#you got me crying Mali

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid

chapter nine

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn't know.

calum hood x fem!oc

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july 26th, 2018 los angeles, california orion

Even though I don't want to, I feel myself pulling away from Calum. Of course, that’s not fully possible when we live together. I just know that the more we talk and are happy in each other’s company, the more I’ll want to talk about what’s actually happening, and I can’t do that. I can’t put him through that. I'm crying the minute I'm alone every time, whether it's while he's at rehearsal or when he takes Duke outside. He can tell I'm sad, surely, but I think he just thinks it's because he's leaving.

So instead of pulling away fully, I just find myself scrolling on my phone more often while he’s home. I don’t start as many conversations and I’m less likely to initiate any kind of physical contact. If he notices the small shifts in our dynamics, he doesn’t say anything.

My heart is torn between wanting to savor our time together, clinging to him like glue, or taking a step back so I don’t have to bring myself to painfully expand upon the lies I’m building as a wall between us. It’s hard to pretend like I’m okay and happy, but I have to. I can’t let him know things are going wrong, so when he asks if I want to come along for rehearsal today, I say yes.

I dread having to see Ashton. We haven't spoken since our interaction in the hospital parking lot, but he's texted me several times saying things like "I just want you to know I love you" and "please let me be there for you if you need someone." I just reply with hearts each time.

"Do you want to grab bagels on the way?" Cal asks me while I'm in the bathroom doing my makeup.

I nod, smiling slightly. "Yeah, sure. Rosie's? Or is there somewhere else on the way?"

"Nah, let's do Rosie's."

He doesn't leave the bathroom after that, just stands in the doorway, watching me in the mirror. I'm brushing some brow gel on when he speaks again.

"Are you feeling okay? Did the sinus infection come back?"

So he has noticed.

I clear my throat and nod. "Yeah, not feeling the best."

His eyes show some kind of emotion I can't place. "I'm sorry, do you want to stay home today? You can come to rehearsal another time. We've still got a few more."

"No, I'll come." I shake my head, offering him another small smile.

"Let me know if you want to leave, at any point. Okay?"

"Sure."

Once my makeup is finished, we head down to the lobby, hand in hand. I've always loved holding hands with Calum. Mine are small and always freezing, and his dwarf mine and are always so warm. His hand tattoos have also always been my favorite, mostly because I love the thought that his parents have a hand in everything he does. We're both close with our families, and I absolutely adore his family. We've not spent a ton of time together, but Joy, Mali, and I have a group chat that we talk in a few times a month.

When we get in the car, he doesn't let go of my hand while he drives, except when he needs to use a turn signal or something. Feeling tethered, grounded in the moment — it's a great feeling. It's helping to keep me sane this morning.

I wonder if he'd hold on tighter knowing that I'm dying.

I've placed on online order for Rosie's, so Cal just turns on his hazards in front of the shop while I run inside to grab our bagels and coffees. I always feel kind of rude hopping in front of the people in line, but it's not worth waiting when our food is already ready and waiting for us.

While Cal drives to rehearsal, I unwrap his sandwich in a way that makes it easier for him to eat while driving. He gives me authority over the aux chord, which he rarely does, so I try to make it worth my while. I play some Still Woozy, The Wldlfe, and Medium Build. Part of the reason I rarely get the power over our music is because I like to mess with him and play his own music. I can tell he appreciates today's choices.

We get to the rehearsal facility and are the last ones there, but we brought bagels for everyone, so they don't mind that we're slightly late. Luke lights up when he sees me, setting his guitar down quickly and runs over.

"Orion!" He practically squeals. "I've missed you!"

Laughing, I give him a hug, which leads to him lifting me off the ground and spinning us around. My mood is instantly lifted. "Hi Luke."

"Cal, you should bring her everyday, she's so fun to have with us."

I scoff. "Luke, I literally just sit on the couch and watch you."

"Yeah, but you actually sing along and you always bring snacks."

My feet are back on the ground, and I'm quickly met with hugs from Mike, Ash, and Matt. Ashton's hug lasts a little longer than everyone else's, and his face is sad in the midst of everyone else's grins. It doesn't seem like anyone else notices.

"Cal's the one behind today's snacks, don't give me the credit," I tell him, but he just shrugs and throws his arm over my shoulders.

"Still, you always sing along and dance sometimes. It's nice to have an adoring fan."

It is kind of funny that I wasn't a fan when I met Calum two years ago, and now I'd say they're my favorite band, and not just because I'm dating one of them. I truly just really love their music, and I love dancing, so it's not hard for me to want to dance when they're performing or rehearsing. It's not like they've been performing a ton in recent years, but that summer I remember quickly learning every song so I could sing along whenever I visited Calum across Europe.

"Wish you could come with us," Michael adds.

"Next time," I say, even though I don't know that that will be possible. I'd like to think it is.

"Can I get that in writing?" Cal chimes in.

I playfully stick my tongue out at him. "I'm gonna miss you guys." I look over at Ashton and meet his eyes instantly. He looks like he's trying not to cry, and I have to look away before I start to dwell on it.

Luke wraps me into another hug. "You're so tiny, we could just put you in a suitcase and sneak you on the tour. Your professors won't even know you're missing." When he lifts me up again, Matt decides to cut the conversation.

"All right, you've told Orion you love her. Let's get to work."

"Such a buzzkill, Matty," Michael whines, grabbing his water bottle off the ground and walking over to his guitar on its stand.

Luke still has me wrapped in his hug and awkwardly carries me over to the couch. I wish Sierra or Crystal or Kay were here to sit with me, but it's nice to be able to put my feet up on it. He ungracefully drops me onto the leather cushions before he heads back to his own guitar and mic stand.

I look over and catch Cal strumming a few random chords on his bass. At least, they seem random to me. I'm sure he's got some intention behind it. Everything music-related goes above my head.

It's nice to get to watch the set before they show the world. I've always loved the way they try to offer a different experience for their music when they perform it live. Of course, there aren't any lights or anything in this essentially empty building that's just a step above a warehouse, but that gives the music a chance to shine as what it is. Art.

Watching them do what they love reminds me that this time apart is necessary. This is what they love. This is why they do what they do. Performing, bringing their work to the people who make it all possible. I love that they get the chance to do this. I've never had resentment towards Calum for going on this tour, but still, watching them practice the set is giving the time apart an additional level of worthiness.

While I'm getting treatment, Calum will be doing what he loves most in this world with his favorite people. I'd feel so selfish taking him away from it.

I nearly start crying when Cal practices his speech for his talking break.

"Los Angeles, this next song is dedicated to my best friend, my partner in life, and my biggest fan. This is Better Man."

It's going to be fine. It has to be. He's going to go on this tour and then when he comes back he can be by my side as I continue to deal with whatever leukemia throws at me.

—

"Matty, we're gonna go to the beach after this, wanna join?" Michael calls across the room. He's the only one who calls Matt 'Matty' and naturally Matt hates it.

None of us have swimsuits, but we all agreed that the beach sounds like a good idea. It's still hot out, since it's the middle of summer, but it's not quite as hot and humid as it has been for the last few weeks. Rehearsal also didn't take too long today, so we have a lot of the day left.

"I'm tired of you guys and about to spend four months with you. I'll pass." Matt actually loves the guys, but he's a grumpy person in general, and he does have a point. "See you tomorrow." He walks off then, going through a door that leads somewhere that I've never been. I can understand finding them annoying. They can be a lot — but I love them and I love being part of their shenanigans.

We all head out, everyone hopping into Cal's Jeep to minimize beach parking chaos on a beautiful day. I offer to sit in the back since I'm the smallest and the guys are all very tall, but nobody lets me and the three of them cram in like sardines in the backseat. We drive with the windows down, and Cal even lets me control the aux again, so I just keep the playlist I'd had on earlier.

Once we get to the beach, as soon as the car's in park, Ashton opens his door and jumps out. "Last one in the water is a loser!" He screams, running full force down the wooden walkway and ripping his shirt off in the process.

Luke and Mike scramble out to follow him, also stripping their shirts and trying to kick their shoes off while they run. Luke trips, giving Mike a lead, but naturally Ashton gets to the water first. I have no hope of trying to beat them, so I've not even opened my door yet, and I'm surprised to see Calum still sitting in the driver's seat when I look over.

