#you are premenopausal

[thecleverqueer]

I like the fact that Anakin mentions that Ahsoka looks old, because she is old.

And, it’s a great reminder for those that are wondering why she’s acting stoic and mature and not “excitable, energetic, and quippy”…BECAUSE SHE’S IN HER FORTIES!

Ahsoka isn’t out of character FFS. She’s in character in her forties. One day, folks that are writing these things will be in their forties, and they’ll truly understand. Until then, my god, just know that this is the most annoying complaint ever.

[tenseyungbipeds]

.,.,.

[reasonsforhope]

"The first modern attempt at transferring a uterus from one human to another occurred at the turn of the millennium. But surgeons had to remove the organ, which had become necrotic, 99 days later. The first successful transplant was performed in 2011 — but even then, the recipient wasn’t immediately able to get pregnant and deliver a baby. It took three more years for the first person in the world with a transplanted uterus to give birth. 

More than 70 such babies have been born globally in the decade since. “It’s a complete new world,” said Giuliano Testa, chief of abdominal transplant at Baylor University Medical Center.

Almost a third of those babies — 22 and counting — have been born in Dallas at Baylor. On Thursday, Testa and his team published a major cohort study in JAMA analyzing the results from the program’s first 20 patients. All women were of reproductive age and had no uterus (most having been born without one), but had at least one functioning ovary. Most of the uteri came from living donors, but two came from deceased donors.

Fourteen women had successful transplants, all of whom were able to have at least one baby.  

“That success rate is extraordinary, and I want that to get out there,” said Liza Johannesson, the medical director of uterus transplants at Baylor, who works with Testa and co-authored the study. “We want this to be an option for all women out there that need it.”

Six patients had transplant failures, all within two weeks of the procedure. Part of the problem may have been a learning curve: The study initially included only 10 patients, and five of the six with failed transplants were in that first group. These were “technical” failures, Testa said, involving aspects of the surgery such as how surgeons connected the organ’s blood vessels, what material was used for sutures, and selecting a uterus that would work well in a transplant. 

The team saw only one transplant fail in the second group of 10 people, the researchers said. All 20 transplants took place between September 2016 and August 2019.

Only one other cohort study has previously been published on uterus transplants, in 2022. A Swedish team, which included Johannesson before she moved to Baylor, performed seven successful transplants out of nine attempts. Six women, including the first transplant recipient to ever deliver a baby back in 2014, gave birth.

“It’s hard to extract data from that, because they were the first ones that did it,” Johannesson said. “This is the first time we can actually see the safety and efficacy of this procedure properly.”

So far, the signs are good: High success rates for transplants and live births, safe and healthy children so far, and early signs that immunosuppressants — typically given to transplant recipients so their bodies don’t reject the new organ — may not cause long-term harm, the researchers said. (The uterine transplants are removed after recipients no longer need them to deliver children.) And the Baylor team has figured out how to identify the right uterus for transfer: It should be from a donor who has had a baby before, is premenopausal, and, of course, who matches the blood type of the recipient, Testa said...

“They’ve really embraced the idea of practicing improvement as you go along, to understand how to make this safer or more effective. And that’s reflected in the results,” said Jessica Walter, an assistant professor of reproductive endocrinology and infertility at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine, who co-authored an editorial on the research in JAMA...

Walter was a skeptic herself when she first learned about uterine transplants. The procedure seemed invasive and complicated. But she did her fellowship training at Penn Medicine, home to one of just four programs in the U.S. doing uterine transplants. 

“The firsts — the first time the patient received a transplant, the first time she got her period after the transplant, the positive pregnancy test,” Walter said. “Immersing myself in the science, the patients, the practitioners, and researchers — it really changed my opinion that this is science, and this is an innovation like anything else.” ...

Many transgender women are hopeful that uterine transplants might someday be available for them, but it’s likely a far-off possibility. Scientists need to rewind and do animal studies on how a uterus might fare in a different “hormonal milieu” before doing any clinical trials of the procedure with trans people, Wagner said.

Among cisgender women, more long-term research is still needed on the donors, recipients, and the children they have, experts said.

“We want other centers to start up,” Johannesson said. “Our main goal is to publish all of our data, as much as we can.”"

-via Stat, August 16, 2024

[headspace-hotel]

I forget why, but I was on the Wikipedia page for polycystic ovarian syndrome, and I started researching hirsutism in women, and I learned the following things in this order:

there's a diagnostic criteria used to evaluate how hairy a woman is

This is important because being too hairy is a diagnostic criteria of most disorders that cause hyperandrogenism

Disorders that cause hyperandrogenism can be diagnosed by...measuring how hairy you are (this is the main and most important diagnostic criterion for PCOS)

Disorders that cause hyperandrogenism are important because they are correlated with obesity, infertility, and...being too hairy?

