#you ever fail to communicate with ur parents so u just blame them for everything

[relocated-to-new-blog-lmao]

breaking news! local child blames father for the end of the world (father also blames himself)

[thief-of-eggs]

HELLO LOVE <3

Brainworms have been worming extra hard since I stumbled upon your Bruce and Jay post (plus the doomed narratives one,, BELOVED), honestly those two make me so fucking ill oh my god. The tags on ur post? So true. Kith ur tags on the head. LO VE LOVE <3333 adding a little to the discussion since I am ill (and if you don't mind!!)

LOVE THE DOOMED NARRATIVE because their reconciliation is never possible imo. Grief is a wretched force that has twisted Jason's memory from the image of his beloved son into a detached, reckless amalgamation. Bruce compartmentalises to such a degree that if he has to keep functioning (both as Batman and as Bruce Wayne) that he can't possibly face the fact that his actions killed his son. His mission born out of the death of his parents couldn't have killed that bright child who was albeit a little angry at times but so full of compassion and life, right? Right?

But he has to continue. And because he does, he has to, on an internal level, make himself believe that Jason was doomed from the start. That he was too reckless. That he was too much of a mess. That he should've never been Robin (which is true in a different sense, but this line of reasoning is not it) and was destined to die. Bruce's messy cycle of grief has concluded. Acceptance comes in the form of his cherished son now being seen as 'his greatest failure, a reckless Robin, a good soldier.'

And unfortunately, the whole thing about Jason is that he is continually trying to communicate with the Bruce he remembers before he died. They're both on completely different pages in this conversation, and Jason is so mentally ill—oh my god, PTSD?—and he's trying to communicate with someone who doesn't remember him as he was. Plus, Gotham is such an intrinsic part of him that he can never pull away from it. He just gets stuck in a cycle, continually pulling away and then reaching out, and then pulling away—essentially in Limbo.

SJSJOSAOSKSOS I DO LOVE THE BRUCE AND JAY RECONCILE NARRATIVE 😭😭 THEY'RE BOTH NUANCED CHARACTERS, I BELIEVE IN THEM BUT GOD... the amount of growth they'd have to show from both their sides for that to ever happen??? YEAH. NO. 😭😭 AaaaaAAAA

ANYHOW. RANDOM WORDDUMP. U HAVE COOL AF POSTS !!!!! much love !!!!! Thank u for appearing on my tl :D !!!!!

HELLO HELLO!!! WELCOME !!

PLZ add on omg RAHHHHHH !!! Nothing makes me feel more loved as a writer and poster than seeing people get inspired by my silly little words and seeing them expand on !!!!

Also yes yes YES Jason Todd is one of my favorite muses for doomed narratives!! Every single goddamn relationship that kid attempts to have is destined to fail. From his mom to his short-lived time as Bruce’s apprentice/son, to his fragile and tense relationships with his almost-but-not-quite siblings.

Jaw on the floor, first off. Do you write??? Please do you write???? I need to read more of your words if so bc you understand these characters on SUCH a deep level UGH

“-he can’t possibly face the fact that his actions killed his son” - THIS THIS THIS !!!! Bruce is an immovable wall with Jason because he CANNOT accept the accountability. It’s like Jason is having a completely different battle with him, because Jason sees things for as they are, if not a little tainted by his own begrudged feelings, but meanwhile Bruce is seeing things through a clouded lens of denial. Bruce doesn’t understand the pain he caused Jason because he cannot even see it. It does not exist in his mind. Because to accept the pain is to accept WHY the pain is there, which in turn would just spiral out of control and Bruce is forced to accept that his no-kill ideal ended up digging his son’s own grave.

Ugh LOVE the idea of Bruce gaslighting himself into thinking this was how it was always fated to be. Putting the blame not on himself or Jason or the Joker, but on some higher being that he doesn’t even believe in. It’s such a Bruce coping mechanism. Sweeping everything under the rug bc now he can’t see it. IM UNWELL

YES YES THEY ARE ON SUCH DIFFERENT PAGES!!! YOU GET IT!!! They literally are having two separate conversations and neither understands why their words aren’t sinking in to the other. They may as well be talking to their own hallucinations at this point- Jason at the memory of his father and Bruce at the doomed ghost of a boy who once was.

