#you just need to also be blaming yourself if it doesn't happen! b/c Good People are guaranteed being personally liked & loved to the max

[unproduciblesmackdown]

some threads woven together flawlessly. or fumbled with intently until it's like Look [holds out a cat's cradle] but no. it's good & real

smthing "i can't believe it's this Telling!" about Romance(tm) being multiple times hearing this sentiment like. "okay talking about relationships right. dating has always come easily to me / i've been lucky / i'm Good At romance: i was not single for more than 5 consecutive days from the autumn of '34 to Now. but it wasn't until my late twenties 90 yrs & dozens of Romantic partners into it that, for the first time ever: one of those relationships was actually like, good." and it's like damn i can't believe it's that Telling. that the remarks have this would be twist / punchline (not actually delivered as such. it's not unexpected to them?) that still gets framed thusly as being Successful in dating. spending eons with a bunch of people involved in bad relationships, but you weren't Not dating

also reminded in terms of [i don't really have any podcasts i'm listening to] like one i was like "hm i've heard some episodes. i'll put this one on in the background" then dropkicking it out the window like 10 min in b/c irrelevantly this Guest was like "real talk. ugh it's sooo cool to be poly nowadays 9_9 everyone has to be poly but i'm Naught into it!!! i guess i Feel too much. i want PASSION and DRAMA!!! this is just like how pop in the late '00s / '10s was all 'feminist' telling you to be independent sluts well i care about true LOVE" and like. i don't remember but i don't think they were a man, i'm quite surer they were queer, it was just so fucking lmfao like would you get thee fuck out of here. we actually don't live in "it's like it's illegal to be monogamous :(" world you're not Edgy now b/c you're insecure about what you see as "trendy" but don't Get / don't want in on. you're not going against the grain for being like "maybe i Do want to settle down with my soulmate" like great news that's normative. pick another queer group to Project on b/c they'd rupture your idea of the Bounds of queerness where you're like "ugh they're so mainstream & ruining it for us True queers disrupting the cishet agenda (arguing for queerness to be on The Terms Of said cishet agenda)" e.g. ohh the cishet agenda is pro asexuality!!! (it is not. even if it was? is the Queer Agenda for some people to have to deny their own sexuality & "have" to have sex a certain kind of way with certain people? up next "bi women: gender traitors, why not Choose to (have to) have only certain kinds of sex w/certain people :)" trans people gender traitors We decide what everyone's gender is, bit fucked up of you to be deciding your own huh, what Assumptions are you making you sicko?? you Have to identify / present xyz certain ways or you're failing to be the gender vanguard like we are) like what if the queer agenda was about everything we Can do. we Can have this sex w/these people sure, & we Can: Not do that w/them. like oh no what if cishet men were able to get their hands on the gay resources only when we recognize Aro/Ace identities can ppl Say "yeah i'm....hehe....Not cishet"? legitimate question Yeah What Then. oh no. god's wounds What If you can just say you're trans now & change your pronouns every day. like yeah let's let everyone do that. what if we all did. oh no lol. oh my god more people are talking about polyamory like they're allowed to talk about polyamory & if my monogamy isn't Assumed ""normal"" & i might feel like it's thus more in question?? well don't mind me as i get defensive by way of Derisive & start scoffing & spitting at the queers making the rest of us look bad but we're Really fighting the fight out here (doing what we were already doing but now feeling extra smug & self satisfied about it?)

like "ohh i have too much Emotion for that" like who said you didn't. why do you think polyamory involves less emotion or passion or desire or commitment or whatever. it sure doesn't posit it necessarily requires More either. it posits that it is not monogamy. & like christ Congratulations then. congratulations on having too much of a heart. that is then used to sneer & backbite like i forgot that this person on this damn podcast also brought this up b/c a friend or acquaintance who was poly made whatever kind of proposition & here they are on some podcast going Ugh & talking about how they have too much passion, despite years of top40 telling them, according to them, that feminism is sluttiness now (again this is. according to them. Groundbreaking circling back to bog standard misogyny) & isn't it so groundbreaking in turn if a woman were to sing love songs? imagine. you can have emotions & passion & drama taking the parking spot a stranger wanted. You could've brought the monogamy with a poly partner, when the Agenda for it is always distilled to Exclusivity, like, bring your own, huh? like your own Feelings & Passions & Commitment. but obviously it is the assumption that the poly partner is the Inadequate one there who would be causing any relationship to be Lacking. b/c they sure didn't frame it as some matter of fact Mismatch or else try to start being outright about how poly people are, like the bisexuals, these sluts (feminists!!) who are only giving you Part of themselves when you deserve All Access to your exclusive, locked in partner!!! & like good lord do you ever? with your Reliable kinsey endzones binary gender soulmate for life, do you?? locking them in what, why. excluding what, why. accessing all of what, why.

Romance(tm) being defined by Exclusivity defined by entitlement to as much of this other person as you want, to ensure that exclusivity: compare w/the boundless potential Threats or already Violations to thee proper romantic relationship. spending too much time with other people, sharing too much with them, getting too much support, feeling too much towards them, valuing them too much, to say nothing of what could be considered "intimacy," which then yeah sure includes "well no kissing or sex" but yknow again that does need to be a bound you even accept, monogamy style, & even if you do, that All Thee Rest of it can be attributed to "well you shouldn't be talking to them / having these friends / doing these other things b/c that's a slippery slope to Romance (kissing, sex)." that the exclusivity is so often inevitably defined by, when pushed to it, Exclusion, e.g. like if everyone i loved was held at gunpoint & it's like only One of them could be Not Shot baby it'd be you like tf is this scenario?? gee it'd suck if everyone else died but baby as long as it's not you like The Hell. that it's about Everyone Else being shut out & Less & Lacking & deprioritized thusly in specificass hypothetical winner take all tournaments of disposing of loved ones like what in the christ. & this being an Isolating logic like well that soulmate should be Enough. & the instruction like, yeah any & all feelings passions desires wishes wants needs hopes dreams? file that away under "to be fulfilled by the One True Romance." it'll fulfill Everything in your life!! if it doesn't umm cough must've been doing it wrong. turn your discontent into Passion. philosophically muse on how Fulfillment may have eluded you but maybe just maybe we all still come closest in struggling through a marriage for a few dozens of years & also perhaps parenthood! surely. and don't even think of considering if this cosmos of the nuclear household is not in fact the distilled essence of all that one's life can possibly contain

