#would richard fuck Henry's grave? you tell me

[sasukehoe]

WAIT SALTBURN IS JUST "WE HAVE THE SECRET HISTORY AT HOME"

[popculturebuffet]

Ducktales Della Arc Reviews: The Last Crash of the Sunchaser!

Hello all you happy people. I’ve been dreading this one.. not because it’s bad. Quite the oppisite. In fact on rewatch I was marveling at how brilliant this one was and remembering why it was on my best of list. But because the ending, as you all well know, is the most gutwrenching part of the entire series. Three seasons and lots of other heartrending moments.. and the ending of this episode from the big reveal to that final shot above tears you the fuck apart. It’s hard to watch even know it all works out in the end and that i’d be watching the conclusion the next day instead of having to wait a rather painful week like I did at first airing. It’s just that good. So join me under the cut for a review of one of the series finest half hours and some of David Tennant’s best work as we crash the Sunchaser one last time.. for this season... and i think Launchpad crashes it again in the finale so I don’t get that title. 

So our plot for the episode is that 

Yes Clan McDuck is taking their version of a vacation. It’s off to Monocrow for the E.X.C.E.S.S. Expo! Yes it’s the EXCESS Expo! With the latest in racecars lasers and many more! The EXCESS Expo! With booths from such welcome guests as Stark International, Muppet Labs, S.T.A.R. Labs, VenTech, The Franklin Sherman Memorial Fishmobabywhirlomgig Institute, TCRI, Gryzzl, Sumdac Systems, G-Heavy Industries, Tylerco, Lexcorp, Wayne Enterprises, Quickstart, The Gizmonic Institute, Alchemax,and Baintronics! But that’s not all! We also have huge paneeellls! Hank Pym’s “The ethics of dating your robot grandaughter”, Reed Richards “How to Dispatch an Evil Council made up entirely of yourself!”, Victor Von Dooms “CURSE YOU RICHARDS I’M SMARTER FOR I AM DOOM”, Stanford Pines with “How to Kill a Godlike Demon and Get your Smile Back”, Dr. Bunsen Hondedew with “How to abuse your assitant in 2020″ Dr.Light with “The Ethics of helping your robot child fight an evil albert einstein”, Profesor Henry Hidgens with “The incoming apocalypse with songs from Working Boys: A New Musical” Ray Palmer “Welcome To Pain”, and you know our friend Ass Dan will be in full effect> yeah bitch you know he’s going to live forev... what’s that? He’s dead. oh shame. Someone call rusty venture. Yes I know i’m typing this. Shut up. THE EXCESS EXPO. BE THERE OR WE’LL SEND OUR ROBOTS AFTER YOU. 

... Where.. Where was I? Oh yes, big vacation. Monocrow.. which sadly is not just a big field with just Crow T. Robot in it. Someday you’ll get MST3K/Ducktales Jake, someday. Point is our heroes are excited, and Scrooge is also there to find the Maltese MacGuffin, a mysterious artifact no one’s ever seen. And the kids and Scrooge have their own specail guest joining them: Bentina! Yeah turns out she has hundreds of vacation days built up, and simply hasn’t used them so she’s using a few to join them. It also once again shows how much less of a heartless money monster this Scrooge is as any of his employees asking for a vacation, paid or not, in the comics would result in this:

So their off on their greatest adventure.. with Louie having’ bought something mysterious along with him he’s only telling the other kids about. On with the intro!

Beakly.. is intstantly not at ease as they take off after driving their jeep into the plane. She feels launchpad is reckless, rightfully so not helped by a lack of seatbelts on the plane or his cheefully saying the closest he’s got, a floatie, will help “When” we crash. She’s also equally annoyed by Scrooge’s cavalier attitude, having intrusted the kids to him only to find out what the adventueres are really like. And this is the only part of the episode that REALLY doesn’t work. She KNOWS these two idiots too well for this to be beliviable. Launchpad wrecks part of the mansion at least once a day, and before Duckworth she had to clean that shit up. He’s there all the time.. and more damingly HE DROVE YOU AND YOUR KID, YOUR KIDS BEST FRIENDS, AND YOUR KIDS GIRLFRIEND TO THE FUCKING MOVIES. I can’t buy given how bad a driver launchapd is she didn’t wrench the wheel from him to prevent their early graves. Scrooge meanwhile is her BEST FRIEND. And until season 2 for her and 3 for him ONLY friend. Sure she works for him, but outside of one incident in this episode he treats her as his equal more than his housekeeper for the entire series. They trust each other more than anyone else at this point. And the only other two people Scrooge ends up trusting as much are Donald and Della. She’s been around him enough to know how he is. What did she THINK he was going to be like with the kids? She’s met the twins, and even mroe so is on good terms with Donald even into the pilot and they only got off on bad terms due to clashing over house rules. So she KNWOS this is what he does with children. You can’t be shocked Scrooge took children on death defying adventures in a barely secured plane after all this time. It’d be like giving Donald a turkey to carve and being suprised when it ends in this...

It just dosen’t work especially with a professional spy! Her job is reading people! And yes I know many of you are going to say “Well she misread Bradford”... but so did Scrooge and so many others. NO ONE suspected him. He’s that good. So her suddenly having a complaint about all this stuff when she could’ve come along anytime to check it out or just looked at the plain bothers me a LOT. Thankfully it’s only really present at the start as while it sets off her concern their back and forth soon has a far deeper meaning. But Scrooge insists Launchpad take her on a tour to ease her worry, seems like a contrdictary set of sentences there, while he flies. How hard could it be. Somewhere on the Moon, Della has the sudden urge to kick her uncle’s ass. 

So meanwhile in a secret base set up in a cargo box, the kids are working on the Della mystery. Turns out what Louie smuggled aboard was the documents shredded on the date the boys found on the Spear of Selene plans. Louie got them by smooth talking Quackfaster who even he found nuts. It also once again shows Dewey was only holding things back by keeping the other boys out as in jus weeks, since chronologically there were two other episodes between this and the last Della episode versus just one, their almost to the truth as one document from that day is simply torn into pieces and simply needs to be re-jiggered like a puzzle. Like most puzzles though naturally once they get it all together they find there’s one goddamn piece missing and it ends up loose int he plane flitting around... just as Scrooge majorly screws up and bumps things, leading Beakly to wonder where the kids are and them to scramble out. 

So yeah Scrooge seemingly crashed the plane.. except Launchpad notes that if they crashed.. why are they still airborne? This leads to everyone finding out their precariously perched on a VERY narrow rock that’s skewered the plane. Orignially the crew decided to strictly adhere to the concept that any movement would rock the thing.. but realized i’td make things boring visually so they allowed themselves some artistic license. 

So yeah our heroes are stuck in a hard place and Scrooge stubbornly digs in insisting he can fix this and turns on the plane.. which sends it spinning and prevents Dewey from getting the piece which ends up wedged in the jeep. Huh I think we need some appropriate music for going in circles. 

So yeah all Scrooge did was blow up one of the engines... I mean the blow up the engine button is right there, would’ve saved you some time. So Beakley berates him for not calling for help and digging in and for it’s next plan it’s time for Handyman Corner where he’s going to show you how to jumpstart a plane with a jeep’s engine. Beakly is not impressed and Scrooge’s case is not helped as Louie feigns fear , with Huey and Webby following his lead, so Dewey can get the piece. Unfortunately pointing out the very REAL dangers they face, with Huey giving the odds and Webby pointing out unlike most dangers they face there’s no easy way out and no villian to fight, sends Louie into an actual panic, jumpstarting the car  and causing the cargo bay to open, leading to one hell of a sequence: From Bentina driving a butterfly knife into the ground to hold the kid’s secret base crate (and wondering why it’s so heavy), to Launchpad desperatley platforming his way to saftey to scrooge swining in with his cane to rescue them. It’s some whopper animation that really shows off how damn good the team was and how gorgeous this show truly was at it’s best. 

The results aren’t good: the plane’s ballnce is now off so even a slight movement can move it, a holdover from the original idea simply saved for when it’d create the most tension. As a result Dewey can’t get the last piece as he can’t move and Scrooge berates the kids and has thems tay still watching the end credits of darkwing duck (It’s launchpad’s inflight movie and the tape is jammed to that section.

