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eywa-eveng · 6 months

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ɪɪ. ᴡʜᴀᴛ’s ʟᴇғᴛ ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ – ɴᴇʏᴛɪʀɪ & ᴊᴀᴋᴇ X ᶠᴱᴹ ᴼᴹᴬᵀᴵᴷᴬᵞᴬ ᴿᴱᴬᴰᴱᴿ

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ – 6.2k

ɢᴇɴʀᴇ – angst

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs – major character death, war, ptsd, unrequited love

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇ – Still a non-linear storyline, so this entire part is set in the past. This part is also a lot shorter than usual!

ᴘᴀʀᴛ ɪ

ᴛᴀɢ ʟɪsᴛ – @eywas-heir @amiets2 @neteyamforlife @sunrays404 @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @eternallyvenus @bobojojoba69 @behindthearcane @elegantkidfansoul @ladylovegood-69 @pinkiemme @arminsgfloll @wtf-why-do-i-gotta-do-this @onlyreadz @ghost-lantern @calums-betch @crazy4books1 @meladollsims @yeosxxx @sillyfreakfanparty

Jake never does wake up. It’s like tossing a crystal off a cliff and watching it shatter on the rocks below, watching hundreds of glitter shards scatter to the wind and knowing there’s no way to gather them all. Once a cut is made there’s no removing the presence of the blade. There will always be a scar. Healed and faded but never completely hidden from view. There was always the knowledge that Jake lived with a false body, that he was a Sky Demon wearing the face of the People. But knowing is different from seeing. Knowing that his body is empty, not asleep, a cup spilled and hollow without anything to fill it. Someone was kind enough to help Neytiri find a place to settle his body.

If not for his chest rising and falling, it would be easy to imagine his stillness as death. But his skin is still warm, his heartbeat still thrumming through his veins. He’s pliable as water, running between your fingers as you lift his arm, bending it this way and that as if to find some new flaw in his stolen physique. His veins march in rivers beneath his blue skin, patterned with the same dark markings of any true born Na’vi. His likeness is remarkable save for the things the human scientists could never perfect. As a child, Grace had explained that their hands and feet with those extra appendages were like a syaksyuk’s split arms, to remove one would be to unbalance the creature needlessly. Like removing a Na’vi’s tail. A body used to having five fingers would need to relearn to use only four, she told you. Jake’s hand is heavy in yours as you turn it over between your own. Warm and hardened from months of training. When he’d come to the clan on that fateful night, led by Neytiri and a sign from the Great Mother he’d been smooth. Soft and thin as a child, but in time he’d learned and grown into a man worthy of the Omatikaya clan. His palms are calloused and muscles defined, pulling taut beneath his skin like the string of a bow as you rediscover the shape of his body.

It’s so strange how closely you’ve become acquainted with the form of an uniltìrantokx. All your life you’ve been taught to fear the demons from the sky, the monsters that descended upon your peaceful home and ravaged it like a sickness with no cure, a plague upon all that they touched. The very ground beneath your feet bears scars of the Sky People. Poisons leaked from their dwellings and swathes of land lost to the metal creatures that know only to seek and destroy. Tears burn anew in your eyes as you think of the yellow behemoths chewing through the glade of Spirit Trees with no regards to their sacred value. All of those that had gone before you, yet lived on within Eywa, lost in an instant like a scent washed clean by the rain.

Somewhere, Tsu’tey is rallying the clan to strike back against the terror these demons have wrought. The tenuous bond that was made with the intentions of peace has been slowly fraying, day by day, and now it’s been severed completely. A knife that cut clean and quick through the years of fragile peace. Retribution is in order. What they’ve done is not a slight that can be taken in silence. A weeping gash has been torn through the clan and the suffering must be returned in kind. First blood has been drawn.

With the iknimaya celebration having passed not even a day ago, it all seems to have happened with such perfect timing. As if the Sky People knew of the warriors that would be joining the ranks of the adults within the clan. A few days earlier and some might not have been considered to defend the People. Children are precious and only a few are ever chosen to join a fight before their time. Your eyes fall to Jake. His face looks just the same as it has for the past few hours as the sun creeps higher in the sky. Grace is laid a few paces away. Both quiet as death. A bolt of doubt strikes through your chest like an arrow dipped in acid. A burning that spreads through your chest like a web, poisoning every corner of your mind with ideas of those you’ve allowed into your home betraying the People’s trust. Grace who you once called sa’nok. Jake who you had bound your life to, albeit with great hesitance. He was your mate now, for better or worse. And it seemed that with each passing moment, a storm was drawing ever nearer.

A shadow thundering over the horizon as you remain at your post, watching over the demons as Tsu’tey had instructed. He didn’t trust Neytiri with the task and he needed every one of his students present for the war council. His trust weighs heavily on your shoulders, misplaced and absolute. It hadn’t been only Neytiri that betrayed him, hadn’t been only Jakesully that mated with his promised woman. But now was not the time for such confessions. Another severed bond would only serve to further weaken the clan from within. So you shut the guilt tight within yourself, burying it deep within your heart to be dealt with when the time comes. For now, all that plagues your mind is worries of the war to come. You’d been far closer to the might of these Sky People than most. Thoughts of blood and bullets crowd your mind, hand curling tighter around Jake’s for comfort.

Seeking out your mate with an instinctual fervor even as the bond slips in and out of focus like blinking water from your eyes. It’s shimmery and elusive. A single thread where there should be an unbreakable rope tied between your hearts. The bond wavers, made worse as you try to reach for a person that isn’t there. Jake is only a body at this moment. An empty vessel waiting to be inhabited. Your nails dig desperately into his skin as fear chokes you, clutching tight to his hand. He doesn’t flinch, doesn’t move. He lays still as panic overtakes you. The feeling threatens to drown you. Tears burn in your eyes and drip across his skin as your feelings roar forth all at once. It is as safe a place as any to allow yourself to be lost in your anguish. Though there are three bodies in the alcove hidden within Hometree, only one is real. Somehow, even in company, you’re completely alone.

The feeling burns through your, in your eyes and beneath your skin. Simmering like nectar on a hot stone, bubbling and turning acrid as you sob through another wave of grief. It’s like stones being stacked on your chest, the weight growing and growing, threatening to crack through your ribs and crush your heart beneath the weight. It had started as a few pebbles. Small slights and forgettable offenses committed by the Sky People in your childhood. But in the time since, they’ve only grown more audacious, more greedy. Taking and taking until there’s nothing left to give. The loss of Utraya Mokri is nearly enough to crush your spirit to ash yet you’ve remained standing. Though there’s no certainty for how much longer you can bear it. One more devastation and you’ll surely crumble beneath the weight. You squeeze Jake’s hand again as a sob silently wracks your shoulder, muffled and choked as you try to contain your sadness. This time there’s a slight twitch to his fingers as if he’s finally noticed the weight of your hand in his. Grace comes to first, rolling to her knees and then scrambling to her feet.

There’s a frantic look about her eyes as she tries to gain her bearings before her gaze settles on you kneeling beside Jake. He wakes with the same erraticism, jumping to his feet so quickly it knocks you to the wayside. It’s so strange that in a single moment the comfort he offered has dried up. Seeing him return to his false body reminded you that he was nothing more than an illusion, that his soul could never truly be bound to yours, or anyone else’s. In the silence there was the comfort of familiarity but seeing him awake, kneeling before you as the tears dry on your cheeks. Jake suddenly looks like a stranger.

“I was sent here to–” The words echo in your mind even as his thumbs brush away the last of your tears. He presses a kiss to your lips, his forehead resting against yours, and all you can muster is a feeling of betrayal. Who was this man that was speaking to you so gently?

“It’s okay, I’m okay,” he’s telling you as if you’d been in fear for his safety. Perhaps Neytiri had been afraid. Her voice was scratched with panic as she went to Grace’s side; her eyes flashed with rage after Tsu’tey dared to set his blade against Jake’s neck. Yet all you could muster was fear for yourself, for your home. Fear of what kind of people you’d let into your heart. Once, you’d thought Tsu’tey’s persistent hatred to be exhausting. Anger for the sake of it when all you wanted to do was forget. But now you see it for what it is. A desperate bid for self preservation. There was no forgetting the scars carved through your life by the hands of the Sky People. No masking the hatred that burned deep in your heart for what they’ve done. Hostility is an instinct taught to you from birth, and you chose to ignore it to please the whims of your heart. Neytiri had learned kindness and so too had you. And that gentility has been taken for granted.

It makes you cry harder. Jake soothes you with a sort of hastened affection as Grace paces the small hollow. Her tail curls anxiously, ears pulled tight against her head as she clenches and releases her fists.

“Baby, look at me.” You want to tell him that you’re not a baby. That your tears are well-founded, but you can’t find the words as his thumbs brush over your cheeks. “We have to talk to Mo’at and Eytukan. Now, right now.”

“It can’t wait,” Grace insists as Jake urges you to your feet. By the time the three of you reach the heart of Hometree, your tears have dried, though you aren’t certain of how long it will last.

Neytiri is the first to notice the three of you, coming to Jake’s side with a swiftness that takes his hand from yours before anyone could take note of it. If Grace had words for how she felt hearing Jake speak so intimately with you she kept them to herself, far more interested in the more pressing matter of an audience with your tsahìk and olo’eyktan. Neytiri calls to her parents, pulling Jake behind her, and they part from their war plans with a guarded curiosity. Mo’at raises her hands to silence the buzzing crowd so Jake might speak and be heard. Nearly the entire clan is gathered. Young and old, man and woman are gathered to hear what the dreamwalker has to say. He draws in a deep breath as if to gather his strength before he speaks.

“A great evil is upon us. The Sky People are coming to destroy Hometree.” He says in carefully enunciated Na’vi. Quieter, to Neytiri, he says, “Tell them they’re going to be here soon.” And she does. His words move through the clan like a ripple over still waters, raising a hum of fear and aggression.

“You have to leave, or you’re gonna die.” His words are final. As though he’s already seen what will come of this. And perhaps he has. How easily they’d turned the Trees of Voices to ruin. Though Hometree was far bigger, it seemed something these demons from the sky were capable of. With their rumbling metal beasts and their sparking guns. A chill rushes over you as cold as rainfall. More bullets. More death. It was all these Sky People were good for.

“Are you certain of this?” Mo’at demands. Moments ago her most pressing concern was seeking vengeance for the destruction of a sacred place. Now the tsahìk has to contend with the thought of her clan’s ancestral home being annihilated. Your eyes sweep over the open space within the roots of Kelutral. There is the fire pit still smoldering with the breakfast cookfire. The totem of toruk’s skeleton that has been passed down through generations of the Omatikaya as a precious show of strength and resilience. The mother loom that even now has hands weaving upon it. Your very life has been kept safe within the cradle of Hometree and these demons seek to destroy it.

A pit opens in your stomach. Hollow and gnawing as your fingers dance over the shape of your songcord. It’s an act of comfort, touching each bead and knowing each memory by shape alone. The bead for Sylwanin’s death, the flat river stone to match the color of your ikran, the jagged bit of crystal for your iknimaya. The litany of beads and knots to commemorate the chorus that ties every Na’vi life together. Soon there’d be more to add. For your mating. For a battle with the Sky People. The loose end of your cord is frayed between anxious fingers as you pull at the threads, waiting for a shred of reassurance. None comes.

“They sent me here, to learn your ways, so one day I could bring this message and you would believe me.” Jake says.

I was sent here to–kill. Destroy. Lie. A word that had no meaning before these demons descended upon your home. It was your mistake for thinking Jake could be any different. Though he wears his anguish plainly, as if your pain is shared when he meets your eyes. His gaze is heavy, pleading, and you step back as if to lessen the weight. This isn’t your burden to bear. All that he’s done, he did for himself. Neytiri isn’t so hesitant in her disbelief. She pushes forward. Reaching towards him as though her hands might reshape the words he’s said.

“What are you saying Jake?” Her voice is unsteady as rushing water. “You knew this would happen?”

He hesitates for a moment before he speaks. “Yes.”

“Look, at first it was just orders, then everything changed. I fell in love,” he tries to smile. “I fell in love with the forest, with the Omatikaya people,” he reaches to hold her and it’s like a spark that lights a fire. Neytiri pushes his hands aside, her face crumbling beneath the weight of his words.

