#wow u really have to reassure yourself of all this?

[bugdogg]

It’s late enough, I remember mentioning here that I was doing a gender assessment and I finished it and decided to do nothing. Not taking testosterone or anything just came out thinking “I’ll buy a packer or something, maybe a binder too and see”

Warning ig for talking about my feelings on my sex and my whole struggle with it and some anxiety issues too ech, idk if people find that gross or annoying but warning anyway

Ik I don’t wanna be a girl fully but I like having tits and I’m not unhappy with a pussy but I’m maybe 90% sure I want a dick more. I don’t want to lose my pussy because then I’d feel like I’d have to do anal(??) like it isn’t mandatory but I’d like to keep my vaginal opening (this sounds gross but that’s like the actual term for it ig).

So then i considered no surgery just testosterone to hope my clitoris would enlarge (is that the word I think idk). But then I learned about all the effects and decided no thanks, I don’t wanna look too masculine but I want a dick, like I feel like that seems more correct to me, it’s what I feel like I’m supposed to have. I also considered a metoidioplasty (if that’s correct, I wrote it down hope it’s right) but I never fully asked about it and became nervous to talk anymore with the doctor.

And whenever I say this stuff i second guess myself, like no you don’t know that you’re just doing this cause it’s a big thing rn or like it’s a fetish. And Ik that’s untrue Ik I’ve felt like this since I was 12 but i have the kind of anxiety that makes me doubt myself to the point of asking others for what they think is best for me but gender doesn’t work that way, no one decides this but me. The assessment freaked me out because when she asked me why I wanted this I didn’t know how to say it was CAUSE I KNEW ITS WHAT I WANTED, THIS IS WHAT MY BRAIN IS TELLING ME SOME PART IS SAYING THAT. But I had to be convincing and now I’m back to second guessing, “maybe you were wrong, you’re probably just confused, you’ve-“ Ik this is all stuff people say to other trans people, especially people my age. I know the shit I tell myself is rooted in that transphobic bullshit but I somehow always think I must be stupid, “yea those people know what they want but you don’t”

I know I want this and I want to stop arguing with myself, I want to at least feel confident in this. I don’t know how I even managed to doubt myself this bad but im typing it now so it can shut the fuck up.

I know im not a girl, I know I don’t have to be anything to prove that, I can dress however I want and enjoy whatever I want, it wouldn’t define my gender or my sexuality or any of it. I don’t have to change my sex if I don’t want to, I don’t have to keep it like this either. If I want to poke fun at my gender than I can it’s my identity I can be silly with it I can be fun with it, it isn’t that serious. And last thing which I find kind of embarrassing but I’m fucking typing anyway, I can call my clit a dick if I want to, it’s fine it’s my body, I can call it what i want

BYE

(Also idk what I consider myself gender label wise, I just focus on my pronouns and what I want physically. Idk if that makes sense idk)

[rhiannswork]

hii i was wondering if u could write something about a pool party that morgan throws, so ofc bau!reader and the rest of the team goes. spencer gets in the pool and everybody is speechless when they notice the scratches on his back. unbeknown to your involvement.

the water’s fine.

spencer ᕁ bau!reader

warnings: allusions to sex, suggestive if you squint with a monocle, smart reid (i did some research for that btw lolol), private relationships, hmm i think that’s it!

"hey, yln made it after all!" morgan exclaimed while relaxing by the pool, drink in hand. "sorry, guys. i had a bit of trouble finding a good bathing suit," you explained, not entirely truthful about the reason for your tardiness. in reality, you and spencer got sidetracked once you found the perfect suit, causing both of you to arrive late. yet somehow, spencer managed to beat you to morgan’s location.

as morgan gestured towards spencer, he reassured, "don’t worry, pretty boy just arrived." emily found it amusing, asking "who reads at a pool party?" while opening her soda can. "spencer reid does," jj responded as she sat beside the pool with her feet dangling in the water, earning a laugh from penelope who was sunbathing on a unicorn float.

"hey derek, do you have any more of those floats? i think i’m going to get in the pool." you placed your bag by the patio table and started to apply some sunblock. "sure thing, i’ll go inflate it." "thank you!" you shouted as he walked away from the group.

as you applied the rest of your sunblock, you couldn't help but notice the chatter of your colleagues. you walked over to spencer, who was deep into reading his book. "hey handsome," you whispered, making sure only he could hear you. spencer raised his head, squinting as he blocked the sun with his hand. "hi baby," he replied with the same volume. "are you planning to get in the pool, or will you stay here and read?" you giggled. "i’m going to finish this book," he said with a shrug. "suit yourself!" you walked off.

soon after, morgan returned holding a heart-shaped floatie which he handed to you before returning to his chair. you threw the floatie into the pool and gradually got in after it. descending the pool steps, you winced as the cold water rushed over your body. "why is it always freezing when you first get in the pool?" you complained as you reached for the heart-shaped floatie.

“the cold going into the pool is actually a result of conduction of heat. see, water is a much better conductor of heat rather than air. energy can flow from your body quicker than it would if you were surrounded by air at the same temperature. even if the water is much warmer than the air, you would still feel cool getting in.” spencer answered your rhetorical question.

"let’s not ask reid any science questions today," penelope giggled as she took a sip of her soda can. "my apologies," he chuckled, refocusing on the final chapter of his book. you shook your head and repositioned yourself in the float, finally finding a comfortable spot.

"spencer, come join us in the pool, the water is great!" jj exclaimed, eyeing the artificial waterfall nearby. "but I'm not finished with my book," spencer whined. "if he doesn't want to swim, that's okay," you shrugged as you started to float around in the pool.

he’s knows you, he’s caught on to what he calls the ‘yn trend’. when you say “that’s okay, it’s fine” he knows what you really mean. he huffed and placed his book down and walked over to the pool.

"i knew you would," you teased as you made your way to the edge of the pool. spencer removed his shirt and you couldn't help but keep your eyes on his body. "wow, spence! you’ve got the body and the brains," penelope commented, lifting her sunglasses for a better look.

"i’ll only be here for a few minutes," he muttered before diving into the pool. the sudden rush of coldness left him shivering, but he quickly adjusted and began to swim around. as he explored the refreshing waters, he found himself falling in love with the pool.

"spence what’s going on with your back?" jj tilted her head. spencer turned to face jj and emily, who had come over. emily commented, "it’s so red." spencer lifted up slightly and morgan asked, "pretty boy, are you allergic to chlorine? you should've told me earlier." "i’m not allergic! i don't know what you guys are talking about." he raised his voice, combing his wet hair back.

you hadn’t been paying much attention to the conversation that had erupted about spencer’s back. you looked over to see penelope inspecting him. “it looks like scratches… reid are you seeing someone?”

you could tell that spencer was caught off guard by penelope’s question. he stuttered a bit before responding, "uh, no, i’m not seeing anyone." penelope didn't seem convinced. “okay i know i’m not a profiler like you guys but this doesn’t just happen.” she traced the scratches with the pad of her finger.

you watched spencer becoming slightly uncomfortable with the questions of his dating status. “spencer, let’s go see if it really is scratches from fingernails.” you slipped off the plastic float and went to grab a towel to wrap around your body. spencer followed you into morgan’s home and slid the patio door to limit the cool air from coming in.

“jesus, did i really do that?” you spun spencer around to look at his back. “you did.” he chuckled throwing his head down. “‘m sorry…” you felt a little guilty, you didn’t mean for him to become a target of interrogation.

“don’t worry about it… i like it when i make you feel good.” he smiled with his hand on your face, his thumb slightly grazing your face. “yeah?” you slightly smiled. “mhm.” you reached for his lips until you heard the door open.

“and now we know who the culprit is.” morgan laughed with a empty glass of piña colada of his hand.

[fairyhaos]

how seventeen adore their s/o's body

requested by @xuenihao : "I was wondering if you could do a reaction of ot13 being in a relationship with a s.o. who is a bit kn the heavier side (just thighs and And belly? You know) and how they would act to people hating on them and how they comfort them? Or them just adoring their so body?"

notes: i really wanted to come up with one unique idea per member but my brain couldn't think of enough sobs... but i hope these are all still okay !

masterlist

seungcheol, seungkwan, hansol

always, always has you sitting on his lap. or leaning against him, or your head resting on his thighs. won't let you fret that you're too much of an uncomfortable weight for him, bc that's not even an issue. loves having you sitting with him bc it's warm, it's reassuring, and he loves having you pressed up against him. makes a point of pulling you into his lap if you ever get insecure, telling you very firmly that anyone who makes you hate the way you look is, quite frankly, incredibly stupid and not worth your precious time. bc your time is Definitely precious especially when you can be spending it sitting in his lap while he runs his fingers through your hair

jeonghan, junhui, chan

gives you kisses absolutely everywhere. literally, everywhere he can reach. kisses your fingers, your fingernails, your eyebrows, your ears, everywhere. when you were lying next to him with your shirt slightly exposing your stomach, he'd leaned down and swiftly pressed a kiss there as well. probably learnt the meanings of all the different placements of kisses for fun, and whenever you feel particularly down about yourself then he'll go through all of them with you, kissing different parts of your body and telling you exactly what each kiss means, while also giving him the chance to show how cherished your body is by him

joshua, hoshi, dokyeom

he is. oh my god he is soooo a thighs man. loves your thighs so much. not even in a sexual way, he just thinks they're so lovely and pretty and full and gorgeous. likes it when you wear shorts/skirts so he can trace patterns across your knees and lower thighs, and especially does so if you're feeling bad about the way you look. pretends to get all sad if you cover them up by wearing pants, but still finds it vv fun to squish your thighs with his hands bc wow they're just so Nice. gasps dramatically if you tell him you don't like your thighs bc in your opinion u think that they're too thick bc what???? he thinks your thighs are perfect what are you talking about???? 

wonwoo, woozi, minghao, mingyu

has compliments for the way you look always, always on the tip of his tongue. looks aren't everything, he knows, but there's just something about you which makes him want to call you all those shallow adjectives bc they just sound so right because you really are gorgeous and beautiful and amazing. literally, you are an utter deity in his eyes like i Cannot stress how much he adores you. has really sincere talks with you if he notices that you feel insecure about yourself, and the compliments just flow out of him smooth and easy as water until you're smiling and blushing and hugging him and feeling better again

request guidelines

[6okuto]

MATSUKAWA RELATIONSHIP HCS

gn!reader, timeskip mentions | 4 whoevah asked! 🫵👍

waits until you're distracted/busy before suddenly saying shit like "first one to get to the lineup gets to pick extra snacks" at the grocery store

eats your leftover food if you can't finish

works hard to take you to a fancy restaurant on one of your first dates... doesn't know which ones are actually good so he's on reddit researching, texting the seijoh 4 gc, etc etc. he dresses up too... he wants to make sure you're happy and treated well 🙁

issei isn't super into or against pda,, he's happy if you're happy. most of the time it'll be an arm draped around your shoulder while you're sitting together or casual hand holding. he isn't opposed to a quick kiss either! :3

if you show him one of those videos that are like,, "if you know your partner, which one would they choose?" and he gets it wrong issei's like "?? tf are u sure" as if it isn't Your choice

he isn't used to getting gifts. if you give him a gift his first thought (fear) is that he's forgotten some kind of anniversary. but you tell him it's just because you thought of him and he gets all flustered and can't keep eye contact 🙁 you catch him glancing at/playing with the gift for the rest of the day

^ him with a lot of stuff actually LOL he tries to hide how Not Chill he is it's so cute 😭 you ask him to hold something but your hand is empty and you just interlock fingers? he's like wow okay if you wanted me you could've just said so As if his ears aren't red hshsdbshs

denies crying over a sad movie as he takes the tissue box from you (refuses to look at you until he's wiped his tears) (looks at you with red eyes and sniffles and says It's not even that sad)

says he'll take a photo of you then takes a selfie LOL

^ you'll have to show him how to take good photos... or learn together... he promises he's a quick learner + he thinks you look good in all of them

takes your compliments/comments to heart. you say his hair looks nice grown out and he takes a few extra seconds messing with it in the mirror, pushing off a haircut for a little longer. you say his new jacket looks great and he's like yeah of course it does,, then reaches for it more often than planned at its original purchase.

i think timeskip mattsun would worry about sharing certain stories from work ;; like... would it upset you (more than him)? did you have a rough day and would he make it worse? he keeps it pretty vague until you ask him to share because you can tell it's been big on his mind

mattsun's not one to care about what side of the bed he sleeps on (it's just the one is closest to a charging port) until you're together. like if you pick a side yourself, it becomes a habit for him to slide into the other even times you aren't sharing a bed. it just doesn't feel right anymore bdhsjdbsj

you know those trends where you ask the other person/people to draw flowers or stars for your lockscreen. he just sends a shitty dick drawing LOL. but he ends up spending super long on decent flowers after i promise. scrunching his eyebrows, moving his finger really slow, picking good colours and everything... even pulls up references. yeagh

sees you online listening to sad music and texts "you up?" in hopes of distracting you. he gets away with coincidental timing the first couple of times, but you figure it out. not that this changes anything (other than maybe his text to "you wanna talk?") — mattsun continues as an offer / reassurance he's there if you'd like him to be

so supportive. SO SUPPORTIVE. you have a big project you're working on? he's checking on you and complimenting you with every day of work, even if he isn't knowledgeable on it himself. you get a promotion or offer you've always wanted? you have to celebrate—you deserve it!! you have a big game coming up? he's in the stands with your jersey on and he's brought his friends to cheer too

^ he isn't really one to Jump for Joy, but he'll be grinning so big, and always matches your energy. (you like hugs and kisses? you got them! you'd rather a solid high-five or verbal praise? that's good with him too! he just wants you to know he's happy and proud of you)

^ actually he might jump for joy. a little. not in a YAHOO! YIPPEE!! way but in a LET'S GOOOOOO way.

you ask to meet the seijoh team and he's like. begging the universe no one's gonna embarrass him. everyone's like No way someone wants to date our mattsun?! Are you sure?! and he's 😐

^ tries to act cool in front of you. gets called out like "lmfao what are you doing" "so obvious" "okay mr. tough guy?" "blocked a ball and thinks he's hot" WBDJSNSSJ

^ brightens when you tell him he Is very cool and you like watching him. shoots his team a look and says something about how they're all single LOL

doesn't post you a lot, but he doesn't really post in general so the ratio of you on his profile is still great tbh. maybe for anniversaries or if he took a really good photo—keeps it minimal and won't write long paragraphs. adds a couple blurry or 0.5x pictures if you're okay with it

accidentally kicks you while he's napping and apologizes even though you swore he was deep asleep shdbsbns

lets you have the window seat. he doesn't actually care that much (since it's you) but he makes a scene of giving it up for you /silly /he's smiling

issei always does his first karaoke song with you if you're there. the first time it happens he doesn't even ask he just hands you the second mic and you're like wait what ??? LOL

gets scared if you say his full name. skips right over confusion and freezes like a deer in headlights even if he hasn't done anything

middle guy for autographs.. LMFAO 😭😭 like what do you mean you know oikawa tooru and iwaizumi hajime who then knows msby etc etc. you show up and say his name like :)) isseii?? :)) and he's like 🙄 Who's asking now. you know you know them too right. /lh

bro does not decorate. imagine unpacking for your new shared apartment and you're like ?? is that really all your stuff. and he's like ....Yeah??.. a lot of the things on his desk/around the house were bought together or by you

i write hcs and im like wowww what a respectable post length and then i realize how long the points are and im like FAWK??!?! ur telling me i DONT actually have that many ?!?!?! so i keep adding more and thats why i take so long. then i stare at myself like GIRL GET IT TOGETHER!! EVERY TIME!!! 🙁🙁🙁

[toxic3mmy]

I’m having a bad case of baby fever since I’m ovulating hard and I need fic of quackity with gf who’s ovulating like crazy and who’s begging for a baby

ooo baby fever!!! the only person in the world that i would ever want a baby w is alex😞😞 but yes, i got u my lovely <33 thx for the request

[also it cane out a bit diff than what u asked for im sorryyyy!! dont hate me bbg💔💔]

prompt: alex dealing with a baby fever filled gf

no smut but mentions of it ofc!!

everywhere you look, there’s babies. on tv commercials, at your job, even at the grocery store there’s always a baby who won’t stop smiling and cooing your way.

and who would make a cute baby? alex, your boyfriend, that’s who!

he has sparkling honey brown eyes with dark lashes framing them perfectly. his fair skin that has freckles and beautiful face moles. and his hair! he has a full head of hair that would look absolutely perfect on a sweet little baby.

lately, on your free time, you were indulging in this want and need and desire for a baby of your own. you were sneakily watching mommy and baby vlogs. you loved seeing their belly grow and their journey through their pregnancy. you even subscribed yourself to a baby magazine and it was what you looked forward to every time you checked your mail.

but you hid all of this from alex. you knew he probably wouldn’t understand. just how most men don’t understand why women obsessed over weddings and wedding planning. it also didn’t help that you were definitely ovulating.

and right now, you were sat listening to your boyfriend going on about his day. well, not really listening. more like admiring him and imagining him as a father and wow did that turn you on.

“what about you? how was your day?” alex asked suddenly

“oh, you know, i mostly just did my online coursework and cleaned the house a bit. i’ve been bored since you went out..” you said, trying to be inconspicuous

“trust me, i missed you too. now let’s eat. the food you made smells amazing” alex said, getting up to serve himself a plate

he served two plates of food, one for you and one for him. the two of you ate in mostly silence, with casual conversation here and there. once you finished eating, alex offered to wash the dishes since you did the cooking.

you sneakily pulled out your phone and scrolled through your pinterest. of course, you had baby related posts all over your feed and you loved it.

“babe.. this sponge sucks. where are the new ones we got the other day?” your boyfriend asked

“should be in the drawer next to the stove” you absentmindedly responded, eyes glued to your phone

alex opened the drawer and found your stash of baby magazines. he wasn’t blind, he knew what you had been obsessing over lately. this was the perfect time to bring it up. so he grabbed a sponge and washed the dishes. after drying his hands, he turned to face you.

“so… you’ve only been studying all day huh?” alex smirked, holding up one of your prized magazines

your eyes widened. you were at a loss for words.

“i-i uh… my sister is pregnant and um she sent me those to help her pick stuff out and—”

“hmm, addressed to our home to ms. y/n” alex interrupted

“do you think i don’t know by now? i see the way you’ve been looking at anything baby related online. i know you always volunteer to do the grocery shopping just for the chance of running into some mother with a baby… my question here is, why hide it?”

“i didn’t think you’d understand… i know how guys get when their girlfriends start talking about babies and i don’t know. i didn’t want to upset you. i didn’t want to make things weird between us..” you explained softly, expecting alex to get upset

he walked closer to where you were sitting and tucked your hair behind your ear gently.

“i could never be upset with you princesa. you don’t have to hide things like this from me. you know i love kids just as much as you do” he reassured you

you nodded sadly, still feeling a sense of guilt.

“why don’t we start trying?”

your eyes lit up and a huge grin was etched onto your face.

“you really mean it?” you asked and alex nodded with a smile on his face

“i would just adore having a little munchkin running around here. i think you’d be a spectacular mother y/n. i can just imagine them having your big ‘ol eyes and your pretty lips” he caressed your face sweetly

“and your gorgeous freckles… oh my god alex! we would have the most adorable baby in the whole wide world! do you actually want to start trying?”

“yes i do, princesa. we’re in a good place financially and also in a healthy place in our relationship. i wouldn’t want to have a baby with anyone else but you” he smiled

“you’re going to be such an amazing dad. you don’t know how much i’ve daydreamed about you holding our baby in your strong sexy arms. the way you would be super protective over them. i just know you’d have our baby on your chest at all times. you’re so innocent and precious and so so good with kids alex. you are definitely daddy material” you stood from your seat and reached out to hold his hand

“also.. i may or may not pay attention to your ovulation period…” he said seductively

“what?! why? you’re a weirdo!” you teased him

“no! i mean i pay attention to when you write those notes on our calendar! you freak” alex was red in the face and you couldn’t help but laugh at his flustered expression

while you were too busy laughing, he suddenly stood up and pushed you against the wall nearby, trapping you there.

“you’re probably really sensitive right now, aren’t you?” his voice came out in a darker tone

“m-maybe…”

“let me make love to you, princesa. quiero impregnarte ahora mismo. quiero que me sientes y que sientes que te hago la mama de mis hijos chula…” he said, making sure to kiss your neck while he spoke

all you could do was nod. his words alone made you so wet and needy for him already.

“i’ll make sure that after tonight, you’ll definitely become a mother” he smirked, dragging you to your shared bedroom

[miumura]

LOVING YOU FROM A DISTANCE — HEE FIC.

“one day, i will stop falling in love with you…”

S ☆ — Heeseung has liked you for ages, too long for him to even recall how. Sure, he should be confessing now, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t, especially if you have a boyfriend. So how is he going to tell you his feelings in only a span of a year before he leaves?