IT’s here the Scrooge and Beakley stuff went from poorly written to “oh shit” in one line. Scrooge is getting more and more desperate to prove he can take care of the kids on his own but Beakely’s demeanor has turned from annoying scolding.. to genuine concern and PLEADING with him not to go through with another dumb stunt that will leave them in a worse situation, int his case using the parachutes as counterweights to fix the engine. He refuses both rebuffing her as “your boss” (Which gets her rightfully pulling on the cord too tight) .. but then that one line comes in “I can protect her”. Beakley is confused.. but it instantly makes clear this is about Della and on rewatch now knowing the reveal at the end.. it makes it that much more heartbreaking. Part of his refusal to backdown is his natural nature as a stubborn ass. It’s been well displayed throughout this season and the ones after it: HIs refusal to backdown from nevverst, his jealousy of Dewey for being better at him and his refusal to accept it.. the man just does not back down and while it’s good in tight spots and against bad guys, as he finds a way out for him and his family with sheer grit and badassery... it’s a massive character flaw when dealing with people, as refusing to actually talk to them like a ratoinoal adult only makes things worse. And boy oh boy is he about to make things worse. But the other part is he can’t admit to himself there’s a risk in his lifestyle and that he can’t keep everyone safe constantly.. that theres inherent danger. He’s bought into the “because i’m scrooge mcduck” mantra here not out of his ego, entirely, but because he can’t let that not be enough again. He can’t LOOSE someone again like he lost Della and he can’t fail again. So his worst trait and his greatest trauma have mixed to make him act so rashly even Launchpad takes some shouting to agree to give him the other parachute. It’s clear he’s endangering EVERYONE to prove he can save them. 

Eventually though things reach their head as Dewey CAN’T take the wait anymore. He’s waited his whole life to find out about his momma, and the answer’s feet away... and he can’t let it sit any longer. He HAS to know what happened. So he goes for it, though the rest of the kids are against it since i’ts highly risky and they can wait Huey ends up agreeing to help using his Junior Woodchuck knowledge (Where Newton apparently got the idea), to counterbalance hsi weight and guide him via walkee talkee. It’s a really nice moment, not only showing off Huey’s skill and intellect but also how much they care for her. Dewey may of screwed up last time but their still the duck boys and if he can’t talk him out of being sucidially reckless.. Huey’s going to at least give him a fighting chance. 

Unfortunately Scrooge spots him mid argument with Beakley and naturally wants him to give it here... but once the ship buckles when Dewey tries we get the scene that makes the episode. Up till now the tension has been top notch, ratcheting up by bit, not knowing if the kids would get caught, if something would happen with the plane all building to this. Scrooge and Dewey’s final chase. Dewey uses the distraction to make a runner for it with Scrooge following.. and Launchapd using the fact he’s still attached to the airbag to stop him. It’s a small but excellent character moment, showing that as much as Launchpad loves his boss.. he loves his best friend and eveyrone else’s saftey more. SCrooge of course uses it to knock him back while Beakley and the kids counterbalance. We also get the best joke of the episode as Beakley tells them to stop running.. only for them to simply start tip toeing, with Bentina’s reaction being a perfectly resigned “That’s not what I meant and you know it”. 

It’s a tense chase, with both sides using the enviorment to their advantage from the parachute to the crate.. and it’s breaking open reveals something’s gonig on and causes Beakley to notice Webby has the blueprints in her pocket and once she unfurls them and finds out what they are.. she can only give a sad, remorseful “oh children, what have you been up to” She’s not even mad like they seem to think.. she’s just sad, knowing the wound that’s about to be reopened for her closest friend and the one that’s about to be inflicted on those poor children, and knowing that they’re ALL made it worst by hiding it. Toks deserves all the praise for her delivery here. 

Eventually the piece blows outside of the plane and Dewey refuses to give up and go after it. Things get their most tense as everyone BEGS him not to come back, it’s not worth his death to get this. It’s not worth all of this. But he simply chucks the walkee away and ignores them. We then get Scrooge going from scolding grandpa.. to dearly begging Dewey to come back... David’s delvery here is just heartbreaking “I can’t protect you. Is that what you wanted me to say. Please lad just tell me what it will take to come back inside?” And Ben Schwartz meets it with an utterly emotional “Tell me about the spear of selene”. The animation here is once again some of the series best with Dewey’s determined face and Scrooge’s heartbreak as he realizes he has to finally stop hiding this from them and he’s not ready. So he takes his uncles hand.. and if you thought all of this is painful.. oh boy.. we’re just getting started. 

So back in the plane, with Launchpad setting up a table and a proper counterbalance so they can all sit, Scrooge finally explains and the boys, webby, and us int he audience all get the answers we desperately wanted: It was 10 1/2 years ago. The Original Trio had journeyed the world, having all sorts of adventures and making themselves into legends. But eventually you hit a wall and they’d realized they’d been just about everywhere. They could still globetrot of courser and as Season 3 would bear out there were some places they didn’t know about.. but the earth was about used up. So Della, being an aerospace wunderkind, thought of the next logical place to go. The stars. The Spear of Selene was a rocket, her pet project to give her kids, who she was expecting at the time the stars. 

Thing was Donald wasn’t on board with this at all. And the clash between the two, which we see in the flashback but don’t hear since Scrooge is narrating all of this over some cool looking semi-still images, was inetiviable. As I coverd in the spear of selene review I feel Donald was burnt out at this point. That he was tired of adventures and just wanted normalcy even before Scrooge forced his hand with what was to happen next. So to him Della should just settle down, live a regular life and raise those kids. The problem is... Della WASN’T burnt out. She didn’t need a break to live a normal life like Donald badly needed. She wanted to keep going and it was her choice. While Donald ultimately was right about the risk, he was wrong to try and force her into a life she didn’t want and project on her like that. 

What happened next though was all on Scrooge and Della. Scrooge simply did the thing that’s likely part of why Donald resents him so much and it took so long to fix thing: He ignored what Donald felt and thought, sided with Della and built the ship without telling either of them. His selfishness, thinking he knows what best and treatment of donald.. all backfired horribly. Della sussed out the ship.. and I still feel she was suspicious on her own.. and that Bradford telling her was him simply handing her a lit fuse knowing it’d go off and WHATEVER happened as a result of this would break scrooge. Even if the rocket had gone off saftely and everything was fine.. he could easily claim Della threatned him,k which she probably did and he simply went with it, and either way Donald would be unable to forgive either SCrooge or Della for the deciet. It just went better, and worse than he could’ve anpiciapted: much like the fantastic four she took the ship in the dead of night and hit a cosmic storm, with Scrooge only finding out in time to try and help her.. but the storm hit the ship.. and unlike the ff instead of gaining the power to turn invisible, she simply disappeared. She was lost. He and Donald didn’t speak again after Donald found out till 6 months ago. 

If that wasn’t heartbreaking enough.. it gets worse. The kids, full of fresh pain and anger over Scrooge’s part in things, their mom abandoning them, and their uncles hiding this for decades.. take it out on the one person there. Frank and Matt recently said in an artcle detailing the best 7 episodes from one site, or at least what the site considered to be the best, that Donald was absent because  he also knew and would’ve told them sooner. I also feel it’s because he would’ve disarmed this conflict, at least admitting what scrooge did alongside beakley. As mad as he was.. his own anger had started to disapate. The wound was fresh to the boys and thus they lashed out. 

Dewey blames him for it outright, Huey tell shim he should’ve called her back, and Louie tells him he shoudl’ve sent a fleet of ships to find her. As we find out in the somehow even MORE crushing ending he did the last two and as I made clear, and the show does, this was Della’s horrible decision. She took an unfinsihed rocket, she left her kids, she did this. While she regretted it and I don’t hold it against her because she spent 10 years away from the mon the moon, she’s suffered THROUGHLY for it and I don’t feel I need to pile on, Scrooge wasn’t wholly responsible. Still partly. Dewey makes things worse by impling scrooge GAVE UP ON HER because it cost too much. 

Look the rest of it is valid, if misguided, as Beakley tries to chime in on it and correct them knowing the full story. But claming, no matter how greedy he is that Scrooge would ABANDON HER.. that’s just wrong and he knows it. It’s why Scrooge gets so upset.. and why he pushes the last two people in his corner away. Webby critisizes building the rocket and Scrooge belts out “This is a family matter, your not family”. runing his position and poisiong his one ally by lashing out at someone who DID NOT DESERVE THIS. Make no mistake, this is present day scrooge’s WORST action. The past scrooge did worse, we saw that, but this is almost worse than the goat thing. Telling a child h’ed basically adopted, ignoring the finale twist for this as it’s irrelvant and all it does is twist the knife deeper, that “she’s not family” just because he wants someone to be mad at besides his boys... that’s fowl. Everyone’s against him except launchpad and tha’ts where his stubbornesst ragically comes in: he digs in his heels refuses to explain.. and the plane crashes due to it. though safely. Their safe.. but the family is broken. 

