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jaxsteamblog · 4 years

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Wisdom

Click here to read the full fic on AO3

For two days, Katara tried to think about something else. Sokka didn’t ask about her trip to the museum or lunch with Zuko and she didn’t bring it up. Of course she had questions, but there was a certain reciprocity that came into play. If Sokka had told Zuko what they had done during the war, Zuko didn’t treat her differently because of it. And if he hadn’t said anything, then perhaps it was unfair to grill her brother about the actions of his politically connected friend.

But it still nagged at the back of her mind.

Political meant that he had to have been connected to the war. He was too young to have formally served, but it wasn’t beyond reason for someone to lie about their age. She and Sokka had done just that.

She still didn’t ask. If it was really something important, either Sokka or Zuko would have told her.

Of course they would have.

On the second day after her impromptu outing, Sokka invited her out.

“The summer is winding down and Zuko wants to take us out before you have to go.” He said. “And I’ve got some extra money to burn after selling some of those lilies.” He leaned in close to whisper the last part and Katara swatted him away with a laugh.

“You should reinvest and think about getting a bigger shop. You’d make more money doing bigger events you know.” Katara said as she carefully clipped dead leaves off a spray of greenery filler.

“I’d have to get actual employees and you know I can’t work with other people.” Sokka replied. He was wrapping bows around squat vases. Using flowers with broken stems or asymmetrical blossoms, Sokka made bouquets that were basically really pretty and really temporary paper weights. Lots of people got them for picnics to hold down napkins or paper plates.

“You have to get help during love day and prom season.” Katara countered and Sokka grunted.

“Anyway, that’s not the point. I just want to properly hang out with you before you fly off to med school.” He said.

Katara wiped her clippers on her apron and set them down. The skin around her fingernails were stained green and leaf juice was stuck under her nail. It would always take a week or two after working in the flower shop for her hands to return to normal.

“I think I’ll pass tonight. But what about a family movie night tomorrow? There’s a couple of things that just hit Webflicks.” Katara said.

Sokka looked at her but didn’t say anything. She ignored him and his look, choosing to bunch up the greenery and look for any spots she missed.

“Well we’re going for dinner if you change your mind.” Sokka said. Katara smiled at him as she moved to the refrigerator.

“I won’t.” She replied.

After making dinner, Katara sat cross-legged on her couch and flipped through her queue. With the announcement of finding Avatar Thuy, Webflicks was restreaming a documentary on the previous Avatars. It only went back to Avatar Yangchen, but to be fair, that was the earliest they had documented evidence of their histories. The first episode of the six part series was about the various creation myths that sparked the Avatar and was the only episode Katara had bothered to watch so far. What was interesting was how the series was narrated by Avatar Aang’s youngest son Tenzin; Katara liked his creaky old man voice.

It was only as she skipped through the title cards that Katara realized there were now seven episodes. It looked like there was already something on the new Avatar and Katara looked at the same picture that had accompanied the article she saw at lunch with Zuko.

Thuy was thirteen years old and she looked slightly scared in the picture. Or it might have been discomfort as she was wearing a version of formal North Pole robes done in green. Two adults, probably her parents, stood behind her, still wearing the clothes common to the Swamp Tribe.

She was only a year younger than Katara had been when she and Sokka had gone out to search for their parents. She wondered which weight was the worse burden.

Still trying to decide what to watch, she briefly scrolled back to the episode on Avatar Roku. For some reason, his title card had him standing next to Fire Lord Sozin and Katara wondered what about her search history would make the Webflicks algorithm think she wanted to see that guy.

Finally deciding on some trashy romcom, Katara settled back into the couch and ate under the light of her TV. It wasn’t a satisfying ending to her day but it was comfortable.

Not that she could shake the questions that clung to her, however.

Katara washed up after the movie was over and looked at the clock in the kitchen. It wasn’t late and Sokka was probably still out with Zuko. Biting the skin at the corner of her thumb, Katara went for her phone and turned it on. There wasn’t a text from Sokka, but she did notice new pictures on his Clicktalk. Sure enough, he, Suki, and Zuko had gone from dinner to a bar downtown.

Flicking back to her home screen, Katara looked again at the time. Sokka was the one who had to wake up early; he made daily trips to the flower market at dawn to get the best flowers he could. Being up this late already meant that he wasn’t going to be sleeping, so tomorrow was going to be interesting. Yet as she weighed the cost of going out to still have to deal with her brother’s grump in the morning, Katara turned off her phone and walked away.

Zuko was hiding something, and it was probably as big as Katara’s own secret.

Katara’s phone rang.

Frowning, she picked it back up and then jumped at seeing the name.

“Dad?” She asked, bringing the phone to her ear.

“Hey Kat. Sorry for calling so late, but I just got off the phone with Arnook.” Hakoda said. Katara could feel the blood rushing in her ears and Katara resumed biting her thumb.

“It’s not that late. What’s up?” She replied.

“You saw they found the Avatar?” Hakoda asked.

“Yeah. In the Swamp.”

“Perfect place for her, actually. I was so relieved to hear it.”

“Yeah. Me too.”

“Well Arnook wants to have a joint press conference. Get all three tribes together for a formal announcement of the Avatar.” Hakoda continued.

“So what does that mean?” Katara asked, her anxiety growing.

“He thinks it’s high time to make other announcements.” Hakoda said.

“Dad, now isn’t a good time. I’m about to start medical school and-”

“Katara, you knew that wasn’t going to be the endgame. You have a responsibility to your people. A Waterbender is supposed to-”

“Dad, I cannot do this right now.” Hakoda sighed and Katara stayed quiet, slowing her breathing to not make a sound.

“I can push it back, make it so that this is only about the Avatar. But Arnook wants to do something before she moves to Gaoling.” Hakoda said finally.

“What’s in Gaoling?” Katara asked.

“Her earthbending instructor. Apparently there’s a child in an underground earthbending competition that is complementary to Thuy’s style.” Hakoda replied.

“Okay.” Katara said, unsure of what else to offer in that moment.

“Talk to your brother for me will you? I haven’t been able to get a hold of him.”

“I will dad.”

“I love you Katara.”

“I love you dad.”

After the screen turned off, Katara leaned against her sink. Looking out the window, she could see part of the waning moon. With a sigh, she unplugged her phone and grabbed her purse, slipping on her sandals as she made it to her front door.

The night was less hot, but the air felt sticky as everything cooled. It was enough though, and Katara drove around with her windows down, letting the wind tangle her hair. Her first impulse was to track down Sokka, but this was something she couldn’t share with him. Despite everything they had gone through together, there were things he wouldn’t understand.

Driving on autopilot, Katara found herself heading to the flower shop. Diverting slightly, Katara pulled into the only other place she knew.

The light in the front windows of the Jasmine Dragon was soft and homey. Pulling her knitted shawl tightly over her shoulders, Katara hoped she wasn’t as underdressed as she feared.

When she stepped into the lobby, she realized she was mortifyingly underdressed.

The light and glamour of the place made her pause though, and she looked past the small host podium to the rest of the tea house. So many people, men and women both, were wearing traditional dress. The kimonos, hanboks, and banbi were plentiful among the tables of modern evening wear.

Just as Katara turned to walk out, she heard someone call out.

“Ah, excuse me, but weren’t you here for my nephew’s birthday?”

Katara turned back and saw the older man who had spoken at Zuko’s party. She bowed politely.

“I was. My name is Katara.” She said in greeting.

“Sokka’s younger sister correct?” The man said.

“Yes, sir.” Katara replied. The man laughed.

“Please, just call me Iroh. Are you looking for Zuko?” He asked. Katara shook her head and gripped the edges of her shawl.

“No, I know he’s out with my brother.” She replied. Iroh looked shocked.

“Are you here for tea then?” He questioned. Sheepish, Katara nodded.

“Yeah, but I don’t think I meet the dress code.” She answered.

“Nonsense. Tea is for everyone. Here, follow me.” Iroh started to walk into the main tea room and Katara followed, her head swiveling to look around without actually looking at anything. People did watch her and as she passed, she saw them start to whisper behind large sleeves. Or worse, behind the bouquets she and Sokka had made.

Iroh led her through the main room and into the kitchen. A few of the kitchen staff greeted him and he waved as they continued on. Taking her up a staircase in the back, Katara could feel the change of space. The tea house was built to look traditional and served various tea styles. The kitchen, like the restrooms, were wholly modern. But up the creaky steps, Katara could smell dust and wood oil.

“This is my private tea room.” Iroh said as he opened a door at the top of the stairs. It looked like an office that had part of the space repurposed as a sitting area. Tatami took up half the space and a low table held a cleared pai sho board. The rest of the office just looked like a normal office; Katara could recognize the look of invoices and statements from the door.

“What kind of tea do you prefer, Katara?” Iroh asked as he took off his shoes. Katara followed suit, sitting down to remove the guest slippers from their plastic wrap.

“To be honest, I don’t know much about tea. But since you made a whole business out of it, I’d love your recommendation.” She said.

Iroh chuckled and went to a small kitchenette. He set about filing a kettle and lit an old brazier with his firebending. Katara knelt at the table, looking around the small room.

“So Katara, Sokka tells me you’re studying to be a doctor?” Iroh said as he shuffled over to the table with a full tray of small dishes. She helped him spread everything out before he got back up and went to the whistling kettle.

“I am, well, I will be. In the fall.” Katara shifted some of the plates around. “Though I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish.”

“Pardon me if this is indelicate, but is it the cost that worries you?” Iroh asked. Katara blushed and waved her hands in front of her face.

“No! Oh, no, that’s not it.” She said and calmed herself. “I just have some, family obligations.”

“Ah, those are hard to shoulder sometimes.” Iroh returned with tea and poured some out for them both. Katara felt herself shrink and she put her hands around her cup.

“Sorry. Zuko told me a bit about your family.” She said. To her surprise, Iroh laughed.

“There is nothing to apologize for. My family is not the typical kind of family, and our struggles were much more drastic.” He said.

“That sounds a bit much.” Katara said and lifted her cup. The scent was light and floral, and she could smell the heat of the water.

“Did Zuko not tell you I was a general in the Fire Nation army?” Iroh asked.

The tea spewed from Katara’s mouth. In a rush of motion, as Iroh lifted his arms to shield his face, Katara used one hand to catch the spray and the other to hold up her dropped cup. Dumping all the liquid back into the teacup, Katara fell onto her backside.

The panic, fear, and anxiety swirled inside of Katara and she felt as if she were being dragged down into a whirlpool. But she could handle water; this was something else.

“Where did you fight?” She asked. Her heart thumped in her chest and she worried Iroh could see the jump of it through her shirt.

“I fought in the Yue province. I led the exiled forces.” Iroh replied calmly. Then he regarded her with a serious look.

“What about you?” He asked and Katara felt her body seize.

The memories she had tried so hard to drown bobbed to the surface like dead seaweed. A tangle of rotted slime, it made Katara’s stomach turn.

“I wasn’t a soldier.” Katara murmured.

“But you fought nonetheless.” Iroh said, his tone becoming more gentle.

“I was at the North Pole and then travelled south, hitting a few prison camps.” Katara admitted and Iroh nodded.

“Part of the liberation group then?” He asked. Katara picked up her cup with purpose and shook her head. After crossing paths with Jet, she wanted nothing to do with the small liberation cells that dotted the Earth Kingdom. Now that sovereignty had been restored, she hoped he had managed to find something less destructive to do with his time.

“Sokka and I travelled with the Kyoshi Warriors. We were trying to find the Avatar halfway through the war.” Katara said. “We clearly failed.”

“I wonder who her firebending teacher will be.” Iroh remarked casually, drinking his tea.

“I’m not so certain it’ll be anyone from the royal schools.” Katara said and tried to relax.

“How long do you think it will take to heal from the war?” Iroh asked.

“As in for you and I? Or the rest of the world?”

“What is the world if not the collective lives of the people?

“Hmmm.” Katara intoned and breathed in the steam from her tea.

“It depends on proximity I guess. The Poles are going to be hurting for a while, but the Earth Kingdom interior is already back on its feet. I don’t know much about politics, but it’s not like we hear much about the Fire Lord here in Ba Sing Se.” She said.

“But you are having tea with a Fire Nation general.” Iroh said.

“I’m not a typical Water Tribal.” Katara replied. “Plus, there’s nothing to gain from dealing with the past.”

“I think you’ll find that the present doesn’t just come from the future, but is based in the past as well.” Iroh said. “The future rushes towards you, but only because the past pushes you along to meet it.”

“Yeah, but I’m tired of all these allegories implying that I’m being forced into a future I don’t want after living through a past I hated. I think it’s time to bend the rules a bit.”

“I’m sure you’d be the one to bend the river of fate, Katara.”

“Because I’m a Waterbender?”

Iroh laughed and put a hand to his chest. “Ah, you caught me.”

Katara smiled and raised her teacup. “Thanks for the honest tea, General Iroh.”

This bolstered Iroh’s laugh and Katara smiled.

“I will just say this,” Iroh said as his laughter subsided. “Wisdom doesn’t just come with age, it comes with survival. I think if you let yourself, you could be very wise. I believe you have survived enough.”

“Oh, are you pouring clarity now?” Katara quipped.

“Ah, you are worse than my nephew.” Iroh said.

“Thank you Iroh. But I should be getting back now.” Katara said and rose from the table. Iroh stood and went with her to the stairs.

“Feel free to come back any time. And don’t worry about your clothes; everyone else is already envious of your youth.” He said.

Katara snorted and wiggled her feet into her sandals.

“Thank you for supporting my brother.” She said and bowed. Iroh bent slightly in return.

“Thank you for your friendship with my nephew.” He said.

Katara walked briskly down the stairs, listening to the sharp groans meet her feet with every step. The kitchen was quieting down and there were fewer people moving about. The tea house still seemed to have the same number of occupants, but Katara moved too quickly toward the entrance to really notice.

It was only when she hit the sidewalk that she stopped to breathe. Looking up in the night sky, she could see the moon more clearly. The outline of the crescent was sharp, like someone had pared it away with a blade.

The sight made her chest ache and her soul yearned for the ocean.

Her phone beeped and Katara startled at the sound. Pulling it out of her pocket, she saw a new message.

