#wow that's. very off-topic. i should make a separate post maybe | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mxvladdy · 3 years

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Hi, I love your writings 💜 and wanted to suggest a prompt, but if it won't hit you or if your requests are closed than feel free to ignore.

What if MC will forget the brother and that they are in relationship (it can be as side effect of some spell /potion etc, but it will last for quite some time, no one knows how long). How brothers will react on that? What they will do to make MC fall in love again, or will they do anything at all? Or they decide that it's the chance to change everything? What if MC won't love them again? I don't know if that can be angsty (I want some angst), or you can do whatever style you find appropriate. Anyway, if you don't feel like doing for 7 brothers you can do only for brothers of your choice (who you feel comfortable to write about, but maybe Lucifer, Mammon and Beel?? ).

Thank you! And have a good day or night!

A/N: 80000 years and a day later I post lol ;.;. Sorry for the wait! I tried something new with this, hope you like :)

So I was going to drop all three at the same time but it turned into 20+ pages of work. So I will post in 3 separate parts since they all turned into beefy boys... Much like their counterparts >:)

Hope you like it!!!

Part One of Three: Lucifer

Magic is a beautiful and powerful thing. It permeates the Devildom like an eternal fog. For the residents, it is as common as breathing. From the strongest of their kind down to the lowest inhabitants, it is integral to their culture and daily life. Mistakes and accidents happen daily with young and old alike learning or experimenting. Magical rebounds and mishaps mean very little to them, especially the brothers. From the Celestial Realms down, they have seen it all.

Sometimes they forget that to you, magic can be a volatile and dangerous.

The crackle of energy and the acrid taste of sour magic on his tongue are his only warnings before things went south. He reaches for you, strong arms moving to shield you from the blowback of energy discharging around you both. Lucifer crouches, turning his back to the explosion to cover you from the debris and dust raining down. The rebound of the failed spell washes over him for a moment turning his stomach on impact. A heavy miasma coats the room. It weighs down his wings momentarily before disappearing as quickly as it had come.

Once the dust settles, the room fills with light-hearted teasing and jabs at the inept caster. Whatever chastising remark he had stuck to his tongue. When he looks down at you the air seizes his lungs in horror. You were heavy and unresponsive in his arms, eyes closed and face slack. Physically, he could see nothing wrong with you, no hair unkempt or dust on your uniform. He shakes you trying in vain to rouse you.

He doesn’t remember fleeing the room with you clutched tight to his chest nor the shouts of his confused brothers all he could focus on was your limp body cradled in his. You weren’t waking up. None of his magic was working, and you were still sleeping. It was like looking down at his brothers all over again. The feeling of dread, of helplessness, had him staggering. You were like his little Lilith all over again, another failure in his unending life span.

The healer's answers do nothing but anger him. Diavolo’s weak speculations drive him into a frenzy. Wait, they want him to wait. For how long was anyone's guess. They say that you just need rest, the human body is unaccustomed to such stresses. That though your body is weak, a human’s spirit is strong. You’ll recover-he had to trust that you would heal on your own. Trust… he had so little of that left to begin with, but he had he gave to you.

He couldn’t lose you. Couldn’t lose this small flicker of hope you brought into his life, of happiness. He didn’t want to be alone again.

So he waits, a permanent sentinel by your bedside. He sits in silence stuck with his sins. His rough hewn palms cover your small hand to warm your cooling finger tips. He strokes them with callused fingers. He contemplates all the little things he could have done differently while he waits. Hells, what he should have done differently. Spells at the best of times were unruly and dangerous and in the hands of a novice? He shakes his head squeezing your hand. He was so stupid to have let you take that course. Why hadn’t he told that weak pissant of a demon off for trying such an incantation? Or at least to take it outside. Was he that bad of a protector? Of a lover? Deep down he wants to be angry at you. That this somehow was all your fault, with your puny human constitution and defenses. He wants to blame you but the moment passes with a gut-twisting sense of guilt and almost shame.

The days move on unceasingly, the clock on your wall mocking him with every steady tick and turn of the hand. With each moon that passes his simmering anger and wounded pride cools to an ice cold fear in his veins. The healers stopped showing up daily, they were at a loss like the rest of them.

No one would say it, least of all around him, but he heard it travel down the halls like an unwelcome guest. The whispered sympathy, the soft admissions of acceptance. He blocks them out, his world narrowing down to nothing but your icy hand and weak pulse. Your room begins to turn into his. His paperwork fills your desk, while he holds meeting over the phone. One hand clutching his phone to his ear and his other always touching you. No one but him is going to take care of you. He refuses help, turning down Diavolo’s increasing offers and pleas of support.

He turns them down each and every time. He will take care of you.

Yet, no matter how much he tends to you and researches you remain inert.

It’s maddening, he was suffocating under the weight. Finally he tips. One night drunk and desperate in his destroyed room he does the last thing he could think of.

The hardwood of his bedroom is unforgiving under his knees. The cold of it soaks through his pants and the harsh grain digs into his skin. But he doesn’t care, he wasn’t looking for absolution anymore, he was begging for your salvation.

It burns him bowing like this. His pride lashes out, roaring like the untamed beast it was as he dives deep searching within himself to find the tattered remains of his former self. Each second with his eyes closed and head bent was tortuous as his pleas fill the oppressive silence of the room. No matter the discomfort of the moment he can only think of you. No cost was too steep to have you open your eyes again.

Lucifer should have known going back to his father would be a mistake. Nothing was ever simple with them, everything was by their rules and their way. Not even being the once most favored son could fix that. Your eyes open, sure. They are hazy with confusion, but also bright and full of life. You were back.

Papers forgotten Lucifer approaches you like he would a wounded animal. He stares in disbelief for a moment before succumbing to his need to hold you. “Amata-” He breathes out in relief into your neck squeezing you closer to him. Lucifer pulls away when he notices you not embracing him back. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. You just took me by surprise is all.” You rub your eyes and smile wearily. “What did I do to deserve such a good morning hug?”

His smile fades, hearts sinking. “Do you not remember?”

“Remember?” Hmmm. You look around you at the clutter of your room. “I- remember being in class, then you over me.” Something must have happened, but for the life of you, you couldn’t recall. He fills you in leaving small blanks hoping to see some recognition in your bewitching eyes. But you sit, nodding along taking his word as gospel truth. “Wow.” You lean back on your pillows. To be asleep for so long, you had so much work to catch up on. “Thank you for looking out for me.”

There was an odd look in his eyes before he nods, rising to his feet. “Of course… for you, anything.” He flees then, choking back a sea of emotions to go fetch a healer to look you over. It was as he expected. You were whole and healthy again, back to your old wonderful self. Except for him. Did you truly remember none of him? Have you really forgotten how he held you at night when you were able to tear him from his works.

How could you forget the words he would whisper to you as you drifted off long after the candles had been snuffled out, the sweat had cooled on your skin, and your limbs loose and tangled with his? Would you ever remember the way he would watch you at school? How he would search for you and watch you with vigilante and hungry eyes. You were not his little lamb anymore. Even after everything he had lost you.

It was what he bargained for with his father it seemed.

He calls a meeting soon after informing his brothers and the Prince of your condition without telling them of his speculations as to why. “We will say nothing.” He speaks standing rigidly while the room erupts with confusion around him.

“Why not tell them?” Beelzebub asked brows drawn low in concern.

“And say what?” Lucifer rubs at his nose pinching the bridge tightly already feeling a dull throbbing growing underneath. “What would it change?” He leaves it at that and retreats to his room. He looks at his dusty chambers and broken furniture from his explosive temper. It is so cold again without you there. This is how it must be. The thought brings a broken whine from his lips. Tt soaks through his leather gloved hand, refusing to be shoved down. He didn’t want to believe he was so forgettable, that something as intimate as his trust and love was so weak in your soul. He had thought surely he had ingrained himself deeper than that. You were in his mind.

He turns to his private libraries that night, looking for any scrap of information he could find. Perhaps the threads of him were there within you, maybe they just needed to be mended. He often forgot how malleable the human mind was, how easily things can just slip from them. Each book on the topic started promisingly enough before piddling off to a dead-end or debunked hypothesis.

He hunts down the student that had fired the spell. If he knew the original purpose of the spell maybe he could recreate the reaction? No, yet another dead end.

He comes to realize one night sitting hunched over on the grimy floor that either your mixed blood had altered the spell's intentions or the fact that since you were not in your original timeline it had changed something deeper within you that none of them had taken into consideration. Or, perhaps-just maybe he truly did make a deal with Father.

Devil below, he hoped that wasn’t true. How ironic it would be that the first time they had heard his pleas to only answer it with more pain and punishment. Either way, he must accept this...eventually.

“You know, if you keep frowning like that it’ll leave permit winkles.” Lucifer ignores his brother, not glancing up from his journals to entertain him. He had recently found more old tomes deep in his studies. “Luci.” Multi-colored nails block his view of his documents.

“Move Asmodeus. I will not ask again.”

Asmo frowns but moves his hand back to his hip. “You need to breathe brother. Take a minute for yourself.” Lucifer snorts dismissively, flipping to the next page. Asmo sighs deeply, his old bones rattling with the heavy gust of air. “You know you won’t find anything in there. We’ve all tried, you know? Read up on fruitless leads and scoured the depths of the catacombs too. Satan’s hands are a mess from rummaging through his books.” He swallows thickly. “Perhaps it is time.”

“Time for what?” Lucifer rises to his impressive height towering over his smaller brethren. “I do not like what you are implying Sakhr.” Asmo flinches, he hates that damn name. He calms the simmering rage underneath his well kept skin. Lucifer was hurting, he lashes out blindly when he is. He always suffers alone.

“I’m not implying anything. We just want-” Lucifer laughs, the hollow sound pulls at the emptiness within Lust’s heart.

“What would you know of my wants?” His ruby eyes lock with Asmo’s. It was a mistake. Lucifer’s presence was imposing at the best of times, but as mad as he was now it was a knee jerk reaction from Asmo to put his guard up. It was a strong defensive mechanism that Asmo took special care not to let slip, but as Lucifer approaches him shoulder hunching and chest puffing up in anger. It took only a moment for his defenses to take over, eyes locking Lucifer saw exactly what he wanted reflected back at him.

He didn’t know what Lucifer saw but he could see the absolute agony etching into his older brother's glassy eyes with each second. Asmo steps back breaking eye contact with a gasp, the trance between them breaking. “I-I’m sorry!” He trembles.

Lucifer says nothing but raises a shaking finger while he collects himself. Finally, he looks up, face impassive once more. He shakes his head and points to the two chairs in front of his desk. A wordless order that Asmo takes. Asmodeus watches Lucifer busy himself with a decanter, broad back turned to him. “You meant no harm,” Lucifer says, voice tight. He turns back with two glasses in hand. “ I-my aggression was unnecessary.” He offers Asmo a glass before sitting back in his throne-like chair with a grunt. They drink in silence.

Asmo swirls the spicy drink around his tongue thinking hard. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. He thought he could make things better by offering a shoulder or ear, perhaps tell Lucifer that you were doing well. You didn't seem to notice the hole at the table or in the classroom where Lucifer used to join you and the rest of them to eat or study. They had missed seeing him look so at peace around them. Everything had reverted back to like it was when you first arrived between the two of you, and it was affecting everyone. “Talk to me?” Lucifer blinks.

“And say what?” He peers at his empty glass before grabbing the decanter. “I’m fine? I have meetings piling up and I frankly don’t give a damn anymore. Or the fact that I have yet to cancel the table I had reserved for our anniversary dinner?” His last words waver dangerously before he burns them away with a large gulp of his drink. He sees the look in Asmo’s honey-colored eyes when he looks up. “I don’t need pity.”

Asmodous sniffs, waving away the thought. “Please. We all know better than that. I just want to check on you, and perhaps give you an idea?”

“What idea could you have that I have not thought of?” He asks curiously. Asmo lights up leaning in.

“What if we’ve been going about this the wrong way? We’ve been looking at magic to solve this when the answer was in front of us the whole time. Humans aren’t used to magic, so why look to it for the solution?”

“I don’t follow.” Lucifer puts his glass down leaning back in his chair. Was science what he needed to look at? He had tried that, had talked to human doctors and surgeons that owed him “favors”. They were as unhelpful as the rest.

“We are thinking like demons! We have to think like a human, woo them again. You did it once, surely their attraction wasn’t wiped out, just their memories.” Ahh. Lucifer shakes his head. He had thought of that, staring at himself in the mirror. Many nights were filled with the nagging fears of defeat. If his father had a hand in your recovery could he even be allowed to try again? Lucifer looks back at all the things he said those nights kneeling by your side. It was foolish, what even contract he might have accidentally made had too many open ends, too many half wishes, and clauses.

“I’m afraid I have already thought of that my brother.”

“Then why haven’t you tried? Have you given up?” Asmo is met with silence. “Does that mean the rest of us have a chance?” He gets the reaction he was looking for then. Lucifer’s form shutters, a full body twitch as his body blurs around the edges in warning. “Seems to me like you haven’t given up yet. So what is stopping you.”

Lucifer crumbles under his brother’s worried gaze. Perhaps he could divulge his worry, just this once. “I asked father Az.”

Asmo gasps in surprise, eyes wide in disbelief, then dawning realization. “You think They did this?” Lucifer shrugged, running a hand through his disheveled locks. “They wouldn’t-they couldn’t...could they?” None of the brothers knew what their father was up to anymore, nor if They were even still able to track them. It was an ever present cloud of stress over all of them. While they trusted Diavolo and his protection, the nagging fear was never-ending.

“This is perfect!” Asmo claps his hands together. Lucifer stares at him in confusion. Lust’s smile grew toothy and dangerous. “Do you know what this means?”

“No.” His younger brother snorts looking down at his nails. His mind was running a mile a minute. For as organized and crafty as Lucifer is, he sure had his moments.

“Think about it. If Father did meddle then you have to try courting them again. Defying Father is a talent!” Asmo claps his hands in giddy delight. “Wouldn’t it just chafe their linens if you got back together?”

“And what if They didn’t meddle?”

“Then what do you have to lose?” Lucifer laughs. It was breathy and lifeless at the start but grew in intensity as Asmo’s words sunk in. Why was it when he said it it made sense?

“As devious as ever Az.” Lucifer smiles. Yes, he could win you back easily and reclaim his pride all in one fell swoop. “Thank you for reminding me of who I am.” They were troublemakers, the lot of them and it was time for him to prove it once more that he was the worst of them.

He starts the next day dressing down for once in his long life. He wears an outfit you always complement tucked neatly into a pair of dress slacks you bought him after a date gone awry. He smirked, remembering the tight squeeze of your hand on him on the drive home. The friction of your palm on the smooth material...he tipped his dry cleaner extra that night. “Good morning.” He purrs out in greeting taking his seat at the head of the table. The few brothers around the table freeze for a moment, keen eyes darting from him to where you sat still eating as if nothing had changed. Asmodeus shot him a wink.

“Morning.” You chirp back around your spoon. “It’s good to see you back at the table. Finally got a break from work?” The demons hold their collective breath.

“Yes, you can say that I came to a revelation of sorts.” He hums into his mug.

From that point on no matter what corner you turn on Lucifer was there. A pleasant smile on his lips and an offer of aid. “Thank you for the help!” You drop the large stack of books on your desk with a satisfied grunt. “You know- even though our pack is still somewhat new, if you need help with your work I’d be glad to give you a hand too!”

“Would you?” He hides his predatory grin under his hand. “ Some of the matters I have to attend to will require some long, hard work. It may take up some of your nights.” The flush that graces your cheeks and the warm buzz from his pact mark make him giddy.

“I’m willing.”

Slowly he begins to pull you back into his world. He leaves well placed hints of your past together scattered around his workspace. Your favorite Devildom blooms and treats always seem to be around when you come to offer your help in the evening. He slips old pet names into daily conversations as you scribble notes and transcribe letters for him by the soft light of his desk lamp. Pacing himself was never so hard before in his life. Was he finally cracking through? Or were you falling for him again? It was a heady rush to be sure, the mix of anticipation and thrill of such earthly courting made him realize many things he didn’t see the first time around. He learns all over again just what he loved about you.

He had forgotten how patient you were around him and with his siblings. Your keen eye and attention to detail reminded him just why he trusted you. You flitted about him picking up things he missed and settling brotherly disputes without him having to waste his breath. It was almost like things were going back to normal, minus the cold sheets beside him at night. But he sticks to his plan, finding pleasure in simply learning about you all over again.

It came to an end sooner than he had expected.

“Enter.” Lucifer calls from his overflowing desk. It was finals time once again and the damages done to school property were picking up dramatically. He heard your fluttering heartbeat before you even entered his domicile. It picks up as you approach.

“Am I interrupting?

Lucifer looks up from his work, a grin growing on his tired face. “For you, never.” You smile back, coming closer. You held a mug of coffee in your hands. The beast within him wanted to raise its hackles in triumph and howl. His life must be a divine comedy. This night is playing out just like it did nearly a year ago. Did you remember too? Or was this just how it always was meant to be?

“I haven’t seen you in a bit, and got concerned.” You fiddle with the handle of the copper mug. Lucifer nods, it was true. He regrettably had to put his plans with you on hold, he had spent so much time scheming he had let a few things build up. “Asmo told me you were hold up in here working, and I thought you could use a pick me up. He-he helped me make you some coffee.”

Ah. It wasn’t the same as the first time, but it was a matter of time before his sibling started meddling again. He takes the cup from your outstretched hand. “Thank you, this is much appreciated.” You glow under his praise taking a seat by his side.

“Need any help?” You eye the stack of papers with interest. “I’ve gotten pretty good at reading the fine print.”

“Have you now?” He pushes a small stack of papers towards you. “Very well, I would love your company again.” You take the work with a nod eager to spend time with him again. He watches you work, unable to contain his growing smile before looking down at the cup by his side. The tar-black coffee looks back at him. Oh, how he wished to commend his brother and berate him all at once. It is putrid and stomach-churning but he savors it all the same.

“Is it alright?” You pause watching him drink in. You have never seen him so enraptured by a drink before.

“Yes.” It will be.

#obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me fanfic #hello again after so long!

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everythingsinred · 3 years

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Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt.10)

WOW we did it folks. 10 parts to an essay that we're like. a quarter of the way done with. That's pretty great! More or less, by the time you finish reading this post, you'll have read 35k words worth of analysis and I'll have spent countless hours writing it. What amazing dedication we have to this manga! We should get an anime reboot as a reward!

