#yeah sure take it in the tags have fun

[youthofpandas]

Dawn Office Sinclair writing I was possessed to make after thinking about how well the Beatrice section of Demian works with the Philip ID <3

~~~~

Sinclair had watched her pass by him so many times, never a glance taken his way - which he prefers. The woman he’d taken to calling Beatrice is an actually competent Fixer, unlike him, and she has places to be, contracts to fulfill. For a while he had been thinking of giving up on the Fixer idea entirely, how few people actually make it above a measly Grade 8? Bouncing between fallen Office after fallen Office, never quite making enough money to ever be comfortable. But then he had seen her, his Beatrice, and he took immediate notice of how she walked with a purpose and confidence of a person who knew they were someone. She wasn’t held down by worries of not making it, she trusted in herself, in her abilities, in everything she did. He was sure of it. And just seeing that was enough to encourage him to continue going. He pushed himself through Fixer exams and hours of training, took to sending applications at the local Offices whenever they had an opening (which was often, in this part of the City - which is to say it was just like everywhere else). Sinclair pushed himself and he thought of Beatrice and her cello case and wondered if she played, if she was any good at it. She’d have to be, wouldn’t she? To invest in such a hobby? He would like to listen one day. He noticed when one day she had replaced her arms with prosthetics, strong and well made, and wondered if she had just gotten a big pay day to make an upgrade like that - wondered what her hands would feel like to touch now. He’d never admit it to her, of course — here he was some silent observer of her life that she would never know the name of — but he had fallen in love with her. The image of her, at least. Blue hair cut short and dark, tired eyes, an easy smile. When she stood to wait to cross the street her stance was so sure of herself, relaxed yet confident. He could probably introduce himself by bumping into her at her favorite coffee shop, which is where he first saw her to begin with when he was using the free wifi to study for the licensing exam, but he was too scared to approach now… much too scared. But, in all honesty, he was content with this. These silent affections had helped him, had guided him forward through life and gotten him out of his darkest period. Sinclair resolved to let go of his Beatrice now that he had finally been accepted at an Office with an actual reputation. He would say goodbye to Beatrice, mentally that is, and would welcome in the new chapter of his life at Dawn Office, and all would be well.

[sacchiri]

Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.

Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen

A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death

[snail-speed]

Look I hate Nintendo as much as the next guy but the (maybe) oncoming legal action against Palworld kinda has some merit. There's a lot of original designs in the game, but there's also lots that very blatantly use parts of the models that are used in modern Pokemon games, and allegedly there's also some designs that are just fanart taken without permission.

Like from what I've seen the people deep in the discourse trenches are using both the "The designs are NOTHING alike!" and the "It's a parody, it's SUPPOSED to be a rip-off!" arguments interchangeably and it's like- No. No, you can't use both of those at once, they're paradoxical.

Either you believe Palworld is just another mon game, and just like every other mon game, there's some design elements that are inevitably going to repeat, in which case we'll have to wait and see what happens, or you agree that Palworld is plagiarizing and you're okay with it, in which case you can't really complain when a lawsuit hits.

[saturnaous]

grieving the timeline my teenage mutant ninja turtle autism was actually space suit get me into nasa autism where I become an aerospace engineer and get to work on cool EVA suits and get people to mars or whatever. man

[mortellanarts]

2023 go bye bye

[lucalicatteart]

Poll adventure (paventure? lol) Day 15: read the small story tidbit below the poll for more details, OR just vote based on initial impression

(✦ see past poll results + further information HERE (link) ✦)

Yesterday's poll decided that The Adventurer should purchase some new shoes for himself while he's in the city...

~

It costs quite a bit of coin, but in the end he decides that having a new sturdy pair of boots will serve him well on his travels. After he's done in the shop, he rushes back to the local inn before nightfall, eventually settling into a somewhat restless sleep..

The next morning, he orders some cheap vegetable stew from a food stall, then lounges in a park as he has his breakfast, watching the squirrels weave through flowering trees and birds pecking about in the dewy grass.. When finished with his meal (and sufficiently recovered from the emotional turmoil of burning his tongue on the soup), he quickly sells his old pair of shoes to a sketchy pawn shop before finally getting back to his journey...

By his calculations, if he he walks all day, it should only be two more sleeps before he gets to his destination, so he sets out to travel as efficiently as possible. He doesn't have the money to rent a cart, or the skill to ride a borrowed horse, but, he does have some fancy new walking shoes and a renewed sense of purpose. No more meandering through fields looking for flowers, napping in the shade, or scanning the ground for cool rocks.. He's going to focus this time!

......After a few hours, he comes across a broken down carriage in the middle of the road, with few people surrounding it, seemingly stuck trying to repair a wheel or something. It's hard to discern from afar..

Maybe if he helps them, he could get a free ride.. or some coins.. or make a new lifelong friend! Who knows? Possibilities flood his mind, this is what adventuring is all about! Wandering into interesting situations and making the most out of them!! .. But, then he recalls his previous oath.. he's supposed to focus today and not allow himself to sidetracked.. And who says he has the skills to help anyway? It could always just be a waste of time... Hmm...

What should he do?

~

~

Additional Information

the adventurer's current main quest: follow his map to reach the abandoned castle ruins and see the rare animal specialist about the mysterious egg he has

[howdy-folks-its-showtime]

April Update!

