#yes this is me coping again but surprise surprise its no because of my breakup this time

[cold-r-ain-in-june]

phoebe bridgers, "moon song" // ryan ross, "lonely moonlight" // a.w.m. // m.k. // gentle.earth // mary balogh, "snow angel" // unknown // gentle.earth // lil nas x, "thats what i want" // @the-little-red-queen, "you are keith"

[grantzarrr]

Only Ethan’s e.d

Summary: Y/n cant please herself anymore now that she has been with Ethan. So Ethan decides that his dominance needs to be up leveled.

Warnings: smut, spanking, bad writing and a little of a lot really. Maybe some grammar mistakes.

A/n: helloo- um I had to ‘take a break’? ig because of a bad breakup but i have completely become perfectly ok without that asswhole :D also sorry its bad and long ( 2,382!!) I don’t know how to put the “keep reading” :/ thanks for 90 :33

“Why the fuck can’t I do this?” You sighed, there you were legs spread with nothing but Ethan’s shirt bunched up on you and some socks on. You were propped up on some pillows on the bed trying to please yourself so good like Ethan would do to you. But for some reason you just couldn’t make it feel the same as Ethan’s fingers could make you. Ethan was like a god at fingering you, had you on cloud nine every time, had you withering, flicking and bucking your hips up for more when his tips would dance dangerously close to your g-spot. And his beefy thumb slowly circling your clit that he would sometimes dip down and lick down on.

The way his perfectly giant hands got down on you had you weak, making you cum or even squirt every time. The eye contact this man gave was the icing on the cake for you, staring you up and down then worshiping your body. Ethan knew your pussy like the back of his hand that he’ll fuck you with— he knew what motion to work his fingers on each event that fell near. And for some reason you could not pleasure yourself like you used to before Ethan would, you was more than fine with your self pleasement and for damn sure knew your own body. It was like the only thing that worked was Ethan’s cock and fingers now and it would annoy you often, how come your boyfriend—which was heavenly by the way— how come his fingers automatically became the only thing to get you off? When you’ve been dating for about 10 months.

You never had a vibrater nor a dildo before but you decided to order both—just to see how they both worked for you. You ordered a purple 6 inch dildo, not as big as Ethan but it’ll do, you thought. Then you ordered and a bright pink, “4 setting, pleasure giving vibrater” which something you were actually looking forward to using.

But then you decided to try at least one more time with your fingers. But this time with a little help— you opened PornHub and tried finding some rough stuff just to get you going a bit. You angled your phone on the nightstand to where you could see it from the bed and got back in position, as the video started where the couple being already in their position made your pussy tingle some more. Though you just had to imagine it was Ethan to get yourself really up there.

And this is where Ethan had just got done from filming with Grayson and headed to your apartment. Just to cuddle though and not to walk in on his girlfriend trying to finger fuck herself— that was his job. Once he did pull up and make it there, he started getting all giddy and soft just knowing his girl was there in his hoodie nice and comfy on her phone or watching Netflix. Don’t get him wrong, he would love it if he seen her getting ready for some rough and hot sex— Ethan Dolan only did rough and hot sex. Especially after a long day of bickering with his idiot of a brother some hot sweaty sex was calling his name. But tonight he just thought he knew that you were all cozyed up and boy was he wrong.

He had a spare key for just in case, he thought that he wouldn’t tell you he was coming over because you looked so cute when your eyes lit up when he would surprise you and thinking you had his hoodie on he was so giddy. Ethan then slowly made his way down to your room and seen the door open halfway so he just took a little peep. And when he did every soft little moment left his head immediately. There his girl was vigorously trying to please herself using her other hand to roughly toy at her clit and oh look she was coping the man that’s fingering the girl on Porn.

Ethan froze right there in the door frame, freezing at the glorious site in front of him. He just stared at her beautiful pussy being toyed with— his perfect pussy. As the tint in his sweats started forming bigger, his frustration bubbled as well. He remember specifically telling Y/n that “Fucking with this pussy without my knowledge would just lead to you not being able to left a finger to touch it.” But he just knew that she would continue to be a little bratty fuck— like now.

He waited a bit though to just let this occurrence go through his mind a bit, just wanting to hear her little chokes and whines. But he had enough of the rougness Porn playing when he was right there so he decided it was enough. “What do we have here, baby?” He said now walking into the room, exposing himself to her.

And Y/n nearly jumped out of her skin at the immediate present of her boyfriend. “Ethan!?” She shouted immediately pulling a pillow over her lower half, out of fear. “Don’t try to cover up now, you sure exposed it all to the man on Porn.” He teased with you, and truthfully you couldn’t tell if he was pissed off or if he wanted you to continue. He then torn the pillow away from you and opened your legs back. Once he seen just how fucked your pussy looked from you toying at it, he compressed his groan and glanced back up at you from between your legs.

His eyes were darker than his usual gorgeous hazel orbs and full to the brim of lust. Then he spoke a deep hasty voice, “Get on your knees.”, it startled you a bit, never once has Ethan spoken so dark or even to you so coldly to do that. And you loved every second of it, your eyes fluttered as you processed this— and not to mention the absolute puddle he was making you. You were sure he seen it as you still sat there legs spread. But you coughed up a softly, “Wha- what do you want?”, At that he just clenched his jaw.

“I’m mighty sure I’ve made my intentions clear, I want you on your knees sucking my cock till your knees hurt and you’re begging me lift you up.” The words seem to just roll off his tongue so smoothly and you were lost for words. “Perhaps i need to put you in your bratty little place?” He taunted with you. All you did was nodd, it completely blew your mind on where this new Ethan came from, he was never this dominant before. Yes he’s had to throbbing and wet for him in seconds like this but never leaving you completely breathless. He grabbed your throat and kneeled you before him. 

You reached up to slide down his sweats while staring straight up at him, maintaining the unspeakable eye contact. He was already rock hard from just watching you and your pussy. You then palmed him slowly though his underwear. “Angel, please no teasing and suck my cock.” He whined out, this is where you knew he’s at his weakest point when you suck him off, he would melt and wither under you when he felt you deepthroating him or when you swirled and kissed around his tip. Going down to his balls sucking them and letting them out your mouth with a pop. Or when you would trace your finger up over him before using your full hand and giving it a squeeze, something he warn you about.

He then grabbed at your hair and starts thrusting softly into your mouth. This is him letting you know he want to throat fuck you, which you allow. He reaches for more of your hair as he speeds up his thrusts, “Fuckk— i can feel me in your throat.” He moans, pretty little sounds leaving his mouth as he continued. “Fucking gag on me Y/n. Take it all- show me how much you can take down your pretty throat.” You were getting so thrilled at his words that you started reaching down to rub your clit. Surely Ethan wouldn’t know with everything that’s going on.

You started moaning a little more than usual on his cock, he could tell. So he cracked his eyes to see you two fingers down playing with yourself, he immediately stopped. You didn’t even notice- with the pleasure you were receiving having you nearly close to getting off blindly you. “Let me fucking show you what happens to little brats who don’t follow rules.” He stated sternly. Pulling his underwear back up but only throwing his shirt and sweats down.

You were now bent over on Ethan’s lap with the fuzzy handcuffs—that was in the ‘secret box’ you and Ethan liked to call it— on your wrists. “I want you to say that you’ll never disobey me again after each spank, got that angel?” He asked but sounded more of a demand the asking. You nodded but only to Ethan’s disapproval, he slapped you ass on the right cheek leaving a small gasp from you and a small discovery of a new kink from both of you. “Nodding is gonna get you know where, angel.”

You laid there appalled at this, did he really want you to say it? Has Ethan become this dominant? “Yes sir!” You squealed, he seemed to be pleased at your response and rubbing you ass cheek he recently slapped.

*spank* “I won’t ever disobey you again, sir!” Spank after spank after spank it continued, you continued to 27 till Ethan felt that was enough. And every spank he gave you, you felt yourself get even wetter and you knew Ethan could too. Your thong was right against his tight, but still he dipped his fingers down and brushed against your heat. “Ah so that makes you wet huh? I should’ve known a brat like you would melt in a second over this.” And he threw to on bed on your back.

Since you were still in handcuffs, you couldn’t touch Ethan, you couldn’t reach over and pull him in. So you decided to really fuck with him about it, “Why the fuck do you have me in cuffs? Your an absolute asswhole for this.” You cocked a brow up when he clenched his jaw and glared at you. “Watch that mouth brat, but since you have so much to say let’s see what you can say with the pretty little gag on, hm.”

He pulled out a orange gag ball from the box, something you didn’t even know was there. He reached around and put it on your mouth and tighten it to fit you. “I’ve spoiled you for to long, got you thinking I won’t break you for this.”