“With you.” He says as though it will fix anything.

“I trusted you,” she says quietly. Jake’s eyes cut between the two of you. You stare back, tears welling in your eyes. The love you felt for Jake was not the same as Neytiri’s. She was in love with him. Consumed by the desperate fervor that made her betray all the plans that were made for her. She was willing to throw her life away for him. To deny her calling as tsakarem and never assume the mantle of tsahìk. She made a sacrifice with her very soul. As had you in some accidental, tangled moment of lust. Your spirits were now bound until death and it had only taken mere hours for Jake to so utterly betray that bond. The tips of your ears burned hot with shame. It simmered within you like a poison, searing through your veins until all you felt was an encompassing numbness. Like a salve being spread over a burn, the pain fizzled and faded until your heart felt cold as stone in your chest. This is what kindness has gotten you. Perhaps if you’d been hardened by your pain like Tsu’tey, this moment might’ve glanced off your skin like rain hissing to steam over fire.

Jake and Neytiri exchange the same words. Over and over. With you. I trusted you. One is present, constant. Jake loves Neytiri even now. Yet the same can’t be said for her, for you. Whatever love you might’ve had for the uniltìrantokx was lost the moment he voiced his betrayal.

“Trust me now, please.” He’s begging now. Quietly, he says your name as if you’ll have words to heal what has been hurt. His pleas fall upon deaf ears. Neytiri speaks for both of you as she rages at him. Screaming and hissing, pushing him away and stripping him of the one thing he’d been fighting for.

“You will never be one of the People!”

“Neytiri, please–” He steps towards her, arms outstretched as if to hold her, but you take the moment from him. Neytiri falls heavily into your arms and still Jake moves closer, begging desperately.

“No!” You hiss as Neytiri buries her head in your neck, tears wetting your skin. No. He doesn’t get to speak to her. He doesn’t get to look at her. Not her. Not you. “No.”

Neytiri’s quiet sobs ring in your ear as Mo’at wraps her arms around the two of you. A soft, comforting whisper of “ma ite,” reaches you over the sound of Neytiri’s whimpers as the tsahìk takes pity on her daughter. Both of you were led astray by the lies of an outsider. Mo’at’s hand brushes over your hair as Eytukan calls for Jake and Grace to be bound.

“You have to leave!” Grace insists. “They’re coming!” It doesn’t matter. This is your home and none of you are leaving it without a fight. Tsu’tey deals with the traitors, binding Jake’s hands and leading them to the seldom-used platform erected just outside of Hometree. It’s a simple structure decorated with bones. A place of quiet death. It’s meant for the worst offenses committed within the clan. That which cannot be atoned for so easily. It’s a place meant for the People, to offer dignity even in death. Sky People do not deserve such treatment. It proves the clan’s respect even in the face of such great betrayal. You stand by as Tsu’tey’s warriors bind the traitors, heart conflicted as you watch your mate and teacher be prepared for death. Part of you wonders if it would only mean death for these bodies. You know that somewhere far away, their human bodies are safe from reach. But to kill them in this way would sever the bond they’ve formed with the Omatikaya. It is greatly deserved but there is a fragmented piece of you that mourns the loss of the people you thought you knew.

“Watch them.” Tsu’tey grunts before heading back towards Hometree. It is a show of trust that he would leave you with his students to mind the captives. There isn’t a thought in his mind that you might think to free them the moment his back is turned. There’s a fierce loyalty within you and it will not be bent or broken by Jake’s pleading. He says your name so gently that you almost imagine that he could truly love you the way he says. But a man that loves you would never do this to you. To your people. To your home. Still, he speaks as a mate would. Calling to you to help him.

“Baby, please, you have to listen to me,” he begs. “They’re gonna burn this place to the ground. You have to go now.”

“Be silent. I will hear no more from you.” He doesn’t heed your words. Jake has always been talkative, filling the air with the sound of his voice, but now more than ever you wish for him to be quiet. There’s no amount of simpering and sorrow that would get you to abandon your home without a fight. This was the place that had seen your birth. Countless lives had bloomed and withered, returned to Eywa, within the comfort of Kelutral. To leave now would be to forsake your ancestors who had lived and fought for the life you lead now. Their memory is worth defending no matter what is to come.

The humans are not silent in their approach. The thundering buzz of their flying ships echoes through the air, seeming to come from all sides. For a moment the sky is a clear blue, then shapes dark as storm clouds are closing in from above. It feels like a storm has gathered as the whirring ships bring heavy winds. Leaves stir through the air, slicing against your skin as you hold tight to your bow. Something shoots from the ships, small and shining in the sunlight. Each one arcs overhead and lands between the roots of Hometree, bursting in clouds of gray-green smoke. They’ve made the first move, though blood may not have been drawn. Eytukan gives the order to shoot, but every arrow seems insufficient. They glance off the largest ship like stones skipping over water. It feels futile even as you deplete your arrows following the olo’eyktan’s orders. Your arrows fly and fall in quick succession, arms burning with the effort it takes to draw your bow so quickly. It’s all meaningless as the demon ship fires again, flames burning bright as the sun overhead as weapons you had no name for hurtled towards Hometree.

Larger than any bullet you’d ever seen, they landed with an earth-shattering certainty. The flames took to Kelutral with the swiftness of the wind, plumes of smoke billowed from between the large roots as fire roared through the place you’d been raised. Inside you knew the totems you’d been taught beneath, the looms you’d learned to weave upon, the memories of your childhood were being reduced to ash as simply as wood in a cooking pit. More than that, clan members that had chosen not to fight were still inside, and higher within the tree must be Tsu’tey and his warriors because you’d yet to see any banshees take towards the sky. Your home, your people were burning. Another arrow shoots from your bow and as you reach for another your eyes catch on Jake and Grace still bound amid the chaos. Jake shouts as though he’s been wounded, eyes round with fear as he watches Hometree burn. Then his eyes catch on yours, still staring at him with your arrow half string. There’s a reason for your hesitance that you can’t place but Eytukan is calling for a retreat and you don’t have a moment to wonder over the stall in your actions.

The air is choked with a haze of smoke and rain of leaves, screams piercing through the buzzing of the Sky Demons’ flying machines as the clan flees to the forest. One moment, you’re alone in the chaos and the next Neytiri is crashing into you, shoving you forward. Running only takes you so far before the earth is rippling underfoot, buckling your knees before knocking you to the ground. Then everything goes still. There’s a moment to gather your bearings and you rouse to your knees, pulling Neytiri close to your side. She clings to you so tightly that her nails bite into your skin and you let her. The pain wards off the numbness that’s begun to consume you. It feels as though you’ve walked into a stream. Shallow at first, then deeper and deeper until the water has swallowed you completely. Everything is cold and muffled as your eyes stare up at the canopy. As a child, it seemed as wide as the sky, Hometree unshakable as a mountain. Yet the mountain is beginning to crumble. There’s a groaning noise like stripping bark to make a bow and then Kelutral pitches forward. Falling.

Darkness grows as the massive tree topples towards you, too quickly to outpace. There’s only mere moments for you to evade the falling limbs. Shards of bark rain like arrows, pricking at your skin as you sprint towards the closest piece of light you can find, a place where the shadow of Hometree doesn’t touch. Around you there are the screams of those that weren’t quick enough. Loud for a moment and then silent forever. When the ground goes still, you shakily find your feet. The air is full of dirt and ash, and the anguished sound of mourning. For the fall of your home, for the death of your people. Broken branches scatter across the ground and you’re struck with a sense of disbelief. Hadn’t this place been filled with happiness only hours before? The night had been spent in celebration. So quickly the music and laughter had gone silent. A sound shatters through the sound of blood rushing in your ears and it isn’t until Neytiri pulls you into her embrace that you realize you’re screaming. It’s something past tears. Anguished wrath bubbles in your throat, loud and steady until your voice begins to give out in shuddering waves that chip off into silence.

Neytiri’s sorrow is quieter. Her breaths come quickly in your ear, gasping as if she can’t quite believe the sight set before her. It seems so impossible. Hometree has stood for generations as the ancestral home of the Omatikaya and now it was simply and irrevocably gone.

“Ma sempul,” she says at last, “ma sa’nok. They’ll know what to do.” Because something must be done. She speaks with empty regard. There is truly no way to know if they’ll know what to do but what more can you think to do than look to your olo’eyktan and tsahìk for guidance? There is nothing else left. It’s all burning. Neytiri stumbles away, bow in hand, in search of her parents. She’s slow at first but you watch her walk past the bodies strewn across the ground and pick up her pace. Voice calling out for her father. You go in the opposite direction in the search of the tsahìk. Many will be seeking Mo’at’s guidance and you can only hope the Great Mother has preserved her life as you sidestep those that were lost in the fall. Bodies streaked with blood and ash. Hands still clutching their bows and most precious belongings.

It’s easier to recognize yourself slipping away this time. How many? How many more of the People will die at the hands of these demons? So many lives lost without reason. Simply because they had the strength to do it. Even an animal did not hunt with this much impunity. There was always cause, balance. As the Great Mother intended.

Only moments ago, you’d been running. Leaping over fallen branches and ducking beneath curling ferns, but as you fall deeper into your mind, your gait begins to slow to a stumble. It feels as though you’re trudging through mud as you stagger through the rain of ash. No longer certain of what you’d been running from or towards. Small fires flare around you like the flames of a cooking pit. Warmth licks at your legs as you pass in your confusion. There’d been something you were looking for but you can’t seem to place it. It feels as though you’re chasing a memory. Walking towards some unreachable destination. Still you walk on, weaving a sinuous path through the ruins of your home. There’s something warm on your face like the kiss of sunlight but when you touch it your hand comes away slicked in red. Your legs fall still, no longer chasing that unknown place.

It’s suddenly all around you. The school and yet Hometree. The blood is yours and Sylwanin’s. A garbled scream tears from your throat, low and graveled as she walks towards you. Her voice sounds wrong. Her hands feel wrong as they grab your shoulders. She hadn’t gotten close enough to hold you though you remember her bloody drying sticky between your outstretched fingers. It’s all wrong, made worse when the voice solidifies in your head, brings you back to yourself.

It’s Jake. He’s grasping at your shoulders, brushing the blood from your cheek. He seems uncertain of himself, though you can hear the attempt at comfort in his voice. It does little to soothe you. Something in your heart aches at the way your bond seems to strain and fray with each passing moment. But never breaking. Tsaheylu is made with the intention of eternity. Jake will be your mate until death no matter the regret that comes. He says your name with just the right cadence for you to regain some semblance of strength and you shove him away.

“Don’t touch me!” You hiss. He jerks away from your rage. “Traitor! Get away from here. Never come back.” And he does. There’s a great hesitance in his retreat but he leaves you, eyes shimmering with longing. It’s too late for such affections and if your heart weren’t already crushed by his betrayal and the carnage that followed, you might’ve felt your soul tearing in two as you watched your mate turn his back on you. It would be alright, you had another.

Neytiri finds you later, after the long journey to the Tree of Souls. In times of great strife such as this, there was nowhere else to seek refuge but at the place where Eywa’s presence was felt the strongest. It was almost like a heartbeat thrumming beneath your feet as you bathed in the purple light of the clan’s most sacred place. Anyone that knew how to heal was busy with the injured and Neytiri had only just found a moment to join you in the alcove you claimed for yourself. The mossy stone was no replacement for the comfort of Hometree but it was all that any of you would have for some time. Already the elders of the clan have begun to weave. Kelku are simple enough to make but they take time to weave the outer walls and craft the wooden frame. Other things could not be so easily replaced. You thought of the mother loom and the totem of toruk. How long had his bones and his legend been passed down through the Omatikaya and now there was nothing to show that such a great leader had ever existed within the clan. There’d be only songs and memories now.

“I am sorry, yawne,” Neytiri says to break the silence. “I should’ve listened to you. I should’ve never opened my heart to that man.”

