#workshop handout

[string-or-nothing]

FILE FOLDER ARCHAEOLOGY

It happens that this week a couple of people have stumbled upon this old unfinished sampler that now hangs on my Wall of Shame.  It’s unfinished because I had started it as a wedding present for a friend. Sadly her engagement ended before the wedding. I never felt like finishing it off after that, although I still have it. It’s also the only piece I have ever done on Aida. I didn’t enjoy working…

[rudjedet]

okay putting myself in social media jail again until i've finished all the slides for the talk

[swankpalanquin]

wah i miss doing language stuff all the time ;_;

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Reflections in Last Twilight

Alright, I was not really planning on writing analysis on for Last Twilight, at least not this early in the game. But my dearly beloved @dribs-and-drabbles has called to me like Beetlejuice to analyze the use of reflections in this show. Which means i have been summoned, which means, it is time to bust out the meta. 

Now, having just looked back through both Episode 1 and Episode 2, there have not been that many instances of reflections in Last Twilight so far, though the ones we have had already are definitely memorable. So let’s get in to it. 

Episode 1

Intro Sequence

I’m not going to talk about the reflections off the fish tank here because the actual scene they are tied to comes in Episode 2 and I think there will be a whole lot more to say then. But I do want to acknowledge that we will be getting reflections at the beginning of every episode, and that Aof is already establishing the important symbolism of fish and jasmine. 

The first actual reflection we get in Last Twilight comes in the form of Mhok in the side mirror of  his sister Rung’s car.

Rung's car has been sitting in Pae's garage for a year at this point. It would be gathering dust if Pae hadn't spent time over the course of that year meticulously maintaining her vehicle. In fact, that is the very first thing we see happen in this workshop. Pae taking car of Rung's car in her and Mhok's sted. Taking care of this car was not his job, we can assume that he did not anticipate the time commitment that would come with maintaining possession of Rung's car while Mhok was in jail, but he has set himself up to task and gone, in my opinion, above and beyond what was expected of him by continuing to maintain her car.

Pae is surprised when Mhok hands him the spare key and says Pae can sell the car. Mhok at this point is in the anger stage of grief. He blames Rung for her death, and wants to absolve himself of the grief and guilt by maintaining the idea that Rung was to blame and to try to rid himself of any and all reminders of his sister. Mhok, as we know, is incredibly alone. His mother died when they were young, his sister has died, he is no longer associated with his friends/coworkers from his old shop after they all got arrested, and he hides as much as he can from Pae. Mhok has Phorjai and Phorjai only as any sort of support system, and she's his ex-girlfriend, so I don't think we need to go too in depth to acknowledge the complications there.

Mhok wants to forget his grief, his pain, and I appreciate greatly that Pae won't let him do that. That Pae knows Mhok enough to understand that the second that Pae sells that car, Mhok is going to regret letting it go. So he extends another six months grace period to let Mhok actually think it over. Mhok looks over the car, at the bandaid that Rung put on the little scratch she got her first day owning the car, in the glove compartment where all the handouts for her failed budiness are. And Pae allows Mhok a minute alone, in the dark of his sister's car.

At which point we get the reflection. Now, personally I think Jimmy has some work to do as an actor, which means it feels harder for me to accurately read Mhok's face/emotional state. But, for me, here, Mhok looks *tired*, but most importantly, he is trapped in the frame of the side mirror, he is stuck in the dark, and he is alone. In just one small frame, Aof is showing us the aspects of Mhok's character that will help him recognize himself in Day, and tell us why Mhok needs the relationship he has (or will have) to Day.

This is the only actual reflection we see in Episode 1. 

But I do want to comment on the end of the episode, like everyone else has, about part of the *The Little Prince* reading that Mhok does at the end. Namely the line "what is essential is invisible to the eye". 

I don't think, in a show with going blind as a part of its central theme that we really *need* to look deeper in to the significance/meaning of this line. But because I have been asked to talk about reflections, I want to go a little overboard on the line reading here. Because, day to day we can't see ourselves, right? We wouldn't know exactly what we look like if we couldn't look in to a mirror. Mirrors, reflections, are often a subject of insecurity, providing us the opportunity to pick at every flaw. In mirrors, dancers can watch and correct themselves, their body positions, tweak their choreography based on what they see that they normally would not be able to. Actors can practice facial expressions in the mirror, figure out how they have to hold themselves to make their emotions believable. In horror movies, mirrors show us what lurks in the background, in spy movies it shows us what exists around the corner. And in our deepest moments of guilt or shame, facing ourselves in the mirror becomes a challenge.

I don't want to get too ahead of myself on predictions about this show and what Aof is planning on doing with it, but personally I think the use of mirrors/reflections is a perfect way to show what is essential and invisible to the eye. Mhok is not looking at himself in the mirror here, and if we were standing in the room with him, we would not be able to see his face at all. But the side mirror of Rung's car allows us to see what Mhok is thinking and feeling. But he isn't looking in the mirror himself. He isn't and hasn't started facing or confronting his own grief, isolation, or pain. I don't know that Mhok is as of yet capable of seeing what he needs to change in his own life, because he hasn't reflected on his own life.

Episode 2

The first "reflection" we get in Episode 2 is not really a reflection, at least in the traditional sense, but I do still want to talk about it. I am of course talking about the selfie with Aon. 

Mostly because I wanted to acknowledge that to me, a photo is a kind of reflection in that you can both look back at yourself and also reflect on the memory of the time. To be honest, I don’t know exactly how I feel about Aon taking this picture of Mhok, because he takes it for the Society for the Blind. But how are they using it? Is this evidence that Mhok is here and doing what he said he will, or is this going to be used in marketing of some sort? Either way, it is capturing a moment in time that Mhok could one day look back on to reminisce about the beginning of his relationship with Day. 

And here Mhok is with someone else, a second person to accompany him where before he just had himself. But this is fake, this is quick, this is right after Mhok has just been shut out of all proceedings between Aon and Day. Mhok doesn’t know what’s happening before he is being told to smile for the camera. And if anyone were to see this photo, they would see a very happy Aon and a decently confused Mhok, but they would have no idea how limited a connection to Aon, Mhok would have had at this point. 

The next reflection is a bit difficult to see, but it comes during the conversation Day has with Mhok about the eye drops, where he explains he can see more clearly right after he uses them. In this scene, Day is talking to Mhok while keeping his gaze affixed to the lone goldfish in his increasingly grimier tank. 

Mhok and Day have a brief conversation about whether or not the fish is lonely since it is the only one in the tank, and Day brushes it off by saying that goldfish have short memory and that it couldn’t possibly be lonely. 

But, whenever we see Day on screen here, we see his reflection in the glass of the tank. And there are a few great moments during this conversation where the goldfish sits directly in front of Day’s reflection. To me it feels like a memory, a ghost, or a projection, and we know by the end of Episode 2, (if we haven’t picked up on it already from the title sequence or how heavily goldfish imagery has features in the promotional material for this show) that the goldfish is a stand in for Day himself. 

So I love the fact that we get this wisp of an image of Day’s face in the tank, like he’s trapped inside of it. Because we know that in a way he is. And the other thing I love about this, or rather about the fact that this goldfish is meant to symbolize Day himself, is that watching this goldfish is what brings Day the most joy at the moment. 

I love that because it shows me that there is hope and joy still left in Day, if he can just take the time to look at himself a little differently.

OKAY it’s time for the Big Boys. 

Our first instance of an actual reflection off a mirror in Episode 2 happens when Mhok is trying to check in with Day after Day runs away from Night’s friends. Mhok has said that he understands Day, and Day Does Not Like That™.

Day’s response to Mhok’s monologue is to say that Mhok has no idea what it is like to look in the mirror and not see your old self. And of course, we see Day’s reflection in his full body mirror. Now, again, Aof is being pretty heavy handed with his metaphors here. But that doesn’t mean I don’t absolutely love the double meaning of these words. Day is going blind so he literally can’t see himself in the mirror anymore. 

But also, Day is deep in his grief for the things he has lost. His freedom, his career, his confidence that I think he has morphed in to a completely different person. One who is bitter, and self-conscious, and more comfortable hiding away where he can wallow in misery over his condition and not have to confront the new world he is living in. Day is running from connection, I mean not a minute before this scene Day legitimately ran away from Night’s friends rather than have to explain his blindness. 

The scene continues, and Day shuts himself off even further from the world around him, by putting in his headphones. Now he can drown out Mhok’s attempts to comfort him, but in the long run what is that going to do? As @shortpplfedup said to me earlier “the set dressers did not come to play” when it came to designing Day’s room. When the curtains aren’t drawn there is so much natural light in Day’s room. His walls are bright and colorful, there are photos and awards all over the place. Day’s room has so much personality in it, so much life within it. But the mirror shows nothing. It shows Day alone, surrounded by blank walls in grayscale.

The costume designer made an excellent choice of shirt for this scene, by the way. Because the yellow blends in enough with the wall in Day’s room, that (especially) when coupled with the camera’s focus in this scene. The real Day almost fades in to the background, and your eye is naturally drawn to this spot of yellow in the mirror. 

The mirror highlights his isolation while at the same time showing the audience how much Day can and does stand out. 

AND it parallels the reflection of Mhok in Episode 1 so well, not just in the emotions that we see from Mhok and Day, but in the sense that Mhok’s reflection is in Rung’s car because he is currently trapping himself in the darker, meaner thoughts about his sister, rather than processing his grief. While Day’s reflection is in his room because he is currently trapping himself in the darker, meaner thoughts about himself, rather than giving himself enough compassion to start moving forward.

When Day does not respond to Mhok’s conversation, Mhok is triggered at the thought of his sister’s death and he breaks down the door to make sure Day is okay, and gets fired for it. Mhok does not argue, he does not put up a fight, he does not try to explain, he just honors Day’s request and gets the fuck out. And I love the way that Mhok is already starting to change Day’s outlook. Because we see how mopey Day is after Mhok leaves, and how much hope there is in him when Night tells him there is someone at the door who wants to see him and he so obviously thinks it’s Mhok. 

Mhok gives him the gift of the fish slippers, and Day goes to visit Mhok at the market, only to find out that Mhok has spent time reflecting on what Day told him about not understanding him, and making a fool out of himself in the eyes of the other market patrons by blindfolding himself. 

Mhok is doing what no one else has really done and is making a concerted effort to truly understand where Day is coming from, the fears that he is carrying, and the challenges he faces as a blind man. 

But of course, we know by now that while there are definitely things Mhok is had not or might never understand about the physical realities of Day’s life, he can understand loneliness, and he can understand rage, pain, and anger. There are parts of himself that have grown within him over the past year that recognizes parts of Day that have grown within him over the past year. 