He became by pushing his shirt up from your body and making his way down to your already soaked and toyed with pussy. He slid you thongs off and kissed your clit with his soft plump pink lips and wet tongue, pulling your swollen and throbbing clit between his teeth and sucking hard. Letting out a muffled moan from you and your back started arching off the bed.

He entered two fingers into your pussy, a small form of relief when you felt him dive in. It was finally his fingers, he started speeding up with his movements, licking at you clit, he loved the way your pussy would take him and the way he could slide in so easily. “Mm my fucking pussy.” He growled and dived back down, lapping away so heavenly. Your high started back rising, his finger tips knocking at you g-spot leaving you to flick and buck you hips up so you could cum. He fingers were like perfectly molded for your pussy like it was made for you and you only.

“Mmm.” He heard you from the gag, “gonna cum for me?” He raised from your pussy to glance at you. You hurried and nodded, and Ethan stopped there, you groaned through your gags, really needed that release. “You’re only coming around my cock angel, keep those pretty legs spread for me.”

He was know hamming into you, legs on his shoulders, hands cuffed on the railing headboard and gagged to keep that bratty little mouth shut. Ethan looked up at you to see that your eyes were squeezed shut, so he smacked your inner tight, “Eyes open, angel. Want you to see who’s fucking yo this good.” He snapped, and you didn’t want to him to stop so you forced yourself to keep your eyes open. “Ugh, my pussy is taking me so good, such a pretty little pussy.” He moaned

You were so fucked out and tried already, and your mind being so hazy from the pleasure and the pain that you could only take it, your body trembling as he quickened his pace of his thrusts and strokes. Ethan could sense that you were so close, he didn’t even bother slowing down as he brought you closer to your release. You moaned his name loudly, legs beginning to shake again as you pulled on the cuffdaround your wrists and spit forming on the sides of your gag.

Your head was spinning as you felt his dick twitch inside you. You hoped he would let you cum you were so closed, your toes started curling as you almost reached that point.

“Fuckk- cum, right now angle cum with me.”

His words triggered you so much you came in an instant. The tightness of your pussy when you came made him release early, his cock squirting into you as he filled you up, knowing you were on birth control anyway. He then feel onto you, dick still in you as he uncuffed you and took off your gag.

You both layed there for a minute enjoying each other’s warmth untill Ethan got up and slipped his dick out of you. You felt so empty, he came back and cleaned you up then he layed back with you. “You look so pretty after a good fucking.” He said so softly, it made you giggle. “I love you and this new dominant side.” You said, he just hummed in response.

“You think we need a bath?” You whispered, “Not yet, I wanted to cuddle from the beginning and I get cuddles now.”

[littlelittlebear]

Two Drifters | 3/3 Jeronica Secret Santa

@fangstomysweetpea oh my god.... its finally time!!! 

The moment i’ve been aching for is finally here and i am HYPE

Happy Christmas my dear Tumblr-friend, I hope you enjoy this jeronica playlist/au/riverdale rewrite.

A couple things first, the descriptions on each song are just an outline as to whats happening in that moment/what the song calls for. Also, this is like a story, so its not really something you can play on shuffle lol. I’m confident you didn’t really need these “instructions” lmao, just want you to have a bomb-ass jeronica experience XDD

Also, you don’t have to “follow” the descriptions when you think them out, you can completely take the reigns too if you’d like!

So.... here ya go!!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1MflcKtyBDRjnP0giX03X4?si=ZcsD0GfxR0KevhgDpTZVKQ

And here are the descriptions-

Oxford Comma-

Locking eyes for the first time… wow. Just- everything is in slow motion.

Baby Doll-

Slow dancing in Pop’s after the dance. (V goes to Pop’s instead of Archie)

Can I call you tonight?-

Jughead and Veronica’s moments of glee when they finally set up a date with each other. Veronica squeals and jumps up and down, Jughead punches the air, they both fall down on the bed with blissful looks on their faces. Two cinnamon rolls.

“So, I’ll call you tonight?”

“Yes! *Too enthusiastic- calm down Veronica* Yes. Call me tonight.”

*Que music*

Just Like a Movie-

Jughead calls this their theme song one day when they’re just hanging out in the student lounge as a joke.

Scrawny-

Veronica calls this Jughead’s theme song in response, they have a good laugh and Jughead rolls his eyes at the lyrics A LOT.

Space Girl-

Jughead calls this Veronica’s theme song- because she’s “oUt oF tHiS worLD!”.

She smacks his arm for being so cheesy.

Good Morning-

The morning after they do the “horizontal tango” with each other for the first time, they dance in Veronica’s kitchen, knowing all the words- only to be interrupted by an amused Hermione Lodge.

Unforgettable-

Their first Christmas together, spent snowed in at The Pembrooke. But honestly, they don’t mind.

Shake it out-

Jughead and Veronica cry together after her parents blackmail them/force them to break up. #parentssuck.

Your star-

Coping with the breakup, newsflash- they aren’t, or when they are... they don’t go the healthiest route. So. Much. Angst.

Rare-

Veronica changes up her style a little bit, which really is just lower cut tops, just trying to forget about Jughead- does a lil sexy performance singing to this at a pep rally.

Out the door-

Jughead never leaving the depressional stage of grief.                                

+ Exchanging broken looks that just scream “I’m not over you.”

I can’t get you off my mind-

Drunkenly hooking up at a party because their tension recently had just been… w o w

Drugs-

Sneaking around- sexy times ;)

Why Do You Love Me-

Having a screaming match, then a very angry/hot makeup session, then very angry sex XD

The Wind-

After some hOrIzOnTaL TaNGo at Sweetwater River, they admit that they can’t keep away from each other, saying that they love each other for the first time- followed by Veronica crying tears of joy cuz she’s never done that before- and that they’re going to work everything out, together. They just hold each other after that.

“I love you, Princess.”

Veronica props herself on her elbow to face him (they were laying down before)

Jughead sees her widened eyes. “Y-you don’t have to say it back, I know its ha-“

“I love you too, Jug”

You and I-

Montage of working at Pop’s for summer, ending with a jam sesh in Jughead’s trailer- Veronica just in his shirt and Jughead just in his sweats. FP comes in, surprised to see Veronica, but welcomes her easily. FP and Veronica bond, and he embarrasses Jug with some baby photos. While Jug’s probably beet-red, he can’t help but completely oggle at Veronica- happy that they don’t have to hide from his dad anymore.

Start a Riot-

Jeronica send a little message to Hiram through security cameras (they just make out lmao), showing that he can’t keep them apart. They then proceed to trash Hiram’s jingle jangle lab. :)

Moon River-

Slow dancing after having been crowned homecoming King and Queen. And of course, because Veronica is 1/2 of this relationship- this becomes their song.

“That’s us.”

“What do you mean?” Veronica asks, confused.

“The two drifters in the song. ‘Two drifters, off to see the world.’ That’s us”

Veronica’s eyes start to gloss.

“I absolutely love that. And you.”

Teenagers-

Being the badass power couple they are, being 100% team Serpent against the Bulldogs during the riots. Its all one long shot too- no cuts :))

A Sunday Kind of Love-

Looking at each other in slow motion (wow- I really love putting stuff in slow motion) when Veronica is officially named Serpent queen, they’re absolutely smitten with each other. Cut to them dancing in the Wyrm to the song, discussing how they’re going to make their big debut as Riverdale’s resident power couple… second to Choni of course.

“So… now that I’m your queen, I was thinking had a debut of sorts. Just to educate the public of this new order.” Veronica jabs, only kind of joking.

Jughead laughs, but it sounds more of a huff.

“Could you settle for a hand-in-hand entrance at school? Or would you be more comfortable with a red carpet event?”

Glory-

Veronica and Jughead walking into school as Serpent Royalty with matching Serpent jackets- no special colours thank you very much. You can bet your ass its in slow motion.

Worlds Apart-

Veronica crying at Jughead’s bed-side after the Ghoulies fuck him up.

Boss Bitch-

Veronica gets revenge on the Ghoulies and Penny Peabody with the help of the female Serpents, the River vixens, Hermione, Betty, and Alice.

Le Symbolique-

Veronica and Jughead reunite from his state of unconsciousness, this whole sequence is in slow motion, with a lot of white lighting/glare. Jughead almost died and just that thought alone KILLED Veronica.

“Jug I was so scared-“

“Shush Ronnie, let me look at you.” His teary eyes trace over Veronica’s face with a beaming smile, before he brings his girlfriend closer and kisses the top of her forehead.

Harmony Hall- 

Some core four bliss before it gets chaotic again, with a side of Jeronica and Barchie cuddles.

Not Your Barbie Girl-

A River vixen performance, Jughead is so fricken in love with Ronnie right now cuz she’s just RADIATING empowerment.

