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alluralater · 8 months

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"say it don't spray it." nah open that mouth nice and wide, babygirl. i'm about to spit some facts in it

#i have slept a total of five hours in three days- can you tell lmfao #is this anything? i could let this post die in my drafts #i have actually never had someone spit in my mouth bc i don't know how i would react. the conditions would have to be... very sub mode #but like would *i* spit in someone's mouth???? maybe yes #i've never had a case of bad breath in my life + i feel like i'd slap someone immediately after doing it and that #would turn me on + satisfy me. oh shit- kink unlocked????#people always tell me my mouth tastes really good so i could see myself doing that. damn WAIT. this is insane i've never truly thought #about doing it before.#like yeah i've spit on pussy/dick and that's hot but i mean this is TOTALLY different #when i get super into making out with someone like really intensely- ya girl will lick a face. not even joking. my oral fixation demands #liberation.#so i can see the correlation between that and spitting (though i will always be a swallower. feels like a yummy reward for great work yk??)#spitting into someone's mouth and sucking their tongue before i tell them to swallow for me- and then i smack them. mmm yeah okay i'm down #anyways who wants to be my test subject and let me spit in their pretty mouth for the sake of data collection purposes?

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boxwinebaddie · 14 days

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if you don’t mind me asking, how in the everloving fuck did you get mercury AND arsenic poisoning?? is that common??

siiiiiiiiiiiigh.

so, no...thankfully, my dear, sweet darling:

i don't think it's terribly common, ( neither was the arsenic i guess, but i'll get into that ) but it is when you're stupid as fuck like me.

because i am too lazy to type it all out again and don't have it in me to be eloquent ( i am saving that for writing about the boys, now that i, thankfully, can coherently write again ) i will send you the synopsis that i sent elite sickfic style dr. ana ( god's fucking angel )

**it's the updated, more articulate ( give or take ) version because i tried to explain it to the girls the day i got home ( take it easy on them please, i couldn't text or call and gave them quite a fright, ily girlies ) unfortunately, i was still not super good at making words and processing things, so i wrote this now that i am functioning better.

sorry for spooking you all about the parasite; long story short, it was not as deadly as i thought -- I DID, HOWEVER, STILL HAVE A VERY NASTY BACTERIAL INFECTION, LIKE WHEN I SAY NASTY, I MEAN VERY, VERY, VERY BAD AND I WAS FIGHTING IT CONCURRENTLY WITH THE PARA WHICH MADE IT SEEM A LOT WORSE, VERY ASS!

but long story, medium:

alright! gather round kids --

it's uncle nina story time.

tw for gross medical stuff / me being in mentally ill hell

anyways, looking forward to sharing my writing with you all again and answering my asks if we still care!

love you and hyh,

metal head uncle nina

#uncle nina: village idiot #kind of; i am glad my brain still works #when i tell yall i wasnt writing bc my body was so weak from my bac infection and the crazy metal poisoning me #that i could not think clearly it was hard to talk it was hard to move i was very very very frightened and very light sensitive #i do have bipolar but i was seriously worried i was lowkey schizophrenic for a second there bc i was starting to hallucinate #i am not! just psychosis from the stress and toxic amount of certain elements in my body! whew! jerseykyle moment #my tinnitis is starting to get better and sounds are less scary now i do still get these intense flashes of light in my vision #i'm talking like 80s slasher movie strobe lights like someone turned off the light and turned it back on it fucking sucks #i do still think they should skin biop me for the bac for anythin it caused but fuck if i'm seeing another dr. fuuuck no baby!#but yeah scary when i tell you i thought everything was contaminated ( which it kind of was and was why the para wouldnt clear )#there was ( i think ) a lot of it because i didn't catch it very quickly and or didn't know what it was or what to do because #the doctors wouldn't listen to me about it ( and specifically failed to catch my super serious bacteria infection which #became resistant to several antibiotics which they piled me with to treat conditions that i DID NOT HAVE THX AHOLES )#idk just be gentle with me i am a little fragile just bc its weird to be back to normal and okay again ( i do take a lot of meds )#and i am sorry for all the neglected asks i very much want to answer them and hope to get back to you soon #i love you and sorry if this is tmi i like to be honest with yall

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bueris · 4 months

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okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead

