#wtf keith

[paxbe]

if we ignore the fact that this doesn't fit with canon at all, i like to imagine a scenario where eddie somehow doesn't know who steve ‘the hair’ harrington is and, through a series of mix-ups, accidentally makes everyone think he has a huge crush on keith from the video store

like imagine a scenario where eddie is still friends with the kids and he's also friends with robin, so he's heard plenty about their friend steve and he just happens to have never met him or even seen him ever. like he's heard the kids gush about steve (leaving out the killing monsters part because that's classified) and robin mentions like ‘yeah i know steve! i work with him at the video store, you've probably seen him when you've swung by’. but somehow eddie has only come by when keith is working and he thinks ‘yeah sure, that looks like a guy the kids would be hanging out with’ and files that assumption away and doesn't question it.

and maybe they've even talked on the phone like eddie calls robin at the store or at home and she's like ‘yeah i’m just here with steve’ (as usual) and they chat about the kids and whatever and so eddie feels like he's got a pretty solid idea in his mind of this guy “steve” that his friends seem to like so much, and he seems like a nice enough guy even if they don't really have anything in common.

and yeah maybe he does think some of the comments that robin or the kids make are a bit weird, like when he thinks about “steve” (keith) he's a bit surprised that this guy apparently gets so much attention from the ladies, and eddie doesn't think his hair is anything particularly special. but eddie's not the most conventional looking guy either so who is he to judge! and he appreciates that robin offered to help set them up one time but “steve” just isn't his type (and she knows his type well enough so he doesn't know why she's so surprised). but still, there's no reason for eddie to think that he might be picturing an entirely different guy.

and then one day he walks past the video store and steve is working and eddie's like, mouth open ‘hang on who is this??’ and steve makes eye contact with him through the window and smiles or even waves because that's eddie, he knows eddie, they're kind of friends almost. and eddie just panics and books it out of there.

and like a week later he's still not over it and he calls robin (and of course steve is also there) and it's like

eddie: ‘hey who's that other guy you work with at the video store??’

robin and steve: ‘who, keith? yeah he's the guy who hired us, he's alright, we're not that close though’

and eddie's scandalised like: ‘how could you go on and on about steve (no offense steve) and somehow neglect to mention you work with maybe the most beautiful man in the world??’

and steve and robin are like: ‘keith????’

[axeleton]

Oh shit wait I forgot about this one

[salmoninzeeweed]

Keith: Hey lance.. what happened while I was gone?

Lance: Oh not much really, just- [insert 40 minute explanation of the events that occurred]

Keith: What???

Lance: Oh and also I died and was brought back to life, but that's all basically.

Keith: ...

Keith: .....

Keith: Why was that not the first thing mentioned????

Keith: LANCE WHY WAS THAT NOT THE FIRST THING MENTIONED????????

Keith: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "NOT MUCH"?????

Keith: LANCE WHAT THE FUCK

[fromduck]

Guys I’m being dead ass when I say this. It’s been five years- HALF A DECADE since I last watched Voltron and yet Keith Kogane stays on my mind. He won’t leave 😭

[flouresea]

klance wild west AU (2/?) 🏜️✨

keith is tasked to steal back lance's corrupted tax money… but is justice the only thing he seeks?

[cringecompanionapologist]

Oh shit here we go...

The really bizarre thing is that Keith Topping, who in different novels wrote Ian and Yates basically the same way he writes Turlough here, which makes think that this is just his Default Male Character, doesn't seem to fully understand the implications of what he's doing. He writes a bunch of fucked up shit and kind of acts like it's just typical Fucked Up Sci-Fi Shit. Like this is the same category as mind probes and agony beams. Sci-fi torture that's pretty removed from reality. It feels like he sort of brought up the subject of SA by accident and the book can't really handle the topic, even by Doctor Who novel standards.

The incompetence of this novel baffles me.