Anyway, let's go crazy stupid trying to wrap up this arc, where we can see the extent of Natsume's selflessness. As we approach the end, something will happen to make Natsume's plans to distance himself from Mikan very difficult. Let us begin!

Also I've been forgetting to put trigger warnings up for these but I put them on the first few so hopefully you know they're all like that. Child abuse is a huge topic we'll cover throughout, as well as all the consequences that come with it, so be wary.

Chapter Forty-One

Medusa--Mihara-san--is amused to see that the frightening, powerful, and awe-inspiring “Black Cat”, who demonstrates a trained command of his alice despite wearing an alice-restraining mask on missions, is actually just a little kid.

Natsume doesn’t care about being impressive; he cuts to the chase, asking where Mikan is. Medusa makes his comments, but Natsume stays on his point: his new mission is to save Mikan, after all. Though keeping Mikan and Ruka safe had been his personal mission from the get-go. But just as Natsume isn’t interested in anything Medusa has to say if it isn’t about Mikan, Medusa isn’t interested in any topic that is about Mikan. So the small talk ends and Shiki is commanded to test the kids’ abilities.

Natsume cares about one thing right now and it isn't his DA alias.

They are in the midst of some kind of battle or standoff when Mikan reappears, safe. She calls out to them, excited to see them again. Ruka and Tsubasa are happy to see her safe as well, so they call out too. Natsume is not as thrilled. He’s good at staying on mission and keeping his attention on the dangers around him, like Shiki and Medusa, as well as the countless other Z members, all with mystery alices.

Mikan suddenly appearing and making herself known is dangerous, and she’s immediately under attack, unwittingly. He runs to protect her, using his alice as a barrier between them and the man who just tried to hurt her, but when he turns back to look at Mikan, he’s livid.

The art in this scene is so gorgeous, I could stare it forever. Look at how silky Natsume's hair is. Pretty.

Tsubasa and Ruka have never been on a mission like this. They were just eager to see Mikan unharmed. She was also just excited to see her friends again after being separated. But Natsume knows better. On a mission, you have to stay vigilant and always careful, and Mikan was careless. He yells at her, scolding her. But even through his emotions, he stays vigilant, protecting her even more when the enemy tries to take advantage of the distraction.

This is what he came for, not just to be the brains and keep them on track throughout the journey, but also to protect them, because that’s what he always does, what his priority always is. He will use his alice to ward off enemy attacks, and use his body as a shield, even if he winds up exhausted and bleeding and hurt. And he is.

But he still tells Mikan to stay behind him, to stay safe, so he can properly protect her this time, because he couldn’t do it before.

He doesn’t expect Mikan to get up and tell him that he doesn’t have to worry. She doesn’t want or need him to protect her; instead she wants to help him. She tells him, for once, that he doesn’t have to be the only one hurt anymore. He’s understandably surprised to hear this, because it means that someone other than Ruka has been paying attention. She understands that he’s been through the wringer, and she doesn’t want to just sit back and benefit from his effort without giving anything back. But more than just saying she’ll take on the brunt of things for him, she wants to help. She wants to be his strength, not a burden on him.

She has been noticing him, even the things he doesn't want her to notice.

This shocks him enough that it actually distracts him from his vigilance, and suddenly it appears that Ruka is in danger. He leaves her side just long enough for her to be captured by Shiki instead, and immediately teleported to Medusa’s side. They needed to get Mikan out of the way, after all, so that Medusa could use his alice, which he immediately uses to petrify Tsubasa’s leg.

Chapter Forty-Two

Right off the bat, we’re shown just how much the stakes have risen. Medusa’s alice is deadly, not just dangerous, and he’s already managed to hit Tsubasa with it. His next command is to have Yuka steal the kids’ alices, and to start with Natsume. It would make things easier on him, anyway, Medusa says, obviously privy to the idea that a child like Natsume wouldn’t want to be a child soldier at all, unlike Reo who mused that maybe Natsume would be more content with just a change of employer.

But Yuka makes it clear that her alice isn’t strong enough to steal all of the alices at once, trying to spare the kids from losing their abilities. So Medusa then goes to a Plan B, convincing the kids that his alice will only be temporarily affecting them until they agree to work for Z. After all, Natsume can’t really use his alice when Medusa has Mikan in his clutches. He’s been in this situation before, practically living in it, having the lives and happiness of his loved ones held over his head so that he will be pliant. Medusa comments that he loves torturing people like him, and he must not be the only one, since Natsume’s been tortured in this way for years now.

Ruka is hit in the shoulder while trying to shield Tsubasa from another attack from Medusa, and the shoulder region is particularly life-threatening, as it’s close to the heart and he might die from the loss of blood flow soon. Of course, this sets Natsume into berserk mode, but before he can use his alice, he coughs violently. This gives Medusa an opportunity to strike Natsume in his dominant arm, his left one.

He tries to use his alice, despite being at a new disadvantage, and still angry from what’s happening to Ruka. So his leg gets hit too.

Medusa gets temporarily incapacitated by Mikan’s nullification, so he sends Yuka to steal Natsume’s alice, which should be a walk in the park because he’s lost control of his arm and leg, so he can’t run away.

It’s here that Natsume reveals to the reader the secret he’s been keeping for the past few days, the one that we must now keep as well, that Mikan is Yuka’s daughter.

This is another one of those situations, where the stars align in all the wrong ways. Something you've always wanted is within grasp, but there's too many reasons not to take it.

Natsume stands there, unable to move, and ponders his situation as Mikan desperately screams for him to run away.

He wonders if he was waiting for this exact moment, if that’s the reason he came along at all, so that he could meet Yuka and have her steal his alice away.

Earlier, Natsume left a conversation about losing alices because it was too painful. He doesn’t feel the same way about his that the rest of them do. It’s not some fond part of him that he can’t stand to lose. He hates it. It’s been a hindrance since the day he was born. People of all sorts of organizations, including the government operated Academy and terrorist organizations like Z, have coveted his power. It’s put his loved ones in danger. It’s made his life a living hell. He’s been robbed of a fun childhood, of smiles and friendship, of peace. It’s stolen opportunity from him, so he can’t even feel free to pursue a crush, or make bonds freely, or let himself laugh. It stole his future from him, and he dies a little bit more every day. He won’t live long enough to go on a date, graduate, get married, get a normal job, have kids, grow old. He might not even make it to middle school, and he knows it. He lives his whole life in eternal emotional, physical, and mental agony. He’s always under the gun, always careful, always selfless, always defensive.

Why would anyone want that?

And this is his chance to lose it all. Things could be easier, better, safer. He could lose it and finally exhale. He could go back home to his dad. He could be an actual kid for once. Yuka could steal his alice and all of his responsibilities and the deadweight he’s been carrying on his back for his whole life could be gone.

Of course he almost lets her steal it.

But Mikan has been screaming in anguish for him to run away, and he remembers what she said when she saved him during the Reo Arc: that it was too late to give up, and that they should return to the academy together, because a bright future must be waiting for them.

And because of that, Natsume makes his first move to escape Yuka’s alice.

Does Natsume really want a future if his friends and loved ones would still be in danger? Would it be worth it if he was safe, if it came at the price of their safety? If Natsume doesn’t use his alice to keep them safe and protected, then who will? Who can?

Natsume smacking Yuka’s hand away isn’t selfish. It’s not him realizing he wants to keep his alice, that maybe deep down, he might actually love it. It’s not dear to him in any way. It’s still the thing that wears his body down and forces him to cough up blood. No, this act is selfless, yet again, because his own happiness and even his life come dead last to him. He has to keep them all safe after all.

Yuka snatches his wrist anyway, ready to steal his alice away, until she realizes she can’t. Mikan is using her alice from all the way across the room to protect Natsume.

So basically, the idea of Natsume leaving the academy causes this kind of reaction in Mikan, something Natsume has no choice but to see for what it is: fondness.

He looks at her with surprise, because this is an act of affection. Mikan has just used her alice to keep him with her. His life isn’t in danger, but she wants him to stick around. Now more than ever, Natsume can see proof that she cares about him, even despite all the bullying he’s done, despite all the mean words he’s thrown her way, even after he told her cruelly that he hates every single thing about her. Up until now, Natsume had no reason to believe she was doing anything but tolerating him, and though that was the outcome he was working for, deep down he does want the girl he likes to have some fondness for him too. This is the first time Natsume can really see that he means something to her too, as more than just a classmate or a partner. He is someone she doesn't want to part with.

And Mikan has fulfilled her wish, to be Natsume’s strength, because now Natsume is able to yell at her to duck and blow up the wall behind her.

Usually such huge explosions are the result of him at his angriest, using his ability to punish the people who hurt his loved ones. He’s probably also done similar things on missions, maybe even when he’s completely calm. But this time Natsume is weaker than ever, his dominant left arm completely out of commission, unable to move, under duress. He finds the strength to cause that explosion because of Mikan, because she wants him around.

While everyone is distracted, Natsume tells Yuka to go help Mikan, hinting that he knows her secret.

So Yuka stabs Mihara-san and has the petrified kids lick his blood off the blade. It’s confusing to the other kids why she would do this, but Natsume knows exactly why.

It would be interesting to see more interaction between Yuka and Natsume. Surely Yuka knows that Natsume is Kaoru’s son? It would be interesting to see if she noticed that his name matches Mikan’s. What does she think of him? What might their dynamic be like? I will always mourn that we’ll never find out.

Chapter Forty-Three

This chapter is the one that should officially designate this manga into the “tragedy” category. Yes, there’s been some heavy and deep stuff so far, most having to do with Natsume and the heavy abuse he deals with, but even with all that it’s managed to be mainly a cheerful and upbeat story. This chapter makes it clear that horrible and heart-wrenching things can and will happen, that we can’t count on a happy ending every time.

The kids are close to escape. They’re about to head through a warp zone back to school, and it’s urgent they move fast because the hide-out they’re in is currently imploding. Unfortunately, Mikan has dropped the antidote to the bullet that hit Hotaru, so she refuses to leave until she’s retrieved it from under a pile of rubble.

Pengy finally has a chance to prove itself, wriggling under and saving the antidote for Hotaru. It has helped Mikan, and because that’s the best thing someone can do, Natsume is grateful.

Natsume's smile (even a small one like this) has incredible powers, like giving robots a feeling of self-worth, making his classmates fall in love with him, and making me think he is a good boy. It would be irresponsible to overuse it.

Just like when Tsubasa showed his worth back at the high school division when he used his alice to help Mikan, Natsume has a new respect for Pengy, who was able to do something amazing to help the group, and Mikan especially. So he gives Pengy a slight smile. It’s really subtle and nothing outstanding on anybody else, but it’s a rare thing to get from Natsume, even for those whom he loves. “I guess you can be a little useful,” he says. This is the best sign of appreciation someone can get from him, and Pengy glows for a moment (ahh… the power of Natsume’s smile), until things fall apart.

The floor gives way under Mikan’s feet. They’re able to pull Mikan up, but Pengy is still too far to reach. Despite Mikan’s desperation, Pengy understands that they’re wasting time trying to reach it. Finally, after Pengy has proven its use to Natsume, it refuses to be a hindrance again, and sacrifices itself so that everyone can safely return the antidote to Hotaru.

They’re all through the tunnel, hit with the knowledge that Pengy is gone. They all react somewhat differently, but Natsume feels guilt.

Pengy's smile has evil powers because it makes me cry.

Natsume had considered Pengy a robot, something unfeeling and mechanical, just a useless thing Hotaru made once. It was something that could be discarded, and after it had proven to be troublesome, he’d even advocated that it should be discarded. He’d considered it useless all along, but when it really counted, Pengy was able to save Mikan and the antidote. It proved not only that it could be useful, but that it wasn’t just another mechanical robot. When Natsume smiled at it, it smiled back. And in its final act of sacrifice, it acted out of love for both Hotaru and Mikan, and Natsume feels sorry for what he’d said about it.

Natsume has a habit for establishing a bad impression of someone, and then having that person work hard to prove themselves to him. Pengy is one example, but he’s like this with Tsubasa, Mikan, and all sorts of people at first. People (and robots) that he despises until they show him what they’re really made of, winning his respect and sometimes even affection. It makes sense he would be so distrustful, seeing the life he has to live. Trusting the wrong person can get you hurt sometimes, and can lead to disaster. And having something useless like Pengy can cause a mission to fail. But Natsume is sometimes wrong about his first impression of a person, and the same qualities that could lead him to believe something is useless or annoying can end up being strengths that he respects.

Chapter Forty-Five

Yes, I skipped 44 because that’s more noteworthy as a Mikan chapter. Natsume doesn’t do anything I found particularly intriguing and I didn’t want to make anything up or repeat myself. In fact, for the rest of this arc, there’s very little left for me to say, so I apologize if this is a short analysis to conclude with.

The first thing we’ll address is the ESP and Persona discussing the insubordination that has just occurred. Yes, an injured student has safely recovered, and a Z hideout has been destroyed, but it wasn’t their plan for things to happen that way. Narumi needs a warning, for one. Natsume, according to Persona, needs simply to be punished back into obedience. From the way Persona talks about him, we can see how little he thinks of Natsume, how easy he can be to manipulate and control, which is all he is good for anyway. To them, Natsume is nothing more than a pawn in their game. Sure, he’s a useful pawn, the Black Cat that strikes fear into the hearts of the school’s enemies and successfully completes his missions even with a punishment mask on, but he’s still just a pawn. Nothing more.

While watching Mikan and Hotaru’s reunion, Tsubasa teases Natsume about joining the group hug. Natsume ignores him, and makes to walk away, but stops just long enough to toss his healing alice necklace to him. Tsubasa can borrow it to make up for having Subaru put Natsume’s injuries first. He makes it clear that he doesn’t want anybody looking after him, and that might seem like a snub, but this is kindness too. Natsume calls Tsubasa by his name, though he’ll do his best to avoid ever saying it again, and lends him a source of comfort and healing to pay back Tsubasa’s compassion. This is a growing moment, because Natsume has opened himself up to the idea that he could care about more people, even if it means more to lose.

Saying people's names is another rare magic from Natsume, I guess.

Natsume has learned things on this mission too, just like Mikan has. He’s a bit more open-minded now. He judged both Tsubasa and Pengy, and ended up changing his mind about them both, even if only by a little. He’s also discovered that Mikan has affection for him too, and it will completely undo all the effort he’s so far tried to make in distancing himself. It’s one thing to stay away from the girl you like when she hardly stands you. It’s another thing when she enjoys your company, and your feelings are turning into love. His feelings have intensified, or maybe they were always so intense but are just newly solidified, as he’s not hiding from them as much anymore.

He won’t be able to distance himself from her anymore, so he’ll completely stop trying.

Conclusion

Natsume has realized that Mikan holds a degree of fondness for him too, and because he is now very deeply in love with her, he will not be able to stay away like he'd resolved to before. Tomorrow we will begin our essay with Natsume's birthday, a very exciting way to start looking at his new approach to his relationship with Mikan.

The last essay (pt. 9) in particular inspired people to tell me that they were learning new things about Natsume, and as a result even loving him more, and that makes me so happy! Natsume is one of my favorite characters ever, and I want people to love him as much as I do! I love when people leave comments or questions! Really, I'm just so happy and over the moon that people are reading and enjoying, because again--this is a LOT of words. It's a long essay, and it means so much not just that people want to read about Natsume and his feelings for Mikan, but that they want to hear what I have to say about it! Thank you so much for supporting me! Isn't it exciting that we're about a quarter through? <3

I can’t put a song in the tags cuz I have too many tags. So. Church by Fall Out Boy.

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#gakuen alice #alice academy #hyuuga natsume #natsume hyuuga #natsumikan #sakura mikan #mikan sakura #my meta #ga #mine #ga meta #ga meta: nm #ga meta: manga #ga meta: manga nm #let's talk about natsumikan #let's talk about natsumikan: natsume #yes natsume is a leftie and i will bring it up a thousand times #hes left handed. as if he wasnt oppressed enough #might make an appreciation post for natsume being left handed #also his cute little smile! he is BAbEY #hes my son i will protECT him #also! when it comes to picking the title pictures.... its so hard #i try to pick pictures from the era #particularly a chapter cover from the arc that i like #sometimes im not lucky and theres not a grand selection #i also have to save some pics for mikans essay. so. limited options #i really am trying to do my best here and include good pics!#i was gonna pick a lil snippet from the aeiou book but i dont have any good quality images of that book so the pic i got was grainy #i chose this instead. closer to the era i think #could be better. im sorry

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aworldinsideaperson · 4 years

Text

Accidental Marriage

Word Count: 2,467

Warnings: None that I can think of???

Summary: a spell brings feelings to light.

A/n: This is my first time writing an imagine in a WHILE sooooo… yeah let's see how it goes.

Here ya go @izzytheninja!

It really had been an accident. Well, sorta. Mostly it was an accident at least on Y/N’s part; and George’s. Fred said it was an accident but as he stared at the two of them he let a devious smirk cross his face, that was until he read the bold print on top of the page and his eyes widened and his smile fell. “Oh no.” Fred whispered as his head whipped up to look at his brother.

“What is it?” Y/N asked. When she had come to the twins apartment that evening she’d been planning on having dinner and a few laughs with her friends when Fred had suggested trying a spell he’d read about earlier in the week. ‘A binding charm’ he had called it. She’d figured her and George would have their hands stuck together for a few hours but when Fred turned the book around to show them, her heart stopped.

Wizard’s Marriage Spell

“Fred,” George spoke slowly. “Are you saying that you’ve just…”

“Presided over your wedding?” Fred finished, a nervous smile on his lips. “I think so.”

The room was silent, the three of them looking at each other in desperation. Finally Y/N spoke again, “What are we gonna do?” She asked softly, tears beginning to pool in her eyes and George felt his chest ache. Fred handed Y/N the book and the twins watched as she flipped the page back and forth looking for some kind of answer until she read at the very bottom of the page in tiny print

Irreversible magic. Spell only broken by death or similar means.

She handed the book to George and threw her head back against the chair’s backing. Silently George shoved the book at Fred with a glare. Fred looked at the page and gently closed the book. “I take it I won’t be invited to the reception.” Fred gives a smirk then looks at the newly married couple before him. “Sorry,” He mutters. “Just trying to diffuse the tension.”