She still can’t seem to bring herself to insult him. Demon, Tsu’tey had called him. A traitor is what he is. And yet Neytiri can’t bring herself to call him anything more than a man. Her hand wrings the braid of her tswin as if trying to scrub away his touch. She looks as you must have last night. Awkward and unsure, but mated all the same. Jake tied tsaheylu without knowing its true meaning. While knowing his original intention for joining the clan. No matter how his plans had changed, he was still a betrayer. Had Neytiri not been his teacher–if he’d been given someone more abrasive as his guide–his orders would’ve likely been heeded without question. It was only because he couldn’t help but fall in love that he tried to abandon his mission. A liar and a coward. A man that no longer deserved his place among the People. It’s your hope that the memories of Jake would turn to ash in your mind, like forgotten wisps lost to the wind. He was no mate of yours.

Neytiri sags against you, her face buried in the length of your throat. Her nose is a cold spot against the warmth of your skin, warm breath washing across your skin. So much had changed so quickly. Only last night you’d been unmated and willing to let your love for Neytiri wither and die. Months ago Jake had been a stranger encroaching on your clan’s hunting grounds and now he’d betrayed the trust Mo’at instilled, that you’d so naively taken to heart. With time, perhaps you could’ve loved him as a mate. There were moments when you might’ve been content to live beside him despite it all, if Neytiri was mated to Tsu’tey as had been expected since her sister’s death. So many plans had been unmade by his presence. And some came to fruition quicker than expected. Tsu’tey has ascended to his position as olo’eyktan years before his time. Neytiri had found her father when she went searching for him. Found him dying in the rubble of your ruined home, shot through with a fragment of Hometree like an arrow. As she clung, weeping, to you, she shared his last words, “protect the People.” They were all that was left. The clan was a people not a place, though Hometree had become such a symbol of safety and togetherness. A home shared between hundreds. Now it was gone.

Sounds of mourning rang through the stone cliffs surrounding the Tree of Souls. Voices lamented the melody of lost songcords, of those that couldn’t be found in the flame and ash. Young and old had been lost. Mothers lost children, brothers lost sisters. And without the Tree of Voices, songs were all that was left to remember them by. Not even their cords to ponder between their fingers as they’re been left with the bodies that wore them. Everyone that wasn’t breathing still was left behind. A burden that would not be worth the effort to carry so far. Grace had been one such person spared from abandonment. She’d collapsed at the crest of a hill, body falling still and silent in that death-like way Jake’s always did when he slept. Her soul had been torn from her body once more. You expect that Jake suffered the same fate wherever he was in the rain of ash. He was one that was left behind. No one would sing the few meager beats of his fledgling songcord.

In your ear Neytiri hums soft as birdsong. It’s a familiar melody that you’ve heard throughout your life. Mo’at sang it as she worked and Neytiri when she was distraught. It was her father’s song. One that spoke of strength and duty. While Tsu’tey has spent his life training to take his place, Eytukan has cast a long shadow for him to live up to. Though he is trying. He stands on the raised stone beneath the swaying branches of the Tree of Souls, lingering beside Mo’at as she addresses a group of people. From a distance you can’t hear their words, can hardly see their faces, but they seem comforted by the words of their tsahìk.

“You should be with them.” You nudge Neytiri gently, trying to coax her from her spot hidden beneath the veil of your braids. Her eyes are bright in the waning light of the sun, eclipse settling with a sense of melancholy.

“I can’t,” she mumbles. “Mother said that I chose this path, that I might never become tsahìk now that I’ve tarnished myself. My life will be wasted.” All it had taken was a moment of weakness and she was tainted forever. The bond of tsaheylu will not wilt or waver even in death. Such things dig deep, sprouting roots upon your very soul. Jake, in his ignorance, had no way to truly know what he was doing, but Neytiri did. You did, and yet you tied your kuru even still. Hidden in the recesses of your heart like a single flower blooming in the darkness of a cave was your love for Neytiri. Sequestered in a place where it might never see the light of day. And yet in a moment of selfishness you had tossed aside the years of teachings that told you it was best to stifle some desires in service of the greater good.

Neytiri as tsakarem could be mated to no one but the future olo’eyktan. This was known. A belief that had been passed down since the time of the First Songs. It’s hard to imagine that there had been no other tsakarem who desired someone she could never have, yet she’d done her duty to the clan and mated with her arranged partner. There was honor in doing what was expected of you yet Neytiri had lived so much of her life without expectation. She wasn’t meant to be tsahìk, she was meant to be yours. Surely the Great Mother would not fault her for faltering on the path her sister was meant to walk. After all, it was Sylwanin that was meant to be tsahìk. If she had lived, none of this would have happened. Or perhaps her survival would’ve only prolonged the inevitable.

The Sky People came for your clan in the end. Destroyed your home and slaughtered your people. It just as easily could’ve been Sylwanin that died in the fall of Hometree. Another name added to those you must mourn. There were no words of comfort you could offer. Nothing to promise that everything would be better with time. Before, you might’ve been able to say that the future would be brighter. But now when you think of tomorrow, all you imagine is ash and smoke.

#jake x reader x neytiri #neytiri x reader #jake sully x reader #avatar x reader #avatar #atwow

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writersdare · 2 years

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Strawberry Jam | Calum Hood

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader (she/her)

Summary: The winter holidays were simply the best for both Calum and Y/N, especially when a heating problem in their house occurred.

Warning: fluff, friends to lovers

Word Count: 2 208

Author’s Note: Who knew it’d be so hard for me to write fluff! But I really wanted to come up with something light this time. Hopefully you’ll enjoy it, and the story will make you smile! Requests are open ♡

Winter was quite a magical season. Even if some people weren’t exactly in a celebratory mood, usually it’d change, as Christmas atmosphere was rather contagious. The gatherings could be tedious, but it still felt amazing to share happy moments with the ones you loved, see smiles on their faces and hear glass clinks with bubbly drinks.

That winter was particularly special, as Y/N was spending the holidays with a close group of friends. When she just moved to LA, the girl didn’t really know anyone, but with time she befriended four amazing guys who honestly changed her life for good. Y/N was introduced to Michael by their mutual friend, and since then they started to hang out. Often the guys would go touring, and they’d miss each other desperately, that’s why holidays together seemed like something very sweet, almost exceptional.

Through the half of the past year Y/N got to know the guys better, and maybe deep down she wanted one of them to be more than a friend. Things were complicated, though, with work and simply them being public figures it wasn’t easy, and often, coming back to such thoughts, Y/N was realizing it was safer to leave everything how it was. Secretly, however, she hoped for Calum to make a move on Christmas Eve, but it didn’t happen. It didn’t happen on New Year Eve either, and then just five days were left before them going back to LA.

Sometimes, when it was getting lonely at night, Y/N would consider to open up her feelings, but in the morning the idea seemed rather ridiculous and maybe unnecessary. Calum had never really crossed any friend boundaries, they’d flirt sometimes, jokingly, and that was it. Y/N didn’t want to ruin their relationship and, honestly, that what really mattered. She couldn’t imagine not talking to Cal after a wrong move. She couldn’t tell if the feelings were mutual.

The house they all stayed in was truly beautiful. Soft yellow lights of different kind of installations were illuminating the yard and making the mood even more festive. Y/N was sure if that place was participating in Christmas competition, it’d definitely get its prize.

Everything seemed perfect until a heating problem in the house occurred. It wasn’t that bad during a day, but as Y/N wished everyone a good night and came to her room, she realized she was simply freezing. Naturally, the temperature was dropping at night, but that knowledge wasn’t really helping.

The girl changed into sweatpants and a sweater and got under the cold sheets of her bed. She was trying to remind herself that it would get better eventually, but it was still hard to fall asleep, so Y/N turned back on the night lamp and glued to her phone. Getting used to the cold a little bit, the girl was debating whether she needed to try to fall asleep again or to go downstairs and make tea. The second option didn’t seem smart, as she didn’t want to wake anyone up or to go to a toilet in the middle of the night later. Silly thoughts were running through her head, when someone knocked the door carefully.

The girl froze with her phone in hands and frowned a little, staring at the door and trying to figure out who it could be.

“Y/N? Are you sleeping?” she heard a whisper, and the girl hurried up to leave her mobile on a bedside table and open the door.

In front of her was standing sleepy, wrapped in a blanket, Calum, holding a pillow.

“Hey. Can I sleep with you tonight?” he wrinkled his nose a little, thinking how to bring the news smoothly. “Just… my neighbors…”

“Noisy?” Y/N chucked and let Cal to come in. Everyone was coping with the cold in their own way, it seemed.

“You don’t even wanna know,” the guy sighed heavily and looked around. “You were awake?”

“Yeah, can’t fall asleep,” she said honestly, closing the door and going back to bed, moving her blanket to the left side, so Calum could lie normally next to her. “So cold.”

“I know,” he whispered and lied down. “Here,” Calum suggested his blanket. “We can share.”

Y/N smiled shortly and suggested hers, too, so they could use both.

Cal moved closer, and they almost hid each other under the sheets. Y/N turned off the light, feeling much warmer right away.

“You weren’t sleeping, too, or they woke you up?” she asked, nuzzling his shoulder as she was lying on a side, facing him. Calum’s hand was resting on the girl’s back, but he wasn’t allowing himself to lower it down. They were extremely close to each other, and Y/N trusted him, so he wasn’t planning to change that. After all, he was a gentleman, even though could be a naughty one at times, too.

“No. I couldn’t fall asleep at all,” the guy mumbled and smirked, when heard Y/N’s quiet laugh. “What’s so funny?!”

“You just said it with such an offensive manner, like a baby,” the girl kept giggling.

“A baby?! Did you just call me a baby?!” Cal jokingly outraged and pulled away a bit to see Y/N’s face. “You are just lucky your neighbors aren’t going crazy in there, alright?”

“Don’t be jealous, Cal,” she kept teasing him. “They are in love and want to be closer.”

“Woah, since when are you so romantic?” he giggled back. “The cold really did something with your brain,” Calum sighed and lied on his back, staring at the ceiling.

“Rude!” Y/N pushed him in the shoulder jokingly and smirked, still smiling though.

“Don’t say that, I’ll take back my blanket.”

“You are aware that I’m going to do the same then, right? And you’ll die from cold.”

“So annoying,” he sighed heavily, smiling.

“I mean, you still can come back to your bedroom.”

“No, thank you,” Cal smiled wider and all of a sudden pulled Y/N closer to him, squeezing tight. “Good night?” he asked and then just couldn’t help but tickle the girl a little.

“Don’t you dare!” she gasped and giggled. “Good night, Calum. Now you can sleep peacefully.”

“Ha-ha,” the musician smirked and touched her forehead with a nose. Maybe he was even little glad it was that cold, so he could use that as an excuse to be closer to Y/N…

The next morning, though, the girl woke up alone. For a moment she even thought it was just a dream, but then Y/N realized she was still covered with two blankets, hugging a pillow next to her. Lying in bed for a little longer, the girl checked time — it was surprisingly early — and left the bedroom. Going downstairs, she noticed Cal on the kitchen, making… pancakes. An open floor plan of the house helped Calum to notice Y/N even before she fully went down the stairs.

“Nope! Go back to bed!” he ordered in a funny way, whispering.

“What?!” the girl whispered back. “Why?”

“Because. I’m making us breakfast in bed, it’s not going to happen if you aren’t in bed, Y/N.”

The girl smirked. Well, he was speaking the truth there.

“Since when are you making pancakes or breakfast in bed, Calum?”

“You want to eat or not?”

Y/N chuckled and run back upstairs, smiling. Calum’s behavior was slightly surprising, as he had told her before he hated cooking at first place, but oh well, seemed like cold didn’t freeze only her brain after all…

Honestly, though, Y/N didn’t mind to come back to bed, as it was still early and everyone was asleep, besides it was much warmer under the sheets.

In ten minutes, she heard a knock on the door and then Cal appeared.

“So, I followed the recipe on the Internet, it should be good,” he promised and put a tray with two plates of pancakes, jam and cups of coffee on bed.

“Woah, Calum. You’re a real chief,” she smiled and set on the bed. “Careful,” Y/N warned. It’d be a disaster if they flip the tray by accident, even though a rather expected one for both of them. The girl was clumsy, and Cal was making an excuse that he got that habit just after her.

“Yeah, careful, Y/N,” Calum smirked, shamelessly teasing the friend. The friend… that made Cal to think for a moment, so the girl noticed the change on his face.