There is a name oft spoken of in hushed tones within the circles of those who are fans of the Fifth Doctor’s era. It has a rating of 3.5 on the Timescales; it has no plot description; it is the reason why the TARDIS wiki has an article for ‘anal probe’. But, as much as it mentioned and then hushed up, there is at present no further in-depth guide to this novels bizarreness, it’s staggeringly low-quality, it’s unrelenting horniness. If one wishes to understand this horror, one must read it firsthand. Well no more. I, in the name of knowledge and first-hand wisdom, have decided to set out on a journey so that no others may have to undertake it, and with the skills I have honed through my study of English Literature provide a degree of critique and commentary to Keith Topping’s infamous offspring.

I, dear readers, am going to liveblog reading The King of Terror. Starting now.

The King Of Terror Liveblog: Part One

[TW: This being the King of Terror, we will almost certainly be getting into discussions of SA/non-consensual sex. The word ‘r@pe’ will almost definitely come up (indeed it literally comes up on the first page). Also, I will not be censoring it beyond this point because a) this isn’t TikTok, and b) even if I used ‘grape’ or something everyone would still know what I was talking about so there’s no real point. I assume everyone here is a mature adult who doesn’t need to hide behind codes in order to discuss serious and upsetting topics. If you are not, Please God Don’t Read This, it will likely still be here by the time you’re old enough. Go watch the show instead, it’s better and more family friendly (and has well-written violence and kissing in it). If these topics bring up any unpleasant memories for you or will put you in a bad state of mind, then please do not read this live blog, it is not worth it. Furthermore, I imagine various kinds of bigotry will come up in incredibly breezy barely relevant ways (sexism, racism, homophobia, etc.) because this is the year 2000 we’re talking about. There’s also probably something related to medical trauma in here. I will also probably get Very Angry as a lover of literature and Doctor Who at some point, so we’ll see how that goes. Anyways, onwards and downwards.]

Wow, I feel sorry for these guys

Interesting choice. Wonder how this will be relevant to the ‘themes’ of this work.

Huh. Okay. This isn’t actually a bad start. A bit pretentious maybe, but the descriptions are very visceral and it’s certainly a good hook, perhaps this won’t be so bad-

Aaaaand yep not even a page in and we’re already using the phrase “rape”, really cool Keith, very mature and based. Now, I’m not categorically averse to using the phrase ‘rape’ semi-metaphorically. But it is one of those words that has to be handled very carefully and with a proper understanding of the feelings and ideas that it implies.

‘The Things’ (the 2010 short story based off of ‘The Thing’) uses it towards the end in a way that I feel illustrates my point - the alien is disgusted by humanity and our ‘individualised’ existences and decides to forcefully ‘teach’ us why it’s so much better to be like it via the means of, y’know, infecting people with parts of it and then making them go all schlorp. Right before it assimilates one of the men, he calls it a ‘rapist’ which the alien later adopts in the final line of the story: ‘I will rape it into them’. Now, to me, this works because the aliens convictions are painted in a somewhat religious light throughout the story and also because assimilating people is literally a physical violation, so the use of the word at the stories end seems to be used to deliberately conjure ideas of ‘corrective’ SA in a way that feels intentional given the previously discussed themes. It is also, as I have noted, used right at the end as the final line of the story, in a way that indicates to me that the writer understood the very visceral feelings the word evokes and decided to reserve it to be used to reinforce the bleak, foreboding tone of the ending.

Keith does not do this. Keith decides to use the idea of SA and all its violent implications right out of the gate to, presumably, shock the reader and try to grab their attention. He did not have to do this. His abstract, vague descriptions and in-media-res opening were enough by themselves. What this belies to me is a) a belief that violence or shock are inherently compelling and b) a lack of confidence in the strength of his writing on its own. We shall see if I am correct in both of these estimations.

Now, Keith is certainly not the only writer guilty of a very liberal use of SA in the wilderness years of Doctor Who. It seems, from the little I have read, almost inescapable. I remember reading ‘Goth Opera’ and the word ‘rape’ being used to describe what the Mara did to Tegan within, like, the first 30 pages or something. (Which, okay, some critics have definitely compared the scene from ‘Kinda’ where the Mara possesses her to an SA scene, but within the first 30 pages? And without unpacking any of that? Mr. Cornell??) But that doesn’t excuse any of this it just makes him another part of a rather unfortunate pattern.

