#y’all don’t be posting nothing about my wife

[ham1lton]

‘cause i’m that bitch.

pairing: charles leclerc x fashionista!reader.

warnings: nothing! just reader being a bad bitch.

faceclaim: rihanna.

summary: charles keeps trying to tell everyone he’s in a relationship with you, the it girl of the fashion world. yet, no one believes him. he’s very keen on changing that.

— part two of my 500 followers celebration ♡ —

liked by vogue, zendaya and 3,822,728 others.

yourcompanyname: our boss y/n l/n at the cfda gala last night where she was awarded the fashion icon award. pictures of her arriving to, during and after the event.

ynswife: ‘do my tits bother you? they're COVERED… in swarovski crystals girl!’

-> user1: oh she ate this look up so bad.

user7: i remember when she was still interning for vogue and now she’s one of the biggest makeup and clothing moguls in the world 🥺

-> yourcompanyname: thanks for being with us since the beginning!! check your dms for a surprise! 🙈

user5: that’s my favourite fashion designer!

user6: did y’all see the post-award interview? she was giggling saying she was going to celebrate with someone after getting the award…. i wonder who it was.

-> user9: probably just her best friend. they’re really close and she helps her get ready for events like this.

𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃

𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃

PARTIAL TRANSCRIPT.

— phone conversation between CHARLES LECLERC and Y/N L/N.

CHARLES LECLERC: they don’t believe it! they don’t believe i’m dating you!

Y/N L/N: they’re probably joking babe-

LECLERC: they called me a french twink! i’m not even french!

L/N: i know babe.

LECLERC: we need to ramp it up. can i wear one of your designs? maybe they’ll understand when i’m dressed in your fashion.

L/N: i have the perfect outfits for you. i’ll send them tomorrow!

𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃

liked by yourusername, landonorris and 1,383,937 others.

gqmens: charles leclerc is our new cover boy, dressed in yourcompanyname’s menswear from head to toe.

landonorris: can you get me some clothes 😩

-> user6: BUY EM 🤨

user2: idc if he’s a stalker, he’s sooooo fine i’m sorry.

-> dumbass1: he can stalk me deadass. go all joe goldberg on me 😍😩

user89: he’s really trying to make us believe that he’s dating her…. we’re not that gullible dumbass!

𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃

liked by yourcompanyname, vogue and 1,728,727 others.

y/nsfanpage: last night y/n was seen at the movie premiere of ‘material girl’, the second film that she’s produced under her production company!

user3: queen!! don’t know what looks better, her or the movie!

user8: some vroom vroom guy is saying he’s dating her….

-> user9: imagine 😭

user7: he’s even buying clothes to pretend he’s sponsored by her that’s crazy 😭😭😭😭

-> user5: she needs a restraining order i’m so serious.

user6: she looks so good!! 😍

𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃

PARTIAL TRANSCRIPT

— phone conversation between CHARLES LECLERC and Y/N L/N.

LECLERC: we need to pull out the big guns.

L/N: if you’re sure…

LECLERC: i just want people to understand and believe i’m dating you. i don’t want people to believe i’m a weird stalker.

L/N: oh babe, i’m so sorry. you know what? i’ll take the day off tomorrow, we can go out and spend all day doing what you’d like to do.

LECLERC: all i want to do is be with you.

𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃

liked by ynswifey, charlieeupdates and 2,628,982 others.

ham1ltonshaderoom: after initial disbelief from the internet, business mogul and it girl y/n l/n has been spotted cosying up with formula one driver charles leclerc in an art gallery in paris. how are we feeling about this new couple ham1ltons?

user7: HE STOLE MY WIFE!!!!!! BOOOO

user6: i apologise mr leclerc i was unfamiliar with your game.

-> user7: don’t ever doubt the game of a peculiar white dude.

user78: she looks so good even blurry.

user67: that outfit is crazy he looks like a mime.

-> user23: he’s never beating the french allegations.

user12: first pic is actually so cute!!

user34: i still think it’s photoshopped.

𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃

taglist: @lemon-lav @firelily-mimi @formulaal @sya-skies @namgification @raevyng @ajvaix @demvnsriot @blupblupfish @ravisinghs-wife @f1kenzzz @d3kstar @wildflowermarns @ironmaiden1313 @evie-119 @decafmickey @nichmeddar @casperlikej @cuteskz @charlesleclercsonlywife @booksandflowrs @mxdi0 @alexmarie29 @iloveyou3000morgan @fate-posts @luckyladycreator2 @23victoria (don’t see yourself or wanna be removed? send an ask!)

— don’t wanna miss an update? join my taglist!

[mopopshop]

ask for more and u shall receive teehee … jealous!emily has me feeling thinggggsss. can we get some hcs when ppl flirt with the reader, like her teammates or just people at bars?

Jealous Emily X Fem!Reader

i think i cooked on this one but idk 😓

she don’t play abt her girl fr, she doesn’t let any flirting of any type slide

like Hailey’s her bsf but let her get too touchy w you and Em will get so annoyed 

literally glued to you in any party/club setting 

her height is 100% an advantage like let’s say a guy at a party’s getting a little to close for comfort and all she has to do is stand in front of him, towering over the dude, and he’ll back off

she’s jealous and possessive but NEVER in a toxic abusive way

hands all over you, all the time to let people know you’re taken

she does not gaf she’ll kiss tf out of you anywhere anytime any place just to get the point across 

also very pouty about it too, like sometimes she’ll go off and sulk about it 

You’ve just pulled off from the Chic Fil A drive through and Emily’s been pretty quiet the whole drive since. She gives short one worded answers, keeping her eyes on the road.

Finally getting sick of it open your mouth to question her “Okay, what’s your deal”

“Nothing” she shrugs, eyes still glued to what’s ahead of her.

It quickly dawning on you why she’s in such a pissy mood, you start to laugh “Don’t tell me you’re mad cause the worker in the drive through said she liked my hair”

Emily roles her eyes, scoffing.

“You are!” you laugh harder, smacking her arm.

“Fuck off, dude”

“Oh so now i’m dude? Em, cmon I can’t get compliments on my hair now?”

She finally looks at you “Fuck does she needa compliment your hair for? She should be worrying about the stuff happening inside the damn store” 

“Babe, trust me when I say it’s never this deep”

“Whatever”

You role your eyes, knowing how she is. You grab her free hand that had moved from your thigh, picking it up and peppering it with kisses. “I love you, you know”

She rolls her eyes again, giving in and putting her hand back on your leg “I love you too, I guess”

all up in your instagram comments talkin abt sum “that’s my gf” “that’s my future wife” “i’m literally gonna propose to her” “stay off my girl fr” “y’all can’t fw my girl” ALLL that she’ll make ppl know 

i’m doubling down on this, when i say she makes sure people know SHE MAKES SURE

“Absolutely! so nice to meet you to, I’m ___ and this is Emily m-“

“Her girlfriend. I’m her girlfriend. We’re dating, together 2 1/2 strong years. We’re locked in”

The team thinks it’s funny asf to flirt with you to get Emily annoyed 

Makes you wear her clothes, absolutely loves it when you do that

Loves when you wear her jersey to games 

even made t-shirt that says “I’m Emily Engstler’s girlfriend. Kindly fuck off” 

You both wear necklaces with eachothers initials 

Will bring you up hella in post game interviews so people get the hint

“Yeah I have my girl out there cheering for me..” “My girlfriends one of my biggest supporters..” “My girlfriend” “Girlfriend” “Gf” “Bae 4 Life” “Gonna get married soon” 

“You like her so much, you go fuck her see if I care” and all you did was like say thank you to a barista 

Sassy masc to her CORE and it comes out so much when she’s jealous 

“This your friend?”

at the end of the day she knows ur the one for her and vise versa and you love each other and ur gay and happy 🫡

[b00tyliciousbabe]

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅

barbie tingz

marcus scribner x THICC male reader

summary: just marcus loving you like with his heart, soul, and FAT SCHLONG. slight feminisation - don’t kill me.

notes: LOVELIES! hope everyone is having a beautiful day. i wanted to let y’all know that i will be taking a lil break because it’s exam season. don’t be sad…because this means i have an entire summer of smutty content to write and catch up on! ps. each word in this fic is me being another squat closer to the fattest ass in the world. ENJOY!

ALSO! the met gala is tonight! my favourite event of the year, i might make a short rec…how do we feel about that?

song rec: ‘freak’ - victoria monét

marcus was well on his way to establishing a name for himself in hollywood. booking new roles, alongside his debut as a director, he was on track for a career that would rival his mentors. but if you were to ask him what his biggest achievement was, he would say being with you. the corny mf has actually reiterated his adoration multiple times during interviews, and the world is obsessed with how lovestruck he was. aside from being social media’s favourite young couple, you, yourself, had a blossoming career in fashion that meant you were styling your man to make sure he looked good for his press tours.

notoriously, you garnered a reputation for EATING UP on the carpet - zendaya being your only competition. this ain’t no exaggeration, but every time you’d step out, those fits would break the internet. thus, when the news dropped that you’d be attending the premiere with your boyfriend, all eyes would be on you - yet again. having you on his arm, instantly elevated his aesthetic. not that he ever saw you as some pawn too boost his career, you meant the world to him, but your beauty as his trophy wife made him even more palatable. usually, you’d have an entire glam team by your side cultivating your iconic, polished look. but, you and marcus had both been working so hard, to the detriment of your relationship, and so you decided to spend the night at his, agreeing to do all the glam yourself.

‘Y/N,’ Marcus bellowed from downstairs, putting on his rings, and spraying cologne onto his clothes. ‘baby, we gotta go.’