And we have already been seeing the impact of Mhok on Day’s life, in the fact that Day has smiled more, Day has left his room, Day has eaten at the table, and agreed to watch a movie. And that singular day where Day did not wallow in his own misery, but left his room, went out in the sun, etc stuck with him because he is in the living room watching a movie the day Phorjai comes to visit. 

Culminating in the second real reflection of Episode 2, where Mhok, via the side mirror, sees Day smiling on the back of his scooter. And what I love about this moment is that the focus is entirely on Day. I don’t want Last Twilight to strip Day’s healing processes from him and give them to Mhok. I think it is totally fine for Mhok to contribute to Day’s increasing happiness, but ultimately I want Day to have enough autonomy in this narrative that these decisions that lead to him enjoying his life again are primarily comprised of Day’s own choices. And I think that we can get something visually from that by the fact that we don’t see a lot of Mhok in this reflection, only one small portion of his chin. 

Day made the choice to have Phorjai take him to see Mhok, Day made the choice to rehire Mhok, and Day is the one having a moment on the back of this scooter just reveling in the feeling of the wind on his face. I love that this reflection shows just enough of Mhok to show that Day is not alone, while still putting all of the attention in the reflection on to Day and the joy he is feeling. 

The idea that Day is no longer alone is reinforced after Mhok makes a pit stop to purchase a companion for the goldfish in Day’s room. And again we get in to some of my favorite instances of reflection in Last Twilight, where we place the boys’ reflections in the fish tank. 

And this is where the images from the intro sequence come from. Day looking at Day Noi and Big Mhok interacting with each other in the tank. Here we still have Day alone in the reflection, with the goldfish tying him to this symbolism. But Day’s reflection is so much clearer now that the tank has been cleaned. Now Day’s reflection in the water tank is far more obvious, and hey, since it’s me, I’ll overanalyze this moment to say that as Day has gotten to know Mhok a bit and has started venturing outside of his room more, that Day is getting a clearer vision of himself as a person. Regardless, we as the audience can see Day’s reflection in the tank all the more clearly and that reflection is vibrant and bright, because Day is becoming more vibrant and bright. 

“No More Loneliness Little Day” Mhok says and we get MY FAVORITE SHOT OF THE SHOW THUS FAR

The split screen. It’s not even a reflection, but I am talking about it here, because I think the absence of reflection is just as important as its presence, and I love that we have this moment where half of Day’s face is crystal clear and the other half is completely obscured. There is no trace of it. Considering how much Aof has been turning the camera on Day’s vision, we aren’t that far off of what Day sees in this shot. I like that this image has Day straddling these two worlds. 

And we get the final reflection of Episode 2, Mhok’s face in the fish tank. 

Again, I don’t even know that this is really intentional or it is just the way the reflection happened to have occurred, but I love the fact that not all of Mhok’s face is present within the fish tank. I like that Mhok is slowly encroaching on Day’s space, that Mhok is slowly starting to appear in the parts of Day’s life that Day actually cares about. Mhok is lonely and Day is lonely, and they have finally found someone they might be able to connect to. Big Mhok is there for Day Noi and Mhok is there for Day. 

I love that while the fish themselves are able to cross those barriers and that we get to see the fish swimming up and next to each other, that we have yet to see Mhok and Day’s reflections fully together. Even here, Mhok’s reflection in the fish tank is alone, just like Day’s reflection in the fish tank was alone. But they are in the same place, they are in the same room, they are in the same tank, they are in the same stage of their grief (anger) and there is no way in hell we don’t get one or more reflections in the mirror or in the fish tank by the end of this show where Mhok and Day are both fully present.

[ohtobeleah]

Need more of Terms of Endearment. Plz and thank xx

Warnings // Rooster x F!Reader. Hangman x Platonic!F!Reader. Mentions of Alcohol consumption and physical assault.

Masterlist

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

“What the hell are you playing at Hangman?” Rooster questioned as he dried his hair roughly with the towel that had recently been tucked around his waist. A fresh pair of jeans now adorning his hips.

“I'm playing matchmaker–” Hangman was quick to respond as he sat the car seat down on the bench in the locker room. Tapping the top of it twice with a shit eating grin. “Fe asked me to drop this off before you go.” Rooster hadn’t even thought about the car seat. God his Bronco was not built to harbour a car seat. “She also told me to tell you that she’ll call when she's leaving the workshop.”

“Id ask if you hit that bird on purpose but I know you wouldn’t be stupid enough to risk ruining a multi million dollar jet on the grounds of setting me up with your roomie.” You and your little girl Dot had been living off base with Jake since you arrived in North Island in the middle of the night, running for what was essentially life or death. You wouldn't have come to Jake if you had any other choice–not one for handouts or charity, so when he was opening his door in the middle of the night, bat in hand because who the fuck was trying to bang his god damn door down in the middle of the fucking night–he was softening instantly.

“I have nowhere else to go–” You sobbed as Jake dropped the bat to the ground just barely missing his own foot. Completely and wholeheartedly accepting you and your crying daughter into his humble abode. He wasn’t blind, nor did he have a deviated septum. He saw the bruises and smelt the absurd amount of liquor on your breath. The way you clung to your daughter like she was your entire word made Jake hold his tongue. Pressing it into the side of his cheek as he let his chin rest on top of your head. It had to have been bad if you drove in the state you were in.

“Uh, I prefer stowaway–actually.” Jake teased as he watched Rooster throw his shirt over his head. “She needed a push—“

“I know what I’m doing man, I don’t need you interfering with my love.” Rooster huffed, he honestly didn’t mind playing the long game with you. He knew winning you over slowly would be worth it in the long run. He wasn’t all that sure of what you had been through—both you and Jake liked to keep that information under lock and key. But Bradley knew, he knew you were worth the wait, the work, the effort it would take to break your walls down brick by brick.

“Your love life is nonexistent Bradshaw I’m doing you a favour here!” Jake was no stranger to bringing home beautiful women, but ever since you and little Dot had been occupying his spare room? He had become more and more selective about the type he brought home. “And honestly, I’m just about sick of having to explain the children’s toys lying around whenever I bring someone home—“

“So this isn’t about Y/n at all then?” Rooster scoffed as he shook his head in utter disbelief. “This is about you wanting her out of your place.” Rooster had never actually strapped an infant's car seat into his car before. Picking up the capsule he marched out of the locker room into the hall, Hangman right on his tail. “I don't know what your thought process is man, but getting me to pick up Dot isn’t gonna have Y/n outta your house any quicker.”

The first time Bradley met you, he'd been tasked with finding out why Hangman was late for work. The cocky fighter pilot with the big ass egomaniacal smile and even bigger shit eating grin was usually if anything early. But the day Bradley first met you? It had been two hours since the first flight and Coyote was about ready to trade out his wingman. Patient had worn very thin. There’d been no calls and texts from Jake, no excuse or reason for his absence.

“Bagman!” Rooster was banging down Jake's front door incessantly. Huffing when there was no response. “Jake man you good?” He never stopped knocking. It’s what had woken you from what felt like your final resting spot on the lounge in the living room. The morning after Jake had taken you in. “SERESIN!” Roosters knuckles didn't meet hardwood when you swung the door open. Almost connecting with your already bruised and battered face as you held the door open.

“Fuck off!” Bradley Bradshaw had never been so taken aback in his life. “Stop knocking its rattling my fucking brain.” Rubbing your eyes as you yawned, stepping back to let whoever it was that wanted your brother so desperately into the house that would soon become a home. “Jakes upstairs–” At the mere mention of his name, Jake Seresin was barreling down the stars still doing up his flight suit. He knew he’d fucked up, but he’d been up with you all night holding your hair out of your face while you cried and threw up the content of your stomach. Dot in his lap crying in hysterics because she hadn’t slept a wink either. He’d only just work up after having slept like a log through his alarm.

“Dude—I’m fucked aren’t I?” Jake groaned as he tried slipping his work issued steel caps on.

“Who's the walking corpse?” Rooster asked as he watched you fall back onto the lounge, your ass on full display for him as you rolled over and pulled up the blanket Jake had given you. You were so plastered that the pain of your hangover hadn’t even set in yet. Jake was right, maybe he should have taken you to get your stomach pumped last night, but he was confident you'd thrown enough up that it wasn't a life threatening amount. “She's wearing your TopGun shirt–” Raising a questioning eyebrow, Rooster turned back to Jake. “You let strays stay the night now do you?”

“She's my sister.” Bradley heard the way Jake said it with a sigh, like he was almost disappointed. Jake could never be disappointed having you as a sister, but he was disappointed in a few of the choices you made that led you to this moment. Hungover, on his lounge with your daughter still asleep upstairs. You hadn’t been coherent enough last night to watch over her. Jake had stepped in. “Shows up on my doorstep last night, believe it or not she was in a worse state than this.”

“And the bruises?”

“Like I said, she showed up on my doorstep last night in a worse state than this.” Jake repeated himself as he held back tears. “I haven't really been able to get much out of her besides vomit.”

“Why haven't you ever told me you have a sister?” Rooster knew it was probably a stupid question to ask as he watched Jake fixed up the blacket that youd thrown harphazardly over yourself. “All this time we've known you and never a peep about a sibling—well, we know you have a brother but—“

“Non-biological.” Was the only answer Jake gave Bradley. “And whatever it is she’s going through it must be bad or else she wouldn’t have shown up here.”

“Yeah but if she’s occupied with you she might not be home all that much and before you know it? She’ll have approval for staff accommodation in no time.” You’d been waiting for a house for you and Odette the second you applied for a job as a technician. Jake had been the one to set you up. Your visit wasn’t meant to be permanent, but it seemed to be the safety and most secure option for you and your daughter.

“And she swears you’re an alright guy?” Rooster groaned as he unlocked his car, opening the passenger side door before placing the capsule inside. “Stay out of my love life—I don’t appreciate the meddling.”

“Fine, but I’m not making any promises to not meddle in Felix’s love life—“ Jake was quick to slightly step Bradley aside as he watched him struggling to connect the capsule car seat. “Here, you gotta loop the straps.” Rooster just stood back and took notes. How many times had Hangman actually done this? “She deserves the world and if I know anyone deserving of her? I’m looking at him.” Rooster just let the compliment Jake had gifted him sink in. Perhaps this wasn’t such a bad thing—maybe Jake was genuinely doing him a solid.

Or maybe Jake Seresin was truly just over the two year old who cock blocked him more than she’d ever know.

