#you know for someone who said 'instead of a lengthy rant have this' i sure talked a lot anyway lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shuahoonie · 4 years

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holidays with tom [tom holland]

PAIRING: tom holland x female!reader

SUMMARY: life isn’t exactly back to normal. with another lockdown in place and the holiday season is vastly approaching, you and tom are stuck in quarantine with each other the problem? there was supposed to be at least 5 of you in that house and tom is the last person you want to be with. shouldn’t be too bad right?

WARNINGS: in no particular order swearing—err foul language lmao, sexual innuendos, things get heated but not that much??? exuding sexual tension but also fluff??? alcohol consumption, a series of bad decisions??? idk writing this made me experience the 5 stages of grief tbh lmao it’s not that bad I promise lmao

WORD COUNT: 6.9k!

A/N: hello and happy new year! I was supposed to post this during Christmas Day but guess who got into a writing rut—yet again. I didn’t want to abandon this because I actually had fun writing it. I hope you all had a festive and safe holiday. I know things have been hard but I still hope you guys enjoyed the holiday.

2020 has finally came to an end and we’re all ending it the same way when the pandemic started—staying at home, hopefully following the appropriate health measures. I can only hope that 2021 is a brighter and hopeful year for all of us.

stay safe, sending u all my love.

gif credits: @underoos-shield

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Two hours. It’s been two hours since you found out that you were going to spend your holidays alone. You were aware that you weren’t going to spend your holidays with your family as you normally would, embracing the fact that working in a different country whilst in the middle of a pandemic was going to be challenging.

Working in the film industry, constantly visiting sets while still living in a pandemic means that you threw away your chances of being home for the holidays. However, you weren’t entirely the only one who shares a similar struggle.

“We should still do something for Christmas, you know,” Tom muttered as he watched you lay down on the sofa, your head is supported by the armrest.

See—it should’ve been you, Ophelia, Alex, William, and Tom in that AirBnB, not just you and Tom.

The five of you reside abroad, however, you all had to fly to Los Angeles for work. You all collectively knew that it would be irresponsible to fly home for the holidays and it wouldn’t make any sense as you would all fly back for work anyway.

The five of you had a brilliant idea of renting an AirBnB for the holidays since you were all in each other’s personal and work bubble anyway. Obviously, the three of them bailed as they’ve decided to stay with their partners instead, leaving you and Tom alone—which is the last thing you’ve wanted.

“There’s just us two, Tom,” You replied as you sent a lengthy text to Ophelia, telling and reminding them about what happened between you and Tom. “I’m not entirely sure if it’s worth anything if we did plan on doing something remotely festive.”

There are four more days till Christmas and if you were being honest, the last time you felt festive was on the 18th of December...of 2019.

“Surely there’s something we can do, right?” Tom’s optimism still shined beneath him. “This year has already been shitty enough, we don’t need to feed more into that.”

The three dots bubble immediately popped up on your message thread with Ophelia as soon as you sent your passive-aggressive rant. Your focus was now on your phone.

Suddenly, Tom’s face appeared on top of yours—his face was definitely close enough that it’s not CDC approved. He was standing on side of the sofa, both of his palms planted against the armrest as he loomed over you.

“What do you and your family do during Christmas?” He dared to ask as if he wasn’t towering over you.

Your eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. “Uh—give each other personal space?” You answered out of sheer reflex. You always had a problem with keeping your mouth shut, especially when it sounds rude to other people. In your defence, being unable to do so has helped you put people back in place.

To be fair, you were used to people standing at least 6 ft away from you ever since the pandemic started.

Tom’s cheeks went bright red. “’m sorry,” He apologized, giving you a shy smile and scratched the back of his neck. You muttered a quick apology too, for acting so rashly.

You rose from your position and sat upright instead. “Well, we never do anything special during Christmas,” You said as you threw your hair into a bun. “We usually just go to the movies on Christmas Day because that’s the only thing you can do back when life was normal.”

Tom nodded understandingly as if he was taking this into account. Now you were curious.

“Do you guys do anything special for Christmas?” You asked him.

“Well, on Christmas Day, we would usually just lounge around the house and use it as a chance for me and my family to catch up,” Tom replied. “However, on Christmas Eve, my mum always made sure my brothers and I would have this scavenger hunt to look for our gifts—It’s really fun, actually.” Tom smiled sadly.

You could easily see how Tom was genuinely broken about not being able to be around his family over the holidays. Heck—he really just misses his family. But who wouldn’t? Britney Spears didn’t sing the line “my loneliness is killing me” for nothing.

“I’m sorry,” was all you could say. Aside from biting your tongue, being able to easily comfort people was one of your weaknesses too.

“Oh, there’s nothing to be sorry about, darling.” Tom quickly dismissed the genuine heartbreak he was trying to hide. “We’re all making sacrifices and we chose to be responsible for the benefit of other people.”

“Yeah, I know.” You said softly. “We’ll just try our best to make something out of this holiday season. I mean—we have to or else we’ll welcome 2021 with a fresh face of misery.”

“I’m sorry!” Ophelia pouted at the screen as they mindlessly walked around their partner’s place, something that most people do when they’re on the phone with someone. “I genuinely forgot about what happened between you and Tom.”

“Well, Ollie, it seems like you weren’t the only one.” You replied, adjusting your glasses. Tom seems to be genuinely fine around you, no awkward tensions or anything. If anything, it’s just you who feels weird around him. “But I guess that’s a good thing right?”

Ophelia forced a smile but they couldn’t, for the life of them, say anything about it.

“Oh my god,” You sighed “Seriously, Ollie?”

“It’s just—how could he forget?! You were literally on top of him as I recall and that very much left a permanent image on my mind. I—You know, I really tried my best to forget that ever existing in my mind. So really, if anything, it’s your fault.” Ophelia rambled on.

“I—I wasn’t on top of him. That’s absurd! I was merely pressed against him” You said defensively, in which Ophelia just laughed atrociously. “Why am I friends with you again?!” You asked rhetorically, bewildered by the fact that you two lasted this long.

“First of all, that is a hate crime. Second, I’m cool—like everyone wants to be my friend and you should be glad that I gave you the privilege to be even on a nickname basis as me.”

You rolled your eyes at them. Despite the never-ending banter, you were grateful to have Ophelia as your friend.

“But seriously, Y/N,” Ophelia said, “You can always just stay with me and Ericka. She’ll be glad to have you over for the holidays.”

“Ollie, as much as I love spending time with you two—I can’t stand being a third-wheel, especially when it comes to the both of you. You two are inseparable when you’re together.” You replied. “I appreciate the offer though.” You smiled at her.

“I’m just saying—” Ophelia replied, shrugging her shoulder. “Unless you and Tom really want to have the house by yourselves.” They sang teasingly.

“Ophelia!” You gasped.

“What?” They feigned innocence. “I gave you an option to stay with us! Plus, I know Alex and Will are would’ve asked you to stay with them if they had any idea what happened between you two.”

“I can’t leave him!” You started to whisper “Tom seems genuinely bummed being here. I can’t just do that to him.”

It’s as if a light came on inside them. Ophelia started to smirk and you recognized that smirk from anywhere. For christ’s sake, their eyes twinkled like Christmas lights. It drove you nuts. “I fucking knew it.”

“What?”

“You like him don’t you?!” They teased, but all you could do was blush.

“I do not!” You denied it as you could still feel the burning heat emitting from your cheeks.

“His tongue is that good huh?” Ophelia decided to pry even further. They clearly find enjoyment as you squirmed your way out of this conversation.

“Bitch, I am ending this call.” That was all you could say. Even if you did find a smart retort, it was no use, especially with Ophelia. They can see right through you and there’s no point in trying to hide it.

“Honestly, Y/N, we’re living through a pandemic. If there’s any time to make any rash decisions, it’s now. Go get that dick, bih—”

You drowned out whatever Ophelia was trying to say with your goodbyes and proceeded to end the call. The one time you asked your friend to be serious and they come up with this.

So—what really happened with you and Tom?

It was two years ago. You were at a party that you didn’t even plan on attending. However, you were dragged by Ophelia and their partner, Ericka—your new friends in the area. You couldn’t say no to them, they were your first friend in LA!

You thought about it though, saying no. But when you got a message from your friend back in Canada sending a photo of your boyfriend ex-boyfriend (the same guy who had ghosted you ever since you moved to LA), swapping spits with another girl, you suddenly had the strong urge to drink until you die of alcohol poisoning.

You were burning with anger that you really felt tears pricking your eyes. You were so close to crying or punching someone—whichever comes first.

One thing’s for sure, though, you weren’t going to cry over a man. So what did you do? “Ophelia, where’s the booze?!” You asked your friend whose eyes nearly popped out of their head.

Well, you weren’t really going to punch a stranger. Though you felt this burning sense of violence, it’d be much more satisfying to punch the living daylights out on your ex.

“Y/N, honey, are you alright?” That line always puts on the waterworks, no? Ophelia was clearly concerned about your newfound thirst for alcohol.

You furiously wiped the tears off your face. “Um just found out my boyfriend—er ex-boyfriend, who stopped talking to me as soon as I moved here, is seeing someone else now? I don’t know, am I allowed to feel angry when I don’t even know if we’re still together as soon I moved? Fuck—” You tried to explain as you wiped every tear that left your eyes.

“Oh—of course, hon.” Ericka who handed you a drink. You weren’t exactly sure what it is, but you knew it has alcohol in it and that’s all that matters. You gulped the entire thing and you wanted more. “Y/N, you need to slow down.”

“Are you sure you want to stay? I mean we can crash at our place, eat take-outs, watch movies and be totally disconnected from the world.” Ophelia suggested, but you shook your head furiously.

“No, I—I’m ok.” You answered “I can’t let the both of you be stuck in misery with me. I need this. I’ll get drunk and if I'm up for it, I’ll hook up with someone. It’s not a healthy coping method but I really want this night to be a series of bad decisions. I don’t want to be myself, even just tonight.”

So that’s what you did. You were going from one drink to another in record time. Both Ophelia and Ericka kept an eye on you, just in case someone tried to take advantage of your drunken state.

You were talking to some guy you met in the kitchen, one thing led to another and next thing you knew, you were making out with this dude in someone’s bathroom. Ophelia and Ericka were drunk enough to pester the guy you were making out with but not drunk

As you were propped on top of the sink and your legs wrapped around his waist, you felt every bit of his lips explore the side of your neck as his hands explored every inch of your body. With his hand under your shirt and his fingers tracing every part of your skin, it just reminded you of how lonely you were.

Here you were, a thousand miles away from home, all alone just so you could do the one thing you really love. Your family would sometimes call to check up on you but it just wasn’t the same. Your ex tried to guilt you into staying in Canada, but you couldn’t do that. You love what you do and you love yourself too.

You were willing to risk everything, even if happiness came at a price.

Now you were crying, and the guy you were making out with definitely noticed.

“I’m sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?” He asked as he pulled down your shirt.

“No—no, I’m just—” You tried to calm yourself down. “I’m not sure if I want to do this anymore.”

“That’s alright,” He mumbled wiping the tears off your face. “Do you want to talk about it? You seem rattled.”

“It’s just I’m so tired of pretending everything is alright—that I’m okay being alone, that I don’t need anyone. But it’s just so hard because I’m—” You sobbed “I’m so fucking lonely. I’m so tired of being alone.”

The guy tucked the stray piece of hair behind your ears as he carefully wiped your tears with his thumb. He was just silent as he listened to you sob.

“I’m sorry, I know you definitely didn’t come to this party to watch a complete stranger cry over something stupid.” You couldn’t even look him in the eye, you were embarrassed as this was the first time you felt really vulnerable—especially in front of a stranger.

“No, you’re alright.” He tried to console you “I think that’s the beauty in strangers, no? You can act and do whatever you want in front of them because there’s a slim chance you’ll ever see them again.”

You were definitely drunk enough that trying to make sense of who the person was a struggle enough of itself. You tried your best to look at the guy but your vision was getting hazy and you could feel your head thumping that focusing made you feel like you want to crack your head in half.

A loud knock on the door caused you two to jump. “I’m coming in,” Ophelia yelled and opened the door. Ophelia looked at the guy for a while, trying to make sense of who he was before their eyes widened. “I remember now—You’re Tom Holland.”

Imagine your surprise when you found out that you were going to work with Tom Holland for a while. You tried your best to avoid Tom at work but of course, that didn’t work out. He never brought up what happened between you two and you assumed he probably forgot all about it.

You tried to rationalize that he meets a lot of people every day. Surely, one failed hook-up wasn’t worth remembering (especially with alcohol involved) and you held on to that.

At least that’s what makes you sleep at night and also one of the reasons why you considered spending the holidays with him. However, you were also expecting your crew friends to stay with you and not just Tom.

“Y/N, did you like the gift? It’s from me and Ericka!” Ophelia asked. It was the next day and you two were just chatting on FaceTime. You were sorting out your closet out of sheer boredom. You figured if you were going to stay here for three weeks, the least you could do was sort your clothes out.

You stared at the neatly wrapped box that Ophelia and Ericka dropped off earlier this morning. “I haven’t opened it yet.” You said as you showed them the box. “I wanna open it till Christmas.”

“Oh my god, just open it. Christmas doesn’t exist this year, babe.” Ophelia waved their hand, encouraging you to open it.

“Fine,” You gave in. You opened the box and saw a very lush and well-made lingerie set. “Ophelia, what the fuck” You gasped. You held out the lingerie in front of the camera.

“Y/N, I definitely outdid myself this time.” Ophelia sighed happily, staring at the screen. “Try it on!”

“Ollie, this is gorgeous but when am I ever going to use this?” You asked holding it out on your body and looking at the mirror.

“Uh—you’re stuck at home with your failed but also potential hookup,” Ollie suggested, wiggling their eyebrows. “Who knows what might happen?”

You rolled your eyes at them. “Bold of you assume that something might happen.”

“Something won’t happen if you don’t try that one,” Ophelia said. “C’mon, I wanna see.”

You shook your head and went out of frame in order to strip off your clothes. You tried on the lingerie—it’s a black lace teddy with a very exposing back. IT fit you perfectly—it accentuated your figure and definitely showed off your boobs. You weren’t really fond of showing off your body but you still tried your best to show it to your friend.

“What do you think?” You asked, stepping back to the frame.

“You look gorgeous, babe!” Ophelia squealed. “I knew I made the right choice with black.”

“I still don’t know where I should wear this though—” You were stopped mid-sentence when your door swung open.

“I know what we’re doing this—Oh shit. I’m so sorry,” Tom stood there, frozen, his eyes widened and immediately shut the door.

You couldn’t even say anything. You were frozen in shock.

“Was that Tom?” Ophelia asked from the call, briefly forgetting that you were talking to them through FaceTime.

You nodded slowly, unable to talk.

“What did he think?” Ophelia asked excitedly.

You snapped out of this haze. “Ollie,” you groaned. “I think he was mentally scarred.

“What do you mean scarred? You look great!” Ophelia said, appalled. “If he doesn’t think you look banging in that lingerie then it’s his loss.”

“I gotta go, I need to change.” You said, bidding Ophelia goodbye. “Thanks for the gift, Ollie. Tell Ericka thanks too.”

You ended the call and changed into comfier clothes. You couldn’t help but wonder how on earth you’re going to face Tom now that he’s seen you practically naked. Well, it’s not like that’s a new sight. He did see you with your bra on when you were making out in the bathroom that one time. But still!

Are you actually going to spend your Christmas in your room?

It was the next day and there are only two more days till Christmas. You spent the entirety of last night in your room after the incident between you and Tom.

You were about to make yourself some coffee when you found Tom in the kitchen, making tea for himself. You stood there frozen, wondering if you were going to proceed to the kitchen or just run back to your room since Tom hasn’t noticed you—

“Oh—good morning, Y/N.” So close.

You smiled at Tom and said, “Good morning, Tom.”

You grabbed a coffee pod and waited for the Keurig to make your coffee. You leaned back against the counter and fiddled with your phone—all in the hopes that things move quickly and for this awkward tension to be over.

Honestly, why were you so worked up about it? People have seen you in a bikini before and that’s no different from lingerie. If anything, lingerie is itchier and has lace. You should be able to feel confident in your own body and you shouldn’t have to mind what other people think of it. It’s yours alone and it’s your opinion that should matter—

“I’m terribly sorry about last night, Y/N.” Tom apologized, sincerity was written all over his face. “I should’ve knocked and I just got so bloody excited about what we can do over Christmas—but that’s no excuse for what I’ve done. What I did was incredibly intrusive and you deserve a proper apology.”

“Tom, I—”

“I wanted to apologize last night—over dinner—but you didn’t come down to eat, so I figured you didn’t want to talk. “ He rambled on.

“Tom—”

“But even then I should’ve asked you to come down and eat dinner because that’s what any decent human would do! And yet I didn’t. God—I’m just doing one wrong thing after another—”

“Tom, listen to me.”

“Hm?” He finally snapped out and looked at you in the eyes.

“It’s okay. It was an honest mistake and you sincerely apologized, and for me, that’s enough.” You smiled softly at him. “So—what’s this thing you planned over Christmas?”

“I was thinking we could do both our family traditions over the next two days. My family and I usually do a roast dinner and open our Christmas stockings on Christmas Eve. Then on the 25th, we can watch movies all day just like you do with your family.” Tom grinned, clearly satisfied with his plan. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s a great idea,” You smiled “However, I don’t think we have any ingredients for a roast dinner and we don’t really have Christmas stockings. Well—I don’t have any Christmas stockings and stocking stuffers.”

“That’s true,” Tom mumbled “But I have to do the food shopping anyway. We’re running low on food and I couldn't really book one of those online delivery things that most groceries now offer.”

You nodded. “Okay, so I guess I have to get the house sorted then.”

When you two first arrived in this AirBnB a few days ago, it had already been decorated for Christmas. It had a massive tree in the living room decorated with stunning and intricately-themed ornaments. Christmas garlands were wrapped around the stair-bannisters and foliages were placed by the fireplace and the tables.

All you really had to do was clean the place—do a bit of vacuuming and get things nice and neat for Christmas. It didn’t take you too long to do it too. It had only been a couple of minutes since Tom left to do the food shopping and you prayed to the gods that he doesn’t get too much attention whilst out.

You figured you might as well do some last-minute shopping while Tom was out, so you can grab gifts for him as well. After all, this whole thing was orchestrated by Tom and you don’t even have anything to give him for his stockings.

You arrived at your AirBnB a tad later than Tom. He was in the kitchen putting things away when he saw you walk through the door.

“Ah, I was wondering whether I spooked you with my plan,” Tom commented, making you chuckle and roll your eyes.

“Trust me, I would’ve made it very obvious if you did.” You replied, earning a laugh from Tom. “I went out to do my last-minute shopping. Granted, it’s not ideal since we’re still living through a pandemic, but there’s not actually that many people where I went to considering it’s the Christmas rush.”

You made sure to hide the stuff you bought using the handmade tote bags that a friend gave you for your birthday. No retail bags, no clue. “How did you survive the groceries? I bet it’s busy out there.”

“Yeah, it was.” Tom chuckled, scratching the back of his head. “Remind me to never do that again for Christmas.”

“Sure,” You said, “That is if I spend another Christmas with you.” You said jokingly, hoping that Tom didn’t find that rude.

“You’ll never know,” Tom shrugged. “What if you liked our Christmas this year and you’d be begging to spend Christmas with me and my family in London,” Tom smirked, playing along.

“Yeah, right.” You scoffed playfully, crossing your arms. “If anyone’s begging, it’s going to be you.”

Tom stepped closer, “Wanna bet?” He whispered, a teasing look in his eyes. “Whoever has the most fun during our respective holiday traditions would have to spend the holidays with them next year.”

“Oh, you’re on, Holland.” You took a step closer. “We will both film our holidays for the entire two days and then we’ll ask Ophelia, Alex, and Will to vote whoever looks like they had the most fun.”

“Okay,” Tom nodded “But no editing! We’ll give them raw footage so there are no chances of tampering.”

You laughed but you agreed anyway. “Of course, we’ll give them hours of footage. The least we could do is make them sit through hours of content after they ditched us all alone on the holidays.”

Tom gave a broad smile. “Let the festivities begin.”

It was the 24th of December—Christmas Eve. You spent the entirety of last night wrapping Tom’s presents for later. Not that you despise Christmas, but it’s been a while since you were actually excited to celebrate it. It was pretty clear that the magic of Christmas dies once you grow up.

Today was different; you were looking forward to whatever Tom has installed for tonight.

You went downstairs to make some breakfast only to be greeted by Tom blasting Christmas music and preparing some ingredients for breakfast in the kitchen.

“Good morning, Y/N, happy Christmas Eve,” Tom greeted with a huge grin. “Say, hi to the camera.”

“Oh, we’re starting this early, huh?” You asked, putting your hair into a loose ponytail.

“Why of course, we have to make the best out of this,” Tom said, holding the camera to your face. “I made you coffee.” Tom handed you a cup of coffee.

“Are you using my love for coffee as an advantage?” You tried to hide your smile while drinking your coffee.

“Obviously not,” Tom feigned his innocence. “I obviously did not know you were obsessed with coffee—it’s not like I don’t see you on set without one.” He mumbled in which you definitely heard, giving him a smack on the head. “Ow! I’m kidding.” He laughed.

You rolled your eyes at him. “So, what’s for breakfast?”

“We’re going to make french crèpes,” Tom replied and propped the camera on the kitchen island, facing the two of you.

“Do you know how to make french crèpes?” You asked, washing your hands.

Tom blinked, almost trying to decide whether he wants to be honest or impressive. “Do you know how to make french crèpes?” He returned the question.

“Oh honey, my mom resents me in the kitchen.” You replied, taking a sip from your coffee. “But you know, I manage.” You murmured.

“That’s giving me a lot of hope, darling, thank you.” He said half-heartedly.

“Shut up,” You nudged him playfully, rolling your eyes. “Tom, honestly, most of the footage is just us bantering for 20 minutes.”

“To be fair, that’s part of the fun.” Tom smiled. “Okay, I think you just mix all of these in a bowl. Start with the dry ingredients first.” He said, looking at the recipe on his phone.

“Okay, that shouldn’t be too hard,” You commented pouring the ingredients into the bowl. As you started all of the ingredients together, you noticed small lumps forming in the batter. “Tom, did you sift the dry ingredients by chance?”

“You were supposed to sift it?” He asked, completely clueless.

You nodded slowly. Panic was now clearly painted on his face. “I’m sure we’ll be fine.” You tried to reassure him.

It was not fine. The first time you two tried to pour the batter in the pan, you burnt the entire thing. It’s not even the cute, lightly burnt crepe. It was activating the smoke alarm-burnt crepe.

The next one was pancake-like. The next one after that had pocket flours on the crepes because you two didn’t sift your dry ingredients beforehand. You ran out of the batter when you two finally got the consistency right—you managed to get one proper crepe from the entire batter.

“I feel like Sam would probably curse me out as soon as he finds out I fucked up a simple crepe,” Tom said, delicately filling the crepe with creme and berries. “My brother’s done so well in culinary school.” He cut a piece with his fork and brought it to your mouth.

“Well, you can’t have everything.” You said taking a bite out of the crepe. “This is better than the last one.”

Tom nodded, taking a bite of it himself. “It’s not as tasty as Sam’s but I’ll take it.”

“Now, I’m curious as to what your brother’s cooking tastes like.” You commented taking another bite from the crepe.

“I guess I’ll just take you home to London to find out,” Tom teased with an annoying grin.

“As long as I’m being fed, I’m fine with it.” You remarked. What in god’s name are you are you two playing?!

The day rolled by very quickly. It was already evening when you finished wrapping the presents for your friends. You plan on dropping it off tomorrow before you persuade Tom to glue yourselves on the couch for the entire day.

You grabbed all of Tom’s gifts—Christmas stocking included— when you went downstairs, only to be greeted by someone yelling at Tom through his phone.

“I did everything right, Sam. I don’t know why you’re yelling.” Tom yelled back at his phone. His back was turned against you as he was putting away the pots and pans that he used.

You quietly walked up behind him and said calmly, “Why are you yelling?”

Tom probably jumped six feet away from you, making you laugh. You always forget that he gets scared easily. “Holy shit, don’t scare me like that, Y/N.” Tom breathed out, putting a hand over his chest.

“I’m sorry,” You said whilst laughing. “I promise I won’t do it again.” Tom rolled his eyes, murmuring something about you being insincere about it.

“Please do it again!” You heard, whom you assume is Sam, say from the background. You looked at Tom’s phone that’s propped on the island and saw his brothers on FaceTime.

You beamed at them. “Any recommendations?” You asked, hearing Tom groan behind you.

“Well, he hates—”

“This is the last thing I want in 2020, for my brothers and Y/N to conspire against me,” Tom said loudly on purpose, drowning his brothers' voices.

“Tom, don’t be rude. Let your brothers finish—” Tom put his hand against your mouth.

“I’ll call you guys later,” Tom said “Wave goodbye, Y/N.” He used his free hand to grab your hand and forced a wave towards his brothers. The call soon came to an end and you could only roll your eyes at Tom. You seem to do that a lot around him. You also do a lot of that when you try to hide your feelings towards a person you like but that’s beside the point.

“So are we going to have dinner first or are we going to do presents first?” You asked fixing your Christmas sweater, a gift from your parents since you and your family usually wear matching sweaters for Christmas. “Or are you the type to wait until Christmas Day to open presents?”

“We can do the Christmas stockings after dinner tonight, then do the presents tomorrow, if you’d like,” Tom answered with his arms crossed.

You shrugged, telling him it doesn’t matter since you don’t really go all out on Christmas. Your family on the other hand—the house is always full of people, especially since most of your extended family are usually around during the holidays. You had this ongoing game you made for yourself whether or not you’ll be able to greet everyone with the number of people in the house.

You could only guess how quiet your family’s Christmas is going to be. You definitely needed to call your parents later.

“Is the sweater that itchy, Y/N?” You heard Tom ask, breaking away from your thoughts.

“Huh?” You asked, confused. You didn’t even notice that you’ve been scratching yourself subconsciously.

“You’ve been scratching yourself since I saw you.” Tom said, chuckling. “It’s a cute sweater on you.”

You smirked. “That reminds me—I got something for you, Tom.” Tom raised his brow as you grabbed the bag you stashed behind the tree. “Actually my parents got this for you. A little thank you gift apparently for having the tolerance to stay with me over the holidays—as if you had a choice.” You mumbled the last part.

Tom curiously opened the bag and there revealed a matching sweater such as yours. This year’s sweater was green and had red tinsel all over it, probably the reason why you’re itchy. The real kicker is that—

“No way,” Tom gasped “It lights up?!” He asked laughing. It lights up.

“Yeah, I don’t recommend turning that on. I did it earlier and I’m pretty sure I was about to combust—it’s a real fire hazard.” You replied, enjoying the genuine joy that Tom is showing on his face.

“Oh but we have to turn the lights on when we take pictures,” He commented as he put on the sweater. “Thanks, Y/N.” He said softly, surprising you with a hug.

It’s the first real physical contact that you two had ever since that night when you made out and you were pretty adamant that people were just making up this notion of having butterflies in their stomach—they weren’t.

Tom’s roast dinner went surprisingly well. You kept teasing him that it’s Sam that you had to thank because you knew that Tom wouldn’t last in the kitchen without his brother’s instructions. Tom pouted the whole time. You eventually had to tell him

“It was sweet.” You told him as you helped him clear out the plates.

Tom was confused.

“I don’t think I’ve known someone that went through hell and back just to make a great effort Christmas dinner —even if it means getting yelled at by your brother.” You said, smiling softly at him. “I mean it’s just us two, really. We don’t even have to do this.”

“Think that’s the reason why I wanted to do it,” Tom replied. Now you’re confused. “It’s because it’s the two of us—that’s why I wanted to do it.”

As soon as you heard those words come out of Tom’s lips, you tried your best to stay calm. To say that you weren’t overwhelmed with emotions would be a huge lie. For someone who couldn’t hold their tongue, you were speechless. Tom’s giving you a run for your money and you weren’t exactly thrilled about it.

After dinner, you and Tom opened your stocking presents. The presents were pretty tame at the start—you both got each other socks, which was hilarious but greatly appreciated. You love socks, especially comfy and cushiony ones. You came to learn that Tom does too, which prompted you two to wear the socks immediately.

You got him candy canes, he got you chocolates. You also snuck in those small, in-flight alcohol bottles in there too—which he ended up loving. He got you those 10-pack skincare face masks, in which you let out a huge gasp, making him laugh.

“Oh, we have to use this at some point!” You exclaimed happily “Like, we need to have a spa night—where we just watch movies, doing face masks, eating takeouts. Oh, that’s the dream!” You sighed happily.

“We still have two weeks left till we go back to work, I'm sure we can find the time to do that,” Tom said with a permanent smile on his face, watching you with pure joy made him feel like he accomplished something big.

You got him one of those Instax polaroid cameras—true, it was a bit too much for a stocking stuffer especially since the box definitely stood out against the stocking, but you figured he’ll like it.

“Darling, this is too much but I’m thankful,” Tom commented as he took out the camera from the box. “I can’t wait to use this and keep memories using it—why don’t we start right now?! Let’s take a photo of us and our matching sweaters!”

Tom took a lot of photos of you two, in the end. A couple of overexposed photos, one with the matching sweaters, one with your faces pressed against each other, one with your faces way too close to the camera, and one where he gave you a kiss on your cheek (he asked if that’s okay, of course, you said yes. it’s not like he hasn’t kissed you before— still no conversations about that, by the way). It was a good thing you got him at least 3 boxes of those 20 pack films in his stockings as well.

The real kicker was Tom’s “small” stocking present for you. He got you this dainty, gold necklace with a crescent moon charm. You were pretty sure it was expensive because of the teal box it came with.

“Stop,” You gasped “Tom, now this—this is too much.” You stressed out. “I can’t have this. Nope, you have to return this.”

Tom shrugged as if it was nothing. “You deserve it. Darling, you deserve something nice after this shitty year.”

“Tom, I’m serious. This is too much.”

“I’m serious too, Y/N. Keep it, please. I’d be offended if you don’t.”

After the roller coaster of emotions due to the stocking presents, you gave your parents a call to wish them a merry Christmas. They insisted to do a video call because they wanted to see Tom in the family sweater—which your mom wouldn’t stop gushing about.

“I think your mum loves me,” Tom whispered closely in your ear. He didn't have to try too hard. With the laptop propped up on top of the coffee table, you two were sitting close together on the living room floor—knees touching, maximum close skin contact. CDC would never approve.

“Yeah, I think it’s the accent,” You mumbled jokingly.

Tom moved his head to take a good look at you, smiling. You could feel his eyes burning your skin. Why does he have to look at you like that? Why does he have to be this close?

The initial video call with your parents turned into a whole family reunion when you found out they set up a group call with your extended family. Imagine the dread and fear in your eyes when you heard your one aunt ask,

“Finally, Y/N, is that your boyfriend?”

Your eyes widened as you stuttered to say your defence, making Tom chuckle. You frowned at him and nudged him saying, “Don’t laugh, tell them no or I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“No, unfortunately, I’m not,” Tom replied, laughing. “However, I do believe we make a cute couple, don’t we?” He teased, earning an earnest yes from your mom.

You could only wish for the floor to swallow you whole.

As the clocks rolled to twelve, it was officially Christmas. You and Tom figured you might as well start opening gifts again because Christmas Day is going to be a drag for the two of you.

“Okay, start with this.” You said as you handed him a gift bag. You didn’t give him a lot of gifts for the actual Christmas Day because you went all out on the stuffers.

“Pyjamas?” He asked with a grin. You made a signal for him to give you a minute. You ran to your room and changed into pyjamas.

“Not just pyjamas, Tom, but matching pyjamas!” You exclaimed, laughing. “I saw it and figured we should do this for my day.”

“Sick!” Tom laughed. Tom got into his pair of pyjamas as well and of course, he didn’t forget to pull out his new polaroid camera to take a photo of you two. “Shit, I forgot to film our entire Christmas Eve.” He said as he saw the camera that was still sitting on the kitchen island from earlier that morning.

You shrugged. “I’m pretty sure you’ll win either way. Just that content from the breakfast crepes was enough to secure your place.” You said jokingly.

“All I’m hearing is that you’re going to spend Christmas with me in London next year.” Tom sang teasingly.

“Yeah, maybe bringing you to our big Christmas holidays is a bad idea.” You wondered out loud.

“I like your family,” Tom commented with a smile “and I think they will love having me there for the holidays.”

“That would be a nightmare.” You mumbled to yourself.

The rest of the night dragged on. You and Tom finished the rest of your gifts—you got him a watch, he got you a vinyl player. You two managed to watch the first Harry Potter film before you called it a night.

You were about to head into your room when you heard Tom say, “Mistletoe.”

“Hm?” You hummed, confused. He placed a finger under your chin and gently tilted your head. There you saw a mistletoe hanging by one of the light fixtures.

“How did that even—”

“Can I kiss you?” Tom asked, cupping the sides of your face.

“Hm?” Tom was definitely giving you a run for your money. How can a girl with a speech turn speechless?

“Can I kiss you?” He asked more softly. All you could do was nod. For if you even dare to open your mouth, all of this would cease to exist.

His lips gently touched yours and then soon moulded into one. It was soft, sweet—familiar. His lips were something you never thought about—at least not a lot but you craved it. You crave his lips, his touch, him. You were riding a new high and you thanked every single god that you were sober to remember this—because this, this is something you want to cherish.

“You told me you’re tired of being alone,” Tom whispered against your lips. “You don’t have to be anymore. Not when you have me, not ever.”

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @quaksonhehe @dark-infernal-instruments @trustfundparker @emsma11 @tomshufflepuff @spider-babe @goodgirlgonetom

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x fem #tom holland x reader #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fluff #tom holland fic #tom holland blurb #tom holland and reader #tom holland and you #tom holland angst #tom holland imagines #tom holland x y/n #tom holland au #tom holland and y/n #tom holland x you #the girl writes i guess #txmhoellandwrites

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ohpretty-baby · 4 years

Text

my babysitter’s a quarterback • jjk

⇥ pairing: qb!jungkook x cheerleader!reader

⇥ side pairing: namseok

⇥ synopsis: after getting cheated on by the star of the hockey team, park jimin, your life (as expected) goes downhill. what you don’t expect is your parents being skeptical of whether or not you’re a good older sibling for your sister. you also don’t expect them to call jeon jungkook—the person you hate most—to babysit the two of you.

or, alternatively: jungkook babysits you even though the two of you are the same age.

