#wynn reads they can't kill us all

[tarotenvelhecida]

pick a card– which book speaks to your soul?

You read something which you thought only happened to you, and you discover that it happened 100 years ago to Dostoyevsky. This is a very great liberation for the suffering, struggling person, who always thinks that he is alone. This is why art is important.

—Conversations with James Baldwin.

this is my love letter to all the bookworms in the tarot community— pick a pile & i'll give you a list of genres + book suggestions carrying important messages to you.

I. THE FIRST

To the daydreamers and the escapists; to the ones that need to rest before following what you need follow.

RELEVANT GENRES & CONCEPTS– fiction in general; romance; fantasy; fairytale; poetry; ‘happy ever after’ endings; hopeful endings; fantasy; magic; dreamy.

AUTHORS – Ursula K. Le Guin; Louise Gluck; Mary Oliver; Jane Austen.

BOOKS FOR YOU–

‘The Paper Garden: An Artist Begins Her Life’s Work at 72 – Molly Peacock'

‘Good Bones – Maggie Smith’

‘If Not, Winter: Fragments of Sappho – Translation by Anne Carson’

‘Owls and Other Fantasies – Mary Oliver’

‘Dog Songs – Mary Oliver’

‘Emma – Jane Austen’

‘Howl’s Moving Castle – Diana Wynne Jones’

‘The Little Prince – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’

‘Death Comes for the Archbishop – Willa Cather’

‘Sonnets from the Portuguese – Elizabeth Barrett Browning’

‘The Hawk and the Dove – Penelope Wilcock’

‘The Secret Life of the Lonely Doll: The Search for Dare Wright’

‘The Ink Dark Moon – Ono no Komachi & Izumi Shikibu’

‘Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll’

‘The Letters of Vita Sackville-West and Virginia Woolf’

‘Little Women – Louisa May Alcott’

‘Anne of Green Gables – L.M. Montgomery’

‘Kissing the Witch: Old Tales in New Skins – Emma Donoghue’

II. THE SECOND

For the ones that carry the ache to learn and know everything; to the ones bored with life's commodities & seriousness. For the ones that question everything around them – as they should do.

You do not need to fit in. Don't change yourself for other people. If they want to see you this way, then become the proud witch in the edge of the woods.

RELEVANT GENRES & CONCEPTS– books on 'niche' knowledge; science; philosophy; true crime; drama; scandalous romances; adventure, magical realism; YA thriller & horror; comedy & sardonic comedy; ‘controversial’/'weird' books.

AUTHORS– Carmen Maria Machado, Kate Moore, Grady Hendrix.

BOOKS FOR YOU–

‘My Sister, The Serial Killer – Oyinkan Braithwaite'

‘The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales – Oliver Sacks'

‘St. Lucy’s Home for Girls Raised by Wolves – Karen Russell'

‘Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife – Mary Roach’

‘The Hitchhiker Guide to Galaxy – Douglas Adams'

‘Inferno – Dante Alighieri'

'Magic for Beginners – Kelly Link'

‘Lace Bone Beast: Poems & Other Fairytales for Wicked Girls – N.L. Shompole'

‘Severed: A History of Heads Lost and Heads Found – Frances Larson’

'The Woman They Could Not Silence – Kate Moore'

‘The Dictionary of Lost Words – Pip Williams'

‘She Kills Me: The True Stories of History’s Deadliest Women – Jennifer Wright’

‘Anatomy: A Love Story – Dana Schwartz'

‘Pretty Dead Queens – Alexa Donne'

‘I’m Glad My Mom Died – Jennette McCurdy'

'Rabid: A Cultural History of the World's Most Diabolical Virus – Bill Wasik'

‘Chilling Adventures of Sabrina – Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa’

III. THE THIRD

You need to put your sadness somewhere. If you can't, remember that someone has done it before – and transformed it into a story. Let the words you'll read be the resting place for whatever you're feeling right now; let yourself remember that not even your pain is lonely in this world.

RELEVANT GENRES AND CONCEPTS— poetry; gothic horror; thrillers; murder mysteries; tragedies; cathartic stories; biographies.

AUTHORS– Shirley Jackson, Osamu Dazai, Clarice Lispector, Sylvia Plath.

