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novantinuum · 5 years

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Bi the Way...

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: Teen

Words: 2.8K~

Pairings: Steven/Connie

Summary: Connie has a question, and also something to say.

Or: the one where Connie comes out as bisexual :D Set post Steven Universe: The Movie.

You can find the AO3 link in the reblogs! (I have to omit it from the original post these days to ensure this will show up in the tags.) If you enjoyed this, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos on AO3 as well.

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Bi the Way...

Outside the familiar coziness of Steven’s bedroom, the late autumn rain pours steadily, the choppy waters of the Atlantic crashing onto shore with a ferociousness Connie hasn’t seen for a number of months. Historically, Beach City has been blessed to be host to consistently good weather. But even the most consistently stable meteorological systems aren’t immune to the odd unexpected shake-up. It’s a necessity to clear the air with a great thunderous clap, sometimes. It relieves pressure that’s built up long term amongst the clouds. It leaves the atmosphere noticeably cleaner, the dirt below sparkling with that fresh scent that comes about after torrents of cool rain.

On this particular afternoon, she’s found that this is a lesson that holds just as true for people as it does the weather.

It begins with a stray comment, as things often do.

They’re watching TV, the two of them, tangled together on his bed. About once a week they’ll try to have one of these cuddle sessions, just some time alone together to relax and enjoy each other’s company in private. Working alongside a myriad of Gems to aid in the restructuring of an entire society can be excruciatingly stressful at points, and so can rigorous AP classes and the eye-rolling drudgery of high school drama. There’s no placing a hierarchy on these things for them, no matter their outward difficulty or importance, they’re all just... the challenges in life they have to win. And on occasion, they’re the challenges they need a quiet break from. Both of them are no stranger to throwing themselves at a problem and working endlessly towards a solution until they hit rock bottom and crash, but over the years they’ve started to recognize this tendency for the bad habit it is. It’s okay to take 'me' time, Connie’s constantly reminding Steven (and herself) whenever she catches him about to stubbornly sneak away to the galaxy warp with clear stress lines rimming his eyes. And without fail he’ll groan halfheartedly, knowing he’s been caught red-handed, and retire to his room to relax with a book or a board game or a few rounds of Lonely Blade: Resurgence instead.

Today’s workaholic distraction is a marathon of old Under the Knife episodes. It’s been a while since they’ve binged through this show, and when Steven brought it up and she started to feel super nostalgic about it, in a flash their entertainment for the afternoon was selected.

“Gosh, I honestly forgot how good this is,” he says in the middle of an episode, nudging her arm with his elbow. “The satirical nonsense, the passion, the drama? Eh?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty pulpy,” she giggles, nudging him right back. Then, directed at the unhearing characters on screen: “Ughh, Marigold, come on, just go out with him already! We all know you like him!”

“I can’t believe they kept this a slow burn for five entire seasons,” he comments, pursing his lips. “They’re literally perfect for each other!”

Connie throws her arms down against the mattress, palms stretched wide open. “I know, right?? Adrien’s like, a total dreamboat of a man.”

“Yeah, he is pretty cute,” Steven says, an unmistakable blush coloring his face and ears.

Connie pauses upon hearing this, gazing at her boyfriend thoughtfully with a soft smile as he continues to watch this old episode with the same level of investment he exhibited upon its first airing. He props his chin in the cradle of his hands, which of course only further exaggerates the curve of his chubby cheeks. His eyes are blown wide with youthful endeavor, the TV’s glow glinting against his irises in a myriad of continuously shifting colors. He is pretty cute, she thinks, his own adorably smitten words echoing through her mind. And then that blush...

There’s a question she’s had for quite a while but has never asked. Something she’s suspected of him, but had no concrete proof of. The reason? Even if they’re best friends, and now— boyfriend and girlfriend on top of that— the idea of asking him something like this just felt too... what’s the word... invasive. Not that there’s anything wrong with discussing this sort of stuff, no, no, of course not! That’s definitely not what she means. But talking about something as important as this, she just knows it would turn into an in-depth conversation, as most worldly topics tend to do with Steven Universe, and it’s only inevitable this conversation would eventually turn back on her. On why she cared to ask in the first place. And that answer was... well, straightforward, but something she’s not sure she’s ready to broadcast. As if she’s taken command of but a single fragment of Garnet’s future vision, in her restless mind she’s already mapped out what feels like every possible response he could have to her. Most of them are no more than anxiety laced fabrications, things he would never ever dare think of with his upbringing, but believe her when she says she’s been burdened with considering every possible outcome in great, excruciating length.

Now that she knows for sure there’s a strong chance he’s the same way, however... that narrows down these possibilities significantly.

Connie threads her fingers together, gathering the courage.

Come on, you. It’s just Steven. No script, no planning, just... say it!

She opens her mouth to speak before her anxiety laden mind can beg to differ.

“By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask- do you like girls and guys?”

Steven glances away from the television set to meet her curiosity head on. “Oh, you mean like, romantically?”

Running in automatic, she nods in confirmation. Here she goes. The answer to both her spoken question, and the question of which river of possibility this conversation will careen down.

He grins, scratching at the side of his neck. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess I do! But I think I could like anyone, really. Guys, gals, none of the above. Doesn’t matter to me. That’s... okay, yes?”

“Silly, of course it’s okay! You don’t need my permission to like who you like. I just asked because I-“ Her heart pounds as she pauses briefly, focusing on the nervous jitters, but not in fear. Not anymore. Instead, that soft fluttering in her heart is nothing less than sheer exhilaration. She parts her lips once more, bravely speaking her inner truth into reality for the first time in her life. “I’m like that too. I... I’m bisexual.”

Her boyfriend’s whole expression lights up so bright she may as well be looking at a newborn star.

“Oh, really? That’s awesome!” he says, throwing an arm around her shoulder to side hug her. (Knowing him, his keen empathetic ability likely led him to sense the internal battle she waltzed through just to state this out loud.)

The forgotten soap opera continues to play in the background as Connie gives a bashful laugh.

“Hehe, glad you think so. You’re actually, um... the first person I’ve ever said that out loud to,” she says, blushing.

Steven looks as if he’s about to say something in response, but then he pauses— fades into a silence that’s deliberate and measured— as he gazes back at her. Drinks in the moment. Wonders how he could be so lucky to hold her trust like this, or how— heck, he could be thinking anything, she has no idea! Unlike him she can only catch small glimpses into how he feels, the truth woven like gossamer threads through his words and actions, but in this one hallowed moment she doesn’t need to guess. The spark of affection dancing within his dark eyes is soft, perhaps softer than he’s ever looked at her before.

More than anything, Connie feels seen. Years back, long before sword training and Gem missions, long before that fateful day she discovered the beautiful temple (it looked like it could very well be a Hindu goddess, and that cultural connection alone made this slice of beach instantly familiar) hidden on the other side of the hill and decided to park herself there with a book, she’d grown used to feeling invisible. Before she bravely chose to step into this world of magic, it’s as if she forgot that she even had a choice to stand out, to openly shine as the unique, extraordinary individual she is. Admittedly, she still struggles with that to this day. But whenever she’s with him, with her Steven? It’s as if her universe explodes into a kaleidoscope of dizzying color where everything is so, so beloved and worthwhile. She’s worthwhile.

She can only hope being with her makes him feel the same way.

“I know it’s silly after everything we’ve been though,” she continues in time, still having a few things on her mind she suddenly has an exhilarating need to set free, “but I always kinda worried that people... would belittle me for it, I guess. Especially my parents. That like, there’s some upper limit to the number of unusual things about my life they’ll accept.”

“It’s not that unusual, though,” Steven says with a shrug. “I mean, Ruby and Sapphire are legally married. Sure, the Gems aren’t exactly women, but they do present that way. And then Pearl was in love with Mom, of course. Oh, and Amethyst once told me, and I quote, that ‘like a whip, I swing in every direction.’”

Connie snorts at this, and even he can’t help but laugh.

“Let’s see, what else...” he muses, peering at the ceiling thoughtfully as he continues to list the queer individuals he knows of. “Jenny, Buck, and Sour Cream are all dating each other. Mr. Smiley finally reconnected for real with his old comedy partner, and they’re dating. And my dad may not be seeing anyone but he’s always been openly pansexual.”

“Well, it’s not usual in my family,” she says glumly, nestling her chin into his bed’s comforter as the terrifying possibility of rejection hits her harder than expected. Her glance roams. On the television screen, the episode they were watching had paused automatically, a message asking if they’re still there popping up. Clearly it’s been a while since anyone’s handled the remote. She blinks past tears, shame settling at the pit of her stomach for even daring to cry them when others have gone through so much worse, and you’re lucky, what do you even have to feel lost about, and suddenly she begins to feels shameful just for feeling shame, and what cyclical, bittersweet irony is that, and what’s wrong with her, why can’t she stop obsessing over distant possibilities that likely have zero chances of coming to pass, why can’t she—

Steven breaks through her downward spiral with a gentle hand on her shoulder, rubbing away the physical evidence of her stress. She melts into his touch, forever smitten by this kind of casual intimacy they get to experience together here, alone. It’s innocent, still merely the wandering hands of two teenagers barely beginning to break the boundaries between close friendship and romance, but when words fail she’s discovered that touch can be a language of its own. And right here, right now, she knows he’s talking her down from the mountain of anxiety she’s marooned herself on. He’s leapt effortlessly into the stormy sky and cradled her in his arms, ready to float back to Earth’s surface together.

Outside, the rain continues to slap in rhythmic sheets against the deck. She shivers. Maybe it’s in reaction to the gloomy weather beyond the sliding glass door, maybe it’s despite it. She has no idea.

Steven scoots forward on his belly a bit, and rolls to his side so they can talk face to face without turning their heads. During this, his shirt rides up— ever so slightly— ambient light catching on the lower facets of his gem. The reassurance found in that beautiful, familiar smile of his is dizzying. “Well, at least no matter what happens with your family, you have more than one, huh?“ he says.

“Yeah,” she breathes shakily, eyes glistening with emotion at the metaphorical hand he’s extending with that statement.

Hopefully it’ll never have to come to that, though.

“I do think my parents will be fine with it, if I ever do tell them,” she continues, dabbing the dampness from her eyes. “Especially my mom. She works with queer patients all the time at the hospital, so she’s pretty used to stuff like that. I just... get anxious sometimes.”

“Yeah, I get that. It’s tough dealing with identity stuff.”

She hums, mind immediately harking to the years he spent doubting his own personhood. Seeking any kind of physical connection she can get, she nuzzles her cheek against his forearm, which he’s currently leaning on. They lay there like that in comfortable silence for a good while. Steven, laying on his side, one hand lazily trailing through her wavy hair, and her, curled up close to his heartbeat, hugging his free arm.

“Hey, while we’re on the topic, can I ask you something?” he asks eventually.

She nods. “Anything.”

“How’d you distinguish bi from pan, when you were figuring all this out? I know they’re pretty similar, and my dad tried to explain it a while ago when I asked, but I still don’t exactly get the nuances.”

Connie shifts to sit up, pursing her lips as she considers her words here. She’s done a lot of research into queer identity in her time, checking out books from the school library and looking up stuff online on incognito mode, but there’s probably still a ton of holes in her knowledge. “Hmm, okay... so I’m no sole authority on any of this of course, but to the best of my knowledge bi means you’re attracted to two or more genders, and pan means you’re attracted to people, but like... their gender isn’t really a factor in the way you experience that at all? I‘m pretty sure? There seems to be a lot of overlap. From what I’ve read people just sorta pick whatever feels the best to them.”

“Huh, that makes sense,” Steven says. “So picking labels is kinda like fusion, then! Whenever I fuse, we decide our own name, and it’s sorta... based on a feeling, y’know?”

“Yeah! And like, with Stevonnie... Even though Amethyst kinda inspired the name, they still had to figure out who they were as a person on their own.”

“Exactly! And then, even if two fusions are made of the same gem types, they could still have different names because they’re different people, and that’s what they choose. Anyways, that’s just what this reminded me of,” he says, glancing up at her with a bashful smile. “Honestly... I don’t actually know how I identify.”

The corner of her lips edge upwards. “That’s fine,” she reassures him with a pat, “it took me a while to sort through all this stuff.”

“I really wanna figure it out, have a word for it, but nothing’s clicked yet. For a while I thought I was pansexual like my dad, but that didn’t quite... feel right. Like—“ he too shifts to sit up, folding his feet under his legs as he continues to speak— “I love getting to kiss you, but no offense, I don’t... know if I'll ever want to have- to do anything more than that, y’know?”

She snickers at his inability to simply say the word sex. He’s seventeen now, he knows full well what that is, yet still his faux innocence on the matter remains. It’s one of his charms.

“None taken. Love and attraction is a bizarre, complicated world.”

“You can say that again.”

“Bogus.”

“Whack,” he agrees with a playful grin. Reaching for the remote, he presses play a few times to wake up their streaming site. The episode starts up right where it left off, and they continue to watch together, the air somehow feeling sweeter after her much needed release of emotion.

The satirical medical drama quickly fades into the background, though, as Steven’s hand curls around hers.

“Hey,” he says quietly, blushing. “Even if I don’t know everything about labels yet, I do know one thing for sure.”

She raises a curious brow. “What?”

“I know I love you.”

And before she can open her mouth to respond in kind, he’s kissing her cheek, swooping in like a bandit just like she did for the first time all those months ago, and her heart swells with affection for this boy. He leaves her with one kiss, then two. At the exact moment she turns her head to reciprocate— to sneak a gentle kiss to his cheek right back— he turns as well and she ends up meeting him at the lips. It’s but a quick peck, but she's almost floating. The two of them stifle a laugh as they gaze at each other, their noses almost brushing together.

“Hey, it stopped raining,” he comments then, grinning against her cheek.

She drapes her arms around his shoulders, and hugs him close. Her eyes trail to the glass sliding door. The clouds outside are still thick, but after releasing their load they’re visibly lighter now.

“Yeah,” she breathes, feeling her muscles finally relax as she sinks into her best friend’s embrace. “Yeah, I guess it finally has.”

#su #steven universe #connie maheswaran #connverse #su fanfiction #su fanfic #my writing stuff

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caustic-curses · 4 years

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HPHM Profile: Seth Drystan

Thanks to @hogwartsmysterystory for the profile!

IDENTITY

Name: Seth Abraxas Drystan

Gender: Cisgender Male

Age: 15

Birth Date: 4/10/1973

Species: Wizard (Half-breed Werewolf)

Blood Status: Half-Blood (MuggleBorn)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Alignment: Lawful Evil

Ethnicity: English

Nationality: British

Residence: Bristol, UK

Myer Briggs Personality Type: ISTP - The Detective

THE MAGE

1st Wand: Hornbeam| Dragon Heartstring core | 12in length | Pliant

Hornbeam selects for its life mate the talented witch or wizard with a single, pure passion, which some might call obsession (though I prefer the term ‘vision’), which will almost always be realized. Hornbeam wands adapt more quickly than almost any other to their owner’s style of magic and will become so personalized, so quickly, that other people will find them extremely difficult to use even for the most simple of spells. Hornbeam wands likewise absorb their owner’s code of honor, whatever that might be, and will refuse to perform acts – whether for good or ill – that do not tally with their master’s principles. A particularly fine-tuned and sentient wand.

Dragon Heartstring: As a rule, dragon heartstrings produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. Dragon wands tend to learn more quickly than other types. While they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner. The dragon wand tends to be easiest to turn to the Dark Arts, though it will not incline that way of its own accord. It is also the most prone of the three cores to accidents, being somewhat temperamental.

2nd Wand: Cedar | Rougarou Hair core | 10 ¾ in length | Supple

Whenever I meet one who carries a cedar wand, I find the strength of character and unusual loyalty. My father, Gervaise Ollivander, used always to say, ‘you will never fool the cedar carrier,’ and I agree: the cedar wand finds its perfect home where there is perspicacity and perception. I would go further than my father, however, in saying that I have never yet met the owner of a cedar wand whom I would care to cross, especially if harm is done to those of whom they are fond. The witch or wizard who is well-matched with cedar carries the potential to be a frightening adversary, which often comes as a shock to those who have thoughtlessly challenged them.

Rougarou hair: It was rumored to have an affinity for Dark magic, like vampires to blood.

Animagus: Asil Rooster

Misc Magical Abilities: Above average Legilimens but average at occlumency

Boggart Form: Himself fading into nothingness (being forgotten)

Riddikulus Form: A tap-dancing sparrow

Amortentia: It’s the scent of a blend of Mysore sandalwood, ambergris, violet leaves, French verbena & Florentine iris-translated into the following; the scent of smoke after a fire, woods in autumn, bittersweet chocolate

Amortentia: He smells laurels and orchid blossoms, the scent of parchment, and a faint hint of smoke mixing with iron. (Penny Haywood)

Patronus: Hippogriff

Patronus Memory: Asking Penny out on their first date and how much her eyes shone, smiling, as they danced.

Mirror of Erised: Being married to Penny whose 6 months pregnant with her second child, both of them happy as they hold the hands of their son.

Specialized/Favourite Spells: Impervius, Protego, Obscuro, & Finite Incantatem

APPEARANCE

Faceclaim: Gino Pasqualini

Game Appearance: (edited from a Slytherin chara, pretend his tie is red and gold)

Height: 5’9

Weight: 150

Physique: Mesomorphic

Eye Colour: grey eyes (C40 on 1998 eye color chart)

Hair Colour: Originally it was a dark red but a prank dyed it black.

Skin Tone: Ivory

Scars: Seth has 3 deep scars starting at his shoulders to his mid-back, he is self-conscious regarding them. He wears long sleeves due to some scarring on his forearms.

Inventory: Red-tinted glasses, a ring on either middle finger, and his lucky quill.

