#you can hate it but you look dumb when u blatantly lie

[saffrontulip]

i don’t get how people say they think kataang was “rushed” or “came from nowhere” as if aang didn’t fall in love with her at first sight and katara wasn’t actually considering leaving everyone age knew and loved for him (a guy she met barely a few hours ago)

or when they try to act like aang is this abusive guy who uses her to get air nomad kids…insanity

just hate it normally istg.

[pucksnsticksnhockeyboys]

running away

request: Can u do 18 and 69 from the prompt list w Mat Barzal please?! 💗💗 love ur blog!!!

prompt: “Say that again, but less stupid.” & “I don’t get jealous.” / numbers 18 & 69 off of this list with Mat Barzal.

summary: Mat knows just how to annoy you and you can’t help but fall for it every time. 

warnings: drinking

word count: 2.3k

You didn't want to hate Mat. In all reality, you didn't actually. He was just annoyingly cocky when it came to his hockey ability. When you had tried to voice this to yours and Mat’s mutual friend Tito, he had just laughed it off, grinning out a ‘he has a right to be’ before leaving you pouting.

No, you didn't hate Mathew Barzal. He just really, really annoyed you.

“Say that again, but less stupid.” You blanched. You had lost your filter two drinks ago, and from your position wedged in a booth between Mat and Tito in some bar you were at celebrating a win, you were forced to listen to Mat and Tito talk about hockey. You weren’t totally listening, partially because you could only hear so much hockey talk before you lost your mind and partially because your head was a little fuzzy from your drinks. 

Your were contemplating on just how you were going to get past Mat and out of the booth to reach the bar when you heard his asinine comment. Normally, you would tune him out and you were certain you would’ve this time if you hadn't been sitting so close and if he hadn't sounded so dumb. So, really, you had no choice but to interrupt.

“I said, it’s fun to get in fights sometimes.” You scoffed at this, glancing up to Mat to see his trademark troublemaking grin. You were starting to think that maybe you should rethink the whole idea of going to get another drink because your next words tumbled past your lips before you could control them.

“I hate when you get in fights.” You regretted the confession instantly, seeing as it only made Mat’s teasing smirk grow. 

“Aw, do you care about me?” His comment made Tito laugh, and you hoped that the way your eyes rolled made you seem indifferent enough, or maybe you could blame the rosiness of your cheeks on the alcohol. 

Because as much as Mat annoyed you, you couldn't have helped the way you fell hopelessly for him. 

“No.” 

Lie.

Mat and Tito laughed at the defensiveness in your voice and you refused to look at either one of them. Right now, you just needed space from the two boys. You mumbled an excuse about having to use the bathroom and thankfully Mat let you leave without another comment. 

You took your time in the bathroom, straightening out your clothes and chastising yourself for reacting the way you had to his teasing. As far as you knew he was blind to your affections, there was no way he could know since you had never told anyone—let alone someone that would let it slip to Mat. 

Instead of heading back to the booth which had since been abandoned by Mat and Tito, you headed to the bar counter. It was crowded, and you didn't spot anyone you knew until a loud laugh sounded from a group of people to your left. 

You hated yourself for it, but it was a laugh you could recognize anywhere. It was a laugh that drew your attention, only the small smile that had formed at the sound faltered when you took in the scene before you. Mat and Tito were surrounded by a gaggle of girls, and they looked like they were having the time of their lives. 

The sight made an ugly feeling grow in your chest, one that had no right to be there. You and Mat were nothing, sometimes you questioned if you were even friends but your massive crush on him rejected the idea of having a just platonic relationship. But you were certain that friends didn’t get upset when the other was blatantly charming a group of girls. 

Your stomach dropped when you locked eyes with Mat, his smile turning to a teasing one as he caught you staring. You tried to change the sour look on your face to one a bit more neutral, but you were certain that made you look even more suspicious. Your head whipped forward, and you spotted the bartender nearby. You waved them down, and just as you finished giving them your order, another body stepped beside the stool you were sitting on to lean on the counter. 

“Put it on my tab, thanks.” Much like the laugh, it was a voice you’d recognize from anywhere. You’d heard the voice a thousand times, from across the room, whispered in a kitchen, yelled from the ice as you watched practice tucked in the stands, or right behind you in a crowded bar—Mathew Barzal was not one you’d easily forget. 

“Don’t you have anyone else to be buying drinks for?” You snapped before you could bite your tongue. Maybe the alcoholic drink you'd just ordered wasn't the best idea, but you weren't totally thinking straight under Mat’s heavy stare. 

“Jealous?” He teased, the word coming out as a chuckle. Usually, his smile was infectious but right now you couldn't help but glare at him. There was something about the way he said that one word told you he knew. He knew about your feelings and he was just throwing the fact that they were unrequited in your face.

At least, that's the way you saw it.

“I don’t get jealous.” You huffed, suddenly sounding very defensive. Your sentence was punctuated by the bartender setting your drink down in front of you, which you quickly sipped from in order to avoid looking at him. You didn't know how much longer you were going to be able to sit there and handle his teasing.

“Are you sure? Because if you’re not, then I’m just going to go back over and talk to those girls.” His smile was playful, and if your mind hadn't been so foggy you would've realized he had no real intention of going back over there other than to antagonize you. But the thought of it had the ugly feeling—jealousy, you know recognized—bubbling up in your chest again. 

You forced a smile onto your face, turning towards him before sliding off the stool. Before, when you had been sitting, the height difference between the two of you wasn't that noticeable. Now that you were on your own feet, and as close as you were, your neck was craning to look at him. You could feel your eyes start to get glossy, and you shoved your drink into his chest until he grabbed it. His gaze locked on yours and your chest tightened as his features softened into a confused frown once he recognized the strained look on your face, how your smile was tight and no where near reaching your eyes.

