too.  He’s like that long lost, sketchy uncle nobody wants to acknowledge much less invite to the dinner table, but that bond?  However thin?  Is there.  

I am both hating that Maggie is being forced to work with the man that murdered her husband (my baby Glenn) and finding it fascinating the lengths she’s willing to go to survive.  This your plan, Angela?  

Rosita and Carol!  How sad is it that the last really significant scene I can remember the two of these women sharing was way back?  Before Rick and Co. attacked Negan’s outpost and Maggie and Carol were subsequently taken?  If only the show had done more of these kind of scenes.  

How much do I love all the girls working together?  Gimps would never.  They’d all be stuck back at Alexandria minding the kids and the community.  

Shallow aside--Rosita is so pretty in this scene.  

Rosita being worried about Carol honestly makes my heart hurt, because it’s about damn time more of them actually did.  Her saying Abraham is trying to tell her something in her dreams is interesting.  Angela sure loves her dreams, doesn’t she?  

Where are Daryl’s dreams, hmm?  No.  Seriously.  I guess they want to give some viewers plausible deniability until the bitter end.  

“Really?  We’re just gonna go toward the screaming?  Cool.”  Hahaha.  You know.  Even the smart people in horror movies sometimes bite it, Negan.  Just saying.  Maggie really does need to “stop running up the staircase” when she could just run out the front door though, lol.  

Poor Duncan.  I think you could have been another Tyreese, Jerry type for me.  

WTF does this show have against horses?  Those poor creatures.  

Kelly is totally me right now.  I’d be freaking inconsolable.  

Carol needed that hug.  Thank you, Magna.  From the bottom of this tired fangirl’s heart, thank you.  

Why give us that beautiful, golden shot with the horses when you’re planning to stab us through the heart later and twist the knife.  Oh.  Yeah.  That’s exactly why.  

Oh snap!  Father G’s delivery when he tells that Reaper “I’m not.  God isn’t here anymore.”  Cold as ice.  

Judas.  That the Reapers’ work.  Or.  Damn.  Either way, that’s harsh.  

Back to what Alden was saying.  All these oprhaned children.  Who’s going to take on Adam if he dies?  That poor kid has had a rough go of it.  Knowing that, makes you wonder what Alden was thinking volunteering for the suicide mission.  

Omigosh.  There went Agatha.  Terrible way to go.  Right, Beatrice?  

I’m sobbing.  Carol with the horse.  That hurt my baby so much but she hurt herself for her family the same way she has been doing since the Prison.  Melissa Mcbride?  When she cries, I cry.  Every effin’ time.  Aaron being there just made it hurt more.  But at least someone was there to see how and really take in how she continues to break pieces of herself off to keep her family as whole and safe and happy as she can.  

Rewinding a minute--that Magna and Carol conversation.  I get Magna’s reasoning too.  I do.  But Angela is just making everything so dire right now so that the sun when Connie is ultimate found shines a ltitle brighter.  

Those babies know they’re eating horse.  I could never.  

That’s got to be a different Coco.  She’s even smaller.  But she’s gorgeous.  

Fucking finally.  Angela having the other characters notice after an eternity of being blind to it, just how much Carol sacrifices of herself for them.  It’s so long overdue and I imagine Rosita’s even more worried for Carol now.  It’s a shame it’s taken 11 seasons.  My baby’s had blood on her hands trying to keep her family safe and whole and happy and fed for a long damn time.  So heartbreaking watching her try to scrub the blood away.  

Sweet, sweet hug that Kelly gave Magna.  She’s such a sweetheart kid sis to all of them, isn’t she?  

Interesting place of refuge.  A gutted church.  A visual symbol, Angela, of where Maggie and the rest of our people are now perhaps?  

“It’s easy for you, isn’t it?  Being reckless with sombody’s life...”  Maggie.  Maggie.  Those words would have hit so much harder if we hadn’t spent the majority of the last 2.5 episodes watching you ignore sound advice just because it came out of the mouth of somebody you (justifiably) hate.  

But will Alden be there when Maggie and Negan get back?  That is the question.  Or will he eventually Lucille himself?  

That little bit of lineup Negan music to remind the audience of Negan lovers and sympathizers that he once took great pleasure in murderously swinging a bag at people’s heads was a nice, subtle touch there.  Like agree with her or not, Maggie  is literally left to rely  on the hope, however small it is, that Negan has changed just enough that he won’t try to finish a job he taken on years before--killing what’s left of her.  

Oh lawd.  Next episode sees the return of a character literally nobody asked for.  How excited am I not?  

Dog better not be harmed or so help me.  

Now for Angela’s weekly explanations of WTF she/there were thinking because they been doing this plausible deniability thing so long some people out there watching with biased, muddy stan glasses can no longer separate head canon from canon.  

Is Maggie worried at all about Daryl or does she just assume his superhero powers are in full effect in this episode?  

“You can’t really say it wasn’t going to happen anyway.”  Not Angela pointing out that simply laying the blame for literally everything bad that ever happens at Carol’s feet isn’t the answer.  Say it louder for those in the back.  Alpha was going to do what Alpha wanted to do.  

“There is love there.  There is respect there.  However, there’s also frustration...”  You damn skippy.  Friendships and human relationships are complex AF.  Like Carol. She’s honestly one of the most complicated characters on this show and any show, IMHO.  That’s what makes her so memorable and such a lightning rod for discussion.  

I know I might be in a minority, but I really feel like they need more of those little scenes between the kids to keep things real.  

Kang saying she always feels like she’s going to get murdered in a staircase or parking lot is relatable, funny, and sad all at the same time.  It’s a girl thing.  

Why is Carol’s story giving me Dark Knight vibes?  Like I feel like she’ll gladly shoulder the burden of their distrust, their hate, or their judgment as long as the hard choices she makes keeps them safe.  And she’s still ultimately going to come back to save their asses even when they forsake her.  Just like Bruce Wayne/Batman.  Am I reaching too far, lol?  Because sometimes I do that.  

Anyway.  This is the third episode of the season and the third episode in a row that I mostly enjoyed.  I don’t know if I’m just so relieved and happy to have all the characters and my show back or what, but overall?  I’ve been pleased with the episodes and found something to love in all of them.  

There’s a much stronger horror vibe woven throughout Season 11 so far.  I feel like it’s a return to the roots of the show and I like that.  Literally none of the characters are making perfect choices and this viewer is here for it.  My only complaint so far is there hasn’t been enough Carol but what we’ve been given has felt like a gift and significant in a way that Gimps’ version was not.  Also?  I really hope the trend of the ladies working together and supporting each other continues because they rule the TWD world, lol.  

Hope you enjoyed at least some of my TWD word vomit.  

Until next episode.  

[jilytho]

Fake Laughs and French Fish

"You laughed in a restaurant but you have a really ugly laugh so I thought you were choking" au. The opposite of a meet cute bc James is an idiot. idk what this is but Happy Jilytober!

Read below or on AO3 or FFNT

It was James’s least favorite kind of restaurant. The kind of place where sure, the food is good, but the portion is barely big enough for a snack and the music was too soft and the tablecloths were too stiff and there were too many types of forks that he didn’t know which was meant for salad and which was for stabbing into his thigh. 

All places should have prices on the menu, smarmy little French places were not an exception. But Peter’s birthday had been last week and James had missed the party to deal with a work emergency so he owed him dinner at Peter’s choice of restaurant. And of course, Peter had to pick the most pretentious place in the city. 

Sirius and Remus were there as well, of course, they could hardly go anywhere without them. It was exactly the kind of place Sirius grew up in, and although he had gotten very comfortable with fast food since he was exiled by his family, he still seemed to fit in perfectly at this kind of place. 

As much as James loathed the whole joint, he grudgingly admitted it was worth the hefty bill to watch Peter’s whole face alight with joy as they sat down. His head was on a swivel, swooshing from side to side, tittering with excitement. 

Just as the young waiter brought their appetizers over, a mushroom risotto and salmon tartare, Remus was in the middle of thanking him and requesting more water when a large man at the table behind them snapping his fingers, head turned to look at the waiter. “Well, that’s just rude,” Remus murmured under his breath. James and the waiter both watched to see a large beefy man glaring over at them, beckoning the waiter with two fingers in a way that made James’s skin crawl. He was sitting with two women, James could see the whole table quite easily when looking past Remus’s right earlobe. The woman on Whale Man’s right looked like she was being choked out by her string of pearls, lips pursed, a nose slightly too sharp for her face, and what appeared to be a stick up her ass considering the daggers she was shooting between the other woman at the table and the waiter. His eyes found the second woman, the one being subjected to Miss. Bony Lady’s eye daggers and was shocked he hadn’t noticed her the second she sat down. That hair was not something that should ever go unnoticed by anyone. 

He couldn’t even see her face, as she was hiding it between her hands, and glaring down at the table, but he found himself craning his neck, trying to get a glimpse. There were waves of hostility trolling off of her and every element of her body language seemed to be screaming “DO NOT ENGAGE” . Her hair was forming a wall of fire, curtaining around her face, protecting her from the angry glares of her dinner mates. As the waiter walked over to their table, after nodding politely at Remus, he watched her emerge from her hands to grimace up at him apologetically.

He couldn’t hear what the whale man was saying, and subconsciously heard Peter start to tell some story about work and dish out portions of their appetizer, but he couldn’t pull his eyes back yet. The girl was flushed and glaring at the bony woman, saying something hushed but clearly angry. Her nose was scrunched up, nostrils flared and as angry as she looked he started to wonder if she’d giggle if he booped her nose, all scrunched up like that. Started cringing at himself for thinking about something as ridiculous as that. 

From his distance, he couldn’t make out the color of her eyes, just that they were bright and sparkling and even from ten feet away he could feel the passion and emotion coming off her. 

When the waiter had finally left, dismissed with an angry wave of Whale Man’s hand, he watched the red head roll her eyes, and twist her neck like cracking it would release the anger built up in her. He wondered how creepy she would find him if he offered to massage the shoulder for her, maybe there was some chiropractor-esque or glowstick pickup line he could use to impress her. Cheesy lines had never done him good in the past but she looked like she could use a laugh, maybe she’d think it was funn-

“Right, James?” James tore his eyes away from the girl to find all his friends staring at him, looking for his agreement on something James had not heard a single syllable of. 

“Erm, yeah, right. Of course,” he nodded strongly, reaching for his water to gulp down and give himself a chance to calm the flush slowly rising up his neck. 

Peter looked pointedly towards Remus, “See I told you, Lupin.”

As James busied himself with pushing risotto onto his spoon- the smallest spoon closest to him, was that meant for desert?- he carefully ignored Remus’s eyes on him, silently watching James and nodding to Peter. 

“Mhm, Pete. Looks like I was mistaken.” 

The rest of the course went by smoothly, James kept his eyes off of the Magical Mystery Woman as best he could, forcefully making himself enthusiastically engaged in Sirius’s discussion of the lineup of next week's game. He was in the middle of making an argument for why Johnson should start as center, not Malinsky when he got stopped mid sentence by Whale Man clearing his throat loud enough for half the bloody restaurant to hear and his entire argument went to shit. 

Honestly, who did this bloke think he is, the bloody Prime Minister? Mystery Woman was too perfect to be putting up with this. Why would she go out in public with this oaf? Was he her brother? She seemed perfect but having him as a brother-in-law would really put a damper on the future marital bliss. She was gripping her knife so tightly it had to hurt, maybe he should offer up his own hand to squeeze instead, that’d be less painful he was sure. No. No, that was weird. He shook himself again and wrenched his eyes back to Sirius and resumed his argument.