2 LOVERS? — best-friend!heeseung x best-friend!fem!reader

GENRE — high school au, bsfs to lovers to ???, he fell first, she fell harder (+ sort of right person, wrong time), angst, fluff

WARNINGS — brief mentions of insecurities (abt looks, way they act, etc), some people may be shitty …

FEATURING — beomgyu from txt, sunghoon from enhypen

WORD COUNT — 18K+ (18379)

SOPH — giving angst another try 🙏 and with lyfad being the one with the most votes on that poll, this is the fic you guys chose! you let me know if you chose the correct one 😊 (sona don’t speak u dont count u lyfad HATER 🤬🤬🤬) . also i looped the playlist i linked when writing so you know the playlist really hit 😜 anyways i hope you enjoy <33 !

ONE.

You looked at him, your gaze filled with admiration for Heeseung’s abilities. He had remained seated, skillfully plucking the guitar strings and producing a soft chord. As he glanced up, he smiled upon seeing your awestruck expression. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride for having such a talented best friend.

Whether it was academics, sports, or any other endeavor he pursued, he seemed to effortlessly excel in everything he did. His dedication and determination were inspiring, as he never settled for mediocrity. Being around him sparked motivation within you, urging you to push your limits and strive for greatness.

"Dang, you're good. I never knew you could play!" you exclaimed as he finished playing the guitar.

Heeseung smiled and put the guitar down beside him. "You know me; I'm always good at everything, but I don't mean to boast," he said. “You really don't know your best friend, do you?"

"Seriously, you're good at everything. It's hard to keep up with you," you joked, thinking about all the skills he possessed. "I wish I could play like you."

"It's not that difficult to learn. You're a quick learner," he reassured.

Eagerly, you suggested, "Could you teach me?"

"Sure, why not?" he agreed with a smile.

Excited about the opportunity to learn from Heeseung, you both decided to take some time for a quick guitar lesson. You sat right beside him, preparing to learn a few tips.

"Alright, let's start with the basics," Heeseung said, holding the guitar and showing you how to hold it properly. He hands you his guitar, allowing you to copy what he does.

You watched attentively, eager to learn everything you could. "Like this?" you asked, mimicking his hand position.

“Exactly, just position that slightly a bit more towards this way,” he scoots closer to you, propping the item correctly in your hand. “You’re doing great!”

"Now, let's learn how to strum the strings." He demonstrated a gentle strumming motion. "Try it yourself." He hands you the pick, watching over you as you try it out.

You nervously held the guitar and attempted to replicate his strumming. The sound was a bit off, but you kept trying.

Heeseung smiled reassuringly. "You’re doing great! Perfect for a first timer."

He patiently taught you the chords, giving you the encouragement and guidance that you needed. Even if you fumbled a bit, you gradually started improving the sounds. "Wow, that sounds much better now!" you exclaimed, surprised by your progress.

Heeseung chuckled. "See? You're a fast learner. Just keep practicing, and you'll be playing like a pro in no time."

"I just have to teach you a few more basic chords before I can teach you a song," Heeseung said, reaching over to take the guitar from your hands. However, before he could proceed, the door swung open, revealing Beomgyu. He greeted you both with a warm smile.

"You know," Beomgyu chimed in cheerfully, "if you really wanted to learn guitar, you should've asked me." He plopped down beside you, extending a hand towards Heeseung. "Hand me that guitar, Hee."

You exchanged surprised glances, amazed by the unexpected turn of events. Handing the guitar over to Beomgyu, you watched as he effortlessly adjusted his posture and strummed a few chords.

"I've been playing for a while now," Beomgyu continued, "and I'd love to share what I've learned with you."

"You know how to play guitar too?" you asked Beomgyu in surprise.

"Of course I do. Your boyfriend knows a thing or two," Beomgyu replied cheesily, earning a giggle from you. As the playful banter continued, Heeseung couldn't help but feel a twinge of discomfort, sensing himself becoming the third wheel. However, it wasn't an entirely unfamiliar situation.

Gradually distancing himself from the two of you, Heeseung settled into a corner, observing your interaction. He wore a gentle smile, occasionally chuckling at your playful mistakes and Beomgyu's teasing scolds.

In that moment, Heeseung couldn't deny the bittersweet longing within him. He wished he could be more than just your best friend; he wished for something more.

In the corner, Heeseung's heart felt conflicted as he watched your interaction with Beomgyu. Part of him wished he could be the one making you laugh and sharing those playful moments together. He couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if he were the one holding the guitar, strumming strings that would make your heart skip a beat.

He tried shaking the thoughts away, just as he easily did when he first found out you and Beomgyu were dating. But it was getting more difficult to accept it, rather than easily moving on as he should. Even if he’s happy for you, deep down, there’s still that silent hope that one day the stars will align and you will see him in a different light. But until then, he continued to cherish every moment spent with you, treasuring the friendship that was the foundation of it all.

And so, with a mixture of emotions, Heeseung chose to stay in that corner, watching over you and Beomgyu, silently wishing for your happiness, even if it meant his own heart had to endure a subtle ache in the process.

What else could he possibly do?

All he knows is that he must finally share something he's been keeping inside for a while. He knows he has to do it soon, before it becomes too late, even if the odds aren't in his favor. And he needs to know when it is the right time to do so.

TWO.

"Man, can you believe it's our final year already?" You exclaim, intertwining your arm with Beomgyu's as Heeseung quietly trails behind.

"I know, right? We've made so many unforgettable memories here," Beomgyu replies, his hair tousled by the wind.

"Definitely. This school will always hold a special place in our hearts," you say, noticing Heeseung's lack of response. "Come on, Heeseung, don't lag behind like that." You pause, grabbing his arm and pulling him closer to you. Heeseung cracks a smile, now walking beside you as you keep your hand on his arm, ensuring he doesn't get left behind.

Heeseung can't help but notice that if you continue to act this way, it becomes increasingly difficult for him to let go of his feelings for you. Instead of feeling numb or unaffected, he experiences a strange, growing sensation in his gut that intensifies with each passing day. Every little gesture or interaction from you brings a blush to his cheeks, causing his face to turn pink. As much as he wishes and wants to keep feeling these things, he can’t enjoy them for too long. All because of your relationship with Beomgyu, his other best friend.

Trios often come with their own set of complications, and deep down, Heeseung silently disagrees with the idea of it working out for you three. Being in a trio, especially when two friends are in a romantic relationship, usually leaves the third person feeling like an outsider. However, you and Beomgyu are unaware of Heeseung's hidden feelings. Heeseung was adept at concealing his true feelings.

Heeseung can vividly recall the day when Beomgyu asked you out and witnessed the joy that lit up your face upon accepting. He saw the radiant smile you directed towards Beomgyu, and in that moment, Heeseung had no choice but to smile back, despite the confusion and mixed emotions swirling within him.

He wondered why he couldn't be the one to bring that smile to your face, just like Beomgyu did effortlessly. Ever since that day, Heeseung has been pretending to be genuinely happy for you and Beomgyu, even though it weighs heavily on his conscience.

Heeseung carries a sense of guilt for pretending to be a supportive friend. Deep down, he yearns for something more, but he also grapples with the realization that his desires may never be fulfilled.

As time went on, Heeseung couldn't shake the feeling that he and Beomgyu were growing apart, and he believed that you were the cause of their distance. In his eyes, you became a huge barrier, separating him from Beomgyu. The bond they once shared seemed to weaken, overshadowed by the presence of your relationship.

Heeseung was convinced that Beomgyu knew of his crush on you. He remembers Beomgyu's comments whenever he gets caught looking at you with adoring eyes or speaking more softly when you are around. However, Heeseung had consistently denied any romantic feelings to Beomgyu, perhaps leading Beomgyu to pursue a relationship with you. Heeseung couldn't help but wonder if things would have been different if he hadn't denied his true emotions.

Heeseung wondered if it was his fault for giving up his chance. Perhaps he had been too hesitant, fearing the potential consequences of confessing his feelings to a longtime best friend. Heeseung couldn't deny that, if it were you, he would gladly accept his confession in an instant. However, he remained uncertain about your response. The fear of rejection and the possibility of jeopardizing the bond you shared kept him hesitant and apprehensive.

It was definitely his fault—at least that’s what Heeseung thought.

"Bye, Gyu!" you called out before heading off to your first period. Thankfully, Heeseung shared most of his classes with you, which he was grateful for.

"Bye, cutie!" Beomgyu playfully messed up his hair and quickly darted away before you could yell at him. It made Heeseung feel a bit uncomfortable, as he found it gross, but if he were the one saying those words to you, it would be a different story.

Heeseung knew he should try to suppress these feelings, but it was easier said than done.

"Come on, Heeseung, let's grab seats near the window." You pulled him along by the sleeve, leading him into the classroom. He couldn't help but smile at your enthusiasm, allowing you to take the lead.

How could he simply stop falling for you?

"Why don't we sit there?" Heeseung suggested, pointing to the two desks at the back of the classroom. You glanced around, noticing they were the only available seats left.

"It's a bit far," you remarked, but nonetheless, you walked over to the desks with Heeseung.

"Don't worry; if we take any notes, you can always look at mine," Heeseung reassured you with a smile.

As you settled into your seats, Heeseung pulled out his notebook and pen, ready for the class to begin.

"I hope it's an interesting class today," you said, glancing around the room.

Heeseung chuckled softly. "Well, I can’t say the same. With you by my side, any class becomes more enjoyable."

You laughed at Heeseung’s remark, giving him a glance. "You always know how to make me smile, Heeseung."

Heeseung's heart skipped a beat, but he quickly composed himself. "I'm glad to hear that. It's important to make each other happy, right?"

You nodded, a small smile playing on your lips. You playfully teased Heeseung, "Definitely. Geez, where did you learn these words from? Beomgyu?"

What a way to ruin the mood.

The mention of Beomgyu's name brought a slight pang to Heeseung's heart. It seemed like no matter the conversation, Beomgyu's name would always find its way into the mix. He couldn't help but wonder why it couldn't just be the two of you, free from the presence of his best friend. Was it wrong for him to feel a sense of dread whenever Beomgyu's name was mentioned?

"Nope," Heeseung replied with a forced smile, hoping to mask the feelings swirling within him. He didn't want to burden you with his internal struggles, especially when you seemed to be oblivious to any underlying tension.

You took his response at face value, assuming that everything was fine. Unaware of the mixed emotions he was suppressing, you continued to talk with him, leaving Heeseung to grapple with his unspoken feelings.

Heeseung knew deep down that he would forever be seen as just a friend in your eyes. Despite this painful realization, he couldn't bring himself to reveal the truth and risk losing the precious bond you both shared.

Each passing day, he endured the ache in his heart, all while putting on a facade of unwavering support and friendship. It was the least he could do for you to see you happy with Beomgyu. He didn't want to disrupt the harmony that existed between you and risk causing any rifts.

Even though it pained him with each passing day.

Is it bad to always wish for more?

THREE.

"Class is so boring," you whispered to Heeseung, unable to hide your lack of interest in the lecture. The monotony of the school routine had already set in, and it felt like another uneventful week.

"I know, right?" Heeseung replied, resting his head on his hand. He couldn't afford to let himself get too bored, knowing that you would probably ask him for notes once you snapped out of your drowsiness. He slid his notebook closer to you, diligently jotting down everything the teacher was saying.

"Thank you, Hee," you whispered, grateful for his assistance as you gazed absentmindedly out the window. You couldn't have asked for a better seatmate.

Heeseung hummed in response, stealing a glance at you and breaking into a warm smile.

Heeseung continued writing, his focus momentarily interrupted by the sensation of a cold marker tracing along his resting arm. He glanced over to find you grinning mischievously and drawing random doodles on his skin.

A soft chuckle escaped his lips as he pointed at one of the drawings. "What the hell is that?" he teased, referring to the lopsided smiley face you had sketched. You joined in his laughter, defending your artistic skills.

"Hey, don't judge my smiley faces! You were moving too much, so it ended up like that!" You playfully protested, pretending to be offended by his critique.

"Sure, sure. I could definitely do better. Give me the marker," Heeseung teased, reaching out to take the marker from you.

"No way!" you exclaimed, pulling it away from his reach. "Oh, come on! Let me show you my superior doodling skills," he pleaded, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

You playfully shook your head, resisting his attempts to snatch the marker from your grasp. "Sorry, but I don't think the world is ready for your 'superior' doodling skills," you teased, a smirk dancing on your lips.

Heeseung feigned a hurt expression, dramatically clutching his chest. "Ouch, that hurts! My artistic abilities are being underestimated here," he replied, mock offense evident in his tone.

You laughed, enjoying the playful banter between the two of you. It was moments like these that made you appreciate Heeseung's presence even more. He always knew how to bring a smile to your face, even in the midst of a dull classroom.

"Here, let me give it a try," Heeseung insisted, determined to draw something special. You relented, finally surrendering the marker to his hands. He gently took hold of your wrist, bringing your arm closer to him, and focused on creating the perfect smiley face.

As he meticulously crafted the drawing, his brows furrowed in concentration. However, despite his efforts, the smiley face seemed to take on a similar drooped appearance to the one you had drawn on him earlier. Heeseung's disappointment was evident on his face.

"Look—" he began to say, but you quickly interjected with a laugh, not letting him finish. You found it amusing that the smiley face turned out nearly identical to yours.

"See! I told you, it's the same for everyone!" you exclaimed, chuckling at the matching doodle he had created on your arm.

"It might be the marker's fault," Heeseung suggested, trying to find an explanation.

"Fault or not, at least we have these adorable matching doodles now," you replied, a warm smile gracing your lips. You moved your arm closer to his, comparing the two smiley faces side by side.

“They’re actually pretty cute,” Heeseung said with a smile, his eyes reflecting genuine warmth. He couldn’t help but find the simplicity of the smiley-face drawings charming.

"They definitely are," you agreed, admiring the simple yet endearing drawings. For a brief moment, it felt like there was nothing else in the world except the two of you, sharing a genuine connection.

“Oh right—Beomgyu’s basketball game is next week; are you coming?” You asked as the question finally popped into your head.

There was a basketball game already. Heeseung frowned, quickly regaining composure, so you didn’t notice. He didn't want you to notice the twinge of disappointment he felt deep inside. In that instant, Heeseung couldn't help but be reminded of the unspoken truth between you.

No matter how much he cared for you, Beomgyu would always hold a special place in your heart as your boyfriend. Heeseung, on the other hand, would forever remain in the background, a loyal friend with unrequited feelings.

He had grown accustomed to being the one in the background, supporting you both silently. But in moments like these, the contrast between his hidden feelings and the reality of your relationship with Beomgyu became more apparent, casting a shadow over his heart. It was a reminder that no matter how much he wished for something more, he would always be the one left behind, watching from afar.

As much as he wanted to be happy for Beomgyu and support your relationship, it was hard not to feel a tinge of sadness and longing. But Heeseung knew he had to hide those emotions to preserve the friendship that meant so much to him.

With a sigh, Heeseung forced a smile and added, "I'm sure it'll be a great game. I'll be there to cheer Beomgyu on." Deep down, however, he couldn't help but wish for a different outcome, knowing it was a distant dream.

You nodded, sensing a shift in Heeseung's demeanor, but you didn't press any further. It seemed like your words passed through him, as if he were lost in his own thoughts. The sound of the bell ringing didn't even register for him, further emphasizing his distant state of mind.

Concern crossed your face as you gently touched his arm, trying to bring him back to the present. "Heeseung, are you okay? You seem a bit off today."

He blinked, refocusing his attention on you, and mustered a small smile. "Yeah, sorry about that. I just got lost in my thoughts. I'm fine, really."

Though his words reassured you, a lingering worry remained. It was unlike Heeseung to be so absent-minded. As you both gathered your belongings and prepared to leave the classroom, you couldn't shake the feeling that something was bothering him—something he wasn't willing to share just yet.

"Let's meet at our usual spot, alright? I'm sure Gyu's already waiting," you said, getting ready to leave the classroom while Heeseung was still packing up.

Of course he'd be waiting.

"Yeah, see you guys later," Heeseung replied, attempting to sound cheerful, which elicited a faint smile from you.

Putting away his pencil case, Heeseung glanced at the oddly drawn smiley face and the random doodles you had playfully sketched on him. It brought a genuine smile to his face. However, as he let out a heavy sigh, he gathered his belongings and exited the classroom, making his way towards the usual meeting spot.

In his heart, Heeseung held onto the hope that his sincere smiles and friendly gestures would be enough to conceal his true feelings, at least for the time being. As he walked towards the rendezvous point, a bittersweet smile lingered on his lips. He knew he could still bring a small measure of happiness to your life, even if it couldn't be in the way he longed for.

Yes, he could do that, he reassured himself, even though deep down he couldn't help but wonder how long he could keep up the facade.

He shouldn’t have any trouble doing so, right?

FOUR.

It was the day. The day for Beomgyu’s basketball game, the one you’ve been worried about. Heeseung doesn’t understand why your boyfriend was a good player anyway.

“You think I should make a sign?” you asked, seeking Heeseung’s opinion.

“Depends on how big it’s going to be,” he replied, maintaining his nonchalant demeanor.

“I don’t know, maybe just like a small banner that says, ‘BEOMGYU ACE!’ It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think so?” You said, already excitedly planning how you would like to decorate it.

Hearing you use the term “Ace” for others always felt a bit weird to him. He’d listen to it very often now when you went to compliment Beomgyu. He couldn’t help but reminisce about the times you’d called him that—a little joke between you two. But it seemed like things had changed, and he had to accept it.

Although the word “Ace” seems to suit him better. You should’ve just made a sign for him instead, but he couldn’t bring himself to voice that desire. How would he do that anyway?

You didn’t know the slight wince that crossed Heeseung’s face as his back was turned towards you. He forced a small smile when he turned around, focusing on being a supportive friend.

“Yeah, I think that would be nice,” Heeseung finally said, breaking the brief silence. “I’m sure he’d love it.”

Heeseung would’ve liked it. A lot.

So there he was, listening attentively and giving you suggestions on how to decorate it. After all, it was Beomgyu’s important day, and you two had to do something to support him.

When you two arrived, the excitement was noticeable in the air. Heeseung found himself amidst a sea of people, sitting on the bleachers with you.

“I’m already nervous,” You say to Heeseung, not being able to shake off the feeling. You weren’t playing; Beomgyu was, but you couldn’t help it.

“I’m sure Beomgyu will do great; he always has,” Heeseung reassures you, grabbing the water bottle next to him. “Here, this might help you a bit.”

You took the water, taking anxious sips. Heeseung was right; Beomgyu was, without a doubt, a fantastic player. His basketball skills were undeniably impressive, and it was one of the qualities that initially drew you closer to him.

As the game was about to begin, the atmosphere in the gymnasium became charged with excitement. The sound of enthusiastic cheers and rhythmic clapping of hands filled the air. Heeseung and you stood up, joining the crowd in cheering for Beomgyu’s team.

When Beomgyu’s team made their entrance, you couldn’t contain your excitement. The radiant energy exuded by the team was palpable, and you eagerly searched for Beomgyu among his teammates. Your face lit up when your eyes locked with his, and you couldn't help but let out a squeal of delight. "Beomgyu!" you called out, your voice filled with admiration and support. He noticed you in the crowd and grinned, waving back at you with a mixture of pride and determination.

As Beomgyu's gaze met Heeseung's, a moment of acknowledgment passed between them. Beomgyu raised his hand and waved at Heeseung, a genuine smile gracing his face. Heeseung reciprocates the gesture, waving back with equal warmth, momentarily pushing aside his internal struggles.

As the referee blew the whistle and the game began, Beomgyu's determination was apparent in his every move. You could tell that Beomgyu was motivated to perform well in the game, not just for himself but also for you. The desire to impress and make you proud shone in his eyes as he prepared to take the court. It was evident that he wanted to demonstrate his skills and prove himself as a capable athlete, all while knowing that your eyes would be on him throughout the game.

Beomgyu's basketball skills were undeniably impressive, and it was one of the qualities that initially drew you toward him. His agility, precision, and finesse on the court were captivating to watch. You admired his dedication and natural talent, which made him stand out among his peers. It was no wonder that you were attracted to him, as his basketball prowess added to his overall appeal.

Heeseung, although standing beside you, couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions. He masked his true feelings with a supportive smile, even though inside, it hurt him to witness the connection between you and Beomgyu growing stronger. He couldn't deny the talent and effort Beomgyu put into the game, but a part of him longed for your attention to shift toward him.

Every now and then, Heeseung's eyes would unconsciously drift to you. He watched as you cheered, your voice filled with genuine enthusiasm. Your laughter and smiles were contagious, spreading joy to those around you. He couldn't help but feel a mix of happiness and sadness, knowing that he wasn't the one who could evoke those reactions from you.

Seeing you smile and cheer for your boyfriend, Heeseung couldn't help but feel a pang of longing deep within his chest. What was so different between him and Beomgyu? Is it because Beomgyu was more good-looking? Did he have the features that could make anyone fall for him and not him?