ALLEGIANCES

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor- current

Ilvermorny House: Wampus -former Organizations: Death Eaters and the Drystan family

Professions: Upon graduating-- Surveillor of Activity/ Investigator

HOGWARTS INFORMATION

Class Proficiencies:

Astronomy: ★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆

Charms: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆

DADA: ★★★★★★★★☆☆

Flying: ★★★★★★☆☆☆☆

Herbology: ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

History of Magic: ★★★☆☆☆☆☆

Potions: ★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆

Transfiguration: ★★★★★★★★☆☆

Electives:

Care Of Magical Creatures: ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

Divination: ★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆

Quidditch: Member of the Audience (he failed the tryouts)

Extra-Curricular: Dueling Club & Potions Club

Favorite Professors:

Professor Sprout - Not only is she kind, warm-hearted, and gentle in her guidance, but she is genuine in her teachings. It is obvious that she cares about the subject. Her careful tending and motherly focus has made her a favorite teacher for Seth. He regards her as if she were a favorite aunt and heeds her guidance with the same respect.

Professor Flitwick- What he lacks in size, he makes him in his determination, heart, and ambition. Seeing that there was potential in Drystan, he motivated the Gryffindor towards success. Sure, his focus may seem a bit wavering at times, he means well. As he endeavors his students towards their personal best, he appreciates his sort of instruction.

Least Favourite Professors:

Professor Rakepick- Her teaching methods are a bit reckless and overambitious. She seems driven to prove something but he’d rather it not be at his expense.

Professor.Kettleburn- This instructor is a reckless idiot and he is amazed that he isn’t dead yet.

RELATIONSHIPS

Brother: Kain Daws Drystan | (17yo) 02/14/1971- Aquarius

He is proficient in nonverbal magic although he keeps this as a well-guarded secret

His distrust and blatant dislike of Seth are obvious in their interactions.

He aspires to be an Auror rather than a politician

Brother: Amos Jorah Drystan | (17 yo) 02/14/1971-Aquarius

He is aware of Seth’s conflicted orientation but has, in a roundabout way, offered support and understanding

Desiring to be a professional philosopher, Amos delves into its study. Get too close and you’ll become the subject for evaluation

As a secret arsonist, he is responsible for setting fire to the small shed when they were children. Seth has yet to forgive him and isn’t sure if he ever will.

Adoptive Father: Judas Irah Drystan | (41 yo) 10/15/1947 -Pisces

Hogwarts Alumni: Ravenclaw

Is involved in the political agenda of the ministry though such details are kept secret

He is a polyglot: English, Spanish, Russian, and Danish.

Biological Father: Kaizer James Messere | (43 yo) 03/18/1945 -Pisces

Yale Alumni- operating as a prosecuting attorney

Taxidermy hobbyist

He is aware of the magical community and is envious (Squib)

Biological Mother: Moriah Eden Drystan| (38yo) 09/18/1948 - Virgo

She is a Stanford University Alumni (yes, she’s a muggle)

While her wedding may have been a shotgun wedding, she always loved him and continues to do so.

She is a werewolf having been turned when she was only nineteen

Adoptive Mother: Liesl Nicola Wilde| (38yo) 06/22/1948 - Cancer

Ilvermorny: Horned Serpent Alumni

She adores the performing arts and is obsessed with quidditch

She has only been married for ten years but she’s close to calling it quits

Love Interest: Penny Haywood

Best Friends:

Rowan Khanna

Andre Egwu

Charlie Weasley

Rival:

Laurent King

Diego Caplan

Enemy: Hector Silva, Samuel Gabehart

Dormmates:

Hector Silva

Adrien Reyes

TBA

Pets: Hoodini- Female Barn Owl

Closest Canon Friends:

Rowan Khana

Bill Weasley

Hagrid

Murphy McNully

Closest MC Friends:

Dahlia Goldman

TBA

BACKGROUND/HISTORY

Seth was only two years old when his family life erupted into chaos. It was during a family outing to stargaze when Moriah’s new reality began to set in. As her limbs contorted in pain, Kaizer grabbed his toddler and ran to the car. There they waited out the gruesome terror until Moriah was herself once more. Fearing what this would mean, Kaizer devised a plan to fake Moriah’s death. As his finances began to spiral out of grief, he was forced to give Seth up for adoption. The result was the placement in his uncle’s house.

At the age of twelve, he began to feel a similar attraction to boys as he does with girls. It was slight confusion but he paid no attention to it. It wasn’t until a few months later when he began to develop a crush on his best friend that he realized something might be ‘wrong’ with him. He took a risk with his friend and found such affections returned. However, this wasn’t to be a happy occasion as his father beat him severely upon finding out.

He has dated Corbyn Reyes (ages 14 and 15, respectfully). This only lasted for 3 months as their personalities continued to clash. It was intense, explosive and with a force of wills to match. It didn’t help that they didn’t share similar moral values or understand each other’s signs of affection. They broke up on hostile terms.

The drama involving the Silva’s and Drystan’s have been carried down through the centuries with most of it being forgotten by the Silva’s. The Drystan’s, however, maintain that this feud was the result of Silva greed and impotence. No one really knows the story. With the somewhat-recent history involving the Silvas, the members of the Drystan family are assured in their ascension to surpass them; as is their right.

PERSONALITY

Charismatic: Sociable and somewhat understanding, Seth prides himself on the ability to win over almost anyone. It helps that he can read a person generally well.

Condescending. This is a part of his arrogance as he tends to talk down to those who he believes to be inferior to himself. This is obvious in his actions but, more often, it is evident in his manner of speech.

Diplomatic: This comes from being raised by a politician. He is sensitive (only to matters that counts) and is able to deal with the general public effectively and efficiently. This is provided nothing bigoted leaves his mouth.

Hedonistic: The finer things in life were made for him. Check the receipt. He was created for a lavish lifestyle. It may be a weakness but he’s fine with that.

Prejudiced: Muggle-borns and werewolves. There are probably more but these are the most common. He isn’t a fan of half-breed creatures and considers them to be revolting.

MISC

Likes: Potions, Dueling, Whittling, Astronomy, and cats

Dislikes: being surprised, pranks, indecisiveness, and windchimes

Hobbies: Playing the violin, wizarding chess, gardening, and dueling

#hphm profile #seth drystan #just seth things #regarding seth #oh the irony #Its beautiful

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heatherpayne · 5 years

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Heather Payne always knew that she approached romantic relationships differently than most of her peers, but she could easily rationalize it: her parent’s divorce gave her an example of how badly relationships could go, and she was always too focused on school work to have time for a relationship. It wasn’t until college that she truly started questioning her sexuality and why she had so few crushes. It was a long journey to realize that she was not only bisexual, but also fell on the asexual spectrum. However, Heather has had very few truly deep relationships.

Relationship: First boyfriend

Species: Human

Status: Alive

Heather never had a romantic or sexual relationship until college. Her crushes had been few and far between, and since they mostly were towards her friends, she was unsure how to interpret them and hesitant to act upon them. However, in college her grandmother’s and mother’s insistence on having children finally got to her, so she decided to “try out” a relationship.

One landed on her doorstep when her classmate Jason asked her out freshman year. She said yes to test the waters and see what a relationship was like. Jason was considered attractive by others and quite smart, so Heather was hopeful.

Their relationship wasn’t bad, but there wasn’t much substance to it. They would go out to eat, talk about something inconsequential, and then Jason would want to make out. Heather went along for awhile, hoping that a spark would come, but she found no fulfillment in the relationship and finally near the end of the year decided to break it off. Jason had noticed she was distant, so he didn’t take it too badly. Every time they saw each other on campus after that was just an awkward smile and wave.

Relationship: Ex-girlfriend, ex-best friend

Species: Kitsune

Status: Alive

Naomi was Heather’s freshman roommate. They were randomly assigned, but they hit it right off, quickly becoming close friends. Naomi was an English major and active in theater. They couldn’t be more different, yet they clicked so well. They would study together and just confide everything in each other--except Heather’s biggest secret, that she was a witch.

Heather’s crush on Naomi started sometime during freshman year. It built up slowly, and then hit her all at once that she was probably in love with her best friend. She didn’t act on it though until early junior year when Naomi came out to her as a lesbian. Heather figured that she was a lesbian too since this was working but she hadn’t felt attraction to Jason.

They had already spent basically all of their time together, but somehow they started spending even more. Heather was happier with Naomi than she had been in a long time, truly head-over-heels in love. She lost her virginity to Naomi and thought that maybe she would be the only one she ever slept with.

Then, a few weeks before graduation, Naomi told Heather her deepest secret, that she wasn’t supposed to tell anyone. She was a kitsune, a Japanese fox spirit and type of yokai. Heather knew what she should have said. “I’m a witch. I know about magic too!” Instead, she ran away. She ran away from Naomi like she had run away from her mother because she had been running from magic her whole life but this was supposed to be different. Her and Naomi were supposed to be normal.

Heather did her best to avoid Naomi those last few weeks, but they lived in the same suite. Naomi tried to act like things were normal and assure Heather that she was the same girl she had always known, this didn’t change who she was. Heather was very aware of that, yet she just couldn’t get the words out. After graduation, Naomi went off to a Master’s in Creative Writing at Brown University, while Heather headed to the west coast. All promises to keep in touch that had been made all year were broken by Heather.

Two years later when Heather was finally ready to reconcile with Naomi and admit her hypocrisy, she had already been blocked on Facebook and Naomi had changed her number.

----------------------

During the summer following graduation, Heather tried hard to find a rebound relationship or one night stand in the city where she was doing her internship. This was what they did in movies, so surely it could bring her some relief. She went home with a couple of girls from bars, but only once ever went all the way. She never felt true attraction in these short-term relationships, and finally after lots of time on the internet found what described how she was feeling: demisexual.

At the beginning of her PhD in Chemistry at UCLA, Heather threw herself into her research, deciding that she just wasn’t cut out for relationships. She made a few friends, but didn’t let anyone get as close as she had been with Naomi. It was a very lonely time in her life. Slowly, she opened up more to some people, but Naomi was always in the back of her mind as the one who was her soulmate in all of the ways that mattered.

Relationship: Ex-fiance

Species: Human

Status: Alive

Heather and Danny saw each other at the same diner for a few months before they started talking. Danny was another doctorate student at UCLA, but his program was in Earth, Planetary, and Space Sciences, working on a remote sensing project to measure fault movement. Still, they would both studiously work on their laptops at a Southern diner a few blocks from campus in adjacent booths. Finally, they ended up sharing a booth and information about their research. The two eventually started meeting up elsewhere to talk about much more than science and just enjoy each other’s company.

About a year after they met, they officially moved their relationship from friendship to dating, though it had been naturally trending that way. Their relationship soon turned sexual, and Heather had to reassess her sexuality, realizing she was bisexual but the demisexuality and heteronormativity had made it very hard to pin down.

She looked into Danny’s family history and dropped hints about the supernatural, worried about being caught off guard again. She decided that she wouldn’t mess this one up if that was the case, though.

Two and a half years later, Danny proposed to Heather. It wasn’t any fancy or dramatic affair, but it was instead personal, which Heather appreciated.

Heather said yes. Their union just made sense. They were both approaching 30 and didn’t have time to date around. Heather was content with Danny, though there was not the same spark she had had with Naomi. The pair worked well together and enjoyed many of the same pastimes. They were both so career focused that they would support each other in their professional endeavors and be okay when the other went away for research and conferences.

When Heather received the fateful call about her mother, Danny was supportive about her leaving to spend time with her family. It was stressful on their relationship when a few weeks turned into six months away. After another attack claimed the lives of Heather’s aunt and coven, she looked ahead at a mission that Danny could have no part of. She told him that she would be just a bit longer, but after two months of no progress, she realized that she could be in for the long haul. This mission could even put him in the line of fire. Heather called Danny and told him that she was working on some personal stuff and didn’t know how long it would take but couldn’t ask him to wait any longer. He was so tired at this point that he didn’t protest much.

Heather has barely spoken to him since. She knows that he his alive and well, starting a faculty position at the University of Arizona. She doesn’t know if he has moved on and is scared to ask.

#edgewoodchallenge #~bio #heather payne

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hcro · 5 years

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lily luna potter ;; biosheet

❝ and i will STAY UP through the night. and let’s be clear, won’t close my eyes. and i KNOW that i can survive. i’ll walk through fire to save my life. and i want it, i want my LIFE so bad. i’m doing everything i can. then another one bites the dust. it’s hard to lose a chosen one. you did not break me. i’m still fighting for p e a c e. well, i’ve got thick skin and an elastic heart, but your blade - it might be too sharp. i’m like a rubber band until you pull too hard. yeah, i may snap and i move fast but you won’t see me fall apart ‘cause i’ve got an ELASTIC HEART. ❞

basics

name

lily { lil ◦ ee } : the name lily is of old english origins, it was taken from the name of the plant having delicate, trumpet-shaped flowers regarded as a symbol of purity and perfection. the word is derived from the middle english lilie, which is from the old english and latin lilium (lily). alternatively, lily is used as a pet form of both lilian (lily) and lilith (of the night).

“people with this name have a deep inner desire to serve humanity and to give to others by sharing money, knowledge and experience, or creative and artistic ability. people with this name tend to be a powerful force to all whose lives they touch. they are capable, charismatic leaders who often undertake large endeavors with great success. they value truth, justice, and discipline, and may be quick-tempered with those who do not. if they fail to develop their potential, they may become impractical and rigid.” [ x ]

luna { loon ◦ a } : the name is directly derived from the latin luna (the moon), she was the roman mythological goddess of the moon and is equated with the greek selene. luna can be used as an astrological name for those born under the sign of cancer, which is ruled by the moon.

“people with this name have a deep inner desire for order and physical creativity, and want to be involved in conventional, safe activities. people with this name tend to be creative and excellent at expressing themselves. they are drawn to the arts, and often enjoy life immensely. they are often the center of attention, and enjoy careers that put them in the limelight. they tend to become involved in many different activities, and are sometimes reckless with both their energies and with money.” [ x ]

potter { pot ◦ ter } : the surname potter is an occupational name for a maker of drinking and storage vessels, from an agent derivative of middle english, middle low german pot. in the middle ages the term covered workers in metal as well as earthenware and clay.

—

they named you lily luna potter.

lily was after a girl with hair redder than dragon fire, just like you. your grandmother was not only an extraordinary witch but a beacon of light. lily evans-potter represented the faith that unselfish love could defeat the greatest of evils: death. she had stood for kindness, for strength, for wit, and most of all, for courage ― the fortitude to stand up to enemies and friends alike, to forge one’s own path. the right path.

but for all of her virtue, there was a certain duality to her, and the same double-edged sword cuts through your heart. you might have her capacity for love, but you also have her overwhelming fury and ferocity. it rages within you like a unstoppable forest fire, burning so bright that anything in the vicinity will be consumed in the flames – including you. sometimes you wish you could tear your bounding heart from your body, just so you could stop this unrelenting aching in your chest, once and for all. you don’t know how to handle your passion, your spark, and you almost feel ruination is all you know. and then a thought presses at your mind, so petrifying it makes your blood runs cold: you could destroy yourself one day. the brightest flames burn out the quickest.

luna was for a woman who carries a different sort of grit than your grandma did: the boldness to always be herself without remorse, without apologies. sometimes you wonder if your godmother ever tried to change. did she ever listen when the world told her what she ought to be? since the day you were born, humanity expected nothing less than greatness from you, and you don’t remember who exactly you were before they molded you into something else. you taught yourself to be fearless and brazen and strong. but even now that you’re following in your parents’ footsteps, you’re still not enough for yourself. slowly, you’re learning not to feel shame and regret when you look into the mirror, but you find the strength to steel yourself somehow, just as luna did. in front of the flashing cameras, you paste the roguish of smiles on your face, never letting them see the cracks in your armor. people are bound to talk. you’ll give them something to talk about.

and much like your namesake luna, you treasure your friends and family with all that you have too. it was always instilled in you that nothing mattered more than your loved ones, and you took that lesson to heart, sharing with them a softness that most people have never witnessed from you. they see the girl behind the facades you wear – the bounding heart you’ve learned to keep hidden away, lest the world finally manages to break it for good.

and everyone knows what potter means. whenever you walk by, people whisper. they point. you hail from the most famous wizarding family there is, and you wear your surname like a badge of honor. you are proud to be a potter and a weasley. the accomplishments your family has amounted are extraordinary. but that’s just it, isn’t it? all your life, you’ve chased glory and praise, but when your father is the wizarding world’s savior, it is impossible to measure up to the world’s expectations of you. you’re not enough, never enough.

you take pride in your name. but you are a walking memorial of a girl, named after a martyr and a maverick. you are never only yourself; you are the names of all that came before you.

and you’ll be in their shadow for the rest of your life.

birthday

august 13, 2008

“august 13 birthday - the horoscope of the sharpshooter

your greatest challenge is: coping with your anger and impatience

the way forward is: to step outside yourself when your emotions reach boiling point. this will remind you that you alone are in charge of your feelings.

people born on august 13 zodiac are no strangers to conflict and controversy. they are sharpshooters who always aim true, and their urge to break with convention compels them to take on challenges or make waves, whatever situation they are in.

the unconventional vision, resilience and tenacity of purpose that are key characteristics of these people can earn both the admiration and the disapproval of others. this is because despite the wounding criticism of those who regard their rebellious notions as ridiculous or fanciful, they always remain faithful to their beliefs. if life doesn’t go their way, they refuse to be crushed by disappointment. and as their unusual imagination is supported by solid analytical skills, more often than not those who start out disagreeing with or disapproving of them will end up admiring their bravery, even if not agreeing with their standpoint.

as risk takers, they have all the courage, discipline and energy to attract success; what they sometimes lack is perfect timing. they need to learn when to cut their losses and move on, when to be patient, and when to pounce.

dynamic and sociable, people born on august 13 zodiac often have a wide circle of friends, and their deeply felt passions and zest for life are incredibly attractive to romantic partners. however, deep insecurities underneath the bravado may block their dreams of intimacy and true love.

on the dark size: brash, insensitive, unrealistic

at your best: ambitious, resilient, courageous” [ x ]

lily came into this world only two days after her mum’s birthday, predestining her to a lifetime of comparisons to ginny. like her mother before her, she was the youngest and only girl, born at the height of summer, with hair as red as hellfire and dark, dark eyes. but anyone who’s truly paying attention could deduce the truth: there is so much harry within lily, far more than there is ginny. it’s uncanny.