***~***~***~***~***~***

Odette Dolan was the light of your world. Anyone who knew you knew that you’d set fire to the rain for that little girl. And as Bradley waited at the front counter of Sunny Side preschool and after school care, he understood what that feeling felt like.

“Who are you to little Odette again, Mr. Bradshaw?” One of the early educators asked as she eyes Rooster down. Curious as ever to know who this mystery man was. You’d only ever picked Dot up. Jake had done a few scattered—but it was always you if you could help it.

“Uh—I’m whoever she needs me to be I guess.”

Roosted rubbed the back of his head nervously. “Y/n asked if I could pick her up, I was free—so why not right?” 

“Well, She had a bit of a meltdown just after lunch but since she's woken up from her nap she’s been fine—“ One of the early educators beamed as she signed Rooster in. His palms were sweaty as he rubbed them together. “I already let her know that mummy’s friend Rooster was coming to pick her up today so she didn’t get too disgruntled on pick up.”

“Routines are important, I get it.” Rooster had a soft spot for your daughter. That spot got a whole lot bigger when Dot came flying around the corner with her bag on her back, shoes on the wrong feet and a picture of a stick figure flying a plane that her early educators had helped her draw.

It was Bradley. Her Rooster.

“Hey Dot!” Rooster beamed at the little girl smashing into him as he crouched down to pick her up–swinging her up onto his hip. “Whatcha got there?” Rooster always had the all the time in the world for Odette Dolan. How a single man has so much patience and so much unconditional love for a two year old you'd never understand. But they shared a bond like no other. Jake liked to joke that Rooster and Dot bonded so well because they shared the same mental age, but you knew deep down it was because he saw a little bit of himself in her.

“Wooster–” Your little girl laid her head gently against Rooster's shoulder, her eyelids heavy as he handed him the paper. Another picasso to add to his ever growing collection of fridge drawings. Too sentimental to let fall to the wayside. His heart exploded like new years eve fireworks over Time Square every single time she’d hand him a new artwork dedicated in his honour.

“Oh for me?” Rooster raised his eyebrows in excitement as he took the piece of paper. “Woah! You’re getting so good at these, looks just like me” If Bradley were a few pounds lighter maybe.

“Mama?” Dot questioned as she looked around for where you might be. Holding your daughter a little tighter as Rooster said his thanks to the early educators before venturing outside.

“No bubba, just me—“ When Rooster placed Odette into her car seat, he double then triple checked if everything was secure. “But mama's coming soon.” For a moment Rooster just sat in his car, wondering if he should go back to his or not. Looking over at your daughter as she already started to doze off in her seat, Rooster settled his decisions.

First Stop? The Hard Deck for some take away. Second Stop? Your house, not because he didn’t trust himself to take care of a two year old. But because this specific two year old probably wanted to go home.

And who was Bradley Bradshaw to deny your daughter of anything she wanted?

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

Tags: @a-serene-place-to-be @lilyevanswhore @thescarletknight2014

[breelandwalker]

So, following this month's gathering, I have a few proper little workshops put together, complete with printable handouts, worksheets, and info packets. I'm hoping to parlay this into a workable thing for future local events, but I also had an idea for my Patreon.

A recent update to Patreon now allows people to put up digital goods for sale to patrons and non-subscribers alike. If I were to make these materials available through my Patreon, would anyone be interested in them?

The only reason I haven't already done it is that I've been burned by digital theft before, with purchased digital materials finding their way to free-use servers where anyone can download them without me ever seeing a cent for my work or intellectual property.

So...thoughts? Suggestions? Anyone interested in hosting a workshop?

[oldguardleatherdog]

has your leather + pup history knowledge ever been collected into a book or zine? do you have any recommendations for books about pup or pet play in general?

Awoooo! and apologies to you for taking so darn long to reply! but in my defense, I ate the calendar because it had peanut butter on it. *wags*

I've written articles and essays on Pup Play history and technique as companion pieces and handouts for the presentations, workshops, and clinics I've done over the years. Honestly, I've never thought about collecting them for publication, but now that you mention it I just might put something together!

I'm starting to wind down my public Pup career after 37 years (and a lot of recent destructive energy sent my way from Pup World and the furry fandom), so I might as well leave something behind for the kids to chew on and bury in the backyard 😁

As for books and other print resources, there are plenty to choose from. The current popular choice is "Pup Play" by a pup named Tosa Mazrim (aka Tosa Alphainu). For an Old Guard take, my go-to is "Woof!" by Michael W. Daniels. You can also find guides and articles online put out by Pup and Handler clubs (known as "PAHs") - most metro areas have at least one, and there's a website called "PAHs Without Borders" that can steer you in the right direction.

Hope you find this helpful, and may you find the best pups and people to guide you in your journey.

Best woofs always,

Alpha Pup Bruzr

[japhugmafia]

I am sometimes asked for a text with this title, but I cannot oblige to such requests, since such a publication of mine does not exist. What is true is that I once read a paper with this title at a workshop in Hamburg about the beginning of the century; this was an oral presentation only, and it was never published anywhere. It is possible, though, that some kind of handout or even some coherent text was distributed there, but it never developed into a publication of any kind. References to this, which may be found here and there, are, thus, ghost citations, and at any rate unauthorized ones

[artigas]

it's a long story, but i unknowingly signed up for a hybrid course this semester -- queer fiction, which sounded like a pleasure to study and right up my alley in terms of research interests, but i had no idea that it was a creative writing hybrid course, that we'd have to share our personal writings with the class.

i don't know why i did it, but i signed up for one of the earliest workshops. i had to give out a small handout of my work -- a few short poems, a small little ... fiction? reflection? story? i don't even know what to call it. eight pages total, not very long. but i handed it out and on wednesday my gorgeous lesbian professor and my classmates (none of whom i know except for one very sweet girl, shiv) have to give me feedback.

anyways. anyways. i'm having anxiety nightmares about it. i had a nightmare that they just mocked me to pieces over my silly poems. that my professor asked: why would you think to hand this in?

i woke up clenching my teeth bad. and i'm terribly nervous for wednesday. and some small, silly part of me wants to badly to have somebody tell me: you're okay, your writing isn't shit and you aren't shit and you didn't just open yourself up for humiliation because you wrote something with your name attached. sharing your writing has always felt like baring your soul to strangers and i know you had a terribly traumatic experience about this when you were a kid, but you're safe now. you're safe. you get to tell stories and you are not going to get in trouble. it's a mortifying ordeal, being known, but maybe it isn't so bad to know you. whew. whew!!

[neilsanders]

Last month I ran the good old morph exercise as an introductory animation workshop with a whole bunch of good peeps in the visual arts department, look at these wonderful freaks! Here’s the handout and a video walkthrough too if you wanna give it a go.

[clovermarigold]

Daggers & Daffodils Chap.25

Dagur x Reader

Sorry for the wait guys! As recompence I give you an extra-long chapter! Enjoy!

"So, this is your workshop?" Heather looked around your room and the pile of papers, herbs, and pestles covering your desk. "Somewhat. Sorry for the mess, I didn't exactly have time to clean up" you said, gathering things off your desk. "It's nothing, really" she held up her hands with a smile, "I've been living camp to camp for these past few years, this is nothing".  

After convincing Heather to come back to the edge you had thought everything was going great. The others fawned over Windshear and Heathers newfound intensity. Or as Astrid liked to put it, 'hardcore'. Regardless, however, Hiccup insisted that he would still have to address why she was attacking ships. 

"Heather, we should probably talk" Hiccup approached her in the dragon pen, nearing sunset, "Sure. about what?". "About the ship that you and Windshear destroyed" Heather pet her dragon with a guilty expression, "Oh... That ship". "Heather, what are you doing out there?" your brother pushed. "I'm just taking care of business. It's nothing you need to worry about--" Hiccup interrupted, "Yeah, but I do worry about it, Heather. If dragons are attacking ships, I worry".

"Look, Hiccup, a lot has happened in the last few years. We're not kids anymore. Everything's. changed". Hiccup walked closer, "This can't be you, it can't be". Heather crossed her arms and avoided eye contact, "Well, it is now. The last time you saw me, I-- Never mind. If, if you want me to leave--", "I didn't say that. No, whatever it is you're going through, we can help. All of us. There's always another way". Heather pulled Hiccup into a hug, "You're so sweet. Thank you Hiccup. You've always been a great friend to me".

A sharp stabbing followed by large weight on your stomach stole you from your peaceful sleep. "OW what the--" blearing your eyes open you are met with large yellow eyes. "Silver Tongue, what are you doing?" you sigh, partly from relief as he steps down from your stomach. The sound of yelling from the clubhouse tells you enough. "Ugh, we can't have one normal day where nothing happens, can we?" You hop on one foot, struggling to put a boot on the other. 

"We trusted you" Snotlout says, not yelling, but irritation present on his tone. "Look, I'm sorry I locked up your dragons. I just didn't trust that you guys would let me go after Dagur" Locking your wide eyes with Hiccup at the mention of your fianc-- Dagur, "I'll fill you in later".

"Trust does need to be earned with people and dragons" Fishlegs says sympathetically. "Thanks for understanding Fishlegs" Heather says tucking her hair behind her earning a fake gag from Tuff. "I don't really trust these guys either, Heather" Snotlout chimes in.

"You know we can hear you" Astrid says with a hand on her hip. "Jealousy in an ugly quality, Astrid. But clearly, I understand where it comes from" he says snidely, causing both you and Astrid to roll your eyes. "The point is, we have your back, Heather. You're one of us" Hiccup places a hand on her shoulder. 

"Yeah, I stocked Windshear's stable with buckets of sea slugs" Fishlegs said, Snotlout quick to put a handout Infront of him. "And I made room for you in my hut". Both you and Astrid groaned in disgust at the thought of having to share a hut with Snotlout. "And I've made it clear to Snotlout that you're not staying in his hut" Heather gave a smile of relief.

"Even though YOU were the rogue dragon rider, and YOU sabotaged our dragons, and YOU snuck away in the dark of the night. Wait, why do we like you again" Tuff said with his hands on his hips.  Heather put a hand to her chest, face sullen, "I'm truly sorry, Tuffnut".

"Woah! That was... sincere. What am I supposed to do with that?" he began to breathe heavily, "I'm feeling a bit flushed and overwhelmed. Little help here? People!". "And if you need any help with Windshear--" Snotlout was quick to interrupt Fishlegs, "Why don't I show you around the Edge? I'm basically chief". You roll your eyes at Snotlouts poor attempt at showboating. 

