#many things ig

[bugdogg]

It’s late enough, I remember mentioning here that I was doing a gender assessment and I finished it and decided to do nothing. Not taking testosterone or anything just came out thinking “I’ll buy a packer or something, maybe a binder too and see”

Warning ig for talking about my feelings on my sex and my whole struggle with it and some anxiety issues too ech, idk if people find that gross or annoying but warning anyway

Ik I don’t wanna be a girl fully but I like having tits and I’m not unhappy with a pussy but I’m maybe 90% sure I want a dick more. I don’t want to lose my pussy because then I’d feel like I’d have to do anal(??) like it isn’t mandatory but I’d like to keep my vaginal opening (this sounds gross but that’s like the actual term for it ig).

So then i considered no surgery just testosterone to hope my clitoris would enlarge (is that the word I think idk). But then I learned about all the effects and decided no thanks, I don’t wanna look too masculine but I want a dick, like I feel like that seems more correct to me, it’s what I feel like I’m supposed to have. I also considered a metoidioplasty (if that’s correct, I wrote it down hope it’s right) but I never fully asked about it and became nervous to talk anymore with the doctor.

And whenever I say this stuff i second guess myself, like no you don’t know that you’re just doing this cause it’s a big thing rn or like it’s a fetish. And Ik that’s untrue Ik I’ve felt like this since I was 12 but i have the kind of anxiety that makes me doubt myself to the point of asking others for what they think is best for me but gender doesn’t work that way, no one decides this but me. The assessment freaked me out because when she asked me why I wanted this I didn’t know how to say it was CAUSE I KNEW ITS WHAT I WANTED, THIS IS WHAT MY BRAIN IS TELLING ME SOME PART IS SAYING THAT. But I had to be convincing and now I’m back to second guessing, “maybe you were wrong, you’re probably just confused, you’ve-“ Ik this is all stuff people say to other trans people, especially people my age. I know the shit I tell myself is rooted in that transphobic bullshit but I somehow always think I must be stupid, “yea those people know what they want but you don’t”

I know I want this and I want to stop arguing with myself, I want to at least feel confident in this. I don’t know how I even managed to doubt myself this bad but im typing it now so it can shut the fuck up.

I know im not a girl, I know I don’t have to be anything to prove that, I can dress however I want and enjoy whatever I want, it wouldn’t define my gender or my sexuality or any of it. I don’t have to change my sex if I don’t want to, I don’t have to keep it like this either. If I want to poke fun at my gender than I can it’s my identity I can be silly with it I can be fun with it, it isn’t that serious. And last thing which I find kind of embarrassing but I’m fucking typing anyway, I can call my clit a dick if I want to, it’s fine it’s my body, I can call it what i want

BYE

(Also idk what I consider myself gender label wise, I just focus on my pronouns and what I want physically. Idk if that makes sense idk)

[dizzybizz]

"this is regrettably the best kiss of your life, you understand?"

[dreammeiser]

Kaloo, Kalay! Earl Conversational Sprites hastily put together for his Birthday Ask Session, which was on June 1st! Thank you to everyone that wished him a happy birthday and visited with him on his special day <:o)

[mirabel-on-a-bicycle]

smth about edwin escaping a red hot hell and meeting a boy blue to the nose with hypothermia.

smth about them clawing their way up the staircases to earth and the attic, dripping with gory blood and ice cold water.

smth about their afterlives being forever imbibed with the colors of each other's death.

