#wouldve been nice to know but at the end of the day i dont think it wouldve added much bc my psychiatrist knew off the bat so AKHBFDKJHBDFH

[marblerose-rue]

click for better quality!!

lionkit/hollykit/jaykit

big, big plans

[silverislander]

movie i was really looking forward to picked specifically to cheer myself up seems designed to purposefully upset me specifically. hell on earth

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for getting my dad a 50th birthday gift and not my mom? 🐍🐍

my (20nb) dad (49m) is turning 50 in a few weeks. him and my mom (49f) are separated and she is not happy about it. my mother and i don't exactly have the best relationship either (she's not abusive; just a bit toxic and we dont get along).

my mom is also a disney mom and she insists on going to disney during the end of february. i told her i didnt want to go (we are upper middle class and go every few years, and tbh i am tired of disney and would rather go somewhere else if we go on vacation) so she intentionally planned it to be during the time i have mid-winter break so i would HAVE to go. she also invited my younger brother and sister (ages irrelevant, neither adults).

this happens to fall on my dad's 50th birthday.

my dad has been pretty hyped for this birthday for awhile, and is really upset that we're going to be gone that day. mom told him shed pay for his flight down to florida, but he doesn't want to miss any days at work. she also invited her brother, who is someone that my dad dislikes, and my sister's best friend, who is a stranger to my dad and also (imo) not a very nice person.

what i guarantee my dad WANTS is a quiet day/dinner with his family (instead of my mom's) and his friends. going down to disney is stressful for him and isn't something he enjoys, even when him and mom were married. i think my dad should have a day he ENJOYS rather than being forced to do something he dislikes.

what i'm thinking about is getting my dad a birthday present (specifically, going out to eat and paying for it since its one of our favorite things to do) and not getting my mom one (or getting her smth cheap), since she is forcing me on this trip and to miss my dad's 50th birthday. i know that it's petty, but i know that she's aware of what date my dad's birthday falls on and she knew i dont want to go. essentially, the vacation in disney with me is her birthday present.

she could have done this trip any time she wanted without me, and i wouldve been fine. but she chose to do it on the one week i cant say no, and shes already booked everything so i cant back out, so thats not an option. would i be justified, or is my judgement being clouded since my mom and i dont get along?

What are these acronyms?

[cumulo-stratus]

BAU autism headcannons

(GIF NOT MINE)

(male reader)

CW: possible swearing, mentions of meltdowns and overstimulation, lemme know if theres anything else!

A/N: sry i havent rly posted in a while, i started a school recently and its been a rly big change for me so ive just been emotionally/mentally exhausted like all the time, but i dont wanna abandon u guys so i decided i would get something up, even if its not super good, thanks for y’all’s understanding <3

i think both JJ and Emily would become sort of mothers to reader

(not that they werent already mothers to the rest of the team but reader especially)

like JJ would totally have a motherly instinct for readers needs (like a sort of spider sense)

like if your ever nervous about something being too much or being overwhelming, jj would kinds know this and either make arrangements for accommodations or make sure you know you dont have to go if you want to.

and like she definitely wold put herself in charge of keeping your safe foods stashed on the jet and at the office

emily is more of a mother in a protective way than jj is

like this girl will not hesitate at all to go off on someone for maybe being disrespected to about stimming your chair while thinking

or like if you dont want to shake a police officers hand when your being introduced, and you get dirty/weird looks for it, or anyone comments on it? BOOM this girl will stare at them with so much animosity they’ll be scared of her shes so hot oml

anyways i thinks he team would be super accepting of you, especially if you joined after reid like they would already have some experience with autism

and like if you weren’t ent comfortable telling anyone other than hotch(i feel like it would be like a in ur file thing idk how the government works tho) spencer would defo be able to tell and confront u privately abt it (our respectful king <3)

and if you are comfortable telling the team, everyone would be respectful

i think like rossi/gideon would be a little clueless but like trying their hardest

like rossi would have no idea what stimming is but understands that like you move in certain ways or make certain noises when ur excited

and like with all his money he wouldnt hesitate to spoil u with any fidget toy u need/want or like a rly nice weighted blanket (its insane how expensive those things are)

and like gideon despite his profound understanding of others (hope yall got that ;)) he wouldn’ t get why sometimes you dont feel like/cant talk but totally respects it

omg garcia is our autism ally QUEEN im telling you

always has a big basket of fidgets/stim toys sitting on her desk and when your having a rough day shell leave you a little goodie in a brightly colored and decorated bag

i firmly believe that she is the queen at finding brands with clothes that not only fits your style perfectly but is also sensory friendly

i think she would definitely say that if she never ended up working in the FBI she wouldve started a clothing shop for sensory friendly clothing/accessories

spencer would totallllyyyy be your best friend when it comes to being under-stimulated

he will totally info dump on you and vice-versa

spencer (like penlope) would totally recommend clothing brands that are sensory friendly, but sock brands in particular

and everyone makes fun of you for nerding out over everything

also spencer would definitely get in the habit of grabbing your hands in his when you start to pick a t your nails and cuticles

like he didnt even realize what he was doing the first time but now he does it without thinking about it and for the team its normal

“hey,” and he would gently grab your hands to stop you from picking at them

“sorry..”

”youve nothing to be sorry for” (with that little reid smile oml rf[osifjgturhv)

and i also firmly believe that morgan is the best people to go to if your having a meltdown

he would stop you from harmfully stimming

“hey sugar, unclench those pretty little hands for me. there we go… good job kid.” he would have the softest smile and voice

and when he takes your hands to stop you from hitting yourself his grip is rly firm but gentle

but hotch is the best to go to for when your overstimulated

like he would make sure you know his office is always a quiet place you can go to with out questions

and he would secretly have a stash of like stimm toys in his office that he stole from garcia

his couch is always open to you, especially like late at night if you are really tired his fatherly instincts will kick in and force you to come to his office for a break

he would would hand you and blanket and a stim toy

”sit. sleep”

thats all he would say in his cute little stern but actually caring voice <3

[incorrecttowerofgodquotes]

Hi im several days late 2 reply but i hope its ok to send an ask ^_^ i am so so scared 4 season 2 you have no idea. season 1 had me gobsmacked stupified nonplussed rendered unresponsive to anything else for the following week partially bc im emotiomal and the rachel + baam plot had me So crazy and partially bc ToG is like insane in ways iv never seen b4. Part of me wants to read the manhwa so so badly so im prepared for the new season and dont get emotionally bulldozed but part of me wants to sit and wait. either way ive been religiously avoiding spoilers as best as i can. However Im indecisive i feel like reading the manhwa would be eye-opening but im similarly afraid to read it for fear of going crazy. I cant imagine what it wouldve been like reading ToG as it released i fear i mightve lost my mind by now if i had been into ToG since day 1. but im monologuing. Tldr. Im scared. heres an image summary of my s2 thoughts.

I don’t think you know how happy this ask made me.

It’s always great to see new people in the Fandom. If you haven’t read through Season 1, I’d recommend that to hold you over until S2.

In terms of overall tone, I’d say S2 is more lighthearted, but it deals with a lot darker topics so you might want to prepare yourself for that. In the end, your ultimate choice is this: Do you want to be beat over the head with a chair reading the webtoon, or socked in the face repeatedly watching the anime?

And nice to see you’ve already taken an interest in our blonde boy. He’s a real hoot

If you have any questions, feel free to ask me and I’ll answer them (so long as the answer isn’t a spoiler).

[chichariann]

It's weird to read people's post about how they hate this episode cuz

The lack of a zebra

Already knowing what the lotus casino is a trap

Grover being the only one who got trapped

The gang being "too smart"

Luke's mom's expositioh

Lack of action

The deadline passing

4 pearls

Episode is mostly dialogue

Idk. Honestly but heres what I thought as the episode went on...

Very long post. Read the red text if u just want points

Okay, they suspect the wrong person to be the thief (typical detective trope - still fits)

Cute grover and percabeth banter

They already know about the lotus flowers. Makes sense as there are 3 greek myth knowledgeable kids there. At least on of them should know.

They split up. Bad idea

The pair are being cautious

Grover is gone now

Percy and annabeth are searching for hermes so makes sense they'd be at the casino area. I dont see how they could be trapped—nop they already were the moment they stepped in

May Castellan exposition. Okay, revealing the premise of being a seer but not telling us what happened to her as a result is good. Without context from the books, we now know that something's happened to his mom and we do not know except for Luke blaming Hermes for it

Hermes parenting talk - this happens in Sea of Monsters but its nice to at least see a contrast of how he's gonna feel pre-betrayal vs post-betrayal.

Poseidon was the one who warned hermes about trying to be close to luke. Contrasting Poseidon, now, wanting to meet Percy

They past the deadline - what does this mean???

They almost forgot Grover but eventually finding him

Grover started this episode saying that his friends would never understand his personal quest to one day save the natural world, and here he is now, memories wiped except for what he wants to do with his life. And percy understands and is hopeful for him

Hermes taxi scene was hilarious

Percabeth moment

Teleport to Santa Monica

Percy meets the Nereid who tells him that theyd passed the deadline

Percy still wants to finish the quest 1) to save his mom 2) get the bolt 3) stop a war

4 PEARLS???

What I'm taking from this:

There were A LOT of changes to how this scene played out in the books. I like that the kids are smart. I like that Grover got to tell Percy about his personal quest even if it was just a glimpse of it.

Should there have been a Zebra? MAYBE. I wouldve loved to see Percy talk to em but its not exactly plot relevant. Do I wish they had gotten trapped by just playing games? Yeah, but then how would they get to talk to Hermes. They would've just forgotten why they were there in the first place. Do I wish there was more action? No, not really. Do I wish the kids had flaws? THEY ALREADY DO. Grover got trapped by his own desires and personal goal over the quest he was on. Percy and Annabeth may not have shown their flaws this episode but... They already had in the past episodes. Maybe they shouldve but Im not mad that they're just... There.

I actually love that they're past the deadline and Percy has 4 pearls. Cuz it makes us wonder what would happen next. I think as book fans, we pride ourselves of knowing what happens next. Immune to any surprise. But when we do, there are 2 reactions: 1) intrigue and worry and unfortunately common, 2) despising the changes. I fall under number 1. I like that I dont know what could happen next. I know how it SHOULD go but I like that Rick is still surprising us despite knowing what could happen.

I like that we get Hermes parenting moments in this episode. Because instead of learning a sliver of why Luke betrays Percy at the end of the season at the last episode, we get a bit of exposition into his early life.

Annabeth says not to talk to Luke about his dad

Something happened to his mom and Luke hates Hermes for it

Hermes is keeping his distance because he knows that whatever he does, he's gonna end up hurting Luke

All of this sets up what will happen not just later in the books, but LATER IN THE SERIES. Rick wrote The Lightning Thief without any concrete idea of how the later books will play out. NOW HE DOES. So it makes sense to give us a way to understand Luke. To know why he makes the final decision in the book.

I would have found it weird if the gang went on the quest, got back to camp, got a sliver of Luke's opinion of the gods, then betrayal. NONE OF US WOULD UNDERSTAND. We get that he hates the gods but we won't know why. Now we do. By giving us all this material to work with, it gives its viewers the opportunity to really think, if you were in his shoes, would you have done it too? Would you be like Ethan or Chris, and joined him in that rebellion? I definitely could.

Because I for one would know that when I first read the books then reread it after, I would never even think about joining him given the context of the first book. We really only understand why he betrays the gods at like... The 5th book. When we finally get his backstory. Throughout the series, it has just been Percy hating Luke and being annoyed that Annabeth was so forgiving of him. Then on the last book, we finally get the backstory. Because, when you write in first person perspective, you cant give backstory IF the narrator is not talking to the character or is at the place where it happens. Throughout the whole series, Percy never thinks about what pushed Luke to make his decisions until, Nico had to bring Percy to where it all started. IN THE LAST BOOK. IN THE 5TH SEASON. THATS WHEN WE FINALLY GET TO UNDERSTAND WHAT MAKES LUKE CLICK.

It brings Luke out of the characterization of being someone who hates the gods and wants to overthrow them cuz they dont care about his kids. To someone who was abandoned and ignored by his father. To someone who is a victim to the gods' rules and their world (his mom). I kinda understand why he is the one leading the war here. Its cuz he's experienced one of the worst things that could happen to a demigod. Losing his mom. Getting ignored by his dad. Undervalued by the gods.

THIS ENTIRE SEASON HAS JUST BEEN SET UP FOR LUKE'S STORY. BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW... THAT IN THE LAST BOOK, RACHEL TELLS PERCY THAT HE IS NOT THE HERO OF THIS STORY. HE IS NOT THE ONE TO STOP THE WAR. LUKE IS THE HERO AT THE END OF THE SERIES. AND IT WOULD'VE BEEN WEIRD IF WE NEVER GET TO UNDERSTAND WHY UNTIL.... THE LAST BOOK.