So we get our hell of an ending scenes. Donald cheerfully announces to the boys, who earlier had no intention of leaving anyway, the boats finished.. only for Dewey to inform him “We know abotu the spear of selene” . Donald is heartbroken, not only that they know.. but that he didn’t tell them. 

But since “it gets worse” is this episodes motto, we end on Beakley, Webby and Duckworth all leaving on vacation. How a ghost does vacations I dunno, maybe he’s going to go to Amity Park. Point is Webby, despite EVERYTHING , is crestfallen he’s not even going to say goodbye and still worried. As I said in my review of the finale.. it’s her heart that makes her and while Scrooge may be a dick right now.. he’s family. So we get the final lines of the episode Beakley: Well, you've successfully pushed your family and everyone who ever cared about you away... again. I hope you're happy. Scrooge:I AM

It’s just damn heartbreaking.. once again he’s lost everything and is too bitter to admit it and try and get it back. And as we see between the lines.. the boys were wrong: He drained his bin and his buisnesses creating a fleet to get Della back, and kept going despite the expense. He did everything he could to call her back. Nothing worked.. and he only stopped because the board yanked him away, Bradford sneering with pride as his plan, which backfired HORRIBLY, had at last finally gotten him what he wanted: a broken scrooge tired of adventure. And as Scrooge sits in his chair seething.. he’s broken again, angry, with tears in his eyes, loving nobody.. and nobody loving him, eerily mimickcking his first appearance in comics. 

Final Thoughts: 

This episode is a masterpice. It’s perfectly paced, with only a minor flaw tha’ts qwuickly snuffed out for a gripping drama. This was a gamble, taking 9 minutes where ther’es almost no jokes and just pure tensino and heartbreak.. but it paid off. This episode is one of the series finest and leads to one hell of a finale but on it’s own.. it’s nigh untouchable. This is the series at it’s best, and the finale and later information (More about Della and the spear, WEbby’s true origin, bradford’s role in all this and role as head of fowl), only make it better, with all those things being aware to the creators but not us. They really made us wait for this reveal but damn if it wasn’t perfect. 

Next Time: Webby, Bentina and Launchpad try to desperatley piece the family back together before the boys and donald leave forever.. and Scrooge’s darkest hour leaves him vunerable for his greatest foe. It’s finally time to get back to Lena as the Shadow War descends over our heroes.

If you liked this review, follow for more and you can comission your own reviews by paying me 5 bucks to review any episode you like. Message me to talk it over. And if you’d rather get a gaurantted review every month, hit up my patreon at patreon.com/popculturebuffet. For 5 bucks a month you get a review every month and as of now special thanks in each review. Even a buck a month gets the thanks and helps and my next stretch goal, which is 5 bucks away nets everyone a review of darkwing duck everymonth for my lovely patreons to vote on. Special thanks to my patreons Emma and Kev, and I will see you at the next rainbow. 

[cecilyneville]

the spanish princess ep 3 the margaret and mary show:

i feel like charlotte hope is trying to aim for a claire foy-esque performance - taut jaw, wide eyes - but while claire is able to say so much with a single blink, charlotte just...yeah ok you know what i’m getting at here, there’s no point in saying it any more.

why would catherine call wolsey “chaplain”? that was his position, not his title, and honestly by 1513/14 (idk what year we’re supposed to be in) i don’t think that was his position anymore (ok he got the promotion later this episode. i still think calling him “chaplain” is dumb)

“am i being punished?” yes catherine, you are! emma frost has made this perfectly clear!

god, i just hate her so much. i can hardly even look at her. yes i’m being mean but also i’m right

“you only get one first time catherine” LOOOOOL

honestly at this point we are one episode away from henry putting a bag over his head lord snowden style

what is this bullshit about henry guaranteeing margaret’s regency? it was laid out in james’ will jesus christ you can’t even give me this

angus physically picking up james v? love me some (probably unintentional) foreshadowing, also as to his anglophilia

the scots are barbarians who can’t help brawling in council! give me strength

lina and oveido named their kids thomas and BARNABY??? 

the writers room being like “what’s the most english name we can give this kid” / “uhhh idk how about the name of the guy from midsomer murders”

catherine saying “i am [a] better [politician than wolsey]” IS THIS A COMEDY

WHY DOES BRANDON CALL MARY HORSE I HATE THIS

emma frost wants us to be mad at henry when he tells catherine off but he’s 100% right and she deserves it

MEG ASKING CATHERINE FOR ADVICE? HATE IT LOL

tsp denied me a hot angus and i won’t forgive them (the guy who’s playing him is a good actor, but i feel as if he’s playing angus too nice)

“have you had any more dreams?” meg he just wants to know if you dream of sexytimes with him lol

“everything good comes out of england” oh they are laying it on THICK with the angus anglophilia

angus showing up next episode in a union jack t-shirt and a teapot shaped like the tardis like some superwholock fan from 2013

oviedo in the background just like “fuuuuck catherine lol”

“before i came to england i was told the english never washed” / “it is a little true, i HATE bathing” - ok this was actually really funny, mostly thanks to sai bennett’s delivery

STOP MAKING ANGUS NICE, WHERE ARE THE FUCKBOI ENERGIES

look i know this letter/monologue is supposed to highlight catherine’s grief but fucking hell shut up, meg’s busy trying to rule scotland she doesn’t need your whining

meg: catherine help me / catherine: MY LIFE IS SO HARD WAAAHHH

i know i’m asking for too much but it would have been nice to see joan guildford attend mary, but women over like 40 don’t exist at the tsp version of the tudor court and if they do they’re evil

STOP CALLING HER HORSE IT IS SOOO CRINGEY

why is he calling her that? is it supposed to be a pun on mary/mare? they would be so cute if it wasn’t for this 

the people of edinburgh are about to riot, but unfortunately they could only afford to put like 20 people in the scene

i can’t stress enough how much i deserved a hot angus

this speech is stupid but i love georgie. also it would have been better if the crowd had joined in with her song

I ALSO DESERVE A HOT ALBANY AND TSP DENIES ME THIS

👏 GIVE 👏 ME 👏 HOT 👏 SCOTTISH 👏 DUDES 👏

can’t believe this is the network that brought us outlander. jesus, couldn’t give richard rankin a role in this??? he’d make a great albany

i expect expository dialogue in historical dramas but this is something else

maggie saying “the queen said it was not the best time to ask, you are not at your happiest” - how am i expected to believe margaret pole is THIS stupid

actually surprised at louis being nice to mary and vowing not to hurt her, this is one up on the tudors’ gross portuguese king

for a show that airs on starz the sex scenes are so dull

mary just trying to induce a heart attack in louis is so funny, love her so much

“you are the greatest queen scotland has ever known” look i love meg to pieces but somewhere, st margaret is turning over in her grave

“you don’t favour one clan over another” OH LORD

i like how they have lina speaking spanish but it just drives home how much better stephanie levi-john is at this

i like henry’s green doublet

oh yeah you go girl! clench that neck and win back your husband from that evil wolsey! girl power!!!! this ending is so anticlimactic but what else should i expect

[pygmy--tyrant]

After reading frankenstein I have several opinions on things that should be included in more adaptations

Acknowledgement of the fact that Henry Clerval is, essentially, a weeb

Acknowledgement that Henry Clerval exists in general

Kinda goes without saying but give the monster a voice you cowards. Literally the whole point is that ol' Vicky Frankster created a wholeass living breathing dude and then abandoned him to a world that only knew how to fear him and you can't get that if he doesn't have a voice! Plus the story is just a lot more terrifying if the monster is smart and actually knows what he's doing the whole time

Also like. It would be so funny to see Victor meeting his creation for the first time in two years, knowing this thing killed his little brother and ready to avenge that, and have this giant monster reply in a completely average dude's voice 'yeah I expected this reaction'

No more weird flat-topped head and bolts through the neck. Include the canon detail that the monster has long, flowing black hair or else

Portray Victor as the absolute whiny bastard that he is. Make him an emo boy but specifically the most annoying kind. Yeah he's meant to be sympathetic but you are SUPPOSED to think this guy is an asshole

On that note, stop referring to him as a doctor, he created the monster in uni and then dropped out. He never even got his degree let alone a fucking doctorate

Include Victor's inner monologue as a narration or something, just have him periodically be like 'so at this point I was even more depressed than before. I hated myself and everything I stood for. Anyway then I proceeded to do nothing about this. Woe is me'