#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere #i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art #but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely #certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like #university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government #i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour #party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead #also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be #idk #it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking #also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most #part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it?#ik therapists have therapists but still #i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going #the way i wanna #I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life #if not then gap year to work it out #should probably look at unis for english language too then #sigh #ucas website i may as well marry you #ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol)#yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up #yeah #shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical #they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices #crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love.#sex jokes about that #why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine #bue waffling #vent post

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cuteniaarts · 6 months

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Behold, my latest and most enamouring new obsession:

Malina, Lady of the Chief of the Northern Water Tribe. As if Red Lotus child OCs weren’t niche enough

#my art #artists on tumblr #the legend of korra #lok malina #still feel like that’s too vague of a tag but I can’t come up with anything better for now #and yeah. she has completely stolen by heart and I don’t know how to feel about that #don’t think I ever was this attracted to my own art before #to be fair the design isn’t mine. it’s very heavily based on something nina drew back in 2021 #because I did not have the energy or creativity to come up with my own thing #but the art is all mine and I genuinely adore it. super proud of myself which is a rare occurrence #anyways. kat and I spent three days digging this niche lower and lower and now have a he #*hell of a lot of lore about this basically nonexistent character #for lore about a lady from the North Pole a lot of it is rather hot… to the point my cheeks are burning non stop #I would say I’d let her do anything she wants to me but in my very specific aroace-adjacent case it’s more like #I’d let her tell me to do anything she wants to her #if that makes any sense and I have not completely lost my goddamn mind yet #okay. enough yapping. back to the art itself #lazy background because I suck at those and am not currently attempting to learn them. I’ll probably do that over the summer #about time anyway. my characters have been placed against an off-white background for far. far too long #this is the first piece in just over a year that isn’t tagged with sotrl. which is kinda weird tbh #I’ve been drawing my OCs almost exclusively for nearly 5 years so it is genuinely surprise I’m branching out #*surprising #less branching out and more diving from one hole into another but y’know #anyway. in my personal and very correct opinion she turned out absolutely gorgeous #her servants are way too lucky and unalaq is way too much of an idiot. no offence to vaatu but he could never beat out this #and I also have Kat’s personal and very correct opinion to back up my own. two against the void. once again we’re winning #I wanna draw her a lot more bc she has completely possessed my brain. I just wish character interactions were easier to draw 😭#I’ll figure it out. just need to fight my visualisation issues for a proper idea. brb #okay I’m almost at the tag limit so. in summary:#she 🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

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learn-and-accept · 2 months

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I can't be depressed, I ate vegetables two days in a row

#my mental health is in shambles lol #I haven't left my house in 4 days #i slept in until 1pm today which I haven't done in a while #the earliest i fall asleep is 2am #im fucking exhausted #it's so fucking hard to get myself to do anything #my brain won't even let me watch the Olympics even though ive been looking forward to the skateboarding competition #this shit is annoying #and it's annoying because i was so confused why this bout of depression happened #but i just got my first normal period after stopping birth control and that shit always fucks me up mentally #and my grandma just fucking died #so yeah not that surprising lol #also my girlfriend is out of town and i was supposed to go with her and it didn't work out so im sure that's not helping my brain feel okay #its just so fucking annoying because i just want to be okay with everything and not break #at least it's not the 'my brain is telling me to kill myself at all hours of the day' type of depression #but this shit still sucks and i hate it #and i don't want to talk with my girlfriend about it because i don't want her worrying about me and i want her to enjoy her time away #and i dont want to talk to my mom about it because actually i dont really know why i dont want to talk to her about it #im gonna be going back to therapy soon so hopefully that shit helps but who knows #anyway brains sucks and grief is weird and hormones are dumb and i miss my girlfriend #but hey at least my brain is letting me eat vegetables again lol #personal

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tommygettingwrittenoff · 1 month

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i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.