of course two people can have a long term intimate relationship w/each other exclusively & it not all necessarily play into some nuclear family cisheteropatriarchy agenda moment lmao, but this is just the same as like. yeah people Can exist in ways that some rando today could look at & deem "are they not cishet" but where this is also not of the cishet agenda(tm). b/c ppl Have to be cishet(tm). & Have to be finding their monogamous cishet lifelong spouse. & sure Have to Not do otherwise, so why Wouldn't there be the narrative that all passions & emotions & desires & wants & needs & chance of fulfillment is a matter of the domain of Romance(tm)? the idea like oh you enjoy talking with someone? Love. you're excited / interested / affectionate? Love. you're dtf? either Love or else held to be the other side of the same coin: marked Lack of love(tm). wild that Stimming in enthusiasm is used in this Romance framework lmao as like a recognized Normal nd moment. love the enthusiasm. you could be stimming even more, about more. you could be enthused even more, about more. you Could. you don't Have to, But You Could. you don't Have to be involved in a way you consider some degree of intimate enough to have a particular classification on that basis, but you Could. you don't want to? alright awesome how many versions of a person there can be on this earth. why would one want to define it as "having" to be monogamous though b/c you're Too Legit to be poly. Too Legit queer to respect asexuality. Too Legit trans to respect someone's gender expression/identity being a casual, dynamic, easy experience.

also always noticing like "oh right, another day's work giving Others' feelings legitimacy & priority, & not my own" back in college times when like a couple of times having to outright or gradually* deflect acquaintances whom i'd interacted with trying to go for the dating route. & then nominally having to presume that they are the uniquely burdened one here like oh way to go (did not do fuckall), what is more Legitimate than disappointment re: Romance right. except it's like now hang on i'm also the one going "i thought someone was interacting with me trying to be friendly :/" like lol, no. & as though then taking on this impossible unilateral responsibility to demur from seeming [i want to hang out & interact] interest now on the terms of both neurotypicality (also normative) & amatonormativity. & being like "??" like what would someone even have particularly strong feelings about when i prommy i did not yet feel comfortable bringing even like most of the range of my personality, or comfortable in general w/what i Did bring, what's the basis of this lol. making up a guy. & like we are all performing we are all perceiving & interpreting without a direct channel into someone else's interiority. but like where's Any genuine intimacy leading into this lol? like still a No even if so but at least it'd be less perplexing. & if there isn't even expected to be any then also still No. tf was this one guy trying to start shit over buying textbooks & by start shit i mean keep trying to talk to me when crossing paths on (community college!) campus until i'm like no i don't wanna go to a movie b/c i don't really know you from adam, & he's like "well isn't that the point of dating, to get to know each other" like No this isn't cishet amatonormative marriage speedrun "i'm so good at dating i wasn't single for 93 years! each relationship was shit btw!" central get out of here. luckily he did. rando guys in public & semi public barely count yet also fully count

another thing that's different but the same is it's kind of jarring like another thing you Can do but it rankles within me like i hope to just like. someone being like framed as Superlative Exceptional....like great lmao such a broad thing & common thing & i am fully aware like "Uh Oh Eesh when i am imagining it applied to Me. i do not like it" like how we are [it takes all kinds]ing and [no accounting for taste]ing & all these things we sure Can do. but i do tie it to just like. arguing for people's worth as A Thing on this bitch of an earth where some people get to see others' lives as less than theirs & the supposed cure for this appealing on Merit. where even the Personal, Individual protection against this is "well, just find the one person who is like 'you're Everything & btw i'd drop dead without you like what would be the point of Anything'" like now what tf is reassuring about that lmao....this Other audio experience i forgot where i was already just not that interested but it grated hearing someone assure us that like oh this person's webpage is so Intriguing i Have to talk to this person. another thing much more formal & established being this ode to someone being like So undeniably extraordinary & incredible & superlative etc, like, lovely ode to someone, but i do reflect like eesh i just really do not want that. no ironic "xyz would've hated this!!" like just do not. i'm so Not about merit(tm). i'm so not about anyone Needing to be considered superlative or extraordinary by even One other person. so not about rising Above anyone else as the evidence of worth. so not about praising anyone by assuring people they're Not "Just" [another xyz. a victim. passive. content to abc.]....so not about being stuck in isolation with the immediate Family as one's only support (against The Family: as like. a political deal) until the only other way to exist is to escape, &/or be pushed into, the marriage, aka thee romance (against Romance: also a political deal)

