#worst part is that we get like no elaboration on their canon dynamic or ANY info on oz as a chatacter so i have to do so much heavy lifting

[faehelmet]

THEY MADKE ME SICK

[shadowqnights]

May I ask what are your favorite MCD or Mystreet Ships or just Platonic Relationships? I love seeing people’s opinions on different characters relationships. I’ll occasionally see one that I never saw before and I think it’s so neat.

hello welcome to bee's fav ship masterlist

I’m sorry this ask took so long, this is the one that had all my progress deleted before I could save it anywhere during a blackout. So I didn’t try again to write it for a little while. I know you mentioned MyStreet but I want to make a Separate post for that so I might reblog this later with additions but for now I’m just gonna focus on the MCD side because I know my thoughts better on that and already have plenty to say about it.

Here’s like a little masterlist of my favourite ships + platonic relationships in MCD plus some itty bitty summaries with my thoughts on them. As always I’m down to elaborate on any of these if anyone has questions! I can always make more posts specifically about any of these pairings to fully like. Flesh out and brainstorm rewrite stuff. Some characters might overlap cause multiship win. Also these might sound non-canon because this is how I write them, a lot of this is in beeland not canonical jessland. And I've probably forgotten a shitton but fuck it we ball.

Romantic/Sexual Pairings

Garroth x Laurance. No surprises here, I’m predictable, not much to say other than what I say every other time. Enemies to friends to lovers dynamic, they’re toxic and bloody and they are obsessed with each other. They are codependent. They need each other. There is something so insane about enemies to lovers when they literally have seen the worst of each other and fall in love anyway, providing a foundation for such an intimate trust because they spent so long memorising each other for the sake of hatred. Now they would die for each other, now they are black holes for each other - I never really ship Garroth with anyone else in MCD specifically because they are completely absorbed in each other, and Laur only in like alternate timelines where Garrance aren’t quite as insane for each other and are capable of being normal exes. A delicious religious corruption sun x moon guard4guard freak4freak meal for me. Rich with hungry dog metaphors and plenty of blood. I will defend them to the death. In beeland general rewrite (not Loverman, sorry), they get to live on a farm in the middle of nowhere having an honest but peaceful life. They have a couple of kids, including Malachi<3 and once they’re old they are NOT fucking bothered by plot shit again. They go through many hells and then they finally get to rest. They are so fucking in love with each other that it makes me sickened how Jess accidentally gave me source material for the most insane yaoi that would take over my life for a multitude of years. I don’t know what to even summarise here because like. I’ve written a 500k fanfiction about them that is still ongoing like I don’t know what else to say about them that I haven’t already yapped on about. There’s probably more to talk about because I never stfu about them. No one is surprised.

Katelyn x Aphiah. More enemies to lovers but also in a more guard4princess dynamic, and if you squint also worshipper4god if you consider Katelyn devout. Katelyn enters as her assassin and does literally come close to killing her multiple times only to become her target’s most dutiful loyal guard. Their magicks call to each other. Katelyn teaches her how to fight and forces Aph to confront parts of herself that were unacknowledged before their meeting. Confident that with the amount of devotion, desire and pure angry emotion that I give Katelyn, if Laurance hadn’t been at the werewolf wedding in Season 2, she easily could have had a similar outburst and take his place there to save Aph. Katelyn is obsessed with her from the start, no matter whether considering Aph a symbol, then an enemy, then finally a friend, lord and lover. And Aph is utterly captivated by Katelyn, not just her beauty, but her power. Plus, majority of the things you like about Garmau and Laurmau can be translated to Katemau but better if you try.

Dante x Nicole. No enemies here, just lovers, oh god I love these two. They are both runaways haunted by their ‘past lives’, trying to create new names for themselves and heal. I associate them both with animals - Nicole quite literally as a fox, and Dante more metaphorically as a dog or coyote. They are best friends for YEARS before anything even happens between them, and I understand why Jess saw their vibe as an innocent young love/fling but also nooo………………….. I see the visions………………. They heal together… they understand each other’s vulnerabilities and insecurities so well….. they rescue each other…. they are adoring and energetic pure t4t love formed off years of friendship and mutual respect and like. They loved each other as friends and then they loved each other More and just very naturally became partners. They’re both very playful and adventurous when they open up, and even at their most different they’re this lovely dynamic of Nicole unable to stop yapping while Dante stares quiet and adoringly at her. And they fight together side by side!!!! (Hypnosis eyes for you to think more about mcd dancole)

Those are my big three holy trinity right nowwww but. Here are some more smaller-scale MCD ship dynamics that I also looove.

(Jeffory and Katelyn are also on this list but I talked about them yesterday in that other essay so I don't feel like repeating myself. Just know that they're included.)

Vylad x Laurance, errrr it’s complicated you already know what’s going on here. soul bonded or whatever, went through hell together. don’t know each other yet understand each other better than anyone, which isn’t saying much in vylad’s case, since no one comes close to ever really understanding him but if anyone’s going to pretend to, it’ll be laur. they are each other’s hopeful fantasy, like sitting in a dark cell and saying ‘do you think that, in another life-’. in this life, you will always have some kind of self-inflicted divide (you don’t know what the divide is blocking, because it’s not exactly friendship or romance but some third secret scary thing), but the thought will never die. you’re not even friends. in another life, maybe you could have gotten along somehow, but in this life you make stupid, foolish promises about freedom. you leave each other behind eventually, as is natural. vylad had far more clarity and knowledge of shadow knights that garroth never fully grasped, that made laurance feel seen. they make him feel seen in different ways. those damn ro’meaves.

Katelyn x Travis, nooo ha ha wow it’d be so funny if we were both burdened by years of pain and sacrifice thinking that we will never receive love only to find it in an unexpected place. it’d be so funny if you managed to save each other after years of being hurt. to the point that one of you feels that she wasted her only chance at love and the other is afraid that after years of isolation he will never know what it feels like. what if you realise that what you thought was frustrating and annoying is actually exactly what you need right now. maybe he was waiting for you his whole life. maybe he feels like letting go of a breath you didn’t know you were holding for so long. oomf if you keep on cracking the stupidest flirty jokes i might have to let down my tough exterior to actually smile a tiny bit if only in wry amusement but still, he gets her smiling. let’s go swimming and heal together oomfie!!!

Cadenza x Sasha, tragic sun x moon lovers forcefully separated. like your entire friend group was definitely all in love with both of these zvahl siblings at some point but like. instead of both of you being the fascination of this nerd freak one after the other, you two were meant to be together but could never voice it. you were such close friends that everyone already thought you were a package deal. not to be separated. only for everything to go wrong just as you are about to bring those feelings to light and now you will never get the chance because the girl you love just came back Wrong. and worse, she is so convinced that its Your fault that maybe it is, because if she believes it so forcefully it has to be true. without even knowing about gene altering her memories, you just let go because its the easiest thing to do. doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Laurance x Travis, but only in like a certain AU where Garroth is his ex but they’re not fucked up enough to be entirely obsessed with each other still. I don’t really indulge in Laurance or Garroth ships often because I am so ride or die for Garrance but I think in some world Laurance and Travis fit so nicely together, the same way that Laurance has that complicated relationship with Vylad but only in the circumstance that he’s not with Garroth. You have to hear me out here as I tell you that I understand Laurance on a deep insane level and you need to trust me when I say that he’s interested in science. He spends years ruling by emotion and temper. He’s searching for something logical, something with a straightforward answer that doesn’t depend on keeping his heart in check. He’s tired of being told to meditate or do yoga or whatever, thanks Vylad, he wants something tangible. Everyone is so busy worrying about him being this dangerous, volatile ticking time bomb that needs to calm down or leave when he’s already been through an emotional washing machine’s worth of hell that season alone. He’s tired and he wants a solution to a problem that is very much emotional, something that can’t just be fixed. Shadow Knights are made out of emotion, and ugly emotions at that, and now more than ever Laurance is so exhausted by the constant of it.

(Interesting to talk about later that Garroth and Laurance essentially swap, despite their respective emotional reputations, that Garroth’s leaving is emotionally driven and while Laurance’s is triggered by emotion, as per the Shadow Knight overreaction, his actual leaving is far more logical and straightforward, making it less emotionally destructive. Despite the notion that he is more emotional and Garroth is far more repressed, their breakdowns kind of reverse. It’s a little funny. Truly made for each other. Ok sorry no more garrance.)

And oh look who it is its Travis fist deep in the dirt hunting for worms with books and maps strapped to his back conducting the most fucked up science experiment known to man, someone who is very used to putting up a kind of faux performance to survive while having an incredible amount of burdens and sacrifices hidden beneath that carefully curated persona. They’re both incredibly clever, and despite those personas being playful and flirty, they know when to lock in to get the job done. And Travis is that perfect intruiging mix of heart and logic, because he’s blunt and straightforward especially when it comes to reciting things he knows from books, but when he gets passionate he can yap for hours. He is incredibly brave and sweet but also very studious and not very emotionally intelligent. He sees that Laurance has a problem and works himself to the bone to try and fix it for him, even when Laurance is trying to explain that its something unfixable. They’re kind of rivals at first that turn into besties who study each other sometimes. They are considering dissecting each other to figure out wtf is going on in the other’s brain. In a time period where literally everyone’s waiting for Laurance to snap, and he really does snap on Travis, it’s kind of comforting for someone to be fascinated by the Shadow Knight rather than afraid of it, and wants to approach it with science and reason rather than with emotion, fear or merely just projecting their own shames onto him. Their demon sides like each other or something.

Kiki x Cadenza, they’re pretty simple and cute. Sweet little background couple both passionate about nature - obviously Kiki loves animals, and Caddie is more interested in plants and gardening. They both have these almost-dormant magicks that emerge in very beautiful, caring ways. They are soft and tender with each other and also the idea of them meeting via Cadenza being a literal hen is kind of funny. They should throw rocks at Zane together.

Lucinda x KC, except I haven’t fuuuully thought about their endgame, just that they are so cute. Rivals to friends to rivals again, then friends AGAIN, then business partners/besties for many many years. And then when they’re older, lovers. They are stronger together, their magicks respond well to each other, and their individual business ventures actually work best when combined rather than competing. They don’t get together until they’re older ladies and, while Lucinda would still be working through some teacher-related conflicts, she’d be more willing to settle after years of wandering and long after being the White Witch, she might feel more comfortable sticking to one place. But even so they’re the kind of yuri that never has an explicit conversation about it and never tell anyone, it just happens so naturally, they’re old women who live together and have a dual witchcraft store + bakery and finally get to live in a place where they don’t have to feel ashamed of themselves or be in constant competition, even playfully, they can just Live. And also owl x cat dynamic is so cute.

Platonic/Familial Pairings

I feel like a couple of these I have talked about in more detail before so these will be kiiind of brief. Here are some of my favourite platonic dynamics and I am CERTAIN I've forgotten a lot of nice little underrated friendships but fuck it here's a top three.

These AREN’T ROMANTIC !!!

Dante, Aphiah & Aaron, their dumb dog-core little found family - Aaron becoming this old, gruff older brother figure for the both of them. After being alone for so long and bearing so much suffering, he finds solace and the beginning of a healing journey in both of them. None of them are replacing what has been lost per say, but fill the gaps of pieces missing in certain ways. Aphiah the amnesiac who, if she ever had a family at all, has literally no one now, getting to have a sibling dynamic with Dante, who waits so dutifully for his sister to come home. She looks to Aaron as a mentor figure, someone who can understand her feeling of otherworldliness and how she often feels alienated from the rest of the cast while also empathising with her as a Lord and a parent. She and Dante follow him and learn from him very attentively - and for Dante, to have an older brother figure that isn’t Gene. They take care of each other. An old wolf and the cubs that started following him around one day and while gruff and stubborn as to ignoring them at first, slowly learning to open up to them, thus earning their trust.

Vylad & Katelyn, give it up for EMOTIONALLY REPRESSED BESTIESSSSS. Every time I’ve brainstormed and thought about them with oomf I’ve been so genuinely pleased at the idea of locking them in a room together where they literally would just sit in silence and not be able to start a conversation. Such a painfully stubborn, awkward silence. Every scene they have together is so fucking funny do NOT put these guys on a boat together. They’re both gods of obsessing over their stony unfeeling tough exteriors to spare themselves of feeling. Kings of having tragic ass pasts and significant people in said pasts that haunt their respective narratives in a way that they feel no one will ever understand. So they can sit Close to each other sort of and continue to not understand each other but yet be the exact fucking same. GO TO THERAPY LOSERS.

Lucinda & Dante, go get therapy pt. 2, Dante you have to stop latching onto all of these caring figures that are a little older than you and provide some sort of semblance to a sibling, Dante stop it. She picks up on his subtle fear of witchcraft really quickly and decides to teach him more about what she does. He’s able to divulge parts of his past to her that he could never tell anyone about and she’s able to offer some comfort. I do appreciate that it’s not entirely one-sided - like yeah Dante is seeking comfort and understanding which he hasn’t really been able to take before, but he’s also there as a supportive shoulder for her, too, the way that his friendship with Aaron also starts out as mutual transaction. He notices that Lucinda has been feeling a little bit outcast by the town, even though she thinks thats what she has to be yet longs to be involved in the community, so he makes an effort to include her and spend time with her. He’s not really her apprentice, but he’s definitely willing to help out when he’s around, picking herbs and such. It’s a little funny that Dante is so insecure that he thinks of himself as undesirable and unloveable but a vast majority of town is literally a Dante fanclub willing to die for him and take him under their wing. Like oh baby. Your awkward charm is undeniable.

Stayed up late writing another ask answer yet again yippee. As always inbox is open for more asks if you feel brave enough to receive an answer of this average length and insanity :3 Stick your hand in my cage. I don't bite :).

[electricbluebutterflies]

Garcy + "Quick, kiss me!"

(bonus points for fake marriage on a mission, and for Flynn saying it)

Height difference is a good time, just saying. Usual post-canon-divergence / pre-relationship / PG-ish / also on ao3.

There are, as time passes, a few defaults.

It’s nice to have routines, really. This whole war across time thing doesn’t allow for a lot of stability, and Lucy has picked a very bad time in her life to decide she wants that after all, and she is taking what she can get. And even as dynamics improve every day and they’ve all come to function as a messy but loving extended family of sorts…

Look, Flynn’s people skills are now at least existent, but she’s still the only person he likes. And that means she has to keep an eye on him, because improvement does not mean stripped of certain personality traits that are prone to causing a lot of problems very quickly, and she’s apparently the only person that has ever lived who has ever actually been able to tell him to stop and get results, and either the dead wife must’ve had the patience of a whole cathedral worth of saints or the violent tendencies are a more recent development and neither of those options makes Lucy feel any better and-

Routines, she reminds herself. She likes routines. Even if in this case routines mean she is stuck herding a grouchy tank of a man around eastern Canada. It’s fine. Really.

It’s 1919 and the mission involves making sure the first nonstop transatlantic flight happens without problems, which entails wandering around in the vicinity of a questionably constructed airfield that might as well have a No Girls Allowed sign up on a fence somewhere from how well their side has been going. No cover story has been discussed, but the default is to pretend to be married, default enough that Lucy slips a ring onto her finger before a mission even starts and it feels weird to not wear it in her own timeline and-

How much she likes being fake-married to someone she hasn’t sorted her feelings about will be a fun problem for whatever government-clearance therapist gets to try to untangle her life in a few years, if she lives that long. It is not a problem for right now.