Therefore I Am- 

Jeronica sends Hiram to jail again after a bomb ass one liner from Veronica:

“Mija, you have no idea what you’re doing.”

“Only one thing’s false in that sentence Hiram, I’m not your Mija anymore.”

(HELP ME I CAN’T WRITE)

*Proud Jughead smirk*

This Life-

Veronica meeting JB and Gladys, them getting along great- just a wholesome Lodge/Jones get-together.

Don’t Call Me Angel-

Veronica changes her name to Luna, fully emancipating herself from Hiram, and this gets Jughead really turned on XD

Sway With Me-

La Bonne Nuit’s first successful night, Josie, Veronica, Toni, and Cheryl perform. Veronica somehow convinces Jughead to dance with her in public. Think Moulin Rouge’s Diamond Dogs type editing.

My Oh My- 

Getting screwed over my Hiram, Veronica is in a TON of debt and needs some “stress relief” with Jughead. He obliges. Happily.

HIP-

Veronica and Cheryl start their rum business, Jughead helps and oml he’s so proud of her. Btw, Cheronica are HUGE badasses right now.

Bury a friend-

Surviving Eversgreen Forest and Penelope Blossom…

Youth-

The core four are free from the forest, successfully escaping Penelope Blossom. Jughead and Veronica share a tearful but happy kiss, laying down on the back of a truck.

Don’t Take The Money-

The core four hang out at pops and promise to have fun this senior year, Jughead steals Veronica’s cherry from her milkshake, but being so vulnerable to Midget’s (He calls her Midget. Yup.) puppy dog eyes, he makes it up to her by sharing his fries. 

“And for a brief, shining moment, we were kids again.” all that good shiz

The Four Seasons: “Winter”-

Jeronica hangs with the Stonewall psychos.

(Online Love)-

Veronica and Jughead FaceTime and Veronica has this vibe like she’s the montage of the hero’s dead girlfriend in a movie. Like her hair is all splayed out on her pillow and she’s all smiley-

“You look like an angel right now- with your hair like a halo and how much you’re smiling.”

Veronica laughs

“Well it’s your fault I’m smiling you idiot.” Her voice softens towards the end of the sentence.

“I love you too, Ron.”

El Tejano-

Party at Stonewall, Jeronica are absolutely WASTED. Fun fact- Jughead get’s really into PDA when he’s drunk

Burned Out- 

Oh shit… I guess Jughead is dead now. (dw, Betty’s still the one who “kills him”)

Claire de Lune-

Just kidding, he’s alive, and he and Veronica have a really cute moment in the bunker. Veronica starts reading his novel, per his request, and he just starts playing this on the record player and she smiles but her eyes are still on the book. He just kind of watches her, and when she starts beaming at the book he can’t help but kiss her right there. Then they just cuddle and little bit, Veronica on Jug’s lap, reading the book some more.

Girls Like GIrls-

Veronica has to prove Jughead is dead, so she and Betty kinda sorta… make out. Like, a lot. Betty is dating Archie at this point, and he’s the one who gets “mad”. But basically Betty and Veronica end up making out again cuz they spot Donna watching them. Veronica is a bi con, and Betty might be too but everyones in denial so *shrugs*.

Dream Lover-

(Time skip, because I’m lazy) Jughead’s alive again, sadly, his spot at NYU was taken by well, Veronica. Luckily, after pulling some strings, she surprises Jug with a full-ride acceptance letter from NYU starting second semester.

Magic Moments-

Yay! Prom! Barchie gets crowned king and queen (Beronica was kind of forgotten about, but thats fine, because we’re here for Jeronica first). While Betty and Archie are totally lost in each other, Jughead and Veronica are just kind of joking around on the side. While it’s Barchie’s moment, Jeronica is still looking pretty damn cute rn. Also, this becomes Barchie’s song!!

Oxford comma-

The song comes through the speaker at prom, Jughead invites Veronica to dance. As they sway, they gaze at one another like they’re seeing one another for the first time, to the song that started it all. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

And thats it! Thats Jeronica’s story from season one to season four, I hope you have a very merry Christmas and I hope you liked your presents! Also, if anyone feels like adding on to the dialogue or using any of the points in a fic or even making a whole ass fanfiction- please do!! I didn’t do this justice with my mediocre quotes so it would actually be preferred XD.

And again, happy Christmas :))

[frangipanidownunder]

So you simply can't post a list of kiss prompts and expect me NOT to ask you for one. Do you not even KNOW me? Please consider a ficlet (or more!) for #11-Reunion kiss. But maybe pre-breakup. A reunion after being apart for some other reason? This could easily be combined with another kind of kiss - first, shy, etc. (And I am holding my breath for your maid/master AU!) Fic is Medicine Anon

A Lifetime Ago: Fic

Fat blossoms, serrated petals, marshmallow pink, weighted the branches on the tree in the courtyard of her block. Sun heated the top of her head, lifting the hair from her scalp, and the interior of the car smelled of warm leather and dust. Motes danced as she laid her jacket on the passenger seat. 

When Mulder got in, he moved the jacket. Of course. She’d become so used to driving alone. More dust sparkled in the shaft of sunlight that shot through the glass. A glitter welcome party. 

“Sorry,” she mumbled, lost in the weird sense of the strange and familiar, the old and the new. He looked at her oddly. 

It made her blush, the intensity of his scrutiny. But the house looked pretty in the rearview mirror. Climbing vines over the fence, vivid green leaves bushy on the trees and shrubs. She could see a row of stakes just by the shed.

“Tomatoes?” she asked, nodding over her shoulder.

“Dirty Girl, Super Snow White and Ruby Gold.”

She drove over the gravel towards the road. “Sounds like one of those movies you used to watch.”

His chuckle was chesty, and she caught his full smile out the corner of her eye. He looked well. He looked good. He’d been looking better each time she’d seen him over the past few months, as though he’d turned some corner in his mind and life was no longer the bitter drag it had been. If tomato plants with exotic names were the key to this change, she’d take that over Prozac and desperate, begging midnight phone calls.

Years before she had loved those quiet, murmured conversations. When they meant connection, trust. But the FBI was a lifetime, a lost child and a break-up ago. Now, phone calls were made in office hours, more recently, she realised, when she was already on her way to see him.

“Where are we going again?” he asked, winding the window down and resting an elbow on the sill. “I admit I was surprised when you called. It kind of felt like you were asking me on a date.” He looked across at her and the fresh blast of air saved her from blushing again. “Is this a date?”

Chuffing, she fixed her eyes on the road. “When was the last time you went out, Mulder?”

“I go out,” he said, indignant. 

She snorted. “Running at three in the morning does not constitute going out.” 

“I’ve become friendly with the guy at the nursery.”

“Friendly?”

“Don’t give me that look. I can be friendly, Scully.” She remembered his friendly as either empathetic, nerdy or flirty.  “He orders heirloom produce for me, teaches me about companion plants and has a fascination for UFOs. Funny how life works out, huh?”

“Huh,” she said. Nerdy.

A colleague at the hospital had married at the winery last fall and Scully had been struck by the setting, the ambience. Now she looked around and saw its precise beauty, high vaulted ceiling, wide landscapes on the silvery walls, starched white linen, gold embossed menus, cut crystalware. It was over the top. God, she’d misjudged this. Why didn’t she just go for Clint’s Diner where the talking point was the font used to spell the name, so that the L and the I were joined to form what looked like a U. Asking for the cunt’s special was Mulder’s favourite joke.  Even the Italian bistro with the red and white checked plastic tablecloths and fake tealights in jam jars would have been a better choice.

“So it is a date,” he said, but behind his broad grin there was a look of trepidation. He went to hook his thumbs in his belt loops but he wasn’t wearing shitty jeans. Instead, his fist curled into his pants pocket and he stood, uncharacteristically insignificant, in the magnificent room.

Guilt flared in her chest. Mulder had been a recluse for years, pummelling his chest with his self-hatred and lacing all their interactions with accusations and blame, and now, because he was growing fucking tomatoes, she’d decided he could cope with a three-course degustation lunch and two glasses of Pinot Gris?“This is not what I…” But she was cut off by the Maitre D who swept over and checked the booking. “Dr Scully, yes, that’s right.” Why had she chosen that salutation when she called. It made it sound like a business lunch.

Their table was on the terrace under heavy-scented purple wisteria. The waiter unflapped serviettes like he was cracking a whip. He placed glasses, crockery and cutlery with the precision required for surgery. Mulder remained quiet the entire time, but regarded her, not the waiter. His expression softened when the waiter left and dappled light filtered over his skin.

“This is not what I expected, Scully. But it’s a step up from chilli dogs and Shiner Bock.”