Sometimes Calum felt like an idiot. He wasn’t a talkative guy, but he never found it difficult to communicate with people. He had good friends, had been in romantic relationships, some of which were truly nice and some were so bad that it made him reconsider the idea of being in love. In any case, no matter how hard it was, he never felt so little in the world like with her. And it wasn’t something negative, it just was extremely different. Cal could be himself around Y/N, could be quiet, could be funny and silly, it didn’t matter, she’d answer him with the same warm smile. And yet, when he tried to make a move – or at least he hoped it was obvious – he was getting lost. He was getting almost shy. Sometimes the guy wanted to sigh loudly and ask directly, outraged, what she was doing to him, why she was turning his head upside down every time they’d make eye contact with each other.

“Why such a long face? I mean, I know you like apricot jam better, but strawberry isn’t that bad,” Y/N joked, trying to come Calum to his senses. She wondered what he was thinking about, but didn’t want to push him.

Cal only chuckled and looked at Y/N with his warm brown eyes.

“I mean, I just really like apricot jam,” he smiled and finally tried the pancakes. Y/N was already eating.

“It’s not bad, Calum, I like strawberries, just try it,” the girl giggled, remembering how at the very first day of their arrival he had made a whole drama show about wrong jam on a shelf and how delivery had messed up. No doubts he had sent a one-star review after that.

“It’s not bad, it’s just not better,” Cal joked back, being still partly not there but in his thoughts. The guy dipped the pancake into the sweet jam and brought it to his mouth. Another second and the jam was on the sheets…

“Damn it!”

Y/N just burst into laughter.

“Didn’t I tell you to be careful?” she teased him, being even proud that it was him who messed up first.

“Better help me, huh!” Calum giggled and took few napkins to clean the fabric, but it wasn’t really helping, and his fingers became sticky.

The girl kept laughing quietly, apparently enjoying Cal’s frustration. If she only knew he messed up because of her!

“It’s your fault, by the way,” he mumbled.

“How come it’s my fault?!” Y/N outraged jokingly.

“Because,” he sighed and threw away the napkin, then focused the eyes on hers. It was the time, otherwise he’d just go crazy. “You smile, and I can’t even hear my own thoughts. Everything becomes vivid. Each time I tried to get it right… all I could say was some stupid joke, which you’d laugh at anyway, and I’d lose again a chance to try it one more time to… to make myself clear.”

“Calum, what are you talking about?” Y/N smiled shortly, feeling like her heart started to beat faster all of a sudden.

“I’m talking about… feelings. Feelings I’m having for you, Y/N. And I know it’s the most ridiculous moment to tell the truth, but if I don’t do it now, I won’t do it at all. I’ve never considered myself a coward, and yet here I am…” he looked down. The girl was silently listening Cal. “I really like you, Y/N,” he sighed heavily as if it was physically hard to say those words. “And I know we are friends, and I totally get if you… Well, if you say I’m just imagining things, but–“

“You are not imagining,” Y/N interrupted Calum, seeing how much he was struggling to find the right words, not to scare her away. The girl put the tray on the bedside table and turned back to the musician. He wasn’t looking anywhere but her. “You are not imagining,” she repeated. “I like you, too, Cal. I was thinking to tell you that but didn’t want…”

“To ruin the friendship,” he smiled a bit, finishing her sentence.

“Yeah,” the girl nodded.

“Do you think then we can just build something next to it, rather than ruining anything entirely?” he asked. Calum was always a master of words, and Y/N only chuckled, smiling happily.

“I like that.”

“I like that, too,” Cal smiled and hesitated only for a second before covering the girl’s lips with his. The kiss was careful, but full of feelings they were hiding from each other for a while. Only when there was no air left to breathe, they pulled away, and Calum looked at Y/N’s eyes. It still gave him butterflies. “You’re right, the strawberry jam is actually quite tasty,” he smiled wider, and the girl just covered his plum lips with hers once again.

– gif and photo aren’t mine and belong to the rightful owner – saw the gif here @uservalentine –

Moodboard ♡

All stories are original and written by me. Do not copy, trace and post anywhere without permission and credit. The stories are fictional, they do not correspond to reality and written just for fun ♡

Masterlist | Prompt List

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littledrummeraussie · 11 months

Text

tell me all the things that you couldn't before.

masterlist. | want to be added to my taglist?

warnings: brief mentions of sex. a nightmare. hurt/comfort. lots of loving for Ashton. badboy!mechanic!Ashton AU.

word count: 5435

author’s note: This fic was written back in January, 2020, as part of the infamous A Permanent Chase fic, which I'm not sure will ever see the light of day as it only lives in my head and my heart.

The original concept is the following (to help you understand the fic better):

Ashton (in the beginning appearing as Fletcher) comes back to Sydney, where he starts working at Calum's garage as a mechanic. Shortly after this he meets our girl and starts to pursue her. They do start dating, but after some complications happen, and she finds out Fletcher is not the person he tells people he is, but someone else (Ashton), and she quickly breaks things up between them.

What she doesn't realize is that she and Ashton have met before, just after graduation at a beach party, where they fell in love for a night, but never saw each other again. Ashton does recognize the girl, but she doesn't recognize him for a long time, until finally Ashton does tell her the truth about their past.

The story is a mess - the original idea included gangs and street racing in which Ashton also partakes, lots of chasing after the girl in different places and scenarios, who eventually starts to put together how Ashton really loves her and actually wants to protect her from things happening around the city. (This is a huge reason why I never really worked on the story - I couldn't decide on anything, so it's just a big mess.)

They eventually make up and finally kiss at another beach party (full circle), and decide that they want to start a relationship with each other. There are lot of added stories to them in my mind, all of them following the main story above.

I also realized over the years that in some ways they are kinda toxic, but I cannot help it, I love my babies so much. So if you have any additional questions, please feel free to ask them.

Feedback and reblogs are appreciated!

-----

It was well past midnight when you realized that there was something out of the ordinary. At first everything seemed to be normal, your night started like any other: you stopped by the garage after work, parking your car just outside the building and greeted the boys who were still working there. You’ve convinced Ashton to finish early, making Calum close up for the night, and dragged your boyfriend up the stairs to his flat.

He was in a really good mood, and with a cheeky grin he pulled you into the shower with himself. His hands were searching and grabbing at whatever body parts they could reach, and after he’d promised you the best fuck of your life, Ashton picked you up to cross the tiny apartment to his bedroom, where he made good on his promise. You were lying in a tangled mass afterwards, watching the last rays of sunshine peeking through the window, painting Sydney in the most beautiful shades of pink, orange and yellow.

You were ready to make some dinner, but Ashton preferred cuddle time, and held you close to his side while he ordered Thai food from one of his favourite places. You spent the time kissing and talking about your day until the guy arrived with your order, and you ate in comfortable silence in the kitchen, playing footsie all through dinner. Usually this was the time when you went out to have fun around town, or just lay on the couch, watching the TV mindlessly, but the last few weeks have been different.

Since you’ve decided to take up some courses to help you with your work, it meant that eventually you needed to take exams on them as well. You had your doubts when you first approached Ash with the idea, but he was supportive, and in his own way, he helped you with your studying and papers. It usually meant buying you coffee or letting you rant about your problems – or ordering food when he thought you could use the extra time. And his apartment was much quieter than your noisy neighbourhood. He did not mind you staying over if it meant cuddles, food sharing and sex – all three of those happened regularly, so he did not complain.

You have already started revising notes when Ashton came up to you and gave a kiss on your neck. You leaned back against his chest, looking up at him with a smile.

“You’re going to bed?”

“Yeah, I promised Calum that I will open in the morning, since someone decided to drag me away early,” he leaned forward to press another kiss on your forehead, his red locks falling over your face. “And I don’t want to keep you away from your notes and books, which are clearly more interesting than your own boyfriend.”

“How tragic,” you laughed, turning around on the kitchen chair to wrap your arms around him. “Please file a complaint, and I will talk to the management.”

“And what will I get as a consolation prize?” he quirked an eyebrow at you.

“Blowjobs.”

“Oh, plural? That doesn’t sound so bad,” Ashton grinned at you, brushing a lock of hair behind your ear. “When can I start collecting them?”

“You know how offices work – it might take a few weeks to get an answer,” you bit your lip to hide a smile, and Ash just huffed at you.

“If it was up to you, I wouldn’t get my blowjobs for the next 30 days or so,” his fingers found a way into your tied up hair, slowly pulling out strands and combing them back into an even messier bun. “Any way to file a complaint about filing complaints?”

“I might know someone who can help you,” you tilted your head forward, pressing a small kiss on the skin of his stomach, then quickly blew a raspberry on it. “But only during opening hours.”

“You are terrible,” he laughed, grabbing your face and pulling you closer to plant a kiss on your lips. “Alright, I’ll leave you to your notes.”

“Don’t hog the blankets,” you poked his side, and Ash laughed again, pushing your hand away. “Good night, Cardinal.”

“Is that a joke on my hair?”

“You tell me,” you winked at him, and he leaned back to give you another kiss.

“Good night, you monster.”

* * *

You knew something was up when you heard noises from the bedroom. The flat was really small, with no actual doors between the bedroom, the living area and the kitchen, and at first you thought the all-nighters you pulled would bother Ashton and he wouldn’t be able to sleep with the light on in the kitchen. But he was a heavy sleeper, still and calm, and the only thing that ever broke the silence was his light snoring. But not tonight.

The first thing you heard were the rustling sheets, a pillow thumping down onto the floor, the bed creaking under his weight. There was a loud gasp, more rustling, something hitting the nightstand or the bed frame, then another loud thump on the mattress. More gasps, more heavy breathing – you could hear the panic in the way he was trying to catch his breath, choking on air, like he couldn’t get enough oxygen into his lungs.

You pushed yourself out of the chair, running to the small bedroom to check on Ashton. He was tangled up in the sheets, body twisting around as he tried to kick off the covers, thrashing in his blanket prison. His arms were swinging, trying to grab onto something (or someone), hitting the pillows and the bed with every move. He pushed his head back into the pillow, turning it left and right as he was panting, his Adam’s apple moving almost in a frantic, panicked way.

He was no stranger to nightmares – when he was exhausted or just had a bad day, he would go to bed early, resting his head on your stomach, hugging your body close to him like a pillow, and that usually did the trick. He slept soundly and without interruption. But sometimes he was just so lost in his own head that he forgot about it all, not caring about the dreams sneaking into his sleepy mind, and he usually woke with a start in the middle of the night. He would curl his body around yours, telling you that he’s okay, he just had a bad dream, he will fall back to sleep soon – he only ever asked you to hold his hand during these moments.

But tonight was different, Ashton never had a nightmare like this, one that physically shook him. He was fighting so hard to wake up, but nothing seemed to work. You dropped onto the mattress, climbing closer, and grabbed him by his shoulders, shaking him with all the strength that you had.

“Ashton! Ashton, wake up! Ash! Wake up!”

Suddenly he bolted up, eyes wide open, staring at the wall and taking in a lungful of air, making himself dizzy in the process. You shifted closer, climbing between his legs, and wrapped your arms around his trembling body. You held him close, running your fingers over his back, murmuring soft words into his ear as he buried his face in your neck, taking deep breaths, trying to calm his hammering heart.

“I’m here, Ash, it’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

He locked his arms around your waist, pulling you closer, never loosening his grip on you. You ran your hand up to his shoulder, lightly massaging his tense muscles, caressing his neck, brushing your fingers over his hair. His skin was cold and sweaty, his hair wet and sticking to his forehead. His breathing was slowing, and you moved your head to press a small kiss on his temple. He tensed for a second, but then melted into your arms once again.

“It’s alright,” you whispered, still stroking the red locks at the back of his head. “It’s over. It was just a dream, it’s over. I’m here. You’re awake. It’s okay.”

His breath was hot on your neck as he inhaled deeply, nuzzling his face back into your skin. His muscles were slowly relaxing, but he was still tense and sweaty, and a shiver ran through his body. He tried to burrow closer to get more of your warmth, and you let him stay in your arms like this for a few more minutes. When you could feel he was a bit more relaxed, you pulled back a little, lifting his head up to look at you. His eyes were glassy and unfocused, and it took him a few seconds to get out of his daze.