⇥ genre: fluff, crackfic, angst, e2l, jungkook is stupid, jimin’s an asshole, hoseok’s a sweetie, namjoon is also a sweetie, reader is Stressed, pining, mutual pining

⇥ warnings: cursing, crude humor, mentions of cheating, divorce

⇥ word count: 30.0k

based off a request for @fan-ati--c (i hope you like it dear!)

a/n: hi everyone!!! this is my first ever lengthy fic, so pls have mercy on me. i had a lotta fun writing this, so i hope you guys enjoy!!!! much much much much MUCH love <333 (feel free to give feedback and your opinions!)

“Y/N, what has gotten into you?” Your mom gently places the tip of her fork on her plate, folding her hands together. Her words are stern, but she doesn’t raise her voice in order to save face. The air at the dinner table is dense and heavy on you, and the fact that your father and your little sister, Clementine, seem to have their eyes glued on you doesn’t help either. Clementine sniffles and the sound makes your blood boil.

You sigh, looking up from your phone to shoot a glare to your mother. You also send a glance of distaste towards your sister, which allows you to get a quick sight of her puffy eyes and runny nose. The prongs of your fork are poking your lips while you lazily chew the spaghetti stuffed in your mouth. Shrugging, you place your phone and the fork down, folding your hands in order to mirror your mom seated in front of you.

You stay silent, lips pressed tightly into a thin line, because you know she has more to say.

“Darling, you’re being extremely immature,” Your mom always had to give it to you straight, “You know that Clementine didn’t mean to upset you.”

As always, your mother is articulate and sharp when she speaks. Not once does she stutter, and after being her daughter for 17 years, you’re not entirely sure if she’s ever stumbled on her words before in her entire life. It’s indicative of her personality: intelligent, quick-witted, skilled, yet unbelievably blunt. From the way her patients praise her for constantly being compassionate and kind, you often wonder if your mom really is a psychiatrist or if she’s hired a clone to work in her stead.

It’s not that you hated your mom. You loved her dearly, as you did with the rest of your family. The reason why you seemed to always butt heads with her, though, is simply because you have a little too much in common with her (personality-wise). Your dad’s always said that you were a carbon copy of your mother, after all.

“All I’m asking is that Clem asks me if she can use my makeup,” You cough, a few bits of the noodles going down the wrong pipe, “You, of all people, mom, know how expensive lipstick can be. I need that for football games.”

It’s not a clear statistic, but it is a pretty solid fact. You always use facts in order to back up your arguments, just so that your parents can’t say anything in response. Sometimes it works. You’re still waiting for the day when you have something impactful to use.

“Well, you know that when she sees you getting all pretty,” She taps her fingers on the wooden table, “She wants to do the same, and as the-“

“As the older sister, I have to share,” You roll your eyes, and you shift your focus on Clementine, “Sorry, ok? I won’t get so mad next time.”

“Clementine, what do you say?”

“It’s ok,” She sniffles, wiping her eyes.

“No, dear. What do you say?”

“I forgive you, Y/N.”

You bite back the sarcastic comments you’re dying to say, opting to stuff your mouth with spaghetti instead. The rest of your family starts eating as well, and you keep your head low to avoid making eye contact with your sister. You love her with almost every bone in your body, but right now, you can’t tell if you want to throw your food at her or slap her with your ceramic plate.

Today, she took it upon herself to go through your makeup bag and steal one of your (again, highly expensive) lipsticks so she could slice it with a butterknife purely out of boredom. This all happened while you were taking a bath, and when you got into your room, you saw her sitting at your desk, lipstick chunks spread all over one of your old math notebooks. So of course, you yelled at her.

Then she cried. Then your mom made you apologize because you were upset that she wrongfully went through your stuff without permission. But that’s really how things have always been, ever since you were 5 years old and Clementine was just born. You’ve grown up constantly taking the blame for Clementine’s wrongdoings. It’s just how things work in your household, because your parents genuinely believe that she could do no wrong.

Apparently, being 12 gave you lots of perks.

“Y/N?” Your mother’s voice brings you out of your thoughts, “Y/N, listen to me when I speak to you.”

“Sorry, what’d you say?” You don’t care about matching your mom’s formality anymore, your cheek puffed up with more food.

“I was asking you how your day was.”

“Oh, just wonderful. Fantastic. Dandy,” You snap back, not really aware of what you’re saying as your words fly out of your mouth.

“What’s with your attitude, young lady?” She scoffs, then pauses a bit before speaking again, “Listen, I know that it’s tough, having to see Jimin-“

You slam your hands on the table, standing up. Your chair screeches awkwardly against the wood flooring of the dining room. Swallowing down the rest of your food, you try to soothe the hard lump forming in your throat.

“Do not try to analyze me. I’m not one of your patients. There’s nothing you need to fix about me, got it?” You raise your voice, staring her dead in the eye, “I just had a shit week and I very much do not need you to try and pinpoint whatever’s going on in my head.”

Your mother gasps, and only now does your dad decide to speak.

“Young lady, go to your room right now,” His words fall flat, and you scoff at him.

Your parents were complete opposites. If your mother was over analytical, your father could never read the room. Not because he was dumb, per say, but because he was always in his own little world. He always responded a little too late, felt things a second after they should be felt. That’s just how your dad thinks. He doesn’t mean to be mentally absent when all of you were at home, but he’s always been preoccupied with his work. That’s a big thing you’ve admired about your dad, how easily he can focus on one thing and ignore the rest. It’s one of the main reasons why he was so successful as an architect. Growing up, you would stay up past your bedtime just so you could be with him in his office. You’d watch how he could just sit down and create a multitude of building designs without getting distracted.

By the way he looks at you with a flash of guilt in his eyes, you can tell that he’s the only one that gets your reasoning. You can also tell that he knows how wrong it is for your mom to bring up your ex-boyfriend during dinner.

But because he wants to uphold his “authoritative” figure, he needs to “put his foot down”.

“I was planning on it anyway, thanks,” You grumble, storming off.

Once you reach your room, you slam the door—purely for dramatic effect. You throw yourself on the bed, getting out your phone and doing the first thing that pops into your head. You call Hoseok and he answers right away. A smile flashes on your face as you feel some relief from your anger.

“Hello?”

Jung Hoseok has been your best friend ever since you first stepped into your hellhole of a high school building. He was your saving grace. The only thing that kept you sane.

When you joined the Monarchs, the cheerleading squad of your school, Hoseok was the only person who talked to you during practice, even if he was a year older than you. An infamous characteristic of his is his big smile. His lips always resembled a widened heart, and he showed off his pearly whites wherever he went, exuding happiness that was extremely contagious. And if his smile was big, his heart was even bigger.

You know this because Hoseok immediately asks you “Is everything okay?” when he hears your shaky breath over the line.

You explain to him what had happened seconds prior to this phone call. Then your conversation spirals into you ranting about how your parents have been telling you that you’ve been a terrible sibling. It’s something insulting to hear, knowing that they’ve always made you take the blame for everything your sister does. It hurts even more that they can’t acknowledge the fact that getting through a breakup is hard for a 17 year old girl. They couldn’t even cut you some slack.

A pang of guilt hits you when you relay everything you’ve said to your sister over to Hoseok. Maybe you were somewhat in the wrong here. But could you blame yourself? You were going through a hard time, and it’s not unusual for someone who’s stressed to act out. Not to mention when the stressor is heartbreak.

During the beginning of September, you found Park Jimin, your past boyfriend of one year, and some other Sophomore on the cheer team making out in his car afterschool. It was now the end of October, but the memory haunts you in your every waking moment. The image of another girl pressed up on him, her skirt hiked up high enough so that you could see her spandex, flashes in your mind. In your head, you see Jimin running her hands all over the girl’s skin, purple splotches blooming on her neck and on his.

You shut your eyes, rubbing them violently as you try to ignore the painful truth: If you hadn’t decided to surprise him with some brownies you made for him that day, they would’ve done a lot more than just making out.

The notion makes tears prick your eyes, the familiar sting returning. You had been crying almost every night. Everytime you close your eyes, the same image of him and that girl appears and you can’t get rid of it at all.

You’re about to break down again, and Hoseok talks you through it. He allows you to vent, to let everything out, and he promises that the two of you will hang out after tomorrow’s practice. It gives you relief, something to look forward to at the end of the next school day. Tomorrow was Friday after all, and like you said before to your mom, your week was shit.

There had to be at least one good thing you could have this week.

That statement is short lived, however, because instead of sitting with Hoseok at your favorite diner with a strawberry milkshake in front of you, you’re sitting at your dinner table yet again, poking at pizza with a plastic fork. You stare at the grease stains on your paper plate in disgust, as the dining room is so silent you can practically hear the small ticks of the red second hand of the clock on the wall.

What a great way to start the weekend. Friendless, boyfriend-less, and miserable. You look up from the greasy mess before you to shoot a glare to the person in front of you.

“Why the hell are you here?” are your first words to the boy.

“Your parents called me?” He responds, mimicking your questioning tone. You scoff at him.

Jeon Jungkook. The cocky, annoying as fuck quarterback on the football team who coincidentally sits behind you in Pre-Calc everyday is now sitting across from you at your dinner table. The boy who breaks off pieces of eraser chunks and throws them at your head just to annoy you while the teacher is giving a lesson. The kid who kicks your chair at least five times every single day just because he has fun getting a rise out of you.

You don’t know how exactly your hatred for him began, but it definitely started when you first became a cheerleader.

Popularity was never something that came easily to you. Many people don’t remember, but in Freshman year, the only time your class knew of you was when your name was called for attendance. You didn’t play any sports, nor did you participate in theatre or had any musical talents whatsoever. You were simply just, there.

This all changed when your mom suggested cheerleading. You did have a few years of solid gymnastic experience and you really had nothing better to do, so you decided to take the opportunity to sign up for tryouts.

It was hard, and you slipped up a lot of times, but the coaches saw potential in you. They told you that you’ve really got drive, and they praised you for continuing to get up and perfectly following directions when they asked you to execute an especially hard move. Eventually, you were accepted and once you had more time to practice, you had gotten the hang of cheerleading quite quickly. You ended up falling in love with the sport, working hard both on and off the field. You always got constant praise for your willingness to learn new things.

And with your new success on the team, you gained a reputation for yourself.

When, exactly, did Jungkook join the picture?

You’re not sure. He kind of forced himself in.

One day, you weren’t at your usual best. The sun was beating down on you harshly, which didn’t make things any better. The football team had been practicing with you guys, and it was obvious that many of the boys were ogling at the cheerleaders. They would nudge each, looking suggestively at the girls while whispering crude comments about them.

Jungkook, being the youngest and most energetic one on the team, had other ideas in mind. You see, he lived quite loudly and he was… Eccentric, to say the least.

His eyes were focused on the cheerleaders, pinpointing at anything that would be of use to him. He peered around intently, looking for any mess ups or mistakes that they had made. He would have made fun of anyone, really. Jungkook didn’t know much about the girls on the squad, so he really had no problem using their flaws to his benefits. He wanted to make his own team laugh, and that in itself was justification enough for Jungkook.

It was just unfortunate that you were his target.

Once he saw you topple over on the ground, he was ready.

“Hey, thunder thighs! Be careful out there!”

After that, you heard nothing but boisterous laughter from the football players. It was an immature insult, one ridiculous enough to enrage you. You wished you could’ve ran over to the other side of the field and just punched him the gut, right then and there. But his own coach and grabbed him by the ear, dragging him towards you so he could apologize.

It was a lame apology, and you could tell that he was trying everything in his absolute power to bite back the laugh he was holding in. You would've said something about it, but since Jungkook was more built than you and there were authorities present, you reluctantly accepted the apology, choosing to go on with your practice instead of letting it get to you.

And after that day, Jungkook has made it his goal to torment you whenever he sees you. Since he sits behind you in Pre-Calc now, that’s become his job every day.

Jungkook was taller than Jimin. He was a pretty attractive football player, too. You would give him at least that. But he was meaner than Jimin. A bigger asshole than Jimin. More annoying than Jimin could ever be.

Literally any good quality that you thought you could find in a guy, Jeon Jungkook did not possess it. Any kindness, sympathy, or even general decency in his heart was nowhere to be found.

He had messy brown hair, a smug grin on his face that you’d love to punch, and a lean body that you wish had gone cripple. Confidence wasn’t something that he had a lack of. In fact, Jungkook’s cup overfloweth with so much confidence to the point where describing him as merely confident would be a misdeed.

Narcissistic was the word. He was extremely narcissistic and obsessed with himself, which was indicative of the daily gym snaps he’d post on his Snapchat story. He was everything that disgusted you about guys combined and turned human.

Jungkook’s very presence could set you off, and you know that he lives off of that.

This is no different from your Friday night, as he’s gnawing on pizza right in your own damn house. He’s scrolling through his phone and you’re staring at him in disgust, while Clementine has already eaten and is now sitting on the couch, curled up with some sci-fi book she got from the store last week. Taking in his appearance, you inwardly cringe when you notice him lick the oil that has found itself on his fingers.

“There’s a napkin right next to you.”

“That would be a waste of paper,” Jungkook responds, licking away the last remnant of oil and marinara sauce on his thumb, “Gotta be eco-friendly, y’know?”

He wiggles his fingers at you, his infamous shit-eating grin appearing yet again. You hate the way his mouth tugs up to the right a little bit, how his eyes gleam mischievously since he’s so full of himself. If Clementine wasn’t in the house right now, you’re certain that Jungkook would’ve been on the floor, knocked out. You would’ve hit him with a frying pan, like in that one Disney movie Clementine loved so much. Or you would’ve hit him with your Pre-Calc textbook. That shit was heavy. You could knock him out cold with that. Give him a taste of his own medicine.

You roll your eyes at him, saying nothing and eating the rest of your pizza. You make a mental note to ask your parents why the fuck they thought it was a good idea to call over Jungkook on a Friday night.

But you know the answer to that already. They seem to believe that you haven’t been “responsible” enough for Clementine, which is weird, knowing that you’ve practically raised her all her life. Your parents have always been too busy to spend enough quality time with her, save for when they defend her at dinnertime.

So instead of having a civil conversation with you—or even asking if you were doing alright—they decided (without your permission) that a babysitter would be the best option for your little sister. And you still had to stay at home tonight because your mom asked you to “see if the babysitter is okay for Clementine”.

You’re not sure where the logic was in your parents’ thought process, but you did feel bad about your sister. She had warmed up to you a little bit after yesterday, but you know that she’ll stay closed off for a while. Not only to you, but to everyone else. You wish that your parents had known that. If they did, they’d be able to get that you’re probably the best babysitter for her. But no, they had to invite Jungkook over, someone who’s boisterous and annoying, and they probably expect Clementine to get along with him just fine. (And also, what had even compelled him to start a career in babysitting?)

So you decide to stay, just so she won’t be scared of being in her own house. You have been hard on her for a little bit after all, getting irrational and moody whenever she talks to you. It’s the least you could do for her. Despite everything, you still did really love her.

She was your sister, for goodness sake!

“Hey, just a reminder,” Jungkook’s at your trash can, throwing away his plate, “Your bedtime’s at 10 tonight.”

It’s a stupid statement, and both of you are aware that the rules are for your sister. You can’t help but feel yourself heat up, though, when he sends a wink your way.

“That’s for my sister, you dumb fu-“

Your obvious response and insult combo is interrupted when you find Clementine standing in the doorway.

“Y/N?” Her voice is timid, shy, and her head hangs low when she speaks. She doesn’t like how there’s some random stranger in the kitchen.

“Yes?”

“Can we play Telestrations?” She keeps her eyes on you, and you feel yourself soften. It’s been a little bit since the two of you played anything together.

“Mind if I join in?” Jungkook says before you can actually respond to her. He shoves his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants, and Clementine blinks at him, stunned. All she does is nod, too afraid to verbally respond to your classmate.

You’re also stunned by his sudden change in demeanor. His cocky aura is replaced with a soft tone, smiling brightly at Clementine instead of smirking at you. He walks over to her, asking her where the board game is. She mumbles something quietly, something only Jungkook can hear, and he responds with an even more enthusiastic grin. He turns to you before they make their way back to the living room.

“You coming, or…?”

So that’s how you find yourself at your coffee table with your little sister and the most annoying person you’ve met in your entire life, getting ready to play a round of Telestrations.

All you can say is that your night definitely isn’t going the way you planned at all.

He’s sitting criss cross applesauce on the carpet, extremely relaxed as you pass out the cards, the drawing pads, and the dry erase markers. You try to hide the scowl you oh so desperately want to show, but if Clementine sees you upset with him, she’ll definitely feel less safe with him.

You don’t know why you’re defending him, but here you are, attempting to be civil with him just to make sure your sister doesn’t feel as threatened as you do. You try your best not to start any fights with him, either. You’ve heard enough about people calling you a bitch at school. Ever since you broke up with Jimin, you’ve somehow been deemed the psychotic ex by all of your peers, because how could Jimin possibly do anything wrong?

You can’t tell what’s worse: the fact that everyone says you’re a bitch, or the fact that girls come up to you now, asking you for advice on your ex-boyfriend.

Sighing, you watch as Clementine rolls a four and chooses “This Side” of the cards. You internally groan when you look at the yellow side of the card. The glossy square seems to laugh at you, presenting what your subject would be.

How the hell were you supposed to draw “tunnel vision”?

Writing your name and the word on the first page, you mentally prepare for the challenge heading your way.

“Y/N,” Clementine calls for you, “Mine isn’t working…”

Jungkook hands his marker to her before you can, and he’s testing all the other markers in the box to see if they’ll work for him. You look at him accusingly, eyes asking him: “What the hell are you trying to gain?” He shrugs at you, a simple action that tells you:

“Sorry, I’m just a great babysitter.”

He quickly goes back to his own card, copying down the words with his new marker. You return your attention to your pad, figuring out how you were going to draw your word.

“Are you gonna set the timer, Clementine?” Jungkook asks, and she shakes her head.

“We don’t use it,” She responds in a mere whisper, and Jungkook can’t hear her.

“Huh?”

“We don’t use the timer,” You answer for her, “It’s more fun that way. You can take your time.”

He nods, and the three of you flip to the first page so you can start.

You draw—well, attempt to draw—a pair of glasses facing two strange rods. You squint at the doodle, examining it as if you had to guess what the answer was. The only possible answers you’ve come up with are that A.) You’re terrible at drawing, B.) Art is definitely not your future career, and C.) No one is going to be able to figure out your drawing, not even yourself.

“So, Clementine,” Jungkook starts, catching both you and your sister’s attention, “That’s a pretty cool name.”

“Thank you,” She doesn’t look up from her pad, too focused on her drawing.

“Do people call you anything else?” He prompts, going to work on his own pad as well.

“What do you mean?” “Like, nicknames.”

“Oh. My friends call me Tina,” She says, “Y/N calls me Clem, though.”

“That’s dope,” He pops the “p”, and the way his mouth moves is enough to annoy you.

“Yeah,” Is all your sister says, and it’s obvious that both of them are determined in making their drawings look good. You, on the other hand, are already done with your sad chicken scratch of a drawing, and you take the time to watch Clementine as she leans close to her pad, right hand clutching the marker tightly.

Like your dad, Clementine was able to immerse herself in a single task, but unlike him, she was incredibly skilled in multitasking. Sometimes, she’d read a book while having a full conversation with you, and she’d still remember the content of the chapter she was reading. It was a skill that you both envied and admired about her, how she could easily redirect her attention to one task while also still performing the second task flawlessly.

“You done already, Y/N?” Jungkook quirks a brow while he looks up from his drawing. You sneak a glance at your sister, who’s immersed in her drawing, before responding.

“Don’t push it,” You mouth out, folding your hands together on your lap while you wait for the other two to finish. Jungkook flashes an obnoxious smirk your way, and it takes everything in you to not kick him in the balls right now.

“I’m done,” Clementine announces, passing her pad to you. You pass yours to Jungkook, praying that he doesn’t say anything too terrible to you. He then passes his to Clementine, completing the circle.

“W-What?” Jungkook mumbles to himself, biting back a laugh while he examines your drawing. You internally groan. There was no use in hoping that he’d have mercy on you.

In an attempt to block out his bothersome snickering, you try to guess what Clementine’s word was. You feel part of yourself die inside, as you can already tell what she’s drawn. You write the word “deer” on the third page, after looking at the drawing one more time. In the short amount of time Clementine had given herself, her depiction of a deer was scarily accurate.

“Are you guys done?”

She has her pad lying on the coffee table while she drums her fingers on the surface. You nod, while Jungkook has his hand covering his mouth. He shakes his head, still trying to decipher your sad, sad drawing. Instead of making fun of you, he’s actually making an effort to figure out what your word was, eyebrows deeply furrowed while his eyes run across your pad multiple times.

You’d feel bad because you truly don’t have an artistic bone in your body, but seeing him frustrated by your doing slightly amuses you.

Jungkook takes a few seconds before taking a deep sigh and quickly scrawling something on your pad. You can’t tell if you’re excited or dreading what he put down for your word, but that doesn’t matter because now you have to draw Clementine’s guess of what Jungkook’s word is.

A frog?

How come everyone else’s words were so easy? And how are you supposed to remember what a frog looks like?

Biting your lip, you hesitantly put the dry erase marker on the pad. You stop when it makes the initial hit, a small dot appearing on the laminated surface. This is because Jungkook’s leaning over to watch you draw, his hair mere centimeters away from tickling your skin. When you freeze, Jungkook finally moves away, turning to face you.

“You need something?” You ask in an accusatory tone. He shrugs.

“I dunno. You look constipated, so I was curious,” He says, working on a new drawing. It’s another dumb yet excruciatingly annoying jab at you, and you’re baffled at how anyone could think that that was something of use to say.

Clementine giggles, and both you and Jungkook gawk at her in surprise. You feel a sense of betrayal, seeing as your own sister finds someone like Jeon Jungkook humorous. But she’s having fun, so maybe your dignity would have to be something to sacrifice tonight.

And your parents wonder whether or not you’re a good older sister for Clementine, as if you weren’t literally tolerating the person you hate most right now just for her. You steady yourself, being proud of your kindness to him so far. The fact that you’ve actually restrained yourself from knocking Jungkook out in itself is a surprise. You’ll be sure to reward yourself with something later.

You go back to your drawing, working on the small bumps for the eye sockets and the wide almond shape of the frog’s mouth. The frog looks incredibly awkward, its eyes a little too close for your liking. Did frogs have nostrils? Obviously, right? You draw two thin slits on top of its long line of a mouth, hoping that that’s what a frog’s nose looks like. It resembles a frog, and honestly you’re willing to take whatever you can get, so you close the pad, waiting for the other two to finish.

When everyone is done and all of the pads have returned to their respective owners, you get ready to present the devolution of your prompts. Clementine’s eager to go first, which puts a soft smile on your face.

She shows off her deer, and then your correct guess, and then Jungkook’s drawing. Quite frankly, you’re quite amazed at Jungkook’s depiction of the prompt.

There’s a cute deer standing on some grass with a few random flowers around it. Like Clementine’s, it’s quite realistic, keeping in mind of the limited time and resources you’ve all had. Jungkook’s chest swells in pride when the two of you stare at his drawing for a few more seconds, secretly admiring his handiwork.

“I didn’t know you could draw!” Clementine’s indirect praises increase his ego but you stay quiet, not willing to say anything too positive around him.

“You’re not too bad yourself,” Jungkook responds, pointing out how good her deer is.

Jungkook takes his turn to present, and even his frog is amazing. Then, he flips to your drawing, a failed imitation of a frog compared to Jungkook’s accurate one a few seconds ago.

“Tina,” The sudden use of the nickname confuses you. Since when did he think he could be this informal?

“Yeah?”

“Your sister’s not really the creative one in the family,” The corners of his mouth quirk upwards, “Don’t you think?”

Clementine thinks about what to say while Jungkook watches the steam coming out of your ears in pure delight. No matter how good of an artist Jungkook is, or how good of a babysitter he could be, nothing would ever make you want to be acquaintances with him, let alone being just civil with him. What makes matters worse is that Jungkook can easily get away with making infuriating jabs at you since your sister is here with you.

You also try not to think about how Jungkook is getting paid for tormenting you outside of school, because if you dwell on it for far too long, you don’t know what you’d do.

“Y/N doesn’t have to be good at that kinda stuff,” Clementine turns to you happily, “She’s already cool.”

You sheepishly smile back at her, and then she asks you to show your drawing pad now.

“Okay, so,” You clear your throat, “Uh, my word was tunnel vision.”

“...That actually makes sense now,” Jungkook nods, stroking his chin dramatically. He squints at the drawing as if he was in an art gallery.

“This is my drawing,” You flip the page, revealing your chicken scratch from before. Clementine bursts out laughing, and you can’t help but become a little annoyed at her reaction.

“How did you not get that?” She asks Jungkook, and you feel the anger bubble away and instead become replaced with smugness. Your sister still had your back after all.

“Hey!” He points at your drawing, baffled at your sister, “Look at that and tell me that you’d guess it correctly!”

“Um, yeah,” Clementine snickers.

“How?”

“It’s glasses. Vision,” You chime in, “Then those are tunnels. Tunnel vision, right, Clem?”

“Yeah!”

“What?!” Jungkook gawks while you give your sister a triumphant high five.

“What could you have possibly guessed?” You chuckle, turning the page out of curiosity.

Before you can see the word, however, Jungkook forcibly snatches the pad out of your hands. He’s no match to your quick reflexes, though, because you’re pouncing onto him, pinning him to the carpet so you can retrieve your stolen drawing pad.

You’re about to grab it, but then he grins at you, making you stop in your tracks.

Your eyes widen, realizing how you’re in an extremely close vicinity to him, his face inches away from yours. The two of you make unnerving, silent eye contact, each of you staring at each other’s face from time to time. It’s during this that you notice how big his eyes are, resembling Clementine’s drawing of the deer from before. You also notice the mole under his bottom lip and how his lips are naturally tinted a pleasant pink. Jungkook chuckles tauntingly at you and you come back to your senses. You’ve been staring at his lips far longer than you’d like to admit.

“Can’t get your hands off me, huh?” He whispers, winking at you. The pizza you had eaten 20 minutes ago crawls up your throat right away, and you immediately peel yourself off of him. Jungkook still has the pad in his hands, signalling a victory for him.

You cough awkwardly, returning to your seat and wiping away imaginary dust on your lap. You claw at some loose fabric of your sweatpants, balling up the material in your hands. Jungkook sits up as well, nonchalantly fixing his now messy hair. He remains unphased, even though you were literally on top of him a few seconds ago.

“He put Harry Potter and taquitos,” Clementine says, breaking the silence. Jungkook’s eyes shoot up to send her a glare with feigned annoyance, while you end up laughing a bit louder than you’d like to. Then again, anything to relieve the uncomfortable tension would work.

Jungkook’s cheeks are tinted a shy, light pink, while embarrassment is painted all over his face. It’s a lame situation to laugh at, one that you probably would never admit to anyone that you find it humorous, but seeing Jungkook flustered makes you the happiest girl in the world.

The night continues with Clementine bringing out all of the board games your parents bought you over the years. It’s fun yet unbelievably painful, having to cooperate with Jungkook just for the sake of Clementine. When you played Monopoly with them, you were always reluctant to give Jungkook money, even if it was fake. You were also reluctant to receive money from him, even if the action was beneficial for you and not the other way around.

He spends the night still making stupid jabs at you, some of them earning laughs from your sister. You suck it up and deal with it, because this is the happiest you’ve seen Clementine in a long time, so you just strain a smile and move on.

When it’s about 9:45 PM, the three of you stop playing board games since Clementine has to get ready for bed. You come up to her room so that you can say goodnight and tuck her in.

“Today was fun, Y/N,” She giggles while you pull the covers over to her.

“That’s good to hear, Clemmie,” You respond, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.

Before you shut off her light, Clementine grabs the bottom hem of your shirt.

“Y/N?”

“What’s up?” The scared look in her eyes tells you that you’re gonna have to stay for a little longer, so you sit down on the bed.

“Are mom and dad gonna be okay?”

At first, you’re shocked that Clementine had even noticed, but then again, she’s always been this observant. And she was 12 already. She wasn’t dumb. It was also obvious that the reason why your parents randomly decided to go to dinner tonight was because they were trying to iron out some issues that they’ve been having.

All you do is nod and ruffle her hair playfully. Another smile appears on her face when you kiss her cheek.

“Everything’s gonna be okay,” You say, although you’re not so sure yourself.

Recently, you’ve been having trouble sleeping as well. This was because your parents always start fighting whenever they see that Clementine is asleep. You don’t know what exactly they’re arguing about every night, but you’ve assumed that it must be money issues or something along the lines of that. Real adult stuff that they want to keep you two out of, but it’s so hard to ignore when they’re yelling at each other so loudly.

Clementine’s room is closer to the stairs. Of course it’s not a surprise that she’d notice there was something wrong with your parents.

“Do you think I…?” She mumbles out the question, but you don’t need her to finish the rest of it because you’re wrapping an arm around her, pulling her close to you.

“Don’t ever think that,” You say, sighing, “You didn’t do anything, ok? Mom n’ Dad are just fixing things between themselves.”

She nods, hugging you back.

“You should go to sleep,” You pull yourself off of her, placing yet another kiss on her head before tucking her in under the covers, “Everything’s gonna be okay.”

“Promise?” She sticks out her pinky finger and you chuckle, sticking out yours and looping it around hers.

“I promise.”

“Night, Y/N.”

You say goodnight to her, turning off her lamp and shutting the door. Now that she was attended to, you had to start cleaning up. You walk downstairs to see Jungkook sprawled out over your couch, lazily scrolling through his phone. You wish that the saying “Make yourself at home” never existed, since your parents have an affinity for using it, which in turn forces you to deal with Jungkook laying on your couch like a complete slob.

The first job you assign yourself is to tidy up the living room, and you stack up all of the board games together so you can put it in the random storage closet your house has. Jungkook, of course, doesn’t bat an eye at the fact that you’re cleaning up the house all by yourself.

An uncomfortable silence falls between the two of you. You walk over to the kitchen to have another slice of pizza while Jungkook acts like you don’t exist in your own house. Your stomach grumbles obscenely, even though you had a slice a few hours earlier.

It must be the stress. You do tend to be hungrier when you’re under a lot of stress, and today threw many annoyances your way.

You check your phone and you realize that Hoseok texted you an hour ago.

[October 9, 7:30 PM] Hobi: Y/N i honestly think i’m gonna lose my mind?????????? Y/N? Y/N where tf are u i’m going insane holy shit text me when u get this PLEASE

Right away, your fingers move at the speed of light

[October 9, 10:30 PM] Y/N: omfg hobs you have no idea the shit i just went thru think i got three years taken off of my life anyways sry for the late reply what happened?

The iconic three dots and text bubble show up. You stifle a laugh. Hoseok must’ve been waiting by his phone for your text.

Hobi: i think i may have gotten myself into a date???

Y/N: a WHAT with WHO Hobi: yknow like mymanwhosnotreallymanbutheis yeah him Y/N: ur joking SPILL

You eagerly chew on the cold, stale pizza in your other hand as you wait for Hoseok to tell his whole story. Whether he’d be sending a voice memo or he’d just spam you with a multitude of texts, you never really knew. That’s just how Hoseok was.

But that didn’t really matter, because Hoseok had a date. With the kid he’s liked since the beginning of last year. Kim Namjoon.

Kim Namjoon, coincidentally in Hoseok’s photography class this semester, was easily the smartest person in the whole school. The teachers were more than heartbroken knowing that he’d be graduating this year. The students, more specifically the girls, were also saddened, because Namjoon was also quite attractive. He was tall, kind, and extremely smart, and because of this, he had earned the title as “The Package” by Hoseok. He was everything everyone ever wanted in one person. Accurately put, Kim Namjoon was a full package.

Hobi: ok well like we have a project in photography class where we have to take pics of nature and i wanted to do the flowers bc yknow, easy A and since u couldn’t hang out today >:( Y/N: hey, not my fault my parents think that i’m a terrible sister

Hobi: yeah u have to tell me how that went but anyways i went out to take pics after practice and guess who i saw? namjoon

Y/N: aaaaAAAAAHHHH

Hobi: YEAH and then we were talking and stuff and it turns out that he’s doing flowers too and then he gave me HIS NUMBER Y/N: omfg,,,

Hobi: i k n o w so like i think two hrs ago he texted me and we started talking and stuff and then he was like “yknow there are prettier flowers in the botanical garden downtown” and then he asked if i wanted to hang out next week so i said yeah Y/N: holy shit hobs

Hobi: yeah so it’s not really an official date but i’m counting it as one in my book

You hold back a squeal, though you want to scream at the top of your lungs so badly. You opt to just smiling from ear to ear at your screen as you continue to freak out over text.

Hobi: the only problem is that i have to pretend that i like nature :( but not only that…. like i have to know stuff

Now Hoseok’s begging you for advice on nature, and you mention that you also aren’t the biggest nature lover either. Hoseok tells you he’ll have to do some research on flowers and you think that he’s the funniest person you’ve ever met.

Your brief moment of happiness is rudely interrupted, however, when you suddenly see Jungkook before you, standing across from you at the kitchen island.

“You’re still hungry?” He says, opening the box and grabbing the last slice.

“You’re one to talk,” You scowl, watching him take a bite from his pizza.

Jungkook leans on the island, which in turn causes him to be closer to you, since you’re also leaning on the same surface.

“You don’t really smile a lot, baby,” He teases, wiping off sauce from the corner of his mouth.

So there he was. The Jeon Jungkook you’ve known and hated so dearly. He’s always called you random pet names, simply because he knows how much you despise him. It takes everything in you to hold back the urge to cuss him out. The walls are thin and your sister might wake up.

“Don’t call me that, first off,” You spit, “Second off, why do you care so much?”

“Jus’ makin’ conversation,” His cheeks puff up as he continues to stuff his mouth with food.

“Like I give a shit,” You grumble, looking away from the chewed up food that you can see in his mouth. It’s so unfortunate that Jungkook thinks it’s a good idea to talk while eating.

“Wow, you’re so mean to me,” He takes a large swallow of his food and then pouts, “You’re killin’ me here, babe.”