Howdy! Cobalt here, as many of your guys know It’s Showtime and its characters/story are gonna be turned into a horror game by the same title. So for both Gamejolt and this blog I am gonna start trying to do monthly updates on development. I think it’ll be a good way to put into perspective how much progress is being made each month and keep you guys in the know about how things are going. These are gonna be formatted with work made that month going first and then afterwards any other small announcements or thoughts we’d like to share on development. That or things that weren’t created that month that I basically keep stored in case we have months where progress is slow or I can’t show much behind the scenes stuff. These logs will likely contain personal stuff too, since with me and my partner being the main heads of the project. Our well-being or IRL goals are relevant to how much work is being done. Also while developing Showtime I intend to create other games similar to it, to sort of learn and test the waters + Since those ones aren’t tied to an IP I can actually make money off of them. Something I can’t [or at least not without Mike n Meatly’s permission I suppose] with Showtime or its characters.

April was sadly, not my month, I found out I was vitamin D deficient and got a slight fever. So I spent a lot of days tired and recovering from that. Progress has still been made though, mostly on learning 3D modeling more, I’m almost done with a model I’m making for someone else actually and while it is not perfect by any means… I think it looks really awesome for being my maybe fourth or third model and it’ll be my first truly finished model as well. I also have made good progress on writing both dialogue and summaries of Showtime’s story. I did particularly get ideas for a good chunk of Showy's campaign however, which involves a character I was on the fence about including in Encore!... Until very recently... Art wise not too much has been done specifically this month besides some concept art for cycle designs and some progress on textures for the studio. But that’s okay cause we’re not really at a spot where major progress can be made art wise yet. There’s so much more I want to share but I’ll be doing my best to space out those things out between updates. So no update is too long or too short with nothing interesting in there. Also sorry this is all so vague and non-specific I’m gonna try and get in the habit of actually documenting what work is being done on Showtime monthly from now on, so I’ll be able to be more specific about what parts are being chipped away at.

So onto something that didn’t happen this month but is important we have decided to switch to Unity instead of Unreal Engine 4. I’d like to take some time to explain why and also make sure nobodies too anxious over the change. For one thing, not a lot of progress was made on Unreal Engine, you could hear footsteps as you walked, use a buggy animation to enter a miracle station and the map was just a room full of lights. This is due to the fact while working in Unreal Engine was interesting and I learned quite a bit, I found myself often feeling it was not a good fit for Showtime and that trying to make it so was fighting against the engine as opposed to working with it. Unreal Engine seems to be built for realistic, open world or multiplayer FPS type games. That’s not to say you can’t make anything else with it, but finding tutorials for things I wanted to do was. Basically a nightmare because youtube was flooded with videos on how to make those games specifically. Another big aspect however was the general style. Unreal Engine is great if you want very realistic lighting and have a computer that can tank the sort of weight of that too. Neither is true for me however, Showtime’s characters are all very stylized, our humans are cartoony have clear shapes and most of all, I just want Showtime’s overall style to pay loving homage to 1930’s and general 2D Animation. I think both are really underappreciated and god do I love them. Also I’m making this on literally a laptop, a new one and not a janky one by any means, but still not a desktop. Unreal Engine works great for those who know how to use it and want to create the games it was optimized for, but it’s not ideal for my purposes, Godot seems promising but Unity is just great at specifically doing what I want to do with Showtime. It’s great for beginners to Game Development, has plenty of tutorials for all kinds of games and is very flexible in style. Sadly nothing is better at being Unity than Unity right now. I’m still mad about what the CEO did, and I’m glad for those who were able to switch engines to those with better management but it’s not really an option for us currently. Of course, this will put things back a bit but I’ve already been learning how to build a basic map in Unity and so far have only run into a few issues. Still I would love any advice on how to do this, esp from those who had made games similar to BATIM and other mascot horrors. [I have been thinking of building the maps inside Blender first and then importing them into Unity, to see if that’s easier or practical, but mostly I would love to hear what others commonly do to build such intricate interior design in Unity.] Either way while this month wasn’t terribly exciting by no means was no work done, just nothing too fun to show off yet.

[pl4n]

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

[dollsuguru]

hi hi! you can ignore this but i was really curious about your writing process?? you just write so well and i’m curious to see how your work starts from an idea all the way to the finished product!!!

the way my jaw DROPPED rn like omfg are you talking to ME??? I’M SHOOK PLEASE YOU ARE WAY TOO KIND AND SO GENEROUS 😭 my writing sucks ASS but thank you SO much you’re so sweet <333 i can try & let you know my process but tbh baby i do NOT have one 😭 but i’ll try to think of something 😭 also i’ll try to be as thorough/concise as possible but i’m sorry if i tangent! ALSO this’ll be long bc i’m a yapper so forgive me <3

1) everyone is different but in my case i have a tendency to ALWAYS think of new ideas for writing (at least for geto!) find a character that you can consistently think of ideas for bc they’ll serve as practice! also i JUST started writing a month or two ago so i, myself, am STILL practicing with every fic & i am always willing to learn!

most importantly, i write based off my whim! whatever idea has me in its clutches is the idea i’m writing for, even if that means i’m leaving other fic ideas in the dust at the moment! i recommend creating a list of fic ideas and save it as a draft (can be a wip list or literally just a random list depending on how many ideas you have!) — for those i tend to jot down random dialogue, vibes i wanna express, plot points i really wanna show, the personality of geto or reader, & whatever randomly comes to mind pertaining to that fic! i write it all down!