#like things with t are fine cuz he likes exploring this new side of himself even if t doesnt always match his energy but whatever its fun #and maybe at work chim is the one who brings up eddies new friend and he is immediately just. what new friend?#chim laughs and says. tbf last time eddie got a new friend you attacked him so you could date his friend. hes probably keeping it to himsel #and bucks like. dude what. that was. yeah it was shitty of me but it was a one time thing. i wont do it again...#and when eddie shows up for shift buck immediately asks about his new friend and eddie tells him about the guy without hesitation #after shift tho buck is like. why didnt you tell me about him? after t i get why you dont want to but im just. you dont have to worry man.#buck. i know. im not worried. anyway he and i are gonna head to a bar to catch the game. you want to come with? you can bring t if hes free #oh. thats. thatd be okay? i dont want to idk ruin the vibe by bringing a date #nah man. itll be fine #and so he and t go to the bar and eddies already inside with the new friend and its Fine. its Great actually because t gets along with eddi #and the new guy and the new guy makes eddie laugh and doesnt miss a beat and knows more about the teams record this season than buck and #buck is doing Fine. this guys smile is big and his eyes are bright and when he laughs he sorta leans into eddies space alittle and its Fine #the night ends and buck and t go back to his apartment and buck cant stop thinking about that guys hand when it clapped down on eddies #shoulder or the look on his face as he teased eddie about the beer he drinks (cuz its kinda bad but only buck can say that) and buck Cant.#he wants that guy. he wants his hands and grin and teasing voice all to himself and not on eddie.#so he breaks up with t and ts confused af cuz i thought things were going good?#yeah. i just. i want to explore my options yk now that ive uh figured out i like men.#and its a clean break. not dramatic or messy. t tells him to call if he every changes his mind. buck wont.#bucks trying to not pry about eddies new friend and he doesnt grill eddie or anyone and just waits and listens to all the new info he gains #and eventually eddie invites him out to watch another game because whatever team they were watching made it to the playoffs #and when he gets there eddies like. no t tonight?#nah we. uh. we broke up.#eddie says sorry man that sucks. and the new guy is like. honestly he didnt even seem that into you which what an idiot. youre great.#and its good because the new guy splits his attention between the two of them now. eddie isnt the only one getting hands and grins and eyes #and the third time theyre at the bar the guy follows him to bathroom and kisses him hard against the door before pulling back with a #panicked sorry and leaving and when buck finds eddie after hes like. what happened? new guy ran out of here without even saying goodbye #he kissed me in the bathroom. i think uh. i think he was kinda freaking out about it and thats why he left.#and eddie just blinks at him before being like. buck. buck you said you werent going to do this again.#i didnt mean to! and buck means it. he just saw the way that guy made eddie laugh and put his hands on eddie and had eddies attention and #oh.

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orcelito · 2 months

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Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.

But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.

#speculation nation #and then U add in the fact that the girl she broke up with me for is already dating someone else (poly sort of situation)#and im just like. WHYYYYY did she break up with me instead of trying to negotiate poly???#she was gonna at first but when i expressed concern about poly given her obvious communication problems about it #then she dropped me like a hot coal. like sorry i wasnt about to let myself be stood up and ignored for basically a whole day #just to accept u trying to negotiate poly. like What?????#anyways i may have a bit of a history with being a bit of an asshole and breaking up with them #but at LEAST ive never broken up with anyone to immediately start dating someone else #and at LEAST ive broken up with them in person and not over text!!! the fuck?????#i keep alternating between 'surprisingly okay with it all' and 'maybe a little sad' and 'absolutely fucking LIVID'#and i keep wanting to yell at her more but i already said quite a lot of things. so id just be repeating myself #and at that point id just be a vitriolic piece of shit. which i try not to be.#so im letting her live in peace while i continue to be So Pissed about it and it just sucks man lmfao #why do i gotta be the bigger person fr. i even apologized for the hurtful things i was saying in anger. literally in that same conversation.#and she gets to pull this stunt and walk free and spend so much time with her new 'love' ignoring the world etc etc #honestly i hope it fails miserably for her. bc sure theres a chance it works out but every single part of this is impulsive and So Stupid.#and even tho my ex agreed with me when i told her it was INSANE. she was just like 'i have to' like OKAY????#jesus fucking christmas she's revealed a side to me that i really hadnt seen before.#so i hope it fails and i hope she tells me about it. i hope she owns up to her mistakes. for my own satisfaction.#but i have 0 intention on ever taking her back. because what the fuck????#i may be a flawed individual with plenty of problems. but i still have basic fucking dignity. and i am NOT accepting this back in my life.#and god damn her friend is moving into the unit across from mine for this coming year #and i may have to see my ex sometimes bc of it 😭😭😭#the friend seemed generally level headed tho. idk if i happen across him & he doesnt avoid me maybe i'll ask him what he thinks of this #bc she was treating me with such love and affection showing me off to all her friends. and then she drops me like a fucking coal.#i wouldnt say i made friends with them myself but we were at least friendly. so i doubt theyd have a good opinion of her for this.#so would the friend loyalty take precedence? or would he be willing to chat with me and confirm Yeah what the fuck?#bc if i had a friend who did this same exact thing id be side-eyeing them SO hard.#id support them bc theyre my friend but i would also be like 'hey uh Why did you do that. that was pretty awful of u you know that right'#& itd also make me more cautious of them too. for being Able to drop someone so suddenly lol.