‘Y/N! over here! to the left! Y/N!’ a flurry of paparazzi screamed. ‘the body is TEA!’ one reporter exclaimed, making you laugh.

you graciously blushed. they weren’t wrong, your pear-shaped figure, defined abs, and toned arms were nothing short of a sculpted masterpiece. amidst the bbl allegations on twitter, and every tabloid claiming to have the secret to getting an ass as perfect as yours, YOU were the standard. a beautiful, androgynous mix of allure and charm. not even chris evans, america’s ass, said that you had the best glutes in the industry. it was a thing of wonder; something so many lusted for, and even more desired to have a piece of whilst having you in backshots. there were an array of wolf whistles from the public whenever you walked, swiftly followed by a gaggle of photographers snapping shots of your post-gym bawd.

marcus soon joined you on the carpet after finishing up on his interview. if the sensory overstimulation of flashes and cheers wasn’t enough, this was heightened when marcus snaked his arm around your lower back. whispering sweet nothings into your ear, spectators were foaming at the mouth by his public proclamations of love, hiding your blush from the world.

‘don’t be shy,’ he said lifting your chin to his face. ‘there’s that smile I love.’ the whole crowd was gushing, you could’ve cringed at how clingy he was being in public, but found his confidence to do so, all the more endearing.

one thing that you sly liked about marcus, was how he jealous he could get, so many of his friends and industry buffs would come up to talk to you during the interviews, coming up for hugs, and even though he trusted you, his need to protect had him riled. marcus had a great relationship with all of his co-stars and they all became such a family over the filming process. you being there made the family even stronger, embodying the role of MOTHERRR in more ways than one, and they all appreciated your kindness. always there to soften the stressful tones of your bf’s criticism.

you were particularly close with his friend from another project, and due to mutual management you spent a lot of time in the same spaces. he came up and hugged you from behind, before being whisked away to speak with another reporter. all but a few seconds, lasted an eternity, the worst kind, burned into the possessive psyche of your man.

moments passed and it was time for group pictures on the carpet. you and marc were dead center, with his large hands gripping you tighter than usual. you looked up to see he was scowling, ‘lighten up bubs.’ you giggled, to which your bf fixed his face - he could never stay mad when you were always there to calm his demons. not long after, the same face screw, that made his nose look so cute came back, as he remembered the voices of the media resounding in his head.

‘damn I’d hit that.’

‘Marcus is one lucky mf to be all up in dat pussy’

‘I bet the recoil on that thing is insane.’

it infuriated him to hear how the public spoke about you, as if you were some object, and not the kind person he grew so enamoured with. ‘I’m gonna fuck you so hard, you gon’ beg me for mercy.’ he whispered , breaking that veneer of respectability for a brief moment, squeezing your butt, then turning back to smile at the cameras. you’d never seen that side to him, it’d be a lie to say it didn’t turn you on.

throughout the screening, he made sure to let you know that all your teasing would soon be dealt with. the vulgar remarks were still plaguing him, and you knew you were about to be on the receiving end of it. literally.

‘upstairs.’ he said sternly,

the two of you started kissing, unbuttoning his shirt as he unbuckled your pants to free the globes of juicy flesh he loved so much. strewn across the floor, all fear of creasing the custom couture outfit you were wearing had disappeared - the overwhelming desire to make love to your boyfriend clouded your judgement.

you get down to business, kneeling to align your lips with his cock head. ‘don’t take this the wrong way.’ marcus sighed, urging you to stand up, so frail against how tall your man stood.

‘Y/N, i just wanna fuck right now.’

you knew how badly he needed this, and a part of you liked how desperate he was to be inside you. but it was bizarre, marcus loved watching you suck him off, getting him all lubed to plough your hole, almost as much as you loved gagging on his meat. nonetheless, you obliged, bending over as you had your knees on the edge of the bed, hole puckering at the chill of the air. marcus grabbed your left cheek, caressing and massaging your upper hip.

‘so fucking soft.’ he whispers against your skin, kissing at your taint. it was as if he snapped out of his love drunk trance, and was left a primal shell of himself. he practically ripped off your underwear, leaving your naked bodies to rub up on each other as he scrambled to find lube.

‘fuuuuuuuk’ he groaned.

his thick schlong fit like a glove in your inviting hole, slick from your desire and his precum.

‘damn i missed that boy pussy’ - LIES. that man combusts if he isn’t inside of you at least 4 times a week - wtf was there to miss? this sentiment made you smile at how whipped he was for you though.

his pace quickened. pulling his entire length out of you, except his bulbous tip, and spitting directly on your pussy to get you even more slick. ‘hear that baby,’ he praised the ‘mac n cheese’ sloppiness of your hole. ‘your pussy was made for me.’ he was right; most guys love skinny twinks because their petite butts made their tops’ look hung. despite the voluptuous curves you had, you were ample in both chest and derrière making average look like a micro penis inside you. all but marcus. he overpowered you in ways no other man could, his thick, girthy cock stretched you out in a way that blurred the lines between pain and pleasure. not to mention his length, during your first time he could barely fit half in without it feeling like he was stabbing your insides. but after some practice, you started taking him - ALL of him.

his grunts deepened. ‘practically begging me to cum inside that hole.’ gripping your hair up fucking you in doggy. style. marcus began leaving love bites on your neck, marking you for all to see. his big hand crossed to caress your childbearing hips. whoever said men can’t get pregnant must’ve never accounted for marcus’ determination. his dick wanted to make you a mother so badly, and nothing was going to stop him trying.

‘you can take it.’ he praises. ‘all. of. it.’ slamming into you with a bold rhythm on his final three words. and that you could. your hole was heaven for him. every time he would enter, your thick meaty globes would bounce like jelly on his lower abdomen, making marcus even more inclined to give you your reward. you moaned out in ecstasy, your bodies were made for one another.

‘who’s pussy is this?’ his grip on your neck became tighter, still allowing you to moan out in response, ‘it’s yours marky, all yours.’ fuck. you were whipped, almost as much as he was. ‘that’s right baby, moan for me.’

‘scream like the little bitch you are.’ you and marcus both enjoyed the passion of rough sex, but this was something you hadn’t ever seen in him before. he was a beast and you loved it, way more than you could ever admit. there was something sweet about the high you were on as you were being impaled by his dick.

particularly, he relished in hearing your slutty cries, ‘music to my fucking ears.’ praising you ‘my pretty little slut, fuck yeah, you want my load.’

‘fuck yeah marc, give it to me please.’ you screeched, loving how hard he was clapping your cheeks.

‘shiiiiiiit, baby, fuuuuuck.’ he spouted, spilling his pearliness into your pussy. he used his thumbs to kneed the dough around your hips, losing himself in the bakery he so enjoyed visiting every morning for breakfast.

gently, he collapsed on top of you, still inside the warmth of your flesh. after a gentle make out sesh, cockwarming your boyfriend until he was soft, your bf brushed up against you. massaging your thick thighs, marcus tended to the bruises he gave, kissing them reassuringly. you ushered him to lay his head between your pecs, as he put his entire body weight onto you. he sighed deeply, feeling safe in your warm embrace. ‘marc, is everything okay?’ you stroke his face, as your fingers laced into his curls. he snickered groggily, ‘shouldn’t i be asking you the same thing?’ - a fair question because he litch just wrecked your shit. ‘real, but we both know that in a couple hours i’ll be fine.’ a silence filled the room, concern brewing in your heart. you played with his ear, knowing how he becomes putty in your hands. ‘fuuuuuck, you ain’t gon’ stop unless i talk, right?’ you kept quiet, trailing the tips of your fingers on his lobe. he sighed deeply, ‘i just get so possessive over you.’ his last words muffled by your ample bosom as he came to the realisation that the press’ words got to him more than he thought.

sitting up, marcus exhaled deeply. ‘i can’t even blame them for ogling, you’re so beautiful.’ ‘but u ain’t an object, and i hate that people treat you like that.’ you caressed his cheek with a loving care. ‘call it jealousy, possession, toxic - I don’t care. you’re all mine.’ marcus always felt the need to take care of what was his, doing better than what he had seen throughout his childhood.

you had an idea, trailing your fingers down his torso, circling his belly button, ‘why don’t you show me again?’ whispering into his ear as he breathed out in pleasure.

you kissed his cheek, before slowly massaging his dick tip, ‘how much do you love me.’

marcus turned you over. stroking and licking his ear, y’all were so intimate. he held onto the grooves of your waist, fucking into you slowly, marking your neck with his saliva.

‘you’re such a dream to me Y/N,’ he always had a way with words that made you smile like a school girl. ‘I was so selfish before, you didn’t even come.’ you always placed marcus’ pleasure above your own, but he was never satisfied with just brutalising your hole. he needed you to enjoy taking his dick, just as much as he enjoyed gaping your hole.

‘guess I’ll have to fuck another load in, to get one out of you.’ he joked, sucking on the sweet skin of your plump ass.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅ ⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅

tag list:

@gayaristocrat

@ghostking4m

[httpsserene]

ʟᴇᴛ’ꜱ ɢᴏ ɢᴏʟꜰɪɴɢ ᴡ/ ʟɴ4

📖ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: maybe you shouldn’t be late to any event you go to, or bare minimum don’t make any bets you know you’re not going to win. having no hand-eye coordination is not great when you’re being forced to play golf.

