#written by jordan

[peachfolk]

They made Jordan adjust their necklace every time they switched during the campus tour video!

[slasherscream]

Wash Day

pairing:  jordan li x fem black!reader

"You wanna go out to dinner tonight? Know I've been busy this week. Feel like I've barely seen you." Jordan mutters against the shell of your ear. You shiver as he gives the skin a teasing kiss.

Already you're pouting, knowing what your answer has to be even though you wish so desperately that you could give a different response. "Wish I could, Jordan. But my night is already spoken for."

You're spun around by a hand on your hip, playful and fast so that you can't stop yourself from falling into his chest. Your hands grip his jacket for balance, and he reaches up to hold one of them with his own. "You got plans? With who? Cate? Cancel them."

"Brat." You laugh.

How demanding Jordan is would be less cute if they ever asked you to do something they themselves wouldn't. As it stands, with the way they do anything you ask at the drop of a hat, all you can do is roll your eyes and pretend to be exasperated instead of smitten.

"Fine, don't cancel. I'll just come with." Jordan sighs, as if seeing his best friend is a great tragedy (Which it is. Cate being there means you'll smack Jordan's hand away when he tries to sneak it up your skirt at dinner.)

"What if we want a girls' night?" You shoot back, grinning.

Jordan shifts. The hands on your waist are smaller now, but pull you in closer, "You're the one who's feeling bratty. Really have been neglecting you this week, huh baby?" Jordan smirks, in that condescending way she does when she realizes you're trying to get a certain reaction out of her.

"The plans aren't with Cate, and they aren't cancellable." You sigh, deciding not to rise to the bait of her tone, smirk, or the little circles she's rubbing into your skin.

"What are these oh so important plans?" Jordan asks.

"Do you know how many white boys have complimented my hair today, Jordan?" You ask.

"Pardon?" Jordan blinks at what seems to be a completely unrelated topic.

"Six! Six white boys complimented my braids today. I'm about to kill myself, if we're being honest. I must looked fucked up, and you didn't even say anything." You pout.

You've been having a bit of a rough day, to say the least.

"You look beautiful. What are you talking about?" Jordan asks, confused but nonetheless, wanting to make you feel better. "If you didn't look good I'd very politely... have Cate tell you. But you look great! You've been getting compliments all day, you just said it yourself!"

"Wow, you'd throw Cate under the bus, huh coward?"

"Cate isn't interested in making out with you every spare second of the day. I am. You can be mad at her. I've got stuff I wanna do." Jordan's grin is downright salacious. You smack her arm, trying not to smile.

"Ah. You are operating under the same delusions of the white man. I see that now, I'll let go of the anger." You say, sighing and kissing Jordan on the cheek.

"First of all, don't you ever fucking insult me like that again.... Second of all, what particular delusion am I sharing with the white man?" Jordan asks.

"White men only compliment a black woman's hairstyle at two points in time. When it's brand spanking, fresh off the lot new. Or when it's started to look like shit. I've had these braids in for longer than... is your business. So guess which compliment I'm getting right now?"

"I fucking refuse to say your hair looks like shit, and this conversation feels like a trap. You're always beautiful to me." Jordan says.

"Thank you, baby. But we live on a campus where the diversity win photographers lurk around every corner trying to get pictures of 'The Diversity Win Couple' in our most natural state. I need to take out my braids tonight before I talk crazy in the group chat, and Andre sends me a 'this you?' pic that will devastate my argument." You shake your head somberly, already imagining the fate that lies before you.

"You could stop talking crazy in the group chat." Jordan teases.

"You know damn well I'm not capable of that."

The two of you burst into laughter, unable to keep it together. Jordan has always been obsessed with how easy it is for you to make them laugh.

"Is that gonna take up your whole night, though, baby? We don't have to go to dinner early! We'll go wherever you want." Jordan insists, tone bordering on begging.

Whenever they come out of a particularly busy week, they spend the next two weeks glued to you. As if to make up for it. The clinginess is a stark difference from how they acted before you made things official.

"Jordan, look at the braids on my head."

"I'm looking at them."

"Are you seeing them with your eyes?"

"Yes, and my eyes are sending the image to my brain, which I assure you is working. What's your point here, baby?"

"How long do you think it will take me to undo these, detangle my hair, wash it, deep condition it, and then wash it again?"

Jordan squints at you for a long moment, analyzing your hairstyle and the utter displeasure on your face. "I dunno? Maybe... four hours?"

"I should fucking murder you. Just for that, you're helping me with wash day now."

Jordan's face breaks into a grin like sunlight breaking through clouds, "So I do get to spend the day with you, is what you're saying?"

"Yeah, baby, you get to spend the day with me." You click your tongue at them. Pitying them for the ache in their fingers they're about to feel. They complain about curling their God damn hair a couple of times a week. You suspect you'll be ready to kill one another by hour two.

But you also missed them a lot. Or whatever.