2) it honestly changes between fic to fic but i recommend asking for requests in the beginning — even writing just ONE thing will give you practice/an idea! so here are some examples of what i’ve written so far:

- the first thing i wrote was a request for suguru being obsessed w satoru’s girlfriend. the way i started that fic was thinking of the feeling that suguru would ultimately feel which was “guilt, shame, & desire.” and then i… personified? each thing! at first i personified guilt as an arachnid crawling in suguru’s throat but it didn’t work as well for me… and then i thought, “how about a serpent?” and it flowed much better -> slithering down his throat, embedding his fangs into his flesh leaving it raw, mangled, & bloody -> roaming across his heart/ribcage. and for that, and this may sound silly but i SWEAR by it, look up SYNONYMS for words on google! “dances along his bones -> pirouetting across his bones” i think little nods like that can help you not sound too similar all the time or like you’re constantly repeating yourself! shame was expressed in alcohol (amber whiskey ties into his amber eyes as well) & desire was expressed within the flicker of a lighter reader gave him which he holds in his hands (he imagines the cold metal as reader’s hands, which he ends up holding in his warm ones at the end)

- second fic “black is the color of my true love’s hair” was my first time writing a fic and that was because i wanted to write something for v-day & i really love this song! music can be a great inspiration — same w song lyrics! but for that one i had a few ideas i KNEW i wanted to use (knuckle kisses, stargazing, depressive suguru who reader gives a bath to/has a heart to heart with, and reader making a scrapbook for suguru!) he may be ooc but also i’m not afraid of making suguru be soft and quirky, i think that makes him fun! have FUN w different facets of your favorite characters personalities! also personally, i hate when readers don’t have personality/are always too shy/can’t banter/are too serious so i try to make my readers have a personality that align w the fic!

now for the knuckle kisses i knew what i wanted to do and i think that part came pretty easy! just a bit of revising as i was writing so i could be more descriptive in certain areas, change my wording around so it’d be less clunky in others! stargazing idea was incredibly hard & so was the scrapbook… so here’s advice i have for you that SAVED my ass. now. if you just wrote random writing in your drafts, whether it was just stream of consciousness that has nothing to do with the fic or was just a random piece of dialogue you jotted down — DO NOT DELETE IT. two parts of my fics were from RANDOM writing i wrote that had NOTHING to do w a romance fic and with a BIT of tweaking it gave so many ideas/serviced my story perfectly!

ex: i had zero idea of how to start the stargazing part so i just wrote the part i knew i wanted, which would’ve been in the middle of the story! aka reader buying the star for suguru and him being Shook To The Core. i was wondering how the hell i think of the events leading up to that, and one day i randomly just wrote “you zig-zag around the counter like a bumbling fawn” bc i was brainstorming ideas for the fic but was like… this has no place in my story BUT i didn’t delete it i just kept the draft. THEN i was like… wait this can work… so i used it as my beginning to the stargazing section and it flowed wonderfully! same w the scrapbook section! i wrote a series of dialogue that i ACTUALLY intended to use in an angst where reader despises suguru in their relationship, but with a bit of tweaking and deleting parts of reader being apathetic and suguru being toxic, it ended up being a great series of showing suguru’s overthinking nature/his genuine love for reader!

also maybe i do this unintentionally but i usually have a focus into suguru’s thought processes more in my fics… maybe bc i’m just curious abt him more than anything LMAO so that can be useful i think! if you’re like wow i have no idea how to write for my reader, write for suguru!

- third story was a request (shoutout bestie rem 🤝🤭) who gave such a cool idea of twisted suguru watching reader grieve him for leaving. now it wasn’t an actual haunting bc reader & geto are both alive, but i still used words of that nature to express them haunting e/o’s thoughts (mourning, ghost, corporeal phantom, living rigor-mortis etc…) the first thing i wrote for this fic was “prostrate yourself” — a tie-in to cult leader geto & also his confusing feelings about/towards reader. i also wanted to show bleakness so i mentioned suguru likening himself to a plague & a calamity. also don’t be afraid to show the ugly parts of a character — suguru is a bit callous in this but he’s still human and has a push & pull w/in himself! this fic i really tried my hardest to do a “show not tell” for certain paragraphs (bc i personally have trouble with that/dialogue/imagery/descriptions/engaging writing) — so i would constantly go into my “writing tips” tag and try and heed the advice they give!

sorry i don’t think i was of much help bc honestly i do NOT have a process 😭 even when writing my current fic about curator!geto — i just outlined OOOOOH WAIT OKAY HOLD ON YUP MIDTHOUGHT AND NOW I’M JUST PROPERLY ANSWERING YOUR QUESTION 😭

BITCHXHXHBXBX I FORGOT. OUTLINE!!!!!!! THAT’S WHAT YOU WERE LOOKING FOR THIS WHOLE TIME AND I WAS JUST YAPPING AWAY FOR NO REASON I’M SOOOOOOOOOO SORRY OMFGGGGGGG OKAY SO 😭

curator!geto is the FIRST time i’m PROPERLY outlining a fic (so actually i didn’t do anything wrong pleek don’t beat my ass for yapping 😪) so basically since this is the first time i’m outlining i made sure to write the premise of the fic, characters & their jobs, their personalities, their place of work/interactions/relationships there and then also how they would meet! so i wrote how i wanted suguru & reader to meet, a few pieces of random dialogue, and then i also wrote about how they would later on be more romantic (in what way). i’m currently trying to think of a conflict and just now thought of an idea that i may or may not use but i wrote it down anyways! and this is the first fic where i’m properly paying attention to “show not tell” and trying to describe words/paragraphs with more imagery! (esp since it’s an artsy/visual fic!) tbh the “writing tips” tag on my blog will help you more than anything i can say 😭

also! i recommend looking up writing tips and also reading a bunch of fics that you like! my mutuals have some of the BEST fics i have EVER read and reading them is honestly a masterclass in itself of amazing writing/prose/how to flow a story wonderfully! i’m just a beginner so i have lots to learn still about fic-writing BUT just think of each fic as a stepping stone to getting better! write, post, but don’t overwhelm yourself/force yourself to finish a fic you have no ideas for. it’s okay if it takes time but also remember that it won’t ever be perfect so don’t let “perfectionism” stop you from posting your fics! someone will always read it — whether they rb, like, comment, or are a silent reader — someone will take the time out of their day to read your fic! and honestly don’t get caught up on numbers! i’m soooooo thankful that people read my fics & leave tags even if i think my writing sucks! it’s all in good fun at the end of the day! enjoy it however you can and i’m sure you yourself are an amazing writer! good luck bestie! <3

[bbreaddog]

Tagged by @jmrothwell! 💕

Are you named after anyone?