With his own drink in his other hand, he didn't have a free one to grab you to keep you in place as you shouldered your way through the crowd. You felt ridiculous, there was no reason that you should be this upset over Mat talking to other girls, but the fact that he came over and taunted you about your feelings had you feeling suffocated in the crowded bar. 

You were running away from your feelings, from confrontation, and from Mat.

You pulled out your phone as you maneuvered your way outside to call an Uber, and by the time you made it out the car was already pulled up out front. You checked to make sure it was your Uber and soon after that you were pulling away from the curb and headed back to your apartment. 

Aside from sending Tito a quick text that you had left so he wouldn't worry about you, you spent the ride pathetically staring out the window. You upset, that medium between anger and sadness that had you mindlessly watching the lights of the city night pass by without actually taking anything in.

You stayed in your stupor all the way until your apartment, changing into a pair of sweats and a tee as soon as you could. It wasn't until you had gotten a glass of water and were seated on the couch attempting to pick a show to watch that you were brought back to reality by a knock on your door. 

You could feel your heart hammer in your chest as you looked through the peephole to spot the very same dark haired boy you had left at the bar. He seemed nervous, rocking back and forth on his feet with eyes darting from your door to the elevator at the end of the hall. He was waiting for something to happen, and just as you watched him raise his fist to knock again did you decide to swing the door open.

Instead of greeting him like you would any other guest, you simply raised a brow to question his presence. He sighed, running a hand through his hair that was already so tousled something told you he had repeated the action dozens of times before you caught him. 

“Can I come in?” He asked, and still you stayed silent, though you did step back to allow him to slip in. He muttered a thank you before heading into the living room and finding home on your couch. “What are you watching?”

“What are you doing here, Mat?” You questioned, sounding a little standoffish and more than your fair share of exhausted as you wrapped your arms around yourself leaning against the doorjamb. He looked from the television to you, brows tugged together to show his confusion. 

“You basically ran off, I wanted to make sure you were okay. Do you want me to leave?” He asked, sounding genuinely concerned about whether you wanted him to stay and nothing like the cocky hockey player you left back at the bar. You softened a bit at his question, but then you were reminded of just why you felt so defeated when flashes of him surrounded by women crept back into your head. 

“No, I mean, shouldn’t you be back at the bar trying to find tonight’s hookup?” You didn't mean to sound bitter, but you were honestly exhausted by trying to hide your feelings. You figured that since he already knew and used to it mock you there was no point in trying to be subtle. 

The laugh that left Mat had your head snapping from your shoes to meet his gaze, and it was your turn to draw your brows together. He was grinning, one that usually made your heart skip a beat but was only causing your annoyance to grow. 

“You’re so oblivious.”

“Excuse me?” You snapped, raising a pointed brow in his direction. He usually got on your nerves, but tonight he was testing your limits. He was creating more questions than providing answers and you were reading your boiling point. 

“I don't want to go home with any of those girls from the bar, so you don’t have to be jealous.” You scoffed at his comment, wondering just why he felt the need to keep bringing up the fact that you were so annoyed. It really wasn't helping his case at the moment, only serving to agitate you more.

“It sure looked like it.” You huffed, stepping towards the couch and ultimately him only to reach for the empty glass sitting on the coffee table before retreating back into the kitchen. You heard Mat sigh, and his footsteps following after you. 

You were being stubborn, you knew that. There was clearly something Mat wanted to say, but you kept your back to him as you filled the glass once more. He called your name softly when it became clear that you had no intention of paying him any attention. You turned, but your gaze was focused on your feet. 

“Do you think I was flirting with those girls?” He asked, a hint of amusement in his tone that had you scoffing once more. Your heart may belong to Mat but he sure knew how to get under you skin. “I was just being Tito’s wingman, I promise.”

“Why does that matter?” You mumbled, because you truly were in no position to police just who Mat talked to. Even if it made you feel like jealousy was going to consume you whole. At your question, Mat chuckled. You raised a brow in question, but otherwise stayed silent.

“Because I know you like me.” Just like at the bar, you felt like running away. Mat must have sensed it, maybe he saw your gaze flicker from him to the door, because he was moving closer to you, and before you could even think about what to do, he was talking the glass out of your hand to set on the counter. He place his hands on your hips, tugging you closer to him so quickly you stumbled, bracing yourself with your hands on his chest. “I like you too, you know.”

From where your hand was placed, you could feel his heart beating out of his chest, just like yours ways. You looked into his eyes, searching for any sign of disbelief, trying to decide if this was some elaborate prank just so he could tease you. But the combination of his racing heart under you palm, the sincerity in his eyes, and the fact that he followed you from the bar instead to make sure you’re okay convinced you this was real. His eyes flickered to your lips only to meet your gaze again. All he needed was the small nod of your head and he dipped back in, pressing his lips to yours.

The kiss was slow and gentle, and you felt it all the way down to your toes. When you finally pulled away it was because of a need for oxygen and Mat didn't let you get far. His grip on your hips pulled you flush against his chest and your arms wrapped around his neck. You weren’t mad about the closeness, it allowed you to chase after his lips once you caught your breath to give him a few more quick kisses. You were melting under his gaze, and he knew it. 

“I’m a pretty good kisser, huh?” He teased and you groaned, dropping your head onto his chest. Leave it to him to take the sweet start of your relationship and use it to get under your skin.

“You're so annoying, Barzal.”