"Don't cut too high up, Jordie. " You whine, shifting his grip lower on your braid, to an acceptable cutting length of the hair extension.

"Baby... can I ask you a very serious question right now?" Jordan hums, obediently cutting where you instructed.

"What?" You ask, already starting to unbraid the piece.

"How... long... do you think your hair is?" Jordan, to be fair to him, does ask the question quietly and with the proper amount of hesitation.

"How dare you! Are you calling me bald?" You gasp, stifling a laugh.

"Don't do this to me. You are prolonging the process. We can cut these braids at least four inches higher than what we're doing right now." Jordan says, you can't see his face but you can tell he's also trying not to laugh. Bastard.

"My hair grew!"

"From the top of your head. It did not magically lower itself further into the fucking braid extension." Jordan loses the battle and laughs.

"Jordan Li do not fucking cut off any of my hair or I'll cry and then blow up this school."

"Of course, princess." Jordan kisses the top of your head and gives in to your terrorist demands because you're cute.

"So how am I supposed to do it, baby?" Jordan claps her hands and you smile at how eager she sounds to help.

"You're gonna want to section it off. Do like... eight parts of hair. That'll make literally every step after this easier. Then you're gonna comb the hair from the bottom, 'kay?"

"Got it."

Jordan starts the process of parting your hair, careful and slow. Fingers sectioning off eight chunks of hair that she keeps apart with the silky hair ties you hand her over your shoulder.

"You sure you don't want me to comb it, Jordie?" You ask Jordan.

"I'll be gentle, don't worry. You always say your shoulders hurt at the end of wash day. Which is crazy, because I've seen what you can bench. I've got you, baby." She spritzes extra detangler spray on each of the parts she just made.

You move around slightly, a little sore already from sitting still between her legs for so long, but smiling to yourself nonetheless. A pillow is suddenly shoved into your face and you lean away, confused.

"Sit on this one instead. It'll be better." Jordan says.

You switch out the pillows and tilt your head back to look at her. "Why're you always right? Is that your kink?"

"No, my kink is bossing you around." Jordan smirks and leans down to give you a kiss. Despite the awkward angle you can't help trying to deepen the contact. The feeling of her soft lips sliding against yours, firm but gentle, is always irresistible.

She hums and gives you a playful nip before pulling away. "Don't start something we can't finish."

"Who says we can't?" You shoot back, staring up at her.

"You will be pissed an hour from now if you glance at your phone and we haven't made any progress." Jordan runs her thumb along your bottom lip before pushing your head forward.

"Who says it will take an hour?"

"I do. If we start, I'm not stopping." Jordan's voice dips seductively and a line of tension runs up the length of your spine.

You smack her thigh for teasing you, "Shut up."

"Is this comfortable?" Jordan frowns, staring at the angle your head has to be at to fit in the bowl of the sink.

"No, but this is the best angle this chair can get me to." You say. Usually you just wash in the shower, but since Jordan is helping the sink makes more sense.

Jordan stands, scowling at how uncomfortable you seem. Suddenly he grins, "Baby! Make a chair with your shields. Something that leans."

You were getting a lot better with being able to make complex shapes, with less concentration. You stand up from the chair you'd dragged from the common room. Jordan pulls it out of the way and gives you an encouraging thumbs up.

It takes you a minute, but you conjure a shield that resembles a salon chair and the both of you let out identical cries of delight.

Jordan pushes you to sit down with a kiss on your forehead. "That's my fucking girl. Tell me if the temperature is too hot."

Jordan washes your hair with the perfect amount of pressure and thoroughness. He's nearly rhythmic in his methodical cleaning. You didn't realize your eyes had fluttered closed until you hear him laugh. You open one eye to glare at him playfully, knowing he won't get soap in them.

"What's so funny?"

"You're like a cat. You gonna purr for me, baby?" He smirks.

"If you keep going like that, yeah. Or I'll fall asleep. Please don't make me fall asleep. I'll fall on my ass." You say.

"I'll endeavor to make the rest of the wash as unpleasant as possible."

He does not do that. And at one point you do fall asleep. Jordan catches you before you can actually fall. 'Thank God for Supe reflexes', you both think. You spend the rest of the wash with your eyes wide open and Jordan laughing at you.

"Did we put too much?" Jordan asks, dabbing at another drip of oil and conditioner down your brow.

"No, this is typical. The hair has to be saturated. It's dripping because the oil is you know... getting hot and even more liquid-y." You say, eyeing the episode of Property Brother's you'd both decided on. "Hm. I think that woman should be put to death."

Jordan was keeping vigilant about dabbing at the sides of your face. You'd been in charge of one side, at first. But Jordan seemed to have a sixth sense for when the other side was dripping as well, and kept interrupting you before you could get to any trickles of oil. You'd given up and just started narrating the show for her as she wasn't taking her eyes off the line of your brow.

"Why? What did she do?" Jordan dabs again.