"You didn't want to race?"

"I know you're not feeling too great. I didn't want to leave you and make you the loser. That's not a fair fight," he explains. "C'mon, let's go after them."

I frown. "You could've gone."

"I'm about to leave you for four months. I don't need to leave you yet."

He makes my heart ache. Why is he so good to me? How can someone love me like that?

Instead of revealing how I feel, I plaster on my best fake smile, kick off my shoes, take off my shirt, and get out of the car. "Let's go!"

He follows suit, and then we walk hand in hand down the beach. The other three are already in the water, each trying to push the others to fall over, which ends up with all three of them falling over. When Cal and I reach them, they're all yelling, "LOSERS!"

"You are literal children," I tell them, wading into the water. I love the beach. Floating in the water, laying in the sun, looking for shells. All of it.

"You're younger than all of us," Ashton points out, laughing.

"Shut up," I say, leaning back so I can float in the water. I don't let go of Calum's hand, and he keeps me anchored so I don't drift off.

I can't get to a point of relaxation, because before I know it, Michael splashes water in my face, making me jump and turn upright. I splash him back, and when he splashes me again, it hits Cal. Once Cal's in on it, the other two join in, and we're all just splashing each other, squealing with laughter and squinting from saltwater hitting our eyes.

When I can't see because of all the water that's hit my eyes, I halt my splashing. While I rub at my burning eyeballs, someone must notice, because they stop.

"Man down!" Luke yells.

I feel Calum's hands grip my forearms, stopping my movements. "Stop rubbing and let your tears flush it out, babe," he says.

I do what he says, dropping my arms and trying to open my eyes, the sting making it impossible to try to look. "It burns!"

He laughs. Seconds later, I feel him pull me closer to him, hugging me against his damp torso while waves lap around us. I keep trying to blink and get the water out of my eyes, but it feels pretty futile so far.

It's kind of strange to think about this life. I'm just swimming in the ocean at a random beach access near LA with my boyfriend and his three best friends. Those four people happen to be internationally famous musicians who are about to embark upon a world tour. They're massively famous but so normal, just four more guys at a beach splashing water at each other.

And I'm just a random girl at a random beach access who happens to have leukemia. The odds that we're all here, right now, together, feels so special. The universe put us here for some reason, and I'm so happy I'm here with them. I'd say I feel lucky to have been handed this deal of fate, but I know that this blip of a moment pales in comparison to my recent diagnosis.

I try to soak in the feeling of the sun on my face and the weight of Cal's arms around me; the smell of salt and the coolness of the water. I even try to memorize the way my eyes burn. I just want to remember the way this feels forever.

We hang out in the water for an hour or so, then go back to the shore to lay out and relax. Luke and Michael are turning pink quickly, so we don't stay out too long. I make sure we get a selfie of all of us on the beach together before we pile back into the Jeep.

Calum drives everyone back to their cars, and we all get out to say goodbye. Everyone is damp and sandy, but I don't care. I give each of them a bear hug, squeezing them as tightly as I can. Luke picks me up and spins me around again, and Ashton's hug feels nearly bone crushing.

"See ya tomorrow, Cal!" Mike says, giving him a quick hug. "Bye, O. Thanks for coming along today!"

"Love you both," Luke adds in. "Have a nice night!"

"I love you guys. Let me know when you're home!" Ash calls.

Once everyone has given each other a hug and we're sick of feeling sticky, sweaty, damp, and sandy, we all clamber back into our own vehicles and head out.

"How ya feeling?" Cal asks once we're on the road.

"I'm okay," I tell him. It's not wrong. I'm okay right now, and I'm not feeling that sick. The beach was mostly a nice distraction from the heaviness that's been consuming me.

"Ice cream?"

I know he's just trying to make the last of our few days together as special as he can, but for some reason it almost makes me feel more sad. I'm lucky to have someone who makes such a big effort, but I feel bad. It's hard to put words to the idea.

"If you want ice cream, sure," I say. "But I think we have some at home, too."

He doesn't take his eyes off the road while he places his hand on my thigh. "Let's get ice cream and take a walk while the sun sets. We can get some golden hour selfies."

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[finalgirlgf]

girl… i went to public school in the midwest* and we learned about ancient egypt and mansa musa and the mali empire and the effects of colonization and anti apartheid activism and the rwandan genocide. and how contemporary africa fits into a global supply chain. and in arts class we learned about kenyan drumming and nigerian indigo fabric dyeing. was none of that interesting? was none of that valuable to my life? all of this was extremely basic history i learned the majority in like 4th-9th grade

*i say that to be intentionally facetious… i got what people definitionally whine and cry about. i hope i’m making sense. like my roommate and i were talking about the quality of education we got and she went to private montessori school in california and did not know who crispus attucks or deborah sampson were. or what the haymarket riots were. which was crazy to me cause that’s like, standard american history. at least the way it was taught to me. but whatever. you can lead a child to the classroom but you can’t make them learn.

[solanger]

wednesday, 29th may - 03:29

i have never used tumblr before. i never had it as a tween, and i only really knew it was a thing when we were all in lockdown. even then, i didn't have it and i didn't know what was going on here. i still very much don't.

today i start my online diary. i start because i'm not great with keeping up with my written one - my last entry was last year august. so much has happened since, e.g. uni, and i have no energy to catch up. so i start afresh now, on tumblr.

this is my first entry. i have nothing new to add. maybe i should talk about me.

i am 18, foundation year of uni studying astrophysics in wales. i love marvel. i collect guinness world record books. i live eat and breathe music, my name probably gives that away lol. solange and kendrick are my favourite artists. i also really like sza, steve lacy, kaytranada, fleetwood mac and beach bunny. i want to start getting into laufey and hozier. i like going on walks, especially by the seaside. i am a summer person. i hate the cold (but i do like snow). i wear my heart on my sleeve, a very emotional person. i will literally cry at anything and everything. i daydream a lot at any given circumstance. that's usually why i'm awake so late. what else? i'll think of more as i carry on this blog.

i have an exam, my final exam of the year, on friday (31st may). it's so weird how i've already finished my first year of uni, i'm sure i started yesterday. how time flies by when you're having fun. also crazy how i got into and out of a whole relationship within this one year. it sucks and is astonishing at the same time.

i can't wait to *officially* start summer. i want to go to the beach, picnic with my friends on fields, go to random places we find on tiktok, party!!, and most importantly be happy. i usually sound like a ted talker when i talk about happiness, it's my biggest motto and main goal in life. again, that will be talked about as time goes on.

it is now 03:40, so i think it's best i scroll through pinterest to daydream about a life i wish i lived while listening to... solange!!

talk soon!

mali

[themali]

**childhood memories, with Mali**

So I was in the first grade.

And we were doing a thing with the 8th graders that they would read to us a book that we brought from home.

And me, I logically brought an Elmo book. So I got an 8th grader and they looked very androgynous, looking back now they were probably not cisgendered.

So anyways, we do the whole reading thing and there was a break in-between to go to lunch. And during that break I asked the 8th grader "Are you a boy or a girl..?", I never got a response.

Anwyays, a lil bit later the 8th grade teacher comes up to me with two 8th graders at hand, the one that was reading to me, crying and the other comforting the crying one. And says "Please apologize for what you said". Me being confused as hell just apologized.

Still feel bad tho to this day ;-;

[space-blue]

i’m too shy to come off anon right now but i wanted to say i love your maliketh fics and the care you put into them! your multichapter fic helped inspire me for some parts of my elden ring oc’s backstory (who i made to be maliketh’s wife)

OMG HI Anon!! Stay as shy as you want! Just want to say I'm really grateful for you reaching out and letting me know. Few things are more thrilling in fandom than when someone tells you you've inspired them into making something too, around your shared blorbo.

I'm so very happy I could do that, especially considering how blighted and empty the Maliketh side of fanfic was back then...

I'm honestly hoping to come and continue my silly Baking Tarnished and her pal Guranq fic soon, because I fiiiiinalllyyyyy got the game and GUESS WHO I JUST RECENTLY MET!!!