“We’re twenty!” George and Y/N yell in unison. “I’m not ready to be married yet.” George continues, now flinging his head back on his chair.

“I wanted to marry for love! Not because of some idiot who chooses not to read!”

“Hey now no need for name calling!” Fred exclaimed, “You agreed to test out some spells.”

“Yeah, when I thought we’d have our hands stuck together not married!” At this Y/N began to tear up as she grew more overwhelmed. George turned to her and felt his heart ache again. Yes it was a shock and he felt it deep into his bones but George had still yearned for her lips to be pressed to his own every night since the firewhiskey induced exchange six months prior. He still thought about the electricity he’d felt shoot through his chest as her fingers had tangled themselves in his hair, the way his fingertips had tingled when they had touched the skin of her hips. A moment over far too soon never to be spoken of again. He hadn’t even told Fred that her smile would make his world stop and her tears made it all come crumbling down. And now here she sat, his now wife, crying because she was married to him, not someone she loved.

“Clearly, there are a lot of emotions and thoughts going on for everyone right now,” George began slowly, his eyes never drifting from her form in the chair beside him. He watched her shoulders shake as he fought the urge to reach over and take her into his arms. “Why don’t we cool down?” He proposed. “We’ll take a little while, process what happened tonight and then proceed later on with clearer heads.” Y/N nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes then stood quickly. She walked briskly to the door and then out of it before anyone could say another word. George had stood to walk her to the door but once it slammed a deep frown fell upon his lips and he fell back into his chair and slumped. Fred opened his mouth to say something before thinking better of it and slowly making his way into his own bedroom for the rest of the night.

It was three months before the topic was brought up again. George and Y/N had seen each other but only in group settings. They were never in a room with less than three other people and avoided the topic of relationships like the plague. But now, as she stood in the shop waiting for the twins to close up so they could meet some friends out for drinks the tension between the three was palettable. With her back turned Fred looked to his brother and nudged him before scurrying off to the back room. With the encouragement from his brother, George straightened his back and slowly approached Y/N who’s fingers ran across the shelves. He cleared his throat and she looked up at him with wide eyes and a soft half smile. “So I was thinking,” George began, “I know we haven’t talked about it but since we are, for better or for worse, married.” He took a deep breath. “That maybe we should try to make the best of it.” He finished quickly, averting his eyes to the floor

“And what did you have in mind, for ��making the best of it’?”

George looked into her eyes and smiled. “I was thinking we could go on a date, who knows maybe we’re perfect for each other and don’t even know it.”

Silence filled the room as she looked away from George and to the shelf on her right. Though all of George’s muscles relaxed when she looked back to him with a smile and nodded. “How’s tomorrow after the shop closes?”

“Perfect.” He replied with a bright smile.

The next night George had raced through closing up the shop, and he was out the door only 5 minutes after they’d locked up. But after dinner with Y/N, and a long stroll back to her apartment, which had been far on the other side of town, George could hardly contain himself from the joy. Thus, one date to into two, two turned into 4, and 4 turned into every Thursday night, George leaving the shop a half hour early for a dinner date and leaving saturday nights for outings to the muggle movie theater that sometimes left him quietly creeping back into the apartment in the wee hours of the morning. They weren’t intimate, in fact they hadn’t even kissed but they enjoyed each other’s company. It was 3 months since the first date when Y/N came into the shop, just before closing, with a sour expression on her face.

“What’s wrong?” Fred asked, “Georgie here forgot a date?”

“No.” She said, frowning deeper. “My landlord is selling the building and everyone who’s lease is up was told we have until the end of next month to leave.” She laid her head down on the counter with a dramatic huff.

“Why don’t you just do a new lease?” George asked, his eyes still on the till he was counting.

“Because they’re renovating the vacant apartments.” She replied, the voice muffled by her arms that had now come to rest under her head.

“Well do you have a place to go?” Fred questioned, leaning onto the counter.

“Not yet,” She started, lifting her head to look at the twins. “Most of the places within a decent distance of the alley are fully occupied or outrageous. I mean one hundred and sixty-six galleon for a one bedroom? Price gouging!”

“Well I know a place, great location, decent pricing, neighbor is a bit loud but nothing too dramatic.” Fred began with a sly smirk.

“Where?”

“Upstairs.”

“I don’t know Fred, it’s two bedrooms and they both seem to be occupied unless you two are up for sharing.” She gave a light laugh.

“Actually,” Fred’s smirk grew. “It’s about to have a vacant room.”

“What?” Y/N and George exclaimed in unison.

“Man that is weird. But yeah Ang and I have been together a while, we get on real well and we thought it’d be beneficial for our relationship if we lived a bit closer, like in the same place. Sorry Georgie I was gonna tell you but slipped my mind.”

“When do you move out?” George asked.

“3 weeks time, beginning of next month. And you’re welcome to move in at the same time if ya like.”

“Wow Fred, that’s perfect! Thank you.”

“No no you’re doing Georgie here a favor, if you didn’t move in he’d have to find another roommate and knowing his luck Percy would try to move in.” The three of them laughed and agreed on the move dates. George was thrilled at the prospect of living with his wife.

A month later the last of Y/N’s things were moved into the apartment and, though in separate rooms, she and George were living together 7 months post marriage.

Six weeks later Y/N jolted awake in the middle of the night. Her mind had been filled with death and destruction and walls crumbling onto those she loved. Her eyes were filled with tears as she rose from the bed and padded her way to George’s room. She cracked the door open slowly and crossed to his bed.

“George.” She whispered soft, gently shaking his shoulder. He stirred and looked up at her.

“Yes dear?” He mumbled, closing his eyes again.

“I had a nightmare, can I sleep with you?” Her voice was timid but George nodded and moved back, holding the blanket up for her to snuggle in. With her face snuggled into George’s chest, she drifted off into a safe and peaceful sleep.

The next night, she went straight to George’s bed.

Slowly their lives began to meld together. The two become more affectionate, good morning kisses, and nightly snuggles on the couch. George learned how she took her morning beverages and Y/N made his lunch before he ran off to work. They began to hold hands as they walked down the street and talk about kids in the quiet of their room at night. Before they knew it two years had passed since that accidental spell.

Fred and his fiance had come over for dinner, the four of them now sitting around the table chatting. George had pulled Y/N into his lap when she stood up to do the dishes and now she sat on his knee as they all laughed at a joke Fred had made.

“You know Fred,” George began. “We really have a lot to thank you for.”

“Why’s that?” Fred asked, draping his arm over Angelina.

Y/N smiled, looking down at her handsome husband. “Well if you hadn’t done that spell we probably never would have gotten to this point.”

Angelina gave them a questioning look, her eyes looking back and forth between her fiance and the couple before them. “What spell?”

“The marriage spell.” George stated simply.

Angelina’s eyes widened. “The marriage spell?”

“Yeah like two years ago Fred did the marriage spell on up by mistake.” Y/N answered, unsure as to why Fred had never told his partner about that fateful night.

At this point Fred was unable to keep a straight face and he burst into a fit of laughter.

“What?” George asked, growing irritated at his brother’s behavior.

“Mate, I didn’t marry you two.” He exclaimed.

Y/N’s face fell. “You… you didn’t?”

Fred’s laughter continued. “No, I just knew George fancied you after that cheeky kiss you had, I thought maybe a little prank would make you do… this.” He said, gesturing to the two of them. “Don’t tell me you’ve thought you were married this whole time.”

Y/N jumped from George’s lap and with a horrified look at Fred stopped off into the bedroom.

George glared across the table. “Fred. You’re a horrible brother.”

“You got the girl didn’t you?” He said with a smile but shortly after George escorted the two of them to the door alone, his partner still holed up in their bedroom.

That night George and Y/N went to bed beside each other as they did every night even if they barely whispered more than a good night to each other. The next morning George’s side of the bed was empty.

Y/N padded out into the kitchen to find a full breakfast filling the table and George smiling at her when she entered the room.

“I was just about to come wake you, sit down. I've made all the favorites.” He pulled the chair out for her and pushed it back in as she sat.

“Did you cook or…” She began, placing a bit of toast on her plate.

“I used magic but I did set the table myself.” He smiled, taking the seat beside her. The two ate in a comfortable silence and as she stood to clear the plates George grasped her wrist gently. Looking over she saw George slip from his chair and onto one knee, her whole face softened.

“Y/N,” He began. “Two and a half years ago I kissed you for the very first time outside that pub in downtown London after a few too many fire whiskeys and I remember thinking ‘How did I wait this long to kiss her?’ All I wanted to do every single day after that was press my lips to yours but we didn’t talk about it again and I figured that you weren’t as interested in me as that night had led me to believe. Then the unthinkable happened, my stupid brother got even stupider, and married us, or at least we’ve spent the last two years thinking that he did.” The two of them chuckled at this point. “But it turned out to be the greatest stupid thing my twin has ever done because these last two years having you as my almost wife have been some of my best. I thought that we had skipped over this part but it looks like I need to turn our anniversary present into something a little bit more so, I’m asking you if you will become my wife by choice and not by accident.” George pulled a dainty ring from his pocket and held it up to her. A wide smile spread across her face and she nodded. George smiled back and slipped the ring onto her finger, jumping up to take her in his arms.

She pulled away slightly to look up at her fiance then grinning she said, “Let’s splurge on a real officiant this time.”

#george weasley #george weasley imagine #george weasley fanfiction #george weasley x reader #harry potter imagine

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pinkhairedlily · 3 years

Text

Every Glance A Step Closer

Prompt: Glances | AO3 link here. Connect with me on Twitter. Happy SS Month everyone! 🌸🍅🥗 @ssskmonth

“This one barely goes out of her laboratory. I swear to god she smells like formaline.”

“He smells like the dust and cobwebs in the library. I cannot even pronounce what he’s doing – archi…something. I just know he handles lots of old papers and books. B-o-r-i-n-g.”

“So anyway, Haruno Sakura meet Uchiha Sasuke.”

This was her one free day in her experiment period week, but she needed to steam off for a night and so she allowed her friend to tug her along for a chill night drink. What Sakura didn’t expect was to socialize with a small group of people in their year and to suffer the cold indifference of the guy in front of her.

To her another surprise, he held out a hand to her. “Hello there.” She took it, slightly conscious whether she used her formaline-cancelling hand lotion. A brief and firm shake and he quicky turned away.

“Sasuke finally speaks.”

“That hello sounded a little spicier.”

“Oh my, that hand holding definitely had some electricity.”

The cajoling and teasing finally stopped when the first round of beers came in. Local university gossip was the go-to conversation opener, from the open secret student-teacher relationships to recent couple break-ups. It eventually led to Sasuke and his list of confessions.

“I heard you turned down Mio from fashion design department.”

“No way. I heard she was approached by Celine for a gig.”

“Really Sasuke? That makes her the fifth girl you dumped for this week alone.”

“You never actually had a girlfriend, did you?”

Sakura stared at him doe-eyed, genuinely curious of his answer. He returned her gaze and raised one brow. “I have high standards.”

Oh wow, what a douche, Sakura thought. Hoots erupted in their table but only for a few seconds. While the drinking and the exchanges went on, Sakura found herself wanting to go home early. She was bored and her neck was tired from not looking at him. Under the guise of stretching her already strained neck, she stole a glance, hoping to have a brief moment to take in all of his features and remember his face.

But he was already looking at her. His eyes went to the door of the restaurant then back to her. Bored? He mouthed.

Sakura looked at the door, knowing perfectly what he meant. She chugged her supposedly last bottle of beer and made a small gap with her thumb and index finger. He caught her signal and started to stand up. Their group was tipsy enough not to notice their sudden movements as they shuffled out of the door.

She halted after a few steps, Sasuke’s figure already paces in front of her, wondering whether she should say goodbye or just walk towards the opposite direction back to her apartment. She didn’t think too much of it and quickly chose the latter.

She had to get ice cream first though, a sugar rush to help jolt her senses awake. She was choosing between chocolate and strawberry when a large figure stood beside her.

“A vanilla one, please,” Sasuke said, looking smug with his hands both in his pockets. “Your treat.”

Sakura felt weirded out by the fact that he actively kept on engaging her. His reputation preceded him, but she decided to humor him for tonight. “So library science and you’re an archivist.”

“Intern archivist actually. So you actually know me.” There was arrogance in his voice that made Sakura almost choke on her ice cream.

“Process of elimination. There is no male major in our year in the History department.” She glanced at him and saw that smug look slowly transition into a slight flush of embarrassment. Cute.

“And what if it was a hobby?” Sasuke fiddled with his still unopened vanilla ice cream.

“There was a job posting in the bulletin specifically calling for Library Science students.” Their feet led them to the park still bustling with university night life and settled on a bench under the canopy of a fully bloomed dogwood tree. “See, I’m not your admirer.”

“Well, that’s a downer,” he smirked.

They talked like that for a while, fleetingly exploring related topics to their degree programs, the usual prominent teachers, the busy schedules, until Sakura finished her chocolate and strawberry popsicles. It was on her way home, finally this time, that she realized he never ate his ice cream.

--------------------------

She next saw him on their building’s rooftop with a group of friends, a piece of unsmoked cigarette in between his fingers. He quickly met her eyes, did a brief nod, and looked away. She inadvertently expected more than that but she wasn’t here for a smoke break, and it wasn’t her intention to take it further. She was here for a quick getaway from her microscope and to appreciate the city view dotted with the flowers of spring.

He kept glancing her way, however. He would be in the middle of a conversation and his eyes would stray to her, and she would catch it in her periphery, trying not to notice it. She got tired after a few repetitions of this, and the next time he glanced, she caught his gaze.

Stop it, she mouthed.

I’m bored, he mouthed back. Walk with me. His fingers mimicked the gesture, his fingers walking in the air.

She put her hands together and slightly bowed in apology. Next time, she winked at him before running back to her laboratory, a small smile painted on her lips.

--------------------------

It became like this for the next few weeks; they conversed through glances and awkward gestures whenever they were in public with their friends. When it was time to come home, they would walk in separate ways and meet again in the park under the same dogwood tree and they would converse for hours. It was mostly Sakura word-vomiting about her experiments while Sasuke would look at her with abandoned fascination.

“Stop doing that,” Sakura called him out one time.

“Stop doing what?” Sasuke asked, his ember eyes never leaving her face.

“You stare too much I feel like I’m melting.”

Sasuke made a small grunt and wore his hoodie over his head to mess with her more. He waved his hands on both sides of his face, and she immediately understood the reference of a horse having its blinders on. “Good because usually I’m the one being stared at.”

Sakura reached out to his hoodie and tightened the strings around his neck. “You’re hopeless.”

He leaned forward, almost touching her lips, his face still between her palms. “Hmm, maybe I am.”

Sakura moved away just as quickly as he moved into her personal space, a hot flush creeping to her cheeks. She hated this particular situation since blushing always made her look like a cherry tomato.

“Cute.” Sasuke apparently said his thoughts aloud because he was taken aback the moment she glanced back at him. “Cool, I said cool.”

She laughed this off just as he completely covered his face inside his hoodie.

--------------------------

She visited the basement section of the library for reference materials. Her writeup was due tomorrow and she was missing a section on historical evolution of vaccines and dosages for the viral DNA she uncovered. The small library slip in her hand, she made her way to the dimly lit rows on Biology. The shelves were twice taller than her, but there were spaces in between stacked books.

Would make it very easy to spot a ghost, Sakura chided to herself. A shadow moved along the row adjacent to the Biology section, but she dismissed this as the library staff. Her fingers traced the spines of ragged books and examined the list of recommended titles in her hand. When she raised her head, ember eyes stared back at her between the spaces of the opposite row.

Hi, Sasuke mouthed. He glanced around and seeing no one, he whispered, “Can I come over to your side?”

She found it hard to stop her grin from rising. “More eyes, the better.”

It took only a few minutes for Sasuke to find all the titles in her list, but they littered around, walking in between shelves, taking one random book and flipping its pages, stopping when they find something interesting. When heavy footfalls were heard on the stairs, Sakura inclined her head, gesturing she needed to go.

Sasuke seemed to misunderstand as he pulled her through the sleeve of her cardigan to the area further behind the room, and as the shadows grew darker, and the noise became more muted, she heard the racing beat of her heart.

Finally reaching the wall, Sasuke slumped to the floor and patted the space beside him. Sakura followed suit, consciously leaving a space between them as she was slowly becoming hyper-aware of their proximity.

“How are you faring so far? Done with the requirements?” Sasuke asked, his voice low but audible enough for her.

Sakura nodded, and after beat, rolled her eyes at him. “Shouldn’t you be out there assisting others?”

“I believe you need more immediate help.” Sasuke pulled his knees in to rest his chin on and trained his eyes on her. “Sakura.”

“Sasuke.”

The longest minute of silence hung between them, tension strung by the stare, until Sakura broke it off with her eyes shifting to the floor. “What are you doing?”

“Flirting,” he said like it’s a matter-of-fact. “This is what they usually do to me.”

“And what should I do?” She let the words roll out of her mouth, unsure why she asked, uncertain also of what he felt. She met his gaze again.

And in that moment, he just sincerely looked at her. “Flirt back.”

--------------------------

Sakura was done for the school year. She will be officially graduating in a month, and to celebrate, she went out with their group for a sem-ender discotheque clubbing. She was gonna shoot her shot for a one-night stand with literally anyone who had chemistry with her – haha she was just kidding. As this seemed to be the final cap-off to her university life, she went all out with her clothes Sakura-style – basically a boxy cropped tea, high waisted jeans, and old heels her best friend gave to her in pity.

This was actually her first club experience, but she was glad to be with veteran friends. The first few minutes inside a closed space with bass boosted, unfamiliar crowds, and lots of skinship made her very uncomfortable. Her only reprieve was the free-flowing drinks – ironically she can handle alcohol well. The disco lights would have made it difficult to spot faces, but she found him in the dark, on the corner directly across her group, his eyes already glued on her.

She wondered if he ever forgave her for scrambling out of his presence in the reference section last time, explicitly avoiding his request to flirt back. It seemed like she worried for nothing since Sasuke raised his glass to her and mouthed congratulations. She raised her glass back, resolving to mind her own business tonight. But he kept looking, a smirk etched on his beautiful face, urging her to meet him halfway.