"Ok!" Astrid quickly grabs both yours and Heathers arms, "Let's go have some girl time". "Thank Thor, yes" you close your eyes with a breath. 

"Ha!" the two axes were wedged in their targets at nearly the exact same spot. "I don't know it's cutting it kind of close. Y/N, you judge. Which is closer?" Inspecting the two, your answer was only inconclusive. though it made you create a mental note not to get on their bad sides when an axe was within reach. 

"Hmm, well. Two axes are better than one" Astrid held up two fingers. "True", Heather agreed, "Unless you have one of these" she held up her double-sided blade made from Windshear's scales. "You really have to show me how you made that" Heather smiled. "Sure, but I prefer close combat to throwing. So, I can stare my enemy in the eye". "Not a bad tactic" you hummed, "Buuuut" you threw three of your daggers at the tree behind her, perfectly missing her sides. "The element of Suprise. I like that" you laughed. "It's one of Hiccups favorite tactics, those two are way too alike" Astrid said retrieving her axe. 

"So, you two are a thing, right?" She asked causing you to snort and nearly double over when you were trying to pull your knife from the tree. You turned quick to see Astrid with a near invisible sheen of pink tinging her face, and if you hadn't known her for so long, no doubt would have missed. Similar to her axe, which widely missed her next target, almost hitting a night terror. "What? No, just friends" she waved her hands fast. "Pfft" she shot you a steely glare, though it did nothing to stop the wide smile that had taken control of you. 

"What? Is he not good enough for you, Astrid?" you asked in mock offence. "He's kind of cute" Heather said, stoking the flames. "I guess. If you like that unassuming, heroic, dragon rider type". You gasped, "Astrid! That is my brother you're talking about. Think of the girl code! Platonic thoughts only!" she punched your side making you clutch your ribs, both from pain and laughter. "Wow, Astrid. I thought you were better than that" Heather put her hand on her hip with fake disappointment. 

"Huh... Now, you and Snotlout, that's a match made in Valhalla" the three of you broke out into laughter. "I don't know whether to thank you or to feel sorry for you". "I can handle Snotlout" she said, "And besides, I'm not into the macho Viking type. I like a little smarts. Like Fishlegs".

"Fishlegs?" Astrids voice was humorous, "Seriously?". "What? I think he's funny and cute". "We're talking about Fishlegs, right? The guy with the Gronkle?". "And rock collection he alphabetized" you added. "Okay, all right. Enough boy talk. what else do you do for fun around here?" the three of you began to walk towards the cliffs, you and Astrid sharing a look, and the same thought. 

"Keep up!" Astrid yelled as the two of you ran past Heather, jumping off the cliff. The two of you fell through the air, basking in the freedom before grabbing onto your dragon's tails. "Wahoo!" the sound of Heather's cheers was unfortunately short as Windshears wiry and thin tail slipped through her fingers. Thankfully, however, her dragon's quick reaction speed made up for it, grabbing onto her shoe, just before she could hit the rocky floor. 

"Wanna go two out of three?" Astrid asked, still adrenaline high. "Um, no" Heather said, gracefully still in a good mood, despite nearly being flattened. "I want to show you guys something. If you can keep up" Windshear took off into a soar. "Get 'em Stormfly". "Oh no" you were quick to grip onto your saddle, just before, Silver Tongue, ever the competitive dragon, rushed to catch up, nearly throwing you off in the process. 

"What are we doing back at your campsite?" the three of you landed on the familiar small island, "Did you forget something". "Nope." Heather said, in a more serious tone, walking confidently through the site. "Oh, it must be here" you and Astrid shared a look. 

"You gonna clue us in on what we're doing here?" Astrid asked, watching as heather searched. "I'm looking for something" the slight rustling sound that came from the bush to your right tipped you off. "Looking for something like--" in a swift move you grabbed whatever was in the push and pulled it out. "Trader Johann?" Astrid asked looking down on him, with her axe pointed his chest. "Miss Astrid! Miss Y/N! So lovely to see you again. Would you mind, please, lowering your axe so my frightened soul might be granted safe passage back to my body?".

"Johann! Thank Thor" Heather was quick to help him back up. "Oh, Miss Heather! I'm overjoyed you're not dead. When the terrible Terror returned with the message I sent you, I was sick with worry. Then, when I arrived here and saw your campsite had been abandoned, I feared the worst".

"Alright! Someone needs to tell me what's going on" Astrid spun the axe in her hand once. "You see, Miss Astrid, if you need exotic spices from a foreign land, or one-of-a-kind cured leathers, or incredibly-difficult-to-obtain information detailing the exact whereabouts of a certain dastardly Berserker, " He pulled out a map with a number of red x's, one of which was circled, "Trader Johann is your man".

"Dagur" the two of you said in sync, albeit yours more worried than Astrid. "And if you need a warrior to take care of that dastardly Berserker..." with a flourish she swung her double-sided axe into the ground, "I'm your girl". You swallowed, "So he's got the info and you've got the axe. Now what?" Astrid asked. 

"Dagur is set to purchase a fleet of new ships from a group of salty undesirables in the Sea of Despair. But be wary. These new ships for his armada are outfitted with powerful anti-dragon winches and catapults! After the deal is done, I won't be able to find him again. Dagur will be back in the wind. Adrift, like a leaf in a stream. And I've used my last grapevine, so I won't be able to offer my invaluable, yet expensive information".

"Got it. Thanks, Johann. Come on, guys" Heather nodded with a smile to the man. "Wait, were not actually considering this, are we?" you asked Astrid when Heather turned away. "If we leave Heather to do this by herself, she could get seriously hurt" She was right, based on what Hiccup had told you happened last time, she had nearly gotten caught. You could barely stomach the thought of what would have happened to her, and worse, Windshear. "I don't like going behind Hiccup's back" Astrid nodded, "It's just to keep her safe".

The idea of you flying into a growing armada without your brother, led by your crazy ex-fiancé was definitely not comfortable. But you would most certainly be less comfortable with the idea of Heather and Windshear doing it alone. "Ok, but no killing. It's one thing to go after Dagur alone. Killing him without giving anyone else a say is too much" Astrid nodded.

Flying back to the edge, where your brother was still gone, the others were standoffish to the idea of going after Dagur. "We gotta go now. Dagur won't be out in the open for long" Heather reasoned. "Wait a minute, you wat us to battle Dagur and the Berserkers without Hiccup and Toothless?" Fishlegs asked. 

"Guys, I wish Hiccup and Toothless were here, trust me. But they're not. And we can't wait. Dagur's ships have dragon-proof chains and grappling hooks. And the ships he's buying are even more powerful. But with all of us attacking at once, Dagur won't know what hit him".

Fishlegs rubbed the back of his neck, uncomfortable "Uh any arial assault of this magnitude would be foolish without Toothless. He's the most powerful dragon in our arsenal" a number of the dragons, Silver Tongue and Hookfang namely, let out a growl of disapproval. "And I mean... Y/N, you of all people should feel the most uncomfortable with this righ--" you shook your head quickly to cut him off. "What does he mean by that?" Heather asked.

"I'm just not used to not telling my brother about things like this" you lied. The last thing you needed was for Heather to know about your engagement. Previous engagement! "Well it's not like we need Hiccup and Toothless" Snotlout interjected. His obnoxiousness for the first time being useful and taking attention away from you. 

"You heard Johann, Astrid. This is our last chance. Tell them" She looked from you back to Heather. "Well... Look Heather--" Heather's face dropped before twisting into hurt. "You too? Just forget it. All that stuff about trust and having my back, I guess that was just talk" she turned and walked away. "....Akwar--" you elbowed Snotlout un the stomach making him keel over. 

"Looks like it's just you and me Windshear" heather saddled her dragon outside the clubhouse, now packed and ready to take off. "Hey" Astrid called the rest of you and your dragons included. "If we're gonna do this, it has to be a capture mission, not a kill mission. Agreed?". "Agreed" she smiled, "We'll sink Dagur's armada, drag him back to Outcast Island. Let him rot there". "Okay, then we're with you--".

"You can thank me!" Snotlout said boisterously, "I was the one who rallied these guys". "Thats not how I remember it" you say. "As soon as she left, your lips started to do that cute little quiver thing" Fishlegs mocked. "Quiet fish face! Thats a tic!". "So, what's your plan" Astrid asks, "Hit him when he least expects it".

Dagur sighed enjoyment as he stretched in the sun. "Ah, it's a good day to strengthen my armada. Then again, it's always a good day to strengthen my armada". Savage approached his chief warily, "The gold is ready for the exchange sir. Should we move it to the deck--".

"Leave it down below" he said with finality, barely attempting to even look at the thin man. "But. sir, when they arrive with the ships, they'll be expecting our gold". "YES--" he screamed before stopping himself, putting a hand up like an annoyed father would, "And instead of our gold, we'll give them our steel".  A wicked smile grew on the old Outcast soldier. 

You looked down at Dagur's ships, "There he is". "Alright let me guess" Tuff said to Heather, "You want to attack like the rogue dragon rider that you are. A full-frontal assault!". "No" Heather said, turning to you, "Element of surprise?". 

"Dragon's incoming!" one of the Berserkers called as they spotted Snotlout, Ruff, Tuff, and Fishlegs flying towards them from the front. "Prepare the grappling hooks!" Dagur called. He looked at the four laughing, "It's hunting season".

Team diversion stayed just high enough out of reach that the Berserker's weaponry couldn't reach them, every so often taking a quick shot that would miss. This of course infuriating Dagur to no end, "What are they doing up there?" you almost found it cute, with how he sounded genuinely confused. You, Astrid, and Heather, along with your dragons had crept up the sides of the ship and snuck into the deck of the ship Dagur was currently on. One by one, you singled out and knocked out each of the Berserkers on board. 

A large rock in the ship from the ripples of one of the others missed shots was the tipping point for Dagur who grabbed one of the chains to throw himself. As Dagur threw the chain back, Astrid interrupted its path with her axe, allowing her to pull him back. You were quick to tie him by his wrists, using the full weight of your body pressed against him to hold him down long enough, and to keep him from thrashing. "What the--" he looked up to see Astrid and Heather standing smugly in front of him. "Ugh, you two" he grimaced. "Surprise, Dagur" Heather pointed his axe at his head. " Two axes are better than one". 

"And twelve ships trumps two axes." the shrieks of your dragons were quick to change his mind. "Heh, should've seen that coming" it came out almost child-like before his eyes locked on Silver Tongue which made the realization pop into his head. "Y/N" he smiles, struggling to angle his head back to see you. You got off him quick, just long enough to flip him onto his back and cover his mouth before he could say anything. Though his eyes were saying more than enough, and you were thankful that Heather was angry enough to not notice the wide puppy love excitement he had in them. "Windshear finish it".