They were just getting ready to clear their plates and ask for the desert woman when it happened. Mystery Woman’s table was still on their main course, she had ordered the fish, exactly the same meal James had eaten. Was that a sign of compatibility or what? If anyone had asked him later he would have sworn he was paying full and complete attention to Remus’s story of Dale from accounting messing up again but he was somehow also subconsciously completely and totally aware of every single one of Mystery Woman’s movements because he just knew she had just placed a delicate bite of fish on her fork and was chewing lightly when she let out this hacking, squawking, horrific noise. 

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god she is choking. My dream girl is choking and is going to choke on fish and DIE before I even learn her name. If she dies before I know her name I won’t even know what funeral to go to and how to mourn her properly and how would I even introduce myself at that funeral, ‘Hi, I stalked this girl from ten feet away and fell in love and will now live the rest of my life single and alone.”

If anyone were to have asked, he was positive he was still sitting at the table, nodding along with Remus. Somehow, without his conscious noticing, he had thrown back his chair and jumped to his feet, sending his chair falling backwards, narrowly missing a passing waitress. He practically leaped across the empty space, flown to behind her chair, gripped her shoulder tightly, and began to slam his hand against her back. 

“Ma’am, miss, oh my god are you alright? Can you breathe? Can you hear me, miss, oh my god WE NEED AN AMBULANCE, breathe ma’am breathe!” James yelled at her, pounding against her back, mentally preparing to perform the heimlich maneuver, he had never learned it properly but he saw it on a crime show once and it worked there maybe it would work now? He was really regretting not taking that First Aid class with Remus when she suddenly yanked herself out of his grip, leaping to her own feet and spinning around to face him, red hair flying into his mouth as she turned. 

Green. Her eyes were green. Green and bright and shining and gorgeous, oh my god she really can’t die now. 

“Oh my god, are you alright??” He reached out again to grip her shoulders tightly, had him slamming on her back dislodged the fish? Would she live? Was he a hero? 

“I will be when you explain why you just hit me repeatedly.” She crossed her arms over her chest, seemingly cross. 

His eyes widened and he looked around for someone else to agree and call him a life saving hero. Whale Man and Bony Lady looked bewildered, like he had just suddenly sprouted into a fish, instead of saving their dinner mates life.  All across the surrounding tables, he was met with concerned stares and the mortifying sinking feeling that he had completely misread the situation. 

“I- um. I saved you! You were choking! I saved you….. Right?” He dropped his hands from her shoulders, one immediately going to fix itself in his hair, face burning bright red. 

“I wasn’t choking, why did you think I was choking? Are you a doctor?”

He could hear Sirius laughing now. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. “No, just erm- a concerned citizen? Trying to ah, do my civic duty, preventing fish related deaths, I- erm- I’m sorry I really thought you were choking you made like a hacking sound I thought you were dying, I really just wanted to help” he tugged on his hair, averting his eyes to the floor. Not only did he ruin his chance of getting Mystery Woman to fall in love with him but now he has basically assaulted her, dear God he is never going to live this down. 

“That was a laugh.”

His eyes shot up to meet hers, “A what?”

“A laugh. I was laughing.”

“That was not a laugh. That was a deadly sound. Nobody in the world has a laugh that horrible.”

“Hitting me AND insulting me now, wow this is really my lucky day.” 

James’s jaw dropped. He couldn’t even wrap his brain around the fact that he had just insulted her laugh just that this seemingly magnificent girl laughed like THAT. He couldn’t help the little chuckle that escaped him. 

“Thats your real laugh? Oh my god I’m so sorry.” 

“Sorry for insulting me or sorry that that's what my laugh sounds like?”

“Erm… both?” 

She giggled then as well, light and small, and very, very different from the choking sound he heard earlier. 

“See!” He pointed at her accusingly, “now that’s a laugh! That sound before was a dying bird and I won’t have you tell me otherwise.”

“Well,” her eyebrows lowered and she leaned in a little conspiratorially, whispering her next words, “the joke wasn’t actually very funny. I suppose my fake laugh may need a little more work before I attempt to use it so publicly again.” 

The two shared a grin and wow was he screwed. 

“You know,” he leaned in again, “I’ve been told all my laughs are top notch, fake and real, and if you were every interested in some tutoring, I suppose I could-”

“Ahem,” Whale Man cleared his throat again, “If you’re done disrupting our evening, I would very much like to return to my meal.” An apology on the tip of James’s tongue when he was cut off by Whale Man continuing to blabber, “Honestly, the heathens they allow to enter this establishment. Absolutely zero respect. Didn’t anyone ever teach you manners? Of course you attract this sort” The last words were directed to Mystery Woman and all the desire to apologize to Whale Man disappeared immediately. It wasn’t her fault he was an idiot who started hitting her. 

He was prepared to say just that, and apologize to Mystery Woman, when she cut him off herself.

“Now you listen here, Vernon-” Mystery Woman began, red anger creeping up her neck.

“Lily, honestly,” Bony Lady cut in, “Just sit down and let's finish our meal and go, you’ve made enough of a scene.” Bony Lady’s tone was low, but sharp and cutting and seemed to send a shiver down Mystery Woman’s - or was it Lily?- spine. 

He had a feeling she would have kept going, but also had a burning desire to run from Bone Lady’s eyes. It felt like they were piercing straight through him. 

“I’m sorry,” he started loudly, one hand back in his hair, eyes quickly finding those incredible green ones, “I’m truly sorry for interrupting your meal and um hitting you and insulting you. Truthfully, you’re just spectacularly gorgeous and I thought you were choking and kind of lost my head a bit, I suppose,” his eyes averted quickly at that admission, missing the way hers started to fill with mirth and eyebrows began to creep up. “I’ll leave you to your meal.” 

He turned on his heel and returned back to his table, picking his chair off the ground and sitting, adamantly avoiding eye contact with his friends. He felt her eyes burning into his neck and stared determinedly down at his fork. 

“So you’ve gone crazy,” Sirius states, matter of factly with a shit eating grin, “that’s fun.”

“I thought she was choking,” he murmured under his breath. 

“What was that, James? Couldn’t quite hear you. Speak up now or one of us will have to beat it out of you.” Peter could barely finish his sentence before him and Sirius began to guffaw obnoxiously.  Even Remus was chuckling. 

James groaned and covered his eyes with his hands. “Can we please just go, I will pay double if they bring the check right now.”

“Oh Jamie dear, why the rush?” Sirius tutted, “We ordered desert while you were busy saving lives! We wouldn’t dream of leaving before Pete gets his birthday desert!” 

Muttering “tossers” under his breath, James set his jaw and raised his eyes to meet his friends, and not to look past Remus’s ear to Mystery Woman again. 

By the time desert had arrived, James had been properly roasted by his mates about twelve times over and they had slowly moved onto other topics, all being other times James made a fool of himself in public. Sirius had just left for the restroom leaving Peter with the task of making James’s life hell.

Peter was just getting into the climax of his own personal favorite James humiliation tale, the Koi Pond Incident of ‘09, when James’s bite of tiramisu was interrupted by a light slapping against his back. 

He spluttered and coughed grossly, ready to whip around and smack Sirius, assuming it was him, when he felt hot breath on his ear and a flash of red in his peripheral and completely froze.

“You alright there? Wouldn’t want you to choke. Just being a concerned citizen and all.” She murmured into his ear, teeth centimeters away from nipping it.

He turned to face her, gaping at her sudden closeness to find her smirking face mere inches away from his own. 

“Thanks for that,” he croaked. 

“Of course, always on the lookout. Doing my civic duty,” she winked. She winked. What the hell did that mean, oh my god, this woman would be the death of him. 

“Here,” she pressed a slip of paper into his hand. “Just in case you want to stop me from choking at dinner another night too.” And then she winked again, spun on her heel, red hair whipping him in the face and left with another tinkling laugh. James stared dumbly down at the numbers on the paper, memorizing them immediately.

“Holy fuck, James. What was that?” Pete stared at James’s dumbfounded face. Sirius chuckled lightly from behind him, apparently having returned in time to watch the entire exchange. 

“That, my friend,” Sirius clapped a hand down harshly onto James’s shoulder, “may have just been the future Mrs. Potter.”

[pyotrkochetkov]

tbh Lou doesn’t seem like the type that will put up with this teams shit (aka how everything has planned out this season minus covid issues) especially after being able to qualify for finals/playoffs. it’s been difficult for me to watch. I want to see them excel but it’s not looking too hot for us

losing devon toews continues to bite us in the fucking ass. i get we were in cap hell and he needed to be traded but oh my god. at least last year the bleeding was able to be momentarily stopped with leddy still in the lineup.

lou's worked some magic for sure but this offseason he fumbled the bag hard, there's no other way of putting it. we lost leddy and eberle and he replaced them with chara and parise. people can say what they want about leddy but we really miss his speed and his puck transition. our best D pair had to be split up to babysit chara and it's had a rippling effect on the entire makeup of a team that prides itself on defense. we continued to get older and slower in a game that's favoring youth and speed these days. we needed two things this offseason: 1) a leddy replacement and 2) an ebs replacement. and we got neither.

the road trip and covid outbreak didn't help at all, but even with a full lineup it's been actually painful to watch the games sometimes. sorokin's had to save our asses and steal games against teams we should have no problem beating. and we just don't even compare to contending teams rn with their speed and skill. (still recovering from witnessing the florida and carolina games.....)

it's relatively the same team as last year which makes all of this so damn confusing??? how we could fall that far that fast. the team vibe is so off, sometimes it looks like they're all playing together for the very first time, not a team that's went on two consecutive deep playoff runs together. i have no idea what's going on anymore.

we know this team thrives off of being the underdog, so i have to think that the pressure and high expectations going into the season just made them absolutely crumble.

all i do know is that we can't take much more disappointment this season 🥲

[hitsuackerman]

What in the World? (Akaashi Keiji x Reader) pt.9

Part 9 of WINTW? :D Enjoy!

Akaashi’s lineup: @alluring-akaashi @oikawalmart-hq @extrasugafree @bbykiyoomi @apricotjihyo @awings​ @simpformiya​ @sayakaaaaa​ @colorseeingchick @something-that-idk (i have no idea why i can’t tag some of you :( huhu )

links: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 10

Were you teased when you came back? Yes.

Did you mind it? Not really.

The event’s of the night were more than you could hope for. With the lights now off and a few of the girls softly snoring, you were staring at the ceiling. Why did you ask those questions? Were you actually thinking of those things? Did you not want to become a hero and save quirkless civilians?

All your life, you were flooded with compliments about you making it big. With parents who eventually got greedy, they immediately signed you off to marry Todoroki knowing to have both agencies team up would be such a big lift for them. Of course the engagement was called off and you finally voiced out your thoughts and they apologized.

Now that you were dropped off into a quirkless world, you came to appreciate the simplicities of having such a normal life (Though, you did cheat by using your quirk every now and then). Having to be surrounded with people who used their own strengths was just mesmerizingly inspiring. To work even harder without any power ups was much harder than you anticipated.

And now, your mind went back to Akaashi.

You almost told him that you were not from here. Did you want to tell him, though? Or were you hoping that he would catch up and piece together the small tidbits of information you had been giving him. Maybe you just wanted to be accepted fully? Not as a person who's trying to cope with the new life presented to you but as someone who belongs in his world.

Feeling your phone vibrate, you hid under the blanket and unlocked your phone.

Akaashi: Goodnight.

You: Dream of me :p

Akaashi: I’ll try my best, hypothetically.

The days had passed and it was now the final day of training camp.

Overall, it was memorable. Bonding with a lot more people than you expected. Seeing just how competitive your team was and the others as well, was invigorating. And maybe the small detail of meeting up with Akaashi by the tree every night might have given you the necessary push to seal the deal.

Preparing the needed utensils for the barbeque, you could practically hear the growling sounds of stomachs and footsteps approaching as all the managers from each school finally lit the last grill. Once the coach of Nekoma announced that everyone could enjoy as much meat as they could, the boys cheered and hollered.