His thoughts were slowly eating him alive, as if they were gnawing on his skin. He quickly pushed those thoughts aside, reminding himself to focus on supporting his friends.

As the game reached its climax, Beomgyu's team secured a victory, and the crowd erupted into cheers and applause. Heeseung clapped enthusiastically, sharing in the jubilant atmosphere. He couldn't deny the pride he felt for his friend's achievement.

After the game, filled with excitement, you and Heeseung approached Beomgyu. The elation on your faces was palpable, but unbeknownst to you, Heeseung was grappling with inner turmoil.

"You did amazing!" you exclaimed, extending your arms for a congratulatory hug from Beomgyu. He reciprocated with a wide smile, wrapping his arms around you and lifting you off the ground, twirling you in a moment of pure joy.

Your infectious laughter echoed through the air, enveloping the scene. It was as if Heeseung blended into the background, a side character of your happiness, while his own heartache intensified.

Heeseung mustered a smile, trying to suppress the gnawing emptiness he felt inside. Is it okay for him to feel this way?

“I saw your signs; they made me play even better today,” Beomgyu giggled. Heeseung smiled, glad it helped him, even if it did just a bit.

He congratulated Beomgyu once again, his words filled with genuine admiration despite the turmoil within him. Deep down, he wanted to be the one who could sweep you off your feet, revel in the joy of your laughter, and share those intimate moments with you.

"Let's eat out!" you suggested enthusiastically once Beomgyu put you down from the twirl.

"I would love to, but maybe next time? Coach told me there's going to be a team dinner, and I don't want to miss that," Beomgyu explained with a slight pout.

Weird. Heeseung found it weird. Beomgyu rarely attended team dinners, despite being the ace player. The coach would always have to persuade him to join. Nevertheless, Heeseung pushed the thought aside and chimed in, "Aw, well, next time then?"

Beomgyu nodded in agreement, causing your frown to fade as you understood his commitment. "Alright, Gyu, make sure you eat plenty, okay? I'll go home with Hee."

As you turned to leave, Heeseung caught a fleeting glimpse of an indiscernible expression on Beomgyu's face. It was a mix of emotions that left Heeseung questioning his own perception. Was he imagining things, or was there something more to Beomgyu's look?

Maybe he was too tired from that game.

FIVE.

As Beomgyu's schedule became increasingly packed with various commitments, Heeseung couldn't help but notice how you sought comfort and companionship from him. While he enjoyed being there for you, a twinge of insecurity crept into his thoughts; sometimes he wondered if he was just a backup when Beomgyu wasn't available. However, he considered you his priority, so he let go of those thoughts.

"You won't believe what Beomgyu did today!" you exclaimed, frustration evident in your voice. You plopped right next to him, making him take off his headphones.

Heeseung tilted his head, giving you his full attention. "What happened?"

"He completely forgot about our plans again," you sighed, exasperated. "We were supposed to go to the movies, but he got caught up with his friends and didn't even bother to let me know. I checked his story, and he’s having fun with them. It's like I'm not even a priority."

Heeseung frowned sympathetically. "I'm sorry to hear that. It must be really frustrating."

You nodded, grateful for his understanding. "Yeah, it is. I mean, I know he's busy, but it hurts when he constantly lets me down. Sometimes I feel like I'm just a second option."

And that’s what he feels whenever you hang out with Beomgyu. The feeling of being considered the second-best option for such a long time weighed heavily on him. He wondered if you could truly comprehend his perspective and the emotions he grappled with every day.

"I understand more than you know," he replied softly, his voice tinged with a hint of vulnerability. "Sometimes, it can be really tough feeling like you're not the first choice. But please remember, you're incredible, and anyone would be lucky to have you as their priority."

You’d definitely be lucky, but he wouldn’t be. He considered you his number one, but did you? Definitely not.

"You know, Heeseung, sometimes I just don't understand Beomgyu." You sighed, frustration evident in your voice. "He can be so oblivious to my needs and feelings. It's like he's always caught up in his own world."

Heeseung nodded sympathetically, his gaze fixed on you. "I get it. Relationships can be complicated, and it's normal to have ups and downs. But remember, communication is key. Have you talked to him about how you feel?"

You sighed again, running a hand through your hair. "I've tried, but sometimes it feels like he doesn't really listen or take my concerns seriously. It's frustrating."

Heeseung's expression softened, and he reached out to place a comforting hand on your shoulder. "I understand how important it is to feel heard and understood. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know I'm here for you, right? Your happiness matters to me."

A small smile formed on your face as you looked at Heeseung. "Thank you, Heeseung. I'm really grateful to have you as my friend. You always know how to make me feel better."

Heeseung smiled back, his eyes filled with a mix of fondness and longing. "That's what friends are for, right? I'll always be here for you, no matter what."

Just friends, nothing more.

Heeseung, wanting to alleviate your disappointment, mustered the courage to offer a solution. "Hey, if you don't want those movie tickets to go to waste, I could go with you instead. We can make it a fun outing, just the two of us." He tried his best to sound cheerful, hoping to turn the situation around and spend quality time with you, even if it meant setting aside his own feelings.

You looked at Heeseung, surprise evident in your eyes. "Really? You'd go with me?"

Heeseung nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Of course. I wouldn't want those tickets to go to waste, and besides, it'll be fun. We can grab some snacks, enjoy the movie, and have a great time together."

A mixture of gratitude and excitement washed over you as you realized you wouldn't have to miss out on the movie after all. "Thank you, Heeseung. That means a lot to me. I'm really looking forward to it."

Heeseung's smile widened, but deep inside, he couldn't help but wish it was more than just a friendly outing. Nevertheless, he pushed those thoughts aside, determined to make the most of the time he would spend with you.

It was time. Heeseung stood outside the theater, waiting for you to join him. He couldn't help but feel a mix of nervousness and anticipation. It was just a movie outing with a friend, but it felt significant to him.

As you approached, Heeseung's heart skipped a beat. You looked stunning, a smile lighting up your face as you greeted him. "Hey, Heeseung! Sorry for keeping you waiting."

Heeseung shook his head, a warm smile on his lips. "No worries at all. I'm glad you made it. Shall we go in?"

You nodded eagerly, and together you entered the theater. "I'll grab our tickets, and you can take care of the snacks," you suggested, prompting a nod from Heeseung before he headed towards the snack counter. He contemplated whether to get two small bags of popcorn or opt for a large bucket. Eventually, he settled on the large one, partly for its convenience in carrying, but deep down, he couldn't help but hope for subtle moments when your hands would touch while reaching for the popcorn.

Returning to you with his arms full of snacks, Heeseung couldn't hide his satisfied grin. You looked at the amount of snacks in awe, surprised he had gotten so much. Heeseung chuckled, realizing he might have gone a little overboard with the snacks. "Yeah, I might have gotten carried away with the popcorn. But hey, we won't go hungry during the movie!"

You giggled and took a handful of gummy worms, popping one into your mouth. "I appreciate your enthusiasm for snacks. You know me too well, Heeseung."

Heeseung couldn't help but feel a surge of happiness at your words. He loved how easily you could share these simple moments together. As you settled into your seats, Heeseung couldn't help but steal glances at you. The dimmed lights added a certain glow to your features, and he found himself captivated by your presence.

As the lights dimmed and the film started, you settled into your seats, passing the snacks between you. During the movie, there were moments when your hands brushed against each other while reaching for the snacks, bringing a subtle thrill to Heeseung.

You both shared a lighthearted laugh, enjoying the anticipation of the movie ahead. Throughout the movie, Heeseung laughed at the funny scenes, sharing popcorn and exchanging comments with you. He enjoyed the easy conversation, the shared moments of laughter, and the shared snacks. It felt comfortable and familiar, yet a part of him longed for something more.

As the credits rolled and the lights came up, you turned to Heeseung with a satisfied smile. "That movie was amazing! Thanks for the snacks, Heeseung. You always know how to make things more enjoyable."

Heeseung smiled warmly at you, feeling a sense of contentment. "I'm glad you liked it. It was my pleasure, really."

Leaving the theater, you walked side by side, engaged in lively conversation about the movie. Heeseung couldn't help but think about how wonderful it would be if these outings were more than just friendly gestures. But for now, he cherished every moment spent with you, silently hoping that one day the line between friendship and something more would blur.

"My Uber is about to arrive," you announced, glancing at your phone to check for updates.

"Alright," Heeseung nodded briskly.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay? Thank you so much for keeping me company today." You expressed your gratitude, a genuine smile lighting up your face as you waved goodbye.

Heeseung waved back, watching you as you walked away. The chilly air nipped at his cheeks, but a warmth spread through his being. It wasn't just the physical warmth he sought, but the warmth that came from being in your presence, even for a short while.

As he strolled along with his hands tucked in his pockets, he couldn't help but reflect on the day's events. The shared laughter, the moments of closeness, and the genuine connection he felt with you brought a sense of fulfillment that transcended the wintry weather. He couldn't deny the happiness that blossomed within him, fueling his hope for a future where he could be more than just a friend in your life.

With each step, Heeseung carried the flickering flame of his feelings, knowing that one day he would have to summon the courage to illuminate the truth and reveal the depths of his affection and desire. Until then, he treasured the memories made and the moments shared, cherishing the warmth that enveloped him as he embarked on his journey towards an uncertain but hopeful tomorrow.

All he could do was hope. And that hope was ignited just because of today.

SIX.

Five months into the school year, the weird nature of your relationship with Beomgyu continued. The on-again, off-again pattern left you feeling confused and hurt. Sometimes he would be present, acting as if nothing had happened, only to suddenly vanish without a warning. It was a rollercoaster of emotions that took its toll on your heart.

Throughout it all, Heeseung stood by your side, silently witnessing your pain. He despised seeing you upset, especially over someone who claimed to be your lover. He wanted to be the one who could bring you stability and happiness—the person you could rely on without fear of abandonment.

"I don't understand why he keeps doing this to you," Heeseung expressed with a mix of frustration and concern. "You deserve so much better—someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve."

You looked up at Heeseung, grateful for his unwavering support. "I don't know, Hee. I keep holding onto the hope that things will change and that he'll finally commit and be there for me. But it's exhausting."

Heeseung reached out, gently rubbing his hand on your back. “You know, it’s okay to reconsider your relationship with him.”

As tears welled up in your eyes and you buried your face in your knees, you confessed, "I know, Hee. Love doesn't just vanish easily. Despite everything, I still have feelings for him. You know, I still love him."

Heeseung's heart shattered, resonating with your pain, though you remained unaware of his own hidden emotions.

“Yeah…love doesn’t disappear easily, no matter the obstacle someone could face,” he replied, forcing a bitter smile, careful to conceal his own feelings that mirrored yours.

Heeseung's words caught you off guard, and you looked up at him, wiping away your tears. "What do you mean?"

Heeseung hesitated for a moment, choosing his words carefully. "I mean, sometimes we hold onto love even when it hurts us, even when we know deep down that it may not be the best thing for us. It's difficult to let go, especially when our hearts are involved."

You furrowed your brows, trying to understand his cryptic message. "Are you...talking about me and Beomgyu?"

Don’t slip up, Heeseung.

Heeseung sighed, his gaze filled with empathy. "I'm just saying that sometimes we need to prioritize our own happiness and well-being. Love should bring us joy and fulfillment, not constant pain and uncertainty."

Why was his love for you hurting him instead?

You nodded slowly, the weight of his words sinking in. "I guess you're right. It's just hard to let go of something that meant so much to me."

Whew, he escaped that easily.

Tears welled up in your eyes once again, but this time they were tears of gratitude. "Thank you, Heeseung. Thank you for being there for me and helping me see things more clearly."

Heeseung gave you a warm smile, his heartache masked by genuine concern. "Anytime, YN. I'll always be here for you, supporting you every step of the way. Just please talk to him.”

“I’ll try.” You see him offering a hug, which you gladly accept. You felt comfortable in his embrace, feeling the tension in your body disappear.

You felt better, while someone else watched you two in anger.

It was Beomgyu. Why? He doesn’t even know.

Beomgyu hurriedly approached, his hand reaching out to grab your arm.

"What the heck, Gyu?" you exclaimed, caught off guard by his sudden action.

"Let's have a conversation," he said urgently.

"Out of nowhere?" you questioned, puzzled by his timing.

"Isn't that what you've been asking for?" Beomgyu retorted, his voice tinged with frustration.

Yeah, but after five fucking months?” You scoffed, not believing the words coming out of his mouth.

“Now, I've been distant, and I apologize for that. I've been trying to figure things out, but it's not fair to you. I don't want to string you along if I'm not sure about us anymore."

A mix of frustration and sadness welled up within you. "So, what are you saying? Are you breaking up with me?"

Beomgyu sighed, his gaze falling to the ground. "I... I don't know. I’m not saying that. I need some time to think and to sort through my feelings. That’s why I keep telling you to talk to me." Frustration starts to get to him, still keeping his grip on your arm.

Heeseung, who had been standing nearby, watching the tense exchange, couldn't bear to see you in pain. He stepped forward, placing a comforting hand on your back. "Hey, it's going to be okay," he reassured softly, his voice filled with empathy.

"Hey, let's step away from this for a moment," he urged gently, trying to diffuse the situation.

Beomgyu's eyes narrowed, his anger turning towards Heeseung. "What's your problem? Stay out of this!" He snapped, his voice laced with frustration.

Heeseung stood his ground, his voice steady. "I care about her, and I can't stand by and watch her get hurt. We both want what's best for her, don't we?"

Beomgyu clenched his fists, his expression filled with defiance. "Don't act like you know what's best for her. She's my girlfriend, not yours!"

Heeseung's gaze hardened, his protective instincts kicking in. "What’s wrong with you? It's not about me or you. It's about her happiness, and right now, she's hurting. So, I'm going to make sure she's okay."

Beomgyu's face hardened, a stubborn determination replacing his previous uncertainty. He loosened his grip, gritting his teeth. "Fine, but this isn't over. We'll talk, just not now."

As Beomgyu walked away, leaving you and Heeseung behind, the weight of the situation settled heavily on you. But with Heeseung by your side, offering his unwavering support, you found a glimmer of strength amidst the pain.

With determination in his eyes, Heeseung gently tried to guide your mind away from the heated argument, leading you to a quieter and more peaceful space where he could offer you the comfort and support you needed.

“You okay?” Heeseung asked, looking at your not-okay state.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” You said, lying straight through your teeth. You were not fine; how could you be?

“It’s okay; just be honest with me,” Heeseung said, sitting beside you.

Be honest. It's ironic for him to be saying such a thing. Was he being honest with you? Definitely not, but he argues that it’s for the greater good.

“I don’t think me and Beomgyu are going to work out,” you sighed, running your hand through your hair. “I think it’s over.”

“Oh,” Heeseung says, the only word slipping out of his mouth.

Heeseung's heart ached with conflicting emotions. He questioned his own motives, wondering why he still felt compelled to pursue you despite knowing that you loved Beomgyu so deeply. The weight of seeing you sad and torn between two people crushed him, as he couldn't bear the thought of causing you any more pain.

"Why am I even doing this?" Heeseung thought to himself, doubt lingering in his mind. "What's the point of chasing someone who will soon be my best friend's ex and still has feelings for him?"

Yet, as he contemplated these questions, he couldn't ignore the fact that you were his best friend, someone he cared deeply about. The bond you shared was special, and he cherished every moment spent together. It was that connection that made him question if he should listen to his doubts or follow his heart.

Heeseung wrestled with his conflicting feelings, torn between his desire for your happiness and his own emotional well-being. The uncertainty gnawed at him, leaving him uncertain of the path he should take.

Would he rather be a supporting character or a second love interest that gets pushed away?

The answer was clear. Maybe it was time to question his doubts—his doubts about pursuing you.

Maybe.

SEVEN.

"You're telling me you two got back together again?" Heeseung asked, trying to hide his disappointed tone.

He had hoped that things would have changed, that you would have realized your worth and moved on from the tiring relationship with Beomgyu. But hearing that you had reconnected with him only deepened his disappointment.

Heeseung's heart sank as he braced himself for the answer, knowing that it would confirm his fears. Yet he couldn't help but hope for a different outcome—a chance for him to finally express his true feelings for you.

"Yeah, we worked things out," you replied, oblivious to the underlying emotions in Heeseung's voice. “He apologized and got me gifts.”

Heeseung forced a smile, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "I'm glad to hear that," he said, his voice sounding a bit strained.

You looked at him, sensing something was off. "Hee, are you okay?"

Heeseung quickly composed himself and nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just... surprised, I guess. But if you're happy, that's what matters."

You reached out and touched his arm, concern evident in your eyes. "Thanks, Hee. You're such a good best friend."

Best friend. The words echoed in Heeseung's mind, causing a wave of frustration and longing. He despised how effortlessly those two words rolled off your tongue, unaware of the impact they had on him. It felt like a constant reminder of the boundary he could never cross and the role he would forever play in your life.

Heeseung yearned for a time when he could fully embrace being your best friend without the conflicting emotions that accompanied it. He wished he could accept his title and find contentment in it, but his heart yearned for more. The desire to be more than just a friend consumed him, even as he fought against it.

Every time he heard those words, a mixture of hope and pain washed over him. He longed for a day when he could call you more than just a friend, when he could openly express his true feelings without fear of jeopardizing the precious bond you shared.

"Yeah, your best friend," Heeseung replied through gritted teeth, his tone laced with a mix of bitterness and resignation. He tried his best to mask his true feelings and make it seem like he was content with being just that. But inside, his heart ached with unspoken longing and unfulfilled desires.

He will just continue what he’s best at. So he played the part, pretending that being your best friend was enough, even when it tore him apart inside. He swallowed his own yearnings, hiding them beneath a facade of acceptance, all the while silently hoping that one day you would see him in a different light.

"You want to go to the party tonight?" You asked, attempting to shift the mood and bring a spark of excitement into the conversation.

"What party?" Heeseung inquired, his tone slightly disinterested.

"You know, Mark's party. I heard his parents left for work again," you explained, hoping to pique his interest.

Heeseung hesitated for a moment before responding, "I'll think about it."

"Come on, it's our final year! Let's loosen up a bit and have some fun," you urged, hoping to persuade him to join in on the festivities.

Heeseung looked at you with a mix of uncertainty and longing. He wanted to be there for you, to make you happy, but the idea of attending a party where he might have to witness you with someone else was a painful thought. Nevertheless, he couldn't bear to let you down.

"Alright, I'll go," he finally agreed, mustering a smile despite the conflicting emotions swirling within him. "Let's make it a memorable night."

"Hey Heeseung, are you ready—" Sunghoon's voice interrupted Heeseung's frantic search as he opened the door. Sunghoon's eyes widened at the sight of the chaotic scene in Heeseung's room. Clothes were strewn all over the place, making it nearly impossible to find a suitable outfit.

"Heeseung, what the hell?" Sunghoon exclaimed, bewildered by the mess.

Heeseung sighed, feeling a mix of frustration and self-doubt. "I don't know, Sunghoon. I just... I want to find the right outfit, you know? Something that makes me feel good and confident."

Sunghoon shook his head, a knowing smile playing on his lips. "You're overthinking it, Heeseung. Trust me, you always look great, no matter what you wear. Just pick something and let's go have some fun."

"Who are you trying to impress?" Sunghoon chuckled, enjoying the sight of his friend's newfound determination.

You. He was trying to impress you tonight. Heeseung hesitated for a moment, the truth lingering on the tip of his tongue. But he couldn't bring himself to admit it, not even to his closest friend. "No one," he replied, trying to play it off casually.

Sunghoon raised an eyebrow, seeing through Heeseung's response. "You're a big liar," he teased. "But fine, I'll help you out. Let's find you something that will turn heads."

As they sifted through the clothes together, Sunghoon offered suggestions and shared his fashion expertise. Heeseung appreciated his friend's support and the distraction it provided from his own conflicted feelings. Deep down, he knew that impressing you shouldn't be his main priority, but he couldn't help but want to stand out in your eyes.

After a few moments of searching, he pulled out a well-fitting black button-down shirt. Its sleek design and subtle pattern added a touch of sophistication.

He paired the shirt with dark black jeans that hugged his frame just right, emphasizing his slender figure. The jeans were slightly distressed, giving off a cool and effortless vibe. Heeseung knew they were one of your favorite pairs, and he hoped you would notice.

To complete the ensemble, he opted for a pair of black shoes that added a simple touch to the overall look. They were comfortable yet stylish, striking the perfect balance between casual and put-together.

As Heeseung looked at himself in the mirror, he couldn't help but feel a surge of confidence. The outfit accentuated his best features, highlighting his charm and charisma. He knew he looked good, and he hoped it would catch your attention.

As they finally settled on an outfit, Heeseung looked at himself in the mirror, feeling a newfound sense of confidence. Sunghoon grinned, giving him a thumbs up. "Looking good, Heeseung. Now let's go and make some memories tonight."