"No!", "Heather, don't. You promised us a capture mission" Astrid pleaded, while you looked up at your friend whose narrowed eyes were scorched in rage at the man beneath you. "Sorry. I changed my mind. Dagur didn't 'capture' my village. So this ends here" she wielded her axe and swung it towards him, but paused as you were still in the way, and on top of him. 

Dagur began to break out into laughter, "If you kill me Heather, you'll never know--" you covered his mouth again. "Y/N, get out of the way!" Windshear screeched to your left. "Heather, I can't let you do that" you were panicking, Windshear, having heard the call of her rider was trigger happy. And at this point, Heather was too. "You know what he did to my village! Yours too! Why are you defending him!?", "I just can't let you do this!" sensing your distress Silver Tongue became tense, now screeching at Windshear as if to tell her to back off. The two dragons were similar to their riders. 

"I trusted you!" Heather shouted, in tandem with the howls and snaps of your dragons. This was too much. Your anxiety spiked, the yelling, the dragons, the squirming of the man beneath you... you were going to have another panic attack. Your realization of this fact however was too slow, your brain throbbing as the world began to become too fast. Dagur's movements stopped entirely as he felt your hand loosen. In an instant he threw you off, flipping you over so you were in front of him while he supported your frame from behind., the two of you still on your knees. "Dagur! Don't you touch her!" Heather yelled at him brandishing her axe. 

"Deep breathes" The world was still spinning, and you struggled to make out what was happening. Choosing to listen to the voice you focused on your breathing, though in hindsight you should have recognized Dagur's voice relatively easy. Dagur continued to hold you up and rub your sides. 

"Heather don't!" Astrid yelled as Heather went to strike the Berserker before a purple blast knocked it out of her hand. "Stop! Heather stop" It was Hiccup, landed and quickly jumped off of Toothless to rush in-between you, Dagur, and Heather. "Move Hiccup" she picked up her axe "You promised me there would be another time, and this is it!". 

"Look, you told me your father gave you this" he held up a horn, "Yeah. he did but what--", "This is my father's Chief Seal". Her face twisted in confusion as she took the horn out of Hiccups hand, lowering her axe. "Stoick's seal is carved in my horn? What are you saying?". Your breathing leveled out and your vision began to focus, Dagur still focusing all his attention on you. 

"Years ago, Stoick gave this horn to the Chief of the Berserker Tribe, Oswald the Agreeable as a gift for his newborn daughter. You were that newborn, Heather. Oswald the Agreeable is your father. And he is also Dagur's father". Heathers face dropped as she looked at him, "no". Dagur shrugged as if it were common knowledge. "Heather, Dagur is your brother. You can't kill him" she was shocked turning to you then Astrid. "I--" a rock in the boat interrupted, as the rest of Dagur's ships had learned the truth of their deception. 

"Heather, we have to go!" the other ships boxed you in, beginning to plank over. She dropped her axe wordlessly. Dagur, having learned you were cognitive, had finally broken out of his ties and stood up completely, after propping you up against the ship.

"I have to admit, you never disappoint, brother. Or maybe you're actually my uncle. Who knows in this crazy world?" he broke out into a deranged laugh. The Berserkers began to board the ship and your brother called out to Heather "Heather, we have to go!".

"Heather, I'm the only family you've got left." Toothless was quick to jump in front of her, keeping him from getting any closer. "Join me sister. Don't fight destiny. I know you feel the Berserker blood flowing through your veins". Heather gave a twisted smile, eerily similar to that of Dagur, psyching him to believe she would consider his offer before leaping over him and pulling you up from the ground and helping you onto your dragon. The two of you took off, leaving Dagur to call out to you, "Come back, sis! Heather the Unhinged has a nice ring to it, no?", "Y/N, come on! You'll have a sister-in-law!".

Heather turned to look at you, confused. One look at you was enough, however as she pieced everything together. Her face twisted, and instead of saying anything she chose to speed up, flying past you. "You'll be back, and I will welcome you with open arms" Dagur finally called. And you looked back at him with a glare. Dagur watched as the two of you flew off. "We'll have to wait on that reunion, pity" a whistle from behind him caused him to turn only to be knocked to the ground by Toothless. "I should've seen that one coming, too". "Alright gang, back to the edge" Hiccup said.

Well, there went any chance of Heather teaching you how to make an axe.

[seanpultz]

What If Kingdom Hearts visited The Secret of NIMH universe.

A cloud of darkness swirled around the base of the great oak tree, and out of it emerged a trio of unfamiliar figures. Sora, a boy with spiky hair and a large keyblade at his side, Donald Duck, a magician with a royal flair, and Goofy, a knightly figure with a shield in one hand and a clumsy grin on his face, looked around in confusion. "Where are we?" Sora wondered aloud, his eyes adjusting to the tiny world that surrounded him. As they took in their surroundings, they realized they had been shrunk to the size of a mouse! Before they could ponder their bizarre predicament, they caught sight of a slender, graceful mouse with a red cape, scurrying through the underbrush.

Mrs. Brisby, her eyes widening in astonishment at the sight of the three peculiarly sized humans, cautiously approached them. "Who… who are you?" she stammered. Sora stepped forward, a mix of curiosity and friendliness in his voice. "I'm Sora, this is Donald, and Goofy," he pointed to his companions, "and we're… well, we're on a quest to help those in need. What's your name?" Mrs. Brisby, still taken aback, managed a polite nod. "I'm Mrs. Brisby. It's… quite an unusual day to have visitors of your size," she said with a nervous smile. Donald, ever the talkative one, spoke up. "Yes, indeed! We're the size of mice!" He laughed, twirling his magical staff in his hands. Goofy, ever eager to make friends, gave a courteous bow, his oversized keyblade thumping against the ground. "We're here to help, if you don't mind," Sora offered, noticing the worry etched on Mrs. Brisby's delicate features. "My son Timmy has fallen ill, and I'm on my way to Mr. Ages for medicine," she explained, her voice filled with urgency. "We're actually heading in that direction," Sora said, pointing towards the hedge maze. "Perhaps we could assist you?" Mrs. Brisby hesitated for a moment before nodding gratefully. "The more the merrier," she said, leading the way.

As they approached the hedge maze, the atmosphere grew tense as the rustling of leaves and branches grew louder. Suddenly, the shadows grew darker, and a pack of Heartless appeared before them, their glowing eyes fixed on Mrs. Brisby. Sora, Donald, and Goofy leaped into action, with Donald casting a series of fire spells to keep the creatures at bay while Goofy used his shield to protect Mrs. Brisby. Sora's keyblade clashed against the Heartless, sending them scattering into the darkness. Mrs. Brisby watched in amazement as the trio fought off the monsters with ease, their friendship and unity shining through their teamwork. "Thank you," she gasped, once the Heartless had retreated.

Finally, they arrived at the entrance to Mr. Ages's burrow, a tiny door nestled within the intricate hedge maze. Inside, the cluttered workshop was a marvel of cobbled-together gadgets and gizmos. Mr. Ages, a chubby grey and white mouse with a cast on his left foot, peered at them over his spectacles. "What's this? More strays looking for a handout?" he grumbled. Mrs. Brisby quickly explained Timmy's condition and the urgent need for medicine. Sora and his friends, still on guard, scanned the room for any signs of the Heartless. Mr. Ages, seemingly unphased by their claims of shadowy monsters, hobbled over to a dusty shelf and retrieved a small vial filled with a glowing potion. "This'll do the trick," he said gruffly, handing it to Mrs. Brisby along with a white envelope. "But I must admit, I've never seen the likes of you three before. What are you, some sort of… tiny humans?" He squinted at them, his skepticism palpable. Despite his disbelief, he allowed them to stay while Mrs. Brisby relayed her encounter with the Heartless. Donald tried to explain their purpose and the threat the Heartless posed, but Mr. Ages remained unconvinced, dismissing their tales as the ramblings of overactive imaginations. "You're safe here," he assured them, "now be off with you." With the medicine secured, Mrs. Brisby thanked Mr. Ages and the trio followed her out of the burrow, ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead in this unexpectedly whimsical yet perilous world.

As Mrs. Brisby hurried back to her home with Sora, Donald, and Goofy following closely behind, they stumbled upon a peculiar sight. Jeremy Crow, a slender black crow with a red string around his neck, was frantically flapping his wings, trying to free himself from the entangling line. "Oh dear, let me help you," Mrs. Brisby offered, her motherly instincts kicking in. As she began to untangle the string, Jeremy's eyes grew wide with terror. "Dragon! He's coming!" he squawked, mistaking a nearby rabbit for the feared feline. Sora, Donald, and Goofy tensed up, their weapons at the ready, anticipating the battle with the infamous cat. But their fears were soon dispelled when the real Dragon emerged from a hollow log, his ponderous bulk and lazy gait a stark contrast to the menacing creature they had been expecting. Jeremy's cat allergy flared up instantly, and his panic grew as he coughed and sneezed. Sensing the danger, Mrs. Brisby swiftly acted, using her quick thinking to distract Dragon, allowing Jeremy to fly away to safety.

Mrs. Brisby's heart sank as she realized the precious envelope was gone. "Oh no, the medicine! What will I do?" she wailed, her voice echoing with despair. But her sorrow was short-lived as Jeremy, his feathers ruffled from the ordeal, handed her the envelope with a shaky beak. "Here you are," he panted. Sora, who had noticed the medicine fall during the commotion, had swiftly retrieved it and passed it to the crow. "It's okay, Mrs. Brisby," Sora said, a gentle smile spreading across his face. "We've got it." Her eyes filled with relief and gratitude, Mrs. Brisby took the envelope with trembling paws. "Thank you so much," she murmured, her gaze flickering between the trio. "You truly are friends in the most unexpected of places."

Mrs. Brisby, her cheeks flushed with a mix of embarrassment and fear of heights, declined Jeremy's gallant offer to fly her home. "Thank you, Jeremy, but I'm afraid I can't," she said, her eyes darting towards the treetops. Sensing her distress, Sora stepped in. "Don't worry, Mrs. Brisby. We'll walk with you," he assured her with a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Besides, it's not every day we get to see the world from a mouse's perspective!" Donald chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. Goofy nodded in agreement, his smile wide and reassuring. Jeremy, understanding her plight, gave a courteous nod. "Well, if you ever change your mind, I'm here to help," he offered before flying off into the night sky. With a sigh of relief, Mrs. Brisby led the way through the moonlit garden, her tiny paws navigating the overgrown pathways with surprising agility. The trio of heroes followed closely, their eyes peeled for any signs of danger or Heartless that might threaten their newfound friend.