I’m not entirely sure… I have a very vague memory of my mum telling me my English name came about bc it sounded similar to a Chinese singer… but I don’t trust my memory and I’m too afraid to ask again 😬

I don’t think I’m named after anyone re: my Chinese name. Digressing here but was recently reminded that it’s a typically masculine name and that made me feel something… my English name is quite feminine so…

Wondering how my parents came to that conclusion when naming me… wondering if they knew from the start that I had both masculine and feminine energy and needed my names to reflect that or something… much to think about

When was the last time you cried?

Last night 🥲

Do you have kids?

I don’t have my own, but sometimes I refer to my students as my kids. Not for sentimental reasons tho, it’s just easier to say less syllables 👍

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

No, not at all (deadpan) (lying) (so much)

Sometimes I will deliver things in a way where even I can’t tell whether I’m being sarcastic or not

What sports do you play/have played?

God, my school valued sports so much that I’ve probably tried every sport under the sun.

Ones I regularly trained in at school: tennis, basketball, softball, netball, table tennis, swimming

At uni (all dance genres): tap, jazz, ballet

I did yoga and Pilates for a bit after graduating, but I haven’t been able to do much physical activity the past two years for health reasons 🥲 I would so love to be able to do dance classes again. I really found my groove in third year uni about it and I miss that a lot

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Idk, their clothes I guess

What’s your eye colour?

Rich soil, calligrapher’s ink, a stargazer’s dream. The distance between our feet and the ground. The part of the ocean that lets no light because she loves us too much. The place in time that promises safety, protection, stability.

Endless, endless, and full of possibilities.

(Let me romanticise my black eyes, dammit)

Scary movies or happy ending?

Happy endings for SURE. I absolutely cannot do anything scary. I can’t even watch The Owl House bc the monsters in it look too scary 😭 I’ve been recommended it so many times by so many people, but I just cannot 😭😭😭

Any special talents?

Being naturally good with kids? I know I’m a teacher and this will sound really awful, but I………..don’t actually like kids. Obviously I still treat them with kindness and respect, and I can tolerate them enough to do my job properly. I can (and do) bond with them and form meaningful relationships with them. Takes a village to raise a child, and I’m part of the village, y’know?

Idk what it is, but kids just like me for some reason, without me having to really try. I find just being my usual sarcastic self who doesn’t hide when I’m pissed off is somehow very charming for kids

Jokes aside, it’s definitely a skill I’ve had to develop and refine, especially for teaching. But I’ve just been naturally good with kids since forever—I think being part of the eldest cousins pack in my family has helped a lot in that regard, bc most of my cousins are 8+ years younger than me. So, experience, I guess.

Where were you born?

In a hospital

What are your hobbies?

I am in dire need of new hobbies that aren’t physically taxing on my arm, but currently:

Drawing, reading, writing, baking, singing, playing violin or ukulele, sewing/patching

And this……is technically one of my jobs but I also just do it for fun: acting/scene/script analyses

Gif makers I am making out with you so hard bc i do so much acting analysis from watching individual gifs. IT’S JUST. SO GOOD. EVERY CHOICE IS DELIBERATE, and you can see that in a 2 second gif. You won’t believe how much you can take away from a fleeting, seemingly insignificant moment in a piece of cinema memorialised into a gif lovingly made by a passionate fan. Gifsets are arguably what got me into acting in the first place

So like obviously having a degree in acting means i am also just a huge huge nerd about scene/script analysis too, and it’s so TASTY being able to draw up a whole character profile, backstory, personality, objectives and obstacles, and so many more minute details. From like. A 3-word sentence spoken by a background character that never comes up again. IT’S SO GOOD. I could keep going on about this but this is also getting very long so I shall end it here

I JUST REALLY LOVE ACTING 😭

Do you have pets?

My dog :-) and 3 very perseverant fishies 💕

How tall are you?

Enough to reach the top of a door frame on my tippy toes

Favourite subject in school

Studio Art, but only bc my school cut the Drama dept while I was there :/ I did still really love Studio tho—maybe too much? Idk it definitely contributed to my arm issues bc I had to do a folio each for both Art and Studio Art (two diff subjects)

Dream job

No job. I do whatever I want. I heal whenever I need. I live free of capitalistic responsibilities. I live. I live. I live.

I tag (no pressure to do this): @noworneverphantom @fiddlepickdouglas @drifting-in-otter-space @badsalmonella

[princekirijo]

Riku's got a fucked up mind but at least he knows how to eat a burger

... right?