From Zuko.

The message was a picture of the moon and one simple line:

Doesn’t this look like the perfect place to sit and just watch the world turn?

Katara smiled but found tears in her eyes. Letting out a pained breath, Katara replied.

K: You are such a sap.

Z: I wish you had come out with us tonight.

K: I wasn’t really feeling it.

Z: Not feeling it or me?

K: Excuse???

Z: Sorry! I just meant after the lunch…

K: It’s fine Zuko. I just got a lot going on.

Z: Well did you want to hang out again? When you have less going on?

Katara walked down the sidewalk toward her car. A thought did run through her head and gave her pause. Zuko, for all that he implied, might be the best person to talk to about what was going on in her life. Then again, he could also be the exact opposite.

K: I don’t know. I’ll get back to you.

Z: Rain check, got it.

Sighing heavily, Katara made it to her car and unlocked the door. There was a certain sadness that hit her now and again that emptied her out and made her feel weightless. As she opened the car door, she almost felt like she was drifting up into the sky. It took the weight of her worries to keep her grounded.

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#zutara #fanfiction #jax writes #modern au #zutara month 2020 #the fic that prompts built

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comickergirl · 6 years

Text

Alright. Let’s give this a shot.

SPOILER-Y DISCUSSION OF CAPTAIN MARVEL, INCOMING:

I figure the best way to do this is chronological; my prior attempts have not been chronological, which might account for their feeling a little...all over the place and unorganized.

This will also be a good test to see how much of the film I remember.

RIGHT THEN: First and foremost, (and we gleaned this from the trailers, obviously) MEMORY-LOSS PLOT. Which is Classic Carol™. She’s lost her memory like. Four times.

(her poor brain D:)

All of this to say: The premise of the movie, a kind of reverse origin story in which Carol figures out who she is, in a very literal but also figurative sense, was a great way to go, IMO.

Love all the moments from Carol’s past. I was admittedly surprised that we didn’t get more of that? But what was there was effective and given the amount of ground the movie had to cover, I think it was sufficient.

So after the dreams** we get the early morning fight with Yon-Rogg (who I was absolutely certain was Yon-Rogg, in spite of all the back and forth speculation and Marvel attempting to ‘hide’ his identity) and there’s exposition, obviously, and the set up of Carol’s struggle with Yon-Rogg’s forced Kree values clashing with Carol’s humanity but MORE importantly...

PHOTON BLASTS.

Love the way they render the energy pulsing just below the surface of her skin. Looks so cool.

Then: Chit Chat Time with The Great Intelligence!

I thought for sure it was gonna be Helen Cobb.

BOY WAS I MISTAKEN. (More on that in a sec.)

Favorite Visual #1: The slow pan of Starforce and the excellent shot of Carol’s helmet as they swim to shore on Torfa.

The whole rescue mission sequence/Carol’s kidnapping is...Truly a Highlight, in my opinion.

I mean!

She’s running around the enemy ship! Without her boots! Pummeling the Skrulls with unwieldy metal shackles! And growling in their faces!

#BOSSOFSPACE

Also, comic connection alert: Carol was kidnapped and experimented on by the Brood, which resulted in her stint as Binary.

So, back to the movie:

Talos man.

TALOS.

We’ll get to him later.

Okay what month of 1995 does Captain Marvel take place in? Because I was honestly offended that no one, and I mean NO ONE made a Buzz Lightyear joke re: Carol’s outfit and being a member of STARCOMMANDFORCE who checks her wrist communicator to try and make contact.

(Toy Story came out in November so if this takes place in the summer I GUESS I will let it slide.)

But otherwise dug all of the 90s references.

The little Gameboy sound when she calls Yon-Rogg!

(Also, train chase was great but I’m trying to save time though I do feel inclined to mention Kelly Sue DeConnick! Bringing some quality side eye! Very nice.)

Young Fury + Carol = excellent buddy cop combo, 14/10 would take an entire spinoff of their wacky 90s road trip adventures.

‘You look like someone’s disaffected niece’ might be favorite line in the film.

Let’s pause for a moment and appreciate the score, shall we? Pinar Toprak CRUSHES IT; the Captain Marvel theme feels like something out of The Rocketeer but with about 400% more sci-fi synth and I LOVE IT.

**Love the piece of score played when Carol wakes up. (Appropriately titled “Waking Up” I think, on the soundtrack.)

I also like the songs they picked for the movie? This is probably the complaint I’ve seen most often, that they feel obvious and easy, but. I dunno. I was never expecting something like Guardians of the Galaxy? So I wasn’t mad about it.

(In related news, I’ve been listening to “Connection” on repeat ever since the special look trailer dropped.)

Anyways.

GOOSE.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE.

MY GOOD FLERKEN GIRL.

(So, yes, breezing past the bar interrogation--though I do like the ghostly images of Carol’s past that crop up--as well as the trip to Pegasus, again in the interest of time.)

(WAIT. NO. THE TAPE JOKE.)

(Okay for real. Moving on.)

So then. THEN.

The Rambeaus. And the feelings.

Unpopular(?) opinion: I love that this big budget action movie focuses on female friendships and platonic relationships instead of romance THERE I SAID IT

ALSO LIEUTENANT TROUBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I spelled Lieutenant right on the first try. Just sayin’.

But in all seriousness, I love the time we spend in Louisiana. We get a lot of good stuff. Carol getting answers from Maria, Talos arriving with his soda (milkshake?) The standoff with Goose.

(Oh, and how could I forget Maria bidding farewell to the neighbor, shutting the front door as Carol continues to glower???)

‘What’s happening?’ ‘It’s loading.’ XD

Favorite Visual #2 (Chronologically, but actually the one I like best in the movie) The Pysche-Magnitron Light Speed Engine explosion.

(Thank you, Marvel, for changing it to ‘light speed engine,’ which is much easier to spell than Psyche-Magnitron)

But yeah, that was the visual that sold me, in the earliest trailer. I wish I had some profound reason for that, but the truth is I just love blue-glow-y stuff.

BUT ALSO

(And, okay, an additional spoiler- warning because this is a big one. Like. Big.)

...................................................................

Seriously, go away if you haven’t seen the movie yet.

................................................................................................................................

MAR-VELL iS A WOMAN

LIKE THIS WHOLE TIME. EVERYONE WAS SO FOCUSED ON JUDE LAW. And then there was that blip, right before the release, when Annette Bening revealed she was the Great Intelligence, again after months of secrecy so we were all like, HA we know the TWIST.

BUT NO. NO WE DID NOT.

Well played, Marvel. Well played.

This was something I was thinking about before the film came out; I just kind of assumed, because of the lack of an apparent ‘Mar-Vell,’ that Carol would be the first and only Captain Marvel in the MCU. And she basically is, b/c we have no indication that Dr. Larson was moonlighting as a superhero, but regardless this is SO COOL. SUCH A GOOD TWIST.

(A quick Google search on how many ‘L’s are in Mar-Vell led to a serendipitous discovery: an article on the gender swap decision, and apparently it came very late in the game. Like. ‘Already looking at guys to play Mar-Vell’ late in the game. *insert themoreyouknow.gif here*)

Right, okay, back to Feelings:

When Carol’s like: You don’t know who I am! I don’t know who I am!

I was. Emotional.

(Brie Larson is perfectly cast and does a wonderful job.)

Maria’s pep talk? Also caused emotions.

And Maria got to come on the mission! I was pleasantly surprised, and really glad that the visit there wasn’t like. Just a pit stop, you know?

RIP Science Guy, we hardly knew ye.

Again, jumping ahead, but may I just say: It was truly an Experience, watching this movie with folks who had no idea what a ‘Flerken’ was.

Both my friends at the first screening I attended, and then like. Half the theater at the second one. XD

The whole row was like: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT when the tentacles came out.

So yeah, Talos and the 180 on the REAL villains: Nice. The enduring complaint leveled at the MCU is a lack of compelling villains. (I guess Talos technically doesn’t count as a villain by the end of this, but. We’re going with it.) And Carol’s commitment to helping the Skrull refugees lifts plot elements from my favorite portion of the DeConnick run, so. YEP. LOVED IT.

(I was also trying to determine if Talos’ daughter was perhaps meant to be like. a Tic expy. Did it say ‘Tic’ on the pinball machine? Or ‘Tig’? Or something else entirely?)

Loved the...mind prison? sequence. All of it. “Come as You Are,” the Great Intelligence rockin’ out in the jacket, Carol’s Big Damn Hero moment. Brilliant. Spectacular. Amazing.

“My name is Carol.”

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS

(Or does she say her full name? I can’t remember.)

And then the subsequent fight scene where Carol’s like. Simultaneously kicking butt but also enjoying all this newfound power/strength? A+++++

Favorite Visual #3: Carol sitting on the railing with the lunchbox.

Sad to see Minn-Erva go, but. Was so cool that Maria gets her own hero moment.

And then this big ol’ fight scene where Carol DESTROYS SPACESHIPS WITH HER BARE HANDS.

Favorite Visual #4: Carol going Binary in the red, blue, and yellow suit with the helmet FLYING THROUGH SPACE, LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT.

All of the visuals from this portion are so on point it’s like they’re pulled straight from the comics.

Favorite Visual #5: When Carol’s staring down Ronan and she like. Does that thing, where you hit your palm with your fist? (IDK the technical term there) And there’s this awesome energy burst and AGAIN, BLUE GLOW-Y THINGS. I love.

I’m pretty sure there’s an interview where Brie Larson talked about watching Indiana Jones? And wanting to be the female equivalent of that.

WELL, that’s the movie I immediately thought of when Carol blasted Yon-Rogg into a boulder, mid-goading.

(Y’know, like the scene in Raiders where Harrison Ford was too sick/tired to do the fight choreography, so he just. Shot the bad guy.)

ALSO, when she drags his sorry butt across the desert? I was IMMEDIATELY reminded of Kara dragging Astra into the DEO.

DANVERS GIIIIRRRRRRRRRRLLLLLS

*ahem*

THE FAMILY DINNER AT THE END?????

LITERAL FOUND FAMILY OF ALIENS AND SOLDIERS AND SUPERHEROES JUST. HAVING DINNER. PLAYING UNO. WASHING DISHES AND SINGING "PLEASE MR. POSTMAN”?

Thank you, Marvel, for this beautiful gen fic material.

WHOOPS I forgot the costume colors bit. (Admittedly confused it with the ending wherein Monica gives Carol her jacket back. Sans ketchup stain.)

So backtracking ever-so-slightly...

Let’s see if I remember this right: We get

Red and gold (Binary send-up, possibly? Or maybe the original Ms. Marvel costume?)

IDK what to call it....Lite-Brite? (♪ makin’ thi-ings with lii-iii-ight ♫)

Black and Gold (bathing suit costume?)

White and Green (original Mar-Vel/Kree colors)

That last one’s the only one that’s like. Obvious and deliberate. I’m just guessing with the others.

BUT CLEARLY I am ABSOLUTELY ONTO SOMETHING with the Lite-Brite.

BACK TO THE ENDING Lt. Trouble gives Carol her jacket and that’s my fav look, out of all the costume variations we see in the movie. I mean. I love the black and green, admittedly, and the helmet looks SO GOOD for being something that should be ridiculous, but my go-to answer for superhero costume design is: add a leather jacket.

Favorite Visual #6: Carol in the suit and flight jacket, floating above Earth, ready to go save the day.

AND THEN SHE’S OFF.

Ooooh, ooooooooh, but we can’t forget the scene. The scene that I’m certain ticked off The Continuity Police. (You know the types.)

See, remember when Marvel was like, ‘Carol’s the first Avenger!’ and haters were like, ‘UH HELLO IT’S STEVE????!????’

And then Marvel was like, oh ho ho ho, we meant LITERALLY the ENTIRE INITIATIVE IS NAMED AFTER HER CALL SIGN AND SHIELD STARTS LOOKING FOR SUPERHEROES BECAUSE OF HER ERGO SHE IS THE FIRST die mad about it.

That was so very, very satisfying to see.

(Also I guess she’s a literal Captain in the air force? If the rank on the jet is legit. Pretty sure she’s a Major in the comics, though. But I assume this change is to help sell the ‘Captain Marvel’ name.)

And then, friends. And then.

I was fully prepared to leave the theater, uncertain of when we’d next see Carol.

EVEN AS THE MID CREDITS SCENE PLAYED. I was like. ‘Well, they’re gonna cut it off before we can see anythINOHMaNTHERESHEIS!!!!!!’

‘Where’s Fury.’

*insert aesthetically pleasing keyboard smash here*

BRING ON ENDGAME.

And before we wrap up here, one final note:

The Space Stone, sought after by Trickster Gods and Mad Titans alike, was for a brief time, nothing more than a glorified furball.

FIN

(Nope, wait. One little anecdote before we go: of my core group of buddies, I am the Comics Nerd, and thus I am often consulted after we’ve watched a Marvel movie. So I had to explain that YES, Kara Danvers had the last name Danvers first, but she was adopted, and her GIVEN fake name was Linda Lee, so in all fairness, the same-name thing is a little less plagiarize-y, b/c ‘Linda Lee Danvers’ does not necessarily match up as well as ‘Kara Danvers’--which wasn’t even used until really recently--to ‘Carol Danvers’. ...Honestly, I was just really happy they called out the connection MY WORK HAS NOT BEEN IN VAIN XD )

Also, I sometimes get replies on posts like this which is totally fine BUT, I would ask that folks keep really spoiler-y stuff out of ‘em. At least for a little while.

#captain marvel #captain marvel spoilers #MAJOR SPOILERS #PLEASE BLACKLIST THIS AND SKIP IT IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE YET #long post #hark! a text post!

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prettyyoungtragedy · 6 years

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Writing meme

Thanks to the amazing talented @bitsandbobsandstuff for tagging me!

Q: What is your coffee order?

Black with simple syrup for when I feel dead, otherwise Americano, two shots of hot milk and one sugar.

Q: What is the coolest thing you’ve ever done?

Survived cancer (once)

Swam with whales in the Atlantic

Hiked the Arctic Tundra

Had dinner with Olympic gold medalist Caster Semenya

Had one of my fanfics picked up by Penguin Random House to be published into a novel.

Q: Who has been your biggest mentor?