Ugh. Now she was craving an evening on the couch watching him watching the game. “I’m sorry, Mulder. This feels all wrong.”

“Hey,” he said, leaning forward, sliding his hand over the table top, but careful to leave his fingers just an inch from hers. “It’s fine. I kind of love being wined and dined. It makes me feel special.” His fingers crept closer, close enough for her to see the white fleck on his left index nail, the light abrasion on his ring finger knuckle, close enough to remember what those elegant digits used to do to her.“As long as you don’t expect me to put out, Scully.” He grinned suddenly. “You should know up front that I’m not that easy.”

No, she thought, you’re not. We were never easy, you and me. She laughed at his joke anyway, his smile urged her to indulge him. The waiter brought the wine and Mulder sniffed, swirled and sipped it before giving it his approval. They chose entrees and mains and he chatted amiably, telling stories about the nursery dude and his collection of blurry photos of cigar-shaped crafts.

“I hadn’t the heart to tell him it was all BS, Scully. Why burst his bubble? He gets a lot of joy out of it.” Ah, empathy.

“And you get free seeds. Sounds like a fair exchange.”

He sat back, arms behind his head, before realising where he was and sitting upright, hands on his lap, much more respectable. “I’ve missed you,” he said, out of nowhere. “But this was nice. Unexpectedly so. A nice date, if I may be so bold as to describe it so, Doc.”

Flirty. She chuffed, cheeks aflame. The wine, she thought. It was always the wine. “It’s good to see you so relaxed, Mulder. It’s been a while.”

“Was I ever relaxed, Scully?” he asked, genuinely. “I look back now and see how tightly coiled I was. Have been.” His head bobbed down, but his eyes lifted to hers. “Am.”

The first time she visited him after she left, he was cowering under the kitchen table, shards of glass and ceramic scattered across the floor. He didn’t speak for an hour. She sat at a chair six feet away from him, listening to his tight sobs, watching his shoulders bunch, while she embraced her old friend, guilt.

“You’ve been through a lot, Mulder. We both have. It’s been a difficult…”

“Life?” he supplied.

“I was going to say time, but yeah. That too.” She laughed and so did he. His fingers edged forward again, touching hers this time. Heat sparked. He felt it too, he almost recoiled in shock, but pressed on, covering her hand with his. He clasped it gently, lifted it, nuzzled her knuckles, eyes closed so she could admire the length of his lashes and the furrow between his brows. A lifetime of pain in two creases. She had an urge to kiss them, run her tongue along the downy lines of them, taste his familiar skin.

“We should go,” she said, after a time. 

He held the door open for her and stooped inside the car, dazzling her with his smile. “Just remember, I don’t go all the way on first dates.”

“What about first base?” she said, after he’d already shut the door.

They drove back, listening to an 80s radio station that Mulder found with ease. He belted out Living on a Prayer and other big ballads, air guitar and all. She smiled all the way to the house. When she parked, Sinead O’Connor’s singular voice introduced Nothing Compares 2 U. She went to turn the radio off but he held her wrist.

“I love this song,” he said. “Prince’s masterful lyrics. And that video clip.”

“It was a powerful statement,” she replied and let his fingers curl around hers. 

“I really did enjoy this, Scully. Going out, you know, where people are…out there. It’s hard sometimes. I…don’t…I haven’t done it often because it feels like I’m a trespasser, that I don’t belong.”

“You never did. We never did, Mulder. We were always on the outer.”

“But with you,” he said, snugging her single hand in both of his. “I always felt braver in company.”

Heat spread in her chest, her heart pinged. She didn’t know what to say. Literally no words formed, despite her mouth falling open. Tears burnt at her eyes but she wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t. 

“What about that first base, Scully?” His smile was a little hopeful, a lot wobbly.

She nodded. He captured her open lips and closed them between his. It was strange and familiar, old and new again. Sparkles glittered behind her eyes, just like those dust motes. When was that? Just a few hours ago? Surely not. That glitter welcome party was a lifetime ago.

[bittysvalentines]

My Best Friend’s Breakup

From: @missweber

To: @pwoops

Tags: Snowy/Tater, Snowy/OFC, background Zimbits, background Parswoops, friends to lovers, fluff, mild angst, accidental marriage, deliberate marriage

Summary: Everyone says that Snowy and his girlfriend are perfect together. This bothers Tater, which makes sense given the crush he has on his best friend. But he’s not the only one who is disturbed by how perfect everyone says Snowy’s girlfriend is. (This is in the same verse as ‘Fourteen Weddings and a Kerfuffle,’ but can be read as a stand-alone story.’)

Alexei wasn’t sure if he loved or hated Family Skate.

Family Skate meant skating with his friends and not having coaches yell at him or some asshole on the other team pick a fight with him. And there was always lots of food. That part, he loved.

What he didn’t love was always showing up alone, with no wife, no girlfriend.

Or no boyfriend, which was an intriguing new way to feel alone.

He tried to be subtle about watching Zimmboni with his little B over by the boards, talking and laughing with Carrie and Snowy…

…and Laurel.

Another thing Alexei hated about Family Skate was that it made him dislike a woman who truly didn’t deserve it. But how could he not dislike Snowy’s girlfriend?

Without his notice or his permission, Alexei’s feelings towards Snowy had turned into something that wasn’t just friendship. It was probably inevitable, given how Snowy was his best friend and a very, very handsome man as well. 

Given that Alexei enjoyed men as much as he enjoyed women, he had been doomed from the start.

For the sake of his heart, Alexei had long ago accepted that nothing would come of his crush and he would enjoy the friendship for what it was. And what it was, was the best kind of friendship a man could hope for.

As for that little touch of melancholy that it would never be more than friendship? It eventually settled into something almost pleasurable, like the soreness after a hard workout, or the burn of vodka searing down his throat.

This was very Russian of him, he decided smugly.

Again, he glided past the little group by the boards, past Zimmboni’s hand on B’s back, past Snowy standing close to Laurel, past Laurel saying something about ‘anniversary.’ 

This time, the jolt of melancholy wasn’t remotely pleasurable.

Everyone said it was only a matter of time before Snowy proposed. Laurel was a sweet girl, a perfect hockey girlfriend who would be a perfect hockey wife. 

Marty had even started a betting pool about when Snowy would propose, and Alexei had been grumpy enough to put money on them breaking up before Easter, just to be an ass. 

His best friend was going to get married and Alexei would just have to learn to live with that and with the fact he had thrown good money away purely out of spite.

* * * 

Dustin sank into the oversized, overstuffed, and over-engineered chair with a groan. Tater’s new recliner wasn’t at all to his taste, what with the red leather and the cup holder, but he would be the first to admit that the vintage Bauhaus furniture in his own apartment was more suited to a fit of ennui than a wallow in self-pity.

“Breakups fucking suck,” he whined.

Tater made a sympathetic noise that abruptly morphed into a huh? 

Dustin side-eyed him and got a puzzled look in return. 

“I thought you break up with her?” Tater asked.

Another groan. Tater’s recliner welcomed him further into its womb-like depths. It was even uglier than Zimmermann’s god-awful running shoes, but damn it was comfortable. 

“Yeah. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck, because it’s not like I still don’t care about her, y’know?”

Tater grumbled with frustration, probably over Dustin’s tangle of negatives. 

Dustin took pity on him. “I broke her heart, and I feel like the worst person in the whole fucking world right now, okay? And Marty’s gonna slit my throat, because Gabby and Laurel are BFFs, and argh!” He screamed into his hands.

In so many ways, Laurel was perfect. Everyone said they were perfect together. She was hot, smart, funny, fun in bed, thoughtful, able to cope with all the bullshit that went with dating a hockey player…

“I made a big fucking mistake, didn’t I?” 

Thirdy had all but ordered him to lock that down, kid, at Family Skate two weeks ago. He had been weirdly insistent that the end of the regular season would be an awesome time to propose, but that wasn’t the important part.

The important part was that afterwards, things started going a bit… sideways with Laurel. Not bad. Just…

Sometimes, looking at something from a new angle made it look like a completely different thing.

Tater let out the long, rumbling hmmm that meant he was putting concepts together, taking them apart, and carefully reassembling them in a different language. 

While Tater pondered, Dustin thought about begging Laurel to take him back. He could say he was freaked out by the pressure of trying to secure a playoffs spot, and did something impulsive. She would take him back, right?

The certainty that she would knotted up his stomach more than he expected.

Tater got up and went to the kitchen. “This need pie,” he announced. 

Next came the crinkling of foil and the clink of plates being placed on the counter.

“B make blueberry pie, just for me.” Tater called from the kitchen. “When he hear about Laurel, he say I should share.”