📖ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: i think i’m funny. one or two dirty jokes. and reader does have a lil injury (nothing bad). not edited at all 😎

📖ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: the doc says 900 words?? it feels longer idk

📖ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: lando x black!fem!reader (it’s mainly twitch trio focused-alex,george & lando)

📖ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: smau

📖ꜱᴏᴜɴᴅᴛʀᴀᴄᴋ: swang • rae sremmurd

ᴘʀᴇꜰᴀᴄᴇ: i’d like to remind everyone that the people asked for this hellscape! you 🫵🏽 asked for it. it’s long, like LONG. anyways: max is definitely the type of dude to use the cat emojis. my bad to my charles girlies, he did not make the cut for this 😔 i had to get rid of like three or four ig posts and stories to make this all fit into one tblr post, and none of that had charles content 🫠. also, the plot damn near ran away from me, but it’s barely there—it’s kinda more friend focused than lando x reader until the end! uh there’s one part in here that was inspired by tik tok comments, y’all will know which one 😅 inspired by the fact that my brother hit me with a golf club when i was a child 🙂i think i’m pretty funny so i hope you guys find this funny asl, otherwise what did i do this for?

if you want me to post the outtakes lmk

send me some requests or talk to me pls 😅

want to be on a tag list? tell me in my inbox <3

georgerussell63

liked by lilymhe, mercedesamgf1, and 4,100,123 others

georgerussell63: off to a terrible start for golf day. my girlfriends “wife” is crashing the party, and my mates gf is already -4 after two holes 🙂

view comments

lilymhe: light work 💪🏼 no reaction🥱

user: not his girlfriend’s wife ☠️

➥ user: who does he think keeps carmen’s bed warm when he’s not at home???

alex_albon: welcome to watch mojo! and today we’re counting down our top 10 times our gf’s ditch us for each other 🤨

➥ user: and?

➥ user: what else are they supposed to do alexander 😀

y/ninstagram: put some respeCK on my name princling, or next time i see u its on sight 😡 im aiming the golf club straight at you

➥ georgerussell63: you can’t even hit the golf ball in under three tries, or aim anywhere near the holes

➥ georgerussell63: i think i’ll be fine

➥ y/ninstagram: 😟😐 i'll remember this george william russell, ur asking for it

carmenmmundt: george failed to mention that he’s +3 already

➥ georgerussell: like, literally nobody asked you to say that 😒

➥ landonorris: drag him !!! he doesn’t get to say shit about our wife 😤

➥ carmenmmundt: *my wife

➥ user: lmfaooo im 💀

alex_albon

liked by y/ninstagram, carmenmmundt and 3,431,543 others

alex_albon: ladies and gentlemen, introducing: *my* girlfriend 🤤✨

tagged lilymhe

view comments

y/ninstagram: we MUST stay focused sisters

y/ninstagram: gawd damn‼️ wifey could hit me with that golf club any day

➥ carmenmmundt: fuck the club, i’ll let her run me over w the cart🥴

lilymhe: next hole, i’ll show you guys what a proper stoke is 😏

➥ lilymhe: since our bf’s seem to underperform…on the golf course obv

➥ user: AYOOO?!!

➥ carmenmmundt: okay 😇

➥ y/ninstagram: why r my thighs wet rn

➥ user: dO THEY KNOW THIS IS PUBLIC

alex_albon: i’m at a loss for words

➥ landonorris: this is literally your fault

➥ georgerussell63: can’t believe you mate 🫤

➥ alex_albon: how is this MY fault??! whattddiddiddoo

lilymhe • 5hrs ago

view replies

y/ninstagram: idk y ur complaining? the cart is parked. on its side, but it’s parked😊

carmenmmundt: i think we’ve punished ourselves

alex_albon: should’ve left her ass at home like i said 😒

francisca.cgomes: idk even know why y’all let her drive the cart😨

y/ninstagram • 4 hrs ago

view replies

maxfewtrell: ur joeeee kingggg. ur joe king 😐

francisca.cgomes: i wouldn’t even trust u with the scorecard—but pop off !!! girl boss shit

danielricciardo: SO I HAD TO, GRIND LIKE THAT TO SHINE LIKE THIS 🗣️🗣️‼️💯

lando.jpg

liked by maxverstappen1, oscarpiastri, and 3,862,431 others

lando.jpg: “i have the highest score out of everybody here! +26 up on y’all hoes!” - y/n

tagged y/ninstagram

view comments

lando.jpg: BRO SAID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING 🥶🥶🔥🔥🔥

➥ maxfewtrell: SHE SOUNDS FIRE 🔥 ON MUTE ‼️💯

lilymhe: SHE GOT A HIDDEN TALENT 🔥🔥🔥 KEEP IT HIDDEN 🔥🔥🔥

➥ alex_albon: no talent ✅ JUST STRAIGHT ASS 💯💯🗣️🗣️🔥🔥

georgerussell63: THIS IS FIRE 🔥 PUT IT OUT ‼️

user: SHE SPITTING BARS 💯💯💯 PUT HER BEHIND THEM 🔥🔥🔥

user: THE SILENCE IS SO LOUD WHEN THIS HITS 🗣️🔥🔥

user: WE STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM 🔥🔥🔥 NOW WE’RE DIGGING 🗣️🗣️🔥💯‼️🙌🏽🙌🏽

y/ninstagram: y u hurt me 😪

➥ carmenmmundt: i think you’re underrated, honestly <; 3

➥ y/ninstagram: aw ty carmie :)

➥ carmenmmundt: I HOPE IT STAYS THAT WAY 🥶🥶‼️‼️🙌🏻🙌🏻

➥ y/ninstagram: bee-eff-eff-aur: be FUCKING for real 😒

y/ninstagram • 3 hrs ago

view replies

maxverstappen1: i don’t want to laugh—man who TF am i kidding 😹😹😹

alexandrasaintmleux: how THE fuck did u manage to give yourself a concussion??!

carlossainzjr: pobrecita😪 how 😭 terrible 😭 can you tell lando to come over when ur done

carlossainzjr: hello

carlossainzjr: niña i can see you reading my messages

landonorris

liked by carlossainzjr, mclaren, and 6,234,765 others

landonorris: thank you for all the wishes about y/n (not u carlos, you’re in time out). she only has a mild concussion, and verbally assaults me when i wake her up every two hours 😒 to make sure she’s alive 🤗

view comments

landonorris: god forbid i stop her from dying 😱

➥ carlossainzjr: heyyy be nice to her she’s in another world right now

➥ landonorris: u r not slick sainz. don’t expose our affair to my gf when she’s injured

➥ carlossainzjr: she won’t even remember this 🥺

➥ user: sir👁️👄👁️, this is a wendy’s drive through

➥ user: they know this on the internet 4ever right…?

lilymhe: this girl swung the club, missed the ball, and let go of the damn club no follow through

➥ carmenmmundt: it hit the ground and ricocheted back at her

➥ alex_albon: and she got knocked on the forehead hard asl

➥ georgerussell63: the noise it made was hilarious 😂 y’all should’ve been there

➥ user: geORGE WILLIAM????

➥ georgerussell63: i’m mad we didn’t get it on video smh 😔

taglist: @saintslewis @cherry2stems

© httpsserene 2023

[babiebom]

Hi :3 Can I request???? Sabation (sdv) x pregnant fem wife reader headcanons

A/N: this is actually really cute and especially because I posted the how many kids I think they’ll have thing I can kinda go into detail for each kid. AHHHHHH one thing about me is that I’m a family oriented sim(person) and I LOVE kids. I know it’s a thing right now to hate kids but I don’t and a lot of my fics involve this and I’m ranting so I’ll end this note here lmao.

Tw:pregnancy, mentions of sex, mentions of pregnancy complications, cursing, lmk if I should tag anything else!!

Bc:probably at least 10

Stardew Valley Masterlist

So in my other post I said that he would have either one or how many his partner wants

So I’m gonna say three because I think that’s like the average amount of kids people have

The very first pregnancy Sebastian is absolutely out of his mine

“Don’t touch my wife” “be careful she’s pregnant” “she can’t have that it’s not good for her or the baby”

To be honest I think you being pregnant would cause him to be more outspoken

Like usually he doesn’t say anything unless he has to speak up because he’s sorta antisocial(I don’t think he’s shy, he’s quiet because he wants to be)

But now he’s always saying something to someone.

He is literally just out of his mind with worry and he has to keep you and the baby safe

STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE❗️❗️❗️🗣️🗣️

If it’s a particularly hard pregnancy he’s even more protective

Like if your doctor says bedrest Sebastian is taking that SERIOUSLY

You are not getting out of that bed unless you have to piss or shit nothing else.

He is so lucky to have a stay at home job, and even if you take time off because of the pregnancy he can take care of the animals.

At the birth he probably passes out while seeing your child being born

But it’s not out of disgust, it’s because his emotions are out of control.

Cries at the hospital, probably more than you do are you have to be like….Seb please calm down I get you love the baby but you’re crying all over them…….

Second child he’s more calm but is still VERY strict with you

Also since you already have a kid, the dynamic has changed.

He completely takes over anything that you were in charge of parenting wise.

Won’t let you cook for anyone

And the only thing you would be allowed to do is stuff you can do in bed

The second birth goes more smoothly, and he actually stays awake through it and is able to watch your child be born

Third pregnancy he would probably be ramped up in worry especially if you have had complications before and this being your last child

Since this would be your third time going through this I think he would be sick with worry but confident that you could take care of yourself.

During the third birth he actually has the confidence to cut the umbilical cord and would probably be excited to do so

Would probably be hesitant to have sex while you’re pregnant

Like all three pregnancies he would be like ummmmmm I don’t know about that what if I hurt you?

Will have sex if you reassure him bc I do think he might have a bit of a breeding kink and would want to.

I think first and second labors were progressed by y’all fucking

Third you both didn’t need to because your body was like yup let’s get it over with

Overall a very helpful and anxious daddy

Actually tries to make sure your kids get along

And tries to make sure that his relationship with them is good.