LMAOOOO yes he does know how to eat a burger 💀 I imagine that was something that Kotone (I haven't decided on what she's gonna be called in my AU so I'll stick with Kotone for now) and Minato quietly agreed on that yeah we gotta take this kid out to fast food places and teach him how to eat a burger 💀

He has no clue that Mitsuru didn't (and let's be honest still probably doesn't) know how to eat a burger though. Probably for the best he'd never let her live that down

[seventh-district]

*puts a photo of me in between two random photos i took of the sky today, not because they go together whatsoever but simply so any poor soul that happens to scroll across this post won’t be jumpscared by one giant image of me taking up their entire dash* :)

also yes those are the Everything Stays shoes that i wear far too often and i thought about Moon and flustered my damn self when i was putting them on today and if you want to know why i thought of him specifically… well, you’re just gonna have to read Ch. 4 of ES when i post it on Thursday and you’ll find out 😊

[thisworldismineiamtheking]

happy two months to them, they took over my brain and attached themselves so firmly i can't shake them off and i kinda (really) don't want to

[thesewers]

Actually checked out that guys 'kid whose no fun' tiktoks through a youtube comp and, admittedly skipped around because I'm not watching that cocomelon grind- the voice he does is cringe enough, n' if you only watch the first bits I see why'd you think it's just a spoiled kid, and than he pulls out a stuffed animal and declares its name and 'no you cant touch him', which, i guess that's... Unreasonable and to be Laughed at, sure. It's just a really strange mix of things that Could be taken as a 'spoiled' child or bigoted (don't have time to get into why a man making fun of and othering a kid displaying problematic behavior autistic or not instead of, y'know, having a little empathy for a youngin', is just unhelpful.) and something that's completely harmless but a little 'weird' like... Setting a Boundary.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i think i've only seen a soma playthrough twice and the first time i didn't absorb it great lol but upon just some light brushing up (incl a short article that was one of the few results that cropped up when i was like "show me the images for 'soma's save feature featured fisting, right' (yeah basically)") it's like, it's always fun when you're just left with a lot of room to Interpret Themes and unsurprisingly at this juncture i'm lasering in on just, like, the matter of [the self vs the other] via this premise that basically people can just make a copy of their Psyche at any point (but needing to find a new & different Soma in which to upload it but like, largely setting that aside when In This Scenario the new bodies don't affect their minds / sense of self at all....except for when they sometimes do? or maybe not. the like glitchy monsters are just kind of WAU automatons, right. and the people are all able to act / communicate themselves as people, though they might be affected by like, existential crises over the goings on) wherein like....the protagonist can Split In Two* at a few points via the psyche copying/uploading, and then the game Follows the copy that will be continuing to advance the plot, and the version of the protagonist we Were following is now An Other even though it's like, that was The Self (at least insofar as that was our first person pov player character) up till just now. and the protagonist can Know like, yeah that's You right over there also. and yet iirc from like, yesterday's light research, in the first instance he at least gets the Option to kill that Other/Self who was, up till just then, the Self to us too, if that makes him feel better abt the existential crisis, or at least discomfort, enough to like, keep moving right along lol (speaking of. just the other day i was like "adagioly onomatopoeiaing the opening banjo strums of rainbow connection from the muppet movie soundtrack does so much for me" and then i learned it was the anniversary of its theatrical release. hell yes. also memorably once when like marinating for hours in a general malaise & failing to find the wherewital to get up i was like "haha oh wait. i'm playing the song 'movin right along' from the muppet movie in my head. okay" up & at em)

anyways the fisting article (which, i was wondering what thoughts it would have on that truly interesting facet of the game. mostly it posited that the uhh sphincteresque penetration of it all would be Typically considered to make cishet men anxious / threatened / vulnerable, and notes the protagonist (hypothetically a cishet man) is indeed trepidatious about it, while also arguing he markedly Doesn't really hesitate in shit that hurts or endangers others in the course of his shit (though ig that can also depend on the player? haven't really rewatched it recently enough to know how much his dialogue adds to [as a character though he's making it clearer he just wants to cut a swath through your shit asap]) and also questions whether the game thinks of (or, from their argument, knows of) the protag as pretty sphincteresque himself. and like yeah probably imo lol like thee ending being what it is, and as far as i know no like Multiple Endings like in amnesia series* stories usually, and thus more room to have a protagonist who talks to characters in the present and i think like, without the ability to choose what he says

anyways that the protagonist can Understand like, hey see that guy over there, that's literally also you rn, and yet he can [Not accept that] in one case such that he'll kill that Self for "his own" Self's comfort really, as the fisting article expressed, to continue believing he is Unique and the One True Self, the only Real [himself]. when, to be sure, the game Could have kept the first person pov on that version of him we'd Been up till then, and had that pov of the one killed. or maybe left behind in another instance, i don't remember all the "transfers"....catherine Explicitly explaining that only the copy/upload format is possible, Not Transfers, making sense what with like. her magic brain scans that can can wholly parse & store your Psyche data, whatever that'd be like, definitely not being meant to, say, Extract the person's Psyche from their living human body upon doing so. while the ending's drama comes from the game Now staying with the version of the protag who'd been our first person pov character prior to that "transfer," who is Again like "why am i still here" despite having the "it's not actually a transfer" explained, b/c This version Just So Happens to be the copy of the copy of the copy like simon(4) or (5) or whatever and ofc can't have been the one(s) already just left behind somewhere back there in the complex or he wouldn't have been able to be at that point in the first place. and then "killing" catherine b/c he's so pissed, i remember it as him hitting whatever device was her effective Soma, but the article i think suggested she just got too stressed in turn and that Output fried the device. while, of course, post credits shows us their "transferred" selves just fine chilling in the ark like whew glad all that's done with