I think to myself, wait, what is a normal range for testosterone in women? I find this article...which set reference ranges for "normal" testosterone levels in women...EXCLUDING WOMEN WITH PCOS?

Quote: "Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is another notable condition in genetic (XX) females, which is characterized by excessive ovarian production of androgens. This condition is included for comparison with DSD, as the affected females with PCOS are genetic and phenotypic females. The elevated levels of testosterone in these females can lead to hyperandrogenism, a clinical disorder characterized variably by hirsutism, acne, male-pattern balding, metabolic disturbances, impaired ovulation and infertility. PCOS is a common condition, affecting 7%-10% of premenopausal women."

So: the study claims to demonstrate a clear distinction between the normal range of hormone levels in "Healthy" men and "healthy" women...with "healthy" being defined in the study as...having hormones within the "normal" range.......................

So I researched what the clinically established "normal" range for testosterone in women is

THERE ISN'T ONE????

Quote from the above article: "Several different approaches have been used to define endocrine disorders. The statistical approach establishes the lower and the upper limits of hormone concentrations solely on the basis of the statistical distribution of hormone levels in a healthy reference population. As an illustration, hypo- and hypercalcemia have been defined on the basis of the statistical distribution of serum calcium concentrations. Using this approach, androgen deficiency could be defined as the occurrence of serum testosterone levels that are below the 97.5th percentile of testosterone levels in healthy population of young men. A second approach is to use a threshold hormone concentration below or above which there is high risk of developing adverse health outcomes. This approach has been used to define osteoporosis and hypercholesterolemia. However, we do not know with certainty the thresholds of testosterone levels which are associated with adverse health outcomes."

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

It's batshit crazy to make a diagnostic criteria for medical disorders by placing arbitrary cutoffs within 2-5% of either end of a statistical distribution. What the actual fuck?

"The results came back, you have Statistical Outlier Disease." "What treatments are available?" "Well, first, we recommend dietary change. You should probably stop eating so many spiders."

Another article which attempted to do this

Quote: "Subjects with signs of hirsutism or with a personal history of diabetes or hypertension, or a family history of polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) were excluded."

"We're going to figure out the typical range of testosterone levels that occur in women! First, we're going to exclude all the women that are too hairy from the study. I am very good at science."

Anyway I got off topic but there are apparently race-specific diagnostic tools for "hirsutism." That's kinda weird on its own but when I looked more into this in relation to race I found this article that straight-up uses the term "mongoloid"

[joannechocolat]

On Power, and on Powering Through, and Why They’re Really Not the Same

I don’t pay much attention to personal attacks in reviews. It comes as the flipside of success; an attempt by the critic to puncture what they see as too much success. But I still remember one review, just after the film of Chocolat, when two of my novels happened to be in the Top 5 at the same time, in which a (male) newspaper critic referred to me dismissively as a premenopausal woman writer. I was a little taken aback. Clearly, it was meant to disparage, but I was only 35, ten years away from the perimenopause. What exactly did he mean? It wasn’t a comment about the book (which I doubt he had even read). The obvious misogyny aside, it seemed to express resentment, not of my books, but of me, myself, my right to take up space in his world. That word – premenopausal – was at the same time a comment on my age, my looks, my value, and a strong suggestion that someone like me shouldn’t be this successful, shouldn’t be writing bestsellers, shouldn’t be so – visible.

I don’t recall the name of the man, or the paper for which he was writing. He was far from being the only journalist who felt I didn’t deserve success. I shrugged off the unpleasant comment, but he’d meant it to hurt, and it did. I still wonder why he – and his editor - thought that was appropriate. I also wonder why, 20 years on, women are still dealing with this kind of thing. It’s still not enough for a woman to be successful in her chosen field. Whatever her achievements, you can be pretty sure that at some point, some man in his 50s or 60s – maybe an Oxbridge graduate, author of an unpublished novel or two - will offer his opinion on her desirability, either in the national Press, or most likely nowadays, by means of social media. The subtext is clear: women who don’t conform to societal values of what a woman should be are asking for this kind of treatment; especially those who dare to achieve more than their detractors.

10 years after that nasty review, I finally began the journey into perimenopause. No-one told me it was happening. No-one in the media was talking about it at the time. Even my doctor never thought to mention that my symptoms – the insomnia, headaches, mood swings, anxiety, depression, sleep paralysis, hair loss, brown patches on my skin – might have a single origin. I began to feel I was losing my mind: as if I were starting to disappear. I started to doubt my own senses. I blamed it all on the stress from my job. My mother had powered through menopause – or so she led me to believe – and made no secret of her contempt for modern women who complained, or treated the symptoms as anything more than a minor inconvenience.