where in romance(tm) is there Not this narrative about how you'd better find all the support & fulfillment you need in your whole self & life & being in This. where is there not "ideally" isolation. where is there not exclusivity as the definition. with this also ofc assuming the "correct" monogamous approach. & the cisheteropatriarchy. like yeah sure people Can do xyz that would resemble like ah the cishet lifelong monogamous partnership, & Not be of that agenda. like there Can be ppl who would be perceived cishet by someone to whom "cishet" has any meaning but like, without that agenda. we had & can have all our phenotypes without the concepts of white supremacy / antiblackness around which to categorize "race," we have all our bodies w/o there necessarily, inevitably being ableism. & in the meantime against the [we Have to xyz] & the Normative & the assertion of "merited" deservingness & the isolating & authoritarian & controlling & extractive & prescriptive & limiting, & plenty of other things....polyamory like supposed "opposite" of aromanticism but it's peak harmonious when like, it is also very much outside how romance is "supposed" to be, to the extent of like ohh it doesn't count b/c it is so uncontained by any Definitions. ohh i could never be polyamorous b/c they're Diluting themselves (there's the Isolating & Exclusivity definitions....the Most romantic relationship? baby idgaf if everyone else in my life died. you wouldn't either re: all your loved ones, right. why are you talking to them again. or hanging out with them again. or saying Love to them again or changing your plans for them or listening to them or etc etc. & of course you couldn't kiss anyone else, why Wouldn't this relationship crumble away if that weren't the case??? lol) like okay you're not polyamorous, that others Are is good for you. ppl being trans is good for cis people; no genders as constraining classes. ppl being ace is good for allo people; no compulsory sexuality. people being bi is good for everyone; same. etc etc etc. that They can exist as themselves unhindered = you can; that they can't, you can't. you're not Too Good to be them; acting/doing Better than someone else is acting/doing is like, about choices lol. versus [oh it's not even a choice i Couldn't be poly....b/c i'm too good for that] like. now what does this do for anyone exactly. but make you feel more secure through feeling superior b/c you're hearing more often more casually more proximately about different choices people are making for themselves

anyways surfacing from [my god. writing a post now] & i would like to emphasize "aromantic sure but & also anti-romance i mean it. like politically" & "lovelessness let's gooo. politically as well like can we Not with the affective-centric"

[countlessrealities]

Send “Talk about” and a name for my muse to talk about that person || No longer accepting.

@dynamoprotocol sent: Talk about Chance (for Rick!)

Rick's eyes dart away for a moment at the question and he can't stop himself from gritting his teeth. It's not the worst query he has ever received, not by far, but that doesn't make answering it much easier. Or, perhaps, it is easy, but as per usual he is overthinking and making it more complicated than it has to be.

Chance.

The main issue is that he doesn't know where to start from. Things between him and his old lover are good, better than they have ever been between him and Clarissa. Back then, they were both too damaged to create something more than the illusion of stability. Even the best moments of their relationship were nothing but that. Fleeting breaks from the nightmare their lives had been.

Rick is aware that Chance isn't a completely different person. He is still Clarissa and what has happened to them and between them is still as real as it was before the other's transition. However, at the same time, Chance is also a new individual, with a deeper insight, a better understanding of what he wants, of what he needs and of what he can have. He is more than just a survivor constantly on the edge of the abyss. He is someone who has a shot at living and has all the intentions of using it.

He is the embodiment of the potential Clarissa has had inside her all along, and that's no longer doomed by the narrative.

"I...D-Damn, how am I even supposed to...S-Shit is complicated. N-Not necessarily in a bad way," and isn't that a first for him, "b-but it's still a lot, you know? A-After everything, being back here, together, and...I-It's not a clean slate, i-it could never be. An-And it wouldn't be fair if it was."

Since he and Clarissa have started to patch up things between them, he has been more willing to acknowledge and admit his part of the blame in their fallout, just as he has been more open in his regret. He has been offered forgiveness and a second chance and he has been working to earn it, but it's hard to let go of the hurt he knows he has brought, especially now that he is being welcomed back in the other's life.

"C-Chance is...amazing. D-Don't get me wrong, Clarissa has always been, b-but now he is..." His voice trails off as he tries to find the right word. "H-He knows whom he is an-and he's being himself. Fully. An-And damn if I don't admire him for it. I-It makes me feel an even more bigger hot mess put next to him."

He is happy for Chance. Damn, he's fucking ecstatic to see him finally finding some peace of mind and starting to carve his right place in the universe. Yet, at the same time, it terrifies him. Not only because he can't help thinking that, one day soon, the man would realise that he deserves better than the dumpster of fire Rick is, but also because he has a record of destroying every good thing he touches.

And Chance is one of the best things that have happened to him in the last forty years.

"C-Clarissa and I...we fucked up really bad, b-but we loved each other. A-As much as you can love someone else w-while hating yourself. A-As much as you can love someone w-while dragging them down in the abyss with you."

He plays with his flask, resisting the urge to take a swing. It feels wrong to drink while talking about the other man, of all people.

"I-I can't love love him in the same way, an-and I don't want to. H-He deserves better an-and I want to try to give it to him." Whether or not he'll be able to, only time will tell. In all honesty, he isn't too hopeful, but that doesn't dampen his will to do his damn hardest in the least. "An-And even if it won't work out between us...I-I want to be in his life. C-Call me selfish, but I don't want to lose him again. E-Even if it means just being friends. I-I can live with that."

Hell, he would probably consider himself lucky to have just Chance's friendshp.

"A-Also because there Rick an-and I'd drive myself into a black hole b-before I ruin shit for him. H-He was really fuckin' good to Clarissa an-and he's just as good, i-if not better with Chance. T-They deserve to be together without me making shit hard or-or awkward."

If there's something that should never be in doubt, it's how far he is ready to go to ensure his boyfriend's happiness. The man deserves the world in Rick's eyes and, if he has a saying in it, he'll be handing his counterpart the universe as an anniversary present on of these days..

"T-There's Morty too. C-Chance likes the little shit an-and the little shit likes him an-and they bonded a lot. I...I don't want to get in the way of that either."

If he can't make the three most important people in his life happy himself, then the least he can do is making sure that they can make each other happy.

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

With your current knowledge which includes what Vinelle would have done and the way things could have tragically ended in her case what would you do if you woke up as pregnant Bella? Do you try to make Carlisle take you to Volterra while you are pregnant, do you wait until you are a vampire and can defend yourself and Renesme or something else?

Anon's referring to this post. Where you people make @therealvinelle pregnant with Edward's demon child and this ends up predictably with murder.

Apparently, it's time for round two, but with me. Can I learn from Vinelle's mistakes?

I Wake Up as Bella

Like Vinelle before me, mostly, I'm fucking confused. Life is not a tumblr post and unlike isekai fictional characters I'm not going to kid myself and instantly figure out what the hell happened to me.