[solefae]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 “𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐖𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐑“ ☆ 𝐉𝐞𝐲 𝐔𝐬𝐨

pairings; jey uso x fem!internent personality!reader

faceclaim; scotlynd ryan

summary; Scotlynd's life turns upside down when wrestling star Jey Uso starts liking her posts. Fans are quick to judge, branding her a homewrecker. Little do they know, Jey's marriage ended months ago-a truth hidden from the public eye.

notes: this is my first post everrr so this might be trash 😒 and yess imma use her real name fa this bcuz I couldn’t think of a fake name 😭 + I love scotty y’all so I hope some of y’all don’t take these “insults”? a lil TOO seriously 🫣

scotlyndryan

liked by trinity_fatu, uceyjucey, and 798,578 others

scotlyndryan Gave em the blues over this Aqua 🪼🌊🥶💙🩵

view all 57,358 comments

trinity_fatu 😍😍

scotlyndryan all u trin😘

jonathanfatu mane all this flirting with my wife gotta stop

scotlyndryan boy shut up 😒

user 😍😍

user the baddest

themercedesvarnado ugh u too perfect 😫

scotlyndryan girl pls u too perfect

user scotty with the body 😍

scotlyndryan liked this comment!

user NOW why tf did jey like this? 🤨

user SAME THING I SAID 😂

user ain’t he married ?

user YES

user y’all always do this 😒 just be putting dating allegations on anybody, they prolly just friends

user I hope I’m not the only one seeing that jey liked 😳

user jey liking this knowing he married is CRAZYY

user jey WILDINNN😂😂

user onm 😂

user he hitting that on tha low 😂😂😂

user they js friends

user how yk?? u friends wit em??

user why jey liking my girl post? 🤨

user she do NOT know you bro 😂

user these comments weird asfc…

user right

user frl tryna start rumors 🙄

user ain’t she already messing around with that one married dude that made baddies ?

user chile she don’t want lemon pepper, she want some of that samoan d 😭😭

ilovepostingdrama

liked by user, baddieseasttea, and 789,246 others

ilovepostingdrama girl js can’t leave the married men alone huh? 😂😂

view all 600 comments

user she’s a homewrecker. period.

user this man is married to his high school sweetheart and she wanna come in and ruin that?? 🤦🏽‍♀️

user THE ARIANA GRANDE 2.0 tweet got me crying 😭😭

user FRL 😂

user 😂😂

user are they wrong? 👀

user rumor. IT’S A RUMOR SO THAT MEANS IT’S PROBABLY NOT TRUE 😒

user girl this is most definitely true she slept with lemon pepper, who is also married 😂

user and he got kids omgg🤦🏽‍♀️

user she got no respect

user THE ARIANA TWEET IS TAKING ME OUT😭😭

user RIGHT LIKE THEY AIN’T HAVE TO GO THAT FAR😂😂

gossippagee

liked by user, baddieseasttea, and 378,356 others

gossippagee Baddies East Scotlynd Ryan sleeping with WWE Superstar Jey Uso? Rumor started back in December of 2023 when Scotlynd started liking and commenting on Jey’s posts and since then, the rumor keeps spreading more. 😳

view all 348 comments

user so based off her liking his pictures and commenting, they dating automatically? 🤨 GOODBYE this ain’t true, he’s happily married 😘

user you might not wanna say that…

user girl she literally messed with a married man before, what makes you think she won’t mess with a another one? 🤨

user jey too loyal to mess with a homewrecker, he know better

user ur delusions is getting the best of u, homegirl is definitely messing with him

user so married men is her type? 🤨

user WITH KIDS TOO!!

user ig so 🤷🏽‍♀️

user right like why can’t she find someone who’s single ?? 😒

user WHY ARE YA’LL NOT WORRYING ABT THIS MF AGE GAP!? she’s 27 and he’s 38, UHM HELLO!? 😳

user she prolly like older men 🤷🏽‍♀️

user RIGHT LIKE HE’S ALMOST 40!!

user age ain’t nothing but a number

user jey too fine to be messing around with her

user DAMN 😂😂

user I’m not calling her ugly but she’s too young and she’s a homewrecker 😂😂

user RIGHT

user don’t do scotty, she fine asfc

a/n: thank you for reading! lemme know what y’all think about this series start off 🤍✨

[exilepurify]

Image IDs under the cut!

Image 1 ID: A Pinterest comment section where Teruki has left a comment under the screen name “Teruki” written in cursive font and decorated with star and music note emojis on either side. His comment says “RACIST WALMART CAUGHT ON CAMERA” and is displayed in a fancy aesthetic block font. Under this comment, Ritsu responds, “YOUR FONT 😭😭😭”. Then Mob comments, “THE FONT”. Beneath that, Shou replies, “THE ASTETIC (aesthetic) FONT HELDP (help)”. Finally, Teru responds to all this by saying, “Y’all stop talking about my font I have the font thingy on”, but it is written in very fancy cursive font. END IMAGE 1 ID.

Image 2 ID: A tweet edited to look like it came from Ritsu. It reads: “The first act of racism my brother ever experienced was my dad filming the wrong asian boy during his whole school play”. END IMAGE 2 ID

Image 3 ID: A tweet edited to look like it was posted by Toichiro Suzuki that says, “I have a gut feeling that yelling at service workers will bring my wife back”. END IMAGE 3 ID

Image 4 ID: A tweet edited to look like it came from Reigen Arataka that says, “Bro there’s nothing worse than when the jig is up.” END IMAGE 4 ID

Image 5 ID: A tweet edited to seem like it came from Mob that reads: “y’all why was I in an Uber with my master and the driver took the wrong turn. my master said “damn, this gun is heavy as hell in my bag. I should’ve left it in the house.” END IMAGE 5 ID

Image 6 ID: A tweet edited to come from Unknown Percentage that says, “Call me Timmy Turner cause it’s fairy odd how I get fuckin treated around here”. END IMAGE 6 ID

Image 7 ID: A Tumblr post edited to come from Minegishi that says, “you don’t have to ‘ship’ things… just a reminder.” Serizawa responds to this post and says, “Yeah you could deliver them inste—*Very lengthy keysmash in all-caps, including symbols and asterisks*”. To this, Minegishi responds, “Poor thing… walked right into the electrical fence”. END IMAGE 7 ID

Image 8 ID: A tweet edited to look like it came from Toichiro Suzuki that reads, “Narcanning my son to wake him up for school.” END IMAGE 8 ID

Image 9 ID: A tweet edited to come from Teruki that says, “Fun fact: blueberries are the only fruit named after a color🤗”. Mob responds to this tweet, saying, “star fruit?”. Teruki responds, “So close!! That is a shape 💕💕”. END IMAGE 9 ID

Image 10 ID: A tweet from Mob that says, “idk what movie to watch rn”. Dimple responds to this, saying, “i tonya”. Mob replies, “i don’t care who you are”. END IMAGE 10 ID.

[mazzystar24]

how would having buck/eddie be more powerful?? yeah i get that having a queer latino man would be awesome (and i support whatever direction they want to go in w eddie’s sexuality bc i think there’s a lot of options there) but it’s kind of embarrassing that people are making buck’s entire coming out about a ship. a bisexual man coming out in later life has his queer realisation with someone who also came out in later life, they’re both in a line of work that’s pretty “boys club”-esque (as shown by hen and chimney begins episodes, and it’s a shame that hen’s queer identity isn’t recognised enough in the fandom). Buck’s storyline is just as meaningful with or without an endgame of buddie. Tbh I hope they make eddie queer as well but don’t put buddie together because the only way they get together without violating workplace relationship rules is if one of them leaves, which is arguably less meaningful because we lose a main character. Sorry if this comes off as rude but y’all have had your shipping brains on for too long because you can’t recognise how much this means to bisexual fans and it’s honestly exhausting.

Okay gonna address that bottom part first just to clarify real quick that I am in fact a bisexual fan 🫡 so that assumption was 😐

As for the rest:

If you look on my page or my previous asks or anything you’d see that I’m over the moon ecstatic over finally getting bi buck

At no point did I make buck being bi just about his ships, in almost every ask about bucktommy or buddie me and most of the anons are constantly reiterating how much we value canon bi buck even if it wasn’t EXACTLY how we wanted it

At no point in any of my previous posts nor in the ask response that I’m assuming you sent this ask about did I imply that bucks coming out arc is of more value when connected to buddie

The post/ask was about bucktommy as endgame or buddie as endgame and my opinion on it and my opinion is that it would be more powerful and meaningful to have buddie

To answer your question on why- buddie yes have a lot of in common with bucktommy but the thing that makes it for me is that

1. Queer slowburns done right are practically unheard of in the media

2. As you’ve touched on yeah Eddie is a Latino man but also we got to see Eddie grow as a person get into therapy, deal with his issues with his father and being a man of the house, be a widow and raise a son

Can you name a single character who we see on screen go from this all American soldier perfect boy to seeing him breakdown, get therapy understand comp het, fall in love with his best friend and navigate how he balances coming out in his 30s while having very mixed and complicated feelings about his dead wife who I genuinely believe he loved in some way but also having to come out to his son who is bound to have his own complicated feelings about it?

3. We’ve had so much history and so many powerful scenes between these two that to me and many of the fandom nothing can measure up to, like if they do become canon like it would mean a lot because their story and scenes over the years have been so amazing and powerful

4. Theyd be listening to what the fans want/have wanted for years!! That’s huge because so many shows never make characters queer because the fans saw them as it or shipped them and when on those rare occasions they do they take the easy way out and make one half of them queer to get fans to shut up (cough cough a certain cw show)

Also I never trashed on bucktommy because I don’t ick someones yum all I said is i agree and I don’t get those who want them to be endgame and I do make jokes about my own shipping goggles but seriously I am self aware and I do keep being VERY conscious that some may misunderstand me as not valuing bi buck just because we didn’t get buddie when that couldn’t be further from the truth

[abstractnaturaldisaster]

Steddie Flower Shop / Tattoo Parlor AU

I am so floored by the response! It is absolutely so fun that y’all want to read my silly stories! This is a relatively short update but I am working on the rest! Hoping to post the full story by Valentine’s and I might also post an AO3 link at some point if anyone would like that I Part One I Part Two I Also on AO3!

