#workingtowardshappiness

[lostat-heart]

I always thought id pick you in a busy room,                                                        but when the day came i couldn’t.                                                                      and thats how i knew i didn't love you anymore, those big blue eyes were the only thing that got me and only after multiple looks.                                              I dont know how long its been since the day i saw you for the first time in two years, but i didn't even recognise you.                                                                     The person i was once so in love with a complete stranger unrecognisable.         One metre away and still no idea why a “stranger” was intensively staring at me... until i realised that stranger was you.                                                          The person who taught me so many life lessons, bought me so many toxic memories as well as so many good ones.                                                              Seeing you was a bitter sweet moment, one that didn't feel the way i expect it too.                                                                                                                       The first moments of realising it was you was pure shock, then it turned into anxiety, then sadness .                                                                                       Sadness only because in that moment i realised that the person i always thought you were never existed, because in that moment i saw that you weren't the person i ever thought you were.    

Trying now move past the way you treated me and the way you made me feel and meet someone else, its hard. Not because I still love you because the person i feel in love with wasn't you; but because trying to find someone who is worth the risk of going through potential heart break again.

[picass0trill]

I haven’t heard this in a while but I’m working on it.... #workingtowardshappiness

[britneebutterfly-blog]

I may not be Gold but I definitely GLITTER ✨ #BeBlissfulByBritnee #owningme #owningmylife #progress #workingtowardshappiness #selflove

[betheflower]

Workin on it everyday💕 • • • •#selfcare #selflove #workingtowardshappiness

[sodamnantisocial]

Been a minute since I last posted on #tmblr Decided I'd revamp my account as a blog and an outlet to verbalise my thoughts.

After my finishing my first night shift in 7 months and endless months of surviving on two to three hours sleep (combined with not having energy to do jack shit besides work every other day) I slept in this morning and awoke with an ugly wake-in-panic moment which scared my poor puskat Lola lol

I'd missed three calls from my hairdresser about missing my 10am appointment but managed to reschedule the appointment and I'm literally here now writing this blog while my hair is getting did

After that mid morning panic attack, I had a phone call from a bro who moved out of town and who I'm missing my gossip catch ups with, I messaged another group of friends to organise something for our bro, whose Mum passed away then had banana on toast with a strong coffee while watching a crime documentary about the most infamous hotel in LA, where I stayed back in 2012 (that's another blog itself)

Like most people, I was glad to see the back of 2020 but when 2021 actually rolled over, I was feeling down and out. Trying as I always have, in gratitude but not sincerely feeling it.

Fortunately, I'm blessed and that I can recognise, acknowledge and hold tight too knowing that

1 - I'm surrounded by wonderful people in my personal and professional life, who have strong values, are like minded, have big hearts and allow me time to vent in a safe space.

Secondly, I'm not denying the signs that "hey, right now, I'm not in a great mental space" and choosing to actively address it

I'm making a concious effort to be kinder to myself moving forward not just to overcome this slump but to build up my resilience as a whole and with support and love from friends and family and my own dogged determination to get out of this mental rut.

I endeavour to silence the saboteur who lives rent free in my head. Who always questioning my happiness and so critical of everything I do. From judging how I look and my ongoing struggle with my weight to feverishly celebrating my faults and failures, like those arsehole neighbours who party for days on end while you miss out on sleep for work.

I'll share later how I think this mental rut came about but right now, I'm going to enjoy having someone else wash my hair, dye out my silver streaks and make my hair look good again (so I can tie it up in a bun like I have all my life lol) but I'm going to enjoy this moment.

#WorkingTowardsHappiness #TheJourney #BloggingItOut #PasifikaMentalHealth #WomensMentalHealth #MentalHealth #BuildingResilience #BeingHonest #EncourageOthersToLive