"She wants to put up a fence that blocks the view of the historical house that she did not have to buy if she wanted a fence so bad." You roll your eyes.

"Is the city gonna let her?"

"No."

"Haha. 500k down the drain." Jordan cackles.

"Anti-gentrification win!" You hold out your fist for a fist-bump and Jordan obediently obliges, oil soaked rag still held in her fist.

A comfortable silence falls over you two, besides the noise of the portable hair dryer.

"I really think we put too much, baby." Jordan mutters, dabbing again.

"I have been doing this since I was twelve, Jordan!"

"Play the video again, one speed slower this time." Jordan's eyes are glued to your phone.

You're sitting between his legs again, cushioned by the (superior) pillow of his choosing. You were trying to decide on a simple hair style when Jordan saw a picture of Mini Twists and got excited to see you in them.

("You've already seen me in mini twists, Jordie. What are you talking about?"

"You weren't my girlfriend the last time you wore them though! Now you are, and I get to look at you as much as I want."

So that had decided that.)

"Okay, I think I got it. 'M gonna start with a braid base, without making the parts too big, then start twisting the hair with two strands, and that will make it last longer, right?"

"Right." You smile at how focused Jordan sounds.

They're hot when they're in the zone. You just didn't think they'd get so into helping you with your hair. But you should have known, really. Acts of service paired with their inner perfectionist? You're completely relaxed at this point. You know Jordan won't have you walking out of your room looking crazy, come hell or high water.

"Is this okay?" Jordan shows you a picture of the back of your head, three rows of twists done.

You gasp, snatching the phone, "That's my head?"

"Uh... yes?" Jordan answers slowly.

"The back of my head? The head on my body?"

"Should I start over?"

"Fuck you! These are almost better than mine. Who's hair are you playing around in when I'm not here, Jordan LI?"

"Stop using my fucking government name." Jordan tilts your head back to look at him with a gentle grip on your neck, grinning down at you. "You play too fucking much. You sure they're good, princess? It's okay if I need to redo them."

"I'm gonna give you orgasms that will make you lose brain cells."

"Baby!" Jordan laughs, rolling his eyes. "I'm serious. Do any of them need redoing?"

"The first row is really fucking good for a beginner but the second row is damn near perfect." You say.

"I'll redo the first row then." Jordan kisses your temple before moving you to face forward again.

"I said they were good!" You protest.

"But the second row is better. I want the whole thing to look good. Don't want you feeling self conscious cause I fucked up the style, y'know." Jordan mumbles.

You tilt your head back to look at him, ignoring him sucking his teeth (a habit he picked up from you) at you moving.

"I love you, Jordie. Thank you for helping me today." You coo.

You watch his face go red with a grin. He grins back, leaning down to give you a gentle kiss. When he tries to pull away too soon you whine, holding him close by the hair at the nape of his neck.

"Wanna kiss you. You're sweet." You breathe the words against his lips, insistently continuing the caress.

He sighs, smitten, and let's you lead for a moment. Hand finding it's way back to your neck and tightening just enough to make you gasp. Still, he pulls away too quickly.

"I'm gonna fuck you up." You scowl at him.

"The only thing you're gonna fuck up is your neck, brat. This is a horrible angle for you." Jordan's smile is so soft at the edges it's your turn to blush.

"Speak for yourself."

"No, I'm too busy speaking on behalf of your neck."

"Well, I'm speaking on behalf of my-"

"Pussy?"

"I was going to say raging hormones but that's a lot more to the point, yeah. Or maybe I was going to say something romantic. You ever think of that, Jordie? Huh?"

"Were you going to say something romantic?" Jordan hums.

"No."

"Let me do your hair in peace." Jordan turns you forward again with a laugh.

"Turn this way." Jordan instructs, snapping another picture.

"I don't know whether you're worse than an Instagram hair stylist or a Mom." You ponder, words barely audible because your girlfriend is scary.

"Shut up and smile." Jordan scowls.

As if engraved into your genetic code the words make you do just that. You suffer through another 20 pictures being taken before you say enough is enough.

Jordan happily shows you the pictures, as if you hadn't seen yourself in the mirror just a minute ago. Or ever. The grin on her face so wide it looks like it hurts.

"You like it, baby?" Jordan asks again.

"It looks so good, Jordie. It looks like I paid someone honestly."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." You drape your arms around her shoulders. "How's this angle?"

"For what?" Jordan tilts her head to the side, puzzled.

"For kissing. Since you were so worried about the angle before."

Jordan scoffs, but she's the one to pull you in. She doesn't pull away this time.