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everymlmhybrid · 9 months

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this part genuinely makes me feel like eating dry wall like i can't explain how i feel about it without making some of you finally tire of me and block me about it i think

#.txt #reservoir dogs -#sorry for just randomly posting clips . i was actually working on my vid i swear but then i started Thinking. and here we are.#anyways going genuinely insane in the tags . i'm so sorry. ->#(im only sorry for the sheer amount of tags or if u disagree w/ my interpretations / headcanons. if ur just annoyed lmfao sucks to be you!)#anyways. you guys ever think abt the way orange HAS TO know white's lying to him abt his odds of survival.#bc i think abt that genuinely constantly. all the time thinking about it.#also the ''joe's gonna get you 100% again'' -> first of all . lol. second of all -> ''he was the only one i wasn't 100% on'' hello? HELLO!!#also freddy's voice here makes me feel like punching walls . like it makes me wail in anguish.#no but yeah i think abt the theme of lying & the fact some of the first lies we hear are in this scene in a way #also this part is leaning wayyy harder on headcanon but i always think. like if orange WASNT lying abt who he is. then it'd be reasonable #forhim to not know how likely he is to die and/or how blatantly larry's lying (''i'm talking days!'') but as a cop he SOOO knows he's fcked #but like . what's he gonna do. ''hey i know that's bullshit'' like obviously not and partly bc of How he knows but also bc like #you just don't argue with the only guy who's caring for you while you're seemingly on the brink of death!! LMAO #and certainly not when he's the only one telling you you'll be fine!! even if he's just bullshitting you so you don't freak out!!#I DON'T KNOW i go kinda insane about this scene . as . you can tell.#if you too are insane about this and the implications . don't worry. in several months. my fic will feed you. you will see.#idk . larry lying to and/or for him <33333333 kinda makes me go insane. kinda makes me go wild.#idk. i should be getting ready for bed rn. WHATEVER. bye. logging off. if you read all these i'm in love with you okay #i've just been turngin them around in my head like a microwave for hours so i needed to infodump or else i would explode i think

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cutneteel · 6 months

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meh

#if I tell everything in the tags would that make everything okay #fuck it this is Tumblr I can't have shit anymore #it's 3:25 am by the time i'm writing ts #I want to rip my skin out #everything sucks I can't think I hate it #what should I do tomorrow #everybody is probably tired of me now I can't do it #what should I do what should I do I don't know #I can't even look at somebody in the eye i'm a goddamn coward #when will I be able to get used to it. it's been 6 fucking years #I can't do it I don't want to wait I hate waiting everything sucks I can't #also I think I broke my neck (I already did)#I be moaning over something that's already over fuck this #monday's gonna suck #it happened before I can go through it again?#I don't want to face my classmates and other people what if I got cuffed again #I need to stop thinking it's gonna be over before I knew it please Lord help me please #I don't have to see these people again (hopefully)#they'll just mocked me because i'm an absolute fucking retard who can't even make eye contact with someone before looking away #I have to get used to it. I need to please #it's hot #I made too many fucking mistakes I can't do it #at least it's not as bad (it is)#oh yeah ofc my fucking brother turns on the goddamn heat lmao shoot yourself

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aromanticasterisms · 3 months

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i started this side quest off going girl i cannot POSSIBLY be this stupid. then saw my friends and went oh okay all of this was worth it actually :]