Despite his seemingly sad words, Jungkook’s giving you a big, toothy grin. He winks at you for the umpteenth time tonight, and you try to think of all the ways to kill someone in silence. Right now, you wish that Clementine was awake, because it’s only around her that he seems to be somewhat decent towards you.

“You have a nice house and nice parents,” He says, more to himself rather than you as his eyes scan the tidy kitchen, “And your sister’s so nice. Why aren’t you?”

“Why are you such an asshole?”

“Why are you such a bitch?”

Some would say that 10 PM is too late to have a nonsensical argument with some douchebag quarterback from your grade, but here you are having a ridiculously heated dispute with Jungkook at 10 PM. Again, all of this is happening in your own house.

You roll your eyes at him, and you wonder how you haven’t hurt yourself by the amount of times you’ve done that today.

The two of you eat pizza in angered silence, an uncomfortable situation you never thought you’d ever have in your entire life. Well, you’re a lot angrier than Jungkook, who’s got a smug, satisfied look on his face because he just thinks it’s so much fun to annoy the hell out of you. That makes you even more upset, which causes you to get angry with yourself because you know you shouldn’t let someone get to you like this. It’s a never ending cycle of negativity whenever you’re around him, really.

Soon enough, the faint, muffled sound of the garage opening is heard through the door, and you breathe a sigh of relief. That’s Jungkook’s signal to leave.

Before he leaves, though, he turns to you yet again.

“Thanks for the money,” He winks, “And the free pizza.”

The weekend goes by pretty slowly, but eventually, you end up in the classroom again.

Your school day is pretty much uneventful until you get to 5th hour Pre-Calc.

The busy click, click, click of mechanical pencils and the sound of scribbles from students’ writing are all you can hear after lunch. You follow their leads, hastily scrawling down your own notes on the lines of your notebook on your desk. Once you finally get into the zone of your note taking, you feel Jungkook lean in behind you. He’s so close that you can smell the cologne he uses, and the familiar odor sets off your flight or fight system.

Now that your parents have officially “hired” Jungkook as Clementine’s full-time babysitter, you realize that you’ll be forced to see him more often and have that strong, pungent cologne constantly wafting into your nostrils. You’re certain that you’d lose your sense of smell eventually.

If only Clementine hadn’t continued praising him after he left last Friday. Maybe then your house would actually be a safe haven for you. But no, now Jungkook is allowed to come and go into your house whenever your parents need him. (Again, as if they didn’t have a whole other daughter who was willing to take care of Clementine.)

But that’s another issue to worry about later, because Jungkook’s obnoxiously chomping down on his gum right in your ear. He’s so close that you can practically smell the watermelon flavor from his mouth, and you want to barf.

All you can think is: A.) Who in their right minds would ever actively choose watermelon gum over mint, and B.) Who would think it’s a good idea to chew on their gum so damn loud in the middle of class?

To both of those questions, the answer is Jungkook, plain and clear.

“Do you mind?” You hiss at him as you try to copy what the teacher has written on the chalkboard, “This isn’t a fucking ASMR channel.”

“Slow your roll there, baby,” His words come out in a teasing lilt, the pet name causing you to tighten your grip on your pencil, “First off, mind your business. Second off, I’d be an amazing ASMR youtuber, thank you very much.”

He’s imitating the way you talk to him, which makes your blood boil yet again.

“Well, you’re not giving me any chills.”

“I could if I wanted to.”

His statement causes you to freeze in your seat, mind racing as you try to think of a good comeback. Nothing appears, and you’re sure that if you were in the right headspace, you would’ve already had something good to say.

But you’re still going through heartbreak and the stress of dealing with your parents, so all you can muster to say is:

“You’re disgusting.”

Your words remind you of Friday night, which then makes you want the Earth to cave in under you and swallow you whole. You’re still dumbfounded at how Jungkook was able to come into your house without setting off all of the security systems your parents have installed there.

“Aw, baby girl,” The use of that pet name makes the digested lunch from 20 minutes ago crawl up your throat rapidly, “You really got me there! I’m so hurt, you know that? You’re so mean to me.”

You can’t see him, but you just know that he’s clutching his heart dramatically. Your whole body burns up in flames as you imagine the annoying smile on his face, the way it tugs to the right side a little more because he’s so proud of himself. He can see the steam pouring out of your ears, and all that does is egg him on.

Now he’s poking your back lazily with the end of his pencil, propping his head up on his elbow as he tries his hardest not to laugh.

It takes approximately ten seconds until you snap.

Once the pencil hits your back for the umpteenth time, you reach behind you quickly, snatching it and tugging it forcefully out of his hands. Without thinking, you hold the ends of the pencil between your fists and when your fists shoot up away from each other, the pencil breaks in half cleanly. You’re satisfied with the splintering ends of Jungkook’s pencil while he’s gawking at you, wondering how the hell you could have broken a pencil without any struggle. The smug smile is now on your face, but it quickly fades away when Ms. Lee turns to you and places her hands on her hips, a scowl on her face. You make eye contact with her and you immediately straighten up your seat, your breath hitching as you attempt to remain calm under her threatening presence.

You weren’t scared of many things, but Ms. Lee definitely made your skin crawl.

“Miss Y/N?” Her voice booms all the way to your seat in the back of the class, “Would like to share with the class as to why exactly you’re breaking a pencil in the middle of my lesson?”

“No, ma’am,” You quickly respond, your words coming out in a pathetic squeak.

You can feel the mischievous gaze Jungkook has on you, but you pay no attention to it. The teacher grunts, turning her back to the class and resuming her ever so important task of writing important formulas on the chalkboard.

You let out a soft groan and you noticeably slump in your seat, making Jungkookk chuckle.

“Nice save there, Y/N.”

“Fuck off, will you?” You toss the pencil halves back onto his desk, not wanting to have anything to do with any of Jungkook’s property. You made a mental note to wash your hands once class ended so you could rid yourself of whatever pathogens lurked on Jungkook’s pencil.

“Do you always have such a way with words?”

If you were in a private space with Jungkook, where his hands are tied and he couldn’t do anything to hurt you, you’re sure that he would’ve been beaten to a bloody pulp by now. You desperately yearn to have just one day where you can beat his ass.

But you frown, knowing that that day would never come.

“Do you always act like a pretentious dick?”

“Baby girl,” The name returns and you have never wanted to kill someone as much as you’d like to Jeon Jungkook right here, right now, in 5th Hour Pre-Calc with Ms. Lee, “If there’s anything to describe this dick, it’s certainly not pretentious, I’ll have you know that.”

“Wow,” You scoff, “Do you always have such a way with words?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact-“

“Miss Y/N and Mr. Jungkook!” Ms. Lee bellows, “I am teaching a lesson! Would you like to share-“

“No, ma’am!”

You keep your head low, continuing to copy down the notes on the board. Jungkook kicks the back of your seat multiple times throughout class, and the only thing you can think is:

How is this guy allowed to be around little kids?

Usually, when you see someone regularly in your life, your bond with them grows stronger. But with Jeon Jungkook, you’ve learned with each passing day that your hate for him becomes stronger and stronger. And it’s been exactly five weeks. You’ve kept track.

Because now that he’s your sister’s babysitter, he’s become a lot more involved in your life. At least, he’s become involved in Clementine’s life (which ultimately means yours as well).

And as a result, your parents have started going out almost every single night, save for when there’s a football game or when Jungkook is too busy with homework. This meant that he was at your house at least 3 times a week, sometimes even more, because he just loved being with your family and your family just had to feel the same way. Sometimes your parents would even ask him to drive Clementine home from school.

(An issue that would easily be solved if they let you learn how to drive. But apparently that was absolutely preposterous.)

One thing you’ve learned about Jungkook is that he’s scarily good at acting. He’s amazing at being sweet to Clementine, offering to drive her home after school whenever he can and creating inside jokes with her all the time as if he wasn’t planning on ruining your life this whole time. Since he’s such a “good babysitter”, your parents have started having him come over for dinner, and almost every night you had to restrain yourself from starting a food fight with him. He was always polite to your parents, though, making easy conversation with them at the table but never even daring to say a single word to you.

If someone was on the outside looking in, they’d think that Jungkook was a good person. Like a superhero, however, when he was around you, he would take off his disguise and reveal what he really is: a conceited jock who only thought with his dick.

The only possible benefit of him taking care of Clementine is that you have a lot more freedom now. That freedom has turned into occasional hangouts with Hoseok on the weekend. You’d usually use any chance you could get of hanging out with your best friend, but you also didn’t trust the dangerous human being who was constantly in your house, watching her. As a result, you’ve chosen to stay at home with Clementine, babysitting her babysitter. You label it as being a protective older sister.

But as Jungkook annoyingly puts it, with his notorious, cocky grin:

“You really like my company, don’t you, babe?”

He couldn’t be further from the truth.

This is different from tonight, though, because you’re relishing in the overly sweet, artificial taste of the strawberry shake right in front of you. It tastes like relief, like some much needed freedom from your overbearing parents on a Thursday evening.

Today, they took it upon themselves to lecture you about your sleeping schedule, telling you it’s irresponsible to stay up so late. What they don’t get is that you’ve been working on an important paper for your AP Lang class while also helping one of your classmates with their own paper. It strikes you that they don’t realize how much schoolwork your teachers pile on you. And it infuriates you even more that they always jump to the conclusion that you’re a bad kid, even though you’ve constantly had good grades while balancing schoolwork with cheer. That notion’s always gone unnoticed.

Of course, this wasn’t a pretty sight to be seen, your parents arguing with you right before their dinner date, and coincidentally, right as Jungkook stepped into the house. You don’t know what his reaction was, but you presume that he was most likely stunned. The only time you’re ever truly enraged, bluntly saying whatever harsh comments come to your mind, is when your mom starts to belittle you. This was the first time Jungkook’s ever seen you this upset. Or articulate.

It was safe to say that things didn’t end well, you storming up into your room and slamming the door.

And, as expected, you chose to have a much needed diner date with Hoseok tonight. Clementine even encouraged you to go, saying that she’d be fine with Jungkook, but you couldn’t help but still be concerned for her safety.

“Y/N, stop checking your phone,” Hoseok whines, snatching it from you, “What’s got your panties in such a knot?”

You grumble in protest when Hoseok scrolls through your conversation with your little sister over text message.

The music from the old, torn down jukebox fills the diner, and you’re surprised that it still even works. That jukebox has been there ever since your parents were kids. Nonetheless, you enjoy the nice, cheery melodies playing from it. You kick at some random bits of fries on the floor, your beaten red converse still visible under the dark shadows of the table. The diner smells of fried food, a scent that you’ll happily breathe in everyday. There’s an elderly couple sitting at the other end of the diner, waiting for their waitress to bring them their food. The old lady waves to you, and you wave back, flashing a small smile her way.

“Y/N, Tina’s gonna be perfectly fine,” He says, creating a shooing motion with his hand, “It’s not like he’s going to kill her.”

“You don’t know that.”

“He literally loves her,” Hoseok takes a bite of his burger, some of the juice from the patty seeping out, “Yesterday he asked me to ask you what type of music Tina liked, Remember? Granted, he was too scared to talk to you. but-”

“Don’t,” You groan, stealing a fry as compensation, “Don’t remind me.”

“Hey, I don’t like him either,” He says, “But I’m just sayin’ that you don’t gotta worry so much. Your sister’s 12 already. She’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, but-“

“And technically, there would be no clear motive for him to do anything wrong because he’s getting paid,” Hoseok takes a fry for himself, “Why would he feel a need to get rid of his only source of income? That’d be ridiculous.”

You sigh, resting your head on the table in defeat. He was right. Even if Jungkook was a douchebag towards you, he wasn’t insane.

“Don’t do that!” Hoseok scolds, flicking your forehead, “Your menu was just on that table!”

“So?” You rub your forehead in a failed attempt to the pain Hoseok has just inflicted onto you.

“You know menus can have 185,000 germs per square centimeter?” He exasperatedly explains, pulling out some hand sanitizer from his backpack, “Or was it only 85,000…? No, I remember it being-“

“Wonder where you got that information,” You tease, wiggling your eyebrows while you cleanse yourself with Hoseok’s hand sanitizer. The tips of Hoseok’s ears turn red in seconds, and you laugh at his misfortune.

“You’re so lucky I love you,” He grumbles, hiding his face in his hands. You giggle, eating so many of Hoseok fries that he decides to order some more for you. That’s how your diner “dates” usually went, you only ordering a shake but then stealing all of Hoseok’s food.

“How’s that going, by the way?”

“He’s adorable, as always, but he’s really… How do I say this?” He pretends to search for the right words before deadpanning, “An absolute fucking idiot.”

“What?” The statement catches you off guard, and you almost choke on your shake.

“He’s so dumb, Y/N,” Hoseok hits his forehead with his palm, “So we’ve been hanging out a lot, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then tell me why he can’t get the clue that I want him to actually ask me out?!” He groans, “Like, I’ve been trying to bring up prom, but he doesn’t get from the multiple times that I’ve said that I don’t have a date that I want him to ask me…”

Hoseok angrily chomps down on the last bit of his burger, while you’re still roaring in hysterics about how he finds Namjoon frustratingly adorable.

“I don’t get boys,” He pouts, “I really don’t. And I am one!”

“You can say that again,” You chuckle, sipping the rest of the shake in your glass.

The two of you catch up on everything you haven’t been able to share from weeks before, since school can provide only so much time for talking. When spending time with Hoseok, you realize how often you let the little things get to you. You tend to sweat the small stuff so much that you don’t realize all the good things happening to you. It was a nice albeit short break from reality, sitting with Hoseok in your favorite diner with your favorite strawberry shake and some greasy, delicious fries.

Eventually, you end up back at home at 10:30 PM. You come a little bit later than your assigned curfew, but it’s not like your parents would notice. They’d be home even later, since they’re stuck at your grandparents’ house. You snicker to yourself while you unlock the door, imagining the invigorating conversations they’re having over there.

The first thing you’re (begrudgingly) met with is Jungkook sitting on your couch, watching football.

“You’re home late,” He says, eyes glued to the screen. You kick off your shoes, letting them land wherever they want to, and you ignore him. You weren’t about to let anyone, not even Jungkook, ruin the fun night you had. It was too much for you to be constantly miserable.

Then, as if on cue, the smell of chocolate chip cookies wafts into your nose rather pleasantly.

“Did you guys bake?” You ask quietly, taking off your jacket. Jungkook nods.

You walk over to the garage door, where the coat closet is. Putting away your jacket, you smile to yourself. A cookie sounds amazing right now.

Grabbing some milk out of the fridge, you pour yourself a glass and take a second to really take in the beauty of the cookies. They’re perfectly browned at their edges, while their center is a light tan, and there’s a few visible chocolate chunks in all of them. Your mouth waters, despite stuffing yourself with milkshakes and fries. You place three cookies on a plate.

“I’ll be in my room,” You say as you walk up the stairs. You know Jungkook doesn’t care, but it’s been a force of habit ever since you were a kid.

When you reach your room, you quickly open the dormer window so you can sit on the roof.

If you were ever to meet the person who designed this house, you would give them a big hug and ask them to marry you, regardless of their gender. The dormer window and its alcove has been a safe space for you growing up, and you sit on the roof every time you need to clear your mind or if you just needed to treat yourself on an especially rough day.

You swing your legs outside the window, slowly moving near the edge of the sill until you’re comfortable. The brisk night air makes its way into your room, the wind pushing your hair gently in different directions. There’s a soft symphony of crickets chirping, and you take this moment to stare at the night sky.

A handful of stars shine in the pitch black sky, more than you’d see in the city but less than you’d see in the country. You make a silent prayer that one day that you’d be able to experience what a full starry night sky would be like.

Your plate of cookies and glass of milk is placed on the window seat. A cookie finds its way off of the plate, into your hands, and then into your mouth. The first bite is perfect, bits of chocolate and cookie crumbs left on your lips. You lick them eagerly, feeling nothing but euphoric as you take a sip of your milk.

“Never knew Tina could bake,” You hear a low voice behind you. It’s soft, but you still jump when you’re taken out of your cookie-intoxicated trance.

Looking up, you see Jungkook at your door, walking over to you. Your face is stuffed with mashed up cookie bits and some milk, and usually you’d be embarrassed, but you’re too tired to care, nonchalantly wiping off your faint milk moustache with the sleeve of your sweater.

“She’s great at it.”

“I know,” He chuckles before pointing to the window cushion, “Mind if I…?”

“If I said that I did mind,” You move your plate and your glass to the side so Jungkook has space, “What would you do?”

“I’d sit down anyways,” He jokes, doing just as he says.

“No point in asking, then.”

An awkward silence befalls the two of you, but that’s how nights with the babysitter went, unnerving pauses constantly appearing as he tries to figure out what to say to annoy you.

In fact, you’ve created a game out of these situations. You try to guess what he’ll tell you this time. Right now, you’re betting that he’ll mention something about your peach fuzz, or that you’re a fattie for having cookies late at night. He’s called you thunder thighs before. You wouldn’t put him past calling you a fattie.

“She talks about you a lot, y’know.”

You’re initially taken aback, but the night is too calming, so now you’re pulling your legs close to your chest, a soft sigh escaping your lips. You have your back turned to him, sitting on the window sill while he’s on the window seat, but you can feel his eyes on you.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” You hear him sniffle, “Didn’t know that you liked the Power Rangers so much.”

“Are you kidding me?” You turn around to face him, “That was my childhood.”

“Mine too,” He smiles, one that’s different from his usual smirk, “Favorite ranger?”

“Trini, easily,” You point to the Yellow Ranger plushie laying on your bed, and he chuckles.

“I personally like Zordon the most.”

It’s not something you’d usually laugh at, but Jungkook ends up cracking up at his own joke and somewhere along the way, you find yourself giggling at it as well.

Another silence comes, and you finish the rest of your cookies and milk while he fidgets nervously with his hands. If Jungkook was trying to have a conversation with you right now, he was failing miserably. It’s somewhat interesting to you, seeing him open his mouth to speak, hesitate, and then closing it out of the corner of your eye.

It’s kind of cute, even.

You blink, looking forward. What the hell were you thinking? Was the loneliness really getting to you that quickly?

“Tina made those for you, actually.”

“That’s sweet of her.”

“Yeah, um,” Jungkook scratches the nape of his neck, “She told me more about what happened earlier today.”

“Huh?”

“With your parents.”

“Oh.”

You imagine what Clementine must’ve thought, seeing your parents continue to yell at you for hours on end about your sleeping schedule. She hates seeing her family upset, and that probably made her sad for a while. You hope that she’s sleeping peacefully in her room right now, tucked away into a land of dreams.

“Yeah,” He mumbles, “I’m sorry about that.”

Involuntarily, you let out a scoff. Whether it’s directed towards him or your parents, you’re not sure. You are quite surprised, though. Since when did Jungkook ever apologize for anything? Since when did he ever feel bad?

“No need to be sorry,” You mumble, “Not like you did anything.”

Another silence, this time being accented with some awkward coughing.

“I mean, I think it’s sweet.”

“You think my parents getting on my back about sleep is sweet?”

“No, no, no,” He quickly sputters out, “I mean that your sister cares about you so much. I think that’s really sweet.”

“Oh, well, thanks,” You say, tugging the sleeves of your sweater over your hands, “That’s Clementine for ya. Sweet.”

“Like the fruit.”

“Yeah,” You chuckle, “Did you know her name means ‘mercy’?”

It’s a fact you like to share with anyone willing to hear.

“That’s really cool, actually.”

“Yeah, my mom chose that name because I was too mean when I was younger,” You shake your head at the memory, “She said that we’d need someone more forgiving in the family, so the name stuck.”

“I can imagine that.”

“Shut up!”

“Sorry, sorry,” He laughs, and there’s a beat of silence before he speaks again, “It’s nice, having dinner with you guys.”

“Dinner’s alright. Shockingly average,” You shrug, drawing out the last two words, “Why do you like it so much?”

“It’s nice to see you and Clementine together, I guess,” He runs a hand through his hair, “Things like that aren’t so simple for me.”

“What’s wrong with your home?” Your tone seems a lot more blunt and judgemental than you intended it to be, but Jungkook isn’t phased. He laughs at your question, even.

“Which one?”

You got the memo.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not a big deal. You’re not the reason why my parents split,” He says nonchalantly, but then he laughs at himself again, “You know, I have a little brother too. He’s a little bit younger than Tina.”

You turn around and stare at him, and you’re unable to hide the surprise in your face. The position of you constantly craning your neck just to talk to him is uncomfortable, so you sit on the other side of the alcove, pulling your legs to your chest once more.

“What’s his name?”

“Yeonjin.”

“Not trying to be mean, but I always thought you were an only child. You kinda give off the vibe,” You rest your chin on your knees, “How come he’s never with you?”

“I don’t blame you,” He says, “It’s ‘cause he tries to always be with our dad. He also hates my guts, so there’s that, too.”

“...Can I ask why?”

The warm glow of your bedroom light shines on one half of his face, while the dim lighting from outside paints his other half. You take in his appearance, how his hair has gotten messier every time he runs his hands through it, how his soft brown eyes are bouncing around your room, studying each poster and each picture that you have placed on your wall. He takes a sharp breath before speaking.

“I hate my dad,” He scratches his cheek, “Well, not really? I don’t know, it’s confusing.”

“I get that.”

“I caught him cheating on my mom, I think two years ago,” He bites his lip, “And y’know, I told my mom. So they split.”

You nod, listening intently to every word he says.

“Yeon doesn’t know that. I begged them not to tell him,” He says, resting his head on the wall and staring out the window, “So he thinks that I’m why they’re not together.”

It’s during that moment where you realize that you don’t know much about Jungkook outside of the classroom and your home. You try to imagine what he must’ve felt during that moment, seeing his own dad with another woman. Then, you think about what it was like for him to know that his brother still blames him and will continue to blame him for everything.

The conclusion you reach is that you can never truly know the pain that he’s going through.

“You know it’s not your fault, though, right?” You point out, “It’s your dad’s.”

“Yeah, can’t help but feel bad sometimes, y’know?”

“I mean, no shit.”

A few light, sad chuckles emit from both of your lips.

“Well, that was strangely freeing,” He hummed, “I think you’re the second person in our school who knows that now… I don’t really know why I shared that, sorry.”

You look at him. He’s still staring out the window, his Adam’s apple clearly defined since his head is leaning back. His black shirt stretches loosely over his skin, giving you a vague hint of the muscles underneath, and his sweatpants make him look… cuddly, almost. You don’t know why, but somehow he seems as if he’d be so comfortable to hug.

Even if he’s in basic clothing, he still seems to look good.

Your initial reaction to this thought is that it’s wrong, but you’re too tired to protest it. Instead, you’re focused on how shy Jungkook has gotten, how he avoids direct eye contact and slurs his words together, save for the occasional stutters in between his sentences.

“Don’t feel bad, that’s pretty heavy. You gotta let that shit out sometimes.”

“Yeah…” He says, more to himself rather than to you, “Can I, uh, ask you a question?”

“What’s up?”

“Why’d you and Jimin break up?” His eyes are on yours, and he’s immediately trying to take back his question, “I mean, you don’t have to tell me, cause that’s none of my business-“

“You’re good,” You chuckle, “He cheated on me.”

“Damn, I’m sorry, I never knew...” He frowns, “Y’know, everyone thought you were endgame.”

“Me too,” You replied, “But apparently not.”

It isn’t until you feel Jungkook’s hand on your face that you realize you’re crying. He gently wipes away the influx of tears falling from your eyes, not saying anything sarcastic or mean towards you. He’s just… there. Ready and willing to listen. He even shuts the window when he notices you shivering, a shocking contrast from his usual behavior towards you.

It’s the first time anyone other than Hoseok has asked you for the real story. The first time someone that’s not your best friend has actually taken the time to listen to the truth.

“You know that’s not your fault, either, right?”

He’s repeating your words, but for some reason they don’t sound so convincing to you.

“I dunno,” You sniffle, “Feels like it is.”

“Why would it be? He cheated on you. Not the other way around.”

You take a few moments to steady your breathing before you speak. You don’t know why you want to spill your emotions out to Jungkook, but under the moonlight and your bedroom lights, there’s a sense of security in opening up to him.

“This is gonna sound so fucking stupid,” You start, “And you better not tell anyone, or else I’m for sure gonna kill you right when I see you.”

“I promise, I won’t.”

“I’ve never… done it,” You cringe right when the words come out of your mouth, “I told Jimin that we should wait until we… y’know.”

“That’s perfectly fine,” He states, and you can’t help but be surprised at how understanding he could be.

“You don’t think it’s a little bit weird?”

“Nah,” He replies, “I also think it’s absolutely not a reason to cheat. There’s literally no valid reason in doing that, no matter how unsatisfied you are with your partner.”

“I guess so.”

The fact that Jungkook is getting mad in your stead makes you giggle.

“And plus, it was you. How do you cheat on someone like that?”

“What do you mean?”

Jungkook pauses for a minute, processing what he had just said.

“I mean, if I was Jimin- No, I mean, if I was me,” He gestures to himself, “Which I am, I would never cheat on my partner. It just makes no sense. You already have a whole ass person who likes you. I think I’d be happy enough with that already.”

“Yeah, you’d think so,” You add, and now it’s you taking a few moments before speaking again, “Um, thanks, by the way. For talking with me, and stuff.”

“Oh, no worries,” He smiles at you, “Just kinda wanted to see how you were doing because of earlier. You did look pretty upset before you left the house.”

You smile back, and it seems like he’s about to say something, but the sound of the garage interrupts him, signalling that it’s time for him to leave. He stands up from the alcove and grabs your empty plate and cup to bring downstairs.

“Hey, I’ll see you at school tomorrow, right?”

You both know the answer to the question but Jungkook asks it anyway.

“Yeah, of course,” You can’t seem to wipe off the grin present on your face, “There’s nowhere else I could be.”

If you had to go back in time and tell yourself that eventually Jungkook would start driving you home after school and that you’d actually enjoy his company, you’re certain that your past self you’d slap your future self in the face and say that you were insane.

And maybe the latter was true.

“You’re terrible at singing,” He snickers, trying his best to keep his eyes on the road.

You’d retort and say that he doesn’t know shit and you’re actually an amazing singer, but you’re too preoccupied screaming One Direction lyrics off the top of your lungs. You decide to just jokingly flip him off instead.

The band’s songs hold a close place in your heart, because their music was what brought you and your sister closer. Although you’ve somewhat grown out of their cheesy lyrics about love and youth, you had to admit that their music was extremely catchy.

And apparently Jungkook thought this as well, because he was quietly singing along to each song word for word.

“Didn’t know you were a fan,” You tease, and he’s caught off guard.

“I’m not…”

“I bet you cried when Zayn left.”

He doesn’t look at you, because he’s driving, but the tips of his ears turn bright red, and you roar in hysterics at his reaction.

“You know I very well could’ve just left you at school,” He’s got a smile on his face despite his harsh words.

“Oh, you’d never,” You reply, staring out the window and enjoying the basic scenery around you.

After the one night where Jungkook and you dumped all your emotional baggage on each other, you found yourself looking forward to him being in your company from now on.

At first, you only decided to be nice to him since he knew the fact that you were with Park Jimin—that bombshell of a boy—and you never got it on with him. It’s not something you’re ashamed of, but you know you’d hate it if anyone else knew, because the rumor that you were crazy would just then become truer and truer to them. So you became nicer, gentler with Jungkook. Plus, hearing his story made your heart sadden a little whenever you saw how excited he was to be with Clementine.

And somewhere along the way, between him walking you to your classes and buying a Poptart pack and saving one for you after school every day, you realized that maybe he wasn’t such a bad kid to be around. He seemed to like being with you a lot too, always offering to drive you home when you had practice and when you didn’t, he’d offer to get fast food with you before going home.

Maybe it was the solidarity of experiencing pain, or it very well could just be that you’re one of the only people who knows Jungkook’s secrets and he’s one of the only people who knows about yours. Maybe there’s some pity for each other present, or it’s simply just because the both of you are tired of constantly bickering whenever you’re within a 20 foot-wide radius of each other.

You could spend countless hours trying to draw a conclusion, and you’ve tried to, during the late nights where you can’t sleep where you’re tossing and turning around restlessly. But eventually, you end up falling asleep, always answerless to the paradox you’ve been trying to solve.

Whatever the answer was, you’ve stopped caring about it, because you deemed it useless to keep trying to find it.

“How’s the new routine going?” He asks, desperate to change the topic.

“It’s going, that’s for sure,” You chuckle, “I think we just need a little bit more practice and we’ll be good.”

One thing that you’ve learned about Jungkook after becoming his friend is that he loses his natural vulgarity when you know about his family history.

You noticed this when Hoseok came over to your house one night and Jungkook didn’t call you a demeaning pet name at all during the time being. He also never bothered the two of you, making some small talk with Hoseok before leaving to play Just Dance with your sister. (He bought her that game when he found out that you guys had a Nintendo Switch that you never use).

The first thing Hoseok said to you when the two of you went to your room and you closed the door was:

“Where the hell is Jungkook and what the fuck did you do to him?”

It was a comical night, Hoseok freaking out over the wonderful, ever elusive mysteries named Kim Namjoon and Jeon Jungkook.

Another thing you (and Hoseok) had learned about Jungkook is that, surprisingly enough, his best friend was the Kim Namjoon himself.

This happened that same night, when Jungkook knocked on the door and accidentally overheard Hoseok say his name. Jungkook’s initial reaction was:

“It’s you?!” He almost shrieked in disbelief, “You’re the one Joon has a crush on?!”

His words, of course, came with a shrill: “He has a crush on me?!” from Hoseok.

Through this rude awakening, Hoseok and you learned that Namjoon was the only friend Jungkook had. Apparently, he started tutoring Jungkook when Jungkook was about to fail freshman year. Jungkook said that Namjoon was the only reason as to why he survived his first year of high school, and because of that he never left Namjoon alone. Eventually, they had strangely become the best of buddies.

And being the best of buddies meant that he knew Namjoon’s secrets.

(Safe to say, it was a rough night for both Hoseok and Jungkook but a fun one for you.)

“How’s Seok and Joon?” Jungkook asks, out of the blue, and you can tell the question has been on his mind.

“Hobi’s waiting for Namjoon to make a move.”

“Ha, that’s funny.”

“What?”

“Namjoon’s waiting for him to.”

“You’re kidding me.”

“I honestly wish I was,” He chuckles, driving into your subdivision.

“It’s amazing how glaringly obvious the two of them are,” You sigh, “Hoseok made bracelets for him. Tell me that that doesn’t scream: ‘Oh hey, by the way, I like you!’”

“Yeah, Joon has so many pics of him on his Insta, you’d think they’d be dating by now…”

“They’re really, really oblivious.”

“Well,” He shrugs, taking a turn into your driveway, “It happens to the best of us.”

Jungkook walks out of the car, heads over to your door, and as usual he helps you out while reaching for your backpack and your cheer bag so he can carry them for you.

Clementine’s sitting in the kitchen, working diligently on her math homework.

“Tina!” Jungkook sings, setting down your bag on the couch. You walk over with him to her, and she has a bright smile on her face when she sees the two of you together.

“Hi!” She responds, “I’ve got something to tell you guys!”

“What is it?” You ask, sitting next to her and taking a peek at her worksheet. It’s something about fractions.

“I think I have a crush!”

“Holy-“ You stop yourself before you can say anything bad, “Uh, wow, Clem!”

“Yeah, wow…”

You and Jungkook look at each other with somewhat sad eyes. He may not have known her for as long as you have, but he feels the same, strange dull pain that you’re feeling in your chest.

Your little sister isn’t so little anymore.

Tonight was going to be a long one.

Late night conversations with Jungkook at your dormer window have become a regular thing.

It’s the moments where fatigue starts to really hit the two of you that you have the most fun with him. There’s no shame in what you say, and no judgement stemming from one another. During then, it’s just you, Jungkook, the occasional plate of pizza and snacks, and the moon.

“I can’t believe she has a crush already,” You muse, a hint of melancholy in your tone.

“She’s 12, Y/N.”

“That’s still too young, don’t you think?”

“How old were you when you had one?”

“I think,” You pause, sorting out your vague childhood memories, “In Kindergarten, maybe?”

“My point exactly.”

You curse under your breath as you’re obviously defeated. You hate when logic is used against you. Jungkook just laughs, performing his usual habit of rubbing his nose and jerking his head so his hair can stay out of his eyes. Both of you are leaning on either side of the alcove and the window is slightly open so that you can hear the regular music of crickets outside. A light gush of wind blows through, gently shifting around random strands of your hair.

Jungkook’s yet again scrolling through his phone, looking at funny memes on Instagram and sending them to the group chat titled: “Namjoon’s Angels” that he so cleverly named. Your phone buzzes multiple times, and when you turn it on, 4 notifications from the said group chat appear on your screen. They’re all from him. You look at the boy in front of you and he’s got a delighted smile on, eyes crinkled up into crescent moons while he’s so focused on whatever’s on his phone.

“We’re in the same room, Kook,” You say, showing your screen to him, and Jungkook’s a bit surprised at the nickname, but he quickly shoots you a fake glare before going back to his own phone.

“Those aren’t just for you, princess,” He retorts, tapping away on his screen, “Those are for Joon and Hoseok too.”

Your phone buzzes once more, and this time it’s a notification from just Jungkook.

[November 15, 10:40 PM] jeon.jk on Instagram *Sent a post* [November 15, 10:40 PM] jeon.jk on Instagram This one’s for you! :)

Upon opening the chat, you’re met with an obscure picture of-

[November 15, 10:41] y/nnnn_ beans? jeon.jk Beans.

You send him a questioning look, and Jungkook squeakily laughs, almost out of breath by how funny he thinks the picture is.

jeon.jk Do you not like it? I think it’s rather nice.

The most surprising thing you’ve discovered about Jungkook is that he’s quite the articulate texter, which is a weird juxtaposition from his usual character. It’s certainly the strangest thing you’ve known about him.

y/nnnn_ it’s quite off putting jeon.jk :(

“I’m right in front of you,” You declare, turning off your phone and putting it on the cushion. Jungkook rolls his eyes, but nonetheless does the same.

“But that’s no fun.”

“You’re so weird, you know that?”

“I like to think I’m pleasant to be around.”

It’s your turn to roll your eyes. He sticks his tongue out at you before looking out the window.

“Are you going to the football game tomorrow night?”