“Oniku niku niku!” You turned to look at the boy you knew as Tanaka, he was leading this cute dance with Noya, Hinata, and an awkward Kageyama. The four of them seemed to know the lyrics by heart and the sparkle in their eyes were too adorable. When you made eye contact with Noya, he grinned and dragged you to the group.

“Oniku kami-sama, Oniku kami-sama!” You joined in on the small cheer only to have Bokuto join in on the chant as well. “Yahoo!”

“Heeeh~” Kuroo chimed in. Draping his arm over your shoulder, you felt him pulling you away from the crows and towards the cats. “You still owe me a conversation, chibi-chan~”

“Kuroo.” Kenma lightly scolded his friend. His eyes glued to the PZP. “Let her go where she wants.”

“OY! Put that game away before I have to shove food down your throat!” Before Kenma could leave, he managed to hold on to his friend’s collar and drag him over to the nearest grill. With how tall he was, it was an easy task to have a cat and a baby owl under his toned arms.

“I don’t think she wants to be under your sweaty arms, Kuroo-san.” There was that voice again. The same voice that sent chills down your spine. When you first heard it the night Akaashi and you stayed under the tree, you clung onto his arm and felt your body shaking. Remembering that people here had similar voices to those from yours, you let go of his arm and met Tsukki.

“Give me back my baby owl, Kuroo!” Bokuto exclaimed with a small slab of meat in between his chopsticks. “She belongs in our nest , not your den!”

Trying to look for an escape, Yukie or Kaori were nowhere in sight. Kiyoko and Yachi were busy with the antics of their own group. With no other options, you decided to see where their conversation would go. Watching them bickering back and forth, you failed to notice how Kuroo’s arm was now far from your shoulder.

“God, I’m surrounded by dorks.” You amusingly shook your head. Feeling another hand snaking into your wrist, you took a look at the owner only to have your cheeks flare up. Letting Akaashi slowly drag you towards a more less populated area was a bit amusing. “Well, aren’t you a hero?”

“You looked like you needed help from those people.” Handing you a paper plate and chopsticks, you happily accepted it. The both of you began to munch on some meat and vegetables. The spot he chose was as peaceful as the camp could get. Of course he knew it wouldn’t last long knowing Bokuto.

“Do you want juice or water?”

“You decide.”

Putting your plate down, he watched over it as you went to get refreshments. Reaching the table with plastic cups, you were met with only one of each variant. Grabbing them before anyone could, you made your way back to the setter. On your way back, Yukie and Koari caught your attention. The two girls were giving you such teasing smiles to the point you began to wonder if they hid the other drinks.

With your focus on them, you bumped into Akaashi’s back. The drinks spilled a bit on your hands and the back of his shirt.

“Shit.” Placing the drinks down, you quickly took some tissues and began to wipe the cold liquids away. “I got distracted. I’m sorry, Akaashi.”

“Don’t mind, (l/n).” Feeling the stickiness of the juice, he took one last bite before excusing himself. “Wait for me. I’ll change into an extra shirt.”

“I know where your gym bag is, I can do it for you.” You offered. It was partially your fault.

“It’s fine.” He began to walk his way towards gym 3. But when he felt your small hands wrap around his arm again, he let out a defeated sigh. Not much use in arguing.

Gym 3 was a little walk away from the barbeque area. The voices of each player could still be heard from where you two were walking. For a second, the both of you heard Kuroo and Bokuto yelling something about meat. The walk was quiet but nothing too awkward. With both hands on each of your respective sides, Akaashi began to fidget with his fingers, His elbow barely grazing your skin.

When the both of you were now inside the gym, he grabbed his bag and went towards the bench. Taking a seat beside his bag, you watched as he rummaged for his extra shirt. It was incredible how the inside of his bag was arranged meticulously. When he finally found the shirt, Akaashi stepped back and turned around.

‘Why is he tur-’ Your thoughts were cut when your eyes widened. ‘Oh. My. Meat gods.’

Taking his shirt off was something you were not expecting. Being given such a blessed view was enough to make your palms glow. A lot. You’ve seen Todoroki without his shirt, Bakugo in his trademark black sleeveless shirt, or even Shinso after he buffed up. But this was all too different. You held no crushes for those mentioned.

“Fuck...” The glow was too bright. Not even clenching your fists were enough to cancel out the light being emitted. Trying to think of a cover up, you shoved both hands under your thighs and hunched your body a bit.

“Something wrong?” Akaashi asked as he turned around. His new shirt still in his hands. Toned torso now on full display for your eyes to absorb. He wasn’t as beefy as Bokuto but he was chiselled just right by the gods out there. Whatever moves he did in practice, paid off big time. His brows furrowed when he saw the bench...glowing. “Did you actually bring firecrackers here?”

Analyzing his question, you inhaled and held your breath. The tug on your palms were getting stronger as the seconds went by, along with your heart beat and reddening cheeks as well. Todoroki had always told you that you were the weirdest when flustered. Never once did you believe him, but now you saw he might’ve been right all along.

Not sure what to do, you slid off the bench and placed your hands behind your back. Placing them beneath your shirt in an attempt to hide the glow. When he took a step closer, it did not help. Releasing your breath, the heat from your palms became too hot for your shirt to handle.

“(l/n)!” Akaashi ran towards you. The small pillar of smoke forming behind you was not a good sight. Beating the small fire that had ignited, he dropped his shirt when he was sure the chaotic scene was over. Standing in front of you, he rested his hands on your shoulders. “What in the world just happened, (l/n)?”

“It was noth-” Realizing that you had raised both hands and shook your glowing palms in front of him, you were now facing an Akaashi with his jaw slightly hanging and gunmetal eyes reflecting the bright yellow glow on your palm. “I can explain. BUT, please wear a shirt.”

When the (useless) piece of cloth now shielded your eyes from his finely sculpted torso, your quirk had finally calmed down. After giving yourself a mental scolding, you buried your face in your palms. You fucked up in the lamest way possible. Who knew that your demise would be a shirtless boy and not some tragic accident that you would prevent. When you heard him zipping his bag and felt his presence inches away from you, you sat straight.

“You won’t believe me.”

“Try me.” When he saw how your body was slightly trembling, he reached for his bag once more. Taking his jacket out, he unzipped it and made it rest on your shoulders. The small patch of shirt had exposed a fine portion of your back. “You don’t have to tell me. But, it might help ease your mind if you choose to.”

“I want to tell you.” You really did. “I just… I don’t know how or where to start.”

“Start anywhere, it’s okay.” He reassured you. “Take your time.”

“Well, for starters, I don’t carry firecrackers.” You chuckled at such simple thoughts. “I do have a friend who has something similar but much stronger.”

“What do you have, then? Lights?”

“Not really.” Showing him your palms, you activated your quirk. “I, uhh, I can manipulate objects. But only to a certain degree.”

“So what happened back there…”

“Was my quirk going haywire.”

“Quirk? Like superpowers?”

“Yeah. Where I’m from, people like me are everywhere. Think of it as a superhuman population.” Similar to what you showed Bokuto, you began to manipulate the glow on your hands. Slowly they began to form into small orbs. Akaashi stared with childlike wonder at the orbs encircling him with a silent dance. “The same day you met me, I was on some kind of mission. The bad guy we were after, his quirk was water. We managed to capture him but he shot some kind of smoke. I thought I got rid of everything.”

“But you didn’t?”

“I’m here now.” You shrugged and made the small orbs a bit bigger and even shifted their hues to the school’s colors. “I was about to be tested but then I experienced a massive migraine and then, poof, I woke up as your neighbor.”

Cautiously, Akaashi reached out for a tiny glowing orb. He watched as your eyes effortlessly commanded it to swirl around and land softly on to his palm. The warmth he felt from the small object was similar to when you would hold on to him.

“Is this what you can do? Manipulate light?”

“Here, the most I can do is to change a succulent’s properties.” You explained. “As long as the objects I want to manipulate are similar in terms of molecular structure, then I can change them into whatever I want. It is draining though.”

Putting two and two together, Akaashi could feel his chest tightening.

“So when you hold on to me…”

“I can’t explain it but somehow, touching you amplifies my quirk for a few percentages.” You hated yourself for telling him. Of course, your pride won. You couldn’t tell him that along the way, it wasn’t for your quirk anymore. It was more on the sense of comfort he gave you when he pulled you in a little closer. “The highest I can go is 35% but it’s painful to even use.”

“Oh.” Clenching his fists, his eyes landed on your soft features. After hearing everything, he was confused and unsure of what to do. All his life, he had things under control. He always managed to read and analyze things excruciatingly well. However, when he finally chose to let his feelings decide, it only ended up for the worst. All those small gestures he came to secretly love were nothing more than selfish acts.

But, he couldn’t get mad.

If it were him, he too, would’ve done the same thing.

“I know it sounds too good to be true or maybe the meat I ate had drugs in them,” You forced a smile. “But I can’t lie about this. I’m not from here, Akaashi. Not in this dimension at least.”

“How do you plan on going back?” The thought of not being able to see you again was enough to make him break eye contact and play with his fingers.

“I have no idea.” Holding onto his jacket, you pulled the cloth closer to hug your body. “But, if I were to be honest… I kinda like it here.”

“Oh yeah?” He could feel you trying to cheer him up.

“I miss my friends and family, I can’t help it.” You told him. Heat began spreading across your cheeks again. “But, I also found solace with the people here. My mom, my friends from UA, Fukurodani people, Bokuto-san especially.”

Akaashi felt an arrow hitting his chest. But the blush on your face made him question your words. Or maybe it was just his feelings clouding his judgement.

Asking him for his shirt, he handed it to you and watched as your fingers began to pull out the orangy liquid that had stained his shirt. Seeing how it evaporated into nothing, he was more than starstruck when he got his clean and dried shirt back.

“That’s amazing.” He praised your work.

“I told you, Akaashi.” You stood up and offered him a helping hand. When he accepted it, you pulled him till he collided with your smaller frame. “I’m the most interesting person here in this dimension~”

He’s read a lot of books about how pupils dilate when a person stares at someone they like. And he was sure that yours were. Feeling a bit brave, he snaked his arm around your waist. Seeing how you allowed him to pull you in even closer made his deadpan face turn slightly red.

“I never disagreed with your statement, (l/n).” He leaned in a bit closer. Feeling how you went on your tippy toes, he kept his hold firm to support you. When your eyes fell on to his lips, he felt relieved that the feeling was mutual.

“Do your teammates know you have this cheeky side?” Your heart was beating rapidly by now, Even if your quirk was effective, you enjoyed the high of being Akaashi Keiji’s focus. Letting go of his hand, you activated your quirk.

Akaashi’s breath hitched when he felt your warm hands running across his chest only to be wrapped by your arms to bring him even agonizingly slower.

“They may and they may not.” Brushing the tip of his nose against yours, he could feel the warmth of your breath on his lips. He couldn’t help but smirk at the turn of events.  “May I?”

“You don’t have to ask....”

“AGHKAASHEEE!! (Y/N)-CHAN!!”

Pushing each other away, Akaashi quickly turned and gave all his attention to his bag. He was cursing how Bokuto chose to intrude at such an intimate and perfect time. Touching the burnt area of your shirt, you returned it back to its original state. Just as you handed the jacket back, the familiar head of gray and black appeared.

“Hey hey! You two are taking way too long!” Bokuto slapped Akaashi’s back. Used to his antics, Akaashi apologized for both of your sakes even though it wasn’t necessary. Squinting his owl like eyes, Bokuto tilted his head and pouted.

‘Nothing happened.’ Akaashi could tell that the spiker was onto something. But, if he looked back, nothing really did happen. And that itself was the problem.

‘Did I interrupt something?’ Bokuto’s eyes widened when he saw the slightly higher degree of awkwardness and some kind of tension in the room.