because of the proximity of the dates, she’s never had a celebration to herself, and for a girl with two borrowed names, she finds herself craving something – anything – to call her own. would there ever come a day where someone would think of her without thinking of her crippling legacy? she loves her ancestry so much that she would never dare think of breaking free, but sometimes she’s not sure if she’s truly her own person or just a crude amalgam of her family.

gender

a cis-woman

sexuality

bisexual demiromantic

somewhere deep down, lily always had an inkling that she was bisexual, but it took several years for her to come to this revelation while she navigated through her internalized fear and doubt. it certainly wasn’t her family that instilled this as they had always been so accepting and supportive, but society had ingrained compulsory heterosexuality into her, making it difficult for her to find validity in her feelings for girls. she’s still not publicly out, as she isn’t ready to face the vitriol of the media, but her close friends and family all know.

much like her mother in her youth, lily has never dated anyone for long. see, while she often experiences sexual attraction, lily hasn’t quite felt a romantic attraction to anyone in years. there have been inklings of feelings here and there, yes, but never anything truly substantial. lily worries she might never fall in love again, a thought that terrifies her. but what terrifies her even more is falling in love. she’s a contradiction in that regard–she longs for intimacy but she’s afraid to be vulnerable. a highly distrustful and guarded person, she isn’t used to letting her guard down. to lily, that’s how you get hurt.

because she’s demiromantic (although she hasn’t realized it yet), lily needs to feel a romantic attraction, there needs to be an established emotional connection, a kinship. she will never have instant romantic feelings for someone. it takes time for lily to love you–and even more time for her to accept it. falling in love, after all, is opening yourself up to someone who might not feel the same. falling in love means making sacrifices for someone who might betray you. falling in love makes you weak and takes away your control, and that is what scares lily more than almost anything. so it takes a lot of trust for her to willingly admit she’s fallen in love, trust that is very hard for someone to earn.

when lily does love though, she loves recklessly. lily is always consumed by her emotions, and love is far from the exception. for those that she loves, she would eternally condemn herself to the depths of hell without a second of thought. she will bleed and ache and suffer without complaint to protect them. she’ll even kill.

blood status

halfblood

hogwarts house

gryffindor

there was never a doubt in her mind where she would be sorted until she let the sorting hat fall over her eyes. she expected to hear him bellow “gryffindor!” in a matter of seconds, but the hat took his sweet time, telling her that she could find a home with the snakes, if she wished to forge a separate path for herself.

not slytherin, she nearly cried out, clenching the edges of the stool so tightly that her nails sunk into the wood. clearing her throat, she whispered to the hat in a voice so imperious it could order kings to bow, “i will accept nothing less than gryffindor. that is where you will place me.”

the hat considered, lily’s heart pounding so fast it threatened to burst from her chest. “ordering around an all-knowing hat is definitely bold of you, if not incredibly foolish. have it your way then – it’ll have to be gryffindor!”

[ on pottermore, lily has been sorted into slytherin and gryffindor about an equal amount of times. at first glance, lily comes off as the quintessential gryffindor. however, much like her father, lily is someone who could have gone a different path into the snake pit, but ultimately, that was not what she wanted for herself. she exhibits the slytherin qualities of determination, resourcefulness, guile, and ambition, but she doesn’t value them nearly as much as she lauds her bravery, chivalry, and righteousness. and in fact, she scorns slytherin’s tendency towards self preservation. furthermore, lily’s black-and-white views of morality is just so very gryffindor at its heart – her quench for retribution is downright bloodthirsty and ruthless, but in her mind, it’s justice. she is perhaps the darkest and most dangerous sort of gryffindor – the way she sees the world is so skewed, but she views herself as right. whether she is a hero, villain, or something in between is up for debate; wickedness isn’t inherently a slytherin trait, just as goodness isn’t inherently a gryffindor trait. but she’s a gryffindor through and through.

i do think that she possesses many of the traits that salazar slytherin admires in a person though, as much as she tries to deny it. lily doesn’t hate all slytherins, but she remains prejudiced towards the house as a whole. it’s hypocritical and paranoid, really. for a girl so against bigotry, she treats a great deal of slytherins with disdain, perhaps loathing many of them more than they loathe her. the worst part is, she does see parts of herself in every slytherin, and it disgusts her. ]

religion

agnostic christian

religion was never an integral part of the potter household. her memories of attending sunday morning church are few and far between, but lily still identifies as christian, celebrating christmas and easter at the burrow every year. and there is no time better than christmas time in lily’s book. she loves sitting by the crackling fire with a cup of hot cocoa—topped with whipped cream and tiny marshmallows of course. she loves the smell of the fresh pine trees. she loves decorating the house with ornaments and lights and garlands. and if she’s in a particularly good mood, she’ll even attempt to help with the cooking and the baking. (but in all honesty, if she can make it five minutes without destroying the kitchen, that’s a christmas miracle in itself.)

nationality

english

student functions

dueling club captain, gryffindor chaser, s.p.e.w. club member, debate club member

dueling club captain

it might come as a shock that the daughter of two renowned quidditch players would rather be president of the dueling club than the gryffindor quidditch team, but lily’s never had her sights set on pursuing quidditch as a profession. she’s always dreamed of following in her father’s footsteps and joining the auror ranks, so dueling club was the natural first step to honing her combat skills. she’s been a member since the start of her hogwarts career, but it was only this year that she was finally granted that elusive captaincy.

with the sheer strength behind her spellwork and her stellar instincts in a scrimmage, she’s considered to be a dueling prodigy of sorts and has amassed a number of trophies over the years. her marks in defense against the dark arts and charms are unparalleled among her peers because she works so immensely hard to eclipse everyone else – she hopes that some glowing recommendations will prove to them (and herself) that she has earned her spot with the aurors. it won’t be handed to her because of her family name and influence but through painstakingly hard work.

but dueling club isn’t simply a means to an end to lily. there is nothing she covets more than the glorious burn in her muscles in a seething fight – the adrenaline rush when she’s high on a win. she relishes in the pain because it’s a reminder that she’s still alive, that the ice hasn’t completely turned her numb. lily always needs to be moving or else she’ll remember everything she’s trying so hard to forget.

the staff must think of her father and dumbledore’s army when they survey her demonstrations, but little do they know she and the rest of the club have tampered with the dark arts. “is it better to outmonster the monster or to be quietly devoured?” lily doesn’t know the answer, but she thinks of her father’s cold, cold body and the spell that stole his life. she’ll only call upon such terrible magic in the direst of circumstances, but it’s best that she’s aware of exactly what she’s fighting against as far as she’s concerned.

gryffindor chaser

quidditch might be less of a priority to lily than dueling club, but she still cherishes the sport more than she could ever express aloud. she loves the smooth handle of her prized broom, given to her by her dad on her eleventh birthday, engraved with her initials. she relishes in the freedom of the rushing wind against her skin, how alive she feels when she flies. (it’s hard to feel alive these days.) quidditch is her chance to escape herself, to be unfettered from all the thoughts swirling around in her head.

when she learned how to play, she took to the quaffle, not the snitch. lily can never see herself choosing to wait when she can still move – racing around the pitch and scoring goal after goal is better than squinting in the wind, praying for something to happen. there’s nothing like the excitement of the match to get her blood rushing. she knows that when they cheer for her, it’s not because of who she is but because of the points she just scored. there’s no better feeling than that.

she’s thought about quitting – who could think of quidditch in a time like this? but it was her father who taught her how to soar through the sky, and now that he’s gone, she can’t bear to sever that connection to him. so for once, she’ll let herself be selfish.

physical appearance

hair

red. the same red as her mother’s hair, although ginny’s has slightly faded overtime with age. lily’s has natural loose waves, but she has been known to straighten or curl it from time to time. it depends on her whims that day, really. save for one disastrous haircut when she was nine though, her hair has never been short. it’s almost impossible to style short hair after all, and lily adores playing around with different styles. her hair is most often–and unsurprisingly–the first thing people notice about her. it’s hard to miss hair that red in a crowd.

eyes

brown and almond-shaped like her mother. lily breathes passion and emotion, so it’s no surprise that despite her best efforts to conceal her emotions, her eyes are often the window to her soul; they’re so very expressive. lily will make deliberate eye contact almost always–even when lying–except in moments where she’s feeling particularly vulnerable. that is when she will look away. but the expression she makes most often? eye rolls. she’s perfected them over the years.

height

5’0. she’s fairly sure she’s already done growing; she’s about as tall as her mum who stopped growing around sixteen. lily isn’t insecure about her height, but she loathes being underestimated for it. she refuses to allow herself to be disregarded and thought of as a little girl merely because she’s small–as her uncle says, “size is no guarantee of power,” and lily is the utter proof of that.

weight

98 lbs

body type

short and petite

voice

energetic and loud—if one wishes to be heard in the weasley family, loudness is a necessity. and if she’s particularly upset, it’s not uncommon for lily’s voice to turn shrill, high pitched, and piercing. lily also tends to speak in exaggerated tones with a great deal of emphasis placed on her words, and she’s no stranger to swears either, often struggling to tone it down among her superiors. lily’s been told she’s mouthy, and it’s true; she talks a far deal, so much so that it’s hard to get a word in with her around.

gait

lily tends to move swiftly from one place to another, never one to waste time to stop and smell the roses; she has things to do, for merlin’s sake. luckily, she was blessed with grace and coordination unlike some people (hem, hem, teddy), and her posture is decent by all accounts except her aunt fleur’s.

piercings

ears, once on each side.

markings/scars

various scrapes and scars. some of them are from the childhood adventures she used to drag her cousins into; one particular time she attempted to climb the tall oak tree in the burrow’s backyard, which resulted in a concussion, a broken leg, and a large scar on her arm that she covers via magic and makeup. but the vast majority are the product of raging fights and heart-palpitating duels – they are her shining battle scars. she keeps them carefully glamoured to prevent the mirage of her delicacy from shattering, but the truth is, she’s proud of them. they are a symbol of every war she’s won. everything she’s overcome.

personal style

[ tw: sexualization of a minor ]

feminine. lily has always been very comfortable in her femininity, her aunt fleur teaching her from a young age that it’s possible to be both effeminate and strong. she is a strong believer that females should be allowed to dress as they please and not be discriminated against for it, and she loathes it when people write her off as a weak little princess for her fashion choices. lily most often wears blood red lipstick and nail polish–her battle armor in the fight against feminism. most people are surprised to see that a little girl with such “girly” taste has such a mouth on her, but lily potter is no princess in distress. lily potter is the dragon standing guard.

and growing up in the weasley-potter household, she was no stranger to muggle culture, so thus her clothing choices are much more similar to that of a teenage muggle girl than a budding witch. she loves dresses and skirts and blouses and crop tops, and don’t even get her started on stilettos. she has one particular leather jacket though, given to her by her brother victoire, that she actually doesn’t mind wearing—as long as she has her stockings and leather miniskirt on. she’s almost never seen without makeup on–blush, lipstick, and mascara at the very least–and she keeps her nails sharp and painted. lily has actually assisted her uncle with the wonderwitch line at weasley’s wizard wheezes before; she helped george develop a line of long-staying lipstick and nail polish.

her wardrobe choices are considered promiscuous by the media. her skirts are too short. too much of her cleavage shows in her tops. she exposes her midriff more than she should. but lily doesn’t dress the way that she does to attract people–she dresses the way that she does because she likes it. she won’t stand for accusations of “distracting the males around her.” it isn’t her job to dress more modestly to aid their self control. if a boy touches her without her permission or uses misogynistic slurs towards her, she will destroy them without a single thought.

the media made the mistake of sexualizing her from a young age, calling her all sorts of names like whore and slag. her clothes are a “fuck you” to rita skeeter and the journalists at witch weekly. you want to see a girl gone wild? then that’s what you’ll get, darling. (the anger seethes in her body so long that it rots her bones – one day she’ll come for them all.)

headcanons

fears

losing more family, not living up to expectations, disappointing her family and not living up to the family name, never finding love, opening up to be rejected or betrayed, the thought of being afraid itself, being powerless or limited, not being in control of herself, being perceived as weak, not being able to save the people she cares about, falling in love with the wrong person, the possibility that she’s just as terrible as the people she loathes, not making it as an auror

her fears are most often abstract rather than physical, tangible things. in fact, lily’s boggart manifests into her body on the floor, trapped in a full body bind while helplessly watching a faceless person murder the people she cares about, one by one. the deadliest foes will not make her blink but the very thought of being powerless when she needs her the strength the most? it can be crippling. when she was first faced with her boggart in her third year whilst in dada class, lily froze for several seconds, absolutely paralyzed by the image, a fact she still denies to this day. she is a potter. she is the strong one. she isn’t supposed to know fear. (oh but she does.)

goals

[ tw: parental death ]

ending the war, becoming an auror, living up to her name, freeing herself from her family’s shadow, making the world a better place, finding a way to impose justice on those who’ve wronged her

lily longs to make her family proud of her, but even more so, she wishes to escape their shadow, to be seen as a separate entity. she wants to earn her accomplishments, not be handed them on a silver platter. she wants to make a change, a true difference. it’s idealistic of her, but that’s what she wants. if lily glimpsed into the mirror of erised before her father’s death, she would have seen herself finally free from her father’s shadow, being given the order of merlin first class, her proud family in the background. but now? if she were to look, all she would see is her father, standing right by her side.

amortentia

firewhiskey, petrichor, firewood, hot chocolate, broom polish, old books, roses, treacle tart, strawberries and whipped cream, french vanilla, the sea, chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven, cinnamon, cherries, cloves

patronus

phoenix.

“the phoenix is a difficult patronus to come by, and if you do happen to have it, it signifies a very strong heart. these people have been through a lot in their life, and have risen from the ashes of it and become driven, daring, and a bit stubborn. they will not let anything bring them down, because they’ve been there before and never want to go back to that place. they have fire-like emotions, and can therefore be a bit tense at times. they are natural therapists, wanting to help others get out of tough places to allow them to rise as well. the most common house for a phoenix patronus is gryffindor. the most common signs are leo and taurus.” [ x ]

everything in that description is so lily to me, but because i like to be thorough, i’m going to delve in a little deeper.

the phoenix is a bird with red and gold plumage–the colors of gryffindor. and although lily does have traits from the other houses as well, she is essentially the textbook gryffindor. their scarlet body feathers glow in the darkness, and their gold tail feathers are scorching to the touch, a perfect metaphor for the flames within her.

phoenixes are said to be capable of carrying tremendously large loads, and this also screams lily to me because this is the girl who’s trying to carry the world on her shoulders. she may be failing, but merlin is she trying. and the truth is, lily can withstand a great deal before hitting her limit, her breaking point. just like a phoenix.

phoenixes are symbols of rebirth and healing; they may go up in flames every now and again, but every time, they come back from it. they come back from it just as strong as they were before. this is lily. she is the girl with the elastic heart, the girl who’s overcome so much in her small time on earth thus far. and she will do whatever it takes to heal her loved ones until her last dying breath.

the phoenix song evokes bravery in the hearts of the righteous and strikes terror into the hearts of the wicked – lily is a person who has the capacity to save the planet from the brink of devastation or set it on flames herself. but one thing is for certain: she will change the world.

lastly, the phoenix is of course the symbol of the order of the phoenix. her loyalty to the order’s values and her family is unwavering, and to me, it makes sense that her patronus would also reflect that.

wand

[ tw: parental death ]

12 inches, cypress, dragon heartstring, hard

“cypress - cypress wands are associated with nobility. the great medieval wandmaker, geraint ollivander, wrote that he was always honoured to match a cypress wand, for he knew he was meeting a witch or wizard who would die a heroic death. fortunately, in these less blood-thirsty times, the possessors of cypress wands are rarely called upon to lay down their lives, though doubtless many of them would do so if required. wands of cypress find their soul mates among the brave, the bold and the self-sacrificing: those who are unafraid to confront the shadows in their own and others’ natures.

dragon heartstring - symbolizes power and wisdom. those who are strong, wise, compassionate, dedicated, relentless, resilient, bold, strong-minded, head-strong, powerful, ambitious, highly determined and driven (to obsessive), have strong desire and/or stubborn would have this wand core. having such a wand core suggests that you can be bossy at times, but also have a fiery disposition and have firm convictions, which will lead you down the road to leadership, as well as being devoted and selfless. this is the best core to have for hexes, the dark arts and all manner of elemental magic. it is a core predominantly found among those of house slytherin, but can also bond well with those of house ravenclaw and house gryffindor. as a rule, dragon heartstring cores produce wands with the most power, and which are capable of the most flamboyant spells. wands with dragon heartstring cores tend to learn more quickly than other types. in elemental magic, dragon heartstring cores are the most flexible of all the common cores, being that they work well with all manner of elemental spells, but no doubt that fire spells are among the most potent with this core type. while they can change allegiance if won from their original master, they always bond strongly with the current owner. such wands also tend to be easiest to turn to the dark arts, though they will not incline that way of their own accord. such wands are also the most prone to the ‘three cores to accidents’, being somewhat temperamental. dragon heartstring cores are a powerful wand core with a lot of magical “heft”. they are not the wand core you want for subtlety, but for sheer power, they are definitely the best. although they are the most common core among dark wizards and dark witches, they are most certainly not their most common users. dragon heartstring cores are by far the most common wand core amongst slytherins, but their power often bonds well to gryffindors and ravenclaws as well. however, they tend to overwhelm the archetypal hufflepuff personality.

