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moiraineswife · 3 years

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Autistic Allegories in Renarin’s Arc - Meta

s’up y’all, your favourite local rambler is back at it again. Diving straight in to this one. The motivation for this post is something that might be controversial, and I’m going to try and explain it as clearly as I can and make my intentions clear, but I get this is the internet and things get misinterpreted to fuck.

So, since Renarin was confirmed to be a queer character, I’ve seen a lot of posts and takes on pretty much every platform I frequent that equates all of Renarin’s traits/struggles in canon as being foreshadowing/parallels to his queer identity and experience.

I get this. I’m also queer. I understand the instinct to take, say, Renarin’s corrupted spren bond and his desire to keep his nature as a Radiant hidden/his lack of understanding initially and assume it to be queer foreshadowing/parallel. I big get that. And that’s not a bad interpretation.

The problem is, this is the ONLY interpretation people put forth. They ignore things explicitly said/connections made in canon to Renarin being autistic and say ‘this is it. this is what this means. it’s about him being gay’. When, actually, a good chunk of it is about his experience as an autistic man in an allistic society. Which I think is what Brandon wants to explore/has set up in the text.

So I decided to look at this in more depth from an autistic perspective - some of the moments that most clearly parallel Renarin’s autistic experience and explain how and why this is a thing, and hopefully just highlight this aspect of his character and explain things to folks.

Renarin’s Blade Screaming

Jumping right into it then: Renarin’s bond with Glys is very clearly paralleled with his autism. The text outlines this connection multiple times throughout the series, and explores it in interesting ways.

First up, Renarin first revealing himself as a Truthwatcher makes this pretty clear:

“And the Shardblade,” Dalinar said, stepping over and taking his son by the shoulder. “You hear screams. That’s what happened to you in the arena. You couldn’t fight because of those shouts in your head from summoning the Blade. Why? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I thought it was me,” Renarin whispered. “My mind. But Glys, he says . . .” Renarin blinked. “Truthwatcher.” (WoR)

“Adolin,” he said softly. “I … um … I have to give you back the Shardblade you won for me.”

“Why?” Adolin said.

“It hurts to hold,” Renarin said. “It always has, to be honest. I thought it was just me, being strange. But it’s all of us.”

“Radiants, you mean.”

He nodded. (Oathbringer)

Renarin didn’t explain to his father or the others what was happening to him because he thought it was part of his autistic experience.

Being autistic you get used to experiencing a lot of in-brain things and not realising that other people don’t experience them, too. I have hypersensitivity to sound. I can hear things other people don’t, because their brains naturally filter them out - like electronics whining.

The experience of having a Shardblade scream inside your head is actually a pretty great parallel for sensory overload. It’s something intense, something frightening, and overwhelming, and even painful. But Renarin just endures it without comment because that’s what we’re conditioned to do.

“A group of shellheads tried to seize one of the bridges, Brightlord,” the bridgeman said softly. “Brightlord Renarin insisted on going to help. Sir, we tried hard to dissuade him. Then, when he got near and summoned his Blade, he just kind of . . . stood there. We got him away, sir, but he’s been sitting on that rock ever since.”

[...]

“I just stood there,” Renarin said. “I wasn’t frozen because of my . . . ailment. I’m just a coward.”

When Adolin hears about Renarin freezing up he assumes that he had a fit. Renarin corrects him on this, once he’s verbal again, but says that he was just a coward.

He froze up once he summoned his Blade. Because it would have started screaming in his head and this was overwhelming. When other Radiants have experienced this on-screen the screaming has been so intense they immediately dropped or dismissed the Blade, unable to hold it.

From this, I infer that Renarin believes everyone experiences this when they fight with a Shardblade. He doesn’t realise that it’s strange for him because he’s a Radiant. He thinks everyone experiences it, but they push through and overcome it. He can’t, and instead of thinking something strange is going on, he assumes that it’s a weakness of his and that he’s a coward.

This is a fairly common autistic experience. Why can’t you just get over this? Why is that overwhelming you? Just ignore the sound. Just ignore the lights. Stop being so weak/oversensitive.

That’s what Renarin thinks is happening. That’s why he doesn’t examine his experiences more closely, and realise he’s a Radiant. He thinks it’s part of him being autistic, and that he’s just being overly sensitive, until Glys is able to communicate with him and explain he’s a Truthwatcher.

The Rhyshadium Don’t Fit

“They don’t fit, you know.”

“Don’t fit?”

“Ryshadium have stone hooves,” Renarin said, “stronger than ordinary horses’. Never need to be shod.”

“And that makes them not fit? I’d say that makes them fit better.…” Adolin eyed Renarin. “You mean ordinary horses, don’t you?”

Renarin blushed, then nodded. (Oathbringer)

This, for me, is one of the most direct and obvious parallel between Renarin’s experience as an autistic man, and his experience as a Radiant.

Firstly, he comments on the Rhyshadium ‘not fitting’ with ordinary horses. They’re different. They have different hooves, which means they never need to be shod, like regular horses. In this case, being shod is something all horses do. It’s something natural for them, and the Rhyshadium not having it makes them stand out. This is similar to Renarin’s experience in society and in life.

The Rhyshadium are sometimes called ‘the third shard’ - they’re tied to the Radiants and to Stormlight. Renarin aligning himself with them, and his not fittng with them not fitting, mirrors his being Radiant stopping him from fitting in as he wants to.

A big part of his arc is his desire to fit in somewhere. His integration with Bridge Four is a huge boost to his confidence. He asks to join them to try and find somewhere to belong. The bridgemen are outcasts. They’re people who don’t fit in society, either, for various different reasons. Renarin fits with them, therefore, because he doesn’t fit elsewhere.

