Alright.
I have a list.
Therapy.
Doctor.
Job.
Move to a bigger apartment in 1 year because I really just feel suffocated, I really just need space.
Try to keep it light and relax and remember to stay grounded, feet on the ground. On earth.
Remember to just breathe. Nothing is that serious. Try not to creep people out by just being angry and misguided in some ways when you’re like this. You know what you mean but you have to be so careful how you say things because this isn’t a movie. This is real life, it’s fine to romanticize things you might feel the need to but you have to remember just the reality of life that you usually do.
Probably meds of some sort. I think it’s time to try again.
Get close to family.
Distance from anything too heavy rn. Don’t play around with such serious stuff, you know you don’t mean it but no one else does. You don’t have a great track record with being stable. Sometimes people just like fucking with you because they know they can in the moment. You know you’re intentions, find a way to get you’re points across and you’re desires for your future clear and maybe stay away from anything that might make things worse. It’s gonna get better, remember when you’re normal you’re fine. You just have to be a little more careful than others to remember to stay grounded and articulate. No more saying things you know you don’t mean just to feel something. Numb and sad and frustrated is fine. But scary however is a lot less savory and a lot less easy for people to back up. If you want help and real true help that your logical mind knows you need, you need to separate yourself from some art and music at this point and time. You may like aesthetics for fun but the world is serious. Bad things happen to people and it’s not fair. Nothing is fair. You really need to not joke about things you will regret later. In your logical mind, when you’re not ultra depressed and lonely, you know what you’re joking about is wrong. You hate it when you say stuff like that, something infiltrated your mind and doesn’t belong there. You’re not really reaching out for real help, so you’re really only gonna find things you don’t need or want. Just breathe. It’s okay. Breeeeattheeee
There will be a time where I look back on feeling this low and feeling like “you said what?” “You didn’t actually say that did you?” “You know better.” “You know you’re a good person in your heart and you don’t want to hurt anyone or yourself, you’re just tired of being hurt.” And don’t share anything you KNOW you don’t mean.
I find myself spiraling sometimes and once I follow a rabbit hole I get deeper and more brainwashed and it takes longer to be like Jesus Christ dude stop.
I’ll probably delete this. But I really don’t wanna make the same mistakes as last time. Just keep your head on straight and try to just focus on healing and getting better and in a better situation.
And please for anyone actually reading this, don’t take me literally. I don’t mean half the shit I say right now. I’m just frustrated with my life. That doesn’t mean the world is ending. lol it’s not. The world is just fine. I’ll just focus on fixing MY problems, that’s the only way to actually accomplish anything real for yourself.
Also there are people wiling to help and be your genuine friend. Stop pushing them away. You’re not scary. lol which is why you’re doing what you’re doing. You’re afraid you’re gonna get hurt and someone will break your heart when it’s already broken. The people who know you know what’s wrong and know what you mean. Stay off the fucking internet and try not to spiral deep into the abyss.
I saw some good advice that stuck earlier about saying hyperboles more often when you want to say something maybe a bit edgy or a bit concerning lol I needed to hear that, thank you.
There’s just like wayyyy too many possibilities and toxic shit online and irl that pull people who are lost into a place they can’t come back from. Those aren’t your thoughts and you know it. Don’t let anyone pray on you to go to an extreme place. You don’t need to be extreme. You’re perfectly fine being your chill and level headed sweet self. Let people see that. That’s better than some edgy bullshit that causes real people to hurt deeply. Be genuine, not scared. You’re okay. No one is going to hurt you. Just get in a better position to where you can protect yourself against the shit you put yourself through. Choose more wisely.
I don’t like who I’ve become tonight. I’m gonna need help not to do it again. It’s not okay. And I’m sorry.
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very violent in your face reminder that you should NOT grab someones wheelchair and start wheeling them out of the way or to another area without their permission
i went on a fieldtrip yesterday to a university and while my friend who was wheeling me around the entire time stepped off to the side to do something, my teacher unexpectedly came up behind me and started to wheel me over to another area when i was in the middle of doing something. she did not warn me or even bother to tell me that she was going to start moving me. this is only because i am in a wheelchair. it scared me and it was not okay at all.
its the same thing as taking someone forcefully by the shoulders and moving them somewhere else when their friend who was walking with them stepped off to the side for a moment and they were waiting for them. you dont do that because its rude, weird, and disrespectful towards them- so why would you do that to me, or any other wheelchair user?
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Okay but the way Sherlock kept reassuring Mariana that she doesn't need to do anything she's not comfortable with?? That he would do it instead so she wouldn't have to?? Like? EXCUSE ME SIRRR?? 😭
I hear the talk about Mariana and John this, Mariana and John that - but let's talk about Sherlock and Mariana!!
This case had Sherlock encouraging Mariana to speak up and NO don't say you shouldn't talk when you got smt to say to the team! Your input is just as valuable and needs to be heard!! You're a part of this team and this is a team effort!
And when they were about to find the bodies, the way he talked her through an extremely traumatic situation? 😭 That shit got me fr like yes what you're thinking is horrible but whether you like it or not it is true and we cannot change this to suit the reality we want, we can only accept it and continue from there - and he was kind!! He didn't look down on her or mock her for wanting to not believe what was true, because it was traumatic and something she wasn't accustomed to.
HOWEVER what I really loved was that she didn't need to do smt she didn't want!! Im so glad it didn't take the 'but you have to do this' bullshit route that many stories do because it's okay not to, it's okay to know your limits and stay in it, it's okay to not want to do something you don't want to!! There's nothing you have to prove because you shouldn't have to!!
This podcast mannn.
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@karmablacks requested this but i figured some of you guys might want to see it too, that's why i'm posting this here! so here's alan, leo, and ren's casual / pajama fullbody!! ft. kaito.. in his boxer.. (under the cut)
it's actually so fun to play around with their expressions since the range of motions on their face are so many! i personally love to make them blush (by them i mean my husband, jin HAHAHA)
but moving their body parts?? that's pretty hard for me, at least manually (it looks awkward). praying that when i have the time, i can play around some more because currently i'm being beaten by life
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