A/N: i needed reader to have a goofball vibe because i have a goofball vibe. if you enjoyed this fic consider reblogging, leaving a reply, or an anonymous ask saying you enjoyed it! a writers fuel is engagement. xoxoxo

[michaeljoncarter]

the writer(s) of one of the guidebook things for the dc ttrpg has parallax hal somehow having his memory completely wiped & being blasted back in time at the end of Zero Hour to the direct aftermath of coast city's destruction where he wanders around the ruins helping people with his still-very-much-intact crazy parallax godpowers until the DEO catches wind of him, tracks him down, recruits him, and turns amnesiac parallax into a top DEO agent who spends the next few years running around doing a bunch of spy shit right under all his old friends' & colleagues' noses without anyone ever noticing.... and this all happens in the random little flavor text sidebars that like 90% of people (of the 1% who will ever bother to pick the book up in the first place lol) will probably just skip over

what the fuck. this is easily top 10 the hottest concepts i've ever seen. why is it squirreled away in the most obscure possible location outside of scrawling it on a cave wall somewhere in the french countryside. i have never wanted to read a 200k+ word fic so bad in my entire life

[laios-thorden]

To them [people who don't read horror] it is a kind of pornography, inducing horripilation instead of erection. And the reader who appears to relish such sensations-why he's an emotional masochist, the slave of an unholy drug, a decadent psychotic beast.

-David Aylward

horror is about catharsis. it is about experiencing fear or pain or shame or suffering via a piece of media, and being able to sigh in relief when it is done. it is about emotion and flesh and the human condition.

the point of the genre of horror is to inflict the emotion called "fear" or the related emotions "discomfort," "disgust" and "shame." if you do not want to experience and explore negative emotions and the stories that they can tell, you do not actually want to engage with horror. the point of horror is that it might make you feel bad or upset or, god forbid, scared. there are stories that rely on that and it doesn't make horror a lesser medium for narrative than any other genre. it just means that you personally might not enjoy horror.

it's fine to not like horror, but don't pretend like it's something it's not because it makes you uncomfortable.

a lot of takes about horror i see are like, "why doesn't horror have x, y, or z" and the answer is it does. you aren't engaging with the medium or searching out stories that have those things because you don't want to deal with the trappings of the genre (being scared/experiencing negative emotions). liking one piece of horror media doesn't mean engaging with the genre as a whole with all its tropes, trappings, and its rich and varied history.

Ursula K Le Guin writes,

A writer sets out to write science fiction but isn’t familiar with the genre, hasn’t read what’s been written. This is a fairly common situation, because science fiction is known to sell well but, as a subliterary genre, is not supposed to be worth study—what’s to learn? It doesn’t occur to the novice that a genre is a genre because it has a field and focus of its own; its appropriate and particular tools, rules, and techniques for handling the material; its traditions; and its experienced, appreciative readers—that it is, in fact, a literature. Ignoring all this, our novice is just about to reinvent the wheel, the space ship, the space alien, and the mad scientist, with cries of innocent wonder. The cries will not be echoed by the readers. Readers familiar with that genre have met the space ship, the alien, and the mad scientist before. They know more about them than the writer does.

the same is true for horror; people who do not engage with horror as a medium, as a genre, as a way to tell stories and convey meaning do not get to reinvent the wheel. doing so won't be met with gratitude by people who do like horror. it's not helpful. it's condescension.

[earlgodwin]

the borgias is my favorite show and i think it's the best show ever made and all. however, there's just this one aspect that is genuinely hilarious to me and i mostly criticize the show for. the writers suddenly trying to make the viewers massively despise juan by turning against him and disingenuously writing him in his final moments so the watchers won't miss him or sympathize with him by making him a walking danger as an excuse to kill him off and prop up cesare's character. they wanted the audience to root for cesare at juan's expense and make his death seem necessary lol. they truly thought they served with this one, like maybe juan's character was shamefully abandoned by the writers (as well as his family except for rodrigo) but david oakes had many people sold with the way he played him to perfection, improvising and making juan remarkable, tremendous, and humane. the show is obviously a classic masterpiece, but in my opinion about the juan part, simply rushing the writing of a tragic dying character on a show for weak reasons is pure disrespect.

[literaryspinster]

Me whenever I happen across a Jordan x reader fic: Why the hell are they cheating on Marie?! 😤

[leopardom]

i have thoughts so… here they are

chapters 3 & 4

at first glance you see two random people. whether they look beautiful to you or not, they’re just that; two random people. you can’t skip the intense look they both have though. it feels like they want to say something but they hold back because it’s not the right moment. they’re scared to open up to the world, so they use a shield. the world around them is dark and twisted, but they’re part of it anyway and keep going with their lives, scared or not.

and then they cross paths. they meet each other, get to know each other, discover that they’re having similar (if not entirely same) emotions and thoughts about life and their surroundings. and that they’re tired and scared of everything. but at least now they’re not each on their own, they have found each other. there’s hope that maybe it will get easier to deal with the world.

and they grow closer. and it’s soothing and comfortable and kind of liberating. they still want a way out of the darkness, they still need it and probably seek for it. they’re still scared like before, but not as much as before. because now they have each other and they feel for each other. and feeling love, care, calm, peace, comfort around someone, even if it’s not a constant thing, is a fuel that keeps you going.