Also include Victor's fruity lil internal monologues about what a blessing Henry Clerval is to his life in said narration, Mary Shelley did not write multiple pages worth of just 'oh Henry is the light of my life, the joy of my soul, the only shred of happiness I manage to find is the sound of his voice, he is truly a being crafted from the beauty of nature' for you to just ignore it all

Idk how but acknowledge the fact that Victor was the true originator of the infamous fanfiction trope known as 'describing eyes as 'orbs' for no reason' and he did this while staring at the dead body of henry before immediately convulsing and going into an angst coma

Give Elizabeth Lavenza a personality and character arc you cowards

On that note, stop having the monster fall in love with her and carry her off, just because she's a pretty lady in a monster story doesn't mean you need to go the king kong route

Include Justine in he story and her relationship with Elizabeth

Don't even BOTHER trying to make William Frankenstein's death sad I want to see the monster spotting a small child and thinking 'oh! I could kidnap him to be my best friend :)', said child responding with 'unhand me foul beast my papa Frankenstein WILL hear about this and he WILL beat you up >:(' and the monster strangling the child as soon as he hears he's related to the bitch that created him

Include the fact that this entire thing is being inscribed by some guy called Richard in a letter to his sister

Also include all his letters to her at the beginning that have literally nothing to do with the rest of the plot. Just start it off with 'hey sis we're still sailing. Pretty cold up here. Sky's goin' wild lol. One time I knew this guy who's gf dumped him for another dude but he was really nice about it and gave them money. Love you sis xoxo'

In Victor's narration include the paragraph from the book where he's like 'looking back this whole experiment was probably really bad for my mental health :/' over a freeze frame of him robbing a grave

Let Elizabeth say fuck

Have the monster tell the entire story of the family he lived alongside. Felix's adventures in Constantinople (now Istanbul) and Safie learning English aren't that relevant but that's exactly why they should be there

Include the whole monologue where Henry's describing all the wonders of nature he's seen and you're thinking 'wow that sounds rad what could possibly be cooler' only for him to reveal that none of it even fucking compares to the English countryside

The only song in the soundtrack is mad world

The whole thing ends with Richard's sister finally recieving this entire novel in the mail and just going 'what the fuck Richard'

Thank you for listening to my very sexy and correct opinions

[votsalot]

I was tagged by @oleander4 - thank you ~ <3 !!

Downton Abbey fans!

Let’s get to know each other in these trying times.

Tag others to fill this in or fill it in yourself - enjoy!

1. When did you start watching Downton Abbey? 

In the fall of 2012! I was a senior in high school and I wanted to do some research on Brian Percival’s directorial style and....well.

2. Favourite series?

Probably season 2! I really like the WWI plot lines. I think it builds really naturally on previously established character traits from season 1, as well.

3. Team Upstairs or Team Downstairs? 

Downstairs. Certain members of the upstairs can be on the team on a conditional basis.

4. Favourite Downstairs character and why?

Thomas. He’s just such an incredible character - this sloppy little mix of behind-the-scene-intention and averted story lines. If Thomas had died at the end of season 1 like originally planned, the show would not have the rewatch value for me. The fact that Thomas is gay, that he has motivations, that he isn’t a perfect person, and that there is care in his depiction/execution from RJC - it makes him the most interesting character on the show.

I don’t necessarily think he’s the most consistently written in canon, actually, because I don’t think JF knew what he wanted to do with him at times (s4!!!), but filling in the gaps with a stellar performance and with the context clues that are provided to the audience (via history or other sources connected to the show) makes this character extremely three-dimensional. He exists as a wonderful character in spite of the narrative and in spite of the creator of the show, and that in and of itself is such a rare thing.

5. Least favourite Downstairs character and why?

Of the characters that we’re supposed to like, Bates and Carson. Bates because I can’t get over how aggressive he is and how unfair/terrible of a husband he is to Anna after season 3. Carson because he’s a hypocritical homophobe who treats everyone who doesn’t lick the boot like they should be scraped on the bottom of his own.

6. Favourite Upstairs character and why?

Sybil for the first three seasons, then Edith and Cora once she’s gone. I liked how subversive Sybil was when she challenged the system, and she was such! A! Kind! Character! I enjoy watching Edith’s evolution and think she’s one of the most dynamic characters on the show in a way that doesn’t require legwork on the viewer's part, and Cora really grows on me. I like how season 2 changes her because she goes oh! A purpose! And becomes more grounded. Then in season 6 she goes out and get a job. Go Cora.

7. Least favourite Upstairs character and why? 

Branson, because he was interesting and socialist and then JF turned him into a pro-America capitalist. Violet can stay because she’s funny, but she’s on thin fucking ice for literally everything else about her.

8. Do you ship anyone?

Thomas and Richard, because they are so endearing. Literally made for each other. I’m also a fan of Thomas and OMC, because I have read some amazing fics that rely on that convention (Overheard by @chambergambit, or the Halo Effect Series).

I also enjoy Daisy/Ivy, Edith/Bertie (Edith/all her guys actually, she consistently has good chemistry with them), Matthew/Mary, Sybil/Women.

9. Favourite quote? 

Probably everything Thomas says. Any time he sticks it to Carson or Bates or talks nice about someone, in particular. And when he stands up for himself. I would buy something with it on it but the facebook people on etsy only make compilations of what Violet says >:/

10. Scene that made you cry? 

Everyone and everything surrounding Sybil’s death (”I wanted to tell her I saw her favorite flowers”...oof). Mary telling Matthew at his grave she would always love him before she married Henry. Mary interacting with Matthew at all in season 2, honestly. Lavinia. Anna being sad all the time in season 4. Thomas being sad all the time in season three, five, and six. When Bertie says he’s been doing a very bad job of living without Edith. When Thomas and Richard get to kiss and that Thomas-theme music plays but it’s happy this time, and imbued with romantic longing and reciprocation instead of just agony over missed opportunities.

I tag @combeferre, @meryton-etc, @realitywarpinq and I’m going to cap it there so people still have others left to tag :)

[bluewatsons]

Cathy Park Hong, On Minor Feelings (excerpt), The Paris Review (February 27, 2020)

Like most writers and artists, Richard Pryor began his career trying to be someone else. He wanted to be Bill Cosby and went on shows like Ed Sullivan, telling clean, wholesome jokes that appealed to a white audience. He felt like a fraud. In 1967, Pryor was invited to Vegas to perform at the famous Aladdin Hotel. He came onstage and there, in the spotlight, gazing out into a packed audience of white celebrities like Dean Martin, he had an epiphany: his “mama,” who was his grandmother, wouldn’t be welcome in this room. Pryor was raised by his paternal grandmother, Marie Carter, the formidable madam of three brothels in his hometown of Peoria, Illinois. His mother, Gertrude Thomas, was a sex worker in his grandmother’s brothel before she left Pryor in his grandmother’s care. In his stand-up, Pryor speaks frankly about his lonely childhood in the brothel: “I remember tricks would go through our neighborhood and that’s how I met white people. They’d come and say, ‘Hello, is your mother home? I’d like a blowjob.’ ”

His biographers David and Joe Henry write that that night in Vegas would forever mark “the B.C.–A.D. divide” in Pryor’s life, when Pryor killed the Cosby in his act and began to find his own way in comedy. Pryor faced his audience in Vegas and leaned into the mic and said, “What the fuck am I doing here?” He walked offstage.

Watching Pryor, I had a similar revelation: What the fuck am I doing here? Who am I writing for?

Poets treat the question of audience at best ambivalently, but more often with scorn. Robert Graves said, “Never use the word ‘audience.’ The very idea of a public, unless a poet is writing for money, seems wrong to me.” Or poets treat the question of audience speculatively, musing that they are writing to an audience in the future. It is a noble answer, one I have given myself to insinuate that I am trying to write beyond contemporary trends and biases. We praise the slowness of poetry, the way it can gradually soak into our minds as opposed to today’s numbing onslaught of information.

We say we don’t care about audience, but it is a lie. Poets can be obsessed with status and are some of the most ingratiating people I know. It may baffle outsiders why poets would be so ingratiating, since there is no audience to ingratiate us to. That is because the poet’s audience is the institution. We rely on the higher jurisdiction of academia, prize jury panels, and fellowships to gain social capital. A poet’s precious avenue for mainstream success is through an award system dependent on the painstaking compromise of a jury panel, which can often guarantee that the anointed book will be free of aesthetic or political risk.