hard - a wand of this flexibility is very difficult to work with and its loyalty is not won easily. hard wands are great for complex and advanced levels of magic, so beginning wizards and witches may find extra difficulty with this wand when it doesn’t perform well for simple magic. as such, this type of wand is best suited for wizards and witches who are gifted, stubborn, and never give up. owners of this wand also have a tendency to view things in absolutes; black or white. some people may find them intimidating or difficult to approach.” [ x ]

in classical antiquity, the cypress tree was a symbol of mourning, death, and the underworld, and it remains the most common cemetery tree in europe. her wand wood is not only a metaphor for lily’s name and all that her family has lost but also a poignant symbol of her underlying trauma – the early death of her childhood. the most well-known myth about the cypress tree is the tale of cyparissus and his beloved stag companion, who he accidentally murdered with his hunting javelin. his sorrow was so consuming that he begged to weep forever, transforming into a cypress tee, with the tree’s sap as his tears. as the stag is of course harry’s patronus, it all relates back to her father and her grief over him.

bad habits

becoming so intensely focused that she forgets to eat, over-straining or over-extenuating herself, being quick to anger, drinking too much, reality television, swearing, using romantic relationships and hook-ups as a means to feel better about herself, staying up too late, having too many cups of coffee per day, lying to others (and herself), seeing things too black-and-white, being too loud, over-involving herself into others’ affairs, letting her emotions completely consume her, placing blame where it does not belong (on both herself and others), deflecting with sarcasm

likes

peonies and roses (her favorite flowers, not lilies), pop music (she likes upbeat songs she can dance to -- her favorite artists are lorde, beyonce, rihanna, sia, and marina and the diamonds and she almost exclusively listens to female artists), quidditch (she plays chaser like her mum), reality television (a guilty pleasure), the sea (when she’s around water, she feels at peace for once for it soothes the flames burning within her), coffee, hot chocolate (it reminds her of christmas, her favorite time of the year), the color red, muggle literature, family, romance movies (another guilty pleasure though she’ll never admit it), french food, dueling, honeydukes chocolate, treacle tart (it’s her favorite, much like her father), alcohol, fashion, puppies (she will not tolerate cats), warm weather, fire, dueling, nail polish (she has a plethora of colors), stilettos, and surprisingly a great deal of “nerdy” things (such as star wars, lord of the rings, and comic books) but if you try to call her a nerd she’s likely to punch you

quirks

lily cannot cook at all and has set her kitchen on fire multiple occasions.

she loves to sing but is so horrifically tone deaf that she truly shouldn’t. (her favorite genre is pop.)

her art consists of poorly colored stick figures, honestly resembling that of a child’s.

for someone so fiery, she is very averse to the winter. three minutes in the cold and she’ll be absolutely freezing—goosebumps and all.

she much prefers muggle clothes to robes.

secrets

[ tw: emotional abuse, binge drinking/developing alcoholism, ptsd ]

lily has always been brazen and intrepid and fierce, but as a child, she was just a bit softer, before the world hardened her. unfortunately, growing up under the microscope of the media, she was still left vulnerable to vitriol and sexualization, and it forced her to grow up too fast, despite her family’s best efforts to shield their little girl. this is when her insecurities truly started to grapple her, but she responded by putting on an unbreakable facade and feigning confidence. when she was in her third year, she dated someone for the first time, a fifth year named adonis. he was utterly beguiling, like a python before it swallows you whole. at first, there was the honeymoon period where she felt as though she were on top of the world – a beautiful older boy was interested in her. but it was all a cruel game to him, and over time, he pinpointed her insecurities and used them to influence and control her in a manner that was so sly it took her ages to realize it. this was all while convincing her to keep their relationship a secret, so her family would be none the wiser, which isolated her from those who truly cared about her. after about five or six months, she finally recognized something was very wrong and broke free from him, but the emotional abuse and gaslighting left its toll on her as she came to terms with it. never in her life had she felt so stupid, so foolish, and she vowed to never lose control again. this heavily contributed to her fear of falling in love. nowadays, she never lasts in a romantic relationship long, flitting from person to person. she hasn’t ever talked about what happened, but in his seventh year (her fifth), she discovered that he was isolating and manipulating another girl, and she clandestinely struck with a curse that left him permanently blind. never again would he be able to touch her – or anyone else. she can only hope the taste of her was worth it.

after she broke up with him, she also started drinking at parties to endure the fame and trauma, savoring how the firewhiskey numbed her and allowed her an temporary escape from herself. it started out innocuous, but over the years, she’s fallen deeper into alcoholism as it’s very much a coping mechanism for her. while she doesn’t truly hide her drinking, she shuts down anyone who tries to tell her she has a problem.

she’s still a virgin. she’s fooled around before, but every time she comes close to letting someone truly see her, she thinks about how she almost slept with someone she shouldn’t have. she’s never properly dealt with the trauma from her first relationship, but as far she’s concerned, she’s perfectly fine.

her confidence is merely a mask for her insecurities about not being good enough. fake it until you make it, muggles say, and lily cannot disagree.

she pretends as if she isn’t afraid of anything—as if nothing fazes her—when in reality, she knows fear just as much as everyone else. she simply won’t admit it.

jung type

enfj. (extroversion over introversion; intuition over sense; feelings over thoughts; judging over perceiving)

“enfjs are the benevolent ‘pedagogues’ of humanity. they have tremendous charisma by which many are drawn into their nurturant tutelage and/or grand schemes. many enfjs have tremendous power to manipulate others with their phenomenal interpersonal skills and unique salesmanship. but it’s usually not meant as manipulation — enfjs generally believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, which they usually are.

enfjs are global learners. they see the big picture. the enfjs focus is expansive. some can juggle an amazing number of responsibilities or projects simultaneously.many enfjs have tremendous entrepreneurial ability.

enfjs are, by definition, js, with whom we associate organization and decisiveness. but they don’t resemble the sjs or even the ntjs in organization of the environment nor occasional recalcitrance. enfjs are organized in the arena of interpersonal affairs. their offices may or may not be cluttered, but their conclusions (reached through feelings) about people and motives are drawn much more quickly and are more resilient than those of their nfp counterparts.

enfjs know and appreciate people. like most nfs, (and feelers in general), they are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others. they have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people. enfjs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear.” [ x ]

moral alignment

chaotic good.

“chaotic stands overall for freedom and adaptability, and especially chaotic good embodies that. characters of this alignment disdain bureaucratic organisations that get in the way of social improvement and place high value on personal freedom - but not just their own, but the personal freedom of others as well. since they are on the good axis, they are altruistic and intend to do what is right, regardless of what society may think of it, or whether they go against the law while doing it. think of a vigilante that’s a champion of the people, but frequently breaks the law helping people. they’re not much for planning and extensive organisation versus improvisation, and may create conflict in a team if they feel being pushed around (by, for instance, a lawful character). chaotic good characters might best work independently for that reason, or at least with someone who will respect their personal boundaries.

traits: rebellious, free-spirited, listens to their conscience, follows own moral compass, independent, kind, benevolent, believes in goodness, cares little for laws and regulations, good-natured, unpredictable, value freedom, believe people should follow their own desires, responsible, doubt their government, reckless

positives: combines a good heart with a free spirit, encourages selflessness, encourages freedom and equality, doing good is not seen as a duty, doing good is their responsibility, punishes evil and protects the innocent, keep their word, helps those in need, never kills for pleasure

negatives: disrupts the order of society, punishes those who do well for themselves, often resent authority, refuse to do good as a duty even if they end up doing it anyway on their own terms, promote society with little control from the government, occasionally breaks the law, may resort to torture when deemed necessary, may kill when deemed necessary” [ x ]

temperament

choleric.

“the choleric is an extroverted, hot-tempered, quick thinking, active, practical, strong-willed and easily annoyed person. cholerics are self-confident, self-sufficient and very independent minded. they are decisive and opinionated and find it easy to make decisions for themselves as well as others. cholerics tend to leave little room for negotiating. the choleric is a visionary and seems to never run out of ideas, plans and goals, which are usually very practical. the choleric does not require as much sleep as the other temperaments so their activity seems endless. their activity almost always has a purpose because they are by nature result-oriented. they usually do not give in to the pressure of what others think unless they see that they cannot get the desired results. cholerics can be crusaders against social injustice as they love to fight for a cause. cholerics are both direct and firm when responding to others. they are slow to build relationships because results tend to be more important than people. they do not easily empathize with the feelings of others or show compassion. cholerics think big and seek positions of authority.” [ x ]

enneagram

type eight (with a type seven wing).

“the powerful, dominating type:

self-confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational

generally, eights are strong, assertive, resourceful, independent, determined, action-oriented, pragmatic, competitive, straight-talking, shrewd, and insistent.

eights get into conflicts by being blunt, willful, domineering, forceful, defiant, confrontational, bad-tempered, rageful, cynical, and vengeful.

at their best, eights are honorable, heroic, empowering, generous, gentle, constructive, initiating, decisive, and inspiring.

enneagram type 8 with the 7 wing desire to appear commanding and see themselves as outspoken, innovative, intense, daring, striking, attractive and tenderhearted.

basic fear: of being harmed or controlled by others.

basic desire: to protect themselves, to be in control of their own life and destiny.

basic motivations: want to be self-reliant, to prove their strength and resist weakness, to be important in their world, to dominate the environment, and to stay in control of their situation.

stress point: type five - withdraws, avoids people, observes and thinks, consolidates plans.

security point: type two - protector of the weak, generous, helpful, charming.” [ x ]

soul type

the warrior.

the source i used for this one was another long page [ x ], so i’m just going to copy and paste the quotes that seemed particularly lily-ish.

“warriors are forceful souls; they embody qualities of strength, courage and determination. like kings, warriors are action-oriented beings, and therefore down-to-earth, single-minded and very willful. unlike kings, however, they tend to be more attracted to the cut and thrust of battle (whether real or metaphorical), preferring to just get stuck in rather than to stand back pulling all the strings.”

“warrior souls tend to see life in terms of confrontations and rising to the challenge. there are causes to serve, struggles to be overcome, battles to be won. they like to be on the front line with their trusted comrades, and strongly value both courage and loyalty. the basic drive of any warrior is to uphold something “right” and defeat something “wrong”, however those two are defined.”

“in the positive pole, persuasion, a warrior is forceful and effective without being overbearing. in other words, respectfully persuasive, courageous and protective. in the negative pole, coercion, the warrior descends into intimidation.”

zodiac

her sun sign is leo.

“the lion.

fixed, fire, yang - planetary ruler: the sun. keywords: i will

leo is the fifth sign of the zodiac and rules the back, the spine, and the heart. positive traits include creativity, charisma, generosity, warmth, enthusiasm, a natural talent for leadership, and a great deal of inner power; negative traits are haughtiness, snobbery, an expectation that one is the centre of attention and should be waited on by everyone else, profligacy, lack of realism, dominance that can lead to bullying, and a refusal to change one’s mind even in the face of solid facts.

this is a natural sign for gryffindors, not least because the griffin is part lion. gryffindors born under this sign are outgoing, friendly, affectionate, and likeable. they make friends easily and are crushed when their advances are rejected. their romantic, chivalrous nature makes them perfect examples of all that is best in their house. however, they are also bossy, domineering, spendthrift, and overly dramatic (ever heard the phrase ‘drama queen?’) they have sharp tempers and need to learn to direct their anger toward only needful causes. the natural creativity and flamboyance of leo makes gryffindors born under this sign good at most everything they attempt, provided they apply themselves to learning magic rather than using magic to hog the limelight.” [ x ]

her moon sign is scorpio, a fixed water sign. the moon sign explanation i’m using [ x ] is particularly long, so i’m not going to copy and paste the whole thing, but here are some things on there that i feel really apply to lily.

“because the depth of your emotions – their strength and potential power – can be so intense, they can at times be overwhelming. early on in life, you may find yourself swinging between extremes of emotional peaks and troughs, feeling intensely and acutely every dimension of life. you are reminded not to collapse yourself into your emotions, or believe just because an emotion has intensity it must be acted upon. part of your nature requires you to allow strong feelings to unfold without being overcome by them.”

“you feel intensely, for better or for worse. this can at times make you seem vulnerable, but in truth you are likely to have much strength. your emotional nature combines sensitivity with the instinctual awareness that real growth only happens through episodes of pain and transformation.”

“there may be a tendency to try and protect this vulnerability, hiding the true depths of what you really feel. this tendency to suppress your emotions can go both ways. on the one hand, you may try to detach from uncomfortable emotions, and avoid circumstances that will really get you to feel. you may protect yourself from close encounters with others, and find emotional release through fictional or fantasy-based sources. or, you may attempt to control and dominate others with moodiness, lashing out at them before they can ‘get to you’. defense is used as a form of offense to prevent others discovering how sensitive and vulnerable you really feel.”

“at its highest level, the moon in scorpio gives you the ability to transform your own and others lives. you can act as an agent for change to become a catalyst for greater growth and awareness. you can help others shift their psychological values. the potential power contained here is enormous. you have the opportunity to be a force for change.”

lastly her ascendant sign is aries, with mars also in aries. again, the page i’m using [ x ] is long, so i’m just going to copy and paste some things that stand out to me.

“people with aries ascendants are direct and quick. their first instinct is to do, rather than think.”

“some aries rising people are competitive, but they generally put most of the pressure on themselves. these people love to come out ahead in all that they do. they get ready quickly, walk quickly, and have little patience for dilly-dallying. their temper is quick, too.”

“your ruling planet, mars, is also in aries: you are a fireball of vitality and a true warrior. become a master of yourself and conquer your own arrogance, impatience, and anger before you go out to conquer the world or burn yourself out.”

tropes

action girl, chronic hero syndrome, determinator, good is not soft, tsundere, lady of adventure, red is heroic, fool for love, the idealist, rebellious spirit, lethal chef, go-getter girl, fiery redhead

character parallels

blossom (powerpuff girls), barbara gordon (batman comics), rose hathaway (vampire academy), buffy summers (buffy: the vampire slayer), anastasia (anastasia 1997), leia organa (star wars), mary jane watson (spiderman), nina zenik (six of crows), kim possible (kim possible), kayley (quest for camelot), sabrina spellman (chilling adventures of sabrina), arya stark (a song of ice and fire), rey (star wars)

element

fire

lily is the living embodiment of fire – most of the time, she is a seething forest fire, and all she knows is destruction. but some days, she’s reduced down to a mere spark, a flicker. no matter what though, she’s always burning.

deadly sin

wrath

she is choleric and vindictive and ferocious and wicked. she knows this, and deep down, she’s utterly terrified that she might truly be a horrible person. she wasn’t always this bitter, this cruel, but she is never going to be the girl she once was. she isn’t ever coming back.

heavenly virtue

charity

lily isn’t infallible – she’s a teenage girl after all – but she’s surprisingly selfless when it comes to the people she cares about. she’d do just about anything for them. hell, she’d sacrifice herself for any of them without hesitation if it ever came down to it. her wand wood is cypress for a reason.

history

birthplace

st. mungo’s hospital

residence

godric’s hallow

socioeconomic status

upper class, wealthy

pets

a little cairn terrier named toto

lily is such a dog person – once during her first year she and hagrid tried to sneak in another three-headed puppy into hogwarts; he was a vicious little thing named buddy (because these two consider any dog their buddy, even if it could bite their head off). but minerva mcgonagall caught her in the nick of time and the poor headmistress chewed them out so loudly that the hogsmeade villagers most likely heard. and buddy was given back to his original owner. but now lily owns a little cairn terrier who means the world to her – the only boy she’s ever loved, or so she claims. his name is toto because he looks suspiciously like toto from wizard of oz, a favorite childhood movie of hers, and he was given to lily last year by her close friend, clarabel, who’s particularly talented at conjuring animals. curiously, his personality and disposition almost mirrors clarabel’s, most likely because she was the one who brought him to life. as toto isn’t technically “real” (please don’t say this to her), he does not age and could disappear at any given moment, which was the only reason why she was allowed to bring him to hogwarts. granted, it took several impassioned speeches to mcgonagall that went something along the lines of “albus is allowed to bring a ferret, but i can’t bring a dog? ferrets carry diseases, headmistress!” it’s almost remarkable how a girl this hardened can be so soft in the presence of dogs.

father

[ tw: parental death ]

lily adored her father to the point of idolization. from a young age, lily became convinced that he could do no wrong, that he was impervious to evil and completely invincible. he was the savior of the wizarding world. the world’s hero. her hero. she would have followed him to the end of the world. it is because of him that she has always dreamed of becoming an auror. she wanted to make him proud, and moreover, she wants to do some good in the world herself. however, her idolization of her father certainly has its negative effects; she puts him on so high of a pedestal that she can’t admit his faults, especially now. not to mention, she’s so concerned about not living up to the expectations of the potter name and is convinced she will never be able to. she will never live up to her dad. and she will spend the rest of her life not knowing how proud of her he really was.

mother

her relationship with her mother is much healthier than her relationship with her father. although she’s always been a bit closer to harry, ginny and lily are still close to each other, and ginny is most protective over her youngest daughter because she always longed for a girl. while harry taught her how to fly, it was ginny who taught her how to play quidditch. lily inherited her natural chaser skills (among other things). lily would confide in her mother almost anything. yes, they do argue because their personalities are both so strong, but there is complete trust and respect between the two of them.

siblings

in the potter-weasley clan, family is valued over anything, and her older siblings are no exception. although they are older in age, lily is viciously protective over them. she watches out for them because she needs them—she needs albus and james. she has no clue what she’d do without her brothers around, but she never wants to find out. lily would lay down her lives for them in a heartbeat, no hesitation at all, no questions asked. because if it’s between them or her, she’d choose herself every time. they have their rows–all siblings do–but at the end of the day, she’s with them until the end of the line.

early history

i. rooting

your relatives always tell the same little anecdotes about your birth. after all those times you hear them over family dinner, birthday parties, the frequent family outings ― any time and place your parents could embarrass you, honestly ― you memorize them.

mum will always go on and on about the pain, how it felt like “a bloody watermelon was coming out of my birth canal,” and dad will always reminisce about how she cursed like a sailor at him every five minutes for “putting this goddamn demon baby in my tiny stomach” and how she threatened to strangle him later. uncle ron will always talk about how he almost fainted when you came out of mum because holy crap the blood. and of course, grandma will always reprimand them for exaggerating and reassure everyone that mum never once called you a demon.

but here’s the part that always sticks to you the most: you were the hardest, most painful birth out of the three. when your mother finally did manage to push you out, you kicked and screamed and cried, and she looked at you and faintly murmured, still weak from the pain, “that’s it. i’m done.”

and you are their final child.

✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿

the youngest and smallest daughter of a prodigious family, you grow up showered with unadulterated affection and care ― you are so loved that you could drown in its depths. there is never a single moment you doubt just how much they cherish you. it’s in every bear hug, every kiss to your forehead, every pinched cheek. they love you more than the world itself, giving you everything that they have, teaching you all that they know.

grandpa instills in you a curiosity and compassion for the mortal world, like the foolhardy little mermaid’s fascination with the shore up above. “just because they don’t share the same powers we do doesn’t mean they’re magicless,” he insists. “everyone has magic flowing inside of their veins. there are people out there who somehow manage to remember every tune on the radio, children who always know how to make their big siblings laugh, grandmas who always brew a perfect cup of tea. you don’t think there’s something magic to that? all you have to do is look, lils. you’ll see it.”

grandma tries to teach you how to cook, but you’re so quickly infuriated in the kitchen that your magic bubbles to a boil as steaming as dragon fire. before you can stop it, it bursts through the seams of your body and sets the food alight. every damn time. after aquamenti’s spluttered out for the fifteenth time amongst the thick and engulfing smoke, molly just heaves a sigh and shakes her head. “well, we’ll try again when you’re older, darling.” (why is it so much easier for you to destroy than create? sometimes you feel as though you are ruination entrapped in a tiny slip of a girl as it pounds and hollers to be set free. nurture is the gene that you failed to inherit, and it haunts you.)

but mum shows you how to wield those flames inside of you, to take the destruction and demolition thumping in your chest and weaponize it. “your family will always be here to fight for you, but it’s still important that you learn how to fend for yourself.” you learn how to fight tooth and nail. the muggle way, without the divinity of a wand. you’re the spitting image of your mother, small as they come, but size is no guarantee of power. you know that well. when you play make believe, you never demand to be the princess but the knight in shining armor, sword and shield in hand.

from your uncle ron, you learn to have courage in the presence of fear, and from aunt hermione, social justice and protest. uncle bill and aunt fleur teach you that inner beauty is as valuable, if not more, than outer beauty. uncle charlie shows you that there was no harm in a little (or a lot of) danger. uncle george and fred illustrate the indispensable power of laughter and tomfoolery ― what good’s existence if you don’t know how to live? uncle percy’s lesson is perhaps the most important, a lesson he almost understood too late: never to abandon your family. “always remember this, lily, we all love you so much no matter what.” percy stresses.

they love you.

and your dad ― he teaches you how to love them back.

ii. rising

then you’re a little ten-year-old upset that your brothers, your godbrother, and your cousins have left you. in the dust. for a castle ― a magical castle where there are ghosts and trolls and a talking hat. a talking sorting hat who somehow shoulders the responsibility of deciding your entire fucking future. (gryffindor? oh merlin, please, gryffindor.)

and most of them can’t even be bothered to pick up the quill and properly write.

but you don’t cry over these things, see? you never cry. (everyone says you’re like your mum. she never cries. dad secretly likes that about mum. dad isn’t much for tears.)

dad doesn’t mind if you cry, he says, but you don’t want to bother him. he’s a weary war hero, even if he pretends to not be for you. he’s had enough. he’s seen enough. he’s felt enough pain for a lifetime. and all is finally well for him, apparently.

you don’t want him to have to deal with your problems.

last time you ever allowed yourself to cry ― you were around five or six? there was a thunderstorm. it was the first one you remembered in your life. (yeah. you fucking cried over a thunderstorm.) no one seemed to be able to calm you down, no one but james. james came over, wet and unruly hair sticking up on all ends, and said “it’s going to be okay, lils, i’m here. no one’s going to hurt you.”

no one will hurt you while your family’s here. so what use is getting upset over anything? they will always be there. to protect you.

and anyways. you’re lily fucking potter.

you’re the chosen one’s daughter.

what the hell do you need tears for? tears are for the weak.

you should be able to bloody take care of yourself.

you should be able to bloody protect them.

✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿

growing up in such a large family, you have become accustom to chaos and pandemonium and a cacophony of hollering voices. but with so many of them gone away, it’s so disturbingly quiet when you come around the burrow.

your uncle ron takes it upon himself to teach you wizard chess.

of course, you lose at first.

but you’re not one for giving up.

also there’s something satisfying about controlling your pieces and planning your moves ― having power over something feels good.

there’s also something very desensitizing about winning a match and seeing your opponent’s piece violently ― barbarically as your aunt hermione says ― shatter to crumbs.

but maybe that’s a little twisted. getting satisfaction off of that.

aunt hermione seems to be concerned about it.

the point is though ― you get good.

you’re bold and reckless and instinctual in your moves, yes. but you get very good.

iii. blooming

[ tw: emotional abuse and alcoholism ]

you’re finally at hogwarts.

and you’re a gryffindor. thank merlin. (the hat said almost slytherin. but definitely gryffindor. you begged and told it “not slytherin.” and so it put you into gryffindor almost immediately after.

as far you’re concerned, that hat was probably rather tipsy that night. if it can talk and sing songs and make decisions, it can get drunk, okay?

and the words that it said while it was intoxicated? can’t be held accounted for.

so thus: you’re a gryffindor. through and through.

no one else needs to know anything different.)

you owl your entire family about it. they’re all proud. most of them say you could have been in any house and it would have been absolutely fine. but they’re all quite proud.

✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿

in third year, you date a boy for the first time.

he sends you love letters. meets with you outside of school. tells you not to tell anyone about him. that sends off warning signs immediately. why can’t your family know? what the fuck is going on?

“let’s keep it a secret, just for now. i don’t want anyone to screw us up, lil. i don’t think they’d like me.”

“why wouldn’t my family like you? i like you. i’d make them like you.”

“please, lil, we can tell them eventually. i’m just scared to right now. you’re the first person i’ve ever had feelings for.”

you’ve always had a very low trust for people, there’s something you love about being called lil though. so you’re wary. but you decide to listen. this time.

but this time turns into just one more time. and it cycles. you excuse things you shouldn’t, all in the name of love. he isolates you, and he knows just how to push your buttons, to pinpoint your insecurities and lash out like a snake.

it takes you months, but you finally come to your senses and see it for what it is: plain and simple abuse. you untether yourself from him.

and then you try your best to forget about it.

maybe that’s part of the reason why you enjoy firewhiskey the first time you try it, just after you turn fourteen.

it burns like it should. it makes you numb. it’s a proper escape.

and it’s pretty damn clear: love gets in the way of things. love is pointless.

also, no one’s allowed to call you lil. ever again.

iv: wilting

[ tw: parental death ]

you’re sixteen. you just turned fucking sixteen.

and your dad’s dead.

your dad’s dead and you didn’t get to say goodbye and the last fucking thing you have of him? it’s his map.

you’d protect that map with your life. even if you’d rather have him.

✿ ❀ ✿ ❀ ✿

it’s all a blur for a while. the condolences, the flowers, the funeral, the memorial, the tears…it’s all just a blur.

you just…you don’t understand why he’s dead.

a war hero. the head of the auror department. the savior. the chosen one.

he was the best of the best.

and he’s dead.

what hope does anyone still have?

practically none.

but dad would want you to have hope.

so you do your best to have some.

your family is just so clearly a mess though. even if they’re all mostly trying to hide it.

you’re the only one in mcgonagall’s army who actually seems to give a damn about people and this hopeless fucking world that’s probably not even worth saving in the first place.

so it’s just all on you now.

because dad’s not here.

he was supposed to always be there.

but he’s not anymore.

but it’s all right. (it’s all right, it’s all right, it’s all right. you’re the hero of this story. don’t need to saved.)

you need to do something. you can’t just sit down and cry about it.

dad was always so selfless and concerned about the people he loved, but now that he’s not here? you don’t think that dad would really want you to just let his world go to hell.

when you were younger? you knew you wanted to be an auror. and he was proud of that. he helped train you. he was preparing you for this. maybe in some sick, twisted way…the universe meant for this to happen, for him to be taken away from you.

maybe he knew it too. and that’s why he tried so hard to prepare you.

the reasons don’t really matter, you don’t want to fucking talk to anyone about it. this is all just your job now.

that’s it.

iv: falling

you become harsh and hopeless, a storm that never seems to break. gone is the girl who was terrified of lightning and thunder – now you embody them, reveling in the demolition. you are untouchable, and you’re not sure if it’s a blessing or a curse.

if your father was still alive, you wonder if he would be proud.

but you know in your heart, he wouldn’t.

personality

strengths

caring, protective, loyal, intelligent, passionate, determined, brave, outgoing, selfless, witty, cunning, chivalrous, charismatic, adventurous, capable, ambitious, bold, independent, kind, generous, loving, well-intentioned, heroic, willful, free-spirited, warm, revolutionary, compassionate, decisive, hard-working, intuitive, pro-active, family-oriented

weaknesses

paranoid, envious, grudge-holder, blunt, outspoken, misconstrued perceptions, over-drinks, distrustful, stubborn, argumentative, hotheaded, feels the overwhelming need to save everyone and fix everything, too emotionally driven to the point of being illogical, impatient, reckless, lack of regard for her own life, sarcastic, insecure, unyielding, inability to admit she’s wrong, worrier, perfectionist, dishonest, controlling, competitive, unpredictable, erratic, tempestuous, difficulty resisting temptation, spiteful, fearless to the point of harming herself, self-righteous, judgmental, vengeful, violent, manipulative, hypocritical

personality overview

lily is known for her liveliness and her energy. the girl can’t stand being bored, and sitting around doing nothing frustrates her more than anything. most of the gryffindors view her as fun, but her idea of fun doesn’t align with everyone. she likes excitement and adventure. she’d take a swim in the lake when it’s freezing cold outside; she’d drink until she’s completely wasted; she’d set off fireworks in the great hall with her friends; she’d even explore the forbidden forest at night if she’s bored enough.

she’s also known for her quick wit and sense of humor, always ready with a comeback. her favorite teachers call her cheeky, while her least favorite call her a troublemaker. she’ll mouth off to anyone, consequences be damned, and it’s earned her a fair amount of detention sentences over the years. she just can’t help it but sass most of the time. it’s almost a defense mechanism, a way for lily to deflect.

lily knows how to lie, and admittedly, she’s very often dishonest. but she knows how to persuade. she speaks with conviction, her voice unwavering as she spins her webs, a stellar actress. she’s not pathological, but there’s a lot she likes to keep to herself. a lot of weakness and vulnerability that she doesn’t like to share with just anyone. at times, lily is so talented at lying that she is capable of deluding herself, burying some things that she doesn’t care to admit so far in the cobwebs of her mind that the denial becomes subconscious.

she has the heart of a lion. fierce, bold, and strong, lily’s the type of person you’d want beside you in a time of crisis. she’s a textbook gryffindor, ready for a fight and nearly impossible to scare. the girl could be considered too brave; her unwavering courageousness could easily get her killed someday. things that should terrify any sane person, such as bloodthirsty death eaters or hungarian horntails, never scare her. lily is recklessly dauntless, and she’s proud of it. there is nothing she values about herself more than her bravery. if you want lily to go berserk, all you have to do is call her a coward.

lily isn’t afraid to say what she thinks or stand up to people. she’s blunt and outspoken–sometimes harsh – always feeling the need to express her opinion. to make matters worse, she’s very argumentative and steadfast on her beliefs; she could debate for hours about something. in fact, lily actually enjoys arguing and debate, sometimes even picking fights with blood elitists and slytherins merely due to boredom, provoking them for no reason other than craving combat. incredibly hot-tempered, she’s usually fighting with someone about one thing or another and isn’t afraid to resort to violence if her point isn’t coming across.

there is a softer, kinder side to lily behind all her bravado though. she isn’t exactly nice, but she is caring and selfless. and she isn’t inherently cruel. she’d never hurt someone on purpose unless they didn’t absolutely deserve it in her opinion ( though she’s been wrong before on so many occasions ). she’s passionate, loyal, and protective about the things and people that she loves. she would sacrifice her life for someone she cares about in a heartbeat. she has a weakness for heroics, feeling a need to save people and fix everything, carrying the world on her shoulders. this is, of course, unreasonable, but she believes she has to be that way because of the family she comes from. from day one, she has had expectations placed on her because she’s a potter, and rather than fight them, she feels the need to live up to them. she feels as if the world is expecting her to be a hero because her family is so respected and moral. these expectations and complexes of hers are what drives lily.

she is a perfectionist. lily is constantly pushing herself past her limits and often tries to do far more than what she is capable of. lily refuses to stop and rest, and she’ll continue to refuse until the day she dies. she stays up too late to maintain her near-perfect grades. she practices for quidditch nearly every morning. she pours over her dada textbooks for hours on end so that she’ll win every duel in dueling club. lily is competitive and feels the need to be the best because her insecurities cause her to worry that she isn’t good enough, that she’ll never be good enough. it’s self-induced pressure–no one places unrealistic expectations on the girl but herself. in actuality, people may expect lily to be brave and heroic like her parents, but no one expects her to be the best at everything, and she puts most of the pressure on herself due to her own insecurities. it’s only lily who thinks she isn’t good enough, and one of her biggest flaws is her tendency to compare herself to other people rather than seeing herself as her own person. people who are better than her are often met with green, envy rattling in her core, as much as she tries to ignore it.

even though she appears completely fearless to most, lily is actually only almost devoid of fear, not that she would ever admit she was anything less than dauntless. she rarely ever speaks of emotions of fear in front of other people, pretending that nothing fazes her. she doesn’t want anyone to know that she can be scared or weak sometimes. she’s a gryffindor and a potter, so as far as she’s concerned, she’s not allowed to be. lily is expected to be strong and fearless, just like her parents, so that’s what she claims to be whereas, in reality, she can be afraid just like any other person; she’s just good at hiding things. the thought of losing people she cares about absolutely terrifies her, especially with the war. along with that, she has always felt pressure to be great; lily has spent her whole life worrying whether or not she’s good enough due to her family’s achievements. just like her father, she’s always felt the need to be a hero. lately she’s been afraid that she isn’t doing enough to help the order, that her dad would be ashamed of her if he was still alive. that’s one of the reasons why she’ll try to push her outlandish ideas on mcgonagall’s army members even though she knows deep down that she’s suggesting suicide missions.

it’s frightening, really, how much little regard she has for her own life. her self worth is nonexistent in the scheme of things. she’ll fight nail and tooth to live but only because she wants to be there to protect her loved ones; she sees her life as second to theirs. if she thought she could help bring about the end of the war by dying, if there was even the slightest possibility of saving those she views as good, lily would do it in an instant. without thinking. because lily truly believes that her loved ones would get over it, maybe not at first but eventually. and she’s okay with that. she’d want them to move on with their loves, to stop mourning her and find happiness. for lily, there is no better way to go than to go down fighting. to go down while defending her loved ones and her beliefs.

but if she lives through the war, lily plans on becoming an auror, just like her father. it’s just what she’s always wanted to do. again, the girl has a hero complex. and her ambition is great–she wants to be the youngest auror ever accepted into their department and one day make her way up to head auror. lily believes her true calling in life is on the battlefield, protecting the innocent and bringing justice to the world.

lily is a control freak–bossy, domineering, and assertive. losing control is her greatest fear, so she’d never let anyone get the best of her. lily always needs to do something because that’s how she finds control in her own destiny. it always takes time to earn her trust because she fears betrayal and manipulating, causing her to be naturally suspicious of others’ intentions. she’ll fight like hell when others get in the way of her plans; her fear of losing control doesn’t allow her to adapt to change easily. when her father died, she felt weak and powerless, wishing she could just bring back, wishing that she could just do something, anything; her worst fear became a reality, and she swears she is never going to allow herself to feel that way again. she will never be vulnerable again. she will never lose control again. oddly enough, even though she’s been surrounded by love her entire life, she’s even afraid of falling in love for those very reasons. the thought of falling for someone who may or may not love her back, allowing herself to be that vulnerable in front of someone, has always scared her more than she would care to admit. lily needs to feel safe, and being in love with someone who could break your heart is something only fools would do in her opinion.

lily won’t admit to sadness or heartache either, not wanting others to think less of her. through sheer willpower alone, the girl has not cried since she was six though there have been moments where she wished she could allow herself to, such as her father’s funeral. when she saw her father in that casket, she felt like knives were in her ribs, and all she wanted to do was run back to her home, cry, grab a beater’s bat, and destroy all the objects in her home one by one, but her face looked stoic. when asked, lily claims that she’s completely all right about her father’s death, and most believe it. she’ll barely ever talk about him at all. it’s like she isn’t even mourning. there are subtle nuances that she is though. her smile and laugh are more demure than it was before. she’s even more fiercely protective of her family and friends now, and her weakness for heroics has also increased; she’ll go to great lengths to protect and save others with little regard for her own safety. it’s partly because she wants to make her father proud by being brave and partly because she doesn’t value herself much as a person due to her insecurities.

but ironically, even though she hides her emotions the majority of the time, she is consumed by them. they control and drive her, often even to the point of recklessness. logic falls on deaf ears to this girl, making her much more likely to make mistakes and get into trouble. she has a good brain on her shoulders and should know better than to act without thinking, but she doesn’t. lily’s impulsive, reckless, and impetuous, mostly relying on pure instinct. and she’s as stubborn as a mule as well. it’s very hard to convince her not to do something once her mind is set. and bare nerves, stubbornness, and recklessness is a dangerous combination–a mixture not usually found in those who like to live long lives. lily is aware of how foolish she can be, but she just doesn’t care. as far as she’s concerned, if something’s the right thing to do, it’s the right thing to do, regardless of the possible consequences.