And so I did the same. I powered through; and when at last I began to experience the classic symptoms of menopause - irregular bleeding, hot flushes, exhaustion, night sweats so bad that I would awake in sheets that were wringing wet – it did not occur to me to seek help. After over a year of this, I finally went to my doctor, who took a few tests, cheerfully announced I was menopausal, and when I inquired after HRT, advised me to power through – that phrase again - and let Mother Nature take her course. The internet was slightly more helpful. I took up running, lost weight, cut down on alcohol, downed supplements and sleeping pills and vitamin D, and felt a little better. Then, breast cancer came to call, and by the time my treatment was done, the symptoms had more or less disappeared, or at least had been superseded by the symptoms of chemo. I congratulated myself at having powered through cancer as well as surviving menopause.

But two years later, I feel old. I look that way, too. I’ve aged ten years. Some of that’s the cancer, of course. I was quite open about my treatment when I was powering through it – partly in order to pre-empt any questions about my hair loss or any of the all-too visible effects of three courses of chemo. Not that it stopped the comments, though. Even at my lowest ebb, a sector of social media made it clear that my only concern should be to look young and feminine to anonymous men on Twitter.

Right now, I don’t feel either. My hair has gone grey and very thin. My skin, too, seems thinner; both physically and mentally. At a recent publishing event, several acquaintances failed to recognize me; others just looked through me as if I had become invisible. Invisibility would be a relief; I find myself dressing for camouflage. I tend to wear baggy black outfits. I got my OBE last week. Photographs in the Press show me talking to Prince William. I’m wearing a boxy black trouser suit, flat shoes and a red fedora. I think I look nice. Not glamorous, but comfortable; quirky; unpretentious.

On a thread of largely supportive messages, one Twitter user pops up to say: Jesus, who’d accept an honour looking like that middle-aged disaster? @Joannechocolat thought she’d make an impact? She needs a stylist. If you look in the dictionary for the definition of “dowdy”, it features this photo.

It’s not the same man who belittled me over 20 years ago. But the sentiment hasn’t changed. Regardless of your achievements, as a woman, you’ll always be judged on your age and fuckability. I ought to be used to this by now. But somehow, that comment got to me. Going through menopause isn’t just a series of physical symptoms. It’s how other people make you feel; old, unattractive, and strangely ashamed.

I think of the Glass Delusion, a mental disorder common between the 14th and 17th centuries, characterized by the belief that the sufferer was made of glass. King Charles VI of France famously suffered from this delusion, and so did Princess Alexandra Amélie, daughter of Ludwig 1st of Bavaria. The condition affected mostly high-profile individuals; writers, royals, intellectuals. The physician to Philip II of Spain writes of an unnamed royal who believed he was a glass vase, which made him terribly fragile, and able to disappear at will. It seems to have been a reaction to feelings of social anxiety, fear of change and the unknown, a feeling both of vulnerability and invisibility.

I can relate. Since the menopause, I’ve felt increasingly broken. I don’t believe I’m a glass vase, and yet I know what it feels like to want to be wrapped in a protective duvet all day. I’ve started buying cushions. I feel both transparent, and under the lens, as if the light might consume me. On social media, I’ve learnt to block the people who make mean comments. To make myself invisible. To hide myself in plain sight. I power through, but sometimes I think: why do women power through? And who told them that powering through meant suffering in silence?

Fortunately, some things have changed since I went through the menopause. Over the past few years, we’ve seen more people talking about their experiences. Menopause is likely to affect half the population. We should be talking about it. If men experienced half these symptoms, you bet they’d be discussing it. Because power isn’t silence. You’d think that, as writer, I would have worked that out sooner. Words are power. Sharing is strength. Communication breaks down barriers. And sometimes, power means speaking up for those less able to speak for themselves.

I look at myself in the mirror. I see my mother’s mouth; my father’s eyes. I see the woman I used to be; the woman I will one day become. I see the woman my husband loves, a woman he still finds attractive. A woman with a grown-up child who makes her proud every single day. A menopausal woman. A cancer survivor. A woman who writes books that make other people sit up and think. A woman who doesn’t need the approval of some man she’s never met to be happy. She can be happy now. I can. And finally, I understand.  Powering through isn’t about learning to be invisible. It isn’t about acceptance, or shame, or letting Nature take its course, or lying about feeling broken. It’s looking beyond your reflection. It’s seeing yourself, not through the lens of other people’s expectations, but as yourself. The sum of everything you’ve been; of everyone who loves you. Of claiming your right to be more than glass, or your reflection in it. The right to be valued. The right to shine, regardless of age or reproductive status. Men seldom question their own right to these things. But women have to fight for them. That’s why it’s so exhausting.