She didn’t need to look for an excuse as her friends suddenly pulled her into the harmless mosh pit of friendly grinding. Sakura allowed herself to move to the beat, enjoying the bubble offered by the club to lose herself for a few seconds. But she kept glancing towards his direction, his eyes looking for her in the mass of bodies. At first, the glances were mischievous, like playing hide-and-seek, then they held gravity, heavy lidded and palpable.

Sasuke was impatient, and soon enough, at her next spin on her heels, he was right behind her, his hands hovering over her arms, seeking consent to touch. Sakura turned to face him, one part shy, other parts unnerved, and she slowly encircled her arms around his neck, her eyes a definite yes. His hands went to her waist, and he brought her closer to his embrace.

“You don’t have your hoodie though,” Sakura said, a little louder over the crooning of Carly Rae Jepsen to Gimmie Love. “Someone will definitely see you.”

Sasuke closed whatever distance was between them and brought his lips to her ears. “That’s a relief then. I want to be seen with you.”

“Simp,” Sakura teased. “You’re probably expecting a confession out of me, aren’t you?” This was a long time coming and she wanted to get it over with tonight especially when she had alcohol buzzing on her side.

“I am actually,” Sasuke said. “I was hoping to beat you to it in the library last time, but you ran away. Coward.”

“What?”

“What? Didn’t you hear me?”

“You like me.” Sakura said in realization. She edged her face away from his hold to take a good look at his embarrassed face. “Oh, you really do.”

“You could be dense sometimes, Sakura.” Sasuke poked her forehead playfully, and he was rewarded with a bubbly laughter from her.

Their friends finally noticed them and the intense skinship happening. The yells and woots started to drown out the speakers.

“That took you two long enough, huh?”

“They really waited for the end of the school year to do their big reveal.”

“As if the whole school doesn’t know already.”

“What?” Sasuke and Sakura asked in unison.

“It was the constant eyesmex.”

“Really, they do it every time with no shame. It gives me secondhand embarrassment.”

“Right? Sometimes I think I need to yell get a room.”

“Maybe they’ll get a room tonight.”

“Oh my god, shut up."

🌸 It's my first time participating actively for SS Month so please go easy on me haha. Work is loosely inspired by Nevertheless webtoon (which now has a Netflix adaptation). Hope you enjoyed reading!

#ssm21 #sasusaku month #sasusaku #ssm21d1 #uchiha sasuke #haruno sakura #sasuke #sakura #fanfic #anime fanfiction

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theydontknowaboutusimagines · 4 years

Text

This Christmas - A Harry Styles Christmas Series (Part 7)

Two life long friends. Secretly in love. Home for the holidays. Will they risk everything by telling the other how they feel? Or will they spend another year loving from afar?

Read these first Prologue Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

“So, how’s the family?” Jeff asked.

Harry sat on his bed, holding his phone in front of him as he chatted with his manager over facetime, “Mum’s good. Gem’s coming up tomorrow, I think.”

“Well, that’s good,” he said. “What’s it like being back home.”

“It’s uh… just what I needed,” he smiled.

And he meant what he said. Being back home and being with you was exactly what he needed.

“What happened,” Jeff asked, raising an eyebrow.

“What do you mean?” Harry asked.

“You have that look on your face,” he said. “The one where something happened and you’re not telling me.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said.

“Except you do,” Jeff said, “Now, tell me.”

Harry rolled his, “Fine, if you must know. I’ve reconnected with an old friend during my time here.”

“A friend, or a friend,” he said.

“The latter,” he sighed, dramatically.

“So, then you’re seeing someone?” He asked.

“Technically, yes,” Harry answered. “We’re taking things slow.”

“Good,” he smiled. “You need someone special in your life.”

“She’s definitely that someone,” Harry whispered.

“Wow, you’re making fabulous progress,” your agent said. “I’ll say I was a little worried about you heading home, but it seemed to work some magic.”

“I guess you can say that,” you smiled.

“Have you thought of a title, yet?” She asked.

“Um… no I haven’t,” you sighed.

“Well, we still have time,” she said. “Oh, one more thing before we get off here.”

“Okay,” you said. “What’s up?”

“The producers should have the final cast list by the New Year,” she said.

“Really?” You smiled.

“Yep,” she nodded. “They’re finalizing the screenplay soon and it’ll be sent over for you to look at it.”

“Oh, wow,” you said. “I was expecting that.”

“Hey, when they came to us we told them we wanted as much input as we could have,” she said.

“That’s true,” you said. “I’m really happy with everything so far.”

“Me too,” she said. “So, if everything is okayed soon, filming should start by the spring.”

“I can’t believe this is actually happening,” you smiled. “I never thought… I never thought one of my books would be made into a film.”

“Well, you better get used to it, love,” she said. “If this one goes well, then I’m sure your other’s will be made soon after.”

“Thank you again for everything,” you smiled. “I really wouldn’t be able to do this without you.”

“Hey, I’m just your voice. You bring the magic,” she smiled. “I better let you go.”

“Okay, talk to you soon,” you smiled.

Later that night, you were getting ready for a Christmas party. You were invited by a friend to meet up at a local pub for a little get together. You told Harry about it and since it was a mutual friend group, he was happy to join you. It has been so long since you’ve done your hair and makeup and worn actual clothes and not just different forms of pajamas.

You went into the house where Harry was waiting. You smiled seeing him dressed in a t- shirt and a pair of trousers with a cardigan over top.

“You look beautiful,” he smiled, helping you into your coat.

“Compared to how I’ve looked the past few days, I believe it,” you joked.

“You always look beautiful,” he said.

“Not possible,” you said. “Everyone has their off days where they look gross.”

“True, but to be you’re always beautiful,” he smiled.

“Yeah, you just haven’t seen me trying to meet a deadline and I’ve literally not showered in like a few days, my hair’s a mess, and my clothes have stains on them because I didn’t bother changing them,” you said.

“That uh… sounds scary,” he winced.

“Ready to run for the hills, yet?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Not even close,” he smirked, opening the door for the two of you to head out to the car.

When you arrived at the pub, most everyone was already there. Harry placed his hand on your lower as you two walked inside. As soon as everyone saw you, they all shouted and rushed over to hug you two.

“The gang's back together!” One of them shouted.

You laughed, shaking your head, even though it was true. It had been ages since everyone had been back home, you were always missing someone, but that night everyone was there and it was just like old times. Throughout the night, you and Harry had gotten separated as you two were talking to different sides of the group.

“Man, Y/N is looking fit,” one of the guys said.

“Yeah, she is,” another said.

Harry sipped his drink as he waited to see where they were going with this.

“I can’t believe you broke it off with her,” one of them added.

“I know, I know,” he sighed. “I fucked up.”

“Wait, you dated Y/N?” Harry asked. “When?”

“You didn’t know?” They said.

“No,” he shook his head.

“Yeah, we dated almost a year, about two years ago,” he said.

“Was it serious?” Harry asked.

“I mean, it was more casual than serious,” he told him.

“Interesting,” Harry said, looking over at you.

“Why don’t you go over there and see if there’s still feelings there. You seemed to be very satisfied when you were with her,” the friend smirked.

“I might,” the guy said. “She looks like she could use some tension release.”

That’s it. Harry had heard enough. He downed the rest of his drink and pushed through the group he was talking to. He was pissed. He wasn’t sure if it was the thought of those guys who were supposedly his friends talking about you like that, or if it was because he was jealous that someone else was not only talking about you, but had been with you like that. Oh and then there was the whole, you failed to tell him you dated one of the guys you grew up with.

“Hey, Harry,” you said.

“We’re leaving,” he said.

You furrowed your eyebrows, “What? Why? We just got here.”

“Yeah, we’ll if we stay here much longer, I can’t promise I won’t shove my fist into someone’s face,” he said. “So, either we leave or I push someone across the pub.”

“Um, excuse me,” you said, pulling him to the other corner of the pub. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Why didn’t you tell me that you and Graham were together?” He spat out.

You sighed running your hands over your face, “Because that was over two years ago. I didn’t think it mattered and it’s not like we’ve really been on the topic of discussing our exes.”

“But he’s not just an ex! He’s our friend! Someone I’ve been spending time with!” He snapped.

“Oh you mean someone else you’ve spent time with over the past six years, but couldn’t ever spend time with me!” You snapped.

“Seriously? You’re throwing that back up in my face? We’ve been over this already,” he snarled.

“Because you’re yelling at me because you’re jealous that someone had the fucking balls to ask me out and actually be with me. We both have exes. We both have past relationships. If this is how you’re going to react at the thought of someone else being with me, then fuck you! I might have been in love with you for my entire life, but I didn’t just wait around for you to finally want me. And I know you weren’t waiting around either because all of your past relationships are posted over the fucking internet for the world to see!” You snarled back.

Harry jerked back at your words.

“Yeah, maybe I should have told you about Graham. But you want to get jealous over that because you might occasionally spend time with him and let’s be honest. You’ve never spent any one on one time with him, ever. You’re not that close to him. But for me, all I have to do is google your name and the first thing I’m going to see is everyone you’ve ever been linked to in the past ten years. I’ve had to deal with that for a fucking decade and I’m always going to have to deal with that. But you? You can’t handle my ex just because he happens to be in our childhood friend group? You’re right, you should leave, but I’m staying. I’ll get my own ride back,” you sniffled.

“Y/N, wait,” he said, reaching out for you as you walked past him.

A few hours later, you got out of the car and walked the long way around to the tiny house. You honestly don’t know why you stayed after your fight with Harry because you were miserable the rest of the night. It also didn’t help that you kept throwing back shots. You pulled your coat around you tighter as you walked through the backyard. You were exhausted and realized you really needed to pee.

You groaned knowing you would have to go into the house and you seriously debated on just finding a tree somewhere and be done with it. But it was too cold for that, so you snuck yourself inside. You didn’t want to see Harry, not yet. You were still annoyed and upset over what had happened. In a way, you both overreacted, but both of your feelings were valid.

You knew if you found out he hooked up with someone from here, you would probably be just as upset and jealous. But it still didn’t make it right. You got to the bathroom, sneaking inside, and being as quick as possible. Afterwards, you washed your hands, barely turning on the water, and drying them off before heading back outside.

However, you were stopped by the voice of the very person you didn’t want to see at that moment.

“Can we talk?” Harry whispered from his doorway.

“I think we’ve done enough talking for one night,” you mumbled.

“Y/N, please,” he begged. “I don’t want to end the night like this.”

You sighed, “Fine,” you said, pushing yourself into his room.

“Are you drunk?” He asked.

“Hard to tell,” you said, jumping onto his bed. “I had a few shots… some food and some water… so I’m probably like 80% drunk right now.”

“Lovely,” he mumbled.

“Hey, you wanted to talk,” you pointed at him. “I had every intention of still being mad at you.”

“Which you should be because I acted like an asshole,” he said.

“Acceptance is always the first step,” you giggled.

“Bloody hell, you’re a giggly drunk,” he shook head.

“I would love to confirm that, but I don’t have enough experience,” you giggled.

“Maybe we should hold off on this conversation,” he sighed. “You need to sleep this off.”

“Ugh, fine,” you said. “Fucking make up your mind.”

“Where are you going?” He asked, when you started getting up off the bed.

“To my room,” you said.

“You’re not sleeping out there like this,” he said. “You’re sleeping in here.”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m a big girl, Harold,” you said, poking him in the chest.

“You’re a drunk girl and I don’t trust you out there by yourself,” he said. “You’re staying in here. If you don’t want me to sleep in here, fine. I’ll go to the other room.”

“I don’t even have clothes! I’m not sleeping in this outfit,” you whined.

“Then borrow some of mine,” he said, pulling some out of his suitcase.

“Your mood sure has changed,” you mumbled.

“It’s because I realized I overreacted,” he sighed. “You were right. I was jealous and upset because… I don’t want to think or picture you being with someone else. I know you have a past and I’m sorry I let it get to me… I just…”

You groaned, “I don’t feel so good,” you quickly got up from the bed, racing towards the bathroom where you empty all of your stomach contents into the toilet.

Harry sighed, following and sitting down beside you, holding your hair. When you were done, you leaned against the wall, wiping your mouth with the wet washcloth Harry had given you.

“The thing with Graham…” you sighed. “That only happened…”

“Hey, you don’t have to justify yourself,” he said.

“No, I need you to know,” you sighed. “It wasn’t serious with him. It was never serious with anyone. I tried to let myself, but I was never fully into the relationship. The only reason I got with Graham is because he was there…. I knew him… and he didn’t want anything serious either.”

“What do you mean by he was there?” Harry asked.

“I went… I went to one of your shows,” you whispered. “I thought maybe… maybe if you saw me there, you would have to talk to me. I texted Gemma, seeing if she would be there, and she told me she was. She was going to get me backstage and everything to surprise you. But-”

“But what?” He asked.

“You were with her,” you whispered. “Your ex. You seemed so happy and in love. You looked at her the way I always wanted you to look at me. My heart broke into a million pieces because up until then I really thought maybe we had a chance. Even if it had already been a few years since we spoke. So, instead ruining that, I just… left. Gemma tried to stop me, but I kept going. That was when she realized I was in love with you.”

“Gemma knew?” He whispered. “Gemma knew you were there and never said anything to me.”

“I asked her not to,” you told him. “She felt horrible for omitting the truth from you, but I told her it was for the best.”

“Maybe it was,” he admitted. “I don’t know how I would have reacted seeing you there.”

You didn’t respond other than wiping fallen tears from your eyes. Harry scooted over to sit closer to you.

“I wouldn’t get too close,” you mumbled.

“I don’t care,” he whispered, pushing hair out of your face.

“We can’t change our past, right? We can’t go back in time and do things over, but we can do whatever it takes to make sure our present and future are what we want them to be,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” you mumbled.

“And I’m sorry I yelled at you causing you to yell at me,” he whispered.

You laid your head on his shoulder, “I’m sleepy.”

“Then let’s get you back to bed. We can finish this in the morning,” he said.

He got up from where the two of you were sitting on the tiled bathroom floor. He reached down, picking you up like it was nothing, and carried you into his bedroom. You wrapped your arms around his neck, leaning your head against his chest, as he carried you. You placed you on his bed before getting the clothes he had picked out for you and handing them to you.

He turned around while you undressed yourself before pulling his clothes over your body. Once he knew you were finished, he looked down at you.

“Stay in here,” you whispered.

“You sure?” He asked.

You nodded, pulling the blanket down for him to join you.

“Mum’s probably going to kill me in the morning,” he mumbled, wrapping his arms around you. “Or throw a box of condoms at my head.”

You giggled, “Those might come in handy one day if you’re lucky.”

“Is that a promise?” He smirked.

“Guess you’ll just have to wait and find out,” you said.

He laughed, shaking his head before planting a kiss on your forehead. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too,” you whispered back before closing your eyes and falling into a drunken sleep.

SORRRY Again for the super late update. I hope to have Part 8 posted tomorrow at an earlier time. :)

#Harry Styles Imagines #Harry Styles Fanfictions #Harry Styles Fanfics #Harry Styles Fics #Harry Styles Christmas Series

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weirdo-with-a-nametag · 3 years

Text

Brain is tv static with random frames interspersed

Think I'm like. Really stressed and jumping between topics to try and find something that helps / feels good

Topics:

Anyone know a good health tracking app for adhd people? I want one that like pops up when you open your phone, maybe? But is unobtrusive. Like maybe you just rate your mood or whatever when you open your phone, and it closes, and you go about your business. I just hate every app and paper method I've tried but really want to track some stuff

Pigeon. ? Pigeon as pet?

Service animals re: cats, pigeons, my cat specifically, and then also ESAs and also what to use as treats while training my cat (he's pretty happy to learn behaviors with praise and pets as reinforcement, but treats would make everything move much faster, but I haven't found something I want to give him so we've just been y'know. Chillin)

Service animals re: what tasks can my pet potentially do that would help me? I don't really know a lot about service animals and there is a Huge range. If anyone has suggestions, or places to read about it, I'd appreciate it! Mostly thinking they may help with anxiety, sensory, and mobility/fatigue related stuff. Not much of a need for medical alerts.

Bioactive enclosures for my snakes, need to research their biomes and make progress on designs and equipment specifications

Also. Hit a seriously hard patch and haven't been handling them much at all this month so that's not great

Casting stuff. Saw jewelry today made of metal casts of claws, skulls, etc, and they were really well done and made me want to do that

Some taxidermy / vulture culture stuff I won't get into right now

Puzzles????

How to organize my room

Need a shower

Need to organize bathroom

So Much Schoolwork

Uhhhhh trying, but not making much headway, to figure out how I want to do my music collection. Also really need to clean my records..

Make?

Food??? Ew.

Dental hygiene ://

Plampts. So many. Houseplants need maintenance, many need repotting. Keep taking in people's problem plants and like, they're doing better, largely, after being trimmed and watered and whatnot, but need repotting. Also need to trim some aquarium plants.

Also need to put water in tanks. And spray nepenthes.

Laundry.

Gotta pick up trash in my room. There's so much. Everywhere. Why.

Schoolwork. I'm so behind. So, so stuck. Kind of feel like I'm dying.

Going on a picnic tomorrow. Have to figure out what still needs doing for that, probably need to go to the store.

Leo needs water. I'm so....ugh, I'm trying so hard, but it feels impossible. I do my best to take good care of my pets, and I think they live pretty good lives most of the time, but sometimes I get like This and completely drop off the face of the earth and then like, wake up or whatever and two weeks have passed by and I have not cleaned a water bowl! That's a serious problem!!!! I do not know how to combat that, really, besides more reminders. Having someone around who is willing to like, help, when things are especially hard, would be great, but I don't live with my partner right now and do not feel like I can ask anyone here for that. But I can't put my animals at risk. I check on them every day, and if their bowls are dirty I do take them out and clean them, but sometimes (like now) i cannot get myself to do it without a pressure like a dirty bowl, or a feeding day. And like, it's really important that they have clean water. I'm talking to myself here but like, if anyone has advice. Please. With the tank redesigns and upgrades, the bowls will be more accessible, which will help because one of them is very heavy at the angle I have to pick it up, and another requires moving a lot of branches and is best to take out while the snake is out (this is Leo) which is fine because I love my boy, but adds time to the process, and makes it harder to start, you know? Maybe if I just got more bowls - I could take the bowl out and immediately replace it, fill the new one, and replace the decor and snake, and then clean the bowl as a separate task? That would be easier for my brain. Currently I have a Specific bowl I prefer to use for each tank, and then everything else is Just In Case, but I mean. Acquiring extras is something I want to do anyway, and it may help with several problems, so. Yeah. I'll try that. But also, any other ideas, guys?