I wake up extremely disoriented, sore beyond belief, in a room I don't remember with a marble person I don't know, covered in bruises and... feathers? On a tropical island I don't remember visiting, and my entire sense of balance is completely off (I not only have Bella's coordination but I'm also shorter/a different build than I was a bit ago.)

My first thoughts are wondering if I had one hell of a nap dream in which I literally forgot who I even was/where I was or if, by some bizarre turn of events, I have been drugged.

Edward's over there calling me Bella in a panic. I look at him like I can't understand a word he's saying. Bella? Bella who? Who's Bella?

Well, Edward thinks he may have concussed his bride in bed and given my completely dazed response, while he's panicking and thinking he's a monster, he's also calling the honeymoon off. We're going home.

By the time I'm on the boat I finally start getting my bearings and realize I might be in a poor man's isekai fanfiction starring me as pregnant Bella.

And I just fucked up.

I am on a boat back to Rio and I am a) very likely pregnant with Renesmee and have a month to live b) Edward's going to abort me as soon as possible which is likely not even possible and c) I have not called Rosalie and any chance I have to call Rosalie is diminishing fast.

And I really really really don't want to go to Forks (see likelihood of my suddenly daughter being imprinted on/being murdered by the shapeshifters).

Shit.

Not to mention that, per the ask, I know what happened to Vinelle. Even if I play along, I'm likely to a) die or b) my poor daughter gets murdered by Edward and Jacob unless I can convince Jasper to bury Edward's limbs in Antarctica.

Well, looks like I have to wing it.

We get to the airport and pray that Meyer wasn't exaggerating when it came to Edward's hilariously awful tracking ability. At some point I tell Edward I desperately need food. Edward doesn't want to leave my side but "oh, I am ailing, get me a subpar pizza, Edward". I then book it as soon as his back's turned, lose my scent in the airport mob, make my way out of the airport and catch a cab to a random resort.

If I'm caught (which could very likely happen) I blame it on being Bella and "I REALLY DON'T WANT TO ABORT THE BABY". Edward won't take his eyes off me for a second, but he's not going to suspect me of being an alien. Yet.

If I'm not caught, then, well.

Well, my cellphone is probably exploding with calls from the family while I think of what to do. Edward's probably not going to be able to find me in the city, he's just going to wander around like a jackass hoping somebody sees me in their thoughts. That's not going to work out for him.

Now the question is what do I do?

Well, I have time to call Rosalie but then I'm stuck in Forks again and will unlikely be able to leave. That's not good. Really, given the situation I'm in... I'm going to have to put my hopes in Volterra.

If I bring them in early, while I may very well end up indentured to them and my daughter unable to leave, I will not be starting WWIII among vampires and will probably not end up dead.

I buy two sets of tickets on Edward's credit card. One to Seattle Washington and one to Heathrow, with the London flight leaving several hours ahead of the Seattle flight. Banking on Edward being phenomenally stupid, he'll think I'm trying to be clever and picked London to throw him off my scent. He'd go to London, be stuck in Heathrow, while I'd board the plane to Seattle and beat him to Forks for... reasons of my own divining. This is also a very Bella plan in, when asked to pick a place to hide from James, she decided that it would be best to go somewhere she knew. Pretend to not go to Seattle then go to Seattle is a very Bella plan. "Ah, she's planning to take the later flight to Seattle! CLEVER BELLA"

Yeah, well, I'm not.

Edward gets on the plane to Seattle, I board the plane to London and wiggle waggle my way through Europe until I can reach Volterra.

And that's where things get... interesting.

See, Aro may not be able to read my thoughts, but Marcus can see my relationships. It hasn't been that long since we saw each other, and granted radical things can happen in a short amount of time, but Bella's relationships are looking funky:

Her father's a complete stranger to her, likewise with the Cullens, and she views Edward as a terror and an adversary.

This is not Bella Swan.

I imagine we stare at each other, and I blurt out my pregnancy story. Aro... suspects the demon baby may have very well eaten my entire personality, he really has no way of knowing. That may very well put the death sentence on me and Renesmee inside me.

However, if I get past this... things get interesting again. I probably have to promise to stay in Volterra under observation, my child held hostage if born, and Carlisle as the world's only vampire doctor is brought in.

With his entire fucking family. Sans Jasper and Alice as Alice would be terrified to enter Volterra under these circumstances where she can't see shit.

Hello guys, how's it hanging? Sorry, but I hate Forks. Couldn't do it.

The family feels very betrayed, but it quickly gets worse. See, Caius sees a golden opportunity here. He has the entire Cullen coven, overly large and overly gifted, under his roof along with Chelsea. Time to dismantle some bonds.

The Cullen falls apart in a disastrous manner that I can't even begin to contemplate. It may very well get me dead if it distracts Carlisle too much or if Edward manages to try to abort me in lovesick despair.

However, I may survive, Renesmee might survive, the Cullen coven just... doesn't.

[glorified-red]

Tim Drake SFW Headcanons

word count: 2610~

warnings: none

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Tim shows his love and affection through acts of service, tucking you in at night and making sure you come home safely because he doesn't trust Gotham streets. He does also use touch to show his affection, holding your hand in the car and giving you hugs whenever he can to show his love for you. He’s also touch starved as hell so he adores cuddles and being held by you or just feeling you in his arms, safe and sound.

B = Beginning (How would the relationship start?)