anyways just getting around to the fact of how it's easy to land on catherine as the center of the game....and of course she's the one really Not having crises over [my god, copies of my Self] or others' selves or what all, having even less of a usual Soma than simon but rolling with it, and evidently having already fully absorbed her Self as a distinct version from her original Self, despite having the same links to her that make simon or anyone else who's been copied into whatever other Soma feel like he's continuously been Himself(tm), the one true Real Self he's always been....and like, naturally catherine being the one behind the entire project of [what if we copy/paste people's psyches into a big ol mmorpg server & shoot it into space so that Maybe something can happen with them / in a way they can continue to exist] so she's Been thinking of, you know, being separate from these Selves turned Others who you'll jettison into space beyond even the body of the earth. unless it's supposed to stay in orbit lol i do not remember the details....and ofc like plenty of other people are like wow that's Fucked Up or it's Not Us and like, the latter sure is true with with the [copying, not transferring] element, but also the former is more choose your own adventure (interpretation) when the game isn't about like, and the simulation Is fucked up, or there's any element of distress or dissonance to existing on the ark, though you can't really know that until the post credits scene confirms you're just hanging out for real....which, that article was also going in on the character who's on this quest to kill the WAU as like "the versions of us it makes isn't Real it's Corrupting" and like, arguably the WAU as just kind of, naturally, something capable of growing, and doing so, and the real problem seeming to come in with the [doing whatever for supposed safety but superceding/supplanting/displacing autonomy in doing so] like, people who did not agree to whatever was done re: their Somas or they would've remembered & been like yeah i'm hanging out as a robot now, or a goop guy, gunk [YES], etc. but separate from that obvious issue it's like, my guy, You're a copy made by the WAU now lol, you're your whole person that you are, with the thoughts & feelings to decide you wanna go on a quest to destroy it, and whatever capacity to pursue it....either way i think the game makes it clear enough the WAU is a Neutral force exercising no conscious discernment, it Is a body, or it's some body (once told me) anyways lol, though i guess i did just go "those Monsters that can chase you are just wau manifestations right" so that's getting kind of complex lol, but even that can be taken as, like, it Mimicking human's shapes & bipedality & other external characteristics, i guess, and just the way an overall theme can be [hmm where's that division between the soma and psyche, machine and ghost] the WAU has been expanding and making various forms of itself, and of humans, and that's also an element of the fisting that starts out as a fingering and can end with having to leave part of yourself in WAU's core if you have completed the choice to corrupt & destroy it, that Connection and Interfacing is required, with increasing [get it in there] required as well though there's no given clear in universe reason why (w/my theory here being: just the Themes of the increasing interaction / reducing Boundary)

where was i going with this. idk naturally there's people like "well you don't have to see the wau as evil or at least required to be destroyed" like yeah one can imagine the case for that, wherein again this one guy's hypothetically mad abt like oh it can't be Us it's making, like, brother in christ You are here as You are b/c of what wau did, if you don't think You're legitimate enough, how can you be dead set on pursuing any decision you make. but also the lack of autonomy wherein wau has (probably? again would have to rewatch) killed people to transfer them to a less fragile soma, but a) also maybe it's just acted when people were already dying / killed from other causes, and naturally there's the Everyone There Doomed To Die Fairly Imminently factor and b) that [wau's neutral / purely soma no psyche (or is it. etc)] aspect that is that classic mixup of wau just acting on its programming in a way unintended by its programmers re protecting life and c) i think WAU can sure be interpreted as a parallel counterpart to the ark project, where people agreed to the latter, & get to chill with simulated bodies in a simulated world, versus the WAU being that [body, world, realm of physical existence] which is funky & Not like a cool nice recreation of the usual world & is also at the bottom of the ocean, but it's sure trying to extend the existence of ppl's psyches by shoving them into whatever robots or slapping together parts or propping up their original body or what all, i don't remember that many of the characters encountered

Anyways Back To Catherine For Real. i'd forgotten this element completely, but that when catherine finds out her original self had been killed by crewmates (lol. amongst) for being set on carrying out the plan for the ark, Her Project, (i.e. launching it into space (risking that launch going incorrectly) vs keeping it on site at the bottom of the ocean here (theoretically less risky, according to at least the crewmate who killed her about her insisting on launching it anyways)) and catherine's copy / now alternate self comments on being like, a bit disappointed And surprised b/c like she says "i knew they didn't like me, but," like not thinking that dislike would lead to a semi accidental killing her (where apparently the guy who killed her may have been wearing the like powered diving suit w/the extra Strength to operate in the water pressure, like oh didn't mean to hit her That hard. in a different soma already) and seeing other ppl (not in universe) commenting on how it sure did seem to be culmination of like "the way others treated her" and how catherine always mentioned like, never having really had friends including as a crewmate here, being an Introvert....in fact, now i'm remembering that catherine doesn't even say "i knew they didn't like me, but" but rather something very close to "i know i'm not easy to like, but" like, aaaugh....like, as ever, a character or a Real Life Person sharing any particular info like "i'm [xyz]" Isn't Required for just trying to always not be ableist and to always treat other people as people even if they don't "just be normal" correctly enough, supposedly. rather than [what is "just being normal" is Correct & Good and you do Not need to undergo a continuous lifelong journey of in fact questioning this & navigating & learning how to communicate & interact & relate, you just need to fleetingly muster some superficial unhelpful Bonus efforts sometimes when you encounter the rare "exception" like someone who hands you their License To Autiste and you can let them keep their fidget cube and continue treating everyone you encounter ever organic aba style]....like, naturally in the game there's no twist where catherine turns out to be Evil or even antagonistic. she's like, patient, encouraging, friendly, helpful all throughout. she's also, ofc, simon's only guide (adding to the suspense of that [my god. my only guide was evil, and/or just my antagonist now anyways]) so he doesn't really