When he starts becoming a Radiant, and a different type of Radiant to the others, he starts to worry again. He worries that, yet again, he’s different for reasons he cannot control, and he’s worried the bridgemen will abandon or reject him as has happened frequently in noble society.

“So why are you embarrassed?”

“I’m … not?”

Adolin gave him a flat stare.

Renarin dismissed the Blade. “I simply … Adolin, I was starting to fit in. With Bridge Four, with being a Shardbearer. Now, I’m in the darkness again. Father expects me to be a Radiant, so I can help him unite the world. But how am I supposed to learn?”

Adolin scratched his chin with his good hand. “Huh. I assumed that it just kind of came to you. It hasn’t?”

“Some has. But it … frightens me, Adolin.” He held up his hand, and it started to glow, wisps of Stormlight trailing off it, like smoke from a fire. “What if I hurt someone, or ruin things?”

The conversation continues, and further solidifies the connection between the Rhyshadium not fitting with other horses, and Renarin not fitting in with other people.

He had become a Shardbearer, and was starting to fight and do what an Alethi man is expected to do in society. Go to war with Shards, with glory, etc etc etc. That didn’t quite work out.

For Renarin, whenever he gets closer to assimilating with the standard society and expectations, something happens to stop him. Initially it’s his epilepsy. He has fits, and his chronic illness makes him generally weaker and more frail, meaning that he can’t fight.

Once he’s given Shards to help mitigate those factors, he can’t use the Shards because his Radiant bond makes them scream inside his head. Again stopping him from fighting and becoming a soldier.

He then goes on to tell Adolin that he doesn’t really know how to Radiant. And Adolin says that he thought it would just come to him/he would instinctively know, but he doesn’t.

This is, again, a very classic autism thing. We struggle with doing things that allistic people find instinctive, and don’t need to be actively taught - such as reading and projecting the correct body language.

Adolin, who takes very naturally to all this stuff, just assumes that Renarin’s Radianting would just come to him, and Renarin has to explain that actually no, it hasn’t. This literally cannot get any clearer in forging an obvious link between his autism and his Radiant abilities.

Renarin’s ‘Corrupted’ Bond:

“What’s wrong with me?” Renarin asked. “Why do I see these things? I thought I was doing something right, with Glys, but somehow it’s all wrong.…” (Oathbringer)

[...]

“Does it strike you as cruel of fate, Father? My blood sickness gets healed, so I can finally be a soldier like I always wanted. But that same healing has given me another kind of fit. More dangerous than the other by far.” (Rhythm of War)

[...]

Lopen called out, asking Renarin to “look into the future and find out if I beat Huio at cards tomorrow.” It seemed a little crass to Dalinar, bringing up his son’s strange disorder, but Renarin took it with a chuckle.

[...]

It would be so much easier if he were like other Radiants. (RoW)

[...]

“And a blackness interfering, marring the beauty of the window. Like a sickness infecting both of you, at the edges.”

“Curious,” Dalinar said, looking where Renarin had pointed, though he’d see only empty air. “I wonder if we’ll ever know what that represents.”

“Oh, that one’s easy, Father,” Renarin said. “That’s me.”

“Renarin, I don’t think you should see yourself as—”

“You needn’t try to protect my ego, Father. When Glys and I bonded, we became … something new. We see the future. At first I was confused at my place—but I’ve come to understand. What I see interferes with Odium’s ability. Because I can see possibilities of the future, my knowledge changes what I will do. Therefore, his ability to see my future is obscured. Anyone close to me is difficult for him to read.”

“I find that comforting,” Dalinar said, putting his arm around Renarin’s shoulders. “Whatever you are, son, it’s a blessing. You might be a different kind of Radiant, but you’re Radiant all the same. You shouldn’t feel you need to hide this or your spren.”

Renarin ducked his head, embarrassed. His father knew not to touch him too quickly, too unexpectedly, so it wasn’t the arm around his shoulders. It was just that … well, Dalinar was so accustomed to being able to do whatever he wanted. He had written a storming book.

Renarin held no illusions that he would be similarly accepted. He and his father might be of similar rank, from the same family, but Renarin had never been able to navigate society like Dalinar did. True, his father at times “navigated” society like a chull marching through a crowd, but people got out of the way all the same.

Not for Renarin. The people of both Alethkar and Azir had thousands of years training them to fear and condemn anyone who claimed to be able to see the future. They weren’t going to put that aside easily, and particularly not for Renarin. (RoW)

Sorry for the quote barrage, but there was really no other way to do this, and I think it makes a nice little arc in how Renarin sees himself and his bond to Glys and, by extension, his autism.

In the temple, with Jasnah, he considers it to be something wrong. He’d thought he was finally fitting in, being like everyone else, doing something “right” but it turns out his bond is of Odium, and while he thought he fit with the others, he doesn’t. Again.

The RoW segments are what’s most interesting to me, because what we see here, I think, is Dalinar experiencing Renarin’s ‘disorder’ as he calls it and processing it/coming to terms with it in a way a lot of parents approach their kids’ autism. But this is a bit more approachable/less painful to look at because he’s considering him being a weird glowing power ranger, and not an autistic kid. Easier to examine more honestly.

So first of all Renarin, again, calls a direct link between his bond and his autism. The ‘healing’ that came with his bond gave him another kind of otherness. Another way he can’t be a soldier - which, for Renarin, in Alethi society, means him being like everyone else. I was going to go into this more here but this thing is already long as fuck, but in a nutshell being a soldier is Renarin’s dream because that’s him being “normal” and being like everyone else, which fate always conspires to stop him from being.

In Alethi society the peak of masculinity and of fitting in to the social order, which revolves around war and glory and battle courage blah blah blah - is being a soldier and fighting. Which Renarin has never been able to do. Which his father has always wanted him to do - wihich Renarin knows.