[thefudge]

scattered thoughts on sanditon so far 

this is a fun romp from andrew davies and there’s a lot to like and be invested in

but i do have some observations/ gripes

obviously davies is going for a modern/sexed up adaptation of austen and i have mixed thoughts on that, cuz there’s a lot of interesting stuff you can do with that, but you can also botch it up big time (i’m glad he didn’t do this to p&p back in 1995...i wonder what that adaptation would’ve looked like today. probably full monty darcy, lol). so i think some elements verge on the ridiculous, for instance having almost every dude in this show strip naked in front of a crowded beach several times in a row. ditto for theo james. i don’t mind the view (hehe) but i think it’s inserted awkwardly at times. like okay, we get it, it’s a beach resort and we’re trying to make austen edgy in 2019.... just maybe indulge a little less and literally keep it in your pants. 

this being a more modern adaptation i don’t mind hair and make-up anachronisms, but i DO mind the fact that rose williams sports this really weird shade of fuchsia lipstick in almost every single scene. stop iiiit

speaking of which, rose williams is a cutie and i loved her on reign, but i don’t understand what she’s doing with her face in this series. don’t get me wrong, she does a good job of making charlotte very likable, but the only way she can express...anything, really, is by making these confused faces, like a child practicing frowning in the mirror. it’s...really awkward. and she does this all the time, whether she’s happy or sulky or nervous, she just always looks like she’s trying to figure out the fibonacci sequence.  i mean it’s hilarious when u have theo james going all gruff to her about his feelings and rose williams is that gif of the blond lady doing math in her head. her acting is pretty good otherwise, but those faceeeees.

esther denham is my goddamn FAVE, gosh i love a Disappointed Queen and i’m glad she’s getting away from that boring skeevy brother. for once the incestuous siblings didn’t do it for me at all (which is pretty much the point lol). there’s nary a dude more uninteresting than edward whatshisface, my gaaaawd (also, davies trying to ramp up the sexiness with those scenes of edward brushing her hair or doing her stays...lol, sir, this rly isn’t your strength i’m sorry)

but i have to say that i thought esther and clara would be a thing. because my gosh, the chemistry during their scenes! the way they’d glide past each other with utmost contempt, while being disquieted by each other @___@. i mean it’s an austen adaptation, so i guess they’d never go there but!!! i need fic (would’ve made clara more bearable at least. i appreciate her character objectively cuz she’s an interesting pseudo-antagonist and you don’t get many of those, but blerghh. she was insufferable)

i was kinda (actually very) disappointed that the relationship between sidney and his ward, georgiana, wasn’t really developed. like there’s one more episode to go (as far as i know?) and they’ve barely scratched the surface with them. i mean he’s halfway decent to her now.... but ehh. i feel like this was a missed opportunity. after all, this was austen’s unfinished novel, so andrew davies & co could have added more material between these two. this, to me, should have been the real heart of the series. 

i like otis as a character, but georgiana/otis was zzzzzz. i suppose that they’ll end up together? zzzzzzzzzz (i frankly ship her way more with arthur! she finds him infuriating! he’s a sweetheart! the shenanigans!)

that German doctor is the real MVP, i feel like he should be sanditon’s no. 1 bachelor. i mean the shower rod??? providing pleasure to all the ladies in town, what a hero 

the soundtrack is rly rad! and the cinematography

i love how the show captures austen’s growing interest in the industrialized modern world which was emerging in the twilight years of the regency and i feel like maybe the show should’ve invested more time in that modern aesthetic (steampunk!) rather the awkward sexual shenanigans 

so....i can’t delay the inevitable anymore, can i? sigghh okay here i go

sidney/charlotte...annoys me. 

HEAR ME OUT.

 u know that i love LOVE “enemies to lovers” and hate/love stories, i LIVE FOR THIS SHIT. 

and i was ready to gorge on this dynamic because it looked delish 

 but i felt like michael bluth finding the dead pigeon in the paper bag. 

from what i can gather, sidney is supposed to be a mixture of darcy and capt wentworth, “haughty” and proud, with a history of romantic disappointment, a brooding sexy hero with a heart of gold. but to me this dude just comes off as weird. 

there’s legit no reason for him to be THIS mean to this young girl he just met. he is not just an asshole, he is ridiculously over the top about it, to the point where he makes a fool of himself. i am FINE with a man telling a woman off, believe me, but it has to have some kind of motivation, some kind of reasoning behind it. here, it just feels like the plot needs him to be utterly shitty to charlotte so that “sparks will fly”. that first ep convo on the balcony??? wtf???? it was genuinely bizarre. i got weird incel vibes. and every time he lashes out at charlotte (at least in the first 4 episodes) it’s fucking silly, because it’s not like he lashes out because she’s scratching the surface of his innermost painful memories. no!!! many of their arguments revolve around basic things that he could easily clarify!!! which he does eventually, so like whyyyyyyyyyy. charlotte keeps telling him he’s being vague for no good reason and he still does it. it doesn’t make sense he’d be this guarded and outspoken at the same time. like, fine, keep that shit to yourself, don’t tell ppl, but don’t also get pissed at them when they don’t guess your mind. again, i love an antagonist dynamic when it’s done right, but here many times it’s just pointless bullying, it’s not sexy or fun or challenging. the writers keep making charlotte apologize to him about how “wrong” she got him and how he makes her doubt her judgement but it sounds fake to me. like a) this dude went out of his way to be a total assface to you from day one, b) none of that bullying was him trying to coax you into having a more complicated view of the world. when darcy rebukes elizabeth, he is hinting at her limited point of view. he’s not blatantly negging her or calling her stupid as this dude does. AND U KNO WHAT.

i’d be absolutely fine with him calling her stupid IF IT MADE SENSE WITHIN THE STORY 

like if charlotte had truly done smth stupid during the first episode, sure, fine, it’s somewhat warranted 

but for him to decide she’s an idiot for no other reason than her making some honestly super nice remarks about his brothers when he asked for her opinion is THE HEIGHT OF NONSENSE 

it’s even more nonsense when 2 episodes later he decides maybe she’s not that dumb after all FUCK U MR. EDGELORD

and it makes me pity charlotte cuz she’ll probably marry this dude and have to deal with him in his old age when he’ll be even more insufferable. 