Watching Pryor, I realized that I was still writing to that institution. It’s a hard habit to kick. I’ve been raised and educated to please white people and this desire to please has become ingrained into my consciousness. Even to declare that I’m writing for myself would still mean I’m writing to a part of me that wants to please white people.

I didn’t know how to escape it.

In Pryor, I saw someone channel what I call minor feelings: the racialized range of emotions that are negative, dysphoric, and therefore untelegenic, built from the sediments of everyday racial experience and the irritant of having one’s perception of reality constantly questioned or dismissed. Minor feelings arise, for instance, upon hearing a slight, knowing it’s racial, and being told, Oh, that’s all in your head. A now-classic book that explores minor feelings is Claudia Rankine’s Citizen. After hearing a racist remark, the speaker asks herself, What did you say? She saw what she saw, she heard what she heard, but after her reality has been belittled so many times, she begins to doubt her very own senses. Such disfiguring of senses engenders the minor feelings of paranoia, shame, irritation, and melancholy.

Minor feelings are not often featured in contemporary American literature because these emotions do not conform to the archetypal narrative that highlights survival and self-determination. Unlike the organizing principles of a bildungsroman, minor feelings are not generated from major change but from lack of change, in particular, structural racial and economic change. Rather than using racial trauma as a dramatic stage for individual growth, the literature of minor feelings explores the trauma of a racist capitalist system that keeps the individual in place. It’s playing tennis “while black” and dining out “while black.” It’s hearing the same verdict when testimony after testimony has been given. After every print run of Citizen, Rankine adds another name of a black citizen murdered by a cop to an already long list of names at the end of the book. This act acknowledges both remembrance and the fact that change is not happening fast enough.

My term “minor feelings” is deeply indebted to the theorist Sianne Ngai, who wrote extensively on the affective qualities of ugly feelings, negative emotions—like envy, irritation, and boredom—symptomatic of today’s late-capitalist gig economy. Like ugly feelings, minor feelings are “non-cathartic states of emotion” with “a remarkable capacity for duration.”

Minor feelings occur when American optimism is enforced upon you, which contradicts your own racialized reality, thereby creating a static of cognitive dissonance. You are told, “Things are so much better,” while you think, Things are the same. You are told, “Asian Americans are so successful,” while you feel like a failure. This optimism sets up false expectations that increase these feelings of dysphoria. A 2017 study found that the ideology of America as a fair meritocracy led to more self-doubt and behavioral problems among low-income black and brown sixth graders because, as one teacher said, “they blame themselves for problems they can’t control.”

Minor feelings are also the emotions we are accused of having when we decide to be difficult—in other words, when we decide to be honest. When minor feelings are finally externalized, they are interpreted as hostile, ungrateful, jealous, depressing, and belligerent, affects ascribed to racialized behavior that whites consider out of line. Our feelings are overreactions because our lived experiences of structural inequity are not commensurate with their deluded reality.

[sleepinelysium]

Sticks and Stones

This has been sitting in my files for months now, and I think it’s time it saw the light of day.  A new fanfic!

Tags: @skeleton-richard, @princess-of-france, @harry-leroy, @ardenrosegarden, @stripedroseandsketchpads, @shredsandpatches

Hal laid on the stone floor of the church, trying to absorb every ounce of coolness out of it.  He stared up at the vaulted ceilings, dreading the return of Bradmore.  He knew Bradmore was just trying to save his life, but damn, it hurt.

 Though, he supposed it hurt regardless.

 Lying flat did not let him gaze on the corpus, so his eyes traced the cross in the ceiling.  He swore he could feel the eyes of the corpus on him, and it did not feel particularly soothing, but, the thought of Christ’s broken body was.   The thought that he was not alone in his suffering as he tried to will ever ounce of heat from his skin and every iota of pain from his head.  He fingers reached for his beads and deftly, he ran them through his fingertips.  His thoughts turned to his mother.  Thank God she wasn’t alive to see this.

 He heard the door open and close and all he wanted to do was roll over and sob.  Had Bradmore really returned so soon?  But he didn’t.  He bit his lip, squared his shoulders as best he could, and waited for the physicians to come and help him up.

 But, the footsteps sounded different.  They were uncertain as they came closer.  “Hal?” the voice asked tentatively.

 Hal wanted to sit up and look, be sure he heard right, but he knew better.  It would just wind up hurting in the end.  “John, is that you?”

 The footsteps came closer and the person knelt next to him on the floor.  “I came to visit, Hal,” his younger brother said, looking worried and perhaps a little frightened, his eyes darting back to the door.

 Hal managed a weak smile. “You’re the first person to visit me, John.”

 He looked perplexed. “No one else has come?”

 Hal gently shook his head, trying not to upset the tent in his face.  “No one.”

He tried to tell himself that he didn’t mind that Falstaff hadn’t come; he would have gotten in the way and talked too much and worn him out, he was sure of it.  No, it was good that Falstaff hadn’t come.  But Ned?  Ned not coming hurt more than he cared to think about.

 What Hal didn’t know, of course, was that they had come.  Falstaff had come with Bardolph, and the old man, with sack in hand, was ready to break the pates of any man who stood in his way.  But Falstaff was always all talk, and after a few tries, he gave up.  Ned Poins had come by himself and had pleaded his case calmly as he could manage, but was denied all the same.  The physicians almost changed their minds as he walked away, dejected.

 But they did not change their minds, and Hal knew none of this.

 John didn’t know what to say, so he just sat on the floor.  “You look like shit, Hal.”

 Hal almost laughed, but he choked it back.  “Don’t make me laugh, John, it hurts too much.”

 John was alarmed.  If his brother didn’t want to laugh, then he really was in a lot of pain.  “It certainly wasn’t my intention.”

 Hal gave a small smirk. “I know.”  He gave a deep sigh.  “How is everyone?”

 “They miss you awfully. Humphrey is going mad, not being able to see you.”

 “He can’t come,” Hal said firmly.  “He can’t see me like this.”

 John nodded.  “I know, Hal.  Which is why I came instead.”

 Hal nodded carefully. “Thank you, John.”

 John sat crosslegged on the floor next to him and took his older brother’s hand.  “I should have come sooner.”

 “Has father made Thomas ready in case of my early demise?”

 John’s brow crumpled. “Father is beside himself with worry and grief over you, I don’t know if he’s said two words together to any of us since Shrewsbury.  At least, no more than he must.”

 Hal was surprised. “Really?  I would have thought he would have preferred that Tom take the throne.”

 Color rose in John’s cheeks. “If you weren’t wounded I would slap you, Henry.  You know Tom doesn’t want it.”

 “Then you can have it.”

 “I don’t want it,” John said vehemently.  “I’ve never wanted it.”

 “You would be a good King.”

 “You’re not listening, Henry.  We don’t want it.  Thomas is too hot-headed and rash, I’m not as good with people, and Humphrey is a scholar, not a soldier or a warrior.”

 “You could learn.”

 “You’re not fucking hearing me, Hal.  We don’t want the crown, we just want you to get better.  You’re our brother, Hal.  We love you.”

 John’s words were finally seeping into his head.  He blinked. “Really?”

 John nodded. “Really.  I swear on Mother’s grave, it’s all true.”

 Hal gave his brother’s hand a quick squeeze.  “Thank you, John.”

 John shook his head. “You need to stop being such an idiot and so bull-headed.”

 A tired look came into his older brother’s eyes.  “I’ve been left to my own thoughts for too long, John.  You’ll forgive me if I’ve started to believe my own lies.”

 John put a hand on his shoulder.  “You know Thomas and I would follow you to the gates of Hell itself, right?  Humphrey is yet young, but he would try.  We trust you.”

 “I’ve given you no reason to trust me so.”

 “You’ve always given us innumerable reasons our whole lives.”

 Before Hal could disagree, he heard familiar boot-steps coming down the nave.  He screwed his eyes shut, whispering “Shit,” under his breath. “Is that you, Bradmore?” He called.

 The man nodded as he came closer.  “‘Tis I, My Prince.”

 “I could set a clock to you, Bradmore,” Hal said, trying not to show how his heart sunk in his chest at the physician’s arrival.  

 Bradmore gave the prince a surprisingly soft smile.  “I’m afraid your clock would do you no good; I’m late.”

 “You can be late more often, Bradmore.”

 “I don’t believe that would be good for your health, sir,” Bradmore said as he knelt down next to the wounded prince, pressing the back of his hand against the boy’s forehead.  “Keeping cool, Your Highness?”

 “Trying,” Hal answered.

 Bradmore made a face as he pulled his hand away.  “It doesn’t seem you’re doing as well as I’d like.”