“Kook.”

“What?”

“I’m on the cheer team…”

“Oh,” His lips form a small, tight circle and then spread into a sheepish smile once he connects the dots, “You’re right.”

“Always am.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” He starts, “Anyways, did you get invited to the party after?”

“At Taehyung’s?” You ask, and he nods, “I did, yeah.”

“You gonna go?”

You bite your lip, deep in thought over the question. Hoseok got invited too, and he was begging you to go because you hadn’t talked to Namjoon enough, save for whenever he asks you where Hoseok is after school.

While it would be a good idea to come along and really start to get to know your best friend’s crush, you could already tell that it wouldn’t slide with your parents.

“There’d be no one to babysit Clementine,” You reason, “I mean I’d love to, but yeah…”

Jungkook visibly deflates, so much so that he looks like a cartoon character. You suppress a laugh, an apology coming out instead so that you don’t make him feel any worse.

“No, I get it,” He sighs, shoulders slumped down, “It’s no worries then. We’ll still see each other after the game, then, right?”

“If you really want to, sure.”

“I want to.”

You smile at him, and Jungkook mirrors you, a toothy grin flashing your way.

Your favorite moments with your unconventional, newfound friend are during the late nights, because of times like this. Around you and around him, the world is soft and light. There’s a calming simplicity when you’re talking to Jungkook, and your chest constantly feels light and fluttery. His lame jokes become funnier, and your words towards him become kinder.

Even though it’s dark, the nights seem to shed light on who the two of you really are and how you two really feel about each other.

There’s no malice, no ill intentions towards each other either. You like being there with him. Time isn’t an obstacle, which is something you’ve always felt slipped out of your hands like fine sand. The world just comes to a standstill, both of you trying to talk as much as you can before your parents come home.

For you, time has been a nuisance. You lose sleep while you hunched over your desk, working on assignments because the night is the only freetime you have. Because of that (and so that you can peacefully talk to Jungkook whenever he babysits), you simply just do your homework in the morning. Your alone time is always cut short, since you’re swamped with cheer, homework, and family obligations.

You hated how time ran out.

After all, your time with Jimin had run out.

But when you’re sitting on the cushion in your alcove with Jungkook, you slowly but surely start to adjust to the ever changing world around you. Sure, you feel guilty about constantly dumping your emotional baggage to someone you’ve just become friends with after two years of having pure hatred for them, but time and time again he’s always reassured you, telling you that he really didn’t mind you venting to him.

It’s not like Jungkook was your only option, since you always had Hoseok to rant to. But seeing Hoseok happy made you happy, and you didn’t want to ruin it by being a complete pity party.

So yeah, maybe Jungkook was the only option you had. You didn’t really mind either, since Jungkook had his fair share of problems that he’d talk to you about. There was no point in feeling bad at all, actually. There was a fair exchange of listening and venting between both sides.

You did find having an issue to restrain yourself around him. Everytime he spoke about his brother, you just wanted to jump into his arms and tell him everything was going to be okay. Even more so when his voice cracked and slowly turned into silent whispers and warbled mumbles. Your heart always broke when he would start blinking more and more so that his tears wouldn't come out. Sometimes, when things really got rough, he’d let a few ones fall, but he always followed it up with forced laughter and a strained smile.

It always made you wonder if he was hiding anything else from you.

“Wait, Y/N,” He says, raising a pointer finger up, “You can go to the party!”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you forget?” He asks, seeing how confused you are, “I’m Tina’s babysitter.”

“I didn’t forget that…?”

“I’m gonna be at the game, cause, y’know, I’m, yeah,” He explains, “Your parents are gonna have to stay at home regardless.”

You stare at him blankly as it registers in your head that there’s nothing stopping you from going to Taehyung’s infamous house parties.

“You’re right,” You mumble, “Sorry, I must be tired.”

“When’d you sleep last night?”

“Yesterday?” You stare up at the ceiling while you try to remember the other night, “4… I think?”

Jungkook shakes his head at you, ashamed.

“What’d I say about sleeping late?” He wags a finger at you, “You’re gonna ruin yourself if you keep doing that.”

“Okay, thanks, mom,” You snicker.

He then changes the topic, now complaining about the very same paper that you stayed up late to work on. You added on to his ranting, speaking your own mind as well.

The conversation is stopped abruptly when you hear knocking. Jungkook and you turn from each other to see your parents standing at the doorway. Neither of you had even heard the garage opening, or your parents walking upstairs.

They’ve got tired, but happy smiles on their faces, and it comforts you knowing that they’re starting to iron out whatever issues they're going through. Your mom waves at you two and you echo her movements.

“Ah, I gotta go, then.”

Jungkook swiftly gets up from the alcove, grabbing his jacket that was resting on your desk chair. He greets you goodbye and then does the same with your parents, your dad walking him to the door. When both of the boys leave, your mom joins you, replacing Jungkook’s spot. She smells of steak and has a faint scent of wine about her. The relaxed, blissful state she’s in tells you that she’s intoxicated right now.

“Glad you had a fun night out,” You say, a soft smile on your lips.

“I quite like Jungkook,” She seems to not have heard your words, “Don’t you?”

“He’s nice, yeah.”

“He reminds me of your dad.”

She’s definitely a lot more drunk than you thought she was.

“Let’s get you in bed, mom,” You chuckle, standing up and helping her, “I think that’s enough for today.”

When you take her to her room and she staggers over to sit in her bed, you say goodnight to her. She responds, and you know very well that she’s most likely going to fall asleep with her dress on. You decide that your dad could handle that.

After getting ready for bed and crawling under your covers, your mind starts to wander, fixated on the idea of Jungkook and your dad being similar.

You can’t find a single distinct comparison between the two of them, but then your mind travels to the topic of your parents when they were younger. When they weren’t dating and they just knew each other as neighbors. Were they nice to each other?

Was there ever a time where they hated each other?

In between the many questions traveling through your mind, you start to enter the deep limbo of being half asleep and half awake. This doesn’t stop your curiosity about your parents story, as you see the two of them in your dreams. A young version of your mom bickering with your dad.

Then, it suddenly flashes to you walking with Jungkook in the hallways of high school, talking and bickering like you usually do.

Despite being heavily sleep deprived, you actually have a good night’s rest for once.

It’s Friday, which meant one thing and one thing only. It’s game day.

And although you complain about how sore your muscles are after practice and how you hate staying after school for so long, but when you’re sitting on the track, listening to the shouts from the student section and watching the football get tossed back and forth between players, you can’t help but be excited for halftime. You even become immersed in the sport, intently watching the boys tackle their way through the field. Half of the time you’re not completely sure about what’s going on, but you definitely were having fun sitting with Hoseok and watching the football teams brawl for a simple leather ball.

You had to admit it. There really was something magical about football games.

It was the way the grass smelt of rain and sweat, the way you could hear nothing but excitement from the crowds of students in the student section, the way that everyone was donning the school’s signature colors of purple and gold. The energy tonight is explosive, and you relish in every single section of it.

Your teammates are focused on the game and on themselves, making sure they remember the routines you have been practicing for months. But you, on the other hand, have separated yourself from the group of girls standing on the track and talking to each other. Instead, your focus is stuck on Jungkook.

Watching him on the field is like magic.

You don’t mean to, but your eyes follow him as he rushes past the opposing team, pushing past everyone effortlessly. He knows exactly when to keep the ball clutched closely to his chest or when to throw it to his fellow teammate, and he defends himself against the opposition, turning his back against them in order to protect himself from their tackles. It’s all like clockwork, like Jungkook could predict the other team’s movements. Even though you’re far from him, you notice the way he scans the field, so much so that you can see the gears turning in his mind. He’s got a whole map of the field and the teams in his head, creating a strategy right on the fly. All to get a touchdown.

Jungkook may be the big-headed goofball who used to enjoy annoying you, but he was a completely different person on the field. He’s someone determined and clever, and he doesn’t show off or become cocky when he’s on the field. Instead, he looks out for his own teammates and becomes a real leader.

You see this when Kim Taehyung, one of the running backs, gets tackled and crashes straight onto the turf, his helmet thudding quite loudly. Before Jungkook grabs the ball in Taehyung’s hands, he gives a quick tap on the running back’s helmet as a simple way of telling him that he’s doing a good job. To tell him to not give up and to get back on his feet. It’s a barely visible gesture that no one in the crowd would notice. It’s basically insignificant to… anyone, really. But you feel your heart soften when you figure out what the gesture meant.

Then you sit up, slightly, because his eyes meet yours and suddenly all the air in your chest has decided to leave. The crease in his eyebrows disappears and he’s beaming at you.

What amazes you is that Jungkook still has the ball secure in his hands, shoving his way through the hordes of players like they’re nothing.

You wonder what it’d be like to see Jungkook running up close. It’s hard to see from this distance, but you can see how the sheen of sweat glosses his skin. There was no doubt that he was muscular and you knew that, because you saw him every single day, but tonight his body is even more defined. They flex as he moves, biceps bulging because he’s clutching onto the ball so tightly.

You’re unaware of the way your thoughts travel to Jungkook being sweaty and hot on the field. Somehow it makes you feel like you’re betraying everything you’ve stood for by thinking like this, but instead of creating an even greater inner conflict between yourself and your conscience, you give up and continue to spectate the game.

(If by the game, you mean Jungkook.)

It isn’t until you decide to give him a small wave that he stumbles. He passes the ball to Kim Seokjin, the receiver, and quickly gets up on his own feet before he can fall on the ground. The opposition’s focus is now moved onto Seokjin, and so is Jungkook’s.

Seokjin reaches the end of the field. He scores a touchdown, and the crowd goes wild. The roaring sounds like music to your ears and you stand up, cheering along with your friends to congratulate your team. You beam when you see Jungkook running alongside the receiver, genuine grins on the boys’ faces. You feel proud, but you’re not entirely sure about what.

“We’re gonna kill it soon, Y/N!” Hoseok grins, and you mirror him, a happy smile on your face as well. He’s also too focused on memorizing the steps in his head to notice that you’ve been drooling over your little sister’s babysitter.

“I mean, duh,” You dramatically flip your hair over your shoulder, making the both of you giggle.

People say that cheerleading is such an outdated sport, but you actually loved it with your entire heart. You’ve created many lasting friendships with the girls (and Hoseok, of course) on your team, and the cheer squad was the exact reason why you had a somewhat reputation at school. It was basically the only thing that kept you going during the 3 years of high school you’ve gone through, and you’re sure that it’ll be the only thing keeping you sane for the rest of your years at this hellhole of a school.

Well, that was a topic for another day.

Because before you can have another existential crisis about the fact that you’re already on your junior year of high school—you haven’t figured out exactly what you want to do with your life—and that time has really slipped you by, the timer on the big, chunky, outdated metal screen ticks down. A bold, orange “0:00” appears, signalling that it’s halftime. The football teams slow down and head back to their respective sides, getting ready to take a break while the cheerleading squad gets ready for action.

When all of the boys are seated at their benches, some of them guzzling water or simply just catching their breath, you, Hoseok, and the rest of the girls make your way onto the turf. The speaker announces your team, staticky voice emitting from the speakers and filling the air.

It’s go time.

You all huddle in a circle, hyping yourselves up with team chants. It’s invigorating, being with all of your friends, getting ready to present the routine you had been trying to perfect for the past few months. You step into the circle, and the girls lift you up, throwing you up in the air. As you’re thrown, you let the force move you, your body twirling around. You land gracefully back into their arms, and the crowd goes wild once again.

The cheerleaders grab their pom poms that are lying on the turf and they get into position. Everyone places their hands on their hips, smiles forming on all of your faces as the crowd simmers down to get ready for the show. A beat starts from the drum line, and you all wave your pom poms in the air, the tinsel-like material sounding almost like rain as they swivel in circular motions. You scan the crowds, looking at all the different students sitting together.

Then your eyes meet, and your face falters.

Park Jimin is sitting in the bleachers, beaming at the Sophomore on the cheer team. You’re rudely reminded of her sitting on his lap in the back of his car, and your eyes become hazy as you try to save face.

“Don’t pay attention to him,” Hoseok whispers, “He’s not worth it.”

You nod, averting your focus from Jimin. This was the final football game of the season. You had to make the most of it, and you weren’t going to let him get in the way of it.

The cheer captain starts with a “5, 6, 7, 8,” and the rest of you follow her chants.

The routine starts with a high kick and a right punch up, followed with another high kick and then a strict order of arm positions along with a few more kicks that you all execute with style. Some of the girls move to the front, doing backflips to entertain the crowd. The flyers, bases, and spotters, get ready for extensions while the girls in the front keep the student section preoccupied.

Hoseok is assigned as one of your bases, and two other girls—a base and a back spotter—get into formation along with him. They lift you up carefully, steadying you right away as you're raised up. The other flyers are lifted up, too, and you sigh in relief knowing that everyone did their extensions easily. You flash bright smiles to the crowd and they all scream, cheering you on as well. Your combined shouts add even more energy to what was already an electric game.

The cheer is something cheesy about having more spirit than the other team, and the words are really cringy at points, but you don’t care. You’d shout them to the ends of the earth for all you cared. What mattered was the way the student section responded with almost double the enthusiasm. Kids are hollering, practically jumping out of their seats and yelling as they repeat the school’s signature lyrics. There’s nothing but pure excitement for the game, the football team, and the cheerleaders.

You’re lowered down for a few minutes by the bases only to be thrown up quickly. Keeping your stomach tight and your arms stiff, you fall back into the arms of the cheerleaders underneath you. It’s a perfect execution of a cradle, and you’re practically glowing with pride for your team. It’s obvious that the coaches would praise you all at the next practice. The crowd goes crazy for your team as well. Once you’re placed on the ground, it’s your turn to perform flips and high kicks, and you carry out the rest of the routine effortlessly.

Staring at the crowd, you take in how everyone is smiling at you and your team, impressed at the stunts you all pulled off in such a small time frame. Their eyes are shimmering with pride and you’re certain that their throats have gone raw from all their hoots and hollers. The night sky is painted black, but the atmosphere you’re in is far from dull. The crowds are colored purple and gold, matching your uniform and the football players’ uniforms. There are kids from different cliques, but they’re all sitting together and cheering, showing the solidarity a school could have.

You hold on to the moment for as long as you can, your chest heaving up and down as you pose confidently when the routine is done. Hoseok looks at you with immense pride and you do the same, both of you practically radiating out there on the field.

Eventually, halftime is over and you’re back to sitting on the track. You’re sweaty, but you don’t care. You know you did amazing and that was worth it.

A wave of uneasiness hits your chest when you see the sophomore rush over to her backpack to check her phone. She grins at her screen before running over to your coach, using some lame excuse so she can leave. After that, she rushes out, and you see Jimin following suit.

You plan to see what they’re doing, but Hoseok grabs your wrist, already knowing what you were going to do.

“Y/N,” His voice is stern, “I love you. Don’t.”

“But-“

“It’s not a good idea. You know that.”

“Yeah, I do.”

Some of your nerves fade away when Hoseok demands that you’ll get pictures with him, even if both of you are drenched in sweat. He reasons that it’s because you rarely have any pictures with him. But isn’t that the sign of true friendship? Not being able to have pictures because you’re either having too much fun together or the both of you look so ugly you can’t even bear to have a photo taken? You use that reasoning with Hoseok and he simply pinches your cheek, telling you that you’re insufferable and forcing one of your teammates to take your pictures.

When the game is almost done, the sophomore is nowhere to be seen.

You see your coach asking around the other girls, but they all respond with a shrug. Hoseok keeps you distracted by talking about the new friend group you’ve created with him, Namjoon, and Jungkook. Then, he starts to talk about Namjoon and the latest “date but not date” that they had last weekend. You realize you’ve never wanted to talk about Namjoon more than ever before.

While he’s gushing, you look at the photos you’ve taken with your best friend. A satisfied smile finds its way on your face when you see that they ended up a million times better than you thought it would. Hoseok also admires them while you swipe through the many new pictures in your camera roll.

“Told you it’d end up good.”

“Oh, whatever.”

You decide that you’d post your favorite ones, since you haven’t put anything new on your Instagram.

You tap on the app, planning to create a draft to post tomorrow. To your surprise, though, a new post from Jimin appears on your timeline. It’s a picture of the girl in his car. She has a bright smile on her face, her cheeks tinted a rosy pink.

Under the picture there’s a blue heart.

You’re reminded of all of the posts he had of you that had the exact same caption. You frown. Blue was your favorite color.

You go to his page, and all of your photos from before are gone. You’re frozen in your spot. Your mouth feels incredibly dry and a hard, rough lump forms in your throat. Your eyes start to sting, and the pain you thought you’ve forgotten about has come back twice as strong.

Hoseok notices this and you hand him his phone.

“Y/N… I’m so sorry.”

“I’m gonna,” You wipe your eyes and fan away the moisture so you don’t mess up your mascara, “I’m gonna go home after this.”

“Do whatever you need to,” He says, patting your head so you can rest your head on his shoulder, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

You text your parents, asking them to drive you home.

The game is slow, dull, and boring, but after such an excruciatingly long wait, it finally ends. Once it’s over, you’re immediately walking out and making your way to your parents car. You ignore all of the students around you, pushing your way through them.

You also ignore Jungkook, who’s been running after you right when the game ends but loses you in the crowd.

When you come home, the car ride with your mom consisting of you breaking down and your mom comforting you, your mom quickly takes you to the bathroom, drawing a warm bath for you. She closes the door so neither Clementine or your dad can see the state you’re in, and she drops in a few drops of lavender into the steamy water. You hastily take off your uniform and your makeup, wanting nothing more than to get in the tub.

Shutting your eyes, you allow yourself to feel the warm water soaking your skin. The oil she added to the bath creates a pleasant scent to the steam, and your lips curve upward when you get a whiff of it. You rest your head against the edge of the porcelain surface, eyes getting hazy as the scent of lavender drowns out your senses. Your mother puts her hands through your hair, massaging your head with shampoo.

If your mother was being this gentle, this nice to you, then this was really serious.

When she plants a loving kiss on your forehead, humming sweetly, you feel your lip quiver. You were tired. This was your breaking point. You couldn’t take it anymore. Warbled, shrill sobs escape from your lips and you’ve lost all notions of self control. Your mom holds you close to her, indifferent to the soap suds and water soaking her shirt.

“Sometimes change is necessary for growth,” She says as you cry everything out.

“It hurts,” Your words come in between gasps.

“I know, darling, I promise you that you’ll find someone who truly deserves your love.”

“...Really?”

“Yes, and, you know, I already know one person who deserves it.”

“Who?”

“You.”

You hang onto every word she says, hoping that they’re actually true.

[November 16, 9:35 PM] Jungkook Hey, is everything okay? I tried talking to you after the game but I couldn’t find you Why is that? You don’t have to tell me, just wanted to know if you were okay I’ll tell Joon you say hi later tonight. He was really excited to hang out with you Sorry, I must be spamming your phone Anyways, just wanna say you did great tonight

Read at: 10:01 PM

[November 19, 4:02] Jungkook You didn’t show up to school today I think this is actually the first time you’ve skipped school Let me know if you need the homework or anything Read at: 4:10

You tap out of the conversation and put your phone face down on your nightstand. Tossing around in the bed, the sheets are uncomfortably hot around your sweaty skin. Your room is humid, since you’ve been doing nothing but lay in your bed for the past 3 days. Your eyelids slowly droop downward while you attempt to remove yourself from the throbbing pain in your head.

A slow, soft creak emits from your door. You open your eyes to see your sister, holding a tray with a cup of water and a grilled cheese sandwich. She still has her school clothes on.

“We ran out of soup,” She says, walking over to you.

You give her a weak smile, shifting over so she can sit next to you.

“Thank you, Clem.”

She sits up straight, expectantly watching you eat. She waits for your reaction, and your lips curve up naturally while you chew, she lets out the breath she’s unconsciously been holding in.

“Are you… doing okay?”

“I’ll be alright,” You nod, and then you roll up the sleeve of your hoodie to flex your bare arm, “Your sister’s strong.”

Clementine giggles and she leans back, resting her head on your shoulder. Her hair tickles your skin, but you don’t care. The grilled cheese in your mouth tastes absolutely amazing��most likely because you haven’t eaten anything since a bowl of soup yesterday.

“I never…” She starts, but then stops. You reassure her that she can tell you whatever she wants, and with a deep breath, she continues, “I never really… liked him.”

“Hm?”

“Jimin. I never liked him,” Her words lower into a nervous whisper. You wonder how long she’s been holding it in. She looks up at you once more, “Sometimes I could hear when you guys talked on the phone.”

Your initial response is to be angry, but there’s no point to. It wasn’t her fault that your rooms were so close to each other. Clementine scoots down so that she can rest her head on your chest, and you wrap your arms around her.

“He was kinda mean,” She sighs, “And I didn’t like how he talked to you.”

You nod. There was a truth in her words. You imagine what she thought hearing you cry behind a closed door, hearing you freak out because Jimin would end the call on you randomly when you mentioned Hoseok. Thinking back on it, Jimin was quite possessive when the two of you were together. Quite ironic.

“He’s like Gaston.”

“Gaston?”

“Yeah, full of himself,” She spits bitterly, and it’s the first time you’ve ever seen your sister speak negatively towards someone, “Only likes you ‘cause you’re pretty. Gets mad if you don’t give him something when he’s nice to you.”

Despite her dulled down description of Jimin, her words are a rude awakening for you. It’s as if you were roughly picked up and dropped into a cold, freezing bath, the frigid water creating an abrupt awareness of the reality of your past relationship. The reality was that Jimin was terrible to you, and no matter how many times you tried to label it nicely, tried to dumb it down so you yourself could swallow it easily, the truth is that whatever the two of you had wasn’t love.

It hits you that you really don’t know anything about love.

“You deserve someone better than Jimin.”

“You can say that again,” You chuckle, but Clementine cranes her neck and looks at you with burning eyes.

“No, I mean it,” She huffs, “He was terrible-“

“I know, I know, Clem,” You give her a light, reassuring smile, “But we’ll figure that out later, ‘kay? Right now it’s just you and me.”

“Yeah,” She relaxes, resting on you again, “I’d like that.”

You pinch her cheek before speaking again.

“So, you wanna tell me more about the new guy?”

She hides herself in your embrace instantly. Her new crush, Lucas, seemed quite nice from what she tells you.

The rest of your day is spent with Clementine over board games, movies, and cookies, and from how she eagerly spills out everything to you, you realize just how much she’s held from you, afraid to bother you since you “had a lot on her plate”. You secretly promise her that you’d be there for her more, that you’d forever be a shoulder to cry on for her from now on.

It’s almost funny, how a breakup forced you into having a better relationship with your sister.

When the night falls and you’re in Clementine’s room with her, ready to say goodnight, she musters enough courage to say something else to you.

“I like Jungkook.”

“I know, so does everyone,” You reply, suddenly remembering the multiple text messages from him that you’ve ignored.

Would he be upset with you? You decide that you’ll deal with that later.

“I like the way he looks at you.”

“What do you mean?” You questioningly state, taking the covers and putting it over her body. Even though she’s already 12, you don’t think you’ll ever stop tucking her in. She doesn’t object, either, eagerly accepting your advances and pulling the covers over so only her head pops out.

“He kinda,” She yawns, “He looks at you different.”

“Different?” You chuckle lightly, reaching out to turn off her lamp.

“Yeah,” She slowly closes her eyes, “Like how Dad looks at Mom.”

You freeze in place at her words, but then you quickly shake it off. She was most likely dreaming.

“You must be tired, Clem,” You mumble, “You should sleep.”

“Yeah, I should.”

You leave Clementine so she can sleep peacefully. With the absence of her around you comes the presence of an underlying issue that you never noticed was in your life.

When did Jungkook ever come into the equation?

Returning to your habit of tossing and turning around uncomfortably in your own bed, your mind tackles the notion of what your true feelings are for Jungkook.

Was he a bad person? Certainly not, from what you’ve learned. Were you guys friends? Yes, you were, obviously, from all the conversations you’ve had at your window.

Staring at said window, you imagine Jungkook sitting there, with his wide grin and his tousled, chestnut hair. You can almost smell the scent of his laundry detergent on your nose. His laugh rings in your ears, soft, breathy chuckles sounding almost like a melody to you. You think of all the times he’s walked you to your classes, dropping you off to your room before rushing on over to his own class that was on the other side of the building. He’s never told you, but you know that he’s always late to class because of you. This revealed itself because you’d see Jungkook hastily walking over to the attendance office to get tardy slips for his teacher.

You chuckle at the thought. It never registered in his head that the office was in the hallway of your 6th hour, so whenever he gets a slip you’ll see him pass by your doorway.

An image of Jungkook with Clementine flashes in your mind when you close your eyes. You see him dancing goofily with her to some Spanish song you’re not familiar with, all so that Clementine will be comfortable dancing around him. You take in how he smiles at her, how he looks at her so happily, and how he’s so eager to embarrass himself because he just likes seeing her laugh.

Then, when you close your eyes, you see Jungkook looking at you. His eyes are soft, and there’s something there you can’t really describe. It makes you feel safe, makes you feel like you can put your guard down around him. You notice that whenever your eyes meet his, there’s a bright, warm smile on his face.

A light, fluttery feeling hits your chest, but it’s far too faint for it to be significant, you think. You brush it off as something trivial. Jungkook was your friend, and that was that.

He was nothing more and nothing less, thank you very much.

[November 20, 12:30 AM] Y/N sorry for not texting back haven’t been feeling well i’ll be back tmrw, tho you got time to talk after school tmrw? we could get burgers or something [November 20, 12:31 AM] Jungkook Of course, yeah It’s no worries btw, Y/N Just wanna know you’re okay. I’m driving you I’m guessing? Y/N yeah there’s no one else who will, lol

Going back to school is a little rough, and although you only missed one day, you were already toppled with absent work and new lessons that you had to teach yourself.

But every worry seemed to disappear when you finally got to the diner with Jungkook. During this, you explain everything to him, stuffing your mouth with the fries that you loved so much. Jungkook listens to every single word you say, gnawing down on his bowl of mac n’ cheese.

“That’s so shitty of him.”

You can sense the anger in his tone.

“Yeah, I don’t know,” You shrug, pulling your strawberry smoothie close to you so you can take a sip, “Not my place anymore.”

Jungkook redacts what he was about to say, only nodding as to make sure he doesn’t speak over you.

“Sorry about not responding,” You mumble, and he shakes his head profusely.

“No, no, I get it,” He smiles fondly at you, “Don’t be sorry. I’m here for you, okay?”

It amazes you how understanding he can be. Seems like just yesterday he was chewing gum obnoxiously in your ears, blowing bubbles and popping them in hopes that the sound would destroy your eardrums.

Jungkook fills you in on what you had missed yesterday, already offering to help you if you need any help. The two of you spend the time at the diner talking about anything and everything, and things somewhat feel normal for once.

You wish that everything could stay just like this in the diner, where Jungkook is sitting in front of you, cracking lame jokes left and right and you’re laughing so hard that you can’t even be bothered to breathe anymore.

A few weeks pass, and you’ve slowly started to adjust to the “new normal” of your life. But this was only because you had such amazing friends to help you out whenever you saw Jimin with his new girlfriend. Hoseok has been there for you and always will be, Jungkook constantly has new jokes up his sleeve that he’s constantly waiting to use, and even though you’re not that close with Namjoon just yet, you’ve learned just how kindhearted he is.

This is because when you told him the whole story of you and Jimin, he started sending you pretty flowers every single day. Those were Namjoon’s “cheer up” texts that gave you a soft comfort when you received them.

Slowly but surely, your regular diner dates with Hoseok have turned into full on hangouts with the other two boys. Jungkook would drive you, while Namjoon would take Hoseok. Usually, though, your hangouts would consist of you and Jungkook losing your appetites over how sweet Namjoon and Hoseok are to each other. There wasn’t one time where Jungkook wouldn’t roll his eyes to you when Namjoon would compliment Hoseok’s hair, and you’ve lost track of how many times you’ve lost it over Hoseok pinching Namjoon’s cheek whenever he teases him.

It’s still a complete shocker to the both of you that they’re only friends.

But you honestly wouldn’t change your new friend group for the world. Albeit sort of dysfunctional and unconventional, you all worked together nicely.

Things slowly came together piece by piece, and you felt that maybe your life would continue on peacefully, just how you wanted it to.

However, today is different.

After school, Hoseok asks you if the two of you can hang out one on one, just like before, and of course you agree, because you had to admit that you did miss spending time with just him. So you expect it to be a fun filled Friday afternoon with Hoseok. Maybe you’d hear him rant about Namjoon being clueless for the umpteenth time without ever acknowledging how oblivious he is himself.

What you expect, however, is very different from your reality, because when Hoseok and you walk out of the school building and into the parking lot, you’re met with a pretty sizable crowd. There’s kids, mostly boys, pointing their cameras and you hear multiple shouts and cheers from the crowds.

You’re about to stealthily dodge the crowd and head over to Hoseok’s car, but then a gap forms in between a few students and your jaw hits the ground.

“Fuck you,” Jungkook spits, his familiar voice confirming your suspicions.

The other boys spur him on, yelling out incoherent words that you can’t decipher. You grab Hoseok by the wrist and pull him over to the crowd.

Getting a closer look at the scene, you and Hoseok give each other a scared, concerned glance. Jungkook has Jimin on the pavement, landing multiple brutal punches across his face. Jimin, whose eyes have turned hazy, has blood coming out of his nose, and if Jungkook lands one last punch, Jimin is bound to have a broken nose (if he already didn’t).

It’s a good thing, though, that the principal suddenly appears, pushing past everyone and splitting the two boys up. Jungkook and Jimin are both sitting up now, tattered and beaten down. Jungkook wipes away the blood on his mouth, while Jimin tries to catch his breath, his chest heaving up and down heavily. His face is screwed up in agony and you wince upon seeing the newly formed black eye that he’s sporting.

Jungkook doesn’t look any better either. He’s got bruises all over him, and a handful of deep cuts and scrapes from falling on the ground. He has blood on his sweatshirt, and you can’t tell if it’s his or Jimin’s.

The crowd disperses, students not wanting to get involved with the authorities. You and Hoseok stay, however, because Namjoon appears out of nowhere, his arms crossed and a tired look on his face while he assesses the damage. The principal pulls them away by their collars in order to create distance from the three of you standing there. Once there’s a reasonable space between all of you, he begins to mouth them off.

“He made jokes about it but I never thought it’d happen,” He sighs, rubbing his temples, “I got the principle once I saw what was going on. I was too late.”

“What’s gonna happen?” You ask, voice coming out in a weak whisper.

“They’ll both be expelled for a little bit,” Namjoon strokes his chin.

“Expelled?” Hoseok gasps in disbelief, “Don’t you mean suspended?”

“The fight’s on school grounds, and they were both deliberately violent,” Namjoon explains, “If Jungkook had only made a threat to do it, then he’d be suspended. Expulsions last much longer than suspensions, based on what the principal will think is a fit punishment for the kids.”

Leave it to Kim Namjoon to know the school’s rulebook like the back of his hand.

“What’ll happen with sports?”

“Now that, I’m also not entirely sure,” Namjoon answers, and you can see the gears turning in his head, “Let’s hope the coaches will even be willing to talk to them.”

Jungkook makes eye contact with you and although he’s tired, he seems to have sobered up. You stare at him with shocked, disappointed eyes, and he looks down at his feet, like a dog who just got scolded by his owner. He rubs his nose, taking a deep breath and choosing to just listen to what the principal has to say.

What could have possibly compelled Jungkook to beat Jimin into a pulp?

The next night you see Jungkook at your door, the bruises and cuts on his skin somewhat faint, but still apparent.

“Um, hi,” His eyes bounce around from you then to the ground, “Listen, Y/N, I-“

“What the hell is wrong with you?” You hiss at him, coming out of the house and closing the door behind you.

“What?”

“Don’t you realize what you did yesterday?” You say, “Because of that you got fucking expelled!”

“That’s what I was here to talk about,” He explains.

“There was literally no reason for you to do that, Kook.”

“Y/N, if you were there, you’d understand.”

“No, Jungkook, no,” You shake your head, “I get it, Jimin’s an asshole. That doesn’t mean you need to beat him up for it!”

“Y/N,” He sighs, visibly irritated, “If you would just let me tell you why-“

“There’s no point, Jungkook!” You throw your hands up in the air while you yell at him, “You’re expelled! Do you even know if you can play football anymore?”

He bites his tongue, giving you a perfect answer.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Y/N,” He grabs your wrists, forcing you to look at him, “If you had just heard the things he said about you, you’d get it. Please, I just wanted to talk to you and apologize. Please don’t be mad at me. I didn’t mean to.”

He’s pitiful before you and you feel your anger rise.

“Y/N, he said such shitty things about you.”

“I don’t give a shit!” You retort, pulling away from him, “I don’t need you beating up people for me, Jungkook. Do you really think I’m that weak?”

His eyes widen and he’s at a loss for words.

“No, Y/N, I never said that,” He reasons, “I just didn’t want him to talk about you like that anymore. You guys aren’t even together anymore. I was fed up.”

“Don’t you think there’s other ways you could handle that? Maybe you could, I don’t know, ignore it?”

“Y/N, please,” He pleads, exasperated, “I know this sounds stupid, but I really couldn’t handle it. I’m sorry, I just-“

“Do you really think I’m that helpless?” You scoff, “That I can’t handle when someone speaks of me badly? That you have to do everything for me?”

“No-“

“There’s something wrong with you.”

“I know,” He mumbles, “I couldn’t control my anger.”

“Yeah, that’s apparent,” You deadpan, crossing your arms, “I don’t need you to fight my fights for me, Jungkook. That’s not how it works.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t,” You spit, “If you had known that, then you wouldn’t have done anything.”

It’s an awkward position to be in, fighting with Jungkook at your front porch in the middle of a cold, December night, but you’re too heated to care. You ignore how you can see your breath come out in a light fog whenever you speak.

There’s a thin covering of snow everywhere, and you’re glad that you consistently wear a hoodie and sweatpants as pajamas in both summer and winter. Some snowflakes are resting on Jungkook’s head, leaving delicate white, sparkling dots in his hair. Matched with his red nose and red ears, you’d almost say he was adorable if you weren’t cussing him out right now.

“Why would you even think that was okay? Why would you do that?”