and i totally get the appeal. i do! i mean their scenes are manufactured to make you want more of them, i see the chemistry, it’s there (and we’re already at a point in the series where he’s trying to make amends) but at the same time i’m put off by this dude’s intensity, cuz it’s not the hot kind of intensity...it’s more like he’s a giant dumb baby who breaks things. meh. theo james is very pretty tho, and he is doing the most with his character (that voice def helps!). but i wish this antagonistic relationship had been written better, because it could’ve been glorious

this is why i think sidney/georgiana should’ve been so much more present. just like darcy has his georgiana we need the humanizing element, we need to see more variety from this dude than just “guy who clearly needs anger management classes”. 

i’m pretty sure i’m in the minority or possibly one of two ppl not won over by this romance, and i can’t lie and say i don’t root for them. too much of this show is predicated on their clashes for them not to work it out and get together, but boyyyy do i wish they’d done it a bit better

i almost feel like a reylo anti lol, but at least kylo ren doesn’t neg rey every single time they talk 

also, i go back to rose williams’ faces because they just rly enhance how clumsy this dynamic is. theo james is doing byronic asshole 2.0 and charlotte looks at him like he’s developed a smell lmao. i mean the scene where she catches him naked? she turns around and FROWNS in this rly bizarre way, almost like she noticed a growth on his dick lmao it’s that bad 

anyway i totally get the appeal, but i also know what i want from this kind of dynamic and...this ain’t quite it 

honestly i think i prefer charlotte/cute architect guy whose name i don’t remember right now! 

that being said, my fave moments of this show are the most austen-esque, where ppl don’t take themselves so seriously. i mean the adventures of the perennially-ailing parker siblings (arthur & diana)? deeeelightful. the pineapple scene? glorious

also it makes me sad that sanditon was left unfinished because to see austen tackling georgiana’s character in depth would have been so, so interesting 

in conclusion, the show’s a lot of fun but also frustrating in many ways

i hope davies doesn’t set his eyes on re-adapting p&p or other austen classics because ermmm i know i’m trash but i am kind of tired of these sexed-up “look how scandalous we are behind closed doors” adaptations. you can make the regency era feel modern and relatable without “shocking hand job in the estate park” pls and thank u. sure, the regency era was the inheritor of the sexually relaxed 18th-century, but it wasn’t that relaxed yall. ppl still kept their wits and bonnets about them.

still, i’m glad this show exists and that it tries to take risks, i just wish it took different kinds of risks, if that makes sense. like i am SO bummed i didn’t get into sidney/charlotte, u have no idea 

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Living a Boring Lie (Pieces of the People We Love, Part 3.)

Series description: Not many people had the chance to see a vault or to mean anything in the world of Pandora. Will a hardly built relationship in the loneliness of the desert have the potential to change anything in the world of anarchy and chaos - or will the friends try to murder each other?

Part summary: Against your better judgement, it was now obvious that taking Scooter in wasn’t that bad of an idea - yet one radio transmission was all it took to change your entire life around. 

Series warnings: A lot of guns, violence, reader is a tough badass - not a vault hunter tho. They’re badass and don’t give a fuck. And Scooter is a dumb bitch, as always. All Psychos and Fanatics are various Vine references - oh, what luck that reader can understand them since she is friends with Bandits.

Word count: 4 K

Tagging: @notaliteraltoad​

Series masterlist:  H E R E

Series playlist: H E R E

Boys, just as you asked them to, drove you right to your lonely shack in the desert. It wasn’t anything too fancy, but it wasn’t resolving just yet either. It was a few years back when you found it just standing in the middle of nowhere, knowing immediately that this beauty was your dream home. It was far away from any possible trouble happening on Pandora, you didn’t even know that the Eiridium cracked Pandora’s surface open until you’ve heard the wild news on the radio and even after that, you needed to see it for yourself before you told yourself “Yep, this fuckery had totally happened”. Other than that, it was far away from anything alive - there were no Skags in the proximity of your house, no flying fuckers, no people in sight; it was surely the loner’s paradise if you will.

Swiftly, you opened the main door and invited him to the ‘everyday room’, as you called it. It was the living room, kitchen, dining room, and hall all mashed up together. The only other room inside the house was your bedroom and a small bathroom and a toilet. With a vague movement, you’ve shown Scooter the old couch and took all of the excessive clothing you’ve had on. With too much of a noise, you put your shotgun on the table, and then, you took out a small glass to pour yourself some vodka. With irony, you’ve given Scooter a toast and kicked every drop of the liquid inside your throat.

“Take the couch and if you’d like to have something to drink, the water pipes should be still working. Or pour yourself some vodka for all I care.” - And with that, you took all of your things and carried them to your room. How comes you didn’t notice that it was already this late? It was almost midnight. You’ve realized how tired you were at the exact moment you took a good look at your bed. As if your brain just realized how incredibly all of your muscles hurt, you literally fell to your mattress, taking the clothes along with falling asleep. It was strange, knowing that you weren’t alone in that. That night, you’ve been half-asleep and half-awake; your ears were listening to every sound - for quite some time, you could hear deep breaths and light snoring. Yet as soon as the sounds have stopped, you’ve had a nice, long sleep. The house was strangely when the dawn rolled around.

You were still laying on your bed, the blanket was half fallen off your thigh, your hair was completely messed up. Honestly, you looked like a hot piece of garbage. It could almost be considered a peaceful morning - until a loud bang ripped your ears apart. Something exploded. Something fucking exploded near your house; there was a high-pitched noise going on repeat in your eardrums. A feeling of dizziness was making you feel sick as you tried to pick yourself up for a few seconds. The smell of scalds was in the air and honestly, you wouldn’t be surprised if you’d just find a motherfucking huge hole in the living room’s wall. As you finally stood on your feet and could tell which side is right and left, you searched for the shotgun. Thankfully, you’ve seen only one of these. When your head stopped spinning, you’ve walked out to see what was happening. At first, you’ve been going through hundreds and hundreds of scenarios. Did the COV attack on your cabin? Or could it be Walrus’ men from Ham’s Creek? What reason would they have to attack you? You haven’t tried to fuck anyone over in the last few years as far as you could recall, so no-one had a particular reason to attack your house just simply out of the blue. Out of boredom? Yes, you could see that someone would’ve done that out of boredom.