And YUP that’s why I write little “good dad bruce” fics and read so many too, because I WANT them to reconcile but… in the actual real world reality? I think the best they could do is an uncomfortable middle ground. Where Jason is no longer antagonized, but not exactly welcomed either. He’d have an expected seat at the table, but he’d never come. He’d be on every place card, every invite, but he’d never show up. He’d be included, but would choose to stay away. And that breaks my heart but also I truly don’t think either of them can go beyond that. In an effort to cling to familiarity and sanity and a guilt free life, Bruce pushed his biggest regret away. He could have had his son back, but instead he chose to believe it couldn’t be true. And like the greatest self fulfilled prophecy, he made it true.

ANYWAY THANK YOU FOR STOPPING BY AND BLESSING MY INBOX !!! seeing so many words made my itty bitty heart so happy. biggest MWAH to you <33

[scorpioslut-blog1]

Stupid social media

It’s probably been a year... two years... who knows? I’m still at college or whatever, oversharing with pseudo anonymity on tumblr, incapable of journaling like normal or dedicated depressed emo art hoes have been doing for centuries... 

Anyways, I guess I went off social media mostly for the first time in my life... temporarily deactivated twitter (until christmas) and instagram (until further notice), still have my finsta which i'm sworn off of, my spam ~aesthetic~ account which literally keeps me going, my art acct which is sort of stagnant as the moment as i dive into my new hobby/class mandated photography obsession, and my new food diary instagram which is pretty lame and literally just for me to reflect on eating habits. oh i'm on adderall right now. which i looove... it just feels good, ur mind feels good, u think hard but like i feel like i could write a novel, clean my room, text everyone i need to catch up with, or i dont know, write on tumblr like a teenager (i’m 21 fucking years old now). Anyway I’ve been thinking a lot recently about anger.... anger as a coping mechanism, justified anger, repressed anger, anger at yourself, hatred for yourself. anger that is productive and unproductive. at cal, anger at white people, at men, at the world, at people. i’m also thinking a lot about paul, the founder of the palestine decal that i’m taking. and how he spoke to our class on tuesday and explained how israelis, like 18 year olds in the IDF, are taught to hate, are conditioned to hate--not even hate--dehumanize. like how by the time an israeli teenager turns 18 they have already been trained for the military--not physically, but psychologically--to see palestinians as less than human. he frames settler colonialism and israeli occupation of palestine as not an ethnic conflict, not ideological, not religious, or cultural--but about LAND. israelis are murdering, dispelling, bombing, etc. palestinians for the cold, painfully simple reason that they are on land that israel wants. it is not because israelis hate palestinians. while that may be true for many individuals, in which israelis may be racist or islamophobic or for whatever reason hate palestinians or see them as less than, that thought process is a result of government conditioning and hegemony. while america is, in some ways, its own unique case study of cultural, religious, ethnic, social, economic “diversity”, paul also said that we’re all the same. in that, there is nothing unique about the palestine/israel instance compared to, say, the british in south africa. or in india. or australia. or the US in the americas or hawaii or the caribbean. there is nothing unique about palestine/israel, except that their colonization was put in a historical context so close to our current timeframe that we are forced to analyze it as if it were an anomaly. but that’s besides the point. anyway, anger. and hate. in america, it made me think a lot about two communities i was somewhat a part of, whether i felt like it or not---percussionville and berkeley. and how similar they are, and how different i feel in both. back home, i was so angry. i was soooo angry. angry at my parents for putting me there, angry at the people i went to school with, angry at admin, at my teachers, at my peers, at boys, at girls, at white people, at the government, just angry. and i stayed angry in college. i removed myself from that environment but still it haunted me. i never let go of that anger, it blinded me, i couldnt even allow myself to process those four years. and i was still so colonized and following a series of unfortunate events, or fate, or my own hypocrisy or internalized white supremacy, i was surrounded by all white friends, while still trying to understand my own relationship to whiteness, how i was similar to my white friends but also how they could never understand. so i was just blindly angry at white people--and after i stopped being friends with them, anger was almost how i coped. and the poc friends i found myself building relationships with shared this anger, encouraged it. they were angry too, for different reasons but also the same, in different contexts, different levels of anger, manifestations, outbursts, and copings. it was easy to hate these individual white people. before, it was easy for me to hate the idea of white people. in high school i hated white people, but i was always surrounded by them, friends with them because there were no other options really. i mean, i was literally living in it. people here don’t get that, i think, except other poc who really were that heavily immersed in that. like i didnt have a choice. isolation is hard. i spent a lot of high school alone, of course, but i'm a social creature no matter how hard i try and fight it. and this summer i think the idea of hating individual white people for the ways in which they wronged you was almost glorified. and i understand that people are angry. but our anger is all different. i can never even begin to understand the anger of a Black person, especially a Black woman, or a woman who has been sexualized constantly for her beauty, objectified and harassed her whole life, or someone who is currently decolonizing and realizing how much they had ignored or allowed their whole lives... these are just examples of people i think about when i try to think about others’ anger. but my anger is my own. i experience it in my own ways; i have been angry my whole life. i think i came out of the womb angry. i've always just been an angry person, and been suppressing it my whole life. that resulted in me mostly being angry at myself my whole life. and the world. i've had healthy anger, misplaced anger, toxic anger, unjustified anger, genetic anger. and i truly believe that healing is knowing how to cope with this lifelong anger, anguish, sadness. i was angry this summer. i was angry because it seemed like the only way to cope, to be angry at the people who i had failed to set boundaries with, people i had hurt, people who had hurt and confused me. angry at white people, men, starting drunken fights at parties, outside bars... 