Career wise? My mother, she’s a trauma surgeon, works 18 hour days and has 5 kids, in my eyes, she’s God.

For writing? Stephen King even though he doesn’t mentor me lol.

Q: What has been your most memorable writing project?

It’s a toss up between It’s all fun and games, until you catch feelings and Tear in my heart. It’s all fun and games it what really put me on the map as a tumblr writer and Tear in my heart is the story that got picked up to be made into a novel. Both of them are my heart and soul because I poured so much of myself into every chapter.

Q: What does your writing path look like, from the earliest days until now?

I started writing in middle school, most of the time it was my English teacher named Sasha (who till today I credit my creativity too because she helped me so much) who encouraged me to take up creative writing to help me speak better English, as it’s not my first language.

I would write short stories on anything and everything (Mostly Jonas Brother fanficion lmao) and that became Goosebumps fanficiton etc.

I stopped writing for a while even though in high-school I tried to outline a novel a few times but failed at doing so because I had other things like boyfriends at getting engaged at 18 on my mind lol.

I only got into Marvel Fanfiction I think in 2016, I dabbled in reading a few chapters of this and that, mainly Steve Rogers and when I was finally comfortable with it, I posted my first sorta canonically correct fic titled Nothing like home. which is just hot garbage lol

But over time I guess I got better.

Q: What is your favorite part about writing?

Getting feedback from my Beta.

Q: What does a typical day look like for you?

Wake up at 5AM, go to the gym work out for 45 minutes and convince myself I am getting skinny,

Eat breakfast and tell myself I’m fat,

Go to my boring finance job where I get yelled at and cry behind my desk twice a day, work work, work,

Some day’s treatment where I convince myself my hair isn’t thinning and I look fabulous, this never works.

Then lunch, drink a healthy smoothie,

Work again, see clients, move money around, pretend I am Billionaire Tony Stark and I am so cool (jk im not),

See my therapist, talk about how I don’t want to kill myself just bc I’m sick.

Go home, make dinner, annoy my roommate, sit down and write for a few hours, publish some average fanfiction and hope people like it.

Go to sleep and repeat this hum-drum process again for another 40 years.

Q: What does your writing process look like?

I have the following steps when I write:

Get an idea, jot it down. write out the ending or the outline for the ending. So I have a vision of where I am going with this.

Bounce these ideas around with my beta and make a moodboard, those always help me figure out my plot.

Figure out who my characters are going to be eg. Happy Steve? Sad Steve? Angsty? Fluffy? My inspiration depends a LOT on where the idea comes from.

Once i have my characters, I write down who dies, who lives, who ends up sad, happy, what changes their characters will go through and most importantly, how am I getting to the ending I see in sigh.

I write and write and write then bug my beta to make sure the idea is fine, no plot holes etc and I take it from there. Usually the editing process deletes half of the fic but yeah.

And that’s my process haha. it’s hot garbage.

Q: What’s the best advice you’ve gotten?

"You might as well say fuck it and do it anyway because if you die, you die” - My mother

Q: What’s the biggest lesson you’ve learned?

It doesn’t hurt to be kind to someone, even if they are shitty to you. One nice word to a stranger can change anyone’s life, your’s included.

Q: What advice would you give someone who wants to start writing?

Don’t stress it too much, don’t over think what you are writing. Just put your idea onto that document/paper. If you feel like it’s not good enough let someone else be the judge of that, hence the idea of a beta.

If you don’t get feedback immediately, don’t be discouraged. it doesn’t mean your work isn’t good enough it just means you haven’t found your audience.

Lastly, If you want to start writing, three things to remember. 1. Don’t get into your own head and discourage yourself. 2. Every idea is great, you just have to find your audience. 3. Creativity starts with an idea.

Tagging: @sgtjbuccky @jaamesbbarnes @tropicalcap @all1e23 @moonbeambucky @notimetoblog @teamcap4bucky @buckyofthemyscira @lokissoul @kentuckybarnes @suz-123

#Personal #Writing meme #about me

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sansofhumor · 6 years

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title: hey, kid, you’ve goat this rating: pg? characters: sans, papyrus, frisk, asgore tags: sanscentric, referenced character death, AU, death and grief

notes: this is uhhhhhh, raw and not edited bc i die, boy. super self-indulgent. no questons asked. where’s asriel?? chara?? no one knows don’t ask me!! here it is on Ao3! ((for content warnings: the character death isn’t for any of the listed characters, and isn’t described, but the fallout is... basically the whole fic.)

sans hesitates after stepping in the building, glancing around haphazardly. there's a cashier to his left, and walls of clothing in every direction except for in front of him, which has uh, watches? he looks up but the signs aren't very informative. womens, mens, housewares. aren't all these clothes technically house-wears? heh.

"Hello! Do you--uh, do you need help?" The cashier stutters when he turns to face them, but makes a remarkable effort at keeping the surprise off his face and smiling.

((readmore for mobile))

"uh, looking for a suit, or something." he shrugs, pushing his hands into his pockets.

"Let me get you some help!" The cashier speaks into a headset and then tells sans someone will be right there. he shrugs. that's fine. suppose it'd be easier to let someone who might know what they're doing take the reins.

in a matter of moments, another employee comes racing down the aisle stuttering to a stop before him. it's not very busy in the store but they look stressed anyways. despite that, they're smiling. they introduce themselves.

"How can I help you today?"

"just looking for a suit jacket. black. uh cheap?" he says, tacking that last bit on as an afterthought.

"Hmm. Well we aren't going to have a very big selection, but let's look in our clearance!" They lead the way and sans awkwardly follows, into the racks of clothes. They stop in front of a small selection and sans tilts his head looking at what's on offer.

"Do you know your size?"

"uh, round?" he says, looking down at himself then back up at them.

"Try this one?"

he does. the arms are long, but it hangs alright.

"Hmm, that's a regular, so we're looking for a 40, 42 short." They mumble, picking another jacket. this one is grey. he shrugs into it easily enough. it's still a little long, but better.

"heh, something wrong?" he asks and the associate winces.

"You need black, you said?"

"yeah, uh. special occasion."

"We don't have much here, there's the grey. Darker grey. Blue. We have some sixty percent off stuff?" They nervously shuffle their feet. he takes a look at the tag. Forty five dollars and it's 90% off.

"eh, sure."

sans takes a look at the jackets, but they're all navys and tans. the associate looks mildly embarrassed, still clutching the slightly too long, dark grey jacket.

"That's all we have, uh, in that price range… do-- when do you need the jacket?”

sans looks at his wrist. it’s bare. he shrugs. “sooner the better.”

“Yeah, the earliest we’re going to get some more markdowns is in a few days. Uhm, and all we have is this--the dark grey. And the black in a smaller size.” They awkwardly shuffle again, gripping the jacket.

“yeah, see, it’s for a uh funeral. gotta be black.” he reaches out and tilts the sleeve so it catches the fluorescent lighting, “or white i guess.”

They start shaking their head immediately, reluctantly informing him they don’t carry white outside of prom season.

“Uhm, I don’t know if this is the first store you tried. Uhm, but the only other place I can think to try is a thrift store--”

“well,” sans shrugs, “i’m actually. late. already.”

the human boggles.

“Oh, I’m--” they frown, “We can-- gosh we don’t have any coupons or anything out. Uhm, you can always return it later? If you’re only going to use it once, I mean. We’ll take it back, no problem.”

“sounds like work,” he breathes. and work? it’s just not like him. she’d understand. “she wouldn’t recognize me in a suit anyways.”

“Oh,” the human glances at him before looking away, “Uh. I--”

“welp. i’ll get outta your hair then.”

“Wait--” sans waits. “Uhm, I just. You look like you’re going through a rough time? Are you uhm, gonna be okay?”

in general, or right now? because, as long as he, you know, doesn’t think about it, he’s fine. he looks at their face. oh, they’re asking-- “it’s fine, i’ve got a shortcut. no breakdowns while driving for me, at least none of the emotional kind, heh.” he sees them whisper ‘breakdowns’. they look like they want to laugh but not offend him. they wrestle the urge down.

“Okay.” they look down at the coat again. “I think… I think whatever you show up in will be okay. She-- she’ll understand.”

sans wishes they’d laughed instead.

“you’re right, tori never let me get her goat anyways, knew i was always kidding around.” he waits just a second before he remembers this person won’t get the joke. he sighs.

“Well. I hope you uh…” they frown hard for a moment. he waits patiently. it’s what he does. “I hope you have... I hope your day is--” they look like they are about to quit. he smiles. well, he’s always smiling. “I hope your spirits lift soon! It’s a shame to see them so … depressed?”

he gives the joke a second of breathing room. the human’s face slowly morphs into one of unrestrained horror. he starts chuckling, then laughing, his breath leaving him in a woosh of amusement. “heh, gotta say, kid, that was a real rib tickler.” they breath a sigh of relief. “you gotta future in amateur comedy, if this sales thing don’t work out. anyways, i’ll leave you to it, kid. thanks for giving me a chuckle, you really made someone’s day.”

“Uh, bye, then!” they give a wave. he walks into the dressing room. he’s gone when they check in on him.

monster funerals are pretty cool. monsters turn to dust when they die, so the most integral part of the ceremony is spreading dust on their most loved things. normally a monster will have a small ceremony, with their surviving family and their close friends spreading the dust on a favorite book, or instrument. maybe, the dust would get split between those who had been closest to the fallen. however, when someone who touched the souls of almost every monster living falls down, the arrangements are a bit different.

Toriel hadn’t been a small monster. but still, her dust doesn’t amount to much. the urnful of ash doesn’t look like it should be all that’s left of the boss monster. it looks small, dainty almost, and though Toriel had never been ungainly, dainty wasn’t a word sans would use to describe her. regal maybe.

there is a line, a procession before him, of monsters. some with various knicknacks gripped in their limbs, some with nothing. all of them there to honor Toriel. she had loved the people in her community and she had touched so many lives and all those souls want closure. some hold precious memories-- “Toriel gave me this recipe while planning for the PTA bake sale, she said it was for her favorite pie”--and they receive a sprinkle of dust, so toriel’s essence can live on in those happier times. some only have the memories in their head, but they still want to be there, to offer their sympathies.

the urn grows deeper as it is emptied of toriel’s dust. if sans were prone to feeling bitter, if he could muster up the effort, he might be tempted to feel bitter about this. tori’s dust being spread so thin, across so many monsters. by rights, tori’s kid should be the one who gets to lay tori’s dust where they want. Tori’s kid, and maybe Asgore, her ex husband, depending on how she felt before she fell. but her dust was spread thin the way her love never was, and if he thinks about it, this is really what tori would have wanted. this ritual, spread across so many, is something to give the monsters in the community hope. to keep their will up even when a pillar has fallen.

besides, why should he get upset over this? it’s not like he wants any of her dust for himself. he has nothing to spread it over, no mementos or sentiments he can hold onto. just a door and some jokes they spent hours and hours on. the soft memory of her braying laughter, the noise of his bones knock knocking against wood. he hadn’t settled in her life, and he’d made sure she couldn’t settle in his.

though, the way his soul feels, he was maybe not too successful at the latter.

he stands at the edge of the gathering until everyone has filed away. he sees a couple monsters he knows-- the neighborhood watchdogs, the school’s coach and science teacher. he sees his brother as well. he sees them all come and go until only asgore remains. he stays until asgore leaves as well, returning to the quaint and tidy house toriel had lived in. he makes his way to the tree they’d stood under. the tree hadn’t meant anything special to toriel, but he isn’t going to interrupt what remains of her family with his tired jokes.

he raps his knuckles against the tree. “knock knock.”

nobody answers.

“hopper.”

“hopper happy on the other side.”

he waits and knocks again.

“knock knock…. baaa….. can’t you tell yourself? i’ve gotten your goat!” inspired, he follows that up quickly with another one. “knock knock… goat… what goat, can’t you see i’m kidding around?” he chuckles.

then he knocks again.

“knock knock…. your leaf….. you’re leafing me bonely, pal.”

and finally: “knock knock. i’ll fish…. i’ll fish you a lot.”

he sighs and thunks his head against the tree trunk. well, that’s as much of a eulogy as he is going to make. kind of went off on a tangent there. welp.

there’s another knocking sound, but this one doesn’t come from him.

“who’s there?” he answers the call obligingly. he’s informed that there’s an interrupting drop bear waiting at his door. “interrupting drop bear who--” a kid tumbles into his arms from the branches above. they’re lucky he’s magical.

“oof, there you are, kiddo. was wondering where you were hiding. oh, you’re wondering why i was late? i had problems with a suitor.” they look at him questioningly. “couldn’t find a suitable jacket.” they look at his worn hoodie and nod their head in agreement. he chuckles and sets them on the ground. “‘sides, better later than never, am i right?” they only shrug.

“well, come on, time to get you inside and fed. it’s getting late.” they take his hand, and he forces himself not to pull away. he walks them up to the door of toriel’s cottage home and knocks, two quick raps out of habit.

“I’ll be just a minute, who’s there?” that’s asgore.

“i’ll be just a minute.”

“Oh, I’ll be just a minute who?” Asgore asks, opening the door, a tired smile on his face. he probably only answered that way because he recognizes sans voice.

“i’ll be just a minute is you,remember? i’m sans. this is frisk.” he winks. “hey, ‘gorey. goat your kid.”

Asgore blinks, smile trembling a moment before pulling himself back together.

“Ahh, yes… my, hmm. Frisk, I had been wondering where you were at. Thank you, for bringing them home safely, Sans.”

“no prob, i’ll just get outta your way now, then--”

“Nonsense, please, let me invite you in for a cup of tea. I’m sure Frisk would appreciate the company.” as would i, he doesn’t add, but sans can read it on his face well enough. of course asgore doesn’t want to be alone right now. well... sans isn’t very good company right now.

“nah, it’ll just go straight through me, you know that.” he huffs a laugh.

“If you are quite certain, there are some leftovers in the kitchen, still.”

“well, if ya add food into the equation, guess i’m a variable after all.” asgore does not look like he gets the joke. sans won’t explain it.

the dinner is an awkward affair. there’s the remains of a snail casserole, heated up by fire magic. Frisk is sitting next to him, asgore is seated at the head of the table, though not the side that toriel would’ve taken. asgore made tea for them all anyway, and sans drinks it. it’s floral, and it dissipates like all magic food.