There was no more time to think about the reasoning behind a simple grenade blow. In fact, there wasn’t time for anything - you hadn’t a moment to put any kind of pants on or to, at least, wear a coat for fuck’s sake. No, you simply burst into the cold desert dawn in a tank top, panties, and with a long shotgun in your hand. The night could’ve ended merely an hour ago. Sun was still barely above the horizon, the huge massifs of rock were still covered in shadows and some kind of a mysterious mist. First, you made sure that your gun was ready to shoot before you turned your gaze to non-other than Scooter himself. That crazy-ass of a man was sitting on one of the power line columns with a screw he stole from your small workshop situated in the corner of the living room. With horror written in your eyes, your mouth had opened as you watched him out there. Was he about to kill himself? - “What the hell are you doing out there? Just don’t… Don’t just jump down, will you? I don’t want to have a bloody fucking porch. Just climb down, come on, man. Do you want to talk it out, maybe? I’m not the best at this kind of stuff, but I can take you to see Pintley. Do you realize that suicide is not the solution here on Pandora? I mean… If you want to really die, I can take the small chip out of the nape of your neck, and then you can have a nice little harakiri.”

The man was looking at you at first, leaning his elbows to the top of the column as he twisted the screw between his fingers. Then he smiled, waving down on you. - “Ya funny in the mornin’, I tell ya, man!” - The tone of his voice was joyful and happy, so… Maybe, suicide wasn’t what he was trying to do. As you realized that he’s not about to jump down, you’ve calmed down and started to think it all through. He was sitting on top of the electric power line… In that case, could the electricity straightaway just burn his damn ass? You had a New-U ten seven miles away from your home so, if the electricity would burn him until only ashes and black goo would remain after him, he would still be respawned not too far from where you were standing. Technically, if you’d like to help him get burned, all it would take would be just one round and one gunshot… Quickly, you stopped yourself from thinking about hurting someone. Not to let the ice-cold mask slip, you just stood there without any emotion inside, just as if you just died from the inside. Then, Scooter started talking again.

"I am not tryin’ to kill myself, man. I am just tryin’ somethin’ out and I want to repair you Catch-A-Ride station since it’s kinda my thingy." - Scooter explained calmly. Oh, Catch-A-Ride, yes, that was "kinda his thingy" since it was his and his sister’s business. To be exact, it was the only car business running on the entire planet. But why on the world was he climbing up on a column that was at least twenty feet high? Then, you finally noticed what had exploded - there was a fucking crater just not even two feet away from your door - it was the exact place where the mysterious thing had blown up. Since there was anyone other than Scooter, it was almost blatantly obvious who had thrown the fucking explosive.

"And why… The fuck… Is there a huge ass hole just two feet away from my door? Were you trying to kill me? In my sleep? Very cavalier-ish, that’s all I’m going to tell you. Wow." - The irony in your voice was almost palpable, just like the spikes coming out of your eyes. Did you really think that he’s trying to kill you? Yes, you fucking did and you weren’t about to give him any of that for free. But… Scooter didn’t seem to care about any of that. In fact, he seemed not to give the slightest fuck about your bad mood. It was probably just his sunshine aura that was making him blind. He completely ignored your furrow and wide-open eyes and leaned even further into the wooden construct under his arse.

Once more, you looked up and shot your gaze right to his eyes. He was raising one finger, pointing at you. - "Man, I dunno what ya been doin’ here, but ya had a Torgue grenade stuck in ya power line, rippin’ one of the cables out, ya see now? Since ya power line is powerin’ the station, that was the reason why the machinery was not workin’. Thank me later, alligator." - As he finished the sentence, the corners of his lips turned into an even bigger smile. With a dumbfounded expression, you looked at the man. Deat. Fucking. God. Wasn’t this dumbass a treat? Wasn’t it amazing to have him at your home? Wasn’t it a delight, to have him around?

No. Not it fucking wasn’t a delight for you. For him? Maybe. And you hated every second of sharing your personal space with a burning passion. It sucked shit if, you had to be honest. Even though he didn’t have the opportunity to try to make you talk, you could simply tell that he’s into conversations. The man surely liked to laugh, to have normal human interactions, and just the simple feeling and acknowledging of the fact was making you nervous. To say the least, it was disrupting your anti-social loneliness in the middle of the desert. And now, when he was just sitting there and poked around with the damn screw. Because of said screwing around, you were expecting to be grateful for having him at your place. You wanted to shoot something so badly you were about to cry. Just because you wanted to act like the adult one in the situation, you straightened and screamed the first thought which came to your mind.

"Um, um, um... Yeah! Fuck you, man! I can’t even use grenades." - Then, you turned on your heels and walked back home, getting ready to go to sleep once you'd reach your bed again. For Scooter, the conversation clearly wasn't over as he started to yell at you once your back was turned to him.   "And what is my motivation behind killin’ ya, huh? I’m not a hunter or a monster or cannibal, man. What the hell would I do with your corpse?" - He yelled back, but the only thing you did was that you showed him your middle finger. After drinking a whole glass of milk to sleep better, you laid back in your bed.