Mrs. Brisby's small house came into view, the warm glow of candlelight spilling out from the windows. Upon entering, the scent of freshly baked cookies filled the air, and the sounds of her children's laughter could be heard from the other room. She introduced her new companions to Auntie Shrew, a shrew with a sharp tongue but a heart of gold, who was in the midst of a dramatic lecture directed at Martin, the second eldest of the Brisby children. "Oh, Auntie, it's nothing," Mrs. Brisby said, brushing off the situation with a weary smile. "I've brought home some friends to help us with Timmy." Auntie Shrew's eyes widened at the sight of the tiny trio. "What kind of friends?" she demanded. "Well, they're… a bit unconventional," Mrs. Brisby sighed.

Mrs. Brisby carefully poured the glowing potion into a steaming bowl of soup, mixing it thoroughly to mask the potent scent from Timmy's keen nose. With a gentle touch, she lifted the spoon to Timmy's quivering lips, her eyes filled with love and concern. "It's okay, Timmy," she whispered, "this will make you feel all better." The sickly mouse took a tentative sip, his eyes widening at the unexpected taste. Meanwhile, Sora, Donald, and Goofy watched from the shadows, their hearts swelling with warmth at the sight of Mrs. Brisby's tender care. Despite their unconventional sizes and the looming threat of the Heartless, the scene of a mother comforting her child was a universal one that transcended their worldly differences. As Timmy's siblings gathered around, each trying to put on a brave face, Sora knew that this moment of peace was a victory in itself.

Sora, Donald, and Goofy huddled together in the corner of the room, their eyes reflecting the flickering candlelight as they discussed the events that had transpired. "What a strange and wondrous place," Donald mused, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "We've encountered so much already, and it seems Mrs. Brisby's troubles are just beginning." Goofy nodded solemnly, his oversized hands clutching his shield tightly. "Yeah, we gotta help her and Timmy," he said, his voice filled with determination. Sora looked at his friends, his expression a mix of concern and resolve. "We're in this together," he assured them. "No matter what size we are or how strange the world gets, we stand by our friends." The trio shared a firm nod, knowing that the battles ahead would be challenging, but together, they could overcome any obstacle the Heartless threw their way. With newfound purpose, they turned their attention back to the Brisby family, ready to face whatever the night would bring.

The sun had barely risen when the once tranquil silence of the garden was pierced by the eerie sound of heartless laughter. The trio of friends, still tiny, gathered outside the Brisby house to find it surrounded by a swarm of Heartless. Mrs. Brisby's eyes widened in terror as she realized the danger her family was in. Without hesitation, she scooped up three of her children and thrust them into Auntie Shrew's arms. "Take them and go!" she ordered, her voice firm despite the fear. "Find a safe place and stay there until I come back." Auntie Shrew, equally as startled by the sudden onslaught, nodded gravely. "We'll be okay," she assured Mrs. Brisby before scurrying off with the young ones.

With a fiery determination, Sora raised his keyblade, the light from its gleaming teeth cutting through the early morning gloom. Donald conjured a barricade of magical fire, while Goofy positioned himself in front of Mrs. Brisby, his shield at the ready. Together, they charged into the fray, battling the relentless Heartless with a ferocity born of their desire to protect. Mrs. Brisby, though frail in appearance, proved to be a formidable opponent in her own right, using her cunning and agility to dodge the shadowy creatures. As the Heartless closed in, Sora swung his keyblade in a wide arc, sending a shockwave of light that dispersed the monsters, giving them a moment's reprieve.

Mrs. Brisby and Auntie Shrew darted into the tall grass, their hearts racing as the Heartless pursued them. Sora, Donald, and Goofy, having defeated the immediate threat, followed closely, their footsteps muffled by the dew-soaked blades. From their vantage point, they could hear Mrs. Brisby's muffled sobs as she called out for her beloved husband, Jonathan. Auntie Shrew, her stern demeanor now softened by concern, wrapped an arm around Mrs. Brisby's trembling shoulders. "You must go to the Great Owl," she urged, her voice low and urgent. "He can help you, but you mustn't go alone." Mrs. Brisby's eyes grew large with fear at the mention of the owl. "But Auntie, he's an owl. They eat mice," she whispered. Auntie Shrew's expression grew firm. "These are no ordinary humans, Mrs. Brisby. They've proven themselves as friends and protectors. They can keep you safe." Despite her fear, Mrs. Brisby nodded, and with a deep breath, she turned to Sora, Donald, and Goofy. "Will you come with me?" she asked, hope and desperation mingling in her voice. The trio looked at each other, understanding the gravity of the situation, and without a moment's hesitation, they agreed. The journey to the Great Owl's tree would be fraught with danger, but together, they would face it, their hearts united in the quest to save Timmy and their newfound friends from the encroaching darkness of the Heartless.

With the Heartless swarming closer, Jeremy Crow swooped down, offering his back to the trembling Mrs. Brisby. Despite her acrophobia, she knew she had to overcome her fear to save her family. With a deep breath, she climbed onto the crow's back, clutching onto the red string that adorned his neck. Sora, Donald, and Goofy, now seasoned in the art of being minuscule, leaped onto Jeremy with surprising agility, their weight barely noticeable to the sturdy bird. As Jeremy took off into the sky, Mrs. Brisby's heart raced, but she focused on the task at hand. Meanwhile, Sora, Donald, and Goofy reveled in the thrilling ride, their cheers and laughter piercing the early morning calm. They soared over the treetops, the wind whipping through their hair and feathers, the thrill of adventure coursing through their veins. The Heartless below grew smaller and smaller as they ascended, but the danger was far from over. The Great Owl's tree loomed in the distance, a beacon of hope and wisdom in the shadowy world they had been thrust into. Together, they clung to Jeremy, ready to face whatever the fates had in store for them at the top of the mighty oak.

The Great Owl regarded Mrs. Brisby with his piercing yellow eyes, unblinking. "Why have you come to me?" he asked in a deep, wise voice. Mrs. Brisby took a shaky breath and recounted Timmy's illness and the Heartless that plagued their home. "These three," she gestured to Sora, Donald, and Goofy, "fought bravely against the shadows. They're here to help us." The owl tilted his head, his curiosity piqued. "And what are your names?" he inquired. Mrs. Brisby introduced herself and her companions, and the owl's gaze lingered on Sora, Donald, and Goofy. "Ah, so you are the ones," he murmured, his expression unreadable. When Mrs. Brisby revealed her connection to the late Jonathan Brisby, the owl's gaze grew solemn. "I knew your husband well," he said. "He was a noble and wise mouse." Mrs. Brisby was astonished by the owl's knowledge of her husband. "But tell me," the owl continued, "why do you seek my counsel?" Mrs. Brisby, her voice trembling with urgency, explained their need to move their house before the farmer's plow could destroy it in addition to the onslaught of the Heartless. The owl listened intently before speaking again. "To find the solution to your plight, you must seek out Nicodemus, the leader of the rats," he instructed. "He resides in the rose bush, and he will know what to do. He too was a friend of Jonathan's." Sora's eyes widened in confusion at the mention of a rat and a rose bush, but Donald and Goofy nodded, their expressions earnest. They were determined to aid Mrs. Brisby, no matter how peculiar the quest might seem. "We'll go to him," Sora declared, gripping his keyblade tightly. "We're here to help, no matter what." The owl's eyes narrowed slightly, and he spoke again, his words carrying the weight of a prophecy. "You must move your house to the lee of the stone," he said cryptically. "Only then will you find safety from the Heartless."

The following dawn, Mrs. Brisby's relief was palpable when she stumbled upon Mr. Ages, his normally busy demeanor now marred by a makeshift splint and a pained expression. "Mr. Ages," she called out, her voice carrying a sense of urgency, "we need to see Nicodemus. Our house is in danger, and Timmy… he's not well." The elderly mouse looked up from his tinkering, his eyes widening at the sight of the tiny trio. "What happened to your leg?" Sora inquired, noticing the injury. "Ah, a minor setback," Mr. Ages waved it off, though the pain was evident. "A small mishap with one of my experiments." Despite his condition, he agreed to guide them to the rose bush where Nicodemus and the rats dwelt. The journey was fraught with tension, the looming threat of the Heartless and the farmer's plow casting a shadow over their every step.

As they approached the rose bush, a figure emerged from the shadows, his eyes narrowing as he took in the sight of Mrs. Brisby and her unusual companions. "State your business," he said, his voice firm and authoritative. Mrs. Brisby's cheeks flushed slightly as she recognized the newcomer. "Justin," she murmured, "it's so good to see you." The captain of the guard, a handsome young rat with a proud stance, tipped his hat at her. "What brings you here, Mrs. Brisby?" Sora, Donald, and Goofy studied the interaction with curiosity, noticing the way Mrs. Brisby's eyes lingered on Justin for a fraction of a second longer than necessary. "It's about Timmy," she began, her voice quivering with emotion. "He's sick, and we need to move our house before it's too late." Justin's expression softened, and he nodded gravely. "The Great Owl sent us," Sora interjected, hoping to clarify their intentions. The mention of the owl seemed to put the rat at ease, and he led them into the heart of the rose bush, where Nicodemus, the wise leader of the rats, awaited them. Mrs. Brisby couldn't help but steal a shy glance at Justin as they walked, her mumbled "beautiful" hanging in the air between them. The way he looked at her, with a mix of confusion and chivalry, made her pause for a moment before she realized she had spoken out loud. She quickly corrected herself, her cheeks flaming red. "Ma'am?" Justin asked, a hint of amusement in his tone. Mrs. Brisby stumbled over her words, trying to explain herself, but the moment passed as they reached the center of the thorny sanctuary, where the fate of their world was about to be decided.

Jenner, a slender dark grey rat with a goatee and green demonic eyes, emerged from the dense foliage of the rose bush. His expression was one of surprise, yet his eyes gleamed with a cunning that sent a shiver down Mrs. Brisby's spine. He listened intently as she recounted their desperate situation and the Great Owl's advice to seek Nicodemus's help. "Ah, the Brisby family," he said, his tone dripping with feigned concern. "It would be an honor to assist you in this endeavor. After all, it was your husband, Jonathan, who showed us the way to freedom. Allow me to help you move your house in his memory." Mrs. Brisby nodded warily, unable to shake the feeling that Jenner's intentions were not entirely pure. Sora, Donald, and Goofy watched the exchange, their senses heightened by the rat's sudden willingness to aid them.