Gotta git gud at killing dead people lol I have a pubber to feed. I think I'll probably cry my entire way through Farum Azula. I also met Alexander with some extremely mixed feelings knowing where we end up together...

It's such a fun game. And I am really enjoying getting the first person perspective of what travelling would be like. And what an average day in each section might look like. *taking notes*.

If you're ever comfy to share your fic please feel free! I'd love to meet your Mali wife!

Wishing you the best of luck writing them!!

[evoanakin]

OPEN LETTER

“I chase the monsters away for you to sleep at night. Took all the wounds while I holding you so tight. With all the wrongs in this world, you are not my mistake. I count the rights and not the wrongs you make. They said what you did is something irrational. I told them I don’t care because I see you as unconditional. What I have given you more than true. I told you, you are the only one, when I said “i love you”.

Today and until the end, I choose, from a far, to love the girl I once called my Babi. I will make you proud as you call me your Sandy.”

You told me your story and I told you mine. I asked about your fears and pain, but you never asked about mine.

When you told me you that your mom and brothers used to beat you up and torture you in sack. Sabi ko sa sarili hindi ko gagawin sakanya yun. May mga pagkakataon na sinubukan kong lumaban, but thats only to protect myself.

When you told your dad threw you out and choose his wife. Not only that, you provided for them. I said to myself, I’ll give her a house and I’ll provide for her. Hindi naman sa pagyayabang pero nagawa ko yun at ginawa ko yun. Umuuwi ka madalas na malinis ang bahay. Sabi mo pa “turn on” ka sa akin kahit di mo na sabihin. Ginagawa ko. I make sure you have food when you get home or if I can’t, I’ll buy you food.

When you told me your ex cheated on or replaced with someone else without you know. Sabi ko sa sarili ko yung puso at mata ko para sayo lang. Kahit hindi sa harap ng madami tao, sa harap ng dyos pinangako ko yun pang habang buhay.

When you ex choose to believe his friends or his family and left you. I stayed. I stayed with all the lies and heartaches. I stayed. Oo, nagalit ako. Kase nasaktan ako e. Oo mali naging reaction ko sa mga pagkakataon na yun pero kahit umaalis ako. Bumabalik ako walang isang araw nasa tabi mo na ako. I looked the other way with every lie. I turned blind and deaf because I didn’t want fight anymore. Nung sinabi mo piliin kita kesa sa pamilya ko. Ginawa ko kaagad ng walang pagiisip. Hindi na ako tumulong sakanila kase maskailangan mo ako.

When those bad things happened to you. I said to myself no one will ever touch you or even disrespect you like that again. I tried to protect you. I failed ones but it wasn’t my fault pero ako yung sinisi mo. Sinisi ko din sarili ko. Kayang kaya ko bigay buhay ko para sayo, para sa safety mo. Ni hindi ako magdadalawang isip.

Madami akong pagkakamali pero wala akong pagkukulang sa pagmamahal ko sayo. Sinubukan ko lahat para matino buhay ko at natin. You were my priority and I try to handle you with care.

Nung sinabi mo sakin lahat ng nanakit sayo, kaibigan mo man yan o pamilya. Galit ako kaagad sakanila dahil ayokong nasasaktan ka o nahihirapan. May mga takot ako sa puso at isip ko. And all I wanted and crave was for you to hug them. I was scared with all the lies and dishonesty.

Hindi ka sakin. You are not property. But it felt like I battling everybody with you. It felt like I wasn’t your priority or even just worth your respect or loyalty or honesty.

I don’t know who told you or put things in your head that I was a person who used you for papers or people who are after some of you. I never asked for any thing other than your loyalty and respect to me. Because of those things in your head, you never gave me a real chance. Thats why it was so hard for both of us cos no matter what I do, you have thing imagine of me in your head that I AM NOT. Those time that I needed you the most, it either you kicked me when I am down or you leave me. I felt I was never good enough no matter how much I invest or show you. I grew insecure and scared. The punches in my heart and my body never stopped when I was crying for love and an embrace.

I know you never got that growing up. And I wish I could hide you from those moments like how I close your eyes and ears when we watch or see something that fears you. But I can’t.

The only thing I have shown you is unconditional love. That when no matter how wrong you did, I’ll still by your side. That I will protect you and care for you. That you will have my loyalty. Unconditionally not asking for anything in return.

I have shown and given you that.

I have nothing now but just a broken heart and broken soul. I had so many hopes and wishes but now their gone..

One day.. when table have turned and hearts have changed or what ever miracle happens to us. There is still this tiny part of me that still believes in the love we shared and you want the same thing. Wake me up from this nightmare and take good care of me please. There is only so much I could take now. Literally. I promise, things will get better, hand in hand. Sana matupad ko yung sinasabi ko kay ito na dadalhin kita sa 100th birthday niya. Sana. Madaming akong sana. Pero madami din akong takot na sana yakapin mo ng buong buo.

Things will changed but the love I have given you, will not. But the love I have left in me is what I want to give myself. I hope one day you’ll respect that.. and give that unconditionally. We both don’t deserve half heart half love or half ass on anything. We both deserve the best. And I want to get mine some day.

I’m the tie, your my moon. You will always pull me back to you..

One day. That time.. might come or this will be my last spoken words to you. I’d rather be alone, than be with someone else.

Thats my Babi

whom I adore, with a kind heart. An innocent girl that I once held. The girl who will never hurt me.

She has died in my eyes.. in my mind and who I look at is someone I do not know.. and I have accepted that I can't get her back anymore...

[colorisbyshe]

I really love Mitski, Wsshing Machine Heart and Nobody are very special to me :3. I also really love Strawberry Blonde & Me and my husband. I enjoy Conan Grey a lot, Comfort crowd is one of my faves. I also like Space Girl, by Frances Forever, Say so by Doja Cat. I also LOVE Do It by Chloe x Halle. Way Down by MØ. Also Janelle Monae.

A lot of the music on my playlists are very 'soft' and im looking for something harder, and I'm not really sure how to describe it. I did hear a BT/S song and liked the general vibe, but i dislike the band bc ive heard theyre very antiblack, but i do like what I heard so far so im pretty interested in kpop as a genre :)

Okay so some of this music I had to listen to for the first time, but I got you. Sort of. I'm taking all of this music into consideration at once because you cast a fairly broad net and I don't want to get too bogged odwn in going X Song of Mine = Y Song of yours.

I just scrolled through all my music by artist so uh

this got long

i;m sorry

Physical by The Aces, kinda poppier than you listed but still some gay girls making some indie pop-rockish music

Maybe try Runner by Alex G. I haven't listened to much Conan Grey so maybe I thought of this song when you mentioned him

Start It Up by Alex Mali, very sliick R&B with ethereal vocals. Check out the rest of this EP, tbh

Lovergirl by Andrea Valle is a bit more wavey but I think if you like Chloe X Halle this is... adjacent to that that but a bit more experimental

Lark by Au Revoir Simone has some of that sad girl crying on a synth vibe

Un Village by Baekhyun is Kpop, is both hard and soft, but has a focus on vocals that i see across your music taste

Maybe Fire Escape by Beach Bunny?

Actually I'm going through my music alphabetically and let me say if you like Chloe X Halle please listen to like... all of Beyonce's discography. She is like... the OG. I give you no specific song... just... explore, enjoy

Motospeed 24 by Bibi--she's kpop but more R&B inspired and has a lot of that vocal work I think you'll like. She can get dark and gritty

Your Light by The Big Moon, kinda poppy, kinda guitary. Pleasant

Luna by Bombay Bicycle Club--something you're less likely to stumble on as it's a bit older but it has the kinda poppy, indie rocky sound. This one is more of a reach

Forgive Me by Boa. I wanted to put Boa somewhere,because she's essential kpop me, and this is her song that feels the most "hard" BTS to me. Not a track that's indicative of most of her discography though

Just... all Bree Runway. Start with Somebody like You or All Night, which are more immediately in your wheel house

Western Wind by Carly Rae Jepsen, listen to the entire album this is from

Welcome to my Island by Caroline Polachek

HWA by CL is a bit harder kpop. Is dancier than previous kpop listing on this track

Stressed by Doechii, again more of the R&B stuff but she's GOOD. If you like this, also check out Persuasive

BOCA by Dreamcatcher, they do a lot of "harder" kpop but also have softer vocals as contrast.