The knot in Dustin’s stomach unfurled and bloomed into warmth. “I get Bittle pie? Aw, man, you really do love me.”

A long pause. An exasperated sigh.

“I only share little piece.” 

A few minutes later, Tater came back with two generous slices of pie, warmed up and garnished with a dab of sour cream. 

The first time Tater had served pie with sour cream, Dustin assumed it was a mistake, and that Tater meant to get whipped cream but read the packaging wrong. 

“Is not mistake,” Tater had retorted, testy at being corrected. “You see.”

The combination of hot, sweet fruit and cold, tangy sour cream was a revelation. In retrospect, it should have been obvious how perfect they’d be together.

Tater draped a napkin over Dustin’s lap with a flourish, then handed him the pie. Both plate and napkin were bright and fussy, like something Tater’s babushka might have bought. 

Again, not to Dustin’s taste, but you couldn’t serve sympathy pie on minimalist matte-black plates.

“Now we talk,” Tater said. “You sad because Laurel sad, yes?”

He nodded. He saw events play out as if they’d just happened. The expectant, eager look on Laurel’s face when he said he needed to talk to her, the way her smile just shattered when he said he didn’t want anything long-term, the sound she had made. The sudden nausea when he realized that their anniversary was in three days and she had been expecting will you marry me and not it’s not you it’s me.

“Yeah. Like I said, worst person in the world.” He pointed at himself with his fork. He might not want to spend the rest of his life with Laurel, but he still liked her. Loved her, even if not enough for forever. And he had hurt her. Badly.

“Imagine something for me,” Tater said after a minute, unusually serious. He leaned in and put a hand on Dustin’s shoulder. “Imagine she not sad at all. Okay, maybe little bit sad, but she say ‘You are right, Snowy. We should break up. Now I move to Vancouver and meet someone new.’ How you feel now?”

He thought. He thought about not having her around to go on dates with, to sleep with, to be around, to have fun with. She checked all the right boxes. 

She was the perfect girlfriend—

—for someone else. 

“I feel…”

Underneath the guilt and sadness, he felt the same peace he felt when he first realized he could just end things. He felt the absence of a dread that grew each time someone said something about how perfect they were together, or about locking that down.

He felt relief at avoiding something that was starting to seem inevitable.

Other things became clearer as well.

For example, how fucked up was it that he got more of a cozy domesticity fix from his best friend than he ever had from his girlfriend? Ex-girlfriend.

“I feel like I did the right thing.” 

Laurel could begin moving on instead of waiting for a proposal that would never come or that would turn into a disaster of a marriage. She could find someone who wanted to be with her forever.

“But I still feel like shit for breaking her heart. I wish I could fix that.”

“See? You good person.” Tater punctuated this with a sharp nod. “Not worst in world.”

“You’re a good friend, Tates. The best.” He sighed. “I guess marriage just isn’t my thing.”

Tater went silent and pensive for a moment. Probably thinking about his own lack of relationship success. At least that made two of them, now.

Dustin turned the chair’s massage settings from ‘Meditative Waves’ to ‘Angry Swedish Nurse.’ He deserved it, after all this emotional shit.

“No. I lied. I’m gonna marry this chair.”

Tater tsked. “No. You need time. You just break up, remember?” 

Dustin laughed. If it was shaky, he would blame the massage setting. “Where’d you get this thing anyway? And why?”

Tater muttered something vague about impulse buys and winning lots of money on some stupid bet, then showed Dustin how to turn on the seat warmer.

He could stay here forever.

Funny how that thought didn’t fill him with dread.

* * *

Alexei spent more time at B and Zimmboni’s place in the days after winning the Cup than he did at his own. It wasn’t exactly intentional, but Zimmboni had a couch that was long enough for him to stretch out his bad leg, and B loved having someone to fuss over. Besides, his apartment was just two floors down so he could go there any time he wanted. 

In theory.

“I’m surprised you aren’t spending more time with Snowy,” B said. It sounded like a question. Zimmboni shot him a look.

B ignored that and handed Alexei a slice of pecan pie. It had taken some coaching on B’s part, but Alexei could finally pronounce ‘pecan’ correctly. He would have to find an excuse to drop it into an interview at some point.

“Snowy live in building two blocks over, not two floors up,” he said between bites of pie. “And his furniture not comfortable.” He sketched out the shape of one of Snowy’s chairs in mid-air. It looked more like a geometry exercise than something you could sit in. “All metal and edges and… yuck!”

It was a reason, but it wasn’t the only reason.

“I see,” B said brightly. “And here I was all worried that something was wrong between you two.”

“Wrong? Nothing wrong! Why you think something wrong?”

It wasn’t really a lie if things were only wrong in his own head, right? Once he stopped dreaming about kissing Snowy after winning the Cup the way Zimmboni had kissed B, everything would be fine. Right?

“Oh, no reason,” B said, voice like sugar. “Just… you two normally spend all your free time together, but instead you’re here.”

Alexei smiled and held out his now-empty plate for a refill. “No. Everything fine!”

B took the plate, but did not head back to the kitchen. He looked down at Alexei. 

“Normally, I would never, ever be deliberately rude to a guest, especially an injured guest who knows how to properly appreciate a good slice of pie, or a half-dozen biscuits with gravy, or a whole pound of bacon, but you’ve got me wondering, hon—what’s Russian for ‘cock-blocking’?”

“Jesus, Bits…” Zimmboni groaned, but he was also laughing. “It’s not that we don’t love you Tater—”

“—but a little alone time would be kind of nice. Listen. Whyn’t you come up for breakfast tomorrow? You and Snowy both. I’ll make those blueberry pancakes you like so much.”

Before Tater could do anything but nod, B was on the phone with Snowy. “If you want to come over and retrieve your favorite Russian, that pie I promised is all ready for you… Mmm-hmm… Blackberry with crumb topping… Right… See you soon!” He hung up and his smile crinkled the corners of his eyes, showing that any irritation he had felt had melted away. “I think he’s missed you, the past few days.” 

It took less time than it should for Snowy to get to Zimmboni’s place. Maybe he was already on his way over when B called, and Alexei didn’t know what to do with that idea.

Maybe Snowy didn’t know, either, because instead of coming right in when B opened the door for him, he just stood there for a moment. 

“Hey, Tater,” he said, strangely quiet. B ignored any awkwardness, and handed Snowy a pie box before dragging Zimmboni down the hall towards the bedroom. Neither he nor Snowy said anything until they heard a door being shut firmly.

“Sorry if I’ve kind of been avoiding you the past couple days,” Snowy said. He ran a hand through his hair, pulling it all out of order. “I had to get my head around a couple of things.”

“I understand.” The daydream about kissing Snowy started up in the back of his mind. He had no idea how to stop it playing. Also, hadn’t he been the one avoiding Snowy? “Is okay, now?”

Snowy nodded sharply. “Yeah. I’ve been thinking about things since I broke up with Laurel, and also since…” He nodded down the hallway. It was quiet for now, but it wouldn’t be much longer. “Things have changed, or no… it’s not that they’ve changed. I’m just seeing them differently. Anyhow, I’m not making a whole lot of sense, so let me just get to it—can I take you out to dinner?”

Alexei looked at Snowy. At the way Snowy looked at him. “That sound like date,” he said cautiously.

“It can be.” Snowy paused, so nervous it broke Alexei’s heart. “If you want, that is.”

“I do. I do want. For long, long time.”

* * *

Two years later, or at least close enough to the two-year-anniversary of being more-than-friends, Dustin and Tater woke up in a Las Vegas hotel room that made Tater’s apartment look starkly minimalist by comparison.

Tater frowned at the ring on his left hand. Dustin had a matching one. “Not again…” Tater groaned.

“Viva Las Vegas,” Dustin muttered. It was about time he got accidentally married in Vegas, like so many other Falcs had. Tater had been through it twice already with Parson and Seguin (they really needed to not have the NHL awards in Vegas). “So, you know what to do about this?” 

“Da. We take care of before practice, easy-peasy.” 

Or not so easy-peasy, as it happened. The Aces’ lawyer, a fussy, grumpy little man, glared at them through big, round spectacles as he explained why—given that they freely admitted to engaging in intimate relations over the past two years—a nice, speedy annulment was not an option.

“It will have to be a divorce, which will take longer, which means more of my time that will be billed to the Falconers. Most teams have it set up so the fees can be deducted from your paycheck. Please note that I bill five hundred dollars hourly, and that—”

“No,” Dustin blurted out. In the silence that followed, he wondered what the hell had possessed him.

“No?” The lawyer’s gaze could have impaled butterflies to a mounting board. 

“No?” Tater just looked confused. And also a little sad. “But you always say you not want marriage, nyet? Is why you break up with Laurel. So we divorce.”

