my ideal timkon don't get together until they've both already done some queer realizations and dated other guys a little bit, in part because on tim's end, i think he's been in love with kon since he was 17, but at 17 tim didn't even know he was bisexual, forget anything else. and his feelings for kon were so big but also so constant that he didn't even realize they were there or significant because they've always been there and been huge. for years. so he putters along and does his time in the torment nexus (the closet) and languishes a bit but slowly starts to figure it out.
meanwhile kon dates someone, mostly like omg im dating a guy this is ALLOWED !??!?! and its pretty lowkey and casual and doesnt last bc like . super identity issues, right. kon would Never just tell someone, but secrets and casual relationships dont last long etc etc. but just the entire principle of kon dating someone and then being like yeah idk im not really feeling it like hes nice and all but i think hes more interested in like… yknow, my hot bod, than me. its whatever tho. and tim just being SOOOOO mad that someone would date kon and not absolutely adore him. tim will not be unpacking why hes so mad about kon having a shitty boyfriend. obviously its just bc kons his bestie and deserves better. (😶)
so he's just grouchily tinkering on some upgrade for his car to get the grumpy energies out. like WHATEVER! (angrily turns socket wrench) he's not saying kon should dump the guy or anything (angrily turns socket wrench) but he's just SAYING, kon can do BETTER!!!!! (angrily turns socket wrench) and kon DESERVES better!!! kon deserves someone who will treat him RIGHT!!!!! (angrily turns socket wrench) like if TIM was gonna fuck kon he wouldn't do it like a goddamn quickie and just fucking leave (angrily grabs the next size socket and scoots further under the car) like kon OBVIOUSLY doesn't like that so why won't this guy GET THAT!!!! (angry tinkering noises) if he's that shallow he can go find himself a sexy body pillow to screw!!! leave kon alone!!!!
and cassie sitting on a chair nearby is just like. sorry what was that? "if i was gonna fuck kon"? did you just say--hey tim? hey. can you go back a step?
and tim's just. obviously this is a hypothetical everyone considers about kon. look at him he's . you know. besides, tim's just talking as his best friend who wants the best for him! ugh stop trying to read into it cassie, that's not the POINT--
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one of the things about having an unstable parent is that it can so easily ruin your future. you want to get out, but getting out takes having agency. it takes the resume and the grades and the stellar community service history.
but you have to choose your battles. you know if you sign up for an after-school activity, it'll be okay for a while, so long as the activity is parent-approved and god-fearing. over time, like all things, it will become an argument (i can't keep carting your ass to these things) or a weapon (talk to me like that again, see if you get to go to practice). sometimes, if you love the thing, it's worth it. but you also know better than to love something: that's how they get you. if you ever actually want something, it will always be the center of their attention. they will never stop threatening you with it. telling you of course i'm a good parent, i came to all of those stupid events.
you learn to balance yourself perfectly. you can either have a social life or you can have hobbies. both of these things will be under constant scrutiny. you spend too much time with her, you should be at home with family is equally paired with you're acting like this because you're addicted to what's on that goddamn screen. you cannot ever actually win, so everything falls within a barter system that you calculate before entering: do you want to learn how to drive? if so, you'll need to give up asking for a new laptop, even though yours died. maybe you can work on a computer at the library. of course, that would mean you'd be allowed to go to the library, which would mean something else has to bleed. nothing ever actually comes free.
and that bitter, horrible irony: you could be literally following their orders and it still isn't pretty. they tell you to get a job; they hate that your job keeps you late and gives you access to actual money. they tell you to do better in school; they say no child of mine needs a tutor. they want you to stop being so morose, don't you know there are people who are really suffering - but they revile the idea you might actually need therapy.
you didn't survive that fall the way other people would. you've seen other people scramble and get their way out, however they could. maybe you were made too-soft: the answer didn't come to you easily. it wasn't quick. it was brutal and nasty. some people even asked you why didn't you just work hard and escape during school? and you felt your head spinning. why didn't you? (they control your financial aid. they control your loan status. they love having that kind of thing). maybe in another life you got diagnosed sooner and got the meds you needed to actually focus and got attention from the right teachers who helped you clear hurdles to get up out of here - but for now? here?
the effort of trying. the effort of not-dying. that kind of effort was absolutely agonizing.