An obviously Mitski-adjacent rec is Crush by Ethel Cain

Alternative to BTS: Exo!!! IDK what BTS song you liked, so it's hard to give direct alternaives but try: Monster, Tempo, The Eve, and I think Overdose is essential listening for them

I already forgot what the Conan Grey song you linked to sounded like, which makes this a bad rec based off it, but try back again by flor

MØ did a song with foster the people (blur, good song). Foster the people is one of my fave bands. None sound quite like way down but maybe try Pick U Up. Sit Next to Me is one of their song with the widest general appeal.

Undo by Heize. More kpop that isn't hard but I think based off your interest in Chloe x Halle... AND Doja Cat... thi sis a good middle place

Layin Low by Hyolyn. Sounds more like western R&B but... kpop

Be Mine by Infinite. NGL this has nothing to do with any of your songs, I just think it's essential kpop. The Chaser might be a closer BTS alternative

If you like Janelle Monae, make sure you don't miss her collab with Jidenna "Yoga." Telling a man to bend over... yes Janelle I love you

More by K/DA is a bit "harder"

Come In by Kai, I think based on your Conan Grey + Kpop interest, this might hit for you

Red Moon by KARD is a bit harder kpop, they have harder tracks but the instrumental here (and in a lot of their songs) has connective tissue with the song way down you mentioned

IDK what BTS song you listened to, so, again, Gasoline by Key is maybe the song I could more easily correlate with them. But Key is an eSSENTIAL kpop listen, so if you don't like this track, try others! Throw a dart at any track, it's good

This is a shot in the dar... by try Bedroom Eyes by The Knocks & The STudio Killers. Or look into any of The Knocks collabs with foster the people like their collab "ride or die"

LUNA from f(x) did a cover of "Say So" but her best song is "Free Somebody" which doesn't sound much like say so but give it a shot!

I feel like if you haven't heard much music, you probs don't know Marina, which is PROBABLY for the best, btu she was like... filling the void Mitski would later fill. Her older stuff is good. I am not a robot might be a nice place to start.

Another shot in the dark... try River by Mattis

All In by Monsta X is harder kpop and reminds me of what older BTS aspired to be. Try Shine Forever and Miss You a well

This is ALSO out of left field... try Heaven's Only Wishful by Mormor. Softer and different than the music you posted, but I think it's on the periphery of your taste and amybe you'll want to explore

Dark Doo Wop by MS MR comes to mind when I think of Mitski and idk why. Try it out

Listen to Come by Namie Amuro. It's jpop and it doesn't SOUND like say so but I think it taps into some of the asme energy.

This is Why by Paramore. Jump into Paramore's new album and celebrate with us all as it comes out soon!

Going by the MO inclusion, try out PVRIS. Just try a song or two from each album. Maybe start with Death of Me.

1-800-MLKYWAY by Rakiyah. She also has more Korean heavy tracks liek Like You or The Invitation.

I can't think of what Red Velvet track to rec to you just know that they are the pinnacle of kpop to me

One on 5 by Rico Nasty. Don't know why the way down track makes me think of htis but here we are

Same for Red Velvet: I think of Shinee as some of hte best kpop has to offer. Don't Call Me might be the most BTS-adjacent but isn't the best they have by a long shot. Listen to their song "View" and if you like that, I can rec you more

Listen to Jopping by SuperM i fyou want to be up to date on Kpop Memes because this one never dies but I prefer theri song I can't Stand the Rain

Idea by Taemin (a member of both Shinee and SuperM) goes pretty hard

If you liked the Tiger Woods track I mentioned in the last ask before, also try Mean Girls by her

Naturally by Tinashe, her entire 333 album really

im just rly into no one does from love by tove lo rn, check it out

you'll run into a lot of twice songs if you get into kpop, get loud is one of my fave less common ones

Scentist by Vixx is better than most BTS songs. Error is great too.

Try the WOnder Girl's album "Reboot." I have a suspicion about this

and i went overboard but i think that's it. i got distracted a lot doing this sorry

[lordrandreaming]

73 hours, 159 level ups. I beat Elden Ring.

I bit the bullet, after fighting Dragonlord and defeating him, i then went on to first try all the final bosses of this masterpiece.

First of my Endgame tour, was Dragonlord. What a PAIN in the Ass to fight. Took me three tries. Of course, being a FromSoft game, Elden Ring's optional fights are the hardest. Malenia and Placidusax are no exeptions. But, at least, Malenia doesn't fucking teleport around. Sure, she's hard. But.. Placidusax is just terrible. One day, im going to get all the Sorceries/Incantations for the trophy, and when i do.. I'll be one overleved sorcerer. But as for Daedra, FUCK NO! He's not going to go against Placi for a VERY long time, if ever again. Hated this boss. If you do this boss, be a VERY high level. I was 152. Recommending being 160 and higher with ALOT of vigor.

Second.. Maliketh. My fucking FAVORITE fight in this whole game.. First tried. Best music, my all time favorite boss and character. He's what really got me wanting Elden Ring, so to beat him first try was.. Unbelievable to me. I thought he was an optional Endgame boss.. Like Farum Azula was optional to go to. But NOPE get FUCKED emotions. I love him so much.. Plus, I completed Gurranq's quest before doing Mali, so i got the special dialogue i wanted. :) Fav boss 10/10 will always look forward to fighting him.

Third, Gideon. I destined deathed his ass.. First try. He didn't even hit me- I sure showed him! Becoming Elden Lord and all. So sad that he chooses to fight against us as he doesn't believe a Tarnished could even be Elden Lord. Shame, he woulda been a good advisor for us.

Fourth, Godfrey. Annoying second phase, but overall a pretty fun fight. First try. Poor Serosh.. Godfrey is such a good guy though. Commending us for our strength and how a crown befits it.. Aww thanks man. Basically the first boss to be like 'WOW man. Your strong. Go for it.' Chivalry's not dead!

Fifth.. Radagon/Elden Beast. My gods.. Where do i begin? Radagon is an asskicker, that's for sure.. Poor fucking guy. First try. Kicked me and my Mimic Tear's asses like were nothing! I so wish we could do something for him, other than just killing him. I won't get into his lore and so fourth, but he was probably a pretty good guy, not motivated politically like Marika, kinda almost opposite of her. He was everything Marika didn't want to be. And i wish we could help Rennala too.. Fought the good fight, but in the end it just wasn't enough Rada 💔

Elden Beast, what a beautiful boss theme omfg.. Only had 5 flasks when i started with 12 on Radagon. Annoying because it can just go under the water.. But not as awful as Dragonlord. A good Final Boss, since its a 2-for-1 kinda deal. Drained me of all my crimson, but i still bested it.

The ending i got? I got the Duskborn Ending. And.. I got chills. I fucking love this game, and am crying. Just watching death be restored to the Land's Between.. People can finally just die again, things will never be the same though. Just Daedra, sitting on that throne, watching.. It felt profound, yet oddly comforting. I didn't get the same feeling i did after DS3, because after DS3 i felt a little... Hollow. Haha! Get it? Anyway.. I instantly hopped into NG+ as i got addicted to DS3.

With Elden Ring though, it was rather accomplishing. I think i forgot a Talisman for the legendary Talisman trophy, but seeing the Erdtree and Roundtable hold on fire.. It felt so empty. So. Entered Ng+ like a madman, and now I'm going to do it all over again! Yknow.. Except for Dragonlord (ESPECIALLY Dragonlord.), Fortissax, and Malenia. I don't even need to explain.. Lol

But then again, I ran through all DS3 bosses way after i capped NG+7. And i mean.. All of them. Even the DLC bosses. I found it fun to fight Midir in NG+7. Gael not so much, but you know :) Souls player's love doing crazy shit.