[tojisun]

Hi, I don’t know if you’re still writing for how we break, but I was wondering if you could write a blurb or one shot about what it’d be like if reader ended up with nanami instead? and what if yuuji was their son (reader and nanami adopted him) and that’s how megumi and toji found reader again? anyway this was just a question so don’t feel pressured to write it or anything, have a nice day!

OMG!!! wait this got me scratching the walls???

unfortunately i dont write for how we break anymore sweetheart :((

how we break was written at the time when i was soooo into gojo (aside from toji) but now??? it feels like nanami is my the one that got away 😭

he wouldve been such a good partner; such a good dad. the way reader would still move on slowly, but idk. with gojo, there was a whole lot of gojo distracting reader from her heartache. but i think with nanami, he’d let her embrace her heartache and be there for her when she, uh, breaks.

gonna scream actually, my mind is envisioning and restructuring the whole series rn 😭

but also i butchered the jjk universe to make that fic make sense :(( yuuji n megumi were childhood friends in some parts; yuujis parents are also alive (bc dear gods that boy deserves a happy life)!! so idk if itd make sense for nanami to adopt yuuji hhhhhd

thank u sm for this food for thought and food for soul, nonnie <33 take care!!

[ultimateloserboy]

SONIC PRIME RAMBLES!!!!

SPOILERS FOR SEASON TWO AHEAD!!!

(sorry if the screenshots are a bit mushy i was taking them quick)

firstly of course id like to mention these two. i love how when sonic is playing around and talking to himself, shadow just nods along. he didnt tell sonic to shut the fuck up, he just waited until he got his zoomies out. he even slightly participated! i just love how when shadow is cooled down a bit he’s actually pretty used to sonic and doesnt mind his silliness, it only makes him genuinely upset when it’s not the right time or place. and sure this also isnt the right time or place, but seeing as hes been blessed with literal gay magic i think shadow mightve given him a pass. that or shadow is never actually as pissed as he tries to be. which i also believe, because he plays around during fights. i think hes having fun too. hes just trying to ignore it in favor of the overall mission, which is completely fair and is kinda needed. without shadow sonic would have no fucking clue what to do hed just be running around spitting off cheesy one liners like an idiot, but without sonic shadow would be all alone with nobody but space rocks and his pissy attitude. sonic does provide shadow with fun, and everyone needs a little fun and positivity. sonic makes him happy and keeps him entertained but he’d never admit that. they balance each other out in such a nice way. they need each other in more ways than one in my opinion.

this leads me into my favorite thing about this show: sonic is not simply the hero. he’s not just saving the day and that’s that like he thinks. it’s much more complicated. lots of people he’s met seem to have clashing opinions or views of the world, and that’s not a bad thing! most of rouges variants want to just hand over the shard and get it over with, which wouldnt help in the long run but is A REASONABLE THING TO THINK!!! shadow was never malicious he was just pissed off and he’s RIGHT! hell, i dont even think nine is wrong either!!! hes never even seen the reality that sonic is wishing for! all of these people simply want to be happy but theyre from completely different worlds in a very VERY dangerous situation, of course theres going to be conflict amongst people who ARENT the villains! because the world doesn’t revolve around sonic and in situations like these its hard to find a middle ground between COUNTLESS AMOUNTS OF PEOPLE FROM ALL AROUND THE MULTIVERSE!! i think it perfectly demonstrates how all of these people arent bad people, they simply dont view things the way sonic does and thats ok. theyre all just scared and confused and in a life or death situation. well, except for dread. that motherfuckers just crazy.

i do think nine should. maybe chill 😭😭. but i think sonic shouldve at least talked with the kid a bit more about the overall goal cuz damn. i like the parallel between shadow saying “theyre not your real friends.” and nine saying hes real. because shadow was right in a sense. nine is NOT tails. he’s REAL, sure, but hes not the real TAILS. he isnt the real tails and hes not sonics friend just because sonic knows a version of him. that doesnt mean they cant BE friends but sonic being quick to assume that nine will end up like tails was just wrong on his part. sonic was quick to assume so many things about nine because of his relation to tails, and he shouldn’t have done that. he should’ve listened to shadow. it’s all “ooo shadows such a fuckin debby downer party pooping asshole” until the universe still isnt put together and THEN people consider that yeah maybe he was a little right. harsh, but right. literally if shadow was able to go into those portals i promise you this shit wouldve been over before we even got a season two. like genuinely i feel like they keep shadow in the void simply because they need to prolong the season. and i love the content dont get me wrong but please just let him go with sonic that motherfucker really does need a babysitter. i think we need BOTH of them in the actual shatterspaces. like i said, they balance each other out. if shadow was to go on his own i honestly think he wouldnt do too good either. hed just ignore everyone else and try to get things done quickly without needing help and sure he might get a little far but eventually hed need the help and he wouldnt have it. so i think sonic and shadow together should finally be allowed to do this shit fully together so that shadow can do what he has to do and sonic can go around making friends with multiverse people and saving them from robots on the side. its a win-win people!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!

i do like the fact that shadows speed is artificial so it isnt the same as sonics, or at least thats what i like to think. i know hes stuck in the void because of the chaos control he did (i think) and sonics speed might not be the only factor but i do think its interesting how they cant do the same things

but truly i think the only reason the writers are keeping them seperate is because they know damn well if they teamed up full time theyd start kissing eventually

[w3ath3r-0f-sw34t3rz]

taylor parts that live in my head

gold was the color of the leaves when i showed you around centennial park hell was the journey but it brought me heaven

myyymyyymyyyyymyyyyyyyy lover<3

but you keep my old scarf from that very first week

love you to the moon and to saturn

I JUST KNOOOWOWWOOW UR NOT GONE NO U CANT BE GONE N O

additionally: every instrumental part of haunted

IF YOURE OUT THERE IF YOURE SOMEWHERE IF YOURE MOVING ON IVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU EVERY DAY SINCE YOUVE BEEN GONE I JU

a beautiful boy who died

you never gave a warning sign (i gave so many signs)

and in the end in wonderland we both went mad... OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

the intro to i knew you were trouble. that shit gets me going

cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned everything you lose is a step you take so make the friendship bracelets take the moment and taste it you've got no reason to be afraid you're on your own kid. yeah you can face. this you're on your own kid. you always have been

at least i had the decency to keep my nights out of sight // only rumors bout my hips and thighs and my whispered sighs, oh lord

the instrumentals in the moment i knew i lose it every time😭

on the way home // i wrote a poem // you say 'what a mind' // this happens all the time

TROUBLE TRO U BLE T R O U B L E

bold was the waitress on our three year trip // getting lunch down by the lakes // she said i looked like an american singer

whispers of 'are you sure' // 'never have i ever before'

OOO OO OO OO OOOOOOOOOOO (it's nice to have a friend [in case you couldn't tell])

'I LOVE YOU' AINT THAT THE WORST THING YOU EVER HEARD HE LOOKS UP GRINNING LIKE A DEVIL ITS

BIG REPUTATION BIG REPUTATION OOOOO U AND ME WE GOT BIG REPUTATIONS

have i known you 20 seconds or 20 years

if you love like that, blood rUNS COOOLLLLLLDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

you drew stars around my scars

every speaking part in wanegbt. like. ever.

YOUR MIDAS TOUCH ON THE CHEVY DOOR NOVEMBER FLUSHED AND YOUR FLANNEL CURE THIS DORM WAS ONCE A MADHOUSE I MADE A JOKE WELL ITS MADE FOR ME HOW EVERGREEN OUR GROUP OF FRIENDS DONT THINK WELL SAY THAT WORD AGAIN AND SOON THEYLL HAVE THE NERVE TO DECK THE HALLS THAT WE ONCE WALKED THROUGH 1 FOR THE MONEY 2 FOR THE SHOW I NEVER WAS READY SO I WATCH YOU GO SOMETIMES YOU JUST DONT KNOW THE ANSWER TIL SOMEONES ON THEIR KNEES AND ASKS YOU SHE WOULDVE MADE SUCH A LOVELY BRIDE WHAT A SHAME SHES FUCKED IN THE HEAD THEY SAID BUT YOULL FIND THE REAL THING INSTEAD SHELL PATCH UP THE TAPESTRY THAT I SHRED

no one sees when you lose when you're playing solitaire

the entirety of enchanted

[shadowsphere]

Can I request angst! Kishou Arima x reader with a happy ending?

🔮Side by Side ⎯ K. Arima

☽ Featuring: Kishou Arima x gn! Reader

☽ Request? ✓ I scrolled and saw this was in my drafts. Completely forgot. I'm so sorry!!

☽ Includes: angst, fluffy, character death, happy but sad ending, ghouls vs reapers, opposites attract???, enemies to lovers??,, afterlife, Ken Kaneki, wishing for death mention, gn reader, minor trans characters, ftm transition mentioned, inside joke, slow burn, unnecessary background, fearing arima, canon touken, ayato helps train you, owl suppression operation, slow ghoul identity finding, multiple skips around bc it wouldve been longer if i didnt, both of you like each other but dont get together, one adorable kiss, reader jumping into kishou's arms, fighting with ccg, winning but at what cost, One-Eyed King, unrealistic fight but its cool to think about, loosely based off a scene in naruto, not even dialogue bc i suck at it, hand holding but not really, reincarnation????

☽ Synopsis: You were both supposed to grow old together, yet here you two are, wasting away on the battlefield, revenge for who you two were.

☽ A/n: I included a trans character just so that I can get some practice in writing for a trans character. I hope that's okay. Also, please don't be afraid to recommend trans! reader stories as well as male! reader stories, I want to gain experience writing them.

🔮┊🔮┊🔮 ≛ ☽

This wasn't supposed to happen.

This war should have ended before it started, but that could be wishful thinking. This was bound to happen, it was the fine print of your jobs. Perhaps you two were just too selfish and the universe noticed. Maybe these were your punishments for all the things you've done.

Maybe it was just a nightmare. A really long nightmare that neither of you could wake up from. Anything was better than real life at this moment, and you two were forced to watch each other. Forced to manage the pain each was going through.

This wasn't punishment. It was torture.

But let's start from the beginning.

Kishou Arima, CCG's Reaper. Despite his job being to kill ghouls, he was on their side. He even took up a secret identity to fight alongside ghouls. Something he's regretting in his current timeline.

Y/n, a newly turned ghoul. You were constantly afraid of what you could do to others who didn't deserve to be attacked. But you cared less about attacking people who deserved it but were still scared of fear of getting tortured by investigators.

Before we get into how you met, let's get deeper into your story.

You hung out with Ken Kaneki a lot, you both were baby ghouls. You gave each other a lot of strength, both constantly going through the shock and hatred of what's happened to yourselves. Unlike Kaneki, you didn't know when or who turned you into a ghoul, you just remember one day getting worrying thoughts and urges.

You and Kaneki met when he was on a mission to kill ghouls in the area. He had stumbled across you while you were curled into a ball, noticeably crying. When Kaneki reached out to touch the shaking person in front of him, you flinched away and looked up at him with frightened eyes. The way you looked at the time made

Kaneki feel like they were a victim attacked by a ghoul that got away.

This leads to a weird dynamic between the two. Kaneki would take care of you, while you constantly pushed him away. You didn't want to hurt the person keeping you safe and would rather Kaneki forgot about you and left. But Kaneki was too nice.

You tried to run away multiple times.

The moment you learned that Kaneki was an investigator, you feared the moment he would find out what you were. You didn't want Kaneki to hate you for never mentioning that you were a ghoul. Plus you were conflicted with yourself. You constantly cursed the universe for letting this happen to you and wished for someone to kill you, yet feared being killed by an investigator.

Maybe this was the first act of selfishness. They need to be alive but want to be dead.

Kaneki did find out about you being a ghoul of course. He again was on a mission. He had heard that there was a ghoul out of control, eating and attacking any humans they would see. Kaneki knew these to be signs of either a newly turned ghoul or a ghoul who fought against their urges. Kaneki always hated killing those types, but they were dangerous to the world, and they needed to die.

It was deja vu.

He went through an alleyway. He immediately recognized you. But he didn't focus on that long. He noticed a lot of blood on you and your clothes. It looked like you were dunked overhead with blood. Behind you, he saw a pile of bodies and instantly connected the dots. He hoped it wasn't what it looked like, but from the tears on your face and the flesh around your mouth, he knew you did this.

"Y/n.." The sad tone in his voice made the tears fall. You crouched down and started crying into your knees, the scene reminding him of when you first met. The gut-wrenching screams of regret and hatred were loud, causing even more hesitation in Kaneki. He understood why you two met the way you did. You were scared of yourself and crying. He understood you pushing him away, you were protecting him.