the world around them is still dark and twisted and they’re still scared and vulnerable and try to keep themselves safe. but now they’re not alone. they have developed a bond, a bond so strong and full of love, acceptance, affection and care, that makes them feel that they can pull through together. because they see themselves on each other, they relate.

they have each other 🖤

chapters 3 & 4: they get to illustrate each person individually. their feelings, the way they deal with the world and with themselves until they cross paths. OR both chapters get to show the way the two people have grown closer over time; from being scared and hiding in the darkness to embracing it and dealing with it together, the bond between them being all the power they need to be safe

[libraryofloveletters]

Forever and Always

pairing: jordan henderson x reader

summary: with your 10th anniversary around the corner, you both get a bit in your feels. 

author’s note: sorry for the delayed resumption of these, I felt a bit burnt out but im back! 

all photos are from instagram and/or pinterest :) 

written in the photos series masterlist

jordanhenderson

liked by virgilvandijk, trentarnold66 and 184,553 others 

jordanhenderson: happy 10th anniversary to my wonderful wife ❤️

tagged: youruser

view 1,304 comments 

andyrobertson94: awhhhh you cuties! 

comment liked by jordanhenderson

youruser: I was fully expecting some cheesy caption 

↪️jordanhenderson: okay let me change it then 🙄

↪️youruser: but thank you baby ❤️

user14: mrs hendo >>> hendo

comment liked by youruser

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youruser

liked by jordanhenderson, mosalah, tsimikas21 and 90,493 others 

youruser: forever mine 🫶🏽

tagged: jordanhenderson 

view 732 comments

user7: shut up so cute 

jordanhenderson: how is this caption better than mine? 

↪️tsimikas21: this is so much better than yours 

↪️youruser: yes exactly thank you Kos 

user19: I want what they have

--

youruser added an instagram story.

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jordanhenderson added an instagram story.

--

youruser

liked by andyrobertson94, yourbestie, jordanhenderson and 102,283 others 

youruser: mom and dad hit the town 🥂

tagged: jordanhenderson 

view 682 comments 

virgilvandijk: ❤️❤️

yourbestie: come home please your kids are driving me insane 🙃

↪️jordanhenderson: pay back for all those years you drove us insane 

↪️youruser: don’t be rude jord 🙄

user4: when will it by my turn!! 

ibrahimakonate: okayyyyy 👀

comment liked by youruser

[perpetualproductions]

If We Were Vampires (Pt. 1)

(name wip) (yes, pt.1 does imply more than one part. I wrote more than I thought I did.)

-Jordan Li is turned into a Vampire. What now?

-A Limoreau fic, with a focus on Jordan Li as a vampire.

-Did you read the part about Jordan Li being a vampire?

-NOT edited by any means. This was written at 4 am, so pls forgive any spelling/grammar errors

~ 2k words

CW: mentions of alcohol, mentions of drugs, descriptions of blood (can't think of any other, let me know if there are).

Masterlist | Next->

When Jordan came too, they had no idea where they were, but wherever it was, it was cold and dark, and they were laying down on a hard wet surface. Which they realized was the damp concrete ground. They went to move, but their eyes shut quickly as they winced in pain, hand quickly going to massage their neck. Who knew laying on the ground gave you a very sore neck. They slowly sat up, opening their eyes and taking in their surroundings. They were in some back alley way, laying against some trash bags and discarded cardboard boxes. The only thing providing Jordan with any light was the moon that hung above them. They rubbed their eyes, hoping they would better adjust to the dark, as they ran their small hands through their bob and let out a breath.

How did they get here? How long had they been out? They tried their best to recall their day, but it was all foggy. They remember waking up this morning in bed. It was cold so they decided to stay cuddled in the covers and… Marie was there, as she had been for a few mornings now. They had their first class together, but had to split off for the rest of the day. They planned on meeting up at a party Emma had mentioned to them taking place in some rich kid’s apartment in the city (well, their parents fancy ass apartment, but they were out of town or something). This is where things got foggy…

They vaguely remember driving to the party, excited to see Marie and the rest of their friends there after a long day of school work. Then, something happened… they don't remember what exactly, but it had grabbed their attention. And now, here they are, seemingly hours later, sitting in a dark alleyway with a sore neck.

Had they gone to the party and just partied too hard? No, that didn't sound right. Whatever caused Jordan to black out must have been serious, cause they do not black out easily. They were really worried now. They needed to get back to campus, figure out what the hell happened, and they needed to find Marie, make sure she was okay. They hope whatever happened to them didn't happen to Marie too.

They quickly pat their pockets down, trying to find their phone, but nothing. No phone, wallet, keys… maybe they were mugged and they were too drunk to do anything? Who fucking knows at this rate.

Tired of just sitting there and letting their thoughts spiral, Jordan pushed themselves up to their feet, needing to grab the wall as they swayed a bit. They did feel a bit woozy, but not in a drunk sort of way. It was more of a “they haven't eaten all day” kind of lightheadedness. Speaking of… they actually found themselves feeling very hungry. Their stomach felt empty like they hadn't eaten in days. It was almost painful. How long were they even out here? There were too many questions and not enough action. They needed to get back to campus.