but here’s the problem: she’s so often wrong. her black-and-white and self-righteous beliefs are so instilled in her that she can’t see the bigger picture. she can’t recognize that the population isn’t capable of being sorted in categories of good and evil. she doesn’t see shades of grey, judging others by their actions and beliefs regardless of the circumstances. death eaters are not seen by lily as people–only monsters incapable of human emotion. whenever she looks at a death eater, all she can see is her father’s dead face. she doesn’t know who was responsible, so instead she blames them all. she hates them all so intensely that she is blind to the fact that expectations are placed on those from traditionalist families too. and most of all, she doesn’t realize that the other side is just as capable of loving others to the point of consumption as she is. and they should be feared for that.

describe your character through a particular weather temperament or season. / could your character be described in two rival parts, and if so, what would they be? / ( +bonus: if your character could choose their own form of death, what would it be? )

i. lily luna potter was born at the height of summer, on a muggy august night, and as such, she truly embodies every aspect of the season. she’s the unrelenting sun beating down on you — she is always burning burning burning, and she’s impossible to put out. everything she chooses to do is carried out with a tremendous intensity and passion, almost as though she is pouring her entire heart into it, and perhaps she really is. (”they told me to pour my heart into everything i do. so that’s what i did, i poured and poured and poured. now they ask me why i’m so empty.”) when she’s determined to accomplish something, nothing else matters in that moment. she’s overpowering, a girl with the capability to set the whole damn world on fiendfyre if she wanted to. she’s just so much all at once — too much, really. she’s been told that by exes before, that she’s just too much for them, and lily always responds, her voice so piercing it could slit a throat, “or maybe you’re just not enough.” even when she’s cold, it’s with this ferocity that still manages to burn you to the core.

lily can’t ever be any other season than summer, but sometimes she wishes she could be. she longs for the rebirth of spring, the balance of autumn, the chill of winter. but she’ll always burn like summer.

ii. lumos – a fire-haired girl who dons robes of scarlet and gold, as striking as a beacon of light / the family legacy you swore to protect / brain and nerve and bounding heart / a deafening roar of laughter after a brilliant joke / being so incredibly drunk you’re as giddy as a toddler, the life of the party / shielding young girls as though you are the mighty huntress artemis / a magnificent silver phoenix burst from the tip of your wand, summoned by the many faces of your family / the indescribable solace found from wrapping your arms tightly around your big brother, not ever wanting to let go / the callow little girl within yourself that you couldn’t quite manage to kill, a girl who wished on shooting stars and cried during thunderstorms

nox – a meadow of wildflowers wilting away / the fury deep within your core that burns like dragon fire, threatening to consume you / a memory you’ve tried to bury deep within the crevices of your mind, a memory you’d rip from your skull if you could / swearing off love because what good is it anyway / clenched fists so tight that your red, red nails bite crescent moons on your palms / the glorious burn of your muscles during a seething fight / a thunderous cry for retribution, even if it means destroying yourself in the process / feeding into your rage because if you falter for just a moment, you’ll remember just how hollow you are / a ruinous lightning storm encased within a pint-sized girl

iii. she can’t ever picture herself dying quietly. whenever the veil inevitably comes to shroud her, she will take her sharp nails and try to tear it into shreds – she is a forest fire that refuses to snuffed. rage is all she knows, all she’s good at. her beloved cypress wand bears a reminder she carved in runic scripture: “never give up without a fight.” and lily never will. she will struggle and struggle and struggle before they take her.

it’s not that the prospect of death petrifies her. there have been cold nights where she feels hollow and so very small, and she thinks about how she doesn’t want to die – no, she doesn’t want to die – but still she would appreciate the rest, the quietness, the peace. it had been her own father who had sat her down at age six, her very first taste with death (her great-great aunt muriel finally decided to fucking croak) and bestowed upon her the wise words of albus dumbledore just before they left for the funeral, “do not pity the dead. pity the living.” and oh, she does. lily is just sixteen years old, and she’s already so exhausted.

no, she’s not petrified of death, but rather petrified of what she’d leave behind: a family she treasures more than anything. lily doesn’t place much value in her own life. she ultimately views herself as just a person and not a very good one at that, but still she will fight until her dying breath. she will do it for them – all this struggle is for their sake. she needs to stick around to protect them.

but of course, if she could die to save someone she loved, she would do it in an instant. lily’s loyalty is hard-won, but once it’s earned, there isn’t anything she won’t do for you. so that’s how she’d choose to die, fighting but fighting for something – or someone – worth dying for. on those cold hollow nights when she’s wondering what it’s all for, she has to remind herself that it’s for them.

she might not matter, but they do.

drabble

lily luna potter – the woman, the myth, the legend. the only daughter of the chosen one, the world hailed her as a figure of hope from the moment she was born, waiting with baited breath to see what she will go on to accomplish. lily’s so beguiling she could be the sun – she never manages to dim. she’ll lull you to a stupor when she struts past, as ostentatious as ever, and you’ll be rendered gormless in her wake. she’ll leave you wondering whether she’s a dream or a nightmare, but that’s the very point, isn’t it? you laud her as your hero, thrust her with expectations she could never live up to, and when she seems to rise to the occasion, you forget. you forget that she is just a teenager, not a blinding sun or a sharp crack of lightning or a ruinous earthquake, but a girl who’s barely sixteen. a girl who’s lost more than you could ever imagine. children should never be viewed as metaphors, but from the second she came into this world, it was already too late.

/ / /

self-righteous but vindictive, girlish but bloodthirsty, idealistic but cynical, emotional but hardened, tender but acrimonious, coquettish but closed off, well-intentioned but wicked, fiery but icy, radiating but deathly – lily is a girl of contradictions and paradoxes. she possesses so many opposing traits that it’s difficult to make sense of her. with her full face of makeup and voguish outfits, she is ever so carefully put together, but it only serves to hide the storm raging underneath her skin. her countenance is a purposeful illusion – she doesn’t want you to see the red scars on her skin or the dark circles underneath her eyes. everybody is always watching her, so she must look her best. but there’s more to it, isn’t there? he always used to tell her she wore too much makeup, and since breaking up with him on the cusp of her fourth year, she has never stepped outside without a full face. it’s a permanent two-fingered salute. “fuck you, i’m beautiful.” but why does she feel so ugly and mangled?

/ / /

on some days, she burns as bright as a brush fire, incinerating everything in her path. but on others, she’s as hollowed out as a glacier cave, the coldness seeping inside her body, freezing over her heart – those days, nothing and no one can really touch her. somehow, she always fluctuates between passion and numbness, a vicious cycle she can’t seem to control. lily either feels so intensely or feels absolutely nothing at all, and she’s not quite sure which is worse. when her emotions are tearing her apart, she longs to shut them off, but once they’re gone, she’ll do anything just to feel something again. how can she be so passionate yet so hardened at the same time? sometimes she misses the bitter tang of tears, the sweet release – it’s been ten long years since she’s allowed herself to cry. but she won’t allow herself to be weak again. she’s come too far. perhaps it really is best to have a heart that’s forgotten how to beat; dead hearts can’t break.

/ / /

she’s furious and she’s bitter and she’s tired. she’s so goddamn tired. it’s always so exhausting to be her. some days, she wonders what is the point of it all. why does she keep struggling when all she wants to do is lay down her weary arms, close her eyes, and rest? but she knows she can’t. she was born to fight – that’s all she knows how to do at this point. so she will soldier on.

#YEET #this is not her intro lmao #it's just here in case u ever wanted to be overloaded with information lmao #( &. oh but she burns like rum on a fire | ABOUT. )

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corvvii · 6 years

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Another Interview with Leonnaux Altoix

1. What is the name you go by?

“Leonnaux, though most of Alizarine refers to me as ‘Leon.’ I don’t mind it, really; it certainly has a ring to it. Funnily enough, my girlfriend actually refers to me fully as ‘Leonnaux,’ barring any pet names! At the end of the day, it comes down to preference and how willing one is to navigate bullshite Elezen names, I suppose.”

2. What is your real name?

He hesitates. “Leonnaux Altoix.”

*OOC Note: Lie detected. His real name is Leonnaux Declurais. He uses an assumed surname to distance himself from his family back in Gridania, and make himself feel closer to his long-missing father.

3. Do you know why you are named that?

“Why is anyone named anything? I suppose my mother just liked the name, I suppose. As for Altoix... I’m not sure where it comes from.”

4. Are you single or taken?

“I’m in a relationship, aye. Her name is Edda Vincents. We’ve not been without our difficulties, particularly erm... Recently, but that comes with the territory, I think. I do my best to support her, when she’ll let me, and I’ll love her always.” Mushy as it is, a big grin breaks across his lips and he gives a stern nod.

5. Have any abilities or powers?

“I’m versed in magic, if that’s what you’re asking. Namely, I practice arcanima, and would consider myself reasonably skilled at it, although I struggle with the, erm... Putting the theory into practice occasionally. Other than that, I’m skilled with arcanima, and... Well... I don’t think that qualifies as a power, really...” He trails off in a huff.

*OOC Note: Leon has the Echo (visions only), but he doesn’t know what it is. These visions are also liable to make him very, very sick, and he has no idea what causes them, so as far as he’s concerned at the moment they’re just an unfortunate medical condition.

6. What is your favorite food?

“Um! That’s actually pretty tough. I would wager... Uh... Well. At the moment, I really like these pastries that they sell in the lobby of the Sultana’s Breath...”

7. What’s your eye color?

“Blue.”

8. How about your hair color?

“Black.”

9. Have you any family members?

“... None that I’m on speaking terms with.”

10. What about pets?

“I have a cat, uh... Though I guess she doesn’t really belong to me so much as I plucked her out of an antique shop and now she kind of wanders around The Goblet and visits me whenever she either finds something interesting or wants attention or food. She has a cute little hat--oh. I also have a copperfish. But that’s not interesting.”

11. Now tell me about something you don’t like?

“At length? I think I’ll spare you the trouble... I despise people who put their bloodthirst before anything else. They ought to know better than anyone that lives have weight; to believe otherwise is to paint yourself as a psychopath. I’m also not particularly fond of tribal people, oh—But Edda would get onto me if she knew I said that out loud. And before you say anything: yes, I’m a Duskwight. No, you don’t understand the intricacies of why we are regarded as we are.”

12. Do you have any hobbies/activities you like?

“I enjoy... Studying. Gambling, from time to time. Reading drama. And drinking. Spending time with Edda... Chewing the fat with my coworkers... I’ll listen to a good bard from time to time. That shite takes me back; had things been different, maybe I could have been the one up on stage...!”

13. Ever hurt anyone before?

“Physically? Emotionally? Physically, I struggle to think I could hurt anyone. I’m hardly a grisled warrior like Ben or Jin. Some harm to body may have resulted, a few times, from spells I’ve cast, but I try to keep my spells benign. Emotionally? ... Certainly.”

14. Ever killed anyone?

“No, and I refuse to allow myself to be responsible for taking a life, even by proxy.””

15. What kind of animal are you?

“Caw?” He does a remarkable impression of a crow.

16. Name your worst habits.

“I have been told racism. Drinking, occasionally to excess. But I will not have it said that I’m not principled.”

17. Do you look up to anyone at all?

“Not many, being an Elezen.” He pauses. “What? Fine. I suppose I look up to a few people; Edda chief among them, but of course I’d admire her. Beyond that, I suppose Madison most times and Khada some others. I haven’t been in a position to be mentored or otherwise subservient to another in a very long time. That is not to say I’m not open to being taught a few things, but it makes coming up with people I look up to difficult... Considering the kinds of crowds I tend to run with. Of all my endeavors, Alizarine is the only one that is clean.”

18. Gay, straight, or bisexual?

“You’re asking about my sexual preferences, right? I’m happily taken. But if I weren’t, I think I could see myself as easily with a man as I could a woman.”

19. Do you go to school?

“I never went to school. I was taught how to read and do basic maths by a family friend, and then everything else I know, I taught myself.”

20. Do you ever want to marry and have kids one day?

“Uh... The idea of getting married is... Not altogether unappealing, but I don’t think I’m ready for such a major step. As for children... I would make a shite father. So no.”

21. Do you have fanboys/fangirls?

“Do I have any what?”

22. What are you most afraid of?

“... Being alone again, I suppose. Before Edda, and way before Alizarine, I was pretty much... A shut-in? A recluse? I didn’t mind that life at the time, but I feel so much... Better now that I’m not. Edda pulled me out of some dark places. I don’t want to go back to them.”

23. What do you usually wear?

“Things so marvellously stylish that you will wonder how I afforded them! The boots are Fen-Yll.”

24. Do you love someone?

“As we’ve been over a few times: yes.”

25. When was the last time you wet yourself?

“What the fuck kind of question is that? I’m an adult! The last time I would have wet myself would be as a wee bab.”

26. What do you think is the worst act someone can commit?

“That’s a toss-up between murder and sex crimes. Selling off people as if they were livestock is also horrid. I have my hands in a few untoward things, but you will never see me with a finger in any of those pies.”

27. What class are you? (high class, middle class, low class)

“... Upper-middle? I’m no member of the Syndicate, but I’m hardly poor. I own property. I run a research company. I’m comfortable.”

28. How many friends do you have?

“... Uh...” He starts counting on his fingers, then seems to reconsider. “A few.”

29. What are your thoughts on pie? Cake?

“Both are excellent, especially apple pie and apple cake, which I promise exists. My mother used to make it for us all the time as kids using faerie applies she’s pick from these trees on the—Oh, I made myself sad.”

30. Favorite drink?

“Alcoholic? I fancy myself a bit of a mixologist these days, so I’ve come up with a few interesting combinations that I enjoy. Chief among them are Gold Court cocktails, on sale frequently at The Cloak & Dagger. I also like the restaurant’s titular cocktail... As for non-alcoholic, lassi is good. Fruit juices. Water. I don’t sit down and drink milk, really, but sometimes I get... Cravings?”

31. What’s your favorite place?

“Home. Or The Brimming Heart, in the Goblet.”

32. Are you interested in someone?

“I’m in a relationship! Of course I’m interested in her!”

33. What’s your bra cup size and/or how big is your willy?

“Ask Edda.”

34. Would you rather swim in a lake or the ocean?

“A lake... Because the water is calmer, and I’m not a strong swimmer...”

35. What’s your type?

“I’m not sure that I have one, honestly. I’m in a relationship, but I think anyone who was kind and willing to tolerate my bullshite for more than five minutes would have had a chance.” He laughs. “If—and this is a big if—I ever have to find out if I do, indeed have a type that I’m habitually attracted to... You’ll be the first to know. But for now, my type is Edda Vincents.”

36. Any fetishes?

He turns bright red considering the question, then shakes his head.

37. Seme or uke? Dominant or submissive?

“I don’t know what the former two are... Is it a Hingan thing...? Uh... As for the latter...” He’s still bright red. “It depends on the mood?”

38. Camping or indoors?

“Indoors.”

39. You are trapped on a desert island. What 5 items do you take with you if you can?

“I would avoid being trapped on the desert island in the first place! Other than that... My linkpearls, my grimoire, a quill, a map of the realm, and...? Ugh! This is hard.”

40. You have found a genie! What are your three wishes, not counting getting more wishes.

“I would wish for the power to bring those who have wronged the people I care about to justice. Uh... Wow, that sounds deep but it’s really not. Let’s go money, happiness, food. that works just as well. Right?”

Tagged by: @solennelagarde Tagging: @celestial-benediction, @celesiel (for vio!), @khadamoks, @oroniri (for either Dali or Kubo you pick!!) @larhaya (for Irha), @rashkgeilt, @lazarusffxiv, @streetgardener, actually all of INK and any members of Ebonguard who haven’t done this interview meme and/or have a Tumblr. :>

#m | headcanon #[ thanks for tagging this was fun!!!!!!!!!!!! ]

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agnesgoesadventuring-blog · 6 years

Note

Does @rovingromy always add their 2 cents to people's opinions? I thought this blog was for sending in unpopular opinions that could be discussed rather than judged but sureeee just insult the people who already have a hard time sharing these opinions. That totally doesn't defeat the purpose sending these asks here. 🤔

My tumblr is not solely a place for people to come with unpopular opinions. My tumblr is here mostly for critical analysis and discussion of Critical Role, both in terms of its narrative and in terms of larger cultural an social issues. That will often mean that being open to discussing things that people in the fandom will not feel comfortable talking about openly on their own tumblrs because of the way the fandom often reacts to things like criticizing characters or ships, discussion of sexualities like asexuality, bisexuality, and pansexuality and representation for those identities, mental illness, and how all of these things (among others) impact the way we subjectively consume and react to the material the show and the players presents.

When it comes to discussion of those subjective emotional reactions, hurtful experiences in fandom, and other things that are specifically emotional or personal in nature, the tone of the responses is generally going to be about understanding, listening, acceptance, and support, as long as what is being presented and discussed is not openly hateful or antagonistic toward any group of people in the fandom. I always endeavor to never tell people they're wrong when it comes to these things, to listen to people talk about these things, and for the most part everyone who takes part in such discussions has done the same.

But when it comes to discussion of objective critical analysis of both the show and the fandom, the discussion is going to be quite different because the topic is quite different. When it come to critical analysis the discussion is based on canon fact (when we're talking about the show), even when it comes to developing different interpretations base on it, or on the facts of things that have actually happened within the fandom (when discussing fandom behavior and experiences). That means that there are going to be times when what's presented is simply incorrect. If you're looking for a place to talk about whatever you want about the show in this regard without ever being told you're wrong, you've come to the wrong place, and you have developed a complete misconception. At one point I did an "unpopular opinions" meme, but that is not the entirety of my tumblr and it's not even close to being the point of my tumblr.

As far as Romy goes, while I've expressed my distaste for some of the hostility in her tone, in the cases of what I've responded to today, which I can only imagine is what's being referred to here, nothing she actually said in terms of analysis is wrong, nor was she wrong in what she said about respecting opinions or applying context to the characters' actions and decisions. Again, I often don't like the aggression and hostility in her tone, but she's also sometimes good at cutting through and getting the point about a lot of interpersonal interaction in ways that are honest, such as her point about not all opinions being deserving of respect today. Yes, there's hostility in her tone a lot of the time that I don't like, but she's not anymore aggressive or hostile than a lot of the anonymous messages I've been sent about fandom behavior and experiences. They certainly don't seem to be much more hostile than this ask.