“Y/N… I…” He sputters out, “I just…”

“You just what? You think I’m so weak that I can’t handle my own problems?” You roll your eyes, “You’re unbelievable, Jungkook. You really think that I’m that weak?”

“No.”

“Then what is it?”

“You don’t get it do you?” He scoffs.

“What do you mean?”

“I did it because I couldn’t stand to hear him talking shit about you.”

“Why couldn’t you? It’s not your issue. It’s mine, and quite frankly-“

“It’s because I’m in love with you, Y/N!” He yells out, then coughs once his confession registers in his head, “I couldn’t… I didn’t want to hear him anymore.”

HIs words make your breath catch in your throat. Your heart stops, and Jungkook stares up at you nervously. You step away from, shaking your head profusely.

“No, you’re not,” You breathe out, “You’re really not.”

“I know it’s super wrong to say this now, I just,” He scratches the nape of his neck, “I guess I felt that I needed to tell you.”

“You barely even know me,” You say, and you can’t explain why tears well up in your eyes. You wipe them away, “Go home, Jungkook. It’s late.”

You’re about to go back into the house but Jungkook’s words make you stop dead in your tracks.

“I know that you’re ass at drawing,” He prompts, “You’re also shit at singing, but you do both anyways, because you think it’s fun.”

“Kook-“

“You say that you don’t do much in your freetime, but I know that you spend all of your time hanging out with Tina whenever you can, because you care about her that much,” He states, “I also know that you secretly really like Monopoly, even though you’re fuckin’ clueless on how to play it. Most of the time you go bankrupt, but even then you’re happy playing that. You’re the only person I know who’s like that.”

You’re speechless as Jungkook begins to list off specific details about you that even you don’t know.

“You always try to twirl your pencil in class, but every single time you get embarrassed when you drop it on your desk and everyone looks at you.”

“Jungkook, don’t do this,” You turn around, “Listen, you don’t know what it’d be like to be with me. You wouldn’t like it.”

“Who says that?”

“Me,” You say, “I’m still confused about everything. It’d be bad for both you and me. And plus, what if I’m not over Jimin? You wouldn’t want that. You wouldn’t like being with me.”

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

“Huh?”

“Because I’m set, Y/N,” Jungkook declares, “From the moment I really got to know you, I figured that I wanted you for the rest of my life. And I’ll wait for you for as long as you need me to.”

“There’s no way you can be so sure.”

“I can feel it, Y/N,” His words are desperate as he tries to reason with you, “It’s different with you. I’m different when I’m with you. I’m happy.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I do know, Y/N!” He shouts, “I’ve spent so many nights trying to figure out why the fuck I think about you so much until I eventually realized it. I wouldn’t have told you if I wasn’t sure about my own feelings.”

“You’re wrong, Jungkook.”

“Can you stop?” He snaps, “Stop belittling my feelings. Stop acting like you know shit about love, because you don’t. Your only relationship was with an asshole who cheated on you and talks shit about you even though he’s with another girl.”

Jungkook’s right. He’s absolutely right. You’re reflected on it, too. But you can’t help but become enraged when the truth comes out of his mouth.

“I don’t know shit about love?” You laugh bitterly, “Yeah, I don’t. And Jimin was an asshole. But you don’t know anything about love either.”

“At least I know what I deserve and what you deserve,” He says, “If you could just give me a chance to show you-“

“Show me what love is?” You interrupt, “Jungkook, how can you? Your own brother doesn’t even love you!”

You struck a chord, and you see that right when the words come out of your mouth. It’s only during then that you realize that using facts in your arguments aren’t always the best thing. Jungkook gawks at you in disbelief, his mouth ajar.

“I.. Jungkook, I’m really sorry. Stuff like that isn’t your fault,” You open the door and step inside, “I think that just shows we’re not good together. You should go home. It’s late. Goodnight, Jungkook.”

After that night and once Jungkook is done with his (mercifully given) 10 day expulsion, he finds a way to avoid you at all costs at school, going as far as to even switch seats with someone in the one class you have together. Your supposed “long lasting” friend group had ultimately split up, you and Jungkook giving each other the cold shoulder while Hoseok and Namjoon tried to find a good balance of seeing each other and you guys at the same time.

Jungkook no longer drives you home, and there’s now an empty seat at the dinner table that looms heavily on your conscience. Clementine hasn’t said anything, reassuring you that she’s happy just being with you, but you know that she’s having a hard time dealing with the situation as well.

His name is omitted in your house, and no one in your family asks about him.

Well, until now.

Because when your mom sits with you on your bed, asking what really happened, you cry once more in her arms, the guilt finally pushing you past your breaking point again. You tell her everything, and she holds you close, hushing you while you cry.

“Why were you so upset with him?”

“I don’t… I don’t know,” You say as you think about it.

“Do you still have feelings for Jimin?”

You reevaluate your sentiments toward Jimin, and what used to be feelings of love and pain have simply withered away into disgust.

“No…? I don’t think so.”

“So what was the real reason?”

“I guess… I guess it’s because he was expelled and that means he could be off the team. He shouldn’t be risking that for me,” The words come out of your mouth almost involuntarily, as if they’ve been waiting to reveal themselves to you, “And the fact that he says that he’s in love with me when he hardly knows me… It was such a stupid fight and I feel terrible.”

You hide your face in your hands, thinking about what you’ve said to the poor boy.

“Are you in love with him?”

Something stirs in your heart, and it scares you.

“I can’t tell anymore.”

“Well, only you know what’s best for you, and you’ll figure it out. We’ll be here every step of the way,” Your mom assures you, “Can I just say one thing, though?”

You nod.

“When two people argue over something that’s considered stupid or trivial,” She starts, “That usually means they actually care about each other the most.”

[December 19, 8:09] Clem Y/N Can you come pick me up from Charlotte’s pls? I wanna go home Y/N why? is everything ok? Clem Please just pick me up I wanna go home I don’t like birthday parties anymore

“Hey, mom,” You rush over to her, showing her your phone. In an instant, you’re driving over to Clementine’s friend’s house. Once you reach the place, you knock on the door, and upon meeting the parents, you say that you need to pick up Clementine for an “urgent reason”.

It isn’t until she closes the car door and your mom starts driving that she breaks down in tears.

“What’s wrong?” You ask immediately, and once she regains her composure she responds.

“They made me,” She gasps, “They made me tell Lucas that I like him. H-He made fun of me and rejected me in front of everyone.”

You and your mom look at each other with sad, knowing eyes.

Looks like there’d be a warm bath and a lot of tough conversations for Clementine in the near future.

While you mope around and recharge your mental battery during heartbreak, it turns out that Clementine does the exact opposite. She overworks herself in order to distract herself from the fact that she’s devastated.

You take note of this when you come downstairs and you’re hit with the smell of chocolate chip cookies for the sixth time this week. They’re your favorite, but if Clementine bakes any more, you’re bound to get sick of them.

You ignore that and grab a cookie anyway, shoving it into your mouth with delight.

“Do you like it?” Clementine asks, nervous. You nod, and she beams at you.

For something as simple as chocolate chip cookies, Clementine sure does put a lot of pressure on herself to make them perfect.

“Seok’s coming over later tonight,” You attempt to make conversation while she’s already looking through her phone for a new recipe to try.

“Ah, really? That’s great! I miss him,” She smiles, “I actually, um, I have plans today too.”

“Really? With who?”

“Mom already knows,” She says rather quickly, “I’m going out with a friend to dinner.”

Despite your curiosity gnawing away at you, urging you to ask her who this friend is, you stay quiet. This was something she needed, and if your mom was okay with it, then things should be fine.

Leaving the kitchen, you go upstairs to take a nice, long shower.

“Y/N?” You hear Clementine’s muffled voice behind your door.

“It’s open.”

She steps in, and you stare at her in awe. She’s wearing a light blue, off-the-shoulder dress and from the looks of it, your mom has done her makeup beautifully. Her hair is curled, waves gently framing her face. She fidgets with the silver clutch purse in her hands shyly, while she feels your gaze on her.

“Do I, um,” She gulps, “Do I look okay?”

“You look beautiful.”

She gets even shier, sporting a soft smile on her face. While she looks amazing, she still is unsure of herself, standing awkwardly as she tries to get used to wearing such nice clothes. You feel a touch of pain that comes along with the swell of pride in your chest when you see how beautiful your sister is. It’s such a shame, seeing how fast time flies.

“Do you know which shoes would look good with this?” She asks, “I don’t think my sneakers aren’t really ideal.”

“Oh, definitely not,” You tease, getting up from your bed, “We’re almost the same shoe size, right?”

“Pretty much.”

“Okay, you can borrow my flats then,” The two of you make your way to the shoe closet, and you crouch down to sort through the piles of dress shoes, “Unless you want heels?”

“Oh, no thank you,” She spews out, and you laugh. Even under all the makeup and fancy dresses you could put Clementine in, you could never change who she really is.

You grab a pair of light beige ballet flats. They’re rounded at the tip and have a black section at the too. There’s a thin, dainty elastic bow on both of them, and when Clementine sees them, she falls in love. Of course, you knew right away that she’d like them. There was no use in having her try on other flats.

“Thank you so much, Y/N!”

“Anytime.”

There’s a bright smile on both of your faces, and your conversation is interrupted when Clementine’s phone ring.

“Oh, I’ve gotta go,” She says, leaning in to press a kiss in your cheek, “Bye, Y/N!”

“Bye, Clem. Be safe.”

“I will!”

And with that, she’s out of the door and you’re left by yourself on this frigid Friday evening. You sigh, slouching down into the couch and turning on the TV. You can’t seem to remember a day in your life where you’ve been by yourself like this, both your parents and Clementine off to dinner at some fancy places you don’t know.

For the hundredth time this evening, you check the time.

7:23.

Hoseok would be here any minute, but right now you’re left to your own device.

It’s during then where your thoughts start to travel to the mess of your own life.

You mindlessly watch the cartoons that are playing on your screen while you reflect on your past mistakes. Jungkook continues to flash into your mind and you can’t help but wince every 2 or 3 minutes when you’re rudely reminded of your harsh words towards him. You cover your face in your hands, regretting every single moment of your life up till now. There was nothing that was going to bring back your friendship with Jungkook.

Why did you care so much? You shake your head as you try to sort out the discordant jumble of your emotions. There was no reason to care. You had only really gotten to know Jungkook this year. If someone was able to develop feelings for you that quickly, then certainly they weren’t real. Maybe Jungkook is in love with the idea of you. Or he’s incredibly bored and mistakes feelings of friendship for being in love. That’s usually how things play out.

So why were you bothered so much?

Why did you keep checking your phone to see if he would ever text you? Even now you’re tapping into your conversation with him, waiting to see if he’d type something out. Without thinking, you type a simple “I’m sorry” out. The words glare back at you, asking you why the fuck you haven’t sent them to him yet. You let out a tired sigh and delete them.

Although it’s childish, your mind’s first defense is to tarnish your version of Jungkook’s image. Jeon Jungkook was, in his core, a conceited, good-for-nothing quarterback who cared about no one else except for himself.

You groan, hitting yourself. Every single word in that statement isn’t true.

“What the fuck,” You whine to nobody in particular, curling up into a ball.

Why did Jungkook have to force his way into your life like that? Jungkook with his stupidly soft brown hair and his annoyingly pretty eyes. With his kind smile and laugh that you’d love to record and just hear on repeat for the rest of your days. Jeon Jungkook, the person you’d never expect to be your new best friend, but here he was, just popping up out of nowhere and disappearing without a trace. You curse his name over and over again. Why couldn’t you get his face out of your mind?

His infuriatingly attractive face and his built frame that always makes an appearance, no matter how loose his clothing is. It’s a whole repeat of the other night, where all your senses, all your thoughts, are nothing but him.

You hear his laughter. How it’s so sweet, so soft. You see the way his eyes crinkle up into pretty little crescent moons, how his toothy grin makes yet another appearance into your mind. How his eyes look so endearingly at you, like you could do no wrong in his sight. You think about reaching out to him. Maybe for a hug? You’re not so sure. All you can think about now, though, is how warm his embrace probably is. He’s always gentle with Clementine. There’s no doubt that he’s gentle and kind towards you now, too.

How would he look, laying next to you in bed? How would he look in the morning? Would he have even messier hair? Sleepy eyes? A lazy smile across his lips? Would he—

The doorbell rings, literally saving you from the grave you’re digging yourself. It wakes you up from your thoughts, making you realize that you shouldn’t be thinking of a friend like this.

You run over to the door, and when it’s open, you’re suddenly engulfed in Hoseok’s arms. You almost topple over, Hoseok being quite taller than you and stronger. He’s got a giddy grin on his face, and it looks like he’s just received the best news of his life. You have a confused, although happy smile on your face as well.

“Y/N, I’ve got so much to tell you!”

“Let me go make some popcorn,” You say, excited to hear the good news, “You got the movies, right?”

Hoseok takes off his backpack and pulls out three DVD cases.

“Obviously.”

They’re all cheesy rom-coms that are supposedly targeted towards teenagers, but are made by adults that apparently haven’t talked to a teenager in their life, despite having been one a few years earlier. That makes the movies all the better, though, because Hoseok and you like to take your time to nitpick all of the flaws in every single one. It’s a nice pastime with your best friend.

“Well, let’s get to it then!”

For the first time in forever, you can’t wait to torture yourself by watching shitty chick flicks with Hoseok.

“He did what?”

“He kissed me, Y/N! He kissed me!” Hoseok squeals, and he almost drops the bowl of popcorn on his lap.

The terrible movie is long forgotten.

“In the rain?” You ask, equally as excited, “Holy shit, Hobs, that’s like a movie!”

“I know,” He can’t wipe the grin off his face, “I was so mad at him before, ‘cause like, he just wouldn’t do anything! But then he kissed me out of nowhere!”

He‘s head over heels, dramatically leaning into the couch while pressing the back of his hand to his forehead, an over exaggerated performance of a faint.

“I feel like I’ve been struck by Cupid!”

“I think you’ve been like that a long time ago.”

“Shut up.”

“Just sayin’.”

Hoseok angrily grabs a handful of popcorn and shoves it in his mouth, the popcorn squeaking and crunching between his teeth.

“I hate that you’re always right.”

“Well, that’s not so true anymore…”

Your head hangs low, your vision on the screen now on your own bowl of popcorn. You grab a handful for yourself, using the action of chomping as a way to preoccupy yourself from the guilt.

“Hey, listen,” Hoseok wraps an arm around you and you rest on him, “It was in the heat of the moment.”

“Doesn’t make it right.”

“Okay, maybe you’re right there,” He chuckles, “But, hey, no one’s perfect. Jungkook was out of line. So were you. Stuff like that happens.”

“Why do I care so much?” You sigh, dejected.

“Because you like him,” He hums, almost nonchalantly.

“W-What?”

“You like Jungkook, Y/N.”

You stay silent, and Hoseok lifts you off of him so he can grab you by the shoulders.

“...Do you seriously not know?” His brows furrow, and you stare at him blankly.

“I think you might be wrong there, bud,” You give him a questioning look.

“Y/N, I love you. You’re an idiot.”

He stands up, and you’re still dumbfounded at his words. Hoseok reaches over to the coffee table and takes your phone. He clicks it on, the brightness causing you to squint. You take a mental note to stop having the brightness setting so high all the time. Once your eyes adjust to the lighting, you’re met with an image of Jungkook standing next to you in the living room, his arm around you while the both of you smile at the camera.

He’s got a tiara on and you have a fairy wand and a scratchy tutu wrapped around your waist, the tight elastic causing your t-shirt to bunch up in thick wrinkles. You involuntarily giggle to yourself when you see the picture. After playing a few board games with Clementine one night, she wanted to go into the attic and dress the two of you up in her old Halloween costumes. Of course, wanting to entertain her, the both of you granted her wishes.

And as if on cue, the smile from ear to ear that you’re sporting has dawned the realization on you.

“We’re just friends…”

“Y/N. I know you. You’ve been a bitch before. Without remorse,” Hoseok sighs, shaking his head.

“Hey!”

“All I’m saying is,” He puts his hands up in surrender, “Y/N, you know how good you are in arguments when you’re angry. You almost never feel bad when you use your words.”

“Okay, I’m not that bad-“

“Y/N,” He asserts, “Remember last year when you cussed that one Freshman out ‘cause he threw a french fry at me?”

“Yeah…”

“You went out of your way to sit down next to him and then proceed to tell him that if he disappeared, no one would notice.”

“I said that?” Your voice has only now become a pathetic little squeak.

“Yes, yes, you did,” He waves his hand after he speaks, “We’re getting off topic. What I’m telling you right now is that you’re blunt. Incredibly blunt. Like, holy shit, how can you say that? type of blunt.”

“I got that, but-“

“Not done,” He shoves the phone in your face even more, as to prove a point, “As we’ve seen before, you forget half of the crap you say. You never feel bad.”

You huff, not sure if you want to hear what Hoseok’s about to say next.

“Look at yourself right now. You’ve been moping over one sentence you’ve said to one boy for how long?” He wags the phone around, further emphasizing the said point, “And now you see one picture of him and you’re giggling like a dumbass.”

You sink back into the couch, the weight of everything hitting you way too strongly, too quickly.

“Well, let’s just say I did like him-“

“You’re fucking kidding me.”

“Just, just hear me out, okay?” You beg, and Hoseok tosses your phone on the table before slumping down on the couch, “So let’s say I did like him. Don’t you think I would’ve known by now?”

“Holy- Jungkook was right when he said you didn’t know shit,” Hoseok’s so close to losing it and killing you, “Have you seen the way you look at him?”

“No?”

“You’re insufferable,” Hoseok groans, whipping out his phone and scrolling through his camera roll. He taps on a video and he shows it to you.

On his screen, you’re sitting in the front passenger seat while Jungkook drives, both of you screaming out the songs on the radio from the top of your lungs. It was some cheesy song both of you hated but knew all of the lyrics to. You examine yourself in the video. When you look at Jungkook, there’s—yet again—another bright smile on your face, and there seems to be a twinkle in your eye. You cringe at yourself, hearing your voice and seeing just how wide your smile is, which causes your cheeks to puff up unflatteringly.

A hand reaches to your face when you notice how chubby it is.

“Where and how did you take that?”

“Remember when Joonie’s car broke down and we had to ride with you losers?”

“Oh.”

You think about that day. It was oddly suspicious as to how quiet they were in the car. Usually, Hoseok would’ve been nervously mouthing Namjoon’s ear off by then.

“Need I say more?”

You almost feel betrayed. Betrayed by how blind you’ve been, how stupid you’ve been.

“Well, it’s a lost cause,” You lament, “I fucked everything up. He probably doesn’t care about me anymore.”

“Not exactly.”

Hoseok swipes out of his camera roll and goes into Snapchat. He slides over to the Stories section and taps on one of the small circles. You’re met with yet another truth revealing image.

Took this kiddo out since some meanie broke her heart ;(

The translucent black bar almost laughs while Clementine smiles back at you—or, the camera, at least. She’s wearing the light blue dress from before and her hair has slightly gone flat, but is still quite wavy. There’s a huge plate of spaghetti before her, and she’s holding onto her fork with anticipation.

“If he didn’t care, why would he take the time to take Tina out tonight? He could’ve ignored her reaching out to him.”

While he is extremely right, you’re more focused on the situation itself.

“Why didn’t she tell me it was him taking her to dinner?”

Yet another betrayal tonight.

“I dunno, maybe it’s ‘cause you probably would use those pretty little words of yours towards her.”

“Am I really that scary?”

“Not all of the time,” He says, “But that’s ‘cause Jungkook makes you less high strung.”

“Hey, I’d watch what you’re saying right now-“

Hoseok wraps his arms around you, and he lets out a shaky, forced laugh. You don’t hug him back, but instead you let his embrace cool you down.

“You know I love you, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Anyways, more important than you planning out my funeral in your head right now,” He continues, “This is perfect for you.”

“What? The fact that my sister is going out on a date and I’m not is perfect?”

“No, no, you really are clueless, aren’t you? You poor, poor little girl,” He sighs, “This is a perfect opportunity for you to make amends with Wonder Boy tonight!”

“He just cares about Clem, not me, Seok,” You pout, “It’d be nice to, but he probably hates me.”

“Oh, but that’s where you’re also wrong!”

Once again, Jung Hoseok is pulling out receipts left and right with the sole purpose of proving you wrong. He goes into his text conversations and taps on a group chat between him, Namjoon, and Jungkook. You squint at the title.

“Therapy from Y/N’s Stubborn Ass?”

“Poor kid named it, not me!”

You roll your eyes, scrolling through the conversation. An odd clump of texts from Jungkook shine out to you the most. They’re all from the night of you messing up your friendship with him.

[December 6, 12:54 AM] Jungkook (Namjoon’s Stalker) I feel like I’m going insane I know I should be mad at her And I’m sure when I think about it properly, I will be But for some reason I don’t?

“Nice name for Namjoon.”

“Shut up and read the fucking texts before I lose it.”

[December 6, 12:55 AM] Joon Bug <3 Maybe you’re just tired, that was a lot to take in Hoseok yeah, but also try not to take it too hard. y/n’s kind of just like that. she thinks before she speaks and she gets way too angry for her own good. even more so if she cares about you.

“No need to call me out like that.”

“Trust me, Y/N, you needed to hear it eventually.”

[December 6, 12:54 AM] Jungkook (Namjoon’s Stalker) Yeah, you’re right It’s kind of cute, isn’t it?

The rest of the conversation is Jungkook praising you, adoring how “strong” you could be and how cute you were when you got upset. It’s a complete shift in mood from seconds ago, and obviously the reaction you were not expecting. The same fluttery feeling becomes stronger in your chest, so much so that it’s too obvious to ignore. You throw the phone back to Hoseok, not being able to cope with the heaping amounts of new information you’ve received.

“What time do you think they’ll get here?” You murmur.

“Soon enough,” Hoseok sighs again, this time in relief, knowing that you were finally going to listen to him.

You decide to ease some of your nerves by actually watching the movie, pinpointing the many beautiful flaws of the characters and the stories.

“Y/N?” You feel someone shake you, “Y/N? Wake up.”

You croak some incoherent grumbles, rubbing your puffy eyes. You cautiously open one of them, gauging how bright the lights are. Once you’ve adjusted, you blink to see Clementine above you. You sit up from Hoseok, who you’ve been leaning on for the past few hours and who’s still sound asleep.

Who knew criticizing three romance movies back to back would make you so tired?

“Hi, Clem,” You yawn, stretching out your arms, “How was dinner?”

“Great,” She giggles, “I actually have something for you, and you might be mad at me for it.”

“What is it?”

“Well, it’s more of a who, than a what.”

You nod, as Clementine helps you get up from the couch. In your sleep ridden daze, you forget about your urgency to talk to Jungkook and you also don’t recognize that she’s pulling you from your arm and walking you out the door. You only realize it when a brisk wind slaps you harshly in the face, causing your hair to become even more tangled than before.

Before you know it, you’re standing in front of Jungkook on your driveway and Clementine is running back into the house to find refuge in your best friend.

He’s dressed in a simple black suit, a white dress shirt neatly tucked into his pants. The thin, breathable fabric is tight against his skin, further showing just how built he is for his age. The scars and bruises have faded away completely, but you do see a bandage or two when his sleeve rolls up to scratch his nose or fix a piece of hair that’s out of place. His hair is neatly combed into a middle part, some of the hair fanning over his eyes. His hands are now shoved in his pockets, and he’s staring down at you, waiting for you to say something.

Small is probably the best way to describe how you feel when you’re in his presence right now. Underdressed, too, maybe, as you’re only clad in an old hoodie that has the name of a college you’ve never heard of, some thick, baggy sweatpants, and a pair of bunny slippers. Not to mention how messy your hair is and how your face is still puffy from the deep sleep you were in mere minutes ago.

“Um… Hi,” You wince once you hear how scratchy your voice is. This certainly is doing wonders for your image.

“Hey,” He responds, hesitant as well.

You bite your lip, trying to find the right words to say. You plan to confess to him, right here and right now, but another harsh wind hits you, causing you to shiver and clutch your arms around yourself to try to create some warmth for yourself. Immediately, Jungkook takes off his blazer and wraps it around you. He leads you to the trunk of his car, and once it’s open, he helps you get up there so you can sit.

Bless his parents for giving him an SUV.

The car trunk blocks out the outside wind, and Jungkook’s blazer gives you immense warmth. The scent of laundry detergent mixed with faint, pleasant cologne floods your senses, calming you down right away. Jungkook watches as you snuggle yourself in his clothes. His legs hang over the edge of the trunk while you curl up in a ball, leaning on one side of the car.

“I’m sorry,” You clear your throat, “For being an asshole.”

“It’s no-“

“No, don’t say that. It’s not something you can just brush over so lightly,” You look him dead in the eye while you speak, “I was terrible and I’m really sorry for saying such mean things to you. You didn’t deserve that.”

Jungkook nods, pressing his lips together into a thin line before licking them. A thin layer of saliva glosses his lips, their color a more vivid shade of pink.

“I’m really sorry, Jungkook,” You repeat, “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Your voice is clear even though your heart is beating violently against your chest, and even you’re amazed. Hoseok was right when he said that you were good with your words.

Well, up until now.

“Y/N-“

When he says your name, your words ungracefully sputter out of your mouth, displaying just how afraid you are.

“No, I’m, like, really, really sorry,” You feel tears well up in your eyes, but you brave on nonetheless, “I get it if you don’t want to talk to me anymore, and that’s okay, I just-“

“Y/N.”

In a split second, Jungkook’s hands are cupped around your face. He stares into your eyes deeply, fondly, just like he always does. You blink back at him, eyes fluttering while you try to adjust to the proximity. It’s then where you see every single little detail on his face that makes him who he is. The little scar on his cheek, the moles lightly dotted on his skin, and the way his eyes seem doe-like, almost. You take it all in, noticing how your breaths have synchronized, cold fog coming from of both of your lips.

You almost forget how much you like the way he says your name.

“Listen to me,” He whispers, “I’m okay. You’re okay.”

“Really?”

“I forgive you.”

The tears you’ve been desperately trying to hold back have somehow found their way out, and Jungkook chuckles while his thumb wipes them away. His touch is gentle on your skin, almost ticklish, and he doesn’t say anything else but just continues to dry the tears falling from your eyes.

“Jungkook,” You sniffle, “You’re too nice for your own good.”

He shrugs, letting out a breathy laugh. It’s music to your ears, just like it’s always been.

“Only to the people I love,” He tilts his head to the side, “Other than that, I’m pretty selfish.”

You giggle as well, putting your hands on his and leaning more into his touch. Your eyelids flutter downwards, as you take the time to just feel him on your skin, to savor this moment for yourself.

“Do you still think I don’t know anything about you, Y/N?”

You open your eyes and look at him, as he expectantly waits for you to answer. For some reason, though, your words catch in your throat. You never seem to be able to speak properly around Jungkook. He sighs, taking your silence as a resounding “yes”.

“Your name is Y/F/N Y/L/N and you’re a junior in high school. You’re on the Monarchs cheer team, and your best friend is named Jung Hoseok,” He says, not taking his hands away from you, “You have a little sister named Clementine, who’s 12. Your mom’s a psychiatrist and your dad is an architect. Even though they’re always busy, they’ve been trying to find ways to spend more time together.”

The routinely symphony of crickets mixed with Jungkook’s voice and the scent of Jungkook constantly wafting into your nose almost makes you faint. The state you’re in is one of complete bliss, complete relaxation as his hands are warm and welcoming against your skin. You’d go to sleep if Jungkook wasn’t professing his love for you for the second time right now.

“You like One Direction, even though a lot of people think that’s cringy. You’re still a big fan of the Power Rangers, and Trini, the Yellow Ranger, is your favorite. You can be incredibly mean and you can say things out of line, but most of the time you just don’t think before speaking,” He smiles at you while he speaks, “Deep down inside I know you’re an incredible softie. And I know that because of how you treat Tina. And, ‘cause you’re a softie ‘round me too, even if you don’t realize it.”

“Oh, Jungkook,” You breathe out, a smile forming on your lips as well.

“You used to hate me, because I called you thunder thighs during practice, and rightfully so,” He mumbles the last part, and you giggle.

“Didn’t know you’d remember that.”

“Remembered it ‘cause I can never forget how angry you were that day,” He teases, “Anyways, you used to hate me so much. And I’ll be honest, you had every reason to. I didn’t like you that much either.”

“Ouch.”

He rolls his eyes at you.

“But then I got to know you, got to see how kind and genuine you are around people, even if you don’t see that,” He says, “Sometimes you say terrible things, but under that tough exterior, all you are is just a genuine girl who does her best to make the people she loves happy.”

“You’re hardworking, smart, and extremely funny,” He continues, “In and out, you’re a beautiful person. That’s the Y/N I know, and that’s the Y/N I love and I will be in love with for a long time.”

You sniffle, and Jungkook waits, afraid that you’ll start crying again. When you don’t, he takes a deep breath before talking again.

“You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Y/N,” He confesses, “Can’t you see?”

You shake your head, reaching out to grab him by the collar. You pull him in and press your lips against him, your whole body being set aflame and your lips telling him everything that you’re dying to say. There’s a faint taste of Jungkook’s watermelon flavored gum��on your tongue (If you thought about it hard enough, there was a hint of pasta there as well). His lips are soft and pillowy against yours, and you feel as though you’ve waited for this moment for your entire life.

Who knew it would take your mom, your sister, and Hoseok to make you realize that?

Jungkook smiles against your lips, caressing your face lovingly with his thumbs. Your hand finds a way through his soft brown locks, combing through the strands that fall in between your fingers.

The sky is painted pitch black, save for the bright stars and the moon shining for the two of you, but your world is painted in deep shades of pink. Sure, it may be extremely cold because it is still December after all, but Jungkook’s lips feel warm on yours and that’s all the heat you needed to survive. You could stay like this forever if you could, if your lungs could take it.

However, that isn’t humanly possible, and after what feels like forever, your body reminds you that you still need oxygen to function.

You pull away, hands still in their respective place while the two of you meet eyes, chests moving up and down in sync. Your lips are slightly parted, mimicking Jungkook’s, and a silence falls on the two of you, but it’s not uncomfortable. It’s peaceful, as your world becomes nothing but Jungkook right at this moment.

“I love you,” both of you say at the same time, and before you know it, you’re laughing. Jungkook’s still stunned at first, but now he’s laughing just because you’re laughing and it’s contagious.

And in this moment, you feel safe.

Sure, you didn’t know a thing about love. You couldn’t even tell left from right at some times. But maybe that was okay. Maybe you didn’t have to figure everything out right now. Sitting with Jungkook in the trunk of his car, where the stars are beaming down on you and his coat is keeping you warm, is honestly all you need tonight. And maybe you still have some negative feelings you need to resolve from your past relationships. Maybe you had some issues in yourself that you needed to sort out, but that was okay, because Jungkook had his fair share of issues himself. And regardless of all of that, he was ready to risk it all for you. He was willing to learn and grow with you. Jungkook would wait for you as long as it takes. And you don’t need him to reassure you. You didn’t need to worry about it. You didn’t need to worry about anything, you realize.

Because now Jungkook’s walking you back into your house, offering to tuck you into bed and stay with you until you fall asleep, even though you’re 17 and you’re very well aware that you don’t need someone else to keep you company so you can sleep.

That doesn’t mean you’d decline his offer, though, as you lie in bed with him, snuggled up in his arms while he runs his hands through your hair. His dress shirt is scratchy against your skin, but you don’t care. Being with him is enough for you.

“Are you still on the team?” You ask out of the blue, eyelids drooping down while your burning curiosity gets the best of you, “You didn’t get kicked off because of me, did you-“

He peppers your face in kisses.

“Coach and I are close, he gets it,” He mumbles against your skin, “Just gotta do a lot of his chores for the rest of the year and summer. I’ll be okay, Y/N.”

“Okay…”

“That’s not your fault, princess,” He chuckles, “That was mine.”

“Yeah, definitely,” You nuzzle your face in his chest, “Still upset you did that.”

“Oh, I know,” He places yet another kiss on your head, “But for you, I’d do it all over again if I had to.”

And as the two of you fall asleep soundly in each other’s arms, you’re unaware of the loving smiles from your family and Hoseok’s faces when they see you two through the slightly opened door.

Epilogue

A little more than a year has passed. You’ve kept track.

Life has thrown obstacle after obstacle your way, but you’ve overcome all of them so far, and you plan to do so until your last breath. Jungkook was right when he said that you were strong. It’s amazing how you didn’t quite exactly realize this until now.

But this “strength” is long gone today, as you’re sitting on a fancy wooden chair, the soft cushion feeling good under you, in the middle of an Italian restaurant. The chandelier’s are dimly lit, shading your beige surroundings in elegant oranges and creams. You take a deep breath, trying to still your heart that's pounding violently in your chest. Your nerves work against every single word of the pep talk you’ve given yourself this morning, and you steady yourself, fidgeting with the silk, blue fabric of your dress that’s laying across your lap.

You look over to your right, and if you were stressed out, Jungkook was ten times worse, to say the least.

His right leg is bouncing up and down uncontrollably, and he continues to wipe away sweat from his forehead with a napkin, despite the fact that the restaurant is heavily air conditioned. His lips are formed in a tight, miniscule circle, and he’s also trying to steady his breathing, but he fails time and time again, hyperventilating right after. Every few seconds, he’ll pull out his phone and use his camera as a mirror, his fingers fixing the littlest flaw in his hair that his mind seems to create. His left arm is resting on your chair, the feeling of the thick material of his sleeve tickling your skin.

You sigh, watching how much of a nervous wreck he was, despite how amazing he looked in his tux.

“Still can’t believe you took Clem to this place before me,” You quip, and Jungkook is taken out of his trance, a smile falling on his lips once his eyes meet yours, “I think that’s a little unfair, don’t you?”

A miniscule portion of the tension in his body is gone while he’s thinking of what to say, not willing to miss any chance of responding to your jokes with something of equal (if not more) wittiness.

“First come, first serve, princess,” He chuckles, and you roll your eyes at him, punching his chest lightly. Once you’re quiet, he’s back to overthinking.

“Y’know, the fact that you’re more nervous than I am is saying something,” You hum, reaching up to poke his cheek so that he returns to Earth.

“I can’t help it…”

You smirk, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. His face flashes up, and he shakes his head at you.