—

Jordan had been wandering for a while. It must have been real late, cause not many people seemed to be out. They were definitely on the sketchier side of town, opting to switch into their male form after some looks thrown their way by the city night dwellers. Their iconic bomber jacket wasn't doing much to stave off the cold night. It usually did the job, but for some reason they just couldn't stop shivering. On top of their pained stomach, they developed a pounding headache. Every light was too bright and every sound too loud. It's like their senses were being overwhelmed, even in the relatively still night. They were really starting to think they got whammied by some supe and dumped out in an alley as some fucked up prank. Whatever or whoever was behind it was gonna be in for it once Jordan finds out.

They finally came across some streets they recognized and followed them to the main road that would take them back to Godolkin. At this rate, they were really hoping to hitch a ride, cause that walk was gonna be excruciatingly long.

As luck would have it, after walking along the road for about 20 minutes, they heard a car coming up from behind them. They looked back and caught what looked to be a red pickup truck. They quickly brought their thumb up, displaying the universal hitchhiking sign.

They breathed a sigh of relief as they watched the truck slow to a stop right next to them. In the driver's seat was a young woman with dark blonde hair, wearing a simple white shirt with a red coat over top. Jordan admits that they were a bit surprised, definitely expecting some creepy old dude that would offer to drive them up to his farm just to be murdered. But Jordan should know better than to stereotype.

“Hey there, what are you doing out here so early?” The woman asked kindly. Even though one could see the tiredness in her eyes, she spoke with a polite smile on her face.

Jordan slowly approached the car window, keeping a fair distance just to be safe. Sure they were currently indestructible, but God were they still in pain. They really tried to not let it show though, as they returned a similarly polite smile. “Hey, I uh, sort of got ditched by my friends at a party, and I don't have a ride. Do you think I could catch a ride to Godolkin University? It shouldn't be too far ahead… please.” Jordan added, making sure they were being polite. They were really getting tired of walking.

“Godolkin University? That's the Supe college, right?” She asked.

Jordan just nodded tightly in response, the pounding in their head still persistent.

Whether she noticed they were in pain or not, they didn't know, but she did give them a slightly sympathetic look. “Alright, hop in. It's only a ten minute drive or so from here.”

Jordan breathed in relief as they made their way to the backseat of the truck. They thought about sitting in the passenger seat, but sitting in the back felt a bit safer, like this was just an Uber ride and not a stranger picking up a hitchhiker. “Thank you so much, ma’am.”

“Oh, please don't call me ma'am. I'm only 32. Rebecca is just fine, thank you.”

“Right. Sorry. Thanks, Rebecca.” Jordan reiterated.

“No problem. I was heading in that direction anyway, so it's really no trouble. You also don't look to be doing so well. Should probably take it easy on the partying.” She commented lightheartedly.

Jordan gave a tight smile. “Yeah, you're probably right.”

The rest of the ride was spent in silence. Well, it was silent for one of them… For Jordan, it was almost torture. The pounding in their head was getting louder and louder, echoing in their ears. They could barely think straight. They thought about Marie in that moment, and her ability to hear heartbeats. Was this what it was like? The constant thrumming in your ears? Marie had mentioned once that she had to learn to tune out all the noise, learning to hone in and focus on one at a time. They weren't sure why, but Jordan tried to do just that, closing their eyes and focusing on their heartbeat. And that's when they noticed it… there were two sets of beating. It wasn't just coming from their head. Jordan opened their eyes and almost immediately they were drawn to Rebecca. More specifically, her neck.

It's like they could feel her pulse beating from there, their eyes focussing on the feeling. Suddenly, they felt their stomach growl, reminding them of their hunger. The world around them started to blur. All Jordan could focus on was this woman's neck. It was almost animalistic, the way their mouth slowly fell open, salivating when a slight breeze wafted her scent towards them.

It took a while for them to register that they were being spoken to, being pulled out of their trance when they realized the car had stopped moving.

“Hey, did you hear me? If you're gonna be sick, puke outside of my car, okay?” The woman spoke seriously.

Jordan's eyes flicked between her face and her neck, the pull still there. They swallowed as they tried to compose themselves. “I- sorry. I just… need a minute.” Jordan mumbled as they stumbled their way out of the car, cause they did feel sick, but not from any hangover. They felt sick to their core, like if they didn't satiate their hunger they would die. They got out of the car as fast as they could, the feelings were overwhelming, they felt as though they couldn't breathe.

They bent over, resting their hands on their knees as they tried to breath, trying to focus on anything else than the alluring scent coming from the woman in the car. Suddenly, they felt a hand on their shoulder. Jordan jerked away from the touch, turning around only to be face to face with Rebecca. She was about the same height as they were in their current male form, which meant their eyes didn't have to travel far to reach her neck.