BOOKS FOR YOU—

'The Year of Magical Thinking – Joan Didion'

‘The Dead – James Joyce'

‘What The Living Do – Marie Howe'

‘The Hour of the Star – Clarice Lispector'

‘Why This World: A Biography of Clarice Lispector’

‘Some of Us Did Not Die – June Jordan'

Somewhere Towards the End – Diana Athill'

‘We Have Always Lived in The Castle – Shirley Jackson'

'Heaven: A Novel – Mieko Kawakami'

'Journal of a Solitude – May Sarton'

'Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte'

'Grief is the Thing with Feathers – Max Porter'

‘Carrie – Stephen King'

'Of Dogs and Walls – Yuko Tsushima'

'Frankenstein – Mary Shelley'

'The Stepping Off Place – Cameron Kelly'

'Letters to Milena – Franz Kafka'

‘Beloved – Toni Morrison'

[iknowhatheydidinleeds]

Joha how are you? I hope you're well. What fic have you read recently?

Hi! Well, I had better moments for sure lol but I guess can only get better.

Going to better topics: Fics!

♥ your memory over me by shimmeringevil

The worst heartbreak of Louis’ life walks right back into it when his parents invite their family friends on an all-expenses-paid trip for their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Facing a past that he tried to bury long ago, Louis learns that some people have a way of sticking with you even when they’re gone.

♥ Leave Your Mark On Me by kingsofeverything

When Chef Harry Styles’ unbonded Omega designation threatens to derail his career, he does the only thing he can, and goes in search of a black market bond.

♥ You're Not My Type (still I fall) by Imogenlee

His mum is going to kill him!

Well, not kill him. Just give him a right telling off, make him admit she'd been right, then try to confine him to his room until they found a hefty Alpha to look after him and rein him in or something.

She wouldn't manage, of course. Harry is only twenty-four and has no inclination to settle down at all, especially not at the behest of an Alpha.

But, as his mum would point out, that was the same stubborn attitude that got him here: in his car, in a thunderstorm, on the side of a forsaken lane of some little countryside town in Yorkshire. His mobile's got no signal, his GPS isn't working, and he's running low on petrol, so he can't even use the heater.

Oh, and most importantly, his car is stuck in the mud, so even if the GPS was working and he knew where to go, he wouldn’t be able to.

He's been in stickier spots; he reminds himself. Way stickier. This is just a bit of rain; it'll blow over. Then Harry will just... well, alright, he isn't entirely sure what to do when the rain stops because he'll still be stuck and lost. But, hey, there won't be any rain, which is something to cheer about.

♥ where i should be by ifthat

“That’s the difference between you and me,” Louis says. “I loved him. You liked him.”

Harry, far too interested in shattering Louis’ ardent loyalty to Wynn, says, “Such a waste.”

“Who are you to decide?” Louis breathes, craning his neck to glare.

“Who better to decide than me?” He leans imperceptibly closer. Wanting, waiting for him to close the inch of distance.

ENJOY!

[k-she-rambles]

Have an outline for a fic I may never write:

some background: the year is 2012, and everything is Avengers. People still write these (❤️ u), but it's the golden age of avengers tower fics. Everyone is friends in messy dramatic ways, overpowered oc's abound and it's fabulous.

This is also the golden age of Loki drama. It started with Thor, but ramped up with Avengers. The discourse was usually "Loki is entirely Evil mcEvil" vs "Loki is my perfect shmoopy-poo, and Thor is a Murderous Meanie"

I'd settled (& found others too) on "Loki DEFINITELY killed people but he was also obviously under duress." I'd recently read some early Diana Wynn Jones (Dogsbody and Eight Days of Luke), I was listening to a lot of Florence and the Machine (Heartlines) and somehow all of that blended to create...this tropey monstrosity. I just didn't have the skill to sit down and bang it out, and I still don't really

(tw for...well Loki's mental state at the end of Thor did not exactly get better by Avengers.)

This is part one|

We start out directly after Avengers, with Thor bringing Loki home to Asgard to face judgement.

Imagine Loki, before the dias in the throne room of the palace of Asgard. It's fall, there is an occasional chill breeze.

Odin, Frigga, and Thor are on the dias above him. The rest of the court behind him. Loki himself in chains.

Odin has described the charges against Loki, and has asked, each time, if Loki had anything to say.

Each time, Loki has remained silent.

He has nothing to say for himself. He's not sorry for trying to conquer Earth. Thanos is coming for them all, and they don't deserve a warning.

In the jumble of grief over losing the approval of the man he once called his father (if he ever had it in the first place), his madness inducing fall through multidimensional space, capture and manipulation by Thanos, and use of an infinity stone, his "crimes" are small potatoes to him. He can't muster the energy to care.

Finally, Odin asks if there is anyone willing to speak in Loki's defense, or on his behalf in regards to his character or extenuating circumstances.