Oooo somebody wrote this before ‘The Weddding of River Song’. Keith Hopping JNT just called, he wants you to know that fucking with the UNIT timeline is his domain.

So old Keith is aware of Shadows Over Avalon. I don’t really know how much cross-continuity was going on with the PDA / EDA / VNA / VMA writers, so I’m not really certain whether this reference to stuff that has happened in other stories is complacent or unusual. I haven’t actually read Shadows Over Avalon, I’m not that far into the EDA’s (I got distracted before I could read Alien Bodies :( ).

WILL this man ever get to enjoy retirement!

I was never under the impression that the Brigadier was a straight up Tory but I haven’t seen that much of him so what do I know? Also, ‘a smile of admiration’? What, cause being a Tory is just such good old lovable nostalgic Britain? And patriotism too? Ugh. Anyway, the set-up for this narrative is seemingly that a bunch of UNIT files have been decommissioned. This journalist is initially interviewing the Brigadier about a case involving the Waro (who were in Keith’s last book “The Devil Goblins From Neptune”, so, nice self-repping Keith).

This then moves into the two of them discussing the Doctor and his involvement with some company called ‘Intercom’, setting up the events of this story. I also don’t know what the Brig is on about here with the Doctor being ‘a man of peace’ because *I* definitely saw Three’s Venusian moves but okay. Anyway, this section is attributed to an in-universe book so it seems like Keith is trying to a bit of a meta-textual House of Leaves thing. Let’s see how he succeeds in the next post, which will be a reblog of this one.

[eschergirls]

aadamantine submitted:

"Parody picture: for your amusement. 1996 brought us Keith Giffen’s PUNX and this spectacular cover mocking Bernard Chang’s 1990’s art. I’m glad to see that he’s mellowed out since then but… I know I’ve seen you make comments about how the butt signatures look like barcodes! What follows this masterpiece of a cover is a short story with more ads than even I can handle. Of course this section was purposefully created and pencilled by Giffen… From PUNX #3, 1996, Valiant/Acclaim"

That sounds hilarious! Thanks for letting me know about this, I definitely plan to check it out given that I love Giffen's other work and I'm always up for a good parody, especially from the 90s!

[biirbygorl]

hello and hello again friend of a friend !!

[blanceyblance]

Not an allurance shipper but always an Allurance defender

But the one thing i can't defend is the writers insisting on the Lance/Alfor parallels specially since they knew (I presume) Allurance was endgame

What was the purpose of that? Why?

Maybe it was for Lauren's cursed idea of bringing Allura back as a baby and have Lance raise her but that honestly makes it like a hundred times worse

[yournormalidiot]

Dally (and two bit) is the type of friend who asks their friends parents (aka the Curtis's) the randomist and wildest questions (cause their the chill, fun parents of the mates and would sit and chat with them all cause they could)

[39chinchillas]

The thirst ghost took over for a second

[bluemanticism]

ME AFTER FINISHING CHAPTER 1 OF WALK WITH ME JUST NOW

[salmoninzeeweed]

I'm sorry but I absolutely fucking hate sheith (shiro x keith) like wtf NO...

Shiro knew keith since he was a CHILD, HE BASICALLY RAISED HIM, AND PEOPLE SHIP THEM??????

Keith literally called shiro his BROTHER, HE SEES SHIRO AS HIS BROTHER! CAN PEOPLE STOP BEING FUCKASS WEIRDOS AND STOP SHIPPING TWO PEOPLE WHO CANONICALLY AND VERY CLEARLY SEE EACH OTHER AS BROTHERS PLEASE???

All hate to sheith shippers I'm not even gonna sugar coat that, please stop writing and making art of them being "in love" idc if you think "oH bUT ThEir CheMistrY-" STFUUUUUUU STFU NO HELL NO

Anyway klance forever!!!