Ashton’s gaze skipped over yours, instead focusing on the chain hanging from your neck. The silver ring he gave you almost a year ago was hooked on a thin necklace, the weight of the metal resting between your breasts, a comfort you never knew you needed. You still remembered the time when he wore it on his finger, playing with it whenever he started getting nervous. He called it a good luck charm, something he desperately needed while he was chasing after you. But once he got hold of your heart, he gave it to you – since then it became something much more than just a piece of jewellery. For you: a reminder; for others: a warning.

His clumsy fingers wrapped around the ring, slightly tugging on it. You slowly tilted his head up again, trying to catch his eyes. His hazel ones finally found your gaze, and you gave him a small smile, lightly running your fingers over his stubbly jaw.

“Hey, you’re okay?”

Silence, then a nod.

“How about you go and take a shower? Get warmed up,” you rubbed his arms, trying to warm his still cold skin. “And I will change the sheets.”

Another nod.

Ash let go of your necklace, slowly peeling himself out of the bed, starting to go to the bathroom, then stopped, looked back at you. You gave him another encouraging smile, nodded at him that it’s okay, you both will be fine, after which he finally made his way out of the room. When the lock clicked and the shower started up, you let out a breath you were holding back. A thousand questions were running through your mind, but you didn’t want to take too much time thinking about them. You wanted to make sure Ashton was comfortable after his nightmare, that he can come back and relax into the bed, wrapped in your arms, and sleep off this horrible experience.

You started stripping off the sweat soaked sheets, pulling out a fresh set from the drawer, working methodically in changing them. After that you opened the window, letting in fresh air, the slight breeze clearing away the remaining shadows from the room. You reached into another drawer, choosing a soft pair of sweatpants for Ashton, and finally went to the kitchen, making tea, waiting for him to finish up.

The lock on the bathroom door clicked, and it opened with a slight squeak. Ash stood behind the door, a towel wrapped around his waist, water dripping on the tiles from his red hair. You stepped to him, holding the pants out for him. He took them from your hands, his fingers brushing against yours as he did, and that made him look at you.

“I made you tea,” you nodded towards the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe. “If you want some.”

“Thanks,” his voice was quiet and small, and he coughed a little to make his throat work. “I– I’ll be there.”

“Take your time.”

You stepped back to the kitchen, piling up your books and notes to shove them to the corner of the table. You knew there was no way you would go back to studying, not tonight. Any exam could wait – Ashton needed you now.

After a few more minutes he emerged from the bathroom, shuffling to the kitchen, and dropped down onto the chair next to you. He sighed deeply, then leaned forward, resting both his arms on the table, and put his head down on them, hiding his face. You watched him, how his back moved as he was breathing in and out. His muscles were still tense, you could see it from the way he was holding himself. You scooted a bit closer, and slowly put your hand on his elbow, a tentative touch. When he did not flinch away, you started to lightly rub his arm, up to his shoulder, down on his back, then back up again.

When you reached the back of his neck, Ash moved his head to the side, looking at you as you stroked his drying locks with your fingers. His hazel eyes were searching you as you were working through the tangled ends, brushing them back from his face. He let out another small sigh when you touched his face, caressing his cheek, which made him nuzzle into your hand.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you asked, resting your hand back on his arm.

Ashton looked at you for another second, then hid his face back in the crook of his elbow. You waited for him, you knew he needed time to work through the thoughts in his head, to decide if he wanted to face them again. He slowly pushed himself up, reaching for the mug in front of him, taking a sip of his cooling tea. His fingers were running over the rim, circling it mindlessly as he focused on something in front of him.

“You… left me.”

There was silence in the kitchen – his words left you speechless. It sounded silly at first; you knew how you felt about him, how first his attention was unusual, almost uncomfortable at times, and that you wished he would give you just an ounce of space; how you started to miss him when he wasn’t around, how you watched over your shoulder if he would appear somehow, stalk behind you, keeping his distance, but never taking his eyes off of you. You knew he had his reasons to do so, and you learned to love him for that – it wasn’t so hard, he found a way to your heart, and you willingly let him in. You never wanted to let go of him ever again.

“I have no intention in doing that,” you reached out to take his hand in yours, squeezing it. “And no reason.”

“But what if you do?” he whispered, pulling his hand away. “What if you find one?”

“Ash… is this something you’ve been… thinking about lately?” you asked softly, your fingers going up to your necklace, running them over the ring.

He did not answer; his eyes were still trained on the same spot as before. He was drumming on the tabletop, the rhythm getting more and more frantic and complicated. You desperately wanted to reach out and stop him, to make him look at you, to let him know you were there, you were listening, that you wanted to understand. But it seemed he was lost in his own thoughts – thoughts that brought out a nightmare that clearly shook him to the core.

“Ashton,” you said in a small voice. “Don’t push me away. Please.”

Those words made him look at you. Those words were his words, begging you to give him another chance, to make up for the mistakes he made when you met again. They were Ashton’s words, not Fletcher’s; they made you stop in your tracks, made you listen to him. They broke you in a way you’ve known you will never be broken again. That was the first time you’ve really let him into your heart, and you never wanted him to leave.

Ash sighed deeply, slowly turning around in his chair to face you, though his head was down. His fingers nervously twitched in his lap, and he started wringing his hands, looking for the rings he usually wore to play with. He once told you that sometimes he felt naked without them, and he liked wearing at least one to mindlessly spin it around, or take it off and put it back on. You moved a little closer, pushing your knees against his, slowing down his bouncing feet. Leaning forward you reached for him, pushing your fingers between his tightly clasped ones, and interlocked them. There was a slight shake to his hands, and you gently ran your thumb over his skin, trying to calm him again.

“I’m sorry,” he finally breathed, slowly looking up at you from under his lashes. “I’m just… unsure.”

“Of me?” you tilted your head to the side, trying to see all of him. He just shook his head.

“Of myself,” Ashton answered, rubbing your hands with his thumbs. “If I’m good enough for you.”

“Of course you are,” you squeezed his fingers in yours, pushing your forehead against his. “You are my Ashton. How could you not be good enough for me?”

“That’s not what everyone else thinks,” he said with a humourless laugh. “People talk, all over town.”

“Some neighbourhood gossip won’t make me leave you,” you shook your head. “What could they tell me that I don’t already know? I know you, Ash, I know who you are.”

“You have the heart of an angel, and I’m the devil who’s holding you back,” he whispered, tilting his head down.

“Maybe I’ve had enough of heaven,” your hand went to his jaw, slowly tipping his chin up to look back at you. “If hell is where you are, then I’m packing all of my bags to be with you.”

“Y/N…”

“Or maybe they have it the wrong way around,” you continued. “Cause you definitely feel like heaven to me. Maybe it’s not their definition of the place. But screw them – my heaven is all tattooed up and gorgeous.”

A blush coloured his cheek, and he moved closer to rest his forehead on your shoulder, his legs bracketing yours. You were tangled up in each other, silently sitting in the kitchen for a few minutes, Ashton’s hand on your thighs while you played with the hair at the nape of his neck. Then he slowly pulled back, rubbing his eyes – was it tears, or sleep, you didn’t know – and looked back at you again.

“Your parents still hate me,” he added, resting his elbow on the table, leaning his head against his hand.

“They hate everyone,” you answered with a shrug. “They even hate me. That’s not an accomplishment.”

“I’m sure they would prefer anyone else over me,” he searched you with his eyes. “Someone who can give you a real future.”

“What do you think, what does a girl need?” you quirked an eyebrow at him, and it was his turn to shrug.

“Financial security?” he asked, and when you rolled your eyes at him, he continued. “Someone like that guy you work with – what’s his name? Liam?”

“A suit and tie?” you shook your head, putting your hands on his knees to lean closer. “Really, Ash? When I can have you, your jackets and chains, and the fire red Mustang? Well, tough luck, because you’re stuck with me for good.”

“But am I enough for you?” Ashton sighed, reaching for you and holding your face in his hands, making you really look at each other. “I wanna give you the world. Hell, I wanna give you the galaxy. The universe. But I’m just this guy, fixing cars and running my mouth at people. And you… you’re smart and beautiful and could get anyone you set your eyes on.”

“And that’s you,” you nuzzled your face against his hand, looking at him pleadingly. “You’re the only one I want.”

“What if Liam asked you on a date? Or one of the guys at that course? What if you get along so much that you realize that you could just… do better than me?” his gaze slipped down to the ring resting against your chest, saying the next words looking at it. “You know I would do anything for you… but I know I can’t keep you forever.”

“Ash, how long have we known each other?” you asked, reaching for him, brushing his hair behind his ear.

“7 or 8 years. Dunno. Why is that important now?” he sighed, shaking his head.

“What do you think… how many guys did I date during that time?” you questioned him, but did not wait for an answer. “Only two. And you wanna know their names?”

“Please don’t kick me when I’m already down,” he whispered, but you’ve had enough.

“They are Fletcher and Ashton. They are you, Ash. I might have had a few flings and one night stands, and sure, I went on a few dates with guys. But it was only ever you I had a real thing with. It was only you who was ever good enough for me.”

“Then why did you even go on those dates if you didn’t want anything from them?” the question left Ashton before he could stop himself, and you could see him flinch when he realized what he’d said.

“I wanted to know how I felt about other people. I wanted to give myself a chance, see how we could work out. You know – if you never try, you’ll never know,” you shrugged a little while reaching for his hand, slowly interlocking your fingers with his. “And I– I think I wanted to know how you would react.”

“Remember the hole in the wall?” he quirked an eyebrow at you, and you needed to stifle a laugh.

“I was always waiting for you to show up during your dates,” you confessed, squeezing his hand in yours. “You know, just crash them. I wanted you to crash them. I know it took me a long time to let you in…”

“Well, half the time you were mad at me,” he said, leaning closer and resting his forehead against yours. “For one reason, or the other.”

“And in the other half I desperately wanted you to kiss me,” you finished, nuzzling your nose to his.

“You know I would have done it in a second,” he breathed. “I wanted to walk up to every single one of those guys and tell them that you’re… that you’re…”

“Come on,” you whispered, licking your lips. “Say it.”

“Mine.”

“Don’t think I was never asked on dates at my job or at school,” you gazed at him while saying the next part. “I was, numerous times. You know what I say to them when they call me pretty? Thank you, my boyfriend thinks so too. Or when they invite me for coffee? Thanks, but Ash is already bringing me some. And when they don’t want to let it go, I say: trust me, you do not want to meet him.”

“Are you really saying those things?” he asked you, and you nodded.

“I’m also implying that I’m having the best sex of my life, and I don’t plan on giving up on that,” you finished with a smile.

A moment later Ashton started laughing – it was his first real laugh of the night, and he hid his face, trying to stifle his giggles. It was the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard. Suddenly the night wasn’t that dark, but instead everything seemed to start to glow a little bit. It was Ashton’s smile, shining through the blacks, dark blues and grays of the night, warming up the chilling air around you, shifting everything back to your usual teasing, but loving normal, the one you’ve built up together.

“I love your smile,” you whispered when he finally looked back at you, still trying to catch his breath. “I know I’ve always told you that you should wipe that grin off of your face, but god, I’m happy you never did. I just… there are so many things I just love about you that I’ve thought I hated before. Like your snake tattoo, or your loud car and obnoxious sunglasses… your terrible jokes and sexual innuendos, and how you never fail to say them at the worst times… I love your stupid red hair, and…”

“My hair is not stupid,” Ash mumbled, a smile still playing at the corner of his mouth.

“No,” you shook your head, reaching once again for him to brush your fingers through his red locks. “No, it’s not.”

Ash nuzzled closer, closing his eyes for a moment to enjoy the caresses and light tugs on his hair, making a small noise that almost sounded like purring. He turned his head, brushing his lips against your wrist as you wrapped a curl around your finger, pushing it behind his ear, stroking your hand down his cheek and jaw. Hazel eyes followed the movement of your fingers until you ran your thumb over his chin, and his gaze finally found yours.

“Can I kiss you?” you asked him softly, pulling back a little to see his face.

“Are you asking for permission?” there was another small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, and a slight blush coloured his cheeks.

“Just checking if you are in the right headspace,” you returned his smile, and he nodded shortly.

“I would love that.”