‘You did.’

Watching the two men having a moment, you couldn’t help but giggle. Now that the person you liked knew your biggest secret, you felt much more comfortable and open. Though, you were more than willing to give him time to absorb the information you had just given him. Yet, the mere fact that Akaashi was also feeling mutual made you a bit paranoid. The looming fear you kept at bay now crept closer and closer. What if your quirk would send you back?

Shaking the negativity away, you cleared your throat and told them that it was time to head back to the barbecue. Bokuto happily skipped his way out with his mouth drooling at the concept of eating again.

- - - - -

a/n: so the confession finally happened :3 what do you think will happen next? feel free to ask me questions if you have any or if yall wanna be tagged :) take care and see you next week!

[popculturebuffet]

Close Enough Season 2 Review! or Josh Murders About 10 People

It's been hard to put into words just how wonderful a surprise this season getting released this month was. For starters before JG Quintel announced it last year shortly after season 1, I honestly was convinced season 2 wasn't happened. Do NOT get me wrong, Season 1 of Close Enough was one of the best parts of last year: It was funny, had a lot of heart, a great voice cast, and a great cast of characters that was throughly likeable and broke sitcom stereotypes, having a doofy husband and more straight laced wife with layers who clearly love and respect each other and BOTH can be prone to taking things too far instead of JUST Josh screwing up. Add in two great fellow leads Bridgette and Alex played by two of my faviorite va's, Kimiko Glen and Jason Mantzokus, whose name I finally learned how to spell, an adorable daughter and neat but out of focus neighbors and supors pearle and randy, and the show was just damn near perfect and felt like an improvement on regular show, taking the same humor and animation style but to an older cast and audience with more nuanced and likeable characters, and far more character development per episode. I wanted to see where the show would go.. but I was convinced given the show was leftover inventory from an animation block that never happened held over to give HBO Max some content it'd be canceled after one season, because I can't have nice things. But....

And very happily so: JG Quintel revealed the show had been picked up for season 2 not long after season 1 dropped, having listned to fans. As it turns out though they hadn't.. they just had a ton of faith in the show as I got ANOTHER bombshell earlier this month. While the show had showed up on the schedule for this month late in January, with no release date on said schedule, I wasn't 100% sure the show was coming back this month or that it wasn't just an error. But once again, I was wrong, it was earth all along, and they merely saved it for the press release for their adult animation lineup: alongside the huge and welcome bombshell they were the ones picking up the Clone High reboot and for two seasons, Close enough not only got two more seasons publicly announced, but fimrly revealed season 2 launched February 25th. LIke they likely had with infinity train the show was quitely picked up for another season, and they simply waited to announce it till the right time. Though unlike infinity train, they had faith in it to become a big hit and while they SHOULD HAVE with infinity train and should've accepted it was already a big hit simply not with the target demographic, it's still nice to see that after all it went through Close Enough not only got renewed but is now the network's flagship adult animated show, closely tied with harley quinn, and will likely go on as long as it wants to.

So naturally given I reviewed all of season 1 in the hopes i'td get renewed, I was happy to make room for season 2 and continue covering it and over the moon it was happening so soon. However I'm doing things diffrently this time: instead of flooding the tag with individual longform reviews, i'm reviewing the season all one go, to see if this format could work for me as I have tons of other shows i'd love to cover in this format that are either heavily comedic like say the Great North, regular show or the simpsons and thus dont' lend themselves to riffing as much and leave me less to do per episode, or more seralized shows like she ra or ones that are entirely complete like Steven Universe or Gravity falls that I could cover alone but this format could help expidite covering. Gravity Falls is also one of my patreon stretch goals if your instrested as is a whole lot of ducktales stuff, link on my blog. It also works with my much larger workload with a much tighter schedule, 6 reviews a week with a flex day in case I get behind so everything comes out as good as it posisbly can be, versus my original method of...

TLDR: One big post with smaller reviews each episode and an overall coverage of what changed this season and how good it is as a whole. We good? Good, then join me under the cut for some delightful sentient presents, couch ghosts, and jim fucking crunch as we get close enough to the heart.

I will never get tired of that image. I want it blown up and put on a banner at my funeral. But death plans aside let's get into the season

Slight Tweaks to a Great Formula: Given it's slice of life format based largely around likeable multi layered characters in comedic absurdity, not a lot has changed nor did it need to. What has are just simple tweaks to make things even better. For starters a natural result of getting to the episodes now produced directly for the 11 minute format means the pacing is much focused, subbing in full subplots for the occasional runner instead, and often only using what characters the episode needs. It will use the main five often, but the lack of subplots for the most part allows stronger focus on one or two characters to give the stories added weight and nuance and often laughs. While i'll always love season 1, this allows for much tighter stories and allows for everyone to get some major screen time instead of mostly Josh and Emily in season 1. It does mean we sadly get less of my boy Alex per episode but it's a sacrifice i'm willing to make if it means the show can grow and take more risks and evolve naturally. Though the former probably wasn't help by two of his three episodes being kinda weak, but i'll get to that.

The other noticeable change is Pearle and Randy. While they were promoted as main characters, even getting profiles along with the rest, they were in practice recurring characters in season 1, showing up pretty frequently but with only one starring episode for Randy and none for Pearle. And givne Pearle has an interesting backstory as a cop who likely had to put up with a LOT being a black woman officer, as well as raising a white redneck, while also being hilarious and having a fun energy to her, I felt they kinda wasted her in season 1.

Here though? Both have been bumped up to main cast proper, getting two focus episodes a piece (compared to the other main adults each getting three, some of those shared, and Candace getting one, hopefully more in the future as it was really good, along with, to my delight, mr.cambell also getting one), appearing far more in supporting roles and generally showing up with the main group a lot more. They still don't hang out with our loveable family all the time, but it makes sense as they have their own apartment and stuff to deal with, but it feels far more like their part of the main group. The show always treated them like this mine, but showing up more makes their friendships with their tenants feel more genuine, as it feels like their part of their lives more, whlie having their own to deal with we get to see now.

So while the series didn't change much, as I said it didn't need to and all of this is stuff is the kind of thing I wanted, especially Pearle getting a larger role and Randy being fleshed out from a dollar store version of muscle man into his own similar but difference character, and i'm happy to have it. So now i've talked about how the seasons' changed, let's talk about the episodes themselves. Grab a snack this is going to take a bit.

The Episodes!:

Josh Gets Shredded: 

Our premier and honestly it's a solid one with a singular premise on poking fun at gym culture, though in a nice twist Jim Crunch, the guy who runs the Gym Josh ends up going to to strengthen his core to play with Candace and whose voiced wonderfully by Kevin Michael Richardson is a genuinely good guy and there's no horrifying twist with him. He just wants Josh to get ripped and dosen't know his training is keeping josh from candace. IT's a simple setup of a father doing something for his daughter but getting distracted by it and while not new it works well here and we get plenty of fun gym jokes, including an exchange from Jim and Josh when Josh wants to become an "absolute unit", which in this case ends up meaning turning into the hulk but with the glowing firey eyes of an angry god, feels like it came straight out of the hockey bros from letterkenny, which is a good feeling to have. There's also a nice setup with Candace wanting to play king kong with Josh due to seeing it in class (Specially the Peter Jackson remake, also Candace knows who jack black is which I buy because of who her daddy is. I wouldn’t be surprised if Josh had Saving Silverman on a loop for several days until emily threw it out the window like a frisbee. ), which kicks off the whole thing.. and ends with ultra instinct hulk josh taking her to the top of a building and swatting away helicopters. It’s more of an average episode for the series and the runner about Emily being REALLY hot for buff josh comes off as a weaker version of the plot from family guy where Lois likes a thinner peter, apart from one inspired bit where in order to talk to him about candace without getting distracted, Emily pours an entire bag of ice down her pants.. and subtly after Josh talks about becoming an absolute unit, it’s gone nad rather than animation I like to believe it melted. Still a decent start to a great season. 

Meet the Frackers: A Randy Spotlight episode and unlike his season one episode rather than be a subplot in another episode it’s a full episode about him. And the starting incident is great as the gang gets their ancestry results back from costco, with Emily and Bridgette having ancestors in Guadalajara and Kiyoto.. and Josh being white (”Can you believe it?”). Alex coming from a long line of creeps is also pretty funny, those are his actual results by the way. 

But what the episodes truly about is Randy finding out his parents are alive in Malibu after Pearle claimed they were dead when he was a kid. She had a very good reason though: Randy’s parents were serial gas thieves, and Pearle nearly caught them one night with the two chucking him at her to escape. And to her credit Pearle TRIED to reach out to them once they ended up in jail for their crimes.. but they again chucked him at her which is hilarious. She simply didn’t want him to feel abandoned. He instead feels betrayed. 

His parents are hilariously white trash and played by two faviorite va’s of mine, David Kochner and Wendy Malick, who i’m happy is finally playing a lead roll on Owl House. They drink redneck maragretihas and eat mcribs (As Randy puts it “God’s favorite sandwich!”) every day and still steal gas, just legally now as frackers. Naturally though the two are still assholes and soon use a carnival as a cover to illegally frack and it’s up to Randy an dhis real mom to stop them> It’s a touching story with Randy genuinely wanting to hlep his mom, though I feel it would’ve been more interesting if Randy’s parents hadn’t been scum an dhe had to genuinely deal with having three parents now. Still it was worth it for some great lines from Malick and Kochner , so it works. Decent ep. 

Sauceface: Now we come to both one of the best eps of the season, and the series so far, and one of it’s most unique as it stars Candace and dosen’t feature the other main cast hardly at all, only Emily who kicks things off by, in a great bit, breaking Candace’s illusion their rich as “they live in a castle with alex and bridgette”, with her slowly realizing “Were poor”. Which is just a very kid thing to think that your parents are rich when they very much aren’t. 

But the episode really is a crime boss parody story, as the title would imply as Candace and her best friend start selling hot sauce, which is banned from the school due to it’s political correctness having gone mad and it being offensive to “sensitive palates” (They’ve also banned general tso’s chicken for mitlarialism and everything bagels for being “too much”). This leads where you’d expect: Candace getting drunk with power and forgetting why theys tarted, wet willies, and an art room brawl, all leading to candace’s friend getting pinched and candace having to use the money to buy Mr. Cambell a pelaton to get him off their backs, which leads to this lovely exchange “YOur letting them off just because they bought you a present?” “This is a 2000 dollar bike”. We also get the subtle reveal Mr. Cambell is gay which given how straight the main cast is, is nice.  But this was a great one with too many good gags to mention, a great setup, a great rolling stones song played during the montage I do not know the name of, and I hope we get other candace advnetures at her school in the future, because this was a real delight. Again one of the best episodes of the season. 

The House Guest From Hell: Speaking of best episodes, this is probably the best pairing of episodes yet, as both are standouts of the season. 

Emily’s old friend Becca drops back into her life, to everyone’s annoyance as Becca is an utter leech who constantly take advantage of Emily’s lack of boundaries with her to constantly talk about whatever drama she’s wrapped herself in and mooch off her. Josh and Bridgette want her to set firm boundaries, but Emily fails to and instead only gets Becca to set boundaries with her boyfriend.. which leads to her moving into the apartment temporarily, and annoying the hell out of everyone. Becca is a great character, being that asshole in the most over the top and annoying way possible, to the point she takes alex’s room, watches tv on a loop and doesn’t seem to realize Emily is married (Despite being part of her bridal party), or that candace is Emily’s daughter and not a tiny butler (Which Candace assumes is a game. )

Naturally for this show things escalate hilariously as Emily finds out she’s pregnant when she tries to throw her out and the pregnancy is escalated.. and we soon find out it’s because the pregnancy is demonic: She has Hecate as her dula (And Alex naturally asks if she’s single, get it guy get it), needs goats hoves, locusts and the blood of the innocent (Which is the only item that trips josh up who hopes they can get it at costco, which made me have to pause as I could not stop laughing). This would be funny enough. .but what takes it into making this episode a classic is when Emily tricks her boyfriend Luke over he’s unsurprisingly a devil.. but also a hilariously over the top douchebag dudebro played by Beck  Bennet, who it’s not only nice to see outside of ducktales, but is also just totally game. Luke is so odious it wraps around to being funny, to the point he unsurprisingly hits on Bridgette while his girlfriend is in labor, messily makes out with her and they try to move in, though thankfully Emily cathartically screams Becca out midbirth. Also they end up going to hell, with Luke getting there by doing donuts. Yes really. This episode is a treasure and does the series schitck of taking a relatable problem and escalating it to perfection. 