Heeseung nodded, appreciating Sunghoon's friendship more than ever. "Thanks, Sunghoon. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Sunghoon shrugged with a playful smirk on his face. "Hey, that's what best friends are for, right?” Sunghoon and Heeseung walk out, walking side by side, getting ready to go to Mark’s house.

And as expected, Heeseung stepped into the vibrant atmosphere of the party, immediately engulfed by the pulsating beats of the music and the contagious energy of the crowd. The room was filled with colorful lights, illuminating the main room, where people were already showing off their moves.

He glanced towards the backyard, where Mark's large swimming pool became the center of attention. Laughter and splashing sounds filled the air as people cannonballed into the water or lounged on inflatable floats, enjoying the refreshing respite from the heat.

The party was in full swing, with friends mingling, sharing laughter, and creating memories. Heeseung navigated through the lively crowd, feeling a mix of excitement and curiosity. He wondered if you were already there, enjoying the festivities and embracing the carefree spirit of the night. As they continued walking, they spotted Mark, who soon noticed their presence.

"Hey, look who decided to grace us with his presence!" Mark exclaimed, pulling Heeseung into a friendly hug. "I didn't expect you to show up, man."

Sunghoon chuckled, joining in the teasing. "Yeah, I thought Heeseung was allergic to parties or something."

Heeseung shrugged, feigning nonchalance. "Well, you know how it is. It's senior year; I've got to make some memories."

Deep down, he knew he was lying. The real reason he had decided to come was you. Only your presence could have convinced him to step out of his comfort zone and immerse himself in the party atmosphere. But he wasn't ready to share that truth just yet.

Sunghoon chuckled, nudging Heeseung playfully. "Yeah, right. We all know there's a secret motive behind your sudden interest in parties."

Heeseung shrugged, trying to play it cool. "Maybe I just wanted to let loose and have some fun."

Mark grinned, oblivious to the unspoken tension. "Well, you came to the right place! Let's make some unforgettable memories tonight!"

As the music thumped in the background and the laughter of partygoers filled the air, Heeseung's gaze scanned the crowd, hoping to catch a glimpse of you. He couldn't help but wonder how the night would unfold and if fate would bring them closer or keep them apart. But for now, he pushed those thoughts aside, determined to enjoy the moment and make the most of the night ahead.

As Heeseung scanned the room, his gaze landed on you, and time seemed to stand still. You were in the midst of a joyous conversation, your laughter filling the air. In that moment, it felt like the entire party faded into the background, and there was only you, illuminated by the soft glow of the lights. He couldn't help but be captivated by your beauty, his breath catching in his chest.

Your smile reached your eyes, and the sight of it sent warmth surging through Heeseung's veins. He felt a mix of emotions stirring within him—admiration, longing, and an unspoken desire. In that instant, he couldn't deny the strong pull he felt towards you and the way your presence had the power to brighten his world.

Heeseung's heart skipped a beat as he took a step closer, drawn to you like a magnet. However, he quickly reminded himself to maintain his composure. Tonight was about having fun, not revealing the depth of his feelings. With a subtle smile, he made his way towards you, ready to just see you up close. He left Sunghoon with his group of friends, walking towards you.

"Hey Hee," you replied, your smile growing wider as you took in his appearance. Something about him seemed different tonight, and you couldn't help but notice how attractive he looked. His hair fell casually over his forehead, giving him a slightly tousled yet effortlessly stylish look. The partially unbuttoned shirt revealed a glimpse of his collarbone, adding to his overall appeal. As he settled down beside you, you couldn't help but appreciate his presence, though a voice in your head scolded you for even thinking about your best friend in such terms.

You shook off the fleeting thought, reminding yourself of your friendship. It was only natural to notice when someone you cared about looked good, right?

"You look great," Heeseung complimented, his words barely audible over the blaring music.

"Hm?" you tried to respond, straining to hear him amidst the noise.

Seeing your confusion, Heeseung leaned closer, his lips almost brushing against your ear as he whispered, "You look pretty tonight."

His words sent an unexpected shiver down your spine, and you couldn't help but feel a rush of warmth spread through your body. This wasn't the usual Heeseung you knew. There was something different about him tonight—a newfound confidence that intrigued and captivated you.

Lost for words, you simply smiled in response, appreciating the unexpected compliment. “You too,” you whispered in his ear, gaining a grin from Heeseung. He’s glad he looks great tonight; nobody else’s opinion matters now but yours.

"Where's Beomgyu?" Heeseung couldn't help but inquire, his curiosity getting the better of him as he searched the crowded party for any sign of his friend.

"He's off with his own friends. We decided to go our separate ways for the night," you replied with a hint of disappointment in your voice.

"Why?" Heeseung pressed further, genuinely wanting to understand the dynamics between you and Beomgyu.

You shrugged, a mixture of frustration and resignation evident on your face. "I don't know. He's got some friends he wants to impress, I guess."

Heeseung's heart sank a little at your response, knowing that you deserved better than being left behind for others. At that moment, an idea crossed his mind, and he mustered up the courage to offer it.

"Well, if he's not around, I can keep you company for the night," he suggested, his voice laced with a mix of sincerity and a hint of nervousness. Deep down, he hoped that you would accept his offer and give him a chance to show you a different kind of friendship—one that was unwavering and genuine.

You looked at Heeseung, surprised by his offer. A part of you wanted to decline, fearing that it could complicate your friendship. But another part of you, one that craved his unwavering presence, couldn't help but consider the idea.

A smile played on your lips as you nodded. "I'd love that, Hee. It's always a good time with you."

Heeseung's face lit up with a mixture of relief and joy. He couldn't hide the happiness that swelled within him at your acceptance. For a moment, he forgot about his own unrequited feelings, focusing instead on making sure you had a memorable night.

As the night unfolded, you and Heeseung found yourselves engaged in lively conversations, laughter, and shared moments that reinforced the deep bond between you. Heeseung went out of his way to ensure you felt valued and appreciated, his unwavering support evident in every word and action.

You couldn't help but notice how different Heeseung was tonight—more confident, more present. And you found yourself seeing him in a new light, appreciating the depth of his friendship and the genuine care he had for you.

As the party continued, you found yourself losing track of time, completely immersed in the connection you shared with Heeseung. The music blared in the background, but it seemed distant compared to the warmth and comfort you found in each other's presence.

Eventually, the night began to wind down, and the party started to thin out. You and Heeseung found a quieter corner where you could talk without shouting over the music. The atmosphere became more intimate, and the energy between you grew palpable.

You and Heeseung found a tranquil spot outside, settling down on the grass and gazing up at the starry sky. The twinkling stars illuminated the darkness, creating a serene backdrop for your conversation.

A peaceful silence enveloped the two of you, offering a respite from the blaring music that still echoed from the party house. The ambiance felt both calm and tinged with a hint of melancholy, causing Heeseung's thoughts to revolve around you. Concern for your well-being mingled with his own personal worries, making him feel an unexpected surge of boldness.

Under the night sky, as the gentle breeze swept through, Heeseung found himself captivated by the moment. The weight of his emotions and the intensity of his connection with you compelled him to embrace the vulnerability of the present.

Heeseung's gaze shifted from the stars to your face, his eyes filled with a mix of tenderness and determination. It was as if the night had emboldened him to confront the unspoken feelings that had long resided within his heart.

"I love you," Heeseung confessed, his voice carrying a mix of apprehension and sincerity.

Your eyes widened in surprise, caught off guard by his sudden declaration. Initially, you brushed it off as his casual sentimentality, assuming he was merely in one of those cheesy yet cringe-worthy moods. After all, it was dark outside, and the night had a way of making people more introspective and sentimental.

For Heeseung, it was a rare opportunity to release the weight of his emotions. It was the only moment he could unburden himself, knowing that you wouldn't suspect anything beyond a platonic exchange. It was his chance to express his true feelings without you realizing the depth of his affection.

You smiled, patting him gently on the back and reciprocating his words with a lighthearted tone. "I love you too, Heeseung."

But within Heeseung, a bittersweet sensation lingered. Why did your response feel so effortless, devoid of any romantic intentions? Why did those words, which he had longed to hear, now taste somewhat bitter?

He had always imagined that such sweet words, exchanged between two people in love, would bring joy and contentment. But instead, they evoked a sense of unease within him—a mixture of guilt and confusion.

"Are you okay, Hee?" you asked, concern evident in your voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry," Heeseung replied, offering a small smile to conceal the turmoil he felt inside. It was another lie slipping effortlessly from his lips, mirroring the ease with which you had spoken those words to him.

At that moment, Heeseung realized that you both shared something in common. The ability to utter those words without fully grasping their weight or the impact they carried. And perhaps, in that shared understanding, he found solace, alleviating some of the guilt that had consumed him.

EIGHT.

"It's been six months. College application responses are starting to come back, and it's making this whole month nerve-wracking," you confessed to Heeseung, your voice filled with anxiety. Once again, Beomgyu wasn't present, despite his promises. At this point, you had learned not to get your hopes up anymore.

"I'm sure your dream school will accept you. Results come out today, right?" Heeseung reassured you, trying to offer you some comfort.

"Yeah, for some schools. But I'm nervous about us not being able to get into the same school," you admitted, your worry palpable.

Heeseung shared the same fear. The thought of being separated from you, especially during such a crucial time in your lives, weighed heavily on his mind. Yet he never wanted to sever ties with you. You had made a promise to always stick together, no matter what obstacles you faced.

"Well, we're all going to pursue different professions, aren't we?" Heeseung reasoned, hoping to ease your concerns.

"I guess... God, it's almost time," you muttered, feeling the tension build as the moment of truth approached.

"Do you want to check alone?" you asked, contemplating whether you should face the results on your own.

"We can check our emails together to see if we get a response back," Heeseung suggested, offering to share the moment with you.

"That sounds good. Let's sit outside," you agreed, seeking solace in the open air.

"Heeseung, it's telling me to check my portal. Oh my god!" you exclaimed, feeling a surge of panic as you settled down.

Heeseung, who hadn't received any notification, calmly replied, "Oh, I didn't get anything yet. Just go check."

Nervously, you took a deep breath, your palms sweaty and your legs trembling. This was your dream school, and the anticipation was almost unbearable.

"Okay, I'm logging in," you announced, mustering the courage to face the outcome.

You entered your login information, your heart pounding with each key pressed. Heeseung watched you intently, sharing your anxiety even though his own fate was yet to be revealed.

As the webpage loaded, time seemed to slow down. The anticipation was palpable as you navigated to the admissions section. Your eyes scanned the screen, searching for the decisive message that would determine your future.

And there it was—a notification in bold letters, your heart skipping a beat. You clicked on it, and a mixture of relief and joy washed over you as you read the words: "Congratulations! You have been accepted to your dream school."

Tears of happiness welled up in your eyes, and you turned to Heeseung, beaming with excitement. "Heeseung, I got in! I can't believe it!"

Heeseung's face lit up with a genuine smile as he watched you get all excited.

"That's amazing! I knew you would make it. Congratulations!" He exclaimed, pulling you into a tight hug.

"I can't believe it! I got in!" you exclaimed, your eyes gleaming with joy.

“That was all you, YN! I’m so proud of you!” Heeseung beamed, a proud smile spreading across his face.

You couldn't contain your excitement, and a wide grin adorned your face. "Thank you, Heeseung! I'm so grateful for your support throughout this journey."

As the realization of your achievement settled in, you couldn't wait to share the news with your parents. Their pride and joy would only amplify the happiness you were feeling at that moment.

Curiosity filled the air as you turned to Heeseung, eager to know the outcome of his own college application. "Have you received your results yet?"

Heeseung shook his head with a hint of anticipation. "Not yet, but I'm staying hopeful. Now, let's focus on celebrating your success. How about we grab a meal together? It's my treat for your incredible achievement."

Your heart swelled with gratitude, touched by Heeseung's gesture. "That sounds wonderful, Hee! Thank you for always being there for me. I couldn't have done it without you."

As you entered your favorite restaurant, a sense of comfort washed over you. The familiar surroundings and inviting aromas instantly put you at ease. You settled into a cozy booth, ready to indulge in a well-deserved celebration.

Heeseung's words resonated with warmth as he encouraged you: "Order whatever you want, YN. Today is your day, and I want to treat you."

A smile played on your lips, appreciating his generosity and thoughtfulness. "Thank you, Heeseung. You're too kind."

Glancing at the menu, your eyes danced over the delectable options. From savory dishes to mouthwatering desserts, it was a tantalizing array of choices. You couldn't resist the temptation of your all-time favorite dish: savory pasta with creamy sauce and succulent grilled chicken.

"I think I'll go with the pasta," you declared, excitement bubbling in your voice.

Heeseung nodded, his own eyes scanning the menu. "Great choice! I'll have the same.”

While you excused yourself to use the bathroom, Heeseung's attention was drawn to the familiar chime of his phone. He retrieved it from his pocket and glanced at the screen, his heart skipping a beat when he saw the email notification. Curiosity piqued, he opened the email, his eyes scanning the contents anxiously.

As he read the message, a mix of emotions washed over him. The update from one of his chosen schools had arrived, bringing a surge of anticipation and nervousness. He couldn't help but feel a knot forming in his stomach, wondering what awaited him in that email.

With bated breath, he absorbed the words on the screen, his eyes darting across the lines. Time seemed to stand still as he processed the information, his heart pounding in his chest. As the realization sank in, Heeseung's eyes widened with a mix of astonishment and elation. He had been accepted into his dream school, the very place he had yearned to be since he was young. It was an incredible achievement, the culmination of years of hard work and dedication.

However, alongside his joy, a tinge of bittersweetness crept into his heart. The realization hit him that the school he had been accepted to was located in a different country, far away from where you would be pursuing your studies. The paths that once seemed intertwined were now diverging, leading in separate directions.

Heeseung couldn't help but feel a sense of longing and a pang of sadness at the prospect of being physically apart from you. The thought of not sharing the same campus, the same classes, and the same experiences together weighed heavily on his mind.

His mind raced with conflicting thoughts and emotions. On one hand, he was ecstatic about his acceptance and the opportunities that awaited him at his dream school. On the other hand, he grappled with the uncertainty of maintaining your close bond and the fear of growing distant due to the physical distance between you.

Is he just going to have to love you from a distance? Taking a deep breath, Heeseung reminded himself that change was a natural part of life. Sometimes, pursuing one's dreams meant making difficult choices and embracing new chapters, even if it meant temporary separation from loved ones. He knew deep down that both of you had your own unique paths to follow and that growth and new experiences awaited each of you.

As you returned to the table, his eyes met yours, and he mustered a smile, although a hint of sadness lingered behind it. He wanted to cherish every moment and every shared memory and support you in your own journey, even if it meant being physically apart.

As Heeseung observed your radiant smile, he couldn't bring himself to dampen your spirits on such a momentous day. It was your special day, and he wanted nothing more than to see you happy and free from worries. The thought of tears staining your cheeks again, especially after the pain you had endured over Beomgyu, tore at his heart.

He wrestled with his own emotions, torn between the desire to be by your side and the yearning to pursue his own dreams. It was a difficult decision to make, as his departure was never his intention. He had never wanted to leave you or add another departure to the list of loved ones who had left your side. Yet he knew deep down that he couldn't simply give up on his dream.

The opportunity that awaited him at his dream school was something he had longed for and worked tirelessly to achieve. It was a chance to grow, to learn, and to become the best version of himself. Heeseung understood that sacrificing his dream would only breed resentment and regret in the long run.

However, that didn't mean he would abandon you or sever the bond you shared. He made a silent promise to himself that, despite the physical distance, he would always be there for you, supporting you in every way possible.

Now, every time Heeseung catches a glimpse of you smiling, his heart will be torn into pieces. It was a painful reminder that he would soon no longer see you give him that smile. If Beomgyu wasn’t such a piece of trash, he would have something less to worry about.

NINE.

As Heeseung crossed off each day on his calendar with a red marker, a wave of sadness washed over him. It was a constant ache in his heart, a reminder of the remaining days he was going to be able to see you in person.

Whenever you visited and asked about his college acceptances, he would conceal his true feelings and claim that he was simply counting down the days until graduation. The lies weighed heavily on him, but he had become accustomed to masking his emotions from you.

You, on the other hand, were genuinely thrilled for him, believing that he would attend a school near yours. Even if you ended up at different schools, you were confident that your friendship would remain intact, envisioning moments where you could still crash at his place and keep in touch.

If only you knew the truth. If only you knew that a significant amount of time would pass before you would see each other again. It would be a separation so prolonged that the risk of forgetting each other lurked in the shadows. Heeseung couldn't fathom the thought of you slipping from his memory, but he wondered if the same held true for you.

Heeseung grappled with the daunting task of how and when to tell you about his upcoming departure. The weight of his secret pressed heavily upon him, and he knew he couldn't keep it hidden forever. But finding the right moment and method to reveal the truth was a challenge he wrestled with daily.

Should he plan a heart-to-heart conversation, choosing a quiet and intimate setting where he could lay bare his feelings? Or perhaps he should seize a spontaneous moment when emotions were running high and honesty seemed more accessible? Heeseung contemplated the various scenarios, each with its own set of risks and uncertainties.

He wanted to find the perfect balance between timing and your emotional state, ensuring that his revelation wouldn't overshadow any important events or milestones in your life. Heeseung wished for a moment when you could both be fully present, where he could express himself openly without the fear of disrupting the joy and happiness you deserve.

But as days turned into weeks, Heeseung's inner turmoil grew. The weight of his secret intensified, and the fear of losing you became more tangible. He knew that he couldn't delay the inevitable forever, yet the right words eluded him.

It was hard. Harder than he had expected.

But that was okay; he still had more time.

But clearly not enough.

TEN.

"I'm nervous," you chuckled, sitting under the familiar shade of the tree with Heeseung. It has become a regular spot for your daily hangouts, despite already spending so much time together every day.

Heeseung grinned, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "Why are you nervous? You've never been nervous around me before."

You shrugged, fidgeting with a blade of grass. "I guess it's just this weird mix of excitement and uncertainty. You know, once school ends, everyone is going to be going their own ways."

Heeseung leaned back against the tree trunk, observing you with a gentle gaze. “Yeah, that’s true. But you know, I've always got your back. Even if we get different professions.”

A faint smile crossed your lips as you appreciated his words of comfort. "Thank you, Heeseung. I'm really grateful to have you as my friend. I knew you would stick around."

"I don't know what I did to deserve you," you chuckled, feeling the breeze brush your hair away as you sat on the grass with Heeseung.

What did Heeseung do to deserve you? Heeseung couldn't help but smile at your words, a mix of gratitude and self-doubt swirling within him. He looked at you, the person who had been there for him through thick and thin, the one who had always believed in him and supported him unconditionally.

“I could say the same for you.” Heeseung smiled bitterly, knowing he would soon hurt you, probably more than Beomgyu did.

"Say YN, what if I suddenly left without a word?" Heeseung's voice was filled with a tinge of sadness as he contemplated the question. The weight of his thoughts hung in the air, causing a ripple of unease to pass through you.

"All of a sudden?" You turned to face him, looking into his eyes with genuine concern.

He hesitated, his gaze shifting to the ground. "Yeah. What if?"

"You wouldn't." You stared off into the sky, listening to the birds chirp, as silence enveloped you both.

His heart clenched, feeling the need to break into pieces. Of course he wouldn't, but he had to. He watched as the leaves on the tree above rustled and gently fell, their descent mirroring his swirling emotions. He let out a bitter smile, unable to hide the pain in his eyes.

"Yeah, I wouldn't," he replied, his voice filled with a mixture of resignation and longing.

Your heart skipped a beat, a sudden surge of concern and confusion washing over you. Why did his question and response affect you so deeply? You looked at him, studying his face as the wind tousled his hair, adding a touch of ethereal charm. Your eyes met, and you found yourself momentarily captivated, unable to tear your gaze away.

Heeseung let out a soft laugh, a familiar sound that never failed to warm your heart. You felt a faint blush creeping onto your cheeks, the realization of your own emotions catching you off guard. Could it be possible that you were starting to develop feelings for your best friend? The thought seemed both exhilarating and terrifying, leaving you grappling with a whirlwind of emotions.

But no, you quickly dismissed the idea. It couldn't be. You and Heeseung were best friends and nothing more. The bond you shared was precious, and you were afraid to jeopardize it with romantic complications. It was just a passing moment, a fleeting thought that you would tuck away and bury deep within your heart.

"If you had to, I wouldn't mind. It's not like I could do anything," you continued, your voice tinged with a hint of resignation. "But promise me, Heeseung, promise me that you'll tell me, even if it's just a hypothetical scenario."

Heeseung's heart ached at your words, feeling the weight of your trust and acceptance. How could he break it to you? How could he shatter the harmony of your friendship with the painful truth? He wrestled with his own emotions—a battle between love and self-sacrifice.