Furthermore, I don't operate under the belief that I get to control the way people respond to my posts. I recognize that what I post is posted in a public forum and that means it's not always going to be met with perfect agreeableness.

If you have a problem with somebody, then you need to bring that problem to them. Have some personal responsibility and block them so that you don't have to see their posts and response rather than trying to dig at someone through a third party. I don't appreciate my inbox being used as some kind of proxy attack mechanism.

And if you thought that this tumblr was going to be a place where you could say whatever you wanted to about the show without being questioned and where nobody would ever respond in ways that weren't perfectly agreeable, then you've badly misunderstood what I'm doing here, and this is not the place for you.

#Anonymous

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a-gay-bloodmage · 6 years

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For the ABC ask meme how about letters X,A,C,O,I, and S for Red?

Oh my God!! So many asks!! Hell yeah!! Sorry this took so long, but it was so fun to do!! I love talking about my boy!!

((From this post!))

A: Aptitude

1. what are your oc’s natural abilities, things they’ve been doing since young?

He’s genuinely good at blood magic, seeing as he’s been practicing it since he was five. Of course, there was a six-year period where he couldn’t use it due to being the the Circle, and for a few long months during the Blight before his companions knew, but, other than that, he’s constantly using it. He’s got an incredible talent when it comes to reading emotions via heartbeat, and manipulation, both physical and mental. His sister is very proud of him.

2. what activities have they participated in?

This one’s a little difficult! Aside from the obvious, like Archdemon-killing, his favorite little task when he was young was feeding the deer. Of course, there were goats and sheep, as well, but the deer were his favorites. He’d feed them every morning and evening. It was one of the village chores he didn’t consider a chore at all, and instead simply an activity he really liked.

3. what abilities do they have that they’ve worked for?

Flexibility. He has only a little natural flexibility, but when you’re bored for four years without anything else to do, what’s better than finding out if it’s possible to get your legs over your head? He found out that, yes, it’s quite possible after some practice. Zevran really likes this fact.

4. what things are they bad at?

Talking casually with people. He’s awful at small talk, and avoids it like the plague. But, honestly, if he’s given a topic he likes, small talk turns into an incredibly detailed and long conversation. He’s really bad at shutting up when he’s on a roll with something, like magic or mage rights. But yeah, small talk? Very bad when it comes to Redren.

5. what is their most impressive talent?

Definitely blood magic. Loves it, works hard for it, essentially breathes blood magic. Don’t try to have a casual conversation with him about it. He can go on for hours.

C: Comfort

1. how do they sit in a chair?

He can’t really sit still, so, basically any way. Bothers the absolute hell out of Zevran.How did you manage to get upside down? I left the room ten seconds ago!… I’m… bored?

2. in what position do they sleep?

In the worst one– around someone. He curls up around people, finding comfort in the sound of their heart beating. His long limbs manage to trap people, generally with a leg and an arm over them, holding them as closely and as tightly as possible. But, if he’s alone, he generally curls up on his side, holding something like his sister’s hat or his staff.

3. what is their ideal comfort day?

Just him, relaxing outside in his home village, it’s warm out, but not too warm. The Wardens are far off, he doesn’t have to work. Him and Zevran are watching the deer in their pasture slowly getting drunk due to the overripe apples they keep eating. The forest is calm, the breeze present but minimal, just enough to keep people from overheating. Just peace, without anything stressful.

4. what is their major comfort food? why?

Venison-heart stew. His companions think he’s insane. He’s a blood mage, he can’t help how much he likes lightly-cooked organs! His sister made it for him a lot when he was little, especially when he wasn’t feeling well. His companions actually really liked it when he made it, well, at least until he told them what it was.

5. who is the best at comforting them when down?

Zevran and Leliana. He loves them both so much, and they’re some of the few people that really understand him. They don’t judge him for crying over seemingly little things, and he’s incredibly grateful for it. Zevran usually sits in Redren’s lap, giving him kisses and affection, whereas Leliana lets Redren rest his head on her chest as she plays with his hair. They’re both his personal saviors when it comes to him being upset.

I: In-the-closet

1. what is their sexuality?

He’s gay! Very much so! He does not like the idea of being with a woman at all.

2. have they ever questioned their sexuality?

Nope. He never had reason to. Of course, Lily being so nice to him was odd, and it made him wonder if since he liked her so much, he actually liked her. Turns out nope, that’s just called “having a friend”. With Leliana, he didn’t question anything at all, even if she did.

3. have they ever questioned their gender?

Redren is a male. He is not a woman. He does not want to be a woman. And he especially doesn’t like it when other people think he’s a woman. Just because he looks feminine does not mean he is. It’s often an uphill battle for him to prove his masculinity.

4. would/was their family be okay with them being LGBT?

Of course! His “Auntie” may be heterosexual, but his big sister, his Auntie’s daughter, is bisexual, and his sister-in-law is a lesbian. He definitely has a supportive family.

5. how long would/did it take for them to come out?

He… never came out. Well, not to his family, at least. He sort of showed up with Zevran in tow, and his sister (naturally) asked when the wedding was, much to his embarrassment. The few times he “came out” were:A) When Leliana asked why he didn’t like her backB) When the whole camp found out that he and Zevran were in a relationship (a very, very, awkward few days)

O: Optimism

1. are they optimistic or pessimistic?

As pretentious as it sounds, he’s more of a realist than anything. A large portion of his life had been dominated by paranoia caused by him hiding his blood magic in the Circle, so he’s always thinking about what could go wrong, and how to avoid speaking about himself– he often comes across as a serious pessimist. He doesn’t mean to, honestly.

2. are they openly optimistic, throwing it on others?

Nope. He’ll try, sometimes, but it always sounds really forced and fake.

3. are they good at giving advice?

He is, if you think his ideas are any good. Redren’s got some… questionable advice he gives out, such as “kill them” or “add more blood” or “have you tried killing them?”

4. is there anyone in their life that throws optimism on them?

Leliana! She’s constantly trying to cheer him up and get Redren to enjoy life a little more… a bit of a difficult task. Eventually, Zevran joins her in her endeavor. Honestly, they’re both always about half a second away from pulling his mouth into a smile because a smile looks nice on you, damn it!

5. were they always optimistic?

He used to be a lot more optimistic, but the Circle kind of… sapped him of almost all hope and love and optimism.

S: Streets

1. are they street-smart?

Yes. He’s not the smartest when it comes to book smarts, honestly, even if he won’t admit it. He could outwit pickpockets but he couldn’t list off times tables.

2. would they give money to someone on the streets?

He can’t stand seeing poor people in the streets, and he always gives them more than they’re asking for. What’s he going to do with a couple extra silvers? He knows they need it much more than he does.

3. have they ever gotten in a fight on the streets?

Well, I’d say that if you’ve ever played Origins, you’d know he’s gotten into plenty. He does start fights every once in a while, too, and isn’t above killing a Templar if someone doesn’t hold him back.

4. has anything happened to them on the streets?

As in being robbed? Nope. Most people don’t mess with mages, so he’s pretty safe from typical pickpockets.

5. are they cautious when out?

General caution often goes along with crippling insecurity and paranoia, so… yeah. He’s always careful of other people, always on the lookout for Templars and the like.

X: Xylophone

1. what is their favorite genre of music?

His home village has a sort of old tribal music that’s woven into its culture, and he absolutely loves it. The steady heartbeat of a tambourine, the sound of bare feet hitting the ground, high wooden flutes, and loud singing all make for an amazing time. And, as his companions learned very quickly, the dancing is very mandatory and very fast.

2. do they have a favorite song?

Don’t make him choose! He always loved his sister’s lullaby Our Moon’s Water Flows, and the dancing song Under the Midday Sun. They’re wildly different, but he loves them both.

3. do they have a favorite band/artist/singer?

His sister is the best singer he knows. An enchantress known for her siren-like vocals, big sister Maria’s voice is the most beautiful thing in the world. It doesn’t matter if her voice is slightly nasally, or that her accent is odd, she can sing any song better than anyone else could ever hope to.

4. can they sing well?

He learned from the best! He loves singing, but he’s always shy when it comes to doing it in front of people. His voice is fairly high for a man, as he learned by mimicking his sister’s high and more childish voice, but it’s still distinctly male. His mabari, Dog, was one of the only ones he allowed to hear his singing for months.

5. can they rap?

He’s… never tried. He can talk fast when he’s excited, but I’m certain he’d mess up words if he had to do it in Common. But hey, who knows?

#thank you so much!!#asks #redren #dragon age #original content #maria

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yarking · 6 years

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new job orientation highlights

pro-diversity powerpoint: we also support the LGBT community, and don’t descriminate against gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people

inner yark: Ah yes, the transgendered people. I’m glad you mentioned them. I would hate to think your pro-diversity message was only directed towards the gayed, lesbianed and bisexualed folk.

outter yark: c=

company history powerpoint: This is the CEO of our company!

company’s philanthropy powerpoint: and this is why you should not bear down upon his succulent billionair flesh and seize the means of production for yourself, despite the comparitive good in the world that would occur from even the barest wealth distribution of one billionair, which would utterly dwarf the company’s philanthropic endeavors by an order of magnitude

Ethics powerpoint: Leslie confessed to her boss that her coworker asked her to clock her in this morning. She said that she’s done it in the past, but that she doesn’t want it to continue any longer because she knows it’s wrong. Both Leslie and her coworker got in trouble.

Director: now, what should Leslie have done differently?

Inner yark: not ratted herself out like an idiot tbh

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wh47-7h3-un1v3r53-15-m4d3-0f · 5 years

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BNHA Headcanons Revamp

the title is correct, tho they mostly pertain to lgbtqia style shit, disabilities, and omegaverse. if you don’t know what omegaverse is, i highly recommend you check it out. it’s very fun and is great for people with breeding, marking, and dom/sub kinks. so let’s go!

Note: this is a heavily edited version. if you want the un-edited one, click here

trans people: Midoriya “Deku” Izuku and Yaoyorozu “Lady Creati” Momo

He just look very feminine, and Momo just gives me the feel of a trans girl. But nothing will stop them from becoming heroes!

Izuku realized he wanted to be male when he was a child. Inko were very supportive and so was Katsuki, and they still are. Katsuki WILL kick the ass of ANYONE who messes with him, or steals his binder. And yes that has happened. Fuck you M*neta. Shoto was a little confused at first, his father had never really taught him about this, but was supportive none the less.

Momo had wanted to be trans since she was very young, but only got the surgery a few months before UA because her parents weren’t very supportive. I have nothing against the actual characters, we just don’t really have anything on them so my mind just immediately goes to rich snob after seeing her house. The main reason i think she’s trans is, while she is thicc, her squishies seem a big exaggerated. Jiro is fully excepting and, while she’s not really comfortable doing it, she’s considering telling M*neta so he’ll back off.

Sexualities and other shit

Midoriya Izuku: Bisexual biromantic transgender male omega

Bakugou Katsuki: Homosexual homoromantic cisgender male omega

Todoroki Shoto: Demisexual homoromantic cisgender male alpha

Uraraka Ochaco: Bisexual panromatic cisgender female omega

Kirishima Eijirou: Homosexual homoromatic cisgender male alpha

Iida Tenya: Asexual panromatic cisgender male alpha

Kaminari Denki: Bisexual biromantic polyamorous genderfluid omega

Yaoyorozu Momo: Homosexual biromantic transgender female omega

Sero Hanta: Bisexual homoramtic polyamorous cisgender male alpha

Jiro Kyoka: Homosexual homoromantic cisgender female beta

Ashido Mina: Homosexual bimoromantic cisgender female alpha

Asui Tsuyu: Asexual homoromantic cisgender female beta

Hagakure Toru: Pansexual panromantic cisgender female omega

Ojiro Mashirao: Heterosexual heteroromantic cisgender male(lgbtqia friend) alpha

Aoyama Yuga: Homosexual homoromantic nonbinary omega

Tokoyami Fumikage: Asexual homoromantic agender omega

Mezo Shouji: Asexual homoromantic cisgender male alpha

Sato Rikidou: Heterosexual heteroromantic cisgender male(lgbtqia friend) beta

Koda Koji: Asexual aromantic agender beta

Mineta Minoru: Heterosexual heteroromantic cisgender male(NOT lgbtqia friend) omega just so he suffers heats

Extra!

Shinsou Hitoshi: Homosexual panromantic polyamorous cisgender male alpha

Aizawa Shouta: Asexual homoromantic cisgender male alpha

Yamada Hizashi: Pansexual homoromantic cisgender male omega

Toshinori Yagi: Pansexual panromantic transgender male alpha

Disabilities!

Bakugou is deaf(doesn’t make him less pissed at everything tho)

Koda is selectively mute

Tsuyu, Koda, Izuku, and Iida are autistic

Hizashi is deaf

Kirishima is blind in his right eye @bunnyramen

Random shit!

Kirishima and Tetsutetsu are brothers or related in some way

Kaminari is a bit of a slut

Tokoyami sleeps on top of the fridge sometimes. all hail the dark birb lord

THERE ARE NO ERASERMIC SMUTS AND THAT UPSETS ME!

i know i think he’s ace but it’s hard to tell if he’s an alpha or omega without them.

Hizashi is an ex-slut

Shinsou got adopted by Mic and Aizawa

Endeavor is an asshole and Rei needs love. Shoto, Natsuo, Fuyumi, Touya(yes i know you’re fucking alive bitch) give your momma love.

All might has unofficially adopted Deku. Deku is a happy boi

that’s all i have. i’ll add stuff when it comes to me

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angledmirrors · 4 years

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ANITA

Anita Catalina Villar was born in La Plata, Buenos Aires, on March 24th 1987. She was 4 when her parents died in a car accident. Her grandpa Hugo raised her in San Telmo.

She met James at school, where James arrived one October morning 2001. They became friends, and by Christmas they were in love. They were together until, after losing her grandpa, she moved to the UK to pursue a BA in linguistics.

They stayed in touch. What with James renting her place to start his own cafe and bar in the ground floor, and his mum Sarah being in charge of managing the upstairs property to send Cat the means to support herself abroad, of course they remained in touch, and very close. Which is why when she came back, they moved in together and had a platonic very close relationship that was only shaken when Cristian barrelled into their lives.

Barely above 1.60mt (5″3), she’s a petite brunette with hazel eyes that sometimes look brown, sometimes look green. Cristian is crazy about her eyes. James loves that he can tell what her mood is by looking at them, but he doesn’t know if that’s because of how they change colour. It’s probably because James knows her upside down and inside out, which she finds a little unnerving.

For years she had only one tattoo: a huge phoenix surrounded by stars and cherry blossoms flowers on her left thigh. It was a gift from James when she came back from the UK. The phoenix is actually styled after the creature Sakura (From Cardcaptor Sakura) captures, that helps her fly. The cherry blossoms she picked from the manga. It’s a memory she treasures, watching Sakura with James in the afternoon. It inspired strenght. And the phoenix-like bird, the feathers flying around, and the cherry blossoms to remind her of the words: Everything is going to be alright. The only other ornament she has is both her ears pierced along the lobe. Seven on each. It means nothing, the number. It’s just what fitted.

When James told her of his idea of getting Cris’ feathers tattoed, she said yes, even if she already had feathers. She obvious question that she knew James had, she waited until he brought it up: will she ever get something James tattoed. She already had, she said, because her whole tattoo meant James to her.

Her hair is long most of the time. She keeps it brown, but sometimes she gets highlights, and one time, memorably, she bleached it completely during a summer. A month later she dyed it brown again. It’s a thing, her hair. Both her partners love her hair, and would freak if she dared cut it too short. So they both offer to blowdry it, or help her style it. She will never admit that because when James hair turned out to be wavy-to-curly, she wanted hers wavy-to-curly too. James mastered the art of making Ani's hair wavy-tp-curly in under 8 minutes by the time Cris found out. That's a good story actually, the day Cris walked in on them in James' bedroom. Ani reading magazine and James sitting behind her, hair curler in expert hands.

She thinks Cristian might just be into pulling it in sexual situations. Turns out James also has a thing for that. She’s not complaining.

Anita is straight. She apparently has a good bisexual vibe going, because being propositioned threesomes with straight couples is not new to her. The first time it happens, she tells James, and James, being James, asks why not, why wouldn’t you try that, considering you like both the woman and the guy. What she answers comes naturally, “they guy is so not my type,” she says, and James does not ever let her live that down. Anita tells him he’ll be the first to know if she ever meets a Kiera Knightley and she stirs something in her. This is the first time Anita delves into the world of labels.

This interest, along with her love of working with teenagers, makes her a good candidate to work in the sex-ed programs the national government has since 2006.

She falls in love with Cristian, among other reasons, because he’s so different from James. The news that Cristian is not straight could have shocked her, what with her history of boyfriends coming out to her as bisexual (Granted, that was just James), but she was so intrigued by the demisexuality of it that by the time things with James progressed, she was somehow dead set that they could make it work.

To this day she identifies as “straigh, but with a healthy aesthetic appreciation of women that I do not rule out some homoromantic potential. There’s very little chance of anything sexual, thought. Believe me, when your James falls in love with your Cristian, and your Cristian is not entirely sure he doens’t return the feeling, you desperately look around for an out. And no, I couldn’t think of a woman sexually even when I was so done with men”. They were meant to be after all.

Actually that’s not true. She was dead set on how she and Cristian, Cristian and James were meant to be. Having to go back so deep in the past to find that, whatever that was, that had brought James and her together in the first place, and they had so very carefully left behind, was perhaps the most painful and difficult endeavor of her life.

They are happy.

Reference: The general energy of Hayley Atwell, but the face and smile of Lily James. The song Memory Motel describes her perfectly: her eyes were hazel and her teeth slightly curved. Her nose too. It looks slightlty different from each side.