But not even an hour after this little situation had passed by, another loud bang sounded through the neighborhood. This time, you opened your eyes immediately and looked into the ceiling. One of your eyes was ticking as you tried to get it all together. The dude was a stranger, right? If you'd drag him somewhere, no-one here would be searching for him, right? Everyone already thought he was dead, so if you'd kick him out and let him wander around the desert until he'd get him killed... You surely wouldn't be to blame, right? This time, you took your time with dressing up as you furiously mumbled various things you could start yelling at him once you'd run out of the door. Although, you still decided to go with the weakest ones you came up with. "Ok. That’s it, Scooter, that's it. I thought you’ll at least be a quiet roommate. That you'd magically disappear one day. That would leave to me, living my life just like I did before you respawned. But you just can’t help it, can you? You're here for the first literal day! And what are you up to? You talk, talk, talk, and smile, and you're being all friendly and... For the love of God, go pack your things or… I'm… About… To... Shoot... you?” - The last words were uttered as a whisper as you stopped with the yelling.

Sure, your throat was ready to go on with the daily dose of yelling, but something different had taken your breath away. The Catch-A-Ride ramp had a runner parked on top of it, and that meant only one thing. The station was repaired and working. For a second, you were staring at the car, then at Scooter, and then you turned your attention back to the car. Scooter was standing right next to it with a wrench in his hand, giving you and a shit-eating grin. "Ya were sayin’, cupcake? I'm afraid I didn't hear ya." - It didn't escape past your radars that his voice had n impressive amount of irony in it, but that wasn't the thing which had blown you away. The car itself was... A miracle. You weren't able to make it work for such a long time and it took Scooter merely four hours to get it going. A working car. Who would've suspected that such simplicity could make your life so much easier? A car whose motor was running meant that you didn't have to wake up before sunrise every morning, it meant that you didn't have to go such distances on foot.

"Nothin'. Forget I was saying something." - For a moment, you looked at him in a way he'd describe as 'different' - your eyes didn't look like two about-to-be-shooting laser guns, there wasn't a furrow in your face and you seemed to be a nice person for once. Sure, it lasted for a mere second, but it was there. Scooter had seen it. That was all that mattered to him to determine you're not as much of a pain in the ass as you tried to present yourself to be. There was something into you, but obviously, you weren't used to letting that side of yourself out as much. It existed, tho and Scooter was immediately out of his mind racing about ever surreal consequences in which he'd be able to achieve anything like that - instead of that, he decided to rant about the cars. Normally, if he'd realize that a woman might be... Nice, he'd start saying so much bullshit that someone like you would blast him through the roof of your house with your shotgun alone. So, at that place and that time, he decided not to start a random rant.

"Also, ya had an old ass system there, so I looked into that as well. Your system was last updated a longer time ago than the time I've died and that’s sad. Man, cars are like unicorns - you need to take care of 'em. I re-uploaded ya an old cloud file into the system, with the… Ya know, basically everythin’ ya should need in here. Bandit technicals, those flyin’ thingies from Elpis. All is set up and ready to good.” - The man stood up next to you, patting the car with his palms gently. - "Now, when we're friends again, Cowboy... Wanna try those beauties, huh? I’m pretty hungry." When you turned your head at him, his face had a huge, naughty smile on it. At that moment you, gave him a naughty smile back, being on the same wave as he was. Now, you could hunt down at least four skags in half the time - that meant more money and more time. Sure, Scooter still wasn't your favorite human being on the whole planed and he still was invading your personal space... But he had a few good traits in him.

Neither of that hadn't even matter, since not even an hour later, you were both boosting the living shit out of your brand new Light Runner. Scooter was yelling at the top of his lungs meanwhile you sat behind the steering wheel, laughing. Damn, did it feel good to be driving a car again. The adrenaline was running wild in your bloodstream as you cut the sharpest turns with the machine. It felt good to simply step on the pedal and to feel the car rushing forward. Neither of you felt the rush for quite some time and damn, didn't this make both of you feel alive for a moment. Now, you sped directly from a pretty high cliff, jumping down into a canyon. Now, the screaming got even higher-pitched as the car fell on the ground with a loud thud. Scooter started laughing as well once he caught his breath. It was nice to see someone was enjoying Catch-A-Ride, the thing he had created, as much as you did.

As you drifted along the endless desert, your favorite hunting playlist was blasting through the silence broken by the howling of your car's pneumatics and the loud roaring of the engine. As you turned the engine off and got on your foot so you could actually hunt the skags, Scooter surprised you as he stayed in the gunner's seat on his own - saying he's just going to watch you from the distance. And boy oh boy, did he got a good view of... Everything that was going on. Well, it was hard to decide whether he was a bit too turned on or if he was worried for his dear life. When you only shot at the skags, it was cool. But once one of the skags tried to jump at you from the behind and you caught it by the throat with your metal arm, Scooter realized that he might be in danger. You literally threw the animal on the ground, stepping on it to hold it down as you shoot the brains out of its skull. By the time four huge skags were tied up on the body of the car, you decided it's enough. Scooter condescendingly agreed with you, still having everything fresh in his brain. Quite dramatically, you drove your car directly to Hell’s Cauldron and stopped in front of Pintley’s pub with the smile of a winner as you got out. To finish everything, you put your huge hat on your head, dragging the bags with skags in.

"Top of the mornin’ to ya, lads." - You patted one of the local’s back and threw one of the dead bodies directly in front of Pintley. - "Here you go, freshly hunted, not even grilled at this point. Today, I’m taking only forty dollars for one. That’s almost charity work.” - You winked at Pintley, walking out to get the other one as Scooter walked in behind you, playing with his cap in his palms. That day couldn’t be more awesome in your opinion - you got paid almost two hundred dollars in cash and both you and Scooter even got a free drink out of Pintley. In the afternoon, Blindy and Rayray came to have a drink with you and to chat for a bit. Yet, every nice day usually goes to shit at some point, right? Why would this day be different?

The BUT of your day came by in the evening, just as you crawled on the rooftop of your cabin and swung your legs from the edge of it, looking at the stars. Scooter asked you for some cabled - he quite literally tore one engines out of his Bandit Technicals and planned on upgrading it, toying around in your kitchen - letting you be alone, which was nice too. BUT, here it comes, not even half-hour from that, your radio came to life. You turned your head to the machine because it stopped playing your favorite song. Now, you've been listening to one of the psychotics rants of the who-the-fuck twins. Carefully, not to drop your bottle of beer, you supported yourself on your elbows as you sighed tiredly. Fuck those guys. Why did they always choose the worst time to hit you up? Goddamn assholes, these two kids.