A lot of allistic people, especially allistic parents, think their autistic kids won’t pick up on their blatant ‘oh my god I wish my kid was normal’ vibes. They do. BELIEVE ME they do. This is a good little nod to that. Dalinar has never outright looked at Renarin and said ‘I want you to be a soldier to be worthy of my love and respect’ but it’s what Renarin grew up knowing and seeing from him.

The evolution of that through exploring Dalinar’s attitude to Renarin being bonded with an Odium-aligned spren is...Utterly fascinating, to say the least.

Here, for example, Dalinar sees it as a “strange disorder”. When Renarin calls a spade a spade and just goes ‘yeah no that weird thing right there that makes you comfortable? That’s me, buddy, get used to it’. Which is just. Absolutely effervescent. There’s a big instinct allistic people have to dance around autistic people. So many innuendos. So many fluffy phrase that I hate. “On the spectrum.” “On the autism spectrum”. “Differently abled” “Sees the world differently.” Just call me autistic and let me move on with life I do not have time to deal with your internalised issues.

He kind of comes around on it and gives him the whole “you might be a different Radiant but you’re still a Radiant to me, son”. Replace the word Radiant here with person and you’ll have a conversation I’ve experienced so many times. “Just because you’re a weird person doesn’t mean you’re not still a person!” Why thank you for pointing that out. I hadn’t noticed....Thank you for validating my humanity to my face?? As though I needed you to do that?

Contrast this with Renarin’s cheerful acceptance (ABSOLUTELY STUNNING DEVELOPMENT, HELL YES) - ‘yeah no that weird thing right there is me’. I cheered, dear reader, I CHEERED. It’s a little thing but it’s also a very very big thing.

So is Lopen making light of things - in a way that laughs with Renarin and not at him - wanting him to predict the outcome of his card game. Renarin laughs at this, and is obviously comfortable with the jokes and the camaraderie. Dalinar winces at this and thinks that it shouldn’t be made fun of this way, that it’s crass or wrong, Renarin has a disorder, it makes him weird and delicate, people shouldn’t joke around him with that, it’s not right. But Renarin is comfortable with it, and the Bridgemen are comfortable with him, which Dalinar obviously isn’t - though I get that he’s trying to go there.

Then, again, we draw a very direct parallel between Renarin’s Radiant experience othering him socially and autism othering a person socially. Absolutely exquisitely done mister sando, very nice indeed.

Renarin notes that there are ways to go through society. It’s nice to be like Dalinar and have the clout to buck the expectations, and not do what you’re supposed to, and still get away with it. Isn’t that nice? Bitch wrote and published a book and he’s still seen as masculine and worthy of respect and being yielded too.

Remember that Renarin can read and write as well - he learned so he could interpret his visions. But he hasn’t shared that with people. Because he knows that it won’t be accepted the way Dalinar was.

Sanderson sets up this idea rather nicely in Oathbringer, actually, with the scribes meeting.

Renarin glanced at his father. Dalinar responded with a raised fist.

He came so Renarin wouldn’t feel awkward, Shallan realized. It can’t be improper or feminine for the prince to be here if the storming Blackthorn decides to attend.

This part has always made my heart happy. Because it’s not just about Dalinar validating Renarin’s societally ‘feminine’ tendencies - which he gets subtly bullied/mocked for during that meeting by one of the other women in attendance. It’s about all of his differences, it’s about Dalinar validating his autistic experience as well, and helping to fit him in to a society that continually rejects and ousts him.

This idea evolves through RoW, however, with Renarin understanding that Dalinar can do things that he won’t be allowed to get away with. Dalinar isn’t so much breaking down barriers with Oathbringer as he is stomping through them because he has enough social privilege to do so, for the most part, unscathed.

Renarin keeps his reading a secret because, even after what Dalinar has done, it’s not going to change things for most men, and certainly not him.

Renarin has learned, throughout his life, that him being different is not going to break down any barriers. People are not going to change their world, or their worldview, for him and his differences. He knows that he has to adapt, and he knows that he won’t be afforded the same luxuries as others.

He’s more comfortable with this now. He’s learning to be himself, and learning that the world won’t fit itself to him, he just has to do what he’s going to do anyway, and find the places where he fits, rather than trying to change the ones where he doesn’t. It’s actually a really beautiful little arc, and I’m strongly tempted to look at it in more depth at some point. Renarin and Dalinar’s dynamic is actually incredibly deep, layerd, and complex, and it’s something I’ve been meaning to look at for a while. HOWEVER. NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THAT.

TL;DR: Renarin’s Radiant experience is a direct allegory and parallel to his autistic experience. This is explored and made blatant by canon repeatedly, throughout the series, and Renarin’s experience as a Radiant is clearly a vessel by which Sanderson intends to explore his autism. Stop erasing and ignoring this when you talk about Renarin and analyse his arc. His autism is as intrinsic to this as it is to identity. It’s part of him. Stop erasing it.

I’m not saying you can’t find parallels or comfort in Renarin’s arc as a queer person. I’m just saying you cannot look at it in isolation. As though the text is ONLY making a parallel between his queer identity and his bond. Because it’s very fucking blatantly not. His autism is obviously and canonically tied to his Radiant bond and this is something that MUST be noted whenever you talk about this aspect of Renarin’s character.

Note: if anyone has any questions or comments on this, I am happy to engage and to clarify what I meant/add further detail and supporting evidence for various different aspects. There’s only so much I can cover in one post! For my sanity as well as yours...But there’s absolutely more, and I’m happy to look at that as well.

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nahimjustfeelingit-writes · 5 years

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Imagine:

The reader is nervous to bring Erik to meet her family because she takes care of her mom and a sibling with special needs.