“You’re crazy, y’know that?” He sighs, staring at you dreamily. Even now, he becomes head over heels when you kiss him out of the blue. The sight of him having literal heart eyes for you makes you giggle.

“So are you,” You respond, “But, hey, it’ll be okay, I promise. Nothing bad could possibly happen.”

“...Really?”

“Of course, Kook,” You place your hand on his thigh, giving it an affirmative squeeze, “Everything will be fine.”

“And if it’s not?”

“Well,” You click your tongue, “We’ll get there when we get there.”

He nods, most of the stress leaving his head. You take a sigh of relief, seeing how relaxed he’s become. Now he’s cracking jokes about anything and everything, and you feel a flutter in your chest. Jungkook was back to his normal self.

Well, he was until he suddenly froze in his seat while he was in the middle of telling you a funny story during practice. Your focus is turned away from him and you follow his line of vision. You’re met with a waitress leading a middle-aged man and a boy into the seating area. She scans the room and once she sees your table, she gestures over to you two, a bright, pleasant smile on her face.

Jungkook immediately stands up to greet the two of them, thanking the waitress for her assistance. He guides them to the table, and it’s only then where you get a good look at them.

You suppress a laugh. Jungkook definitely had his father’s nose.

So did his little brother, Yeonjin, who was the spitting image of Jungkook when Jungkook was 13. He even has the infamous bowl cut that Jungkook had when he was younger. The boy takes out the earbuds in his ears, unplugs them from his phone, rolls them up in his hand, and places the coiled up earbuds into his pocket of his trousers.

He stares up at you, almost in awe, and so does his dad, who’s looking you up and down. Jungkook’s father acts as if he’s dissecting a subject, taking you apart piece by piece and rearranging you in his mind so as to get a better understanding of your character. It’s times like these where you wish that mind reading was a skill.

Jungkook takes another deep breath. He then gestures to you, and you flash a polite smile to them, reaching out your hand.

“Um, Yeonie,” He clears his throat, “Dad, this is Y/N.”

There’s a beat of silence before he speaks again.

“She’s my girlfriend.”

“Nice to meet you, Y/N,” His father says, a soft smile appearing finally. He shakes your hand. Yeonjin follows his actions, shaking your hand with an obviously lesser amount of strength, but with the same eagerness all the more. You hide the uneasiness in your chest, knowing all that you know about Jungkook’s dad and his brother. And knowing that his dad doesn’t know that you know about him.

Nevertheless, though, you sit down with his other side of the family and make easy conversation with them while all of you look through the menu. Yeonjin points to one dish on the menu to his dad, and then whips out his phone and starts scrolling through social media. He doesn’t say anything, save for a soft chuckle or snicker when he sees a funny post on his phone.

You take a glance at Jungkook, who has become more composed than earlier. You take a few more glances, and Jungkook does the same. When you make eye contact, you give him a bright smile, and he mirrors you. You feel the back of his hand on your thigh, and you put your hand in his. He lets out a sigh, squeezing you and massaging your skin with his thumb. The action brings both of you at peace.

“So, Y/N,” His dad takes a sip of the ice cold water in his glass, “How did you get to know Jungkook?”

This time, Yeonjin actually looks up from his phone to stare at you with curiosity.

You smile at them sheepishly, wondering what exactly to tell them of your wild ride of a story with Jungkook. Maybe you could omit some parts here and there, especially the part about him getting expelled because of you. You’re not even sure if his dad knew that happened to him.

You gulp, and Jungkook squeezes your hand once more. Now it’s him making sure that you return to Earth. Your nerves are still set on fire, though, and you stammer out a few incoherent sounds while you try to find the right things to say.

This was definitely going to be significantly harder than having dinner with his mom.

a/n: hope you guys enjoyed!!! it had quite a bunch of cliches but i loved writing them nonetheless. i love you all :)

#fic: my babysitter’s a quarterback #fic: mbaq #bts fanfiction #bts fic #bangtan fanfic #bts fanfic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook oneshot #bts jungkook fanfiction #bts jungkook fluff #bts jungkook angst #jeon jungkook fic #bts scenario #bts scenarios #bts oneshot #bts oneshots #jungkook oneshots

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wickedgamesoyaoya · 4 years

Text

Irritation weaved through your limbs, devouring every nerve and cell with no remorse. The only remedy that was available for the virus contaminating your blood sat ahead of you, belittling you with the familiar scent that would tickle your nose whenever the waitress would slip on by. There was a reason you vowed to remain sober for the evening. Ingesting liquor would simply draw out the one emotion you were strategically masking with artificial laughter and twinkling smiles. Your new acquaintances found entertainment in your façade, and they made no inquiry into the truth behind your sarcastic words. For the smile painted across your lips indicated that you were satisfied with their company, they did not have even the slightest inkling of the emotions sickening your core.

Your best friend did, however, catch the tremors in your fingers, and the incessant tapping that sounded underneath the table. Oikawa tried to console you, with exaggerated praise and comedy. The others at the table were consumed by the performance, but your mind would not permit you a moment of peace.

It had been hours since you spoke to your two friends about locating your fiancé. Their silence was uncharacteristic and supplied confirmation that your fiancé did something, or perhaps was going to do something. Something that none of the others would dare to say. This newfound loyalty towards the cook was puzzling to say the least.

But was it really a matter of loyalty…? What could he have done that would compel silence from three of your best friends? Was it that terrible that each of your friends refused to be the bearer of bad news?

With your questions unanswered, the only option was to forget they existed.

Curling your fingers around the stem of the glass, the cold liquid was brought to your lips, earning you cheers from your new friends. The chocolate shavings defeated the bitterness your throat had craved, yet you were thankful for the weight the alcohol had lifted from your shoulders.

One drink turned into two, then three… and then four. When you endeavoured to order a fifth, Oikawa intercepted, swapping your glass with his. Instead of abiding with his request to sober-up, you scooped out an ice cube from the water glass then flicked it at Francisco.

“What was that for?”

“Well, Juliana said you were too hot, so I thought I’d cool you down.” The words were purred out slowly and followed by a half-hearted wink.

“Y/n, you know that’s not how it works.” Oikawa contemplated apologizing on your behalf, but your antics did not seem to phase the model.

“Shh, I don’t wanna hear your voice.” A single finger was pressed against the setter’s mouth, which twitched into a pout. Turning your attention away from him, you pressed yourself against the table edge, then leaned forward, dropping your voice to a whisper. “You guys know my best friends are more loyal to my fiancé than they are to me?”

“Y/n…” Guilt twisted into a dagger that planted directly inside of Oikawa’s heart. He was keeping this secret for you, not for the damn cook. He knew that come tomorrow; the younger Miya’s presence would replace the pain circling your thoughts with happiness. That was all he wanted. Your happiness. But he should have known this would backfire, patience was not your strong suit.

“I don’t think that’s true, y/n. I saw your social media. These guys care a lot about you.” Francisco countered after witnessing the grief in the setter’s eyes. From their limited interaction, the model was able to pick up on certain things – he knew the bond between you and Oikawa ran deeper than any friendship he could claim to have. He was envious of your relationship, really. And he also knew that it was the liquor that prompted your allegations, not the truth.

“Nope,” Popping your P’s, you shook your head. “Only Hajime cares about me. He’s the only one who is loyal to me! Isn’t that right, Tooru?” Both of your eyebrows were provided a taunting lift, but you knew he would never admit to a lie.

“You know it’s not.” The protest was exhaled softly, at this point the correct decision would be to confess where your fiancé was. However, when he opened his mouth to supply you the information, you ripped your gaze away from him then declared your own answer to the question posed.

“No, I don’t. What I do know is that I have a phone call to make.”

As you stepped away from the table, the setter groaned out your name, in hope to stop you. When he realized you would likely refuse to return, he removed a few bills from his wallet then placed it on the table.

“Thanks for inviting us. Sorry, my sweet little y/n gets a little emotional when she drinks. But it’s time we head out anyway.” Despite the worry lines etching into his delicate features, he presented them a departing smile. Juliana practically choked on her drink at the sight.

“No need to apologize to us. We had a good time. I hope things work out between y/n and her fiancé. She really does love him.” Francisco lifted his glass, accompanying the motion with a nod of acknowledgement. To Oikawa’s surprise, there was not even a hint of malice underlying his comments.

“Yeah she sure does.” Laughter spilled from the setter’s lips as he mumbled a repeated farewell. He sincerely hoped that Osamu loved you just as much.

The phone call you were referring to during your dramatic exit was meant for Iwaizumi. With the alcohol amplifying your emotions, you needed the trainer’s soft reassurances. You needed someone in your corner. Yet, your plan did not go unaltered. Battered by the icy breeze roaming the streets, you were stripped of every emotion except one – sorrow.

It should be no surprise that the person you elected to call was no longer Iwaizumi. The number you had dialed went straight to voicemail, though the pre-recorded greeting almost successfully tricked your intoxicated senses. When the beep signalled for you to begin, a deep breath was inhaled to prepare your lungs for the lengthy rant that would commence.

“Let me just say… it is seriously rude that you are ignoring me when you were the one desperate to talk that day. I even tried to keep my promise to Shin… I hate you. I hate you so damn much. I hate that I can’t stop thinking about you... I hate that I can’t stop loving you.” A pause was administered only when the liquid glazing over your eyes completely distorted your vision. Aggressively, you discarded the tears, smudging the mascara coating your eyelashes in the process.

“I hate that I miss your stupid face. It’s the stupidest face ever… I can’t believe you hurt me and then ghosted me! Get the fuck out of here, dude.” To help ease the strain now entering your temples, you pressed your fingers against your forehead in a soothing manner.

“Don’t ask me why I called you dude. I don’t know… But you and I are going to fight. That’s how we’re going to settle this now. No more talking. You better be ready punk, when I see you, it’s on.”

You would have added some additional threats if Oikawa had not snatched the phone out of your grasp, immediately clicking the end button.

“You’ve had a lot of fun this evening, haven’t you? Come on. It’s time to go home.”

Let’s do it again, shall we - sus-kawa

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A/N: lmao that voicemail is going to be a great landing present for osamu.

taglist: @idiot-juice-enthusiast @vicassa @yourstarvic @bringmelily @newfriendjen @hikarichannn @anime-simp @tsukkismamagucci @laughingismorefun @astronomyturtle @shegrewupwithoutafather @hyskoa1998 @deephumandragonperson @pretty-setter-bois @raenebalgaire @sugawarabby @justanotherfangirl2 @keijisworld @90s-belladonna @momoinot @sempiternal-amour @cherryblosom111 @yqshirov @haikyuufairy @volleybloop @bloody-bella @4fterh0urs @seikamuzu @namyari @toaster-stick @coconut-dreamz @roseestuosity @prcttylittlcthing @uzumakioden @nerdynstoned @kenmasgameboy @unstableye @ouijaeater15 @aquariarose @fandomtrashpandasposts @helloalex80 @stfucanunot @envyusshades @cuddlesslut @seijohiseliterambles @meiikuki @cuddlejeongin @tchalameme @ditu-m9 @elianetsantana

Taglist continued in the comments from my personal ❣️

#osamu x reader #osamu smau #osamu x you #osamu scenario #hq osamu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu smau #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu #osamu miya #miya osamu

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g1r1t1n4 · 3 years

Text

korekiiyo shiingujii ana1ysiis

spoii1ers for ndrv3!

iit’s quiite hard to wriite 1iike thiis wiith autocorrect on, so from the 1iine break be1ow ii wii11 not be usiing my typiing quiirk Σ(･口･)

word count (exc1udiing author’s notes): 1,611 words

tota1: 1,717 words

for siimp1iiciity's sake, ii've done thiis on computer so that there's not a wa11 of text

~*~

"You wonder, "Who is this?" Yes... I shall make that clear first. My name is Korekiyo Shinguji... I am called the Ultimate Anthropologist."

~*~

Hello everyone, my name is Milo, and today I’ll be doing my best to cover one of my favorite characters in the Danganronpa universe, Korekiyo Shinguji. He is originally from the 3rd mainline game, New Danganronpa v3: Killing Harmony. Since I don’t physically own the game, I’m basing most of this essay entirely on the Danganronpa Wiki page for Shinguji. Please read that if you desire a more lengthy look at his actions from an unbiased perspective since this one leans more towards empathy than hatred. Whoops!

We first properly meet him after talking to everyone else inside of Hope’s Peak. He’s in the main hall and standing away from the doors leading out to the courtyard. When he introduces himself, Shinguji goes on to talk about anthropology and the beauty of humanity. This proceeds to creep Akamatsu out.

Alongside that, in Chapter 3, we are unfortunately forced to see his relationship with his sister. It’s weird and only gets weirder if you spend two of your Free Time events talking to him when you first play as Akamatsu. He’s evaluated that all girls present at the academy would be great “friends” for his sister, barring Iruma and Harukawa. This is because Shinguji believes that Harukawa doesn’t believe in the power of love, and Iruma is just… well, she’s Iruma. Hardly the girl you would want to send home to your parents.

This weird incest plotline is unfortunately present in most Danganronpa games, such as Leon and his cousin (though one-sided on his cousin’s behalf; he didn’t like her), Tsumugi in the Love Hotel (if you consider that canon), and Monotaro & Monophanie (which is then implemented into Gokuharu’s execution, killing them both).

His sister’s name is never disclosed in-game or in any other Danganronpa media, so the fandom dubbed her “Miyadera/Miyatera,” which is an alternate way of reading Shinguji’s last name. The miya character - represented as 宮 - and tera character - 寺 - are both present in Shinguji, 真宮寺. For the rest of this essay/paper, I’ll be referring to his sister as Miyadera, and himself as Shinguji.

I’ll be getting deeper into his mischaracterization later on, but I want to talk about his appearance for now. Mainly, his hair, his mask, and the lipstick he wears. From what we see of Miyadera in Shinguji’s execution, if that is Miyadera at all, we can see that she had long hair, and when Shinguji was turned into a ghost, it was the exact shade of Shinguji’s hair. From here, we can assume that Miyadera looks exactly, if not similar, to Shinguji.

His lipstick and mask are results of representations of his tulpa, Miyadera. Tulpa is defined as “a concept in mysticism and the paranormal of a being or object which is created through spiritual or mental powers.” In much simpler terms, it is an object or living thing that was created/imagined through spiritual/mental abilities. Shinguji gained a tulpa by being beaten half to death by villagers shortly after arriving there. When he was in a state between life and death, he saw his sister, who joined his subconscious and took control of his body whenever his mask was off. It’s why we only see him take off his make once Saihara dubs him the culprit of Chapter 3, and why his voice suddenly took a more feminine tone. A quote from Miyadera, which can be found in the game, is, "Sweet Korekiyo, calm yourself... Their words are all hollow. There is no meaning to any of them... You must teach these ignorant children a lesson."

That statement can be interpreted two ways, one; that she’s trying to calm him down and two; she’s repeating whatever she said to him during childhood. It’s implied that Miyadera passed away from disease sometime before Killing Harmony takes place, which is both a good and bad thing. It’s great because then we have some time frame of how she was and how she acted when Shinguji knew her best.

Whenever I read the quote above, or any of her quotes, to be honest, I am filled with a sense of dread, or even, despair. The following quote especially makes me feel terrible; "Calm yourself, Korekiyo. You mustn't raise your voice. You mustn't stutter. You mustn't lose composure. You mustn't become flustered. You mustn't waver. Look at their horrid faces. This sorry lot is not worth agonizing over."

Have you noticed how she’s setting guidelines on how to defend himself? She’s turning Shinguji’s attention away from Saihara and the trial and to her because she knows that Shinguji trusts her even after all these years.

You might be wondering, “Milo, what the hell does that all have to do with Shinguji?” And I’ll tell you plain and simple: he was abused by Miyadera. Shocking, I know. Having Shinguji rave and rant about being in love with her, only to be a victim? Sadly, it’s very true indeed. Shinguji was most likely groomed and gaslighted into thinking that Miyadera loved him when that was not the case.

Gaslighting is defined as, “[to] manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.” From the two quotes I provided, it doesn’t seem to make sense. Miyadera only sounds like a kind, worrisome older sister. Incorrect, I say. She’s emotionally gaslighting him, trying to make him believe that the trial makes no sense and he shouldn’t worry about any of them. I can also bet she used this tactic to control him as a younger person as well.

It’s a well-known fact that children are both impressionable and gullible. If an older sister figure came up to you as a child and told you to do unmentionable things, unfortunately, you might follow her directions. Shinguji states that his sister was a sickly girl who often stayed in the hospital. When she would come home, he’d be at his easiest to manipulate. Why would his dear, sweet, sickly, older sister ever lie to him?

Next, I’m going to be covering his relationships with other students, namely Shuichi Saihara and Rantaro Amami. These will delve further into spoiler territory, so if you didn’t already read the warnings I put in place, here is your extra warning for spoilers for Chapter 3 of Killing Harmony.

To start with, I’ll be exploring his poorer relationships first. Most of the girls fit into this category, namely Iruma, Harukawa, Chabashira, and Yonaga - that means he has a terrible standing with four of the eight girls present at the beginning of Killing Harmony, five if you count Yumeno’s way of dealing with Chabashira’s murder. Shinguji even taunts her once they solve that mystery, stating, “Let me guess, you’ll never forgive me. Himiko, you must hate me so very much right now. Maybe you’d feel better if I was executed by Monokuma…”

Shinguji has a poor relationship with Iruma and Harukawa due to seeing them as “unfit” to be “friends” with Miyadera. He has a poor relationship with Chabashira because he’s a degenerate male, but he still thinks she made a good friend for his sister. His poor relationship with Yonaga is shown in Chapter 3 when Yonaga forms the student council. Once again, I’m making amends to some parts of the characters. I’ll be referring to Yonaga’s god as God, simply because Atua is an actual Polynesian god in real life. Shinguji doesn’t worship any god, and so wants to study Yonaga’s God purely for anthropologic purposes. This displeases Yonaga, who then states that God's business hours are closed for the day. In Chapter 3 when Yumeno brings up Yonaga’s God, he simply asks whether or not they’re done talking about it, cementing his distrust in faith.

Next, I’ll cover his better relationships. Akamatsu isn’t too terribly creeped out by him and instead sees Shinguji as a kind guy who cares about his sister. Akamatsu even apologizes for saying that Shinguji would be into inc*st, this event either taking place in his first or second Free Time event. I’m saving his and Saihara’s relationship for last since I’ll have the most to write about then. Instead, please enjoy the news that in the events of Ultimate Talent Development Plan (UTDP for typing purposes), Shinguji and Amami are actually great friends. In Amami’s first free time event, he tells Akamatsu that Korekiyo has a strong personality, but she’ll be able to understand him plenty if she takes time to. It’s also stated that Amami emphasizes that Shinguji is also the calm and clever type.

Lastly, I’ll be exploring his relationship with Saihara. It’s slightly rocky, if only because Shinguji hasn’t let go of his sister yet, but it’s miles better than his relationship with Chabashira. Slight side note before we begin, I’ll be discounting the Love Hotel scene mostly because I’m a minor and I don’t feel completely comfortable having to watch that simply because I’m writing an analysis. As the game progresses to Chapter 3, Shinguji and Saihara have built trust between themselves. While Saihara still found Shinguji creepy, he [Saihara] never discounted him simply for existing. There was even a point where Shinguji offered to help Saihara communicate with Akamatsu from beyond the grave, though he was turned down.

Korekiyo Shinguji is a misunderstood and somewhat tragic character who usually gets disregarded and uncredited all because people do not like him. However he’s not an “uwu soft twamatized bean <3” either. He’s a strong character who has questionable morals at best and a terrible representation of an abused character at worst.

~*~

thank you for readiing!! p1ease make sure to get a hea1thy amount of s1eep and that you do have a cup of water and some food, you deserve iit!!

sources:

- https://danganronpa.fandom.com/wiki/Korekiyo_Shinguji

- https://www.quotev.com/story/7873923/Danganronpa-Class-Trials/73 (siide note: how fucked up iis iit that ii was on1y ab1e to fiind a transcriiptiion of the triia1 on quotev)

#korekiyo shinguji #shinguji korekiyo #sister shinguji #miyadera shinguji #drv3 #ndrv3 #killing harmony #new danganronpa v3 #new danganronpa killing harmony #character analysis #korekiyo shinguji analysis

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sir-phineas-lost · 3 years

Text

Follow-up post

So I got a reply to my comment about the ableism in Ironwood’s character arc by @swapauanon and then they immediately blocked me. Since I am sometimes a petty bastard I decided to make a separate response anyway.

The first thing I would like to point out is that this person does not actually address my points in any way throughout this lengthy rant. My comment was all about the behind-the-scenes comments from the creators and they only responded with in-text examples and their interpretations of them. Those are important sure, and I will talk about those, but they don’t exactly come off as arguing in good-faith right from the get-go.

Okay, so I don’t TYPICALLY acknowledge RWDE’s beyond blocking them, but I think it’s important to separate how Ironwood views himself versus how the writers view him.

Because Ironwood’s entire downfall is his misunderstanding of how humanity works. He denies his own humanity, and sees maiming his vulnerable flesh and replacing it with unfeeling machinery as ridding himself of his own human weaknesses.

Except at the end of the day, he can’t cast off his VERY human soul, and his refusal to acknowledge that he can’t and SHOULDN’T do that are ultimately what leads to his downfall.

I have seen this “Actually it is just Ironwood himself that is ableist” argument before, and I don’t think it holds any water. While it is true that he begins to see compassion as a weakness, he never expresses the views you say he does about his own machine parts. And if you want to talk about how Ironwood sees himself vs how the writers see him you really can’t do so without talking about framing and subtext. When we get scenes that emphazize Ironwood’s machine parts to make him look intimidating or use his passive superpower (described as “hyper-focus” by the creators themselves) to shut off his empathy, that is the writers telling us that these physical aspects of Ironwood makes him less human.

Meanwhile, what V8C12 was TRYING to convey (even if it was horrible in its execution), was that it’s one’s SOUL that defines them, not the body that houses it.

Literally NO OTHER CHARACTER with mechanical parts added to their body views themselves as less human.

[...]

Penny doesn’t angst over not being human, she angsts over being treated like a soulless tool. (Which is why I don’t like that they turned her human. Had they set up that she’d wanted to be human back in Volume 2, it would’ve been one thing, but they don’t establish that Penny wanted to be human until AFTER her mechanical body has been discarded.)

So here they outright contradict themselves. They start off saying that no other character views themselves this way, and then go on to say that Penny does (but only after she has been turned human). And like, points for admitting that scene was bad, but they seem unwilling to consider that maybe the fact that the writers did include that scene tells us something about the way the show at large views disability. They seem to think they can just write it off and move on like this instance of Penny absolutely seeing herself as inhuman can just be ignored. it also disregards that this isn’t just Penny expressing how she feels about herself. When Penny gets her human body she expresses surprise that hugging someone makes her feel “warm inside” even though she has hugged people countless times before. This is not a villain saying that having machine parts makes you less human and being proven wrong, this is a hero saying outright that “wow, my mechaniocal body made me unable to appreciate this simple human interaction, but now that I have a flesh-body I can”. Things like this is why I do not buy the argument that it is only Ironwood who thinks being part machine makes you less human.

Mercury doesn’t angst over the loss of his legs, he angsts over the piece of his soul his father tore out.

[...]

While Yang DOES lose her arm and angst over it, she doesn’t view herself as less human because of her prosthetic.

The closest we get to a LITERAL “cybernetics eats your soul” story is with Cinder, and she doesn’t have ANY cybernetics, just a parasitic leash that’s slowly consuming her flesh and threatens to eventually consume her mind if she doesn’t get rid of it. And if/when she does, I imagine she’ll replace that with a mechanical arm.

(I moved a few parts of their post around here because it made more sense to me to talk about these quotes together)

I feel like this highlights how much this person completely ignores the core argument of what makes the themes in RWBY ableist. They focus way too much on the literal and whether the characters “angst” over their humanity. But like I have said before, thie main issue here is theme and subtext.

Mercury doesn’t “angst” over his legs, but that doesn’t erase the subtext inherent in the fact that he still lost his legs (and presumanbly the piece of his soul) at the same time as he joins team evil.

Yang is probably the best take on a disabled person with a prosthetic in the show. I will give it that. I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong with how it has handled this storyline, but I do think it sets a certain expectation for how it thinks a “good” person should handle their disability. Because Yang basically deals with her lost arm by seeing her prosthetic as an “extra”. She creates a distance between herself and it instead of seeing her mechanical arm as actually part of herself. Again, nothing inherently wrong with that but combined with the Penny-nonsense it creates a pattern of seeing machine parts as inherently inhuman and “lesser”.

The point about Cinder is where the argument relies too much on technicality. Sure, Cinder’s new arm isn’t cybernetic, bhut it is still a prosthetic and it is unambiguously presented as evil and corrupting.

So, no, it’s not the fact that Ironwood has prosthetics that makes him less human, they’re simply a symptom of his view of “soft” traits (kindness, empathy, forgiveness, and flesh), as weaknesses to be sacrificed for the “greater good”. Basically, while I know this term gets misused a lot, Ironwood embodies toxic masculinity. The idea that showing any emotion other than rage and pride is “shameful” and “unmanly”. The idea that brute strength matters more than strategy. That taking unnecessary risks to achieve your goal is “brave” and “daring” and not “stupid beyond belief”. Plus, I want to point out that WINTER HERSELF said that Penny (as a robot) was more “human” than her.

Again, this completely ignores how Ironwood and his prosthetics are framed by the narrative. The idea that all of his flaws are based in toxic masculinity and have nothing to do with his disability is just not very supported by the text or by word of God (again, it was the creators themselves who said that losing his arm was “symbolic of losing his humanity).

And Winter’s words to Penny aren’t very positive either. The point being made there is that Penny was always human “underneeth” her robotics, which sounds good until you realize that this still frames her mechanical differences as negative. They are treated as a prison for the “real” Penny and the narrative explicitly tells us that they have made her unable to feel certain emotions.

It’s just that searing off that flesh after breaking his own Aura serves as a good visual metaphor for Ironwood giving up his “softer” traits to accomplish his goals, even if there was a better solution staring him right in the face (i.e. the rings were EXPOSED and he could’ve just nudged them out of alignment to get to Watts).

This feels like a really big reach on their parts to justify their idea of Ironwood as stupid on top of everything else. It relies on assuming things about fictional technology that was never explained in the show itself. I mean, if the rings are so easy to nudge then what is even holding them in place?

Either way it doesn’t really matter because the message of the scene is the same. If the point is to signal that ironwood is willing to give up his softer traits because he is also willing to give up his soft bady, then that also tells the viewer that being able-bodied and being capable of compassion/kindness/etc are synonymous.

It has nothing to do with the metal, and everything to do with the “Mettle”.

I have no idea why they would bring up the fantasy neurodivergence the writers added in through word-of-God as if it somehow makes the show less ableist. “Mettle” as it is described by the writers, is not a character flaw. It is a chronic condition.

Edit: Seriously, I hope you realize that the hatedom makes it VERY hard for any criticism of the show to be taken seriously when the very VALID cricisms are downed out by “Adam should’ve been an anti-hero!” and “Fascism is good, actually!” leading to those of us with ACTUAL constructive criticism getting lumped in with you lot!

I am curious what they think “constructive criticism” looks like since apparently “Hey, constantly equating robot parts with inhuman behavior is shitty and ableist, please stop” doesn’t cut it.

Anyways, fuck this guy. If they want to be taken seriously maybe they should think about why they had to make such a long-ass rant to dismiss criticism of very basic ableist tropes.

#rwby #rwby meta #meta #rwby critical #rwde

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aestheticseungmean · 4 years

Text

(3:22 AM)

Changbin took advantage of having you around until you decided that you’ve had enough. How long will it take for him to realize that he messed up?

Warning- Angst, bit of fluff at the verrrrrrrry end.

Requested by @hwangscorpio; Thank you! I didn’t know if you wanted him to get back with them so I just improvised.

(Let me know if you guys have a suggested title for this...I’m having trouble thinking of one.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If someone asked you six months ago how you felt about Changbin, you’d go into a hour long rant on how he was the best and treated you like a person. However, that changed the more relaxed he got. It seems like the boyfriend switch got turned off. Now, he barely acknowledges you or gives you affection. Those days full of sneaking kisses and cuddles was long gone. You were not strongly religious yet you found yourself praying for your old boyfriend to come back. You prayed that this was all a dream and Changbin would walk through that door and give you a kiss before asking about your day. But that didn’t happen. Never did.

The steam from the stir-fry rose up and hit you in the face like a cloud of fluff as you stirred it one last time. You turned off the stove and slightly smiled as you heard the front door open. “Hey, Binnie~ I made dinner!” Changbin glanced at you before heading to his studio replying something along the lines of “I already ate.” Disheartened from his comment, you sat at the table once again, eating alone. What was left of your relationship that makes you think that you can salvage it? It was like the Titanic, already sunk and decayed. Nevertheless, when you were cleaning up the kitchen, Changbin reappeared to get some water. “I put the leftovers in the fridge for when you get hungry and I restocked all the waters, coldest in the front for you.” He nodded and left, not even giving you a thank you.

Changbin wasn’t due home until late today so you decided to go hang out with some friends. You smiled as you skipped up to Mark and Jae. “Hey Tuan. Park. How are you?” “We’re good. What about you, Mrs.Seo?” Mark teased. They knew your boyfriend and were friends with him. All three of them were music majors. In fact, Jae was the one who introduced you to Mark and Changbin after hearing you say that you wanted more friends. “Not great. He’s been ignoring me. Now, I just feel like a waste of space.” Mark frowned and Jae sighed. “Have you talked to him about it?” “No. Every time I try to talk to him normally, he either says nothing or says barely anything.” As you talked, you kept walking. Mark tried to offer advice but it fell on deaf ears.

At home, you showered and laid on the bed. Maybe Jae was right. Maybe you should try to talk to Changbin directly about this using you thing. The door slammed shut indicating Changbin was furious about something which meant goodbye to trying to talk to him tonight. The next few days you’ve tried to talk to him but he ignored you. He’s even gone to the point of locking himself in the studio. You caught him one day trying to go into his studio, your hand blocked his way and you started talking. “Changbin, I want to talk to you-“ He cut you off with a cold tone. “I have business to attend to.” His hand grasped your arm, harshly shoving it back towards your body. The small click sound made tears well up in your eyes. This can’t keep happening, you deserve better. Thus, you begin secretly packing.

Mark agreed to let you stay at his house until you could find a new living situation. He helped you load all of your boxes into his car before leaving you to take a last look around. You already returned all of the hoodies and shirts Changbin gave you early on in the relationship. One last time, you made the bed and headed towards the door, planning to leave the lengthy note on the dining table. The grey door to the studio was slightly ajar and you stepped in to take one last look. You took a deep breath, inhaling the earthly, cinnamon scent Changbin had. Ultimately, you decided to leave the note on his keyboard knowing he’ll be more likely to look at it if it was in a place he spends time in. Waving goodbye at the house sadly, you left your key on the table and walked out.

When Changbin got home, he went straight to the studio, not checking on you. He growled at the sight of the note on the keyboard and threw it in the trash. Couldn’t you see? He doesn’t want to talk to you. Annoyed that you were even in his studio, he locked the door and made a mental note to lock it all the time. Satisfied that you couldn’t annoy him, he started working on his project. He finished in an astonishingly fast time which forced him to find something else to do for the time being. Changbin stood and stretched, his bones cracking and popping. Quietly, he opened the door and headed to the kitchen for some food. Normally, you’d be cooking at this time but he frowned when he saw no you and no food, on the table or in the fridge. Maybe you went on vacation and didn’t tell him. Take out it is.

The next few days of silence turned into a month with no word from you. The house was collecting dirt and clothes were piled on different places on the floor almost like a teen male’s room. The silence was odd but you were okay, Changbin told himself. Although, he may seemed unfazed, he was getting tired of takeout and missed your home cooking. Surely you left something that said where you were going. He suddenly recalled the long note he threw in the trash. His mind told him that he was stupid for digging through the trash for something that he didn’t care about. Changbin was frantically digging until he saw the pristine white and carefully folded paper. For the next few hours, the male sat on the floor, back to the wall, crying as he read and reread the words cursing the page. His fingers shook as he traced the way you wrote his name with the curls on the a and the cute heart dotting the I.

How could he fuck up like this? Changbin reminisced on the early days before uni ate away at his soul. The things he fell in love with flashed through his mind. Your smile when you cracked a joke or pun, your sweet laughter you gave when he flirted with you, the way you cared for others before yourself. You watched your phone vibrate on the table as Changbin’s name flashed across the screen. On the other side of the call was Changbin who threw his head back to hold in his tears as your voicemail played. The signature beep played and he forced his voice steady. “Please come back, I can’t do this. I’m sorry.” He hung up and eventually cried himself to sleep on the cold, hard floor. You on the other hand, scoffed at the simple voicemail. If sorry was all he could muster then why did you waste your precious time on him?

_________________________________

Mark took you to the park to take your mind off of the entire situation after a week of you listening and re-listening to the voice mail. “Hey look! There’s an ice cream store!” You jumped up and down and ran towards the ice cream store, ignoring Mark telling you to wait up. The light turned green and you stopped, pouting as you watched the cars speed past you. Apparently, you weren’t fast enough. When the light turned red, you and Mark walked across towards the store. “Doesn’t Chan sunbae work here?” The boy shrugged and held the door open for you. “Such chivalry!” You gasped dramatically and sashayed through the door with Mark laughing at your antics. Sure enough, the curly blonde you mentioned earlier was standing behind the counter chuckling at the scene he just witnessed.

“Hey, guys.” “Hey, sunbae!” He huffed before reminding you that you are not in school and you don’t need to call him sunbae all the time. “Of course I do. Until you graduate, you will be my sunbae and you can’t do anything about it.” Chan reluctantly gave up and took your orders. You sat at the bar with your cotton candy milkshake watching Mark get a brain freeze. Since there was no other customers, Chan leaned onto the counter to chat with you guys. “Where is Changbin?” A small sigh left your lips. “I don’t know. Probably at home, living his best life now that I’m not being a nuisance to him.” Before Chan could say how wrong you were, the door alarm rang signalling a customer. “C-Changbin?” The name caused you to choke on your drink and turned towards the door.