#anita catalina villar

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assholemurphy · 6 years

Text

Had Enough

Also on AO3

Stranger Things

Steve/Jonathan

Summary: After another incident of abuse against the party, Steve gets pissed off and tells Jonathan what he's been up to. Hearing about the abuse pushes Jonathan over the edge and he decides to send him a warning, but they're interrupted by Billy, who starts a fight. In the aftermath and clean up, Jonathan and Steve discuss their relationship.

Written for Stonathan Week 2017 - Prompt: Monster Hunting

Rating: Teen

Word Count:

Warnings: Violence, Homophobia, Slurs, Referenced Child Abuse

Steve knew he liked Jonathan, a hell of a lot, but the second he said “Let’s go. I’m tired of Billy’s shit,” he knew he was in love.

Most people, when confronted with Billy’s bullshit and abuse, simply suggested going to the cops or telling a parent and having them deal with it, and nothing against Hopper or the party’s parents – with the exception of Mr. Wheeler, he could choke as far as Steve was concerned – but that wasn’t going to help the situation. Billy wasn’t going to listen to authority figures talking diplomacy, he only understood when you spoke his language, and Jonathan seemed to be the first person to really understand that. So, when Steve had grumbled that they needed to do something about him, he hadn’t expected anyone to agree, but Jonathan had, and it proved to Steve that he was, once again, the man of his dreams. A man of action.

However, as he knew from experience, it took a lot to get Jonathan angry, even more to get him angry to the point of willingly going along with what could only be called violent disturbing of the peace, but after Steve had told him what Will had told him on the car ride home, he was ready to commit murder. Billy really should have known not to mess with the younger Byers, but Billy and Jonathan hadn’t really met, so he supposed it wasn’t Billy’s fault for not understanding the rage of an older brother who had literally just gotten his brother back only to find out he was being bullied by a near-adult.

It wasn’t just his abuse of Will, he was fucking with the whole party, especially Max and Lucas because Billy was, as Steve had so eloquently put it “A racist pile of steaming horseshit.” And he’d really done it this time, because Lucas had gotten hurt in the process, which was the catalyst for Steve’s anger. That bastard had followed the party home from school after Max had ditched him to hang out at the arcade with her friends, and ran them off the road again. Steve hadn’t known about the first time until this evening, or this would have most likely happened a lot sooner. Billy had almost hit Lucas, purposely chasing him down for longer up until the point when he swerved to avoid being hit and went head first into a tree, leaving him with a rather large bump, which Steve had worried might have been a concussion, but after multiple reassurances from both Dustin and Will, had calmed down enough to realize that it wasn’t anything too serious. He had a few bruises, as well, and a couple scrapes on his face, but he had insisted he was fine and didn’t need Steve to baby him.

The party had done their best to calm Steve down and had succeeded in stopping him from going directly to Billy’s house and getting his ass handed to him almost immediately. It wasn’t until he’d brought Will home after a night of Dungeons and Dragons, that he’d met up with Jonathan and they’d collectively decided that something had to be done. Steve brought Will home most nights, because Ms. Byers still didn’t want him riding his bike home at night, which was understandable, so Steve had volunteered, partly because he liked Will, but mainly because it gave him a chance to see Jonathan, and it worked out just as well, because Steve was already at the Wheeler household studying with Nancy.

Nancy and Steve had made up and were on better terms, both realizing they weren’t the best for her, and she was helping him with his college essays, so he could potentially get in next year. He was aiming for somewhere in New York, so he could follow Jonathan, and he was willing to work as hard as he needed to get in. Which meant a lot of study sessions and plenty of rewritten essays. He was getting better, though, and he was sure he’d have it right by time for early consideration.

He’d been there for her when she and Jonathan had broken up a few months prior. Jonathan had broken it off, not really giving much of a reason beyond he didn’t think he was what she needed. Steve had been not so subtly trying to flirt with him ever since. It was no secret that Steve was bisexual, at least, not from the trio, anyway. Steve didn’t go around telling everyone, but Nancy had figured it out from the way he stared at Jonathan and, now that they weren’t dating anymore, she fully supported him in his endeavor to get Jonathan Byers to go out with him. The only problem was that Steve was too scared to ask him. They had a great friendship going and he didn’t want to ruin it. Nancy had assured him he wouldn’t, though, and so he’d gotten bolder in his attempts at wooing him.

Now, after a long conversation with Will about Billy’s abuse and how often it happened, which turned out to be at least weekly, and he was attacking the whole party, even shoved Will into a wall at the theater one day when he was with Mike and called him a fag. Will had had to restrain Mike to keep him from going after him, which would not have ended well. Jonathan was understandably pissed when Steve had told him.

“We need to do something about this motherfucking prick,” Jonathan all but growled as he opened the door of his house, ushering Steve out into the warm night’s air.

Steve snorted, “Wow, Jonny, I’ve never heard you use such strong language before.”

“Shut up and get in the car,” Jonathan told him before pausing, “You still got my bat?”

“It’s my bat now, and yes, it’s in my trunk,” Steve confirmed. He’d kept it around and had no intention of letting it go any time soon. That bat would come with him to college if necessary. He wasn’t taking any chances with the Upside Down.

“Then we’re taking your car. Keys?” Jonathan held up his hand, waiting for Steve to give them to him.

“It’s my car!”

“Keys,” Jonathan demanded ,and Steve raised his eyebrows but tossed him the keys.

“I love it when you get all bossy,” Steve flirted. Truthfully, Steve was a little too happy to see Jonathan in overprotective big brother mode. Not only was it hot, but it made him feel saner, since he wasn’t the only one Billy was pissing off.

They drove towards Billy’s house as soon as Steve gave him directions. He’d had to pick Max up a few times when her brother’s abuse got too bad. Steve took the time to go through Jonathan’s mix tape collection as one of them played, blaring out The Smiths. “You make these?”

“Yeah,” Jonathan nodded.

“What’s a guy gotta do to get one?”

“I don’t know. Why? You want one?” Jonathan asked, looking over at Steve as he went through the tapes.

“A little bit, yeah,” Steve admitted.

“Would you actually listen to it? It’s not gonna be some Cyndi Lauper bullshit, you know that, right?”

“I figured. I’ll listen to it.”

“Why do you want one?”

“Because-” Because I want to know what songs you associate with our friendship, with me. “I don’t know, I just want one. Nancy got one.”

“I was dating Nancy,” Jonathan pointed out.

Steve smiled and turned his head towards Jonathan, not joking as much as he wished he was, “Are you saying I have to date you to get a mix tape? Because if that’s the price I gotta pay-”

Jonathan snorted and shook his head, “I’ll make you one.”

Steve grinned as they pulled up to Billy’s place, but it soon disappeared when Jonathan parked the car. They had business to attend to and now was not the time for flirting.

Jonathan immediately went to the trunk to pull out the bat. Billy’s car was in the driveway and as soon as Jonathan had the bat in his hands, Steve knew what was about to happen. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“Probably not,” Jonathan shrugged. Needless violence wasn’t like him, but as far as he was concerned, this wasn’t needless at all. Billy needed to learn who the fuck he was messing with and it didn’t look like anybody else was willing to step up.

“We could get arrested!” Steve hissed, starting to regret the decision to come. If they were just going to confront Billy, it would be one thing, but this could get them in serious trouble.

“Okay, first off, my mom’s dating the chief, we’ll be fine. Secondly, we’ll just tell them everything Billy’s been doing to the kids and he’ll get in even more trouble, so there’s no way in hell he’ll call the cops,” Jonathan assured him, making his way to Billy’s car.

“Sound logic,” Steve sighed, feeling a little bit better, but still wary of the task at hand. He had to admit, it would be a very powerful message to send.

Jonathan nodded and lifted the bat over his head, smirking at Steve before bringing it down on the car’s windshield. The resulting sound of glass cracking shook the quiet neighborhood. Jonathan brought it down a couple more times until the windshield was destroyed. He stood back to admire his work. Billy’s windshield was completely shattered and caved it. He didn’t do it often, but when he did get angry, he made it count. “There. A warning.”

Jonathan started back towards the car, ready to go when the front door of the house opened. Steve realized way too late that if Billy’s car was here, then that meant he was here, too. “Shit.”

“Yeah,” Jonathan breathed out, his hand on the door’s handle.

“What the fuck did you do to my fucking car? What the hell?” Billy exploded out the door, running to his car to check out the damage. He pushed the hair back from his forehead, not quite believing what he was seeing. He shook his head, trying to process what had happened. “My dad’s gonna kill me.”

“Steve.” Jonathan urged, trying to get Steve’s attention, but Steve was completely focused on the horror story unfolding in front of them.

“He’s gonna kill me, and it’s all your fault,” Billy snarled before charging towards Steve, giving him a look that froze him in place.

“Steve! Steve, get in the car!”

He heard Jonathan, but he couldn’t do anything. He was like a deer in headlights and Billy was the oncoming car about to end his life. Well, he supposed it had been a good one. Sure, he had a few regrets, but what were they in comparison to this one?

“Harrington. I’m going to fucking kill you!”

“Steve, car!”

Steve stayed frozen as Billy stopped in front of him. He had all of two seconds to flinch before Billy’s fist connected with his face and he tasted blood in his mouth. The side of his face exploded with pain and he vaguely heard Jonathan yelling in the background.

“Don’t you fucking touch him!”

Billy got in a couple more hits, bloodying Steve’s nose and catching him under the eye before he was dragged off him, Jonathan pulling him away.

Steve blinked, getting his bearings and taking in the scene before him. Jonathan and Billy stood toe to toe, Billy shouting obscenities and Jonathan giving him a look of barely concealed rage.

Steve couldn’t tell who swung first, but within seconds, fists were flying. Jonathan clearly had the upper hand, more in control of himself than Billy could ever be, his anger wasn’t getting the better of him. Billy got in quite a few hits, though, and if Steve had been able to pick himself up off the ground, then he would have tried to help, but he wasn’t sure it was safe to go near them and Jonathan seemed to be handling himself.

Jonathan finally shoved Billy back against the car, holding him up with an arm to his throat. They’re both bloody and beaten up, but Jonathan wasn’t done. “You stay the fuck away from my brother and his friends. Do you understand?”

“Fuck you and fuck your faggot boyfriend,” Billy spat, struggling to get free. Jonathan didn’t look very strong, but he was holding Billy in place fairly well.

“Do you fucking understand?” He growled out, shoving his arm further against Billy’s throat.

“Go to hell, you motherfucking freak!”

“I swear to god, if I hit you again, I’m not gonna stop until you quit breathing, you piece of shit. Stay away from my brother, stay away from Max and Lucas, all of them. And stay the fuck away from Steve.” Billy had caused too much pain to his friends, he wasn’t going to stand for it anymore. If they couldn’t settle it like adults, Jonathan was more than happy to act just as childish as Billy.

“Gotta protect your bitch of a boyfriend, right?” Billy smiled, his teeth bloody and it hurt but he did it anyway. He managed to push Jonathan back just far enough, so he wasn’t touching the car anymore. “I always knew he was a fucking queer, I just didn’t know he was the one who took it up the ass.”

Jonathan shoved him back against the car with an audible thump, raising his fist.

“Jonathan! Let him go, we can leave, alright?” Steve called, finally getting to his feet. He wasn’t going to let Jonathan keep going. It was honestly a little scary seeing him like this. He wondered if he’d always been capable of this type of rage or if losing Will had changed him. Either way, it was over, Billy wasn’t worth getting arrested for. “He’s not worth it. It’s over.”

Jonathan stared at Billy for the longest time, but finally let him go, Billy slumping against the car. “Damn right. I knew you didn’t have the guts to finish it.”

“You want me to keep going?” Jonathan asked, not even turning around. He wanted to go home, to clean his face up, and to calm down. He hated being angry, it reminded him too much of Lonnie.

“I’m not afraid of you, you fucking cocksucker!” Billy raised his voice as Jonathan got farther away.

Jonathan rolled his eyes, “If you keep shouting you’re gonna wake the whole neighborhood. And your dad.”

“The fuck you know about my dad?” Billy asked, taking a few steps towards them.

Jonathan spun around, staring at Billy, “I know enough. I know he beats you, kicks the shit out of you and calls you worthless. I know he broke your nose last Christmas because you forgot to call him ‘sir.’ And I know that you’re just like him.”

“I’m nothing like him!” Billy shouted in offense.

“You both hurt people to make yourselves feel better. You’re both dicks. You both hurt people who look up to you, who need you to be stable, who need you to care about them, but instead you treat them like shit. You’re exactly alike and you know it.”

Billy crossed his arms, getting defensive, “And so what? Why should I apologize for being what he’s made me?”

“Because you don’t get to be a dick, that’s not how the world works. You think you’re the only one with a shitty father? Grow the hell up, Billy. You’re not the only person getting hurt here.” Jonathan knew first hand what it was like to be shoved around, but instead of taking it out on Will, he’d done everything he could to protect him, to show him the love he hadn’t gotten. Billy was just a bad example of abuse victims. He didn’t have to be like he was, but he didn’t try to change, and that was the problem. It was so easy to give into the anger, to let it consume you and to hurt others the way you’d been hurt, but being better was hard. Loving people, caring about them, trusting them, that was hard, and Billy didn’t want to put forth the effort to do it. So, he stayed the way he was, stagnant and sad, and honestly, Jonathan would have felt sorry for him if he hadn’t been such a dick to the people he cared about. Might’ve even offered to help him be better, but he could tell from the way Billy reacted, he didn’t want to be better, and Jonathan felt bad for all the people in his life that had to deal with him. Max had to deal with his abuse, and yet she’d turned out better. If a child could be better, then there was no fucking excuse for Billy’s grown ass to be as bad as he was.

“And why should I care? Nobody cares about me, so what do I owe them?” Billy snapped, glaring at Jonathan. He didn’t give two shits what he had to say. He liked himself, and that was all that mattered.

“Maybe they would if you weren’t such a colossal prick. Maybe if you let people care about you instead of hurting them. Do you want to care about your father? Do you want to love him? No, of course not! So, why should anyone love you?” Jonathan reasoned, shaking his head. He was done with the conversation, and done with Billy. “I’m going home, Billy. Touch my family again and I’ll break your fingers.”

“Whatever, you fucking fag. I don’t need your advice.” Billy stomped off into the house, slamming the door behind him.

Jonathan leaned against the car for a moment, in pain and relived it was over, before opening the door and sliding into the front seat, asking “You okay, Steve?”

“Me? What about you? You look like you went ten rounds with Mike Tyson,” Steve shook his head as he closed the door.

“I’m fine. I’ve had worse,” Jonathan shrugged, wincing slightly. “Some Tylenol and some sleep will fix it.”

Steve looked him over, taking stock of his visible injuries, “You really kicked his ass.”

“Maybe he’ll leave them alone now.” That was all they could hope for.

“If not, we go to Hopper, he’ll arrest him, right?”

“If he can get enough evidence.”

Steve sighed and looked out the window as they drove, blood drying on his face. “Go to my house, so we can get cleaned up. I doubt you want your mom to see you like this, right?”

“Good idea,” Jonathan said, turning to get on the street that lead to Steve’s place. He didn’t even want to think about what his mother would say if she saw him like this. He wasn’t in the mood for a lecture or to be coddled, he just wanted his head to stop hurting.

“Well, I am full of them. Hey, did you grab my bat?” Steve asked, suddenly worried.

“Yeah, it’s in the backseat. I put it there when I was trying to get you in the car.”

Steve looked in the back, confirming that the bat was indeed there. “Yeah, sorry, I just kinda froze.”

“It’s alright.” Jonathan understood. He knew what it was like to freeze up. But seeing Steve get attacked had triggered something in him. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from jumping in to save him.

They stopped outside Steve’s house and sat in silence for a moment before Steve opened the car door. Jonathan came around the side and handed him his keys so he could unlock the front door.

Once inside, Steve immediately took Jonathan to the bathroom to get cleaned up. He handed a rag to Jonathan and took on for himself, cleaning the dried blood from his face. He’d have a bruise in the morning, but compared to how Jonathan’s face would look, that was nothing. Once their faces were cleaned up, so they could see the damage better, Steve pulled out a first aid kit and set it on the counter.

“Here, let me help you put your face back together.”

“Okay, but honestly, how bad is it?” Jonathan asked, looking at himself in the mirror.

“I dunno,” Steve shrugged, smiling at Jonathan, “I still think you’re pretty.”

Jonathan looked down for a moment, like he was considering what to do before looking back at Steve and reaching out to tangle a fist in his shirt and pull him into a kiss. It was gentle and slow, hesitant, and Steve was too shocked to do anything but stand there. His brain finally kicked in as he felt Jonathan let go.

“I’m sorry, I-” That was as much as Jonathan could get out before Steve pulled him into another kiss, letting one hand tangle in his hair and the other wrap around his waist to pull him closer. Jonathan kissed back, cupping the side of Steve’s face with his hand. It was hungry and sloppy and their faces still hurt, but neither of them cared. Steve backed Jonathan up until he was pressed against the wall and Jonathan hummed his approval.

They finally broke apart and Steve smiled at Jonathan, “So, what was that for? Not that I’m complaining, just, you know, curious.”

Jonathan furrowed his brow, letting his hand drop, “I just- When I saw him hit you, I don’t know how to explain it, but I was so scared and angry. Then, here, with you, maybe it’s the adrenaline talking, I don’t know, but I’ve noticed your flirting and I’m not sure how to reciprocate it, but I would really like it if, I don’t know, we could go out some time?” Jonathan was painfully aware of how many times he said he didn’t know, but luckily, the smile stayed on Steve’s face.

“Even if I’m a fag who takes it up the ass?” Steve joked.

“I guess I can deal with that,” Jonathan shrugged. “As long as you don’t mind me being a motherfucking freak.”

“Well, nobody’s perfect,” Steve laughed, pulling away. “Now, we really do need to fix your face.”

#stonathanweek2017 #stonathan #stonathan fanfiction #stranger things #steve harrington #jonathan byers #stranger things fanfiction #yes jonathan is a bit ooc #but he's been pushed to his limit this year and i mean #his anger is justified #my fics #stranger things fic #stonathan fic

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