anyway, that was a huuuge tangent but my point is. in relation to the palestine decal guy, paul. he’s a few years older than us, and he was clearly still angry as well. angry at the university, for starters, angry at hypocrisy. but the surprising thing to me was that he did not seem angry at israelis. which is a good thing. and he has every right to be angry, to hate the 18 year old IDF soldier, despite the fact that this might be all they’ve ever known, despite the fact that hate is taught, despite the fact that there might not be anything to make that soldier change, or to change how they see paul. but he wasn’t angry. he didn’t blame individuals. he said this was structural, that zionism was not judaism, despite the constant conflation of the two, especially at cal, especially with people who sit in the same classrooms as us every day. it’s easy to be angry. i’ve been angry at so many people. and i have always accepted that i am flawed, i hurt others, people are angry at me. but i don’t know. i don’t know how it is productive for me to be angry. most recently i got angry at felix. and i definitely am still frustrated by him and don’t think it’s even worth talking about at the moment, or that i have the capacity, but i don’t want to be angry at him. i love him, miss him, wish him the best. just texted him that i miss him actually. anyway, on anger--i tried to make him hold my anger, and just sort of lashed out on him over text. which isnt really productive. at the time i was going through a lot with other people, and i think i was so frustrated with always being painted the bad guy that i wanted someone else to hold my anger. i have held others’ anger, and tried to understand it, so i guess i just wanted someone to do the same for me. it did feel good to yell at him honestly. but anyway. back to my point. 

i think about where i'm from, where i grew up, and i have to claim it. i’ve been so angry for the past two years, running away from that place and everything about it. coming to a place that seemed so drastically different at first, but eventually realizing that everywhere is, in many ways, the same. like paul said. i can’t be angry at felix, even if it’s warranted, even if my friends applaud me on the text i sent him. i mean i can. i can be angry at my old friends. but i dont know. i just am so so tired. i'm old. i'm 21. 

[deathghost8]