She had a worried look on her face as she watched Jordan seemingly dazed as they stared at her neck. “Hey kid, are you sure you're alright?” She spoke slowly as she leaned in a bit closer to grab their attention. And that was her last mistake…

Before Jordan could even register anything, they found themselves leaning forward, grabbing Rebecca and bringing their mouth to her neck. They felt their teeth ache for a second before diving in and biting down on her neck. They felt her skin break as their teeth sank in, releasing what they didn't even know they were craving till now. Blood. It was sweet and tangy, the most delicious thing they've tasted. The second it hit their tongue, they knew they needed more. So they stood there, clinging onto this woman's body as they sucked more and more of her blood out of her body. Jordan felt them slowly go limp in their arms, having to hold them up as they continued feeding. It felt so good, so invigorating. The hunger and pain they felt moments before faded away and was replaced by pleasure.

Before they knew it, there was no more blood to drink, as they finally pulled away from her neck. That's when everything came crashing back. The hungry haze they were previously in lifted, yanking them back into reality. They looked down at the body in their arms… cold, limp, lifeless. The clear bite mark on her neck that looked like it came from an animal shook Jordan to their core. They froze in horror. They couldn't believe it, this couldn't be real. This had to be some fucked up dream they were having and they'll wake up any minute now, in their warm bed with Marie cuddled up with them. But no. No matter how much they tried, they weren't waking up from this.

After a minute or so, they snapped out of their frozen state. They couldn't stay there, they had to do something. In a panic, they dropped the woman's body, watching it fall and hit the ground with a graceless thud. Just then they saw just how much of a mess they made. The woman's previously white shirt, now stained red like her coat. Jordan looked down at their own clothing, their own white shirt also stained red with blood. They look up and catch their reflection in the car window. They stand there stunned, staring at themselves, their entire chin stained with blood, their lips now a deep red. In a panic Jordan tries to wipe the blood off, not being very successful. Their heart was racing, their mind going into overdrive, and without a second thought, they switched into their female form and began to run away.

--

Hope you enjoyed!!

Might also post on AO3, haven't decided yet.

🫢 (part 2 is already written. Could probably release it later today. Who knows.)

[oxydiane]

how hilarious would lee jordan’s comments have been during the gryffindor vs hufflepuff quidditch match if harry and cedric had been publicly dating

[danothan]

imagine what a loser you must be to retcon smth so bad that you make geoff johns look like a feminist

they replaced his autism with sexism.

[hazzybat]

You guys want some angst? no? Well too bad! We have the result of Jan transforming into a wolf and the rest of the band figuring out what the hell to do now that they're down a band member. Jance focused chapter

[syntia13treeman]

Case files 12.01

what I think happened in:

Case 12.01, the case of "Stag Hunter" or "Mr. Bonzo's toothy maw"

We need to talk about Gwen.

Full name Gwendolyn Bouchard, child of a rich family, strangely fixated on making career at OIAR of all places.

On 9th of January, after several years of exemplary if a bit slow work, she looked her boss dead in the eye and stated she wanted her job.

On 29th of January she received an email with a video of attempted murder (Lena on Klaus gun violence).

On 12th of February, after doing some additional research, she confronted Lena with the video. She assumed that Lena's superiors* wouldn't be happy to know that the 'murder' was a failed one. She let it be known that her source (singular) confirms that said mysterious superiors believe Klaus to be dead. As payment for her silence, she demanded to be let in on whatever extra operations were going on here. Lena graciously 'promoted' her to "Externals Liaison."

On Friday (March 8) Gwen received her first 'assignment' – to deliver an envelope to one Nigel Dickerson and 'any companion' of his that might be present. (So, glorified postal service).

On Saturday, (March 9) she got to meet her first 'External'. She was NOT prepared for the experience. She handed off the envelope as instructed. It got chewed in teeth that weren't soft. Mr. Bonzo the External lumbered away into the night, while somewhat shaken Gwen returned home.

Let's take a break from Gwen for a moment, to meet Ms. Jordan Bennett (age: early 20s). She's acquired bartending skills in 2020, and got hired at "Soho Jack's" strip-club in spring of 2021. Her employment there ended rather abruptly on Saturday night, 9th of March 2024. On that fateful night she was tending bar in a private suite on the third floor, where a Bachelor party was in full swing. The party consisted of (presumably) former high-school or college sports team, now in their 30s/40s, celebrating upcoming nuptials of their bud, Baz (full name unknown). (For now).

The chain of events was thus:

Somebody(/something?) planted a box of Bonzo merchandise among the presents for the groom.

Baz the Groom, a faithful Bonzo-fanboy, delightedly asked for the planted CD to be played.

Bonzo's theme-song started playing from the room speakers, and continued to play, getting louder, even after Jordan turned off the CD-player and disconnected the cables. (Later on it not only got louder, but also changed – from 'he wants to stay' in kids' voices to 'he's here to stay' in… different voices).