Point is, this is the easy but boring side of the mission, the part Lucy has a similarly mixed relationship, not the worst thing in the world but she could be so much more useful if she had a better idea what they were looking out for in the first place, if-

All of a sudden, Flynn stops, cold and with that wild look in his eyes and there is something feral in that man, Lucy thinks, something primal that has been awakened by pain and cannot be quieted and-

“Quick, kiss me.”

She’ll ask questions later. She is going to have a lot of questions. For the moment, she trusts him enough to cooperate.

Kissing someone an entire foot taller than her, Lucy learns, requires a little more coordination than she expects. She has to yank him down and stand on tiptoe and it really is awkward and a little uncomfortable, and she crashes in with a little more intensity than intended and… it’s a good kiss. She’s wondered about him like that for years now, the kind of wondering one does when there’s only one viable option for one’s regular daydreams, and reality is just a little softer than she expected, and she’s pretty sure he makes some kind of low growl into her mouth and that is unfairly hot, and-

Just as quickly as it began, it is over. His hands stay on her waist, but she is small again, small enough to hide against his body and that at least is familiar and safe and-

“Needed to-“

“You don’t need to explain,” she says before he can launch into what she is sure will be an elaborate apology because good grief, for a man who’s been obviously in love with her since before she met him, there is clearly no intention of ever doing anything with those wayward emotions. “We do what we have to do.”

“Are you hurt?”

Lucy pokes her head up, and it has been too long since she’s tried to flirt with actual intent, but she wants.

“You can massage my wounded feet when we get back home.”

He gives her a look like he’s not sure she actually means that, and dammit how is this the first man she’s ever been around who’s consistently been in awe of her, it is unfair. “If that balances us.”

“I’ll do your neck,” she murmurs, almost laughing. “Can’t imagine that was comfortable either.”

“Next time I’ll just lift you.”

Next time.

Well.

As if her daydreams weren’t annoying enough.

“Good idea.”

[faelapis]

what i mean when i say i like jasper’s ending a Lot in terms of “what the character needs”, rather than what the audience needs, is that the transition from “fragments”, to “homeworld bound”, to finally “the future” shows, albeit quickly, a pretty interesting commentary on “want vs need”.

“want vs need” is a pretty basic storytelling concept of, basically, writing flawed characters who have some growing to do as people. they “want” one thing, but they actually “need” another thing.

so let’s talk about jasper’s “want” vs “need”.

cont: but you are not my diamond. if you think you’re hard enough to tell me what to do, fight me and prove it.

she makes her “want” clear in every episode she’s in SU future - which is that she wants to subjugate herself to a diamond, because that’s the only worthwhile purpose in life she’s known.

but we, and steven, don’t actually want that to happen. we know it’s not good for her health. we’ve seen that it’s not, both because hierarchies like those are toxic and because we’ve been shown, specifically for jasper, that it causes her to self-destruct over and over again.

so when it does happen, it’s very fitting that it’s in the worst circumstances possible. she begged for steven to fight her with all his might, over and over again, so he could prove himself a worthy diamond - to the point where he ends up shattering her. and when she’s brought back to life, she’s not even mad at him. he’s proven himself a “worthy” superior.

so we’ve been shown very clearly that jasper’s want is pretty, well, unhealthy for her. she would literally die for it, and get nothing in return except unhealthy, oppressive structures around her. getting everything she wants, at long last, fills her with a kind of void and fragile happiness... which only lasts so long as steven embraces his role as diamond and stays with her. 

hence we, and steven, only see her act at peace with her circumstances without complaint for a couple minutes, and it always (both in fragments and homeworld bound) ends in her own heartbreak. that’s the fragility of her “want”.

basically, it’s bad because, albeit she would know what to do with these structures... it would be at the expense of her own agency, character growth and health. it would always end badly for her.

this is a good time to point out the parallels to steven in “mr universe”.

much like jasper, steven doesn’t care if the structures around greg were cruel or oppressive. he never looks closely enough to notice how much greg hated his life. he just wants things he sees as “normal”. he wants guidance, certainty and authority figures to tell him what he’s “supposed” to do in life.

so. how is jasper’s “want” inverted?

much like rose would eventually do with pearl, the unhealthy attachment is cut by giving your subject a very bitter pill - disappearing from their life. by leaving them behind, you’re essentially forcing them to grow.

that’s NOT the main / only reason rose has steven, or steven eventually leaving beach city... but both serve the purpose of making someone who idolized you “deal with” your absence. and that’s certainly at least a part of their intention - rose thought of herself as stuck and likely holding pearl back. steven is horrified by the diamond role and wants jasper to do “something better”.

and that leads us to jasper’s “need” - to be free from these oppressive authority structures and find her own path in life. this would both improve her health & happiness, as well as making her stop engaging in unhealthy behavior towards herself and others.

now. is she fully “there” yet? no. 

but i think that as much as her trying to persuade steven to take her with him into the great unknown mirrors pearl - ie “i should be fighting for you, because you’re too important”, her reaction to steven’s reassurance that he will be fine shows that she’s already done more growing than pearl had at that point.

she’s likely been taking classes at little homeworld (where she was confirmed to currently live, NOT just visit to say goodbye to steven) for the preceding months between “i am my monster” and “the future”. she’s somewhere near accepting that her diamond doesn’t need protection. it’s also likely something she started thinking after “fragments” - if your diamond is truly so wonderfully powerful... why would they need your protection? what is your “purpose”? steven defeating her + leaving without her in “homeworld bound” both lead her to the same conclusion - she can’t fail or succeed in protecting him, because he doesn’t need her to.

thus, her role isn’t warranted.

“i can protect myself”. “i know... farewell, my diamond”.

it’s pretty significant to me that at the end of their little scene, steven doesn’t run away or give jasper any orders to stop following him. SHE leaves, albeit sadly, because she agrees with him. he can take care of himself.

jasper’s still framing steven as a diamond / superior, but... i think a big point here is that she’s someone who was so firmly stuck at the bottom of a pit of self-hatred, isolation and meaninglessness that she couldn’t unstuck herself - not without being pushed to do so. which ended up also being true for steven.

that’s the irony of the double-edged sword of her “want” - in a way, she’s right about one thing. she can’t just magically get better on her own.

i think the episode “guidance” illustrates an interesting balance between steven and amethyst’s philosophies - amethyst would rather gems do whatever, even if they end up slipping back into their old patterns. steven would rather guide them towards challenging themselves, even if that means dismissing their autonomy.

jasper... kinda gets both? her “want” and “need” play into each other in interesting ways. i’ve been framing her want as a negative a lot, but it does have an interesting silver lining - she had to get what she wanted (to be defeated, to be given a diamond), to be pushed to what she needed.

and in turn, steven needed to listen to and adapt to HER, in order to help her. only after doing that, after being pushed by jasper in turn and truly giving her what she wants, even if it tears you apart mentally... would she ever listen to you. as steven is probably used to by now.

and despite the tragedy of it, i think that’s... kind of an okay thing to show? because not everyone will seek help on their own. it’s not the uplifting message of “anyone who needs help will eventually realize it entirely on their own”, but it IS the hopeful message of “even people who refuse help, deserve help”. 

there’s horror in steven ultimately adapting to jasper’s desires, because it shows them both the fragility of their wants - for steven, being able to control jasper was a horrifying consequence. he got what he “wanted” in the worst way possible. for jasper, getting what she “wanted” meant being forced to let it (steven) go in favor of staying at little homeworld. 

but honestly... we already knew that jasper would never seek help on her own. she’s too “selfless”, in the toxic sense. purpose matters most.

and she’s not alone in that.

“pearl took pride in risking her destruction for your mother. she put rose quartz over everything; over logic, over consequence, over her own life.”

pearl taking rose down from that pedestal was a slow, elaborate, exhausting process that took years of actively working on herself. the majority of that work was only done after rose was gone.

jasper’s gonna have all the same tools - a genuine support network, people who are willing to both empathize and teach a better way, distance from her romanticized superior, and her own desire to get better. 

the latter point, at first, because she’s told to. but as we saw in “little homeschool”, leaving her to her own devices without any “worthwhile” path forward wasn’t ideal. her “want”, much like amethyst said... still deserves to be listened to, even if she still thinks like a homeworld gem. 

but the seriousness of such an effort is, as pearl taking care of steven “for rose” and then “for him” and finally growing to do things “for herself” shows, a good avenue for REAL growth. jasper may soon yet grow for her own sake.

and the results... again, pulling pearl as my example, can be remarkable.

as i’ve said before... i am pretty sad we won’t actually get to see more of that. that’s what “the audience” may have felt they needed from jasper. the same way i’m sure rose would find it bittersweet to know how much pearl has grown without her. the same way you’re sad whenever you don’t see a character you love find love and happiness onscreen, even if it’s implied...

but in a show told from steven’s perspective, i think there is some point to that.

i’ve come around to the following: she couldn’t go with him. any forgiving hugs steven & jasper could’ve given each other at this point would’ve been hollow. that power dynamic would’ve been in the way. what they “need” is not each other. they need people who really, truly understand them, and to figure out what they want in their lives when steven doesn’t have someone to save emotionally (jasper), and jasper doesn’t have someone to sacrifice herself for (steven). 

(...and it’s at this point you realize i made you read ALL OF THAT mainly to justify why pearl and jasper’s relationship is gonna be such a central thing in my post-canon fanfic. lol. anyway here’s the link again.)

[irritatedandroid]

The Fire Burns Bright

A Personal Essay From an Alolan Marowak -Jasper (@irritatedandroid, @irritatedDroid)

Summary: Below the cut, this is a personal essay written by Jasper on his experiences with being an Alolan Marowak fictherian and fictionkind. Personal experience, discussion of awakening, shifts, instincts, animality, culture and spirituality are elaborated on alongside a critical view on community narratives and boundaries.

CWs: In-depth look on death, personal experiences with death

   I find there isn’t enough discussion on the fact that nonhumanity can be approached from multiple different angles and axis, instead treated like a hard binary of animality vs humanity - or if you’re lucky, a two-way spectrum. I’m someone who is nonhuman through and through, but the way in which I can experience being “other” from humanity can shift wildly. A strong sense of animality is brought on when shifted towards my Alolan Marowak fictotype - enough that I tend to strongly identify with the word fictherian. Though that sense of animality is its own thing, and is a wholly separate scale from the nonhumanity I experience when shifted towards my android kintype. But the experiences drawn from being an android could fill an essay of their own. We’re here to discuss the Marowak.

   Both very not human, both very “other”, but a wholly different view upon what it means to be human and not human respectively. And I suspect the scale my Marowak self experiences may be different as well from the scale any given earthen animal may experience. Similar enough to where therianthrope discussion rings loud mental bells of familiarity and understanding, but still something else worth acknowledging. After all, how many earthen animal therianthropes feel the raw instinct of fire breath? Were-dragons however may understand that one well. And yet that animality is not something to be ignored or to set aside entirely even if the axis runs at a slightly off angle in comparison.

   My name is Jasper, and some of you might know me, I’ve been around the community for a couple of years. Some folks even remember the internal grapple with identity and understanding that I had when I started being unable to deny I am an Alolan Marowak. The moment when the Alolan Marowak design was teased, and I had pointed out the familiarity as well as the typing before it was actually shown. There was a moment then when experiences and vague, blurry memories I’d held onto quietly for years without the priority of digging in deeper - as I was already busy with questioning and understanding my android kintype - became an absolute priority of mine to understand further.

   I often half-joke about how my “awakening” as discussed in nonhuman communities was completely rocky, as it was. It was less a solid awakening, and more multiple years of slowly accepting and embracing aspects of my life that had always been present, which I had denied either to ease my own responsibility to myself or to appease others. Folks in the community may recall seeing me step into denial, and to substitute in any possible reptilian, fire-based creature I could in order to try and understand the experiences. Because how could I be a Pokemon? I’d been critical of fictionkin while diving into the community, something which when looking back was likely a compensation for already having been something odd and to be met with criticism - the android. I ran through a number of species when questioning: everything from earthen lizards, to draconic entities, to the elemental spirits of salamanders.

   There were multiple aspects absolutely vital to communicating what I was experiencing, those being a) instinct-driven and wild, reptilian, and b) inherently connected to the elements of fire and spirit. My thoughts could be as unflattering as a scavenger’s instinct, growing frustrated at any leftover food or uncleaned-up animal remains (which sure made living in a populated city interesting, with abandoned scraps of food everywhere and the leftovers of unfortunate urban creatures who tried their luck at crossing Yonge Street), or curious to try and make a meal for myself out of the live insects I keep to feed to my own little old leopard gecko, Saleen. Yes, she was named after a car. No, that is not important. Having her around does however provide an up close frame of reference to draw out my own lizard drives. In terms of food instincts, raw eggs are absolutely another tempter of mine, as my carnivorous scavenger self would have been ecstatic to see a nest of unattended eggs to make a meal of. As I’ve learned due to that raw eggs absolutely suck, please cook them. It’s much better that way. But embarrassing nonhumanity stories will always be embarrassing.

   Some of us Marowak - especially the males like myself - could become quite territorial. And that territorial feeling is something I’ve had to settle in my mind over life. Nowadays it’s decently well integrated, but it does now and then try my patience especially when it comes to setting out what is for me and what belongs strictly to me. Renting a small apartment in a populated city, once again, does definitely force you to keep the “this land is mine and it belongs to me, so screw off before you chase off my dinner” thoughts in check. A bit of human humbling for an animal’s self thought. I’ve of course needed to remind myself a number of times that the tourists in the train station on my way to work, while annoying, won’t manage to chase off the Tim Hortons I’ll be eating on my break.

   But in the wild frontier of the Pokemon world, predator and prey dynamics were absolutely important to know and understand - and those dynamics reach beyond game mechanics such as elemental types and abilities. Even as a carnivore, scavenger and troublesome predator that I was when I reached the age of a full-grown Marowak, I still was in a dangerous spot on the food chain. The worst predators I’ve had to deal with while working to survive in my ecosystems were other Fire types, intriguingly. Even as a small Ground type Cubone. The fact that Cubones wear the skull of their lost mothers was something I am familiar with, my own having been taken down by a Charizard. This natural order of predation is both a major part of my animalistic experiences as a Marowak, but also did tie into my more sophisticated or spiritually-focused aspects that stemmed from my Pokemon identity and lifetime.

   All of this lead to an animality-focused time in figuring out what I was, to the point where when I was in denial of the possibility of being a Pokemon, I identified myself as a theriomythic, fire-oriented reptile. And the animality definitely tends to lead the discussion upon how I live and experience being an Alolan Marowak. I sometimes joke that you could strip that side of my life down to the bare essentials and I’d be a lizard hanging out by a campfire. Though it certainly isn’t every aspect of me, as the Marowak.

   At times I think on the term theriomythic, and how it could be extremely valuable in describing more than just “animal but from myth”, but to also communicate experiencing the self on a spectrum of animality and mythicality. In my case this spectrum is very much there, and the aspects of experience that make up me as the Marowak are scattered along it. All aspects are important to me and how I live as myself, as well as how I understand my own fictional animality and nonhumanity.