This one time. This one ghoul. You broke him. He could kill any ghoul without a second thought. But because he knew you, because he knew you weren't dangerous and that you didn't want to be, he couldn't kill you.

Kaneki walked to you and crouched down, engulfing you in the tightest hug that you could muster. He felt you immediately grab hold of him and cry harder. Maybe out of disbelief that he's hugging you. Kaneki's eyes were focusing hard on the dead bodies in front of him now that he was looking over your shoulder. The bodies ranged from kids to old people.

None of them were completely finished. Kaneki's hand went up to the back of your head and pushed you against his shoulder. He didn't know, but he could guess that you tried so hard to stop yourself from completely killing them, but the urges got the better of you. Kaneki looked at your still crying form, deciding that he could lie this one time.

After this event, Kaneki allowed you to meet the Kirishima siblings. He had explained to you that they helped him control his urges as much as possible because he was exactly like you, he didn't want to eat human flesh. Hearing that not only was Kaneki a ghoul, but he also used to be in the same position as you. This gave you the confidence to trust the Kirishima siblings.

It's been 15 years since.

Even though some people get over being a ghoul in a few years, you were just now getting to the point where you were okay with it. It's mainly due to the fact that you had to work through the trauma of the screams of kids and families. Every day, you were plagued with those images, finding it hard to move on when you took their lives just because you were hungry. You still have the guilt, but you've constantly been going to their graves and paying your respects. You were the colors and mask of a swan, but unlike the animal, you repelled others.

Maybe it was the uncertainty you gave everyone who didn't know you. Your uncertainty increased oddly enough, not because you were displeased with who you were, but because you didn't know what type of ghoul you were. Ayato Kirishima would constantly say that you're possibly a Ukaku like him, but there was no evidence to prove that.

Still, you trained just in case.

However, you and Kaneki stopped hanging around each other for some time. It was rare for you to see him and if you did, he would instantly leave. At first, you were completely confused as to why and no one wanted to tell you what was happening. But you ended up getting over it due to how busy you were getting as well.

You spent a lot of time with the Kirishima siblings, especially Touka, who you realized had a bit of a schoolgirl crush on Kaneki. She and you grew close due to your relationships with Kaneki and would always be found laughing together. On some days, you both would get together to mutually worry about Kaneki.

Today was the same thing.

You were helping Touka out at the Anetiku, a routine you were used to doing after training. You were a stand-in waitress, and currently, you served a middle-aged man and his teenager, your last customers. The teenager seemed to have a mixture of interests from what you could tell. They had hair that was split but in an oddly satisfying way. Their hair was black on one side but dyed multiple colors on the other.

Their clothes were the same. They had on black pants but a very colorful top. Their accessories were a mixture of black and colorful. You could tell that the teenager was going through a self-discovery of who they were and what they liked. Any time you went to their table for their orders, you would unconsciously catch some parts of their conversation.

Something you felt very guilty about and tried hard to block out so that you weren't imploring on a sensitive topic.

You caught sentences like "I don't know who I am yet", "Dad how did you make your transition from female to male confidently", and "I don't even know if I want to transition." You were able to work out that the teenager was transgender and was seeking reassurance from their father, who went through the same process.

You hoped that at the end of their journey, they would be happy with what they decided on who they should be. You went through the same process of accepting who you were and it wasn't easy, so you hoped they had a good support system. You knew the duo knew you heard their conversation, but since you showed no ignorant reaction, they felt comfortable.

When they two got up to leave, they gave you a smile. You smiled back, wishing that you could've done something in order to show how supportive you were but didn't want to be too pushy. Touka noticed the interaction and looked at you, her voice teasing despite the monotone. "You look like they offered for you to join their family."

The sentence caused you to immediately laugh. "Is that what that looked like?" You were laughing hard, amusing Touka with the wheezing escaping you. She lived to make you wheeze, and you always delivered.

"I hear wheezing, and I know it's not the teapot." You and Touka looked to the entrance and saw Kaneki walking in, a smile on his face. He was followed behind by another person. This person was completely covered. You couldn't even see a small amount of skin. The person was making sure that no one could identify who they were.

Your eyes went from the mysterious to Kaneki who was smiling at you. You rolled your eyes playfully, "The first thing you do is make fun of me after ten thousand years of not seeing you." Touka covered her smile with her hand, finding it amusing how you exaggerated sometimes. Touka walked to Kaneki and hugged him. The hug was awkward, only because they both liked each other but didn't want to mention it to one another.

You couldn't see Touka's face, but you could see Kaneki's, and the blush on his face amused you. You watched as they hugged, completely forgetting that they aren't alone. A sound came from the mysterious person that came with Kaneki. He had cleared his throat, feeling awkward about what he was forced to witness. Kaneki and Touka pushed each other away, unable to look each other in the eyes now.

You snorted automatically and immediately covered your nose, expecting Kaneki to mention it. He didn't disappoint. The moment the sound came from you, he looked at you with a teasing glint in his eyes. "You better not." "Better not what piggy?" You glared at Kaneki and he only shrugged, but you knew he wasn't done. Not with how he was smirking at you.

"Though, I'm surprised I didn't have to bribe you for you to oink for me like I usually do." The immediate laugh that sentence got out of you made Kaneki cocky. He knew how much you loved any mention of any inside jokes you have with each other.

This inside joke was made when you two were extremely sleep-deprived at three am but still hung out. You two didn't understand how y'all got there, but you two started to talk about turns on and turn-offs. The conversation led to both of you snorting out of laughter at the ridiculous things you were saying, but Kaneki took the award for the most outrageous sentences said. "Imagine if your partner asked you to oink for them because it turned them on."

Safe to say that it made your life so much better after that.

Kaneki walked behind the counter and hugged you quickly then let you go. You wanted to make a joke about him hugging you like he didn't want to, yet held on to Touka so much longer, but you knew that would make them awkward. So instead, you just pinched his side and focused on making sure that no other customers were getting ready to come in.

With Kaneki here, that meant he found something out.

Touka went to the bathroom and knocked, trying to see if someone was in there still. Since there weren't any sounds from the bathroom, Touka gave you a thumbs-up. You went to the door and locked it. You closed the blinds on one side of the room, while Touka closed the blinds on the other.

You two finished making sure no one could see or hear inside the cafe. Then you went to go sit at a booth, Touka going over to make drinks and food for everyone. Kaneki and his guest sat across from you, and while you three waited, the conversation started.

"Kishou-sama, you can take everything off now. You're safe here. No one is gonna report you." Kaneki addressed the man next to him and smiled. The person next to Kaneki started to remove his clothing. First, he started with his white gloves, revealing the bony but veiny hands he had. His fingers were long but elegant. After, the large, bulky coat he had on came off next. He had on a white coat, which you found weird because that makes him unnecessarily hot.

But now you could see the black shirt he had underneath the coat. Then the white scarf around his neck came off, revealing that the black shirt was actually a turtleneck. Then he moved on to the mask that completely covered his face. The moment he took it off you were surprised to see a face that you only saw in photos.

His hand went up to push his glasses up his nose as he got comfortable. He had put all the articles of clothing onto the ground, clearing up space for everyone to be comfortable. You didn't show a visual reaction, you felt it would've been rude if you did. Instead, you panicked in your head. You didn't understand why a well-known investigator was buddy-buddy with a ghoul.

His gray, visibly bored eyes landed on you. It was like he could sense that you were panicking. He showed no reaction, he just nodded his head in greeting and then looked back at Kaneki.

When Touka came back and put the drinks and food on the table and got settled in, the meeting started. Kaneki and Kishou explained the reason for their visit and how Touka and you needed to inform all the ghouls you possibly could. The CCG was planning an attack and everyone needed to be ready.

Maybe you should've known Kishou would become a prominent figure in your life after that.

Kaneki would start to come back around, he said he was getting ready for the amount of fighting there would be. You were unsure about that, still unsure of your ghoul type. Along with Kaneki, Kishou also started to come around a lot. He couldn't come as much as Kaneki because he couldn't let his identity be found out, but he still would.

His attitude towards you and Touka never changed. He stayed professional and distant. It was understandable though, he couldn't get close, and it could ruin everything he worked for. Touka started to tease you about Kishou though. Maybe your lingering gazes of fear could be seen as gazes of attraction.

It wasn't like Arima wasn't attractive, you were just too plagued with the fear that one day he's gonna kill everyone. No matter how many times Kaneki said "He regrets killing the ghouls he killed. He's on our side", you couldn't fully believe that.

But the universe was funny. It gives you something just to take it away.

Ayato had told you that he couldn't help you train one day. He was too busy trying to prepare with everyone in the Aogiri Tree. He needed to make sure that everything was okay, but he wouldn't allow you to train alone. He mentioned that someone would help you train, but didn't say who.

It was a good thing he didn't say. You wouldn't have gone if he did. You remember entering your training room and seeing Kishou sitting down. He was peaceful. When you got closer, you noticed that his eyes were closed. You looked towards the door, thinking of skipping out on training this one time, but he noticed.

"Oh. You're here." His smooth but cold voice made you scared. You watched as he stood up to his full height. "I was told to help train you. You don't know what kind of ghoul you are right? Kirishima said that you could be a Ukaku." You just nodded along, looking at the exit. You knew that you wouldn't make it if you run, but the thought was tempting.

Kishou started to take off his white coat, something you noticed he always wore. He folded it and put it on the ground neatly far from you. He started to roll up the sleeves of his turtle neck.

Was it too late to run? He looked as if he could easily take you out. But still, you reluctantly got ready to train. Usually, you were confident and aggressive, but now you were timid. Kishou knew it was because you feared him as an investigator, halfway through the training session, he stood up straight.

He let out a sigh. "We won't get anywhere if you continue to fear me. If I wanted to kill you, I would've already done it. But we don't have time for you to be acting like this. So, either get over your fear or live in fear and die."

You weren't mad. You weren't even sad. What he said was completely valid. You were putting yourself at risk of dying just because you fear him. Plus training with an actual investigator would teach you what you need to know. Instead of losing fear, you used your fear of him for good.

When you two started training again, he noticed how intense you were and could only nod his head in approval. He was better than you, but you were still learning a lot.

It became a ritual.

You two would train together since Ayato was constantly busy. Especially now that Kishou has revealed the name of the operation, Owl Suppression Operation, and the full details of what the operation was. You were getting no closer to discovering your ghoul identity. You showed constant frustration with this, even though everyone repeatedly said to be patient and to wait.

You just felt useless. Again, the universe is cruel. In your time of feeling like you were a burden, Kishou was there for you. He would enter Anteiku and awkwardly ask you to sit with him. At first, you would look at him weirdly and decline. It seemed that when you declined, he would let out a breath of relief and get up to leave.

By that, you knew he was set up by someone to give you company against his will. But the sight of him being happy to not deal with you rubbed you the wrong way, even though you knew he would act the same to everyone else. So, you started to accept his invitations.

You would instantly regret the decision once you two were surrounded by awkwardness. He was distantly cold, and you hated that. So after ten minutes, you would get up and go back to work. Every time, you saw how he would be less tensed up. Maybe he just genuinely hated interaction that couldn't be calculated or controlled by him.

But an odd thing started to happen.

His silent and distant company did wonders. You started to feel more comfortable with him. His behavior was a break from everyone constantly questioning you or reassuring you. He was content, well kind of, with letting you sit down and didn't bother bringing up anything you worried about.

Maybe this was where the universe noticed that it made a mistake. You didn't know when, or how, but you craved Kishou's company over anyone else's. Instead of him asking you to sit with him, you started to ask him to keep you company. Of course, it threw him off. He was surprised you wanted to stay around him, but he allowed it, deciding that it wasn't that bad. Plus your presence was barely there.

What a lie that was.

You started to talk. He remembers being deep in thought, wondering how the plan against the CCG would work when you started talking. "Kishou, when did you find out your type?" Kishou was caught off guard, but it didn't show. He looked at you, noticing how interested you were. He also knew this probably had something to do with ghoul types.

He cleared his throat, keeping eye contact with you. "I don't know. It just happened." He noticed how your head hit the table, making a thud. You groaned out in frustration, sick and tired of being uncertain. "I noticed that you were a swan mask usually. Shouldn't that help you figure out what you should possibly go for?" Your mouth opened in surprise. Why didn't you think of that?

"Kishou, you're a genius. Swans have wings, and Ukaku has wings. Is that why Ayato was always saying I would be an Ukaku?" His mouth lifted up into a tiny smile, amused that you were making what he said seem like it was philosophical. "How do I become an Ukaku?" "You can't control what you become, it just happens. Maybe that's why you haven't found out what you are. You've been trying too hard to do it yourself and not let the Rc cells do their job."