The mentioned made his way up to the counter, not realizing that you were there yet. “Chan, I can’t do this. I fucked up with her.” From the side, you could slightly see Changbin’s puffy face peeking out of the hoodie he had on. The one that you gave back to him when you left. “Mate, are you sure you want to talk about this here?” “I just need- I need someone to talk to.” His voice was barely a whisper but it still came out clear and pained. Mark glanced at you with worry, making sure that you didn’t want to leave just yet, that you were ready to confront your complicated relationship. You just stared at the short male in shock. “I don’t think you want to talk to me about your relationship. I think you should talk to them.” Chan nodded towards you and Changbin turned to meet your wide eyes.

He carefully walked towards you scared that you might run. Now that you could see his face fully, you could tell that he had been crying and looked like shit. “______-” Changbin’s voice cracked. The caring side in you took over and your hands held his now slim cheeks. He was as fragile as porcelain ready to break if you weren’t careful. But you broke him. The boy let out a strangled sob and laid his hand on your hand. There was no use in speaking, you’d just break him even more. Instead, you rested your forehead on his and let him cry. “I’m sorry.” He said in between breaths. “I’m sorry I wasn’t good e-enough and I didn’t appreciate you and- I became distant cause I was scared o-of getting too attached and- hurting you or me b-but I realized that it’s too late.”

Changbin took a breath and choked out the last few words. “B-Because I already got too attached.” You knew you still loved him and tried to keep a hard facade but those words caused your walls to crumble. “Oh, Binnie...” Your voice was soft. “I promise that I’ll never t-treat you like shit again.” You shifted, pulling him closer, inhaling that familiar scent that made you feel safe. “I’ll only accept that if you pinkie promise.” He smiled slightly and intertwined your pinkies together before releasing. “C-Can I kiss you?” You didn’t respond verbally, you just kissed him softly. You giggled when you heard Chan and Mark cheer in the background quite possibly recording this to play at your wedding because they’re that type of friend.

Pulling away, you wiped Changbin’s face with a napkin and placed a chaste kiss on his nose. “Let’s all go eat! My treat.” Chan said while hanging up his apron and clocking out watching as his coworker took his spot. “Thank you, sunbae!” “I- You’re hopeless.” Chan waved bye to the coworker before pushing you guys to the restaurant down the road. Changbin never let his hand leave yours even when you ate. “Binnie. I’m not going to run away again.” He pouted but let go of your hand and you couldn’t help but squish his cheeks. “Eat up! You’re looking like a skeleton. I’m going to feed my baby well when we get back home.” “You mean, no more takeout and no more burning down the kitchen?” “Wait- What did you do to my kitchen?” The table erupted in laughter and Changbin promised to replace the pan he ruined.

#changbin #changbin x angst #changbin x you #changbin x reader #stray kids oneshot #stray kids #stray kids angst #seo changbin #seo changbin angst #seo changbin oneshot #changbin angst #stray kids x angst #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x reader

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halothenthehorns · 3 years

Text

TLTNL- CAREER ADVICE

"Hey!" James spluttered in hurt and confusion. "I was defending Lily-"

"You started it," Harry told him. His tone was trying extremely hard not to sound accusatory, to let James say something for himself, but he could not stop that heavy weighing pit pressing so hard on him. He'd spent his whole life wanting to meet his parents, and now he had, but now, after seeing that... he still couldn't really look at him as he'd never expected his dad to be more like Dudley.

"This was two days after Snape stunned Sirius and left him behind that broom shed for practically a whole night," Remus put in. "James was just offering a little return of favor."

"And the week before you lot cursed him so bad he spent two days in the hospital wing with a cauldron stuck over his head!" Lily snapped. "This fight went on since their first week of school," she finished in only a bit calmer voice towards Harry.

"I never denied I was a touch big-headed," James refused to be side tracked, even while Lily scoffed for his downplay, and to his crumpling heart his son frowned instead of smiling indulgently at them as he did look at him. "I've never hid from you how I, ah, what me and Snape were like to each other. What on earth suddenly has you agreeing with Snape?"

"I, you just attacked him," Harry emphasized. "You and Sirius, you humiliated him, and I know what that's like far more than whatever you were getting him back for. You lot were all so upset whenever Dudley did anything to me when I was little, why's this so different?"

Sirius opened his mouth with a critical eye on Harry, all of them rather hurt and confused why they were defending themselves to Harry of all people. What Harry had grown up with was completely different in their mind's eye, as Harry had never had a chance to defend himself, whereas Snivellus had started those fights as often as they had.

So it was to everyone's surprise when Lily stepped in.

"Harry, I know that couldn't have been pleasant for you to see, I know it was never fun to watch them in action," she rolled her eyes while Harry looked desperately to her. "Yes they were idiots, they still are, but you know for a fact they're not Malfoy. They did those things to Snape and others because they were arses. I agree it wasn't always right, they should have found better things to do when they got bored, but they never intentionally hurt anyone, you really think I wouldn't have cursed them stupid if they had," she finished with an affectionate smile at them.

Harry still didn't entirely feel better, but he also still couldn't bring himself to say the worst of it to her face. Her eyes were so gentle when talking to him, and still so fragile from being reminded of what a once friend had done to her. She clearly loved these idiots around her...but even watching them interact, it was quite mind blowing to see that hateful redhead turn into what he was seeing in person. He'd gotten a few sparse details, but now he really wanted to know what on earth had changed? He glanced again at his dad though, and he just couldn't bring himself to ask, not yet, not with how sick he was feeling having never seen him in this light before.

He just sighed and gave a jerky nod to his head, still flattening his hair and couldn't quite look at any of them as Lily passed her infant to her husband and went to take the book away from Remus.

The boys still looked extremely put off that had been Harry's takeaway from that instance, they'd thought he'd been enjoying stories of their time at school. The thick layer of tension as Lily started wasn't at all unfamiliar now, but never before had it felt so personal to them in regards to Harry.

Hermione was confused why he no longer had Occlumency lessons.

"That's what she caught on," Sirius demanded, all the more bothered Harry wouldn't meet his eyes as he muttered back:

"I didn't tell her the reason."

Harry said Snape had told him he was good enough with the basics to do it alone now.

"Liar, liar," Remus tried to playfully point out, but frowned all the more when Harry kept studying his nails. The worst part for all three of them was they couldn't tell if Harry was mad at them, or still sympathizing with Snape, or just disappointed. He wasn't telling them, and they'd thought they'd earned his trust more than that. Could one stupid instance really have ruined that?

Hermione was skeptical of this, asking if he'd stopped having those dreams?

Harry agreed he had, mostly.

James didn't even want to play in with the joke. He'd been worried when he'd gotten so upset about Harry for his lying about the Dursley's that he'd irreparably scared his son away from him. Now it turns out he'd accomplished that instead by just being himself.

Hermione insisted he shouldn't stop with Snape until they were completely gone, he should go back and ask-

"Then he probably would kill you," Lily muttered, the sad part was she really meant it.

Harry snapped at her to drop it.

They were on the first day of Easter break, and true to form, Hermione was creating study schedules for them. Harry and Ron let her do it, because there was no point in arguing, and they may come in useful.

"At least you admit to that," Sirius insisted, he'd never let awkward silence hang, and he'd keep at Harry until he really said what was on his mind.

Ron had been startled to discover there were only six weeks left until their exams.

"Because that's really the reminder we wanted," Remus huffed.

Hermione was stunned at his surprise, but tried to remind he'd do fine if he just stuck to the schedule.

Ron at first brightened when he saw he'd been given a night off each week,

"Is it such a surprise she gave him a night off?" Lily almost chuckled.

"Considering this was our OWLs, or the most important day in our lives, yes, it was quite the shocker he got one," Harry told her glumly, though that could have been for the reminder of why he hadn't gotten one, which Lily didn't get until she'd kept going.

until Hermione told him that was for his Quidditch practices.

"Thank you for the reminder," James said bitterly, another thing he couldn't seem to enjoy without wanting to curse something.

Ron told her there was no point, they had as much chance at that Cup as his dad becoming Minister.

"So a very good chance then," Lily said pleasantly, and at least they could all agree on that.

Crookshanks came over and tried to bat at his hand for a scratch, but Harry didn't even seem to realize it until his friends asked what was wrong. He insisted nothing was, then quickly dragged Defensive Magical Theory to him to browse through the index.

Sirius watched Harry with genuine concern, though at least this time it wasn't for whatever was going through his head, mostly that he just still had that book instead of using it for spitballs by now.

Crookshanks gave him up as a bad job and slunk away under Hermione's chair.

Lily got a personal giggle out of that, it reminded her too much of her own cat.

Hermione didn't believe him, telling him that Cho had seemed rather miserable lately, had the two of them fought again?

Harry quickly seized this and agreed at once.

'Ironically, it was a girl that was bothering me,' Harry frowned to himself, wondering how Hermione did that, even if she'd gotten the wrong girl.

Lily just frowned at the pages for an extra moment. It was saddening Harry wasn't telling his friends about what he saw. He should be aloud to talk about it, but then again, he didn't even seem to want to talk about it much in here considering he'd hardly look at any of them.

It had been over that sneak friend of hers Marietta.

Ron burst into a lengthy rant about her, which Harry mostly tuned out and only seemed to agree angrily when there was a pause,

"Happy to note when Ron's being useful," James muttered, tensing himself in fear what Harry was really thinking would come up, he wasn't even sure he wanted to hear his thoughts from what little he'd said aloud.

in favor of continuing to dwell on his father. He'd never for a second doubted Snape's aspersions to his father's character.

James ruffled in frustration that just one stupid memory had really tarnished him so much to Harry. Snape had been the one to insult his mother, what was he being targeted for? The question burned at his throat, but right now he was sure if he let it out he might just yell it in frustration, so he kept himself together.

Hadn't people like Hagrid and Sirius told Harry how wonderful his father had been?

Lily gave him a pitiful look, she couldn't imagine what Harry was feeling at that age. He'd never met his parents, so of course those who had would only tell of his good parts. Who wanted to share with an orphan that their parent used to have some arse like tendencies? Certainly not Hagrid who struggled to say a mean word about anyone, and most definitely not his enabler and best friend who even now was just as hurt and confused why all his words were being thrown out the window just because Harry had caught Snape with his pants down.

Then his mind nagged at him Sirius hadn't been any better!

He'd once overheard McGonagall comparing them to the twins, but he couldn't imagine Fred and George dangling someone upside for fun.

"Oh I can," James rolled his eyes.

Not unless it was someone who really deserved it, like Malfoy.

"Exactly," Remus put his hands up in frustration, they'd really been aghast Harry hadn't seen it that way, but now it was clear the thought had at least crossed his mind, so why was he still looking at them like he'd never seen them before, again.

Harry tried to go back and see why Snape had deserved it then, but then he remembered James' words clearly, that they were only doing this because he existed, the whole thing had been started because Sirius was bored.

James could not hold that one in, even as he tried very hard not to snap at Harry, "well sure, that sounds bad if you didn't already know what we'd already told you." He was even going to keep going, to tell Harry how jealous he'd been of Snape's life having more to do with Lily than him, but was surprised when Harry actually looked at him again, looking outraged.

"You've never said you treated him like Dudley used to treat me."

They looked shocked Harry could say such a thing, James spluttering for some kind of reversal for Harry to see it hadn't been that way at all! "What? No, Harry Dudley's a bully who beat on you, we, I-"

"Okay, yeah, everyone thinks they have a good reason for it," Harry cut in sharply, he didn't want to hear some pitiful excuse like Dudley would sometimes give teachers at his old school.

James couldn't decide if he was going to cry with frustration or just leave the room in shame. He looked back to his baby, which had been a source of comfort to his life since the day Lily had placed his hand on her womb and told him the news. Now though, he was suddenly terrified just to hold the infant, like he too would turn on him and start biting at his throat even without teeth.

Apparently leaving the room won, he got up and left anyways, and Harry watched him go with frustration. Great, now his father was a coward as well who wouldn't even hear what Harry was thinking. He moved away from the other two, to sit in the chair by himself, he needed just to not be around any of them for a moment. He instantly regretted it though, his father's last words echoing in his head from thirteen, James Potter shouting through a dementor for Lily to run. James had sacrificed his life to buy his real life some time, there must be an explanation for this...

"He just went to put our son down in his crib," Lily told him as she watched him glare daggers at the staircase. In moments her words spoke true, he was back at her side with a huffy grumble of words. She paused to reach out and take his hand, holding the book a bit awkwardly in place as she gave it a squeeze before having to let go to keep going. Harry still wasn't speaking his mind in here, not really, and she wasn't sure if it was anger or still something else holding him back, so Lily kept going patiently. She hated having to drag answers from the book rather than him and wished he'd just tell them off already, she knew that always made her feel better, but perhaps he was still too muddled to put it all together.

He remembered Lupin's words back in Grimmauld place, saying he'd been made a Perfect by Dumbledore in hopes he'd exercise some control over his friends, but clearly that hadn't worked, as he'd sat around and done nothing.

Remus opened and closed his mouth with unease. He'd stayed out of the fights as often as he'd been involved, it really was dependent on the circumstances. Considering Sirius had been missing for almost eight hours a day ago and scared them all senseless until they'd found him behind that broom shed, he'd felt James and Sirius had a right to this payback.

Harry kept reminding himself that Lily had intervened; his mother had been decent.

James continued to look all the more miserable at Harry's choice of phrase. Snape had been the one to use a dark curse on him, all he'd done was try and get him to apologize, what was so indecent about that? It wasn't at all what Dudley or even Malfoy had ever tried to do, he couldn't figure out where Harry was coming from!

Yet the memory of the look on his mother's face disturbed him as much as anything. Her clear loathing of him, how hatefully she'd shouted at the instance, he couldn't figure out how they'd ever married. He'd even started to wonder if somehow James had forced her into it.

"Hey!" James shouted, now glaring daggers at his spitting image. "Fine, call me what you will, but that's crossing the line Harry!"

Harry finally met his eyes, and shamefully whispered, "I'm sorry," an awkward pause as he wanted James to know he truly meant that, just watching the two beside each other made that clear as day, but he couldn't help finishing, "about that."

"Okay, enough," Lily seethed, snapping the book shut and looking between the two. She'd thought Harry would work this out for himself, but if he was drawing those kind of conclusions, this wasn't to be avoided anymore. "Harry, I detested James because he was acting like an arrogant birk, he was as bad as Dudley and Malfoy in his youth."

"Thanks so much for the defense dear," James put his hands up in frustration, but she ignored him.

"But he was also the same then as he is now, some parts just outgrew others. He's still a proud idiot who stands by his friends, he's still a troublemaker who won't see anyone being picked on without returning the favor."

James was still watching her like he couldn't decide if half of that was supposed to be complimentary or not, but Harry wasn't watching him anymore like he thought he was holding Lily hostage, so he'd take it.

Harry still tried to explain the nasty thought process, "but you-" he cut off with a vague wave back at the book, that memory.

"I only saw the worst parts of him while I was friends with Snape because we were friends and Potter was picking on my friend, something I obviously couldn't stand for. Yet when Snape did that to me, I was forced to reevaluate a lot of things, including him. I saw he hadn't really changed in the next year, but he did continue to grow up."

He nodded, and tried to find the words to explain, "I guess I just, never really imagined," but it was hard, as at fifteen he was still processing it all, making anything he tried to string together in here nay impossible until he'd come to fully grasp it back then. He did feel better he supposed, Lily had married him after all, and the love and care they continued giving to their infant and this life was more than proof enough something had changed in between those times.

He looked back to his dad and said with clear sincerity, "I am sorry."

James nodded, still with a hard set on his jaw, but was forced to acknowledge his son was speaking of someone he'd never even met. That didn't make the hurt any less.

For the past five years of his life he'd thought of his father as a source of comfort, whenever anyone compared him to James he'd glow. Now he just felt miserable at the thought.

James recoiled, suddenly feeling his throat tighten, having to blink very carefully or the hurt of that would spill out. Only days ago, for the first time in his life he'd known how it felt to have his son be proud of him when he'd seen the lengths they'd gone through to help Remus with his transformation. Now that had all been stripped away.

Sirius groaned in frustration, fighting back the urge to snap at Harry like he would anyone thinking like this about James, though the oddity of it being Harry held him back. He couldn't think of anything to say, Harry was clearly still feeling off about all three of them so talking to him clearly wasn't making it any better.

Thoughts like these would not leave him even as days passed, Harry found himself in the library trying to study. He was alone for a moment, as Hermione was doing revision of Ancient Runes, and Ron was at Quidditch practice. Then he realized someone was trying to get his attention, Ginny was sitting across from him.

Harry blinked slowly, unconsciously twisting his ring upon his finger. He felt like this should mean more to him, now that his crush on Cho had been eradicated, but it was far to hard to focus on much of anything except that old look on his mother's face, the sneer upon James he still didn't seem to grasp was so similar to Dudley's the many times he'd socked Harry in the face.

Harry gave her a distracted hi, asking about practice.

She explained Ron had to take Jack Sloper up to the hospital wing.

"Well at least something interesting finally happened there," James mumbled.

They weren't sure what even happened, but they thought he'd hit himself with his own bat.

Remus couldn't help a surprised splutter of laughter that he didn't try very hard to hide, any humor he'd cling to rather than somehow finding himself even lower in Harry's opinion than before, and that had been saying something.

Then she put the reason she'd found him on the table, a carelessly re-wrapped package with a stamp across it declaring it had been checked over by the High Inquisitor.

"Thank you, now I feel all warm and fuzzy inside like she is on the outside," Sirius snipped, and Harry almost smiled again. It still felt awkward, to look at Sirius and think more of Piers Polkiss, but this was his godfather. A man who'd escaped from Azkaban for Harry's safety, the man who was allowing himself to be shut up inside his childhood nightmare all for Harry's sake. If he'd been a prat as a child, laughing along as his best mate hung someone upside down, surely in his adult life in looking after that same man's kid had to make up for it?

Ginny said they were easter eggs from Mum.

Lily made a grumpy little noise, she still remembered Hermione delivering those last year and Molly's actions, but the woman had made up for it since then.

She gave Harry his, which according to the little wrapper would have Fizzing Whizbees on the inside, and the outside was decorated with Snitches. He felt his throat tighten painfully.

"Obviously he doesn't appreciate the reminder he's still banned from the Quidditch team, Ginny coming up there to report as much plus the icing helped nothing," James shrugged, before Harry winced, and he realized his son had actually still been acquitting this to that memory. He couldn't even glance at Harry again to see if he'd fixed his expression, he only had left a burning desire to murder Snape all over again. The man seemed to have a gift for ruining everything in his life.

When Ginny saw the expression, she told him he'd been down a lot lately, surely if he just talked to Cho-

"That is quite a girl," Lily said mostly for herself. "I wonder if she still has a crush on you, but even so, she's still trying to help you out."

When Harry didn't answer, finding Cho the least consequential thing in his life right now, Lily let out a breathy sigh and kept going pitifully with worry growing more all the time. Was it possible, Harry really couldn't see past all that? She could hardly hold the idea his father ruined the rest of his life, if in fact he'd carried this with him right up to the day he'd lost his memories and been transported here. If he'd really grown to hate the idea of her husband? For a moment she couldn't breathe at the idea as she looked at their only child, but then she really saw him. Harry had his hands tucked tight into his lap, only occasionally releasing the grip to flatten his hair. He kept a nervous eye on the tread of his shoes, he'd never liked their awkward silence and of course she couldn't blame him for that, but surely if he'd progressed into outright hating James he'd be showing signs of that. For now he still looked more like he wasn't sure how to react to this news- no! She wouldn't let that happen! She kept going steadily, keeping a watchful eye on him and vowing to put that to a stop if the moment became apparent. James was a good man, Harry must know that.

Harry finally corrected it wasn't Cho he wanted to talk to, but Sirius.

They all looked to him in surprise for that, he'd been the last person they'd been expecting Harry to want to see right now considering he hadn't been looking at his godfather any more than his father.

He knew he couldn't though.

"Well I'm here now," Sirius stated with a critical eye, wondering if Harry was going to pass into a bit of shouting, or...okay he couldn't really figure out why Harry wanted to talk to him considering he was the person who'd started this.

Harry took a careful breath before he tried to start. He couldn't quite meet his eyes, but spoke more to the left of his head as he began hesitantly, "that-" he broke off, he couldn't decide how to phrase it and just hoped he'd understand, "that thing you did to Snape-"

He understood. Sirius' face flushed and he recoiled. He was not proud of almost getting someone killed, by means of one of his best friends. So he had not a clue where Harry was trying to draw lines from there, but he hurried to say, "hey, I never- I mean, look I apologized to the blighter! He didn't think I meant it and he told me to-"

"I just meant," Harry quickly cut off his desperate attempts to explain that, but Harry wasn't holding a grudge for the moment. He'd accepted it for what it was, yet another prank of theirs that seemed to have gone so wrong. He just wanted to know, "I know you regretted it, but when did that happen?"

Sirius exchanged a wary look with his friends before saying, "the previous month, full moon, whatever."

Harry's face puckered, this clearly wasn't the answer he was hoping for, and Sirius' chest hurt as he thought Harry still considered the worst of him for that. "Listen, Moony and I had only just started talking again, and yeah we were all still a little on edge considering I'd only just gotten out of the Hospital Wing from that last Quidditch match that knocked me out. Don't blame Prongs and Remus for all the stupid shit I did."

Harry shook his head slowly as he tried to explain, "I'm just trying to understand, if that didn't make you stop having a go at him, what changed?" They all got so furious when they heard what Dudley had done to him in his youth, what Malfoy continued to do to him and the people in his life, why did they consider themselves better?

Sirius very clearly did not get the question. "I hadn't believed it possible, but he was worse to us after that exchange, always hissing that he knew what we were really up to now. If Dumbledore hadn't threatened to expel him, honestly the only time that man ever used such a threat just to keep a lid on Snape's greasy mouth, Moony probably would have been in Azkaban!"

Remus flinched hard at the still likely statement for his life, but Sirius was only getting angry while Harry was growing more dispirited Sirius wasn't exactly answering his question, so he intervened. "Harry, after Sirius ran away from home during that summer and moved in with James, glory I can't even describe the state Sirius was in. I only heard about it a few days after and came around, and he was still in a right state. Took the two ages to fully get out telling me what all had happened that night."

"Which was?" Harry felt bad pushing for this, he wanted to respect their right not to have to share something clearly so personal to Sirius, but he just wanted to understand, surely they got that?

James at least seemed to, waiting until it was clear Sirius was fighting up the words to say it himself before James spoke it for him. "His parents were trying to get him to drop out of school, go join the Death Eaters."

Harry spluttered in disgust, James nodding in agreement with that expression at least. "It turned into quite a fight..." he trailed off, and Harry was sure he was still missing how bad that really must have been, what state had Sirius shown up in? When James said a fight, did he really- curses had been thrown around by his own parents?

"After that, well, I just couldn't, seem to, it wasn't fun anymore to-" he broke off with an odd outward gesture, but Harry got the idea.

"I'm sorry." He actually wasn't sure who he was apologizing to this time. James for all the terrible thoughts, or Sirius for his childhood. He wasn't even sure if this made what he'd seen better, but it did give him some sort of understanding at least what made him stop.

"Stop apologizing," James half heartedly scolded. "I can't even imagine you having to see all that for the first time."

"Hopefully you do find a way to talk to Sirius, I'm sorry you couldn't go home over Easter break to try," Remus offered.

Harry nodded with hope he did speak to him, soon, and there was finally a catch of relief from his mind, some kind of promise this would come true, and Lily finally felt a soft bliss brush her words again as she kept going this would all work out.

There was a pause while Ginny considered this and Harry unwrapped his egg to take a bite.

Ginny helped herself to some,

Sirius snorted enthusiastically, well aware the look his mates were giving him was for his doing the same on all foods.

before telling him there was a way.

Harry reminded about all communications in the school being watched.

Harry swiped furiously at the sweat beading up on his forehead. He'd just had a nice moment with his dad and godfather, at least he didn't hate them at the moment, why did his mind have to choose now to thump so hard against his skull. That pain was just unhelpful, it's not like he knew why something he'd said was so wrong...something about Sirius, and a gift...but the idea wouldn't solidify, so unless he could get some use out of knowing the right answer, he forcefully ignored the pressure.

Ginny contradicted that growing up with the twins had taught her anything was possible if you had enough nerves.

"This is true!" James nodded eagerly. If talking to Sirius in here had clearly helped Harry, he was positive the same would happen in his time, and he was all for Harry never thinking anything of his marriage like that again.

Harry looked at her. Perhaps it was the effect of the chocolate -

"I know that always improves my mood," Lily giggled, finally feeling light hearted again now that her son was almost smiling along at the lot of her boys.

- Lupin had always advised eating some after encounters with Dementors -

"In any situation, honestly sweets have been known to stop wars," Remus grinned.

"No they haven't," James countered with an eye roll, "and I don't consider you and Sirius wrestling over a pack of gum a war."

"Well I did," Sirius sniffed, hating how his chest hurt as he remembered who had taken the last piece to stop them while James had been laughing his arse off, but then he'd bought them both their own candy bar at the next Hogsmeade trip just to shut them up.

To Harry and Lily, it was clear something was being untold here, but considering the only times they'd ever held back in sharing was when it involved a particular someone, they didn't ask for details as Lily kept going.

or simply because he had finally spoken aloud the wish that had been burning inside him for a week, but he felt a bit more hopeful.

Harry gave a breathy laugh he wasn't quite sure had all to do with that and something to do with his company. Finally wondering about how Ginny had been the one to make him smile after something so-

Lily had cut off his train of thought quite loudly and he startled in surprise.

A loud, sharp voice shouted at them what they were doing!

Sirius burst out laughing at Harry's jump.

Remus shook his head without remorse. "Honestly, how she even got in there with those I've no clue, normally Pince can scent that out by a mile."

"You were expecting this the whole time?" Harry demanded as he half glared at them all.

"Yep," James agreed, popping the P for emphasis, "we were taking silent bets on how long it would last, and I think Lily won."

Lily rolled her eyes, knowing they'd been far to distracted to be doing any such thing, but it made Harry roll his eyes in exasperation at them again, so she didn't counter him.

Madam Pince rounded on them, screaming chocolate in her library! Then she cursed their books and things to pelt them as they ran from the library.

"I accidentally crushed my egg she startled me so bad," Harry grumbled, "got it all over the book I was reading anyways, so that was her fault." Then he brightened and added on, "but Ginny split her egg with me, told me it was only fair."

It was so sweet to see such a simple smile cross his face again that they all paused for a moment with glee Harry's life wasn't all bad.

The next day, a notice was posted up in all common rooms with the message Career Advice:

"I've been waiting for this one to show up," Remus nodded.

"I still can't believe you argued with McGonagall for your whole time about whether illegal breeding should be made into an actual career," James shook his head at him.

"It was the only thing I could think of at the time," Remus shrugged without remorse. "Hagrid put me onto the idea when he showed up in our last Creatures class talking about how he'd once seen a fire breathing fish, I was really only trying to help him."

"Now you want to work with Goblins instead," Sirius rolled his eyes, before telling Harry, "suppose it's better than his last year of school where he was convinced he could go work with dragons, something like what Charlie does. For some reason he kept thinking I was joking when I wrote out his eulogy."

"At least I've got ideas," Remus scowled at him. "According to you, you spent the whole time with McGonagall telling her what you didn't want to do, I recall your statement 'no homework,' five times when telling us about it."

"Give me a break, I was sick of it at the time, forcing us to do this right before the exams to define those careers!" Sirius grumbled. He decided to inform them though, "you should be even more pleased with me than usual though-"

"Oh this'll be good," Remus rolled his eyes.

"-that I have decided to look into something, I want to meet Arthur for more than the company."

They paused with a curious look at him, his smile widening all the more. "Honestly, it does sound fascinating. May as well do something with my best OWL grade, and it would be a great way for me to spurn my parents all the more, though that's just a bonus."

Harry couldn't help laughing loudly at them again, even at such a detail as hearing their plans for after the war. No matter how unhappy he was at their past actions, he always managed to find just as much joy in their life. He eyed his parents curiously, and Lily happily added on, "it was McGonagall who helped me decide to join the Ministry in an effort to help with their laws, we had a nice discussion about my interests in bettering the wizarding community."

James hesitated at first, he wasn't even sure if Harry still cared enough to hear his, but Harry was still watching him. His expression was a touch weary, did he honestly expect James to declare he'd waltzed in there asking for a professional career in bullying? But all he'd been doing in here was looking to share with his son, so he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity now.

"I had no clue what I was doing going in," James shrugged. "Both of my parents were potioneers, but I never much favored that, so I'd spent the past five years already looking for anything else. It was McGonagall who really gave me the idea of being an Auror though, said a little law enforcement might make me consider all the rules I break," he finished with a smirk. He hesitated, but confessed, "I was going to start training once you were a bit older," he went cross eyed for a moment telling this to his adult son, that never got any less weird, "but I don't know, now I still might try something else. I still like to draw, maybe I'll do something with broom designs." He'd considered it once or twice in the past, but had always had something bigger to keep the idea at the back once it occurred to him, now not so much.

"You certainly made up enough in school," Remus agreed with a smirk. "Though I suggest the first one you offer to any company not be the Lilium model, no one needs to know you dedicated a broom to Lily."

James went wide eyed with innocence while Lily blushed faintly as she demanded, "I never saw that one."

"I still have the drawing," James shrugged without remorse. "I'll show it to you later."

If Harry'd ever had any doubts before, they were dashed the instant he saw the tender look cross her face. He could just imagine his mother at sixteen, watching James do something like this in school, and her realization his love was not some joke.

Feeling slightly flustered now at realizing they still had an audience, Lily kept going loudly.

All fifth years were required to meet with their Head of House to discuss this, and the times of when were posted. Harry's took place half past two on Monday, meaning he'd miss most of Divination.

"What a disappointment," Remus said deadpan.

Pamphlets had been deposited in Gryffindor tower for all the students to see the multiple job opportunity, and the three friends were currently sorting through their own pile.

Ron said he didn't fancy Healing, looking at the requirements and seeing how many subjects they wanted an E in.

"I suppose it's having those grades that's a start to showing you can handle multiple things at once, it's a very responsible job," Lily offered. She'd considered it for a time, but had quickly discovered after helping Madam Pomfrey in the Hospital Wing for a day she didn't handle bodily fluids well. Her shaking from helping with the boy's wounds the other day hadn't all been from stress.

Hermione reminded it was a very responsible job.

"Hush Sirius," Lily told him without looking up.

"You never let me have any fun," he grumbled, "so you really are like Hermione."

Lily did look up then just to sarcastically tell him, "congratulations, you've pointed out we're the responsible ones."

She was looking over one that said, so you'd like to work with Muggle Relations?

"I can see her doing that, she'd make a very good bridge between the worlds," Remus agreed.

She found the qualifications weren't much, all you needed as an OWL in muggle studies; what they were really looking for was enthusiasm, patience, and a good sense of fun.

"Sounds like I'm set," Sirius smirked without realizing he'd said it aloud, and then shrugged to the surprised looks he hadn't at all been joking moments before. "Yeah, so I like the sound of what Arthur does."

"Congratulations," Lily said again without the sarcasm. "Though dear I do recommend you please consider that motorcycle and what happened with Arthur."

Sirius made a face at her, he didn't want to give up his bike for a job. Maybe he'd find a way to make a career out of wizard auto-parts, or he'd just invent a need for that.

Harry said you needed more than fun to liaise with his uncle, good sense of when to duck more like.

"Well I have that as well," Sirius said with a bitter smile, "so I'm still all set to meet him."

After he'd seen what they'd done to Snape, Harry no longer had any reservations the threat made against his Muggle side of the family were very real, and yet he never really considered them even family to him, not like he did to those around him in his short stay here. It was quite the conundrum in his mind, to see himself in his youth facing Dudley/ James, but at the same time he couldn't feel much sorrow if that kind of attention was turned on Vernon. Did that make him a bully too? Or simply wanting some people to deserve what they get for the way they treated others?

Harry was looking through one for being a Curse-Breaker at Gringotts, the description one full of adventure and dangerous quests, but they wanted Arithmancy, and he told Hermione she could try for it.

"Well when they put it like that, I can actually see why Moony fell for it," James said. "You do know you can still take your Arithmancy OWL right?" James directed at Harry.

"I didn't know at the time," Harry shrugged, remembering an earlier explanation of theirs on how he'd do this. "I'm sure if I bring it up with McGonagall she'll explain it to me."

Hermione didn't even look up, saying she wasn't going to consider banking, she'd instead switched to one about training security trolls.

"Least Hermione's looking at all of her options," Sirius chuckled in surprise.

"She's had enough practice this year dealing with Umbridge," Remus grumbled.

"I think that means she's not very apt for the job though," James smirked, "considering that troll has yet to learn its lesson."

"I'm sure that'll change before the years up though," Harry said darkly.

They were interrupted by Fred and George joining them.

"Always a treat," Sirius perked up.

They spoke quietly to Harry about Ginny talking to them, Fred lifting his legs up casually on the table and knocking several leaflets to the floor regarding Ministry jobs.

"Poetic," Lily giggled. Considering their current climate, she may well have burned them all.

Hermione was stunned to hear the news Harry wanted to talk to Sirius, her hand freezing over a description about the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes.

"Hermione does clean up enough of Harry's messes," James chuckled.

Harry just looked at him in exasperation, which made James laugh all the harder his son didn't deny it.

She told him he was ridiculous, there wasn't a way.

George corrected it was a matter of diversions, and timing. They may have noticed they'd gone silent over the Easter holidays.

"I was rather disappointed to note this, yes," Remus sighed. They'd mentioned mayhem, and then released a spectacular start, but they'd all been a little distracted to realize nothing else had happened. Now they were realizing, and hoping, the twins may have even more up their wands.

Fred agreeing rhetorically what was the point of disrupting leisure time.

"Really? I found that the best time to catch people off guard," James smirked, then winced hard when Harry frowned heavily at him. It clearly wasn't funny to him anymore now that he had an idea of what James really meant by that. He wanted to pull Harry aside, he felt a long overdue conversation was worth it, but Lily was still insistently going, and now that Harry had the opportunity in his time to work this out with Sirius he supposed he understood why. If Harry reached some sort of resolution in his time it would help him in here, so he'd wait till then.

Plus, they'd be remiss to interrupt people studying.

Hermione looked surprised at this thoughtfulness.

"That is so hurtful," Remus rolled his eyes, "in a school so large, I always liked to think others tried to be considerate of everyone else."