 Hal groaned.

 “We’ll keep an eye on that,” he said as he stood up.  “Would you like a little more time?”

 “I would like to not do it at all, but that’s not really a choice, is it?”

 “I’m afraid not.”

 Hal groaned again.  “John, help me up.”

 John dragged his brother into a sitting position as Bradmore waved the other physicians over.  John pulled Hal’s arm across his shoulders and wrapped his own arm behind him.  One of the other physicians moved to take the prince’s other side, but Hal waved him off. “I’m fine.”  But, he left his arm around his brother’s shoulders.

 “Right through here, Prince John,” Bradmore said as he led the odd procession down the nave and through the doors to the room they were using.  Bradmore pointed to a chair sitting in the room that had restraints.

 John hesitated to set his brother in it, but Bradmore gave him that soft smile.  “The Prince requires attention, and it is easier to work on him if he can’t thrash.”

 John nodded as he carefully set his brother down in the chair.  Bradmore belted on the leather restraints himself and placed a bundle of cloth in Hal’s mouth.  “You said you preferred the cloth to a stick or a strap of leather, will this do?”

 Hal gave a slow nod.

 “Good.”  Bradmore turned, poured wine over his hands, then prepared the new tent and handed it to one of the assisting physicians.  “We ready, my Prince?”

 Henry tried not to contort his face except to screw his eyes shut as he nodded.  John quickly slipped his hand into his brother’s, giving it a squeeze.

 Bradmore nodded. “I’ll be quick as I can, Henry.”

 John thought it had been bad enough, seeing his brother get wounded in the first place, but this was worse. Bradmore pulled the tent out while Hal seemed to try to pull away, pushing back into the chair.  He passed the used tent to his assistant and took the new one, lining it up with the wound.  “Nearly done, Henry.”

 A whimper escaped him as he blinked, and after a nod, closed his eyes again.  Bradmore pushed the new tent in quick as he dared then pulled his hands back holding them up.  “Alright, Henry, we’re done with this one.”

 John helped undo the restraints and pulled the cloth out of Henry’s mouth.

 Tears poured from his eyes as he tried to bite back his cries.  He covered his face as best he could, his hand shaking uncontrollably. Bradmore rinsed his hands again and gently wiped the blood trickling down Henry’s cheek.  “Just breath; the pain will dull as it always does.”

 “Easy for you to say,” Henry responded, his voice uneven.

 Bradmore happened to turn towards the door.  His eyes grew wide as he bowed.  “Your Majesty, we weren’t expecting you.”

 John snapped his head around and Henry looked up slowly.

 The King had a hand on the doorway, his face pale as a ghost, shock on his face.

 Silence hung in the air longer than any of them knew.

 “Father?” Hal croaked, a pained moan choking in his throat.

 The spell was broken and the elder Henry rushed to his son’s side, pulling his boy into his arms, trying to avoid the tent in his face.  “Oh, Hal, I’m so sorry.  I should have come sooner, I shouldn’t have left you here by yourself.”

 Hal just cried leaning against his father’s shoulder, trying to hide his face from his father’s eyes as best he could.

 Henry held him, whispering in his boy’s ear so no one else could hear.  Bradmore gave another surprisingly soft smile as he finished cleaning up and him and the other physicians left.

 John, on the other hand, didn’t know what to do.  He felt like he should leave, but he didn’t know where to go, and he didn’t want to break the moment by making any kind of noise.  He was also his father’s son; he knew how few and far between moments like these were and how precious they were.

 John decided to pull up a seat and put a hand on his brother’s shoulder.  Between the sobs and his tears, John could feel the strength seeping from Hal’s frame.  As his tears and groans slowed, Henry adjusted his hold on his son.  “Better, son?” he asked.

 Hal nodded slowly as he forced himself to sit up on his own.  “Yes, my dread Father.”

 Henry’s eyes were watery but surprisingly clear.  He opened his mouth, but at that moment, Bradmore walked back in.

 “My Liege, you’ll forgive me, but the Prince must rest,” he said.

 Henry nodded, kissed his son’s head, and stood up.  “Quite right, Bradmore.”  He looked down at his son, “I’ll be back, Hal, I won’t leave you alone here again.”

 Hal nodded slowly. “Thank you, Father.”

 “I love you, my son.”

 “I love you too, Father.”

 Henry clapped John on the shoulder.  “Watch over him, son.  I’ll be back in the morning.”

 John nodded.  “You know I will, Father.”

 Henry gripped the back of his son’s neck giving it a squeeze and nodded at him, some affection or approval shining in his eyes before the King turned and left.

 When the door closed behind him, Hal sniffed.  “He loves to keep me off balance.”

 John shook his head. “Father is…something.”

 John couldn’t tell if Hal chuckled or choked back a sob.  Maybe both.

 Bradmore reached down for the wounded prince and pulled him to his feet.  Hal’s knees collapsed beneath him and he stumbled a moment before Bradmore caught him; “Oh, no you don’t.”  Once Bradmore had Hal set up on his feet, he helped the prince to his cot against the wall.  Bradmore pressed his hand to the prince’s forehead again, making that sour face again. “I don’t like your temperature, Henry. Not one bit.”

 Hal slipped his shirt off as best he could.  “If I could control that, I would, Bradmore.”

 Bradmore pursed his lips. “I’ll get a bowl with some cool water, see if that doesn’t help.”

 John pulled a couple of chairs together and sat down, putting his feet up.

 Henry gave him a confused look.  “What are you doing?”

 John shrugged.  “I’m staying here.”

 “You don’t have to do that—“

 “Perhaps, but I’m doing it anyways, so there’s no point saying anything more about it.”

 Hal shook his head, then winced.

 John smirked.  “You need to quit doing that.”

 Hal sighed.  “It’s not from lack of trying.”

 “You should rest, you’ve had a long day.”

 “They’re all long, and it feels like it’s never going to end.”

 John gave a curt nod. “Well, you’re going to get better, and I’ll hear no arguments on that.”

 Hal gave a slow nod, his eyes screwed shut.  “As you wish, John.”

 John crossed his arms over his chest.  “Good. Now, get some rest.  If you need anything, I’ll be here.”

 “Thank you, John.”

 John shrugged.  “You’d have done the same.”

 But Hal didn’t hear John’s pronouncement, having fallen asleep, instead.  John shook his head and as Bradmore walked in with the towels and the bowl, John took it from him and pressed the cool clothes to his brother’s forehead.

[themalhambird]

King Richard read through the papers in stony silence. 

York licked his lips and clasped his hands together as he watched his nephew’s jaw grow tighter with every page he turned. By the time Richard came to the single, smaller sheet of parchment that they had written the letter on, he was shifting from foot to foot as though fighting the urge to storm out, or at the very least pace. “What is this?” he demanded, as he quickly scanned the page and looked up. “This,” he added, snatching the letter up from the rest of the pile and brandishing it. “The rest of it, we understand- it is treason dressed up as reasonable argument and nothing we have not quashed under foot before-  but this-?”

“It is a letter, your majesty.” Blood rushed in to Richard’s cheeks and took a breath to retort in much the same manner as seething clouds rolled across the heavens at the onset of a storm. Sensing that an outburst of temper that would help nobody was about to crash down, York continued hastily: “It is written to the Duke of Lancaster- to Henry Bolingbroke- as your majesty can no doubt see for himself. It has been backdated to just a little while after- after John died-”

“ ‘To our beloved cousin Bolingbroke, it is with great regret that we must inform you, la di dah, we fear that a sickness grows in our mind, and do not know the physic ? We have quickly come to deeply regret our actions regarding your inher-’ we do no such thing, we were will within our rights and you know it! Otherwise you wouldn’t be looking so guilty--”

 York resisted the urge to roll his eyes. 

“--’blah blah blah, ‘we therefore beg of you to return to us in England and help shoulder the burden of government, the weight of which we fear is crushing us-this has been written in our name.” Richard looked up, blazing with incredulous fury. “You expect me to sign this.” he said. “You expect us to sign it, uncle? To have it suggested that I invited Bolingbroke here to depose me- to legitimise his treason?”

“When  it is become treason to claim one’s rights then there is something rotten with the kingdom,” York said sharply. 

“Henry Bolingbroke has no right to dictate the actions of his King”

“When the King is little better than a spoiled child who cannot share his toys clearly someone needs to.” York retorted. “That letter offers you a chance to save face, to claim you saw the error of your ways and begged for help righting yourself!”