Anxiety: can't stop picking at my face, skin, nails, cuticles, scalp, pretty much everywhere with callouses, also scratched a mole off my face, which is something I've been trying Not to do for a while, so that's...not great. Can't find my earmuffs, and also all of my headphones are painful? Ears are really sensitive lately.

Been playing a lot of Moth Game (flutter: starlight if you wanna be friends say hey I don't know how to do it but would enjoy talking about moths if nothing else. The game is just like, an idle ish collecting game with cutesy versions of different species, and very little actual information, but it's still fun, and if anyone else is on there and also Into Moths like I am, hiiiii) and like it's fun and cute but also greatly impacting my productivity, and raises my stress levels during events, which is most days, so the game has. Not been helping. But I can't stop because then I'll miss Exclusive Moths.

Anyway. Had baklava and two mugs of Thai tea today and the sugar has made me nauseous.

Trying to journal. Hurts to write. Also takes too long. Also my handwriting is very bad. But typing is..not as good

Want to draw. Thinking about drawing cats

Plants again! Want to make seed bombs, have seeds, have most of the other ingredients, just need to put em together, basically.

Really sad :(

Or am I?

Weird noise coming from dining room?

Birds. Spent half an hour at least on the deck tonight listening to a hundred different bird calls (literally) to identify one I was hearing, it was a pine siskin, which I checked early on but the recording was bad and I didn't realize which call was identified. Anyway, cool to put a name to a face, so to speak.

Need to practice for ASL

So much.....to do...

Only had like >3 hours of work this week which was not great because money, but also like I'm really feeling those 3 hours....

My cat is basically refusing to come into my room? Which is very strange and I'm worried something is Off but cannot figure out what. Also means less cuddles which means I'm sad.

It feels strange whenever people follow me, the attention is nice but I have no idea what content y'all are here for. So to everyone: hi, enjoy, hope my random personal posts aren't a surprise to anyone who followed for like. News reblogs and informational stuff.

Do I even have it in me to..be successful in school? Should I drop out of college? I'm struggling really hard and do not feel like I'm building on the skills I need to continue, so like. Uh.

My dad is being. Abrasive.

Mom and grandma are very angry lately

Housemate is also angry, about things i thought we were on good terms about, so I am stressed because like,, are we okay?

Can't find my eye mask :(

Yoga? Like...restorative yoga? Need to track down my PT stuff. And. Do it.

Need to put the stickers on my license plates....oops...

Still haven't found my antidepressants! Yay!

Do I want to store my stuff in open bins, or with lids? Which stuff needs spill protection and stacking capability and which stuff needs easy access?

How to earn money without..chaos

Gotta go to the pet store tomorrow. Have to compile my list of pet store items i need. Uhhhhhhhhhh

Also I have an essay due tomorrow that I've barely started. So. Wooooooo

Kt tape for supporting arches / inner ankles? I keep messing up my ankles, and part of it is walking wrong because I don't have the energy to engage the muscles in my feet/legs right to like, avoid injury, and part of it is I just need new shoes inserts. But i wear slippers a lot and they do not have arch support and it hurts. PT to help with this also but Where Is It

Family can't seem to get dish soap I can use, so I've just been having to avoid washing anything by hand, or being in the general kitchen area while anyone uses the stuff, which has led to more of my dishes sitting out, and more conflict over dishes. Lovely.

How hard is it for parents to learn they have to respect boundaries? Very hard, apparently. And you're supposed to just sort of remind people, and explain, over and over and over but like at this point my self worth is actually pretty good and the lifetime of proof that they do not want to listen? That's making me want to stop trying. Like, if you're not going to respect my boundaries I'm just not going to involve you in my life. I'm not talking to my dad right now because of this. Maybe I'll decide to lay things out to him, again and again and again again, maybe not. And I'm comfortable saying that's on him.

How to drink water

Am I dehydrated or are my hands just completely callous now. My fingertips have such hard skin. Why? It's uncomfortable. This is part of why I've been biting them.

Also testosterone. Been having a lot of trouble doing my shots, because anxiety and physical freakouts, but also not feeling super urgent about it. Which I'm realizing may be a sign i need to look at the effects so far and the possible effects of continuing, and see what they make me feel. It's possible I'm where I want to be as far as T, and don't really want to stay on it. A big thing for me is a deeper voice, so it seems time to take a look at whether I like my voice where it is or want to see if it'll drop any more. Etc etc

Miss my lil sisters

Saw a lot of cool rocks today. Huge (like hand sized) ammonite for $28. May go back and buy one because. Wow.

Want to plant food plants

Also my natives. Whole garden plot standing empty with a bunch of stuff waiting in nursery pots, needing to go in the ground. Because I can't get out of bed. Love that. Stuff is dying out there, I'm dying in here, there's a poetry to it and I do not want to romanticize suffering so I will say this: I brought a Bucket full of moss home a month ago and planted it and now go outside sometimes to drench my moss and it is very rewarding because the stuff is just so green. Incredible. When the rest of my plants are finally in the ground, that feeling will only intensify. But, for now, the moss is very nice.

Made a glow in the dark bead lizard from memory during therapy yesterday, and I love him. Also, still struggling with bringing up autism and psychosis topics with my therapist. Still very worried about. Things. Would like to get a new person? But sometimes she is helpful? And we have a routine. It's very hard to break the routine. Maybe I can set some time aside during the summer, to figure out what to do there.

Term ends in a couple weeks. The task of catching up, of passing, seems impossible. I really need to pass my courses. I'm on academic warning, because my GPA is lower than it should be, and if I can pass all of my classes this term I can get off academic warning but otherwise I'm not sure what will happen to my financial aid.

My phone is playing the same 50-100 songs on shuffle and I don't even particularly like most of them and it is very strange

Got my face wipes! Hooray, i can wash my face again

Been eating too much sugar in general. It's making my joints hurt more, and the nausea

Pet a dog the other day. I miss that. It would be really nice to have a dog in the house again. The exuberance, the cuddles, the tail wagging, the walks... I'd really like that. Maybe once I'm out in my room, tanks and catio built and everyone is situated, I'll look into getting a dog instead of a cat next. Was planning on holding off in case I'm not physically able to take them out on walks and such, but I've been pretty successful at doing this job, and I think that my main hurdle for walking really is motivation. Dog walking is a strong motivator for me. Best to start by fostering, or just do Wag, for a while though. I'm feeling overwhelmed with my current responsibilities, and here I am talking about getting a dog. Good job, me

How do you get wax off of somewhat water soluble rocks? My housemate broke my lava lamp on some of my rock collection and I am not sure how to get some of them clean without damage.

I am...pretty sure there are collared doves nesting over my room but it seems they're less common around here than I thought? But they are..pretty distinctive. Like if I'm wrong, what are those birds. Some very distinctly colored feral pigeons? Who are nesting here, in a tree, without their flock, and who happen to have pretty much the exact same pattern?

Probably should go to the dollar store and get some bins for organizing

Been wanting to keep a bin by the door and stock it with stim/fidget stuff people can just .have ..like extras of some of my favorites and other things i can get ahold of, to offer to my friends who haven't really had the chance to explore the world of stim toys

Hands are really just not doing great the last several weeks. Arthritis type pain cropping up more and more in all the little joints, making it hurt more to write, type, or just use them for whatever. Coordination isn't great because of that distraction, and because my hands/arms are slow to respond and kinda weak. Most people would say I'm not using them enough but I've been doing 15ish hours of manual labor per week, so maybe it's the other direction? More water would help. If only it wasn't so heavy.

I haven't taken a single shower since I started my job. Which was March 29th. That's not great.

Practiced parallel parking today. 10/10 still very bad at it.

Having anxiety that my friends think I'm lying about things, faking, and are watching me to see if I'll slip up. So that sucks. Can either talk about that directly or indirectly, or just shut up about those things until I can get my brain under control again. I'm not sure right now if the reassurance would work as a reality check or make me believe it more, right now, so might hold off on the talking bit for a little while.

Saw, smelled, picked a couple pretty roses. Good times

At this point I'm just trying to list all my thoughts so that maybe I'll be able to sleep and not worry I'll forget

My mom has put her spider plant on the deck, and it has maybe five living leaves. I have no idea how she killed such a well established spider plant, the last time I saw it it was so happy. Did she stick it in a corner and forget to water it? Whatever happened, it is now in the Plant ER, so hopefully I'll be able to...help get it on the up and up again

Leo is such a pretty noodle. He's so pretty. He's posing. Hi, baby boy.

Oh, he saw me moving around and decided to come say hi. Sorry little man, i did not mean to disturb you. Please resume lounging. I can't bring you out right now, I'm trying to sleep.

Also, terrariums. Water features. Need to ask. Someone. The one who was making that super cool garter snake enclosure and blogging the progress? With the lazy river and pool? About maintenance on that kind of setup. My milk snake really enjoys water, and I'd love to put a water feature in his tank. But I'm unclear on how to keep it clean, or honestly where to start. Don't want any huge falls or anything, though it actually may not make the humidity too high if I did maybe a small drip wall into the pool? That seems like something he would enjoy, and a good way to support different types of plants. But like, that's the thing, it's bioactive and I haven't done that before and no amount of research is ever enough.

Oh, Shogun has a dirt hat. How cute. I love when they do that

See, this is the thing. My snakes make me so happy. All three of them are actually hanging out where I can see them from my bed right now, and it's really nice. I want their lives to be the best possible, and I think I have the resources to do that. Which is so exciting. Now if only my brain and body would cooperate. It would hurt quite a lot to have to re-home any of them, but the most important thing is their health and quality of life, you know? If I can't get my act together somewhat, it may be that one or all of them would be better off with another keeper. I don't know. It's just, i talk about all these tank ideas and all this husbandry standards stuff but how much of it actually gets applied to my own animals whose lives are in my hands? How well am I caring for them, really?

Oh!!! My red thread! I thought that was gone forever.

Anyway, please do not worry. My snakes are healthy. I pay attention, and watch for signs of illness, and they're okay. There will always be places to improve, and the water is a big one, but most of the time i change their water out frequently, I'm just worried because of bad depression and fatigue times, you know? I'm working on making the most self sustaining systems i can, in part so that I am sure they'll be okay if I mess up sometimes. Just saying this because I hope you guys don't feel like you need to worry about the welfare of my pets. They're okay, i just always want better for them, is all.

Anyway, the sun is coming up and I should probably go to sleep. So uh, thanks for reading, if you read all of this randomness, and if anyone has thoughts or advice on anything in this post, i would welcome it! Good night!

#mine #long post #snakes #pets #food m #uhhhhhhhhhhhh whatever else needs tagging

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botwstoriesandsuch · 4 years

Note

Since you’re promoting Zelda OCs I would like to share this thing that happened to me with you and if you want you can also tell me what you think. There is this botw artist who had her Zelda OC whom I liked very much. Her art is beautiful but she’s been very mean. It's true: “never meet your heroes”. One day she shared a post about her OC asking others if they had ocs as well. I shared my OC in the comment section saying I made my OC based of myself. She immediately DM me saying I should delete the comment because to her it looked like I wanted to use her ‘popularity’ to promote my art (dude wtf she isn’t even THAT famous lmao). I ofc told her I was ashamed by it and deleted it... I complimented her and she didn’t even give a shit about it. I told her I wanted to let her see my OC to not make her feel ‘alone’ and she told me “uhm okay I don’t need your approval, I’m quite happy with that I make”. And last but not least when I said I’d been following her since 2018 she said “but I don’t see you among my followers”. What do you think? It made me so depressed I quit drawing my OC for three days.

Well, obviously I have no context for the whole extent of this situation, so very well could be misunderstand and tone and other stuff factored in there, but going off what you’ve said overall sounds like she’s a BITCH. Not very poggers of her if I do say so myself.

There’s maybe an argument and point to made there about not putting art in another person’s art post because I guess it could be seen as derailing. But like, if she asked for people to share their ocs then people are gonna share their ocs lmao. Also, and this is just my personal opinion and I’m no artist myself so take this as you will, if someone posts art, and then someone reblogs that with their art that’s related/inspired by the original topic, 90% I’m able to appreciate both art separately. Welp, I guess she’s op so she gets some semblance onto how she wants people to interact so. Good for her for not needing people’s approval to enjoy the things she makes

But that shit about “using popularity” and questioning your follow time...wow that’s bitchy sldkjfs apologies I can’t think of the proper synonym for it but it just is. Gonna call the cops? Gonna report me? “Oh how scandalous that this person who follows me and likes my content has been following for only 200 days and not a YEAR like they said smh” boi shut the fuck up no one cares. I don’t care, and you shouldn’t care. If you’ve followed since 100 followers, sweet. If you’re here from just this month, welcome. What is this gatekeeping obsession with how long you follow people for like I get it if you’re friends or mutuals but literally what is there to gain by saying shit like “only REAL ones have been here since 1k subscribers” or “only my TRUE fans are the ones from 2017″ like fucking shut up, since when has follow time constituted for how much you enjoy and appreciate something

“Using my popularity to your advantage” arguments have also grinded my Ancient gears. Like yes, there are assholes who only want to talk with you or be friends just so they can use your position or whatever for their benefit. They totally exist don’t get me wrong. People who are like that, you have my approval to punt them. But also, the entire idea that just because someone is benefitting from someone else’s popularity they are a bad person is really wrong. Not to bash capitalism on the Zelda sideblog, but the entire idea that the rich and “famous” (heavy heavy quotation marks there considering we are on tumblr) are only successful because of their hard work is just blatantly false. Sure it’s important, it gets you like 50-70% of the way there, but the rest of that very significant percentage is just luck, or just factors in user engagement, or current trends or maybe they’re related to someone influential. It’s a roll of the dice. You don’t own popularity, you just don’t. That is completely owed to the people that follow and engage with you, so who are you to insult them.

Now, I’m not saying that you owe your followers anything, in fact, yeah I’d agree blatantly: You don’t owe your followers anything. You make the thing, they get the thing, they follow/like/share, the transaction is over. But at the same time, don’t act like a high and mighty bitch about it, fucking “using her popularity,” how much of your precious and popular time do you waste to give a nice comment, or even sharing something made by someone else, someone that could very well be the reason you’re in the position you’re in right now. Yeah bitch how about you use your “popularity” to give attention to someone talented, what do you have to lose by sharing something good with people. And no one better give me that shit about “OhhhHhhHHhhhh but if you share it then they didn’t eaarrnnnn anything and they can’t leaaaAAARnn and growww” cause first of all no, shut the fuck up, bash your capitalism brain into the earth and stop thinking that all success and growth has to be born out of pain and sacrifice. Secondly, just because someone popular shares something, it that doesn’t mean all that engagement instantly gets passed on to another person. That engagement would only get passes if the person was skill/talented/created something great AKA they worked in that regard to earn it. Idk about you, but if someone I like promotes another person, I don’t just automatically follow them, I look at them, and if I like them and what they do, then I follow. Such an incredibly stupid argument to me when people say that people are leeching off of popularity like it’s some finite resource, anyone can get a couple hundred likes and views, but if the stuff you make is quality and good, that’s when people stick around.

If you’re “popular” you should also share the work of other people that you like. Now THAT’S JUST MY PERSONAL OPINION cause there are other reasons that you might not mass reblog shit to keep yourself organized or you purely just focus on your account for sharing and nothing else or whatever other reasons there are that are probably valid, but it’s how I feel. So if you share, don’t share because someone asked or begged you, or because you want the nice guy clout, just fucking share the stuff that you like because you like it, because those 5 seconds it takes to click a few buttons could mean a world of change to someone who very well could have been in your position had the stars of the social media algorithm aligned a bit differently.

Wow I wrote a lot, I guess this was something I really wanted to rant about huh. I guess I just really want you to know that, yeah, that person sounds like a bitch, and you shouldn’t let that experience stop you from making the things that make you happy. TL;DR be nice to your nice followers, popularity is a made up currency so just fucking spend it wildly, OCs are pretty rad

#long post #sorry #not botw #rant #there's nuances to the argument obviously #but also #being nice feels nice #so #take that haters

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lesbian-vmin · 4 years

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Just an imaginary question.. Imagine either V or JM announce that they already have a partner. How would you genuinely feel? I'm just curious. Lol. Personally, I'd feel a little sad. But of course I'll be happy if they're happy. And I'd admire their friendship more for protecting each other, even though it exposed them to bad judgment from others. I hope it won't happen. But, somehow I should prepare my heart 😂😂

You know what? Thank your for this ask. Because this is something I probably never would have talked about on my own, and this gives me a chance to talk about it. I feel like I have a little bit of a different view on this than what a lot of people might, so I hope you get something out of this. (Please read below the cut)

I want to start by saying I don’t think I would be offended very much, if at all, when the (probably) inevitable happens. There might come a day when the members of BTS are allowed to be open about who they are dating, and it most likely won’t be one of their own members. I don’t want to say “let’s be realistic” because I honestly believe it’s “realistic” that two group members could be dating each other. But likely? That’s a different story. (And I will explain later)

Now, I’m going to try my best to make this organized and well written as I explain why I wouldn’t be offended. Because I think that a lot of people (regardless if they taking shipping too far or not) get invested in ships. And when dating news is announced, it can be upsetting to those invested. Feelings get hurt. And that’s understandable. But you sound like you are expecting the (again, probably) inevitable. You are open to the idea of that news breaking out at some point, and you want to be prepared. So I hope that my post can help you think about it in a different way a little.

So let’s get two main points out of the way first:

I ship vmin both romantically and platonically. So, yes, I find value in their relationship (no matter what kind of relationship it may be).

I don’t think it’s any of our business who BTS is dating unless they make it our business. That choice is left up to them, and I’m not going to pry beyond content that we are given with their consent. (This means that I will ignore invasive fan cams and such, but I will welcome vlives, run episodes, bon voyage, and all the other moments in which they are presenting to the fans.) Yes. I’m aware that meas that everything I talk about can be chalked up to ‘fan service,’ but I will take that before I ever even think about overstepping bounds into their personal lives.

Now let’s get to the meat of this answer.

If you were to ask me if I think Vmin are in a real, romantic relationship, my answer would be “they could be.” Because I don’t want to say I believe it, and I’m not going to pry that far to impose it on them that they are. I’m not trying to convince anyone that they are dating, and I try to compose all of my answers in such a way that it doesn’t come off like that. Because that’s not the goal of my blog or my posts at all. I’ll get more into this later.