[alohaasaloevera]

guys I’m honestly happy that klance didn’t become canon because I love how as a collective group of people we utilize our right to explore what could have been and create the most smoking hot scenarios ever and yes I obviously wanted more of their friendship growing into this bond stronger than anything else in the universe especially since Voltron has teamwork and family as one of their main lessons but that’s more of a development issue all around…ok besides that there’s something about klance where it provides this PERFECT environment for shippers to inhabit and FEAST upon. With klance, there’s a solid, engaging dynamic between the two set up, which is this weird one-sided rivalry that stems from Lance’s insecurity and his need to prove himself of his worth and Keith literally being one of the best pilots for his age but since they’re flung into space and chosen to become child soldiers in this 10,000 year old intergalactic war so they have to work as a team which surprise surprise forces them to put aside their differences and work as a team which is shown a bunch when Keith needs to become a leader and Lance steps up as his right hand and and they have some kinda tender moments that won’t definitely drive shippers into a shipping craze (or worse) SO YEAH you could see why people loved it with all the classic tropes and mutual growth all that schmooze (ALSO THEY KNEW EACHOTHER BEFORE THE MAIN PLOT??? Well maybe not like friends or even acquaintances probably BUT HELLO?????? EVEN MORE SHIT TO EXPAND ON????), and they share multiple scenes that could be interpreted as romantic but there’s no explicit romance. This environment is fucking dripping drenched flash flooded cornered by 1000ft tsunamis in all directions with potential for shipping, so when people saw this relationship between two bros with this sort of homoerotic (IM JOKING. Kinda.) unresolved tension towards each other and the POTENTIAL for a good slow burn rivals to friends to lovers, it was to no one’s surprise that they went APESHIT. Klancers made countless different ways where they get together whether it be pre-Kerberos, post-gettingthefuckoutofearth, the start of the show, the end of the show, after the end of the show, right smack in the middle, anywhere, anytime, for who the fuck knows why just ANY REASON DAMN IT it doesn’t really matter because people were pumping out fanfiction or fan art or any fan media of klance faster than I spit out a raw baby carrot after chewing it for one second and now we’re all wallowing about how it should have been KICK but the thing is that if VLD did KICK all the way to Altea, the production of these beautiful stories that so many people have and still are coming up with about klance kissing in midst of a battle, helping each other with their crippling nightmares, smiling for the stars or some other sad premise, and whatever is nestled in his pulse…just like uhhh the amount of fics like these that go into great detail about Keith and Lance in these random situations that end up with them getting together being produced would go down to some degree because of the fact that if the people’s beloved sharpshooter and samurai had ended up together like we had wanted, and the majority was satisfied with the ending the creators had given, people would have shifted from writing about “How could Lance and Keith get together?” to writing about “What could Lance and Keith do now that they’re together?” And like. There’s nothing wrong with that honestly I would be HYPED if klance was ever canon but there is profound beauty in the way the community is able to create more from less and turn a show that went to shit in the last few seasons shine even brighter than it did at its prime. Like I wouldn’t trade my favorite fics 4 anything.

—

Ok another little thing I’m going to put here: With Klance, all I wanted was for them to be great friends 😭😭😭. I tend to prefer klance becoming canon in later seasons or at the end or even an open ending with no confirmed romantic relationships because I am a sucker for character development and the idea of Keith and Lance both harboring these feelings that at first are just admiration and respect but then escalate to yearning for one another or becoming close friends at the end of the show and getting to imagine anything I want post canon is EVERYTHING if you give me S7 Garrison klance I’ll keel over and thank you like I was a second away from dying of thirst and your gift was a truck load of water

[catsushinyakajima]

guys hear me out. crossover ep. Maybe if Lance had the tall walking stick from astra's tried and true ("Lance has somehow managed to find a somewhat straight branch that’s taller than he is, using it as a hiking stick" [@existwound, ch2]), then Keith and Lance would've actually done some WALKING in walk with me by elli, in which THERE IS ONLY SIX MINUTES OF WALKING ("After only a short, six-minute walk..." [@bluemantics, ch2])

[creamyduckie]

i apologize for not posting (i was going to draw more like six days ago) have a keith doodle