"Yeah, of course," he replied, his voice carrying a mixture of longing and sadness. He let out a small sigh, a silent release of the turmoil swirling within him. Heeseung's frustration gnawed at him as he reflected on his missed opportunity to tell you about his impending departure. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had let another chance slip away, leaving him questioning his own hesitation.

"Why is it so hard to tell her?" Heeseung muttered to himself, his voice filled with a mix of disappointment and self-doubt. He knew he had valid reasons for his silence, but the weight of his unspoken truth weighed heavily on his conscience.

As he replayed the scenarios in his mind, he realized that fear had played a significant role in his inability to open up to you. Fear of your reaction, fear of hurting you, and fear of losing the precious bond you shared. It was easier to keep his feelings hidden to spare both of you the pain of saying goodbye.

But now, in the wake of yet another missed opportunity, Heeseung couldn't deny the growing frustration that bubbled within him. He understood that time was slipping away, and with each passing day, the impending separation became more inevitable. The longer he remained silent, the harder it would be to find the right moment to reveal his truth.

He had to let you know.

ELEVEN.

“So you’re telling me that after breaking up with your ex, you started having feelings for your best friend?” Yoon exclaimed over the phone.

You broke up with Beomgyu a week ago, knowing things didn’t work out the way they used to. Since then, you both kept your distance, only seeing each other when you both went to see Heeseung. It was a pain in the ass to see him everywhere, pretending nothing had happened between you two.

“Ugh, don’t say it like that.” You winced, collapsing onto your bed. “As bad as it sounds, yes, I think I did. Ever since that party at Mark’s house.”

“No wonder why Mark’s parties are known to start love,” Yoon said bluntly, not judging you in the slightest. “People have always said that.”

"Please, just stop," you groaned, fully aware of the precarious position you found yourself in. It was undoubtedly a complicated situation.

Despite the awkwardness and confusion, you couldn't deny the undeniable chemistry and connection you shared with Heeseung. It felt like the lines between friendship and something more had blurred, and you were left grappling with newfound emotions and conflicting thoughts.

Yoon's voice softened, understanding the complexity of the situation. "I know it's messy, but sometimes love works in mysterious ways. You can't control who you develop feelings for. Just be honest with yourself and with Heeseung. It may lead to something beautiful."

You sighed, grateful for Yoon's support and advice. “Thanks Yoon, but I don’t want it to be seen like I only said I liked him because I just want to get over him.”

“What if he likes you, though?” Yoon was clearly invested in your love life.

“No way—him liking me? Impossible.” You denied. There was no way he liked you for all these years.

“I have seen the heart eyes he gives you. If you weren’t so smitten with your boyfriend, maybe you would’ve seen that.” Yoon chuckled, amused at how obvious you could be.

"I mean, if he likes you and you like him, shouldn't that be easy?" Yoon remarked, her voice laced with a touch of exasperation.

You let out a playful eye roll in response, fully aware of the complexities surrounding your situation. "Come on, Yoon, my ex was our best friend. It's not that simple."

Yoon pondered for a moment before offering her perspective. "Well, maybe you should just tell him. That way, if you ever do start showing interest, he won't feel like he's intruding or being a homewrecker."

A wave of disbelief washed over you. "Yoon, I'm not planning to hit on him! Besides, I'm pretty sure Heeseung already knows about the breakup. We've been avoiding each other lately."

Yoon raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. "And how sure are you about that?"

You paused, contemplating her question. "I'd say about 80 percent sure."

Yoon shook her head with a mischievous smile. "Not good enough, my friend. You need to be 100 percent certain."

An exasperated sigh escaped your lips as you playfully scolded her. "Oh, come on, Yoon. Can't you just trust me on this?"

Yoon grinned, refusing to back down. "Trust you? I trust you with a lot of things, but matters of the heart? Not so much."

You couldn't help but chuckle, appreciating Yoon's concern and her unwavering honesty. "Well, thanks for your vote of confidence, Yoon. But for now, let's just focus on our friendship drama, okay?"

Yoon nodded, a glint of mischief still evident in her eyes. "Fine, fine. But mark my words, you better figure out the Heeseung situation soon. Otherwise, I might just have to take matters into my own hands."

You playfully scolded Yoon over the phone, both of you laughing. Deep down, you knew Yoon had a point. The tangled web of emotions and unspoken desires between you and Heeseung couldn't be ignored forever. Just not right now.

It just might take a while for you to actually confess.

TWELVE.

Walking home together, you soon arrived at Heeseung's house. "Alright then, bye Hee! I can't stay over today; sorry about that."

Heeseung chuckled, finding your reaction amusing. "Don't worry about it. There's always a next time, right?"

Always a next time.

"Yeah, always," you replied with a smile, turning around to walk back home. As you made your way, your heart pounded in your chest, its rhythm matching the uncertainty and anticipation that filled your mind.

It was the seventh month of school, and the days seemed to be slipping away faster than either of you could have imagined. You were anxious about starting high school and stepping into a new chapter of your life, while Heeseung was burdened by the weight of when and how he should reveal his upcoming leave.

Heeseung fumbled with his keys, hastily unlocking the door to his house. As he stepped inside, he spotted Sunghoon lounging on the couch, munching on a bag of chips while engrossed in a TV show. “Hey, the least you could do is give me a heads-up when you crash at my place,” Heeseung quipped, his tone half-joking.

Sunghoon shrugged, his mouth full of chips. “Well, you always let YN pop up here almost every day. It seems like plain favoritism to me.”

Rolling his eyes, Heeseung tossed his bag next to the couch and made his way to the sink to wash his hands. “Just drop it, will you?”

Sunghoon continued munching, unfazed. “She’s not here today? I thought she was going to help you pack up. She always helps you out with that kind of stuff.”

Heeseung sighed, running the water over his hands. “No, she’s busy today. And well, I was packing, but I still have about two months left.”

Sunghoon chuckled with a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Yeah, wait until graduation sneaks up on you and leaves you scrambling to get everything done in time. It’ll be quite the sight to see.”

Heeseung shot his friend a playful glare, water droplets falling from his hands onto the sink. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Sunghoon. Really uplifting."

Sunghoon laughed, reaching for another handful of chips. "Hey, it's all part of the experience, my friend. But don't worry; I'm sure you'll manage. Be glad we are both going to the same college.”

Heeseung couldn't help but crack a smile, the banter with Sunghoon easing his worries, if only for a moment. "Yeah, yeah, I know.”

Heeseung settled down next to Sunghoon, helping himself to a handful of chips. "You know, I'm still worried," he admitted, his voice tinged with concern.

Sunghoon raised an eyebrow, his curiosity piqued. "Why? What's bothering you now?"

Heeseung sighed, his gaze fixed on the television screen. "I still haven't told YN."

Sunghoon's eyes widened in surprise. "What? You still haven't told her? Why not?"

Heeseung leaned back on the couch, feeling a weight on his shoulders. "I don't know; it just slipped my mind, I guess. I've been so caught up in my own thoughts and worries that I haven't found the right moment to bring it up. It's becoming a problem."

Sunghoon paused for a moment, contemplating his response. "Look, Heeseung, I understand that you want to focus on yourself and your relationship with YN, but keeping something like this from her is not fair to either of you. She deserves to know what's going on, especially if it's something that might impact your future together."

Heeseung nodded, realizing the truth in Sunghoon's words. "You're right. I need to find the right time and place to have that conversation with her. It's just... I'm afraid of how she'll react."

Sunghoon placed a comforting hand on Heeseung's shoulder. "I get it, Hee. It's not easy to have these kinds of conversations, but you owe it to both yourself and YN to be honest and open. Trust in your friendship and the bond you share. She'll understand."

"I'm afraid to tell her in person, though.” Heeseung contemplated Sunghoon's advice, weighing the options in his mind. "You think writing a letter would be better?" he asked, seeking confirmation.

Sunghoon nodded thoughtfully. "Sometimes, putting your thoughts and feelings down on paper can help you express yourself more clearly. It also gives the other person time to process the information without feeling put on the spot. If you feel more comfortable expressing yourself through a letter, then go for it. The most important thing is that you find a way to communicate with YN honestly and openly."

Heeseung sighed, relieved to have Sunghoon's support. "I think you're right. Writing a letter will give me the chance to carefully choose my words and convey everything I want to say. It will also give YN the space to absorb the information and react in her own time."

Sunghoon smiled, his eyes filled with understanding. "I'm here for you, Heeseung. If you ever need someone to talk to or help you through this, I'm just a phone call away."

Heeseung nodded gratefully, appreciating his friend's support. With a renewed sense of purpose, he knew it was time to gather his thoughts and pour his heart out onto paper, hoping that the letter would convey the depth of his emotions and the difficult decision he had to make.

He just hoped he had the time to write about everything he felt.

THIRTEEN.

The two months had swiftly passed, catching Heeseung by surprise. He found himself now adjusting his cap anxiously, eagerly awaiting your arrival. Graduation day had finally arrived, a day he had looked forward to with a mix of excitement and trepidation, knowing that it would mark the beginning of a painful farewell.

Heeseung stood among his classmates, excitement and nervousness buzzing in the air. The graduation ceremony was about to begin, and he couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions coursing through him. The cap on his head felt oddly heavy, as if carrying the weight of the impending farewell.

As he glanced around, his eyes searched for you in the crowd. He knew you would be there, a constant presence throughout his high school journey. But today, it held a bittersweet significance. It marked the beginning of a new chapter in both of your lives, one that would take you on separate paths.

The minutes ticked by, and anticipation grew with each passing second. Heeseung's mind wandered, replaying the memories of your time together. The laughter, the tears, the shared secrets, and the unspoken bond between you. He couldn't help but wonder how things would change after today.

Suddenly, he spotted you in the distance, making your way through the crowd. His heart skipped a beat as you drew closer, your smile lighting up the room. Heeseung's gaze never wavered from you, his emotions swirling within him.

As you approached Heeseung, you noticed the slight tension in his expression. You reached out and gently squeezed his hand, offering him a reassuring smile.

"Hey, Hee, are you ready for this?" You asked, trying to break the tension.

Heeseung looked at you, his gaze filled with a mix of emotions. "Yeah, I am. It's just... bittersweet, you know? Graduation marks the end of an era for us."

You nodded understandingly. "I know what you mean. It's hard to believe that after today, things will change. But hey, we've always managed to stick together through everything. I’m sure we will be able to do that again when we are in college.”

Heeseung's hand held onto yours, his grip growing tighter. He felt a lump form in his throat, and the urge to let his emotions spill over threatened to overcome him. He desperately wished he could make you a promise, but the weight of an impending goodbye weighed heavily on his heart. He turned away, blinking rapidly, hoping to conceal the tears welling up in his eyes.

But you saw right through his facade, your intuition picking up on the hidden emotions he tried to hide. Your heart ached at the sight of his struggle, realizing the depth of his fear and the significance of your connection. The thought of losing someone as dear to you as Heeseung was unfathomable. The bond you shared was precious and irreplaceable. Who would ever wish for that?

Before you could offer your comfort to Heeseung, the commencement speaker took the stage, commanding the attention of the hushed crowd. Your hand remained firmly in his, a simple gesture of support that spoke volumes. Both of you turned your focus towards the front, listening intently to the words being spoken.

The speaker's voice filled the air, carrying a sense of inspiration and reflection. They spoke about the accomplishments of the graduating class, the challenges faced, and the bright futures that lay ahead. It was a moment of celebration and reflection, marking the end of one chapter and the beginning of another.

As the speech continued, you stole a glance at Heeseung, taking in the mixture of emotions on his face. There was pride, tinged with sadness, as if he were already experiencing the weight of parting ways. You squeezed his hand gently, a silent reassurance that you were there beside him.

The speaker's words began to blur into the background as your mind wandered, reflecting on the journey you and Heeseung had taken together. From the countless memories shared to the unspoken understanding between you, your friendship has grown into something truly special.

As you sat there, surrounded by the buzz of graduation, your mind began to wander back to the memories you shared with Heeseung. The moments in class, the times you hung out, the events you attended together—they all flooded back, painting a vivid picture of your time together.

Each memory was intertwined with Heeseung's presence; his infectious smile and laughter were etched into every scene. The way his eyes crinkled into crescents when he laughed—that heavenly sound that never failed to bring warmth to your heart. It was in those moments that you realized something had shifted within you.

Fuck, you fell in deep. A surge of realization washed over you as you came to terms with your feelings. Maybe it wasn't just a passing fondness or friendship. Maybe, deep down, you have always liked Heeseung more than you realize. Perhaps it was hidden beneath the surface, waiting for the right time to reveal itself.

The thought of liking him, not just a little but a lot, was both exhilarating and terrifying. You couldn't deny the flutter of your heart whenever he was near, the way your smile widened when he was happy, or the pang of longing when you were apart. It all makes sense now.

How had you missed it before? Perhaps you had been too caught up in the comfort of your friendship, too afraid to acknowledge the possibility of something more. But now, as the truth unfolded before you, you couldn't ignore the depth of your feelings any longer.

As the ceremony continued, the realization settled within you, filling you with a mix of excitement and nervousness. Graduation marked not only the end of high school but also the beginning of a new chapter in your relationship with Heeseung. The question remained: would you have the courage to explore these newfound feelings and share them with him?

The answer was uncertain, but one thing was clear: the bond you shared with Heeseung was special, and it was worth exploring the possibility of something more. Graduation had become more than just a farewell; it had become a turning point, a chance to embrace the unknown and discover the depth of your connection with Heeseung.

With renewed determination and a sense of anticipation, you turned your attention back to the ceremony. As the crowd erupted into applause and the ceremony reached its climax, you couldn't help but steal a glance at Heeseung. His eyes met yours, and in that moment, you knew that whatever the future held, your feelings would guide you towards a path of truth and authenticity.

As the crowd erupted in cheers and applause, you joined your fellow graduates in turning your tassels, symbolizing the culmination of your high school journey. The air was filled with excitement and joy, and in that moment, everything seemed perfect.

But amidst the celebratory chaos, Heeseung's laughter pierced through the noise, drawing your attention. You turned, and there it was—the smile you adored, the one that never failed to make your heart skip a beat. His eyes met yours, and you couldn't help but feel a surge of emotion well up within you.

There was a tenderness in his gaze and a depth of affection that spoke volumes. It wasn't just your imagination playing tricks on you; he was looking at you with love in his eyes. The realization hit you like a wave, and a mixture of disbelief, hope, and overwhelming emotion washed over you.

Heeseung's tear-filled eyes mirrored your own, as if both of you were sharing an unspoken understanding. Heeseung's tears took you by surprise, and your heart ached at the sight of his distress. Concerned and wanting to offer solace, you closed the distance between you, gently placing a hand on his trembling shoulder.

"Don't cry, Hee," you whispered softly, your voice filled with genuine care. "Please, tell me why you're crying. What's wrong?"

Heeseung took a deep breath, trying to compose himself as he looked into your eyes. His voice quivered as he spoke: “It’s nothing, just us leaving high school.”

“Are you sure?” you asked worriedly, thinking there was more to it.

“I’m sure,” Heeseung whispered, his eyes slightly reddened. He reached out to retrieve something from his seat, clutching an envelope in his trembling hand.

"Promise me you'll wait a week before opening this, okay?" he pleaded.

"A whole week?" you questioned, a hint of impatience in your voice.

"I understand it feels like an eternity, but please trust me," he implored, his voice laced with sincerity.

Heeseung's request piqued your curiosity, and you nodded, agreeing to his peculiar condition. You took the envelope from his hand, holding it delicately between your fingers.

"I promise," you replied softly, your voice filled with a mix of anticipation and uncertainty. "I'll wait a week before opening it."

Heeseung offered you a faint smile, his eyes still glistening with unshed tears. "Thank you, YN. It means a lot to me."

Heeseung extended his arms, inviting you into a warm embrace that felt both comforting and bittersweet. He held you tightly, as if trying to etch the memory of this embrace deep into his being. You reciprocated, wrapping your arms around his waist and matching the rhythm of his heartbeat with your own. In that moment, your connection felt unbreakable, and the world around you faded away.

You two finally graduated from high school and are off to start your new journeys in life.

FOURTEEN.

As each day passed, the presence of the unopened letter weighed heavily on your mind. Despite being occupied with new hobbies and family time, curiosity about its contents lingered in the back of your mind. Heeseung's absence during this time only fueled your anticipation, as you wondered what could be so important that he asked you to wait for a week before opening it. With each passing day, the envelope seemed to stare at you, silently urging you to unravel its mysteries.

After an entire week of anticipation, the time had come to open the letter. Excitement surged through your veins as you hurriedly made your way to your room, a sense of eagerness driving you forward. You located the envelope you had carefully stowed away in your drawer and settled yourself into a seat.

With a mix of excitement and nervousness, you took a deep breath and gently tore open the envelope, savoring the moment of anticipation. The sound of the paper crinkling echoed in the room, and you carefully extracted the contents from within. Your hands trembled slightly as you unfolded the letter, your eyes scanning the words written on the page.

Hi YN ^^ !

This is Heeseung after a week! I hope you waited patiently, just as you always do. I know you keep your promises, so I had faith in you. If you did wait, as I believe you did, thank you so much. Now, let me get straight to the point, as I know you prefer it that way.

First and foremost, I want to apologize. Writing this letter is challenging, but expressing my feelings this way feels easier than doing it in person. You hold a special place in my heart, and I felt it was crucial to share this with you. I trust you would have appreciated that. So…

YN, I like you. More than just a little, it could even be considered love. I have loved you from the very beginning. However, Beomgyu was fortunate enough to be the one by your side, taking away any chance I had. It hurt, but seeing your happiness with him eased some of the pain. Please don't blame yourself, as you had no way of knowing.

All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, even if it meant I would remain in the background. So what if I was just your best friend? It didn't matter, as long as I could see you smile. When he hurt you, it made it even more difficult for me to confess my feelings.

I had intended to tell you earlier, ever since Mark's party. Did you notice the hints of 'I love you'? Because I do, I really do. It was my attempt to confess—it didn’t work out as you didn’t pick up on it.

If feelings weren't already complicated enough, my college situation adds to the frustration. I have been accepted to a different school than yours. I'm sure you're aware of that, but there are some things you don't know. I got into one of my dream schools, but it's located out of state. This means I won't be able to see you ever again. Not for now, at least.

I'm sorry for dropping this news on you suddenly and for not telling you sooner. I didn't know how to, and I despise seeing you sad. Losing Beomgyu made it even harder for me to bring it up. So I kept it to myself, which eventually backfired.

I find it frustrating that I have to express myself through this letter rather than in person. I know I may come to regret this decision, but it's too late to turn back now.

By the time you read this, I will already be at the airport, ready to depart. If you're lucky, you might catch a glimpse of me, although I doubt it. I anticipate being too busy to stay in touch through texts or calls, which only adds to the complexity of my situation. So, I must bid you farewell with these words. Goodbye, YN.

Please remember to keep yourself happy and never let that radiant smile disappear. It pains me to see you without it. And always remember: I will never forget you. That is a promise I will keep. Please don't forget me either, okay?

YN, I'm sorry that we couldn't fulfill our promises. I hope that our paths will cross again in a few years. If you decide to stay here, I will do my best to return to you.

Thank you for everything. Know that I love you, my YN.

— Heeseung, your loser.

As you read the final part of the letter, panic welled up inside you, and your eyes began to well up with tears. He was leaving you? Now?

You couldn't believe that he had shouldered all of this alone for so long. The thought of him suffering in silence while seeing you with your ex filled you with regret.

You berated yourself for not realizing his feelings sooner, but there was no time for self-blame now. Without wasting another second, you rushed downstairs, determined to reach the airport as quickly as possible.

You had to reach him before it was too late.

You had to say goodbye properly, at least.

FIFTEEN.

With a racing heart and a sense of urgency, you dashed out of your house and into the bustling streets. The minutes felt like hours as you navigated through the crowded sidewalks, desperately trying to reach the airport. Your mind was consumed with thoughts of finding Heeseung before it was too late.

The airport loomed in the distance, and you pushed yourself to run faster, your breath becoming ragged. Sweating and panting, you hurried through the entrance, scanning the bustling terminal for any sign of Heeseung. The sea of unfamiliar faces only heightened your anxiety.

Frantically, you approached airport personnel, trying to inquire about departing flights and destinations. Time seemed to slip away, with each passing second intensifying your fear of missing him. You searched for any information that could lead you to Heeseung's departure gate, hoping to catch a glimpse of him before it was too late.

Finally, a helpful staff member directed you to the correct gate. With renewed determination, you weaved through the crowd, your eyes scanning every face, hoping to spot him among the travelers. The sound of boarding announcements echoed through the air, adding to the urgency of your mission.

As you reached the gate, your heart sank as you realized the boarding process was already underway. You desperately looked around, searching for a familiar figure and praying that you hadn't missed him. Time seemed to slow down, and your breath caught in your throat.

And then, just as you were about to lose hope, you spotted him. Heeseung stood near the gate, his gaze fixed on the departure screen. Relief washed over you, and you called out his name, your voice filled with a mix of emotions.