A relationship with Tim can start one of three ways. Meeting him at a gala or being apart of a neighboring wealthy family, meeting him as a fellow vigilante, or meeting him at Gotham Academy. The best way to get into a relationship with him is probably the middle/last way, if you can empathize with his night life he can immediately trust you with his secret and the relationship can be built off of trust. That being said I don't think Tim would enjoy having a s/o who is a vigilante just because he doesn’t like being constantly worried for your well-being or wondering if he’s ever gonna see you again because you got injured in the field. So, the best way is to meet him at school and become really good friends with him until he eventually trusts you with his identity.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Tim is touch starved as all hell, but he is a closeted cuddle bug. He never shies away from your touch so once you realized that and started to cuddle with him? He just can’t get enough of it, he constantly wants to feel your touch against him, the reassuring weight in his arms. Tim likes to hold you, you head leaning onto his chest, him placing tiny kisses onto the crown of your head. But after a rough patrol he won’t hesitate to face plant into your chest, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist. He loves when you play with his hair, it’ll immediately make him doze off.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) 

Tim had to take care of himself throughout his whole childhood, so he knows how to clean after himself and make a decent meal of Craft Mac and Cheese. He would love to settle down and eventually retire the ole cape and cowl but it doesn’t seem like it'll happen anytime soon for him, so if you’re patient with it? He’ll love you so much more.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Tim would hold off on breaking up with you for as long as possible, he might even just wait for you to break it off so he can take all the blame off of your shoulders. He values communication so he’d try to sit down and talk out what's not working with you so he can figure out the best way to move forward instead of wasting the whole relationship with a break up. If you try to talk him out of patrolling/vigilante-ing? That’s an immediate red flag for him.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

A marriage commitment just isn’t on the top of his to-do list/priority list right now. Maybe a few years down the line he’ll reconsider but he doesn't want to depend on a ring to show you how much he loves you. That being said, if there was a really close call for either of you he might just bite the bullet and tell you straight up that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, he won’t propose per se but it’ll give you the hint.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Very gentle, Tim has worked with many different victims of many different scenarios so he knows how to treat every emotional situation with delicacy to make sure you’re okay. He won't ever raise his voice at you unless you do something extremely reckless that could’ve gotten yourself killed. He’d much rather talk it out maturely to make sure both parties have time to speak. Physically he could never hurt you, he cares about you way too much to be anything but gentle and romantic with you.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Ah yes, Tim hugs. I went into detail about his hugs here but the abridged version is that Tim adores hugs. He loves longs hugs with you that eventually turn into cuddles, he loves the hugs where he can burry himself into your neck and forget about his burdens, he loves hugs where he can be goofy and fall into a fit of laughter with you. His hugs are warm and secure, a grounding moment for the both of you and he likes to hugs you whenever he can.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Tim isn’t the best with his words without blushing like crazy or stuttering so he tends to show his ‘I love you’ through acts instead. He won’t ever say the word to you until you say it first. After the first time he'd rather save the “I love you”s for special occasions.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Tim doesn’t get jealous per se, he just gets a little upset and passive-aggressive. Silently walking away until you come up to him and ask what's wrong, then he’ll just shrug it off because there's no use being jealous when he knows you love him. He just can't help it. You can usually get him out of his jealousy fit by giving him cuddles and reassure him that you still love him and won’t leave him.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Tim has a bunch of different kisses for a bunch of different situations. He loves forehead kisses to show his protection over you, he loves cheek kisses as a quick goodbye, he loves slow and romantic kisses with you to show his true depth of love, he love rough and needy kisses where he can bit against your lower lip. Tim loves to kiss your neck but he will melt if you kiss his jawline or the crown of his head.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Tim has learned to be great with kids to distract them from any traumatic event that had just happened to them or saying hi to his little fans whenever he sees them on patrol. It’s always so adorable being able to see Tim hoist a little kid up on his hip and talk to them as he walks away from a situation while Bruce talks to the parents. Tim always has a smile on his face whenever he sees a kid grab his cape or walk up to him, but he’s too scared to have any of his own just yet.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings are very rare with him because he's usually leaving for work or just getting back up from the cave. The few moments where Tim doesn’t have much to do, he would love to stay in bed with you hours after he woke up, just holding you in an attempt to fall back asleep. His bead head is adorable and his morning voice? Its hella attractive, rough around the edges with tiredness but low and sweet.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

You think mornings are rare with Tim? Nights are even rarer because he’ll be off to patrol by the time you head to bed and when he gets back he’ll be glued to his computer until morning. You can have “nighttime” with him but that usually involves dragging him to bed at 3pm and falling asleep with him in your arms. The only way to get Tim to sleep is by trapping him in your arms and not letting go until he gives up and settles into your hold.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Tim doesn't open up about his night life for awhile into the relationship, he needs to know he can trust you and the relationship you two have is genuine and real. Once he’s figured that out, he’ll sit you down privately and tell you he’s Red Robin and then give you the chance to ask any questions that you might have, opening himself up completely to you and trying to be as honest as possible.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Tim is very patient, he’s had to learn patience in the field when nothing happens for hours on end. He’s very slow to anger so if he does yell or lash out its for a very good reason. It’s like a second patience brain unlocked for him when you two got into a relationship because he is so patient with you about anything and everything, staying by your side through thick and thin, he only asks for the same patience and respect back.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Tim remembers every little detail about you, even if you mention it once offhandedly. He has a habit of writing things down so he doesn't get a chance to forget, he may even have a file dedicated to you about little nuisance things he’s learned about you. Tim has extremely good memory though so he can remember the exact necklace you wanted back in February so he can give it to you for Christmas. He can immediately recognize whenever you get a haircut/new perfume. 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite memory was when he finally bit the bullet and opened up to you about being Red Robin, he had worked himself up for weeks and it was eating him up inside so of course he wanted to finally be completely honest with you. So when you took in all the information and did nothing but welcome him with open arms? He melted so fast and felt so much love in that moment he couldn’t help but cry in relief, hugging you and thanking you over and over again for not being upset or mad at him. That moment was the deciding factor that really made Tim want to hang onto you for the rest of his life.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Tim is semi protective of you, he trusts that you can take care of yourself and don’t need him constantly breathing down your neck. However, he is very protective of you because he doesn't trust Gotham streets or the people in Gotham either. He has a habit of watching you walk home at night so he can make sure you make it back safely, and if he needs to step in he will. He can also be protective of you around his brothers, stepping in during brotherly quarrels so you don’t get caught up in the crossfire.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Tim does try his best when it comes to gifts, he’s more of the sentimental type, buying things that you express interest in rather than attempting to make something for you by himself. He sucks at wrapping gifts so he usually just puts them in a bag and pushes tissue paper inside. He remembers every date, anniversary, birthday, etc, and will make sure he saves some time for you which is the way he shows his effort, by clearing off time out of his busy schedule for you. 