Joint Break:

Another unsurprisingly good one, as Pearle deals with the fact that despite her decades of service, the force’s health plan doesn’t cover her needed hip surgery after she slides over a car wrong (Which also leads to a great riff on the old csi Miami parody). She then finds herself between her oath as an officer and her needs for help as she befriends a gang of saucy old women at water aerobics who are also bank robbers and want to cut her in. And they provide a tempting offer, getting what their owed and ti feels like a genuine dilemma, even if Pearle ends up siding with the police, not that she should. It’s also full of great bits of the old lady gang weaponizing stereotypes about old people, with the three of them dawning classic old lady getups to fool an officer, and having one of them i a walker slowly cross the street to stop an armored truck. Fun stuff helped by their leader being voiced by Jane Lynch, continuing this season’s red hot guest star streak, not that the series has ever been light on them (They got David Hasselhoff and weird al in season 1, so yeah), but this season ramps up the good guest voices to the point there’s one per episode almost. 

Cyber Matrix: This one’s okay though the setup is good. Unsurprisingly given both his dale gribble-esque penchant for conspiracies and his hipster holier than thou ways, Alex has never had a smart phone, and has a very old flip hone that’s horrifc to look at and naturally gets destroyed, leading to him getting addicted to the thing.. and this being the show it is fusing with it. What makes this one is the climax, as the rest of the main group scramble to take out the cell tower so Alex’s phone doesn’t upload him to the cloud while Josha nd Alex open everything they can to slow her down. The result is the phone hacking Emily’s and ordering packages, task rabbits to punch her inthe face (With randy taking it so they can go) and outright hijacking a car in a clever chase. The ending though does sink this as suddenly their in veirutal reality again and it just feels weird given the series, while not really using continuity much so far, dosne’t have negavite continuity punch out endings outside of this one ep and I hope this dosen’t happen again. Otheriwse a decent one if sadly not one of Alex’s best and he equally sadly onlyg ets one truly great episode this season, compared to having a good chunk of the best plots last season. Still you can’t win em all and i’m sure my boy will return to form and said great episode, which we’ll get to soon, certainly shows they didn’t loose their touch. They just fumbled a bit and that’s okay. 

Haunted Couch: Balancing that out is the fact that Bridgette, who didn’t get nearly as many good eps as Alex or as much focus as the rest, gets some great episodes this season with this one being my out and out favorite as it fleshes her out more and has some really great gags. Josh brings in a street couch (And he and Emily’s argument over it is great including him using the fact she forced them to get a savings account as leverage somehow), just as Bridgette is in emotional turmoil over her latest boyfriend suddenly ghosting her. 

Naturally she ends up falling for a REAL ghost, a french couch designer who had a habit of cheating on his lovers, died for it by one of their hands, and his soul ended up bound to the couch. Naturally hea nd Bridgette hit it off and we get a LOT of good stuff in a montage as the two take the couch everywhere, and her friends, minus Alex who surprisingly rather than being jealous, simply dosen’t like the fact there’s a ghost in the house technically haunting them which surprisingly goes nowhere, are happy for her and like him after the initial shock wears off, though Josh still wants to sit on the couch. He and Bridgette even have really good sex using Randy’s body, with him being a willing vesel for Marcus. And i’d just like to point out that an intensely weird comedy show that also has a sentient present, bob vila with saw hands, and dude bro satan in this very season, 2/3 of those to come.. STILL did this better than wonder woman 87, as they actually asked someone to let the ghost of the couple use his body so they could fuck, and he gave full consent to it. And no I sitll haven’t let that go, it was a very bad plotline with nightmarish implications and the fact close enough did it better in a joke, they also have the song from ghost in the background by the by, than a big budget movie from the same company, is a really large bilboard saying:

But while the episode was thoroughly interesting and funny.. it’s what happens next that makes it one of the series best. While the series is amazing at comedy, it’s the character growth slid in between it that makes it so awesome and this episode is a great example. Bridgette turns cold towards Marcus as it’s clear he’s serious, and he’s even moved a tooth brush in. She gets more and more hostile until eventually Marcus calls her on it, and prevents her from leaving with a vortex of furniture.. which could’ve gone bad very quick but instead just means she has to face him.. and is hit with a rather painful relization when he asks “Do you what me to, how you say, ghost you?” (She explained the concept earlier). She says no.. but quickly a series of flashbacks puts the previous breakup in context as the guy she was seeing asked to leave a toothbrush, a  simple escalation and she got real nasty real quick without saying what the problem was. We see more of this with a previous boyfriend and hilaroiusly one before that guy who not only had a toothbrush in a ringbox but was also in a hot air ballon she casually cuts the anchors too and has float away. Which does mean Bridgette probably killed a man but that’s one compared to josh’s 10 this season. Yes, 10. We’ll get to that. 

Point is she realizes “oh shit i’m the dick”, and has a genuine talk with Marcus, realizing why: “You know how women feign being submissive because society’s taught them to so they don’t get raped or murdered or kidnapped?” “Oui”, best bit of the episode and damn if it ain’t horribly true. But due to tha Bridgette simply got terrible quick to scare guys off when she really just wanted to break it off instead of take things further and breaks it off with marcus.. and is surprised and relieved when he doesn’t want a big fight and takes it acceptably, Marcus having grown from his past of being a women using cad and genuinely wanting to treat them better. For once Bridget gets to have an emotionally mature breakup with someone, and while you could say her relationship with alex is like that, it’s very clear from an upcoming episode it wasn’t a very clean break at first and while their amicable now their marriage was a hot volcano of arguments. This allos Marcus to pass.. if also destroying the couch to Josh’s misery. An instant classic and one of the season’s highlights and one that really fleshes Bridgette out a bit by giving another reason for her relationships not working besides alex that fits the character perfectly and has her grow from it. 

Also just a quick sidenote, this episode vaguely reminded me of the Nightmare Time, theater troupe team starkid’s zoomcast I highly recommend set in their hatchetfield multiverse, episode “Jane’s a Car” , which is about a man’s wife possessing his car and also involves an object. Both are very diffrent mind you, Jane’s a Car ends up way more depressing, but its’ stil la story involving ghost fucking though Bridgette found a vesel instead of straight up fucking a couch the way tom went to town on that car. It also involves the lead’s perosnal issues, if far more severe in Jane’s a Car’s case, reflected by their relationship with a ghost. I mean it is a stretch but these are the weird connectoins my brain makes and I mostly bring it up because an  upcoming episode in the season goes from kind of similar but only to me to very similar, and a very fun concidence that these two episodes existed in the same year, especially since this happened last year with this show and Ducktales. But first josh doing a murder on some people. 

Man Up:

Okay for starters the title man up reminds me of this short lived abc sitcom I never saw but given it was about three guys tapping into their “inner man” it sounds like aresnic somehow took the sentient form of a tv show. This actual poster for it not only proves the point but why it lasted one season if not why the hell I remembered this existed at all despite never seeing it, not recognizing anyone in it and not wanting anything to do with it. 

Given I have 8 more episodes to go after this one, I do not have time to disect all the way that poster is a waking nightmare, though i’d love to, and instead i’m going to talk abotu the episode itself. The intro is funny enough, with the Ramierz-Singletons going to a bank for Candace’s first bank account, the Bank of Hollywood. An alien seemingly attacks, it turns out to be a promotional stunt with high budget effects a great gag in of itself, but Josh runs out on his family.  Naturally he’s horribly rattled by this, and wants to be a better dad, a John McClane type. So two things: I now want a crossover with this show and brooklyn nine nine along with the hatchefield one in my head and the regular show one most fans want. And the second is that John wasn’t the best dad or husband, and both the original film, the sequel josh saw, and the fourth film all spell this out. The fifth does too but I feel if I wish hard enough a good day to die hard will just spontaneously cease to exist and we’ll all be happier that way. 

So Pearle agrees to help him, and we get a fun training montage, with Josh protecting a candace made of eggs Alex made, because of course he did, and an emily made of the same because of course he did, and get punched in the junk by randy in a dog costume, as you do. He actually feels tough and is ready for phase 2, pearle hitting him with something unexpectdly.

Instead what he thinks is Phase 2 is actually a die hard style hyjacking of Emily’s company christmas party, which josh misses due to being in the bathroom after panickily running into corn. As a result.. we get josh killing about 8-10 people not realizing it’s not a simulation but not really caring about that part when it’s revealed. Which granted it is in self defense but he still kills a LOT of people this episode, and I will be forever haunted by the fact that stringbean can REALLY do some murders. Seriously who knew JOSH had it in him. That is terrifying to comprehend. Naturally after he john mclanes his way up, he finds out it wasn’t a simulation panics but instead of running away runs the hans gruber knockoff, whose sadly not very entertaining out of the building and onto some exploding corn, saving the day, earning his family’s respect and cemnting himself as a badass. The reveal of what the text actually was is just.. perfect as it’s just a bat on a string with Alex saying “he’s totally going to shit”. The perfect capper to good ep only hampred by hans being really weak.. seriously he just has a weird sentence sturcture tha’ts hte joke. They can do better. Otherwise a good die hard parody. John would be proud. 

Handy:

Another decent one not a standout but it has a truly astounding bit. Randy finds out, after going to Guy Fieri’s flavor diaster for Pearle, that she hired another handyman and he’s not good at his job as as he puts it “I’m going to do what troubled young men have done for years : i’m going to sea!”. Which is funny enough but leads to him stranded on a desert island, hallucinating and then meeting his idols in handy manning who may or may not be hallucinations: Bob Vila, The Ikea Mascot (Who speaks only in pictures and is a fun gag despite never having seen him before this episode) and my favorite tim the tool man taylor, whose tie is constantly pointed up for some reason and who amazingly only speaks in grunts. I didn’t know I needed this so thank you close enough. We also get the three helping with bob turning his hands into buzzsaws, ikea man creating nails and screws and Tim using his head as a tool. All accurate to their original shows and in ikea man’s case brocures. Really good adaptation. But through this he discovers the clog the guy is trying to fix at the house is loadbearing and rushes home to save the house, leading to a fun actoin scene and a weird version of the celebration from the end of return of the jedi, complete with force ghosts. So we also get a tim taylor force ghost which I did not know I needed and as much as that show makes my stomach churn I badly hope shows up in the finale of last man standing. A decent one and givne how I keep sayin ga decent episode over and over you can kinda see why I didn’t review all these. LIke season 1 I simply don’t have a full review in me for every single one of these episodes. We’re now at the halfway mark, only 8 more to go, I envy the dead, let’s do this. 