My plans are so- I either stay in NG+ as Dae, get/wait to get Age of Stars ending, or i move on and do as i did in DS3 and NG+7 the game before the DLC comes out. Or.. OR I take Tennren, my Sorcerer Build and do the Age of Order ending. THEN do the DLC with him, before diving in with Daedra. But I'll probably have Daedra go through the DLC first, because :)

The EldenSoulsBorne series is just a magnificent series, renound for it's twisting and turning lore, incredible stories to be uncovered and pondered- the punishing difficulty, staggering new player's, causing them to just drop the game, never to return. It happens with all the Souls games, if you don't know what your doing.

But these games, once you learn one, you will find it a breeze to go through all the other ones. I learned DS3 after about.. A whole three months of playing it, i think? It came out April, in 2016.. I bought it then. But took like.. A week break, because it was just so hard.

But the journey.. It was incredible. I'm so utterly blown away by all the stories Souls has to offer. All stories are beautiful, yet similar. So different, but are almost the same.. It's something I've never encountered before. EldenSoulsBorne will always habe place as #1 in my heart, because it just.. Speaks to me.

As I've said, I've completed DS3, Bloodborne, Dark Souls 1, and now Elden Ring. DS2 is on its way to being completed.. I'm a fairly decent level and don't exactly expect too much trouble with the DLC's and endgame. But man..

Elden Ring hits different. All Souls have that unique hit on you, actually.. No Souls game will punch you in the heart and dick the exact same way.. I will always cherish these games, and the impact they made on my life.

If you haven't played one of the aforementioned games, i suggest, that if you are ever so eager, to start with Dark Souls 3. It's among the easier side of Souls games, but its still plenty challenging. These games prove difficult at first, but they are oh so rewarding when you learn them.

Thanks for reading.

[torterragarden]

Hello and happy Friday! This is the first weekly ask! See my pinned post but basically I want to send one ask a week to the Pokémon tumblr community as a whole (tell me if you’d like to be exempt from this moving forward, and people can dm me if they don’t get asks and want to)! We’ll start off with this question: what location/s in any iteration of the Pokémon universe do you feel the most of a connection with? From the most well-known town to a specific spot in a random route, anywhere!

Hello! Thank you for the ask, I think your blog idea is really cool and wholesome so thank you for including me in it!

As for your question.... ooh that’s a good one! I will always have a place in my heart for the Sinnoh lakes. I used to go and stand at them for a while just to listen to the music cause I loved it so much. Sinnoh is one of my favorite regions if not my actual favorite, and something about the lakes was just so... calming. Mysterious. Atmospheric. A lot of that comes down to the music cause it’s not like they’re super visually interesting, and what the lake guardians represent is really cool but their actual designs are pretty whatever. But idk, I just love the lakes in Sinnoh. Also Spear Pillar for pretty obvious reasons, seeing it again in Legends Arceus made me want to cry a little bit ngl

I also have to mention Hoenn, just like. in general. I’ve been into Pokemon since gen 1 but gen 3 and particularly Ruby and Emerald were what I put the most hours into as a kid so gen 3/Hoenn is what I feel most nostalgic for. I just think Hoenn is such a well designed region. There is too much water, but the land routes are so diverse and interesting and connect very cohesively while still having a pretty diverse spread of environments. There’s just something about Hoenn, even all these years later, that feels special to me. Like, it just feels like Adventure, idk how else to put it. But when I think of Hoenn, idk why but the first thing that comes to mind is Fortree and the surrounding routes. I remember this feeling like a turning point in the game, you just beat the shit out of your dad and got access to Surf which opens up a whole other half of the map. Fortree feels like something out of a kid’s imagination and the routes surrounding it just have such an adventurous feel to them they really stand out to me, the music especially just. god damn. It’s so good. It evokes so many emotions that I cannot name. fuck. I love Hoenn

I also feel a bit obligated to mention Galar here, which is a region that I feel. Very conflicted on. A lot of the towns in Galar are fantastic conceptually, but because what you’re allowed to explore is so limited, they just. Feel so small and empty. Like, in theory Ballonlea is my favorite town in all of Pokemon, but in practice, in the actual game, it’s two houses, a Pokemon Center and a Gym. That’s it. That’s all you’re allowed to see of this visually beautiful town. Bro... come on. I really wish there was more to do in the Galar towns and that they were more open because so many of them look so cool at first glance and then you spend a few minutes exploring them and realize. oh there’s like nothing here. But uuh this is supposed to be postive so like. yeah I really like Ballonlea conceptually I’m a big fan of spooky forests and glowing mushrooms and Fairy types so like Ballonlea is probably where I’d want to live, I just wish there was more to it in the actual game

ONE LAST THING I have to mention Malie City in Alola. Moon is my favorite Pokemon game and Malie really stands out to me, mostly becuase of the music (the Malie City night theme is on par with the Sinnoh lake themes for me), but also because it feels like a lot of stuff happens in this area? Like it’s around here that you meet Guzma for the first time, and it’s shortly after that Kukui tells you his plans to make an official Alola League like. Much like the surrounding routes of Fortree, Malie City feels like a Turning Point, and it’s just such a beautiful place

Anyway sorry idek what I’m talking about anymore idk if this is coherent at all but thank you so much for the ask!!

[vera800]

Latin speakers of Tumblr, I need your help!

I’m writing a song and there’s a part of it that’s in Latin. I have no knowledge on the language, and I don’t really trust Google Translate. Would someone please fact check my translations? It would mean a lot to me

Potesne sentire solem?

Quae numquam ad sentire

Vita sine bonis 

Animabus clamans nocte

Sua culpa!

(Can you feel the sun?/Which I never had to feel/Life without goods/Souls crying out in the night/His own fault!)

Fabulam horrori!

Factum est ab innocentia,

Exitium beatitudinis 

Daemon creatus ex somniis malis 

Formatur

(A horror story!/It was made from innocence,/Destruction of happiness/A demon created from bad dreams/It is formed!)

Puer et pater;

Vanitate mortuus est;

Perdita sanitate

Nulla memorias

(The boy and the father,/He died in vain,/Lost in health,/No memories)

The parentheses are the translation I got from switch back and forth between the languages, but I’m not fully confident. Thanks for any advice or corrections that can be given!

[naalamuse]

This is about youu, chunke!

I have talked about you to few people a million times that they doesnt want to hear your name from my mouth anymore. You are the indirect situationship i had that i cant stop thinking about. but this post is the end to it. all this time i have never been fully honest but this tine, its gonna be real.

okay, you met me at a vulnerable point of time. i was in a relationship maly into that person. i even planed a life with him, wanted to settle down and even arrived at a date 2031 to get married with him. the number of kids everything. I loved him, and i dont hsve any grudges now.

But, in college i was unhappy. i always ran to my bf in phone(i had a b set in first year) and talked to him. i was scared of everybody. I had severe issues ands i judged me a lot. i did notice you and i liked you for some reason. like i knew i would like to be friends with you.

Mybe it was becuase you were friendly with everyone and i wanted to be like that. but i was so scared and when you did approach me(just like others) i ran away, or i ignored. later on you told me that i looked like i had no interest. the truth was that i was so interested that i knew i would ruin it or people will see through me, or already is seeing my weaknesses.

then we started talking. how? yh you talked to me at my weakest times. what happened was that i was so sad and i was scared of people that i was crying that day, and you understood. so yopu asked ...i guess.