“She had a Last Will and Testament notarized,” asgore announces, not quite out of the blue.

“that requires some, uh, foresight.” he comments. asgore glances at him and shuffles his cutlery around.

“We’re reading it tomorrow, in the morning at the courthouse.”

“prompt, sounds good.” he doesn’t know why asgore would be telling him this. he looks at asgore’s face, catches his eyeline, follows it to the kid. “ah,” he says.

“Ah?”

“you need a kidsitter?” he asks. frisk wrinkles their nose at him. they’re not a-- “yeah yeah you’re not a baby, did i call you one?” he winks and frisk pouts. “i don’t have plans, i can make sure your kid is flat as a pancake by the time you come back.”

he’s not really sure why anyone thinks he’s responsible enough for kid duty. toriel had asked him quite a lot. well, he supposes frisk makes it easy most of the time. sure they get into tight spots, but they aren’t nearly the hellion papyrus was at that age.

“That’s not-- actually. Yes, that would work out fine, I believe. Would you like to stay the night then, so you do not have to make the trip twice over?” asgore is incredibly good at looking pleading and open and soft.

“eh, gotta text papyrus. he might want a sleepover with his favorite human too. you willing to host that?” he asks. he, uh, doesn’t really want to spend the night under tori’s roof when he knows that he won’t stumble upon her laughing in her kitchen or reading in the armchair by the fireplace. unfortunately, his brother is really cool and everyone knows that.

“I’d be delighted to have your brother here. He’d be welcome.”

he texts papyrus. papyrus would REALLY, REALLY LOVE TO HAVE A “SLEEP” OVER AT THE HUMAN’S, SANS! BECAUSE I AM SUCH A GOOD AND PREPARED FRIEND, I WILL BRING ALL THE NECESSARY EQUIPMENT. SPAGHETTI, PUZZLES, A VACUUM!

his brother really lightens the mood when he arrives. bearing puzzles and tupperware containers of food--and dragging a vacuum he insists on using before the night is up--he forcefully injects smiles and optimism into the small gathering. gosh. sans brother is just so cool.

asgore gets along well with Papyrus, he makes a pretty good foil for sans’ excitable brother. still, he bows out of the party games early, thanking them both for offering to keep an eye on the kid the next day.

sans watches the kid and papyrus giggling together over their puzzle game. they keep trying to entice him to join them but he’s content with dozing on the couch. they rouse him enough to tell him they're ready for bed, looking at him expectantly.

“hmm, you're right it is getting late. ‘night, then.” he rolls over, mostly to hide his amused face.

“SANS!”

he snickers, catches himself, and turns it into a loud snore.

the kid tugs at his jacket as papyrus yells some more. he keeps pretending. the tugs on his jacket stop, and papyrus goes quiet. sans gets suspicious.

“ONE. TWO. THREE!” there’s a rush of movement and then the kiddo is landing in him. he lets out a whoof of air as they settle on him.

“ah, nice of you to drop in.” they giggle. papyrus, who is still holding their arms where he helped soften their landing, scoffs. “oh, you wanted a bedtime story before catching some shut-eye?”

“OF COURSE WE DO SANS! IT’S TRADITION!”

“well, can’t say no to tradition, i guess. settle in.”

papyrus squeezes onto the couch next to them, and sans begins the story with “once upon a time".

the next morning sans wakes to the sound of people getting ready for the day. none of them are being quiet about it, all of them used to him sleeping through anything. he’d actually had a decent amount of sleep though, and as such his mind is reluctantly drawn to wakefulness.

the house smells like breakfast spaghetti, so papyrus must’ve convinced asgore to let him in the kitchen already. asgore’s deep voice was commenting on something something sauce, so he is also in the kitchen. that leaves…

he opens his eyes and meets frisk’s. they grin at him, steady. he returns the smile.

“morning, kiddo. youre up already? heh, yeah we all know who the lazy bones here is.” he sits up and notices that the kid is dressed in a jumper instead of the pajamas they fell asleep last night.

“ready to chill today?” he asks.

they pout at him, smile melting off their face. he raises the ridge above his eye sockets. they just shrug and tug on his sleeve again.

“alright, time for breakfast, then.” he lets himself be pulled up and dragged to the table where papyrus has already set everything out.

“oh, neat, bro, spaghetticakes. my favorite!”

“SANS, YOU SAID MY SPAGHETTI CASSEROLE WAS YOUR FAVORITE?”

“yeah, bro, if you make it, it’s my favorite.”

“AWWW, A GENUINE COMPLIMENT!” papyrus takes a moment out of his busy routine to skip over to sans and give due affection. sans soaks it up like a sponge, albeit a lazy one

“so, getting ready for that willing?” sans asks asgore, who is busy pushing his breakfast around his plate.

“Ah, yes. That. That is. I have received word that Frisk should be present, so it turns out your supervision will not be necessary. I am sorry for inconveniencing you and your brother.”

“doesn’t seem like the kid wants to go.”

“Be that as it may.” asgore starts, and then let’s go, as if it explains everything.

“why not just, you know, let the kid hang out here. no need to drag ‘em with you.”

“It’s very important they attend.” he sighs, resigned. “If sparing them this would benefit them in the long run, I would do so.” he admits. “Again, I apologize for inconveniencing you.”

sans shrugs at the kid. he tried.

“OH. NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE! THOUGH IT DOES SEEM MEAN TO HAVE GOTTEN FRISK’S HOPES TO HANG OUT WITH A COOL SKELETON LIKE ME UP AND THEN NOT FOLLOW THROUGH ON THAT PROMISE…. PERHAPS WE CAN STILL ‘HANG’ AFTER YOUR COURT THING?”

frisk nods excitedly. they want ice cream.

“I do have something to attend after the meeting. I was planning on taking Frisk, but if you’d still like to watch them?”

“OF COURSE!”

“Would it be too much trouble to accompany us to the reading then? That way no one will have to make this trip twice.”

sans narrows his eye-sockets. “was really planning on, uh, taking it easy today.”

“NONSENSE SANS. YOU TAKE IT EASY EVERYDAY. WE’LL JOIN YOU.”

well. now papyrus would just carry him there if he tried to stay behind.

asgore prefers wearing those tropical shirts with the obnoxious patterns and dad shorts. today he’s wearing a suit. sans wonders where toriel was hiding an asgore sized suit-- why she was hiding an asgore sized suit-- or if asgore had brought it with him and hung it somewhere in toriel’s closet. the guest room closet, perhaps, but still toriel’s.

sans would be wearing that suit jacket if he’d ever gotten around to buying it. as it is, he’s dressed in his dirty blue hoodie. everyone else in the room is wearing clean, somber colors. except papyrus of course, in his bright scarf.

he doesn’t mind. he’s too busy passing notes to frisk, who is on the verge of tears. he wants to be mad at asgore. but he looks on the verge of tears as well. the kid opens the note. it’s a poorly drawn caricature of the human reading the legalese of toriel’s will. it startles a chuckle out of the kid.

“The house will be donated to the Monster Wellness Association, under conditions that they use it in line with their mission statement, stipulations on page 8.”

Frisk tenses again and sans wants to grab their hand and take ‘em to get ice cream right now! all this was doing was making the kid realize how much of their mother they were losing at once. not just toriel herself, but the kitchen she cooked in, the fireplace, the cozy room sans had “helped" paint (there was one skeletal handprint underneath the even coat).

“All of my worldly belongings are bequeathed to my child, Frisk. Frisk may part and parcel them how they choose, though I ask them to consider donating what they do not wish to keep or give to friends to a reputable charity.”

the kid’s breath starts to hitch. sans doesnt know how to help. he has a feeling silly notes wont cut it his time. instead he puts his hand out, and isnt surprised when the kid grips it shakily.

“Concerning Frisk, as I am their only gaurdian and there is no next of kin to take on that role, I will offer my intentions here.” asgore shuts his eyes. ouch, that’s rough, buddy. maybe calling frisk his kid was a little premature. but what else was sans supposed assume? though asgore and toriel had broken up years ago, sans just thought. you know. asgore would, uh. Inherit the kid?

“Though, perhaps unexpected, I believe this the best course of action for everyone involved. I would like to name C. Sans guardian of my child, Frisk.”

because asgore actually had kid, heh, raising experience and toriel had known him for-- wait. What?

“what was that?”

frisk looks at him with wide eyes.

Papyrus looks at him with wide eyes.

“WOWIE BROTHER! DOES THIS MAKE ME AN UNCLE?”

even he knows it would be a dick move to shortcut the hell out of there. the kid still has his hand so he can’t anways, unless he wants a hitchhiker. he does glare in asgore’s direction. asgore avoids his eyeline. coward.

well. perhaps sans shouldn't be throwing stones.

he keeps his peace so the rest of tori’s will can be read. quietly biding his time, trying to catch asgore’s eyes, avoiding the kid’s. he still doesn’t take away his hand, and the kid hasn’t let go, but he doesn’t think that reassures either of them.

once the place nearly clears out, sans stands and corners the officiator. asgore seems to have a similar idea.

“OH! FRISK WHY DON’T WE LOOK FOR ICE CREAM. OUTSIDE. WHERE ICE CREAM IS?”

papyrus meets sans’ eyes for half a second. long enough for sans to feel properly chastised and encouraged, like papyrus had found time to lecture and give him a pep talk all within a glance. a pepyrus talk. Heh.

once theyre both gone, he faces the front of the room.

“so you knew about this, ‘gorey?” there’s a question mark, but it isn’t really a question.

“I could not find the right time to bring it up. Toriel had, ah, discussed it with me before. I thought she was planning to have this conversation with you, and it was not my place to intercede and yet…” he trails off.

“you want the kid, don’t you?”

“I do, of course. And will take them in if you find you're not ready to take the responsibility.”

“thought you’d put up more of a fight,”

the boss monster squares his shoulders and faces sans, for real. his stare flinty, stern.

“Do not mistake me, Sans. You are my friend, but if I thought for a second you would do wrong by Toriel’s memory, we would already be in a courtroom.” his eyes soften just a bit, “As it is, that would leave Frisk in a precarious position, and I would not wish to do that when there are other, less drastic means.”

sans hummed, shrugging his shoulders under his jacket. “youre hoping i back out so theres no fuss or muss, eh?”

“You,” asgore scratches his nose, caught out. “You are not known for taking on such responsibility, by your own admission, my friend.”

“hmn,” sans acknowledges his point, “so i, uh, what, refuse custody and the kid gets to go home to your place?”

“Well,” the human interrupts, “Frisk would be temporarily placed in child services, as you are the only officially named next of kin. They’d go down the list-- perhaps your brother, since he is your next of kin-- evaluating each person’s qualifications as guardian. It could take quite a while before Mr. Dreemur is considered, though I’m sure it could be expedited.”

sans narrows his eye sockets, “whattabout what the kid wants, eh? you’d just ship ‘em off with strangers when there’s plenty of monsters they know who’d be willin’ to take ‘em in?”

the human shrugs, “Not me, personally. It’s the system.”

“The process would not take long at all,” asgore says, “It would be quite quick after I submit my application.”

“why was tori so deadset on me havin the kid anyways,”

“I’m afraid it is more that she didn't want me to have them. She was still quite mad at me, despite how she pretended at aloofness.”

sans considered. “why wouldnt she want you to step in, ‘gorey? youre not terrible, whatever your differences. she never had a problem with frisk spending time with you.”

Asgore’s mouth flattened, as did his ears. “Her arguments were… several. I suppose. I am often quite busy, caring full time for frisk would require careful scheduling. I also live quite a distance away, and moving would most likely require frisk to change school zones. They are not unimportant issues but also not something I cannot overcome.”

“yeah, thats what i figured too, but if that were it, tori would've still listed you as an option… something you ain’t telling me?”

sans carefully examines asgore’s face. the tightening of his jaw, the wrinkle between his brows. considers toriel, what she would say about her and asgores lives, when they were together.

he used to be so reliable, she said.

sans would argue that asgore is still reliable. busy, yes. he is the official monster delegate, wielding almost unparalleled political power of course he’s busy. but even as such he always makes time for frisk, his duties, his friends, his hobbies. though sans can see the weight of it on him, he also knows asgore would not let it interfere with frisk’s care.

but then he stopped being reliable for toriel. made decisions about their lives he didn’t consult her about. and when she did try to talk to him about it, he nodded and listened and was sad and contrite but did not bend. it became something toriel could not-- didn’t want to--overcome. so she left.

“what if frisk doesn't want to switch schools?”

“I don’t foresee it being difficult to persuade them of the advantages of a different school district. They aren't a troublesome child.”

“‘course not. hey, why don't we ask them?”

“What?” asgores eyebrows climb up his worried forehead.

“yeah, seems like something they should have a say in, ya’know.” he walks to the door as asgore stumbles over his words.

“You do not think-- all of this stress they are already under-- I understand the importance of--”

and he pulls the door open, a skeleton and a child tumbling into the room when they didn’t scramble back fast enough. sans raises an orbital ridge at his brother. papyrus pops back up and dusts off his body.

“WHY FRISK… IT LOOKS LIKE THE ICE CREAM IS NOT HERE??”

sans shakes his head and looks down at frisk. “whaddaya say, kiddo?”

frisk looks up at him, nervously, before glancing at asgore. the big guy just waves a little, smiling softly. he really does just want the best for frisk, he just has a tendency to make decisions first and cry about them later.

“hey, ‘sall right, buddy, it’s not a decision you have to make now, alright? we can have another sleepover and talk about it in the morning.”

frisk nods, cautiously standing up, reaching for Papyrus’s hand. they go get icecream.

despite the will it still takes awhile for toriel’s wishes to go through with finalization. this mostly means sans is spending a lot of nights on toriel's couch while waiting for frisk’s decision. finally the deed for the house changes names and sans gets the notification.

frisk is still a child, there's no way they know what they will have wished they'd kept and what to give away. still, sans has no part in this process, and he's slowly realizing asgore doesn't quite have a say either.

“I can have the important things moved to my home, or a storage facility for Frisk to go through when they are feeling up to it. I can have a list of charities by tomorrow as well, for the rest of it.”