Without a second thought you leaned forward, one of your hands sliding up the back of his neck and into his hair, the other one cradling his jaw, tilting his head a little to the side. His breath was hot on your face as you moved closer, cheeks and noses brushing, lips slowly pressing against each other – one soft, the other slightly chapped. You kissed his bottom lip, moving to the top, nuzzling closer and closer, until he opened his mouth and let you kiss him deeper, brushing his tongue against yours as you both tasted the other. Ash made a needy little sound as you nipped on his lips and kissed his chin, his jaw, brushing against his cheek as you nudged your nose against the soft skin behind his ear.

“I chose you, Ashton. I’ve been choosing you every single day since that night on the beach, and I’ll do it as long as you let me. I’m freakin’ in love with you if that hasn't been clear before,” you breathed softly, kissing the shell of his ear. “You’ve been on my mind for the last 8 years, and if that’s not love, then you have to find a better word for me, because I’m failing here, and you know I’m good with words. But you just have this effect on you where I completely lose my sanity, and I would gladly give up on it forever, if it meant I get to spend the rest of my life with you.”

Ash reached for you and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you out of your chair, and sitting you on his lap. His hand rested on your thigh, keeping you close to his body, as his fingers ran through your hair, guiding your face to his again. It was his turn to kiss you, and he started with the softest of touches, just to feel each other’s breath on your lips, the warmness of the other’s skin, the shiver running through you when you’ve finally lost your patience. Noses and lips pushed together, and he kissed you deeply, tongue brushing against yours as you were holding onto his shoulders. His scent clouded your mind, his touch burnt your skin, and you never wanted this moment to end.

“I love you,” Ash pulled away just enough to brush his lips against yours as he spoke. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

You pressed another kiss on his temple, cuddling closer in his lap to feel as much of his skin as you could. His arms wrapped around you more strongly, and he rested his head on your shoulder, pushing his face into your neck. For a few minutes you’ve stayed like this – slow caresses on waists and backs, fingers brushing over hair and tattoos, lips leaving small kisses wherever they could.

“Come on,” you ran your thumb over Ashton’s cheek. “I think it’s time we go back to bed.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to keep you away from your studying,” he started apologizing, but you shook your head, smiling at him.

“Screw exams. You’ll always be my first priority,” you tugged a little on his hair, tilting his head up towards you. “How does that sound to you?”

“Like something I’ve always wanted from you,” Ash returned your smile, then reached for your hand to kiss your knuckles. “Thank you, beautiful.”

You climbed down from his lap and reached for him to pull him up from the chair. You made our way back to the bedroom where the sheets were freshly changed and the pillows fluffed up just as Ashton liked it. He hesitated for a moment – the nightmare was still fresh in his mind, and even after you’ve talked through everything, he was still a little bit shaken from it.

“It’s alright,” you leaned against his side, pressing a kiss on the tattoo on his arm. “I’m here now.”

“I’m– scared to fall back to sleep,” he admitted, then sighed deeply. “It’s stupid, I know.”

“No, Ash. It’s perfectly normal,” you pushed yourself up on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “Don’t ever feel ashamed, especially not because of your dreams. You’re human, it’s okay to fall sometimes. I’ll always be here to pick you up.”

“How did I get so lucky?” he turned to you, gathering you in his arms for a hug, resting his head on top of yours.

“Must have been that lucky charm of yours,” you answered with a smile, feeling the ring resting between your bodies.

“You are my lucky charm,” Ashton whispered, brushing the hair back from your face.

“Well, then you should definitely hold onto me.”

He huffed at you with a smile, shaking his head. You pulled him down on the bed, both of you getting comfortable under the blankets – Ash scooted as close to you as he could, nuzzling his face between your head and shoulder. You wrapped your arms around him, letting him rest his weight on you, running your fingers through his hair.

“You smell so good,” he mumbled against your skin, pushing his nose to your pulse point. “Am I not too heavy?”

“You’re perfect where you are,” you continued brushing your fingers over his curls, skimming them over the back of his neck, down his shoulders, then back up again. “How are you feeling?”

“Like maybe I will be able to fall asleep,” he breathed, then reached for the ring hanging from your neck. “Is it okay if I stay like this?”

“Your peace of mind is worth every numb limb and hours spent awake,” you kissed his forehead, then the hand holding onto the ring. “You would do the same for me. And just so you know, you make an excellent pillow.”

“You too,” he closed his eyes, resting his hand back on your side, cuddling close. “Will you… will you hold my hand? Please?”

Without another word you slid your fingers against his, interlocking them. He squeezed your hand in return, letting out one last sigh as he slowly let go of all the tension that kept him awake. His body melted against yours, muscles relaxing as his breathing evened out, and in a few minutes all you could feel was his light snoring tickling your neck. You brushed your fingers through his hair again, pressing one last goodnight kiss on his forehead before resting back against your pillows.

Ashton slept soundly in your arms, head resting on your shoulder, arm thrown over your waist, fingers interlocked on the bed. He fit perfectly against you, his weight all the comfort you needed in your life. You would have stayed up all night just to make sure he had no more nightmares, but his soft sleepy sounds slowly lulled you to sleep too. The last thing you remembered was his lips brushing against your neck as he shuffled in his sleep, and you fell asleep with a smile on your face. You knew for sure he was your forever – and you planned on reminding him of that every single day for the rest of your lives. Even if it meant chasing away his nightmares every night. Because he was worth it.

#ashton irwin #ashton irwin x reader #ashton irwin fanfic #afic: a permanent chase #series: a permanent chase #ashton irwin fanfiction #fiction time

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roanofarcc · 1 month

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PROJECT SUNSHINE CHAPTER SIXTY TWO → A MOTLEY CREW

summary: steve harrington x oc || read on Ao3

when another product of Hawkins National Laboratory escaped a long-survived nightmare alongside her sister, she crashed into one unsuspecting teenage boy and dragged him deeper into the dark mysteries that made up their hometown.

word count. 5k || masterlist || ocs moodboard

warnings: cannon typical violence, child abuse, horror, gore, and depictions of mental illness. parts of this story were written pre-season 4 release. cannon divergence.

a/n. calum miller, my greatest enemy, and dearest boy...a moron of my own creation <3

previous chapter ← → next chapter

tagged. @sattlersquarry, @leptitlu, @two-sides-samecoin

The diner Sunshine was instructed to meet Kali at was quiet despite it being mid-morning. There were only a couple of people who lingered at the bar, nursing coffee and eating whatever the day's specials were. Sunshine occupied herself by twisting the sun pendant between her fingers and gazing out the large window beside her, keeping an eye out for Kali. She sipped on a mug of coffee, but the caffeine only made her jitters worse.

At exactly nine-thirty on the dot, the bell above the front door rang, and in walked Kali. She looked just like how the twins and El described her. She had black hair fit with streaks of purple along the ends and that was shaved on one side of her head. Everything was dark on her, from the lines drawn around her eyes to the clothing she wore. She looked to be an inch or two shorter than Sunshine, but her presence felt bigger.

Sunshine scrambled out of the booth, catching Kali's attention as she made her way over. "Hi," Sunshine greeted, smiling at her estranged sister. The last time she had seen Kali was inside the Rainbow Room the night before she and the twins escaped. Back then, Eight was a little girl just like Sunshine, dressed in a hospital gown and a buzzcut.

Kali studied her for a moment, from head to toe. Sunshine looked almost opposed to Kali with her white hair, bright yellow sweater, and long skirt she had stolen from Nancy.

"Hey," she said after a beat. She took a seat and Sunshine followed suit.

"I didn't know if you liked coffee, but I got you a cup anyway," Sunshine said, gesturing to the piping hot mug in front of Kali.

With a light hum, Kali picked it up and drank it black. Sunshine glanced down at her cup, the light brown color staring back at her. Steve often teased her by saying she enjoyed a little coffee with her cream and sugar, which was fair.

"How are you?" Sunshine asked, trying to wade through the awkwardness she felt. It wasn't like she was meeting Kali for the first time, but in a way she was. Eight and Kali were different people, just as Seven and Sunshine were.

"I didn't know if you'd actually show up," Kali said, not answering Sunshine's question.

She almost didn't. After Sunshine called her two nights ago, she laid awake wondering if it was the right move. She wanted answers and knew it was well past time she reached out to her. When the twins first returned, Sunshine wanted to contact Kali, but they said she would still be upset for a while over the fact that they left. They worried Sunshine reaching out would make her feel worse.

"I figured it was about time we reconnected."

"You said you needed answers to your memories."

Sunshine sighed. "Yes, but I also wanted to see how you were." Because it had been a long time, lifetimes it felt like.

"I'm fine," she answered with a slight edge in her voice that Sunshine remembered from when they were kids. "But I don't know if I'll have the answers you're looking for. I try not to think about my time in that place." It was hard not to, though, Sunshine thought. There were things they'd never forget, even if they wanted to. The twins and El had also told Sunshine about Kali's mission to track down every person who had hurt them inside the Lab, which meant she had to think about it.

"But you do sometimes, enough to remember the people who worked there." Kali furrowed her brows. "Luke, Leia, and El told me."

Crossing her arms, Kali leaned against the back of the booth and looked at her intently as if she was searching for something about Sunshine. Maybe she was looking for Seven or trying to figure out who exactly she had become.

"I didn't invite you here for a lecture on righteousness," Kali said. "Whatever they told you, know I'm doing it for us." It sounded like she had a similar conversation before, probably with Luke if Sunshine had to guess. The way he spoke about Kali was different than Leia. She often defended Kali's actions while Luke scoffed at them.

"I didn't come to lecture you," Sunshine stressed. "I just want to understand. I need someone to fill in the missing pieces of my memories." She left out the second reason for her coming, to try to get Kali to come back to Hawkins with her to live a life not built around revenge.

"Why?"

Sunshine explained her recent influx of memories that assaulted her brain. She told Kali how she had been more and more of her memories as of late, and maybe it was some kind of sign that she needed to talk to her.

Kali tapped her black fingernails against the side of her mug, thoughtfully. "And what do you think the truth will get you?"

Sunshine shrugged. "Closure, maybe?" Peace of mind, perhaps. Sunshine wasn't sure but she didn't like not knowing things. She wanted all of the facts set straight inside her head.

A light scoff sounded from Kali. "There's only one way to get closure, and that's to get back at everyone who hurt us inside that place. When they're gone, then we get closure, not while they're still out there living their lives without consequences."

Sunshine disagreed. She believed those people deserved consequences for what they did, but she didn't think she was the one meant to serve those consequences. If Dr. Brenner and Miller were still alive somewhere out there, she wished the worst on them, but as long as they never stepped foot back into her life, she wasn't going to spend her time tracking them down. Sunshine believed that her living, being back with her parents, and finding a home was her revenge on them. She got out and got her life back, but she knew things were different for Kali. Kali hadn't found her family yet.

"Is that really what you believe?" Sunshine asked, looking for a sign from Kali that she wasn't fully convinced of that, but she found nothing.

"Yes."

"Then I'm not here to stop you." It wasn't Sunshine's place. "I just want to know what you remember."

"Then ask away."

Sunshine explained her most recent memory to her, the one about the little girl breaking the little boy's arm seemingly out of the blue. In the memory, Kali had said that they'd all break eventually, especially if they stayed inside the Lab. They had a different skill set to hurt people and they'd been taught from a young age exactly how to use it. That reflex was still inside of her, an instinct to hurt first and ask questions second, and that scared her. She felt it last fall when Billy threatened Lucas and nearly killed Steve. All of the fighting she'd done since she left the Lab had been to save her friends, but every time she did it, something deep down inside of her was satisfied. She didn't like hurting people, but a piece of her formed inside the Lab did. The more she mulled over that conversation with Kali from her memory, the more she thought of other instances from the Lab where she was praised for being violent. Was there still something inside of her that could snap?

"Probably," Kali answered. That was the last thing Sunshine wanted to hear. "How could anyone blame us? I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet. Hurting people is what we do best."

Sunshine shook her head, almost frantically. "That's not true. I don't want to hurt anyone."

"But you have, and I'm willing to bet you'd do it again if you had to." Sunshine felt shame wash over her, hot and terrible. She'd do anything to save her friends and family, that she knew for certain. But that didn't mean she wanted to. It came from necessity. Their lives had come riddled with monsters and bad men around every corner; it was hard to escape.