"Hello, hi, hey. Your favorite god-queen and god-king are talking to you right now! And we need you, right now! We need you to group up because the Maliwan ships are on their way? What are we doing, you might be asking? Oh, I'll tell you! We're about to attack the vault thieves because they’re trying to take OUR. VAULT. AWAY!” - The annoying voice of Tyreen Calypso could be heard nice and clean, just as if she was speaking right next to your fucking head. That girl was the worst and cringiest cult leader you’ve ever seen or heard. Sure, you could perfectly understand why she was a cult leader, but she wasn't a good one, ah-ah. You'd be a much better leader. At that moment, Scooter walked out of the house and gave you a concerned look.

"Ya hearin’ that bullshit?" - He mouthed in your direction and you nodded, turning the volume up.

"So, if anyone has any info on what they’re doing, give us a call! If you won’t… Well, don’t even think about the things I, the God-Queen you all know and love, am about to do to you! So see you all at Athenas. And don’t forget to like, share, and obey! Tyreen is ouuut!” - The annoying voice finally finished. What you didn't like tho was the gaze Scooterboy was giving. He was just looking as if he expected you to be agitated because of the news. As you still stared at him back, Scooter pointed at the radio, making you curious about what he had to say. Why would this radio message be somehow important? Tyreen and Troy were hunting someone’s throat every other day and each time a message like this reached you, it was about someone different. What were the news then? Should you be… Terrified or something? Ridiculous. That bitch didn’t cross your way once - why would you cross hers?

What Scooter said had left you dumbfounded for the following minutes. You stared at him, he stared back at you and both of you listened to the thing - "Man, I think these vault thieves are my friends.” - Scooter muttered out. At that moment you truly weren't far from shitting yourself. All it did for him was to hear about some vault thieves and he was ready to go. He was all set up to contact his friends, to find them, and to travel across the galaxy just to see them. Scooter was all set up to go on a suicidal mission. And now, there was this bit you didn't like at all. It was almost 90% sure you'd be forced to help him with all of this. Ever since the last evening, Pintley determined you to be Scoot's babysitter. Damn, you knew you were in for a treat (a long-ass argument if you will) as you looked on the car stand just a few yards away.

Sure, you didn't have much of life on Pandora - while other people on other planets were having families, kids, good lives, and jobs... You were just a skag hunter, really. You had very little to lose, maybe even less than that. But this wasn't any of your business. Any of that was your business. The VHs were not your friends. Scooter was the dude you saw once. Your place was here, in the endless loneliness of the desert, on your own and alone. Yet as you looked down on Scooter, you knew you better take him to Pintley's pub to discuss a plan. And if you'd decide to leave yourself out of that, Pintley would cross your name out of the pub's list of habitues - and for your information, your name was the only one on the damn list.

And sometimes Blindy's name was written there as well.

[thephoenix-hq]

☞ NAME: Remus Lupin. ☞ AGE: Nineteen (03.10.1960). ☞ BLOOD STATUS: Halfblood. ☞ HOUSE: Former Gryffindor. ☞ GENDER: Cis-male. ☞ FACECLAIM: Tom Webb.

+ THE STORY SO FAR +

As far back as Remus could remember, he had been taught to keep secrets. Don’t tell mummy’s frighteningly Welsh family that daddy can do magic. Don’t tell the muggle children in the neighborhood about the wizarding world. He was living two lives even as a child no bigger than four. It was around this time that everything changed, all at once. The small boy didn’t even remember it happening. He had been dreaming sweetly, awoken by the sounds of his mother’s cries and an intense pain he had never experienced before. The smell of tourmaline and the bright florescent lights of Saint Thomas hospital in Southwark surrounded him in a confusing haze.

The scars marring his body healed, but they didn’t disappear into his skin the way they always had before. They remained, though faint, a white imprint on his form forever, stretching and morphing with his growth over the years. The need to keep secrets grew stronger. The family of three moved from town to town, terrified of what might happen if anyone found out about the young boys condition. Despite the love his parents had for him, he was a lonely child. By the time he was ten, he had accepted the fact that it would be a rather lonely life indeed. When Albus Dumbledore showed up on their doorstep that year and convinced Lyall Lupin to allow his son to go to school, a happiness and freedom his sickly child had never known took over. Though once in school, the need to lie returned. Don’t tell anyone about your condition. Tell them your mother is ill and you visit her often. Lie, lie, lie. The three boys he shared a dorm with, however, were far too nosy and clever to fall for Remus’ musings.

They called him out, and for the first time in his life, Remus had given in. He had told the truth, no matter how petrified of the consequences. Naturally, as they would continue to do for years to come, they surprised him with their loyalty. For the first time in his life, Remus Lupin had friends - three people who he trusted and loved beyond his two parents. These were the people he considered on the insides of his walls; his parents, Albus Dumbledore and the Marauders. Over time, Lily Evans found her way in, being too clever for her own good and too close with Severus Snape to not know the truth. He allowed it because even when Snape tried time and again to convince her, she would always play dumb. Remus recognized this and thanked her for it. Once Remus loved, he did so deeply and unconditionally. He saw this as an asset in relation to James, but ultimately he couldn’t help but feel as though it were equally his greatest weakness. He avoided it - the loving - but once he felt it in any form, it wasn’t likely to go anywhere.