“Erik, baby, um...I know we’ve talked about this before, plenty of times...but my mom is...she’s not really in the best of spirits. And my brother...he’s...”

“Autistic.” Erik finishes for her.

“Yes.” She looked away from Erik while seated in the passenger side of Erik’s car. She looked out of the rainy window at the home decorated with Christmas lights and many other antic festivities that her mom couldn’t get rid of when her grandmother died.

“Baby, you know you don’t have to be nervous about this, right?” Erik’s voice lulled her into a comforting state. Y/N had avoided this opportunity on Thanksgiving, Halloween, Labor Day, Fourth of July, and just any other occasion. It was like a second job helping to take care of her mom and autistic little brother since their Dad left them. Y/N was a nurse taking care of patients in a facility and her family. It was a lot of stress and it took a toll.

“I know you love me, and I know you don’t care about these things and you think it’s silly.”

“I don’t think it’s silly, Y/N. It’s human nature to be nervous about shit like this.”

Erik finally turns off his car, exiting the driver's side while pulling his hood up over his head. Y/N watched her man come around to her, opening her door to step out. Y/N grabs her umbrella, opening it before exiting the car with Erik shutting the door behind her. They both walked the cobblestone trail to the home, Y/N squeezing Erik’s hand. She didn’t need to knock, this was her home too. Y/N unlocks the door with shaky hands, opening it slowly before peeking inside.

“Hello? Mama? Jay?”

Erik looked around with a newfound wonder. The first thing he spots when entering is a nice piece of wall art made for autistic children. Her brother was around 17 years old now but it still held a beautiful message.

[ Autism doesn’t come with a manual, it comes with a parent who never gives up. ]

That’s what it said, and it made Erik smile.

“Y/N?”

In walks the woman of the house. She looked a lot healthier than the last time Y/N told Erik about her mother. She suffered from Lupus and she’s been a kindergarten teacher for over 20 years.

“Mama, look at you,” Y/N walks up to her mom, squeezing her tight before stepping back to admire her.

“You look...better. Everything okay? I’m sorry I haven’t been here the last few days I had 12-hour shifts in the ER.”

“Baby, why are you explaining that to me?!”

“Because I know you worry, mama.”

“Girl,” Her mother shooed her away, “Erik, is it?”

Erik smiles, stepping forward with his hand outstretched and a wide grin on his face. He couldn’t hide his excitement for meeting Y/N’s mom.

“Hello, Mama in law.” Y/N’s mom gave Erik a peculiar look before smiling, Y/N covering her face with a blush.

“Hey now, did y’all go and get married without me knowing?!”

“Nah,” Erik wraps his arm around Y/N’s shoulder, placing a kiss to her forehead, “You’ll be the first to know about that. But I figured since I know she’s gonna be my wife might as well get acquainted.”

“Oh, I like this one,” All three of them laugh. Y/N figured her mother would like Erik. It was Jay she was worried about.

“Where’s Jay?” Y/N asked her mother in a soft tone.

“In his room, toying around with those models you bought him for his birthday since he practically hounds you about them.”

Erik was curious to know exactly what models they were referring to. He looked at Y/N for her to elaborate but her mother did the honors.

“He’s into architecture. Just like his father.”

“That’s a good career path,” Erik says, “I bet he’s good. Can I go up?”

Y/N gave her mother a look, a look her mother knew well.

“Yes, why don’t you give me your hoodie and take off your shoes by the door. I’m making a big dinner since it’s Christmas Eve.”

“Mom can feed the whole damn neighborhood with her cooking,” Y/N teases.

“Shut it up, girl. You won’t be saying that later with my pecan pie.”

“Shit, we forgot the ice cream.” Y/N loved her pecan pie with ice cream.

“Already have it covered. Figured you would forget like last time.”

“Haha, thanks mom,” She gave her mother one last kiss followed by Erik before they both ascended the stairs to her brother's room. Y/N was really nervous now. Her brother had good days and bad days. There were good days with building his models and then there were days where he became so frustrated with himself when he isn’t able to accomplish something.

His door was ajar, Jay’s gaming chair in view.

“Jay?”

Before she could open the door, a tall slender teenager who looked exactly like her except with a head full of short coils and light brown eyes, was Jay himself.

“Hey baby Bro,” She gave him a warm hug that he returned one-armed, his eyes on Erik. Erik gave Jay a lazy grin, before turning his attention to Y/N.

“Remember how I told you I had a boyfriend?”

“The one you said was finally the one?” He questions.

“Yes...” She knew to expect him to disclose that, after all, she wasn’t afraid.

“Hm,” Jay walks back into his room, returning to his building. Y/N and Erik share a look before entering his room. This was Jay’s world, a world that he could escape to when others didn’t understand him. A world Y/N and her mother built for him.

“I think I have a girlfriend, Y/N.”

Jay says while building with intense concentration.

“Oh? Is it that girl Celeste? She’s really pretty.”

“I think all girls are pretty in their own way.”

“Yeah, I agree,” Y/N smiled at her brother.

“Most people I meet Don’t even try to get me. But Celeste does.”

Erik rested his body on a bean bag next to Jay’s desk to watch the boy build. It was fascinating how good he was.

“You’re really good at that homie.”

“Thanks,” Jay gave Erik an awkward smile.

“What’s it supposed to be? A satellite?”

Y/N picks up a Rubiks Cube on Jay’s desk to toy with while They both talked.

“Close...you know, you’re the only person whose gotten close to seeing it from my perspective.”

“Well, since I got so close would you let me in on the secret behind it?”

Jay glances over at Y/N, followed by Erik.

“It’s cool, man, you ain’t gotta tell me. I just...figured a cool kid like you, I’d be honored to know.”

“You think I’m cool?” Jay liked that.

“Yeah, who said you can’t be cool? You’re cooler than the kids at your school I bet.”