get to pick someone he'd Like more. but that like, lifelong matter of why catherine doesn't Get to have had friends. that even as this professional associate she's treated differently, and worse, b/c you have to personally like someone & find them charming & je ne sais quoissy to Not be worse to them? it's fine to be shitty until catherine can, say, say "i've noticed you're being kind of shitty. it's probably b/c i'm autistic, officially, which i'm choosing to share with you & am now presenting my license about it, so maybe be cool about it" and then and only then go "oh ok" and Make The Exception rather than shifting your entire shitty Rule (they also would not actually really make the exception. "shoutout" too to the concept that, of course, it's actually Disrespectful to stop hating autistic ppl b/c you should treat them The Same as anyone else, and you're bringing that organic ABA all the time as part of your "just be normal" ethos life, so be sure to keep being an asshole to them & double empathy probleming putting all the depletion, extraction, punishment, losses, harms on them and all the rewards on yourself)

and like, catherine being killed b/c she was this Body who was going to take away the ark (her project / creation, which she was also just insisting on following what'd always been the plan for) wherein like, even if this guy didn't mean to kill her, he sure did after lashing out at her, same as happens w/simon in the end....and catherine also failing to be thee most "normal/default" version of a person as well by being a Woman, and probably not white either, and, of course, a nonwhite woman, also making her that much more vulnerable to being Out Of Line(tm) by just like, existing as a person & trying to do her shit, though misogyny, racism, orientalism or the like isn't explicitly invoked or especially implicitly hinted at that hard either, but it's like, how does this [scifi magical realism set in the not That distant future but material made in the way less distant past, i.e. all intents & purposes modern / current day of: in the 2010s] have Relevance beyond "would that be fucked up or what" type Invention that doesn't map on to our experiences at all....you don't Have to read into catherine twice being killed by a man who's lashing out b/c she's not delivering what he wants, but you sure don't Have to Not and be like "this is definitely No Misogyny world" like they're still being implicitly ableist b/c she's just not deemed Winsomely Likable enough, she's internalized that with that "i'm not easy to like" framing, why assume a premise of [misogyny is over] [racism is over] etc. whilest soma doesn't really proffer any scenario of like "oh if it weren't for our being able to perceive our designated Physical Differences in our human bodies, all that oppression would be over," that's not being explored even in the specific situation of its plot in the first place; people on the ark seem to have the simulation of the same bodies they originally did, ppl Can retain like, how they'd move, their voices, their sense of their bodies: elements of their physicality. and, you know, whether one even supposes there Is any meaningful body/mind division, though in soma it Is this premise like oh yeah we can digitize your psyche perfectly okay, such that your copy would experience no disruption in that Sense Of Selfness, which is what makes everything particularly like, whoah, and [wow this is just like soma] whenever something kind of invokes similar enough What Ifs but probably less engagingly lol....while also soma is flexible and spacious in letting you interpret shit, you Can defer from fisting wau to death, you don't have to be like "it's so true. thee horrors" abt the Copies Of Selves, who really just become Others to whatever now-other versions of that person, i.e. how catherine, who, as the person who wanted to scan copies of ppl's psyches & put them in a just chilling simulation server launched into space for the Chance of being copy/pasted elsewhere eventually and the chance for the participants to Exist in some form Now, and who did so, is never like, shocked or freaked out by the notion / reality of these copies' existence even though she didn't set out figuring any scans' uploads would end up on the ocean floor stations, she's not aghast & distressed in the end when after having uploaded her latest Self data to the ark & launched it, she's also Not on the ark and Still in the eventually / doomed ocean floor station, even if it's a bummer, b/c she has already just accepted That's How It Works....this [her] was not going to experience being Transferred, like she's Been saying, like she again tells simon while he's blowing up abt [why wasn't i transferred]....just clearly being an example of like, not everyone is like horrified and freaked out and like "that's fake &/or wrong" and you don't have to decide she's incorrect for being Like That, i.e. like, yep, this is the situation, i know there's the me who was killed and the me on the ark and the me here, and i know also we're also for intents and purposes separate people

all that is to say, like, yeah the Scifi What If specific [you can copy/paste your consciousness into a different soma] is there, but also you can be looking at it as just this like, pushing to thee limit of the Self(tm) and the Other(tm) insofar as imagining yourself, as the only Internality / Mind / Selfhood you have access to, as The One True Real Self and all Others as mere somas/bodies, whether you take that to as dehumanizing an extreme as you can or you just put some double standards on Others / treat them as lesser/less Real, or oh but just Sometimes, in Some Cases, which is fine and relevant to anything, rather than what's fine and relevant being to always be aware that everyone's Otherness is a matter of perspective, you're the Other to everyone else, everyone is just as The Self as everyone else, You Could Be That Other, that other Is [you] to themself, you are the "that could be you" to them....with soma, it can just be elevated to "that Other WAS you from 0.5 mmsec ago, and continues to be them, b/c they didn't experience any disruption in their existence, though now you're both in different situations of: different locations, different bodies, the awareness there's that Other Self over there now, possibly the difference of killing that self you were just copied from so you can go on feeling like the One Real Self"....but wherein like, that's just like, [What If: you Were able to wholly & accurately Know the self inside an Other? b/c it's you from 5 min ago] of like, scenarios like [what if you time traveled 5 min into the past] except wherein that case there's usually the efforts to Resolve(tm) the timeline of that One True Self one way or another, ultimately. or is there. obviously who's positing that soma is the only material to be About the "whoa lol. me as an other" concept made scifily literal or anything