***

Chrissy and Eddie had been taking bets about what type of business was opening up across the way. Eddie’s guesses had run the gamut from hipster coffee shop to hipster hairdresser to hipster high-end taxidermy while Chrissy had more or less stuck with her original guess of a speakeasy style bar. Eddie was starting to close up shop for the day when some guy in an honest-to-god sweater vest and jeans ran over.

“It’s too late to place any orders today. Sorry if you need to apologize to your wife and 2.5 kids and forgot until the last minute.” Eddie had to admit the guy was pretty infuriatingly handsome. If you were in to normie core, that is.

“What? I’m not- okay, uhm. I’m actually here because I just rented the place across the way and I wanted to ask about setting up a recurring weekly arrangement?” Steve asked.

“What?” Eddie yelled over Judas Priest.

“It’s a wonder you can ever hear anything over all this noise.” Steve gestured towards the speaker.

Chrissy had overheard the exchange from the backroom and cut Eddie off before he could start ranting about real music, “Yes, we are interested in setting up a recurring weekly bouquet arrangement for our new neighbors, Eddie.” 

Chrissy turned back around to lower the speaker's volume and pulled Eddie and Steve into the shop and onto stools by the workbench Eddie uses for arranging. Eddie glared at her but they’d just lost one of their regular accounts to some online service that was apparently way cheaper than what De Lucas’ could offer.

“Sure. What were you thinking, dude?” Eddie asked Steve.

“Just something nice for our front desk. Not too big and maybe nothing that people are commonly allergic to? But I’ve seen the arrangements you load up for delivery and I trust your eye. I’m not a live flower expert.”

“Of course, big boy.” Eddie noticed Steve flush a little bit at the pet name. Eddie reached behind Steve to grab one of the flyers Chrissy had made for company floral services. He purposely invaded Steve’s space a little more than necessary just to see if he could get the guy to flush a little deeper.

“Uhm, thanks, man. I’ll get out of your hair since it’s late. Sorry.”

“I’ve got time for you now if you want to talk through anything,” Eddie couldn’t resist biting his lip a little bit. Steve was apparently very easy to ruffle and Eddie sure did love antagonizing his hipster neighbor. “Tell me a little bit about your place?”

“Oh, yeah, it’s a tattoo studio? Just me and my friend’s helping run the, like, business part of it.” Steve responded

“You tattoo?”

“Yeah. Really fucking well actually,” Steve pushed back. It seemed like Eddie had hit a nerve.

“Shouldn’t you have like at least one tattoo?” Eddie’s brain to mouth filter had apparently stopped working. He shouldn’t be actively shitting on a potential customer.

“Who says I don’t?” Steve answered with a wink. It was Eddie’s turn to feel a little faint as his imagination took a little too much creative liberty thinking about where Steve’s tattoo might be.

Thankfully, Chrissy took the awkward silence as an opportunity to step in and work with Steve to confirm what level of floral arrangement he was looking for, how often he wanted a new arrangement, and if he wanted pick up or delivery.

“I can stop by and pick them up. Wouldn’t want you to go through the trouble of adding me to your schedule since I’m just across the way. Any chance I could pick one up tomorrow around lunch time? My first client is coming at two.” Steve asked.

“Noon’s great, Steve!” Chrissy reached out to shake Steve’s hand while Eddie was still working on slowing his heart rate back to a reasonable rhythm.

“Amazing, thanks so much guys!” Steve called as he headed out of De Lucas’ and back across the street.

“Woah, Eddie. Truly a masterclass in both flirting and getting new clients. I should have taken notes,” Chrissy said once Steve had made it halfway into the road.

“Hey, fuck you.” 

“He speaks!” Chrissy patted Eddie’s head and added, “You’ll have to get better at interacting with him since you’ll be seeing each other once a week now.”

Eddie dramatically sighed and laid his upper body across the workbench, getting little pieces of flower refuse stuck in his hair.

“I’m so screwed.”

You wish, babe,” Chrissy cackled as she grabbed her bag and headed out for the day.

***

Part 4 now available here!

Taglist: @maya-custodios-dionach @eboyawstenn @swimmingbirdrunningrock @sadcanadianwinter @thehumblefigtree @throwbackthrowaway @micheledawn1975

I think I caught everyone! I seriously am so genuinely amazed by the reception! 

[nattinatalia]

Urban Wyatt x Reader Instagram AU

Liked by yourbestiename, jackharlow, claybornharlow, neelamthadhani, urbanwyatt, and 7,345,976 others

yourusername My forever date 🤞🏼💘 always fun when we get to let loose and party it up. Hire us for your next wedding, we’ll definitely get it turnt.

View all 1,800 comments

yourbestiename 😜😜😜 👯‍♀️

jackharlow Y’all are another level of crazy, I’m just happy my wife is back home because single you is another level of scared I have.

yourusername You’re so dramatic lmaooo

claybornharlow WHY WASN’T I INVITED?????? That’s the real question here!!! Sis yourbestiename I thought we were partners in crime 🤔

yourbestiename We are, but this was a girls night 😜😜😜

claybornharlow I could’ve dressed up as a girl and called it a day 🤦🏼‍♂️ 🙄

yourusername Next time Clay, I promise you’ll have the time of your life 😝

claybornharlow bet 🫡🤝🏻

•

Liked by jackharlow, cozane, selenosunni, yourbestiename, and 7,245,986 others

urbanwyatt Weekend with my mini mi 🤞🏼💖

View all 1,800 comments

jackharlow 💜

cozane omw now!!! I missed my little best friend

yourbestiename My baby 🫶🏻 Nina loves youuu so much Cassie poohhhh 😘

user Damn so you only have her weekends? that’s sad.

user & the fact that Y/N moved out of Kentucky to LA just to get back at him.

user that’s low even for her.

ynupdates You guys just talking without even knowing anything. Didn’t your mom teach you to stay out of grown folks stuff?

yourusername 😘🫡

•

Liked by druski, neelamthadhani, yourbestiename, claybornharlow, sebastianyatra, and 8,356,987 others

yourusername Get you someone who looks at you the way my bebecita looks at me 🥹🥰 my partner in crime, even when she gives me tough love.

View all 1,900 comments

jackharlow Funny, she looks at me like that too so I guess we’re fighting because she’s all mine

yourusername Boy sit down 😂

yourbestiename My baby for life 🫶🏻 you know I always give out tough love, I don’t sugar coat anything!!!!!!!

druski But can you look at me like that?

yourusername UMM NOOO

druski Damn and here I thought you’d let me slide in and give me a chance since Urban left your ass.

yourusername DRUUUUU 🤦🏻‍♀️ Urban didn’t leave me lmaoooo.

user Then what?

user aren’t you two divorced already?

user Damn so Stassie really saying the true?

yourusername LMAAAOOO

user Tell us

yourusername I ain’t telling y’all shit. Mind your business, keep it pushing boo 😘

user Ew & the fact that Urban doesn’t even come and defend you says a lot. You two in bad terms.

yourusername Ohhh okayyyy 👍🏼 you know everything.

•

Liked by yourusername, ynupdates, maluma, and 7,235,986 others

urbanandynupdates Not Maluma posting and deleting this 😱

View all 1,800 comments

maluma 😚😚😚

jackharlow He needs to get knocked out again???

yourbestiename He wasn’t even at the wedding so I’m confused.

yourusername He’s just starting drama.

druski He’s like me 🤣🤣🤣

urbanwyatt 🙄

urbanwyatt Because he send me the first pic talking about he’s with my girl and he might take her back to his place after the wedding.

yourbestiename HE WASN’T EVEN THERE LMAOOOO WHAT

jackharlow And you still want to drop that song with him? After the shit he’s trying to pull?

yourbestiename Don’t even start. Bye ✌🏼

jackharlow 🤦🏼‍♂️

user THESE HOES AINT LOYAL

yourusername Who are you calling a hoe? you all LOVE to speak on something y’all know nothing about!!!!! Our fault for sharing our lives with the internet. Lesson learned ✔️

user Girl please, put all that energy towards your baby daddy!

yourcousinname Stassie is that you???? Don’t need to hide behind fake accounts boo. We know you’re obsessed with them all.

yourusername LMAAAOOO

•

urbanwyatt added to their story

•

Liked by jackharlow, neelamthadhani, druski, maluma, and 7,345,986 others

urbanwyatt My Cassie 💗

View all 1,900 comments

yourusername My chiquita hermosa 🤩

yourbestiename Cassiepooohhhhh 🫶🏻

jackharlow They grow up so fast 😢

urbanwyatt TELL ME ABOUT IT 😫

maluma Soon to be stepdaughter 🤓

urbanwyatt COME AGAIN?

urbanwyatt Yeah I’m gonna need someone to bail me out because this fucker is just asking to get his ass beat.

user The fact that she’s been with you more than Y/N speaks volume.

user It’s what I’m saying!!!!!

user Partying and not being with her daughter is crazy to me. You’re doing good Urby.

yourusername LMAAAOOO

user It’s funny that you’re a deadbeat mom?

urbanwyatt I’ve let you guys say whatever, I’d left you all wondering and just be evil. But enough is enough. Y/N and I are separated but we’re on good terms. She has a career, a career that sometimes she needs to travel and our daughter doesn’t handle well being on airplanes. We both have full custody of our daughter, so I don’t know where you all get that she’s not with our kid. Don’t speak on something you know nothing about. Y/N and I may not be together, but she’s the mother of my child, she’s still my number one, my ride or die, my best friend. Don’t get it twisted now!!!!

druski TALK YO SHIT WHITE BOY

•

TAG LIST

@heavyhitterheaux

@harlowsbby

@arination99

@cmalass

@jackharloww

@minkookie95

@deannaard

@jacksmoviestar

@harlowcomehome

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@itsyagirljaz

@harrycanyonmoonn

[bookishtheaterlover7]

Hey Booky! Marketing anon here.