“they gave us time, no one is gonna kick us out because frisk hasn't sorted through everything.” sans feels the need to say, since frisk is still in their room.

“I would not throw away anything of sentimental value.” asgore seems offended.

“didn't say so, buddy, just think that maybe frisk should have a say instead of dealing with whatever we think is important instead.”

asgore's nostrils flare, but his shoulders slump and he nods his head. “We shouldn't tarry, however kind the MWA are being.”

sans thinks that the MWA will let them stay as long as they need, but he doesn't press the issue. he decides he should ask the kid how they want to go about this. he kind of doesn't want to deal with it. but if frisk doesn't make their decision, asgore will and though sans isn't the sentimental type he can tell frisk is. what if they throw away a pie tin, and in twenty years frisk will have a break down because they dont have their mother's pie tin to make their mother's favorite pie?

well, maybe he's over thinking this.

he knocks on their bedroom door, then lets himself in.

frisk is a lump on the floor, not even under any blankets. sans steps into the room.

“what's up, kiddo?” they turn to look at him, and their face is miserable. yeah, hearing that it was time to pack up and divide what was left of your mother's life would do that to you.

“you don't have to do it on your own, kiddo. you’ll have all the help you can want.” frisk wipes under their eyes hastily, though they aren't crying. “i can call pap, he’ll be down to help with everything. he can bring undyne--she probably won't suplex anything if you ask her.”

frisk’s smile is wobbly.

“asgore has got a place set up to help store everything you want, you don't have to worry about space.” frisk hiccups softly, surprising themselves and sans cant help but chuckle at their surprised expression.

he takes the opportunity to shuffle closer and pat their back reassuringly. humans are so weird, with their flesh and trapped air bubbles and reflexively convulsive muscles.

when they calm down, frisk tugs his sleeve enough to get his attention. he inhales a bit sharp. they smile at him hopefully.

“...yeah, you got me, too.” their smile grows. he gets an idea, and lets himself drop on them. he hears them make a noise of surprise. “oh no,” he says, “looks like you really got me, you're too strong.”

frisk is giggling, pretending to shove him away with their small hands. “i can't escape, your gravitational pull is just too strong,” he leans more weight onto them, carefully. frisk is laughing now, breathless as they flail their limbs, pushing at his loose jacket and his rough bones. with a jolt they finally collapse, and they both fall flat.

he laughs, and waits until they focus on him again, their cheeks and eyes red, but not from stifling tears anymore. “hey, kiddo.” frisk hums in acknowledgment. “looks like your stuck with me, huh.”

their hand finds his again.

he finds he's starting to mind it less.

the kid is looking indecisive at the trash. sans is leaning against the counter. he's sure that toriel would have asked frisk to take the garbage bag to the curb as one of their chores before-- well. and now the kid is frozen, sad eyes staring at the garbage can with something heavy crawling across their back.

sans doesn't know what it's like, longing so deeply for something. sometimes, he's not sure he really knows what feeling anything is like anymore.

there's nothing more that sans wants than to leave frisk to have this moment alone. but he'd already promised the kid that they were stuck with him, and it's not like he is going to make himself useful by actually packing up tori’s--now the kid’s--belongings. so he stays, and watches frisk's shoulders stiffen with decision.

they take out the trash.

it's one more thing they're saying goodbye to.

a lot of the furniture has been parceled between the friends gathered to help frisk. undyne had snagged quite a few kitchen appliances, asgore had been surprised and touched when frisk gave him toriel's bookshelves and her treasured chairiel.

there were quite a few things frisk was donating as well, both to a monster shelter--a lot of toriel's non-perishable foodstuffs and blankets--and to the mwa group moving in.

some other things were for asgore's storage system, to be considered another day--toriel’s clothes, her stacks of books, the teaching supplies.

frisk seems reluctant to actually keep anything for themselves, despite sans insisting that they can keep every item in the house. not like asgore cant afford that much storage. there's a lot that frisk lingers over, but hesitates to grab. a book of snail facts that frisk rubs a finger over before placing it in a box headed for asgore's house.

sans, despite everything else, knows the importance of bedtime stories and he knicks the tome when noone is looking.

and now frisk is getting teary eyed over the trash can. sans doesn't want to psychoanalyze that, but it's not like he can stop himself from reading the tense lines in their body.

he hops up onto the kitchen counter, the movement familiar enough to him. he knocks into the knife block, and frisk’s eyes snap to him. their gaze slides over to the knives, contemplating.

they drag a new box to the counter and reach towards the cabinets, ignoring the knives.

“oh, you think since i'm up here i'm game to help you?” he leans back, resting against the backsplash, short enough that the cabinets dont bother him.

they shake their head and rattle the box insistently and sans relents.

“‘k. but only ‘cause youre even shorter than me.” and instead of reaching up to hand the mugs in the cupboard to the kid, he just turns their soul blue and lifts them up to the cabinets.

they laugh, delighted, and plop the box on sans' lap, before getting down to business.

frisk isn't going about this methodically, though they are being thorough. it probably doesn't help that the rest of their friends are disorganized themselves, each deciding to tack different areas. mostly this means that frisk has already helped undyne and papyrus pack up a lot of the dishes and pots and pie tins--frisk didn't keep any for themselves, but gave Papyrus everything from the casserole dish to the smallest tart round. sans doesnt know why, his brother doesn't really bake and always looks quizzical when sans offers a quiche on the rare occasion sans gives him a night off from dinner duty--but there are still coffee mugs since undyne has too many already and Papyrus doesn't really drink things that can't be put into a normal glass.

frisk carefully pulls these down and hands them to sans, who dutifully wraps them in newspaper and places them into the box. toriel had a lot of mugs, a lot of funny ones and collectible ones. he huffs a laugh at i like you a latte as he wraps the papers around it.

frisk laughs as well, and hands him another, this one saying this is some with a picture of a koala and a tea bag. that one is very good.

another mug, another joke. “that's what.” -she is particularly clever and sans can see it delighting the part of toriel who loved teaching.

frisk gestures to be let down and as soon as their feet touch the tile they take off to another cabinet, digging through the contents before running back to sans and the box.

sans wraps up a salt shaker and tilts his head and the ceramic battery sculpture paired with it. frisk huffs and shakes some pepper out of the batter and sans is positively delighted.

“a salt and battery!” sans laughs, doubling over on the counter, “that one really--” he tries to catch a breath between his chuckling, “that one really packs a punch, kid!”

frisk helps sans off the counter when he gets over his laughing fit, and gathers a few more punny kitchenware for the box before giving it back to sans.

“alright, where do’ya want this one?” he follows frisk's direction and sets the box down, deliberately separate from but still related to Papyrus’ stack of boxes.

“oh--” he, uh, he doesn't know what to say now.

frisk looks at him, expression determined.

“IS THIS ONE MY BROTHER'S THEN?”

Papyrus swoops in and snags the box from between them.

“ah, pap--”

“YES, SANS?” Papyrus looks guilelessly at sans, cradling the box. frisk is nervously biting their lip. okay. yeah, this isn't the hill he's going to die on. he can just. put them in a drawer somewhere and not look at them, or something. no need to get worked up about this. ‘s not like his kitchen is already going to be filled up with tori's left behinds.

“there's uh, ceramics in there. so.”

“OF COURSE I WILL BE CAREFUL WITH THEM, SANS! THAT'S WHY I AM CARRYING THEM. I AM THE BEST AT CARRYING THINGS. I CARRY YOU ALL THE TIME!”

“you're right.”

Papyrus spins on his heel and marches out the door like he's afraid sans is going to unpack the box if he isn't fast enough. sans sighs, rubbing the back of his neck.

most of the house is packed up now. undyne os clattering somewhere throwing junk in a box to be donated probably. asgore is marking things to be put in storage.

a touch nudges his hand, and sans looks down to see the kid looking at him from beneath their fringe. the kitchen is clear enough for frisk, the kid is content that anything left can be claimed by their friends or given away now that they've gotten sans to accept the box.

sans lets his hand turn so he can catch frisk's fingers. “alright, what's next?”

frisk tightens the hold and leads him down the hall, to toriel's room. sans feels his grin take a nervous shade, but. he said he'd be there for the kid, he can't run away now.

frisk’s grip is too tight.

the door creaks open and sans is led inside. the lights are off and the kid does not turn them on, so neither does sans. they tug him over to a desk where they finally let go of his hand. he’s in it too far to leave now, so he puts his hands in his pockets while the kid carefully goes through the desk drawers.

tori’s room is quaint, tidy. like he would expect from her, if he had to guess. her bed is tucked in a corner, taking up more room than a standard but less than a king, the covers smoothed and well made but not like a perfectionist did them up. there is a chest and a dresser. everything is unassuming.

frisk closes a drawer with care so sans takes his cue and refocuses his attention on them.

they are holding out a book.

“oh, kiddo…”

oh, kiddo indeed. they hold out the book insistently. sans does not take it. they insist again. sans dodges.

“c’mon that’s, kid… it’s-- that’s uh,” he runs out of words.

they pull back the book just to flip it open, searching for a page to show him. he doesn’t want to see it. they show him anyways. it’s just a simple planner, a teacher’s agenda. days divided into squares with notes written in the corners. almost like a journal. there’s an entry circled and sans can’t help but read it.

Why did the skeleton want a friend? …. Because she was feeling BONELY!

frisk closes the book and offers it again like a question. sans shakes his head.

“i just…” it’s too much, he doesn’t say. he’s been doing good at not thinking about it. he’s been doing really good and avoiding the thoughts and memories and expecting her braying laughter after he tells a joke and finding its absence instead.

he spent so much time trying to minimize the damage. he can remember the first time he stopped and realized this was going to hurt, when it ended and known he’d been in too deep to stop it from hurting at all because toriel had made it so hard to just not care but he had been preparing himself for the inevitability that she’d get tired of him, or offended? or that he’d mess something up like he always does and she’d be out of his life, because the only good thing he ever managed to keep was Papyrus and that was inexplicably in spite of everything sans ever did.

this was so much worse than he was expecting.

all that effort and now everywhere he turns there’s a space that isn’t empty but doesn’t have potential anymore. his next words don’t have the potential to make toriel laugh, anymore. the spaces between his fingers no longer have the potential to get chalky with flour. he’ll never be able to tell tori that, yeah, this time he’d tag along as a pta chaperone for a fieldtrip, make some prime parents from hell jokes, yeah? all this time keeping himself a couple feet withdrawn, content to whilst away the maybes and somedays and now all he has to show for it is a sad kid and a journal telling him how lonely tori was.

he wasn’t much good for anything, but he’d had a chance to be a good friend. now that, like everything else, was gone.

he can’t meet the kid’s eyes. he knows he has some kinda responsibility here but. he’ll mess it up anyways, won’t he? he already is. he actually already has. he’s surprised Papyrus isn’t more messed up than he lets on.

he’s through the bedroom door almost before he’s made a decision, but he doesn’t step into the hallway of toriel’s house. instead he steps onto the clashing carpet of his and his bro’s second floor, the door behind him clicking shut. he stands there for a moment.

he guesses that it was time for the punchline to hit. it took such a long while, of course it was sure to be a knockout.

there’s nothing left to do, but slip into his room and clock out for the day.

he gets away with it for longer than he expected, honestly. and the wake up is far gentler than he expects.

“SANS?”

papyrus finally knocks on his door. it’s been… sans squints at the dark of his ceiling. well, it can’t have been too long, none of his bosses have called him, at least.

“SANS… MAY I COME IN?”

sans shifts his head to peak out at the door frame. everything’s dark so he’d be able to see if the frame was on. it’s not. he looks back at the ceiling. he hears Papyrus shifting as he waits for an invitation. sans knows he should say something but he can’t bring himself to. Papyrus finally settles against the door, sans can hear him slide down against it.

“I HAVE FINISHED PUTTING AWAY… EVERYTHING. EVEN THE MUGS. I ASKED IF YOU WANTED THEM ANYWHERE SPECIFIC BUT… YOU DIDN’T ANSWER. SO I PUT THEM IN THE CUPBOARD! THE ONE YOU CAN REACH. I HOPE THAT IS OKAY.”

that’s considerate of him. sans should say so.

“I WILL TAKE YOUR SILENCE AS THE RINGING ENDORSEMENT I AM SURE IT IS. THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS NOT DISCOURAGED BY YOUR CONTINUED SILENCE AT ALL.”

sans stays silent.

“OF COURSE… IF YOU WERE TO BREAK YOUR SILENCE BY. PERHAPS. SPEAKING TO ME. OR EVEN MAKING SOME SORT OF SOUND ACKNOWLEDGING THAT YOU ARE, IN FACT, ALIVE IN THERE, IT WOULD NOT BE REMISS.”

that makes sans blink. oh right. yeah. right. he pushes himself up. he should say something but. but that still feels like too much. like if he said something it might. it might start something he can’t stop. he pats around for his phone.

he digs it out of one of his pockets. it’s still got a charge--thank you alphys--and it’s set to silent. there are some missed notifications but he ignores them to pull up papyrus’ contact. he composes a message. short, sweet, to the point: im awake

he hears the buzz of Papyrus’ phone.

“OH-- OH GOOD. GOOD.”

his voice sounds shaky, relief in every octave. good going sans, brother of the year, there.

“FINALLY YOU BREAK YOUR LAZY STREAK! CONGRATULATIONS, BROTHER, YOU ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO BREAKING YOUR SELF IMPOSED ISOLATION AND REUNITING WITH SOCIETY. I’M VERY PROUD OF YOU.” the thing is, Papyrus doesn’t even sound sarcastic, because he is very proud of sans.

“YOU MISSED UNDYNE SUPLEXING ASGORE AFTER YOU. LEFT.” Papyrus offers in the silence sans let grow. “SHE KEPT TRYING TO SNEAK UP ON HIM AFTER THE FURNITURE WAS CLEARED. ALPHYS HAS PICTURES. PROBABLY.”