[introspectivememories]

been watching mashle and oh my god, the eugenics???? the way lance's parents were so ready to give up their daughter??? no second thought???? just "why did this child have to be born to us?"???? um everyone talking in mash's face about how non-magic people are inherently worthless???? the triple line dude fucking making dolls out of people and somehow no one??? is??? checking him???? and then when questioned immediately jumping into "well humans are little more than mindless beasts and i will become a creator deity and reshape the world in my liking!"????? the, um, corruption in the government??? the way this story is so clearly "h*rry p*tter if it was actually funny"??? the slytherin coded characters are blood purists???? they took out hufflepuff??? one of the magia lupus' mage's powerset was just big shuriken???? another one is rip off kisame???? lance is a siscon and the first thing mash says is "that doesn't make it better"???? lemon is genuinely so fuckin funny??? dot is incel-coded but like in a funny way??? dot says that lance is playing life on "easy mode" cause lance has a good face??? dot likes tea??? dot has good manners??? everybody only has one spell they can use??? finn ames is like if you transported is regular human into this stupid ass world??? i think the old man and the cop have explored each others bodies.

[vero-niche]

when you tell your therapist something from your past and it leaves them speechless

[stuckinapril]

A niche goal for me in 2024 is to take more pictures. Your bitch literally has the opposite issue to everyone else. My whole life could pass me by without me taking any pictures

[melrosing]

baramelldansen

more here

[into-the-feniverse]

You've heard of "Hamlet, but Hamlet's a chicken" now get ready for....

It's important to me that I share that this was my placeholder image in drafts for the past couple days

Also

[pixlokita]

Art trade/ collab with @cookieruma29 ‧⁺◟( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) 💖 I Drew her Evan and mine meeting and she colored it super pretty as always

[mintflavouredwhump]

"I promise I'll find you in another life" except it's the whumpee and whumper

[schrodingersgirlboss]

a golden tip i can give to cryptos or any woman who can't openly talk about radical feminism yet (online or irl), whether it's because you have tra friends or you're scared of being criticized or whatever reason, is to stop using certain terms or following their rules for yourself. don't use the word queer, even if you can't call it out when other people do. same for sex worker. don't put pronouns in your bio. if there's a pronoun option in forms leave it blank (if you can't there's usually a "prefer not to say" option). don't refer to yourself (or anyone but specially not yourself) as cis. i assure you most people won't question it because you're technically not even doing anything. but it'll make you feel one heck of a lot lighter to not let your speech and your behavior be dictated by a pseudo-religion you don't want to be a part of.

[crisp-art]

shuake doodl

[mossycobblestonewrites]

DC X DP PROMPT #11

Under some erroneous conditions, Vlad has become a contractor for the Justice League. It would be fine if Vlad Masters was the JL contact, but no, Plasmius has landed the gig. Somehow the vampire supervillain look didn't throw them off (he swears he never had to overshadow anyone, either)

This is not the main issue as of, though. The main issue is Danny. Not that Danny is ever really an issue, it's more of what happeneds to Danny that's a problem. Well - Dannys.

The three of them were out, minding their own business when some stray defecto GiW agents came out of nowhere. This was no longer supposed to be an issue. With Vlad having connections to the JL the GiW had been officially disbanded and their actions made illegal. This obviously did not stop some of the organization's former members.

Anyway, the Dannys were out bonding, typical sibling activities (no Dan, arson does not count. Yes, we can brawl though) when some rogue GiW agents fresh out of government-backed work caught them in the unawares. This would normally be a nonissue but these particular agents had managed to get their hands on some thought to be destroyed Fenton prototypes.

These agents had managed to capture the trio. Now, they had only held the Danny's for less than a day, but give an inch take a mile. Jack and Maddie had busted into the hodgepodge setup, guns blazing, Vlad not far behind. The damage was already done though. Jordan and Danielle were mostly just banged up, a little worse for wear, but no one was melting. It was Danny that was having issues.

Danny seemed to be the major target of the former agents ire. They had managed to get to his core. This damage wasn't irreversible, from what Frostbite had told them, but it was detrimental to the young ghost. He was still developing, this was simply not good for the Great One's health!

Through careful consideration, it was decided that in order to heal from this, Danny would be better off retreating into his core for this. He had already started the process of doing so in the short time they had been in the Far Frozen. Normally, when one of the Dannys would retreat into their core they would be placed under careful watch by the family, but with Danny's core being damaged the call was made that he would need to be carried.