   The Marowak, despite being a wild animal in how I recall and experience my species, do have a displayed aspect of culture and even spirituality. Setting aside the fictional wildness of being able to summon up fire at will to defend one’s turf, we’re shown to be able to interact comfortably with each other when it comes time for rituals, such as fire dancing at the sun rise and to mourn the lost. Mourning the lost is a large part of how one can experience being the Marowak as well, as it’s a pretty integral part of the species’ canon lore, starting from when we’re little baby Cubones. For those unfamiliar with Pokemon lore, a Cubone wears the skull of its dead mother Marowak. Adorning bones in a sort of ritual to mourn is something that I can’t say I’ve seen an earthen animal do. If you have then please do let me know, because it interests me a lot. But all I can say about it in my own drives and thoughts is that it’s just what we do, it’s cultural. To cite the Pokedex, “MAROWAK is the evolved form of a CUBONE that has overcome its sadness at the loss of its mother and grown tough. This POKéMON’s tempered and hardened spirit is not easily broken” (Pokemon Ruby and Sapphire, 2002).

   The donning and weaponizing of bones is both symbolic and an act of mourning, but also an example of tool using similar to some of our world’s apes. The Pokedex talks of this vaguely, stating “It has been seen pounding boulders with the bone it carries in order to tap out messages to others” (Pokemon Gold, 1999). The various Pokedex entries theorize on where the bone clubs come from, some entries mentioning a graveyard specifically for Marowak existing in the world, where Cubone and Marowak get their bones. Some entries state this like fact, such as Pokemon Crystal, meanwhile others bring up this as a rumour, such as Pokemon Silver. In my experience, it’s a rumour. I’ve not seen a Marowak graveyard, my bone club first came from my mother. But the main referenced use of the bone club is as a weapon, and also as a method of overcoming grief and turning to viciousness. “It is small and was originally very weak. Its temperament turned ferocious when it began using bones.” (Pokemon X, 2013). In my case, the symbolic use of them is as a tool of war, transforming grief into a vicious will to fight on and survive. Due to this, I hold bones and particularly skulls as a sacred object and have my small collection of skulls I keep as comfort objects. With time, having a large femur bone similar in shape is a life goal.

   Though it does then get taken a step further, when peering in through the eyes of an Alolan variant Marowak. A spirituality that incorporates the dead and lost is brought in and becomes an extra step of important, crediting the Ghost type aspect alongside the Fire. Newer Pokedex entries focused on specifically this variant states “The bones it possesses were once its mother’s. Its mother’s regrets have become like a vengeful spirit protecting this Pokémon” (Pokemon Sun, 2016) and “It has transformed the spirit of its dear departed mother into flames, and tonight it will once again dance in mourning of others of its kind” (Pokemon Let’s Go, 2018). Spiritual awareness is very much accepted to be something that the Alolan Marowak possess and engage with openly, even building monuments to the lost as stated in the Generation 7 Pokedex entry: “Its custom is to mourn its lost companions. Mounds of dirt by the side of the road mark the graves of the Marowak” (Pokemon Moon, 2016).

   Culturally there is a lot to the Marowak’s experience, comparing and including both Alolan and Kantonian variants of the species. The species as I remember are mostly solitary but I do recall clan dynamics and groups especially among the Alolan variant. These groups were less for survival and more for the purpose of those ritual gatherings, mentioned above. At times I was very foreign to these clans, being a Kanto-born Cubone evolved in Alola (a fact supported in canon and proven in Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon via the ability to evolve a Kanto Marowak in Ultra Space). Behaviorally and culturally there are differences between Kanto and Alolan Marowak, brought on by how each looks at their situation differently. While an Alolan Marowak processes mourning in a more spiritual way, a Kanto Marowak becomes hardened by anger. “A MAROWAK is the evolved form of a CUBONE that has grown tough by overcoming the grief of losing its mother. Its tempered and hardened spirit is not easily broken,” (Pokemon Emerald, 2004). Because of this there was a separation between myself and the local Marowak that reinforced my solitary nature, and also influenced my introverted and almost outright nomadic nature in my current life and self. The fire dance under the sunrise was one known in canon. These rituals and dances are a custom humans in canon have taken notice to, and can even speculate the reasoning for. “This Pokémon sets the bone it holds on fire and dances through the night as a way to mourn its fallen allies” (Pokemon Sword, 2019). The fact that that cultural dynamic prevailed even through the difficulty of communicating is something that may be surprising, but a number of nonhumans know well that body language and tone of animal vocalizations can go a long way in communicating

   Ignoring these experiences would be a step towards cutting down and denying important experiences that affect me as a fictherian and as a Marowak. There’s important parts of how I experience being this Pokemon that are heavily grounded in a context of a mystical world where visibly potent acts of fantasy are possible unlike the world we are living in here. Some of these aspects can be emulated in more subtle ways through exploration of spirituality, religion and the occult. To dive deeper into that, I used to identify as Pagan, however now I practice what is called chaos magic. Chaos magic is a magical practice that developed in England in the 1960’s, working off of Austin Osman Spare’s occult practice and ideas. Chaos magic gave me an approach and freedom to incorporate what I know and remember as an Alolan Marowak into my every-day spirituality. Tailoring my spiritual beliefs and practices to focus on working with the element of fire, with spirits and the energy of death, bones, and to the very fabric of fiction crossing over into reality was extremely important as an avenue for me to explore the way my fictotype affects me in the modern day, and in the human body. This practice also gave me a bit of freedom to accept working with an entity from my source - Giratina - as a patron deity in pagan circles, which ultimately proved to be extremely valuable in exploring my own Pokemon identity. Practices like energy work, meditation, spirit work and visualization hit close to satisfying that need to be delved into the magical world we see in animation. And yet, even in these more sophisticated and fantastical experiences lie links back to the animality and to an inherent disconnect to humanity.

   One thing I always enjoy in therianthrope and non-humanoid otherkin discussions is an openness to discuss the instincts that are ugly, disturbing or outside of what one’s human morals would ever agree with in this life and time. And in a lot of cases these instincts and memories can become a lot more “ugly” than a scavenger’s drive to eat carcasses or the awareness and cynical eye needed to survive in a completely wild world. At times, a wild creature can have defense mechanisms or behaviors that to our human minds would seem outright malicious. And Pokemon, even in the whimsical canon, are no exception to that. Once again I’ll drag up a few Pokedex entries - as honestly the Pokedex is a wonderful thing for exploring the deeper aspects of a wild Pokemon - to illustrate my point. “When it beats opponents with its bone, the cursed flames spread to them. No amount of water will stop those flames from burning,” (Pokemon Ultra Moon, 2017) and “The cursed flames that light up the bone carried by this Pokémon are said to cause both mental and physical pain that will never fade” (Pokemon Shield, 2019).

   Yes, even the fun and magical world of Pokemon is no stranger to wild animals who inflict effects upon others that seem absolutely awful, and in some cases cruel. But, that’s survival in the animal kingdom, or in this case the Pokemon kingdom. It can be surprising to some that a person who’s fictotype hails from the fun and upbeat franchise that defined a number of childhoods may be hardened to the need to survive in a natural world. The things I know I had done to creatures who my childhood Pokemon fan self would have only wanted to hug, at least at a baseline mental state. In a shift, that’s a different story after all.

   But ultimately, this blend of experiences causes an interesting time in exploring myself within the general nonhuman community as it can be quite split up. Certain narratives of individual communities I can’t find myself fitting into, or find myself sitting in between. I settle into spaces focused on everything from therianthropy, to mythical otherkinity, and to fictionkinity, though there’s narratives and cultural aspects in every separated community that either are foreign to me or that I might confront as they expect clear-cut boxes between them which individuals can fit into. In therianthrope communities I��ve been one to criticize the expectation of a solid line between human and animal experiences, or in general animal vs non-animal with regards to forcing a further divide from the otherkin community. I’ve also been involved in discussion criticizing therian community narratives such as a shifting focus and the model of integration. The model of integration is interesting to me, as I experienced it in a way that I was unaware of at the time, particularly with my android kintype. My android kintype is almost fully integrated into me - I barely shift at all at least mentally. However my Marowak fictotype provides less integration, and my mental shifting will be a lot more noticeable against my baseline self. At times it can be as stark as appearing like a different person, or more accurately like a wild animal. But ultimately the differences in the closeness of each kintype draws up issues for me with the integration model, as well as having found it normalized a severe mental health issue I had with my traumagenic plurality at the time of “least integration”.

   The therianthrope community is far from the only community with narratives that put a barrier between me and relating, especially as members of each community push for further separation between individual branches of nonhuman experience and identity. I have trouble relating to humanoids when heavily shifted towards my Marowak self, and that puts a bit of a barrier between myself and the otherkin community’s more humanoid side - such as elven, fae, divine, angelic, etc. - as well as the fictionkin community’s focus on humanoid or completely story-driven fictionkind. I have no use for prioritized experiences within the fictionkin community such as finding canon-mates and creating aesthetics. Even in some Pokemon fictionkin specific communities I find I cannot relate often. My experience with my “Pokemanity” is heavily wild and animal-based as I was never caught, socialized with a human, or trained. In no way shape or form is my Pokemanity adjusted to interaction with humans, nor is it something that is settled down or subdued for human consumption unlike what my source was created for.

   In both otherkin, therian and even fictionkin communities there is a push towards prioritizing the narrative of a solid awakening. That’s one more focus in the communities that I struggle with, as like I said before, mine was a process of accepting bits of myself which spanned multiple years. Every part of me that is nonhuman has always been present within my life, though for almost two decades muted heavily.

   To draw back into my spiritual practice here, consider a practice known as shadow work. Shadow work is a practice that hybridizes spirituality and psychology, and describes the process of becoming aware of one’s shadow (the id, shadow archetype, or shadow aspect drawn from Carl Jung’s psychology) and working to integrate it into oneself by accepting the repressed parts of oneself that are pushed back and merged into the shadow. The shadow can be known as the unknown dark side of the personality, and I theorize that more nonhumans have undesirable aspects of their nonhumanity pushed onto their shadow than they might think they do, like I had done to my own Pokemanity for a number of years. In my case, I was slightly forced to tear into and meet my shadow aspects of my nonhumanity due to the fact that even upon immediately breaking into nonhuman communities, the specifics of what I was were already viewed with hostility and disbelief. In a way, it strengthened me. But with my shadow opened wide and not much held back, I can be a bit of a fire-starter in spaces where I speak my mind whether others want to hear it or not. And part of that is directly confronting the forced separation of animal vs non-animal, or the arbitrary ideas of what is a human experience and what is not.

   I can only best put forward my experience as a Pokemon through in-depth discussion, which I find tends to come across better in spaces where the experience of being by-and-large a feral animal is allowed without restraint. Ultimately a space I will thrive in most and be most open about my experiences and life as someone who is spiritually and psychologically an Alolan Marowak is one where I can discuss both my animality, my experience with fiction, my spiritual practice and the combination of these things that seem to be pushed into separate boxes. The Marowak serves a lot to my sense of self and to my life, and has psychological affects on me as well. It’s been a part of me that has fought through and survived when my life hit a rocky start early on, witnessing the death of my brother in childhood, and having loss and grief be present all around as I grew. The Marowak is both an inherent part and vital context in my life, as well as a symbol of my own endurance.

   Through it all, the fire burns bright.

Citations

Marowak POKÉDEX: Stats, MOVES, evolution & locations. (n.d.). Retrieved April 23, 2021, from https://pokemondb.net/pokedex/marowak

Chryssides, George D. (2012). Historical Dictionary of New Religious Movements (2 ed.). Rowman & Littlefield. p. 78. ISBN 978-0-8108-6194-7.

Jung, C.G. 1938. "Psychology and Religion." In Psychology and Religion: West and East, Collected Works of C.G. Jung 11. p. 131

Roberts, Gwilym Wyn, and Andrew Machon. 2015. Appreciative Healthcare Practice: A guide to compassionate, person-centred care. M&K. ISBN 1907830936. p. 71.

[evanescentdawn]

MASTERLIST (& REVIEW) OF AUGUST 2021

(3rd august) Happy Birthday, Sunfish

fandom: omniscient reader 

pairing: kim dokja/joonghyuk

summary: It was his birthday, but of course Joonghyuk would rather spend it all day in bed.

notes: this one was not planned; it was a complete surprise. (a common patten im noticing) all warm & fluff and slight angst and slight humour and v much like it! it didn’t come out perfectly as I wanted but yeah, it was good <333 the part where yjh acts like a cat DELIGHTS ME V MUCH I really didn’t except to write more for this ship, tbh, but here we are. also idk, but thinking about this fic makes me want to write a follow-up

(20th august) unnamed

fandom: jujutsu kaisen

pairing: fushiguro toji & fushiguro megumi, toji/megamama

summary: Toji was married and he was gonna have a kid soon. He doesn’t have a fucking clue about what's going on. Who thought this was a good idea?

notes: im so v in love with toji & megmama’s relationship. yeah, it’s pretty non-existent in canon and this is me making up 99% everything but it’s fun and im emotional abt this family and do really want to write the next chp but also fuckkk what is her name. it’s hard finding a way around not writing her name because I don’t want to think of one for her bad & because what if gege gives her name later on and I just embarrass myself here for coming for her (hey, I just realised that I could edit the name if gege did that) but forgetting that stuff. speaking of this particular fic. it wasn’t supposed to be apart of my other wip, I was just writing....when I realised it could be a pre-chp for it. toji is honestly so fun to write for love him

(21st august) cravings

fandom: jujutsu kaisen

pairing: itadori yuuji/kugisaki nobara

summary: 

Nobara bangs open the door with a murderous expression on her face, startling him. “You.” She grits out.

Yuuji blinks. “Me?” He says, pointing at himself.

“I’m going to kill you!” She cries out, and without elaboration dives straight for him.

notes: okay so like I did have another fic for this soulmate prompt idea but it was nowhere near finished for the first day of itakugi week and I was definitely gonna write something. so I soared high and low for a soulmate idea that would be quick to write and found this one that suit them and was cute and wrote a lil at the start of the day, and then it was the evening and okay I was panicking now as I quickly wrote this and kept writing! usually when I do a wip, I stop half-way in despite how I very well know what’s gonna happen next and it’s how I end up with so many unfinished stuff. BUT I KEPT GOING, that motivation pushing me through and heck! would u imagine! I just about managed to finish & post before the day ended!!! it was stressful but honestly best fun I had. the high stakes were fun, and it was so rewarding when I finished!!! love this one lots as well the banter & their dynamic were so so fun to write god I love them. I did have a lot that I didn’t get to write for with this one, though, and it makes me want to write a follow-up but like I always get that urge whenever I reread my stuff, so.

(22rd august) date night

fandom: jujutsu kaisen

pairing: itadori yuuji/kugisaki nobara

summary:

I want more, she thinks, the drag of his fingers on her hands painful because it’s not enough. Kugisaki Nobara is greedy, and this is nowhere near enough. She wishes that Megumi was here so she wouldn't have to deal with these stupid feelings.