"And who might these peculiar little creatures be?" Jenner inquired, his gaze flitting between Sora, Donald, and Goofy. Sora stepped forward, his voice firm. "We are travelers from another world, here to vanquish the Heartless that plague your lands," he explained. Donald and Goofy nodded in agreement, their eyes gleaming with determination. Jenner's expression shifted from surprise to suspicion, but he quickly masked it with a facade of shock. "The Heartless? Here? This is grave news indeed!" he exclaimed. "Your valor is most appreciated," he said, extending a furry paw to Sora. "We will assist you in your quest, for the sake of all our kin." Inside, his mind raced with thoughts of how to manipulate the situation to his advantage. Yet, as he pledged his support, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of fear at the mention of the Great Owl's interest in the trio. He had to ensure that his control over the Heartless remained a secret, lest his own ambitions be exposed. Mrs. Brisby watched him closely, her instincts telling her to trust the newcomers, yet something about Jenner's eagerness made her uneasy. Nonetheless, she knew they needed all the help they could get to move their house and protect Timmy.

Nicodemus, a wise and ancient-looking rat with a red tunic and a gentle demeanor, received Mrs. Brisby, Sora, Donald, and Goofy into his chamber within the rose bush. His eyes lit up with recognition as he took in the sight of the tiny humans. "Ah, Mrs. Brisby," he began, his voice filled with warmth and respect. "Your husband, Jonathan, was a great hero among us. His bravery and intelligence helped us escape the clutches of NIMH and find our way here." He held out a small, intricately carved red amulet on a delicate chain. "This was meant for you," he said, placing it into her trembling paws. "It holds a power that can guide and protect you in times of need." Mrs. Brisby's eyes filled with tears as she examined the amulet, feeling the warmth of her husband's love emanating from it. "But what about the Heartless?" she asked, her voice thick with emotion. "They're getting stronger, and Timmy…" Nicodemus nodded solemnly. "The Heartless are indeed a grave concern," he agreed. "But together, we shall find a way to combat them and ensure the safety of your family. The lee of the stone is where you must go." His gaze lingered on Sora, Donald, and Goofy. "Your companions are powerful indeed," he said with a knowing look. "Their hearts are pure, and together, you may just hold the key to our salvation." With a sense of awe and determination, the group left Nicodemus's chamber, the red amulet a beacon of hope in Mrs. Brisby's grasp. The weight of the impending battle rested heavily on their shoulders, but with newfound resolve, they prepared to face whatever lay ahead.

Nicodemus's eyes grew serious as he listened to Sora, Donald, and Goofy's tale of the relentless Heartless. His expression grew grim at the mention of the danger Timmy faced. "Indeed, we must act swiftly," he said, his voice filled with the weight of his years. "Your valor is most appreciated, young ones. I will do all in my power to assist you." He paused, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "The Great Owl's advice to move the Brisby house to the lee of the stone holds true. Not only will it offer protection from the farmer's plow, but it will also shield you from the Heartless." Nicodemus looked to his fellow rats. "Justin, gather our strongest and most capable members. We must help the Brisby family move their home to safety." The rats, including Jenner, nodded in unison, their tails flicking with excitement. Mrs. Brisby clutched the red amulet tightly, feeling a surge of hope. With Nicodemus and the rats by their side, including the brave and enigmatic Justin, they had a fighting chance against the shadowy beasts.

As the makeshift boat of reeds and leaves glided over the moonlit pond, Nicodemus recounted the grand vision of a new life in Thorn Valley, a place of refuge and independence for the mice and rats, free from the ever-present dangers of the farmer and NIMH. Sora, Donald, and Goofy worked tirelessly alongside the rats, their hearts swelling with camaraderie and the thrill of embarking on a noble quest. Meanwhile, Mrs. Brisby listened intently to the wise leader's words, her eyes reflecting the flickering hope that shone within her. She couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness that Jonathan wasn't there to see the fruits of his labor, but she was determined to honor his memory by ensuring their family's survival. The night was calm, the only sounds the gentle lapping of water and the occasional rustle of leaves in the breeze, as they approached the stone landmark that signaled the start of their new life. Yet, unbeknownst to them, the Heartless were also drawing near, their shadowy forms emerging from the inky darkness, driven by Jenner's sinister influence. The stage was set for a battle that would not only determine the fate of the Brisby family but also reveal the true colors of the rat who claimed to be their ally.

The tranquil night was shattered by the sudden onslaught of Heartless, their shadowy forms swarming around the makeshift boat as it neared the stone. Sora, Donald, and Goofy sprang into action, their weapons flashing under the moonlight as they valiantly fought to protect their newfound friends. Amidst the chaos, Mrs. Brisby's eyes widened in horror as she caught a glimpse of Jenner, his usually sly smile replaced by a twisted grin of triumph, cutting the ropes that held their vessel together. The boat lurched, the construction around Nicodemus's chamber crumbling with a deafening roar. "No!" she screamed, her voice lost in the cacophony of battle. As the rubble fell, Nicodemus's piercing gaze locked with hers, filled with a silent understanding and a plea for her to keep fighting. The impact was swift and brutal, the stones and debris crushing the wise leader beneath them.

Jenner, his eyes gleaming with malice, seized the moment of confusion to step forward, his voice ringing out over the wailing of the Heartless. "The Great Owl has been misguiding us!" he declared, his words cutting through the grief like a knife. "The true path to our survival lies in the rose bush, where we have always been safe!" The rats, torn between their loyalty to their fallen leader and their fear of the unknown, hesitated. But Mrs. Brisby, her eyes filled with the fire of determination, dashed through the rubble, her voice urgent. "You must listen to me!" she called out. "The Great Owl was right! NIMH will come for the rose bush in the morning. We have no choice but to leave and start anew!" The rats' cries of anguish and fear grew louder as they turned to face the grim reality. Jenner's grip on the situation began to slip as Mrs. Brisby's words resonated with a ring of truth.

Jenner's eyes flashed with rage at Mrs. Brisby's accusation, his true colors exposed for all to see. "You're just a hysterical widow," he sneered, attempting to regain control. "You know nothing of our ways!" But the rats had seen the truth in Mrs. Brisby's eyes and the malice in his own. With a collective roar of anger and grief, they turned on Jenner. Sora stepped in front of Mrs. Brisby, his Keyblade gleaming in the moonlight. "We're not going anywhere with you," he declared firmly. "You're the one who brought the Heartless here. You killed Nicodemus!" The revelation sent shockwaves through the crowd, and even the Heartless seemed to pause in their attack, sensing the shift in power. Jenner, desperate to maintain his grip on the rats, conjured a fresh wave of Heartless to distract them, hissing, "You fools! She's the one leading you to your doom!" Sora, Donald, and Goofy, now surrounded by the shadowy creatures, braced themselves for the onslaught. The battle lines were drawn, and the fate of the Brisby family and the future of the rat colony rested on the outcome of this climactic confrontation.

The battle against the Heartless was fierce, with Sora, Donald, Goofy, and Justin fighting in perfect harmony, their friendship and courage fueling their strength. Each blow they landed was a testament to their unyielding spirit. As the Heartless fell one by one, their shadowy forms dissipating into the night, the remaining rats watched in awe at the power that lay within their new allies. Yet, the true mastermind behind the chaos remained: Jenner. With a snarl, he stepped forward, the Heartless retreating to his command. His eyes, once filled with cunning, now burned with a desperate rage. Mrs. Brisby and Mr. Ages watched helplessly as the battle shifted to a one-on-four confrontation. The air was thick with tension as Jenner faced the trio and the brave rat who had stood by their side, each of them knowing that the fate of their world rested on the outcome of this final clash.

The battle raged on, with Jenner unleashing his fury upon Sora, Donald, Goofy, and Justin. His once cunning tactics now replaced by brute strength and malice. Yet, the bond between the four heroes was unbreakable. Sora, wielding his Keyblade with precision, delivered a powerful strike to Jenner's chest, sending him staggering back. Donald's spells rained down, and Goofy's shield bashed into the ground, creating a shockwave that knocked the Heartless-controlled rat off his feet. With a fierce determination, Justin leaped into the fray, his eyes ablaze with a newfound courage. Mrs. Brisby and Mr. Ages watched from the sidelines, their hearts pounding in their chests. The tide of battle shifted as the Heartless numbers dwindled and Jenner's power began to wane. With a final, desperate roar, Jenner summoned a horde of Heartless to shield him, but the combined might of Sora's Keyblade, Donald's magic, and Goofy's valor shattered the dark barrier. Jenner, exposed and weakened, could do nothing as Sora delivered the finishing blow, his blade piercing the rat's heart. The Heartless surrounding them dissipated into the night air as Jenner fell to the ground, defeated. The rats of NIMH let out a collective sigh of relief, their fears of the Great Owl's wrath and the Heartless's power diminished. The red amulet in Mrs. Brisby's hand pulsed with a gentle light, a silent nod to the valor and friendship that had triumphed over darkness. The dawn of a new day was upon them, and with it, the promise of a brighter future.

With Jenner defeated and the Heartless banished, the remaining rats, including Mrs. Brisby, Mr. Ages, and Justin, gathered around Sora, Donald, and Goofy, their expressions a mix of awe and gratitude. Mrs. Brisby stepped forward, the red amulet still clutched in her paw, her voice trembling with emotion. "Thank you," she said, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "You've saved us all. Timmy…" She paused, then managed a weak smile. "Timmy will be okay now." Justin nodded solemnly, a newfound respect in his gaze. "You've proven yourselves to be true friends and heroes," he said. Mr. Ages, his skepticism forgotten in the face of the trio's bravery, added, "I don't know why I doubted you. Your heroism will not go unnoticed." The rats chorused their thanks, their voices a symphony of relief and hope. Sora, Donald, and Goofy looked at each other, their expressions a blend of satisfaction and melancholy. They knew their journey was far from over, and other worlds called for their aid. "We're just happy we could help," Sora said with a smile. "And we hope Timmy makes a full recovery." With a promise to visit again, the three heroes turned to leave, their forms fading into the shadows as they were drawn back to the realm of light. Mrs. Brisby watched them go, the amulet's light pulsing softly. She knew she would never forget the night the strange trio had come to her aid, and as she took in the quiet beauty of the moonlit clearing, she whispered a final farewell to the friends who had saved her family and her world from the clutches of darkness.