Richard stopped pacing and glared at him. York gripped his own fingers more tightly but refused to look away or back down. That, much to his surprise, actually seemed to calm the King: Richard closed his eyes and exhaled softly, pressing a palm to his forehead before glancing at the papers in his hand again. “We need some time to think.”

“You have none,” York said, “The Earl of Northumberland is less than subtlety hinting that Henry ought to take your head, and he is far from the only person who wouldn’t care if Henry usurped and killed you. I’m not convinced that Henry knows what it is he’s after, so if you start making things difficult then there is every chance-”

“Henry wants to be King. He always has.” Richard’s gaze dropped bitterly to his hand as he splayed out his fingers and looked at his coronation ring. “Perhaps we should let him. Resign the crown to him, and ourself to the grave-”

“There’s no need for melodrama. You’re faced with a crisis, yes, but hardly your own crucifixion.”

His uncle’s tart tone almost made Richard snort with laughter. It wasn’t that it was amusing, as such. It was that he suddenly thought of Aumerle. Of how a little less than an hour ago he had performed similar melodramatics for York’s son and won soft kisses, rather than harsh words, for his efforts. He found himself thinking of Aumerle’s hands on his arm, on his face, how nice it had been- how nice it had been to hold his sobbing kinsman in his arms and know that someone needed Richard, wanted Richard. And that thought was interrupted by the notion that if York knew what he was thinking- if York knew that if Northumberland hadn’t come to play Henry’s errand boy and announce the Duke of York’s coming when he had, then right now Richard would be with York’s son in the first moderately comfortable bedchamber they could have found in this woefully ill equipped, empty castle. He would have fucked Aumerle until they had both forgotten about everything except each other- and if York knew that Richard was thinking all of these things, his uncle probably would crucify him, or at least join Northumberland in less than subtly hinting to Henry that he ought to have his head hacked off. 

What York would never be able to understand was that for Richard, in many ways losing his head would be preferable to losing even a fraction of his power. He was the King. The King existed to rule. If he signed away ‘the burden of government’ to other people then he might as well stop existing. The papers he had been had outlined a proposal that Henry be created Lord Protector, that he govern Richard because Richard was incapable of governing by himself...

Essentially, it was the Appellants all over again.

It wasn’t fair. Why could they not just let him be? He was ruling exactly as he was meant to- he had to be. They had anointed him, God’s chosen representative on Earth, he had been born to-

This. 

It had all led him to this. His uncle looking at him with that wet, anxious look of his that meant Richard had to wrestle down an overwhelming urge to punch him, because if he had done his job and arrested Bolingbroke for setting foot on English soil contrary to the King’s very clear and specific prohibition on him doing exactly that then none of this would be happening. “If I refuse to cooperate?” he said, “Will Henry kill me and claim the crown through right of conquest?” He was completely at his cousin’s mercy, he knew that. He had known it from the moment that he had learned Henry was coming for him with an army whilst his own had fled, but there was still some part of him that held out hope that his uncle would cry : of course not! This is all just a suggestion, and if you want to tell Harry to go jump in the Thames and drown, he will of course do so straight away...

York remained silent. Richard’s stomach twisted. 

I don’t want to die, he thought, and felt sick. He wanted to want to. He wanted to want to go out with his head held high, spitting defiance at the traitors who would burn in hell for all eternity after matyring their own king and kinsman. But at the end, it seemed, the Earl of Arundel had been right all along. 

Richard was a coward. 

He closed his eyes. It would only be for a short while, he told himself. He only had to play along until he could raise the support to crush Harry underfoot and confiscate every inch of property belonging to Lancaster, to Northumberland- to anyone else who preferred his cousin to him- fine! Let them enjoy it while it lasted; he would leave them with nothing but ash! “Well then, Uncle,” he said, as he opened his eyes and forced back the tears that prickled across their surface. “It would appear that we need to borrow a pen.”

[avicebro]

Hello Pollux! Can you explain your OTP tags?

This is something people want? Lol okay:

This includes League of Legends and Fate.

Fate:

otp: be my queen | richard/ayaka

reference to the fact that richard is continuously trying to get ayaka to be his master. since they are master/servant and i like them romantically it turns from “be my master” to “be my queen”. a good otp 10/10 narita when will you ever.

otp: avenger and ruler | edmond dantes/amakusa shirou 

i hope this is obvious. it’s an avenger and a ruler. demonstrates the fact that they’re polar opposites but still good as a ship.

otp: dragon slayers | siegfried/saint george

reference to how they work really well together in defeating wyverns in fate/grand order. may include kojiro if i find some siegfried/kojiro art i like.

otp: thief and executioner | robin hood/charles henri sanson

i like these two, especially in the salem chapter. the ship name is reference to their roles: one is a thief, one is an executioner. i was also thinking of giving them a title like “the new fruk” cause that’s basically what they are lol.

otp: im a self insert | guda/fgo character

any art of a guda and a fate grand order character. mainly avicebron and dantes because that’s who i ship myself with. more characters may join eventually but im very gay.

otp: casters of opposing factions | avicebron/william shakespeare

in apocrypha they’re the casters for the opposing factions. in fate grand order they seem to keep this dislike for each other.

otp: a new isolde | tristan/melt

ok i haven’t seen the full ccc event yet but basically tristan compares melt to isolde so yeah she’s a new isolde for him. i don’t like how fate writes her name (isseult?) so we’re going with this spelling.

otp: i’ll make you tsar | kadoc/anastasia

this is kadoc’s plan in lostbelt, to make her tsar of the lostbelt. that doesn’t really happen though but they’re in love okay?????

otp: hate at first sight | kirei/kiritsugu

i was tempted to call them “beautiful ties” as a pun on their names but decided against it. hate at first sight because that’s what happened. get along you two.

otp: president and princess | rin/issei

their roles at school. proud captain of the rissei ship. i will love this ship by myself if i have to.

otp: like cats and dogs | gilgamesh/cu chulainn

this is because of ip. go through her gilcu tag. i swear you’ll come out a different person. gilcu is a good ship. they’re a cat and a dog.

otp: i hate everything you stand for | hansa/jester

hansa and jester both hate each other because of who they are. jester despises those from the church, hansa hates dead apostles. they’re fun.

otp: l’auteur malfaisant | edmond dantes/dumas

this is just what dantes calls him, “the wicked author” but in french. love these two so fucking much. if you want me to be happy just mention eddumas.

otp: beast like me | caren/angra mainyu

in hollow ataraxia, it’s stated that they are both beasts: caren for being born “out of wedlock” and angra mainyu because he’s all the evils of the world. they are both beasts by birth, and must deal with the sins from being called a beast. also a big otp.

otp: sad a lot | tristan/lancelot

i was originally calling this ship “tristalot” which sounds like “triste a lot” which is french for “sad a lot”.

otp: up until this moment my wish was being granted | medea/souichirou

OTP TO RULE ALL OTPS. god i love these two. it’s a reference to what medea says in UBW when she dies. man i love these two so much.

otp: the jewel resting near my heart | rin/shirou

reference to the pendent rin gives shirou. may include rin/archer i’m not sure yet.

otp: let’s destroy the world! | kirei/gilgamesh

wow this is late on the list lol. the ship name is what they wanna do. kirei route when nasu.

otp: on the defense | hector/alter cu chulainn

both of them are known for being defensive characters, both in playstyle and in personality. they’re old, tired men let them nap.

otp: i may not always be by your side | issei/shirou

this is a line issei tells shirou in prillya. love these guys a lot. especially with rin.

otp: sword and sheath | saber/shirou

that’s what they are. saber is the sword and shirou is the sheath. no sexual jokes please. like them romantically and as friends.

otp: my wish is for her to live | medusa/sakura

purple girlfriends. love them. love heaven’s feel. reference to a line medusa tells shirou.

otp: my superman | sakura/shirou

OTP TO RULE ALL OTPS. the best ship in stay night with kuzucaster. i love heaven’s feel so much. they were what got me into drawing. i love them so much. reference to the superman scene in HF.

otp: two too pretty boys | diarmuid/gilgamesh

this is 100% because they are attractive guys. that is it. the ship name shows this.

otp: you cursed me | emiya alter/kiara

don’t @ me i like these two. emiya alter an alter because of kiara, hence the ship name.

otp: you were literally made for me | gilgamesh/enkidu

I DON’T HATE THIS SHIP WHY WOULD I TAG AND REBLOG IT SO MUCH IF I HATED THIS SHIP? I simply stated that I am tired of seeing it so much in the f/sf tags. I do like these two shhh. name is a reference to the fact that kidu was made for gil.