This morning, instead of putting on my usual baggy black sweatshirt, I chose a bright yellow pullover. I looked at myself in the mirror. It’s not a great colour on me now, but it feels like dressing in sunshine. My husband came into the bathroom. You look –

My husband rarely gives compliments. I can’t remember the last time he commented on how I was dressed. I wondered what he was going to say. Dowdy, perhaps? Inappropriate? Like a menopausal woman in dire need of a stylist?

At last, he said: When you smile like that, you look like a friendly assassin.

A friendly assassin. I’ll take that.  

Shining like the sun. That’s me.

[prettyplumpkitty]

Feeling absolutely FERAL as of late.

I keep wondering if this is a hormonal part of being premenopausal. Like your body knows the baby making factory is coming to a close so it makes you absolutely crazy about sex as a last ditch effort to be bred.

I can’t stop thinking about it.

I got so sleepy last night after eating a weed gummy so I fell asleep first. Woke up to mister fondling me and just touching me all over. Fucked me good and proper then cuddled me so deliciously we ended up fucking again. I swear he said I was incredible a few times and that just makes my heart sing.

So here I sit, unable to concentrate on work because I am distracted by my slutty fat pussy.

Send help.

[scientia-rex]

Good morning! I have a question. When I look up info about vitamin D, I come across many claims that people generally don't get enough of it. In a recent episode of Maintenance Phase, however, the hosts called it a "scam" or overblown, at least (I don't remember the exact wording). So, like, what's the deal with vitamin D? Do Americans get enough of it?

Probably, mostly. At the very least, people should be tested before starting repletion. It probably has a role in osteoporosis treatment and prevention, BUT how much to take and what form and when is HOTLY debated and frequently conclusions are changing.

Just to take you on a spin through the most recent Cochrane reviews (THESE ARE NOT SINGLE STUDIES, in case any of the research-naive out there want to get pissy about them; look up what a Cochrane review actually is before trying to shit on it; also note that I did NOT say this will cover every fucking person and every hypothetical they can come up with, jesus CHRIST):

No role for vitamin D in asthma

Insufficient evidence to recommend it in sickle cell

Raising vitamin D levels in cystic fibrosis patients is not beneficial

No evidence of benefit of vitamin D in MS

Supplementing vitamin D in pregnancy may have small benefits but also risk of harms

No clinically significant benefit from vitamin D supplementation in chronic pain

Insufficient data on vitamin D in inflammatory bowel disease, but no evidence of benefit

No evidence of benefit of vitamin D supplementation in liver disease

Vitamin D does not appear to prevent cancer in general population

No evidence for benefit in supplementation of vitamin D in premenopausal women to prevent bone density loss

Possible small mortality benefit of D3, but not D2, in elderly patients, but also increased risk of kidney stones and hypercalcemia

Vitamin D alone ineffective, but combined with calcium may be effective, in preventing bone fractures in older adults

Insufficient evidence for vitamin D improving COVID-19 outcomes

Now, vitamin D plus calcium in people who have post-menopausal bone density loss does seem to prevent fractures. This is why doctors routinely recommend it. However, dosage and formulation are still debated as data are insufficient, and uncertainty still large.

So, do you need to supplement? Probably not. There is some fairly weak evidence that vitamin D supplementation may help with depression, but I would argue that it's going to be most relevant in people with pre-existing deficiencies, which Medicare is just hellbent on not letting me test for anymore. They've narrowed the coverage codes for testing so now even know vitamin D deficiency isn't considered a good enough reason to test. So Medicare has very clearly decided it's not relevant, for whatever that's worth, I spit on their graves, etc. Of course, then you get into the question of what counts as a deficiency, which we also really don't know.

And to be clear, I wasn't looking through the Cochrane review results with an angle--those are most of the first page of search results on their site, with the only one skipped being similar to another one I mentioned, and I stopped when I got bored. These should not be paywalled, as I am not logged into anything and I can read it all, so try clicking the side menu on the right if you have trouble getting into the weeds.

If anything, running through this little exercise has made me less likely to recommend vitamin D supplementation, so do with that what you will.

[fitnessgeekandcoffeefreak]

4.6.2024.

Truth be told I've been at war with my body for the past two weeks. Almost two months of consecutive workouts (don't come at me about rest because that includes active rest days) and nutrition tracking. . . and nothing. No shift in weight at all. Which is extremely frustrating. I even had to limit my social media time because I'm being bombarded with "premenopausal weight gain" and "clean your colon" and "are you doing this specific workout to shape your body?" ads like my own phone KNOWS I'm struggling 😐

I'm happy there's better weather so I can continue to be active more, but, like, what gives? There are a lot of "weightloss" suggested foods that I simply can not eat because they're all highly inflammatory for my body and my joints. I wish I could be comfortable as this size but one extremely unflattering photo being posted online by a friend is just crushing.