“Yeah, you’re right. No! Not about the divorce!” he said quickly, before Tater could look any more sad. “I mean about Laurel and why I broke up with her.”

The lawyer cleared his throat. “While these soap opera dramatics are entertaining, gentlemen, I do have other business today…”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Look, it took me a couple of years, but I finally figured it out.”

Tater raised an eyebrow. He looked as if he didn’t trust himself to speak. 

“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be married. What I didn’t want was to be married to someone who isn’t my best friend. Who isn’t you.”

Tater’s smile started small, then bloomed across his face. He turned to the lawyer. “Never mind! We go!”

“Yes, yes, fine.” He shooed them off with a flick of his fingers. “Congratulations and so on, but please refrain from any celebratory fornication until you are off the premises.”

They hurried out past the line of other happy couples waiting to have their marriages annulled. Tater paused to fist-bump Bogrov, his good buddy on the Aces, who apparently had accidentally married one of the linesmen instead of his girlfriend. They also nodded hello to Marty and Guy, and said they’d tell the coach they might be a little late to practice.

“So, when do you want to tell the guys?” Dustin asked. 

Tater looked guilty. “I already tell them about accidental marriage.”

“What?!” 

“Not that we decide we stay married,” Tater hurried to explained, “but Parson tell Zimmboni about tradition Aces have—”

They entered the locker room just then, and Dustin learned the hard way that the Aces glitter-bombed players who got drunk-married for the first time.

He was still finding glitter in awkward places later that night, when he and most of the other Falcs were at Kent Parson and Jeff Troy’s place for a sudden but not-so-accidental wedding.

He enjoyed the ceremony, even though both grooms had crashed his net a total of four times during last night’s game and they were all in the middle of the goddamn Stanley Cup Finals. He would always remember how for a few blissful hours under the desert sky, it didn’t matter that they’d played a vicious game last night and would play another one tomorrow night. 

What he would remember most of all, though, was the way Parson and Troy couldn’t stop gazing into each other’s eyes as they recited their vows. It left him awestruck and reaching for Tater’s hand. From the way Tater squeezed his hand in return, Dustin knew he felt it, too. 

If that’s how he and Tater looked at each other, then why the hell had they taken so long to get their act together?

“Wanna join in?” he whispered to Tater. A number of other couples were taking advantage of Nevada’s marriage laws and the presence of an ordained Elvis impersonator to tie the knot or to renew their vows. “It kind of sucks that our friends weren’t at our first wedding, huh?”

Dustin wasn’t sure what he expected when Tater told the group that they were staying married and renewing their vows. Congratulations, for sure. Also chirping. Marty might take in and dole out cash as people collected and paid off wagers on their wedding. There might even be tears.

What he was not expecting was slack-jawed silence followed by “Wait, WHAT?”

“Uh, I don’t see what’s so surprising, guys. We’ve been dating for like two y—”

“You’re dating?!”

“TWO YEARS??”

As for poor Jack, he looked like someone had shorted his circuits.

“I think we forget to tell them,” Tater whispered.

“Whoops?”

The only one not surprised was Bitty, who gave the rest of the Falcs a gentle bless your hearts before turning back to him and Tater. 

“I think what they all meant to say is ‘congratulations.’ I don’t know why they’re so surprised. After all, anyone can see that the two of you are perfect together,” Bitty said. 

Other people had said that to him once, and it had felt like a life sentence. Now, though, it felt like freedom.

“Yeah,” he said. Dustin leaned up to peck his husband on the cheek. “It just took some of us longer to see that than others.”

[souladventure]

What I learned during the Covid19 lockdown after losing my passion business.

Despite all the losses incurred because of this global cluster-fuck known as the COVID19 pandemic/lockdown, I've learned so many invaluable truths and realities that probably wouldn't have ever surfaced otherwise. Here are a few that i'd like to share with everyone so I could just get it out there for my own wellbeing and possibly help others in the process:

1. I learned so much about myself and how weak I am (or was) mentally. My heart and mind didn't fair so well when I lost so much and I'm still coping as I write this. I feel a lot stronger emotionally now after such a debilitating and humbling experience. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger I guess.

2. If you get into a business that’s directly related to a passion that brings you joy and purpose, brace yourself for the turmoil and negativity (that comes with any business) you will be introducing to this passion of yours. i.e. Surfing for me was all positivity until I had to start hiring friends and dealing with different groups who either saw me as a threat or just felt I was competition to them. I honestly just wanted to help an industry grow so every stakeholder involved, including myself, could flourish but I didn't expect a lot of people to hate on me for it. 

The good news is after a decade many of these haters became my friends again when they realized my efforts actually helped them and that I wasn't there to take anything away from them. Surfing is a huge part of my lifestyle and my relationship to the community is something I'd like to maintain as a positive zone instead of a cutthroat business arena. 

I'm happy to say that although I share the same passion for food and I am now committed 100% to this industry ("Tito Paolo's Inasal" est during lockdown May 2020), I'm not emotionally involved with anyone else in it and I would't care less if anyone hated on me.

3. Don't get into a business that relies entirely on the skills of only a very limited amount of individuals that aren't readily available or expendable. For this reason, i chose to close down Skwala Surfboards, a passion project i dreamt about since '99 and materialized in 2010, when the pandemic further burried me in debt. You will pay for this big time if the employees or partners who are the only ones who can perform the main operations of your business suddenly act up. (This was something I actually already knew even before the pandemic but because I was so passionate about it I still decided to continue. Now I’m facing the ramifications of being blinded by a grave emotionally driven decision).

I don't regret this tho because I still built something that was considered the best in it’s time and also established itself as the pioneer of a growing industry. This satisfaction doesn't stem from merely bragging rights but more so on the fact that I know that I can be the best at something I focus all my energy on. (I'm happy to say I have shifted this focus from surfboard manufacturing to food where I feel just as fulfilled and continue to grow and innovate.) 

You yourself have to be the best at providing the product/service of your business so that when the people you hire fuck up you can fire their asses and do it yourself. I couldn’t and wouldn’t ever learn how to shape a surfboard but I’m proud enough to say that I am the best beginner level surfing instructor and I make the best inasal.

4. Don’t expect your employees to make any extra efforts or sacrifices for you in times of crisis and prioritize your business in its entirety. Do not give more than you can afford no matter how desperate they are. They will never sincerely appreciate your gestures of kindness and generosity and you best expect that they will never return the favor! Your business isn't a charity and it's survival as a whole should be paramount. Sorry to say but in my experience the employees will never ever truly understand nor realize the value of their employer's survival. They will still slack with their work and expect the same salary despite the sales amounting to zero. And don’t be surprised when they fucking steal. That’s because they feel like its their right to do so (A common issue in third world settings). To top it off when everything is close to being dead they will still ask for backpay. Make sure you are prepared legally and financially for this. But don't you ever believe you have loyal employees who are willing to join you in the muck when the shit goes down. I wouldn't either so I'm not judging anyone with this statement and I'm eating up the losses. But except for those who stole...fuck them.

5. Learn to let go and do it sooner so as not to lose more than you really have to. If you think going through a breakup is tough, try losing your dream business. Make sure you are on point with calculating your losses and pull the plug as early as you can. Don't allow your passions to overcome your decision making. One of the first things my father taught me in business was "Never fall In love with your ideas" and I'm still kicking myself for not listening. What I can add to this is if you aren’t part of the lucky few whose passions just so happen to be highly lucrative businesses then instead "Do what your are good at over doing what you love! Because when you succeed at what you are good at you can do absolutely anything you want!" Anyone who tells you otherwise is either a rich kid or a Woke AF grass fed hipster.

6. Get work online. Start a vlog, a podcast, teach english or teach anything. Just take the steps to begin a career online because this is easily available and it's work from home safe. I'm only beginning to do this now and yes I'm gonna make a vlog or podcast interview about all of these things I mentioned above but only after I'm done sorting all my shit out.

That's all I have to say for now and I'm happy to also say that I've been moving forward with a more positive attitude lately. I'm stronger now and I only care about things that are valuable to my growth. I still deal with depression and anxiety on a daily basis but this has reduced as I see new goals on the horizon.

I wanna thank all my friends who were there to drop a line and support me in even the slightest of ways when I most needed it.

I want to thank my Dad and family for being there no matter what. I'm crying now as I type this. Man, you don't know how much gratitude I have for you guys.

I also want to thank those who still stayed buddies with people who burned me in business. It allows me to know where to classify you in my internal contact list. (Facebook should have that...Friends list and Frenemies or Fake Friends, lol.)

I also want to thank God...yes I believe in you. Live Jesus in our hearts...Forever. Amen. 