#personal stuff #seraph plays star rail #got to see my friends yaayy wheee #my friends argenti and boothill :] i love seeing them interact they are so funny. they have something lgbt going on #AND THEN TOPAZ AND AVENTURINE FIGHTING OVER WHO GETS TO HIRE THE TRAILBLAZER.. HII....#sitting over here with numby watching the two of them argue. they are so so silly. i'm glad they're friends and also worsties a little bit #they bicker and fight but they're friendss they trust each other................#like the other ten stonehearts i KNOW are just coworkers but topaz and aventurine ribbing each other is so fun #aventurine seeing how long it takes us to deal with their rooms and going nvm you suck at this lol. AVENTURINE.....#please i swear i can change........... if anyone tells me how to do this job...........#also i'm glad we finally got a line that's even KIND OF implying that we're glad aventurine is recovering and doing okay. to his face #ik his messages have that option but i didn't get him...... i still want to tell him i'm glad he's alive......... cry sob weep #aww and robin too!! glad she's going out where she wants #OOOH INTERESTING.#the game leaves us with two questions toward who we're going to meet next: the next stoneheart and the next member of the express #really funny to me that black swan is just like. i live here now. or at least she's tagging along for this ride #but yeah hmmmm makes me wonder.#ALSO GARDEN OF RECOLLECTION RELATED PLANET NEXT... DO WE SMELL MARCH LORE

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obnoxiousarcade · 3 months

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I have a longing to be understood more than anything else i think

#someone very recently acknowledged something that usually goes unseen and it wasn't even that great of an acknowledgement but ive just been #staring at the messages every once in a while. its great. not really i sort of feel like a real weirdo #im very lonely. i cant say why but let it be known that i am very lonely #ok i have a question to those who lie their eyes upon this post: tell me what you know about me please?#so much lies in my social perception and i am just. not being perceived. at all. darn #i have a lot to cry about but morally i dont think i should-- specifics would mean being mean to the people i love #talking to anyone anymore just makes me feel horrible. doing anything anymore makes me feel horrible..tmbg has my back though ill live for #another.week or a few. and then my birthday will happen and rhen um #.Well. it sucks that sucks man. i dont want to disclose my age but to elaborate on why ACTUALLY HOLD ON #the thing i am about to say is not true; it is a metaphorical thing: it is my 21st birthday soon.#i decided that i wouldnt live past this age around 5 years ago and the only reason ive lived five years is being killed this year. i dont #think every thing ive been desperately clinging on to for the past 2 (?) years can keep me alive past then..i think im going to die. i have #to #NO MORE BEING A DOWNER #fox (vulpes vulpes) on the Internet for the first time #okay maybe a little more..i dont know who im talking to in this post. my friends do not read my tumblr and. i dont know anyone else.really.#uh #I'm listen to tmbg right now i love them #hey reader; i can only think of 3 people who see enough about me to check my blog. so i have separate questions for the each of you.#one of you likes (liked? school came in and i couldnt see your blog much past then; idk if its changed) tmbg. what do you think of The Else?#and uh you there... the guyyy. Google john flansburgh..i dont have a reason to this one ive just not been able to stop thinking about askin #you what you think of him.#um third person..... um #okay theres nothing iecan ask. i do want to apologize to you though: im sorry.#iThis is bullshit #im gonna delete this soon #Um also sorry if my wording here is. really wack. i tend to do that #i dont think anyones going to see this as is always #i think i just like talking to the hypothetical beast. yeah

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talkfastcal · 5 months

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told my therapist tonight that i want a nose piercing and she was fully supportive of me and told me to make it one of my goals

meanwhile my mom basically told me with disgust in her voice that she doesn't like face piercings....:)

#and its like I KNOWWW I KNOW this shes been telling me this since i was a teenager and wanted to pierce my nose #but it still sucks to know that #like she told me 'i cant stand to look at your sister anymore ever since she got hers" ITS BEEN TEN YEARS #its just :):):):):):):):)#like yeah shes not going to tell me i cant do it but for her to sit there and basically tell me that really made me change my mind #now im like damn okay nvm guess not meanwhile when i was in my session i was all about it #no one cares kristen

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thethingything · 6 months

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I find it kind of interesting that we have a couple of delusions (and the hallucinations that come with those) that just kind of involve gruesome stuff happening to us, especially because they weren't as gruesome at first but have gotten more so over time.

the hallucinations are all somatic ones (sensations instead of visuals or audio) but they're stuff like I guess what our brain thinks it would feel like if our organs were decomposing, or being eaten by maggots, or just stuff with a similar vibe to that?

I can put up with it for the most part, but like I did nearly throw up on the bed because of it earlier and I'd really like to not experience that again