Something that would never change, is how much you hate that Kishou is almost never wrong. He never fails to give a realistic answer and make you realize that you're just being an idiot for never figuring it out yourself. You know he never means to do that, but he always gives such simple explanations and you curse yourself for struggling to figure that out.

Due to that, and the date of the operation getting closer and closer, you stopped focusing on your ghoul type and started focusing on other things. Like you staring at Kishou too long. Touka and Kaneki team up to tease you about it, but you can't help it. His hair oddly complimented his pale skin. It was entrancing to see and made him look ethereal.

Sometimes you wanted to see how he would look with his hair pushed back, but that was the only thing that really held your attention. His hair was pretty and that really was it, no matter what Touka and Kaneki said.

Kishou wasn't stupid. He noticed how you looked at him. But he also could read the signs, knowing you weren't attracted to him. So he just let you be. Though, he couldn't help but get a little happy whenever you celebrated getting a tiny victory over him. It surprisingly caused him a lot less stress than you being worried over anything.

Maybe Kishou only noticed your staring because he stared as well.

He found it interesting how you would make weird sounds whenever you laughed or when you lost balance due to laughing too hard. He was amused with your questions about him, sometimes the questioning not making sense. They varied from "Do you ever wonder if you're getting old? You know, with your hair being white." to "How come you have different Kagune's like Kaneki? Are you two related?"

It was weird how many times you asked about the connection between him and Kaneki. Your reason was mainly that they both had too many similarities. You would accuse them of being long-lost brothers despite them proving that they had no connection to each other.

That's when he should've realized.

He was so focused on everything and everyone else, that he couldn't see his own growing feelings. He should've noticed that his guard was being let down. He let out laughs and smiles more in your company, yet he didn't realize that. He got too caught up and realized when it was too late.

Maybe it was punishment for taking too long.

Soon you both started being weird. You would stop hanging around Kishou, finding it awkward. No, awkward isn't the right word, you found it rude. Kishou was helping you anytime he could, and here you were gaining feelings. Slowly, but surely. It was immediately noticed.

Ayato first noticed it, but only because you allowed him to. He remembers being at the Anteiku and eating when you suddenly sat down across from him. He saw how nervous and desperate you seemed and sighed, knowing you weren't gonna let him decline anything you asked. "Come back to training me please."

Ayato nodded instantly, which shocked you. He noticed the shock and only shrugged "I don't feel like hearing you constantly whine. But why do you want me to do it? You were perfectly fine with Arima weren't you?" He notice you flinch at the sound of the name and rolled his eyes. He knew what this meant. He had to deal with it when Kaneki first realized he liked Touka.

"I don't want to know." Ayato stood up, completely losing his appetite. He didn't need to or have to deal with any more people being into each other, but not making any moves.

You would've been hurt if he didn't just grant your wish. He could be grumpy all he wants, he gave you what you want.

The next person to realize what was happening was Touka. Every time Kaneki and Kishou would come into the cafe, suddenly you were ducked behind the counter and asking her not to expose you. There were multiple times when she almost did, but she was a good friend. Though as for revenge for making her hide you, she would find multiple reasons to say Kishou's name when you least expected it.

You would be taking orders and here comes Touka. She would whisper in your ear, making it seem like she's telling you something about the cafe in front of the customers but really she's just saying "Kishou was breathing earlier." Yes, she made sure that it never made sense. She just loved to see you in the same situation you made fun of her and Kaneki for.

Speaking of Kaneki, he didn't notice your behavior. Either he was too busy to notice or he was too focused on Touka. However, you guessed Touka revealed to him your steadily growing feelings for Kishou. At first, Kaneki didn't believe her, but he was instantly convinced.

There was another meeting being held, this time all of the Aogiri Tree members were present. The discussion was being held about any final adjustments to be made. However, Kaneki noticed how your eyes kept drifting to a highly focused Kishou. He watched as your eyes traveled from his hair to his hands, the process of getting there being stopped occasionally by you getting distracted by his other features.

However, he also noticed something no one else could see. He saw how Kishou was tense. He was always tense, but never this much. Kaneki instantly knew that Kishou knew that you were looking at him. But he didn't seem tense because he disliked it. Kishou was known for being honest and blunt about what he didn't like, and this would be no different.

Kaneki knew Kishou liked it enough to not tell you to stop. He could only smirk as he came up with a way to tease you. He didn't stall on that either. The moment the meeting was over and everyone went back to where they needed to go, Anteiku was filled with only you, Kaneki, Touka, and Ayato.

You were cleaning up the tables like you were supposed to while Touka threw away the trash. You two just automatically split the chores, something that was learned after months of the same routine. Kaneki didn't care though. He leaned against the table, much to your dismay. "Ken. Get off the table, I'm cleaning." You stuck your tongue out at him as you spoke, but he didn't automatically respond.

Usually, he gave you a witty remark, but he didn't, which worried you more than you cared to admit. Though that care instantly drained when he opened his mouth. "No matter how much you clean, your reflection won't change. It, unfortunately, can't capture the look of hopeless pining." You froze while you cleaned the table. You continued to stare at the table, seeing your reflection wasn't helping.

The Kirishima siblings lost interest in what they were doing and focused on you and Kaneki. This was the first time your noticeable feelings for Kishou were mentioned, and you were obviously taking it bad. "....What are you talking about?" Kaneki stood up straight, noticing your unmoving body. He had two options: poke fun at you or be a nice friend.

For once, he would choose the former.

"After all this time and years of poking fun of me and Touka. Calling it a schoolgirl crush. Now, here you are. Crushing on someone just like a schoolgirl crush." Ayato had covered his mouth, not wanting to let you hear him laughing at you. Your hands were clenched into fists. Kaneki was right. This was your karma for all that you've done.

You sighed, letting your eyes land on Kaneki. He saw the sadness and disbelief in you and could only sigh before patting your head. "Well I can tell you one thing, he's noticed but he doesn't hate it." That caught your attention, but Kaneki only started to walk away. "Wait! Hold on! Come back!" Kaneki only waved at you, leaving like he didn't just drop a bombshell on you.

Well, now you have a lot to think about.

Kishou was thinking a lot around this time as well. He was constantly working but wasn't focused. Something that everyone noticed but decided not to mention for fear of what he might say. His task, with Kaneki, was to sabotage anything that the CCG had prepared for the operation. Currently, he was unable to effectively do it, causing a lot of frustration in his partner in crime.

"Are you that emotionally constipated that you're struggling with your own?" Kishou looked over at Kaneki who was staring at him with a raised eyebrow. It was silent between them for a little, Kaneki realizing that Kishou barely understood anything. "Never mind." A big, dramatic sigh escaped Kaneki, but he went back to what he was doing.

Kishou followed suit, not entirely concerned with what was said. Though, he should've been. Maybe he could've stopped a disaster before it even started.

Kishou started to notice that he only ever trained with you now. He couldn't and didn't want to train with anyone else. He didn't understand why. He always gave the excuse of "Sorry, I need someone that's actually challenging" but that wasn't true about you. You were the weakest person he knew, and he didn't gain anything from training with you, but he still declined every invitation.

If you couldn't train, he wouldn't train at all. Kishou noticed this only when many CCG members started to complain openly that he was mocking them. He, of course, showed that he wasn't surprised by this information, but on the inside, it didn't make sense. Why did he train with you but no one else?

Kishou also noticed how he would occasionally look over your body. Before, he used to do it because he needed to asses what you should work on for the session. Now, he has no reason to, especially not in the middle of the session. Yet, he still does it and he knows you know because you would get awfully quiet and wouldn't look him in the eyes. Is he making you feel the way you make him feel when you stare at him? If so, why doesn't he hate that?

Why does he continue to do it, despite knowing how you're gonna react? He would subconsciously tell himself that it was because he enjoyed your reaction, but he wouldn't accept that. It was out of character for him. However, he knew that every time he did it, he would be smirking a little.

He remembers Ayato telling him to admit that he likes you to himself. Ayato sounded extremely tired of everything, and seemingly "Your unawareness that you like Y/n and their inability to completely accept that they like you is stressing me out more than preparations." was the main cause of it. Ayato had started to walk away after that, mumbling that he needed to sleep.

Kishou, weeks after that, continuously contemplated over if he really did like you. He thought he was exempt from experiencing romantic feelings. It was something he was okay with, but having romantic feelings was completely out of his expertise. Luckily, since preparations were coming to a close on both sides, Kishou had time to himself to think about everything.

He finally accepted the reality that he did have some sort of feelings for you, but there was no time for romance, especially on a battlefield. That's what he said, but he sang a different tune two days away from the start of a war.

He had visited the Aogiri Tree for the last time. He was walking around and getting details about any last-minute adjustments made. But his task was interrupted by the scream of his name. "KISHOU!" Kishou turned around and saw you running to him, smiling in absolute delight.

He liked your smile more than he could've thought. These feelings enhanced his attraction to you the more you did normal things like smile or speak. He was fed up with it, but didn't mind it. Kishou bowed at the people he was previously talking to and walked up to you to meet you halfway. Here he goes again, putting you above everyone else instantly.

You didn't stop running. Actually, you ran past him, but grabbed onto his arm and dragged him in the direction of your training room. "I have to show you something really cool!" Usually, he would protest getting pulled like this, but he allowed you.

Again, feelings were weird. Is this why people call it a weakness?

Kishou stayed silent and just accepted his fate. Once you got into the training room, you closed the door and started to push him away from you. Kishou didn't say anything, just watched. As he watched, he watched something incredible happen. Maybe it was just incredible because it was you.

He saw wings start to take form near your shoulders. His mouth dropped in shock. You were taking the form of an Ukaku right in front of his eyes with the happiest smile on your face. Once the wings fully formed, you two made eye contact and he could see happy tears start to form. His face shifted into one of pure happiness for you, his small smile meaning the world to you.

"It finally happened, huh? When did it?" He watched as you floated and spun around the room, gleefully laughing. He stood standing, watching as you finally enjoyed your ghoul identity. "It happened weeks ago, but you weren't here to see. Ayato's been teaching me how to fight as an Ukaku. I was running when I heard you were in the area and I needed to show you!"

Kishou watched as you got back onto the ground and your wings started to disappear. He didn't think anyone could pull off being an Ukaku as beautifully as you. 'But that's biased thinking.' He thought to himself. Kishou watched as your excitement rose again, but he wasn't ready for what you were gonna do.

You jumped onto him, hugging him tightly. He didn't stumble, but he was caught off guard. He just wrapped his arms around you confused and hugged back. You pulled away from the hug slightly and smiled at him, causing nerves to flow through him a little. "Thank you Kishou for telling me something extremely simple that actually helped me. Oh and also for training with me all those months."

Kishou only nodded. He couldn't focus on anything around him or what you were saying. Your eyes shone bright, happiness completely filling them. Your arms were around his neck, holding him like he truly saved your life. But what has his attention the most, was your lips that showed him smiles because he did something right.

Maybe it was okay for a little romance. He could indulge a little in his wants for once. Then after the fight, you two could talk about it more. But would you be okay with that? Ayato's words from weeks ago replay in his head, reminding him that you did in fact like him.

Maybe he should. He would regret it if he didn't.

Without even thinking, Kishou connected your lips. Your eyes widened from the sudden kiss but stayed wide due to the softness of how he was kissing you. Your eyes slowly closed, kissing him just as softly as he was kissing you. The kiss was delicate, representing the feelings you had for each other.

You pulled away from each other. His glasses were a little foggy, causing you to laugh. You took his glasses off his face and wiped them clean with your shirt. Before you put them on his face, you looked at him and admired his beauty without his glasses. For Kishou, all he could see was a blurry image, but he could feel that you were smiling at him.

His clear vision came back as you put them back on his face and your hands went down to his cheek, caressing him as gently as you kissed. The air around you two was a soft blanket of hope.

But that blanket would soon be ripped off of you, exposing you to the harsh and cold reality of the world. Because here you two were on the battlefield. He was appearing as the One-Eyed King, fighting against the most powerful CCG members while you were in the air, fighting against the weaker ones.

Everyone was fighting with their blood, sweat, and tears. Everyone would get back up after getting knocked down repeatedly. But the thunder that struck signaled a change in the war. At first, the ghouls had the upper hand. But then the CCG started to gain it.

All around you were the screams of excruciating pain. Ghouls were falling back to back. Sure the number of ghouls was overpowering, but the numbers were quickly falling. No one understood what was happening, and Kishou was also confused. But still, the fight continued, and the ghouls attack more ferociously than before. They mutually agreed that whatever was taking out the ghouls needed to be taken out fast.