--

or, nobara pines helplessly.

notes: honestly, this is probably my fave out of what I wrote for itakugi week (that I’ve so far finished) and I love it very much!!! this definitely did not come like how my initial idea was and tbh, still want that idea, so will probs write smth on that... anyways love this one so much the pinning the yearning the lil angst (gah, so good) and how it didn’t go all angst (surprised me) and came out hopeful and stuff. I really do want to write a follow-fic where it follows them getting together. will i? who knows

(24th august) What Not To Do��

fandom: jujutsu kaisen

pairing: itadori yuuji/kugisaki nobara

summary: 

“Are you saying you never — never — that I’ve been thinking you were rejecting me all this time but you didn’t know.“ Alternatively: they are idiots, your honour.

notes: man okay, this day was definitely smth. I went through three wips because somehow none of them were working and genuinely was gonna give up this day but! what do you know! I managed to finish this one! but, uh, I did kind of rush with it and didn’t quite go well so I’m not feeling very favourable towards this one but I do love it! it’s good! just not the best of what it could be & urgh, I always see that. which is annoying, but! I measure fics but how much fun it is and how much I learned from writing it which is a whole lot plenty. never regretted posting it <3

(25th august) hold me, and warm me right up

fandom: golden time

pairing: Oka Chinami/Kaga Kouko

summary:

Oka probably wants to break up, and hates her, now. Oh god.

Kouko buries her face further into her scarf, mind spinning with all the worst possible. Instead of any of them, she feels warmth envelope her hands. 

She startles, peeks out, and finds Oka clasping her hands with hers. 

(In where Kouko is still getting used to this new relationship thing, and Oka is a concerned girlfriend.)

notes: this fic’s existence delights me v much. just. yes. this ship were a surprise to me, along with how I managed to actually finish something! very exciting! also. just. this one is so cute & adorable, I cant. I have a million of thoughts about this lil piece and every time I think of it I desperately want to write something more on them OKAKO IS ONE OF THE BEST SHIPS I COULD HAVE EVER THOUGHT OF AAA I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.

[dilfdoctordoom]

👀 give me all your thoughts I know you have them

Bette Kane

How I feel about this character: She is my everything. I love nobody as much as I love her. I am at all times thinking about Bette Kane

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Dawn, Hank, Charley, Barbara, Helena, Artemis, Donna & I think she & Luke Fox dated for a little bit in high school before deciding to be just friends

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Gar!!! Her & Gar are best friends & they shouldn’t be romantic

My unpopular opinion about this character: Don’t know if she’s known enough to have any unpopular opinions, but bitchy Bette Kane should be brought back. They defanged her a lot & I don’t like it, let her be the worst it was really funny

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I really wish that in the N52 Batwoman series, the Kate&Bette dynamic was changed so while Kate had all her military training & was older, Bette had more vigilante experience & they had to learn to work together & learn from each other

my OTP: Hank/Dawn/Bette has a special place in my heart, I’m an eternal sucker for ArtyBette, but when it comes down to it... Bettenelli is simply superior

my cross over ship: *looking pointedly at my drafts* well gee I guess I think her & Danny Rand would have a fun dynamic. Also, Betty Brant for that good ole hero/reporter dynamic

a headcanon fact: she’s bisexual, she is, it’s a fact

Danny Rand

How I feel about this character: I’ve only recently gotten into Iron Fist comics but listen. LISTEN. He’s the love of my life, okay? Got it? I would die for this dumbass idiot disaster man

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Luke, Luke&Jess, Misty, Brenda because I thought they were just funny, Matt, I read a surprisingly good Peter fic so hm. Something there

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Colleen. I know they’re the main romance of the Netflix series, I know they had a thing for a little bit in the comics, but shut up, she’s his exhausted best friend

My unpopular opinion about this character: He’s not annoying. After Netflix, I think that’s an unpopular opinion

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish his TV show didn’t suck balls. I wish that The Living Weapon wasn’t canon (but Pei & Brenda stick around). I wish Marvel would pull the trigger & admit that he & Luke are in love

my OTP: Danny/Misty because they’re cute okay shut up Danny really loves her!!! & obviously Jess/Luke/Danny but in that specific order. Jess & Danny are both dating Luke but they aren’t dating each other, they’re just bffs

my cross over ship: The one mentioned above but also, in whatever universe where DC & Marvel are co-existing, I think he had a fling with Oliver Queen before Ollie went to the island

a headcanon fact: He’s Asian-American. Fuck Marvel

Felicia Hardy

How I feel about this character: My mean wife. I would let her murder me without any hesitation she’s so pretty

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Peter, MJ & Cindy. Matt is allowed but only if it’s a disaster. Danny Rand has a crush on her which she thinks is adorable

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Johnny!!!! They’re funny little shits & they should be allowed to get in more hijinks together. All the Marvel Divas, I like Felicia having friends

My unpopular opinion about this character: Plot twist assholes she was in love with Peter Parker the entire goddamn time re: everyone who keeps trying to insist that Felicia has only ever loved Spider-Man. Shut up, they’re the same goddamn person & Felicia loves him 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish Dan Slott had never come anywhere near her

my OTP: PeterFelicia is cute, okay. SilkCat is where it’s at though. Cindy & Felicia... soulmates

my cross over ship: Jessica Cruz or Dick Grayson because she likes dorks but only if they’re pretty

a headcanon fact: I was gonna put that she’s bi, but that is canon & Marvel has just ignored it so. Hm. Dan Slott never happened to her, this lady was never the queen pin of crime

MJ Watson

How I feel about this character: I love her so much... angel... sweetie... darling...

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Peter, Felicia & Gwen, some goddamn respect

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Harry

My unpopular opinion about this character: All opinions about MJ are inherently unpopular (as she would want) but Marvel should stop moving her away from the arts re: her being a reporter in PS4, that weird nightclub thing, etc. I’d say TAMJ was a step in the right direction except I hate that book so :/

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish she was still married to Peter. Also, that she’d get her own MJ-As-Spider-Woman AU. Or MJ as a superhero in general

my OTP: GwenMJ & PeterMJ & especially PeterGwenMJ

my cross over ship: MJ Waston date Koriand’r challenge

a headcanon fact: She is not straight. Or cis, for that matter

Peter Parker

How I feel about this character: Look at the little bastard man off to do his little bastard things... will he make good choices? No! Will I continue to support him regardless? Yes!

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Okay, here we go, damn: Johnny, MJ, Gwen, Harry, Flash, Ned in the MCU shut up we all know why it isn’t popular (see: racism), he’s definitely at least made out with Bobby, more that I can’t think of right now, Felicia Hardy

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Matt Murdock. No, shut up, their friendship is important to me specifically, they just love each other a lot, okay? And it’s unconditional &nstupid & they’re dumb & I love them. Jessica Jones, too, because I think the idea of her having a crush on him in high school & local hoe Peter Parker not noticing is funny

My unpopular opinion about this character: The only consistently good Spider-Man series in the past, like, decade is FNSM

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: In a very specific thing, I wish that Peter had picked up the phone & called Matt in the Sins Rising arc because Daredevil was such an important part of that original arc & I dunno, it just doesn’t work & it would’ve been really interesting to put Matt back in the role he played in the original story especially with where Matt is in her own series, ya know?

my OTP: SpideyTorch & PeterMJ

my cross over ship: okay, concept here: Kyle Rayner & Peter Parker

a headcanon fact: bider-man, bider-man, does whatever a bi spider can...

Elektra Natchios

How I feel about this character: Murder wife, has never done anything wrong in her entire life

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Matt & Nat

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Logan!!! They’re best friends

My unpopular opinion about this character: @ Daredevil tv series fans please just say you’re racist & leave

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish she never met Frank Castle. I wish she had female friends for a change

my OTP: Nat/Elektra. Love Matt but he & Elektra aren’t endgame even though it kills me violently to admit that

my cross over ship: Talia Al Ghul. I will not elaborate

a headcanon fact: aside from the obvious ‘she’s bi’, I think Elektra has a dog

Matt Murdock

How I feel about this character: Himbo idiot love of my life make a good decision I love you

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Elektra, Foggy, Danny, Luke, Kirsten & Mila

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Peter (see: above), Luke, Nat, Jessica, I think it’s very funny when you put him in the same room as Moon Knight & Felicia

My unpopular opinion about this character: He’s disabled, you idiots, that actually does affect his day-to-day life

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish he’d go to therapy, no, Matthew, confession does not count

my OTP: Matt/Elektra, Matt/Foggy & Matt/Kirsten

my cross over ship: I wanna say Hal Jordan... specifically after the Spectre I think that’d be funny, if Hal just casually drops that literal, actual god was basically his boss for a while

a headcanon fact: he gets mistaken for Scott Summers a lot

[noethicalconsumptionunderdisney]

Ranked: Hannah Montana — Premieres

Welcome to Hannah Montana March Madness!  This month, I’ll be doing Rankings, Analyses, and reblogging various posts that I like for Hannah Montana.  Tbh, this was my favorite Disney Channel show growing up, but I haven’t really talked about it yet.  And what better place to start than with literal beginnings?  A.K.A, Premieres.  So here we go.

Before we begin, I want to explain my criteria a little bit for what I think makes a great Premiere. A Premiere episode can be merely decent or good based on the basics of quality alone: good acting, good directing, tight editing, tight script, humor and/or drama that hits where it’s supposed to. That is one of my criteria, but I like my Premieres to be just a little more ambitious than that.  The best Premieres:

Establish the tone, setting, and premise for the season

Introduce an important change, shift, or moment in the series that sets the season apart and/or make it clear to the audience why we’re starting where we are

Establish and/or re-establish the characters and characterization— the characters should still feel like themselves, and shouldn’t act too differently from how they act in other episodes, but they should still feel like they’re developing throughout the show, particularly if that development is directly related to the Important Change mentioned above

Stand out from the season in a way that doesn’t feel jarring or out of place— it should feel like a part of its own season, while also setting itself apart in a positive and memorable way

One last thing: I’m going to be listing these in reverse-order of how much I liked them: Worst->Best.  That way, I can save the best for last.  I should probably mention too that I don’t really hate any of these episodes (we’ll get into some of those later), but I will be mentioning what does and doesn’t work for me and why I ranked them how I did.

Let’s get to it!

#4: “Lilly, Do You Want to Know a Secret?”  (Season One)

This is a tough one for me. On one hand, I have so much love for this episode and so much nostalgia for it.  On the other hand, now that I’ve grown up, I have to admit that it���s lacking in terms of quality and cohesion with the season.  While it does mark an Important Change in the characters’ status quo (Lilly finding out Miley’s secret), it also feels a little too different from the episodes that come after it.  

At this point, everyone was still finding their footing, and it shows.  The actors were still learning how to act and how to get along with each other, the writers were still figuring out who these characters were, costume and setting were still being worked out, and it has one of the biggest (and funniest) editing mistakes I’ve ever seen put to air. I may elaborate on this in a deep-dive post on the subject at a later time, but suffice to say, they just weren’t there yet.  They didn’t quite hit their stride with Season 1 until their third episode (which is actually a personal favorite, but again, I’ll save that for later), and while they do keep the same basic elements of the characters and a few key details from this episode, everyone feels a little bit off here in a way that’s just too noticeable for me to ignore.

That said, judging it as a Premiere might be a bit unfair of me, because this is a Pilot episode. And a Pilot episode really only has one job, as far as showrunners are concerned: to get the show up and running and on the air.  So in that sense, I’ll always love this episode for doing what it was meant to do: setting up the show and making sure it got off the ground.  And hey, if the worst thing I can say about a Pilot episode is that the show that came after it was so much better, that’s a testament to how important it was to have a Pilot good enough to get picked up in the first place.

#3: “He Ain’t a Hottie, He’s My Brother” (Season Three)

This one beats the Pilot in terms of quality, consistency, and characterization.  The show’s been established for some time now, so the acting, camerawork, and directing work a lot better as they’ve gotten more comfortable, and it’s consistent in the sense that it does feel like it fits into its season (apart from The Big Thing that we’ll get into in just a minute).  It also does feel fairly in-character for the most part— I genuinely get the sense that if they were making Lackson canon, this is probably how it would go down.

And with that, let’s get into the shipping, because it’s the elephant in the room.  I personally don’t have strong feelings either way about Lackson as a ship, I think Lilly and Jackson would work fine together, I do personally prefer them as a friendship and pseudo-brother/sister dynamic, but I don’t have a huge aversion to them from an in-universe standpoint.  I do think there are logistical and ethical issues from a real-life standpoint given the ages of the actors at the time, but good news everyone!  None of it ends up mattering anyway!  It was all a dream.  Problem solved, right?

Yeah, no.  Here’s the thing: All Just A Dream is already an eyeroll-worthy trope in a random filler episode.  And while it’s not quite as infuriating in a Premiere as it is in a Finale, it is frustrating.  This episode Goes There in establishing a Big Change that could change the direction of the show… and then pulls an “oops, never mind!” at the last minute.  Which is really not a strong way to start your season.

The even more baffling part of choosing to start the season this way is, the episode after it is “Ready, Set, Don’t Drive,” which is both a solid episode and establishes a change in the status quo that actually sticks: Miley’s 16 now, which means she can drive herself around now.  This is good for the themes of Season 3 as Miley is gaining more independence and becoming an adult, so why not just start there?  (Then again, the episode after that is “Don’t Go Breaking My Tooth,” and she says, “I’ll be driving soon” and has Jackson take her, so was that episode meant to go before it?  I find that episode to be much weaker, so I do think “He Ain’t A Hottie” was the better choice between those two, but in terms of meeting my Premiere criteria, both of those options leave a lot to be desired.)

The other strong choice for a Premiere would be “You Never Give Me My Money,” as it deals with those same themes of Miley growing up, and she gains independence through access to (some of) her Hannah money, and that’s yet another change to the status quo that actually sticks.  So, between that and the driving episode, it’s just odd to me that they chose to start their season with an episode dedicated to a ship that doesn’t actually happen, particularly a season where a different ship later does.  (There is perhaps a little foreshadowing there in that Miley sees Lilly having feelings for someone close to her that she never expected her to fall for, and has to learn how to be okay with that, but honestly, I’m not even sure if they were 100% planning to “go there” with Loliver at this point, or if this was just something they were considering now that the characters were getting older.)  

If this were just a filler, Fanservice episode, I could probably live with that. I just wish that they hadn’t started with it, because starting your opening episode with “Just kidding, it was all a dream!” establishes a tone where nothing is real and the stakes don’t matter. (Which unfortunately, also popped up a lot in Season 3, but I wouldn’t consider that a change for the better.)

#2: “Sweet Home Hannah Montana” (Season Four)

This high up?  I know.  I was surprised, too.  But believe it or not, this episode actually works really well as a Premiere: it establishes a new setting and an Important Change (the Stewarts move into a new house, a large ranch where Miley can be with her horse and feel like she’s back in Tennessee while still being in California and getting to live with Lilly), it sets itself apart from the seasons before it, everyone’s in-character, and it stands out and feels like a First Episode of a Finale Season while still blending into the season as a whole.

There is one thing from this that doesn’t stick from one episode to the next, but I do believe it’s established in a way that we always knew that part wasn’t going to stick.  We knew Miley and Lilly were not going to spend an entire season trapped in a kiddie bedroom, and a large part of the plot revolves around them making sure they don’t.  The audience is under no false pretenses here about what is and isn’t a permanent change.  They’ve left their old house behind for good, and the new house setting is here to stay— they’re just working out some of the details.