[glenngaylord]

HOW SWEDE IT IS - My Review of MIDSOMMAR (4 Stars)

[Excerpted from https://thequeerreview.com/]

Getting dumped sucks.  Sometimes you feel it coming on like a slow moving train, unable to stop it, and when it hits you, you experience a long, drawn out kick to the gut.  The world feels incomprehensible, nothing makes sense, and you feel like it never will again.  You can’t avoid the pain, and you may not even want to anyhow.  It’s like watching a horror movie where you don’t want the protagonist to go in that basement, but you have a stronger urge to see what’s down there. Ari Aster, who made his startling debut last year with Hereditary, understands that the best horror plays with real human fears, be it disease, abandonment, or loss of control.  Reportedly based on a painful breakup of his own, his MIDSOMMAR uses folk horror as the spine on which to lay down his thoughts on a dying relationship, and it’s a delicious, morbidly funny, gore-filled, visually stunning, gorgeously designed, perfectly indulgent 2 hours and 20 minutes of sun-dappled, rainbow colored dread.  

Dani (the captivating Florence Pugh) experiences a tragic loss at the outset of the film, and her paralyzing grief wears down her emotionally incapable boyfriend Christian (Jack Raynor, whose schlubby stoner look from Sing Street has morphed into an almost Chris Pratt level of matinee idol looks).  Encouraged to cut ties with his needy girlfriend by his fellow grad students, Christian and his friends plan a summer getaway to Sweden to attend a once in a lifetime cultural festival.  His friends include Mark, a quip machine played to deadpan perfection by Will Poulter (Detroit), Josh (William Jackson Harper of The Good Place), an anthropological scholar intent on writing his thesis about European folk culture, and the gentle, soft spoken Pele (Vilhelm Blomgren), who invites everyone to his village commune for their once-every-ninety-years activities.  Unable to cut ties with Dani because of her trauma, he half-heartedly invites her along, and to his surprise, she says yes.  

This first act perfectly captures a pair in their death throes, where questions seem like accusations, and pauses reveal underlying truths.  Aster borrows heavily from Roman Polanski, as he did with his debut film, by allowing negative and offscreen space and holding onto shots longer than normal, to create elastic tensions.  It’s so refreshing to watch a filmmaker, who creates strong, classic frames with his cinematographer Pawel Pogorzelski, take his time, avoiding the rushed cutting style of his contemporaries.  He also really thinks through his transitions, creating an unforgettable one where Dani, in an overhead shot, rushes into an apartment bathroom, only to reveal that she’s now on an airplane headed for Scandinavia.  I also savored the delightfully disorienting upside-down shots of the road as the group drives toward their destiny.  

Now most filmmakers, at this point would want to get to the gore and bloodletting, but Aster wants us to live with that sinking feeling for as along as possible.  So before our doomed Americans arrive at the proper camp, they stop just outside of it for an extended interlude where they imbibe hallucinogenic mushrooms.  This allows Dani, a bundle of uptight, frayed nerves to perhaps chill out, but it has the opposite effect. She has scars, and Pugh takes us on a master class of expressions.  Is she crazy or is she simply with a guy incapable of giving her what she needs?  Ahh, relationships can suck, even in a seemingly perfect environment where the sun barely sets and the villagers offer up the perfect embodiment of an ABBA tune.  Most horror films take place in the dark and freak us out with their jump scares.  This film operates in bright sunlight and terrifies with very few shock tactics.  Sometimes a misunderstanding can haunt your dreams more than someone shouting, “Boo!” Here we get a Swedish death cult that looks like a lot of ridiculous fun.  

Obviously this experience has far more to offer than maypole dances and giant feasts.  Henrik Svensson, making his feature debut as a Production Designer, has created the weirdest, most ominous storybook environment with an endless array of folk paintings lining the walls of his interiors.  They look cute until you take a harder look at the terrifying and carnal tales they depict.  Same goes for everything going on in the background of most shots.  The pleasant folk dress in white, classically Swedish garb, almost sprinkling fairy dust wherever they go, but look off in the distance and you’ll spy couples doing inexplicable things.  The genius of these scenes is that these people, called the Hårga, always appear to be kind and caring.  From their point of view, they never do anything wrong.  Bobby Krlic, who goes by the name The Haxan Clock, adds immeasurably to the tone of this film with his rich, evocative score.  

Aster mines most of this folk horror from the fact that we have a clash of cultures who don’t understand each other and often nod their heads to pretend that they do.  When something unexpected, something insanely disturbing and gory, happens, it had me questioning our American norms versus those in other parts of the world.  

At this point, many may feel the film stretches credibility, that our protagonists would get the hell out of this place right away.  But due to Pele’s sweet persuasiveness and maybe in small part to those drugs they keep imbibing in every cup of that mysterious tea, they stay.  Besides, we get an audience surrogate of sorts with an English couple who go crazy when the pagan rituals start to have a body count.  While many characters meet their doom, we’re on Dani’s journey, who travels from grief towards her own method of coping.  Aster may have a great time staging the bizarre rites of this cult, but he’s more interested in finding a catharsis for his heroine.  Where he ends up, in that perfect final second, proved thrilling and strangely real.  The violence, the crazy shots of throbbing, undulating meats, the Hannibal level of murder dioramas, however, will also stick in your head.  

While this film pings on the may themes found in Rosemary’s Baby, such as not really knowing your partner, suspecting an evil undercurrent lies beneath the people around you, and, yes, even drinking strange liquids, Aster reverses the roles at times and has a more avenging spirit.  This film would make a great triple bill with that film along with the recent remake of Suspiria.  The latter really felt similar when things go absolutely bonkers in the third act.  With copious amounts of nudity, sex, and bloodshed, both films use giggle-inducing absurdity to create its own form of horror.  You won’t soon forget what one character does to another’s butt, and I’ll just leave it at that.  

Many will lose their patience with this film, or find it more silly than scary.  I, however, loved every drawn-out minute of it  It challenges how we view death.  It allows for the possibility that it’s sometimes ok to be alone.  It makes you wonder if our own customs make any sense, and it may make you think twice about judging the basket case who seems to suck all the energy out of a relationship.  In the end, that person may be the only sane person in the room.  And isn’t that terrifying?

[sapphicscholar]

Letter 56

March 12, 2012, 9:13am

Hey Alex,

It was great talking to you yesterday! I’m sorry about the less-than-stellar pesto experience…that was my bad. Never tell a joke that makes someone turn around when they’re using a blender, right? Good to know for the future. Hope the basil doesn’t stain your sweater. It was a nice sweater.

Bahah okay, Danvers, keep telling yourself that…whatever you need to do to feel less guilty about making your poor future dog suffer like that. Please tell me that you don’t have aspirations to be one of those old ladies… Or, okay, all of it is fine if you can manage to keep the tissues and the candies separate. I don’t get it! They’re always both in wrappers that rustle like crazy in the movie theater, so how the lint permeates the sealed wrapper, I’ll really never know.

Thanks! I don’t know exactly how that works. I do remember hearing that ASL (American Sign Language) is really different from BSL (British Sign Language), but that some countries that don’t share the same spoken language will share the same signed language (or at least large parts of it). I don’t know all the specifics, but it’s interesting to think how the barriers we construct between cultures and countries can be broken down and rebuilt in really different ways depending on the mode of communication.

I know some aliens adapt really well to languages, and there are one or two planets so renowned for their language acquisition skills that their citizens end up being translators pretty much everywhere they go. Pretty nice to have guaranteed employment, huh? But anyway, I like to hope that the biobank got consent…I don’t have much hope or trust in people (and even less in corporations), but I need to believe that someone out there is trying. Maybe at the IRB?

Ah yes, all those attack pigs. Though wild pigs are really gigantic. They definitely don’t stay so little and cute like in movies. And that’s cool (better than the people who try to breed them to stay "cute" and end up making them sick and all), but it definitely makes the “attack” part a lot more realistic (and threatening). Your mind works in fascinating ways, Danvers. Though let’s not inspire anyone with ideas about weaponized farm animals. We’ve all read Animal Farm already. We know how ruthless those fuckers can be!

It’s pretty excellent as far as experiences go. And simply amazing views. I’ve got some photos I’ll have to send to you with the next box of the kids' letters. Sorry I didn't add one last time. It seems like we get out so much in these notes, that there wasn't much new to add? And if there was, I wanted you to know it right away? But the kids continue to love their pen-pals!

Hah oh, sorry, maybe it wasn’t obvious, and I just thought it was…now it’s more awkward, and that’s on me. It’s like explaining a joke, but worse. Just…I don’t know, it’s the last two sentences: “If we do this, could you like walk me through this very slowly? And I’ll try my best to follow?” Obviously it’s about cooking; I can read context clues, thank you very much. But it’s more, ya know, you’re new to the whole dating women thing (and the other things that might come with it), and that’s fine! But it could mean you also need some help there… Whatever. Ignore me. Please. Know that you didn’t insult the cuisine, except perhaps with that overdone pasta I watched you make yesterday…don’t think I didn’t catch you getting caught up in our conversation and letting the timer beep for minutes on end while your pasta got soggy!