Thor, grief stricken and angry, looks away.

But from the crowd, someone does volunteer: Baldur. Not the wet blanket of the comics, but the closest thing Asgard has to a real lawyer, and someone who grew up with Loki. They have similar fighting styles, and spent a lot of time together as kids.

We get an inside look at Loki's head and discover that this (for reasons that will be revealed later) is, in Loki's opinion, the WORST turn of events. Loki despises Baldur. Baldur obviously does not share Loki's antipathy, and Loki hates him even more because he should.

Despite Loki being uncooperative, Baldur and Frigga argue for leniency.

The closest Loki comes to breaking his silence is when Frigga kneels before Odin to beg for her son's life.

It's granted. Loki is free within the realm of Asgard, but his magic is dampened by what's basically a magic handcuff.

And, because he refused to speak at his trial, he is forbidden by magic to speak within the realm of Asgard.

After this opening, we get into Loki's new life. He's shiftless, depressed, and doesn't want to be here.

He stays in his rooms for the most part. Frigga visits. Thor does not.

Eventually Loki's habits of wanting to get into everything slowly resurface. He's persona non grata in the court. People don't trust him, and mostly ignore him. The exception is Hodur, Baldur's brother, who really does hate Loki, and makes Loki's life miserable whenever possible.

It's not like Loki can say anything.

There is some recovery as Loki goes back to something he used to do as a boy --helping in the stables.

It's hard work that he's no longer used to. And the enchantments binding his words and his magic are affecting his health: he gets dizzy sometimes. A tremor in his hands.

It is a reason to haul himself out of bed at the same time every day.

It is a long winter caring for the horses. One of the mares has a difficult pregnancy, but under Loki's care, Ashes and Ember are born healthy, and spring comes.

Slowly, in small ways, Loki and the Warriors Three make amends, mostly through visits to the stables.

Loki and Thor's old friend and tutor Amora the Enchantress visits. She asks some very interesting questions about Loki's magic handcuffs. Namely, WTF --they are, apparently, pretty overkill --but also, eventually, about Loki's health.

Loki hasn't put much thought into it because his mental health has improved tremendously by not being in Thanos' direct thrall + regular work + a dose of silence being good medicine, but over spring, as people who were once prince Loki's friends become familiar with Loki the very good groom, it gets confirmed: he looks like shit. Is he sick?

It's not the handcuffs --they're only designed to suppress the wearer's magic. He could probably still shape-shift, Amora explains, but that wouldn't affect the cuffs.

Loki gives her a look. He never could shape-shift anyway.

Shape-shifting requires you to pass through your true shape each time, Amora explains. Loki the Asgardian can't shape shift. He already is shapeshifted. Loki the Jotunn could.

Loki's not too keen on this, to put it mildly. His head may be clearer but he still harbors a deep self hatred for being Jotunn. He was raised Asgardian, and the Aesir consider the Jotunn lesser at best, savage monsters at worst. Every day Loki lives he lives a lie, and it's not one of his choosing.

The symptoms Loki displays look more like...well they look like a blood curse of some kind, but that can't be right because if it's a blood curse it's older than Loki is and...blocked somehow, as if someone else is suffering part of it, or part of it has already been fulfilled.

Meanwhile, Thor is sick with guilt over having turned away from Loki --symbolically giving up on him during the trial. Especially now that he sees, from a distance, Loki's progress.

It drives home once again how thoughtless and self centered Thor has been over the ages, that it was Thor himself who was, directly and indirectly, telling Loki that his only value came from being prince and heir, that Loki the person wasn’t worth anything. So that when Loki realized he would inherit nothing and that he wasn't a prince of Asgard he lost his sense of self, and started scrabbling for things to make him worthy...much like Thor himself had

Sometime in this time, Thor finally puts together something that he noticed but didn't comprehend during Loki's trial: Baldur carries Mistilteinn.

When Mjolnir was made, a companion weapon was made for Loki: Mistilteinn, a dagger as well suited for Loki as Mjolnir was for Thor. Only Thor received a ceremony, but he'd never really noticed that Loki didn't carry the princely weapon he deserved. How did Baldur have it?

When Thor goes to find out, he catches Hodur harassing Loki. It's escalated, and Thor intervenes, bodily dragging Loki to the healers afterwards.

Why didn't he say anything? Thor wants to know.

Loki only gives him an ironic look. It's not like Loki could have. It's not like Thor would have cared.

Thor does. At one time it was Loki who rejected Thor. But what recent evidence does Loki have that Thor wouldn't reject him?