Birthdaze: This was the episode most heavily promoted in the trailer and for good reason as it’s the best of the season. Also relatable as while not having kids I do get how Kids Birthday parties feel and how they often end up weirdly close together. In this case both coalse as Josh and Emily have three birthdays in one weekend, their friends Emily’s friend Trish from “Cool Moms”, who is so far some of the only continuity the series has, but a nice sign it has it, and that we could see Jim Crunch (who rose from the grave after an utterly wonderful funeral) or Dog Boy again. Or this episode’s standout gifty. But we’ll get to that in a second.  So Josh and Emily well intentiondly decide to throw a party for the parents at the same time as Candace’s.. but end up neglecting Candace. While their idea is good, to reward the other parents for having to sit through so many parties, putting it at the same time was a horrible idea as giving a bunch of pent up people with low alcohol tolerance booze ends up resulting in drunken antics and them heckling the magicain... and given the world we’re in, that’s a horrible mistake as he makes the children disappear to a world of perptual brithday parties and forces JOsh and Emily to follow him if they want their child back.  What results is an utter delightly as we meet the wonderful and incomprable Gifty, a giant living present who works iwth the magician, named sardini, and is voiced by Kate Miccuci, heart eyes> Just.. evey bit with gifty is great, from her genuinely being animated and looking like a muppet, to her casually going demonic to explain if the kids stay too long they forget parents, to as seen up top playing a pipe organ that is apparently made of gold plated clown bones, and her best bit, which I posted on this very blog, where she assures the trapped kids if JOsh and Emily fail their final test, they’ll get to live of nutricious necco wafers before vomiting a giant cloud of them at the poor children. Those things are gross and we now knwo it’s because they come from a giant present’s stomach. 

We get a great montage before most of that of our heroes treking through a weird and awesome birthday landscape with too many good parts to mentoin, before finding Sardini who puts them through tests before they can get candace back.. and one of those are you human image tests via the ball from phantasm. As gifty puts it “We have to make sure your not a bot”. But the tests, about candaces faviorite things, help the two realize she liked them because they did it together, and a final talk with candace, as the final test has her ask why theyd idn’t want to spend time with her, with the two warmly apologizing and explaning why they did it but that they went too far. Candace reconclies with her parent,s the kids and our heroes go home, and Sardini finds himself sad no one stayed.. but at least he has gifty... and then start making love to her “Unwrap me!” which is far and away the best gag in the season’s best episode by a mile. 

Time Hooch:

Now to talk about two things I hinted at earlier: The only good Alex episode this season and the one that vaugely resembles one of the Nightmare Time episodes. And while their two very diffrent stories with very diffrent outcomes and only one of them involves this guy

And suprisingly it’s NOT close enough that has the eldtrich horrifying goat monster with a goofy cartoon voice who says things like “I’m coming for your ass Teddy Bear!” But both are stories about a sketchy (mildly for alex, entirely for Ted) middle aged man who feels one moment is where his life went wrong then accidently time travels after drinking 80 tons of liquor and decides to use said time travel to save a relationship, and fails at it in some fashion.  There’s even a jaunt to a distopian future with robots and cyborgs. So while it’s not 1:1, alex is far more sympathetic than Ted, Time Bastard is dark horror comedy, and it again dosen’t involve a horrifying goat man suprisingly enough, it’s till way too many happy coincidences for me to outright ignore. Also check out nightmare time and especially the musicals it spun off from The Guy Who Didn’t LIke Musicals and Black Friday. It’s good stuff. But I couldn’t help but make the comparison, or now imagine Alex, Ted and Professor Hidgens as some weird diasterious power trio. This is how my brain works now. 

But to the episode itself it’s just great from start to finish: Bridgette finds out while rumaging for an old photo in an old box of their stuff that Alex never signed the divorce papers. Turns out he was hoping they’d get back together.. and while not doing it and not telling her was a VERY selfish and horrible action.. you still sympathize with him. He hoped things would work out and they’d get back together, and given they had some close calls with that in season 1, to the point I shipped them, you can see where his sprig of hope came from. But with this he’s realized there probably isn’t any hope and drinks some old moonshine he and Josh made in college.  Said moonshine was from a recipie in an old blues record, the titular time hooch that true to form, allows them to travel back in time. And since he was thinking of when he thought the relationship truly hit it’s breakig point, when Bridgette at a sandwitch of his and he’d said in the heat of it he wished he’d never met her, they end up there and Alex tries to use it to help. Also Jason’s delivery of Alex saying what the recipie was “rye, barely, a dead man’s pocket watch, mixed under a full moon (Laughs) okay we probably should’ve seen this coming.  

Naturally here’s where it really gets intresting. As you’d probably guess, our heroes are the ones who made the sandwitch disappear and in desperation, alex kidnaps his past self before he can say the fatal words> We also get another spectacular bit where all past alex needs from alex to know he’s really him from the future is what year he was born (1982), meaning he’s defintely older than the rest of the cast. Though I wouldn’t be suprised if he was held back.. like at all. Look i’m not thinking too hard into it this is also a story about whiskey based time travel. 

But with that said intresting part takes hold as Josh’s past self reminds him of another fight that made things tense for a while.. and you can see where this goes. Alex keeps going back, and back, and back and back and back and back and back... and back, to try and stop the one fight, only to find a bigger one, leading to a montage.. to the point he ends up at the start of the relationship, the day they met at a college bar. The younger Alex’s have decided screw it it was always wrong, let’s end the relationship. 

We also get more of Alex’s backstory as it turns out he’s at a community college rather than UCLA, where he used to teach because of his own dumb actions: He met bridgette, let her enroll in his class and didn’t try to convince her to take another one. Don’t get me wrong the decade age gap and power dynamics are iffy.. but it’s not as bad as it could be. They met before the class, and it comes off more as both being too stupid or too horny to realize how her being in his class came off before it was too late. She got with him entirely on his merits, and yes he has some trust me.  Case in point.. Alex realizes a few things. The first is that no amount of time travel can save his relationship. They fought all the time clearly, and there were inherent problems. It’s also clear just from the series itself that while they have chemistry their just not that compatible as people. Bridgette is obessed with image, social media, and herself while Alex just two episodes ago called phones the downfall of society and likes feeling superior to the exact kind of person bridgette is. They have chemistry but sometimes it’s jut not enough. You have to have some common ground or your going to fall in a big hole. It’s honestly feels like a much more tolerable and realistic version of Leonard and Penny from the Big Bang Theory. And yes I know that show’s not the most popular with my core audience, nerds, and I bring it up because mom’s been watching it a lately, and any time I see Leonard and Penny on screen it annoys me into a tizzy as the two just have NO REASON to be together other than boning, and even then he’s apparently not a good partner so why then. They have nothing in common and she mocks and belittles him all the fucking time, mocking his hobbies, finding his job boring, and mocking him as a person. And not sharing hobbies or finding his job intresting would be fine, and still work but it’s the constant teasing about it that comes off far more vitrolic than probably intended that just makes me hope for a divorce. Here it’s not only much milder but they did actually get a divorce because their just diffrnet people and i’m not mad the ship was sunk. It was done in a poetic way. 

And part of that poetry is Alex realizing that as doomed as things ended up being, via a very sweet montage of their time together.. he realizes he can’t loose this all together. That sure he’d gain a lot and porbably woudlnt’ be living in a closet, but he’d loose all the good times, and he’d loose a friend. His marriage wasn’t so bad he wants to erase it it just ended and that happens. Naturally the other alex’s don’t feel that way but Alex stops them.. Josh is too drunk at this point to help, and ends up creating a time vortex. The vortex sends our heroes home, where Alex realizes his mistake and apologizes for it to bridgette and signs the papers in front of her.  As for the Alexs we get a horrifying and hilarous gag as, given they’ve all commented each other is handsome.. start having an orgy, and are later found in amber and their dna is used to create our alex apparently. How does that work?

Point is this episode.. is a masterwork. It’s emotoinal, hilarious, and really good character work, with Alex having a really stellar arc that shades him in and putts a final button in his and bridgettes relationship. And having seen many ships I like end horribly, it’s nice to have one end in a satsifying way like this. Also we see Alex in his borat thong, and i’d just like to point out how funny I find it that the same year they made a borat joke, specifically on it being from a decade or two ago, we ended up getting a second Borat movie. Very niceeee. 

World’s Greatest Teacher: This one was alright. On the bright side we got a Mr.Cambell episode! I”ve loved the guy since first meeting him in 100% no stress day, it was the first episode and that hasn’t changed and he’s always a bright spot when he shows up. So an episode about him dealing with a rival teacher, MS. Lake a twice a week music teacher gunning for his job and his students love sounded made for me. In practice he gets a bit too petty to be symapthetic which takes things down a peg, even if it turns out  Ms. Lake really is coming for his ass Teddy Bear, but it has enough good gags to help it still be a fun episode.

The biggest one and the biggest reason I sitll like the episode is Timothy’s coffe mug for world’s greatest teacher.. which naturally comes to life, possibly as a psychotic break possibly for real because of the show this is, and starts speaking in the dulcet tones of keith david. ANd i’ve made no secret I love and am thirsty for Keith David on this blog and never will, and having him voice an abusive fowl mouthed coffee mug  is something I dind’t know I need but boy did I always need it my entire life. Yes even as a baby. It’s just glorious every time he shows up. The climax is also great as the two teachers end up bonding over the greatest love of all and george micheal after Candace invites River to a part sh’esd having for her tooth coming out, and end up becoming frinemies, a nice solution i was glad to see. Even if i’ll miss evil keith david coffee mug. Rest in power my dude. 

Where’d You Go, Bridgette? The second major Bridgette episode of the season and like “Haunted Couch” this one’s an instant classic. After realizing Bridgtte’s already out of control addition to her phone has gotten even worse, Pearle confinscates it and takes her to detox. This leads to two great plots; Bridgette going into withdrawl, complete with an inspired nightmare sequence about her aps and missing her friends death because she was on her phone and the rest of the cast thinking sh’es been kidnapped because she’s not on social media, which while stupid is DELIGHTFULLY stupid and makes some sense given how glued to her phone she is. They end up calling a true crime podcast over, two egosticial college girls who quickly blame them for it despite it making no sense and their fans torm the apartment, and don’t belivie it when bridgette actually shows up.. It takes an inspired speech from Bridgette, whose developed as a person and after actually tasting a late for the first time sees how good they are, and Pearle posting that speech online to dismiss them and our heroes are saved. It’s an utterly amazing plot from josh being excited about the mob attacking them, to Pearle revealing part of the reason she’s so dedicated to helping bridgette is due to her own weird addiction to six flags, which is just so oddly specific I love it. 

The Erotic Awakening of A.P. Lapearle This one STARTED well, with Alex reading his viking erotic to everyone, and not getting that Candace maybe shouldn’t be there, only for Pearle to be the only one to actually enjoy it and be inspired by her enjoyment of his work to submit it to a publisher. The publisher ends up making a valid point that women want erotic fantasy from someone they can feel safe by and alex is well.. alex, so he suggests using pearle as a front. it goes how you’d expect: he wants actual credit, the publisher slowly pushes him out, she regrets it, they fight an army of fans and make them vomit with alex reading the book.. standard stuff. It’s just not very funny or a great insight into either characters, and is easily the weakest episode of the season.. though the next one gave it close compettition. 

Men Rock!

This one was a chore to sit through, and is only ahead of the last one because it has some really good josh bits and musical numbers which is more than the last one gave me so hey. In a nutshell Emily is on the verge of quitting her and Bridgette’s music careers as she feels they’ll never be famous only for their latest song Men Rock!, an ironic title for a sarcastic song poking fun at a bunch of toxic masculinty bs that is a good song, has hit it HUGE in a fictonal foreign dicatroship and get invited to go, reclutantly agreeing. If you haven’t seen the ep, you can still guess how this goes: say it with me THEY TOOK IT AT FACE VALUE. So our heroines have to help inspire the repressed women and inspire a bloody cou, helped by josh finding some improisoned femisinists in a bathroom. They also gain a fan. it has a few good gags, mostly Candace trying to remind her dad to help her find a place to pee after he keeps getting sidetracked by being taken back by Emily’s sucess. I’ts just a very bad, very predictable episode with very obvious misogyn is bad jokes. And misgoyny IS bad but other shows, paticuarlly tuca and bertie with one early episode, have tackeld this topic better. This episode did not. Last one. 