You were fighting effectively in the air, the training with Ayato helping you out. But something went wrong. One of your wings got attacked, but instead of being unharmed, it completely disappeared. You let out a yelp, having only one wing barely keeping you in the air. But that wing also got attacked, disappearing like its pair.

You started falling, and fast.

Kishou was fighting but he kept an eye on you. When he saw you falling to the ground, he overpowered his opponent and ran to you, trying to catch you. It was wishful thinking. The world was too nice, it gave him multiple things in life, but he was sick of it. It now wanted to take instead.

He felt something thrust into his stomach. He looked down and saw a massive hole. He could feel himself start to change back. He looked back to see who attacked him and saw a smug-looking CCG member. The smugness of the member dissolved when Kishou was revealed to be the One-Eyed King. It was placed with betrayal. Kishou didn't have time to deal with this. He needed to catch you.

He just kept running to you. He caught you in his arms, you were curled up in fear. You opened your eyes and saw Kishou holding you and you smiled. He put you on your feet. He wanted to ask about your rings but for now, he would go back to the fight. He tried to change back into the One-Eyed King but he couldn't.

His eyebrows furrowed. But then he realized. The CCG was planning on making weapons that could cancel out a ghoul's RC cells, meaning they couldn't use their abilities anymore. They said it wouldn't get finished in time for this operation, so he stopped worrying about it.

He let his guard down. People were telling the truth feeling were a weakness.

"I can't believe Kishou Arima, our reaper, is on the side of the ghouls. This ghoul here, you care for them." Kishou glared at the CCG member. He could take him even without the RC cells. But what he didn't expect was to hear you scream. Kishou immediately turned around to see you on the ground. He saw that another CCG member had attacked you, making sure that you couldn't use your RC cells either.

He wanted to run towards the member who attacked you, but he was grabbed by another. They held him by his neck, and Kishou could've fought them off, but what he was told made him stop. "If you struggle, they die right in front of your eyes."

Yeah. Feelings and emotions were a weakness.

He was forced to watch you struggle to move, your body not used to not having any RC cells anymore. You were basically a normal human despite the ghoul trait to you. It was definitely causing you to have a small crisis. He saw someone step over him, noticing that the CCG member was smirking at him. They grabbed you by your chin and lifted your face up so that you and Kishou could see each other.

He saw the tears in your eyes, your body in more pain than he could imagine. Kishou was half-human, so his RC cells being taken wasn't a big deal, but it was different for you. "This is your punishment for being a two-faced rat." Kishou's eyes widened. They planned to kill you either way but wanted to take it slowly instead of having to speed it up.

Kishou immediately started struggling, much to the delight of the CCG member holding him. Kishou was wrong though. They weren't planning on killing just you. He found that out while struggling. It was easier to kill Kishou since he was still human. Getting rid of him now would mean they could get rid of a powerful force.

It was instant.

It was like nothing changed. Kishou starts gurgling. The blood was pooling up in his throat as it flowed out from the cut on his throat. He felt the grip of the CCG member loosen and he stumbled forward. He almost fell over while holding his hand to the cut.

He wondered how he looked to you. He wondered how scared and traumatized you were. But he didn't have to wonder, he heard you scream again. He instantly knew they attacked you for good. His vision was blurry, due to the fast blood loss, but he tried to reach out to you. He was dying, but he could save you couldn't he? He's done impossible things before.

He could save you with his last dying breath.

His body didn't agree. The moment he took one step, he immediately fell to the ground. His hearing was leaving him, but he could still hear the sounds of battle. What he couldn't hear was your breathing. They made sure to kill you quickly, but left him suffering. That's what he thought.

He felt a body next to his. He immediately knew it was you, but he couldn't see. He didn't even know how he got here. He must look ridiculous, he was bleeding out but all he cared for was you. He should've stuck to the fact that romance didn't work out. He put too many people in danger and with him losing himself but also you, he cursed himself for letting it get to this point.

You were looking up at the sky, or at least what you thought was the sky. Your hand was on what used to be a stomach, the CCG members had made sure to put a hole big enough through you. It was painful, but you would die faster. It felt weird, you were too used to feeling flesh, but there was nothing. Your eyes closed, and you lost your senses faster than Kishou. You didn't feel when he touched you or when he held your hand. Even he couldn't really feel it.

The universe was cruel, it gave and gave until it took. It took a massive chunk.

No one knew you two were dead on the ground. Everyone was too focused on the fighting. The ghouls felt a weird need to fight hard for some reason. Their fighting allowed them to win. The CCG members had started to retreat and the ghouls celebrated. But the celebration was cut short.

Kaneki, Touka, and Ayato went to go look for you. They wanted to congratulate you on overcoming everything you went through, but they soon realized it wasn't gonna happen.

The trio noticed you first. Kaneki had to cover his mouth so that he didn't throw up at the sight of your body. Touka wasn't bothered by how you looked, but tears were streaming down her face. Ayato wasn't as emotional as them. He was more curious about the person next to you. He crouched down and saw how Kishou looked.

It looked like he got the easier death, but he suffered by living longer than you. His eyes trailed down to your hands and sighed. The feelings you two held were finally accepted, yet accepted too late.

The war was won, but at what cost?

The next months after that, your funeral was being held. Kaneki cried loud and hard, he was on his knees the whole time and no one could lift him up. Touka cried into Ayato's arms, her emotions finally catching up to her. The rest of the ghouls mourned the loss of the One-Eyed King and Ayato? He cried with Touka, but he cried silently. After the service, you two were buried together. The reason being "They couldn't be together when alive, but they can be together eternally in death."

It's been years since you both died. Touka and Kaneki finally got together. Kaneki became the new One-Eyed King. Things were changing, but what never changed was the anniversary of your deaths and how every ghoul would mourn on that day.

Kaneki had decided to get new pets one day. He wanted cats since they could take care of themselves really without him being there. It would get lonely whenever he and Touka were doing separate things. They both spoke about how if the other isn't there, they started to think about you and Kishou.

So to cure that, pets were brought up, specifically cats. Kaneki had wanted to get cats from a shop, but he noticed two that were strays and that got his attention. One was an orange tabby, and the other was a completely white cat. He had brought them home, and even though Touka got angry, she allowed him to keep them as long as they were trained.

Kaneki quickly learned that the white cat didn't really care what happened. He's never seen the cat play with any of the cat toys bought and didn't respond to any affection. Yet, this exact same cat was always behind the orange tabby. It took a protective and possessive stance around the other cat and would hiss whenever Kaneki or Touka got close to the orange tabby.

With the cat's attitude, Kaneki and Touka settled on calling the white cat Ari, a shorter version of Arima. The cat reminded them of Kishou, and even though it brought some tough emotions, it made them happy. It felt like Kishou never left.

The orange tabby was a little shy around random humans, but once it warmed up to people, it would show exactly how chaotic it was. A couple of times, Touka saw the orange tabby run into multiple walls while trying to run away from Kaneki. Kaneki has caught the orange tabby playfully fighting with Ari, who never truly attempted to play with the other, but dealt with it.

Kaneki called the orange tabby Teapot, it reminded him of Y/n and one thing that Kaneki always remembered about Y/n is the teapot laugh they had.

So what if they both died? They obviously resurrected, and found each other again, but also found Kaneki again. That was something Kaneki would constantly tell him so many times, but it helped him grieve. It also didn't help that whenever he had that thought, the Ari and Teapot would come out of nowhere and stare at him.

They never left, and they would never leave.

[echoesofadream]

books I've read in 2023 so far, as of July

Den lodande människan - Patrik Svensson: loved it, could not have started my year with a better book. 5/5

Sveket - Birgitta Trotzig: became severely depressed during the three days I read this in (had to read fast for school), seriously affected my wellbeing and mental health and the way I viewed the world. when it ended it felt like waking up from a nightmare, the relief of realizing there is beauty in the world because there was none in this book. ???/5

Watership Down - Richard Adams: read swedish translation. love, just love. I found the Efrafa arc weird and misplaced in this book about rabbits though, very strange. 4/5

Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad: read this after I watched Apocalypse Now because I loved the film, and I think the film made me like the book more. also the first classic I read in a while and I think thats part of why I liked the writing so much. extremely racist even though its supposed to be like, anti colonial commentary? but I suppose it was in its time. 4/5

Annihilation - Jeff Vandermeer: swedish translation. I watched the movie a few years ago and ive been wanting to read this since. and im glad I did because I did like it but idk im sensing a theme here like maybe I shouldn't have read swedish translation instead of original language in some cases. cause I liked this but maybe I wouldve liked it more in english? idk.. like 3.5-4/5 though

Circe - Madeline Miller: I really liked this one. reading this in front of the fireplace, immersing myself in another world. I loved living in the Ancient Greece and greek myths for some time, I really felt I was there. I don’t know how Miller did it but she really conveyed the feeling of immortality, I really felt I was living through centuries alongside Circe and the feelings that come with that. thats why the ending was so perfect. Odysseus was the best part tho. 4.5/5

The River Between - Ngũgĩ wa Thiong'o: read up on the topic of FGM in Africa on the side as I was reading this. a very interesting and also gruesome, eye opening experience. what stays with me is the total darkness of the nights, really pierced through my soul. 4/5

Dear Edward - Ann Napolitano: swedish translation. my grandma gave this to me and told me to read it because she read it and wanted to hear what I thought, I never would have read it otherwise. it wasnt really my thing but I do like airplanes and airplane crashes as a plot, so that was the stuff I took away from the story, the rest kind of just went through me. but im kind of happy I read this book just for that reason because that part really affected me. also the conclusion was more touching than the rest of the book, which felt kinda detached. 2.5/5 for the book, 4.5/5 for airplane stuff (my post i make the rules)

1Q84 - Haruki Murakami: swedish translation (ive read all my Murakami books in swedish, since the original language isnt english and also because i like it). some parts I really really loved and were some of my fav elements of any murakami book. but this was not my favorite. overall I liked it, though. actually loved the experience of reading this because i always love reading murakami due to the meditative descriptions of daily chores combined with surrealism, and this one was extra long and repetitive so i loved that. also was interesting cause I looked up the cult events its inspired by so that was interesting too. this one had a bit more surreal/fantasy elements than his other stuff ive read I think? which was nice also. 4/5

If I had your face - Frances Cha: im glad I read it. a good insight into the reality of women in South Korea. not perfect but i feel this book succeeded in what it aimed to be. 3/5

Eileen - Ottessa Moshfegh: swedish translation. i dont really know how to feel about it, really. honestly, I dont even know what to say. this left my head kind of empty, which... may not be a good thing.. could be a poor translation, if i read another of her books ill read in english. 2.5/5

The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller: read this hoping to get more Odysseus but there wasnt a lot. Honestly not a huge fan of this book, Circe was so much better. what rlly irked me was Miller sugarcoating some aspects of these war criminals, more specifically the rapes/sex slaves — yet keeps some things in as if they were essential. More specifically, Patroclus sleeping with that girl i cant remember the name of, for god knows what reason, it was such an unpleasant read and she had to write this so much more explicitly and drawn out than any sex scene between Patroclus and Achilles? That pissed me off and genuinely I felt it was so ugly of Patroclus because that was cheating. If it was meant to be read as asssault thats worse because that woman is literally a rape victim (of Achilles) in the canon. Very distasteful to turn a rape victim into a rapist for fanfiction fantasy. Circe was Miller’s apology to women for writing this book. 3/5

Klara and the Sun - Kazuo Ishiguro: swedish translation. My first Ishiguro. I found the conversations between characters unnatural and unempathetic, the latter especially when aimed at Klara. It is established that Klara has feelings to some degrees and yet is treated as someone who does not, and yet they characters are not supposed to be viewed as unlikeable? This threw me off and also put me off the whole book. But I really liked the character and perspective of Klara, she was my favorite part of this book. I thought it was kind of brilliant to be in Klara’s brain, but felt sorry for her due to her treatment. It frustrated me how much love and care she had for Josie and the others for almost no reason since they were never very kind or caring in turn to her or likable on their own. Her loyalty was almost pitiful, like that of an abused pet or child. The whole replacing Josie thing is so un-human I can’t even fathom these characters aren’t supposed to be viewed as something else than dystopically post-human! (Are they meant to be viewed as that? Unclear) Who could ever replace their child with a robot, an inherently selfish act, they can not possibly believe they would somehow be reviving Josie for anyone else’s sake than their own? Josie would not live on, she would still be dead. So it would be for themselves to play pretend, and it’s completely bizarre. I can’t believe this wasn’t even the moral dilemma. The whole ”something essential that can’t be replaced” is one discussion and it was handled quite weakly, but obviously even if Klara learns all there is about Josie, and is able to ”become” her, the same Josie will not have been born again to experience it. She would be a clone who ACTS like Josie, at most. She would have ”learnt all the rooms of her heart” but she wouldn’t be her, she would only copy. But no one cares about that, only whether Klara can become her clone or not. Including the father who is more critical about it seems to think it would be fine to clone his daughter and act like she is the same one, if it ever would work. could be the translator who sucks? Debating if i should read any more Ishiguro. 2/5

Lucy - Jamaica Kincaid: this is my second Kincaid, I love her writing. love it, gorgeous. she is straight forward, conveys so strongly, vividly. 4.5/5

The colorless Tsukuru Tazaki - Haruki Murakami: swedish translation. you know what, I think anyone complaining about this book should take an extra look at the cover. you’re reading murakami, this is what you get. that said, I do think this is one of his weaker attempts of his tried standard formula, ive seen him do better. I do feel like the prose was a little new, experimental maybe? Which was interesting. also not enough homoerotica. 3/5

[christianbalelover]

I'm back :)

(sorry if this is worded weirdly and doesnt make lots of sense, i'm kind of dizzy and nervous ) heyyy guys, so i literally left for like months and i dont know if anyone really noticed or something but i just wanna come here and give an update on my situation.