This is also where Thor realizes that Loki was acting under threat of torture just as much as willingly conquering Earth. Those burn marks weren't there before.

The story of Mistilteinn is this: the drinking at the ceremony celebrating Thor as crown prince got a little out of hand. Loki, pleased for Thor but still struggling with resentment and the blow at being...pretty much ignored even though part of the royal family, had reacted badly when his childhood companion Baldur had thought to console him.

Baldur asked for Mistilteinn, the weapon that had almost killed him, instead of publicly humiliating his friend, and never revealed what happened except to Odin and to his brother, who found him injured, alone, with Loki nowhere to be found. Loki took this as in deference to Thor's special day, and deeply resented it. Hodur held a grudge for Loki almost killing his brother.

Loki has a vision and comes to realize that Thanos can and probably will track him down for his failures, realizes that he does in fact care if Asgard gets flattened, shapeshifts into his Jotunn form and leaves Asgard for Jotunheim.

Loki reveals that the spell keeping him silent has worn off by whispering a goodbye before he slips through a gate in the world-tree's branches

Baldur reveals that he enchanted Mistilteinn in much the same way Mjolnir was: if Loki should voluntary bear the consequences of harm that he caused another and make amends, the dagger will return to it's rightful owner.

[undefinedscribble]

My DA:O Modlist

(this post is likely to keep changing. I don't imagine if anyone's looking at it, but in case you are and it's been less than a month since it was posted)

It is 2024, and I'm starting a new game of Origins after almost 8 years, and I'm starting from scratch on mods. A good part of this is just for future me to look back on, tbh, to stop me from looking at all these redundant mods I've been combing through just because "well, I remember I used to use that." It's messy and I'll clean it up as I go, I hope. I'll be using Kinlochhold's list (who I'll be referring to as "kh" if it's necessary to do so later on) as a jumping off point. Historically, my intentions have been to fix things and add mostly-lore-friendly stuff (I'll be trying to adhere to the visual style for hair and things - probably) as well as trying to keep from making the game too easy (via either avoiding certain tweaks or trying to add difficulty-increasing mods - though if anyone ever creates a "skip the wilds" mod, I'm jumping on that one cuz early-game nightmare mode is hell).

I'm noting things I would not even start the game without installing with 2 asterisks.

Tools: **Not a mod but LAA patch to allow the game to use more than 2gb of memory and the unencrypted game exe to allow LAA to work.

**DAO Modmanager - I tried the DAUpdater that comes with the game this time around, and it was not being friendly, so here we go. For installing .dazips.

DragonAge Face Replacer - I haven't tried this yet, got it from kh's list. For, uh, replacing your face. And also you can extract the morphs from your saves, which sounds cool.

CharGenMorph Compiler - was gonna do stuff manually, but I'm burned out rn, so screw that. Be smart and not stubborn, folks.

Fixes: **Qwinn's Ultimate Dragon Age Origins Fixpack - Renders most dialogue fixes redundant (or incompatible). Fixes, not tweaks. It fixes and restores content that the author believes was meant to be in the game but was cut for time, etc vs because it was intentionally cut content. Does not include DLC fixes. **Dragon Age Rules Fixpack - A modular combination of gameplay bug fixes and annoyance/QoL tweaks. Renders the "helmet hack" and "party command - unlock" mods unnecessary (along with many other fix mods). Includes auto-looting. I've deleted a few tweaks (XP on all deaths and VFX tweaks) but may add them back in if those effects start to bug me, lol. I also deleted the autoloot tweak (kept autoloot kills but not the basic autoloot) bc I wasn't sure it was working correctly.

Golem Registry and Shapers Life Reward Fix - fixes no-reward bug.

UI:

**FtG UI Mod - Doesn't change much in terms of overall UI usage, but it is good for such an old game as it allows you to have the menus change size for higher resolutions so you can read them as well as allowing you to change the placement of the subtitles More Detailed Tooltips - Extension of Detailed Tooltips, which gives in-depth info on what abilities actually *do.* Includes DLC. Note: Not installing the fixpack included in the description as comments have noted incompatibilities with QUDAOF.

FtG Quickbar - Can't remember if this is what I used to use or not. Shows all 50 quickbar slots at once. Is stated to be compatible with other UI mods.

Easier to Read Font for DAO - Enchantment for your eyes? Enchantment for your eyes! How do you not download something after reading that? Makes the over-stylized font simplified while still fitting in theme-wise. Specifies compatibility with FtG UI. I chose the serif version.

Gameplay: Advanced Tactics - Fixes some party AI bugs and gives extra options for the tactics system.