Comedy-wise and quality-wise, I can definitely see this not being the strongest episode just as an episode. I do think the beginning of Season 4 suffered from the decline that had begun to affect the show, and it was doing its best to pull together a decent season and an ending that worked for the show and characters while dealing with a lot behind the scenes and a lot of fatigue from actors and writers alike.  While I don’t think Season 4 begins nearly as strongly as it ends, I do think this is a fairly solid and logical beginning, and does the “soft reboot” for the show that I believe they were going for.

#1: “Me and Rico Down by the Schoolyard” (Season Two)

Honestly, this was never even a question for me.  Strong as a Premiere, strong as an episode, high quality, stakes, humor, this episode starts the season on a high note, both feeling like it naturally and seamlessly blends into the episodes after it, and feeling distinctive on its own.  

Two big changes to the series are established: Miley starts high school, and Rico becomes a series regular. Not only do these mark a change for the new season, they mark a change for the series as a whole, as both of these changes are maintained from here until the end of the show (although, admittedly, it’d be hard to avoid her going to high school, so that was pretty much inevitable).

Not only do the characters feel like themselves, this is also the first time in the series Rico messes with someone other than Jackson, and establishes himself as an antagonist proper for the show.  This isn’t the first time Miley and Rico have interacted, but it is the first time she knows exactly who she’s dealing with, and she deals with him the only way she knows how: confrontation, scheming, a little help from her friends, and in the end, a moment of raw honesty.  Speaking of her friends, they’re on-point too— Oliver’s fake muscles, the callback to his “locker doctor” skills, Lilly being supportive and sassy to Miley and Oliver in equal measure, and all the interactions with the monkey are sheer perfection.

There is a “fakeout” moment in terms of the secret, but that was properly set up as well— we knew Miley bringing her teddy bear to school was still a secret, and one that would still affect her status at the school, just… not as much, and not in the same way.  While it would have been interesting to see how Rico would’ve reacted to finding out the real secret (at this point in the show), we also hadn’t established enough of how he felt towards both Miley and Hannah for it to make much of an impact yet, and at this point he hadn’t developed enough as a character for him to believably let something that big go.  Sure, maybe he would’ve in that moment, but he probably would’ve still tried to use the knowledge in the future, so ultimately, I think it’s for the best that he didn’t know the truth about Hannah after all.

I haven’t gotten into subplots so much on this list, but it works well on that level, too.  Jackson has an understandable and relatable conflict regarding the new kid, and he too has to choose between his status and his conscience.  He too struggles but ultimately makes the right choice… and a new friend.  Robby Ray dishes out good advice after a “dorky dad” moment, as per usual.  Everyone is so them and so perfectly them in this episode that I might actually count this as one of the best episodes in the series, let alone their best Premiere by a long shot.  

In any case, I can’t think of a better way to start a season, or a better note to end on for my first, but certainly not last, Ranked post for Hannah Montana, and for this blog as a whole.  Stay tuned this month, more is just around the corner.  I can’t wait to show you all!

[beatricebidelaire]

would love to know the tea vera! what are the sbg ships you can’t see working?

hey lauren! ahahaha so this is Highly Subjective Personal Opinions time, disclaimer first i don’t actually care if other people ship these sbg ships it’s just that in my mind and the elaborate headcanon universe i constructed they don’t work. but like we get so few canon details about them it’s easy for people to have different interpretation for these characters so it made sense some people might decide these pairings work in their headcanons.

first there are some characters i always read as lesbians or gays, and while most of these are arguably at most implied canon and not exactly what i’d call representation, ive always view them this way in my mind and it’s very hard to change now. such as, i see r as a lesbian and i can’t see her with any men, i see ernest as gay and i can’t really see him with any women. i also see jacques as gay but i have been known to make exceptions to read very good fics that paired him with a women, but only within the universe of that fic and i don’t really ship it outside the context of the fic (it was actually one of your earlier fics of jacques/esme i’m referring to sjdjjssj) (speaking of jacques, i also read book!jerome as closeted gay instead of bi and he just thought esme fit the expectations of women his family expected him to marry)

and then there are just some i can’t see their dynamics working, such as beatrice/olaf for example. i tend to view them as best friend to worst enemies, a lot of history and codependency there but it’s all platonic. they’re like pseudo siblings in a way. also tbh i think shipping them is so ... boring, like it makes their dynamics much less interesting in a sense to just interpret it thru the lense of romance. plus, there are enough arcs of vengeance based on failed m/f romance i do not care for more, it’s so ... boring. i just Do Not Care For It. (if it’s gay they it’s a different matter, beasme for the win am i right or am i right)

i also don’t see georgina/beatrice, i think I’ve said before but they lack the spark. there’s mutual dislike but not rivalry- the rivalry is at best one sided imo with heavy disinterest on georgina’s part, unlike the heated passion of beatrice/esme. esme’s hate for beatrice is like the thin line between love and hate thing, with heavy sexual tension, while georgina just doesn’t care for beatrice enough to hate her that much. she just dislikes her much like she dislikes most people, if finding her slightly more annoying than most, but georgina also find people in general annoying so that’s not saying much. (now georgina/kit i can see ... it’s cutting in from the stem women in vfd aspect and begrudging mutual respect of competence and casual flirting to Prove Something to Certain Actresses)

i also don’t see kit/bertrand but that’s just because i have too many headcanons and written too many fics about their friendships now i can’t ever see otherwise, and their friendship is just, v important to me. (also she gave him the ring to propose to beatrice... much like r gave the ring to lemony to propose to beatrice and r and lemony were also really good friends .... im a sucker for friendship parallels.)

i can’t see jacques/ernest but this one is a bit hard to explain why it’s mostly a vibe thing, if i had to pinpoint i’d say jacques is too deeply in vfd / too loyal to vfd to interest ernest, and also too deep in vfd to have an interest in ernest, someone on the other side, potential double agent he might be (and tbh the double agent part is debatable). like, he’s fine being civil to him out of respect to frank but he’s not interested. but also i think it has something to do with the vibes i imagine them because i have been thinking a lot about the “jacques swap sides AU” in which vfd murdered jerome for his fortune (by having beatrice marry him first and then widowing him) and causing jacques to switch sides due to grief and he and ernest became friends, and even in this AU where they are on the same side i can’t really see them together romantically but i can’t explain why to myself, maybe my version of ernest is romantically allergic to eldest sibling (only child doesn’t count, ofc) , i’ll need to reflect on that more sjdjjdjd

oh also i dislike Netflix!georgina/olaf because i don’t like how they make georgina so, affected by olaf tbh. book georgina and olaf were never involved and i like that.

thanks for this ask it’s a lot of fun rambling about these!

[myfandomrambles]

Dhawan!Master Character Analysis

A look at Confused motivations, externalized anger, performance, self-destruction, boredom, and trauma

Confused Motivations:

Something I find interesting is that The Master’s motivations are not understood by himself. He professes it’s because he is angry that The Doctor is a key part of who he is and the “specialness” being The Timeless child gives her, but this is no way the whole story.

A more complete read of the motivations:

A biological concrete aspect has been added to the vacillations of feeling less than and better than The Doctor causing anger. 

A compulsive need to control The Doctor and make them the same by putting them on the same “level”

Anger at being even more of a tool and creation of the Time Lords and loss of autonomy & control thereof. 

Anger that they hurt The Doctor 

Boredom, apathy, impulse control deficits and general control issues informed by trauma. 

I doubt he is aware of all of these layers, and I believe The Doctor in the story and us as spectators will choose the one they believe is the “real” reason, but it was never just one. The Master flattens these motivations and explains it to The Doctor as almost all disdain for her, and blind rage, both actively in his emotions, and subconsciously to himself. 

We know The Master has been used by the Time Lords their whole life (longer if the child in the flashbacks is Baby!Master) and has their autonomy stripped to be used as a tool of the aristocracy. He is dealing with having the Time Lords who have taken his autonomy directly on a physical level via The Doctor’s DNA. Just like the drums and resurrection during The Time War, we have direct physical meddling by the high council. 

The Master has always felt that The Doctor and he are the same, that she is better than him, and that he is better than her in turn. This vacillating perception of her and their dynamic with each other is something we can see tracing through their relationship. This comes into play where they are used as foils and mirrors to each other. The Doctor Pointing this function of being the same while opposed to each other:

Twelve: “He's the only person that I've ever met who's even remotely like me.”

Bill: “So more than anything you want her to be good?

An interesting way we can see this change how they refer to each other sometimes using the present tense and past tense of the word friend. 

Ten: “A friend, At first” [Ten spends most of the time focused on them being ‘the last’ over a real relationship, but offer a hand]

Thirteen: “The Master was one of my oldest friends. We went very different ways.” [Thirteen is intensely emotional about the master, more so then we have seen her at almost any other point, but shows mostly anger and exhaustion]

Twelve: “Of course she's not dead. She's a friend of mine. I may have fiddled with your wiring a little bit.” [Both Missy and Twelve focus heavily on their friendship and fall heavily on their intimate history]

The Master also changes the description of their relationship 

Missy:“friendship older than your civilization, and infinitely more complex.”

Dhawan!Master: “I'm her best enemy.”

We see how the Fifth Doctor has an almost apathy to The Master, Seven takes the time to give him a proper burial, Ten and Twelve both seek out their respective Masters dreading the loss. The Master also does this being open about wanting attention, playing lower stakes dreams, being truly murderous, and abjectly cruel. The Master's self-perception shits as well; playing god on Gallifrey, making a personal army, putting her on a pedestal, dragging her down, and a suicidal streak. I think this helps illustrate the behaviour throughout the whole season. 

The Doctor and The Master compulsively try and get the other’s attention. The obsession is something pointed out by multiple other characters namely; The Brig, Jo Grant, and The Rani. We can see this in him taking the time to play at being O and in how even when he yells about wanting her dead he also always knows she will live why else would he leave a note for her that would show when she got to Gallifrey. The Master will get none of the sought after catharsis and compulsion to involve The Doctor if she actually died. In their Eiffel Tower confrontation;

Doctor: “When does all this stop for you? The games, the betrayals, the killing?”

Master: “Why would it stop? I mean, how else would I get your attention”

 His involvement this whole season is only about The Doctor, even the side operations of working with the baddie on earth, committing genocide and paling with the CyberMen are all about The Doctor and his need to exert control over both of their lives. 

The Master is angry that The Doctor was hurt. The Master has always had a kind of “Only I can hurt The Doctor” mentality. And considering he knows how it feels to be used and manipulated, I don’t think he wants The Doctor to suffer in that manner by the Time Lords. I don’t think it’s contradictory to want to hurt everyone else and also be angry The Doctor was hurt. Because of the obsessive thoughts around The Doctor, it would alter the thought patterns, The Master is not working based on logic. 

A real empathetic connection to The Doctor is present in the way someone who is in a toxic relationship will have. This goes both ways we can see this in the way they have all of these periods of differing extreme emotions, especially if you look at Simm->Missy->Dhawan. There is love there when they had a healthier relationship back when they were friends/crushes, but over time it’s been compromised through each hurting each other (whatever you pick/know of canon this still holds true) becoming toxic for most incarnations. I also don’t think this hot empathy for The Doctor would contradict not even having a cold empathy for the innocents slaughtered on Gallifrey (The at least 2.4 7 billion kids did nothing wrong) 

In general, I believe after going fishing in the matrix either on a whim or not the act of burning Gallifrey was likely an impulsive act. But after this, I think planning came into it, along with building the blocks for performance. He can formulate an elaborate game to play with The Doctor, The Matrix, live on earth, and The Cybermen to stave off boredom and attempt to integrate trauma and it will fulfil his rumination on The Doctor and the high council. I’ll talk more about trauma and boredom later. 

Externalized & Cyclical Anger:

When you are angry there are generally two ways people display these emotions: they put their pain into their own body and mind or put it on everyone else. Anger is healthy and The Master has every right to be angry at the high Gallifreyans who have treated him and his best friend like garbage from the very start. 

Dhawan!Master is a perfect example of someone taking their own pain and putting on everyone else. He is angry at so many things, some justified, some not but is dealing with this through externalization. He displays self-destructive anger but goes about the self-harm/suicidality by causing as much damage outwards as possible. A common Master trait, but very prevalent here, taking his own hurt and making others feel it, a stated goal more than once. 

He took this anger at a set number of people onto the entirety of the Gallifreyan people and stepped up the “flirting” and games he plays with The Doctor to one of the most painful versions they have. We can see The Master and The Doctor’s relationships take many different forms of the years but it has always been grounded in the need for the other's attention and anger from The Master at being left. With these added sources of anger they toss at each other it makes sense that we get different versions of tipping point moments when one of them “wins”. 

Another key here is that The Master shows a long history of serious anger rage that comes out in extreme ways. He suffers outbursts regularly and it’s something that worsens over time but even The Masters who were more in control we still see how anger is an undercurrent. And while The Doctor has a similar undercurrent The Master has this pattern of explosive outbursts that have slowly become more character-defining. 

Part of the cyclical anger is also the fear under there. The Master is afraid of so much, of not being enough, of being left behind, of not being who they thought they were, of dying (historically he has gone to crazy length to live), of continuing to live how he is, of being the worst of him, of being controlled and of the Time Lords. The Master runs from the Time Lords, using them yes, but never staying there. 

The Timeless Child revelation might have acted as a trigger for larger displays of anger, however, I think it’s key to The Master that this anger was there way before now. And it has caused mass suffering before now, this sympathetic grief and anger The Master shows in Timeless Children is compelling but it’s best understood a part of a cycle of outbursts of those emotions severely worsened by this latest re-traumatization. 

Performance:

The Master, like The Doctor, is a huge fan of performance art. This is something that has always been there with costumes, voice changes, dancing, and using this for both just plain fun and as a real tool. On a strictly meta-level, Sacha Dhawan was living for every moment and being able to meet and even surpass Whittaker for screen presence. It was his story almost anytime he was on screen. 

Narratively putting on a show was key, as O he is literally playing a part for The Doctor, and even keeping in contact as this persona. When in the past he is theatrical in his introduction in the science expo, in his character reveal in Ascension of the Cybermen his dialogue starts is:

Master: “Wow! Oh! Ah! That's a good entrance, right? Be afraid, Doctor. Because everything is about to change... forever.”

He literally asks if they liked his entrance, they liked how he presented himself. Then follows this up with this big pronouncement. Begging for the people on screen and us to pay attention to him. Which is generally one of the only moments in this episode that people really remember from the latter 1/2 of the episode. 

The entirety of the interactions with The Doctor on Gallifrey has a semi-planned performative aspect like he has a bit of script in his head and is using the environment as a stage, monologuing for the vast majority of the time. He critiques the performance as much as the substance of the Lone Cyberman’s plan. The body language and mannerisms are also very large and have a dancing aspect to it, or come across as severe and are trying to get a rise out of The Doctor or Cyberium. 

Another aspect to the performance is how he has these set pieces, of bringing her in, then trapping her, playing with the Death Particle and more than anything is the CyberMasters. He introduces them with a big speech, does the march with them and uses them to make a point more than to actually build an army. It’s also important to think he had to make the costumes and had this macabre point of putting the Time Lords into the Cyber Armour. 

The performance is more than anything just begging for attention. The Master loves to blow stuff up, watch the smoke of buildings, and fight with The Doctor, but it’s clear that they tried really hard to impact The Doctor more than anyone else. It’s clawing to be enough for The Doctor, prove himself, to win. Another way this performance is as a mask covering the fact The Master is falling apart. It's the duality of The Master always loved putting on the show but there is desperation undergirding it. We can see how The Master can start to jump in his speech mannerisms become more desperate and this facade of control drips to the anger and fear consuming him. 