The reason i wasn't for all this time is cause i got kidnapped, it lasted for about a month and it was both me and my mom, i know this sounds fake and all but it like actually happen and even to this day i can't believe it happen.

The reason this even happen was cause i lived in a very very dangerous area and i even got warned to move out months prior but my parents decided to stay cause we had a really good house for a low price (i know it sounds like a lame excuse to stay, i thought so too but my mom insisted cause she said it was her dream home). It was thankfully only for ransom and even now i don't know how much said ransom was cause my dad never told me, i guess he didn't want me to worry but all that i know is that it was a lot.

It went better then i expected cause the kidnappers were surprisingly nice and gentle but that still doesn't excuse what they did but i'm happy i at least got lucky in that aspect, they fed us and gave us water but it was still a pretty small amount so we were really dehydrated and didn't feel well most of the time.

The day we got released was probably the best day of my life, i still feel like crying whenever i remember how it felt hugging my dad again after i thought i'd never see him again, or how everyone looked so happy to have us (me and my mom) back. I'm obviously not saying every single thing that happen as it was a very traumatic experience but also cause i don't want people i know to recognize me but what i'm saying is basically the summary of what happen, it was really rough and scary and there were so many times i though that this was the end for me but at the end i made it and i'm feeling better then ever, i haven't gotten therapy yet (still waiting for it, mom said she'll put me in therapy soon) so i still struggle with ptsd but over time its honestly gotten better and its way better then when i first got released cuz during that period it was so bad that every time i heard a slightly loud noise i panicked and thought i wanna get kidnapped again, yeah it was really rough but i always felt to scared to tell anyone cuz it felt embarrassing to tell people that, like i felt like they'd think i was weak yk?.

Its been a good amount of time since that happen now but i never came back to my account cause i wanted a break, but i finally felt ready to come out about it now. I honestly never thought i was important enough to even be a victim of something like this tbh so it was such a surprise for me, also something thats really crazy but like literally MINUTES before i got kidnapped i actually came here and i made a whole post saying i was scared cuz my parents werent safe (my grandma told me they were in trouble but i didn't get that she meant that my mom got taken and my stepdad was in trouble) but i never posted it cause my grandma interrupted me so i just saved it to drafts and like 5 minutes later while i was just sitting in my room waiting to get picked up, we heard someone coming up the stairs and then i got taken, i'm not gonna post it cause when i made that draft there was too much information on me and my family and where live and just allot of private stuff i can't post here but maybe I'll take a screenshot and like blur out something so you can see a little bit of it cause its just that crazy but just let me know if you want me to post it and don't be afraid to ask cause i really don't mind doing that and blurring the important stuff out.

Its crazy cuz if i had posted that, you guys wouldve probably known about my situation like days after it happen. This was super long and probably didn't make lots of sense lol sorry i'm just really nervous and don't really know what to say also i'm sorry if i said crazy to many times i js realized i like overused it.

I just wanna clarify that i'm doing better now and i also don't know if i'm gonna immediately gonna start posting again but i want abandon my account cuz i love this account so much so im gonna still stick with it. I love you guys so much and stay safe <333

[voidwritesstuff]

Savior of lost hope AU.

->chapter 5. End.

Cw: mentions of stabbing, needles,violence and guns.

Summary: after hearing the warning of his shadow form, Lucas realizes he has little time to save his best friend and those he loves.

--Hey Rose! Im getting groceries-- Said Jerico, grabbing her Wallet.

--Kay! Be carefull kid-- said rosemary, checking to see if the solution she was working on was actually being processed by the machine.-- the serum should be done when you come back

She doesnt see jeri enter the room where the rest were,unconcious-- are you sure that Will work?

-- 99.99% sure!-- she replied.

The 00.01% that it didnt work wasnt much per se but it didnt calm jeri. When Rose turns to take a break, she sees Jerico wearing Lucas' lucky flannel. Its deep green and it smells like him.-- look I know this looks weird- I miss him okay? Its been like three days now

Rosemary smiles and shakes her head-- I dont care, im sure he would want you to have it. You look good

--Thanks-- she says meekly, shoving her hands on the pocket of the flannel, that hung Open, showing off a yellow tube top-- im gonna go now

--Go, then-- Rose leaned back and closed her eyes.

--Will do! Bye rose!-- she walks out of the cabin,leaving the scientist alone.

The chill in the air bites at her skin, leaves fall on the ground Gently with the breeze. She underestimated just how cold it was. She holds on to the flannel and sighs.

"How long Will they take to get back?" She thinks,her feet dragging across the beaten path towards the actual town. "I hope hes okay"

Once at the supermaket, she goes through the list Rose gave her. She puts the things in the shopping Cart, humming along to a l

Mindless tune. Distracted and in her own little world, its nice.

As she continues her little sidequest, her hands dig into the pocket to pull out the list again, and she notices that theres another piece of paper on one of the pockets.

Its crumpled, and it looks like a scrap piece of paper but she unfolds it just in case. Theres a short letter written there, and she recognizes the handwriting, its Lucas'.

Jerico hesitates for a moment,should she read it?was this intruding?

Curiosity picked at the back of her mind. So,with a sigh she goes somewhere quiet in the supermaket before Reading it.

"The doc always said its good to Keep a Journal of sorts,write down whats bothering you to help you Express it or 'get it out'.

Well, this is my attempt.

I met a girl the other day, she was- just so pretty, she was also very funny and sweet.

She had these big green eyes (my favorite color) and such a bright smile.

It slipped past me to ask her for a number or an email, damn my brain.

I,of course, was so awkward. Like Jesus fucking christ,Lucas cole. When was the last time I spoke to a woman?

Thank GOD she found it endearing, I dont know what I wouldve done if she looked at me weird.

But I dont think shes into me, I mean I have my looks yes but c'mon, would she really go out with me?

Christ, that sounds so cheesy. What am I, a highschooler?

Fuck this note. Im throwing it away".

Jeri giggled,her cheeks dusted pink. She folds the note carefully and puts it back in the pocket. -- dont worry Lucas, im so into you-- she murmurs before resuming what she was doing.

After dropping off the groceries, she goes by the lighthouse to check in on zoe, Allens adoptive sister. She knocks on the door as the Sky starts to cloud, the greyish light makes the world seem a little dull.

--Oh, jer. Hi-- Said Zoe,opening the door of Allen's house.

--Hey Z, how are you?

--Im uh...okay-- she replied-- just a lil paranoid.

-- did something happen?

Zoe looks around, a little afraid-- I think im seeing men in suits around- like the ones Allen saw. I think they are looking for him.

--Oh crap-- she murmurs-- wanna come over to the cabin im babysitting?

--Allen told me about the cabin yeah. He actually knows the owner I think. Lucas is it?

Jeri smiles-- yeup. Lucas

Zoe nodds-- ill - ill go get some stuff

She waits for a few minutes until her friend is done. The shore Ebbs and flows, seagulls fly past the lighthouse and out of view in the greying Sky, the wind picks up a little.

Jerico cant help but get her eyes lost on the sea, coming and going from the shore, its peacefull. Honestly,things have been a little boring, shes been doing university assigments while she waits with rosemary, on some days she sits by Lucas and just draws him, maybe its a little creepy but she meant well.

--There,all set-- Says zoe, gripping her fluffy dark blue jacket.

--Is that Allens?--Jeri asked as both walked-- I mean you have pretty similar styles but I think it looks like it fits Allen more

The other woman shrugs--We share it. But It smells like him-- both walk back to the cabin in quiet, comfortable chatter.

Meanwhile, rosemary finishes with the solution. She puts the four vials on a stand, away from the sun, she sips from her coffee and looks at the radio equipment. -- How Much of this shit do you have, cole?-- she asks to herself.

Then she hears steps, but she pays them no mind-- hey kid! Did you bring zoe along?

Crash! Comes down the wooden door, before rosemary can do anything theres at least four guys with guns come over. She barely has any time to throw one of the spare hand held radios out a nearby Window,she hoping to god it doesnt break.

--Doctor Rosemary James-- Say one of the men, tall and muscly, Brown hair and eyes hid behind thick framed sunglasses.

--Seargeant Mark White. -- she growls out, rsching for the main radio, and trying her best turn it off by flipping the on/off button without being noticed. Thankfully, she isnt noticed.

-- Thought we Killed you

--Yeah well, I got better-- she raises her hands.

--It was that hippie wasnt it? He saved your ass and helped Max escape from where we had him

--Guilty-- she replied with a smirk-- youre going to kill me now?

Mark chuckled-- im going to do something worse, im going to wait until your little troop wakes up and take 'em to a lab. You mightve found a way to explore people's subconcious.

--Using my research without credit? Typical of you mayer cunts-- she bit back.

--If it aint broke...-- Mark snarked-- now stay very still -- he takes her cup of coffee and drinks it-- hm,not bad

Rosemary wished that coffee had cyanide in it. She sits back with her hands up and growls a sigh, now they were in big fucking trouble.

--You know...-- she grinned-- for working on a pharmaceutical company you sure dont like needless

The seargeant tenses-- Rosemary...-- he warns.

--What is it? The pain or the sight of the needle in your arm?-- she leaned with malice.

--Stop that right now!-- he yelled,body stiff and hands Clammy.

--fucking idiot-- she whispers-- ill kill you with a needle one of these days.

Jerico and zoe come across some suspicious looking vehicles. -- Military vehicles -- jeri says.

--Howd you know?

-- Well..I always loved military stuff. After my date with Lucas I took an even bigger interest in it. But what the hell are they doing here? -- she asks-- I think its better if we go behind the cabin. I dont trust it

--A-Alright--zoe replied,following her friend alone as both sneak around the cabin, squatting down past any and all Windows.

They come across the radio on the floor, jeri sighs and slowly picks it up, walking back to the forest and out of sight with Z.

-- Do you see anything?-- jerico asked at Zoe, who had binoculars, originally she was supposed to use them for bird watching, not looking for goverment agents.

--Uh..yeah-- zoe replied,not too enthusiastically-- I see four guys, one of them is talking to a woman with glasses

--Rosemary -- the other woman whispered-- oh god of course,thats why the radio was where it was...

Jer turns on the radio, fiddling with the turning until she finds the frequency they were using to communicate with the Group in desmonds head.

--Radioman! Radioman do you read?!-- Came the voice from Lucas' radio, he sighs in relief.

--Ten-four Sunflower. Whats your stat?!-- he asked.

--Safe, outside the cabin. Four men are in though, they have rosemary

"Oh shit oh crap oh shit" he thinks-- Sunflower is this frequency compromised?

--Negative. Z tells me the main radio equipment is Turned off.

--Oh thank god-- Lucas exclaimed,before becoming extremely serious-- jerico, you need to hear me. Stay out of the cabin and out of sight. Do not engage.

--But Rose-- she protested.

--Rose- Angel has this covered im sure, you two need to stay safe,Mayer does not fuck around with things like this. We barely survived retriving Max from where he was locked up. Do not engage, you heard me?--She hesistates, she doesnt reply-- Sierra-Foxtrot, you hear me?

She sighs-- ten-four. Over and out

The line cuts and Lucas has to trie his best not to blow his lid off. --Goddamn motherfuckers! They have rosemary! Those mayer cunts! -- he kicks the round table at the centre of the room.

--Woah easy!-- says Allen, holding back Lucas-- we gotta concentrate on this okay? We get desmond out of here and we can help the others

The ex soldier breathes in deep, trying to calm himself before he breaks something. -- yer right, lets get this damn thing over with

The four of them walk back to the Office, bracing for the worst. That ink demon Agent Rainbow wont like this at all, too bad.

Once at the Office, Lucas steps infront of the Group and calls out-- Desmond! Where are ya buddy?