-  J U N E  1 9 7 9 -

When Dumbledore asked Remus to join the coalition he created known as The Order of the Phoenix, Remus answered unthinkingly. “Yes.” It felt like he was finally paying back a portion of what he owed Dumbledore. Though the old man disagreed heartily, Remus felt there was no one else more responsible for the happiness and love he acquired during his time at Hogwarts and he would do absolutely anything to satisfy his old professor. It was a loyalty that would never falter. Though there was some concern. Everyone in the organization would have to know the truth about him. He couldn’t keep secrets here for their success depended on their honesty with one another. Swallowing past the lump in his throat, Remus would prepare himself to speak his darkest secret aloud to a room full of people he trusted simply because Dumbledore said he could.

←  C O N N E C T I O N S  → 

→ Marlene McKinnon

He called her Magnificent and she, ironically as ever, called him Classic. At the beginning of their sixth years, Remus trudged into a train compartment with never ending ink stuck to the bottom of his shoe. The only person taking up the space until that moment had been Marlene, who was suddenly and painfully fascinated by the nervous, babbling boy making a mess all over the carpets. She poked fun at him in a way that anyone else would think was casual conversation. But Remus knew from the moment she opened her mouth that she was quietly intelligent and dead clever. She reminded him of himself in an instant - soaked in undertones and, to someone as familiar with them as he, keeping secrets. He chose her that day, taking quiet pride in the fact that Marlene was the first person that didn’t force their way into his life, but he decided on his own he wanted to know. That was the beginning of a friendship that would tear them both apart. Due to a fateful prank between Sirius Black and Severus Snape that could have ruined everything Remus had worked so hard to obtain, he distanced himself from his closest friends and in that, grew closer to the Slytherin girl they all seemed very much against for no real reason other than her affiliation. There was a darkness in her that matched his own and it drew him to her in ways Remus wasn’t familiar with. They got too close to something he had forbidden himself from taking pleasure in, however, and he removed himself from her life like smoke, a tragic hero in his own mind (something she would blatantly disagree with, if he plucked up enough courage to ask). Remus is one of three people that knows why Marlene truly left Hogwarts in December of 1977. What he doesn’t understand is why she never came back.

← James Potter

It only took about a month and a half. When Remus first arrived at Hogwarts, he had just gotten through a full moon. He was tired, his bones ached, but he had a chest full of child-like hope that was overwhelming to him at the time. He confined himself to his dorm room. The three boys he shared it with came and went. He might show up to lunch and grab enough bread and fruit and cheese to get him through until the next day. It had been James Potter who stayed behind first. “I’ll catch up with you,” he’d heard him say to the others, a knot of nerves forming in Remus’ throat as he cowered behind the curtains of his four-poster. There was some rustling from the other side of the room followed by footsteps that undeniably led right up to the side of his bed. He closed his eyes and clenched his fists, but no words came. There was simply a clunk, retreating footsteps, and the click-clack of the door opening and closing. Tentatively, Remus peeked out over the side of his bed. A tray of food at been left on the floor in the spot he heard James stop. There was a hefty goblet of pumpkin juice with a heaping of meats and sweets. It was clear what James preferred to eat, looking at it. There was a note stuck to a piece of roast beef. Written in messy scrawl, he’d said, “I already found the kitchens. Show you if you want. - James Potter, your roommate (the expert flyer).” Remus woke up for breakfast the next morning and excitedly (though tentatively), called after the other three as they headed for the door. When they stopped abruptly and looked at him there was a mixture of confusion and disbelief from two, but a knowing, triumphant smile from one. When he said he wanted to come with them, a hopeful eyebrow that surprised Remus shot up James’ forehead. “Yea?” He asked and Remus, swallowing down the fear, nodded. He seldom skipped a meal after that. In truth, they were his favorite parts of the day.

→ Sirius Black

Remus was very good at reading people. He discovered this about himself very early on in his Hogwarts days. James was an open book. He wasn’t ashamed to feel or let his feelings be known. Peter was subtle, he preferred, like Remus, to keep to the background and observe his surroundings. Sirius, on the other hand, was a sea of emotion that he kept carefully concealed behind sarcastic quips and bouts of fire-like rage. It was in the twitch of his jaw, subtle tightening of grip, flash of eyes, or even in the way he held his shoulders. Remus could see the way Sirius fought his own demons. It was admirable because he knew of a similar fight within himself. Unlike him, however, Sirius never had to want in his youth. He had been brought up on certain stigmas and stereotypes that he struggled to fight early on. When they first discovered he was a werewolf, Remus could see clearly that Sirius pretended to be okay with it as a means to find more reasons to stand against his family. In truth, it was hard for him. He grew up thinking werewolves were scum. Now he was friends with one and though he tried, it stunted them a little bit. Remus had convinced himself things were better, Sirius had worked through his seeded discriminations, but a hateful prank pulled on Severus Snape in their sixth year changed his mind on that, and put a permanent dent in their friendship. Though Sirius apologized and Remus forgave, because he loved his friends and would likely always give them second chances, he couldn’t forget. And every month, he felt a familiar sense of anxiety creeping in; could he trust him? Should he not? He would because James asked him to. James was the glue that held them all together; seeing his friends with bountiful admiration, always.

→  Peter Pettigrew

Remus attached himself to Peter because they were both quiet. They kept to themselves when James and Sirius weren’t around, finding solitude in the silence like the other boys never could. Remus appreciated Peter’s quiet hilarity. He seemed timid, but truthfully he was observant. He wanted to be in the background. It had become clear to Remus in their fifth year when his animagus took the form of a rat. Peter was resourceful, clever, quiet down to his swift movements that seemed to allow him to glide through a crowd as if made of vapor. He was an important facilitator in most of the pranks James and Sirius came up with, managing to go unnoticed among a crowd of people if that’s what he wanted to happened. He got his way through being devious and sometimes, though fleeting and a thought he entirely kept to himself because of how James and Sirius might react, Remus wondered what kept his good friend from being a Slytherin.

REMUS LUPIN IS CURRENTLY CLOSED FOR APPLICATIONS.