The chances of Vmin being in a real relationship? Well, I don’t know. I can’t even say ‘small’ because I don’t know the first thing about Jimin and Taehyung as people. Are they gay? If the answer to that question is ‘yes’ for both of them, then the chances of a real relationship is obviously higher than if the answer was ‘yes’ for only one or ‘no’ for both. So, while I’m not trying to enforce the thought that they are in a relationship into your mind, don’t let your feelings about it be wavered by someone saying ‘slim chance’ because what does that person know? Only as much as Jimin and Taehyung allows them to know. Same as you and me. And yes, denying facts can be just as ‘delusional’ as shippers. (See people calling vmin shippers delusional for saying 4 o’clock was about Vmin because Namjoon said so, only to have Taehyung later confirm it himself (x)). I want to emphasize once more that this isn’t to convince you one way or the other. I’m trying to emphasize the fact that we don’t know, and we should never ASSUME one way or the other.

When I write these analyses and point out things that Vmin do together and how they treat each other, again, my goal isn’t to convince everyone that they are a couple. I refuse to believe that they are, without a doubt, in a relationship because I hate being proven wrong. So I don’t believe in things I can’t concretely confirm. (So if I’m being honest -- if I did put my faith in their relationship and they were confirmed to be dating other people, the fact that I was wrong would hurt me more than the fact that they weren’t real -- so I don’t believe it one way or the other. Then I don’t get hurt lmao)

The reason I do these analyses and point out things that Vmin do together and how they treat each other, I do so because I believe in that kind of love. All too often I see people saying that true love doesn’t exist. Relationships are miserable. And I’m not saying that Vmin are perfect, by no means. I’m sure they, just like any pair of friends, have their ups and down. But, regardless of what kind of love is between them, it is a very real kind of love. It’s soft and pure. And it’s warm and kind. And it’s strong and firm when it needs to be. It’s supporting. It’s guiding. It’s a comfort zone. It’s a safety net. It’s both compromising and complementing. It’s a home. This is what I see when I look at their relationship. And, I think, wow. There’s a love like that out there. It exists. If people would just open their minds and hearts to others, maybe this is the kind of love we could all find one day. And I know that sounds like something from sappy romantic novel, but why can’t it also be true?

For my final point. Regardless of what kind of love is between them, it’s real. They wouldn’t have songs about each other and lyrical promises to stay together if it wasn’t.

So, look at it like this. If Vmin are dating each other, then they are obviously happy together. If they have their own separate partners from each other, it doesn’t change that love. It’s still real.

And, honestly. This is how I look at it. If Vmin are in love with each other, I’m sure they know it. (These two are incredibly close, and BTS as a whole are well aware of LGBT and all sorts of things, so it’s not like they would be confused about being gay.) So, if they are, in fact, romantically in love with each other, then they would be together if it suited them. If they eventually confirm that they have a different partner, then it’s because they aren’t in love in this way. It doesn’t change their love for each other, and I find comfort in knowing that (if this does happen) then it’s because they know they’re not in love with each other. (As opposed to being in love and not knowing it because they aren’t educated on the topic of being gay.)

Bottom line is, I wouldn’t be offended if any other dating was confirmed for them because I believe in the love that they have that we can see. And them dating someone else doesn’t change that. The only thing it would change (for me) is the direction of this blog, probably.

#answered #anonymous #vmin #vmin analysis #koala answers

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cheekyaleigh · 3 years

Text

To Swing...

I have thought about writing this topic several times over the past couple of weeks. It seems to be an ever evolving and changing topic within Luke's and my relationship. Our feelings seem to differ from one day to the next. I think I will write this in two separate posts. So how about let's back up and let me tell you how the topic came up in the first place.

The very first night Luke and I met in person was hands down the absolute best date I have ever been on. We live about 60 miles apart so we had planned to meet on a Saturday night after a prior commitment of mine ended. I knew that it was expected to be over and I should be home roughly around 8ish. Luke drove up to my little town and we talked on the phone the whole drive. He actually beat me to the restaurant so he was standing there waiting as I pulled into the parking lot.

"My God, you're tall!" I laughed as I stood, getting out of the car. Of course, he had met me at the car and opened the door for me before I even turned the car off. His dating profile had told me his height but seeing it in person was still a shock.

Have you ever seen a picture of someone but then when you met them in person, they didn't look the same? Maybe they were younger in the picture. Maybe they had different hair. Or glasses. Or the angle just didn't capture their essence. Maybe they looked worse than their photo. Maybe they looked better. You get my point.

That's what I was currently facing. If I hadn't been talking to Luke as I drove up, I wouldn't have recognized him just going off of photos alone. Don't get me wrong, his pictures were cute and showed a good looking enough guy. But, in person? Damn. Luke may not be traditionally "handsome" but to me? He is incredibly good looking! I still look at him and think "How did I get so lucky?" But I digress. Back to the swinging.

After dinner, neither of us were ready for our night to end. "What do you want to do now?" He asked.

"In this town? Not much." I laughed. "I would invite you back to my place but there would have to be some stipulations agreed upon."

"Oh? What are those?" He eyed me carefully.

"I am NOT going to have sex with you." I already knew that I really liked him just from our previous messages and phone conversations. But meeting him and talking during dinner reinforced that fact. I knew I didn't want sex to complicate or confuse those feelings. I was still recovering from a long failed relationship, after all.

We talked and he agreed so we went back to my place. We sat up till 2 A.M. just talking. Have you ever just had an amazing conversation with someone and next thing you know 5 hours has passed? That's how this night went. We talked about anything and everything. No holds barred. Childhood traumas, previous relationships, previous sexual exploits, family, etc. Nothing was off limits.

If you've read my previous blog posts, I've mentioned that Luke has a very colorful sexual history. There isn't much he hasn't done or won't do. In his previous marriage, they started as swingers then moved to polyamory. That caught my attention and not for the reason you're probably thinking. No, I wasn't afraid that I wouldn't be enough for him. I was actually enticed by the idea that he could possibly be open to swing again.

"Is that something that you would want to try again?" I asked.

In my previous marriage, I had been unhappy on and off for years for various reasons that I won't go into now. At one time, I had tried to talk my ex into polyamory. I thought I wanted a girlfriend. Why? Because, in my opinion, everything about a relationship and sex with a girl is different than it is with a man. Not better, not worse. Just different. Sometimes I crave that feminine touch. (Now, I realize that I don't really want a relationship with a female. Just sex.)

There have also been times in the past when I have been sexually attracted to someone but unable to act upon it because I was in a relationship. I said as much to Luke. Just the idea that he could be open minded enough to discuss the possibility with me was astounding.

He said, "I'm not saying that I would agree to let you sleep with him. But if you were sexually attracted to someone, we could discuss it and see. It would depend upon a lot of things. Whether the person in question were trustworthy and would understand it was a one and done. Whether we are in a good place in our relationship. Because if a relationship isn't strong then swinging and/or polyamory is a bad idea."

Wow. Fast forward a few months. It had been a terrific night. We had spent the day together and had ended up at the local Japanese restaurant. Luke had tried to covertly place his hand between my thighs while the chef was putting on a show and throwing rice. Hibachi was a favorite of mine but it was my first time actually watching the show. (Side note: If you haven't been, I suggest you give it a try. It's a lot of fun no matter your age.) Needless to say, I was full of amazing food and a lot of laughs but couldn't wait to get home to fuck my boyfriend.

I was flying on nothing but happiness as we went to exit the restaurant. As we approached, the exit door opened and the finest specimen of mucular male police officer stood before me. (I TOTALLY have a thing for men in uniform. Fugly? Slap them in some BDU's and I'd probably fuck that.)

The officer stood back and held the door open for us. "How are you doing tonight?" Ah, and he had a sexy voice to match.

My panties were thoroughly dampened at this point and I was feeling pretty bold. I looked him down then back up and said "Fine and yourself?" in the sultriest voice I could manage. Luke gripped my hand and smiled as we made our way on out to the car. He definitely took notice.

"Baby, were you eye fucking that guy?" He asked leaning over and rubbing my pussy thru my jeans.

"Oh...So you noticed that?" I said coyly. "Maybe."

"Of course I noticed. Your voice was dripping with sex. Want me to go back in and ask for his number for you?" Still continuing to tease me as best he could thru the denim.

"Have you lost your mind?! NO!!" I said, stupified. Then, brazenly asked, "you would do that?" I could tell he wasn't offended or upset or I wouldn't have asked. And I wasn't asking because I wanted him to. I was asking because it shocked the hell out of me.

"Of course. If it's something you wanted. Cops, in my experience, are pretty wild in bed. You probably would have enjoyed him." Ah, my darling Luke and his straight forward, sometimes clinical, approach to things. Typical Virgo. I assured him that there was no need for him to go talk to the cop so we began to make our way home.

"Ok, so purely hypotetical question. Say I get pulled over. If the officer seemed interested, would you have a problem with me trading sexual favors to get me out of a ticket?" I asked, honestly curious.

"If it's something you discussed with me first, then no. I wouldn't mind. But we have to have completely open communication. Now, with that being said, you better be careful propositioning an officer!"

The rest of this conversation isn't really relevant to what I'm trying to explain. Only the fact that he again said he would be ok with me fucking someone else under the correct guidelines. This conversation was when I really started to believe that he may actually be that openminded.

To tell you the next tidbit, I need to tell you about Destiny. When Luke first told me about Destiny, I was threatened. They texted regularly. They had also met on a dating site and had been on a couple of dates before agreeing that they needed to stay friends. On one of these dates, they had made out and he had fingered her. And she is SO pretty. I mean...dayum. Curly black hair. A fierce independent personality. Bisexual. Loves sex and refuses to be tied down to one person. Destiny is the complete package of every single man's dream.

The day we went to the adult toy store, see previous blog post, Luke had sent Destiny a text telling her about our purchases. She text back telling him that she had recently ordered a spreader bar on Amazon and that she needed a willing participant to test it out on. He told me, of course, and I laughed it off at the time.

I had given it a lot of thought and had decided that I was going to ask Luke to introduce me to Destiny. I just wasn't sure how to broach the subject and explain exactly what I wanted. I don't remember exactly what made me decide to talk to Luke about it this particular night but I decided to go for it. I just remember that Destiny had came up in conversation. He was telling me about a conversation they had earlier that day.

"Baby, would you mind if I flirted with your friend?" Ok, not the most tactful way to ask but hey, I was in uncharted territory here.

"Uhh...what?" He looked completely lost.

"Well, you remember the comment Destiny made about the spreader bar? Would you mind if I sent her a message and flirted a bit." I asked again. I was so nervous I couldn't make eye contact.

"Oh! I don't mind. Here I'll unlock my phone for you." So he did and handed it to me. He appeared still slightly puzzled but had a knowing smile on his face.

I took a selfie and sent it to her with the caption of "A spreader bar, huh?"

While waiting for a reply, Luke asked "What are you hoping to accomplish with this?"

"I haven't thought that far ahead. I'm kind of flying by the seat of my pants. I want to be ok with you talking to Destiny. I know you guys are just friends. But I don't think I will ever actually be ok with it until I meet her and get to know her." Ok, perhaps a small fib. I had seen pictures and knew enough about Destiny to know that I could probably get in her pants or us have a threesome pretty easily. Since she and Luke were friends and he trusted her, I figured he would be ok with it.

Turns out, I was right. On both counts. The longer the texting went, I knew that eventually we would hang out and probably fuck.

So Luke and I discussed it and at length. While not opposed to the idea of swinging, Luke does have some insecurities because of how his conniving bitch of an ex-wife acted while they were swinging. So it was time I told him exactly what I was thinking and how I was feeling.

"Luke, to be honest, I really want to be with a girl again. I could never be in a relationship with a female because I am in the closet where my family is concerned. But I really really want that feminine touch." Yeah...my family is a long story for another time. "I can say with certainty that I would never leave you for another female because I know that that isn't in the cards for me." I really feel like he believes me on the female front. We have discussed it at length so many times at this point.

As of the time I am originally writing this post, Destiny and I have hung out once but I was WAY too tired after a hell of a day to do anything. Our work schedules are completely opposite and we have each had family obligations. We still talk occasionally but I feel like we have all but given up on each other.

Luke and I have created a profile on a swinger site but listed that we are only looking for a female. I mean, the guy can watch but I only want to play with his wife. As of yet, nothing has happened. More on that in the next post. Stay tuned...

#swing #swingers #bisexual

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borealis-strange · 4 years

Text

Chapter 1: Changes

Summary:

Vitalina is a 15 year old girl who was born with the ability to see and to communicate with ghosts. She likes to explore abandoned houses and "hunt" ghosts. But she isn't alone, Aiden, the spirit of her cousin, is always with her, making sure she doesn't get hurt.

Notes:

I wrote this back in OCtober but until now I had the courage to post it.

There are going to be two chapters of this story only. Mainly because I don’t know what direction I want to take with this.

But tell me, do you’ll like it? Should I post more original stories?

Trigger warning: This is story about ghosts and contains topics about death and horror.

-Well you've already appreciated it enough. Now let's go home- Aiden spoke in his husky voice.

Aiden tried to go away a bit but I took him by the hoodie so he wouldn't stray too far.

"We can't go home" I told him "We haven't explored it yet!"

We were both outside an old house in the city.

-I'm not interested. I do not want to die or see ghosts - Aiden said annoyed, marking his Spanish accent even more.

"You can't die" I reminded him without looking away from the house "You're already dead"

Unfortunately, it was true. Aiden had died when he was only 19 years old and before I was born. They were strange circumstances and not even he remembered very well what had happened, more than fleeting memories.

-I know but a ghost can still hurt me -

I decided to ignore him. This always happened. Every time I wanted to explore a little Aiden would constantly complain and he couldn't allow me to do that to me because "His duty was to take care of me." I don't know how true that was; maybe he just wanted to keep me from getting in trouble or hurting me.

Aiden was still complaining when I began to climb the fence that separated us from the house.

-Where are you going? -

I did not answer. I just jumped off the fence to finally be in the yard.

-Vitalina!- Aiden yelled from the other side of the rusted metal fence.

I walked slowly through the main garden of the house. It looked abandoned. Broken glass, worn walls, and a swollen wooden door. The grass was so long that it reached up to my waist; I had to tread carefully so as not to trip over abandoned bricks from those poorly façade walls.

I walked through the porch of the house toward the door. I turned the knob and tried to open it, but it was so swollen with moisture that it didn't budge a bit.

-Too bad we can't get in - Aiden commented sarcastically. - Well, let's go. - And began to float away slowly.

I had walked too much, climbed a fence, and generally tried too hard to just walk away. Besides that the curiosity that everything that was said about this house had generated in me won me over. I pulled up and hit the door with all my weight, hoping it would open, and after a couple of tries I managed to do it. I smiled to myself. As I felt how Aiden put on the same frustrated face that he always did when I achieved my goal and he was dragged by me into a possible problem, again.

I carefully entered the house and left the door ajar behind me, fearing that I would not be able to reopen it.

As soon as I walked in, the first thing I noticed was the pungent musty aroma, it was incredibly strong. The furniture in the living room was cluttered and thrown as if someone had fought inside, quite a violent fight. There were plants crawling through the swollen wooden slab of the floor and moss growing on the walls.

I walked across the room seeing the terrible state of things in there. Books, paintings, furniture, everything spoiled. I kept walking towards the kitchen and walked over to a display case next to the dining room. Inside were some china sets that were immaculate, somewhat strange considering the state of the rest of the house. The most they had was some dust, but other than that they were intact.

-Vitalina, I don't know what you want to get to with this, get out of there and let's go home please, an animal or something is going to come out for you. - Said Aiden, notoriously nervous.

-Come on, it's fun to explore, you better come check out the amazing china here. Hopefully they are even collectible. - I replied to Aiden, who was looking at me worriedly from the door.

-Come on Vida, I don't have a good feeling about this place-

-It's just your nervousness, Aiden. Come, let's go to the warehouse to see what there is. -

I peeked through a door that was between the kitchen and a hallway. I opened it and to my surprise it opened without the greatest care. Making an irritating (and creepy if I may say so) screeching, you know, typical of haunted houses. When the door opened, I noticed that it was a narrow corridor, with some stairs of which I only saw 3 or 4 wooden steps leading to total darkness. A switch and a light bulb hanging from the low ceiling just above my head. I was pondering whether to come down or not, leaning in, when I heard Aiden from the living room.

-Vitalina! You are not thinking of going down to an abandoned warehouse in total darkness of the most haunted house in the area, are you? You know that someone can hurt us, right?

Exploring houses was a strange hobby I had had since Iwas twelve. And from the first time I did it Aiden always tried to stop me for fear that he would hurt me. He was partly right, going to an abandoned house was not the safest thing in the world, I usually chose the ones that had a story behind them, the ones that everyone rumored voices were heard; I chose where there were ghosts.

Another reason I liked doing this was because of the history behind these houses. Many times they had antique furniture, books and all kinds of things that one could not imagine, and despite explaining thousands of times and assuring him that everything would be fine, Aiden always insisted that he not do it because it would get me in trouble. I could be right, but I always ignored it because nothing ever happened to me.

I was standing in front of those wooden steps and that threatening darkness. I checked the switch next to me, but it didn't turn the light bulb on. After my vision adjusted a bit to the darkness, I managed to make out an old oil lamp on a ledge almost above my head, along with its respective spare oil. Luckily, I remembered that I had seen a box of matches in the trench cabinet where the dishes were, so I went to get them, leaving the lamp on the shelf again.

Aiden watched me as he walked back to the kitchen.

-Did you already regret doing this? - Aiden said slightly mockingly, waiting for the opportunity to boast of always having been right, but deep down he hoped that he would answer yes to leave without risk.

-No. I actually came to find something to help me down, and you will come with me. Or well, you can stay in the living room and wait for a ghost to come out. After all, we don't know what we can find around here ... - I said lighting a match to see if they still worked so that we could light the lamp.

The match lit, emitting a small flame of fire that danced with my breath. The match being old was a bit longer, so I walked back to the warehouse covering the flame so it wouldn't go out. I lowered the lamp from the mantel and turned it on, all this while Aiden looked at me concerned, nothing different than usual, although this time I noticed that his concern was slightly greater. Maybe it was just that this was a considerably different situation because most likely that place was guarded by some ghost, one that may not be quite good.