I'm gonna try to switch up a few things this next week so we'll see what happens 🤷‍♀️

[roane72]

My new tattoo! (Apologies if you follow me elsewhere cause now you've probably seen it 50 times.)

This is my "I survived cancer, motherfucker" tattoo. Lilacs are one of my favorite flowers and they're tough and resilient. The peach ribbon is for endometrial cancer awareness.

Obligatory note: if you have a uterus and you're having abnormal bleeding--especially if you're over 40--don't automatically chalk it up to premenopause! Get checked out!

[missvelvetsstuff]

Just A Number

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Reader meets Bucky at a party and the attraction is more than either one of them wants to resist.

Notes: Since most stories are younger readers I felt like having a more mature reader could be a nice change of pace. Especially since I'm creeping up on senior discounts and want to believe Bucky could fall in love with someone like me.

I try to keep my readers description vague but, as always, she's female, tall and this one is obviously 40+

Chapter 5

Warnings: swearing, angst, fluff

"Hello James"

Bucky kissed her hand, then pulled back to get a good look at her and felt like his heart stopped or maybe it was racing. His heart was definitely doing something.

He went to speak but his throat was suddenly dry, making him cough.

He cleared his throat "Hi Doll. You look....stunning." He was lost for any more words for a second before he forced some out "I brought these for you." he offered her a bouquet of pink roses gripped in his left hand.

Dawn stepped up when Y/N just stared at him "I'll put these in some water for you." she took the flowers and nudged her sister in the ribs which broke her stare.

Bucky smiled, encouraged that Y/N seemed as distracted by him as he was by her. "Are you ready to go? I'm kinda double parked."

She giggled and Bucky's brain almost stalled again before he laughed along with her "I know, I know, that's so New York."

Dawn smiled as they walked out the front door, secure in the knowledge that her sister was in good hands for the nite.

Bucky was a perfect gentleman, opening doors and taking her coat when they were seated in a secluded booth of the small bistro he brought her to.

They ordered wine and an appetizer to nibble on while they waited for their meals, making small talk about living in the city.

Once they had their food in front of them they both realized this was where the real talking was supposed to start and clammed up.

Bucky broke the ice "Why is the idea of us too complicated?"

Y/N choked on her food when she accidentally gasped while swallowing. She grabbed her wine to help get her food down and took a minute to compose herself.

"James, you are one of the sweetest and kindest men I've ever met and deserve so much happiness after what you've been through but I don't know if I can give you all that."

Bucky shook his head and reached for her hand, touching her gently "Doll, I don't-"

She cut him off "James, I'm too old for you."

Bucky was stunned, that wasn't what he was expecting at all. His jaw dropped and he just stared at her incredulously. He watched her eyes fill with tears before he could form a cogent response.

He shook his head and coughed to cover the laugh that threatened to come out when he realized what she said and how serious she was.

"Y/N, sweetheart. I was born in 1917. I'm over 100 years old. How could you possibly be too old for me?"

Y/N sighed as a tear ran down her face "James, I'm almost 50."

Bucky gave her a funny look "Almost 50? Seriously, what are you 35?"

She glared at him "Don't make fun of me. I'm 47. Premenopausal, which is a hormonal, moody, hot flashy nightmare. I doubt you want to deal with all that. Hell, I don't even want to deal with my mess."

"Sweetheart, you don't know Sam. You couldn't possibly be more annoying than him. Or more difficult than Helmut Zemo."

She huffed at him "Well, my last pregnancy was very difficult and I had to have a c-section so had my tubes tied. I couldn't give you any kids."

Bucky looked at her expectantly thinking there must be more than that. When she didn't continue he sighed "Doll, when did I ever say anything about wanting kids?"

She took a deep breath "You didn't but I know that was the expectation during your time and I know that your chance for that happily ever after was taken from you. You deserve all that."

Bucky shook his head "I never thought about any of that back then. I was busy taking care of Steve and trying to keep us alive through the depression. Then the war started and I honestly didn't think I'd survive."

"What about the ladies man I've heard about? You never thought of settling down with any of them? Having a family?"

She asked softly.

"Nah, it was all just for fun." He rubbed her hand lightly "None of them were half the woman you are. The past is done, this is my time now and I want you. A partner in crime, a travel companion to see the world with, without a war or mission" he lowered his voice "a lover."

She shivered at the way his voice washed over her and tried to keep her head clear "You would have to meet my kids. They're grown and don't live with me anymore but are a bit protective after everything. We usually have dinner together on Sundays."

Bucky smiled "Dinner with your kids isn't a problem."

He paused, unsure if he should push but he wanted everything on the table "So what's everything? The Snap?"