Secret Horse:

This one in stark contrast is one of the series best and an utter joy to watch. On a bad day for the whole apartment with some santa anna winds, an adorable, poofy mained utterly precious horse gets free and ends up at the apartment. Thus we get a vingettte episode, as the horse has a delightful adventure with each of our main 7, and each up tot he last try and hide the horse badly only for the horse to suddenly sprout up and help their mood.

I do love a good vinegtte episode, with two of my faviorite simpsons episodes being 22 short films about springfiled (Minus kirk dragging MIlhouse away from the bathroom, fuck you you balding asshat, it makes the episode hard to watch) ,and trilogy of error, and this is a classic example of it as we get some fun adventures fro each of the housemates: Candace plays with the horse, adorably so, Josh finds it in the garage as his car breaks down and takes them on an install with him, even stuffing them into a suit and we get a great bit of the horse getting fed sugarcubes and josh money. Brigette gets help living in the now instead of posting about it all the time.

My faviorite comes next as Alex needs new patches for his suit but obviouslyc n’t afford them so he takes the ponyt ot he track.. to help him pick which horses to bet on. It’s just such an inherntly funny idea, especially since it works, and really the horse is just hilarious wherever it ends up. It next helps randy win a skating contest, we get a touching story as Pearle misses her old tragically dead horse partner and uses our boy as a subtitute and finlaly we get emily who needs help relaxing and while she naturally calls animal control she hangs up as she falls for hte horse. The group all fight over the horse in the end, the horse leaves and they let it go home, wonder if it was a hallucination and it whizes on thier car. Overall a really great finale and a wonderful note to go out on. 

Overall Ranking I’ve decided eveyr time I do one of these, or a post season wrapup of a show i’ve covered every episode of the season to rank them from best to worst sooo

Birthdaze Time Hooch Haunted Couch Secret Horse Where’d You Go Bridgette? Sauce face Houseguest  From Hell Joint Break Josh Gets Shredded World’s Greatest Teacher Meet the Frackers Handy Man Up Cyber Matrix Men Rock!  The Erotic Awakening of A.P. Lapearle

And i’d like to note that outside of the bottom two hear.. I enjoyed ALL of these. WHich leads to

Final Thoughts; This season was excellent. It had everything the first season had the heart, the character and the utterly great sense of humor, and fine tuned it to be a well oiled machine I could hardly stop laughing at and with tons of great character stuff. Before it had the potetial to surpass regular show but now it has as despite having a few dud episodes itself, as is intievitble in any show, now, they still aren’t as bad as a lot of RS’s early misteps. And Regular SHow as a FANTASTIC show and really stuck the landing, so i’m only saying this is even better and can only go up from here. And even if it stays about the same quality wise, that won’t be a bad place to be. This season was near damn perfect, i’ll probably watch it again and again, and I can’t wait to devour more and given the current tragectory probably will this year. And I couldn’t be more excited.

If you like this blog follow for more reviews, become a patreon to help reach stretch goals or comission a review outright, details for the latter two on my blog. And i’ll see you at the next rainbow. 

[simp-for-spencer-reid]

Sugar with a Side of Coffee- Ch. 2: A Name to the Face

Chapter 2: A Name to the Face Series Masterlist

Spencer strolled into the BAU later than his usual ten minute early arrival. His coffee was still hot. The label on the disposable cup gave away his being late to the rest of the unit. 

“None for the rest of us?” Derek raised his eyebrows. “You come in late and don’t even bring the rest of us coffees?” He leans back on Spencer’s desk. “Tsk Tsk, Pretty Boy.” Derek crossed his arms.

“Actually, the cart was almost robbed.” Spencer looks up at Derek from his chair. “I had to chase after a kid for the barista’s tip jar.” He takes a sip from his heavily sweetened coffee, directing his attention to the stack of files to go through.

“Well, let’s get you a key to the city, Superman.” Derek quips.

Cate scrambled bringing the cart back into The Empty Mug. She dropped the tip jar off at the counter with Marta and was already ripping off her apron.

“What’s the matter with you?” Marta raises an eyebrow.

“Some kid tried to steal the tip jar this morning. Lucky for me, it just so happened that an actual real-life FBI agent was waiting in line and caught the kid.” Cate was bitter about how the day went, and so not looking forward to going out tonight.

“No way!” Marta flipped the sign on the front door to ‘Closed’ and followed Cate into the backroom. “What was he like? Intimidating? Super buff?” 

“Firstly, wipe the drool off your chin.” Cate teased her friend. “Secondly, he wouldn’t be my first pick in a lineup of FBI agents. He was young,” Cate thought back to the events of the day. “And skinny. He had chicken legs.” Cate giggled with her friend, picturing the agent she now knew to be SR. The girls put the coffee cart away, and went their separate ways home. 

The next morning, Cate and Shrimp went about their usual routine, filling his bowl, and Cate having a small breakfast before heading out the door. She awoke in a much better mood today, just about skipping down the three flights of stairs to the ground floor. With her work bag situated upon her shoulder and one headphone in her ear, she almost danced her way to the Empty Mug.

Marta had already opened up the shop, which was easy because her family lived just upstairs. She was washing the chalk off the menu and rewriting some items. The lights were still off, the only thing lighting up the room was the sun coming in from the windows. Miranda and Marcus, Marta’s parents and owners of the shop came down the stairs.

“We’re heading to go to try some new coffee beans. Oh! Good morning, Cate! Always nice to see you” Marcus nodded to Cate with a smile. Cate and Marta looked between each other, giving each other a did you tell them look. But, Miranda quickly picked up the conversation before the topic of the almost robbery could be brought up. 

“Marta, did you eat yet? Don’t you even think of working before you eat.” Miranda gave Marta a pointed look. “You too, Cate. You girls can whip up some fresh muffins before you get the cart on the street. And please, eat one.” Miranda was always treating Cate like her own ever since Cate met Marta at their college orientation. Despite having two different majors, they hit it off and were inseparable ever since. 

“Yes ma’am,” Cate smiled at Miranda. “I just saw a recipe for a raspberry white chocolate muffin that I’ve been dying to try.” Cate started on her way to the back to retrieve her ingredients. 

“I’ll make some blueberry bread!” Marta’s excitement sent her practically sprinting to the back. 

“See you girls later!” Marcus shouted and he and Miranda were off to their new coffee beans. 

In the back, the girls’ had their arms full of flour and brown sugar and other ingredients. They grabbed bowls and spoons until they couldn’t carry any more. Marta was the first to go back to the storefront, her arms full of bread making goods. Cate realized she hadn’t any raspberries in the back, or in the store at all for that matter. She’ll have to run to the store after her shift so she can bake after hours.

“We can get the cart running a little late.” Marta assured. “These mini breads are gonna take roughly an hour, so we can send you out then.” Cate nodded, grabbing a few sticks of butter from their mini fridge and putting them on the counter to help Marta with the breads. Cate was glad that working together had never interfered with their friendship. They made a good team and knew when to take the lead from each other and when to follow.

Cate flipped the sign to signal their shop was open and took the counter while Marta baked. Customers shortly filed in after, and filed out when they got their coffees and sometimes baked goods. Cate had missed working the shop, but the cart allowed for her to get some fresh air, which she was grateful for because she certainly didn’t miss the occasional burnt coffee smell. 

The girls seemed to have lost track of time, it was almost 9 before either had looked at a clock. Cate and Marta had been so wrapped up in manning the shop together again, they had glanced at each other, before Marta took over the counter and Cate went to grab the cart. 

On her way back from her shift, she hadn’t seen SR or the blonde that had ordered for him before. She was looking forward to talking to him again. There was something about him that was so enticing, and Cate couldn’t just chalk it up to being an FBI agent. When she pushed the cart back into the shop, Cate’s feet were killing her from standing all day. Once the cart was settled in the back, Cate came back out to the storefront with Marta. 

“Once it slows down a bit, I’m gonna head to that organic food store and pick up the raspberries for those muffins. I shouldn’t be too long.” Cate re-tied her apron, ready to finish up the day and get baking. 

As promised, Cate had gone and come back from the store carrying raspberries, along with other snacks and drinks for Cate and Marta to have. Marta had already started baking while Cate was at the store. They connected the speakers in the shop to Marta’s phone and played some upbeat, fun music to dance while they made muffins and some more bread for the next day. Cate was shaking her hips while she bent down to grab milk from the mini fridge while lightly singing to the tune streaming through the shop. 

“Are you closed?” a voice rang from the other side of the counter. Cate stood up, nearly dropping the milk. It was SR. She glanced around for Marta, but didn’t see her.

“Um technically yeah, but it's alright. What can I get for you?” Cate smiled, placing the milk by her baking goods. “The usual?” SR smiled at her.

“That would be perfect.” he reached into his pocket for his wallet.

“Oh, we’re off the clock, don’t worry.” Cate smiled. The agent smiled again, and pulled his wallet out anyway to put a bill in the jar by the register. He walked down the counter to the stools and set his leather satchel down on the counter, resting his arms on the counter. “I’m also making some muffins and such for tomorrow if you wanna be my taste tester?” Cate offered.

“Oh, uh sure. I’d love to.” he clasped his hands together on the counter top. He took a minute to glance around the shop. There were a few older leather couches and a classic black and white tile floor. Some armchairs were scattered by the windows, small side tables next to them. Cate was putting together the coffee and came over with a tall mug and placed it down on the counter in front of the agent. When he went to put it to his mouth, he caught sight of the contents of the mug. Filled halfway with what he assumed to be sugar, and from just over the rim, he spotted Cate smiling proudly to herself. “Very funny.” He smiled at her and Cate could’ve sworn her heart swelled. She placed down the mug containing actual coffee. 

“You can use that sugar to tame your sweet tooth.” Before Cate could ask him his name, her timer for the oven chimed, calling her attention. She pulled on an oven mitt, and grasped the tray from the oven and onto the stove top. She placed a muffin onto a small plate and brought over a fork for the agent. “Here I present my twist on a recipe for a raspberry white chocolate muffin.” Cate watched intently as he lifted the fork and broke off a piece. It was still hot, so he had to wait for it to cool. 

“Oh my god,” his eyes widened as he swallowed it down. “This is incredible. What did you do?” Cate smiled proudly.

“I skip the eggs and replace it with greek yogurt.” She shrugged, blushing lightly. To distract herself, she scampered to the back of the shop to get her bag. When she came through the door,  a figure made her shout of fright. “Marta!” she clutched her chest. “Why are you hiding back here?” 

“I’m not hiding, I’m just observing.” Cate rolled her eyes at her friend. “I’m observing you flirt with that guy. You know no mortal man can resist your baking!” Marta tried to sneak another look at the man from the window in the door. 

“You’ve lost your mind.” Cate shook her head at her friend. She grabbed more butters from the large fridge and went back out to the counter. The agent was almost finished his muffin and his coffee. 

“Are you sure you’re allowed to be open this late?” he questioned, not wanting to be a bother. 

“Oh, please,” Cate waved him off. “You’re an honorary guest. Saved our tip jar.” Cate smiled. Then, she was overcome with a sense of bravery. “I never caught your name, Mr. Agent.”

“Doctor Agent. Well, actually it’s just Doctor. Doctor Spencer Reid.” He gulped as Cate leaned over from the counter.

“Doctor like a hospital?” Cate asked, plopping a new tray of goods in the oven. 

“Not a medical doctor. I have three phDs.” he explained. 

“Wow, congratulations. You’re so young. I barely have my bachelors.” Cate let out a small laugh. She liked that he was cute and smart. Cate pushed that feeling out of her mind. She had just met him. 