-Come on, Aiden, let's get down. -

-You can not be serious. -

-Do you want to see I am? - I said, starting to go down the stairs that creaked with every step I took.

-Well, I'll go, but if there's a ghost, don't say I didn't warn you.

We started going down the stairs and it seemed eternal, but I counted about 17 steps.

As we went down, Aiden reminded me of all the legends that had been told of that supposedly haunted house, since he used to be part of those who told those stories. That the old man lived there in the 1920s, and was a bitter old man who did not allow even daylight or fresh air, but the few times he was seen outside, it was narrated that he had a grotesque and unkempt: Covered with layers of clothing and the scent of sweat; with thin, graying and battered hair, and bulging yellow eyes. Around his isolation and strange appearance, legends began to be generated around him, that he was a very eccentric collector, or he was a kind of child-eater and roamed the streets at night looking for victims. In my opinion, he surely was just a sturdy and bitter man who avoided contact with other human beings at all costs for sheer comfort.

We finally reached the basement, so dark and icy that I was sure the little lamp would go out at any moment, although it was lighting better than I thought, but still it was not enough, since the room looked huge. Once my eyes adjusted a little better, I began to move around the room. I pointed the flashlight at a wooden beam in the ceiling, which looked full of small lumps. Suddenly, a group of bats spread their wings and flew off into another dark corner. Wow, this basement was quite an ecosystem.

I pointed the lamp elsewhere in the dim room and could only glimpse a few shelves with empty glass jars and other shelves and furniture covered in dusty sheets. Well, it was somewhat gloomy, but my desire to know what would be under those blankets got the better of me and I started to get closer making the wooden planks under my feet creak.

I finally got there, and as I carefully tugged on the sheet I was horrified and Aiden looked paler than he already was. The shelves were crammed with jars labeled in minute handwriting and filled with liquid with human organs floating in them. We uncovered each of the covered furniture and they all had the same. We were horrified watching the scene when a gust of icy wind assaulted us accompanied by a shiver and an awful deep, hoarse voice telling us: You shouldn't have come here.

Aiden and I turned and froze. A horrendous specter, which perfectly fit the description of the urban legends about the man who used to live there, only about 10 times more horrifying. Huge, greenish, hunchbacked, sloppy looking, and drooling ectoplasm, stood a specter that was undeniably evil.

The ghost threw his hand out to catch us, but we jumped and Aiden yelled "run!" while he floated in terror. We began to run avoiding obstacles guiding us with the remaining light of the lamp towards the stairs.

The ghost was chasing us as we started up the stairs. On the run, I tripped and one of my hearing aids fell to the ground. I hurried back to pick it up (and praying nothing happened to it) Aiden tried to outwit the ghost. I got up and we kept running towards the door. We opened the basement door, ran through the kitchen, and as we were about to reach the living room where the front door was, the ghost got in the way of the door that Aiden had left ajar, but the wind just opened it all the way. I managed to slip under the ghost, ran through the main garden and managed to escape through an opening in the metal fence that we did not see from the outside, but Aiden did not have the same reflexes, so he slammed into the ghost on his first attempt to run and then slipped down just like me. Filled with greenish ectoplasm, he floated over the garden quickly with the ghost following him and flew over the fence. From the other side of the sidewalk, we saw how the ghost could not get past the metal fence. It was as if some force field stopped him.

I couldn't help but laugh out loud once the danger was over.

-What are you laughing at !? - Aiden yelled, regaining his composure after the tremendous shock that we both had.

-Well, you are ... Green and slimy! - I said laughing even more.

-You can't perceive it, but this smells awful. - Aiden said annoyed

-That makes it even funnier. -

-Well, stop laughing and let's go home. If I remember correctly, your mother had said that she wanted to see you.

We walked back to the house, and I couldn't look at Aiden for more than three seconds without starting to laugh again, because his bitter face matched the green slime soaked in his clothes and hair. I preferred to keep my composure, since whoever saw me would think I'm crazy for laughing out of nowhere.

We finally arrived and I went into my house being careful not to make too much noise. It wasn't especially late, it was just getting dark, but still I had been scolded long enough to always be careful.

My mother was in the living room, reading the newspaper. As soon as she heard me she got up and walked towards me, apparently, she was waiting for me.

-I'm glad you came back - My mother pointed out with soft gestures - You have to see the things in the cellar, you've already put it off for a long time and I really need you to check it.

I looked away. I had been avoiding that at all costs. It had been almost a year since my grandmother passed away and it seemed like a few days ago. In the cellar were the things that she had kept for me. To no one's surprise, I was my grandmother's favorite, which is why several of her cousins disliked me, and that meant keeping her most special belongings for her. It wasn't anything of great value, just things that she had collected over the years that carried great sentimental weight. In part I knew why I had to keep them: we both shared the same "ghostly" abilities. But even so I flatly refused to review them.

My mother took me by the shoulder to get my attention back.

-I know this is difficult,-she signed out, trying to comfort me.- But you have to. Even though Grandma is no longer here with us, you know that all her love stayed with you, baby, and part of it is in having left you all those belongings that were important to her. She will always be with you,Vida. You know it right?

I nodded slightly and blinked quickly to keep the tears that were forming from falling onto my cheeks. My mother hugged me. We last like this for a few seconds before we part.

"I’ll do it" I signed slowly.

My mother smiled at me and let me go.

-Are you sure you're ready for this? -Aiden asked, floating behind me.

"When will I be?" I told her as we headed to the backyard.

I climbed the metal stairs to get to the cellar. I sighed deeply before entering.

The cellar was the size of a small room, crammed with boxes that obscured the walls. It had a strong dusty smell that made my stomach turn. This was where they kept the Christmas decorations and all the things that my mother did not want in the house, mainly things from my father that I never knew where he got them from. There were also a couple of things from my older brother, Ricardo, that he had left at home when he left the town to study but never came back for them.

It was easy to identify where my grandmother's things were, it stood out a lot. It was a rather large and heavy wooden chest, with metal edges, engraved with the initials “L. V ". I approached the chest and sat in front of it, still not wanting to open it. This chest was owned by my grandmother for as long as I can remember; I remember that when I was a child she always showed me all the wonders that were in there, from little glass figurines to old books that she used to read to me before bed.

Finally I plucked up my courage and opened the chest.

At the top were two cards and a faded blue blanket that covered the rest of the contents. I put the letters aside and moved the blanket to see what else was inside.

-Are you not going to read it?- Aiden said as he took one of the letters. - He says it's for you -

"I'm not ready yet" I said.

Aiden didn't insist further for which I silently thanked him.

Inside the chest were several neatly organized small boxes, old books and other items covered with cloth to protect them.

I took one of the boxes and inspected its interior. I took one of the boxes and inspected its interior. It had several colored marbles that reminded me of a galaxy. I set them aside and continued exploring the contents of the chest.

I continued to investigate the inside of the chest. Old books, some manuscripts, more photos, some beautiful embroidery and other curiosities, such as a peculiar wax seal and small boxes with funny items inside.

-Hey-Aiden got my attention-I think you should read this-he said as he handed me one of the letters.

The envelope was yellowish and had a red wax seal on it. On the back it said:

“For Vitalina Steklov Romero. By Mirabella Strange Open as soon as it is received "

I remembered this letter. It had been given to me by my grandmother before she passed away. I never opened it, obviously, because I didn't want to read what was inside. I hadn't even seen the back because I assumed she wrote it. After a year I found out that it was from a complete stranger.

I broke the seal and took out the letter. It was completely blank. I looked at Aiden confused as if he had the answer but he was the same or more confused than me.

Suddenly, a lot of letters began to be written on the old paper at a speed that made them unreadable. They filled the paper from both sides and kept popping up, to the point that it looked like the paper was going to explode. They began to shoot forward in spurts, the paper began to heat up rapidly, and out of nowhere the letter began to burn in green flames. Instinctively I released it and took a few steps back until I hit the wall. Aiden was just as scared as I was.

What started out as a small green flame began to spread.

The flames intensified without burning anything and a whirlwind of letters began to form a female figure. Tall, incredibly thin and with remarkable elegance. Her features were defined, but as the fire intensified, they became more and more marked. Finally, the flames spun rapidly, formed a cocoon and disappeared, leaving green glows in the air and a woman standing on the letter paper on the ground. Without a doubt she was quite different from any woman I had seen, because although I am thin, she was at least 10 times thinner than me. She was… skeletal. Very elegant to wear, with a large hat and with many flowers, the gaze towards the floor, long black hair with flowers stuck in it, a tight and light Mexican pink dress with long sleeves with traditional embroidery. They were very much like the things my grandmother did. Finally when she lifted her face, her skeletal body made sense. A thin face, made of bone, that made it clear that she was the Grim reaper.

The woman when she saw me began to tell me something but the terror and the fact that my hearing aid was damaged by the fall that it suffered, I could not understand anything she told me. I managed to read her lips a couple of times but I couldn't concentrate.

The only thing I managed to grasp was: "I've been waiting for you" "You have to come with me" and something from the ... Underworld?

When the woman finished her impressive presentation, she looked at me for my answer. I thought about telling her that I was deaf and she hadn't gotten anything, but I preferred to just nod my head slowly pretending I knew she had told me.

She said something else with an angry face but this time I didn't understand anything. Fortunately Aiden was the one who spoke to her since I could not articulate a word.

-Excuse me, but my friend can't hear you - Aiden said with a slightly annoyed tone and his voice still shaky.

The woman's face changed to one of concern. She said something else to Aiden, without changing her worried face.

-Yes- Aiden answered a question -She can hear me perfectly.

The woman smiled in relief and Aiden began to recite what the woman was saying.

"Vitalina Steklov. I have been waiting for this meeting. I'm sorry for the sudden arrival but you were supposed to receive that letter a year ago. Let me introduce myself; I am Mirabella Strange better known as the grim reaper. I need you to come with me to the Underworld, immediately. "

Was I understanding her well? The grim reaper herself was looking for me.

-Why? - It was the only thing I managed to say.

-Didn't your grandmother tell you? - Aiden asked. I did not know if it was a question of him or of the Grim reaper.

I just shook my head in Aiden's direction.

-Vitalina, - Aiden repeated the words of Grim reaper - You were born with a very unique ability, the ability to see ghosts. Which makes you ... An heir of the grim reaper. -

Now I was more confused than before. It was obvious that I was special for seeing ghosts but I never thought I was an "heir of the grim reaper", whatever that means. And apparently my grandmother knew something about it but she had never told me. Did anyone else know this? Did my mother know or did she hide it? I had to talk with her.

-I know you are very confused - Aiden continued - But it is your duty to continue with your grandmother's legacy.

Her death offered me her hand to go with her to the Underworld. I took a step back, rejecting her offer.

-I can't leave - I said in a low voice - At least not yet -

Death looked at me with sad eyes and said something else that Aiden didn't repeat.

The envelope fell apart and the pieces of paper floated in the air, forming a whirlwind that engulfed Mirabella and finally disappeared, dropping the small pieces of paper all over the room.

As soon as death was gone, I quickly left the cellar and headed for the house.

-Where are you going? -Aiden asked, floating behind me.

-To my room, where else? - I answered annoyed.

I went into my room and threw myself on my bed. My head was spinning. Not knowing what to do. How come I didn't know about this? Did my family know anything about it?

-Are you alright? - Aiden asked.

-No, why would I be? I just found out something that is VERY significant in my life and that will change it completely, and worse, that my grandmother kept it from me all the time.

Suddenly I thought about it. If my grandmother knew it and she had kept it from me, maybe Aiden has always known it too.

-Did you know anything about it, Aiden? - I asked without seeing his face.

He was silent for a few seconds. He stuttered.

-Yes-he said almost in a whisper.

Deep down I expected it, but, what a stab.

And why the hell didn't you tell me? - I said hurt, almost crying.

Aiden sighed moving slightly closer to me, to which I ducked away on the bed.

-I couldn't -He said heavily-It was a ... secret -his tone of voice denoted guilt.

-How can you keep something like that a secret? And why me, Aiden? - I started crying.

-I couldn't say it as much as I wanted to. I promised. Sorry, Vida. -

I wanted to hit Aiden right then but unfortunately I couldn't.

#original story #the heirs of the grim reaper #writing

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emma-what-son · 4 years

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(Echee post) Emma Watson criticises 'dangerously unhealthy' pressure on young women

Posted on March 30 2014

From theguardian.com March 2014 Emma Watson has criticised the "dangerously unhealthy" image projected by the fashion industry and said the pressure to look perfect has taken its toll on her. The actor has also described her doomed attempts to merge into the background as a student at an American university, where she found herself being trailed everywhere by British photographers. After the recent New York premiere of Noah, she tweeted a photograph of the array of cosmetics – and a guardian angel pin – that she said were essential aids to her flawless appearance, and another of herself in a backless dress captioned: "I did NOT wake up like this." The actress said she is better at taking criticism these days than she once was. "As a younger woman, that pressure got me down, but I've made my peace with it. With airbrushing and digital manipulation, fashion can project an unobtainable image that's dangerously unhealthy. I'm excited about the ageing process. I'm more interested in women who aren't perfect. They're more compelling." Watson became famous playing Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies and has been constantly in work since. She is about to start filming a thriller, Regression, by Alejandro Amenábar and is also trying to complete her degree at Brown University, Rhode Island. She enrolled in 2009 for what would have been a four year course, but has taken several breaks for film work, and spent a year studying at Oxford. "After Harry Potter, all that mattered was university," she said, in an interview with the Sunday Times. "It wasn't always easy to break down barriers, as having men from the British press following me with cameras didn't help my mission to integrate. The American press, by contrast, "afforded me so much privacy", but her fellow students recognised her at once. "On the first day, I walked into the canteen and everyone went completely silent and turned around to look at me. I had to say to myself 'it's OK, you can do this'. You just have to take a deep breath and gather your courage."

GUARDIAN COMMENTERS SAY: So something like this Burberry campaign she did a few years ago? Hypocrisy at its finest. She flaunts with the fashion industry and enjoys its perks all the time, but hops on the 'female beauty' bandwagon and enjoys a moan when it suits her. I'd find her socially conscientious pleas convincing if she hadn't profited in the hundreds of thousands (if not millions) from the big, bad, evil fashion/beauty industry. A few years ago, Emma Watson appeared in high-profile advertising companies for posh Paris fashion house L'ancome. I'm guessing she was handsomely remunerated for her 'work'. Certainly she was not forced into letting her photo shopped image be used to market expensive cosmetics and perfumes. Did she only discover how 'oppressive' the fashion industry is when L'ancome cancelled her lucrative contract? Ms Watson is essentially a third-rate actress, and her pronouncements on large and complex issues, such as the pressures on women, are so idiotically vapid that one is brought to conclude that she really can have very little aptitude for higher education. I mean, her comments are hardly indicative of an educated person, or even of a moderately literate or intelligent person. By the way, I understand that she spent a year at Oxford as a visiting and/or exchange student while enrolled at Brown. How come? She is a British national, and so by rights she should not have gone to Oxford on a visiting/exchange student programme, irrespective of whether she happens a student at an American university. If I am wrong about this, then I should like to have some explanation as to her status at Oxford, and how she came by it. Otherwise, I suppose that one might be forgiven for thinking that it is yet another case of a once respectable academic institutions bowing down before the false idols of celebrity and money. (This is quite apart from the fact that all that one has read about her since she began life as a student concerns her acting career, her modeling and her various boyfriends.) SOME COMMENTS FROM THE DM ARTICLE Notice how it's always people who are very aware of how attractive they are that babble on about how it's okay to have physical blemishes? I'd like to see an ugly person say the same thing. Only someone young, beautiful and with her whole life before her can say that, and mean it. Sometimes, her comments maKe her more stupid. Get lost and Wingardium Leviosa. What a daft thing to say. But, then again, this is coming from someone who can't seem to finish uni. I feel like I've aged about 10 years reading this article. Annoying girl. Not only annoying, but also pretentious and disingenuous. ^None of this is my words. It from commentators from two sites emma-what-son posted many more so check out her page

Here's what I think As for what she is saying about Brown it's a complete 180 from how she described it before 2013. In 2013 she started to elude to the fact it was not as great as she made it out to be. She gushed how wonderful her experiences had been to so many magazines. Now I think she's looking for pity and to have excuses why she never stayed at Brown. She preached how she was staying put. I am so fucking tired of having to post quote after quote proving my point with this when she lies time after time. She is not honest! What the truth is doesn't matter because she always lying. It's a constant thing with her. As for the pressures on women she is really a piece of work. The guardian commenters summed it up nicely. She had no problem attaching herself to Burberry and Lancôme. She's had no problem giving them praise and talking about fashion and make-up in just about every interview. That part where she talked about photo shopping and air brushing. Just wow! Did she see the Wonderland magazine she edited? Some photos it didn't even look like her. She'll continue allowing her image to be manipulated no matter what. She thinks she’s aging? She still looks 15 without all the make-up and photo shopping. Last year she was stopped at JFK because they thought she was a unaccompanied minor. Did you know one of the product she pushed when modeling for Lancôme was an anti-age cream? That's the dumbest comment in her entire interview. But really she's said this kind of stuff the last three years and most notably in 2011 where she had a various quotes about body image and being comfortable in your skin. I wont bore you with those quotes since I have before. She gets lauded for those comments and people place her in role model status but when you closely look at it they were just words that meant nothing at the time other than to make people think, “Emma is so anti-Hollywood!! She’s a role model for women and young girls” but meanwhile she never believed in any of it in the first place. At the time she said those things she was at a more healthier weight than she ever was. In 2011 you can tell she either stopped working out or ate more. I thought she looked her best then. Now she’s back to stick thin and even surpassed it a way IMO is unhealthy. She sending a bad message to women. From standard.co.uk July 2011, “She sees modeling as an extension of acting, in fact - just playing a role - but is conflicted about its demands. “I think the pressure the media and the fashion industry put on women to look a certain way is pretty intense. There’s a certain tyranny to trying to achieve that kind of beauty. I don’t know, I’m maybe not the best person to speak about this because I obviously completely adhere to it,” she laughs nervously. “ ^She really needs to start taking her own advice and quit being a judgmental hypocrite. Not just with this topic but everything she tends to speak out against that she does it herself. Recently she tweeted a photo of all this make-up and I posted this on my tumblr days ago

^Same phone in this photo is what they're using in the bottom photo that I also posted on tumblr She said something else recently (Sunday Times interview) that is just typical Emma. I covered this a few times. From emmawatsonbelgium.blogspot.be March 2014, "For someone who has starred in eight blockbuster movies and is worth an estimated £30m, she is endearingly modest about how green she felt leaving Harry Potter behind in 2011. Emerging from that magical machine was “really intimidating”, she says. “I’d done two tiny plays when I was, like, six and eight, but I wasn’t driven to act. I wasn’t doing Oscar acceptance speeches into a hairbrush." Yeah it might have no been a hairbrush but who knows she could be lying about that. She'd practice her speeches in mirrors. From telegraph.co.uk July 2007, "Pauline is utterly obsessed with being an actress and I was just like that when I was younger. I dreamt of it. I practised speeches in front of mirrors. Whenever there was a part at school, I went for it. I was probably a bit of a show-off in the sense that any chance to get up and be seen, I did it. I was such a drama queen. I used to wail and moan and cry, and little things were blown up into being big things. I don't know how my parents stood it, really. I've grown up a bit. I've had to. I actually really want to be an actress, a proper actress who makes it her career. I'm always expecting to be found out and I thought, If I'm no good, now is the time to find out." She really wants people to think she all of a sudden wants to act. What I think is she is really trying to distance herself from her lack luster post Potter career by making it out like she now wants to act and that’s why she has no lead roles because her resume does not equal her hype. The last few years she’s separated herself from “always wanted to be an actress” to “I was not sure”. She’s being disingenuous as usual and people believe it. Plus she said she did modeling so directors and producers would look at her differently so that's why she used Burberry and Lancôme. And she did a course at RADA in 2008 so if she was not sure or didn't want to than why did she do these things? One more thing from the Sunday Times interview From emmawatsonbelgium.blogspot.be March 2014, "It’s about as close as she’ll get to revealing anything about her newest relationship, with Matt Janney, rugby hunk and Oxford’s most eligible bachelor. “I can’t comment on it, I’m sorry,” she says, suddenly jumping up and hastily bundling her things back into her bag, which has exploded across the sofa beside her. “I’m trying to keep my private life sacred, although I don’t want to lock myself up and never go out. So I guard it, because I don’t date people who are famous, and I don’t think it’s fair that, all of a sudden, intimate details of their personal life are public as a direct result of me. I find that so uncomfortable, and I wish there was a way I could protect those people, but it’s not in my control.” When I suggest her boyfriends are consenting adults, she looks worried. “But you don’t choose who to love, who you have feelings for, do you?” She throws her phone into her bag and retreats home to pack, as she’s flying to LA. Just a normal girl, then, off to present an Oscar."