“FRISK SPENT THE NIGHT TO HELP UNDYNE AND ALPHYS, WHICH THEY COULD DO BECAUSE THEY ARE ON A TEMPORARY BREAK FROM SCHOOL AND AS SUCH DOES NOT NEED TO GET UP EARLY AND BE CAREFULLY DELIVERED TO THE CAMPUS AS IS CUSTOMARY FOR A HUMAN THEIR AGE.”

despite everything, sans can tell Papyrus is trying to lead up to something. sans still cannot find his voice, but his brother is doing his best and what would sans be if he didn’t try, too? he rolls carefully onto the floor.

“I HAVE CONSIDERATELY RESEARCHED THE RULES AND REGULATIONS OF FRISK’S SCHOOL SYSTEM, AS A SELFLESS BOON BECAUSE THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS NOT ONLY THOUGHTFUL AND GENEROUS, HE IS PREPARED! IT WAS NOT BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO DISTRACT MYSELF FROM. THINGS.”

sans stumbles in his fumbling steps to stand.

“I AM NOT SURE YOU ARE AWARE, BROTHER, BUT THERE ARE TWO SETS OF HOURS, REFLECTING EACH OTHER. THIS MEANS THERE IS A SEVEN IN THE MORNING AS WELL AS THE EVENING. THOUGH THIS IS AN HOUR I SEE VERY OFTEN, AS A RESPONSIBLE MEMBER OF SOCIETY WITH A DEDICATION TO HIS JOB, IT IS ONE I KNOW YOU ARE UNACCUSTOMED TO ENTERTAINING. REGARDLESS… THIS IS THE HOUR FRISK MUST BE UP TO START GETTING READY FOR THEIR SCHOOLING, IF THEY ARE TO MAKE IT ON TIME.”

Papyrus’ voice trills, the way it does when he starts up his monologues, settling into his speech. sans can almost see the way his hands gesticulate, gloves underlining the points in his words.

“AND OF COURSE THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL RELISH THE CHANCE TO TAKE OUR TINY HUMAN FRIEND TO SCHOOL ON THE WAY TO HIS IMPORTANT JOB! HOWEVER THERE ARE TIMES WHEN I MUST BE UP MUCH EARLIER THAN EVEN SEVEN IN THE MORNING, AND FRISK CANNOT BE EXPECTED TO MAKE THE LONG AND POTENTIALLY PERILOUS PATH THEMSELVES… “

here his hand would flutter, nervously, as if conjuring the next set of words he has to speak.

“AND, THOUGH APPARENTLY BREAKS ARE MANDATORY AND MUST BE TAKEN DESPITE A HEALTHY WORK ETHIC--” Papyrus audibly stops himself from going on a tangent. “--THERE IS NOT ONE LONG ENOUGH AT THE RIGHT TIME TO PICK THEM UP AFTER SCHOOL.”

“AND. THOUGH MY COOKING IS UNPARALLELED AND FILLED WITH PASSION, HUMANS NEED MORE THAN MAGIC TO KEEP THEIR GROSS HUMAN BITS RUNNING PROPERLY. AND HUMANS NEED A LOT OF SOCIAL INTERACTION, ESPECIALLY CHILDREN, IN THE FORM OF SUPERVISED ‘PLAY DATES' WHICH ARE NOT COVERED IN THE DATING MANUAL! “

“AND THERE IS A THING CALLED PTA? AND ONE MUST JOIN THE PTA IN ORDER TO FULFILL OPTIMUM GUARDIAN POTENTIAL AND THE GREAT PAPYRUS JUST DOES NOT HAVE TIME TO ATTEND EXTRA CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES IF THEY DO NOT OCCUR BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 5PM AND 4AM, WHICH THE SCHOOL ASSURES ME THEY DO NOT! I CANNOT BELI--”

sans opens the door and Papyrus tumbles backward, falling onto the floor with a noise of surprise.

“what's a matter, bro? all this worrying is making you fall down.” the weight of the sentence hits sans all at once. “i mean, fall over-- uh, that's, sorry, that one was awful.”

“NYEH HEH HEH, SANS!” Papyrus laughs from the floor, giving sans a faint sense of unreality. Papyrus laughing at a terrible joke while sans looks down at him. things have been weird lately.

“stop laughing, bro, we really gotta get your funny bone checked out.”

“FORGIVE ME IF I ENJOY JAPES THAT REQUIRE A LITTLE MORE BACKBONE THAN YOU LIKE TO MAKE!”

sans shakes his head. this is one of those times he would choose to smile if he had a choice. his brother is really the best. even if his brother is working himself up for some reason.

“what’re you really upset about?” sans asks, letting his shoulder lean against the doorframe.

“I AM NOT UPSET! I JUST. WANT TO SUPPORT YOU IN THE THINGS YOU DECIDE TO DO.”

“support me?” sans crosses his arms. Papyrus gives him an incredulous look, like sans is the one acting topsy turvy today.

“I KNOW YOUR MEMORY GETS WEIRD WHEN YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE SAD NAPS. BUT YOU CANNOT FORGET YOUR COMMITMENT TO FRISK WHILE THEY CHOOSE IN WHICH DIRECTION THE REST OF THEIR LIFE WILL GO!”

“that’s exaggerating just a bit, bro.”

“YOU AND I BOTH KNOW IT IS NOT!”

sans shrugs. then sighs. “i think… i already messed this up.”

“BUT NOT IRREPARABLY, BROTHER. MISS TORI-- THE HOUSE IS PACKED UP NOW, AND FRISK CANNOT STAY THERE ANY LONGER. ASGORE HAS BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO, AND YOU ARE THEIR LEGAL GUARDIAN FOR NOW! SO THEY WILL BE RETURNING HERE. YOU CAN APOLOGIZE!” papyrus squints up at sans. “OR MAYBE PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED, BUT RESOLVE TO DO BETTER IN THE FUTURE!”

“ouch,”

“I’M ONLY SAYING THE TRUTH. YOU’RE VERY AVOIDANT. BUT EITHER WAY, I AM HERE TO SUPPORT YOU. OR. I WANT TO BE HERE TO SUPPORT YOU.”

“things would… have to change a lot, huh.”

Papyrus is not a monster that enjoys hiding his feelings, and so it’s very easy for sans to see the concern and doubt in his brother’s face as Papyrus leans back and stares up at him. his brother radiates openness, an easy ear to listen to him, if either of them had ears.

“heh, have to start scheduling my naps again, huh.”

“YOU MAY HAVE TO EVEN QUIT ONE OF YOUR JOBS TO FIT THEM ALL IN!” papyrus is way too excited by that.

“yeah, heh.” he swallows. they can afford for him to drop a job or two, but doing so makes sans uneasy. sure he’d have more time off, Papyrus doesn’t need sans to provide a cushion anymore, and it’s been a long, long time since sans has needed to “figure something out” when bills started piling up in the mail.

“what if they decide to stay?” he asks, hunching inwards.

“THEN THESE CHANGES MAY BE PERMANENT FOR US! I CAN SUBMIT CHANGES TO MY AVAILABLE HOURS, SO YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING BY YOURSELF. AGAIN.”

“you love your job.”

“I WOULDN’T BE QUITTING SANS! IN FACT, I HAVE A SUSPICION THAT MY BOSS WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE IT IF I STOPPED CLOCKING IN ON THE WEEKENDS.” Papyrus shakes his head wryly.

“okay, yeah, maybe you should stop doin that.” he crosses his arms and hisses air through his teeth. “i want to argue that you shouldn’t have to step in when i can’t uh, can’t do something myself, or by myself. but you’re being frustratingly good at cutting off my points of argument.”

“THANK YOU! I HAVE BEEN PRACTICING. YOU’RE VERY GOOD AT DEFLECTING AND I NEEDED TO STRENGTHEN MY OFFENSE IN RETALIATION.”

“you shouldn’t have to do that, i should just be able to talk about this without getting, heh, rattled.”

“AND WE ARE BACK TO THE LOWEST TIER OF HUMOR. BROTHER. ALL MY LIFE, YOU HAVE BEEN HELPING ME! ALONE! AND I WOULD BE DOING YOU A DISSERVICE IF I INSISTED I NEEDED TO ‘PAY YOU BACK’ FOR ALL THE YEARS YOU SUPPORTED ME. BUT, I WOULD LIKE THE CHANCE TO HELP YOU, TOO. I WOULD LIKE THE CHANCE TO DO THINGS. WITH YOU. AND FEEL LIKE I AM HELPING.”

“AND, I THINK I WOULD LIKE TO ‘PAY IT FORWARD’. I LIKE FRISK VERY MUCH, AND IF THEY CHOSE TO STAY WITH YOU--WITH US--THEN I THINK I WOULD LIKE LEARNING HOW TO TAKE CARE OF THEM AS WELL. I WOULD LIKE TO BE THERE FOR THEM, THE WAY YOU WERE THERE FOR ME.” he doesn’t need to say “the way no one was there for you,” but sans can read it off his face easy enough.

he must make some sort of expression, because Papyrus finally sits up, kneeling so he can glare into sans’ face.

“YOU ARE THINKING ‘but Papyrus, I was terrible at raising you when I, myself, was a child and had no idea what I was doing’ BUT YOU ARE WRONG. AS PROOF: LOOK AT ME, I AM EXCELLING AT LIFE!” Papyrus gestures at the whole of himself, smiling broadly. sans laughs half-heartedly.

“you are pretty great, bro. but you deserved a better life than what i could give you. frisk deserves a better one, too. and they had tori-- uh. they had tori. there’s no way i can live up to her. i don’t know why she named me anyways, unless it was a joke.” it’s a joke sans would laugh at, too, in any other situation.

“SANS.” Papyrus actually puts his hands on sans’ shoulders and gives him a shake, the frustration welling up in him. “I DO NOT KNOW HOW MANY DIFFERENT WAYS THAT I CAN PUT IT. BUT! YOU! DID THE BEST THAT YOU COULD! AND YOU WILL DO THE BEST THAT YOU CAN IF FRISK DECIDES TO STAY WITH US! I KNOW YOU ENJOY PRETENDING TO BE LAZY AND ACTING LIKE YOU DON’T EXPEND ANY EFFORT. BUT SOMETIMES IT SEEMS LIKE YOU BELIEVE IT, AND I CANNOT STAND THAT.”

“YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE PERFECT, YOU’RE GOOD ENOUGH SANS! TORIEL CHOSE YOU, INSTEAD OF ANYONE ELSE, BECAUSE SHE KNEW THIS! AND SHE HAD EYES! SHE COULD SEE HOW MUCH EFFORT YOU PUT INTO FRISK, EVEN AS JUST A FAMILY FRIEND! IT WAS NOT A JOKE. YOUR LIFE ISN’T A JOKE, SANS. YOU’RE MUCH BETTER AT THINGS THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE, AND IF YOU CANNOT BELIEVE IT, THEN I WILL BE RIGHT HERE TO CONTINUE TELLING YOU.”

‘“aw, geeze, pap.”

“AND,” Papyrus looks to the side, shifty eyed, “IF YOU CANNOT BELIEVE ME--”

“hey, no, pap--”

“YOU SHOULD READ THIS.” Papyrus pulls out the same book that startled sans into running away in the first place. it’s plain cover unassuming in papyrus’ gloved palm.

“Papyrus…”

“YOU DO NOT HAVE TO KEEP IT, BUT YOU SHOULD READ IT. WHEN YOU CAN. SANS, I KNOW TORIEL MEANT A LOT TO YOU. THOUGH YOU TRY TO HIDE IT? FOR SOME REASON? I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY, BUT IT’S VERY HARD TO PRETEND YOU DO NOT LIKE HER WHEN YOU ACTUALLY PICK UP THE PHONE WHEN SHE CALLS, OR DITCH YOUR EVENING NAP TO SLEEP ON HER COUCH AND EAT HER FOOD OR-- OH,”

Papyrus stops in the middle of his rant. sans’ shoulders are shaking. sans doesn’t know when that started, this whole conversation makes him want to crawl back into the depression on his mattress.

“I’M SORRY.” Papyrus sets the journal down. “I FORGOT, I’M SORRY.” he carefully puts his arms around sans’ shoulders, like any pressure will make crush sans. after a second, papyrus pulls sans closer, and makes the loose cradle into a real hug. “IT’S OKAY, SANS, IT REALLY IS.”

sans’ face is pressed against the fabric of Papyrus’ shoulder. Papyrus’ arms are locked around sans like, like something sturdy and lasting. something safe. and despite that cold feeling in his chest, the ice that crawls up his spine when he stops to think about anything, the purple karma that drips from his hands when he looks at them. despite everything, in this one moment, he thinks maybe Papyrus is right. maybe it’s okay.

sans, for the first time in, stars, years, starts to cry.

it’s not that sans is trying to ignore the apology he owes, or that he’s trying to prove Papyrus right. it’s just that he needs to figure himself out, and do it in a very compressed time. so while Papyrus puts together a quick lunch, and takes the kid out (for more icecream) and comes back with increasingly exasperated but still supportive side-eyes and pointed remarks about the living room and emotional depth, sans hides in the basement.

there’s a photo album sans keeps there, with some other things that he likes to avoid direct contact with. he hasn’t actually opened the album in years, but he can’t just throw it away. even if just because it’s not only his, but papyrus’ too. what if twenty years in the future, indeed.

sans knows he has issues. he can even trace why he acts like that for a good number of those issues. he didn’t have the chance to be a picky eater as a kid, so now he’s just a garbage disposal. he got in the habit of scrimping so he could make the bills, and even though he’s got a safety net now, it’s a habit he’s unwilling to break.

some of them are harder for him to place--he like making people laugh, to the point that he knows he can be obnoxious or will have to work harder at being taken serious. maybe making jokes is easier than honest emotional labor (true). maybe making people laugh is the fastest way to take control of a situation (true)--but he can conjure up a guess or two.

sometimes, he just. doesn’t know, and thinking about it doesn’t really help--sometimes he’ll order something online, only to get it twice even though he’s pretty sure he only got it once. he only ordered one of them, he should return the second, but he’s always so certain it’ll take care of itself. why would it take care of itself? it’s not like his purchases and bank account get reset after a week--so he doesn’t think about it.

so. grieving. it’s not something he has practice with, not for lack of opportunity. it’s why he has a photo album collecting dust in his basement. it’s why even Papyrus doesn’t say much about their past when anyone inquires about the skeleton brothers. it’s why he’s avoiding the child of a deer friend.

oh, she would’ve like that one.

but he was right, earlier. papyrus deserved a better life than the one sans managed to cobble together, no matter what papyrus has to say about it now. and frisk also deserves better than a bag of bones too bitter, too scared to figure out how to open up a little.

he was also right, in that frisk should still get to choose.