"Heeseung!" you exclaimed, your voice trembling with both relief and urgency.

He turned, a mix of surprise and joy flickering across his face as he saw you. "YN? What are you doing here?" he asked, his voice laced with a mixture of disbelief and hope.

You rushed forward, breathless and overwhelmed. "I couldn't let you leave without saying goodbye," you said, your voice filled with determination. "I had to find you."

A flicker of emotion danced in Heeseung's eyes as he took a step closer. "But I thought... I thought you read my letter."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you shook your head. "I did, but I couldn't just let you go without trying. I can't bear the thought of losing you."

Heeseung's expression softened, and he looked at you, tearing up. “I’m sorry, YN,” he whispered, feeling himself getting closer to you. “I never wanted to leave, but I had to. You’ll find someone better.”

"There's no one else who compares to you. I can't believe it took me this long to realize it, but Heeseung, I like you too, a lot."

"But aren't you still with Beomgyu?"

"No, we actually broke up a while ago. It's just you and me now, Hee. I've had some time to reflect, and I've come to realize that my feelings for you have always been there. I truly mean it. Do you still feel the same way?"

Heeseung felt a surge of relief hearing your response. Part of him wanted to say yes immediately, but another part held him back. He didn't want to rush into anything and risk hurting you. He needed time for himself.

Your words hung in the air, and he looked into your eyes with a mix of emotions. "YN, I appreciate your honesty and the courage it took to tell me how you feel. I do care deeply about you, and that hasn't changed. But with everything going on right now—my college plans, the uncertainty of the future—I want to take some time for myself before committing to a relationship."

Confusion and disappointment clouded your expression. "So, you're saying you don't want to be with me?" You asked, your voice quivering with a tinge of sadness and hurt.

Heeseung reached out, gently cupping your face with his hand. "No, that's not what I'm saying, YN. Please understand that it's not about not wanting to be with you. I do love you very much, but I’m scared the long distance wouldn’t work out for us. I want both of us to be ready for this.”

Tears welled up in your eyes as you processed his words. "I understand, Heeseung. I don't want to push you into something you're not ready for. But please know that my feelings for you are genuine, and I hope that in the future, when the time is right, we can be together."

Heeseung tightened his grip on your hand, a soft smile playing on his lips. "Thank you for your understanding, YN. You mean the world to me.”

Heeseung's voice trembled slightly as he spoke, his eyes fixated on the sign of his imminent departure. "Could we share one last hug before I go?" His words were laced with a bittersweet longing, and you could hear the hint of pain in his voice.

The weight of his impending absence settled heavily upon you, and your heart ached with a mix of emotions. Tears welled up in your eyes as you nodded, and your own voice choked with emotion. "Yes, Hee... one last hug."

Closing the physical gap between you, you stepped forward and wrapped your arms around Heeseung. The embrace was a mixture of comfort and farewell, as if trying to capture the essence of your bond in a single moment.

As you held each other, the weight of impending separation hung in the air. You could feel Heeseung's arms tightening around you, as if he wanted to etch this embrace into his memory. The world around you seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you in that poignant embrace.

His voice cracked with emotion as he whispered, "Thank you for being here with me, even until the very end."

Tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill over, as you held onto him just a little tighter. The realization that he would soon be gone made each second feel precious and fleeting.

You found solace in the warmth of the hug and the silent understanding that flowed between you. It was a silent exchange of love, support, and the acknowledgment that distance could never diminish what you shared.

Reluctantly, you released each other, gazing into each other's eyes. The unspoken words and emotions lingered in the air, a testament to the depth of your connection.

As you watched him walk away, the weight of his departure settled on you. But amidst the ache, there was a glimmer of optimism, a belief that this temporary farewell was just a chapter in your story together.

As Heeseung walked away, his mind filled with a whirlwind of emotions, and he felt the need to distract himself from the ache in his heart. Seeking solace in the familiarity of his phone, he decided to clear his inbox before boarding the plane. As he scrolled through his unread emails, one message caught his eye, causing his heart to skip a beat.

His eyes widened in shock as he opened the email, revealing an acceptance letter from your dream school—the very same college that had been his second choice. A mixture of disbelief, astonishment, and a tinge of bitterness washed over him as he read the words on the screen.

Once again, he had a chance he would have taken but missed.

He was too late.

💭 — hey you’ve reached the end 😊

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LYFAD TAGLIST — @misoxhappy @vizstars @junzwrld @whippedforbeomgyu @rikisly

[hatkuu]

wow no one has mentioned this yet????? ig i’ll be the FREAK to do it: vamp!kylar will absolutely eat the hell out of u when u have ur period 🧛 he can probably smell when it’s approaching too and gets so excited. esp bc he gets so fixated on when ur ovulating so when he knows ur period is coming he’s like a fruit fly and starts rubbing his hands together all giddy like

- 🎀

oh my gosh yes. yes. i was too embarrassed to write about it but. period sex with ANY kylar constantly floats around my brain. vampire kylar would be sucking on his fingers like he'd just ate a drumstick from kfc. finger licking good HAHSJSJAK

afab reader, period sex, period mentions, reader wears a skirt, general creepy kylar stuff., kylar's weird scent kink thing is in this too...

drabble continued utc!

I think the first time you're having a period with your freakish vampire boyfriend around - he's visibly on edge. Kylar's gnawing at the palm of his hand while sitting next to you in the cafeteria, sweating as his other hand grips on the sleeve of his hoodie. You note that he is looking at everything and everyone except you.

You'll reach out to touch him, placing a reassuring hand on Kylar's shoulder.

"Are you okay, Kylar?"

Kylar flinches back like you've just burned him - eyes bulging out of his head as his hands quickly shield his face from view.

"Y-Yes! I-I'm fine! J-Just—"

He peeks at you through his fingers, pupils dilated until only a sliver of green remains.

"—I-It's just really hot i-in here."

You throw him a weird look, rolling your eyes as you stand up from the cafeteria table. You absolutely cannot deal with this shit right now. Being hit with wave after wave of crippling cramps, the last thing you needed was your boyfriend being noticeably disgusted with you. You shuffle awkwardy, trying not to cause yourself more pain as you stand. Does Kylar hate you now? Is he scared of you? Fuck, you don't know if your irritability is stemming from the slick, sticky blood feeling between your thighs or your boyfriend - lost in his own little world - ignoring you when you need him most.

A strangled, panicked sound escapes Kylar as you stand. The hand covering his face reaches outward, snatching your wrist with a disturbing amount of strength. You try to slip out of his grip - upset that now he wants to touch you - but he does not relinquish his hold no matter how much you tug against it. He exhales shakily, his nails dig into you - they've gotten long - really long.

"Y-You can't go— You can't."

You try to pull away with more force, spluttering with confusion as Kylar refutes your struggle with ease. He can't possibly be jealous - you've spent almost the entirety of this week with him - he's staring at you with this horrible, anguished expression. It's the last thing you want to see today. Your bottom lip twitches beneath your teeth, tears pricking your eyes in frustration.

"Kylar! Stop being so weird— What is wrong with you today?"

Your scuffle turn heads. You can feel so many eyes on you, looking at you and Kylar, laughing as they see Kylar's hand is latched onto your wrist. Only then do you notice the gaunt, sickly shade of his face. Heavy, darkened bags rest under his eyes. His lips are chapped too, more than they usually are. Speckled bits of dried blood rest in between the grooves of each crack. Kylar twitches, sweat slicking his choppily-cut fringe to his forehead. He looks ill. He tugs you closer, talking in a low tone that makes your stomach churn.

"You're— You're on your period."

What. The. Fuck.

You don't remember telling him it was that time of the month? How does he know—

"W-What? What does that have to do with anything?"

"J-Just— c-come with me—"

He breathes in shakily, composing himself as his eyes trail up your form, lingering far too long on the juncture between your shoulder and neck. He stands to meet your height, breathing heavily as you flood his senses with a scent that is so undeniably you. Sweet, but not too sweet. It makes his body buzz with a sickeningly fuzzy feeling. His mouth fills with sailva as you hold his gaze, scrutinizing him with your cutely furrowed brows and a jutted-out bottom lip.

"I-I need to tell you something."

You can see the desperation in his expression. His other hand shakes at his side, aching to latch onto you and never let go. Festering like a fresh wound, Kylar's carnal urges get the better of him. His other hand grabs your shoulder, pushing you closer towards his chest.

He smells different. Like dust, dirt and nothing all at once. He doesn't smell like garlic and pepper. Normally, you're assaulted with the scent of the plants - but strangely - it's gone entirely. You look up at Kylar, brows still furrowed in confusion because this is your boyfriend but... something is inherently wrong about him.

Kylar tugs you out of the cafeteria.

You don't struggle.

-

"I-I need to taste you—"

"H-Huh?"

Kylar pushes you into the dilapidated storage closet, slamming the door shut behind him as he grapples you against the wall, panting against your mouth.

"I haven't— You smell so good, a-and I just need this," He cuts himself off, snapping his gaze toward you incredulously from his position against you. He visibly shudders, twitching as he falls forward onto his knees, grounding himself between your thighs. He eagerly tugs your school skirt down, panting as he is met with your panties. "I-I need this. N-Need to feed f-from you— no one else."

"W-What! Kylar! We are in school right now! It'll be too messy a-and it'll get all over you-"

You choose to ignore your boyfriend's weird phrasing of eating you out. 'Feeding' from you is new.

His forehead rests heavy against your swollen uterus - you don't know what he's doing - until Kylar leans closer to your clothed pussy and begins sniffing you. Sniffing you - and moaning like he should have gotten between your thighs the moment you sat next to him in the cafeteria. You squeak, latching your hands in his hair in a pathetic attempt to steer him away from your bloodied thighs. Your tightened grip doesn't deter Kylar. He groans loudly, unashamed as he tilts into your touch, panting puffs of hot wet air against your skin.

"Y-Yes! Oh, y-you have to let me— you smell so perfect, j-just—ah—just let me taste you,"

He's so close, so close to snapping and just biting into the soft skin of your thighs. His eyes dart between your face and your clothed heat. His jaw is clenched tight, gnawing at the skin on the inside of his cheeks. Strained to the last thread of his patience, Kylar lets out a hoarse, weak sound. His fingernails jab painfully into your thighs, carnal desperation evident in each action. Despite this, he looks up to you, teary eyed from the struggle of holding himself back.

"P-Please."

You nod, loosening your grip in Kylar's hair as he practically vibrates with excitement. He tugs down your panties, eyeing the pad that sits at the seat of them as his tongue slides over his bottom lip hungrily. You whine as his fingers nestle themselves against your overly sensitive folds. Slick with blood and wetness, Kylar's fingers prod at your folds, eagerly pressing against the spots that make your knees weaken against his hold.

Kylar's tongue inches out to lave at the smeared blood across your inner thigh, moaning at the taste. He latches onto you, lips forming a tight seal against blood-slick skin, mixing red with clear saliva as Kylar's teeth brush against you. Two particularly sharp teeth nick your inner thigh and you tug his head backward as his fingers continue softly rubbing at your clit. He presses an apologetic kiss to the wound, affectionately licking at the punctures, careful not to let any of the blood spill onto your white school shirt.

"I-I knew it'd be good—" He gasps, his mouth and wet tongue making quick work of your other blood-smeared thigh. "Y-You're so—ah—so, so, delicious, my love."

You blush, opening your eyes to look down at your boyfriend. Kylar's still twitching with excitement, tongue hanging out in anticipation as he nears your pussy. You whine weakly, pulling on his hair as dull throbbing cramps torment your lower abdomen. Kylar smiles at you, eyes much brighter - looking far less ill than before, too. He pulls his fingers away, admiring the sticky sheen of blood that coats them before quickly popping the digits into his mouth and moaning at the taste. He pushes you backward against the wall of the closet, spreading your thighs wide enough for his head to fit snugly between them.

He licks a stripe against the seam of your folds, eagerly lapping up the blend of arousal and blood. Your hands weave in his hair, pushing his nose against your clit as Kylar laves at your pussy, humming as your thighs trap him against your heat. Kylar groans, savouring the sweet, metallic taste of you against his tongue. He pushes closer, nestling his nose against your clit just close enough that with each press of his tongue against your entrance you cry out in pleasure, hands tightening in his dark hair. Kylar fucks you with his tongue until you're sobbing, wrapping an arm around each thigh to hold you firm against his mouth.

He moans as you grind against his tongue, chasing your release that hums deep within your core. Your grinding stutters as the coil burns hot within your stomach, tightening until it snaps.

You cry out as you cum, squirming as Kylar continues to hold you against his face. He groans, lapping up your arousal as it seeps onto his tongue. Your thighs clench against his head, quivering as Kylar slows his licking into gentle, loving laves against your pussy. He smiles as your hands fall from his hair. Kylar presses a loving kiss to your pussy, inching upward to press a kiss against your bloated abdomen as well. Even though he just gave you the most intense orgasm of your life, he's still so intimate with each of his actions, no matter how lewd or messy.

He pulls up your panties, your skirt, and readjusts the rest of your clothes before fixing his own.

Kylar stands, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, then licking up the blood collected on it. He looks undeniably better than before; gone is the sickly tone of his skin, the heavy bags under his eyes, and now his eyes hold a twinkle that doesn't falter. He helps you up with ease, pulling you into his chest and nuzzling into your neck.

"Thank you," He whispers, smiling against your neck, pressing soft, affectionate kisses to the damp skin. You return his embrace even as your legs still tremble from the onslaught of pleasure Kylar gave you. You feel better now. Your boyfriend isn't disgusted at you. Quite far from it, actually. So you'll ignore that his teeth are sharper, that his skin is as cold as a cadaver's, that you swear his eyes were red at one point. He's your boyfriend. His strange, newfound affliction for blood doesn't mean anything. Your head falls forward onto his shoulder, breathing in his new scent of dirt, dust and nothingness. He giggles at your newfound neediness, rubbing your back in a soothing motion.

"Let's do this again tonight, okay?"

[polaris-likethestar]

as annoying as raven is and as much as i want to stab her 24/7 i see SO much raven slander and while i genuinely agree with most of it, i want to talk about why i feel like y'all over hate on her (specifically her in first class)

now warning, this is going to be very long, and this is nowhere near an accurate character study but just how i personally view it so that’s just me. pls no hate thank you :)

so she meets this boy when she’s a kid - charles - and thinks, wow, there’s finally someone out there like me. i’m not alone, i don’t have to be alone. he gave raven the same sort of reassurance that he gave erik and while this is, in no means, supposed to be hating on charles, ultimately, raven was right in the sense that as much as he wanted mutant equality and as much as he just wanted safety for his sister, he, whether or not he meant to do it intentionally (which i don’t believe he did) fed into her insecurities by telling raven to basically hide herself.

and yes, i get why he did that, and yes, she should’ve spoken up on how she felt, but if the one person who was supposed to get you and understand you and unconditionally love you when no one else did was suddenly treating you the exact same as everyone else would have treated you, forcing you to hide, you would feel a tad bit angry at yourself, the world and that person, wouldn’t you? reminder that when she asked him if he’d date her if they didn’t know each other he said yes of course before realizing she meant in her blue form and then he just went uh well i do know you that’s the thing so it’ll be weird. like um wow okay. hypocrite.

so, now, as much as she hates it, raven has it in her mind, i wish i didn’t look like this, i shouldn’t look like this, i feel ugly, i hate myself which quite honestly made for a more relatable and genuine main character inner monolouge instead of charles’ i want world peace, but either way i’m confident in myself or erik’s i want humans to die, but either way i’m confident in myself. all raven really wanted for herself was to feel confident and a lot of that turned into a need for validation which we’ll get into later.

(random but the part where charles is like put some clothes on raven girlie thats ur brother he doesnt wanna see u naked but moving on)

then, enter hank. someone who gets it. someone who visibly looks weird although let’s be honest, weird feet compared to being blue? it’s literally nothing but whatever. he understands her, she understands him and right now she doesn’t want to be blue and he doesn't want weird feet. she finally feels understood, in a way she believes charles could never understand her.

and then erik comes along. he’s all for pro mutants, be confident in yourself, mutant and proud, and she’s never seen someone like that. her immediate attraction to him is because of his overwhelming sense of security in his power that she’s never had. he tells her she’s fine the way she is and while, similar to charles, erik’s power isn’t “visible” so he can’t really be talking, she’s not even considering that just because she’s just so in shock that someone could actually not only accept her in her natural form, but embrace her.

she no longer wants the cure because she believes someone truly cares about her. she no longer believes that she needs to be insecure. all the things she hated about herself, she learned to love. and it’s really sad because as i said before, she thrives off of validiation, which she’s never truly received - until now. one person validates her and she feels like her life is complete. that’s sad. but ultimately, she feels more secure in herself now.

and then hank again. she wants him to see himself how she now sees herself. but he doesn’t and basically calls her ugly except it’s not even basically cause he straight up says you’re not beautifull and i know he didn’t mean it like that but bruh that was neither demure nor mindful.

and then she goes to talk to charles thinking alright so maybe hank doesn’t agree with me, neither does charles, but charles is my brother, he loves me. he’ll understand. but the thing is, he doesn’t say anything to insinuate to raven that he does understand. he straight up says something along the lines of i thought hank found a cure for you. which i personally thought charles understood what raven was going through, sure he didn’t have a visible mutation, but he was still a mutant, so while i do believe he was understanding, i think he didn’t show it very well.

now, the one thing raven did that i can’t defend, is the beach. leaving charles. while i know that she did want to go with erik, i don’t think she would’ve left if charles didn’t tell her too and at that point raven probably thought charles didn’t even want her around and that kind of would’ve confirmed it. still, that’s not right, that’s your brother, your only friend, you don’t know if he’s gonna survive. i get why she would’ve left, also because she was angry, but that wasn’t right.

ultimately, she was just an insecure girl, who quite honestly, didn’t know what she wanted and felt alone in the world and while she wasn’t the only one, and was extremely annoying about it, especially since she refused to see the other side of things and focused mainly on herself, i can’t really blame her, and i don’t think she deserves all the hate she gets.

[lonepantheress]

opposites attract

genre: fluff (angst if u squint) + established relationship

pairing: han jisung x reader

wc: 864

a/n: i'm a slave to school, so i haven't posted as much as i'd like :( </3 trying my best to do that and get to some requests (which I'm so grateful for <3)

In the beginning, nothing could have prepared you for the reactions that people had the most often when they heard who your boyfriend was. You liked the quiet, you were quiet, and you liked the time you spent the most when it was quiet time. Maybe that’s why when you told people you were dating Han Jisung, you were usually met with, “Wow? Really? I wouldn’t have expected that.”

It could be from the way that he would walk into a room and his presence was immediately known, or the way that if he laughed, everyone around him would laugh too. People would often use you two to justify their “opposites-attract” theory.

But, you both knew it wasn’t true.

As different as your outward expressions were, you know that you complimented each other’s personalities perfectly. And it wasn’t just in the way that Jisung would bring excitement and energy into your life, while you grounded and brought him a sense of calmness. It was in something farther below that surface. Something you’d only come to realize when you were really deep in contemplation. 

It was the way that he would make you feel like you were the most important person in the room. When you laughed, he did too. When you smiled, he did too. When you cried, he did too. 

It was the way that when you two were together, you would feel his fingers slightly hesitate before he held your hand. You would feel his lips freeze before he went to kiss you. 

When you sat down and vented to him about any little thing that bothered you on yourself, he’d cut you off and say, “I think you’re pretty.” 

And even though you’d laugh at him and roll your eyes a little bit, he wouldn’t laugh back because he wanted you to know he really meant the words he said. He wanted you to see what he saw, the things you couldn’t always see in yourself. 

It was the way that he would really listen to you. He would really listen because he wanted to remember everything about your voice. How it sounded when you would raise it and scream. How it would sound when you would only let out the quietest whispers and your most hidden thoughts. 

It was the gentle nudges he would give you to step out of your comfort zone because he loved seeing you be the center of attention as much as you liked seeing him in that position. Just enough to present a challenge that would make you grow, but never too much that would make you just break. 

Because he made sure that he gave you the room to be your most authentic self, no matter how loud or quiet that self may be. The way that he’d always look at you with so much love and adoration, never asking for anything in return.

It was the way that you showed him you felt the exact same way.

The way you provided a space where he could just be. Without the need to perform or entertain, where he could just let his guard down and exist. Where he could sit in silence with you for hours, not needing to say anything to understand one another. Or where you could laugh at each other’s jokes so hard your cheeks hurt and tears are spilling down your face.

It was the way that you didn’t need him to be perfect, and you constantly reassure him that you accepted all of his quirks and flaws. How those were the things that made you love him the most. The way you didn’t mind when he wouldn’t text you back. The way you’d say, “I think it’s cute when you snore.” 

The way you’d pester him to try something new, and when he’d be stubborn you’d bat your eyelashes and he’d give in every time. How you didn’t mind when he would talk a bit too loudly, or when he would cut you off in the middle of a sentence.