I was pretty surprised. i still remember the haopiness. becayse someone noticed and that someone was alrady liked by me.

and we started tal;kinhg.

we started talking so much that we even talkede about deep stuff. i talked about my sexual stuffs, and you were too re assuring. ytpu said i was your bestfriend and thats the reason why you are telling all that. i was also happy to hear that. i loved you a lot but not like in a relationship way because at that time also i was in a relationship i was talking about yopu to him. he was happy too. that's another story.anywqays we became close. i trusted you.

the things we talked include stuff that normal people done really share. or atleast i wouldnt have. thats why i was so attached with you.then all of a sudden, some stuffs changed.

i hink i fely bad when you asked me for friends with benefits in t or d game. i then tried to make it nrmal but it never bvecame. so it was weird.

but it really hurt me. i was scared and i even asked you later on and ypu said you didnt tell anyone but maybe am hallucinating bvut sometimes i feel like evryone knopws./ i am scared of that?

but am rembvvboning all that scary parts for now. and ever. even if the world knows about things , the intimate stuff, its not the worst thing ever. its not okay but i can deal with t. i dont want to be ashamnerd of my self. sex isnt npothing to be ashamed of and sicussing it with a best friewnd who i thought so is ok. noww what?after that i did trell that all out to others when i got druk. that was sick of me. i shouldnt have done that. adu vendarnu.,

i dont want to keep grudges too.i became obsessed wiht him, thought about a lot an ffinally fell for him. i fell for him becuase he left me and made e feel s[epacial and nothing at the same time. it all happened oin 2021 and here i am in 2023 stiull thinking about him.

okay, this is an open letter to you. i realy liked you. i wanted you to be there i m,y life. i liked you i really mean it. i had grudge too, a bit. but i liked you thats the truth. but i am letting you go, because i liked you because iogf my own trauma and theres nothing about you that i actually want. i don not like you, i just like the idea. i didnt want to progress in my life becauyse i wasnt ready so i took you asnd putr ypu asxz my love or something. nbnow its gone becuaeeam not stupid anymore. no more all that. i have a life so i doint have time for this anymore.

i am not gonna say this to anyone, that i wrote here and all, because no one needs to now. only myself.

my bigger regret is telling people about it, it was a mistake and to rectify it, i need to stop all this.

you are not in my mind anymore. i am so happy tpo finaaly allopwing myself to breath and toi stop in this day dream. once i stop day dreaming about you, i can start living my life.

i am following you on instagram, lets see. am donme with you ansd fpfgr that i can allow myelf that.

ok i followed you, you are having a public ac.

i am finally ready to live my life without neing revolved around by you.

[dear-antonette]

i told myself i'll stop writing about you, to you, and i did for a while. idk. i forgot the last time i wrote something cause it felt like i'm just repeating myself. and the more i write, the more i know that my feelings are true that it ain't going away anytime soon and it's frustrating for me to realize these things over and over.

i told my friends about you and now they all think i'm stupid. well, hindi naman sila mali. i am stupid. sabi ko before i met you i will never make a mistake again, wanting something i know i shouldn't or i know i can't have. and if ever i will choose to love again, it'll be the last time that i would. it's possible you know that this is the last time, i'm very stubborn lalo na kapag may gusto ako, kapag nakapagdecide na ako-- it's hard to change my mind. kaya i really don't care what other people say and my friends don't have to worry naman na cause i know i'm okay. whatever happens, i am okay.

i am okay with what we had, i am okay on whatever we will have. may it be we end up together or we're really going to be strangers and forget each other. doesn't matter, i'm okay with it. i guess as long as i know you're okay and you're not with someone who doesn't know your worth or doesn't know how to love you right everything will be fine.

they asked me what if may bago ka na? sabi ko i really don't care haha of course it'll be nice if it is us, right? but if may bago man and you're happy, you're treated right and you are experiencing all those gushy love things for the first time; that's fine. nasa point na ako na basta masaya ka at hindi na umiiyak dahil sa walang kwentang tao.. i'll be happy for you.

i got over the lonely nights where all i do is cry and wish things would be different. i am happy and content with my life again but, maan, i want you to know that it would be so much better if you're in it.

i wish i could tell you these things. i wish you know you're all i want and that i will never want anyone else for a long time because i only think of you, all the songs are about you.

i miss you..

[television-pil0t]

I don’t think of my past too much unless I’m posting it here because my past is shit with some good parts. I miss daemon. I miss him so much. I don’t think I could replace the piece he ripped from me when he left. I miss how he touched me. I miss how he sounded and tbh it’s been so long I don’t remember his voice. I have a voice message from him from years ago and sometimes I’ll replay it. Just to hear him. He was like my brother. UGH THATS SO WEIRD BECAUSE WE FUCKED BUT LIKE. Ughgagayabsu UGH IDK IDK idk maybe he’s the reason I have that kink idk whatever that’s not the point. I miss him. I miss feeling that safe. He was my fp and I was his ep. I miss talking to him. Going to school with him. He accepted me as trans so quickly. Lol a black gangbanger just quck asf accepting that is so rare but god it was so nice. I met him in forth grade when I met Simon. He left in a few months and although I try and cut Dae out of my memory he was the first person I ever had a crush on. I wanted to be around him. Anaja or shaver his name was would tease us for always being around eachother. I remember one time I kinda ditched Simon on the playground to go on the some other part of the playground with daemon and he was leaning in a pole super close to my face and savanna was like “ARE YOU GONNA KISS HER?!” And he did and I literally almost passed out. We pile hug and kiss in the hallway. It was elementary school but god it was so nice. Especially when Simon didn’t even know me like that. A side I’d be felt bad for just leaving him randomly but I was absolutely obsessed with Dae. When he left after a few months with no explanation I hated my life. I experienced depression for the first time since fucking ABUSE! Shit was wild. And then 7th grade this fucker randomly texts me on INSTAGRAM and I pass out and start crying. He lived 2 miles away and I was so happy. It was a little bit of a walk but I still remember the exact path I took. We texted for a while and then he was like “yeah I live in here now” and looked it up on Google maps because I’m insane and SCREAMED when I found it he was so close. Then a week later he was like “so when we hanging out?” And I was like “NWHEHEJW NOW?!?” And I ran there. I ran all the fucking way there and hugged him so tight. He was so tall and pretty. God he was so fucking pretty. He was beautiful. He had cuts all over him. Some that were still bleeding and a fucked up eye but tbh. All I wanted to do was hold his hand. I can’t even explain the feeling I got when I saw him. He hung out every day. He was my first real bf, first person I fucked consensually. First person I ever did anything with.

I know I shouldn’t be mad at him. He did what he did for a reason and for that I can’t be mad. He did what I wanna do and escaped from a house that hated him. I hope to god he’s ok. I don’t cry about him anymore. Although I know I shouldn’t hate him I can’t help it. I do. I hate that it ended like that. I miss him but idk what I’d do if he ever contacted me again. Idk what would happen. I don’t wanna know. I wanna keep him in the past but tbh.

I’d someone could bring him back.. I wouldn’t be against it. I wonder what he looks like now. What he sounds like. Who he’s with. What he’s thinking. Does he ever think about me? Think about me?

Mali is basically like Daemon now. Lol it’s so weird. No matter where I go there’s always someone that I can replace with the person I lost. I can think of 2 people in my life that were truly irreplaceable and that’s Zakaya and Daemon. And my mom. Mali makes me feel safe but not in the way Dae did. Zakaya is a girl I genuinely never met anyone like ever again. Everyone else. And I mean EVERYONE else can be so easily replaced. Nothing interesting about them. Nothing different. If they can’t be replaced than sometimes it’s not really a good thing. Annoying personality, annoying human. Worthless.

I’ve heard I’m irreplaceable and I wonder if that’s true.

[unlikelyempathpruneauthor]

Tour without You

Summary: fans saw the video of cal singing ghost of you and people think you two broke up.

a/n: SO YALL KNOW WHICH VIDEO I'M TALKING ABOUT RIGHT? Idk if he was actually crying, but a part of me tells me he was, but idk who knows, but i hope he was okay and is doing okay now.

You were currently home watching duke at yours and cal’s place. You couldn't go on tour with cal because of work, so being alone was a norm you had grown into. Whenever you didn't go on tour you and cal would spend time calling one another whenever a show was over, so he could see you and if you needed to comfort him for anything. He hated when he had to leave you alone, but you would reassure him you had someone that was a part of him. Duke would usually stay with the dog sitter, but when you stayed back home you watched duke. You two would have some quality time together as usual so the small pup can use his energy throughout the day.

For Cal though today, just wasn't his day. Their bus tour had taken a re-route, they got to the venue late, he couldn't focus during rehearsal since it was cut short, from them arriving late. Usually when stress came he was able to handle it well, but you usually were there to comfort him right there and then, which also added to his stress as well, not being able to be with you in moments like these. Fans in the audience and online had seen his expression and worried for him, especially when singing Ghost of you. He hated that his stress would reflect how he acts during shows, but today was really bad for him. Cal doesn't really notice when fans are recording, but a video had gone viral during the concert within minutes and fans skepulating about you and cal. You had no idea of this hence you not being near your phone all day and having a nice day out with duke. Your phone had been blasting all night and once you got home with duke you checked it once seeing all the notifications on all of your socials.You were slightly confused as to why there were so many so you checked it out.