Battle shout definitions Preface

Here it is. massive post combining thought that happened as the battle shout fully emerged as my brand of all disciplines. Fragment - battle shout chapter - Combined story telling segments (Curated from the different WIP posts) EDIT NOTES - these are fragments from my social pages where I am in the battle shout and adventure basics thought. It’s incomplete as it only goes back to a gengar picture in my feed. There is more I still need to add. — Newer to older (will create a 2nd one that is in a final decided order for a reader, may jump between different moments in the time line, kept to a minimum for helping comprehension ——— Whoever offers human growth / wellness at either no cost or a much lower cost than previously widely available is winning in capitalism. I hope to invent the No Cost solution, following the footsteps of tech brands and passionate innovators of our time. Games and medicines altering my state of mind provided me a space within which to BECOME me. They offered me the lesson of re sociating, once I started practice a desire to learn it. Here are some of the problems I inhabited and the solutions I learned after using medicines - ---calorie /nutrition deprivation : solution - making eating easier with hacks like prep, (paper dishes/cutlery), getting timing right, the decision to Breakfast and eat it slowly - replacements like the Soylent drink - medicines that fix appetite IE cbd ----hypervigilance - maybe haven’t fully escaped this one yet. It’s an ongoing conflict - using Medicines that reduce my physical anxiety cortisol which comes through as wheezing escalation attacks and very bad sleep - sleeping correctly makes me feel calmer, breathe/think clearly Medicine examples - coffee, reishi mushroom, cannabinoids, magnesium, L theanine, Lemon balm, Sleep specific - L tryptophan, Zinc, valerian root, doxylamine (unisom) -----Escapism - learning how to use mindfulness and writing to transform my self avoiding into Self Actualization ------Counterdependence - Realizing that sharing/affection and giving affirmation would make me feel good, letting me treat ppl like I deserved their attention (as a provider) not gonna stand by saying nothing while they try to trash gaming and say we are giving kids screen / media addictions, when the only things I even really know I learned from gaming, mostly online blizzard and/or adventure gaming. I’m gonna teach what I learned. It’s battle shout. how we are failing worst as a so called civilized population: Educating the youngest. We are not doing it. We are not prioritizing growth and wellness for the children here. We are breaking their families, parents and guardians instead of supporting. Dehumanism is institution. *witnessing your smiling face is the deepest privilege I will experience in living* We are not gonna save anyone until we recognize that growth is about including everyone, recognizing their individual passions and curiosity, recognizing that they themselves will be the only ones to decide how to be that self, Monetary Value will only every Destroy us all. EVERY one is struggling and i care about EVERYONE, humanity needs a bigger solution than a Lifeline reaction to the symptoms rather than the cause. {If you or someone you care about is struggling, please know you are not alone. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available at 1-800-273-8255 in the U.S. or find support worldwide at ‪https://www.befrienders.org/ }‬ —schools where all gamers, creatives, learners are accepted so that human wellness growth can be placed above the falseness of Monetary Value -- available at nowhere because no innovator yet has cared with their entire life's mission to save those we currently discard. The school I'm trying to invent has a simple Main Value - School is Lunch. The target priority is non monetary. *Monetary Value will not measure our success* Human growth measures it. Human currency. what I would do with the elusive Lottery / Genie situation is create the Ultra Library whose only mission was to include as many human beings in growth wellness as possible, to offer them the place, resources, nutrition, and community safety to build the life they want to create IN essence I am trying to invent a school. I have a seething hatred for the failure of Public sector school, dealing with both neurodiversity concerns and non child centered curriculum design. Self educating is superior. Curation can only help existing curiosity and passion. my huge dream is to innovate the third place concept in fusion with educationalism, gaming cafe, the concept of Feeding every learner because it's more educational- the ultimate capitalism winner is the one whose Patrons flock simply because it is Better. =high contrast videos with songs of numbers, counting, vehicles/ramps, and piles of balls=The young children find these things very amusing. - the wise old teachers find the fact very important to distribute, although they themselves do not find it amusing they find the fact that the tiniest students are amused very important for distribution.== []2[] Operating vehicles or consuming alcohol are the most dangerous and pointlessly risky activities done by anyone (who doesn’t do employment that is specifically danger facing). Most are not qualified for these activities. It’s not safe, please leave it to the professionals few. Giving, the act of providing because I want to see human growth and learning. That’s my freedom to practice. Dehumanism makes it into a crime, after valuing it zero. Dehumanism Institution perpetuates the idea that giving, feeding, teaching, expressing can be penalized as crimes. These are the pillars of MY free speech. Giving, the act of providing because I want to see human growth and learning. That’s my freedom to practice. (Scott Warren who faces up to 20 years in prison for giving food & water to 2 men who needed help in the Arizona desert.) What I’m talkin about is this anti educationalism. Shocked ? That we aren’t