The pair spent an hour chatting and enjoying the fresh baked muffins and bread that Cate made. Spencer was no longer a mysterious agent. While Cate and Spencer were in the storefront, Marta had snuck upstairs to her own room, waiting for Cate to close up shop. 

When Spencer finally left, Cate spent some time dancing and cleaning up her mess. She had hung up her apron and padded up the stairs to Marta. Marta insisted that Cate tell her everything, even going as far to call her while on her walk home to finish the story. Cate left out her butterflies she felt for Spencer. Afterall, he was just a new friend. When Cate made it up the stairs to the door of her apartment, she opened it to find Shrimp, mewing at her and walking between her legs while she walked inside to finally call it a day. 

[genesisrose74]

Karasuno Boys Singing Headcanons!

A/n: By this point I hope that everyone has seen the masterpiece that is Sugawara’s wonderful voice actor singing Under the Sea, which has won the spot in my heart for cutest thing I’ve ever heard. I then proceeded to go off the deep end of Haikyuu voice actors singing and safe to say I was in no way disappointed, so here’s some Karasuno boys singing headcanons! If you have any requests my ask box is open 💖 enjoy!

Daichi

Is it just me or would Daichi not care if someone heard him singing

He seems like the type of person who hums all the time 

Partly because it helps relax him after yelling at the team all day LMAO He doesn’t necessarily sing with lyrics every chance he gets, but when he does he’s pretty casual about it

He’ll sing in the car a lot, and it was actually the first place you heard him

Boy has a soothing playlist for school days and you always like hearing his voice when he drives you in the mornings

Will hum when you’re both doing schoolwork in his or your house

Doesn’t realize he has a good voice, so he never tries to show off all that often in front of people and thus the team has not heard him full out sing yet

So when they does hear him like, actually singing for the first time at the end of practice they’re SHOOK

Tanaka and Nishinoya instantly start spamming you with texts, asking why you hid away such a precious secret for so long

You’re sitting in the library staring at your constantly vibrating phone like ??? doesn’t he sing all the time?

When you end up texting the boys this question they go absolutely feral

At this point Daichi is losing his voice yelling at the team to calm tf down

Suga is cackling in the corner of the team gym cause he been knew

It’s absolutely chaotic literally someone come save Daichi please-

Sugawara

HAHA GET READY BOYS

Official team mom of Karasuno sings all the damn time don’t even get me started

Always humming some upbeat tune doing schoolwork, cleaning up after practice, in the car, etc.

Seriously when is this sweet baby not singing

The team is well aware of this, especially the sideline cheer squad (Yamaguchi, moi ippon nice serve!) 

Tell me he does not make up rhyming cheers under his breath during matches I dare you

Will literally make up a stupid song on the spot to describe whatever he is currently doing or feeling

Hinata bathroom vibes tbh but it’s even more out of the blue

“Got an A on my exam today, and things are going my way”

“Suga, for the love of everything please stop”

“Daichi thinks I’ll listen to what he’ll say, but I’m singing more anyway”

He is always on board with karaoke whenever Karasuno has team bonding nights

One time you are invited to this by Suga himself and he gets up and starts singing a Disney song haha guess which one 

And as often as the team has heard him sing mans is feeling it tonight for whatever reason and y’all can tell

You have never heard anyone sing Under the Sea so passionately before but it’s a gift and you’re not complaining

Asahi

Boy is so insecure oh my gosh please give him some support

Very shy about singing in front of anyone and everyone

The only time you’ve ever heard him sing was when you were over at his house and he was taking a shower

You had gone downstairs to get a snack from the kitchen and when you come back up he’s singing alongside one of his playlists

You don’t know if it’s because of the steam and the solid acoustics in the bathroom but he doesn’t sound half bad

You try not to startle him as soon as he gets out because you know how flustered he’d get

But then a while later while y’all are studying on his bed you just casually bring it up like ‘You have a nice voice, Asahi’ and that’s all

He’s a little shocked at first that you heard him but kind of smiles and sighs in relief because you liked his singing!! 🥺

Precious teddy bear is totally happy for the rest of the week, like that’s how much your praise means to him sdlkgjfdjsof he’s too cute

Eventually warms up to humming little tunes around you

He’s really blushy when he does but you pretend not to notice for his sake lmao

It makes you so warm inside that he feels comfortable enough to let you hear him

Ennoshita

In this house we do not sleep on Ennoshita

As much as he is the mom of the second years he will flaunt his stuff whenever he gets the chance and this is one of those times

If a generic pop song is on at literally any point in time and he hears it, damn right he’s going to sing 

When it comes to singing Ennoshita is hands down the most chaotic no question about it

Sometimes he’ll actually sing a verse pretty decently

And then the next line is just the embodiment of a dumpster fire and he does not care

These are the only times that Tanaka and Noya get irritated with him and not the other way around

But Ennoshita doesn’t give a shit, he’s so cheeky

Like he’ll be walking through the mall and a banger of a song like Fergalicious comes on over the speakers? You’re done for

Even if he doesn’t know the lyrics at certain points, or deadass does not know any of them at all, he’ll just power through

If there is a sports banquet complete with dancing and music and the team attends, Ennoshita is tearing up the floor and singing his heart out

Honestly you’re a little scared to interfere cause what is he even doing-

He has made quite a few friends from opposing teams with his frankly lunatic level energy

I’m looking at you Oikawa, Tendou 

Tanaka

ANIME. INTROS.

He sounds EXACTLY like that opening singer from Bungou Stray Dogs I wonder why

No but actually we all heard his little song in season one, when he’s late and walking to the gym like what a king-

In summary he is a pretty good singer 

Most definitely a frequent participant during team karaoke nights and everyone enjoys his little performances

When he realizes that girls actually like guys who can sing he starts using this to his advantage 

And surprisingly it ended up working

You’re out at karaoke with some friends one night and you hop outside to get some more food for your group when you hear somebody slaying Rough Diamonds; your mind instantly goes to Food Wars

It catches your interest and then you realize...this dude goes to your school? You are positively whipped

He sees you from the doorway and when he realizes you’re enjoying the song he amps it up another three notches

Achievement get: girlfriend 

Karaoke dates and other such outings happen often, thank you very much

As much as he enjoys singing he does not overdo it like Ennoshita, who has been limited to three songs per night every time the group goes out, please for the sake of everyone’s eardrums

Nishinoya

As Tanaka’s best friend and as the co-president of simps everywhere, Nishinoya is another common singer during karaoke nights

Having fun and maybe picking up a cute girl at the end of it all? That’s literally his life agenda

He either goes for the badass, headbanging songs that are super energetic, or he jams out to the generic and famous pop groups’ songs

There is no in between

Noya has a slightly deeper singing voice but sometimes he’ll go for the stupid high notes for fun and just...completely fails

The fact that he has never successfully hit one of those notes doesn’t deter him in the slightest though; his goal is to get there at least once before he dies

He can sing so many popular TikTok audios and you can’t decide whether to be impressed or slightly disappointed with that fact

Noya doesn’t really sing at practice just because he’s focused, but when he’s walking home or getting food from Sakanoshita afterwards he might start randomly singing something

The type of person who has like a billion different playlists on his phone for the most obscure moods (honestly same Noya)

Like there’s one named “Bad Test Grade But I Won a Free Popsicle Kind of Feeling” don’t even ask 

Will put on a concert in his room and perform a whole lineup of these songs for you

Sometimes you think it’s just so he can avoid doing schoolwork but you let him get away with it occasionally

cause you’d never tell him but it’s so entertaining and kinda hot what

Tsukishima

OH GOD THIS BOY

I swear you have tried time and time again to figure out whatever the hell kind of music he listens to with those chonky headphones of his but you have never successfully completed that mission

There are only two - count em, TWO - instances where you have ever witnessed this embodiment of a salt shaker doing anything resembling singing

Number one was a literal meme TikTok where you were using Beyond the Mysterious Beyond from Land Before Time as your audio

You didn’t expect Tsukki to recognize it at all 

But he’s in the top corner of your phone screen and he is deadass LIP SYNCING EVERY WORD and you’re SENT INTO ORBIT 

DOES HE STUTTER? NOPE

Should have expected that Mr. Dinosaur Obsessed would have watched Land Before Time and loved the all the bops

That video is forever saved in your drafts because he’d literally end you if that went public but you refuse to completely get rid of it

Second time, our french fry child actually sings because Yamaguchi forces him to do a song with him lmao

It only lasts for about three verses but it’s all anyone has heard from him before and is therefore a blessing from above

If anyone has heard these two singing Sarishinohara on YouTube you know what I’m talking about if not look it up it’s an absolute gift 

Literal perfection in a duet like?? Everyone is depressed when they realize that Tsukki’s voice had been hidden from the world until that very moment

We will cherish this short taste of Singing! Tsukki for all time amen 😔🙏

Yamaguchi

Like Asahi, this precious bean is also shy about his singing 

But he will sometimes get a burst of confidence if he’s having a really good day or if someone is singing with him

When those moments arrive they are wonderful 

He sounds like an angel, not even exaggerating he’s just so pure

Has a very light tone no matter how the song originally sounds and it’s really soothing to be honest

When his little bouts of confidence wear off please for the love of God praise him in any way shape or form, it makes him feel good about himself 

On team bus rides to games, he and Yachi will sometimes sing fun tunes together to calm each others’ nerves and it’s incredibly precious

Tsukki will send you videos of this pregame ritual and you have a folder reserved for them in your camera roll 

Everyone say thank you Tsukki

He will sing for you if you’re feeling super down about something because he knows you love it 

Never fails to calm you down and cheer you up, and Yams knows in those moments that he would gladly sing for the rest of his life if it made you smile

We stan one soft, talented bean sprout 

Kageyama 

Another stubborn boy when it comes to singing in front of other people

He will hum on rare occasion but don’t expect much more

You start to realize that whenever he does start humming, though, it’s always the same song, so one day you ask him about it

It’s a song his grandfather used to sing to him when he was little and he uses it to calm himself down

You almost start crying on the spot because you know how much his grandpa meant to him 

Kags says there were lyrics to it but he doesn’t remember them besides a few random words scattered here and there

It becomes your personal mission to find the rest of the lyrics because you’ll be damned if your precious baby goes another day without hearing them again

Finally after countless obscure Google searches you find the song 

But you don’t know how to casually bring up the fact that you had spent hours obsessively looking for them into a conversation-

So one day you’re hanging out with Kageyama, but he’s been in an awful mood all week, and you decide to start singing the song that his grandpa used to but including the lyrics

And when he recognizes the words and puts the chorus together, he instantly relaxes and starts singing it with you

He is so touched and thankful that he can finally recall the song in its entirety, and now you both sing said song to each other whenever the other is feeling down

I love him so much my heart-

Hinata

When you find out he can sing you’re absolutely floored

Literally the only time in his life that Hinata can successfully speak English words and it’s in a song? And it’s coherent?? It’s a miracle

The whole team gets on his ass about sucking at English in class but being able to obliterate those lyrics when they come up in a song and the poor tangerine gets all huffy

hE’s tRyiNg HiS bESt oKaY                

His range is SO GOOD THOUGH WHAT-

You’re in the middle of a store with him and he’s been occasionally singing along to the music from the speakers and at this point you’re not even surprised at how good he sounds

But then he just starts singing in falsetto

BOI- When I say your jaw is on the floor I am not playing games 

The power he holds is beyond comprehension

He’s looking at you confused like did he do something wrong?

When you proceed to flip out over how great he just sounded baby gets so embarrassed how cute

Again, one of those people who just doesn’t know their gift and it makes him even more precious 

I would kill to have his capabilities like imagine the talent; if that whole volleyball thing doesn’t work out there’s also the music industry sir-

In conclusion: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GET THIS SUNSHINE A MIC THANK YOU