“SANS?” papyrus calls down the basement stairs.

“yeah?”

“TIME FOR DINNER?”

“are you asking me?”

“OF COURSE NOT, I AM ANNOUNCING THAT IT IS TIME FOR DINNER! FRISK IS SETTING THE TABLE, PLEASE COME UP, I DO NOT WANT OUR MEAL TO GET COLD!”

sans smiles from the dinner table, winking at frisk when they turn to set a plate down and sees him.

“bro, we’re waiting on you now.”

Papyrus whirls around at the sound of sans’ voice, eyebrows comically raised for someone who has been living with sans their whole lives. he gathers himself expertly and stomps his foot, seamlessly falling back into their familiar, comfortable roles.

“SANS YOU LAZYBONES! YOU COULD HAVE WALKED UP THE STAIRS!”

“but i didn’t wanna miss your spescapula cooking!”

“SANS! YOU KNOW MY COOKING IS WORTH MORE THAN AN EASY PUN!”

“you’re right bro, didn’t mean to punsult you.”

“THAT WAS EVEN WORSE!!”

“you’re smiling anyways.” sans settles back into his chair.

“I AM! AND! I HATE IT!”

there’s a clatter of utensils, as frisk kneels on their seat to serve themself, and sans takes the serving spoon from frisk’s hands before papyrus can, motioning them to push their plate closer. “don’t worry kid, i got you.”

frisk doesn’t hesitate to let him dump a spoonful of mash potatoes on their plate, and doesn’t object when sans’ grin turns mischievous. he adds another spoonful, and another. and another. and another.

“SANS!”

“what, you gonna deny the kid a well balanced dinner?” he asks. frisk looks delighted at the slightly leaning tower of potatoes stuck to their plate. Papyrus’ shriek of frustration makes something loosen in sans’ rib cage.

frisk is a good, even tempered kiddo. there’s no comparing them to papyrus at that age. but the guilt that settles behind his jaw when he thinks of them is the same sort that fills him up with he thinks about his brother’s babybone era.

the kid is staying in Papyrus’ room for the moment, and sans lingers in the doorway. only a little bit creepily. he grips the book in his hand. maybe this is a bad idea. sans should just let frisk get to sleep. they got a lot going on, he doesn’t need to interrupt them.

he takes a step back towards the staircase. then sidles back to the door. he’s let things go long enough already, though. it doesn’t matter how unruffled the kid acts, sans knows they feel bad about how he acted back at tori’s. and whether they already have forgiven him or not, he needs to let them know it’s not their fault. that he’s the one who is sorry and needs to make up for it.

it reminds him sharply, of being young and confused but determined, facing the door papyrus insisted on slamming in his face because SHUTTING A DOOR IS A PHYSICAL PUNCTUATION MARK SANS, AND THIS ONE IS AN EXCLAMATION! and having no idea what went wrong or how to fix it, but knowing he couldn’t let this one lie.

the door opens.

“ah, sorry, i--ah geeze really?” frisk looks tiredly up at him. okay, so he forgot they could see his shadow under the door frame. that’s only mildly embarassing.

“did you… want a bedtime story?” he asks. they step away from the door. “yeah, course i have time, kiddo. i wouldn’t offer if there was anything i’d rather be doin.”

he follows them inside, and though he can tell they are trying to be even keeled, the speed they use to jump back into Papyrus’ bed makes it clear they’re excited about this. he follows at a more sedate pace, thinking over his decision. he could always dig out Fluffy Bunny instead, that’s a classic. but, that wouldn’t mean the same thing. he’s gotta show his hand.

“alright,” he says, settling himself onto the bed with frisk. “let me know if you want a different book, but i thought you might like this one.” he pulls turns the cover so frisk can see.

“99 snail facts.” a sharp noise escapes frisk, but they don’t protest. sans lets himself smooth their hair over before opening the book.

“number 99, snails have tongues covered in hundreds of little teeth. okay, that’s, terrifying.” frisk laughs. “yeah i guess it works like a chainsaw? or a file. look here’s a diagram.” he flips the book to show frisk, who nods at the picture. “figure a, the radula, with rows of teeth. wow, didn’t know snails were so rad. number 98, snails are part of a group called gastropod molluscs that means, uh, soft stomach foot-- hey, i resemble that remark, heh.”

he pages through the book with frisk, and if either of them get misty eyed about it. well, at least they can wipe each other’s tears. he pats frisk’s head one last time, before hopping off the bed and turning out the light for them to sleep.

papyrus is waiting for him downstairs, still settled on the couch. he turns to stare as sans makes his way over, scooting to the side so sans can flop onto the couch. sans’ face still has residue on it from story, and he scrubs it against the couch fibres. Papyrus doesn’t protest.

“what’s it, paps?” he mumbles into the cushion.

“FIRST, I’M PROUD OF YOU FOR OPENING UP TO FRISK!”

“thanks?”

“SECOND: IS EMOTIONALLY HEAVY READING MATERIAL THE THEME WITH YOU RECENTLY?”

“oh,” papyrus is holding the album. “didn’t think you’d find that so fast.”

“IT WAS ON THE TABLE. YOU DIDN’T EVEN HIDE IT IN A JOKE BOOK. I MEAN, IF YOU AREN’T READY AFTER ALL--”

“nah, pap, if i weren’t ready, it’d still be collecting dust downstairs.”

“... ARE YOU SURE?”

sans sits up and turns to face papyrus. his brother looks nervous, with an undercurrent of excitement and worry. this is something sans should’ve done a long time ago. instead of dwelling on the guilt he lets himself fall against his brother’s side, grabbing for the photo album. Papyrus gives it to him, and he opens the cover.

there’s an oval frame, and in that frame is a washed out photo of papyrus’ baby face, mouth open in what sans’ is sure was a ear-piercing shriek. there’s a blurry skeletal hand in the frame, like the suddenness of papyrus’ yell made someone jerk across the camera. below the portrait papyrus 19XX? is written sans’ handwriting. he tilts the page towards papyrus, who reaches out and flips it.

“WHO’S THAT?”

sans runs a finger across the old photo. something sharp twists behind his sternum, the same thing as always. the thing that makes him want to throw away all these mementos and forget they ever mattered to him because if he doesn’t, he’s afraid his soul is going to shatter. but he’s been hiding for way too long now.

maybe it’s time sans admits he deserves something better, too. he looks at papyrus’ curious face. he taps his finger against the photo.

“that was the royal scientist.”

“WHAT’S A ROYAL SCIENTIST AND WHY ARE THEY IN OUR PHOTO ALBUM?”

“oh yeah, the dreemur family used to be, like, filthy rich back in the day. so everyone would call ‘em the monster nation’s royal family. pretty sure they were actually a royal family at some point. anyway, he got that nickname ‘cause the dreemurs liked sponsoring his pet projects.”

for some reason, with papyrus’ bones digging into his side, sans felt the prickling sensation of ice start melting off his back. Papyrus passes him a ceramic mug as he settles into the story.

tomorrow the kid might decide they’re better off living with asgore. or they might decide they like living with sans and papyrus better. sans might freak out again, or he might be able to wait until he’s not gonna scar the kid for life again. either way, he’s making sure they know they’ve got options, and that he (and papyrus and asgore and all their friends) are behind them 100 percent.

but until then, he’s got this. his brother, these photos, a mug with a lame pun, and the warm feeling that he might actually be doing something right for once.

#i dont have a pun for writing #undertale #sans #frisk #papyrus #sanscentric #this is for you anon [blows kiss]#sorry about the formatting i cannot be arsed to type correctly ever #this wasnt supposed to get so long :/#this is incredibly self indulgent sorry

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rueitae · 6 years

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2018 Fic Roundup

I did this last year and it was nice to do some self reflection and make some goals for 2019. I encourage all my writer friends to do this! No tagging necessary, just tell each other to do it. <3

It’s long, so putting the rest of the fic and reflection questions under the cut.

Stats:

Fics Posted (Gen): 6

Space Birthday (9,595 words): Hunk can feel it in his bones; it’s his birthday. He wants to have a nice one... and does... after accidentally raiding a Galra outpost with Lance and Pidge.

Pilot (4,340): Shiro finds himself in a different reality post s2. Here, the mechs are called Gundams. (Shiro in the Gundam Wing universe/reality)

Code (7,321): Pidge and the others keep fond memories of Earth through oldies musical trivia. It comes in handy on a mission.

Self Insert (6,357): Lance reads a story to his niece and nephew on the eve he leaves for school at the Galaxy Garrison. The kids have Opinions on how it should go.(i totally still need to change their names to the canon ones)

Too Soon and Not Soon Enough (1,796): Keith is 13 and is supposed to go to the Galaxy Garrison next year at Shiro’s encouragement. Until the Galra invade and plans change.

Welcome to the Neighborhood (2,237): Allura gets used to being not dead and that includes meeting her cosmic neighbors.

Fics Posted (Plance): 17

Wrong Diamond (2,384): Gentlemen thief AU. “At midnight, I will steal the heart of Voltron,” the note says. Pidge has a thief to catch.

Diamond in the Rough (8,045): prequel to Wrong Diamond. How they meet!

Road Trip (4,710): Lance and Pidge are back on Earth. Zarkon has the others and the two are on the run from a bureaucratic Galaxy Garrison that doesn’t want the world to know about aliens yet. Oh, and Lotor is with them.

Exsanguination (16,255): Pidge is a vampire hunter captured by Haggar. She finds some unlikely help in the vampire’s similarly undead servant.

Power Up! (3,500): Pidge is on the cusp of finding out where Zarkon is holding her father using less than legal methods. She’s caught in the act by her lab partner (Lance, a superhero in training).

Plance on Ice (2,300): A figure skating AU! Pidge and Lance are former competitive partners having a date free time on the ice

Being Plance (3,900): Pidge and Lance pull a personality switch prank over on the rest of the team. Canon verse.

Keeping Cool (3,098): Mermaid AU! Pidge is in trouble with pirates and gets some unexpected help from the sea.

The Cake (839): Canon verse, Lance gets a cake for his birthday and assumes it’s from Hunk.

Frostbite (6,109): Pidge is a renowned super villain. Lance is a hero in training with something to prove. Lance over uses his powers one day and Pidge has some soul searching to do.

Crystal Clear (5,516): Another superhero AU. Lance is captured by his arch nemesis. They have a heart-to-heart, taunt, and flirt.

The Secrets of Beasts (2,007): AU canon verse. Years down the road, Green keeps Pidge from going on a mission with the others. It takes Kosmo to find out why.

See You Yesterday (8,132): Lance works nervously as a bartender for a 1920s mafia when all he wanted to do was leave the farming life. One night he gets a strange patron who changes his life - and his perspective of the world. Time travel AU

Shot Through the Heart (1,087): post canon AU. Lance and Pidge keep Nadia and Sylvio entertained.

Seasons of Magic (11,744): Pidge is a mage. Lance is her dragon familiar. Series of domestic-ish one shots. Not in sequential order.

Between Rocks and A Hard Place (8,144): Canon verse. Pidge and Lance are trapped due to a caved-in mine, with pirates waiting for them on the other side. And Pidge is hurt.

Cow-parent Trapped (1,099): s8 canon continuation. Pidge visits Lance at the farm and does not expect Kaltenecker to make them talk to each other.

Lotura 1

Birthday Prompt #5 (5,500): Oh gosh I never named it. Fantasy AU in which Lotor is essentially Rapunzel and Allura is Aurora with a better (depending on who you ask) birth-prophesy. Tiny hint of Shallura in this as well.

Collaborations: 3

First Encounters for the (Altean Plance AU): Pidge is an independent noblewoman and Lance is her bodyguard. Writing done with @hushman and @pidge-suggestions

To Sail, To Break, To Earn (Plance - 10,268): Lance is a pirate and Pidge is a mermaid. There’s also a curse involved. With @sp4c3-0ddity

It’s Beginning to Look a lot Like A Christmas Carol (Plance- 14,384): post s8 canon verse with @hailqiqi and @sp4c3-0ddity. Exactly as the title says. Lance is the subject of a ghostly intervention. Crack treated seriously.

Fey AU (Plance): with @vivalachocolate this was @sp4c3-0ddity ‘s prompt to Viva but I was nosy and added a chapter and I’m so glad she wasn’t mad at me for it. 😅

Ship/Character breakdown:

Ship breakdown:

I guess the 17 Plance fics speak for themselves. I did write one Lotura fic as a special birthday prompt because @ritsykitty is such a good friend.

Character breakdown:

I have a gen fic for each Paladin, but then the Plance fics outnumber those, so Lance and Pidge would be my go to.

Characters that had the main focus:

So for character POV, each Paladin has one, then within Plance, Pidge has 12 and Lance has 7. Interesting, I thought it was more even. Hunk had a POV in a Plance fic too briefly!

Specifics:

Best/worst title?

Best title: Urgh I liked a lot of them. Too Soon and Not Soon Enough probably. I like how it summarizes the story without telling you how, but by the end you know.

Worst title: Seasons of Magic aka I tried to come up with a clever title when I realized I wasn’t done with it. It’s so bland to me. I’m also basically trying to rebrand from mage/familiar AU. I don’t think it’s working 😅 (not that I care I’m trying to make it easier to reference but I’m too late)

Best/worst last line?

Best: “I love you too, Pidge,” he [Lance] says, nestling her head to his chest and not bothering to correct her. “You’re the best nemesis a hero could ask for.” - I love that line so much, from Crystal Clear. Enemies to lovers is such a good trope.

Worst: Pidge groans. At this rate her double life is definitely doomed to unravel. - for how much I love Frostbite, I really hate how lame it ends. Like I totally could have said that better or continued the scene a bit but I am LAZY.