“Nah,” Jay scrunched his face, “They call me weird. The strange apple in the see of normal apples.”

“That just makes you valuable and rare,” Erik says.

“And Incredibly strong.” Y/N adds.

Y/N always hated when people said her brother “didn’t look autistic.” None of it doesn’t have to make sense to them, just respect that it makes sense to him. Her brother is a lot better than he was a few years back. His autism therapist was doing a really good job.

“It’s okay to be a little different,” Erik reaches out, grabbing Jay’s shoulder. Jay didn’t flinch or back Erik off, he just looked at him like he was seeing him for the first time. That moment made Y/N’s heart swell.

“It’s an outer space communicator for Autistic kids around the world.”

“Really?!” Erik was really intrigued now, “How will they communicate?”

“Through telephone booths planted all over the world. You dial a number, and it allows you to communicate with other Autistic kids or just express how you’re feeling. Keeps us interconnected so we can boost each other up.”

“Jay, you never told me about this.” Y/N loved that Idea. She knew her brother had a broad imagination but this was amazing.

“I hope you plan on keeping this idea,” Erik says, “I bet it will make you bigger than Tony Stark.”

“Eh, I don’t know about all that, but at least he’ll recognize me instead of ignoring my fan letters.”

“His loss.” Says Y/N wrapping her arms tightly around her brother.

“Ouch! You’re crushing me!” He tried to wiggle out of her grip.

“Gotta be stronger than that, bro”

“Dinner!!”

The voice of her mother called up to all three of them. Jay got up quickly, practically sprinting for the door.

Erik stood staring at her brother's creation, his eyes watering but he quickly blinked it away. He just loved the support Y/N and her mom gave Jay.

“He didn’t bring his headphones.”

Erik spotted the headphones on the desk.

“He’s really trying to interact with us now.”

Erik pulls Y/N in for a hug, pressing his chin into her forehead.

“Why so surprised? The support y’all give him is phenomenal.”

“Thanks for this,” she looked up at Erik through her warm brown eyes, “thank you for being so understanding,”

“Hey,” Erik takes his fingers to move a single curl from her eyes, “Enough of that, I’m just so damn happy I finally got to meet them.”

Erik felt like the luckiest guy in the world.

“Now, let's go so I can taste this food you always talking about.”

Erik grabs Y/N’s hand, both of them leaving her brother's room behind to share a Christmas Eve meal and exchange gifts.

@tgigoldie @soufcakmistress @chefjessypooh @chaneajoyyy@pananegra@theblulife @becincere @blaqwidow91 @fish-outta-watah@moonlight-night-sky @eyeknowmywrites @crowngold @njadakillthiscookie@blktinkerbell@luvanxi @sheisexcellent1 @chocolatedippedinhoney @brandithecrystalgem@dababydababydababydababy @soulfulbeauty19@btitannaaa@sunkissedebony97 @youngblackndgifted @harleycativy @rbhp@thee-germanpeach @thadelightfulone @bugngiz@palmstreesallday@skylahb @bakaris-shorty @nizzle-mo

#killmonger imagine #killmonger x reader #killmonger fanfiction #black panther killmonger #erik killmonger #nahimjustfeelingit-writes

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edengarden · 4 years

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heyooo, could i request a normal BNHA matchup?

I’m a 5’2 gay male, black hair, freckles, green eyes, sort of on the chubby side? I sometimes wear glasses and either dress like a hobo, middle school boy, or femboy lol.

Anyways besides looks- I’m kind of,,, weird. I’m pagan, and I really like nature even though I’m kind of a germaphobe when it comes to being outside.I’m autistic so there's that, It’s usually hard for me to make new friends bc I come on rather,,, strong and hate the awkward first meeting phase. But when I do manage to make friends I’m always there for them in whatever they need and always do my best to help them through their problems (if they want) or just listen. I’m also selectively mute, but when I do talk I usually have a stutter, so I prefer to listen to other people talk. But when I do talk it’s usually about my special interests or something I'm into like Star Wars (a really big one atm), snakes, and the colour yellow. Speaking of snakes, I have a snake named Shigaraki and a tarantula named Princess :)

Some negative traits about me… I can be quite a jealous person. And I have these sort of sad episodes? I’ll kind of stay in my head and overthink waaayyy too much so that’s not fun. Oh another thing, I usually have a hard time telling when I should back off? Like I constantly worry about if I’m being ‘too much’ or if I should give my partner or friends some space. Oh and I’m reeallyy bad at bringing myself down and talking negatively about myself casually. And I’m hella self conscious lol-

Some things I enjoy,,, I don't do much besides work, but when I have free time I enjoy writing for my friend, story-based video games, and I really like cooking. When I have time to relax, I like to read manga and Harry potter, I don’t really read many new books anymore. Kinda random but I also enjoy knitting too lol. My hogwarts house is Slytherin, and I’m a capricorn :)

My music taste is… a bit complicated. On one hand, half of my playlist is Steven Universe songs, then I have stuff at every end of the spectrum like Dean Martin, Mother Mother, Savage Ga$p, Freddie Dredd, Corpse Husband, and a variety of J-Pop artists (don’t come for me, J-Pop is better than K-Pop), and a few random sorta indie songs scattered around my playlist. Atm my favorite songs are Verbatim, Escapism (from SU), Line Without A Hook, and Inertia.

What I look for in others, hmmm, I guess someone who can carry a conversation and is good at like, picking up on things ya know? Someone who can be really patient with me and stuff, someone who loves kids, oh and someone who’s willing to watch Star Wars with me, thats a big one lmao.

Something I’d avoid would be a disrespect of others boundaries, a really judgy person, like someone who hates on others or something they do for literally no reason, and someone who’s unnecessarily hateful to babies/toddlers/kids. Idk that one just bothers me a lot lol. And someone who gets frustrated easily, I grew up in a toxic and abusive household so thats a no go for me.