Kali continued, "It's what they made us for. If we never ended up in that place, that thought probably wouldn't have crossed our minds. Or, at least, it wouldn't always be our first instinct when we're in danger. They made us like that, and they don't get to get away with that. That's why I'm here." She lowered her voice even more, even though no one in the diner seemed to be paying attention to them. Everyone was too far away from their booth in the back corner. "There's a man who used to work there living in the city. I tracked him down and supposedly he knows where Dr. Brenner has been hiding out since he was run out of Hawkins."

Sunshine couldn't help the curiosity that pricked her skin. That wasn't why she was there. She had convinced herself, a long time ago, that he was dead. The boys believed he had died that night at the middle school, but after the twins and El returned from their stay with Kali, they weren't so sure that was the truth. Sunshine wanted it to be, but men like that were hard to get rid of, she supposed.

"You don't think he's dead?" she asked.

Kali shook her head. "I've talked to a lot of people who used to work with him. If they don't believe it, neither do I."

Sunshine did not want to care. She had taken back all of what she could that was stolen from her. Even if Dr. Brenner and Miller were alive, they couldn't take anything away from her anymore. But the look on Kali's face told her otherwise; her anger was contagious.

"I'm going to see what the man knows," Kali said, finishing the sip of her coffee. "He lives just a block from here."

"Do you think he'll talk to you?"

Kali's eyes narrowed similarly to how they often did when she looked at the guards and doctors inside the Lab. "I'm not going to give him a choice."

She should have let Kali go and abandoned her mission altogether. She should have headed back to Hawkins, but she became swept up in Kali's air of determination. Sunshine didn't know what she'd do with any information they got from the man if he did know where Dr. Brenner was. Sunshine didn't care, or, she thought she didn't. If she hadn't cared at all, she wouldn't have followed Kali to the man's apartment complex.

The place was small and a little unkept, but it had a seventies charm about it. Sunshine toyed with her necklace as they approached the man's door. Kali knocked a few times before the door swung open to reveal an older man, probably in his early sixties. His hair was gray and balding on top, and wrinkles set in along his pale skin. But his bright green eyes almost made him look youthful.

"Can I help you?" he asked.

Kali had kept her hands in the pockets of her long coat since they left the diner. Something inside of the right pocket poked against the fabric oddly and Sunshine had a bad feeling about what was inside.

"We'd like to speak with you, James."

Several emotions flashed across the man's face before he cleared his throat in an attempt to collect himself, trying to play off his very obvious panic. "I'm sorry, you have the wrong place. I don't know a James." He started to close the door in their faces, but Kali stuck her foot in between the frame with her heavy black boots to stop it. She then shoved the door open hard with her shoulder, forcing the man back as she stepped inside, finally pulling out what she hid inside her pocket.

"Are you sure?" Kali asked, cocking her head to the side as she pointed a handgun at the man's stomach.

He paled, stumbling backwards as Kali followed him deeper into the apartment. She didn't take her eyes off of him, but she gestured with her free hand for Sunshine follow quickly.

Sunshine did not travel to commit a crime; all she had wanted to do was speak to her sister. Yet, she stepped inside the apartment anyway and closed the door.

"Who...Who the hell are you guys? What do you want? Money? I-I don't have any!"

"Shut up," Kali hissed. "We don't want your money, James."

The man's gaze flickered between the two girls, confused. "How do you know that name? I don't go by that anymore."

"Some advice, try moving a couple more towns over from the one you used to work in. You were pretty easy to find," Kali said. James was sweaty, eyes full of panic. "Sit," she instructed, and he didn't argue as he slowly sat on the couch. "You worked at Hawkins National Laboratory for ten years, is that right?"

James's shaking hands clutched the couch cushions at his sides as he stared at the gun Kali continued to point at him. He swallowed thickly before answering, "Yes. I-I did. But that was a long time ago. I don't-" Kali cut him off before he could finish his sentence.

"You don't recognize us then?" He looked between them again. Sunshine didn't recognize him, but there had been so many people who passed in and out of the Lab, working there. It was hard to remember all of them. They never told the kids their names or shared any personal information that would've made it easier to remember them. There was only one person who worked there, aside from Dr. Brenner and Miller who had genuinely spoken with her as if she was a child and not an experiment in his eyes. She didn't recall his name, but she was sure he had given it at one point. All she remembered was his blonde hair and lanky figure. He liked playing chess and checkers with her when Ivy wasn't around to be her partner. He was a guard of some kind, always dressed in white with his hands folded behind his back. Aside from him, every other adult pretended the kids were nothing more than Lab rats.

After a moment, James said, "No. I'm sorry. I don't."

Kali didn't seem to like that answer; it was written sharply across her face. With a hum, she switched the gun into her other hand and rolled up her sleeve, exposing her tattooed number eight. James let out a gasp, eyes so wide they looked ready to bug out of his head. He looked to Sunshine at the same time Kali did, expectantly. She hesitated for a moment before she too showed her tattoo to the man.

"Does this jog your memory?" Kali asked.

Maybe Sunshine had become too soft in some parts because as she looked at James and the emotion that glinted behind his eyes, he looked remorseful. He looked sorry as he sank against his couch and hung his head, muttering, "Jesus," under his breath. "How...?"

"How are we here? How did we survive?" Kali raised her voice slightly, her emotions seeping out from underneath her stoic exterior. "It was certainly no thanks to you or anyone else inside that place." Her words were venomous but laced with hurt. Sunshine wanted to reach out to her like how she'd often do to El or the twins and hold her hand in an attempt to take away some of that coiled-up hurt. Kali was all sharp edges, but Sunshine wanted to smooth her out.

"Why are you here?" James asked.

Kali neared him with her gun still in hand, but she gestured with it now, not pointing it directly at him. She handled it differently than Nancy would have. Nancy was always locked in when she used a gun, but it was probably because she only ever threatened monsters with it and not people. "You've been in contact with Martin Brenner, haven't you?"

"No," James answered quickly. "No. I don't even remember the last time I spoke with him, honestly. After I quit, I moved here and cut off all contact with him and Hawkins."

"That's not what your friend Rudy said."

"Rudy?" James repeated, brows furrowed. "You spoke to Rudy?" Kali nodded as her grasp around the gun tightened. She resumed pointing it at him again, causing him to flinch and shield his face with his hands. "Hey! S-Stop! Okay? Just put the gun down and we can talk. W-We can talk!"

Kali switched off the safety with a loud 'click.' "Talk."

Quickly stepping beside Kali, Sunshine's stomach twisted in every awful way. "Kali," she pleaded but was ignored.

"I said, talk."

"Fine!" James cried. "Martin Brenner reached out to me, but I didn't contact him back, okay? He reached out to Rudy too, about some...some project. I don't know anything more than that. I ignored it because I don't do that anymore."

Kali scoffed dangerously. "Ten years of torturing children was enough for you?"

"I...I thought what we were doing was for good."

Another wave of anger flared up inside of Kali and Sunshine felt it roll off of her in hot waves, invading her body too. How could have anyone thought the things occurring inside the Lab were good? Even those who weren't fully clued in on what exactly Dr. Brenner and Miller were doing had to have known something was deeply wrong there. Children's screams often echoed through the floors and their blood was impossible to ignore. People like James were cowards; he ran away and never spoke up about it. He changed his name and pretended like nothing had happened.

Sunshine felt sick with both anger and sadness. She had none of her lifelines around her, no one she trusted without a second thought to calm her down. All she had was Kali with a gun and a man who only knew them because of the numbers on their wrist.

"Good? You thought you were doing something good?" Kali spat, stepping closer to James and pointing the gun at his temple.

He was crying now, shaking too. "I-I didn't know the whole story! They didn't tell us everything. I regret it, okay? I regret it every day. That's why I didn't respond to his letter. I couldn't work for him again."

A chill crept down Sunshine's spine as she stepped closer to him as well. "Wait, he wanted you to work for him like you had at the Lab? Why?"

James shook his head, pitifully. "I don't know. I can only guess for something similar. Another Lab? Another...another something. But I don't know. I didn't ask."

"So he is alive," Kali said to herself more than anyone.

Another Lab. Was Dr. Brenner going to try it again? Experiment on more innocent children? That couldn't be. He had to be on someone's radar. Dr. Owens at the very least. He couldn't get away with it a second time. Sunshine wanted to call her sisters and brother to warn them, just to be safe. What if they came back after them?

"Men like you are pathetic," Kali said as Sunshine tuned back into the conversation. It took a moment for her to realize Kali's finger was on the trigger, threatening to pull it. Sunshine didn't come to Indy to be a part of a crime scene.

"Stop," she yelled, grabbing Kali's arm tightly. "Let's go. You got what you wanted, and I still have questions you need to answer."

Kali roughly shook her off, clenching her jaw tightly as she stared down James. "They don't deserve to live the rest of their life in peace after screwing up ours."

"Kali, please," she pleaded. "This is not going to make you feel better. Maybe for a second, it will, but eventually it was catch up to you." She knew that too well. Every person she had hurt or killed lingered in the back of her mind, forever acting as a reminder of what she had done. That wasn't something you shook off easily. Outside of the Lab, Sunshine had only ever done it in self-defense, but it still weighed on her. "Please, don't do this."

Kali's face twitched and her frown deepened. "I guess I know where Jane got it from," she muttered through gritted teeth. "Her self-righteousness, like all of us aren't fucked up."

With a sigh, Sunshine tried a different angle. "It's the middle of the day. If you run out of here after killing him, they'll catch you. Then you'll never get to Brenner."

That time, Kali's finger moved off of the trigger in agreement. She was quiet for a long moment, painfully long for both Sunshine and probably the man facing down the gun and a woman who had every right to hurt him as bad as she had been hurt.

Finally, she said, "Fine," and dropped the gun back into her pocket. "I'll come back for him later, then." James's fearful eyes closed briefly. "We're not done," Kali told them, but they were. If she stayed in Indy for another day, she'd be caught because the second they left the apartment he'd probably call the cops. Kali knew that; she was smart. You can't threaten someone with a gun and expect them to not try to seek help after the face. But she had stuck fear into him, made him feel even worse about what he had been a part of. It wasn't much, but it was something. Maybe, deep down, that's all Kali really wanted: to be feared just as she and every other kid inside the Lab had been fearful.

"Let's go," Sunshine said, tugging Kali toward the door and leaving the shaking man on his couch. They had to hurry. Sunshine could not get arrested on her very first trip out of Hawkins alone.

They hurried out into the hall and started toward the stairs with Sunshine leading. She reached for the door to pull it open, but it swung back at her unexpectedly. Sunshine jumped, paranoid the man had already alerted the cops. But out of the stairwell stepped the last person she expected to see, despite his recent move to the city.

"Calum?" she breathed out, confused. He looked just as startled to see her, so much so that he almost dropped the bag he was carrying.

"What the shit?" he gasped. Calum looked different, but Sunshine couldn't put her finger on it right away. His appearance was the same, but something about the way he held himself seemed off. Then she remembered how different Tamera looked for a while after not being connected at the hip with Calum. Without Tamera at his side, he was different. "Danielle?"

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

He held up his hand to flash his set of keys hooked around his finger. "I live here. What are you doing here?"

"We, uh, we were just leaving, actually." He had more questions, but he stopped himself from asking when a door down the hall opened and drew his attention.

Calum raised his free hand in a small wave. "Hey, Dave," he said. When Sunshine looked behind her to see who he was talking to, she felt her heart drop into her stomach. Out of his apartment walked James, sweaty and disheveled. She felt herself falling deeper down into a pit of panic, clawing at the sides trying to stop herself from hitting the bottom and freaking out. Kali shoved her hand back into her pocket, but Sunshine grabbed her arm before she could pull out the gun.

James stumbled toward them in a hurry, ignoring Calum's greeting. As he neared, Kali stiffed and tried to tear her arm out of Sunshine's grasp, but she held on tight. "Here." James held out a piece of paper. He looked awful, and Sunshine had a feeling that wasn't all because he was just held at gunpoint. She saw his face when Kali showed him her tattoo. He wasn't Dr. Brenner - a monster. He wasn't a good man either, but he did look sorry and that was more than Brenner had ever offered them. "Rudy and I weren't the only people who Brenner sent letters to. There's another guy in Indy. This is his name and address. He might know more than me; he was higher up than I was."