It was the way that he could talk to you about nothing. How you could give him introspective thoughts on something totally trivial. And then he’d throw the prompts at you on purpose because he loved to sit and listen to anything you had to say.

How despite your differences in temperament, you always took the time to find things you could enjoy together. How you could sit in your room and listen through entire albums, binge-watch shows and movies, finding new ones together.

It was the way that, even at your quietest, you would jump to his defense in a heartbeat. Even at your quietest, you’d scream to tell him you love him. Even at your quietest, you’d never stay quiet when it came to him.

So when people gave you looks of surprise or made comments about how different you two were, you’d smile and shrug it off because you knew you weren’t so different at all. You knew that what you two had was deeper than surface-level differences. You complement each other in ways no one else was able to, and that was what mattered most.

[watchoutforthefanfics]

achievement unlocked 🔓 (part five) || Streamer AU! Reddie (IT)

Part 1, 2, 3, 4

AVAILABLE ON AO3

Inspiration: this prompt

Summary: Richie liked to play video games, and by some stroke of luck, it became his job. Being primarily known as Trashmouth on stream, he found his own little group of streamer friends and they became intertwined: The Losers Club. It never did feel quite complete, though. Well, until, he got his very own backseat gamer in chat.

TWs: innuendos, lots of talk of sex (it's Richie), vague mention of toxic relationships, low self-worth, a little angst, loneliness, imposter syndrome, cursing, and shameless flirting.

[[A/N: We got friends in on this one, babes. The Eddie train expands !!! And Richie continues playing some of my favorite games. I'm Southern so the accent joke can fly. Enjoy :))]]

It was stream day.

Richie was skimming through some of the submitted games. He had a form where people could submit games they wanted him to play: it ranged from dating sims to horror games to Mario. He'd found one he liked early last week, but he knew it'd be long-term so he waited on it.

That being said, he'd already downloaded and was currently checking that it ran properly. He still had a few hours until the stream started up.

e.kaspbrak

You're streaming today, right?

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

yeah new game why

e.kaspbrak

What time?

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

wow eds u call yourself a fan ?

e.kaspbrak

Your schedule is shit, you know that.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

it's at like 12

gonna be chowing down on stream

e.kaspbrak

I'll be off of work by then.

What game?

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

that's for me to know and you find out spaghetti 😉

guess you'll just have to watch my stream :)

e.kaspbrak

I already am going to dipshit.

Richie laughed, he felt like he always was with Eddie. So fucking cheesy.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

no playing favorites here eds

e.kaspbrak

Whatever dickhead, I gotta get back to work. See ya then.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

see u spagheds :))

e.kaspbrak

I'm just going to ignore that fucking horrible nickname. Bye, Rich.

He smiled again, something about only his closest friends calling him Rich. It made him feel a little warm, and made him want to maybe run up and down the street -screaming about Eddie.

Luckily, he didn't.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

byeeeeeee

Richie huffed a breath out and kept working on his computer. It all seemed to work well, luckily. There was no troubleshooting that he had to run through for hours-

And then he got a text.

Staniel 🐦😤😠

Call me.

Shit. He'd forgotten to tell him like anything. Shit, had he figured it out? God, he was going to hear it. Like really hear it.

Or maybe something was wrong. Wrong enough to constitute a call. Fuck.

Richie didn't hesitate another second.

"Richie?" His voice crackled over the line (sometimes the distance really messed with their calls), "-Can you hear me?"

"Yeah, hey," Richie started quickly, "-Is everything okay?"

"Of course," Stanley reassured instinctively, before continuing, "-I just talked to Bev."

Fuck.

"I was going to tell you about Eds, I swear-"

"Eds?" He questioned, seemingly genuinely, "-That's the person in your chat, right? Bev just told me that you were talking to someone. Are you... Wait."

Richie spoke, a little nervously, "I might have found him on Instagram."

"The person you're talking to is... Eddie?"

"Yeah," he fidgetted with his fingers, "-the guy who cusses me out in chat."

"You're so fucked in the head," Stanley commented, flatly, "-How are you into that?"

"I don't know," he mindlessly added, "-but somehow he makes it cute, so that's where I'm at."

"Is he gay?"

They had like zero faith in him. Damn. Was he that much of a lost cause?

"Yeah, he is," Richie sighed out, "-I know I've had a shitty dating history, but fuck, man. Have some faith."

"I would," he replied, flatly, "-if you didn't have a terrible record otherwise."

"Oh, c'mon, Staniel," Richie offered, "-It's not that bad-"

"You haven't had a boyfriend since you became an official Twitch streamer, Rich," Stanley pointed out, "-and even then, that guy wasn't even out. He couldn't even take you on dates."

"And I was okay with that," Richie clarified, "-Not everyone feels comfortable with being out-"

"Richie," Stanley interrupted, sternly, "-it wasn't about personal preference, the guy was shitty."

Thinking back on it, he can kind of remember some shitty things the guy did. Like bash his love for comic books, tell him to shut up (not in the cute way), physically hide him from his friends and family-

"You deserve someone proud to be with you," he continued, interjecting into Richie's thought process, "-And I don't... I don't understand why you don't seem to know that."

"You're not the only one, Stanthony," he pursed his lips, somewhat deflecting (Richie was never really good at peeling back layers of himself), "-Steve tells me shit about it all the time, 'You seek validation in other people'. Blah, blah, blah."

"You know you pay a therapist to listen to them, right?"

"Obviously," he chimed in response, tapping his fingers along the desk -mindlessly eying the clock, "-I am. It's just... Your brain is wired a certain way, and sometimes it's hard to rewire it. If that makes any fucking sense."

"It strangely does," Stan commented, thoughtfully.

There was silence for a second, and it felt a little heavy on his shoulders. His love life really was in fucking shambles, huh. Richie wasn't sure anyone had actually loved him. Sure he'd heard the words, but it was never genuine. Always had... an agenda. Manipulation, or love-bombing (as Steve would say). Or at least he thought it was.

It kind of fucking sucked that he might be susceptible to that again, that he might have put himself right where he'd started. That Eddie held a lot in his hands because Richie had willingly put it there, that he could just do something-

"What about Eddie?"

Richie blinked, clearing his throat, "What about him?"

"Is he-" Stanley started before pausing, seemingly trying to figure out his words, "-Is he a good guy? Do you think he's actually... invested?"

"Well," he laughed a little nervously, "-there's fucking nothing to be invested in right now, Stanley."

"This wouldn't be as big as it is if that was true, Rich," he replied, swiftly, "-I know that."

Richie took a deep breath in, "Okay, yeah, I do. Mike... Alright, so apparently he lived where Mike and Ben did when they were younger?"

"The town in Maine?"

"Yeah," Richie quickly confirmed, "-Anyway, Mike sees Eds as an old friend, so he called me to make sure I was being... genuine-"

"Let me guess," Stan hummed, "-he called Eddie too? Asked him the same thing?"

"It's scary when you do that, Staniel," Richie responded, playfully, "-You're like some fucking prophet or something sometimes, it's scary as fuck-"

"Did Eddie tell you himself?" He continued, unwavering, "-That he was genuine?"

"Yeah," Richie swallowed, something in him deeply uncomfortable, "-yeah. Said that he likes when I talk and that sometimes he's a dick to people he cares about-"

"He likes when you talk?" Stan interjected, near immediately.

"I fucking know, right?" Richie replied laughing, the idea had been bouncing around in his head for a while, "-Isn't that batshit crazy?"

"Not entirely," Stanley replied, still ever-so-calm, and just seeming to process it. He always thought about what he was going to say before he said it, the exact opposite of Richie (most of the time anyway). He thinks it kind of why the two of them work so well together.

"It's just good," he continued after a moment, "-when has a guy you're with ever said they like that? That they like to listen to you?"

"First off, I'm not with Eddie," Richie corrected, mind humming with a hopeful 'not yet', "-Secondly... never. They always used to tell me to shut up, mostly. And not in the cute way that Spaghetti does."

He could nearly hear Stan's frown, "You know if we were friends back then, I would've kicked their asses and then yours for doing that to yourself, right?"

"'At's what happens when ya live in a town stuck in the eighties, pal," Richie chimed back in a strange southern accent (more hillbilly than beauty pageant), "-the internalized homophobia grabs ya by the ankles and drags ya-"

"I get it," Stanley interrupted, flatly.

He stopped the impression and then started up a little quietly, more genuine. He could tell when Stan meant no bullshit.

"I like him," Richie spoke, maybe a little louder and squeakier than expected but he'd never admit it, "-I really fucking like him."

Stan didn't say anything for a second, wordless. Once again probably debating what wise words he was going to graciously depart onto him-

"I'm glad," he said, "-I'm really glad, Richie."

And that was that.

It was about an hour before stream now, and his phone dinged.

It was embarrassing how much he hoped it was Eddie, and how much he deflated when it wasn't. He didn't deflated completely though, because it was Bev.

reddy.bevvy ✔️

give me Eddie's insta

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

what why

reddy.bevvy ✔️

I wanna get to know him

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

u tryna steal my mans marsh?

reddy.bevvy ✔️

he's gay

and if he's your friend rich he's gonna be mine too

so suck it up and give me his insta

God, he loved his friends. Especially his dear Bevvy, that one was something special.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

@/e.kaspbrak

He waited a moment, not sure if he should expect a reply. Beverly was a wildcard sometimes-

reddy.bevvy ✔️

thx

see u at the stream 😘😘😘

Richie let out a breath, something clawing up his stomach. His friends weren't going to harass him, were they? God, he'd worked so hard to not scare him away, it would be so fucked if they did. He might never forgive them, ever actually. And that was saying something because he fucking loved his friends.

After an hour of going between worrying and checking his equipment, the stream started.

Richie had actually prepped himself a bowl of Ramen that he currently was eating -waiting for his chat to flow in. He knew some people got off on the eating thing, and others found it gross, but that was in the character of his channel and himself so... he didn't really fucking care.

This time the game was in the title of the stream. One called The Quarry, some sort of choice-based game, people most certainly were going to die at his hands. Either for being stupid and getting them killed, or doing it purposefully. Richie didn't know which one would win this time.

"As long as I got my suit and tie, Imma give it up on the floor tonight," he murmured to himself, checking his audio.

Honk, honk.

eddie.kaspbrak donated $5: what the fuck are you eating

"Eds!" He chimed happily, maybe a little too happily in retrospect, "-Ramen, it's lunch time, everyone should be chowing down."

trashy.tozier: 🍝🍝🍝

dizknees: eddie has arrived guys stream is legit now

babey_boy: SPAGHETTIIII

elite._.gamer: just here for the game but hi eddie

trashmouth-for-me: 🍝🍝🍝

girlie-pops: 🍝🍝🍝

trashy.tozier: I'm eating chicken fried rice

trashmouth-for-me: @/trashy.tozier food check !!!

hello>_<89: 🍝🍝🍝

girlie-pops: I'm eating toast w jelly

smell.ya.later: 🍝🍝🍝

dizknees: I'm eating leftover spaghetti ironically

trashmouth-for-me: @/eddie.kaspbrak watch out @/dizknees has a taste for your blood

hunny_bunny75: I'm new here but this is my favorite game ever

smell.ya.later: I'm eating ramen too !!! we are kindred spirits 🧘‍♀️

trashy.tozier: @/hunny_bunny75 welcome ur in for a bumpy ride

bridger_my_ton: I'm eating a turkey sandwich

toziers-trash: 🍝🍝🍝 EDDIE

too.tough.to.cry: ice cream w chocolate sprinkles

"Hey motherfuckers," Richie started on instinct, "-I don't know shit about this game, other than it's one where people can die based on my choices-"

eddie.kaspbrak donated $5: do you know how much sodium is in that shit

"Enough to matter," he laughed, "-apparently. Guys, do we feel li-"

eddie.kaspbrak donated $5: do you even own any vegetables ???

"Spaghetti," he dramatically held a hand over his heart, feigning heartbreak, "-do you have no faith in me? Of course, I do. I've got baby carrots right in the fridge."

eddie.kaspbrak donated $5: you should eat that instead dickweed

Richie fell into a little bit of an incredulous laugh, something swirling in his chest (he has odd ways of showing he cares but Richie was definitely into it). He pushed his lips together into a thin line, everything itching in him to listen. God, he was so gay-

"Well, guys," he laughed again, "-I don't think Eds here is gonna stop until I switch out my meal. So, I will be right back, do not blow yourselves up while I'm gone."

trashy.tozier: wait did that just happen

brilliant_minds: is that his bf or something

trashmouth-for-me: say that 🍝🍝🍝

benny.boy: where's richie?

trashy.tozier: @/brilliant_minds 👀👀👀

reddy.bevvy: @/benny.boy went to get some different food

all_i_say_is_beet: beet

toziers-trash: @/trashy.tozier no this is starting to make sense

stan.the.man: I've been trying to do that for years @/eddie.kaspbrak

smell.ya.later: @/trashy.tozier how the turntables are turning

barbie._.gurl34: has the stream started ?

In the silence of Richie's room, the alarm went off.

eddie.kaspbrak donated $5: I am not his boyfriend

trashy.tozier: that's suspicious that's weird

gay.shit.guy: 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 GAY SHIT MENTIONED 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

only-here-for-trashmouth: you could be though

ghoulie-boogie: when is he starting the game

dizknees: I smell a ship coming on

your._.mom: the question is do you want to be 🍝

girlie-pops: @/dizknees reddie ?

trashy.tozier: @/girlie-pops no wait THATS SO GOOD

should-i-stay69: is this the gay game ? About werewolves ?

elite._.gamer: @/should-i-stay69 there is a gay couple and it is about werewolves

baby_gurl456: just got here but I'm kinda invested in the 🍝🗑 drama

trashmouth-for-me: @/baby_girl456 NOT THE EMOJISSSS

trashy.tozier: guys he's coming back !!! spam the chat he can't know of our secrets !!!

Richie came back to a slew of chats, including letters and random emojis. He was only a little surprised his mods didn't do anything about it. It was Trashmouth Tozier, they did questionable shit. And he didn't disapprove of some spamming, not always.

"Jesus, guys," he laughed again, "-What the fuck did you do?"

They did not answer him for the rest of the stream. Initially, he just wanted to do a villain run but then he found out about the gays ("Wait guys, there's gay potential in this?! We have to save them, fuck-").

And Eddie didn't message again, surprisingly. Richie wasn't 100% sure why he took it so hard, but at the same time, he knew exactly why. It worried him a little bit, then, and then it worried him a lot when he got off stream to no messages.

He stared at his phone for the remainder of his day, just watching and waiting.

trashmouth.tozier ✔️

eds?

He was probably just overthinking it. Like he always did. He might just need a day, they didn't have to message every minute of every day. They had actually already messaged that morning, so that was normal, so normal-

At least, that's what he'd tell himself when he went to sleep that night.

[astraystayyh]

OMGGG HII AGAIN I MISSED YOU

(I will not apologize on my knees with tears u caused me to be unbelievably soft for Hyunjin and now u must suffer the consequences of my overactive imagination but seriously ☹️☹️☹️☹️ him painting on u oml I love him)

I WISH I HAD QUESTIONS FOR U LOL I DONT I JUST WANTED TO SAY ILY LOTS 🫶 and also your latest fic will never let me see an orange the same way again 🥲 I want someone to peel my oranges now (I actually don’t know how to peel an orange 💀)

ok actually one tiny question hehe. I love how u see the members sooooo what’s like one thing u would say u love about Hyune? Yes essays r allowed I wanna hear them all :3 just how would u describe him to someone that has zero idea who he is! Ur fics always make me see the members in different lights and I just wanna see how ur brain sees them in general hehe

-💫

AKDJDJJDJD the consequences of my own actions...... (never complaining i LOVE ur scenarios) & ILY TOOOO,, manifesting someone to peel oranges for uuuuu U DESERVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now for ur hyune question wow the deep breath i had to take. u said essays are allowed so. U BROUGHT THIS UPON URSELF

okay if i were to describe hyunjin to someone who doesn't know him I'd say he's brave. I've always believed that it takes immense courage to feel in a world that vilifies you for it. real strength is when you keep on feeling, loving, trusting, even after being hurt, because those are the emotions that make us humans at the end of the day, and to open your heart again, to not give up on seeing the good qualities in people even after being disappointed takes a lot of strength.

it's so easy to hate, to close your heart off because there is nothing to lose in hate, or indifference, you know? but there is so much to lose in love.. sometimes you leave parts of yourself in other's people's lives that you won't be able to recover, since loving someone, whether romantically or platonically, is to blindly hand your soul to them, not knowing if they'll treat it with care or toy with it.

but for hyunjin the risk is worth it. hyunjin saying that he trusts easily, gets hurts easily, but repeats again because isn't that what life is about. hyunjin saying that he always tries to look for warmth in people even after being hurt. hyunjin saying that he doesn't love someone hoping for a good outcome, he doesn't love someone because he knows he won't be hurt but because they're lovable. hyunjin who's still so open about love, who still regards it in a pure manner, who thinks it is the very center of our world, who views the feeling under a good light despite being disappointed. all of these things take so much courage.. that's why i said he's brave

but also since we're on the same topic, and u said essays are allowed AKDJDJ i'd say he's the embodiment of hope, the way he views our world, the way he talks, the way he reassures stays. he feels like sunlight spilling between tree leaves, not fully there to brighten the forest, but enough to infuse you with hope to keep going, to keep seeking the way out of darkness. "there will be an end to the sadness too even if you don't end it" (this one stuck with me because someday you wake up and you haven't really done anything new but suddenly breathing feels easier and you swear you're okay again) "you have to find happiness in your daily life, because if you look for it in ideals then it will become an untainable illusion" like his words aren't like u will be happy always!!!!!! or you will quit being sad this instant!!!!! but more of, happiness will sneak up on you when you least expect it, you just have to meet it in the middle. and i find that very comforting, and hopeful.

i could keep going but i will shut up now. ur words about u loving how i see the members always make me feel very warm :')) thank you i truly love you

[littlehouseplant]

Jumin x reader.

Here we meet, again

It had been two years rsince you joined the RFA, and boy oh boy, the things you’d experienced…

You could ALMOST officially call yourself mrs Han now. You got engaged to Jumin not too long after the party, and things had been going great for the two of you! Sarah and Glam were officially canceled, so no more of that drama! C&R had a few issues after the whole spectacle, but the business’s image quickly restored since the people were apparently so moved by the Love story between the two of you.

“All the girls at school are talking about your two!” Had Yoosung said

“They’re all dreaming about their own love story’s now. Wishing they had a cold guy who only had eyes for them, seriously when do nice guys get a chance !?*_*”

Not only that, the stock prices even went up! The company was doing better than ever!

If you were being honest though, this whole new life was not really easy to get used to… All the attention you got now, headlines, gossip papers.. it could get to you. And the whole rich life! Wow, there was a lot of culture shock in the beginning, but living with Jumin was getting more natural by day. And Jumins dad welcomed you warmly into the family, and you really appreciated that. Now the wedding just had to be planned…

You’d also grown much closer to everyone in the RFA. You often had coffee with Jeahee, saw Zen’s musical, helped Yoosung with studying or supervised Seven while he visited Elizabeth (he could visit her once every few weeks, if Jumin was feeling generous). But everyone really grown fond of you, and the whole RFA was closer than ever.

I

You slowly sipped your hot morning tea as you looked at the amazing view from the penthouse. You looked at the beautiful landscape. You may think Jumin is a city man, but he really loves nature.

A kiss pressed on your forehead. “Goodmorning, my love.” Jumin wore a blue bathrobe and his hair was slightly messy.He stroke your head, as if you were a cat.. (jk jk) then he sighed. “Ah, being with you always calms my mind”

He had been working overtime lately. You were worried for your fiancé, especially now his eye bags were really noticeable now. “Sweetheart, are you okay?” you asked “you look so tired.. I’m worried about you. You really ought to take a break”

Jumin sat down next to you and mindlessly grabbed your hand. It was a reflex for him now. “If I would be completely honest, I feel…. unpleasant. Is this what people call stress? There is a lot going on at work with a very important business proposal . it takes a while to explain but let’s just say that it tires me.. I just want to be fully focused on you and our wedding.”

You brought your hand up to his cheek. “ I’ll always be there for u you, you know that. Is there anything I could do for you so that you’d feel better?” You smiled as you wiped a strand of hair out of hiss face.

“You’re an angel sent by god, my darling. I’m happy with you just being here.,” he looked at you and lifted his hand to caress your cheek.” I have a flight to catch this afternoon. I know, it’s very sudden and I apologize. It’s a very important meeting I must attent.” He sighed. “But I’ll miss you so terribly.There’s nothing I would want more than to stay by your side right now.” Jumin still found it hard to leave you at times.

“I’ll be here when you get back, as always.”you put your hand on his. “Really, don’t worry. Now go catch your flight !” You send him a reassuring smile.

He sighed and stood up. “You really are such a sweetheart .” He briefly kissed your forehead. “I must get ready then, I’ll see you darling.”