This ones kind of complicated but here’s my quirk!! I came up with it on my own so I really don’t know if someone has something similar,,,

Okay, so my hero name is Hallucino! Similar to Aizawa, my quirk activates when I look at/lock eyes with someone and the effect drops when I blink. So once they’re under the effects of my quirk, I can make them hallucinate and see any sort of setting I want. My signature setting/move is called Vertigo, it’s sort of a trippy LSD setting? So it makes the person nauseous and, well, like they have vertigo. I can create people in the hallucination, but it really wears me out and gives me a migraine. When they’re in that state they can't see the real world, and can faintly hear, but they can feel everything in the outside world. Anyways I think my quirk’s pretty damn cool.

(Wow thats so much I’m so so sorry-- also I hope it’s okay if I copy and paste this and request a Tokyo ghoul matchup? Your work is really amazing please take your time-- also sorry if it’s spaced weird I’m new to tumblr)

You can go ahead and copy paste for TG, yeah!!

Your quirk is AWESOME!! It sounds so cool 👁👄👁 I love it.

I’m matching you up with Mirio!

You got like, THE best person on your side?? An absolute ray of sunshine. He’s SO approachable, like even if he notices you’re a bit shy at first, then he’ll actively make sure that you feel comfortable around him. While buddy boy does that to everyone, he always looks forward to talking to you specifically. He LOVES when you start talking about the things that you love. He could just sit there, and listen and soak in all the information. And then when he reminds you that he WAS indeed listening by referencing to something, and your eyes light up? Mirio could cry.

I feel like this guy has little to no sense of personal bubble? I mean his quirk doesn’t exactly allow it, either... what I mean by this is that it takes a lot for Mirio to be scared off, so your autism? Not a problem, he’ll learn and he’ll be good to go. Your lack of ability to tell when to back off? He might never need to actually talk to you abt it, but if he does he knows exactly how to talk abt it in a way that won’t hurt you.

MIRIO INTERACTING WITH KIDS WILL GIVE YOU BABY FEVER I AM WARNING YOU. This guy is so sweet to kids and wowow- he’s so patient and kind and you see him at his best (and worst) and you’d fall for him so far, and sometimes you may find yourself wondering how or if he feels the same way towards you but what you don’t know is just like you’re watching him when his attention is somewhere else, he does the same for you. And if you could just see the lovesick expression on his face I swear- buddy is so deep in.

Songs!!! (Y’ALL ARE IN SOFT TERRITORIES BITCH)

- Love Like You, Steven Universe

- Sofia, Clairo

- Sad Song, Michael Barrow & The Tourists

- Soul Love, David Bowie

#mha #bnha #bnha matchup #mha matchup #togata mirio

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makeste · 5 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 227: Basically Just Me Saying “Holy Shit” a Bunch

Previously on BnHA: We went on a semi-enlightening romp into Toga’s past. Basically she was an adorable child who just so happened to have a taste for blood. And whoever’s job is was to explain to her, “hey Toga, I know you like blood, but other people like being alive, so, you know. Let’s explore some other options for you,” they basically dropped the ball there. So after she murdered her hapless Deku-looking classmate in middle school, she went on the run, and we basically know the rest. Back in the present, Toga had just been blown up from the inside out as you may recall, so she spent most of the chapter kind of out of it. At one point Kizuki even started talking about her like she was already dead, reassuring her that she’d become a martyr for the Army’s cause (which, no thanks). But then Toga managed to stumble to her feet and transform into Ochako as she tried to flee. It was revealed that while transformed, she can use the quirk of whoever she’s turned into, and she proceeded to demonstrate this by floating Kizuki (and half her redshirt goons) a hundred feet into the air before dropping her back down to the pavement. Yeah. So I’m pretty sure she’s dead now. Ah well.

Today on BnHA: Toga passes out in a shed after a job well done. We learn that the MLA is recording all of the fighting, most likely for propaganda purposes because as we have previously established they’re a bunch of dicks. Hanabata confirms that Kizuki is dead and gets the Army all fired up. They charge at Tomura, who is really fucking sleep-deprived you guys, and as he stands there blinking at them he has another flashback. Turns out the little girl from the previous flashback was his sister, and back when they were cute lil munchkins and she was still alive (sob), she showed him a picture of Nana and told him that their grandma was a hero. Tomura doesn’t remember this clearly, but he remembers the accompanying emotions, which is enough to get me hyped out of my mind fyi. Back in the present, Tomura disintegrates I’m-gonna-go-with-about-200 Army henchpeople basically instantaneously without even touching some of them, which, oh shit. And then Dabi is all “oh cool I want to do some mass murder too” but before he can let loose, some dude with fucking ice powers shows up to challenge him. I guess this means we’re never going to get Touya VS Shouto, or if we do it’s going to be very repetitive. But it’s not like I’m complaining either way. Here’s hoping the villain flashback trend continues next week because omfg.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter like an hour ago lol. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity, but aside from that this is as close to a live liveblog as I’m going to get. It took two-thirds of a year, but these recaps are finally caught up.)

this is so exciting guys. I mean, for me the reading process is basically the same, but the posting process is going to be a new one since I’ll be trying to get this up the same day once I’ve read it! so you can expect many exciting errors and brain farts! prepare for the full brunt of my unpolished rough draft thoughts!

so anyway, here’s Toga

lol so much to analyze here. real quick:

“sleepy.” if that isn’t the most relatable chapter title in the history of time, though

loving the “my villain academia” logo in the background! as far as I’m concerned that’s the official title of this arc