**Advanced Party - I always used to race to the mage tower even if it didn't make sense for my character to do so because I didn't want Wynne auto-leveling. This lets you level up abilities manually so you can roleplay without worrying about it ruining things.

**Two Specializations Sten - Gives Sten a second specialization point so that he gets two specializations like everyone else.

Quality of Life, etc: Camp Storage Chest - Puts a chest in camp to get rid of the need for the one at Warden's Keep. Keeps the limit on storage capacity (bc otherwise I'd keep everything I'd ever found).

**No Ladder Comments - "CAN I GET YOU A LADDER SO YOU CAN-" NO. For the love of all that is holy, please stop. A mod to keep you sane (removes this line from the game). I refuse to use the violent voice without this mod installed.

Lore Fixes, etc: (I have not installed any of the lore fixes but the codex one yet cuz I was just eager to start the game) Accurate Codex History of Ferelden Chapter 2 - Changes this codex entry to align with the events from the novel TSM Connor Epilogue Fix at Dragon Age: Origins - mods and community (nexusmods.com)

TSM Elfy Ghost Boy at Dragon Age: Origins - mods and community (nexusmods.com)

TSM WTF Lyrium Dust at Dragon Age: Origins - mods and community (nexusmods.com)

Misc: Non Alcohol Oghren Gifts at Dragon Age: Origins - mods and community (nexusmods.com)

TSM Better Bannhammer - Teagan tweaks and fixes at Dragon Age: Origins - mods and community (nexusmods.com)

maybe list:

Auto Swap Quick Slot Bar at Dragon Age: Origins - mods and community (nexusmods.com)

Statistic Fix - Bosses Killed at Dragon Age: Origins - mods and community (nexusmods.com)

Second Drain life bug fix at Dragon Age: Origins - mods and community (nexusmods.com) - gets rid of a duplicate skill that doesn't do anything (need to see if this even is a problem first)

Less barking dog at Dragon Age: Origins - mods and community (nexusmods.com) - May end up needing this

will probably install later (after remembering what the original looks like)

[jennawynn]

They Can’t Kill Us All: Ferguson, Baltimore, and a New Era in America’s Racial Justice Movement by Wesley Lowery

Chapter 2: Cleveland: Coming Home

Antonio French. Another name I recall from Twitter. The St. Louis alderman.

I still just... there are no words. That a trained fucking police officer, sworn to protect and serve, just rolls up on a 12 year old kid and shoots him within 2 seconds. Two fucking seconds. That’s not long enough to think about shit. How much of that two seconds was spent pulling his gun from his holster? Releasing the safety? Chambering a round? Or was all that already ready to go and he was just looking for a target?

“A former supervisor, in a November 2012 note, made it clear he would not recommend that Loehmann, the son of a police officer, be given a badge and a gun, going on to say that the officer could not be trusted to follow simple instructions from commanding officers.”

“The talk” that most Black boys are given, keep your hands visible, say yes sir/yes ma’am, move slowly, NEVER RUN. It’s like we teach Black kids to treat cops like wild animals who might attack at any second instead of teaching cops to act with some fucking empathy.

Zimmerman man... so for those of you new to following me, you gotta realize how recently I’ve had my eyes opened. I was one of those “color blind” low-key racist people who never really cared enough to really think about other people’s struggles. Personal failings, moral deficiencies, lack of effort, etc. I was raised Republican. I had a Tea Party twitter account. I voted for Romney, that’s how recent this is. I also sided with Zimmerman. I didn’t bother looking too deep into things. I had my own life to think about. He must have Done Something to deserve being shot. It’s not GZ’s fault for following him or going all vigilante. Sometimes I just can’t believe how ignorant and callous I was when I thought I was just being ‘smart.’ 

Gingrich uses the term “lynch mob” to describe people after Zimmerman’s head as though they weren’t a tool used to kill Black men for centuries. 

The origin of the phrase Black Lives Matter... a facebook status by Alicia Garza, extracted by Patrisse Cullors, and set up on Tumblr and Twitter by Opal Tometi. Who run the world? *queer Black women* all three of them. “As queer Black women, we are often misremembered as contributors and creators of our work, a consequence of deep-seated patriarchy, sexism, and homophobia.” -Cullors.

And these people... like the one who created the Sea of Blue rally... “Are there some things that need to be changed in law enforcement? Maybe. But it’s important that our officers know they have their community’s support.” ffs Mary Jo, it’s not *maybe*. Corruption in the police force is such a common thing practically every cop show on tv talks about it! There’s DEFINITELY things that need to be changed, and saying they need to be changed does not mean you hate every single cop and think they should be killed. You can critique the bad and still understand that they do perform a necessary service to a large society. We don’t need to be putting them on a pedestal where they aren’t held accountable for their actions. We don’t need to be worshiping them for doing their damn jobs.