[whentherewerebicycles]

my mom left this morning and I cried about it 😭 I know she’ll be back in like four weeks but it was so nice to have her here. I really needed her I’ve been feeling so vulnerable!! I’m dealing with the hand thing okay but it’s nice to have your mom take care of you and fuss over you 😭😭 luckily ruthie is being extra snuggly and sweet this morning which is comforting me. I really, really don’t want to work today agh… if I didn’t have to stockpile my PTO I’d be using it right and left these last few weeks. but it’s fine I can do it. 19 work days to go! and this is my last semi-calm week before things really ramp up at the end.

some tasks below… more will arise I’m sure but I’m waiting for people to get back to me on a bunch of stuff:

8-8:30 shower/breakfast

10-11 prenatal massage pls help my hands

email KC

email JE

email PH

review and finalize slides for workshop

make poster edits

get listserv blast approved

print handouts for workshop

print and sign lease forms

walk dogs 30 min

make cauliflower shawarma? may depend on if I can chop stuff at the end of the day. maybe just eat this leftover chipotle

brainstorm workshop with liz? I gotta finish this tomorrow/friday… deadline approaches

[abwwia]

Betty Dodson in the 60s. Photograph: Handout

Betty Dodson (Aug 24, 1929 – Oct 31, 2020) was an USA Visual Artist and Sex Educator. An artist by training, she exhibited erotic art in New York since late sixties, before pioneering the pro-sex feminist movement. Dodson's workshops and manuals encourage women to masturbate, often in groups. Wikipedia (edited)

[pbandjesse]

I just got home from my beading workshop. Which was so fun and such a lovely night. But I had to really hold myself together and of course as soon as I came home I completely fell apart. I just had a Popsicle and am laying down with sweetp. I am thankfully not nauseous but man am I tired.

It's not even that I am frustrated that I have to go to work. I'm frustrated when there isn't anything for me to do and I'm just. Sitting around. It drives me crazy. I could be at home! Laying down! Making stuff! But instead I'm just. Scrolling on Pinterest. But thankfully there was some stuff to do today, but there were still hours of me just being tired and frustrated.

I also didn't sleep well last night. I woke up at 2 and was absolutely completely awake. And my brain was looping about things I wanted to do in the house. Change the ceiling light. Packing James office to make space for baby. Ripping up carpets. Building a new closet. Feeling claustrophobic. Just not having the best time.

I would end up walking around the house and writing down things that I wanted to do. And emailed the list to James. They, being a sweetie, would write it all out and make a plan to get through my list. Love them so much.

I would eventually fall back asleep but it was not great. I woke up for real at 730 and I just felt really bad. But I had to get myself together to wait for our appliances to be delivered.

James would leave not long after I moved downstairs. I ate the peach I got yesterday. It was not quite ripe enough but it was still good.

I was laying on the couch when James texted me that they rescheduled our delivery again. For tomorrow. Frustrating. James was very mad. I was just annoyed but it's whatever.

I wasn't going to rush to work. Instead I would go and walk over to the CVS to get a refill of my zofran. Which ended up being really easy. While I waited for them to fill that I walked around the store. I got cheese puffs and moleskin to fix my shoes that gave me blisters. And once I had paid my $1.79 for my pills, I headed out.

I jumped in my car and drove to camp. There wasn't much traffic. I would get to camp around 9 and was still earlier then everyone else. And I didn't have my office keys so I decided I should just go up to art and fix my shoes with the moleskin. I would also gather a few more bead things for my workshop. And by the time I finished fixing the shoes I heard Elizabeth and Heather pull in. So I went to the office too.

I would spend the beginning of the day printing and stapling my handouts for the workshop. And I would work on creating a color sheet for my naft feild trips. And would print out some calendars for the next few months so I could write down all the trips and jobs and appointments. It's going to be a busy couple months.

I would work on some small tasks on the computer. Some emails, some gathering of information. But I also was just. Not doing enough. So I would spend a really large chunk of the day writing out notes for each specialty area from the summer. Who ran what. What went well, what didn't, things I think for next year. Suggestions about who should be running things and who shouldn't. My thought was since we were having a meeting today it would be good to be able to point toward this. Even if I wasn't there for the meeting.

I struggled to eat my lunch. Everything tasted bad today, or at least weird. I would eat most of the bag of the cheese puffs. And tried hard to drink water but it just tasted bad and it was very frustrating.

I would go up to art and laid in my hammock. I would end up falling asleep for a half hour. It was not a nice nap. Like it was really nice laying there but I felt very odd when I woke up and I was just not having fun.

I would shake it off best I could and would go back to the office. We were supposed to have a meeting today but it would end up getting moved to tomorrow. I was only annoyed because I wanted to go home so bad but I was staying for the meeting. But it's fine. I would be okay.

For the last hour I would work on some stuff for next year's music festival. And I felt good being productive. But by 330 I was like. It's time. I gotta go home.

So I checked in with Heather and she said that was fine. I got my stuff together and went home.

I'm glad I left when I did. Traffic was really bad and I wouldn't get home until 430. I only barely beat James. When I got back here I would turn the oven on so I could make a pizza.

James would get home and got to work changing the light in the studio. And I went and laid down while I waited for my pizza.

I had to leave here at 530. But that gave me enough time to finish gathering my materials and eat my pizza and be horizontal for a little bit.

But then it was time to go! And I was a little.nervous but it would end up being such a wonderful evening.

I set all my stuff up. And I had 7 people in my class. We would spend the first 20 minutes going over my background, the history of beading, and the tools we would use. I would show how to attach the beads. And then I set everyone to work.

Beading is a slow process. And we would work through 8. And it was just such a lovely group. We talked about work and life and it was just such a lovely night.

Beading on felt has its own problems. And our needles were getting wiggly and we were laughing and it was just such a good energy. We were also just laughing because there was a cowboy tapdance class above us?? It was so loud at times it was like they were going to fall right through the floor. But that would only go until 7. And our last hour was much quieter. With just my music playing.

We cleaned up at 8. And I only had the one basket so it was an easy clean up. And a few of them promised to sign up for my next class. They were excited to hear that all the home ecc classes were with me. Which made me feel really happy.

I also told them I just found out I was pregnant and when Parker was there I told him I was going to take the spring off to work on a "long term project" and showed him the ultrasound and I thought it was so funny. He was very excited for me, as were everyone in the class. It is really nice that other people are being so nice to me and excited for me. It helps a lot.

I went home and it's only about a 5 minute drive. I was very happy to be home where I could fall apart again.

James was here and was being so sweet. They got my that popsicle and I took a shower and now we are in bed. And I am so very very tired. Tomorrow they are apparently going to deliver our appliances, for real this time. Fingers crossed. And when that's done we'll see how I feel and if I'm going to go to camp. I probably will. I want to. I just want to have stuff to do.

Now though it is time for sleep. I love you all very much. Sleep well everyone. Goodnight!!

[mannlibrary]

Mend and  Make New

Featured in the photographs above is some remarkable hand and sewing-machine stitching done in 1893 by Dorothea Beach, a 6th grader at a public school in Cambridge, Massachusetts. The sample is from the archives of the American Association of Family and Consumer Sciences housed at Cornell University Library’s Division of Rare and Manuscript Collections.

Above: Title page, Lake Placid Conference of Home Economics Proceedings;  photo of Flora Rose (l) and Martha van Rensselaer (r) at a League of Women Voters meeting, Hyde Park, NY, 1920 (from Human Ecology Historical Photographs

The AAFCS was founded as the American Home Economics Association at the Lake Placid Conference of 1909. Participants at the annual conference, who had been meeting annually for 10 years,  were passionate about turning the formerly invisible work of women into vibrant arenas for building creative expertise. For the early pioneers of the field, Cornell’s Martha Van Rensselaer and Flora Rose among them, home economics (also known as domestic science and, later, family and consumer sciences) would be a force for liberation. As a newly emerging field of study in land-grant colleges and other educational institutions, it would help women transform practical skills into creative capacity for finding innovative solutions problems that affect both individuals and society as a whole. A key area for this work was the challenge women faced keeping themselves and their families well clothed, despite the hardships of poverty and crises in the national economy.

Above from top:  Display of garments made from men's shirts arranged by Cornell home economics faculty for Farmers Week, 1919; Display of conserved hats prepared for an exhibit at the New York State Fair, 1918.(Both photos from the Human Ecology Historical Photographs collection). 

Through community workshops, live demonstrations at county fairs, and free publications, home economists have sought over the years to help their communities take on the issue of making, maintaining, and repurposing clothing. Teaching children good stitch work was an important start, but the ultimate goal was to grow this basic skill into a nimble ability to refashion unlikely resources, lean household budgets and thread bare clothes included, into fresh elements of a pleasing wardrobe.

“Keeping Clothes Wearable”, by Gladys L. Butt. Cornell Extension Bulletin 536, October 1942, in the archives of the Cornell Rare and Manuscript Collections at Cornell University; also viewable online.  

“Mending Clothes and Household Fabrics,” by Gladys L. Butt. Cornell Extension Bulletin 871, 1954; in the archives of the Cornell Rare and Manuscript Collections at Cornell University; also viewable online. 

“First Lessons in Sewing: A Manual for Junior Extension Workers in Clothing,” Cornell Junior Extension Bulletin No. 1, 1918, in the archives of the Cornell Rare and Manuscript Collections at Cornell University; also viewable online. 

Page from the handout “Restitch and Renew to Keep Clothes in Use,” by Bernetta Kahabka, Extension Specialist, Cornell University, 1974, in the home economics archives of the Rare and Manuscript Division of Cornell University Library. 

Most of the guides to sewing and stitching shown here are available as part of Mann Library’s online Home Economics Archive: Research, Tradition, History (HEARTH) ,  the Cornell Historical Literature of Agriculture (CHLA), and the Hathi Trust Digital Library. These online repositories offer valuable (yet free!) resources for anyone interested in re-learning the art of making new from old.  “Upcycling,” a term first coined in the early 1990s, has become a common word as awareness of more sustainable “slow fashion” principles has grown. What does it mean exactly? According to merriam-webster.com, to upcycle is “to recycle (something) in such a way that the resulting product is of a higher value than the original item : to create an object of greater value from (a discarded object of lesser value).” For (happily) growing numbers of us, upcycling has become a fine craft that combines old traditions and techniques with contemporary style to create uniquely personalized wearable art that also signals a conscious effort to avoid harmful waste and use resources sustainably. With a little bit of mindfulness and maybe some handy “how-to’s found in digitized, freely available historical materials, the old can indeed become some bright new for one and all.

Excerpted from Mann Library’s spring 2023 exhibit, Sustaining Style: Towards Responsible Fashion

Display in Mann Library exhibit, Sustaining Style:Towards Responsible Fashion (March 23 - September 15, 2023)