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Tim has a really bad habit of being paranoid and having major trust issues. He has contingency plans for If you end up breaking up with him and even has a little paranoid bug in the back of his head that you are only with him because of his wealth or that he’ll loose you or that he isn't enough for you. None of these thoughts are ever really expressed to you but its pretty obvious that he can get insecure about the relationship, the best thing you can do is reassure him constantly and show him that the relationship is genuine through your actions.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Tim isn’t very concerned with his looks, sure he can be insecure about his body and attractiveness when compared to his brothers, but it just isn't a huge thing for him. He’s more insecure about his personality rather than his looks. He does put effort into how he looks when it matters and truly loves when you do the same, but he doesn't love you for looks he loves you for you. You being gorgeous was just a bonus to him.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Not really? Tim is very independent and can do well on his own so he won't feel ‘incomplete’ without you because he knows you're safe and okay. Whenever you’re in danger and he can't do anything about it, is really when Tim feels incomplete because you aren't safe, you aren't with him. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Tim talks to himself all. the. time. constantly muttering to himself while he works because his brain is flying at a million miles per hour. He often paces across his room and talks things out. You know the rubber duck decoding method? Where you talk to a rubber duck to figure out why there's a bug in your code? Yea he does that too, but to himself or you whenever you're in the room. He’ll just pace and turn to you and talk about things you can't even comprehend, so you just sit and listen.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Tim doesn't like it when you pull him away from an important case, he’s trying to save lives and if you try to drag him away he won't be too happy about it. It’s different if he’s updating criminal records or just going through cases but if he’s actually doing an important mission he will say no to you and expect you to respect that boundary. He also would be very off-put if you don't have a Coffee machine, he will drag you to Bed, Bath, and Beyond just to get you one.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Tim doesn't sleep, he averages at like 3 hours every two days, maybe less. He is constantly working so he hates to be selfish and sleep instead of solving a case and saving lives. He often drowns himself in coffee and Red Bulls just to stay awake, it isn't healthy at all so he does appreciate it when you remind him it’s okay to sleep.

Taglist ♡

@idkmanicantenglish

@anothertimdrakestan

[bigskydreaming]

seekingxanadu. tumblr. com/post/188448401716/ Unrelated, this I see sometimes from some D&d stans or Bruce-is-abusive campers, the need to replace Damian's bad punchy dad Bruce with good cuddly dad Dick. What's your dig on that? Like I get the need I have trash dad too, Dick has already done So Much for Dames, B still doesn't fight a whole lot to love his son.. Ignoring Ric completely, even if D was to adopt d, would B/ d allow it? Would T/S/J/C be his uncles n aunts? Is it legal? B's alive 😵

Okay, to preface this, the one thing I would kill for this fandom to have is like……chill when it comes to gooddadBruce/baddadBruce.

Because the thing is, there is no right or wrong answer here because this topic is always going to be deeply personal to pretty much everyone. Who doesn’t have issues with their parents to some degree, y’know? So with Bruce being one of the longest-existing and highest profile dads in comics, period, let alone an adoptive father of a found family anyone and everyone can kinda project themselves onto or imagine themselves a part of to varying degrees…..everyone kinda looks for different things from him, and his relationships with his family.

So some people just don’t want to deal with canon revolving around Bruce’s worse behaviors or fandom extrapolations of it…..because they came for good dad Bruce. That’s why they’re here. Whether or not they have good or bad relationships with their own parents, for one reason or another, they WANT the good, loving, doting Bruce Wayne who is an exemplary father to his kids, and they don’t want to touch or acknowledge canon that makes him otherwise, and that’s perfectly understandable. Forcing them to interact with abusive Bruce canon or fanon is kinda an asshole move, just because y’know….some people need the example and story of the good dad Bruce.

BUT.

At the same time, the reverse holds true. Some people are here for the rest of the family, not Bruce himself, and project themselves on his kids, and relate to the worse dynamics Bruce has with them, for whatever reason. And that deserves to be respected every bit as much as the former. Its equally an asshole move IMO to INSIST on good dad Bruce being the ‘only true Bruce’ because like it or not, the worse behaviors are canon too, and people are equally valid in acknowledging those for their own reasons, as others are in not wanting to interact with those parts of canon. That last part is key - I think its totally understandable and fair for people to not want to INTERACT with the parts of canon that have him being abusive…..but that is not the same thing as just flat out denying those parts exist and are valid for people to write about, or insisting that anyone who does so is just looking to bash or smear Bruce’s character.

Like, I get being defensive of a character, obviously. I get it in a BIG way….but there’s a way to do that without trampling over legitimate issues that people have with a character, even if they stem from writing that you yourself don’t particularly care to acknowledge. 

Because the thing that drives me up the wall on this subject is not people having radically opposite views of Bruce - because I get WHY people adhere to those radically opposite takes. No, the thing that drives me up a wall is when in order to adhere to their take, people engage in abuse apologism or kinda trample all over people who are just trying to work out their own issues with parental abuse via these characters as proxies.

For a fandom that talks as much about respecting peoples’ rights to write dark sexual fic as a coping mechanism, there’s a HUGE lack of respect for peoples’ right to write Bruce being abusive as a means to cope with and work through their own history with abusive parents. 

And that bugs. A SHIT TON.