So I had thought and I wanted to share with you something that’s not marketing specific related. I confirmed that TMZ did indeed crop fish out of the post with Chris of stars at the CAA party.

So, here’s the thing. Since I’ve already mentioned I work in marketing and PR, and my role very strictly aligns with legal, you’ll notice why I choose my words carefully and even if people want me to bash Fish I don’t. Not because I like her (I do not) but because I’m well trained in my job. I only say what I feel has concrete evidence to support my arguments. Fans hatred and opinions while valid cannot be the source of justification. Unless there’s hard evidence I will stay away from saying anything direct…

Just like those shady fuckers at TMZ 😉

Pay attention to TMZ. ET, JJ, ENews, etc are all paid to push a certain narrative because that’s how it works. But the fact that TMZ continues to be subtly shady is very interesting to me. Two years in and it’s still this way.

“Chris confirms he got married” - TMZ. Why didn’t they just say TMZ confirms? Because…they can’t. Two kinda ceremonies and sometimes rings and alluding based on IG follows is not confirmation. He said it, yes. That’s why they can write he confirms. But they can’t confirm it was with her because he didn’t say it. And even if he walks around with her and they wear rings - lol, they still haven’t said they married each other. Do you see why TMZ has to refrain? It’s a little silly at this point because most ppl have come accept Occam’s razor, but it is Hollywood. What happens here stays here but also doesn’t but also can be anything and nothing at the same time.

TMZ knows this and they also know out of anyone the shit that goes down in Tinseltown. Don’t y’all find it odd they’ve been so reluctant on this whole SS - barely choosing to report and only doing it when they absolutely have to? I’m not saying that this means they don’t think the two got legally married, but I am saying they have reason to believe in reasonable doubt.

Look at TMZ’s website and IG. They’re basically deuxmoi most of the time. Reporting on Kanye’s wife wearing assless pants to an industry party??? They’re no better than daily mail. Except TMZ is founded by ex/lawyers if I’m not mistaken and they know how to cover all the loopholes. They can say with confidence Kanye and his wife because I think they found the wedding certificate. They can sit here and make posts about Timothee and Kylie and Travis and Taylor despite the very very obvious PR element because both sides have acknowledged each other publicly more than once, have been seen in public attending and pda-ing at industry events, and they’re honestly more entertaining to write about.

Chris on his own can be interesting and when something pertaining to him happens TMZ may report on it. But it’s painfully clear TMZ does not care about fish. I’m pretty sure this latest snub by them sort of confirms that so I can at least say that. I won’t say she’s blacklisted or anything because she’s clearly not. But I don’t believe she’s far from scraping the bottom of the barrel either. Oops

Again, TMZ is no better than the rest of them but they do know how to work their way around a legal loophole and make sure they cover their grimy asses. I’ll give them that.

Bye love ❤️

They're smart.

No wonder they're extremely opinionated 😆 they're founded by ex/lawyers 😁 and how they manage to stay afloat, even with their words.

And the way they do it is mighty impressive to me. Plus, they win points for the shade.

And Marketing An🫶n, you're doing great! Anyone who's read your messages can attest to that. It's why we look forward to your replies 😌 helps us see and learn something that we didn't understand before you told us.

So, once again... Thank you 🥰

[baurbiediv]

7/11

JACKHARLOW

liked by yourinstagram, cozane, latto777, druski2funny, & 989,361 others

JACKHARLOW 😁

view comments (24,282)

YOURINSTAGRAM who are you looking this good for?

⤷ YOURINSTAGRAM whoever it is she must be one lucky woman

⤷ JACKHARLOW 🤫

URBANWYATT you cropped me out the photos? you fake asf

⤷ JACKHARLOW sorry i had to crop your big ass head out the way

⤷ URBANWYATT 😐

USER16 he looks so good whoever his girlfriend is, we gon have to duke it out

⤷ BBYHARLOW DUKE IT OUTT

⤷ JACKSSERENITY YOU ARE SICCCKKKK

2FACEDFAIRY the look in the first photo oh my

⤷ 2FACEDFAIRY i’m nothing but a hole

DRUSKI2FUNNY my boy got y’all up in his comments acting out 🫣

YOURINSTAGRAM

liked by jackharlow, normani, prettyvee, and 200,371 others

YOURINSTAGRAM i need my dior dior jacket

view cowmments (2,382)

ADINROSS she was on the phone with me for 3 hours saying “dior dior jacket” every chance she got 😐

⤷ YOURINSTAGRAM hehe love you adin 🫶🏽

liked by ADINROSS

PRETTYVEE i see you been going to the gym without me .. 😪

⤷ YOURINSTAGRAM i need my celebrity crush to know that i like him 😓

COZANE Y/N!!

⤷ YOURINSTAGRAM COPELAN!!

COSMICJACK wait .. JACK LIKED!!??

⤷ YNKISSED did you peep y/n’s comment on jack’s recent though!?

⤷ COSMICJACK i did .. i’m about to go do some investigation, call me sherlock holmes

DRUSKI2FUNNY you gon let me slide?

⤷ YOURINSTAGRAM no but you can go slide down a park slide

⤷ DRUSKI2FUNNY i can’t stand you

⤷ YOURINSTAGRAM then go sit down silly!

JACKHARLOW

liked by yourinstagram, claybornharlow, urbanwyatt, & 1.2m others

JACKHARLOW happy anniversary my love. we been through so much together and i’ve thankfully always had you by my side. you’re my rock and you’ve always held me down when nobody else did. i don’t know where i’d be right now without you by my side. you’ve been by my side since middle school and by my side when i started my career. thank you so much y/n for being in my life my beautiful girl. i’m so glad you’re my wife and you can finally take my last name, happy to call you mrs. harlow.

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YOURINSTAGRAM i love you so much my baby. i couldn’t imagine my life with anyone else either, i’ve loved you and i always will. i’ll forever remember countless nights sneaking out at 3am just to come see you even though we lived right across the street from each other. i love you with all of my fucking heart, mr. harlow. 🤍

comments on this post have been disabled.

YOURINSTAGRAM

liked by saweetie, sza, jackharlow, nickiminaj, & 350,320 others

YOURINSTAGRAM introducing, mrs. harlow. 🤍

comments have been limited on this post.

SAWEETIE since WHEN??

⤷ YOURINSTAGRAM since last night, he proposed on our anniversary night 🥹

DOJACAT i missed my one and only chance?? i just fell to my knees bitch

SZA just saw doja fall to her knees

⤷ DOJACAT you did NOT have to share this information ..

⤷ SZA the people needed to know

MAGGIEHARLOW about time he finally proposed to you!!

liked by YOURINSTAGRAM, JACKHARLOW, URBANWYATT & others

⤷ JACKHARLOW gee thanks mom

⤷ YOURINSTAGRAM leave my mother in law alone jackman

URBANWYATT 😁😁

DRUSKI2FUNNY congratulations sis, i love y’all and i can’t wait for the wedding! 🖤

⤷ YOURINSTAGRAM love you drew 🤍

⤷ JACKHARLOW we love you too drew 🖤

CLAYBORNHARLOW FINALLY LETS GOOO

⤷ JACKHARLOW don’t get punched now 🫣

CLAYBORNHARLOW welcome to the family (part 2!!!), y/n!

⤷ YOURINSTAGRAM love you clay 🥹🤍

[softtcurse]

Through the years

what Jack’s relationship with you looked like through the years

•.•.•.•.•

September 2019

liked by jackharlow, privategardenco, urbanwyatt, and 2,271 others

yourinstagram watching my baby get to the top, and taking me with him. What more can I ask for? ☺️💓 you guys ready for confetti?

view all 179 comments

yourinstagram love u :)

yourinstagram love u :)

urbanwyatt CONFETTI!!

neyomiamorr new gf?!

gigifab they’ve been dating since the beginning of the year

lynwuinn she’s so prettyyy

marcooo harlow pulled that!?

jackharlow sure did, I’m on that ass every night

jesscalire I’m not ready for midnight 😭😭 he’s gonna kill it!!

yourinstagram plenty of sleepless nights in the studio, it’s gonna be worth it I promise <3

November 2020

liked by yourinstagram, urbanwyatt, druski2funny, claybornharlow, privategardenco, and 179,018 others

jackharlow bluegrass girl but she got big dreams, thank you for all the love this year. Many blessings.

comments on this post have been limited

yourinstagram 💞

jacksssylvia HOLD UP IS THAT A WEDDING RING??? 😭

urbansgramm IT LOOKS LIKE IT!?

urbanwyatt It’s like Im watching my children grow up

yourinstagram LMAOO

druski2funny Mf beat me to it

jackharlow The delusion

champagnepapi got the new album coming soon too 🙏🏽 it’s only up from here

jackharlow thank you brother, I’m very grateful 🙏🏻🙏🏻

claybornharlow ♥️ family

yourinstagram 😭💞 ty my baby

August 2021

liked by jackharlow, kaliuchis, druski2funny, urbanwyatt, privategardenco, claybornharlow, and 327,012 others

yourinstagram baby mila harlow

view all 10,729 comments

jackharlow Before y’all start!! I had been up for 15 hours

yourinstagram baby I promise no one’s gonna say anything 😭

jackharlow mhmmm we’ll see baby girl, if not I’m on that ass for sure tonight

yourinstagram you will do no such thing! Your wife needs to heal, some lay with me and our child 🙄

jackharlow 🏃🏻🏃🏻🏃🏻

claybornharlow Im an uncle!!

druski2funny We’re an uncle

privategardenco we’re the godfathers

urbanwyatt I think we ALL new who the true godfather is

jackharlowupdates congratulations 🎊🥹🥹

jackharlowsssss OMG!! THATS WHY SHES BEEN MISSING?

champagnepapi welcome to fatherhood @/jackharlow you ready?