otp: lance to the heart and you’re to blame | kirei/cu chulainn

hello i love kotoyari. reference to the UBW ending. feb 14 isn’t valentines day it’s kotoyari day.

otp: your dream is mine | kiritsugu/irisviel

i can’t talk about this ship without crying just know i love them. iri wishes for his dream to come true.

otp: i wanted a saber anyways | rin/saber

just gals being pals you know . and originally rin wanted a saber.

otp: the woman was a saint | kirei/claudia

im not crying you’re crying. a line in the VN.

otp: you remind me of someone | paracelsus/phantom

no this isn’t just because they’re pretty boys lol. like the idea of them being good friends who help each other when the other goes berserk. 

otp: dancing with the devil | mephistopheles/paracelsus

there’s a lot of cool/interesting ship art between these two that’s really cool and i love. love the idea of them adopting jack. 

otp: fist of the north star to the heart | saint martha/sasaki kojiro

just wait until the summer event. love how koji has joined the dragon slayer’s group. hope he enjoys his new friends. you have to fight her at one point for koji’s development. it’s a joke about how her np is a fist of the north star joke.

otp: calm desert nights | nitocris/scheherazade 

reference to lalalack’s ‘desert beauty’ piece. they spend those nights in the desert exchanging stories, calming each other down. 

otp: how about we put it to the test? | li shuwen/beowulf

what beowulf says to li shuwen before they start their fight. they like to beat each other up and it’s great. 

otp: beat up a pretty face | beowulf/fionn mac cumhaill

who has the pretty face is up to you. reference to how fionn looks ephemeral in the beofionn art.

otp: a king and his knight | diarmuid/fionn

it’s their roles. yeah i know fionn “killed” him it’s fun. 

my chivalrous knight | diarmuid/saber

who is the knight and who is chivalrous? up to you!

otp: blue knights | cu chulainn/saber

only two people ship this there’s only two posts i wanna die

a queen and her knight | saber/irisviel

based on when saber acts as her knight (aka all of fate/zero) in f/z. doesn’t have otp cause i’m lazy. 

ot3: church trio | gilgamesh/kirei/cu chulainn

they live in the church lol.

ot3: we could have had it alllllll | sieg/jeanne d’arc/astolfo

based on the fact that apocrypha could have easily juggled the three of these into an ot3 but nope.

ot3: my two friends | gilgamesh/enkidu/kirei

there is only 1 piece of fanart in this tag but it’s a very good piece of fanart

ot3: this could have worked really well tbqh | kirei/gilgamesh/tokiomi

team archer could have been good if kirei didn’t get his dick sucked by gilgamesh.

ot3: princess president and prince | rin/issei/shirou

their roles - i think shirou should be a prince. i just really love rissei and shissei so why not combine them into an ot3 y/y?

group tag: aesthetic of death | gilles de rais, uryuu ryuunosuke, jeanne alter, prelati

i love these guys a lot okay? a lot of gilles/ryu because canon otp. was supposed to be art of death because of ryuunosuke's CE but it was mistranslated and i'm too lazy to change it!

group tag: equipe francaise | d’eon, marie, mozart, sanson 

they are cute but this tag is pushed by my thirst for mozart. the tag means “french team” which is basically what they are right?

brotp: my retainer | waver velvet/alexander the great

im sorry i can’t ship this romantically but they are cute together!

brotp: troy's defense | penthesilea, hektor

these two are good bros who break pots together and will rip achilles' open

League of Legends:

otp: spin to win | katarina/garen

this is about gameplay. garen is known for his e, which is a spin. the joke “spin to win” comes from that ability. since katarina also has a spin, spin to win works for these two.

otp: drasona | draven/sona

it’s just their ship name lol.

otp: takes two to tango | evelynn/twisted fate

reference to the twisted fate and evelynn shared tango skins. such a good ship. i love them and twisted fate/graves. league of legends please do something with these two i stg.

otp: partners in crime | twisted fate/graves

man this is the best lol ship man i wish lol would do anything with this ship that would be great i love my gay men. and they’re working together again! nice!

otp: the sun shines for you | leona/pantheon

i don’t know what lol is doing with these two if if they’re actually gonna be together and i love diana/leona too but i’ve always had a soft spot for these two. also? a great bot lane if you can stomp early. 

otp: it’s called art | jinx/jhin

to be honest i just think these two would be hilarious. let them just do whatever they want in piltover. 

otp: collecting souls | thresh/kalista

aesthetic and also a great botlane. i just love kalista tbh. ghost wife. 

otp: trying to keep the balance | shen/zed

wow the first otp for league of legends. good shit guys hope you guys get more content soon. 

If a ship you know I like is not on this list it’s probably just tagged as the ship name! I’m probably going to go through and create tags for each ship like these as I think of them. If you have suggestions for ship names let me know! 

[themalhambird]

Chapter Twelve: What the Fuck Northumberland

                                                                [Chapter Eleven can be found here]

The story so Far: Richard II of England has been deposed and imprisoned in Pontefract Castle for almost three years. His Queen, Isabelle, has been placed under House Arrest at the English Court for the same amount of time.

Northumberland, feeling he has been insufficiently rewarded for his part in bringing about the reign of King Henry IV, has had his son Harry break Richard out of prison, and plots to put the traumatised man back on the throne as a puppet for his own Kingly ambitions. Meanwhile, a friendship has been flourishing between Queen Isabelle and Prince Hal- but King Henry is furious to discover they’ve been slipping out of the palace and gallivanting about London  despite the restrictions on Isabelle’ s movements. Unaware of Northumberland’s impending rebellion,  he has devised a plan to bring Kate Percy to Court as Queen Isabelle’s Lady in Waiting in the hopes she’ll be able to keep the young Queen out of trouble. At the same time, he has finally allowed the Duke of York- formerly Aumerle, and Richard’s lover- to go to Pontefract and see the former King, not knowing that Richard isn’t there any more…

Northumberland stood on the battlements, watching the carriage containing his son and daughter in law vanish from view. Then he went to finish what he had started yesterday evening.

Even sleeping, Richard looked tired. A tray of food stood untouched on the floor. Something in the room seemed off- hadn’t there been a mirror yesterday?- but Northumberland shrugged and walked over to the bed. He sat on the edge, the mattress dipping beneath his weight, and brushed Richard’s cheek with near- bruising force. 

Richard’s eyes flew open.

He scrambled backwards, pushing himself upright as he tried to put some distance between him and Northumberland, and tugged the covers with him so he stayed completely covered. Northumberland's lips curved in an approximation of a benign smile. "We were interrupted by my daughter yesterday," he said. "What did you talk about after I left? Did she tell you why you were here?" What the other man knew, or thought he knew, would determine Northumberland’s angle.

Richard shook his head. "Safe," he whispered. "Not a prisoner."

Safe. Not a prisoner. It would do. "No," Northumberland said, "You’re not a prisoner, not exactly. But there are conditions. Namely, that you do exactly as I say, or you'll find yourself in chains again, do you understand me?"

"Yes," Richard whispered. "Yes, my lord- I understand."

Northumberland felt a smug twist of satisfaction. "Good, ” he said. “Now-"

"Henry is the King." Richard blurted out.

What?  Northumberland frowned, wondering where the hell that had come from.

"Henry is the King.” Richard said again, words coming tumbling out of his mouth in a rush.” I - I know- I won't- I won't- you can tell him, I know now, I shouldn't have-I'll be good. Will you tell him?" Richard cringed as though he expected to be hit, but met Northumberland's gaze nevertheless. "Please, my Lord," he begged, “Will you tell him?” 

Northumberland had to hand it to Pontefract’s warden- they really had broken him. The same man who had idly banished Bolingbroke and then robbed his father’s grave had been reduced to a pathetic, trembling creature begging for Bolingbroke to be told he intended to behave himself. Richard clearly believed he was here on Henry’s orders, which...actually, Northumberland could run with that.

“I could tell him,” he said slowly. “I doubt he’ll believe it.  The warden at Pontefract  says he doesn’t think your behaviour will ever be corrected.” Richard began to tremble. Northumberland concealed a smile. “Don’t fret,” he said, reaching out and placing a fatherly hand on Richard’s shoulder “We know better, don’t we, hm? I’m here to help you. Think of me as the King’s representative, if you like. If you do exactly as I ask, with no questions, we’ll be able to prove to King Henry that you know your proper place. And if you don’t...” he moved his hand from Richard’s shoulder and wrapped it around his throat, squeezing lightly. “You’ll learn.”