@5SOSUPDATES: is it possible cal and y/n broke up? Could be because they haven been posting with one another. Also today’s performance he seemed sad, especially during Ghost of you.

“What the hell?” you said as the puppy barked at you as you continued to look for something that gave you some sort of idea that was going on. Then MTV also made a topic off of it.

SPECULATING BREAK UP RUMOURS: POPSTAR CALUM HOOD AND GIRLFRIEND Y/N L/N POSSIBLY BROKE UP BEFORE A SHOW DURING TOUR

You were quick to find the resources they were using to claim these speculations and there was a video of cal singing ghost of you, at first it was all good, he was singing good, you saw no sad emotions, but when it got to him harmonizing, with the ghost of you, that's when his expression changed. At first you thought that it was just the way he was singing. But you looked over and yeah you were convinced he was crying.

You tried to first go over anything you might have said to make him upset, but there was nothing, you texted when you could and he seemed fine the night before, so you didn't know what was wrong. Unless he lied to you, which he would do when he was away from you. He didn't want to bother you, but you always told him to talk to you when he was feeling down and not himself. You were always going to be there to talk to him always. Just then you got a call from mali, you were quick to answer as she probably has seen these as well.

“Mali, hey.” you said as she spoke, “hey super weried, but have you been on your socials and possibly MTV?” she asked as you sighed, “yes i have.” you said as she contuned, “okay, is it ture?? Did you two break up? Omg did cal do something because i swear-” she said as you giggled and cut her off, “no we didn't, well at least i think so, but uh, no i called him before this show and he seemed fine, but you know how he is, he doesn't tell the full truth until you get it out of him.” you said as she hummed, “thats true, well are you talking to him tonight?” she asked as you hummed back, “yeah i should be getting a call in about an hour, i dont think he has checked his phone yet, so i'll call you first thing alright?” you said as she hummed and you two said your goodbyes. As your phone was still blowing up, more and more rumours were being made, but you didn't expect to be getting attacked.

5SOSWILDFLOWER: Yall, there are some photos of y/n with another guy before cal had gone to tour, guess cal has a reason.

|

Caly/n_stan: i don't think she would cheat though, they've been together for years.

|

Lukehemmingsstan: i mean yeah but people change especially when dating a celeb, and it wouldn't be the first time a 5sos member would be cheated on.

|

@mikeycliff5sos: i mean you can tell she was just in it for the money and the fame, she never spoke about her job.

You were at first confused as to what pictures you were talking about, but then you clearly remember you were with the dog sitter, who happens to be a guy. He was one of Cal's best friends and he always took care of duke when you were away. You were there before cal had gone to tour, to tell him personally that you were staying with duke, since you knew him and it would be nice to catch up on duke’s behavior. Of course the fans didn't know that, but that didn't mean they should attack you. You were kinda stressed about this situation, especially with the things being said, fans even started to question your real intentions with cal and wondered if you were just after cal for his money and fame questioning your line of work as well, which wasnt public because you line of work was importnatn, you were a visual editor at entertainment company and well you kept it private and you didn't want any problems.

On cal’s side of things, he hadnt checked his phone at all wanting to handle one side of stress at a time. After teh show he realxed before calling you, making sure he looked good and fine. But once he lifted his phone he had seen so many notifications, at first he thought it was about the show from tonight but when he clicked he saw everything that was being said about you and him that you two had broken up and the means things being said about you. He was quick to call you as you answered quickly hoping he was okay.

“Hey” you both said quite rapidly, “sorry you go first.” cal said as you sighed and spoke, “are you okay? But i want to know the full truth cal, you know you can talk to me.” you said as he rubebd his head and wished he had spoken to you before anything, he knew if he talked to you hten these rumours wouldnt be made. “Fuck love, im sorry, we had to reroute the show for tonight we got there late, and rehearsal was rushed and, today i didn't do my best to hide my stressed emotions, i tried, but i couldnt, all i wnated to do was talk to you before the show, but i wasnt able to,” he said as his voice was cracking and you felt bad for him, you knew he handled stress well, but you knew today was one of those days, “bub its okay, just talk to me about this kind of stress to help you when you can, no matter what time it may be. I know im not htere, but remeber im a phone call away, always. No matter waht okay, you call me when youre feeling like this.” you said as he smiled a little missing you so much more than he should be able to.

“Youre too good for me you know that? Im sorry for waht the fans are saying, i'll straighten it out babe, they shouldnt be saying this stuff about you,” he said as you giggled, “its fine, it hurt at first, but i mean this all happend beucase i was out with dukes dogsitter,” you said as he laughed a little, “gosh the fans are really out of hand, i love you so much, youre there for me more than many times i could even count, you know youre it for me,” he said as you blushed hearing his words, he would tell you this all the time. It was true, you were it for him and he was it for you. “And youre it for me too, and i'll happily be there for you, always you know that.” you said as he smiled and jsut couldnt wait to get home to you. After talking for about 2 hours, you said your goodbyes and you had gone with the rest of your day as cal had straighten out with the fans about his citation.

He posted a picture on his story of you and captioned it:

To clear out the rumours from today, me and y/n are happily together. y/n has not and has never cheated on me, for those who know she is everything to me and i will do anything to not lose her. There is no anger towards this situation jsut please, be careful with what you say on the interent, even if y/n and i dont post about us everyday its not htat wer are not together, we like to live in the present with one another since i go away for tour. Usually shes here with me, but sadly she isnt. So again please just be aware with what you are posting, we are human and things that were said towards her will hurt anyone.

[godlygreta]

#15 with sam!!!!

omfg absolutely !!!

“You’re actually a really good kisser.” “You’re actually very average.”

You felt bad for asking Sam to pretend to be your boyfriend. You didn't feel bad because he had to spend time with you, but because you had to introduce him into the chaos that was your family.

Family reunions don't happen often, but when they do, there's a lot of booze, food and dramatics. At least one of your cousins would leave crying, and not the younger ones either. Mali was one of the few people who needed to be the center of attention.

Last time everyone got together, she made the entire reunion about her and her boyfriend getting into a fight. Very publicly. In front of literally everyone.

Your mother sent you to calm them down, since you and Mali were close in age, but nothing could stop that show. She yelled at you, saying that you wouldn't get it because you weren't in a relationship. You lied and said that your boyfriend was busy that day, off on a business trip in Michigan even though you lived in Nashville.

Your boyfriend, of course, being Sam (who was visiting family). Was he actually your boyfriend? No. Would you entirely mind if he was? That was still up for debate.

He sat on the edge of the bed in the hotel room, watching you pace as you tried your hardest to finish getting ready. Your nerves were shot, scared as to how the ruse would play out with your family. He scrolled aimlessly on his phone, tired of watching you run yourself into the ground.

"Okay, I think I'm ready." You said, putting on a bit of Chapstick. Sam looked up at you, watching you fix your hair one last time.

"It's about damn time. If you keep this up, we won't be there at all."

"Now that you say that..." You joke, attempting to sway him from wanting to go.

"Nope, we have to go. You wanted to show off your hot, sexy boyfriend at the family reunion this year since he couldn't go last year. So, you're stuck with me." He smiled at you, grabbing the key card and shoving it in his wallet.

You wanted to turn the car around as soon as you pulled into the park's parking lot. You stayed in the driver's seat with the car turned off, hands still on the steering wheel. "You okay?"

"Whatever happens today, do not make fun of me for it. Alright?" You turned to him, pointing a finger. He held his hands up in defense, and nodded. The two of you got out of the car, started to make your way over to where everyone was. Sam grabbed your hand, lacing his fingers through your own.

Your mother swarmed over first, wrapping her arms around you before insisting on a formal introduction to Sam. He gave her a smile, telling her it was lovely to finally meet her. He apologized for being so busy on the road all the time, swearing that he'll come by more often if he can.

Family greeted you, asking for the same introduction your mother did. Sam gave them all smiles, swearing that he's excited to be here despite everything he's heard. Mali walked over to the two of you, smile on her face that dripped with falsities. "Well, aren't you handsome."