Wings flap heavily, desmond comes from behind one of the bookshelves-- oh Lucas,hello everyone. Did you make yourselves at home?-- he lands on the floor silently, he clasps his arms behind his back.

--Something like that-- the ex soldier replied-- we uh...found something, virge?

Virginia nodds and approaches desmond,showing Him the magenta key. They see a long magenta chain come from his right wrist up to the ceiling where it gets lost in the mild darkness.

--I think we can set you free with this! -- she squealed.

They see their therapist hesistate, but Tonia nuzzles his hand where the chain comes from and purrs.

--Will it hurt?-- is all he asks while approaching her.

--Ill try for it not to-- she replied as he offered his hand. The shackle starts at his wrist, it looks heavy-- alright...here it goes-- she slides the key into the keyhole and turns.

The shackle opens with a soft click and falls to the ground,shattering like glass-- I dont feel any dif-- desmond says before the eyes in his mask go wide, he stumbles and barely catches himself.

"Virginia Ruhl, 25. My patient...but- she died didnt she?" Memories come flowing to him,his sessions with her, her diagnosis.

--You were supposed to be dead-- he starts, grabbing her hands-- but how- why?

Virginia smiles-- I got rushed into the hospital and survived by the skin of my teeth. Im better now,see?-- she lowers her turtleneck where a big scar spanned across her neck.-- did it hurt?

Desmond shakes his head and takes a Seat on his desk, his wings fold and rest on the surface of the desk.-- Do you want to Keep going?-- asked Allen, key in hand.

--Alright-- says the other Man, seeing the Next shackle on the same arm the previous was on. But this New one, a deep blue, grips his bicep.

Allen Is carefull through the whole process, humming softly to try and calm his friend. The shackle falls and melts like wax under the sun.

Desmond braces himself for the memories that come flooding like a feral tide. "Allen shore- 33. He was comatose-- burnt"

--The Fire-- he says-- are you okay?

Allen shrugs with a smile-- Im fine doc, just some scars. I made a full recovery-- he shakes off his jacket and shows his scarred arm.-- kinda knargly but kinda cool.

The therapist chuckles-- Hmm, I agree.

Max feels unconfortable as it was his turn, he walks awkwardly towards the Man and takes his wrist-- uh hi doc

-- Hello Max-- he sounds very warm and happy to see him.

The shackle is an angry red, warm to the touch. Hes not very gentle but efficent, he unlocks the shackle that burns off and hits the desk but it doesnt hurt anybody.

Once again,the memories come "Max nygaard. 40s. He dissapeared- didnt he?"

--You didnt come to our last appointment-- desmond recalls.

Max sighs,scratching the back of his neck-- mayer locked me up, the hippie- Lucas broke me out with rosemary

--No scar to show for it?-- des Joked which defuses the tension a little.

--sadly, no-- he admits with a chuckle.

Then,comes Lucas who looks very on edge and anxious, desmond looks at him-- dont worry doc -- he lies-- just anxious thats all

The other Man doesnt Belive him but makes no complaints as the last shackle,a forest green, is unlocked. Its gone in a flash of light.

"Lucas Cole, 55. Ex soldier"

--What has you so nervous, Lucas?--Asked desmond.

--We gotta get you out of here, Rosemary is in danger and--He looks away.

--You can tell me anything,lucas-- Des reminded him Gently.

The ex soldier sighs audibly-- Jerico might be in danger... please try and make an effort doc. I couldndt forgive myself if anything happened to her...or Rose

Desmond looks confused-- did I miss something?

Lucas goes beet red --I took her out on a date- I have a crush on her

--Thats wonderfull. Lucas-- says the other Man.-- ill try my best for you two

--Well..I think its time for your key,doc--Says Allen-- where can it be?

They hear a crash as tonia knocks down the record player and a white key comes falling from it. The cat carries it to her owner and drops it on his lap.

--Can you do it?-- Asks Lucas.

--I-I think so

Desmond grips the key tight, around his neck is a Pristine white shackle, and with shaky hands he unlocks it. The shackle seems to break by bits, each peice falling like a feather Being shed by a bird,when the "feathers" lake contact with anything they burn and turn black,to then become dust that blows away without any breeze.

And so,the memories flod in, he remembers who he is,how he got here,the struggles and battles he had, the grief of what happened to tonia, how his wife had left him.

For a moment it overwhelms him, tears fall down his masked face. The eyes on the mask turn grey.

Virginia goes to hug desmond, but notices theres a clasp on the mask. She Gently unclasps it and sets it on the desk.

His face is just as they all remember, but stained with rainbow colored oil. Virginia hugs him as his tears wash away the stains which seem to fade out of existence.

Allen comes Next and hugs him tight, cooing and trying to calm him down. He also watches as tonia takes the white key from her owner,she opens a cabinet on the desk and she pulls it back with her snout.

--Here,doc-- said Lucas, as he grabs his iconic round glasses and hands it over.

The embrace gets broken as with a shaky sigh, desmond graba them and puts it on.

--Looking good!-- Complimented Virginia with a smile,patting her back.

Lucas nodds in agreement-- not to be insensible,doc. But do you remember how you got here? Is there anyway to get out?

--Well...-- Des starts,trying to regain his composture-- I was battling with my shadow, then-- I thought I won but my Real body was so weak I had enough strength to Keep me alive, not even fully awake. I guess at some point he-- he got a hold on me and I was so weak I couldnt fight back

Its obvious its a struggle for him to talk, his voice breaks, he stumbles over his words and his body shakes. Virginia tries to sooth him by stroking his back and encouraging him to talk.

--As to how to get out...--A gravelly voice comes from behind desmond. The great library behind the desk goes pitch black, two red eyes appear in the darkness-- theres no way out...I doubt Desmond has any strength to battle me...too bad.

Allen grips his fists and for the first time everyone sees just how angry he could get. He grabs the mask and chucks it at one of the eyes-- You GODDAMN asshole! Leave that Man alone! Hes the greatest Man ive met! Hes kind and good hearted! You have nothing on him!

The mask hits one of the eyes and the voice growls a painfull screech. Then out of the darkness two goopy hands Grab the side of a materializing face of agent rainbow. The hands hold him back as he tries to attack Allen.

--What the hell-- said agent rainbow-- How did you- youre his shadow ,dimwit! You shouldnt help him!  kill him!

Allen sees for a sliver of a moment as his shadow form simply smiles at his counterpart. Virginia seems to catch on and she steps in-- Yeah! Allen is right! Desmond has always tried his best to help us all! He didnt fail! Hes tried to help everyone! Its about time somebody helps him.

Another set of hands come from the other side of the face, purple and glimmering like broken glass, lines span across the clawy fingers and arms. Forcing Open one of Agent Rainbow's eyes.

Then,comes Max,who steps infront of his two companions and his therapist-- If theres something I know from the doc here is that he was able to help even with the toughest of cases! You May think of yourself all high n mighty! But youre not! Youre just another goverment Spook!

Fiery hands Open the other eye, they hear the rumbling of an engine. Max feels very proud of himself.

And then,theres Lucas.

With rage in his eyes, losing his calm and collected cover, he stands by Max with anger in his eyes, grief is in his heart as he remembers all the things hes lost, his best friend, himself. And then comes the happiness, New Friends, a New home and someone to love.

--desmond Will never be alone,hes one of us-- he makes a pause-- I  think its time you see what shadow you cast!-- he yells.

His own shadow grows and grows to be at eye level with Agent Rainbow. And from the centre of the head theres a Giant light that burns right into the red eyes, desmond's shadow form screams in agony,shattering the Windows.

In a flash of bright white light their enemy is gone, now Turned into feathers that are blown away with the wind.

Desmond hisses as his own wings burn off, he was back to normal.

And where Agent Rainbow was, the bookshelves turn into a Giant door with warm sunlight coming from it.

Tonia purrs as she returns to a normal sized cat. She jumps on desmonds lap and he pets her--Ill miss you,old friend.

But noticing how nervous Lucas was, he sets the cat down and they all walk to the door, led by tonia,of course.

--They do say cats were protectors-- Virginia Recalled with a smile. The cat seems to agree as it nodds and purrs.

They let desmond go into the door first, and then,they follow suit.

Meanwhile....

Jerico gasps as Mark slaps rosemary across the face, she hears him yell something about what the serum was for.

--Shit! The serum!.-- she gasps,trying to turn on the radio-- Radioman! This is sunflower. Whats your situation.--Theres a brief silence, and then garbled words--Lucas! I cant hear you!

--Savior acquired. I repeat Delta Whiskey acquired-- require- eVac--

--oh shit oh shit--She murmurs.-- we gotta wake em up

Zoe looks at the binoculars-- one of the guys is coming this way...

Jeri looks up and sees it-- he has no helmet...if I can hit him with a rock we can take him out.-- her eyes look around for any big rock. It takes her a few seconds to find one-- alright then... please please PLEASE I hope Lucas aim rubbed off on me.

She takes a deep shaky breath and chucks it at the suit before zoe can say anything. The rock flies like a missile and hits the soldier square in the forehead. He falls with a quiet thud that was probably drowned by marks screaming at rosemary.

--jesus!--zoe exclaims-- a heads up???

--Sorry...-- she says meekly-- lets see what he has-- she offers-- we cant leave rosemary there

--But Lucas said-- she starts.

--I know. Hes not gonna like it-- her eyes turn to see rosemary grabbing the serum and being forced to wake up the others. Mark screams something about how rosemary Turned off the main radio-- shit- I think they heard Lucas' evac request-- she turns to her friend-- you can stay but im going

Zoe looks at her friend and shakes her head, mustering all the courage she had-- Allens in there! If Allen went to save those in SS thanatos then I can help him!

--Atta girl--jerico says, And both sneak to the unconcious soldier. She grabs his combat Knife, its heavy and sharp.

--What about the gun?-- zoe asked.

-- you know how to Fire em?

--No clue,you?

She shakes his head-- throw it away, just in case he wakes up.

Z looks at the purple bruise in the guys forehead-- right between the eyes, I dont think hes waking up for a while-- still, she carefully grabs the gun and throws it away

Both sneak near the cabin, anotjer of the guys comes out,probably to check on his buddy. Once hes lut of the cabin, he looks around.

As quiet as she can be, jeri slashes across the back of his knee,making Him fall. Zoe muffled him with her big jacket And holds it until hes passed out.-- sorry!--both mumble.

Then, into the cabin they go. They go down the Hall to where Rose's lab was, the livingroom.

--Looks like the commander dude is outside?--jeri whispers in zoes ear.

--Maybe he doesnt like needles?

--Hurry up rosemary!--Mark yelled, looking at the radio.

--if the needle breaks they die!--Rosemary shouted.

Jerico takes a deep breath, slowly sneaking behind Mark, shes about to stab his back when the Man hears a thud from the room rosemary and the rest of the guys where.

Rosemary first injected the serum to Lucas,who "happened" to be the one closes to her. Then once she had given the serum to almost all of them, she says.

--Hey, can you illuminate here? Youre blocking the light-- she asked

The soldier noticed he was blocking the light, so he pulls out his flashlight and once Rose is done,she stabs the guy with the empty needle,right in the neck. The guy holds his neck and falls back.

The thud makes mark turn and see jerico. He grabs her with ease,disarms her and pulls her to the room with rosemary, she raises her hands with fear in her eyes. Hes about to strike when--

--if ya touch one hair on 'er purdy hair-- Lucas yells, gun in hand. Mark notices its the service weapon of the soldier that rosemary took out. He steps infront of Jerico, hes still a little woozy but his aim was impecable.

Mark steps back as the other Man stares at him with solid,unfiltered rage. -- well played-- he grumbles.

Lucas noticed zoe standing there,frozen-- Kiddo, cuff this fucker

Zoe steps to Mark and grabs his cuffs, doing her best as Rose steps in and unarms the seargeant. Only once Rose knocks Mark out does the ex soldier Lower the gun.

--Did it work?-- Rose asked before hearing desmond grumble and Allen and Max helping Him stand up-- ill go check on him-- she makes eye contact with her radioman friend. She looks serious as if she was urging him to do something.

Lucas only nodds as rosemary runs past him to help desmond. He leaves the gun on a table nearby and before jerico can say anything, he grabs her by the neck of his- her flannel and kisses her with all the strength his body allowed.

She kisses back,tugging at his tanktop and smiling. His arms go around her waist and hers around his neck.

--i told you nothing would hurt you while I was around. Awake or otherwise

Jeri smiles and presses her forehead against his, closing her eyes-- that you did. Welcome back-- he hugs her tight, stroking the shaven back of her neck.

--'m here honey. 'M here-- he whispers as she melts against him. His breath is shaky-- desmonds here too

They turn to the room and see their Friends smiling, then they cheer and Holler at them.