Take this guy, Michael Brelo... “emptied two separate sixteen-bullet clips and reloaded a third time before leaping onto the hood of the vehicle and firing bullets through the windshield and into Russell’s and Williams’s bodies. Both victims, it turned out, were unarmed. They had never fired the alleged gunshot that prompted the chase. Their car had backfired.” What kind of wanna-be hero bullshit is that? For one thing, go fix your aim, buddy. For another, jumping on the hood of the car?? WHY? 137 bullets fired in all. Brelo was charged, but since they couldn’t prove the bullets that killed them were his, he was let off. What. The. Fuck.

Cleveland is 53% Black, their police force is 25%. And then they ruled that you don’t have to live in the city to be a cop there. Why would you not want your cops to come from the city they serve? The only reason to do that is to limit empathy- that’s what they did in the Navy when you got promoted to Chief. They’d move you to a different command so you could better “command” your subordinates without those pesky old friendships getting in the way. If you want empathetic cops who can show up at a scene and not immediately pull their guns, maybe being neighbors with them would help.

MLK Day 2015 turn this day of reflection into a day of disruption. I attended a rally in 2017 for reclaiming MLK here in Vegas. I hope he’d be proud to still be marching in name if not in body, even if angry that equality is still out of reach.

So many good lines in here.... Having a black president didn’t keep the police from killing Mike Brown. I voted for Barack Obama twice and still got teargassed. A seat at the table isn’t worth much if your fellow diners still refuse to pass you a plate.

The announcement that Tamir Rice’s killer would have no charges came between Thanksgiving and Christmas when the possibility of snow might quell protests... and that’s what happened.

Then the video with Tamir’s sister trying to run to her ‘hurt’ brother being tackled by the cops.  Ugh.

Hey... Shaun King. I know that guy. Not like personally, but I follow him on FB and Twitter and newsletter and... wow they really went after him, didn’t they.

and Feminista Jones. Who doesn’t know her? 

Sigh... this shit man...

[wistful-giselle]

Hello Giselle! I don't know if you have seen my two other asks, but I wan't try my luck three times. I hope you would answer this because I have no one to talk to. My days are very dull and dark, I am an aspiring writer/poet, people like us are made to love and be passionate...but these past few weeks I could not write my heart out. I am very heart broken, and the thought of being lonely kills me. I have been depressed, but what's more painful than sadness is the fact that you can't feel anymore and that is what I'm going through. Hope you advices to ease my pain and longing. As I mention that I am an aspiring writer, can you recommend me some steps and what to do to a procrastinating and chaotic mind like mine? My vocabulary is also not that good as English is not my first language, I hope that you can suggest me many words that reflect beauty and ethereal. And also poetry and books that can help my way out of this. My heart goes on to you, my sweet fairy💓💗 I really hope that you get to see this... :)

oh my love, I genuinely feel so heartbroken after reading this... I might cry... I am so sorry that I have not replied sooner; I very very rarely check my inbox and often asks get lost in the aether. I am deeply glad that you persisted though, I want to help as best I can. you write beautifully by the way- even with english not being your first language you are able to express yourself in a way that holds a lot of emotion and intensity. ♡

I understand loneliness; I understand being unfeeling. although, strangely, I feel that when I am so dissociated from the world, I write best. I simply write what I feel- I don’t try and make it ‘good’, or beautiful, just a reflection of what is happening within my mind or soul. even when one can’t feel anything, there is still something to encapsulate- a hollowness, an absence, a white, blank space or a dark, winding forest that can objectified and made less engulfing for being put into words.

as for some words that I feel are some of the most beautiful in the english language, they include for me:

♡ pearlescent, ephemeral, drowsy, moonbeam, languid, selkie, ethereal, mellifluous, enthralled, lull, ambrosia, translucent, lilting, twilight, enchanting, murmurous, dream, eglantine, wistful, aurora, reminiscent, dewdrop, seraphic, liminal, melancholy, faery, ineffable, haunting, sylph, enamoured, iridescence, lavender, spectre, eerie, luminescence, illicit, petrichor, perfumed, sublime, gossamer, lithe, ingenue ♡

as for books- I put so much of my faith and my heart in children’s books. it might have something to do with nostalgia, but I also believe that children’s books- especially older ones- are often so steeped in messages about light and love and generosity of the heart. and subtle, joyous threads of magic. my very favourites are ‘the little white horse’ by elizabeth gouge, ‘the secret garden’ and ‘the little princess’ by frances hodgson burnett, and ‘howl’s moving castle’ by diana wynne jones. when I find my mind to be ‘chaotic’ and unfocused, I know I can find solace in these books and others- there is a joy in rereading books over and over until reading them takes no effort at all, just like falling asleep or daydreaming.