So she can go to international magazines and complain she can't find a man or that men are intimidated by her? She had in the past before Will Adamowicz. It was in almost every one of her interviews for a few years. So she can use Matt Janney (this new guy) on a beach in a bikini PDA session as a publicity stunt to cover up her ex boyfriend being caught rolling coke bombs and also use him to product place an iPhone in Madrid but she wants to keep it private? And she doesn't date famous guys? What about Johnny Simmons (Young Neil) and George Craig (Front man for rock group One Night Only)? If you can Google their name and you see them in movies or music videos, they're famous.

#echee #echee post

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wrongfullythinking · 4 years

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Twitter and the “Public Forum”

There is a very large looming legal question about whether or not social media sites, such as Twitter, are “Public Forums.” Most would agree that they are not... at least... not yet. But the question is... should they be?

First, a look into why it matters.

In a public forum, all First Amendment protections apply. So you can say any number of very objectionable things (https://scholar.google.com/scholar_case?case=12634874511090553174) and be protected. In a private forum, this is not so. I can kick you out of my house for wearing an Abercrombie shirt, and you have no Free Speech/Expression reason to contest my staggeringly good decision-making.

Second, the public forum cannot be policed for any content that may be stated. This is why if you go to reserve time at a public park, you don’t have to tell the Parks and Rec department what your event is for. Just things like how many people, how long the event will last, etc. This is well-established and well-backed by many years of precedent.

Finally, there is the very serious matter of personal liability. In certain circumstances, officials can be held personally liable if their policies deliberately and knowingly infringe upon Bill of Rights protections (most often First Amendment protections). This means that you could literally sue for the property and assets of a person. (Also, this is why those of us who own either physical property [like a house] or intellectual property [like a book] buy “Umbrella Coverage” from insurances... I recommend State Farm, but that’s totally irrelevant and I’m not getting any kickbacks for that shill =P.)

But hang on... so if the government owns a billboard and rents it out to whomever can pay, can I rent it and post a naked lady?

You could try, and you might win! What you can’t do is post something obscene. And yes, whether or not a naked person is obscene is staggeringly controversial. There’s a 3-part test from the Burger court, a host of vague terms like “average person” and “contemporary community standards,” and “lacks serious artistic/literary/political/scientific value.” And then there are protections for children, a whole separate piece, as well as child pornography, which is always classified as obscene... except when it is not, like in the cases of naked cherubs in church windows. So, confused yet? We’re off topic, but I make this point to explain that even in public forums, where First Amendment rights are fiercely protected, there are still outstanding issues of content censorship.

So, is Twitter / Facebook / Tumblr a public forum?

At this point, the answer is no. They are privately controlled by companies, not owned by the feds or states or local municipalities, and thus can make almost any policy they want. The idea here is that the free market dictates the life or death of these platforms... and that idea tends to hold true! Tumblr itself is a good case-in-point, because it has lost millions of dollars in value due to bad leadership decisions, and at least partially because of censorship. There are countless examples of others... I remember when Yahoo! was the primary search engine of the internet and Xanga was the biggest blogging platform. While you can still Yahoo, I’m not sure there are more than a few hundred people on Xanga, if it still exists in any useful format. So, since places like this are subject to the free market, and thus can die... they should be allowed to make all the good or bad decisions they want about their content. Or at least, that is how the theory runs.

But really... ARE they subject to the market? Now we’re getting into the really interesting territory. If Facebook shut down tomorrow, would it be a problem? Maybe, but life would continue. But if Google shut down tomorrow? Well, millions of schoolchildren are in GoogleClassrooms right now, so that would certainly be a problem. It would at least cause massive disruption... and Facebook shutting down would cause some disruption. Likewise, Twitter controls so much speech that instead of publishing headlines from Newspapers, newspapers publish headlines from Twitter! The 14-year-old looks at that line like “well, duh” and the 44-year old reads that line like “wow, we’ve come a long way,” and the 84-year-old reads that line with just a sad headshake.

So, now we’ve joined one of the most controversial points of the last 20 years... the Fannie Mae “Too Big to Fail” problem. Basically, a set of banks and big mortgage companies (Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac) made a bunch of bad decisions in about 1995 - 2008. [As an aside, whether or not Fannie Mae {technically, the “Federal National Mortgage Association”} is actually a company comes up as an issue... it originated as a government program, but is today a publicly-traded company and has been since the late 60s, though it was delisted from NYSE and is only traded off-exchange]. And the government had to step in. You can read all about that issue at another time, the bottom line is that actually Fannie Mae has paid back more than it borrowed, but there was a ballooning of the debt ceiling by over 800 billion. Some people care about the national debt, some don’t, and again, not the subject of this commentary. The point is that it set a very odd precedent, whereas a company could make extremely bad decisions and then the burden would be placed on the taxpayers to fix their decision, because the company itself was a part of so many people’s lives. Would social media fall under this guidance? Unlikely, and I think we would all run from state-sponsored social media... but hey, what do I know.

So... get to the point. Should they be public forums, or not?

My two cents always comes down against censorship, especially censorship by entities that don’t have my best interests at heart... so basically, everybody else. I think that it is so easy to self-censor the internet at the personal end (for example, by installing filters and blocking services for objectionable content), that companies should not be unilaterally making these decisions, especially if those companies want to be venues for mass public communication.

Let’s go with another example... let’s say you wanted to call up your buddy and have a nice long phonesex session. Good for you. Or just chat with them about the latest Dr. Doe video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXgT8WXaPUY), because enthusiasm is important. Would you be okay with Verizon telling a robot to monitor your call, and then automatically hang up if you said “penis” too much? Or “Trump”? Or “Black Lives Matter?” What about “Nazi,” “Rohypnol,” “Mary Jane,” “negritos” [I’ve got your back, Mr. Cavani], “snowbunny,” or “Insane Clown Posse”? I think most people would be upset about any of those, and they would rightfully tell Verizon that they will find another provider. So Verizon doesn’t do that, although it could. But Twitter does do that. And the availability of another Twitter is in question. Will something succeed Twitter? Absolutely. But right now, Twitter is under no market pressure, so it is succeeding at taking off its platform any number of conversations that it probably should not be policing.

There’s also a social-justice side of this. So, let’s say that we all decide Twitter is a bad platform and move to something else. And that something else costs us 10$ a month. I wouldn’t notice this fee. Others would. So that’s an access issue. Or, let’s say that some people start migrating to a new platform, and they only tell their friends about it. That’s okay, right? Absolutely... but imagine that college student who is trapped at home in a pandemic right now who cannot get any viewpoints outside of what her parents approved of, and previously used Twitter to explore and challenge her upbringing. If she doesn’t get an invite to the new platform, is she just lost?

And that brings up the Pandemic. Many, many common public forums have been shut down due to the pandemic. This alone has caused serious controversy (see: BLM protests on crowded streets where state governors participated, while those same governors implemented executive orders enforcing 6-foot distancing in churches and stores), so the argument for Twitter censorship “but you have many other public forums!” is tough to substantiate during the COVID-era. And this is a HUGE problem. Historically, taking away public forums is always an early move of totalitarian regimes. Taking away rights to assembly and speech follows soon after. We’re now in Phase 2 there... and our governors keep assuring us it is temporary... while at the same time, encouraging Twitter to take off any viewpoints they don’t like, under the guise of “false or misleading information.” Soon, they start moving into the schools, and that leads to...

SCIENCE!!!

So, to talk about what rigorous debate means, we need to understand a bit about Science. And specifically, the philosophy of science, what scientific discourse looks like, and why review and critique are parts of the scientific process.

Point 1: “Scientific consensus” is hogwash. Yes, we all agree that the Earth orbits the Sun, and the Sun itself moves, but beyond that, there isn’t much scientific consensus. If you see an article that starts with the phrase “Expert say,” you can go ahead and close your browser window right there. The rest is bull****.

Point 2: The limits of science are boundless. Any specific scientific paper is, by necessity and the peer review process, very strictly bounded. “Whether or not a vaccine is efficient” is an entirely different paper than one titled “Whether or not 80-year-olds with lung cancer should get the vaccine,” and both of those are different than “How the US should achieve herd immunity, and if it is even possible for COVID-19 before significant mutations cause current immunizations to be ineffective,” and all three of those are different from “Do we need to vaccinate our cats from COVID in order to reach herd immunity?”

Point 3: There is no “finalized” science. The answers are never finished. What is “cutting edge” science today is out-of-date tomorrow, barbaric and backwards by the end of the year, and grounds for an abuse lawsuit by the end of the decade. The best examples of this are from Psych treatments.

Point 4: I get very worried when anybody starts to censor scientific content... especially those without any qualifications. Okay, so this one is a personal sentence (note the “I”), but I’m going to go ahead and guess that Twitter robots and interns flagging posts don’t have any idea the difference between sensitivity and specificity, the background as to why the FDA has never approved an mRNA vaccine previously, the difference between statistical and clinical significance, and how to read a limitations section. The people who are qualified to do so are peer reviewers... and in the case where those fail (which happens!), the rest of the writer’s peers. And we do that. Anything published is open to critique, which leads to the final point, that...

Point 5: Critique and Review are THE MOST IMPORTANT PARTS of scientific publishing. If a piece is published without review, it is called an “opinion” and not science. Even more worrisome than the censoring of unpopular papers is the censoring of the opinions of scientists on the papers of their peers. Should someone publish a paper where I believe they overstretched their claims, it is a HUGE part of my job to call that out. For an agency like Twitter to be able to say “you don’t have the right to say that they overstated their claim, because expressing a concern about a vaccine is against our Terms of Use” is a very big problem for science.

The flipside is that you get into the part where now a company can, through its policy, dictate what science gets done. For example, lets say I wanted to examine an unpopular question... and I’m a social scientist, so there are plenty of those, but say I wanted to do something semi-controversial but apolitical. I’ll say my research question is “How do the happiness of those in committed multi-year polyamorous relationships compare to the happiness of people in similar economic and social situations but in closed marriages where additional intimate partnerships would be viewed as grounds for relationship termination?” There are plenty of ways I could conduct this study and I’ll spare you my methodological musings, but safe to say there are platforms who would not want me to publish my results. And that’s fine.

But let’s say that I did publish my results, and a commenter took to Twitter. And their response was “I read your paper, and I see your conclusion that those in committed multi-year polyamorous relationships score no differently on a happiness scale than those in the closed marriages. However, I disagree with your use of this scale, because it was tested on populations of retirees, and most of the people in your sample are in their late 20s or early 30s.”

That is an EXCELLENT and VALID critique. And let’s say that Twitter was heavily into the social justice and had a policy that said “you can’t say negative things about polyamory.” And they deleted this person’s comment. Now, Twitter has interfered with the scientific process. That comment IS PART of the dialogue and that dialogue is part of Science. Yes, there are other places that those comments could be made, and not be censored... but we should not be encouraging that censorship ANYWHERE. And Twitter has vastly overstepped the line on this point. Random Twitter employees have no business removing professional critiques about a study, even if there are other platforms for those critiques.

Other Thoughts

1) Generally, you can’t prohibit meetings in a public forum based on prior behavior. Thus, “X group was violent in the past” is not a reason to prohibit X group from accessing a public forum for speech. So there’s no saying “Proud Boys were violent once, so no Proud Boys on Twitter” if it were to be declared a public forum.

2) I’m really not aware of any large precedents for taking a private company and declaring it a public forum. That may seem redundant (obviously, if there was precedent, this wouldn’t be such a hot-button issue), but it bears specific mention.

#twitter #public forum #legal #science

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marrymeleoxxiu · 4 years

Text

YSL Valentine’s Day

BamBam x Noona Reader

Fluff / Slow Burn / Angst

Everyone can read.

I started stressing about Valentine’s Day on perhaps February 5th, the Friday after my newborn nephew was born. I was getting notifications about gifts for him on every email, pin-terest, places I visit online and I was thinking to myself, “Why not try to get him something.” I started window shopping around online that very day and during the weekend that followed. I spent some time on my couch in the living room around my parents, doing just this. I feel like I should spoil him with something extra special, like a YSL Men’s perfume because I won’t be with him on this day.

I decided on a whim to look up his favorite brand of YSL on an easily accessible store to me. I brought it up with my mom that week, that I wanted to get my brother and father something too. After pestering her about it for a full day, she said in a week we will go get them their gifts; Never happened due to other things happening and daily life getting in the way.

----Time Skip---- (Messaging him)

But now that it's Valentine’s day In South Korea, on February 13th, I decided to send him a direct message just letting him know he’s on my mind today and that I wish him a Happy Valentine’s day. I kind of also share my thoughts to him on other topics involving him sharing more so I feel more involved in the relationship; not expecting a reply back. But he responds with a “Happy Valentine’s Day.” It makes me sincerely smile and my heart gently does a backflip. His girlfriend, me, confesses to him in a private message, “That you are all I need on this day and that I wish we could actually go on a date. That would be great.” But I understand how busy he is. Again, not expecting anything back. He or a friend posts an image of him and Jae-Beom. I respond to it and then carry about my day, with my man and one and only on my mind. Once again, not expecting anything. I message a friend or two, feeling an extra dose of pining for him on this day.

----Time Skip----

I open canva after a while of internet activities with friends and decide during a lull of communication from everyone; to make something. The idea was graphics for BamBam and my tumblr blog; they are soon queued and or sent directly to his direct messages in the moment after it’s been saved. I don’t hear from him for very many, many hours later. I’m sitting in my room looking at our chat, hoping to hear from him soon. Nothing comes in. I feel guilty and sad that I couldn’t get him the YSL perfume that I wanted to get him. I know it’s because he’s busy as an Idol for GOT7, and going through a process of change in his business life. Which I wholeheartedly support. But it still bothers me and makes me even more sad that he has not appreciated my gift. But then surprisingly enough a message comes in from BamBam saying “Yeah, I’m outside your house~! Happy Valentine’s Day~!”

My eyes go wide at the message, but I push myself quickly off my bed, barefooted and rush outside to greet him. Once outside, I try to get to him as quickly as I can, but he’s standing right outside my door. Our bodies full on collide into each other. I wrap my arms tightly around him. I am shocked and have no words whatsoever. My heart is beating a million miles an hour. He separates our bodies from the deep hug for a moment to bend down and kiss me right then and there, gently. I respond back with my own kiss. But I make my lips linger on his for a good minute. He then breaks the kiss and looks at me.

“Wow, so cute and yet you really weren’t expecting me.”

I blush and stutter my response. “Bammie, It is late. Y-you really shouldn’t have, but I’m so damn happy you’re finally here~! I-I love you s-so much~!” I feel so nervous and yet excited.

He looks at me from head to toe. I’m wearing a blueish grey and pink leopard oversized sleep shirt and red and pink heart leggings. He pulls me towards him for another hug and I really don’t want to let go of him.

“Are you going to let me in?” He asks.

“Of course hunny~” I mutter gently against his chest. “I need to get you settled in, on the couch or my bed.” I wink at him, flirting.

“Whichever one you’re parents will allow. I’m sure your mom is still awake. It’s going to be fun to meet her,”

“Maybe we can get you in without a fuss. My dad wakes early also just like me.”

At that, I grab his hand and bring him inside and close and lock the door.

To Be Continued?

@kpopandvarieties Special thanks to Miss. Jenna for helping me for several hours on this. Fangirling along side me on google docs, totally acting a fool together. <3 I am so happy to have a friend like you.

@galacticbammie Just tagging you so you see this. <3

@key201303 Tagging you too for same reason to view it. <3

#BAMBAM #GOT7 #self-insert #fantruth #me in fantasy land #hope it really does happen giggles #so much love #i don't trust tumblr any more. this should have been posted 3 hours later.#SHOOK BY TUMBLR #got7 fluff #got7 angst #bambam fluff #bambam slow burn #bambam angst

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