anyways that like, it creates that situation wherein one Can point & go "literally literally me" but also simultaneously one Can go "that's Not literally me arrrgh" or "that's also Not literally me, matter of factly"....simon's wrangling with the Othering of his One True Self, but he can also Know, should he choose to shift to that perspective, that all the Others who aren't alternate copies of him are all Another True Selves, An Other True Self even, though ofc as per the nature of not having a collective consciousness, he Doesn't Know the accurate whole of their psyches b/c he was not ever [literally them], but he doesn't need to to know they're just as [a whole psyche in there] as his own have been. original catherine with her fellow original crewmates being othered enough by them for the dehumanization of treating her worse, her being isolated, that indeed her being killed doesn't feel separate from all that by her or by anyone else, just an escalated extreme final fatal manifestation of it, b/c nobody ever liked her in the first place and then she became a (psyche Piloting a) body getting in the way of what one guy with amplified strength at that moment wanted from the project she made to let others' psyches keep existing in some way, which was deemed valuable enough by that guy to want to commandeer it and keep it at the bottom of the ocean versus risk a launch, regardless of how you the player think of the idea

and thinking of the way you can like, effectively befriend that boxy underwater little propellered Regular Simple Robot Helper that follows you around at some point, that is, of course it can't talk to you, it's definitely Just(tm) this not-ever-a-version of a human robot for practical tasks (dyspeptical tasks, clerical tasks, hysterical tasks) and like, imagine Its interiority, get invested, try to protect it, humanize it regardless....whereas with actual humans, and their psyches in a microchip, you can kill them for not perfectly delivering whatever you wanted even when that's not what other humans ever exist to do. then simon loses the Company he still could've Gotten From catherine, [guy who killed original catherine] didn't succeed in keeping the ark unlaunched, b/c that's what you go and do....but really just thinking of that Thread that feels so extremely relevant of like, catherine copy being simon's only option sure and working With him on this mission until we stay with the edition of him who realizes it didn't lead to his escape onto the ark, i.e. always being in relation to him in a manner of a direct practical teamup & a [take it or leave it] sole option for that anyways....but that in her original, human-bodied life, she was always "oh only a little bit" dehumanized by everyone such that she is very much aware of the way that's defined & limited her life, never had friends, i know i'm difficult to like; until that dehumanization escalated to the extreme of trying to hit her to stop her from seeing her project through, and just happening to kill her, and the fact that this seems to no one just a coincidental whoopsie of a fate just entirely disconnected from the way others always saw her and treated her as this Other among others, while other [psyche/soma]s of others who are clearly not Your Self get to have friends and not be isolated and feel hard to like forever and end up killed by coworkers

tl;dr like love a text just inviting plenty of interpretations and lenses and perspectives, ofc gonna look at it like whoa it's anarchy in there (political cats sense) where are the borders where you are thee self above thee other....soma providing that thinnest boundary of like, yeah that mf over there? there but for the [being in a different body, in a different place, with 7 seconds of negligibly different life experience] go ye. but also the usual boundary of "that person is in a different body in a different place with a different whole life but you're [that] to them and they're just as much a person and a self and an other as you are" like catherine center of the game to me

(* just remembered i had these asterisks: sure enjoying how the premise of amnesia games effectively creates Alternate Selves b/w the protagonist's present self, with however much missing time, and past selves whose goings on are completely relevant to the in media res situation you're also tackling while obtaining pieces of that past to priovide further context/info, and how this premise manifests for different stories each time; you've even got oswald like physically divided into Two Selves in a:amfp, though iirc it's not like, psychically equivalent, kinda "regular oswald & nefarious destroy the world duplicitous oswald" lmao, classic....uhh and shoutout to penumbra being similar ish in that the protagonist's story isn't want's relevant, he's trying to find out what happened to his dad and more broadly the like underground pocket world he enters for those answers? iirc....but that soma shares that amnemonic premise of [intro] [suddenly like ???] [having to navigate your present mission & figure out the past & your Missing time] but like, thee respective Lores don't overlap really, soma obviously starts present day and takes an even more obvious leap into a future / completely different location, rather than amnesia games being set in the past with missing time of like, idk months? to even just days, uhh supposedly like [forever] in justine but that's like, i dunno sure lol, the peak mysterious / withheld protagonist really, on purpose. while naturally there's also the fact that, technically, this simon we are following at the start of the game did not actually forget anything, and that's a fun distinction despite that it otherwise initially seems like the same [amnesia] premise....and that he did kind of ""forget"" things in that original simon lived however much longer before dying, that his scan then ofc didn't retroactively include. so once again it's like, well, in amnesia ppl have likewise kind of rewound to a Past Self before the missing [crucial context to your in media res misadventure] time, w/daniel (and justine) even doing this On Purpose, though as is the nature of the amnesia series, everyone regains enough of that missing info about their goings on anyways, though you the player are Not in a story of like "wow they did Exactly the same thing again and ended up in the same place anyways" and Do get to kinda choose who they are / indeed end up with some Alternate Self, potentially, despite there being plenty of room wherein like, it's not precisely, granularly laid out Exactly Who They Are at any point anyways. only just now getting extra amnemonic lore that yes daniel got all fucked up on vitae rituals b/c that's just what happens! and people are fairly horny for it! always a possible interpretation that he was high on vitae (okay one proffered pronunciation of "curriculum vitae" (which i was like lord i feel like i've gone "what tf is that" about before but what tf is that. turns out it's what CV stands for as your specifically educational resumé) does say "vitae" would, in that case, rhyme with "nigh." other sources are listing like a million different combinations of a million different ways to pronounce each syllable. also they gotta say it a way in the game but i forget. daniel's VA apparently being some chemistry teacher? just like alchemy. not what the pope said to do, weird science, it's my creation....) anyways! the psyches diverge, the bodies don't, unless they do (oswald....uhh the guy in the bunker. lambert :( ) like catching up with The Self again, encountering extreme examples of Othering and Dehumanizing and [you are just like only a soma to me] with various means and ends of acting thusly to get xyz results