Sunshine pocketed the piece of paper while Kali scoffed, "And why should we trust you?"

James shook his head. "You shouldn't. But I am sorry."

"Sorry doesn't take back what happened to us."

He opened his mouth to say something else, maybe some deeper explanation of why he did what he did for Brenner. But he never got the chance to. From somewhere down the long hall behind them, there was the smallest 'pop' almost silent. Sunshine didn't have a chance to even think about the figure looming at the end of the hall before blood was splattered across her upper half, wet and sticky. She reached up, touching her face only to pull her hand back to see it glittering freckles of crimson.

Calum tried to scream, but Kali grabbed him and covered his mouth. Sunshine saw Kali's hand tremble as James's body dropped to the floor. No one was in the hall when Sunshine looked up from the dead body. It was only them.

"We have to go, now," Kali hissed but her voice was a distant hum in Sunshine's ears. A man's blood on her face, in her white hair, and stained her sweater. There was a dead man at her feet, bleeding out against the carpet. Kali tugged harshly on Sunshine's arm and shoved her and Calum into the stairwell.

Death and gore weren't new concepts for Sunshine, but she wasn't immune to it. She felt dizzy and cold. Kali seemed to be the only one with a clear head as she led them out the side door of the complex and far enough away to not get caught at the scene of the crime.

James was dead. They weren't going to kill him. Sunshine wasn't going to let Kali kill him because he was just a man, a coward, and a pathetic one, but still just a man and not a monster. But someone else had killed him.

Once they stopped, Sunshine doubled over, heaving on the dirty gravel. She tasted blood in her mouth, making her gag.

Calum let out a strangled cry, but he looked to be in shock, similar to how he looked after he saw the Mindflayer in the woods before he ended up Starcourt. "W-What the fuck? What the fuck!"

"Do you have the paper he gave you?" Kali asked Sunshine, ignoring Calum. She peered down at Sunshine with blood splattered against her too. Sunshine wiped her face with the sleeve of her sweater, leaving behind more deep red stains that looked terribly incriminating. Without a word, she handed off the slip of paper to Kali.

Was she cursed? Did everything she got involved with have to end up becoming too much? It was as if Sunshine was destined to always end up way over her head.

"Why does this keep happening?" Calum moaned, holding his head in his hands as Sunshine offered him a look of guilt. That time wasn't his fault for sticking his nose where it didn't belong. That time he was just unlucky. Out of all of the places he happened to live in the same apartment, on the same floor as a man who worked in the same Lab his father had. Some coincidences were sick.

Kali read over what James had written down before she looked between the two. "I'm going to talk to this man. Are you coming with me or not?" Her calmness rattled Sunshine. She seemed unphased, wiping the man's blood from her dark skin until it disappeared into the dark fabric of her clothing.

"T-That dude just fucking died?! We have to go to the police-"

"No," Kali cut Calum off swiftly. "Trust me, we don't want to get involved with whoever killed him."

"Do you know who did it?" Sunshine asked, standing upright.

"No, but they've been beating me to some of these people I'm trying to find. Killing them before I can."

Great, Sunshine thought. That's just what she wanted to hear.

"What?" Calum cried. "Dave was a good guy! He-"

"That's not his real name," Kali said, cutting him off again.

Calum looked to Sunshine, his wide blue eyes glassy and confused. She sighed, sick to her stomach. "She's right. He..." She didn't want him involved, again, but he had seen the man die just as he and Tamera had been hunted by Russians. Whatever Sunshine wanted, she wasn't going to get. "He worked at the Lab."

He stilled as an array of emotions flickered across his face quickly. "No way," he whispered. "How is that even possible?" How did he end up living to close a man who probably knew his father, and he had no idea?

Sunshine had mixed feelings about Calum; she felt bad for him. His father was a bad man who Calum wanted to understand. Despite her feelings for Dr. Miller, she did think his son deserved closure and some kind of explanation for why his father did what he did, ruining his family.

"Wait," Kali said. "What does he know about that place?"

Calum had the same question and they both looked at Sunshine for answers.

"Kali, this is Calum. He got involved in some stuff that happened in Hawkins last year and we told him about the Lab." She wasn't going to tell Kali who Calum's father was. As much as she wanted to gain her sister's trust, she felt slightly responsible for Calum and his involvement with everything, despite him being the one who dug around where he shouldn't have. "And Calum, this is Kali. She was in the Lab with me and my other siblings who you met last summer."

Calum gasped, "You have superpowers too?" Kali glared at him, hard and his expression shifted before Sunshine could catch it. "Wait, you were there too. Do you know-"

"Calum," Sunshine raised her voice, praying he got the hint to stop talking before he said something he'd regret.

He didn't.

"Do you know my dad?"

Kali furrowed her brows. "Who is your dad?"

Calum replied, "Doctor Ryan Miller."

#stranger things #steve harrington #steve harrington x oc #steve harrington x original character #stranger things fanfiction #steve harrington fanfic #stranger things 4 #kali prasad #project sunshine

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wiiildflowerrr · 1 year

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@Calum5SOS: SUMMERSONIC '17

19 August 2017 📷 Jon Hoeg

#calum in yellow #5sos #5 seconds of summer #calum hood #calum 5sos #calum #jon hoeg #fashion #yellow shirt #2017 #19 august

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valentiyne · 1 year

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𝗌𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗇𝖽𝖾𝖽 ꕥ 𝖺𝗌𝗁𝗍𝗈𝗇 𝗂𝗋𝗐𝗂𝗇

Ashton Irwin x Fem!reader Summary: On the way to a halloween party, you're met with many obstacles; one of which happens to have red hair. Warnings: Mild cursing, grumpy Calum Word count: 1.5k Copyright © 2023 Valentiyne. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format. Was previously @/Talkfastromancee

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻

"Calum I already told you I'd be there tonight", I laugh into the phone, attempting to hold it between my ear and shoulder- my hand's occupied on the steering wheel.

"I know Y/N, but it's about to start soon and I can't go downstairs without my costume", He whispers back. By the sound of his voice, I can imagine him pouting slightly.

The annual Halloween party Calum always threw was something no one wanted to miss.

He always planned the next one six months before and had a strict dress code- dress up or get lost. It also carried the reputation of trying to go as long as possible before being shut down- last years record was 41 minutes.

Calum took it so seriously, he'd go as far as cancel shows that happen to land the same week of the party.

Glancing down at my passenger seat, I stifle a laugh at the huge red and yellow crayon costumes that he had begged us to get as soon as he spotted them in Target. Of course I threw a fit about it, claiming it was ridiculous.

I only agreed on the plan if he'd be the yellow crayon.

"Okay Okay, i'll be there in ten", I don't give him any time to speak before I ended the call and toss my phone over to the passenger seat- it landing on the costume packages with a thud. My eyes down to the GPS on the screen and sigh. Calum whining in my ear made me miss my turn almost half a mile ago.

I watched as the fields trees and shrubs around me turned into splotches of various shades of green. The rain littered my windows and I mentally bet on the racing raindrops to fall down first. I rubbed my eyes with one hand before glancing back down at the GPS. It notifies me of a faster route if I turn in the next half mile onto a side street. Humming to myself, I slowly squint to focus my eyes as a few streets came into view.

I just saved myself 7 minutes.

The road was marked with numerous signs stating, "Do Not Enter", "Private Property", one even going as far as saying "Trespassers will be shot". Nevertheless, I continued forward down the dirt road, my car bounced around from the rocks and debris littering the floor. I knew I'd have to be there soon- Didn't want another passive aggressive phone call from Hood.

I leaned over to snatch my phone from my passenger seat to call Calum once more before my car suddenly jolted to a stop. My phone slid off the seat and clattered to the floor, getting lost under the seat somewhere. I push a little harder on the gas, my tires squealing at the effort. I put the car in reverse, craning my neck to look behind me and I try and back out- still nothing.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," A pathetic laugh escapes my lips as I put the car in park, making sure to pull my emergency brake up and turn my hazards on. I slowly step out of my car, my shoes squishing into the mud and I crouch down in an attempt to see the cause of my car shutting off. The car was hissing, almost teasing me of the situation I was now in. I stomped around to the other side of my car and wiped my eyes with my hands to try and see better. I mentally cursed myself for not dressing more appropriately, looking down at my outfit that was to be worn underneath the crayon costume.

Pulling my passenger door open, I crouched inside and tore open the costume package and pulled out the giant red crayon headpiece. It was the only thing remotely close to a hat and it would give me more visibility in the rain. I slipped the costume on and tugged the hat on top of my head, blocking me from the rain.

I looked ridiculous- standing in the pouring rain in a crayon costume in the middle of no where.

I crouched down once more to search for my phone, wiping the rain drops from the screen once I located it, before dialing Calum's number. It rang a few times before it clicked and the sound of the party filled my ears,

"Calum? Hey-", I began loudly but he soon cut me off.

"Where the hell are you?" , He hissed almost immediately and I mentally rolled my eyes at him.

"Calum my car just broke down turning into the road, can you come get me?", I plead, wiping my face with my hands to rid the rain from my now drenched face.

"Shit- I can't. I've already started drinking, costume-less might I add", He chuckles to himself and I hear him let out a deep exhale before fumbling with him phone. "Look, I'll have one of my mates come get you. Where are you?"

I groan in annoyance, sliding into the passenger side of my car sideways to hover my mud stained shoes outside. I switch the phone over to my left hand and press it to my ear once more,

"Um, I passed by a few signs earlier.... do not enter yada-yada. I'm stopped next to a huge tree." He hums in response and I can hear his fingers frantically typing on his phone.

"Okay, uhhh he will be there in 5"

"He? Who's-", before I can finish my question, he had hung up and I'm met with a click.

Mentally cursing him, and myself for that matter, I let out a large sigh and laugh to myself. I stared off for a few moments, thinking back on how I even managed to end up here. The bright light of headlights snapped me from my gaze and I covered my eyes and slid out of my car, back into the mud.

I waved my hands in the air and the driver put their own hazards on, stepping out of their car and walking towards me.

"Are you Y/N?", His voice was hoarse, almost like he'd just woken up.

"Uh yeah are you Calum's friend?" I put my hand up to the light, attempting to get a better look at the man before me. His freshly dyed hair stained his forehead and hands, and his costume was a mere white dress shirt covered in fake blood.

"Yeah, I'm Ashton- nice costume by the way", He points his long finger at me and lets out a laugh, his dimples out on display and I cross my arms in return.

"Haha, very funny" I squint my eyes at him before I uncross my arms and turn away from him, smiling to myself slightly.

"I'm supposed to be matching with Calum", I turn back around to defend myself, only to be met with a cheesy grin from the man in front of me.

He raises a brow at this, "What is he supposed to be a notebook?"

"Wha- No! He's the yellow crayon and Im", I motion my hands towards the costume clung to my figure, "the red crayon"

"Right", he rubs his chin for a moment before shaking his head as a slight giggle escapes his lips.

"Let me take a look, yeah?" Balancing himself slightly, he treads slowly in the mud towards my car. I watch him cautiously, just incase he does happen to slip and I get to watch it all up close. He rolls up his sleeves and brushes past me, crouching down to get a better look at the situation.

His hair is slicked back with gel, or maybe rain even, and his white shirt now see through from the rain. I've known Calum since high school, why has he never mention this Ashton guy?

"I think you're stuck in the mud", He stands up, wiping his hands on his trousers and turning towards me.

"No shit, how do I get out?" My tone came out a little bitchier than I wanted so I smile slightly to make up for it. He just shrugs once again in response and looks down at me.

"I say, you leave the car here until tomorrow when the rain and mud clears up and I'll drive you down to pick it up", I let out a gasp, pointing at the numerous signs marked on the trees.

"Nuh Uh, I am not letting my car get towed", He laughs once again and gives a mere smile at me.

"Fine, i'll leave you here to suffer, you'll miss Calum's party and never hear the end of it? Deal?"

I huff in annoyance, stomping away from him in the mud towards my car. I swung the driver door and leaned in to gather my belongings, tucking Calum's costume under my own. My keys slip into my purse and I also tuck it under my costume.

"If my car gets towed, then you'll never hear the end of it", I make my way towards his car, leaving him there smiling like an idiot as I wait for him to unlock it.

"If it gets towed, i'll pay for it"

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