kaliuchis not him making you his baby mama before ME 🙄 @/yourinstagram you lied to me!!

yourinstagram UMMM…NO BABY LET ME EXPLAIN

October 2022

35,719 likes

hollywoodunlocked sources close to Jack Harlow have confirmed that him and his wife of two years have split up! These rumors came around mid May of 2022 right after Harlow’s album ‘Come Home The Kids Miss You” studio album dropped. They were seen today seemingly separated as Jack headed into a club for an appearance and YN was seen early today looking down and grabbing a coffee with a friend. The two share a one year old daughter together since August of last year. We wish them nothing but the best in moving forward! Let us know what you think in the comments!

view all 3,123 comments

yoursistersinstagram Mind your business, y’all are so fucking annoying

here4jackman :/ this confirms it basically

ynscloset agreed, yn’s sister isn’t on social media that much so for her to comment on this really seems to me like the are getting a divorce

kathycam why are they divorcing? 😢

naimiii They’ve never spoken publicly about it but it seems like the tour really started to take a toll on them more than ever, there were already divorce rumors since May of this year but I think that mostly had to do with him focusing so hard on his album, didn’t think it would come down to this to be honest

ynismother NOOOO YN :(( I feel so bad for her

jacksgeorgiapeach why? She’ll still be swimming in his money

ynismother that’s so insensitive to say, you don’t know how hard it must be for her to have to go through the emotional distress of a divorce and still raise her child, weird bitch

kurmoialek so he can go out and party but she’s staying home with their daughter!?!

neocbbb I don’t think we should be commenting on anything they do, considering the fact that we don’t even know if this is true or just Hollywood gossip.

you via Instagram stories

anitta via instagram stories

[carlando]

Wait hi, i don’t watch 911 and know nothing about it but many of my mutuals do and everyone is freaking out, are y’alls blorbos getting canon or what?

So long story short, we’ve (the fans) waited seven years for the confirmation that a character (Buck; Evan Buckley) is bisexual after it was hinted to, joked about, subtextual, and right there. Spoiler, he kissed another guest character (Tommy) in tonight’s episode, Buck’s first kiss with someone on screen who was not a woman. And we’ve seen him kiss a whole lot of women (rightfully so).

Buck was introduced as a young firefighter, a womanizer and egotistical charmer who wasn’t sure of his place in the world and who struggled to foster lasting connections with others.

The last seven years of the show detail his growth from that kid into a man reunited with his sister, happy with his found family within the firehouse, a surrogate father in his captain Bobby, a surrogate mother in Bobby’s wife Athena, a sibling-like bond with Hen and Chimney (his soon to be brother in law) and Eddie. Recovering from childhood trauma thanks to his negligent parents, plenty of near-death experiences, the so called lost cause.

Eddie was introduced later in the game, the second season, as an ex-military single father of one, a young son named Chris (who was born with cerebral palsy). Buck doesn’t like him immediately but they’ve gotten so close to the point of Buck acting as Chris’ other parent and Eddie’s bestest friend. Eddie signed over emergency custody of Chris to Buck in case of his untimely death. It’s very serious, you can imagine. But on screen they are just friends. The audience isn’t so sure that’s all it is, they’ve believed it to be romance for so long. Myself included that is. Struggles with never being enough, his post traumatic stress disorder, his masculinity and not airing out his stress and depression, the tough guy.

Explicitly queer Buck was delayed by the previous and original network of the show, which refused to greenlight the story and continued to bait it. Some writers and some actors were onboard with it forever, but it wasn’t in their hands. The move to ABC (from FOX) and the return of showrunner and creator Tim Minear guaranteed it’d come to fruition.

It opens the door to the possibility of Buck and Eddie finally being addressed as maybe, together romantically but it’s a halfway there situation as Eddie has only dated women on screen, too. No matter to all the subtextually queer writing the character’s got.

But Eddie told Buck a few seasons ago, canonically “Buck, there’s nobody else in this world I’d trust with my son more, than you.” After Buck saved Christopher’s life in a tsunami. Eddie’s said to Buck after getting shot (and being saved by Buck, who was right in front of him as it happened) “You act like you’re expendable, but you’re wrong.”

They’ve survived and gotten strengthened by that tsunami we talked about, Buck getting pinned by a firetruck and the fallout of a lawsuit lodged by him against the fire department, Eddie getting stuck in a well under like fifty feet of mud trying to save a kid at night in a rainstorm and Buck clawing at the ground to get him out, Eddie getting shot and Buck crawling under a firetruck to get to him and get him safely out of there and to a hospital, Buck getting struck by actual lightning and Eddie climbing up a ladder to get him down and screaming out for him.

That’s just the crazy stuff, I can’t get into the domestic cause we’ll be hear all day covering how the support each other when it comes to family issues, kid issues and romance issues. But tonight’s episode was all about Buck being jealous that Eddie got a new friend (Tommy) and ended with Buck being kissed by a man for the first time in his life. So, yeah. Impending, canon?

[littlerosetrove]

Well. I have some thoughts, which some of y’all may not like or agree with, and that’s fine. But please please if you’re going to “well actually” or “okay but” in the comments or reblogs then make your own post, okay? I need to vent on my corner here. You can do whatever you want in your own.

This got long, so my venting about Eddie's cheating storyline is under the cut.

Let me state: if you’re enjoying this cheating storyline for Eddie? Truly that is fine. I don’t think anyone who likes it is bad or anything. This is fiction after all. I, however, am not enjoying this fictional storyline, which is also fine. I just won’t engage with people who are on opposite ends with me for this story, and I’m asking the same in return. 

Also to be very clear: this is not me bashing or hating on Eddie. This is me very much disliking the storyline the writers have chosen for my favorite character. I fully understand Eddie is a flawed human being, but that doesn’t mean I have to like or enjoy every story they write for him. 

Now, has 911 done a cheating storyline? Yes, with the mains Hen, Michael, and Buck, and at least a couple times with random people on 911 calls. It may not be new, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it. I didn’t enjoy Hen’s, Michael’s, or Buck’s cheating storyline, and I’m not enjoying Eddie’s either. I’ve rarely enjoyed cheating storylines in any media. It’s just not my thing. ALSO. Funny how every cheater in this show has been a queer main character. Eddie may not be canonically queer YET, but it’s obvious he’s going to be. So thanks, I hate it. 👍

No seriously. I DO think they’re eventually going to make Eddie queer. But then. Y’all. That will confirm Eddie as the FOURTH queer character to cheat. Like what the actual fuck. As a queer person, I do not care for this honestly gross trend. 

Clearly the writers and Tim wanted to do a story where Eddie romantically pursues a woman who looks like his dead wife, because Eddie has not moved on in 5 years, but more on that aspect later. Ok, fine. But why did they have to make it even more messy and complicated and unoriginal by having Eddie cheat? No seriously. No one cares about Marisol nor the nothing burger of a relationship between her and Eddie, because there’s nothing there! To either part! Hell Eddie keeps joking about breaking up with Marisol, so he definitely sees an end date to them (despite, I think, Ryan saying in an interview that Eddie cares for Marisol, and the word love was used, but? cool we’ve zero evidence of this in canon, so whatever). 

Why could the show have not had Eddie break up with Marisol nolastname first, and then quickly jump into dating a woman who looks like his dead wife? That way there’s no fucking cheating. Eddie is still grieving Shannon, sure I get that, but for his grief to drive him, knowingly, to be a cheater? For what purpose?????? Eddie is clearly unstable and acting irrationally, so frankly it’s enough to highlight this with, again, first breaking up with Marisol, and then immediately start dating Shannon’s doppelgänger. Boom. No need to cheat, and it’s still messy as hell. 

To quote @eddiegettingshot from their post here, when it comes to Marisol “it’s literally just flimsy writing she’s not even adding an emotional element except for by virtue of her existence.”

Let’s circle back to Shannon.

Look. I’ve never made it a secret that I don’t like Shannon. She’s not an unsympathetic character, and I know she’s flawed because she’s human. I Know. But I still don’t like her and never will. I’m also not a fan of this show keeping Eddie on a hamster wheel with the ghost of Shannon for FIVE seasons. I’m tired of Eddie’s stories constantly coming back to and revolving around Shannon. This is a TV show guys, not real life. I’m fully aware what grief can do to people, I have experience, but my gosh. Watching the story of Shannon dragged out for five seasons now is so. tiring. And yes, FINALLY, the show is addressing the Shannon of it all so Eddie can move the fuck on, but good gosh. It’s taken five seasons to get here. I really wish they’d taken the opportunity to do this story in season 6, but alas. 

Kinda repeating here, but fucking finally they’re working on Eddie moving past the ghost of Shannon, because Eddie’s been hiding who he is and what he wants behind her AND, to bring Chris into this, hiding behind him too. Using Chris as a shield to protect and deny himself from who he is and what he wants. We know a big reason Eddie dated and stuck with Ana was because “my kid loves her.” Eddie thinks he needs to give Chris another mother, for various reasons. Because of this he hasn’t been following his heart. Thus, Eddie has clung to the ghost of Shannon and their relationship because that is known (the nuclear family and the heteronormativity of it all, which I really don’t think Eddie actually wants, hence a fuck ton of denial and compartmentalizing), and the “unknown” is more terrifying to Eddie. Super understandable. But this is TV and I need Eddie to do something different and new. 

I don’t think they’ll go this far, but what in the world was Eddie planning to do? I mean I don’t think he’s even thinking far ahead at all, but what would happen if Eddie brought home this Shannon look-a-like to Christopher? That would be hella traumatizing to Chris, who is of course still struggling with the loss of his mom, and the mother he recognizes/understands left him.