Y/N nodded, feeling a bit more confident since he hadn't run away screaming

"I had a partner, since high school but he didn't believe in marriage. Mike was my first in a lot of ways. I met him when I was 13, we started dating when I was 14 and I was pregnant at 17 when I graduated high school."

She felt her eyes filling up again thinking about him. "I suppose I was lucky, when the snap happened my kids and Dawn were still here with me but I lost Mike. When it was reversed I was so happy and excited to see him again."

She looked down "Mike was an electrician and was working on some new apartments when it happened. When it was reversed he showed up in the same place but the apartment had been finished and rented. The tenant didn't know what was happening, he just saw a strange man in his home and he" she choked up before clearing her throat and softly finishing "He shot and killed him."

Bucky's eyes grew wide "Jesus" he whispered "I'm so sorry you went through that doll."

"It took two weeks before he was identified and the police stopped by to tell me." She dabbed the tears from her eyes. "We were together for over 30 years and I'm not sure I know how to have a relationship after losing him, twice."

Bucky smiled at her "And I've spent my life frozen or fighting and haven't had a real relationship, well ever. We can learn together."

She smiled nervously "I, I don't know. It's a little scary. I didn't even date or anything during the blip, the world was so weird and people were a little nuts."

Bucky nodded "Why don't you let me court you, Doll? We can take it slow and see how it goes. Don't you deserve a chance to be happy again?"

He smirked "Even at your advanced age you still deserve love and happiness."

She giggled and lightly slapped his hand "Cracks about my age won't endear you to me so watch yourself."

"Fine, fine. I'll be nice." He paused with a twinkle in his eyes "Don't want to stress your aged heart out."

She pinched his arm "Just because I'm not a super soldier doesn't mean I won't hurt you."

Bucky laughed "Sorry doll, couldn't help myself. I'll be good now."

"Riiight, you better be good Barnes or I'll make friends with Sam and team up against you." She threatened.

Bucky made an exaggerated gasp and put his left hand over his heart like he was in pain "You wouldn't dare."

Y/N laughed out loud at the shocked face he made. "I suppose it's only fair to give you a chance. It would be too cruel to give you just a taste and then withhold my awesomeness. You had better make it worth my while Sargent Barnes."

Bucky smiled at her, lighting up his face, and she was glad she was sitting because she saw what all those girls he romanced back in his day must have seen and her knees felt weak.

He thought for a moment, contemplating if he should bring up her connection to John Walker before deciding that their pasts are why they were here.

"So, how did you end up a Walker?"

She sighed "When I was growing up, before my parents died they were our next door neighbors in Astoria. I babysat for them, Dawn was like my own little baby doll. Johnny and I were close, I taught him how to swing a bat and catch a ball. I always had so much fun with them.

One night, when I was 12 I was at a sleepover with a friend from school and there was a fire. Both of my parents were killed. I didn't really have any other family so the Walker's took me in."

She shook her head trying to clear the emotions away. "They were good people and things were pretty good until Johnny started puberty. He got in with some douchebag jock guys and they teased him about me. Dared him to ask me out and bullied him when I refused. He kept bugging me until Mike stepped in. Johnny has resented me ever since. I caught him bragging to Lamar that he would get me after I lost Mike but.....no."

Bucky shook his head "I knew he was garbage but, damn."

"Yeah, he wasn't happy when he heard me telling Dawn about running into you. Whined about how you and Sam testified against him." She shrugged "He's been mad at me and talking shit since I turned him down, I'm used to it."

Bucky frowned "You let me know if it gets to be too much. Now that he has the serum he's more dangerous."

When they finished their dinner they shared a cannoli for dessert and finished their bottle of wine. They were relaxed and happy, having aired the big stuff, talking about everything big and small from favorite color or music to stories about both of their childhoods.

They held hands in the car on the way back to her place. When they arrived Bucky double parked to walk her to the front door.

Y/N looked at him shyly "Do you want to come in for a drink?"

Bucky growled softly, pulling her closer to him, his left hand on her lower back, his right caressing her cheek. "More than you know but we both know it won't stop with a drink and we're taking things slow."

He moved his right hand to the back of her neck and pulled her closer, leaning in to kiss her softly.

Y/N sighed into the kiss, her hands combing through his hair, nails gently scratching his scalp and he couldn't help himself from tracing her lips with his tongue until she let him in. Bucky deepened the kiss and groaned softly before he pulled away.

"You're not making this easy, doll."

She giggled "That's not my job sarge."

Bucky smirked "I'll remember that."

"That's the point."

Bucky kissed her again "You busy tomorrow? Lunch?"

She pouted at him "No, I have chores and errands. Plus dinner with the kids. I think I should tell them about you before they meet you." She pulled on his hair making him groan. "Maybe in a few weeks?"