By putting on a show, he is in control. He fears to be out of control, and the loss of identity both the Time War and the Timeless Children gave him. Controlling how he acts, how others view him and setting out a roadmap. Control through hurting others, hurting himself, through acting and of course just basic controlling others. 

Self-Destruction:

The Master is highly self-destructive here, something that is connected to a form of “anger in” and the aspects of control we talked about before. When the death particle fails to go off the first time he seems somewhat disappointed it didn’t just end right then:

Dhawan!Master: “Worried, were you? I thought if he was compressed, the Death Particle would activate and all this would be over. I would've been okay with that. I thought it was a nice little gamble. But no, here we are, all still alive.”

He is gambling with his life, I believe this to him would be a second-best ending to finishing the whole game and be face-to-face with The Doctor. More than anything though, it seems he wants to be able to end everything with The Doctor there as well. In this case that is the ultimate control he is seeking, to end the fear, grief, bitterness and pain. Suicidal thoughts don’t quite care if you complete your plan. 

The ultimate version of this plan puts The Doctor in the position of if she wants to save the world she must also join The Master in an act of extreme destruction. The interesting thing is it fails to put The Doctor on his level because instead of an act of anger, control and wanting harm this one is to prevent more death. If she had been able to do it it would have succeeded in making her die as a hero which is the opposite of the stated goal. The Doctor has taken cruel and pointlessly destructive steps before but this wouldn’t have been one of them. The Doctor has also been suicidal before this point, those moments would have been a lot closer to them being the same then this actions as well. 

Outside of the moral quandary, this is actually not that different from a murder-suicide in real life on a psychological level. Murder-suicide is also incidentally a highly male crime, which adds to an interesting pattern of invoking male violence. The Master wants to end his life but if this was the only goal he could have done it a million and one ways and send a note to The Doctor if he just wished her to know. But, like in real life part of it is wanting to control the other person too, he wants to control The Doctor and himself. The Master here has had his self-belief shattered, is depressed himself and feels The Doctor has become something less manageable with all this new information along with Thirteen being one of the least interested in The Master's games. This is interesting as I said before Dhawan!Master is the king of externalizing violence so even when his self-loathing drives him to suicidal urges the need to have The Doctor die with him and end anything that could possibly live on Gallifrey takes precedent. 

I think this is key because, for all the talk for pointing out that he is really suicidal, the murder-suicide aspect is really key to any honest reading of the situation. Because if the death particle plan had worked he would have just committed murder-suicide, even with The Doctor pulling the triggering. This act would have come after a psychological battering via The Matrix (which even if he has a real want for her to know it was done cruelly), threats to her friends, threats of mass violence, giving her the weapon it’s hard to say he wasn’t culpable in the death particle’s usage. Even the first plan would have killed her too. 

He is insistent that he broke her, she has nothing left, her world view is broken he finally brought her down. He needs The Doctor to be in the same headspace as he abjectly lost and searching for something worth living for. To feel understood and to be in control. Personally, I don’t think she has just accepted that none of this hurts and she is great because he gave her “gift of myself” and proved she “contain multitudes”, it feels more like her not wanting to give in to his control, to convince herself, but in the end, it doesn’t matter because he doesn’t win this time, and worse he dies without her. And interestingly she ends up taking the cowards route by making someone else fight her battle, this had nothing to do with ending the Cyber War it was ending a toxic relationship, a demolished culture and a Time War. 

Boredom:

Something I think I've not seen talked about a lot is that if The Master is displaying a show of chronic boredom this is something associated with a lot of people who are violent towards others and themselves. I think we can see this in his agitation, body language, speech patterns and just the sheer amount of what he accomplished during The Timeless Children. This is less visible in him being O as we don’t really know how much he was messing around or doing while in character, but the moment he stops the endless need to do something, anything shows up. 

If you think about it not everything he did is strictly necessary for the goals of destroying Gallifrey and then commit murder-suicide with The Doctor. But along with the need for a show, there is always something to do. And when each aspect of the plan finishes there is some joking and revealing but it also feels like “whoop that's done I'm bored again”. 

He’s compulsively doing something, anything, but as he mentions this isn't actually fully fixing anything. It’s something that really lends itself to both the outward and inward destruction. When nothing will ever calm the anger, nothing will help you regulate, no amount of stimulus can keep your attention, it leads to reckless and damaging behaviour. 

However, the game with The Doctor has to end, because this is the long game and now that we’re here she has to finish it too. The Doctor also has chronic boredom and he knows this, and that The Doctor has as little self-preservation as him. It tracks that when he makes the finale move he would assume The Doctor would be willing to act out too. 

Trauma:

I think it’s very clear this Master is dealing with trauma and we see a lot of signs, many of which I talked about but here is a list:

Agitation

Anger & rage

Chronic Boredom

Compromised empathy 

Compulsive behaviour

Depression

Destructive behaviours & suicidal actions

Dysregulated emotions

Enmeshment with The Doctor 

Identity issues 

Lashing out

Locus of control issues (Blaming everyone else while also needing to own it)

A need for control

Oscillating self-estimation

Preoccupation with those who traumatized them (with the timelords & The Doctor)

Reenacting trauma 

Ruminating thoughts

Sensory integration issues (stimming, could be linked to other conditions)

Trying to put on a show, (A trait associated with trauma linked PDS)

Thoughts of violence

Dysregulation of Emotions and Nervous System: The erratic emotions displayed by The Master overlaid with behaviours that some have identified as looking like stimming point to dysregulation. His feelings and affect jump around and are always at high levels. A point of interest, however, is that From Spyfall to Timeless Children the issue seems to worsen as the ability to put up a facade is gone. Now we know that it wasn’t really that long of a period where he was actively keeping it as we only saw him as O for a short time. But it tracks that after being exiled on earth and then into the Kassavian dimension his dysregulation would worsen. 

Preoccupation With Those who Traumatized Him: It’s so heavy in this story and even throughout the whole story The Master is locked on those who have hurt him, and the trauma thereof. The Master is used as a tool here the same way people manipulate The Doctor via their god and guilt complexes. The entire story is the Master having gone back to Gallifrey to try and enter the Matrix and then spend the whole time destroying Gallifrey and even then he can’t leave. New Who Masters specifically have their whole stories centred around the trauma Gallifrey did to them and their connection with The Doctor was changed by that event. And Dhawan!Master takes no action in this series that doesn’t involve this, even the plan with Kassavian is centred on getting the Doctor’s attention and setting up sending her to Galifrey. 

Replaying Trauma: This is a commonality between the master and The Doctor. They have been reliving the Time War, the same patterns of loss of their friends, being unable to turn off the training to be a soldier. The Doctor is often taking the same actions she did before, sometimes outside of her control, all of which were made during a trauma state or resulted in traumatic experiences. 

The Master replays the behaviours he learned during trauma as The Doctor does, but is a lot more likely to not only replay acts that they did that traumatized others, which The Doctor does too but also can replay what those who traumatized them did. 

The speeches we get from the master in Timeless Children is slightly off version of Rassilon's speech at The End of Time pt 1. 

Master: “Yes, it could! Behold your new CyberMasters, Doctor. All born from you, but led by me. How does that feel? Huh? Now, no time to lose. Don't move. Oh, that's right, you can't. Can you feel a new era dawning, Doctor? For Gallifrey.”

Cybermen: “For Gallifrey!”

Master: “For the Time Lords.”

Cybermen: “For the Time Lords!”

Master: “For the end of the universe itself!”

Cybermen: “For the end of the universe itself!”

Master: “Sweet dreams. This way, soldiers.”

Time Lords: “For Gallifrey!”

Rassilon: “For victory!”

Time Lords: “For victory!”

Rassilon: “For the end of time itself!”

Time Lords: “For the end of time itself!” 

The Master who destroyed Galifrey in the name of something Tecteun, and by extension the other founding fathers of Galifrey, is playing the same game Rassilon did and views himself as a god of Time Lords the same way Rasilon did. We also know The Master isn’t directly quoting them because he was not present when Rasilon made that speech, so this dialogue shows how he is in patterns of trauma. It also is important character and theme-wise because it plays on the ideas of autonomy and how the Master has essentially made himself the destruction and death god to Gaalifry in the way The Doctor was essential in its creation. While he is goading The Doctor to be both creator and destroyer. The Master and The Doctor are in fact these forces, even though I believe the Timeless Child is a victim of abuse and exploitation, but, it’s entirely true that The Doctor and The Master are playing at being gods. Something they have done on other planets before. 

This is also part of replaying trauma in the fact he has taken bodily autonomy and specifically regeneration from Time Lords to use as his own weapons. The CyberMasters are exactly what the worst version of Timeless Children are, complete manipulated weapons with no free will. 

Conclusion:

The story of Dhawan!Master is one that turned hard into both the idea of The Master being in pain themselves but also showing some of the worst cruelty the master has ever done in both their extreme assault of The Doctor and genocide. 

[fireyalex]

So I know I already gushed a bit in the server, but I’m just gonna have a full fucking tangent on here. Warning: heavy spoilers for Shatter by @rose-gold-roman.

Word count: 1,206

So when I first started reading this story, I was honestly a little hesitant, but my friends had been talking about it so I decided to give it another try and read it. I was immediately drawn in.

The way Rage was introduced was just... absolutely beautiful and perfect and I loved it. The way he manipulated Logan was just... scarily realistic, and yet not once did their situation seem out of character given the situation. It’s something I believe could actually happen at some point in the canon series.

The detail and description is just so... so beautiful. As someone with extreme Aphantasia, I genuinely appreciate when writing is just so elaborate and detailed. It allows me to actually get some sense of what’s going on since I can’t see images in my head.

The way Deceit’s character is portrayed throughout it all is just... absolutely stunning and incredible, and I absolutely love it. His determination to right the wrongs and restore balance to the mindscape, his determination to save Thomas, he determination to go and save all the sides, no matter how incredible dangerous it is... it’s all just incredible. And then when he risked getting caught when intimating Rage just to escape, just so he could rescue his boyfriends, it was just incredible. Absolutely incredible. He has risked his life so many times now all for the sake of restoring balance for Thomas, and I love it.

Now, Patton. I just... God, I need to give this fucking boy a million hugs!! I just... I don’t even know where to fucking begin with this. But I will say, that scene in the latest chapter, was just... woah... I knew he was powerful and the strongest side, but to actually see that in action just... it actually gave me goosebumps. It was just so badass.

Roman. Roman, Roman, Roman.... When we first saw him as Insecurity, I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and never let go. He just... reminded me so much of myself that it was a little shocking. But... the way he accepted Dee, the way they ended up sparring, all of their interactions together were just heartwarming. I’m so incredibly proud of his growth, but gosh... I was terrified as fuck when that beast connected with him, afraid that he would actually die right then and there.

And now, just... Logan. Jesus Christ where do I begin? He’s my absolute favorite character, and to see him like this fucking hurts. To see him in the beginning being manipulated and twisted, to see him hurting so badly, to see him hurting his family, Thomas... And yet... it doesn’t surprise me. It doesn’t surprise me that any of this happened in the first place, because it’s obvious he’s just repressing everything. And as Logan has stated in dwit, repression is very bad and can be dangerous. And this is the result of that. And I just... seeing him getting abused by Rage is fucking painful as all hell. The fact that he’s blind, too, just... that  was just a huge blow to my chest when I read. I want to reach out and make sure he knows this isn’t okay, that he’s still loved. Seeing him the way he is hurts.

And finally (for the characters at least), Remus... While I do already love Remus, this just takes it to a whole new level. How unhinged he is, how gory and sexual he is, how... Remus he is, is all just amazing and I love every bit of it. ESPECIALLY his redemption, how he truly does care for Roman, and how he truly was terrified of thinking he just killed his twin, and how he does truly care for Dee. He was so hurt at the thought of Dee leaving him, of everyone he cared for leaving him, and it’s something I can relate to deeply. I love how you gave them both deeply rooted insecurity to allude to how they were once one. I love how he hid his own intrusive thoughts about his insecurities with his disturbing, dark, twisted thoughts. How the more insecure he is, the more unhinged he is. How once he learned Dee didn’t leave but was kicked out, he clung onto that, clung onto the fact that Dee didn’t leave him. And then joined the main party.

The interactions between each of the characters, all of their dynamics, it’s just so... pure, and accurate, and in-character, and just so well done. Especially when it comes to Dee and Roman or Patton, and I love every bit of it.

And then the locations you painted, just... AAAA!!! I absolutely love what you did with Roman’s end of the Imagination, with how it just looked like a patchwork world with repeating buildings and a timeless air to it. The imagery of it all, the comparison between the gray land and Roman as the only bit of color, it was just... beautifully depressing. And once it started to regain it’s normality, I was all for it. I just adored seeing how they reacted to the world as it regained color and a sense of time.

But then, Remus’s end of the Imagination. I’ll be honest I’m surprised there weren’t butt naked things or sex toys all over the place xD but other than that, it’s nothing I didn’t expect. I got a huge kick out of the mouths, loving how they interacted with each of the characters and vise versa. The way the mouths talked, the way they reflected Remus perfectly...

And the plot in general is just A+++. I legit fucking cried when Joan yelled at Thomas for deleting their channel, and the worst part is they never knew why (from what we know at least). They never knew that Logan went on a fucking rampage under Rage’s control, and forced him to delete the channel. I don’t even know how aware Thomas himself is, and if he’s even able to attempt to bring his other sides back.

None of the sides deserve what happened to them, especially not Patton out of all people. He was the least deserving. But now that they are getting out of the dark side’s part of the mindscape, I’m absolutely fucking terrified for what’s going to happen in Virgil’s arc. Dee almost died in both Roman’s and Patton’s arcs, and Roman almost died in the dark side. I’m scared for all three of them when it comes to Virgil, I’m scared for the danger that’s going to be presented, I’m scared to see what exactly Virgil’s become, I’m scared to see just how far the corruption has spread from his room... but despite all of that, I’m absolutely excited to see where this will go and to see how this will end. Will balance actually be restored? Or will Rage and Logan beat the others and end up completely destroying Thomas? Will any of them truly die? Who knows?

In the end though... thank you. Thank you for writing this amazing story, thank you for the amazing character interactions and developments, for the plot... thank you for Shattered. It’s so unbelievably wonderful and it deserves to be more widely known.

Last minute taglist: @pattons-cat-hoodie​ @paperhatcollection

[sieben9]

“changelings” impressions

{Quick request to anyone reading: I’m watching OUaT for the first time, and I want to avoid spoilers. So, if you want to discuss something spoilery, I’d be grateful if you could start a new post for that. Thank you!}

Well, damn.

Where do I even start?

Ah, yes, ridiculous fashion choices. Thank you, that’ll do nicely.

Seriously, what is up with this belt? Is there a funny story/deep significance I missed here? Did the Evil Queen get really into wrestling while off-screen? Is this a Fight Club thing?