And abuse apologism takes a ton of forms. Sometimes overt, sometimes not. Like, I’m all for people wanting good dad Bruce, like I said….and am more than willing to respect when they just don’t want to interact with something like Bruce punching one of his kids……but it becomes something totally different when they DO choose to interact with certain scenes of abusive behavior….and explain away or attempt to mitigate the wrongdoing by Bruce in those scenes. That’s abuse apologism, and its not cool, and I’m always going to call it out when I see it, because a lot of times people don’t even realize that’s what they’re doing and they need to. Abuse apologism is never acceptable IMO, and it always deserves pushing back against.

BUT then there are less overt forms of it too. And one of the biggest ‘subtle’ form of abuse apologism, and thus one of the more insidious, is blame shifting. And this is why you see me constantly harping on things like Spyral and also the Dick and Jason dynamic pre-A Death In the Family. 

Because see, Bruce was abusive to Dick in getting him to go undercover at Spyral. Plain and simple. And if people want to never write about that storyline or Forever Evil at all because of how Bruce was written there, I get that. The problem becomes when people DO still want to write about Spyral, DO still want to talk about Dick’s death and undercover operation AND his siblings being left in the dark (which only happened on Bruce’s insistence DESPITE Dick’s clear and active resistance to this idea)…..and DO still want to write about the cold reception Dick got from his family when he returned.

All without ever mentioning Bruce’s role in any of this, even though he had the DEFINITIVE role in this….because there’s no excusing his behavior, and people are aware of this….so they choose just not to acknowledge it, even mention it….WHILE still writing and touching on all the canon fallout that Dick was faced with….DUE to Bruce’s actions.

And this is blame-shifting. And it is a form of abuse apologism, because it basically shoves all of Bruce’s abuse under the carpet while Dick is left holding the bag that BRUCE should be stuck with…..and never will be, as long as his abusive actions aren’t acknowledged and addressed.

Basically, nobody in the story or the comments is even talking about Bruce and what he did….because everyone is busy focusing on what Dick supposedly did, and his role.

And as I’ve mentioned before….it doesn’t have to be this way. People can still write about Spyral AND avoid interacting with Bruce’s shitty writing in all that…..just….don’t shift the blame. Take out the parts where the rest of Dick’s family is left in the dark, just include a scene or two of him and Bruce bringing them in on the secret before Dick departs undercover without Bruce’s abusive manipulations forcing him into it….and bam, you get to keep most of the same story, you just don’t have to interact with Bruce’s abusive behavior…..you just also have to….not interact with the fallout and blame that was heaped on Dick BECAUSE canon refused to acknowledge Bruce’s abusive behavior either.

And I mention the Jason and Dick dynamic before the former’s death as being a case of this too, because I do believe the extreme EMPHASIS on how shitty Dick supposedly was to Jason back then, is unconsciously or not, an attempt at blame-shifting. Its one thing if people wanted to write that take here and there as a genuine attempt to explore the idea of ‘what if’ Dick had resented Jason instead of just resenting Bruce’s actions there, and taken it out on Jason, and that resulted in a strained relationship between the two brothers. Even though we never really saw anything like that happen in canon beyond like, the first two pages Dick and Jason ever interacted, where Dick actually made peace with him and gave him his blessing by the end of that very issue. Again, like, people have their own reasons for exploring different family dynamics, and maybe someone wants to work out their issues with a strained sibling relationship via Dick and Jason. That’s valid.

But the extreme insistence on that specific take on Dick and Jason back then, throughout almost all of fandom, for years and years on end, without any canon backing any of that up AND all of that at the same time that the REASONS for Dick’s resentment and strained relationship with Bruce are barely even acknowledged in these same stories…….that’s when it starts to look a lot like abuse apologism to me instead.

Because its like the Spyral thing. Blame-shifting shifts focus. Nobody’s gonna be talking about the shitty things Bruce did to Dick in all of that, that someone who adheres to a ‘good dad Bruce’ take doesn’t want to interact with or address…..when everybody is busy focusing on the shitty things Dick supposedly did to Jason in this fanon take instead. See? 

And voila, Bruce taking away Robin from Dick, giving it to Jason without even asking Dick or acknowledging what it meant to him, adopting Jason even while Dick remained estranged and at arm’s length and with Bruce making no attempt to close that gap or take any initiative there….all of that conveniently gets swept under the rug, because all of that is sympathetic to Dick, and nobody’s really looking to be sympathetic to Dick when they’re busy examining how Dick wasn’t sympathetic to Jason’s situation in all of that. 

To be fair, you can split hairs and argue about my use of abuse apologism here as Bruce’s actions at that point aren’t as definitively abusive as moments like where he punches one of his kids, though I still argue he was at least emotionally abusive at that point in time. But I maintain its still all the same basic mindset and approach to keeping Bruce in the good dad camp, and thus I include it here. 

Perhaps a better example would be when people acknowledge the distance between Bruce and Dick after Jason’s death, and how and why Tim had to be the one to ask Dick to come back…..but never addressing the fact that in canon, Dick DID come back after Jason’s death, despite the fact that things were still very tense and strained between them even just before that happened….and Dick DID take the initiative in reaching out to Bruce and closing that gap between them so they could be there for each other, grieve together….and the only reason he was so distant and removed when Tim sought him out was because Bruce was literally abusive in response to Dick reaching out….he blamed Dick for Jason’s death, punched him and kicked him out. THAT was why Dick was a city away while Bruce was enacting a slow-burning deathwish in Gotham…because Dick had already TRIED being there and Bruce threw it in his face in a definitively abusive way that Dick had every right and justification in retreating from…..

So again….it becomes a kind of blame-shifting when you elevate Dick as being equally responsible for the distance between them at that point, that Tim bridged…..while refusing to acknowledge WHY that distance existed, and that Tim’s bridge wouldn’t have been needed if Bruce had just accepted Dick’s attempt at peace between them when he came to mourn Jason with him, instead of responding with abuse.