already Veterans for standing rock +500K decent human beings SWARMING the sites where this has happened to tell them we won’t stand by as bystanders to Deadly Dehumanism. We are complicit in these deaths. I am not gonna be quiet about this, my brand is built upon radical educating, lifeguarding, human growth. That also means opposing bully bigotry. []3[] There is a bullying situation regarding the spectrum. Happening to one of my closest humans. It is making her suicidal (no one can handle endless mistreatment, then mental health slides) - I learned how to fight off the suicide ideas because I was in a kind of rock bottom near that for 10 years - ultimately, I defeated the boss, and I learned the strategy. learn to Tank at the front of it for the people I’m trying to educate, and keep them here on our Alive team. This is the real deal why I am the tank. The battle shout is to Shine the truth and save your life, you the most brutally dehumanized by the institutions of this economic-dystopia She has to be given the feeling she does have the power and the choice whether to stay here with us, alive. Educationalism is the desire to be surrounded by growth allies, and free from anyone who thinks a decision that reduces or infringes your growth and learning is either ok or even debatable with you Can we get Birth insurance ? I want it to function like life insurance, in the event you are born, the insurance policy covers some assurances. Wait, no, that’s not an insurance plan, that’s what School is meant to be I’ll be over hear spamming battle shout and taunt if you come at me debating seriously over contexts whose choices are outcomes that don’t abuse and compromise a child’s school environment, or hurting the child’s emotional and basic wellbeing. My Aggro will not be exceeded! Let us consult YouTube, young one. Where’s the one about the baby Shark? I will find it for u most easily. If u ever get mad at someone u got road rage or someone is gank camping. Just tell them Yo dude please go hug urself! The time has come To Learn Bout Eating breakfast! If u don’t eat it, ur brain won’t think right, ya Dingus!! Wake up and eat this health, that’s your grade. Welcome to school. Favorite offline activities - social prompt - Activities that take place on beds, furniture or desk. Followed by wandering whether by land, air, or foot. Followed by culinary making. I identify toward the feeling that being burly means being kind - a defender, a watcher, a lifeguard. So it’s cool to see brands grounding themselves in this type of thought. burly man coffee promoted by a podcast i watch Brands that literally hold up kindness and human growth as a piece of their identity are the brands with sanity to shine light in the darkness of economic institutional dehumanization No game except maybe the sims had a soap item, demonstrated a buff benefit for soap. Soap knowledge is something that legitimately is part of human excellence - mind efficiency - educationalism ^^highlight$$ What I am concepting is the fact that valuable education is about human cognitive expansion, making this brain run the way its optimized to run, repetition, medicines/enhancers, the basic sensory reboots. Thinking better, clearer, bigger, quicker, learning ABOUT thinking. {schools get blamed for inability to solve the inequality economics} Entirety of the problem: the loss of investment into human growth and wellbeing. Capitalism forgot human currency value, then got surprised when everything turns shit? School IS lunch. We don’t need schools/tests/graduation. Kids will unschool just fine for the rest, if they are fed, safe, and able to have rest and resources and tech so they can iterate Failure during Curiosity. We need to care about human wellbeing, within our economics. Parents can and will educate. Most of the educating that needs to happen can only really be done by them. Gaming zen works for human growth bolstering because it follows the pattern our brains already know - repetition, the core block of neuroplasticity. This the overarching purpose of my Adventure Basics educational learning plan. As a creative first it’s my quest to harness games, adaptogens, and shamanism/lucidity/psychadelics to find transcendence. We can pair ego repletion with deeper Re-ssociation as an ultimate healing / neurogenesis. This will allow us to grasp mental wellness and human creative excellence. ** [intent statement as disciplines] From the multi disciplinarian standpoint- •Nintendo console 8 - 64 bit thought •Logic puzzles / riddles •classic adventure / role playing •classic FPS •classic dungeon crawl •Modern Adventure (games less about puzzle solving and more about finding all paths in a very large and breathtaking expanse) •Attention + Sensory rich interactive experiences •Primal Rage - the use of violence and intensity in musical and gameplay aesthetics •Cave human Dominance and roles thought deriving from gameplay, aspects of being Front edge protector of the tiniest most important Clan members •Economics Core freedom ideal - the belief that all interaction must be voluntary and the belief in a Best unity of gathered Wills ||||||Final crusade - educating to be correctly seen as: self evident truth about human growth, spanning nutrition, medicines, tools/games/challenges and driven by self voluntary []4[] School is Breakfast Lunch and Dinner plus freedom to explore one’s own sparks to ideas This is what I am teaching with my Wow Classic Adventure Basics educational Learning plans! ~~ One of my most important lessons about video game wellness is a thought from Mike ‪@MikeLICSW‬ Langois, that taking command of a powerful or attractive identity gives us strong boosts of mental ability and cognitive balance ultimately, for small attention cost. Ego repletion. It’s proven fact generosity makes u happier person. Why is this - the act of giving sparks gratitude to come forth. Gratitude literally saves, while angry kills u. This is the difference between troll griefing and community support