So many questions, and neary an answer in sight…

…yeah, OK, I’ll get to the actual episode. Under the cut, though. Be warned, this wasn’t a happy one for multiple reasons. For one it’s so long and I am really sorry. I just kept going “and another thing…!” until we got to the current state of things. There are some “skip here” suggestions in the text, though. For another… yeah, just go ahead and read the thing. Short version right here: I did not like this episode, and its also a microcosm of this show’s issues with character continuity. (As in “which bits are canon this episode”)

OK, brief shout out to the whole scene at the barn house. Regina threatening the Evil Queen with crushing her own heart was deeply worrying, but also kind of badass. Good on her. Also, the conversation afterwards. It’s nice to have it all out in the open for once.

Next up: the flashback!

names displayed to silently accuse the guilty (not really they just happened to be in the shot)

Which was… alright, I guess? I mean, the Rumbelle dynamic was completely off compared to what we’ve seen from anything but their very earliest days (I’m thinking about the Robin incident, which was… maybe Belle’s second day there?), but compared to all the other nonsense going on in that area, this is barely a blip on the radar.

This had definitely the only moment of much-needed comic relief of the episode, namely Blue’s dress. I mean, she wears it with commendable sincerity, but that thing just doesn’t get any better with prolonged exposure.

So, Rumple can read Elf, but he can’t read Fairy? OK, I guess, but you’d think that over a 200-year-long rivalry, he’d have made the effort. Well, if nothing else, the “Belle knows Fairy” thing is a nice fanfic fact.

Anything else here…?

Oh, yeah. Rumple’s mom.

Alright, it might be a little early, but I’m calling it now: viewed by quantity, Rumple has The Worst Parents on this show. Simply because both of them were evil, child-stealing assholes who abandoned their son. …you know, despite the very obvious irony in that sentence, I’m shocked Rumple turned out as good as he did. All praise the two spinning ladies.

By the way, how many parents do we have who didn’t abandon their children? Obviously, there are some, but I highly doubt we’d get as much as an even split. Yes, I realise that this is part of the show’s theme, but that is still a lot of absent parents.

He didn’t get much out of that conversation, though, did he? Well, looks like he’ll have another opportunity this season, at least… (If I sound a little underwhelmed, it’s just because of my general mood, I’m actually pretty excited to see more of her. “Sometimes you have to choose power over love”, huh?)

::long groan:: I don’t wanna do this. Because I feel like this should be a serious, in-depth analysis, when really all I want to say is “this episode hurt me and not in the good way”.

I think a large part of the problem is this: I wasn’t there with the story. I think Rumple and Belle’s actions both grew… sort of organically to the point they reached by the end of the episode, but getting there was such a janky, half-baked mess that I just. Didn’t. Buy it.

Right up until the end of that really, really disturbing scene in the library, there are some giant leaps of logic I’m supposed to just follow along with. Like “the best way to get my son to love me is to speed up Belle’s pregnancy” or “Rumple wants to cut our son’s destiny so that he can be corrupted ‘or worse’.” Also, what the hell is “worse” supposed to be in this scenario? What, exactly, did he think Rumple would do to his own child? Ugh!

Also, this didn’t happen until later, but “Just because he did the right thing today doesn’t mean he’ll do the right thing tomorrow”? Really, Emma? Isn’t hoping people who do the right thing today will do the right thing tomorrow kind of at the core of your entire moral system?

::dons hardhat::

OK, outright: The library scene was painful, and deliberately cruel on part of the writers. Because there were so many options for this to play out that didn’t involve Rumple chasing Belle into the elevator that’s been an established “Thing” in the narrative of this couple. I’m not saying this is bad writing (I want to, but let’s face it, I’m hardly objective), but it’s definitely a deliberate punch to the gut. And then there’s the bit where Belle has to talk Rumple down, which…  ::shudder:: yeah, not a good look.

What annoys me about that conversation… OK, one of the things that annoy me about that conversation is that I can’t even properly analyse anyone’s character motivation here, because I have no fucking idea which bits of canon I’m “supposed to” remember this week!

Some canon dissection at this point, skip if you’re bored.

So. Belle told Rumple that “all she wanted [him] to do was try”, which is reasonable enough on its face. In an ideal world, I’d assume this refers back to his comment in s5 where he basically said that the darkness was irrevocably part of him and that he had no intentions of changing that. Which is a… bold choice of words for someone who was literally, straight-up cursed with that amount of darkness. But I digress. The thing is that I don’t actually know if that’s what Belle meant, because, like I said, there’s been a very clear trend of “please only remember selected pieces of established continuity” in recent seasons episodes, and if you’re going to play it like this, that makes any kind of analysis really hard.

Because here’s the thing: he absolutely did try after that. Right after that, you might say. He and Belle worked together (using Belle’s method rather than gunning for Hades directly) to get their child back from Hades. And when Belle decided to put herself under a sleeping curse so as not to risk Hades stealing their child (because Belle does impulsive shit when she feels cornered), Rumple not only got their child back, he also tried to kiss her awake afterwards—something he previously said would require too much of a change from him to even attempt! And when that didn’t work, he did what she’d asked and brought her to her father, who refused to wake her, because his child being worse-than-dead was apparently still better than her being with Rumple. (And no, words still cannot express how much I hate Moe French. He started out a shitty father and then got worse.)

And then he kept trying to wake her up, because that’s what you do for a person you love. I’d even say he was about to succeed in waking her up, when what I can only call a diabolus ex machina turned up to tell her that Rumple is bad and will “destroy his family” (in a frustratingly unspecified manner that was never elaborated upon). And I’d be happier with this if it was framed as the kind of self-fulfilling prophecy the season 2 seer girl made—that Belle trying to avoid a future where Rumple destroyed their family would put them on the path to destroying their family—but I’m not sure that’s what’s going on. And if it is, then the writing in that one bit of the show is certainly a lot subtler than everywhere else.

I don’t care how cute a baby you are, adult!you is still a douchebag

So, at this point, Rumple has tried really hard to be a better version of himself, but somehow none of that work is recognised in narrative. It’s perfectly fine for Belle not to recognise it for several reasons (it’s also a bit weird, considering how she still seems to feel about him), but the narrative never acknowledges that all of this can definitely be filed under “striving to be better.” Which, again, brings me to the “so which bits of canon are canon today?” question. (Also, hi, I have a strong suspicion that the people involved in planning this show are a lot better at short stories than ongoing series with open sequel hooks. No pun intended.)

And then, like I said, things took a pretty sharp turn towards the end of last episode and at the top of this one. I’m… not even touching that any further. I’m tired, and not in the “I woke up early to get this writing done” sense.

::sigh:: Remember The Bear and the Bow? Good times, that, huh?

Alright. Deep breath. It’s uphill from here. Kind of. The hill is inside a hell-pit, so it’s not a great climb.

The post-library bit of the episode kind of works as far as internal logic goes. The episode had pretty much lost me by then, to the point where I was just relieved it actually wasn’t Rumple who spiked that tea. Because, let me tell you, I know I said I didn’t see myself quitting the show, but that version would have been hard as hell to watch. So. Glad I don’t live in that version of reality.

Still, at that point, Belle has no reason to think someone other than Rumple would have wanted to give her that potion. Which meant he was still after the baby, so sending the little bean away was… still not a great idea, really, but I can see how she arrived there. Belle does impulsive shit when she feels cornered. If she thought Rumple had really sunk that low… yeah, it’s still not a great option (and, again some really good acting in that scene), but not completely out of left field.

And Rumple was obviously afraid something like this would happen, which is why he tried to barge into the convent like that. Didn’t exactly make him look more innocent, but he was in a hurry.

at least you’re pretty to look at, I guess

At least one person acted entirely consistent with prior characterisation, meaning the Evil Queen. Because that potion was such a classic move that I’m a bit surprised Rumple didn’t see that one coming. My guy, this is basically the same woman who convinced you Belle was dead before locking her in a cell for thirty years. She knows where to hit you and how to make it stick, and you should know that!

And this is not me saying that it’s Rumple’s fault, but he sure got a good hit from the idiot ball when he unceremoniously dropped the Evil Queen as his partner/”partner” without going “hm, could she possibly feel the urge to screw me over for this?”

And so, Rumple missed the birth of his second child, Belle had her first child without her husband to support her, and while Gideon is a lovely name, I can’t help but think that picking a name for your child is something couples should do together, playfully bickering back and forth for weeks that no, we are not naming our son Immanuel, why is this even a discussion? (…I had several friends get pregnant over the last three years and you hear some weird stuff. The little guy is called Immanuel now, by the way. Among other things.)

Oh, and speaking of the little guy’s name...

WHY WOULDN’T SHE TELL HIM? Seriously, the name wouldn’t do anything to find him he couldn’t do with blood magic. Which he has readily available, since it’s--and I know this comes as a shock--his child. Seriously, that just seems... nedlessly cruel.

Also, to close this out with some (semi-)humour, I want to make this a callout for one Belle Gold, who decided that of all the people present this was the best person to hand her newborn child:

I think I am on record for saying that I would not trust the Blue Fairy with taking care of a gerbil, nevermind a human being. Frankly, if she told me the sky was blue, I’d go outside and check, just in case the apocalypse had gone off while I wasn’t looking. That’s how little I trust her.

Now, I do know that this is not the story of how Blue has been evil all along, but there is a world where that’s the big twist at the end of this episode.

[traitor-boyfriend]

why do you think kyman is so popular? (ew)

okay so this has been sitting in my inbox for about a week or so now and i really just need to answer it and get it over with. really i think this is the most i’m ever going to say at length about kyman so here we go. also i’ve been drinking a little so i apologize in advance if my thoughts aren’t as cohesive as they could be lmao

to answer the initial question, i honestly have no idea. i have a few theories, but no real concrete answer as to why kyman as a ship is so popular; i’m speaking as someone who has had an intimate awareness of this fandom from the time i was ten, which is literally half of my life. i can’t recall kyman being a big ship, or even one of the more common rare-pairs 10 years ago – back then the major ships were style, creek, and k2 (almost pretty much in that order). 

kyman, as i know it and have observed it since i’ve re-familiarized myself with the show and its fandom, is more a development that’s largely happened within the past five years and i think the main contributor to this is that, within that same time period, there’s been a noticeable shift with how kyle and cartman’s dynamic has been written; in the beginning seasons, kyle and cartman are shown to equally despise each other. the cartman of seasons 1-4 isn’t exactly the cartman we know now – he started off as kind of a stereotypical fat little neighborhood bully, but he’s always been narcissistic, racist, selfish etc. just not to the same extent he is now. and back then, kyle and cartman interact as enemies would; they argue and fight constantly, openly express their disdain for each other to anyone who will listen, and actively conspire against the other. kyle and cartman were direct foils to each other. 

this has changed in the recent past. cartman and kyle aren’t really considered enemies anymore, but instead as rivals which i think is an important thing to note. now, they’re even occasionally on the same side of a conflict or event (such as tfbw). there has been a lot of focus in the past five or six seasons in the ways kyle and cartman are similar; they’re both temperamental and very angry people, incredibly competitive, both very driven and committed when they set their mind to something. kyle, to a lesser degree, also shares one of cartman’s worst traits; they’re both over-reactive and allow themselves to think the world is out to get them. obviously – and i cannot stress this enough – kyle has in no way the victim complex cartman has, but it is there nonetheless. the running theme with season 21 has been self-victimization, and while i don’t entirely agree with their idea that the potential destructive effects of habitual othering and alienation is, like, a concept of personal responsibility or individual desire to be a victim, other than heidi, kyle is a great example of this. for the last three seasons kyle has been the whipping boy in that no one wants his speeches, no one wants his moral lesson; no one wants his opinion. and kyle indirectly and without meaning to spearheads canada being bombed because he allows his emotions to dictate his action. there’s too many instances of cartman doing this exact thing with obvious malicious intent, but “the list” is another notable episode where kyle does the same thing; he feels slighted and estranged when everyone thinks he’s ugly, and instead of listening to reason from either stan or abraham lincoln, he decides the best choice of action is to burn down the school. my point is, kyle and cartman share quite a few personality traits and their interactions in recent seasons tend to highlight and expand on this rather than to treat them as divisive, opposite characters.

they’ve done a lot more as well to show that kyle, unlike his very early characterization in-series where he couldn’t give less of a shit if cartman died, now cares for him on – at the very least– a humanistic level. whereas kenny and stan are still mostly indifferent to cartman and what happens to him, kyle now often objects to directly conspiring to hurt or let cartman put himself in danger, even if he still despises him as a person. this started around season 8 or so with “up the down steroid” and i think this quote from kyle when he goes to cartman’s house best sums up what i’m talking about:

“I know that I often have serious moral objections to the things that you do, but… this time I think you really need to reconsider. Because if you do this, I believe you will go to hell. So I feel it is my responsibility, as your friend, to tell people what you’re doing, and to put a stop to it.”

kyle’s constant drive to put a stop to cartman’s increasingly deranged and morally depraved antics are largely driven by a dedication to his ethics, yes, but this also shows that kyle does consider cartman a friend and objects to his behavior as such because he cares about what happens to him despite kyle routinely being repulsed and disgusted by who cartman is. he also is the only one to initially object to destroying cartman’s stuff in season 20, even though kyle is cartman’s most vocal and frequent critic, and is also shown to feel an inordinate amount of guilt than the other boys comparatively; this is a combination of kyle’s generally guilty personality as well as remorse for having done something to hurt a friend. there’s also the jewpacabra episode where, even after being pathologically belittled again for the millionth time on the basis of his being jewish by cartman, kyle still goes out in the middle of the night to unchain cartman, take him home, and put him in his bed. i worry this is beginning to sound like rationalization or even evidence on the kyman ship’s behalf that kyle has feelings for cartman in anyway, because it isn’t; it’s just elaboration on kyle’s character. kyle is a very sympathetic person, and that extends even to someone who he doesn’t like. there are plenty of examples of kyle being absolutely thrilled to see cartman be delivered a comeuppance or get the shit kicked out of him or be proven wrong, and more often than not, kyle genuinely hates cartman – there just are not as many recent examples, which is the time-frame i’m trying to stick to while talking about this ship.

there’s a lot to be said of cartman as a character. like, a lot. he’s incredibly complex, and while it makes him interesting as a character study, it makes him insufferable to watch. he’s always been terrible. that’s his appeal, i think, and what makes him so popular. cartman is the complete and utter embodiment of human id; he has no sense of the world outside himself, no remorse, and acts consistently in his own self-interest with little to deter him. and part of it is satisfying sometimes to see just how far cartman is willing to denigrate himself and others in pursuit of what he wants, because it’s that same morbid desire a normal person might occasionally feel but suppresses because of their conscience – something cartman does not have. 

i’d argue, given the inherent chaos and destruction and amorality the universe of south park exists in, that all of the main boys are traumatized to varying degrees. but i don’t think it’s all that controversial to say cartman exhibits the most outward signs of childhood trauma. plenty of people much more observant and intelligent than myself i’m sure have written about this before so i’m going to keep it brief, but a lot of cartman’s behavior can be explained this way. there’s been a few allusions to his having been sexually abused, inappropriate sexual contact with family members, the fact that he wets his bed or cries at night b/c he doesn’t have a dad are all things we learn when he can’t control what he says in “le petit tourette.” his physical and verbal aggression, emotionality, distrust of others, conniving behavior etc. are all common symptoms of adverse childhood experiences. he’s controlling and insecure, and cartman thrives off any and all attention – positive, which he often gets from his mother, or negative, which is usually provided by literally everyone else, especially kyle, which is what i think makes him so infatuated with kyle in that he’s an easy, reliable source to match his own aggression, to feed that desire for attention. unlike what a lot of kyman shippers think, it’s pretty obvious that this is why he goes to such lengths to save kyle in “smug alert”. butters doesn’t fight or push back against cartman the way he does, therefore cartman isn’t receiving the attention or reaction he wants.