And this is my big gripe with fandom on the good dad Bruce vs bad dad Bruce score, and always will be….the various forms of abuse apologism it concocts to avoid ACKNOWLEDGING Bruce’s abusive moments in canon rather than just saying “I don’t wish to interact with this because its not what I’m here for, its not what I look for in stories about Bruce and his family.” Especially when this is further alienating to people just trying to examine the abusive dynamics for their own personal reasons, as people assume or insist that they’re really just attempting to smear or bash Bruce or diminish other peoples’ liking of his character.

Because again, like with Spyral….none of the blame-shifting is necessary, if the only true aim is just to avoid interacting with abusive Bruce canon, and adhere to the good dad take on him. 

Apologies to @goldkirk for bringing them into a post they might not want to be connected to, and I’ll happily edit out if requested, but I bring them up purely because I think they’re an excellent example of an ideal way to handle this…..their Tim-centric series on Ao3 involves Dick as Nightwing and Jason as Robin still, is set firmly in that time period…..and yet handily avoids interacting with any of the negative writing around Bruce at that period and writing him as a pretty exemplary dad…..BUT AT THE SAME TIME…..feels no need to shift that blame anywhere else, in an attempt to sweep all that under the rug. Bruce, Dick and Jason have a great relationship in that series. There’s no need to point the finger at anyone, because in that series’ canon, nothing blame-worthy ever happened on ANY side. There’s no conflict between Dick and Jason because there’s no NEED for conflict between them, to distract from conflict between Bruce and Dick….because none of that exists either. Its all just….snipped out of the tapestry, and it works, because THERE’S NO REASON FOR IT NOT TO.

And it really is that simple. But people make it a lot more complicated than that, and that’s where abuse apologism creeps in, and when a lot of the people writing and reading bad dad Bruce stories and headcanons are only doing so not because they want to hate Bruce and hate on him, but because they’re trying to legitimately explore and work out various feelings about abusive parent/child relationships……seeing constant abuse apologism paired with script-flipping that puts them on the defensive as they’re kinda grouped together as just ‘not getting the real Bruce/Batman’ or ‘just wanting to bash his character’……like….yeah. That’s gonna result in divisiveness.

And now, bringing it back to your actual question…….the point of all this is I imagine my answer probably isn’t the one you’re looking for personally. The thing is, I write a lot of extremely critical stuff about Bruce…..but that doesn’t mean I actually want a cutting of ties between him and his kids, or Dick adopting Damian because its better for Damian than being with Bruce. That take is valid, for people who want to explore it for whatever reason. Its not the take I want though, and that’s not to say its right or wrong, or I’m right or wrong for that….its just….personal. I view a lot of Bruce’s actions and behaviors as abusive, and think his kids deserve better…..but I focus on all of that because I want Bruce to BE better for them. To BE what they deserve. I want to examine and explore how he can get from some of the shitty things he’s done to them, to a place where he learns and grows and apologizes and DOES BETTER.

Like, my TMI self has not been shy about the fact that yeah, I grew up in an abusive and neglectful family and I did cut ties with them, like….well years ago, now, at this point. And I’ll never get closure for that because its not really….closure. Its just a choice I made to protect myself when I realized nothing was ever going to change, but it was never what I WANTED, it was just….the end result of a lack of other options. Of better options.

With fiction, with the Batfamily…..I can take a story that’s somewhat similar to mine, and give it a different ending. The ending I wanted, but could never get, because ultimately I only had control over my own actions and choices. With fiction, I can control the actions and choices of a character I relate to as a proxy, like Dick…AND those of Bruce, the ‘problem element’ in their relationship. I can write him seeing his actions as abusive, acknowledging this, addressing this, GROWING, putting in the work on himself, his own actions and mindsets, and dedicating himself to being the parent his kids deserve, the parent they want him to be….because they don’t actually WANT to cut ties with him. 

I can see how that story unfolds instead, of course….but its a story that unfolds only when Dick thinks there’s no other options left for giving Damian the childhood he deserves. Its a story worth telling, certainly….its just not the story I want to tell. And there’s no right or wrong there, its just a matter of shaping the story to be what you need it to be, to give you the ending you need to read or write or imagine.

So that’s my big long spiel that’s been a long time coming, about my over-all stance on good dad Bruce or bad dad Bruce, and what it takes to give his kids like Dick and Damian, the happy ending they deserve. *Shrugs* It just comes down to your personal preference, as to the form that happy ending takes, and just….finding a path to it. For me, I can’t really headcanon the direction your ask takes, because its not the happy ending I’m looking for, for them. 

Doesn’t make the Dick adopts Damian and they go live elsewhere while Jason and Tim and Cass are Damian’s aunt and uncles slash siblings and its messy and weird but it works…..like, it doesn’t make that happy ending invalid or impossible, or even unlikely. 

Its just I have specific things that draw me to this family, personally, and the ending I’m looking for and need is the one where Bruce owns up to his worst canon behaviors and puts his kids first and dedicates himself to becoming the father they deserve with the same drive he used to make himself one of the premiere superheroes on a planet populated by superhumans and gods.

But to get there, the actual abuse needs to be acknowledged, ADMITTED TO, and addressed. There’s no hop, skip and a jump straight to the magical land of good dad Bruce, for me personally, because that would defeat the point, be contrary to what I’m looking for. But acknowledging and even focusing on the abuse doesn’t mean that I’m looking for an UNHAPPY ending for Bruce, or a parting of the ways between him and his kids…….bottom line, its all messy, and complicated and nuanced and PERSONAL…..and that is what I desperately wish for this fandom to get on board with.

There is no good dad Bruce and no bad dad Bruce, because there’s just Bruce, the fictional character who does what he’s written to do, for whatever reasons his writers write him doing those things. And people aren’t doing it wrong by focusing on the opposite camp of whichever one we fall into personally…..its just that what’s right for us isn’t necessarily right for them, and vice versa.

AND THAT’S OKAY.

Just as long as people….like….LET it be okay, and just find ways to be okay with it.

Anyway, lol, that’s my take on all of that, which at least was part of your ask, soooooooo…..enjoy the rest of the spaghetti I threw at this wall here, I guess? LOL.