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imagine you have to pretend for centuries to be something you're not, pretend to be a god, thousands of lives depend on nobody finding out, and bc you were never taught how to be an adult or how to conduct yourself like a leader and guide a nation you rely somewhat heavily on this guy bc he's clearly more competent at it than you, who barely knows how to talk to others like someone in your position should
distantly you know he's isolated and lonely just like you, but you can't tell him that you understand bc you can't reveal yourself to anyone or it'll all fall apart. distantly you know you could help each other, that he could make this more bearable for you if only bc he would Know, but you can't bc he can't know and bc he can't know he thinks you're one of the deities he resents and you think he might even hate you
and maybe you started to resent him a bit too bc back then he couldn't see through you as he didn't know enough about humans nor gods, but he's catching up and it makes all this even harder since he's known you for so long. you can't tell him but you still rely on him bc you're out of your depth in this position you've been given without guidance, and you don't know if you can handle it alone, he's always been there after all. even if he might hate you and you resent him but not really and he can't know he's still there
and when it's all over and you can let go you run as fast as you can bc the memories hurt too much, you can't stay there you need to leave. and you think he's probably relieved you're finally out of his way, an eyesore reminding him of what his kind has lost, of the hubris of the gods he hates, and who couldn't even be useful half the time. not knowing he's just glad you're finally free
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[Piofiore: Episodio 1926] Character Drama CD Vol. 3 Orlok Translation
Track 3: Heute ist die beste Zei.
Summary: Orlok realizes what this growing feeling inside of him means...
Translated by ear so it might not be 100% accurate.
・゚・:,。★ translation under the cut ★,。・:・゚
*sfx: door closes*
“Meow”
—Ah. I’m home. So you were awake. I’ll get his food ready. You keep Notte company, alright?
*sfx: walks over*
“Meow, meow”
Here. From today on, this will be your plate. The two of us chose it together.
*sfx: places plate down*
“Meow”
Mm, it looks like he likes it for now. Is the food good?
“Meow, meow, meow”
Hm? Ah, are you saying you want to share your food with us?
“Meow”
Um, Notte. I’m happy, but she and I already ate so don’t worry. Eat up, okay?
I also bought some toys, so let’s all play together later.
Hm? What’s wrong?
Eh? Ahh, I guess you’re right. It feels like he’s gotten bigger than when he first arrived. Kittens sure grow fast. I feel like his fur became a bit nicer too. It’s pitch black and beautiful. Plus, I think he’s gotten cuter since the beginning.
Hm? Why are you smiling? I’m a doting parent? Ngh, I don’t think so though…
“Meow… meow”
Ah, Notte climbed on your lap again. He’s been doing that a lot lately, huh? I suppose he likes it?
“Meow”
It looks like he feels good getting pet. It’s a bit unfair. I mean, I…
Eh? Ah—no, you don’t have to pat my head. Ah, it’s not that I don’t want you to… it’s just, I’ll get more and more spoiled…
Ngh, well… just a little then…
Mm, that feels nice. I really love your hands.
It’s because you held my hands—it’s because you didn’t shake off my hands—that I’m here right now. You have no idea how many times these hands which are smaller than mine have saved me.
Ehe, thank you. I’ve had my fill. Now if only Notte would get off your lap, it would be perfect—.
“Meow”
*sfx: licks*
Ah—t-t-that’s not allowed! Ngh…
“Meow”
Notte, no licking her mouth.
“Meow”
Nope, no can do. After all, she’s my girlfriend. I’m the only one allowed to do those things—err, n-no. You should mind too. The mouth isn’t okay, even if it’s Notte. I don’t care if it’s childish. I want to do these things properly.
I-I’m not pouting.
“Meow”
Hm, Notte? *Sigh* he looks kind of sleepy. Even though we were discussing something important. Geez.
“Meow”
Ngh, I got it. I’ll take you to your bed, okay?
*sfx: walks away and comes back*
*Sigh*. Notte’s not fair. I’m always putting in tons of effort to hold back.
Ah, what I’m holding back on is probably different than what you’re thinking.
Huh? Well, that’s… at first, I was just happy holding your hand. My chest felt warm and fuzzy. I thought, ah, I want to protect this person—no, I will protect them. I was satisfied just being able to be by your side. That alone was enough. Even so, when I kissed you for the first time, my chest became all hot. My feelings of love for you grew more and more. I wonder when it started… the feeling that simply kissing you wasn’t enough grew larger. What should I do? What do I want to do? I wasn’t sure.
Before we came to England, back when I was working in Lienz, the shopkeeper did a lot to help us out, right? At that time, I had the opportunity to ask about a-a lot of things. And so… I feel like I came to understand what these feelings of mine meant.
—But how you feel is even more important, so…! I… don’t know how to put this. Up until now, there have been times where I kissed you whenever I wanted, wasn’t there? Even if it troubled you, you didn’t stop me. Because of that, I thought that you would definitely spoil me and forgive me, and I was sure that you… also felt good when you kissed me… since you loved me. So what I want to do now… is… w-what comes after that. If you don’t want to, then we won’t.
*sfx: hugs*
Ah, h-huh? You surprised me by hugging me so suddenly. You’re kind of like Notte.
Ehe, how cute.
Hey, when you’re hugging me like this, I don’t feel as nervous as I did before. However… now, my heart races much more than before.
I want to treasure you. I love you the most in the entire world. That’s why…
That’s why…
*sfx: kiss*
Let’s… do… what comes after kissing.
---
[DO NOT USE OR REPOST MY WORK W/O PERMISSION, THANK YOU]
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