Bucky shrugged "Whenever you're ready is fine with me. I don't want to push you into anything you aren't comfortable with."

He kissed her again "One nite this week?"

She nodded, answering him in a breathy voice "I'll text you when I look at Peppers schedule on Monday and figure out what nite is good."

"You can text me before that. Or call. Whenever."

She giggled "G'nite James."

"G'nite doll." He stood there until she had closed and locked the door behind her.

When Y/N made it to her bedroom she changed into an oversized t-shirt before falling into her bed and pulling her phone out of her purse. She sent Bucky a text

'Thank you for tonite, I had a great time XOXO'

Bucky saw the text when he got back to his place 'Me too. See you soon.'

Both of them fell asleep smiling that nite.

@supraveng @cjand10 @440mxs-wife @kandis-mom

Chapter 6

[thecleverqueer]

Y’all.

The point of the Clone Wars flashback in the Ahsoka series was partially fan service. Yes. But, those of you that are mad that Obi-Wan and Cody and Waxer and Boil and Mace Windu and Ursa Wren and Gar Saxon and Maul and Bo-Katan Kryze and Rook Cast weren’t in it missed the whole goddamned point of the flashback, so let me explain:

Everyone has bitched tirelessly about Ahsoka being stoic and reserved and “not like herself” (I will die on the “she’s in her forties…leave my baby girl alone… she’s tired, sore and premenopausal…” hill, still…)

Ultimately, she’s been “out of character” because she was carrying all of the Anakin trauma around like a two hundred pound weight on her shoulders. She blamed herself, and she feared who she was so much so that she was unwilling to get close to others and spread the wisdom that the years have afforded her…something a Jedi just does. She couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Enter this sequence… the moment she FINALLY lets go of the Anakin guilt/ hang ups.

I knew something like this was coming. Some moment that changed her back to the more recognizable Ahsoka. The one that embraced her friends. The one that was willing to share the lessons that she learned with others. The one that would have loved to have a padawan of her own. The one that wasn’t always running away, being flaky.

This was it. And, there were two big takeaways from the moment.

1.) Anakin was always Vader, and Vader was always Anakin… and she had nothing to do with that. Her leaving the order played literally no role. It wasn’t on her. It never was. He was already teetering on that line way before she entered his life. I mean, he slaughtered an entire village of Tuskens down to the last woman and child. He said and did questionable shit to Ahsoka herself too throughout their time together. Was he like a brother to her? Sure. Was he borderline abusive at times? Also, yes. Regardless, her eyes were opened in that first battle…where he basically told her to fight or die. Fair, under the circumstances… still, Ahsoka was trained to be a Jedi, not a murderer. Anakin relished in it. She didn’t really, especially when it came to losing her own men in battle. The clones were her friends, her brothers. Anakin didn’t seem to give a shit about the clones. Unsurprising.

2.) She realized that it wasn’t just Anakin’s legacy that she would carry on. She has her own legacy. It doesn’t have to be one of death and destruction. Is Ahsoka a lot like Anakin? Yes. She’s impulsive, hot-headed, stubborn, emotional, and intense, but that’s not all. Ahsoka is caring, patient, understanding, and loving in a compassionate sense. She’s grown wise, strong and sage. Anakin isn’t the only part of her line and that legacy… Obi-Wan is a part. Qui-Gon is a part. Yoda is a part. Ahsoka is a little bit of all of them. It made her realize that she’s so much more than just a warrior. She’s a great Jedi like the ones that came before her. Inevitably, she has a choice. She can choose not to serve the dark, despite it being part of that legacy, and she can pass on what she has learned without fear.

The moment was about just that. It wasn’t meant to actually be an episode of The Clone Wars. The flashback served a very specific purpose as laid out above. There are 133 episodes of The Clone Wars if you want to watch a Clone Wars episode with all the characters of the Clone Wars. This moment was about Ahsoka overcoming her guilt and fear caused by Anakin becoming what he became so that Ahsoka could actually embrace who she is. Specifically.

Now we have a happy, more well-rounded, Gandalf-like Ahsoka that has slayed her Balrog. Now we get to see her be the Jedi she has always been inside. Now we will see her be there for her friends. Now we will see her mentor and share her wisdom and teach the ways of the ones that came before her without fear.

[rapeculturerealities]

How Prisons Use Menstruation as a Form of Punishment | Time

There are approximately 170,000 people incarcerated in women’s jails and prisons across the country. While some identify as trans and gender-nonbinary, they all have similar reproductive health concerns. 90% of people in women’s jails and prisons are below the age of 55, and for them, those concerns include monthly periods. This means that every month, every time they menstruate, they face an additional layer of humiliation and dehumanization.