A connected side not to all of this is, we still have zero knowledge of how Chris feels about Marisol. Sure the three of them went for ice cream, so we can interpret Chris is fine with her, but nothing more concrete or illuminating that. For once I’d love for Chris to actually get to say how he feels about things like this. SO we can only guess that Eddie, without talking to Chris, had moved Marisol in then back out of the house. We have no idea if Chris knew about Marisol moving in or not. Nothing. 

So we take these two huge things, Eddie possibly not talking to his son about having his girlfriend of maybe four months move in, and the potential (because again I don’t think they’ll go this far, but who the fuck knows now) of Eddie bringing a Shannon doppelgänger around Chris. I know grief is a hell of a thing - again, I have experience - but it all paints Eddie as a bad father (this season), and I don’t get why they’re taking it this far. Eddie is flawed, of course he is, and oh my god I know he’s only human, but come on. Why is the show painting Eddie being as, honestly, pretty damn selfish in this way? Again, we’ve zero knowledge of Chris’s feelings on Marisol, really, and now Eddie is cheating on Marisol nolastname by chasing after a woman who looks like his dead wife, and to what end????  (to be clear, I don't think Eddie is a bad father, it's just that the show is making him kind of look like one.)

All of this is going to blow up in Eddie’s face, and he’ll deserve it. 1) He’s cheating on his girlfriend with a woman who looks like his dead wife. I have no fucking clue how Marisol will react when the truth comes out, but my gosh if they have her easily forgive Eddie… I don’t care at all about Marisol, but if she has no backbone the way Ana never seemed to have one, then good grief. I’m white, but that will be two Latina characters just letting Eddie’s bullshit slide (to an extent). Idk, but that doesn’t feel right. 2) He’s going to hurt this “looks like his dead wife” woman because Eddie refuses to process his grief over Shannon. Thus adding a layer to Eddie’s selfishness. The show can have Eddie be selfish of course, but it does Not need to be in this way (i contain multitudes. i am ok with the doppelgänger weirdness on its own, but at the same time see that it's a very selfish thing eddie is doing). 3) Eddie is certainly lying to everyone, but he lied to Buck’s face. And remember how Buck felt so terrible about lying in any way to Eddie in 7x5? Yeah.... Yes Buck has experience with cheating on his girlfriend, but Eddie used Buck to lie. There's a difference. 4) Where the hell does Chris fit into all of this mess?? Christ, for both their sakes I hope Chris does not learn that his dad cheated on his girlfriend to date a woman that looks like his mom because, again, Eddie refuses to properly grieve and let go of Shannon. Chris already needs to go back to therapy anyway though, let’s be honest. 

However this mess of a storyline plays out, FFS, they better put Eddie back in therapy. Even without the cheating part, Eddie NEEDS to go back to therapy for so many valid reasons. He needs to talk about his guilt and grief when it comes to Shannon, his Catholic guilt (currently forgotten??), it hasn’t been brought up yet but his mommy issues, and he needs to learn about consent especially when it comes to sex. Like come on. Eddie has plenty of issues, so WHY was it necessary to throw in cheating? I’m so serious. They want him to continue to be messy? Fine, but pick a less uninspired path to add to the mess. 

*tired sigh*

Bottom line, I feel like the show is just continuing to disrespect Eddie and his character. In season 6 they handled his loneliness and then dating storyline, particularly the dating aspect, in a joking way. It wasn’t handled well in my opinion. Now in season 7 he’s cheating on Marisol who still has no character, and they’re in a no substance relationship that I don’t feel an ounce of investment in. A cheating storyline should resonate on some level, but it’s not here and it doesn’t resonate because we have two women no one cares about beyond the general feeling of “it sucks to be cheated on” and “it sucks to be lied to.” Congrats on the shitty writing.  They want to (fucking finally) work on Eddie actually confronting his grief about Shannon after five years of being on a hamster wheel? Great. But do it with more care. Not this. And remember how they introduced and treated Eddie’s apparent Catholic guilt as a joke? Yeah there’s that too. 

Eddie has complicated trauma and I really don’t like that it’s being treated as a mix of a joke (catholic guilt) and just disrespectfully (cheating). Eddie dating a Shannon doppelgänger is already messy on its own - and honestly I would have been fine with that because Eddie is a walking trauma, guilt ridden, repression bomb waiting to go off - so we did not need to add cheating to the mix. While I’m on board with Eddie being hella messy and delusional to date someone who looks like his dead wife, but the cheating never needed to be here. 

After all this mess blows up in Eddie’s face? Ya’ll. Eddie needs to go to therapy and it’s not a bad or wrong thing to point out that he needs to be single for a little while. Hello????? Just look at the mess Eddie is right now.  

*another tired sigh* I think I covered everything I wanted to say....

[findmeinthealps]

Ralph Macchio’s Dancing with the Stars performances, ranked (by level of cringe)

so, as many of you can undoubtedly surmise, i have spent much of the last ten days looking at ralph’s DWTS performances. and looking at them again, and again, until all the ability to experience cringe left my body, possibly forever.

anyways, i’ve got opinions to share, so here it is: a list of all of ralph macchio & karina smirnoff’s DWTS performances (or, at least all the ones i could get my hands on), ranked subjectively from least to most cringe. (please note that these scores are relative, and that i know absolutely nothing about professional dance)

11. Rumba (to ”Stay Gold”) Official Score: 21 (7,7,7) Cringe Score: low

okay, if there’s one performance that i will legitimately go to bat for, it’s definitely stay gold (yep, from the outsiders). and yeah the scores weren’t that high but the judges just don’t appreciate the sweetness of ralph performing this dance to his wedding song (!) in front of his wife for their anniversary. he does a good job! he goes to kneel down in front of phyllis at the end! it’s cute! also, this dance is the originator of the iconic “this is my sexy face, it’s worked for my wife for 24 years” line. if you wanna check out one dance but your cringe threshold is low, make it this one!

10. Foxtrot (to “Ain’t that a Kick in the Head?”) Official Score: 24 (8,8,8) Cringe Score: low-ish

yes, ralph danced to this song long before it was used on ck, lmao. there’s some pretty silly step dancing in there but overall it’s a very cute performance and i like it.

9. Quickstep (to “Pencil Full Of Lead”) Official Score: 36 (10,9,8,9) Cringe Score: low-ish

there’s nothing all that offensive here except i find the quickstep a little boring and the beginning and end are kinda silly. also i have a personal vendetta against this number because the only acceptable-quality youtube upload i found is a terrible screenrecording that has so many framerate issues it’s almost painful to watch. and then, just after i posted my vid i found out they repeated the dance in the finale with a ralph solo that i neglected to use. anyways... it’s a fun little dance! ralphie sure does some quick stepping.

8. Waltz (to “Romeo and Juliet”) Official Score: 25 (8,8,9) Cringe Score: acceptable

it’s a good waltz and karina looks absolutely banging in that dress. the cringe parts are mostly the beginning and end which are just very dramatique, and the overall self-seriousness of it all, but that’s what the dance requires, so yknow. it’s nice to look at!

7. Argentine Tango (to “Violentango”) Official Score: 25 (8,9,8) Cringe Score: what’s that on your face, ralph??

i mean, look... it’s a tango, so this requires ralph to try and do some very serious sexy-face acting, which is... not his strength maybe. the dance itself is very good though. also, i have no idea what is going on with his stubble in this but it looks painted on and weird, lmao. but hey, there’s nice leg action!

6. Cha-cha-cha (to “Stuck in the Middle With You”) Official Score: 21 (7,7,7) Cringe Score: medium

y’all... this performance starts with ralph pretending that he hurt his knee and karina doing the miyagi healing trick on him. i am not kidding. (it’s kinda cute tho.) the dance is... fine. silly and cringey but not lethal just yet. ralph twirls karina around so much it makes my head spin.

5. Jive (to “Nobody But Me”) Official Score: 21 (7,7,7) Cringe Score: medium

okay, so the air guitar intro alone puts this on the cringe side of the list, but, listen. i have to admit this: it’s probably my favorite performance. ralphie is so fucking high energy in this it just wins me over. he wears a glittery suit and pink tie! i also feel like this is the one where he gets to dance the most and not just twirl karina around. once again the judges are wrong and should have scored it higher. it’s fun, damn it! macchio energy off the charts.

4. Viennese Waltz (to “Maybe I, Maybe You”) Official Score: 25 (8,8,9) Cringe Score: high

okay, so there are definitely some nice bits in here, but my god, that ending with the dramatic zoom still makes me break down laughing after seeing it roughly 200 times. i also don’t super love the floaty dance style. like, i’m sure it’s technically proficient and all but it looks kinda silly. sorry, ralph!

3. Paso Doble (to “Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)”) Official Score: 24 (8,8,8) Cringe Score: transcendent

GOSH. you know how i said that if you wanna check out one dance and your cringe treshold is low, you should pick the rumba? if you wanna check out one dance and your cringe treshold is high, then please, for the love of god, watch this one. because what the fuck is even happening. watching this makes me feel like i’m losing my mind. they dance with miyagi-do moves and then high five. incredible. ralph, you are the reigning champion of cringe and i for one salute you.

2. Samba (to “Sweet Home Alabama”) Official Score: 22 (8,7,7) Cringe Score: lethal

dear LORD if i never have to see Yeehaw!Ralph again, it’ll be too soon. a line dance samba? ralph, why??

otoh it is kinda worth it to watch the practice footage on this one, where karina very desperately tries to get ralphie to move his hips:

1. Salsa (to “I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)”) Official Score: 23 (8,7,8) Cringe Score: 💀💀💀💀💀

i mean... what can i say about this that hasn’t already been said? you’ve probably seen this gifset. if you haven’t, you might wanna take a deep breath before clicking the link. i cannot in good conscience recommend watching this performance. i may have made myself immune to it, but at what cost??? this is the dance that got him eliminated btw, which... yeah.

and that’s all, folks! if you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading, and either have fun checking out some macchio dances or continue to live a blissful existence of not doing that.