Nearly everyone had volunteered to do such, all were turned down for various reasons. Jordan and Danielle were still injured (and Dani still had a perpetuity to melt at times). Jack and Maddie were denied on the fact that having a leaking source of ectoplasm would be a detrament to their own health, regardless of how liminal they were from years of constant exposure. In the end, the job fell on Vlad. No one was really thrilled with this (besides the man himself) but Frostbite insisted he would be the best fit for the situation. His human side would nourish Danny's and his ghost half would supply him with ample Ecto for proper healing.

Vlad was ecstatic, especially to tell the League that he would be taking maternity leave.

[muchanmocha]

According to the information released about the segyein, Guardian Shine respects Mizi's choice in whether or not she wants to participate in Alien Stage. Looking at this tidbit again, new questions popped up for me. More specifically — one question.

Why didn't Sua convince Mizi not to participate?

Alright let's back up a bit.

What do we know about Alien Stage and its relationship with the Anakt Garden kids?

From the magazine interview and old stream commentary, we know they've been brainwashed from childhood to believe participation in Alien Stage is an honor. They're fully aware that losing means death, but that itself is taught to be yet another privilege.

Mizi vs Sua, Ivan, and Till

It's generally accepted that among our cast, Mizi is the most sheltered one — the one shielded the most from the horrific side of the post-alien apocalypse world, whereas due to the abuse from their respective guardians, Sua, Ivan, and Till do not have such a rosy outlook.

Sua and Ivan in particular appear to be jaded and much more in tune with their place in this system. So if they didn't buy into the propaganda, if they were fully aware of the implications of death and the worthlessness of receiving such an "honor" on stage, why didn't they convince Mizi to step out of it?

Ivan's reason is easy — simply, why would he?

But Sua? Why... wouldn't she? Surely she would want Mizi to avoid Alien Stage at all costs, when she is not as naive as to believe they'd be able to tie all the way to the finals?

Let's take another look at Sua's interview responses.

Sua and Mizi both share a dream, and in a world as small and enclosed as theirs, that dream is enough to be their everything.

Mizi may have had a chance to opt out of AS, but Sua doesn't. Her guardian, Nigeh, has always intended for her to participate, going as far as to build up her fanbase before Season 50 even started to tip the odds in favor of her victory. Sua has been prepared her whole life for Alien Stage, whether it ends in her victory, or her death.

She goes in knowing her life will likely end there.

Perhaps it was to indulge in the one selfishness of her short life — in the dream she and Mizi cherished above all.

Perhaps it was because she has absolute, unshakable confidence in Mizi taking the throne of Season 50 for herself.

Perhaps it was because a small part of her believed in Mizi's optimism — that they really can make it to the top together.

I think all of these possibilities are valid interpretations of what may have gone on inside Sua.

But here's a thought —

Sua, like Mizi, was unfamiliar with the true nature of death.

Sua's loss was Mizi's first, intimate encounter with death. Death was supposed to be a glorious thing, a blessed thing on Alien Stage.

It is not.

It's gruesome, and ugly, and she can still feel the hot blood splatter on her.

Anakt Garden is toted as a kindergarten that can provide your pet-humans with the perfect environment to thrive, looking after your pet-human's health not only physically, but psychologically!

Sua, like Mizi, has been raised in such a curated environment. Even under Nigeh's care, she was simply one of many dolled up pet-humans. Whether she was taking lessons in Anakt Garden, or left to sit in the corner in her ill-fitting doll outfit, we have not seen any opportunities for Sua to come in contact with "death." (Ivan, on the other hand, came from the slums. He may be the only one of the four who was intimately acquainted with death.)

Hence, I propose — Mizi was not the only one who went in without actually grasping the concept. Perhaps Sua too, while having an inkling of what's to come, did not truly understand what death entails either.

(But yeah possibility number 1263 why Sua didn't tell Mizi not to do the murder survival show)

[hyunpic]

2023 year in review with hyunjin [it’s a wrap] 🎉