there’s also the matter of cartman’s racism and anti-semitism. and to deny that cartman does not possess genuine confidence in his own deluded beliefs, or to excuse it b/c of his age is a major cop-out. he’s had moments where his racial hatred is founded in classic white-supremacist talking points, so he clearly espouses this shit of his own volition. because he’s attracted to power cartman idolizes conservative christian figureheads in pop culture (mel gibson ring a bell to anyone) and authoritarian dictators, of which racism is often a major component of such ideology, and this only emboldens his bigotry. there’s a couple instances in the very early seasons (i’m talking, like, pretty much exclusively 1 and 2) where cartman alludes to his racist tendencies stemming from liane, but i don’t really consider it fair to cling to that as a canonical source b/c one, it’s almost always for shock value as a quick joke, and two, they have since done a complete 180 on liane. they don’t harp on the joke about her being a whore the way they used to, and instead she’s shown to be a single mother who works two jobs and who loves her son unconditionally. but she’s also very lonely, and treats cartman as her friend instead of her son; she has no boundaries set with him and often entertains his schemes or delusions; she’s a classic over-indulging parent. which does a lot of harm without her meaning to. 

honestly, the entire relationship between cartman and his mother mostly just makes me sad, especially after the “tsst” episode; it’s the only time we see liane disciplining cartman in a firm but loving way, acting as a parent and not a hostage, and we see, in my opinion, what was the only instance wherein which cartman was capable of any meaningful or permanent change. and it’s all destroyed when liane realizes cesar and her’s relationship was purely professional and nothing more. even in group of moms, liane isn’t really considered one of them. her only friend is cartman, so she defaults to giving in to his every whim b/c she’s terrified of him resenting and leaving her as well. it’s like.. a really tragic situation. but that episode is important as it exemplifies the fact that, unlike the other boys, cartman incapable of change. his transformation is mostly superficial and incredibly short-lived. there’s a lot to be said of the nature of evil – whether some people are born that way, if it’s entirely nature vs. nurture – but cartman is obviously a combination of both; no one who doesn’t have some kind of genetic pre-dispostion to incalculable levels of cruelty and disregard for the suffering of others could plot to have someone’s parents killed, steal their bodies, grind them into chili and feed it to the child of those parents over sixteen dollars.

and this is what makes the cognitive dissonance that surrounds thinking kyman isn’t an abusive ship is astounding to me, because cartman is an inherently abusive person. he is incapable of the vulnerability or the selflessness or the compromise a relationship requires. i mean, christ, we just got an entire season that highlights how he acts within the confines of a romantic relationship with heidi – an entire season of cartman manipulating, gaslighting, and machinating events to have someone he supposedly loves killed or abducted. there’s an argument made pretty often among kyman fans that this wouldn’t happen to kyle, that kyle is capable of fighting back against cartman and would refuse to make himself vulnerable the way heidi did, but i have no idea how someone could says this after “ginger cow.”

kyle is by far the most frequent recipient of the proverbial short stick (passion of the jew, le petit tourette, tonsil trouble, pee, humancentipad, imaginationland, cartman’s incredible gift, etc b/c the list goes on and fucking on) and though cartman is not always the one directly spearheading the events that lead to kyle being put in those situations, he usually is. but the way he treats kyle in ginger cow differs so greatly from past events – a lot of cartman’s mistreatment of kyle can be viewed as him feeling he’s delivering punishment or retribution to a someone who he feels (wrongly) deserves it, but “ginger cow” just really epitomizes cartman’s complete and utter sociopathy. what he does to kyle in that episode is so far beyond mere humiliation; it’s dehumanization. cartman actively derives joy from breaking kyle down as a person, forcing him to be submissive, causing kyle to lose any sense of self. the kicker comes at the end of the episodes when stan’s misguided attempt to help ends up backfiring, but not really, because the prophecy of the red heifer had actually been true all along! yet cartman refuses to tell the truth; kyle’s suffering means nothing. and cartman, in true cartman fashion, makes a snide joke, farts into his hand, dollops whip cream in his palm and smears it in kyle’s face, walking off very satisfied with himself. even thinking about the episode makes me viscerally ill. 

i think just as troubling for me is the culture that surrounds people shipping the two of them; there is so, so, so much casual anti-semitism – people who think it’s cute when cartman accosts kyle for being jewish, people who use the word “jew” in a flippant, casual way as if it’s a term of endearment while completely ignoring the historical context of disparagement in a non-jewish person calling someone “a jew.” people who excuse cartman’s anti-semitism, who act like he hasn’t repeatedly been shown to adore hitler and emulate him, going as far as to rally the town behind him to lead in the effort to exterminate the jews and shouting nazi rallying cries. not to mention the fact that not only does there exist any one singular kyman fic centered around kyle being a holocaust victim during world war ii, there are a ton! which is so disgusting and disrespectful and so obviously amoral i can’t believe i just had to type that! and in the same line as fiction, it is so upsetting to me a prominent trend that occurs w kyman fics is cartman basically hatefucking kyle through the entire thing, physically and verbally abuses him and gets off on it, and kyle is this submissive, simpering slave to him – not to mention the plethora of straight up rape/non-con kyman fics. it a lot of either that, or kyle is some conduit for a shitty cartman redemption arc, and. ugh.

anyway, this is the most i’m ever going to say about kyman. the tl;dr version of this is that i think kyman is so popular b/c recent seasons have focused more on amplifying the ways in which kyle and cartman are similar as well as quite a few jokes being made about some weird sexual tension between the two of them. and not to harp on this, but i don’t ship kyman, and i don’t support it or even remotely tolerate it, really. the entire concept of those two together makes me quite literally physically ill lmao.

[misssingingintherain]

The Tragedy of General Leia the Feminist Icon: AKA Leia Organa (and Carrie Fisher) Deserve Better

This is essentially my play-by-play (or rather movie-by-movie) analysis of how Star Wars failed Carrie Fisher/Leia Organa and how it can begin to make things right.

Perhaps the greatest failing of the Original Star Wars Trilogy is its treatment of Leia Organa (and, by extension, Carrie Fisher). Though a feminist icon and one of the great female characters of the Saga, Leia was never given much focus or a defined arc over the first three movies.

A New Hope’s portrayal of Leia is still lauded as revolutionary, and I am inclined to agree. While she does kiss Luke twice and has sexual tension with Han, their relationships are mostly based on friendship and her main goal is always the rebellion, with her being a representation of what Luke aspires to be in the rebellion: wise, courageous, clever, selfless, and a symbol of hope. Many Star Wars story leaders and fans also cite Leia as being the whole reason the saga started, with her being the reason the plans/R2 got to Luke and Obi-Wan. However, despite seeing her planet destroyed in front of her, no time whatsoever is spent on her emotional trauma and instead has her comforting Luke over Obi-Wan’s death and Han’s leaving and she is a relatively passive figure in the climax, not taking part in the planning nor the assault on the Death Star.

Empire Strikes Back is arguably the best of the bunch, though that isn’t saying much. This is the movie in which Leia has the closest thing to an arc, but even then it’s mostly a ‘defrosting ice-queen’ arc, with hints of the typical rom-com arc of “growing to love a man being the most important thing in life.” The Leia/Han romance is also peppered with predatory undertones, as outlined by Pop Culture Detective (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wWoP8VpbpYI).

Which brings us to the worst of the worst: Return of the Jedi. I could go on for a millennium about everything wrong with the gold bikini, from how it was used to silence both Carrie and Leia to how it poisoned relations between Star Wars and its female fans for years to come by attempting to brand it a boy’s story. But perhaps the worst part is how, after Luke got focus in Empire and Han got his arc in A New Hope, Return of the Jedi should have been Leia’s movie;. She should have been leading the charge to get Han back, she should have been the General in charge the assault on the shield generator (there are implications in the new Canon that she was essentially a General at this point but this is not shown in the text), and most importantly, she should have had some reaction to Darth Vader being her father, as she arguably has spent more time with him than Luke; @commander-burnham goes into greater detail about it here (http://commander-burnham.tumblr.com/post/136549235712/could-you-please-elaborate-on-how-rotj-should-have).

After the Original Trilogy, there came the period of Retroactive Recognition for Leia. Revenge of the Sith showed that Leia was so strong in the Force, she could remember her mother’s face minutes after being born. They also showed she was more similar to her father than mother personality wise; though Leia is similar to Padme in looks and profession, she obviously gets her rage and sense of justice from her Jedi father. This is an interesting dynamic, as it explains why she may have been more likely to turn to the Dark Side than Luke and also shows how much power she wields.

The Expanded Universe (now Legends) had degrees of this, playing into both feminist and sexist aspects of the Original Trilogy. Leia’s force sensitivity was more fully developed to the point of her and her children becoming fully fledged Jedi Knights, lightsabers and all. However, she also was frequently kidnapped by everyone from Hutts to the Emperor’s imposter son to Han Solo (again, leading to predatory undertones).

This era of Retroactive Recognition has also carried over into the current Disney era, with Forces of Destiny, novels, and comics like Princess Leia and Vader Down expanding on Leia’s off-screen narrative and showing what kind of growth she went through off-screen. Star Wars: Infinities goes so far as to have Leia replace/join Luke as the Chosen One. I especially appreciate the Forces of Destiny as, while action-oriented, it also serves to emphasize Leia’s devotion to diplomacy and justice. Rogue One had this to some degree, putting Leia and her ship in the heart of the battle (though I maintain Leia would have been at the door of the ship, ready to shoot Vader to get those plans if need be).

Leia only one of main trio to appear in Star Wars: Rebels, showing how much she was doing for both the Rebellion and the Galaxy at a very young age. However, even here, she does not act very much like a fourteen year-old girl, but a shorter, younger version of A New Hope’s Leia, therefore negating any chance for an arc.

That brings us to the Sequel Trilogy; in The Force Awakens, Leia is the subject of almost all the deleted scenes, meaning we don’t get to see Leia being a General until the third act. Even then, a good portion of her character is still based around her relationships with men, whether it be a sister trying to bring her brother home, a wife trying to repair her relationship with her husband, or a mother trying to save her son. All worthy pursuits, but also somewhat unsatisfying from a feminist perspective, especially for someone who started out as independent and focused on the fight as A New Hope Leia.

The Last Jedi does have Leia using the Force and being a General, as well as a major symbol of hope for the Resistance, but also has her sidelined (metaphorically and physically) by her more famous brother and then a coma, leaving Admiral Holdo to take her place. While an interesting character, the dynamic between Holdo and Poe may have been somewhat more complicated if it had been Leia he had been questioning and defying. And once again, she is not allowed to deal with the trauma of losing her husband at the hand of her son, but is instead once again helping others through their issues instead.

Episode IX would have supposedly rectified some of these issues, having been set to be Leia-centric as VII was for Han and VIII was for Luke. However, with Carrie Fisher’s death, those plans have since been scrapped and it is unknown how exactly the story will handle the passing of our Princess.

So how can Star Wars / Disney continue to right the wrongs of their treatment of Leia Organa?

I have a few suggestions:

1. A Leia Anthology movie about her early days in the rebellion. Leia, Princess of Alderaan, Rebels, Rogue One, and even the Han Solo movie have already laid the groundwork for this to work. This would be a difficult one, as it almost feels blasphemous to continue Leia’s story after Carrie’s death, since the two are in many ways a “Möbius striptease” as Fisher once said; however, as this would be a prequel exploring Leia before she became the Rebel Princess and General we know and love, it could work as a look into how she found that strength and sense of justice. As an almost political spy thriller reminiscent of Padme Amidala’s episodes in The Clone Wars, it could have Leia struggling with her rebel idealism and the harsh reality of Imperial politics, with a potential cast of side characters like Tarkin, Darth Vader, and (Future Vice Admiral) Amilyn Holdo either helping or hindering her navigation of it. There have already been fan poster of Millie Bobby Brown that are absolutely spectacular and Fisher’s family has expressed a desire for her to remain a vital part of the franchise. This could be that way.

However, if it is deemed too soon, an alternative could also be:

2. A fictional documentary on the life of General Leia Organa, with in-character interviews from the sequel and original movies’ casts. It could serve to tie in more of the Retroactive Recognition found in the comics and novels into the movie canon. If not as a movie, it could work as a Netflix documentary or an exclusive feature on the future Disney streaming service. This could pay tribute to both Carrie and Leia in one fell swoop.

3. Another Star Wars: Infinities comic series, this time for what Episode IX would have been like if Carrie Fisher had lived. Obviously, this would have to come out after Episode IX to avoid spoilers, but that would give writers and artists time to capture Carrie’s witty writing and unique portrayal of the character to the best of their ability.

4. More supplementary material, whether comics, novels, or cartoons, exploring Leia’s Force sensitivity, so the audience may know how powerful she was and/or could have been had she been trained.

5. Tackle issues that Carrie did in life; bring in more women (especially older ones otherwise neglected by Hollywood), tackle issues like mental health, addiction, body image. Do not wait to tell these stories about minorities and incredible, as like Carrie Fisher herself, while their spirits may live on in us and the Force forever, their physical forms may not.

[dunkalfredo]

*slams fists on the table* I ACCEPT YOUR HEADCANON OF THE JACKAL SQUAD BEING A SPECIAL OPS. Though it makes it more sad due to their fates ;^; I hope you don't mind me asking since the game and comic came out, how does it affect your headcanon for Gadget and Infinite now?

first: tysm i feel validated aldsknfjaklndls glad u like it (it was something my discord group cooked up, i cant really take credit)

second: jesus that is sad :’c oof

third: i dont mind u asking at all lol i will take any excuse to talk about these lads. but uhhhh i think the best way to explain how its affects the fanon i work with (see: theyre old friends, infinite the news reporter goes to check out the ruby and then Disappears, etc) is this:

What infinite said: I gotta go check out the ruby for News

What infinite meant: Hi gadget im secretly part of this resistance group that’s been tracking eggman’s activity and we think he’s up to something bad. I’m going to go investigate the ruby to makes sure its not something we should be worried about. Also I could make a news story outta it

so essentially we got a secret super hero at the news ala like. clark kent. tho i like the dynamic of someone like spiderman better in terms of raw aesthetic (snark, sass, youth, nimbleness, etc)

alt: canon just added on layers instead of changing the fanon entirely lol.

and i know u didnt ask about my onion on this but ill just say rn: i am Not Enthralled with the canon backstory. not because i needed it to be Like Mine (i didn’t think the old friends theory was going to be canon anyways, i just really liked the concept and used it as a storybuilding exercise), but because i felt like it was the worst choice for a backstory that sonic team coulda made. eggman has no agency in finding/using the ruby and infinite just,,, is an edgelord,, for the sake of being one,,,, and the squad?? no details. theyre just there. id be waaay less :\ about infinite’s backstory comic/backstory in gen if that was more the focus. we still dont really know who infinite is as a person lol hes just a guy and the squad gets no elaboration. theyre just some mercenaries raidin a base ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ my salt is real, give the squad some love dammit