"Thank you, my girlfriend agrees with you." He spoke, already irritated with Mali.

"Wait.. you're Sam?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest. Sam nodded slowly, eyes widening a bit. "Well, good job. I didn't imagine someone so.... could pull someone so hot."

You went to speak up, defending yourself, but Sam beat you to it. "I'll have you know that she is an amazing human being. She's so considerate of other people and incredibly smart. I think she's the most beautiful person on this planet and you can't convince me otherwise. Take your bullshit somewhere else, I don't have the patience to be nice to everyone today."

Mali stomped away, rolling her eyes while doing so. You imagined she was on her way to go tell her mother about what Sam said to her, but in her own version to make him look like a shitty person. You turned to Sam, hand still in his. "Thank you, Sam, you didn't have to do that."

"Of course I did, you're my girlfriend." He leaned down, putting his lips to yours. You tried your hardest to not look surprised by his action, and you were pleased that you eased into it so quick. "You know, you're actually a really good kisser."

"Thank you, Sam. You're actually very average." You laugh, taking him hitting your shoulder with his fist (it was a light hit, you could've hit much harder than that).

"Oh, I'm gonna make you pay for that one later. Wait till I tell them about the time you almost caught your hair on fire cooking noodles."

"Sam, no!"

[storydays]

Season 1, ep 7, p2

(3rd POV)

You hummed softly, walking down the hallway with some fire flakes in your hand, and paused seeing Korra spying through a keyhole. You went to grab her shoulder when she stood up straight with a horrified look on her face. "Kor--" she ran down the stairs before you could finish your sentence.

You followed her, slower, and listened to her babble an excuse. "I forgot it's my turn to airsit the babybenders..I-I mean babysit the airbender kids. See you later!" They turned to you with confused looks and you shrugged, swallowing more fire flakes. "It's one of Aunt Pema's daily baby checks." Nevermore squealed in delight as she ate majority of your fire flakes.

"Hey!" You splashed her with water, making the little hothead sizzle. Everyone laughed at the two of you, the old butler even concealing a chuckled behind his hand. "She's been getting so fiesty lately and I don't appreciate the rebelliousness, young lady." You complained and then chided the dragon.

"You know, I read something in a book that says animals tend to imitate their loved ones behavior." Asami teased, making you playfully roll your eyes. "I've been hearing that a lot," you sigh, making your bangs puff in the air slightly. Nevermore curled on your shoulder, chirping happily. "Come on, let's go find my secret stash of fire snacks." You grinned, as Mako and Asami laughed before following you to get some snacks.

*Timeskip*

You blinked, as your Aunt, Uncle and friend storm up to the Sato mansion. "What's going on?" Mako demanded, pushing Korra's shoulder, wincing when you gripped his arm. "Why are they asking more Hiroshi more questions?" "I overheard him on the phone yesterday. Asami, I don't know how to tell you this, but I think your father might be involved with the equalists." "What?! I don't believe this!" She stormed towards her father's office. You followed her, trying to calm her down.

"A-Asami, maybe this is just a misunderstanding." She turned her green gaze to you, "Don't talk to me, (Y/N)! You were in on this, and you didn't think to tell me?!" Your (e/c) eyes burned sadness into Asami's, as she stalked off. You sigh, running a hand through your hair before trailing sadly behind her, before walking into the office, standing in the corner. You studied everyone from the corner of the room, and you were biting the inside of your lip before closing your eyes, listening to everyone's breathing, and focusing on what Toph taught you.

"My father is innocent. Just because we're not benders, doesn't mean we support those awful Equalists." She went to stand next to Hiroshi. "Is that this is about?" He demanded. "I can assure you, I have nothing  to do with those radicals." Mako butted in, "Yeah, you don't know your're talking about Korra." Mako accused. "I overheard you on the phone. You said that Cabbage Corp investigation bought you time, and your getting ready to strike. Explain that." Korra placed her hand on her hips, staring into the man's eyes.

He chuckled, before looking into the Avatar's eyes. "This is all a misunderstanding,resulting from the Avatar's over-active imagination. My number one competitor was knocked out of the game. It's providing me with an opportunity to strike the market with a new line of Sato-mobiles. It's just business--"

You studied everyone from the corner of the room, and you were biting the inside of your lip before closing your eyes, listening to everyone's breathing, narrowing on Hiroshi's breath hitch. Your (e/c) eyes flew open as you declared loud and cleared, "Liar." All eyes turned to you as you approached the now sweating man. Asami looked at you with hurt and betrayal in her face.

"(Y/N), how could you? You've known my father for a long time, and you know he's not apart of th-" "And you know me, Asami. I was listening to everyone's breathing, and Hiroshi's hitched when he spoke just now." "That doesn't mean anything!" (E/C) eyes stared into angry green, as everyone watched you silently. "I was trained by the Greatest Earthbender of all time, I'm a spiritual master, and a waterbender master, if anyone knows about lying signs, it would be me. I'm sorry that your sweet fantasy is being destroyed, but---"

SMACK!

A sharp sting burned on your cheek. You met her emerald eyes, and with a bright red handmark on your cheek, you turned your eyes to your Aunt.  "I know your troops are outside and waiting, but you should use your seismic sense and you'll find something in the workshop behind the house. Clearly, I'm not wanted here, so I'll be anywhere else." You avoided Asami's gaze and stalked out, and hopped onto your polar bear dog. You clicked your tongue and soon you and Neo took off. Your (e/c) eyes watered, from both the wind and from the pain you felt in your heart. You willed them away, and the next thing you knew, you were by a secluded part of the park, no one around. You hopped off Neo, and knelt by a nearby pond, placing your hands in the water, before soothing your stinging cheek, wincing at the faint scratch marks from Asami's nails.

'You know, Cub,' you didn't jump when Neo laid next to you, watching you carefully, 'It's okay to cry when your heart aches.' You shook your head, settling into a lotus position against him. "No, I promised someone special to me that I won't ever cry. That I'll be strong." He rumbled against your back, with a disapproving growl. 'I sincerely doubt that's what she meant.'

You huffed, your bangs puffing slightly. "Hush, 'm tryna meditate." The animal growled again before leaving you to find peace.

*Later that night*

You jumped up using a water shield to block an incoming attack. "You've got to be quicker than that, Auntie." Your eyes softened as your Aunt jumped down from a tree. "I thought I'd find you here." Lin said, gruffly before coming over and sitting next to you. She held out a bag of food, and Neo perked up sniffing in the bag for something.

Lin chuckled amused, before reaching in and handing Neo his treat before turning to you with a concerned frown. "Eat, (Y/N), I know you haven't eaten since breakfast this morning." At that moment, your stomach growled, just as the scent of Lin's meat and vegetable wrap hit your stomach.

Not many people knew, but the latest Chief of Police was an excellent cook.Whenever you were in need of some tough love, you went to Lin and that's exactly what her food was. She chuckled as you devoured the wrap. "Hungry, mali heroj (little hero)?" You hummed in affirmation as you swallowed. "For your food? Always." She watched you with gentle eyes. "I'm worried about you, (Y/N). Everyone is, you haven't been yourself in a long time." You put your wrap down and stared at the twinkling stars, thinking about your vision during this last meditation.

"I'll be fine, Aunt Lin. I'm just..." "You are not alone! You have people who love you,and want to help you, but we can't if you continue to block us out." You turned to her, before she held her arms out. You fell into her warm embrace but said loud and clear: "Maybe it's safer for everyone to stay out. Maybe...I don't want anyone to be burdened with my problems. Not even Gran-Gran has any advice for what's going on. No one can." You gripped her waist, and stiffled your sobs against her heart.

Now, not many people could break her walls, but from the moment she met you, you wormed your way into her stone cold heart, and she loved you like a son, and hated seeing you in pain. This was part of the reason she hated the world, when you were a child you were so open and full of love for the world, but then reality hit you way too hard, way too early. You learned to be strong at a young age, and survived things no grown adult could handle.

You were breaking, and you were breaking fast, and she knew what she had to do when she got you home safe in your own bed.

Even though you're 19, you are still a child, and like all children...

you still need your father.