“the conclusion of the battles” y’all I read this and I was like “what?! already!?!” but then I realized they’re talking about volume 23, which features the conclusion of the joint training battle arc. so who knows how many more villain battlin’ chapters we’ve still got ahead. I have a feeling we’re already winding down, though

note how all of the stuffed animals are stabbed. ah this girl

it’s 2214, who the fuck still uses polaroid cameras. that would be like someone in our time using a [googles inventions from 200 years ago] modern suspension bridge. ...wait

anyway you guys maybe I should start reading the actual chapter already if I want any hope of actually getting this posted before fucking midnight though

oh hey, so Toga is dying in a shed you guys. fun

I’m not really thrilled about this! to be honest! I mean for fuck’s sake she’s only 17. she was blown up from the inside out. and although the consequences initially seemed to have possibly been handwaved, it appears that no one can escape BnHA’s realistic injury clause for long! so. yeah

I get why she hid, because it’s not like the others are just gonna drop everything to come help her (although Twice, though...), and there are enemies everywhere so this is probably safer. but it also means that if she passes out here there’s a good chance she’s not going to wake up again! and that is bad! that is very much not good

what she really needs to do is call Ujiko! hitch a ride out of there while you still can! he is a doctor, right? even if it is the questionable mad scientist type! worst case, you end up as a Noumu. actually, wait a sec, maybe we should think this through

and yet the fact that she’s still laughing, though. just. goddammit. I love her so much. I swear to god Toga if you fucking die...!!

so now she’s curling up in the fetal position and thinking “once again I’ve gotten closer to you”

yeah, Deku really does do this every other week. or he did for a little while at least sob

and now we are cutting to ReDestro who for some reason is monologuing about Toga!

oh right, because he had the cameras and shit set up to livestream that shit

okay but is it just me or is he not looking at any cameras. he’s just enjoying the view from his little observation tower same as before. does his quirk allow him to see everywhere at once or what

is it bad that I barely even paid attention to the actual content of his ramblings lol. it’s just the same old same old. blah blah society rejects anyone who’s different, it’s so unfair, blah blah

it’s not a bad point, mind you; it’s just that RD and his army are completely full of shit and acting like they’re so much better even though they’re just a bunch of mur-diddly-urderers. it’s like how PETA acts like they’re champions of animal rights when really they mostly just kill shelter animals, insult Steve Irwin, and claim that milk causes autism. but I digress sob

oh shit I forgot about this dude

here I was thinking there was only the one other miniboss to go before the big bad. silly me. how could I have forgotten that two page spread and our friend here with the Gorillaz mouth and the Beatles haircut

wow are you serious?

Giran sitting there with one skeptical eyebrow raised thinking about how these guys threatened to kill him in order to lure his friends out so that they could, you guessed it, kill them!

and also, way to completely disregard the dozens of other minions who already bit the dust before Kizuki. like, your entire town is basically doomed, guy. but sure let’s cry for the one dead villain who actually had a name though

holy shit you guys

are you telling me that’s why you were recording the whole thing? is that why you invited the League here in the first place?? for the fucking publicity? kill the bad guys and earn the public’s good will? did I miss that part of the planning sesh, or was this objective already painfully obvious and I somehow either missed it or forgot all about it?

either way it’s amazing how these guys become bigger assholes with each progressive chapter

oh now he’s explaining it all on the next page lol. so I guess I didn’t miss the memo, good

okay but first he’s getting real physical with my boy Giran here though

okay first of all, all he did was say “footage...?” like wth was so fucking impolite about that. and second, why do I get the feeling that there’s probably a fair percentage of people who read this chapter and got to this panel and now suddenly ship it sob

I mean, he just got so up close and personal though. all up in his face. this guy has such a weird energy and it’s really creeping me out now ngl

anyway so here we go with the explanations

holy shit you guyssssssssss

when did Giran get so fucking hot?? and is he single?! asking for a friend???!

anyway so now RD is wiping away his crocodile tears and says Giran is lacking in imagination

oh hey

what an interesting segue back to Tomura!

wow, Spinner’s asking how much longer until Big G wakes up, and Compress says one hour and twenty minutes. so that means they’ve already been at it for like an hour and fifteen minutes! minus however much time it took to warp over and then follow Back-Stab n’ Go out to the center of town for the ambush. even if that took a whole half hour they’ve still been fighting for a long time! but I guess they’re more than used to that by this point, thank you so much Ujiko and your six weeks of brutal endurance training

Spinner’s all “no matter how many we defeat, they just keep on coming!” and I know, dude, it’s almost like there’s over one hundred thousand of them or something dfskdj

although to be fair, probably not every last one of them is actually there. can you imagine. it might take a whole nother hour to beat them all

now Hanabata is driving in on the back of an election van. because apparently he just fucked right off in the middle of his fight with the League, and then came back. with a van

so he’s all “EVERYONE I HAVE SOME DEEPLY SADDENING NEWS” and oh my gosh what is it

yeah dude we already been knew. RIP and all that

so the crowd is all distressed and asking what the Supreme Leader said

really?? that’s what they call him?? yeah you guys aren’t evil at all

and Hana quotes, “‘do not let her sacrifice be in vain’“

sorry bruh. but. it’s gonna be in vain. hate to break it to you

right??

GASP

TWICE STOP BEING AWED AT HANABATA’S INFLUENTIAL AURA AND START PAYING ATTENTION TO THE DUDE WHO’S SNEAKING UP BEHIND YOU AND TRYING TO SNATCH YOUR MASK OFF

anyway so in the meantime this is happening

maybe there are 100k of them. seems like there’s a lot. I do like that from this angle it appears that Tomura and the others have holed up in a relatively narrow alley, thus creating a choke point and limiting the number of enemies who can attack them all at once. although this panel does make it look like there’s just a big ol’ wave of bad guys surfing their way towards them though, so it remains to be seen how effective this strategy will actually be lol

eh?

yeah no shit boy you’ve been fighting Daruk from BotW for the last month and a half

anyway so apparently he’s feeling ~weird~ though

I shit you not guys, my sister was hospitalized a couple months back (she’s fine now) because she started hallucinating after a three-day bout of insomnia. shit is no joke. don’t be like Tomura. go to bed and don’t stay up all night fighting villains

-- OH SHIT!?!

ASDFALSDFHLKSDHLFKJHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

IT’S A LITTLE GIRL!! AND SHE’ S OPENING A SECRET DRAWER!!

SHE’S ALL “IT’S OUR LITTLE SECRET!” OH MY GOD

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SWEET JESUS MARY JOSEPH!? HORIKOSHI DO YOU FUCKING READ THE THEORY POSTS ON TUMBLR JUST SO YOU CAN IMMEDIATELY SHIT ON THEM TWO DAYS AFTER?? HOW THE FUCK

AND IS NANA’S SON WEARING DEKU SHOES?? OH MY GOD PLEASE

AND THIS MEANS THE LITTLE GIRL IS ACTUALLY TENKO’S SISTER SOBBBBBBBBB NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

BUT ON THE PLUS SIDE THIS MAKES TOMURA MUCH MORE LIKELY TO GO APESHIT ON AFO’S ASS IF HE COMES TO REALIZE THAT AFO INDIRECTLY MURDERED HIS SISTER OH SHIT

BUT SHIT YOU GUYS, SHE’S SO CUTE AND SHE’S FUCKING DEAD NOW SOB THAT’S SO FUCKING HORRIBLE I MEAN IT I’M REALLY UPSET THOUGH

BUT LET’S CONTINUE WITH THE FLASHBACK TO SEE IF HORIKOSHI WANTS TO TOY WITH MY EMOTIONS ANYMORE!!

NANA DIDN’T DO A GOOD ENOUGH JOB ERASING ALL TRACES OF HER CONNECTION TO HER CHILD AND IT EVENTUALLY RESULTED IN HIS DEATH OH SHIT. I’M SERIOUSLY SO UPSET ABOUT THIS??

NOTE HOW BABY TENKO’S FACE IS PURPOSELY BLACKED OUT EVEN THOUGH (A) HIS SISTER’S IS NOT, AND (B) WE SHOULD, IN THEORY, ALREADY KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE! IT’S BECAUSE HE DOESN’T HAVE THE SCARS OR THE WHITE HAIR YET CUZ AFO HASN’T WIPED HIS MEMORIES. [nods sagely as though I have any sort of proof of this whatsoever and it’s not all just wild speculation and conjecture]

HANAAAAAAAA oh shit I better come up with another nickname for Hanabata then. looks like it’s Back To The Full Name for you mister

!!?!?!?

okay you guys I think this is intentional misdirection. we’re meant to believe that Tenko’s dad was perhaps abusive and that his behavior toward his son ultimately triggered the awakening of his quirk and led to all of the subsequent Horrible Things happening

but I think what it actually is is that Tenko’s dad probably resents Nana for giving him up. and maybe Tenko wanted to know more about her and maybe he got in trouble for it? because now Hana is showing him the picture, and then talking about this mysterious conversation with their dad and saying she’s on Tenko’s side. so that’s my bet

anyway! but this means Tomura might not need as much convincing as I previously speculated! I figured he probably wouldn’t know much, if anything, about his grandma even if he did somehow get his memories back, because he was only four when all that shit went down, and Nana had parted ways with Tomura’s dad years ago. but if he actually did know a bit about her and even possibly felt a connection with her, as this flashback suggests, that could go a long way towards fueling his eventual breakaway from AFO’s side once All Might is able to explain the truth

ahhhhh you guys this is exciting I’m excited. though also still very sad though because wtf seriously

so Tomura’s tiredly thinking that the least his stupid memories could do is show him the whole picture instead of these fragments. “it’s like a broken tape recording or something”

HOLY SHIT

...I have no words. holy shit

anyone else getting flashbacks to the Highway to Hell though? what is it with Tomura and periodically pulling off the most badass stunts in the whole fucking manga. all because he didn’t get his nap dsflkjlk

ReDestro look at this loss of life. are you crying again. no, I can’t imagine that you are. you ass

you guys are probably getting tired of me just going “holy shit” over and over, but

hooooooooooooly shit

guys, if Tomura can dust people without even touching them he might as well just change his name to fucking Thanos and we’d better start praying this kid gets redeemed and soon

so now there’s a panel of Tomura being all drooly, and honestly he looks like he’s about to pass out. not sure if this is intended to be a glam shot or what lol

ohhhhSHIT

YESSSSSSSSSSS DABI. DRACARYS

!LKJDSLFKJLSDKJF!!

OH SHIT YOU GUYS, IT LOOKS LIKE WE’RE ABOUT TO GET ALL A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE UP IN THIS BITCH

who is this weird little black mage. I’ll tell you one thing, he’s the only guy I’ve seen so far who’s actually dressed appropriately for fucking December weather, though, so good on him

will he defeat our boy Touya (spoilers, he won’t)? will Touya have some flashbacks of his own (TOUYA PLEASE), since that seems to be what all the cool kids are doing these days? will I lose my fucking shit all over again next week? stay tuned! but yes I absolutely will, oh jesus this is awesome

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha 227 #toga himiko #giran #shigaraki tomura #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #are there any theories about tenko's sister possibly still being alive?#please you guys I need there to be theories where she lived #justice for the shimura sibs #brb going to pore through the entire manga looking for clues about who she might be if so #she's probably a couple years older than him #but we don't know her quirk #she could be anyone dammit #shimura hana please show yourself please I need this

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