As a criminal-justice reporter and an oral historian, we collected first-hand accounts from prisoners as part of a global oral history project about menstruation. What we discovered, from correspondence with multiple writers incarcerated in different states, is a system that weaponizes menstruation as a form of punishment and oppression.

One such incarcerated writer is Kwaneta, a woman imprisoned in Texas. She told us that each month, her allotment of pads and tampons isn’t enough.

“In prison, we’re strip-searched often. Before we leave our cell. Before and after work. Each time we must remove our pad or tampon,” she wrote. “We’re assigned one pack of pads and five regular-size tampons monthly. If you’re one of the heavy bleeders, women who have fibroids or are premenopausal, the state will not provide you any extra items. You must purchase them. We aren’t paid to work in Texas. And nothing is free in prison.”

[stiltonbasket]

My youngest sibling is a premenopausal baby. Just when my parents thought they couldn't have anymore babies, bam, they were pregnant! I imagine that's what happened with QHJ and Mama Lan in the aged up verse. All that happened after they got out of seclusion.

Madam Lan: *informing LXC that he's about to become an older brother at the age of 22*

Lan Xichen, who got engaged three weeks earlier and is low-key looking forward to being a parent himself someday: Are you and father thinking about adopting after I move to Qinghe?

Madam Lan: ....no, A-Huan.

LXC:

[firsttarotreader]

Need to get this off my chest so imma unleash it on here 🤣 I was recently diagnosed with premenopausal at the ripe ol age of 35, I didn't think it was a thing but it is, and it sucks ladies, if you thought having your period was bad and that you had no control over your body it's 100x worse. I'm trying to deal with it and as a woman it sucks because let's be honest we normally are told we have something then it's bye have a nice day and you have to do your own research to try and deal with it, but as I did my research I realized that men themselves have menopause and I was shocked but not really because we normally call it a midlife crisis but they themselves go threw very similar experiences as a woman, crazy, huh? Now I look at men in their late 40s and 50s and wonder if they are going threw it.

Oh, damn, I’m sorry, anon! 🫤 Hang in there!

[taylortruther]

my friend surprise ordered me a copy of All Fours by Miranda July and I’m so so excited. 🥲 Have u read it yet??

YES I HAVE i will say i think i'll be excited to reread it in my 40s because it's very much about, idk, being premenopausal. BUT it was really enjoyable and beautifully written and exquisitely weird which is what i absolutely love about her. and it's interesting because queerness has always been part of her work but it has more of a presence in this book which was a really fun surprise. let me know what you think!

[chibabymumma]

This is my private Diary, obviously not that private as it's on Tumblr, but a place where I can scream, vent, cry and freak out without judgement from those close to me, I have to be balanced constantly which is battle.

A little bit about myself I am a mum of 4, 3 adults 1 toddler, the Toddler who will call little lion, has Congenital hyperinsulinemia, hypoglycemia,heart defect, peg fed, sensory issues, possible autism, non verbal, oral aversion and is literally a baby shark! If you can see the state of my arms you would believe me.

I just so need a safe space where I can find some sort of solace in my journey, of being a older mum navigating through the horrors of menopause after finally getting my autism diagnosis at age 49! And ADHD, with the sheer terror of having a little lion and about to be a grandma for the first time! Oh Goddess help me! And the new and improved tantrums now little lion has hit 3!! How do you cope with it? When my premenopausal self just literally wants to lay in the road with him and scream and shout at the injustice and sadness at the world, but no I move forward gently trying to get little lion to stop having a meltdown in the middle of the road, while he's biting my knuckles so hard they are swollen when I get home! All around me people are staring and tutting at me, I don't blame them he's a complete diva when he gets started, the ear piercing screams can shatter the sky, they certainly shatter my ears and my heart.

Little lion was a surprise. I wasn't expecting him, he just sort of arrived, I had at this point as well as my 3 adult children, 6 miscarriages. 3 very painful ones in the few years leading up to his arrival. My husband noticed first I thought the perimenopause had started and only did the test to say "nah see the changes have started" and there they were those 2 clear lines. I freaked out I'm not going to lie, Gave my poor husband a heart attack squealing and fainting. I remember the day so clearly one of my adult children had got COVID I was beside myself with worry this was the day the UK went into lockdown. My wee boy well man, was working ok a diary farm away to try and boost his funds, we had all just watched the news conference and I took the test reading about the effects of COVID lamenting my sadness and worry for my other boy, praying he would be ok, the world was a scary place. The test was next to me. As I read I got more and more panicked for him, I barely noticed the test I finally got my head out of the BBC news site I picked up the test and instantly had a meltdown! The joys of being me. And that was the start of this insane ever ongoing saga that is my life.