Eh…you’re not missing much with The L Word, but it’s still sort of a touchstone? It’s better to watch with someone so that you can chat through some of the worst parts of it and tune in for the hot ladies that you still like that season. Nah, it’s pretty common knowledge, and it’s sort of written on the wall from the start of the season when it happened in one case (and then written on the wall even more explicitly from the first moments of the season for the other death that totally doesn’t really count anyway). Interesting choice on the BBC’s Pride and Prejudice. Wouldn’t have guessed it. I actually like Austen, who is much more biting social satire than romcom, Danvers, though I’ve not seen the BBC production. Going off the book version, I can see you being a bit like Mr. Darcy…

Yeah, I had roommates throughout college because of the cost of living, then I lived with Emily, but after our breakup I was alone for a couple of months. I’ve taken that living/surviving/being alone thing to a whole new extreme over here! But it’s definitely helpful, and it was really nice for a while. It’s good that you’ve realized certain things about yourself because it means you can stop those behaviors when you see them starting again instead of letting them fester and grow. I have a tendency to assume the worst can and will happen, and often that means I try to preempt it. Because if I ruin something myself, it can’t be ruined for me, you know? Similarly, not a great coping mechanism, but it kept out the terror of bad surprises for a while.

Wow, way to make a girl blush, Alex. I was merely hoping that maybe it could be a “you and I” you read into those “we” subjects. Nice to know you think about us having some of those types of mornings too. I really hope you don’t catch anything in the library! That would be less than ideal… Do take care of yourself. Lots of liquids and warm sweaters and sleep (as much as you can manage) and all that. Do you at least have a spring break or something when you’ll be able to catch up on sleep?

Hmm interesting addendum on the power of flight. Any reason? I also think it’d be cool to be able to fly… But invisibility, now that you mention it, sounds really great. I think if you’d asked me when I was younger, it would have been invisibility I wanted for sure.

Alex…that’s barely a superpower; that’s just hurting yourself. It’s so ironic that the medical profession, which studies things like the harmful effects of sleep deprivation, forces its own into such awful habits as part of the regular job. I hope you manage to be okay and get some sleep!

Ah yeah…I can see how that particular habit wouldn’t be ideal, but I imagine it makes you pretty effective at solving problems, at least. And I can respect efficiency. I think my worst habit is probably a bit of self-sabotage every now and then. I’ve gotten better, but it’s something I have to actively combat, rather than an instinct that’s totally gone away.

Ugh, that nightly rundown while waiting for sleep to come is truly the worst thing to happen to mankind. Not really. But it sucks a lot. That’s not so bad, Danvers! It’s good that you were engaged in learning and really cared about your education, even if maybe you were just a little bit of a know-it-all…little bit. But I’d still take students like you on Monday mornings. Instead I’m greeted with total silence when I ask questions. And as a teacher? That definitely sucks the most. (Also, I’m sure you’re still doing well in grad school, even if it doesn’t fee like it. You’re brilliant, and it’s pretty hard to miss that fact.)

Alex, that’s amazing! Congratulations on getting the paper accepted first of all! And yay for funding and the ability to come to Italy! I would most definitely love to take you out on a date if you’ll have me. And it's great timing too. I have off that whole week for our spring/post-Easter break, so I’ve got plenty of time on my hands. I had actually been thinking about using it as a chance to go hike Cinque Terre before it got too hot and touristy. But I can take a quick detour to Rome. Anyway, lots to plan! I will start googling! Let me know things you like! Or it can be a surprise. Either way. Totally good. Hmm…got thoughts going. But I’ve really got to run to work, and I’m already a little late (it’s okay, I don’t have a morning class today—teacher meeting thing).

Talk to you soon! We can both think of more questions for each other or leave it for a bit and focus on brainstorming date ideas instead. Because also, it’s coming up so soon! Less than a month now! Things to do, things to do…

XO Maggie

[stefanyreigner]

MAKEOVER SALON EXPERTS

Who is Makeover Salon Experts?

It is a home for beauty experts and beauty enthusiast. It is a one-stop shop for every girls need from hair, nails, brows, and lips; to slimming, whitening, and permanent hair removal, this shop has it all. These days there are many salons and clinics that you can go but it mainly depends on what is near you, highly recommended aesthetic centre, preferred beauty expert that you trust, and/or what fits your budget. Makeover Salon Experts share the same equipment, tools, services, and expertise as the high-end brands and the start-up businesses but what sets them apart from others? They do not just give you a makeover according to your natural look or personality; not even to cope up with your sudden impulse (gigil due to a breakup) or excitement to follow a certain trend or to copy someone. What they give you is a makeover that can evolves through time, and the brings out the best in you. How do I know this? Because I personally experience it from the hairstyle they set, the eyebrow that they design or skin treatment that best fit yours... Its effect are not just a one time thing. What to know more? Keep reading!

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Salons and clinics are usually neat and clean and just like any other - - - they maintain cleanliness all throughout the day. High-end clinics and salons are usually uptight wherein the silence gets the most of you and it feels stiff. Here? It is just like visiting a friend’s place. The people are very warm and your assigned beauty specialist talks to you not only to know what you want/need but also to get to know you better. It had always been fun having my makeover here because they allow us to bring food from outside, to make sure we get to eat in the midst of a long beautification process.

The energy in the first floor is very upbeat and welcoming. The second floor has a more tone down vibes, calming and receiving. The third floor has a spark of seriousness because most of the intensive procedure happens here. Actually for me, I feel like a cosmo intern whenever I take my services there. I am given a lot of fun facts, tips and reminders in the process when I am getting a treatment done. Is this important? YES! If you are not comfortable with the place - - - it affects your mood, attitude and vibes. It plays a big role. The more mataray you are, the more stress you pass on your beauty specialist that might result to a negative outcome. Why? Because no matter how pretty the result might be, you won’t appreciate it that much. Trust me, I was one of those horrific strict clients that businesses tries to be extra careful of.

Find a place that feels like home to you, with that sense of belongingness; in Makeover Salon Experts - - - never was a day that I wasn’t given a red carpet treatment. For real? Yes! Everyone there gives their best 100%. Curious? Try to visit the place. It might awe you with pleasant surprises.

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The people there are really nice and they never HARD-SELL but instead they educate you with the products that they use, the services that they offer and the procedure that you will go through. Their product knowledge is excellent. Usually salons will flood you with packages that kills your hair and drains your wallet. Here they carefully examine your hair and suggest what you really need at the moment and what is best for your budget. I personally picked one of their most expensive hair treatment but I was educated how my hair isn’t that severely damage then recommended another that is cheaper than what I initially asked for. So technically, they’re not after their customers’ money but they rather build a strong and impressive portfolio of returning satisfied clients.

Clinics has their own gimmick and would tend to push for their newest service. Mainly clinics also offer a lot of similar services wherein you no longer know which one to pick or be tempted to try out everything that is there. The more confuse you get the more time they will give you. The staff never pushed me to get something that I am unsure of or uncomfortable of. I am honestly afraid of needles and I anticipate the pain unlike other customers. Getting my 6D brows was like a trauma that I need to face but here it was honestly painless all throughout the process. I like it how the staff also try to calm me down when I was a bit tensed. They would only offer you what you need and what is best for your budget. I like it how they are not pushy. This is why I find them very credible not only because everyone is highly trained, also because they personalised every services they have according to client.

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It is honestly quite addictive! You get the most out of every penny spent in Makeover Salon Experts! You know the horror stories from salons and clinics? I never had that here! When you don’t get the shade that you really want, they make sure that you get what you wish for and do it over again if necessary - - - why? Because you paid for it! Comparing its price to others it is definitely 70% cheaper than the high-end aesthetic centres but relatively the same price with others. (Please see below for the list of services)

LOCATION

Landsdale Building, 6 Timog Avenue corner Mother Ignacia, Quezon City.

Landmark: St. Paul Parish, Iceberg, and Shoppes Victoria. (Believe me, it is easy to find!) For more information please contact them at  09178888447 or leave us a message in their fb page https://www.facebook.com/makeoverqc/

 How to get there?

Easiest: Book Grab or Angkas and pin the location destination to Makeover Salon Experts, Timog Ave.

Quick Commute: Take the MRT, get off from GMA Kamuning then ride a jeep going to Timog Avenue.

Long Commute: Take the bus, get off from GMA Kamuning then ride a jeep going to Timog Avenue.