if you, like me, are particularly drawn towards more ethereal and metaphysical elements of language, shakespeare is unparalleled- parts of ‘a midsummer night’s dream’, ‘the tempest’ and ‘romeo and juliet’ especially are truly, truly exquisite. similarly, there is some victorian and romantic poetry that is completely hauntingly beautiful. I adore ‘the lotos-eaters’ by tennyson, for instance, and absolutely anything by keats. I have been reading ‘to autumn’, of course, as it is late september- but I always return most of all to ‘ode to a nightingale’ when it comes to loneliness…

the passage where the monster is describing his flight in ‘frankenstein’ by mary shelley also makes me cry- it is also about loneliness, heartbreak, grief. and I feel so profoundly glad whenever I cry at a novel- it makes me feel human and connected to something and someone else and so relieves that ache of isolation. virginia woolf uses language in intricate and lovely ways too- ‘to the lighthouse’ and ‘orlando’ have such an innate musicality to them, they cut deep to what it is like to live and be alive. ‘jane eyre’ by charlotte bronte too, as well as ‘david copperfield’ by dickens and ‘adam bede’ by george eliot. they are long novels, and require patience and a little love, but perhaps finding a book like that might help relieve that ache for you too.

find a dream-like corner someplace quiet, light a candle, absorb yourself in someone else’s world and their troubles. please be kind to yourself, truly; you won’t feel like this forever. I promise you are not alone, and you may come and talk to me anytime, I promise I shall pay extra care to my inbox and private messages from now on. you have my sympathy and love and friendship if you need it angel ♡

[papermonkeyism]

Just some rambly musings from today, as I had a bit of an epiphany about my love for fantasy literature, and the way I write my stories.

This is a rather stark generalization, mostly based on my own feelings and how I remember feeling about this stuff years ago, but still.

I love fantasy literature, as a concept anyway. I spent my teen years marathoning through the fantasy shelves of my local library. What started from Harry Potter, continued on to Tolkien and from there on straight into David Eddings, Dragonlance and Forgotten Realms. The latter two were especially big in the teenage me's life (at one point I used to collect the Drizzt books, untill I got fatigued out by nobody ever having any fun and just plain grew out of them). The Icewind Dale trilogy used to be my fave books once upon a time, but boy did it not hold up when I re-read it at a later age.

I guess I learned the tropes and cliches, and now can't unsee them, but I just can't really enjoy those kinds of books anymore. First of all I've never been a fan of the stark black and white good vs evil shtick, specially with the whole pretty people = good, ugly people = evil (hi there! Have you seen the stuff I draw? For the Horde forever), and the concept of physical gods for alignments just irks me to no end.

But now that I think about it, none of these books were written for me. Or people like me. Like, just how they treat their characters.

If you're straight dude, these books tell you "look how awesome you could be in this world! You could do anything and be anything!" but for a woman it's more of a "look how much more life would suck in this world, ain't you glad you live in real world instead?" Or a queer woman? "You don't exist"

(Not all fantasy, of course. I remember having fun reading Dianne Wynne Jones's books, and my heart will always be at home in Discworld. GNU Terry Pratchett)

So much of the fantasy I used to read used to be very male, and extremely straight. I'm neither.

Specially after I discovered f/f fanfics at the tender age of 27 (thank you Korrasami fandom), I find it really hard to go back to not having a place in the worlds I consume. Fantasy could - and should! - be more than men with bulging muscles and killing stuff.

Dunno. I guess I just want more fantasy stories that aren't straight male ones.

Also why I'll be sitting here, agressively drawing and writing cute stuff and adventures and people having fun, out of spite. Also women. So many women...

[jennawynn]

“They Can’t Kill Us All”: Ferguson, Baltimore, and a New Era in America’s Racial Justice Movement by Wesley Lowery (Intro)

Intro: The Story

I remember following Wesley’s Twitter in the first days of the Ferguson protest. I don’t remember if it was before or after his arrest, but the intro is about that experience. He was (is?) a reporter for the Washington Post, arrested in the McDonald’s on West Florissant that was in the news so often.