Summoned signalled by the music, Mr. Bonzo killed the bouncer guarding the room, and entered.

The party-guys did not notice the fresh body and were happy to see their favourite monster TV-mascot.

Mr. Bonzo somehow realized that the bartender did notice the body, and shushed her with a finger to his mouth.

Still unaware of danger, the guys found it hilarious when Bonzo picked up the groom by the arms and twirled him around like a toddler. They didn't even notice when

Bonzo ripped the man's arms right off. They did notice when Jordan screamed, and Bonzo tore Baz's head apart, and then pulverized and ate his body.

After that the guys tried to attack, without any real effect, aside from a trickle of some kind of stinking liquid from a cut (if it bleeds… can we kill it?).

After obliterating the groom Bonzo struck a playful pose, unfolded his mouth into a bigger, toothier maw and proceeded to bite chunks out of remaining people. Those who survived all lost something (Jordan's hand being the smallest loss). Those who didn't make it were devoured whole.

Notably, it seems that none of the people in the room tried to leave it, and none of the crashes, screams, nor the loud distorted music, were noticed by anyone outside the room; the security cameras weren't working either.

After the fact the club got sued for recompense by Jordan (and possibly other survivors and families of the deceased) and tried to get their insurance to cover it. Their claim was denied as fraudulent.

With that bit of unpleasantness out of the way, let's go back to OIAR.

On Monday, March 11, a very disgruntled Gwen confronted Lena again, this time about the nature of her assignment. Lena cheerfully advised her that screaming is good for the soul, that externals may be grotesque, but are valued assets, and that sleep is important. Also that Gwen should have already figured out whose name was in the envelope she'd delivered.

On Wednesday, March 13, Gwen's caseload included a graphic description of events of last Saturday at Soho Jack’s. She had… some kind of reaction, before Alice cut it off with a 'joke.' (btw, Alice's jokes sound more and more like 'shut up about stuff that can get us killed you idiot!')

There's a lot to unpack here, and I'm not sure if I want to touch most of it.

WHOSE name was in the envelope and why? At one point I considered a theory that the intended target was actually the Bartender (not to be killed, but maimed and traumatized), but as she wasn't the only survivor, just the 'luckiest' one, and she was way too young and poor to be Gwen's associate, I have to go back to option nr 1: The groom. Bonzo did zero-in on him upon entry, and only after completely removing him from this world did he change to more casual look and leisurely eating mode. (Work before play; at least he has good work ethics?) (No! Kill it with fire!) So. Why did 'Baz' have to die? Lena expected Gwen to know. Originally I was sure it was Colin or Alice, who both know too much. Since it's not them, the only thing that comes to mind is the 'source' who told Gwen that Klaus is believed to be dead. If a scary shady spooky government branch learned that they had a leak, they absolutely would plug it with excessive force and no consideration for collateral damage. Imagine you're Gwen, and you had a friend tell you something as a favour, and then you listen to a tale of how that friend got eaten by a creature you personally sent after him. 😬 Slightly more fucked up though less likely option: the 'source' was actually the bride-not-to-be. The Stag Night Massacre was a punishment and warning for both her and Gwen.

*Who actually are Lena's masters superiors? The ministerial prick who keeps nagging Colin about the app just… doesn't sound like someone who'd order a supernatural hit on someone. I have some thoughts, but they're too muddy to articulate just yet, so I'm moving on to:

Bonzo music. What is up with that? Nigel turned it on to call Bonzo to the door, and at the club he didn't come into the room until it was playing. Is the music just a way to get his attention, or is it like his Manchurian Candidate trigger phrase, turning him from Mr. Bonzo to Bonzo Butcher? Or is it just … part of Bonzo himself? It was getting more distorted and unsettling just as Bonzo was getting more monstrous in action and appearance. What was the cause and what was the effect here? Or: the music had to play, because it was the music that kept people from trying to run, and kept other people (and cameras) from noticing what was going on in there. So many options, so little certainty. :(

Gwen is now an accessory to murder, most likely of somebody she knew. I wonder what she's gonna do with that knowledge. Will she double down on "I can do it and I'm cool with it actually", or will she try to opt-out? (it's too late, but she could try…)

Unrelated: if at any point we meet a very angry young woman sans one hand, I'm doing the DiCaprio me

[charliecuntcicle]

everyone needs to know that while im writing my english essay i have a split screen with a picture of hal in the other tab

[godshaper]

wip wednesday!

was tagged by @aurriearts <3 thanks!

i don't have much to show art wise (99% of it is for patreon, alas) but i do have some writing wips i can show off

left is a jordan/ortega oneshot, right is a future addition to the anomaly series with lula & ortega

(i'm too tired to find ppl to tag right now, so if you wanna show off some wips feel free to act as though i've tagged you here, i won't mind)

[asylumdweller]

PLEASE feel free to send in requests regarding these charas if you send a vote in btw i love them all dearly