You waved at him as he went back inside and took another sip of your tea. Bzzt, you got a message.

UNKNOWN:

• ag@/n14

• We728:!/9

• M382ts

• Did you miss me.?

You shivered. You hadn’t thought about this unknown person since the planning of the first party, and here he was again.

[taegularities]

You wanna know what cmi does to me? It fills my belly WITH 10000000000 butterflies and I read and reread it until I've literally engraved it to my memory. Literally almost every other sentence and I'm coming back to reread it. Not to mention certain scenes overwhelmed me so much ( in a good fluffy way) I legit stop reading start passing around and then continue reading becoz well I need to process lmao. Wow I'm literally head over heels for these two. I'm just wow- and the fact that you thought we mi8ve gotten bored of it? How could u I mean do u not see us practically worshipping this beautiful masterpiece? BaBE HOW COULD YOU😭😭

I'm hurt now 🙁 and I only seek a new chap,as an apology,soon that is😚

Heh I hope you have an amazing weekend pretty rid I lub youz always. Don't forget to tc of yourself, don't forget to shield yourself from the cold (especially after jin specifically told us 😭) again I lub youz my pretty rid, always 💜💜😚

it had been so long, i legit feared i wouldn't deliver 😭 thought you might think the chapter is too all over the place LOL very glad that i could still impress you, though! so happy you love those two and the overall story so much, bc ngl.. writing a series is truly hard at times. so honestly, thank you !! for reading, for rereading, for sending me a message, for supporting me, and for reassuring me 🥺

i hope you have a beautiful weekend, too, all the love back to you !! 💕 and argggh thank you so much, trying my bestest to take care of myself, and i hope you do as well !!! 🥺 (also yes omg, it really is so cold, pls be careful D:)

another chapter as an apology, you say? on it 🤓

(tho it might definitely need some time – i'll probably post a drabble first! hope that's okay and you guys can be patient with me <3333)

[thetypingpup]

tysm for answering my questions!! tbh i asked cuz i'm goin thru my own bouts of insecurity. my imposter syndrome is so severe i still think every like/reblog/follow i get is a bot, someone is playing a joke on me about anyone rly reading my stuff, much less liking it

omg that's so wild that u feel like ur not a big writer or that ur fics go unnoticed t-t i think ur such a good writer, such amazing prose, so many amazing ideas

and tbrh i think a lot of writers feel what u feel. i rly feel it sometimes. feeling like, how come what i write doesn't seem to have anyone into it?? are my kinks/tastes that rare/boring/weird? rly??

for me yeah some things i just can't write cuz either i have no interest to write it or it's something I don't think i can write well and like, that's ok. i used to wonder if I should write stuff I'm not feeling but tbh i just can't. gotta have passion to get me going. keep doing u! u've got readers who love ur stuff!! better to get readers who get u and ur passions than to write things u don't like imo!! <3

it's been like that in whatever writing sphere i'm in. in the fandoms i write for on here, i have a certain amounts of followers and get a certain amount of notes, and my moots get way more notes and have way more followers. i used to be caught up in that for a while and admittedly it took me a long time to get out of it. it's easy to get caught up bc i would watch damn near everyone around me get hundreds or even thousands of notes, and meanwhile i was lucky if i broke 300.

the other part of it is for me, i've always found that the more effort i put into something, the less notes it gets. the "how dream would eat pussy" post is the highest amount of notes i ever got, and admittedly that was me halfheartedly throwing thoughts together. meanwhile in the years i've been on here, i never even made it to 600 before. the only reason i haven't deleted it yet is bc of the amount of notes it got bc i've never gotten that much before and i just keep it around to remind myself that it's possible. but honestly it's always been like that, where the work i actually like and put a lot of effort into doesn't get much interaction, but the random bullshit i scribble out and frankly don't really care about and lowkey wanna delete gets all the notes. it's been like that for years i just had to begrudgingly accept it. as long as i'm proud of it then that's all that really matters, and of course i can keep reblogging it like "hey! look at this! i like this thing i wrote! please read it!" until people get sick of me 😅.

i 100% get feeling out of place based on personal taste and kinks and the like. i know for me, i look around like "oh wow, this is the wave people on, and i've very much not with that shit is something up with me?" y'all know me, my pet peeves and triggers get real specific and it makes it difficult to find stuff i can enjoy, so being surrounded by the opposite of what i want damn near all the time has had an effect on me i cannot lie. i always feel like i'm alone in my thoughts and what i like until i have people come in and tell me they resonate with what i wrote. that's the shit that keeps me going and reminds me that i'm not posting to the void and that i'm not alone, so to anyone out there, please interact with and talk to your local writers. you have no idea how much even something simple as some kind words or expressing interest motivates us. we need comfort and reassurance too 😭

at the end of the day it's always better to stick to what you're comfortable with, bc if you don't and you get whatever attention you're gonna get, at the end of the day you're gonna be the one unhappy and feeling some type of way and you shouldn't do that to yourself. i've done that, and i would end up deleting popular shit bc i wasn't satisfied with it, and that's truly all that matters. speaking of which, i gotta do another quality control purge see what work i actually still stand by 🤔

i can assure you that the people who do support you definitely aren't bots. they're people who genuinely like your work and wanna let you know how much they enjoyed it. cherish those. imo those comments and reblogs of people telling you what they liked about your work and why are always better than numbers. save them for when you have those days where imposter syndrome or insecurity pop up, to remind yourself that you're doing a good job and other people think so too. i'm wishing the best for you anon!

[hyuneluvbot]

skz when y/n kisses them in an argument

pairing: stray kids x reader

genre: fluff

warnings: descriptions and mentions of kissing, if that makes you uncomfortable please do not proceed to read.

word count: 2387

author's note: hello my darlings <3 thank you so so so much for being so patient with me yet again, i know i have absolutely no posting schedule :/

-i have intended for the "arguments" here to be just misunderstandings or bad days, because idealistically this isn't how i believe you should be solving serious issues.

-i wrote this over the span of three days during study breaks, i'm still v v caught up in exam prep so please excuse my errors if i've made any :D

-as always, i hope you enjoy reading! take good care of yourself y/n, i'm cheering for you!

chan

-look, he's not usually the type of guy who'd let something as ❛stupid❜ [i hope u read that in his voice] as an argument let him get carried away enough to say some dumb shit he probably doesn't mean.

-but it was a really bad day and his head's in too many places, too many things clouding his head and he cannot focus, so he ends up saying something he regrets, but when he regains focus and pays attention to what he said, you're already walking away from him.

-its not that you don't want to get this argument over with, its just that right now is not the time, you can clearly see he has too much going on and he needs to think properly before he talks to you.

-he's following you though, trying to tell you he didn't mean what he said and "oh wow i should really start paying more attention to what i say" and "oh god this was so dumb of me" and now he's overthinking.

-you don't really see any other way to get him to stop talking for a second, so you cup his face and plant a big fat kiss on his lips.

-he's shocked, eyes wide, but he soon relaxes, and right before you know it he's holding onto you so tight, refusing to let you go.

-"i really hope you know i didn't mean that, really had no clue what i was saying" still a little upset, gives you a sad smile :( [chris and a sad little smile is giving me major heartache i will never type this sentence out again]

-"everyone has bad days, i know to not take it to heart, don't beat yourself up,"

-no more work for him tonight, spends the rest of the day with you doing whatever you want to do, giving you lots and lots of kisses throughout, making sure to prove just how sorry he is for all his harsh words

-chrispy my precious he has every little bit of my whole heart i will say this again & again.

-atp this blog is just me tryna find excuses to mention how much i love chan and everything he does, down bad fr.

minho

-it was a stupid argument, really.

-but it was definitely starting to get heated.

-minho is such an amazing person, but his tendency to get possessive really gets to you sometimes.

-you love him; so much, and when he complains to you about how "you're being affectionate with so & so" it only gets to you because you feel like you haven't done a good enough job with showing him just how much you love him.

-its probably not the best idea to shut him up with so much so a kiss, especially when he's "getting his point across because no you are not listening to him y/n", but you shall do exactly that.

-you're on the kitchen counter and he's standing in front of you, so tug him down to you by the end of his shirt and kiss him.

-it takes a second to register, but the moment he starts to feel himself lose control and kiss you back; he's pulling away and staring down at you trying to catch his breath.

-"you should not cut people off when they're talking, where are your manners y/n?"

-& before you could process his words he's capturing your mouth with his again, kissing you longer and harder this time, biting down on your lip as his anger vanishes. [a man who always wants the last word]

-a good 20 minutes later does he finally pull away, letting you reassure him by telling him you love him, and only him.

changbin

-he's a sucker for your lips.

-even if you give him a peck while he's sleeping, it is enough to wake him up and make him ask for a proper kiss.

-so you get the memo, he's probably going to give you a good reaction.

-this wasn't even an argument, it was just a shitty day for the both of you and trying to talk to the other person to confide in them all the while their emotions are still lingering; only resulted in both your emotions letting out in a wrong way.

-you're both prideful, but not enough to let it cloud your judgement so you're soon to realise this was wrong, and frankly not going anywhere.

-he's starting to talk again, to apologise this time, but you don't get to hear the rest of it when you cup his face and smash your lips against his.

-let's out a shocked little "oh" against your mouth but nonetheless melts into your embrace.

-very touchy and grabby now, hands all over any body part in his reach, your shoulders, arms, waist, thighs, and you can feel his satisfaction with how this turned out with the way his kisses start to intensify.

-you have to really pull away and place a hand between you to stop him from kissing you again, offering to heat up some dinner so you guys can eat properly without screaming at each other this time [how dare y/n deny him a kiss]

-"only if you give me one more kiss here" points to his nose :(

-"and here" forehead this time

-"okay okay last one, on my lips again" makes kissing sounds

hyunjin

-now *stretches and cracks knuckles*

-unlike chan, someone does have an attitude.

-the argument couldn't have been dumber, but homeboy is petty and will roll his eyes so hard every time you tell him he's wrong he's probably seeing his brain back there.

[so dramatic, we love to see]

-you're both just really throwing petty remarks at each other at this point, but you're the first to realise this is going nowhere and you need to apologise in a mature way.

-he's standing in front of you, pacing back and forth and making these extravagant hand gestures to accompany his elaborate speech on how wrong your attitude is right now.

-so you intertwine one hand with this and wrap the other around his waist to pull him to you.

-when you kiss him he gasps so loud and tries to pull away in shock, but you tighten your grip on him and slowly put your hand inside his shirt, rubbing little circles on his back to encourage him to calm down.

-is a little hesitant to kiss you back but you can easily feel his attitude start to lose away the longer he kisses you, his mouth against yours soft and delicate now, contrary to all his actions before.

-once you're sure he's calm you slowly pull away, reaching upto push his hair behind his ears. you bring your hands upto his face and ease the wrinkles formed from the tension resting there.

-"let's talk properly, yeah?"

-"one more kiss and we'll do just that,"

jisung

-he says the first thing that pops in his head and he might unintentionally get really mean sometimes, but you already know he has no filter when he's annoyed, so you make sure to not take his words to heart.

-you're just trying to end the conversation, very well aware this is becoming pointless, but its really starting to tick you off how he's huffing and puffing, mumbling under his breath, doing everything but listening to what you have to say.

-you decide you've had enough of his attitude and this argument, so you lean down to his face and give him a kiss.

-did i mention he is an absolute sucker for kisses? anytime, anywhere, pretty boy just wants a kiss :(

-takes a solid minute to process the moment so he doesn't really respond to the kiss; but hey he's finally not talking, so you back off and leave the room.

-afterwards he's all red ears; pink cheeks; big round eyes & hands by his sides, doesn't know what to do at all.

-mindlessly follows behind you and turns you to face him, argument long forgotten by now.

-"o-one more kiss, please? i mean only if you want ahahha you don't have to, i'm sorry i was being mean i don't want you to be mad at me i love you darling :("

-very hesitant because he knows he was being a little meanie back then, but knows its best to apologise right now than to delay it and possibly piss you off and spew another argument.

-"you silly boy, come here,"

-will not let you go the moment you do kiss him; you can breathe sometime later you're supposed to be kissing him rn

felix

-he is very very calm in an argument; i cannot peg him for the sort who would raise his voice or talk over you, so really, an argument with him is just like having a conversation.

-but of course, everyone has bad days. on bad days, it's not all sunshine and rainbows, sometimes he tends to lose his cool too.

-you're sitting across from one another on the dinner table, and this conversation is absolutely going nowhere because he's not letting you speak and is only jumping to his own conclusions.

-you reach out for his hand that's sitting on top of the table and tug him closer to you, meeting his lips halfway.

-no matter how pissed he is, there's no way he's denying a kiss.

"kisses make everything better" in his own words :(

-besides, this is just an argument. a stupid little argument, no way its going to hamper your relationship.

-he has faith in you guys, he knows this is going to be over before you know it; so really, a kiss sounds very nice right now.

-he's definitely smiling against your lips as you're kissing,,

-he slowly starts rubbing small circles on the back of your hand with his thumb as he starts to forget about the argument more and more.

-"i needed that, i was starting to lose control of my thoughts right there," he is the bestest boy to ever exist i will scream it to the world lix. best. boy. nobody's got anything on my precious :(((

-"do you wanna go on a date? i still feel bad for being mean to you," still a little shy and refuses to look you in the eye properly until he knows for sure you've forgiven him.

-one more kiss for lix so he knows the only emotion you feel is adoration for him :(

seungmin

-he's really always such a sweetheart, but the moment he's pissed, a switch flips; he is not ready to let go of the situation or how he feels about it until he's ready.

-he's sitting on your guys' bed, still grumpy over the argument, and you're trying to make him atleast acknowledge what you're saying because his blank expression is really giving away nothing.

-you jump to your very last resort and straddle him, grabbing his face and kissing him, pecking his lips over and over. you then move over to the rest of his face, placing gentle pecks in hopes for him to atleast crack a smile.

-instead of smiling like you'd hoped, he scolds you even more for kissing him out of nowhere.

-"you weren't even looking my way and i didn't know if you were listening to what i was saying,"

-"so you'll kiss me? you really are something y/n,"

-he felt like it was obvious he wasn't pissed anymore, but to you his 'scolding' made it seem like you pissed him off even more so you just back away to your side of the bed and sit facing away from him, leaving him dumbfounded.

-takes him a few minutes to understand why you did that, but he proceeds to apologise for his actions properly.

-gives you a huge hug and explains to you [in a very very hushed voice] how he only responded like that because he was caught off guard and flustered, not because he was mad at you.

-"wouldn't want you to know i was shy and my ears were red, right?"

-kisses you once again, longer this time to prove he's anything but pissed at you.

-lots of cuddles by the end of the night, might even sing you to sleep :((((

jeongin

-arguments rarely ever happen, he's a very calm and understanding person, always willing to listen to whatever you have to say.

-he just came back home in a shitty mood today and it was very prominent, so you made an attempt to try to ask him what was wrong, and if there was anything you could do to help.

-his head was too clouded and he wasn't thinking straight, so he didn't even realise when he snapped at you, and just when he kept going.

-ended up pouring out all his frustration on you, and the moment he realised what he was doing, he started apologising.

-he thinks he's hurt you and the thought of you being hurt, because of him? waves of guilt washing over him as we're speaking :(

-one second he's profusely apologising, taking back all his harsh words and the next second he's not.

-all his apologies fall against your lips as they reach to meet his, your hands circling around his neck.

-he's stopped talking, but he's in shock and not responding to the kiss. it makes you think he's still feeling guilty and maybe this wasn't the best idea so you slowly try to pull away from him, arms still resting on his shoulders though.

-before he himself processes it he's brainlessly pulling you back to him and kissing you.

-you start to toy with his hair as you ease him into the kiss, knowing he's still hesitant.

-you only pull away once his arms are holding onto your waist and his kisses have a rhythm rather than being sloppy and all over the place, and you offer to run him a bath so he can properly unwind.

-"can we talk too? i want to tell you about my day," :(

[miumura]

LOVING YOU FROM A DISTANCE — TEASER.

S ☆ — Heeseung has liked you for ages, too long for him to even recall how. Sure, he should be confessing now, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t, especially if you have a boyfriend. So how is he going to tell you his feelings in only a span of a year before he leaves?

2 LOVERS? — best-friend!heeseung x best-friend!fem!reader

GENRE — high school au, bsfs to lovers to ???, he fell first, she fell harder (+ sort of right person, wrong time), angst, fluff

WARNINGS — some curse words possibly, insecurities (abt looks, way they act, etc), some ppl might act shitty .. (will add more if any in actual post for the fic)

FEATURING — beomgyu from txt, sunghoon from enhypen, yoon from stayc

SOPH — since lyfad had the most votes in the poll, here is the long fic that i will be working on 😊 hope you guys think you made a good choice on picking this!! enjoy this little snippet 🤭 + thank u sona fans (or u guys) for picking one on sonas poll, as promised, here is the teaser <3

"Dang, you're good. Never knew you could play," you exclaimed as he finished playing the guitar.

Heeseung smiled and put the guitar down beside him. "You know me, always good at everything, but I don't mean to boast," he said. “You really don't know your best friend, do you?"

"Seriously, you're good at everything. It's hard to keep up with you," you joked, thinking about all the skills he possessed. "I wish I could play like you."

"It's not that difficult to learn. You're a quick learner," he reassured.

Eagerly, you suggested, "Could you teach me?"

"Sure, why not?" he agreed with a smile.

Excited about the opportunity to learn from Heeseung, you both decided to take some time for a quick guitar lesson. You sat right beside him, preparing to learn a few tips.

"Alright, let's start with the basics," Heeseung said, holding the guitar and showing you how to hold it properly. He hands you his guitar, allowing you to copy what he did.

You watched attentively, eager to learn everything you can. "Like this?" you asked, mimicking his hand position.

“Exactly, just position that slightly a bit more towards this way,” he scoots closer to you, propping the item correctly in your hand. “You’re doing great!”

"Now, let's learn how to strum the strings." He demonstrated a gentle strumming motion. "Try it yourself." He hands you the pick, watching over you as you try it out.

You nervously held the guitar and attempted to replicate his strumming. The sound was a bit off, but you kept trying.

Heeseung smiled reassuringly. "You’re doing great! Perfect for a first timer."

He patiently taught you the chords, giving you encouragement and guidance that you needed. Even if you fumbled a bit, you gradually started improving the sounds. "Wow, that sounds much better now," you exclaimed, surprised by your progress.

Heeseung chuckled. "See? You're a fast learner. Just keep practicing, and you'll be playing like a pro in no time."

"I just have to teach you a few more basic chords before I can teach you a song," Heeseung said, reaching over to take the guitar from your hands. However, before he could proceed, the door swung open, revealing Beomgyu. He greeted you both with a warm smile.

"You know," Beomgyu chimed in cheerfully, "if you really wanted to learn guitar, you should've asked me." He plopped down beside you, extending a hand towards Heeseung. "Hand me that guitar, Hee."

You exchanged surprised glances, amazed by the unexpected turn of events. Handing the guitar over to Beomgyu, you watched as he effortlessly adjusted his posture and strummed a few chords.

"I've been playing for a while now," Beomgyu continued, "and I'd love to share what I've learned with you."

"You know how to play guitar too?" you asked Beomgyu in surprise.

"Of course I do. Your boyfriend knows a thing or two," Beomgyu replied cheesily, earning a giggle from you. As the playful banter continued, Heeseung couldn't help but feel a twinge of discomfort, sensing himself becoming the third wheel. However, it wasn't an entirely unfamiliar situation.

Gradually distancing himself from the two of you, Heeseung settled into a corner, observing your interaction. He wore a gentle smile, occasionally chuckling at your playful mistakes and Beomgyu's teasing scolds.

In that moment, Heeseung couldn't deny the bittersweet longing within him. He wished he could be more than just your best friend, wishing for something more.

In the corner, Heeseung's heart felt conflicted as he watched your interaction with Beomgyu. Part of him wished he could be the one making you laugh and sharing those playful moments together. He couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if he were the one holding the guitar, strumming strings that would make your heart skip a beat.

ENHA PERM TAGLIST — @flwoie @ixomiyu @yenavrse @shinsou-rii @bearseulgs @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie @bubblytaetae @wtfhyuck @ineedaherosavemeenow @starcubes @starikizs @wonioml @chirokookie @xiaoderrrr @neozon3nha @en-chantedtomeetyou @millksea @enhaz1 @eundiarys @woon2u @ja4hyvn @judeduartewannabe @j-wyoung @thia-aep @vampcharxter @softpia @officiallyjaehyuns @itsactuallylina @hsheart @sweetjaemss @ahnneyong @hanienie @jwnghyuns @kpoplover718 @jiawji @rikizm @haknom @yeokii @wvnkoi @tnyhees @teddywonss @shinunoga-iie-wa @flwrshee

LYFAD TAGLIST — @misoxhappy @vizstars @junzwrld @whippedforbeomgyu @rikisly