--Thats it hippie!--Max yelled,smugly.

--Thats It!the ship has reached shore!--Allen yelled clapping.

--Love wins! Long live the happy couple-- Virginia hollers.

Rosemary meets the ex soldiers eyes and chuckles-- guess youre right, cole. You never miss a shot

Jerico hid her face on Lucas' chest while he chuckles-- leave the young thing alone, lets make sure the docs alright

For the Next few hours they dispose of the soldiers (meaning they tie them up and throw them on the back of their vehicles for the police to find). Mark would wake up with one note on his chest"try anything and youll see what a war veteran can do. I never miss a shot".

Rosemary and Allen tend to Desmond,Max has left to see maddie and Virginia is talking with zoe,calming her down and telling her what happened.

Lucas takes jerico to the makeshift balcony on his roof. He holds her to his chest in silence, she hugs him like her life depends on it-- stay the night tonight -- he says.

--sounds good-- she agrees.

--I didnt forget about our date-- he reminds her with a smile-- im gonna getcha all the plushies ya want -- he pulls back a little and strokes her cheek.

--I look forward to it-- she admitted. Then she goes quiet and after a bit she adds-- you know theyll come for us,especially since they know Rose made an antidote

Lucas squeezed her-- I know. But were a team now, and we'll take mayer down. No harm Will come to you as Long as im around

She nodds and both enjoy the falling leaves and the breeze. Finally calm settles within them all, and that night they sit and have dinner under the stars.

Zoe and maddie make bracelets with Allen, desmond plays the guitar as Lucas accompanies him with his drums. Max simply looks at his daughter with joy and pride.

Rose has jerico laying her head on her lap-- you did great today -- the scientist said.

--Thanks. I hated it

Both laugh and rosemary adds-- you make Lucas happy, and he makes you happy. You both Will go a long way

-- I hope so. Im afraid of mayer though

Rosemary shrugs-- I think their pride is wounded. I dont think theyll make a move so fast. 'Sides we'll worry about it later -- he sees Lucas waves at her and she adds-- Lucas wants you on the vocals

Jerico nodds and stands up, walking towards Lucas and desmond, grabbing the mic the ex soldier had set up. The music starts and the others look at the source of it.

And so, she starts singing-- Don't look to me, I ain't right

And I don't know enough, but how much do I want to know?

It's perfectly clear, I'm where I should be, yeah

Off the wall and back to reality, dare I say

Oh, my thoughts are burning

And I like how warm the fire can be

Oh, oh is my body turning?

And my legs seem to move without me

Oh, here comes the savior

Who can break these thoughts away from me?

Oh, no more bad behavior

Screw my head on right for a moderate fee

[scalproie]

Haha. Kazuya. You understand.

one aspect about them i love

THEM TIDDIES

but fr he has his whole aesthetic on point. and I will say. him face. nice

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

HE'S A TRAGIC CHARACTER. HE'S SOOO DOOMED IN ANY WAY BC CHARACTERS LIKE HIM ARE MEANT TO BE PUT DOWN IN A SATISFYING STORY. HE HAS WINGS AT HIS STRONGEST BC THE MOST DEFINING MOMENT OF HIS LIFE WAS FALLING OFF A CLIFF. HE'S ON TOP OF THE WORLD, THE HIGHEST HE'S EVER BEEN, BUT HE'S NEVER TRULY LEFT THE BOTTOM OF THAT CLIFF. HE'S ALONE UP THERE. HE'S A CONTROL FREAK WHOM YOU NEVER KNOW IF HE IS ACTUALLY FULLY IN CONTROL (IF AT ALL) IF YOU REALLY STOP TO THINK ABOUT IT. HE'S SOOO COMPLEX BUT WE'VE NEVER BEEN ALLOWED TO DWELVE INTO THAT COMPLEXITY. HE'S A REALLY INTERESTING CHARACTER AND I DIE INSIDE WHEN THEY KEEP PUSHING HIM INTO THE "PURE EVIL" BOX WHEN EVEN WHEN HE MADE THOSE CHOICES HE STILL IS NOT!!! I FEEL LIKE AN INSANE PERSON WHEN I SAY THERE IS SMTH SO EXTREMELY COMPELLING ABOUT KAZUYA MISHIMA.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

- hes still alive in the tekken:tmp timeline since jun successfully "saved" him, and while the familial situation isnt the best it could be, its still far better than you'd expect with jun and jin

- he doesnt even consider himself fully human anymore but hes truly at his core Just A Guy. take the morning coffee. collect shoes. eat boring food. hes a very plain guy and its hilarious. what does he even do all day, the role of a ceo is to make connections and relationships and hes a shadow ceo. he is so painfully A Man In His Fifties that if you remove the tekken context he could grill a mean steak I know this in my heart, what do japanese dads even do for a bbq equivalent.

- kazumi styled his hair Like That back in the day and so he will wear that hairstyle for life

one character i love seeing them interact with

Apparently in bruce's t6 ending, hes speaking to his superior(?) about a mission well done but it's said he's reporting directly to kazuya, so even if who hes talking to is speaking in english I have to wonder if it was meant to be kaz at one point. Anyway if it is I love the casualness of this interaction.

Also jin! people say theyre tired of the mishima focus but NOT ME bc those dudes only interacted ONCE until t8 finally drops. Anyway their hostility toward each other is sooo obviously fabricated bc if the writers REALLY wanted to get into it, this father&son relationship would be so much more complex than that. Also in the first project x zone, devil kazuya is a boss fight and at one point devil and kazuya are fighting for control and for one (1) second, jin sounds concerned for his dad in the way that he wont be able to kill him while kazuya is himself. fun stuff. Their more neutral interactions as a tag team in pxz2 are a lot of fun too, especially when they team up to tear verbally into heihachi. Anyway like everything about kaz, his relationship with his son isnt explored enough.

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

Harada For The Love Of God Don't Fuck Up Kazuya's Interactions With Jun In Tekken 8.

I want to see fucking flashbacks man, how did it fucking happen. They had to have exchanged AT LEAST a couple words before getting to jin's conception and I WANNA KNOW. ITS THE MOST MYSTERIOUS AND INTERESTING RELATIONSHIP IN TEKKEN.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

I feel like. if you stripped kazuya and jun of status and general opposite moral stances, theyre very very similar. I will wait for official t8 confirmation oh what they thought of the other but I feel they are two side of a same coin. People usually speak of jun making kazuya better but I like the other side of kazuya making jun a bit worse. In a very indulgent way I often wonder what it wouldve been like if they tried at all to make it work long term and I dont think it wouldve been that bad, especially compared to how the previous main mishima relationship ended up.

[souryogurt64]

i apologize if you’ve answered this before but a lot of younger gen-z especially ones on tiktok say ryan should’ve been the lead singer and panic would have had the same amount or more popularity do you think that has any substance or people are just delusional

ive seen that too, imo it is delusional and people are only saying that because brendon is canceled and everyone likes to pretend fan perceived morality is equivalent to success and talent. ryan was not even the sole singer of the young veins, he split vocals with jon. brendon is, objectively, a better vocalist than ryan. brendon may not use those vocals to the best extent, but ryan is not a strong singer.

i am finishing up the dissertation™️ right now and pete always knew ryan had a band. he didnt care until brendon joined and the girls on the forums started freaking out. they just lied about what happened later.

the dissertation is about pete and ryan meeting so i havent really done a deep dive into the split but im touching on it at the end. one thing i ran into while researching was the guy who co-authored petes book did a lot of writing about panic during their split and theyd do exclusives with him about it and its stuff i dont see floating around anywhere on here and i thought it was all really interesting and he said very explicitly pete and ryan were no longer friends.

anyway, it appears from that and kelties book and ryans interviews years later that ryan kind of went off and started doing a ton of drugs and drinking and gambling. i dont think he had a support system to cope with the death of his father and they were all really young and got really famous really fast and were getting really mean. brendon has talked about how mean he was back then and ryan acted the same way. i also think he was being a tool and its difficult to help someone acting that way especially since everyone else was also a douchebag dude in his 20s on drugs.

anyway its explicitly reported that pete cast his lots with brendon immediately and ryan didnt seem to know what was going on. im not sure if he was being told things and not listening because he was kind of in la la cocaine land or if everyone ganged up on him and jon despite the split being mutual. petes writer friend also wrote a super brutal review of the young veins that i think gets across why it failed. i think everything he said was right and i agree with it and think he was even trying to find something nice to say, but also. Woof. ryan also had and has no desire to continue being in panic and continue being famous, and he has been open these days about how tyv fell apart very quickly.

but anyway, no, panic never wouldve gotten very far without brendon. i think ryans backing vocals wouldve added a lot to the first record and i do think ryans lyricism and vision added a different dimension to the band that was completely critical to their early success and fan reception but that wasnt and wouldve never been enough on its own. people just like to say that because they dont like brendons career decisions.

[sophiagrimes]

guys life is hell. hell. why is there drama. im 22. why is this high school bullshit happening to me

i hate it here. why did i get invited out by my crush and then when we invited our other friend to get her a bday drink.. and she pulled up with her roommate. and roomie asks if we can talk so i say yes and my “friend” follows us out. roommate said i was disrespectful to her & her bf the whole trip. she called me immature and irritating and said that i needed to learn to read social cues. she said i ruined the trip. she said i was self centered and attention seeking. while also saying “i dont know you well, but-“ the whole time.

at one point early on in the trip, she changed out of her pants and sat around in her underwear for about half an hour. the next day, while my friend was putting her makeup on in the bathroom, i quickly changed pants by my bed. no hanging around, just changing. she said this was incredibly disrespectful and kept repeating that she wanted to “beat my ass.” then she said “what if i did that in front of (my crush)?” and when i said that it was different bc he is not my boyfriend, she insisted that i wouldve been irritated. then she went on to say again that im childish because i “havent done anything with my crush” and i had to tell her that i did confess my crush to him, she said “and?” and she rolled her eyes and laughed when i told her we were seeing where it goes.

when i tried to ask my “friend” if this was true, if she thought i made everything about myself and ruined the trip, she said that yes she did feel uncomfortable being put between me and the other two. they told me that i was in the wrong for disagreeing with her boyfriend when he said dumb shit about homeless people and the BLM movement and shit. (before the trip my “friend” told me that this man is a “self proclaimed andrew tate dick-rider.”) they said i had to learn how to read the room and let people have different opinions than you.

i asked the roommate if i could talk to my “friend” alone and they both said no. the roommate said she didn’t want to know me or talk to me ever again, we’re not friends, she doesn’t want to be acquaintances. if i end up in her house she said her and her boyfriend would not be nice to me. she wouldnt shake my hand. they left.

they literally only stayed at the bar for like 20 minutes max. just showed up, my “friend” had my crush buy her vodka soda, and barely talked. just nodded and stared at me.

i go back inside and the night is OBVIOUSLY ruined! because i had been having so much fun hanging out with my crush! we talked abt music and the stuff i did in new york and shit. picked on each other. but now i start choking up while we close our tabs and go to sit outside, and i IMMEDIATELY start crying. he says “i knew it was gonna be bad because when you went to the bathroom, roommate leaned over to me and said “you’re gonna have to comfort her after this.””

HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT! like intentionally ruined both of our nights because he did have to comfort me! i cried bro! he told me they were wrong for doing it like this, he says i shouldn’t have gone on the trip with them at all because they are clearly not people i should’ve been friends with. he said i was smart and they probably made me look better to new yorkers on the trip. he said he’d been in my “friends” position before and he thinks that she shouldn’t have let me hang with them. he said its good that i stick to my opinions. he said he understands why people are intimidated by me but he also said i like being intimidating a little bit (i do.) and i even told him the stuff she said to me about HIM and he LAUGHED when i said she accused me of not doing anything about the crush. he was like “yeah no you definitely took initiative there” and said shes a dumbass who doesn’t know anything. he couldn’t believe our “friend” didn’t say hardly anything out there. said they ruined the night.

even though we had originally planned to leave early we literally sat there outside till the bar closed. he gave me a hug (a first!) then we went home.

that was wednesday night and we worked together yesterday and today, barely talked or looked at each other. she has my copy of tbosas and my elf concealer, i have her house key and her thg trilogy… and tbh chat i do owe her money😵‍💫😭🪦💔😟 but im on it

anyway. dnd nights ruined my favorite bar ruined my image to my crush ruined my work environment ruined. memories ruined plans ruined ugh. i hate everything so bad rn. i just dont know why she couldn’t tell me these things in the moment/right after, or even call me and get me alone after work. she waited until i was out with the guy i like at our favorite spot! stood there silently while her roommate that i barely know threatens to kick my ass! what the fuck?!!!?!