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I wrote waaaaaaay more than expected. I figured I’d write something every few months. Now I can write a 2k fic in a setting if I’m on game.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I was just doing gen fic last year, never would I have expected to be so taken by Plance that it became my main muse.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

Honestly? Probably Pilot. It was one of my earliest VLD fic ideas to do a Gundam Wing crossover and to actually finish a one shot early in the year (when I was still dipping my feet into fandom again) just made me so so happy. I still smile thinking about the continuation possibilities. One of my favorite parts of Shiro’s character is that he is the ace pilot. Because of Keith’s role that sometimes gets overshadowed. I was so pleased to get to highlight that.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

On Ao3, that would be Exsanguination. No surprise there, it was my first posted Plance fic and I continued it.

On Tumblr it’s First Encounters, the first of the Altean Plance AU based on the art and headcanons. I was just struck with a clear opening image one afternoon and wrote it all right then and there. I had no idea it would be so well received.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

Space Birthday. It may have been a bit of a mess since it was my very first VLD fic, but it has everything I love. Hunk bonding with an ‘enemy’ over cooking, Team Punk, Plance in distress, Hunk saves the day thanks to mechanics. Also heartfelt stuff with Keith. And he’s the only Paladin besides Lance to get an actual birthday themed fic from me.

Story that could have been better?

I really hate to say Wrong Diamond, but I totally could have done much better with it. It feels skimpy. Probably why I am still writing in the AU.

Sexiest story?

Ha. That would be a tie between Crystal Clear and Exsanguination. The first I actually tried and the second completely by accident. I’m not sure it worked though.

Saddest story?

All my sad fics have a bit of crack to them. Pilot is pretty melancholy. Crystal Clear has a good Plance argument that gets heated. Road Trip in general though might take the cake. It’s full of angst amid some humor due to the premise.

Most fun?

Shot Through the Heart in terms of tone.

Story with single sweetest moment? Space Birthday

"Uh, Keith, hold up a tic."

Confused, Keith turned back around. "What?"

Hunk rubbed the back of his neck. "So uh, you know we're friends right? Like, I meant what I said we're like brothers. We're tight. I mean, we share a mind inside of a giant robot."

Keith blinked, clearly surprised. "Yeah, I kinda got that from the hug you gave me back then. It was nice," he said with a smile. "And we work well together."

"Yeah so - wait what? No, I'm supposed to be giving you the pep talk here."

"It's fine, Hunk. I'm doing important work and so are you. I already had this talk with Allura."

"Oh. Well, what I'm trying to say is that we're friends. I care a lot about you and your feelings. So if I say something that's weird or you don't like, you gotta tell me. I'm a terrible and nosy person and I'm sorry."

Keith stood silent, processing the words, and then smiling. "I've accepted the side of me that's Galra," he said simply. "It's still a little weird, but I've always had this feeling that something didn't add up." He smiled a bit. "I don't mind a question or two, but I'm still learning myself."

"Deal, no Galra questions for a while then. Just as long as you come visit more often, okay? We all miss you.

"...hug it out?"

Keith snorted and obliged into Hunk's waiting arms. "Always."

Hardest story to write?

I struggled with the ending to Exsanguination. It took forever to come to me.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

I wrote The Secrets of Beasts in one setting and I still can’t believe how easily it came out. I blame the Plance discord folks for putting everyone on a baby craze.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

Not particularly? I write based on my existing understanding of the characters and nothing really surprised to that note.

Most overdue story?

Welcome to the Neighborhood. I wanted to write that Allura gen fic all year (as I wanted one for all the Paladins) and I hoped s8 would give me the motivation. It was not worth the cost.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Collaborations! And participating in a zine! And signing up for events (exchanges and bangs)! I learned that it’s not that scary. People are chill and so easy to get along with. Also the task isn’t as daunting as I think of it’s an idea I love.

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

This is hard because I’m already doing above and beyond what I ever expected to be doing writing wise. I suppose it will be to finish my gen fic since I’ve been writing a lot of plance lately.

#rueitae #my writing #end of year ask #goals #everyone go do it its time consuming but relaxing #and really fun to look back on everything #tag me if you do it because I want to see everyones!

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youhearstatic · 6 years

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Exit Interview for a Fic

(or: 10 Questions Every Fic Writer Secretly Wants to be Asked)

I’ve decided that I’m going to do one of these whenever I finish a fic as a sort of exit interview with myself. It’s too easy to forget stuff as you move on and time passes, you know? I want to remember what I felt as soon as it was finished.

So here’s a bunch of questions about Losing Time.

Under a readmore because again, it’s long and pretty really self indulgent! (There are some behind the scenes/further explanation of things if you are interested though.)

1. Of the fics you’ve written, which is your favorite and why? I’m still going to say the unfinished Barry POV even though that’s awful of me. I know I keep saying this but there’s a section in that story that I’m just so freaking proud of and can’t wait to share... But I have to wait because the fic is unfinished and I can’t put that one up episodically. So even though it’s unfinished that section makes it my favorite.

Having said that? I’m really damn proud of this! Putting up something one chapter/part/episode at a time was nerve wracking. Hoping I’ve laid down enough pieces to pick up later? And I didn’t know what I was doing for at least the first third, and only an idea for the next third. And I FINISHED IT! So yeah, proud of all of that. Plus there was a lot of stuff that’s outside my wheelhouse. So I pushed my boundaries in a lot of ways that I’m also proud of.

2. Which scene was your favorite to write in Losing Time? This is going to sound awful but... part 10 - the scene where Barry/Sildar goes through the portal. That’s when it felt to me like the story changed gears if that makes sense. Up to that point it was just so. much. talking. It was necessary! But I felt like I was doing a really crappy job telling a story when it was just so much standing around talking.

And just for an early scene that made me have hope there was something good here: Lup helping Barry/Sildar with the panic/asthma attack. Lup is so ferocious and caring and just this amazing force of nature and that moment between the two of them answered the question “what would happen if they met and he didn’t know her?” Obviously the answer was: he’d fall instantly in love with her of course. She came in and terrified him and still he was putty in her hands thirty seconds later.

3. Which part of Losing Time was hardest to write? I think part 11 was hardest. Like I just said, it felt like the story had just changed gears and I knew where things needed to go but only in the vaguest sense. I sat looking at an empty page for the longest with that section, for sure.

And then of course the end of part 14. That scene needed to carry weight and the whole time I was writing it, right up until that last line showed up, I felt like I was failing miserably.

4. If you could change anything in Losing Time, what would it be? I wish I were better at writing Taako. I feel like I understand his thinking and motivations? But his speaking style is really hard for me to emulate. I don’t want to lean into it too hard and make him ridiculous because he’s not! So I probably err too hard the other way, unfortunately.

5. Did you make an outline for Losing Time? Did you stick to it? No outline at all. I started this thing with a vague “what if” idea: what if Barry were suddenly younger? It turned into more what ifs. What if Barry was suddenly - after canon, with Lup there - alive without his memories? How would everyone else deal with it? How would that effect he and Lup? I certainly didn’t write part one with any clue what was going to happen - I didn’t even know it was going to become a full fic.

6. Which scenes did you cut, and which were added in Losing Time? There was another scene with Merle but it was giving too much information too soon. I pushed it back and then it just didn’t fit anymore. I also had a brief conversation with Magnus but I knew I wanted this to be the four of them - Barry, Lup, Taako, and Kravitz - so that didn’t go very far before I cut it.

Also, originally they were not going to tell him what was going on. Then I was like... hold up. He’s an adult. Lup would respect him more than that. She would absolutely argue to tell him the truth. So there was more of them keeping things from him that got cut out.

7. Who was your favorite character to write in Losing Time? Lup. I think at this point in the timeline she’s still struggling with the last decade and trying to figure out what their lives are like now. I think she’s just starting to figure that stuff out and then this knocks her for a loop. (heh) I was a little worried in the earlier parts when she and Taako were talking and just kept having this friction. I didn’t want it to seem like I was having her just be this emotional ping pong ball bouncing all over but... she kind of is? She and Taako are butting heads there. It’s for the same reason though - they are scared and worried and neither are dealing with their emotions very well. Taako has seen that he’s got the tendency to try to cut out people before they can lead to pain and at one point he’s reminding himself not to do that with Kravitz but then he’s totally doing that with Kravitz. And he’s doing it with Barry. To part of him, he’s decided this is already a failure and he is going to shut that part of himself down and stop caring about Barry before it hurts. But dude, it’s too late! And that attitude - like Lup understands but also she can. not. take. it. But then it spirals back around to her feeling like if she’d been around he wouldn’t have gotten this bad about things. So she’s feeling so many things. I really hope I handled it well enough to make that clear but I suspect it’s a weak point.

OH WAIT I FORGOT. Favorite character to write? THE RAVEN QUEEN. I can’t imagine trying to write her for more than brief glimpses but good grief, she is SO much fun to write. My favorite scene ever (as yet unshared sorry) involves her and I just... ahhh. I feel like there is ALWAYS so much going on behind her words. She is absolutely an enigmatic deity. Also, yeah, totally ship her and Istus like for real. But also I think she plays it cool. She plays EVERYTHING cool. Unless she’s mad.

8. Which came first, the title or the fic? The title was basically me going: okay if I’m going to start putting this on AO3 it has to have a name so... It was the best I could come up with.

9. Which idea came to you first in Losing Time? Just the general idea of de-aged Barry.

10. What are some facts readers may not know about Losing Time? Apologies, this is gonna get really long!

I really struggled with a few things:

Lup’s emotions, like I mentioned above.

The Barry/Sildar name thing. It just started as part of his confusion when Lup first comes in. I headcanon hard the thing about Barry was a typo and the twins never let it go and then they added the Bluejeans part. I feel like for a little while it maybe bothered him but then he realized it came from a place of love - the twins tease everyone about everything and that was the earliest sign they accepted him - and so he embraced the name to the point that Lucretia didn’t try to erase it with the void fish. (In my Barry POV story he tries to give his ‘real’ name when alive and memory-less but it just doesn’t feel right so he goes by Barry. So when the coin says “Your name is Barry Bluejeans” it’s not just saying: here’s proof I know what I’m talking about. It’s saying: here’s proof you know what I’m taking about.) Then in this story, the name thing became a bigger issue. It was him standing up for himself, making himself a full fledged part of things, not just a wounded bird they were dragging along and looking out for. (Which is also why he knocks out the guy with the empty health pot. Even without magic, Barry is a fucking scrapper who will try his damnedest to hold his own.) And I felt like Lup would absolutely respect his wishes on that. Taako slips up not because he doesn’t care but because he’s so much more off the cuff about things. It’s not coming from disrespect, it’s habit. But what I really went back and forth on was how does the narrative refer to him? Is it confusing to switch in the middle? I decided it would be more confusing to call him Barry while the characters called him Sildar. Also, obviously, it was going to be part of the conclusion. The most confusing was when they’re talking about things that happened to Barry before he was de-aged. Kravitz goes back and forth then just calls that person Barry-of-three-days-ago which seemed a very Kravitz way to handle things.

Writing that scene at the end of part 14. I knew that was coming for a while. Sildar had to make the decision that saving the innocent mattered. I knew there’d be a happy ending. I knew what the Raven Queen was up to. I knew pretty quickly (though not immediately!) that Lup referencing him saying “last first kiss” would come back. But that scene... it was important! It needed to be big! It needed to feel like a sacrifice! And I was writing it and it was... okay. And then, without thought or plan I typed “and then he let her go.” And reader, I fucking cried. I cried and I shut my laptop. I’ve NEVER cried at my own writing. Now, I’m well aware that the line only has power because of GRIFFIN’S words and I’m fine with that. I’m not trying to claim any skill or effectiveness. I’m saying it was a gift that finally gave the scene the weight it needed. The scene got better on editing but I could work on it for a hundred years and never get it to where I wanted it to be. But that line redeemed it, got it as close as it was going to get. Having said all that? I know that people will HATE me for cliffhanger-ing there. I honestly thought for a long time that it would end on a very long part 14. And then it kept getting longer and longer and I scrolled back up going... where can I break this and... yeah. I’m sorry. That’s where it needed to break. That’s the shift in things. That’s where the pause belonged.

And then...... Sildar stabs himself. I knew that dagger was coming a long time back. I was pretty sure when Taako asked Angus to research he was going to find info on the dagger. I knew the dagger - this ancient magic weapon that actually belonged to The Raven Queen (part of why she was SO FURIOUS) - was the magic explanation for what was happening. And I knew that he’d already been hit with it. (I hope it’s implied clearly enough in the story that is what happened even though the specific events of 3 days ago are never clearly explained.) And look, it’s rough stuff. I knew and I know. But I literally could not think of any other way for it to work. He had to make that decision. This was not him committing suicide. I realize that’s a fucking razor thin margin but that was not my intent. This was him saying, I fucked up and while it’s not entirely my fault I now take responsibility for this innocent and will do what I can to fix the situation. And since he wasn’t a reaper anymore... His touch didn’t work, his blood didn’t work... because literally his soul was the key. Also... in case it’s not clear I’ll say it here: The Raven Queen totally knew this was the best case secnario but she couldn’t say that. Her hands were tied. That’s why she’s ANGRY AS HELL. Someone fucked with her people and she’s furious. Sildar is out of her hands. He really was clear of his lichdom and his service to her and had he died without the ‘decision’ between him and Istus going the way that it did, his soul would have released to the Primordial Soup/Sea of Souls. The Queen knew this was the only way this could work out and she couldn’t influence it. That’s why she couldn’t manipulate space to get him on that path. She only did it the first time to protect him. She booked out of her court because she could not participate any further in the proceedings without influencing things she wasn’t allowed to alter. In the Stockade, she’s the one who opened the portal for the innocent. The string disappeared (Istus’s dominion over him) and she regifted him the feather (her dominion over him and all that entailed.)

Oh, and one last, small thing. Just for bookending, when Barry checks to see if he can summon his staff? He says the exact same thing he said before he went through the portal. Only this time, of course, it works. I hoped that was proof enough that everything was fixed.

If you’ve read all this, thank you! I feel like I owe you a prize or something. Thanks so much for sticking with me through this project. It was fun. I hope there’s more stuff like this to come!

#mystuff #fanfic questions #losing time #this may well be of interest to no one but myself #but i liked the idea of the exit interview #so this will probably come back any time i finish a thing #exit interview for a fic #taz fic #also hey if you have any questions feel free to ask!

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