“Ferguson would birth a movement and set the nation on a course for a still-ongoing public hearing on race that stretched far past the killing of unarmed residents-- from daily policing to Confederate imagery to respectability politics to cultural appropriation.”

“America was forced to consider that not everyone marching in the streets could be wrong.” (Unfortunately, for a lot of people, that just isn’t true.)

This paragraph about how it could be that we had a black president, integrated schools and neighborhoods, Michaels Jackson and Jordan hailed as the GOAT, etc.... we still had so many black deaths, despite the warnings black kids have always been told- don’t run from the cops, keep your hands out of your pockets, etc. It always reminds me of the token argument I heard for the first time a couple years ago. That people will choose one favored outsider and give them everything, but then refuse to give it to others. Then, they’d point to their favored outsider and say things like “we’re not racist, we have a black president.” “I’m not homophobic, I have a gay sister.” 

[jennawynn]

“They Can’t Kill Us All”: Ferguson, Baltimore, and a New Era in America’s Racial Justice Movement by Wesley Lowery. Chapter 1: Ferguson: A City Holds Its Breath

jfc... why do you have to shoot 47 bullets at a guy with a knife, why did only 11 of the bullets hit the target, and why did nobody think this was an outrage-worthy event? because he was black? because he was mentally ill? because he was homeless? because he had a weapon? probably a combination of all of the above, tbh.

so there’s a lot of stuff in this account that i think has been countered by later-learned information... which is kind of funny because it’s talking about the misinformation of the initial reports and rumors and how the movements centered around later-falsified ideas. 

“the spectacle of Brown’s body cooling on the asphalt conjured images of the historic horrors of lynchings-- the black body of a man robbed of his right to due process and placed on display as a warning to other black residents.”

it’s interesting that he keeps using the phrase ‘church groups’. black church groups have long been considered more than ‘just’ church... they’re community leaders, activist leaders... many of the prominent black activists i’ve met and/or read about have ministry in their backgrounds or in their immediate family. when i think about the churches my family has attended, i can’t imagine any of them organizing a march against police brutality the morning after a shooting. there’s something different about black churches, but the framing of the narrative as ‘church groups’ also brings to mind that image of the little old lady in her Sunday dress bringing cookies or pie to service, an innocence that clashes with the violent imagery brought to mind by the term “protesters” which has long been equated with “rioters”. it feels like a deliberate choice. 

“it was the destruction of the QuikTrip, not the police shooting of Mike Brown, that brought the microscope of the national media to Ferguson. The unrest in Ferguson had now become a riot. Yet another police shooting in a working-class black neighborhood, even the breaking of a young black body left on public display, didn’t catch the gaze of the national media. It was the community’s enraged response-- broken windows and shattered storefronts-- that drew the eyes of the nation.” this is a really good point. (white) people didn’t care about mike brown. they cared about looters and rioters ‘destroying their own neighborhoods’. they didn’t care about an unarmed black teen being shot. they cared about a thug and a criminal getting what he deserved. it doesn’t matter that a $34 box of smokes isn’t worth a man’s life. and still there are people who say violence doesn’t solve anything. if you look at history, violence is the only thing that brings change. 

race riots pre-1930s were often white residents vs black residents often bc a black person was somewhere they didn’t belong. 1935+ was more about black people lashing out violently against symbols of white establishment/supremacy... and of the more than 100 of these race riots, almost all were sparked by police incident. that’s one hell of a statistic.

the 1935 harlem riot, police ‘needed’ to guard windowless stores instead of stopping the rioters because... a store’s inventory is more important?

“protest was a means for the many to assert, with unified voice, their humanity. Disruptive protest brought with it the promise of finally making the system listen.” nobody ever earned civil rights by asking nicely.

“Out of what was likely more than ten thousand fatal police shootings by on-duty police officers between 2004 and 2014 (holy shit that’s a lot), just fifty-four officers had been charged with a crime-- and in just a handful of those cases were the officers convicted.”

“If it doesn’t matter how the police-- the system-- treats you, does it matter how you treat them?”

Edward Crawford... the guy in the flag shirt and bag of chips throwing the tear gas back... the guy recently found murdered in his car. :/ That image was the header on my Twitter for... at least a year?

DeRay... there’s another name I recognize. I followed him on Twitter too.

Oh wait... why didn’t I recognize Netta too? Her Twitter handle was something like nettaaaaaaa and I definitely followed her too. I want to say she was arrested at some point, protesting.

It’s odd how these names you know from Twitter and their irl names don’t line up in your head even though they’re practically the same.