"If not, it helped to show them otherwise," Sirius snickered.

"By making twice the disruption," Lily grumbled.

It was back to business come tomorrow when classes restarted though, Fred kept going, and since they were going to cause some uproar, they may as well do it in a way Harry could chat with Sirius.

Hermione fought back with the tone of one explaining something very simple to someone very obtuse,

"I note she uses that tone a lot," Lily rolled her eyes, all the more agitated Sirius so enjoyed comparing her to Hermione, she had never considered herself smarter than others like the idiots around her so often did.

demanding how he planned to do this?

Harry said Umbridge's office.

Harry looked uneasily around like he was expecting to be scolded, but found no one in here found the idea any more harrowing than a trip into the Forest. Dangerous for sure, but the idea of using the woman's own words against her held a rather vindictive pleasure to the lot of them.

He'd been considering it since Umbridge herself had told her fireplace was the only one not being watched.

"Irony in its purest form," Remus declared with that glint in his eyes Harry so often saw in here. He wondered if he'd paid more attention to Remus in that memory rather than the other two if he would have seen more behind the book he'd hidden his face in.

Hermione told him he was insane, how was he even going to get in there?

Harry said Sirius' knife, and she had no clue what that was.

"You had that for over a year and you didn't tell her about it?" Sirius said in surprise.

"I suspected to much of the same reaction I got from all the other gifts I got from you," Harry muttered. She had after all declared the Firebolt and Map unsafe at first and wanted him to be rid of those, he didn't see the point of drawing her attention to another thing from Sirius.

Harry explained his Christmas gift from his godfather last year, that would open any lock,

"Hang on," Sirius' face puckered with confusion, before he snapped his fingers and said, "Christmas this year pup, when you were leaving, I gave you something that you never wanted to open, but you could talk to me with it!"

Harry sat there, flabbergasted with surprise as he said, "I'd, completely forgotten about it. I put it in my trunk, and-" he shook his head miserably at his mind, hating that hateful sting from himself promising he'd regret this even more soon.

Hermione ignored him and then turned on Ron, and Harry was reminded of Mr. and Mrs. Weasley.

That gave them all a heavy laugh, considering what they'd noticed at Christmas last year between Harry's friends. Harry's shoulders shaking hardest of all seemed an amusing indication to them they weren't wrong in their guess, but they held it in, as maybe it still wouldn't go anywhere. It was still up in the air if they were reading the two right.

Ron looked alarmed at having to give his opinion, saying it was Harry's choice.

"It's all the funnier that's a response I'd expect from Arthur," James pointed out.

The twins seemed to think this was decided, imparting the knowledge of when this would take place tomorrow, as far from Umbridge's office as they could manage, and told Harry he'd have at least twenty minutes once this got started.

It was like a heavy weight being lifted from the room as they all laughed as one. Harry had been living a dream come true being able to spend time with his parents here, but now in his own time when he needed them most, it meant more than words he still had someone to turn to. The way in which he was going to be able to somehow just made this all the sweeter, it was as if James was helping from beyond the grave through the twins.

Harry woke early the next day, the prospect of talking to Sirius about that memory weighing heavily on him, though that wasn't the only thing. He'd also for the first time be back in close proximity to Snape since he'd been thrown out.

Lily went white lipped with fury as she remembered that treatment. It hadn't even phased Harry at the time he'd been so invested in his own mind, but she wasn't the only one who thought Snape should have been fired long ago, now he'd put his hands on Harry like that, and still nothing was going to be done about it! Yes Harry was at fault in that, but if he'd gone to Dumbledore, something would have been done against a teacher leaving a bruise on a student, right?

Harry got up and crossed to the window, gazing out at the lake where it had all taken place so many years ago. He couldn't imagine what Sirius would say as an excuse for his father's behavior, to somehow make all this better.

"Did I?"

Harry considered for a moment. He had the feeling he hadn't pushed Sirius in his own time like he had in here, but he was confident he had spoken to his godfather at least, so he reassured, "I guess, I do understand a bit more, now." He paused and was surprised to see the relief on all three of them, and for a moment he felt ashamed of his anger, he couldn't believe he'd ever made them think he hated them. He continued earnestly, "I'm sure we do talk," he shook his head slightly for being so sure of this too early, but still ignored the feeling, "so it'll all work out."

Sirius beamed! It was hard to put into words the realization Harry didn't hate him, hate his own father because of something he'd done. Finally Sirius felt like he'd done something right!

James shook his head affectionately at the pair, now fighting back the urge more than ever to pull Harry aside so he could have a real chat with him, but now he couldn't bring himself to cut off their moment when Sirius was finally in a happy place about his own life.

Lily kept going with honest hope now, sure that in his life Sirius would help Harry through just like always.

Something caught Harry's attention: movement on the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

Remus shivered in remembrance of the last time Harry had spotted something like that; it had been Padfoot, and they'd all been worried sick about what was going on during that time. Things had somehow steadily gotten worse from there.

Harry squinted into the sun and saw Hagrid emerging from between the trees.

"Well that's nothing unusual," Sirius shrugged. They saw that a dozen times a day on their meanderings of the grounds.

He was limping heavily as he made his way to his cabin, and Harry watched in concern for several moments until smoke came out the chimney, so he couldn't be so injured he couldn't stoke a flame.

All five of them shivered, just a bit, in fear for what Hagrid was up to. Still remembering his words, they forced themselves not to criticize he may be in over his head, but it didn't stop the worry for his well being while he did whatever it was.

He'd expected his talk with Sirius to be on his mind all day, but had no expected the accompanying commentary by Hermione attempting to dissuade him from doing it.

Remus scoffed deeply in disgust, could Hermione really not let Harry ever make his own decision without foisting her opinion.

She wasn't even paying attention in History of Magic, to busy keeping up her stream of worries that Harry tried to ignore.

"Normally I find Hermione's normalness refreshing," James said deadpan, "now I'd rather her go back to whining you don't do your homework to her standards."

Such things as if he was caught, this time Umbridge would force feed him Veritaserum to find out what he was up to!

Harry ducked into himself, shaking furiously for a moment, and they all thought it was from anger, and couldn't really blame him. Aside from the DA, had Hermione done anything this year other than spend her time telling Harry to not have any interaction with Sirius. Even then, she'd spent some of her time not trusting Sirius' judgment when he approved of her plan. Hermione's constant attempts to keep Sirius out of everything spurned them all, but they all kept a tight bottle on saying anything about it. They were in such a good mood for Harry's reconciliation, having a go at Hermione would help nothing. She couldn't stop Harry from seeing Sirius, even if she wouldn't be supportive of it.

Sirius instead offered up something to distract Harry, "besides, that wouldn't work anyways. I'm in a heavily warded house, I doubt you could just blurt out where I am under magic, that has to be willing information."

Harry gave him a grateful look, the distraction had worked and whatever his mind had been trying to lace together unraveled just as fast.

Ron cut in to demand if she wasn't going to be taking notes, who was?

"Nice distraction," Lily said grudgingly.

Hermione said he could for once, it wouldn't kill him.

"Sadly Hermione didn't take the hint," Harry rolled his eyes, Ron's comment had only saved him one breath, but he had appreciated the attempt.

She continued this even in the dungeons, her hissing breath so forceful others could could hear the noise, and Seamus spent five minutes trying to find a leak in his cauldron for the source of it.

That did get a surprised burst of laughter out of the boys, at least temporarily stopping the near constant eye rolls of Hermione, to which Harry was grateful as he was worried that would soon cause permanent blindness.

Lily wasn't as distracted though, still sitting tense in her seat and waiting to see if somehow Snape would find some new way to torment her son for what he'd done, if he'd go even farther in replicating his revenge onto the James that no longer lived but in his mind.

Snape had found a new way with Harry, by treating him as if he were invisible, a familiar tactic to Harry through Vernon.

"That's," James worked furiously to come up with a nice comment for this instead of the new string of insults he wanted to pour out in regards to the man, but Harry was watching him with a pinched face. He wasn't sure if his sons mood had irrevocably changed and now if he insulted the man his son would turn out worse than Lily curbing them for this, but he wouldn't put Harry so ostracized from him again; so he finished with, "an improvement."

"Better than he ever treated us," Sirius grudgingly agreed.

Remus kept his mouth shut, not trusting he'd say anything that would help, he rarely seemed to do that.

Harry gave them an awkward smile. He wasn't sure what this sudden surge was, something like forgiveness in his eyes when he thought back to Snape...but while watching Sirius he had an even worse omen this was probably the best he should hope for, or even that wouldn't last...

Harry found this an honest improvement over the usual taunting insults, and realized he actually got decently through his potion when left alone. He put a stopper into his flask for today feeling it was at least worth an E.

Lily beamed with pride. She just knew her son could have the potential to be good in this class, he could obviously concentrate as well as had the good intuition and reflexes that came with the skilled in this course.

He put it on his desk, and only turned for a second when he froze at the tinkling sound of breaking glass. He whirled back around to find his on the floor, with Snape's gloating smile on him.

"Oh, so he hasn't quit being an arse yet," Remus said blandly.

"Never could learn his lesson," Lily said bitterly.

James and Sirius exchanged a look before quickly looking to Harry, who felt exasperated and angry all over again. That had lasted shorter than he thought. Snape was still being an utter arse to him, and even if it was his dad that had made him that way, could he really not be the better person now that the man was dead?!

He turned back to his cauldron, determined to grab another vial and force it into Snape's hand for the grade he deserved, when he saw Hermione had already cleaned up everything for him.

Harry ground his teeth in, thinking he'd quite like for Hermione to stop helping him lately.

"Damn," James burst in frustration. Hermione's intentions were always good, and always seemed to cause Harry more problems than he needed.

She tried to apologize, but Harry was at his limit with her and did not speak to her the rest of the day, sitting in between Neville and Seamus during lunch so Hermione could not continue to pester him. He was so angry he walked right into Divination before Ron reminded him of his appointment with McGonagall, and hurtled up the stairs to her office.

"Be glad it wasn't in the North Tower now," Sirius muttered.

He arrived only a minute late and apologized, though McGonagall didn't seem concerned as she asked him to sit.

He did so, before hearing a little sniff of disagreement, and turned to find Umbridge back in the corner with a clipboard on her knees.

Lily's face pinched so tight she looked like she'd been skeletonized.

"What is that doing there," James spat, at least this was someone he'd never have to reconsider insulting to his last breath.

"I'm sure she has a pleasant reason," Sirius snarled.

McGonagall was treating as if she weren't even there, telling Potter to take a seat and beginning with what careers he'd considered so far.

Harry admitted his want of being an Auror, and McGonagall pulled a pamphlet to her and explained they E grades they required. It was a difficult path ahead, none had been taken on in the past three years.

"Tonks, if I remember correctly," Harry recalled with a slight smirk of a past late night dinner at Grimmauld place. "She was chatting how Moody himself had taken her on."

"Well I'm beyond pleased for the girl," Remus grinned. "She watches her feet a bit more and she'll be a right intimidation."

"I'm sure she's already got you shaking in your pants," Sirius snickered.

Neither Lily nor Harry bothered correcting him for the incorrect Muggle phrase, it made them smile too much.

At this moment, Professor Umbridge gave a very tiny cough, as though she was trying to see how quietly she could do it.

"All the easier to ignore her," James said almost pleasantly.

McGonagall ignored her, and began going into more details, such as Transfiguration-

Umbridge gave another cough a touch more pronounced, but McGonagall only closed her eyes for a moment before again ignoring her.

"Ha!" Sirius' sharp bark of laughter echoed loudly in the room, but all of them were grinning anyways for McGonagall's blatant dismissal of that broken purr.

She continued on slightly louder that Transfiguration would require an E to pass on into her NEWT classes, and as of now he was averaging an Acceptable.

James pouted slightly Harry had only the most passable of interest in his favorite subject, but at least they both still had Quidditch, at least if Harry ever bothered to speak to him again.

Then Potions of course, having to emphasize this one to him with a flickering smile for the look on his face.

Considering the face he'd just made in here, no one had to ask why McGonagall had done this one, they'd all made the same face.

Snape allowed nothing less than O grades in his class,

"I think he should have just been teaching those students period," Lily sighed. "He's no patience, maybe he wouldn't be such a bitter arse if he could teach those who could follow along better rather than young kids."

"If you're going to do that for one teacher, you should for all of them," Remus criticized. "I don't see Hogwarts inflating it's teacher population just because one teacher shouldn't even be there to handle all students."

Lily agreed, and honestly wondered why he was even there some days. He clearly had no love for his job, more than likely not even for the place itself. If all that was holding him there was some how connected to Dumbledore and whatever favor he'd done to keep him out of Azkaban for being a Death Eater, she did not find that a passable enough use for what he was doing to all of the students, not just Harry, in alienating them from a whole subject.

but then Umbridge gave her most pronounced cough yet, and McGonagall finally addressed her by demanding if she'd like a cough drop.

"More than I'd offer her," James snipped.

"I'd want to see how long we could go on ignoring her." Sirius wondered. "Would she stand up and start jumping around while doing that stupid cough, or just choke herself trying to do it. I'm personally voting for the second."

Umbridge declined, before asking if she could make the teensiest interruption?

"Clearly she can," Remus said through gritted teeth.

Then she wondered aloud if Potter had the temperament for an Auror?

"Oh?" Lily raised a sharp brow. "I find that he has quite the clear head in most situations, though he could use some improvement on who to dish it out on from time to time, but no one's perfect."

Harry blushed faintly for his mother's words, especially who he'd so recently put it on. He gave his dad another apologetic look, who again met his eyes and nodded in some form of mutual understanding and forgiveness.

McGonagall only gave this the barest of acknowledgments before continuing to Harry this took serious ambition,

"I've never said anything about being an Auror," Sirius went wide eyed in concern. "I'd never deny the world my good looks by taking one too many curses to the face, looking like Moody."

"You could take over Euphemia and Fleamont's business, it currently needs a face of the business now that they've passed on," Remus said with heavy sarcasm for Sirius and a sympathetic look at James; but he offered up a kind smile, knowing his parents would love the idea.

Sirius wasn't actually sure how he was supposed to respond to that statement. He didn't want to hurt Prongs' feelings with some snark nor in any way speak ill of two people he considered far more his parents than his own, so let Remus win this round, for now.

She'd advise him to concentrate as well on bringing his Transfiguration and Potions up to scratch.

"Considering there is no way in Merlin you are going to be able to get any kind of passing grade with Snape at the helm, I wouldn't hold my breath," Remus tisked.

Flitwick had been marking him between an A and an E the past two years, so that seemed good in his Charms work. As for Defences, he'd always been marked generally high, Professor Lupin in particular- was Dolores quite sure she didn't want something for that cough!

Sirius growled louder than ever for this constant interruption by that flea. "I wanted to hear that one!"

"I'm sure it was something more along the lines of what he excelled at in class," Remus shrugged, he'd never intentionally over qualify Harry for something no matter how much he loved the kid.

Umbridge feigned knowing what she meant,

"At some point you must not allow them to make that decision," James said with deadly calm.

"He means force feed the cough drop down her throat," Sirius pleasantly informed Harry like he'd missed the joke.

"Though I'm okay if it's something a bit larger that say, accidentally got stuck," James huffed.

as she mentioned McGonagall might not have the most recent scores of Potter's Defence Against the Dark Arts, she'd slipped something in.

"I'll recognize what that says when you recognize Voldemort's back you trumped up sugar plum," Lily scowled.

McGonagall extracted a pink sticky note from Harry's folder and gave it a dismissive read before continuing that Professor Lupin had found Potter had an aptitude for the subject-

Umbridge finally gave up the formality of the cough as she interrupted to say had McGonagall not understood her note?

"I understand that you need to shove it!" James snapped in outrage. How was Remus the only good teacher Harry had yet had! He didn't even count Moody all the way considering he'd in fact tried to kill his son!

McGonagall managed through gritted she'd understood it perfectly.

Umbridge didn't think so, as how could she give Potter false hope then-

"False hope?" Remus scowled. "Harry could be the next Minister if he wanted to!"

"I'd like to see him force Fudge out of office," James agreed with this idea, while Harry's face was turning more red than ever. McGonagall in her office, now those around him, he really didn't know how to handle people complimenting him so much.

McGonagall still hadn't even looked around at her as she demanded back what false hope? He'd achieved high marks in all Defence classes.

Umbridge said she was terribly sorry to correct her,

"No, no she's not," Sirius contradict just as pleasantly.

but her marks clearly showed his poor results while she was putting the class under correct tutelage-

"I wouldn't be surprised if she loses more of his grades than Snape, and that's saying something!" Sirius burst out.

This time McGonagall interrupted to clarify, he'd made high marks in all classes set by a competent teacher.

They all laughed in pure appreciation for McGonagall in that moment, but Remus utterly took the piss out of it. He began laughing so hard he nearly fell right out of his seat.

Sirius watched him indulgently until he'd subsided into a conversational level of giggling again before demanding, "care to share the joke?"

"That had to be the most insulting thing McGonagall ever could have said," Remus insisted, looking around at all of them like he couldn't understand why they hadn't already shared in the joke. "You do realize she just implied, as Harry has passed every exam up until this point, she meant all the previous DADA teachers were more competent than her." He paused, watched them do a head count, and then his grin somehow got wider. Even though they'd clearly taken the hint, he couldn't stop himself nodding and stating, "Lockhart trumped Umbridge, never thought I'd live hear it."

Sirius and James promptly started laughing just as hard as Remus had.

Professor Umbridge's smile vanished as suddenly as a light bulb blowing. She sat back in her chair, turned a sheet on her clipboard and began scribbling very fast indeed, her bulging eyes rolling from side to side.

"Warms my heart she finally has no response," Lily smirked all the wider, still somehow managing to make herself heard through the boys buoyant giggling.

McGonagall turned back to Harry, her nostrils flaring but forcing a calm voice as she asked if he had any questions.

Harry asked what would come after NEWTs?

McGonagall explained he'd need to demonstrate the ability to react well under pressure,

"Been there, done that," James mock yawned, finally recovering from McGonagall's wit, only to encourage this further.

as well as an extra three years in training. A lot more work and study will be going into this even after school-

Umbridge interrupted again, now in a cold flat voice,

"Argh, she couldn't just admit defeat and run off with her tail between her legs," Sirius grumbled.

"Toads don't have tales," Remus reminded. "Though I suppose her tongue would fit the scenario," he finished thoughtfully.

to remind that the Ministry also considered criminal records before hiring for this, which meant he had as much chance of being an Auror as Dumbledore coming back to this school.

"Ah, so by the end of the year then?" Lily happily stated.

"I wouldn't be surprised if Moody took him on now," James agreed without remorse. "If he came out of retirement for the war effort and is helping along Tonks, I'm sure he'd be all the more thrilled to pass along to Harry as well."

"My little cousin could be your partner," Sirius perked up at the idea.

Harry grinned at all of them, wanting to tell them they were getting far to ahead of themselves, but he couldn't seem to pull it together, just enjoying watching them all laugh again for something he could definitely join in on.

McGonagall said a very good chance then.

Umbridge shrilly returned Potter had a criminal record!

"He was cleared of all those wasteful charges," Lily declared acidly. "You can't just keep bringing them up at your leisure!"

"She was one that voted not to have them dropped at all," James needlessly reminded, a dark tone creeping back into his voice. "So I'm sure in her rainbow tinted world, they never were dropped."

McGonagall replied loudly he'd been cleared of all charges!

Umbridge took to her feet then, but she was so short this hardly made a difference, except now her demeanor somehow made the flabby face oddly sinister.

Remus cocked his head to one side, then the other, before saying, "nah, can't picture it."

"Don't underestimate her," James scolded, a calculating look in place. "I doubt she got where she was without hexing a few people along the way."

Remus still sniffed, he had trouble picturing anyone much of a threat against McGonagall.

Umbridge stated in no uncertain terms Potter held no chance of being an Auror.

McGonagall took to her feet as well, but in her case, it was a much more impressive display, she towered over Umbridge.

"I'm positive most first years do," Sirius sneered.

She returned she'd train Potter day and night to become an Auror, she'd coach him until he achieved every required result!

Far from blushing all the more as they would have suspected, Harry looked genuinely touched at the declaration. Of all the teachers there, he'd had the most interaction with McGonagall, the good and the bad. If she was declaring this, Harry had no doubts he had gone through with this career he'd so wanted at that age. Though he supposed, McGonagall could have wiped anyone into position for this job, Hagrid could become an Auror under McGonagall's tutelage.

Umbridge shouted the Minister would never employ Harry Potter!

"Then it's a good thing he won't be around long," Lily said flatly.

McGonagall shouted right back Fudge may not be Minister by the time he's ready to join.

Umbridge waved a stubby finger at McGonagall, a shriek of triumph taking place as she told this was the true answer! McGonagall wanted Fudge gone, so that Dumbledore could replace him! Then Minerva would have the Senior Undersecretary job, and Headmistress job all to herself!

"She's mad," James stated.

"We were well aware," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"No, I mean it," James insisted, dumbfounded his friends were missing the point. "Before, we knew she was a tyrannical scum coated bigot, but she's utterly lost her mind!"

"She can't lose what she never had," Remus huffed.

McGonagall dismissed Harry from the room then,

"Congratulations Harry," Sirius said, still a little too wide eyed, "yours was far more interesting than ours put together."

"That seems to happen to me a lot," Harry muttered.

and Harry wasted no time exiting as McGonagall's and Umbridge's continued shouts echoed down the corridor behind him.

The Marauders looked just a touch frightened at this. They'd never seen McGonagall utterly lose her temper into shouting no matter what they'd ever done, and for this to have occurred was yet another new level of low on that webbed sugar-cookies part.

Umbridge still seemed in her foul mood as she strode into class that afternoon.

"Considering who left whose office, I can only imagine who won that fight," Sirius said with a shark like smile.

"Don't start celebrating to early Padfoot," Remus shook his head miserably. He might not find Umbridge the proper threat in being sinister on any level, but he'd never deny, "she does have the power to throw teachers out, and now permanently. I'm surprised there hasn't been another scene of her pressing a boot to Trelawney now that there's no one around to stop her, and McGonagall may be next sooner than Hagrid with this going on."

"She can't get rid of McGonagall," James said flatly at once. "There would be an absolute uprising, there's just too many who wouldn't stand for it."

"I would have thought the same about Dumbledore," Remus said with a creased brow, "but there hasn't been a peep from the outside world saying anyone disagrees with it."

They all paled in genuine fear now. Umbridge had complete and utter control of the school by its neck, but at least with McGonagall there it felt like there was something holding the woman's noose back. If McGonagall was gone though...

Harry by far looked the most upset at this idea, helping Lily to pull herself together first to keep going. She just couldn't entertain that idea, surely something of their school must remain until Umbridge could be foisted out of it.

Hermione hadn't let up her mission yet, leaning into Harry and telling him to reconsider already, Umbridge was clearly in a bad mood.

"As opposed to?" Lily rolled her eyes.

For just a moment, Harry was tempted not to. After what McGonagall had just pledged for him, to imagine the look on her face if she realized what Harry was doing mere hours after she'd stood up for him...

"Uroh," Sirius winced, for the first time reconsidering himself this idea.

"I honestly think she'll understand though," James said with a sideways look at Harry. "All she'd have to do is work out who you're talking to, she must know Harry wouldn't do this unless it was an emergency."

"I'm not sure I find your attitude as a teenager an emergency," Lily snipped, but there was no force to her words. Harry couldn't wait another month and a bit to see Sirius, or his thoughts about his father could grow worse. None of them could live through it if Harry somehow couldn't find it in himself to forgive James at fifteen like he was starting to in here.

The plan was already in motion though, and there was no sense in letting the twins distraction become fruitless. He did already have the knife and Invisibility Cloak in his bag.

James felt a grin accompany the light hearted feeling he always got when his son mentioned his cloak. He'd always imagined passing that onto him, seeing the childhood delight on his face and growing up learning how best to use it. Surely Harry couldn't find him all bad if he still treasured something like that same look on his face suggested.

Hermione was still going, reminding him Dumbledore had sacrificed himself so Harry could stay in school, was he really going to just throw that away for nothing!

"I disagree, at some point this school wasn't worth staying in," James scowled.

"Right around the time students were getting their hands sliced open," Sirius agreed.

Lily spent a moment wondering if Hermione would have been less reproving of this plan if she'd known the reason, but then, maybe even still. She got angry enough hearing this one talk about one of her friends, she didn't like to think what Hermione would say about her husband in that light, even if she would have said it all herself in the past.

He could wait of course, talk to Sirius this summer, but then he remembered what Sirius had said to him, that he was less like his father than he'd thought.

Sirius actually felt like he was kicked while down. "I, I never meant-" he couldn't find the words. He hated what he'd said to Harry then, he'd never want to pretend Harry was James for even a second, that would not bring back his dead brother no matter how much he wished it, but this was now. Maybe then...

Harry couldn't think of anything to say. He felt like he'd let Sirius down by worrying so much for him, but at the same time could not force the feeling to leave him alone either this was for the best. If Sirius did come back out- he stopped his thoughts cold, he couldn't imagine the worse outcome, he wouldn't!

But did he want to be like his father any more?

"I-" Harry began, but seemed as lost for words as Sirius. His initial feelings for the memory had faded mostly, but he still had no answer for that at fifteen. Here though, the man he'd met, he knew he loved his dad without a doubt, so he did speak with sincerity, "certainly the father I've met."

James jerked in surprise, he hadn't dared look at Harry for that answer, and was so overcome by the shock of that warmth going through him now he was the one who was failing English.

Harry realized he'd struck him dumb, and turned to Sirius, "and I was only ever afraid of disappointing you, because I could never be like that."

Sirius choked how Harry could ever draw that conclusion, and drew himself up proud before stating, "absolutely impossible. You'll always be my godson, even if you'd turned out like Moony instead."

"Hey," Remus frowned, while Sirius smirked at getting a real laugh out of Harry again.

"Be grateful, he could have said me," Lily pointed out, though that only made Remus look at her with even more offense as she kept going.

Ron finally told her to give it a rest, he could make up his own mind.

"I miss watching Ron stand up to her," Remus said. "I don't think he's done much of that since the Yule Ball."

"I think it's good for them, helps keep in mind how they became friends in the first place," Lily chuckled.

The bell rang, people began filing out of class, and not moments later there was a tremendous shake that seemed to rain across the whole castle. Umbridge went past them, pulling her wand as she went, it was now or never.

"Even if you don't go through with it," James said heavily, forcing himself to say something that tore at his soul, "the least you could do is check out what the distraction was." He probably wouldn't hear a word of it anyways, he genuinely feared if Harry didn't go through with this he'd really grow up hating him...but he'd never wish for Harry to go through with this either if he had any doubts about Sirius as well. If his own memory had to be tarnished for Harry to somehow find peace in talking to Sirius later, he'd just have to accept that.

Harry laughed freely, but then blinked in surprise as he registered the tone. He looked worriedly to both his parents, only understanding that they were worried about him getting caught.

Hermione tried one last time, but he'd made up his mind;

Lily made a small squeaking noise to hide her glee, beyond elated Harry was pushing through with this. If anyone could talk to Harry now, it must be Sirius, he'd set him right!

Pushing through crowds until he had a second alone, he donned the cloak and went to Umbridge's office, easily inserting the knife, and the door swung open.

"I never suspected it wouldn't work," Remus said with a toothy grin, so much of this trying to cause flashbacks to the time they'd snuck into Professor Eros' office for entirely different evidence of something, but quite the familiar set up.

He went to work at once inside the kitten and pink laced office, going straight to her fireplace behind the desk and finding the pot of green ash that was the Floo powder. He'd never done this before, but he had the idea of it. He bent down on his knees, activated the network, and shoved his head in, shouting his desired address.

"Oh," Sirius hated to interrupt even in surprise, but couldn't stop his mouth saying, "I honestly thought you were going to appear there and come back, but I guess this works too."

"I'm enjoying it all the more," James suddenly let out a burst of laughter. "Can you imagine your reaction?"

It was a very curious sensation, usually his whole body was spinning like a top through the magically connected fireplaces, but now his knees remained firmly grounded as his head hurtled through.

"It's not a feeling you exactly get used to either," Sirius rubbed at his neck in remembrance.

Harry was just all the more impressed Sirius put up with doing it then, especially repeatedly several times in one night just for a quick chat with Harry like he'd been known to do.

It stopped soon enough, and Harry was looking at the legs of the chairs and table of the familiar kitchen, with a man sitting at said table looking over some parchment.

"Seems you actually interrupted him doing something for once," James said with a small smile, at least it was better than seeing him passed out at the table.

He called to get Sirius' attention, but was just as surprised as Lupin was to hear his voice.

Four of them let out a surprised laugh, it was like gaining an extra unexpected gift for Moony's timing!

Remus didn't exactly feel like joining in, but he certainly had a bemused smile on his face for this set of circumstances.

He demanded at once if Harry was alright.

"Worry wart," James rolled his eyes.

"I don't blame him," Lily shook her head. "There's not a whole lot of reason for him to be showing up like that unless something did happen."

"Then you're both worry warts," James decided, while Lily ignored him.

Harry said he was fine, he just wanted a chat with Sirius.

Still looking perplexed,

"I don't blame you," Lily insisted while both James and Sirius were fighting back smiles.

he said he'd go fetch him, he was looking for Kreacher in the attic.

Harry shivered deeply, he did not like that response at all! Then he realized he gave them quite the wrong impression, clear worry back at once Sirius may say something all the worse for this day. He tried to think of something to say, but could offer nothing from his cursed mind.

He only had to wait moments, but even still he began shifting his knees uncomfortably back at Hogwarts, why hadn't Sirius ever mentioned how uncomfortable this was?

"I wouldn't dream of it," Sirius scoffed, replaying the few conversations he'd had with Harry in his time, and the thought of complaining of a single moment of them for his knees sake was sacrilege.

Sirius came back right on Lupin's heels, both now demanding if he needed some kind of help.

Harry said no, and only stalled for a moment before saying he'd just wanted to talk about his dad.

Lily couldn't help but pause for a moment to just appreciate how out of the blue this would be for the two of them. Harry had given no indication he'd at all brought this up in the almost two years he'd known Sirius, and now out of nowhere he was begging for answers from them in this situation. She'd be on edge if she didn't know what was going on as well.

Refusing to let himself paused any more in embarrassment, he launched into the story he'd seen in Snape's Pensive.

"Oh I'm sure they loved that," James ruffled up his brow as he knew that would only feel all the harsher to them fifteen years later. The day had not been one of particular note to the Marauders, but they'd well remember what it was for Lily, and it would only cause a stirring in them for other things their life was now without.

When he finished, Lupin began Harry shouldn't judge him too harshly, he'd only been fifteen-

Harry heatedly interrupted so was he!

"That wasn't the best way to start," Lily agreed with that protest.

"You try defending this git," Remus tried to poke fun instead of wincing for not starting off that well.

"I'd have thought you'd have more practice," Lily tried to mimic his fun, though both quickly stopped as James couldn't even muster up a smile.

Sirius cut in by choosing to explain it as Snape had hated James from the moment they'd been in the same room. James had been popular, good at Quidditch, good at everything, and Snape had been the exact opposite.

"I'm not actually sure that's helping Padfoot," James told him even as he smirked from atop his pedestal.

"Shove it before I take a pin to your head," Sirius told him pleasantly without a hint of remorse, as that's how Harry should always remember a father who couldn't be there for his child.

He was an oddball who was only good at the Dark Arts, and no matter what that memory implied, James always hated the Dark Arts.

Harry didn't disagree with that, but he couldn't understand why they'd done it just because Sirius was bored.

Sirius at once said he wasn't proud of that!

"Aren't you though?" Lily couldn't help the ice chipped tone.

Sirius opened, then closed his mouth, considered his words carefully for once in his life because of that fragile look still on Lily's face, and stated, "in a way. Seeing Harry like this," he gave a wave to the still unpleasant frown on him. "I'd never wish what Dudley did to him on anyone. I'd never want to be thought of as someone's Dudley, but-" he seemed to have no ability to stop himself saying, "I can't pretend like I'd go back and change anything. He was just as at fault as the lot of us, and it gets really sickening watching you pretend he was always the victim."

"I never said he was," Lily shook her head sadly, now looking more imploringly at James than anyone even as she answered Sirius. "I told him off weekly for being as bad as you, I just wanted one of you to step up and stop." Finishing with a furling grin at her husband, "guess it's obvious who did," before looking to Harry, who nodded slowly as he accepted all this.

Lupin looked sideways at Sirius,

"Probably for everything he just said," Remus shook his head fondly, it was a nice change he still knew what Sirius was thinking on some level, and he could easily imagine all he'd just said to Lily had passed through his head. Even without having full knowledge of Dudley, that accusatory look lingering on Harry's face the past hour in here would be heavier than ever while facing the two of them.

but also said that James and Sirius had been the champions of the school, sometimes they got carried away-

Sirius cut in to repaint themselves as arrogant berks.

"There it is," Lily couldn't help but say affectionately.

"I'm the one who said it!" Sirius protested.

"I know," Lily told him with a fond scold.

Lupin did not disagree, but smiled.

Harry painfully told of his dad messing up his hair.

Sirius and Lupin just laughed.

None did in here. They were all used to his habit of that, but it caused a dead feeling in them to suddenly recognize all over again how long it would have been for those two to have seen that.

Sirius said he'd forgotten he used to do that,

Sirius's eyes stung hard for a moment. The thought of Azkaban hanging over his life felt like a death sentence more than ever if he could ever forget something so common place of his brother...

When Harry agreed, Lupin asked for more, had he been playing with the Snitch? Harry agreed again, and the two smiled even more with reminisce as Lupin concluded he'd thought him an idiot.

"I am no such thing!" James mock huffed.

"I still do," Remus said as if he hadn't spoken.

Sirius agreed of course he was, they all had been, though Moony the least of all.

Lupin did not agree, saying he'd never told them to lay off Snape.

"On a rare occasion," James disagreed with a nostalgic shrug.

"More for the times where he didn't feel like having to put up a counter curse for us that day, then if we still ignored him, he still wouldn't do it," Sirius smirked.

"We never did learn our lesson of heading him though," James finished with an easy smile once again for Harry looking on at them bright eyed for their old life again.

Sirius agreed with that, but he had made them feel ashamed sometimes.

"Usually after the accidents where someone got hurt we hadn't meant to," Remus told Lily and Harry. "Like that time they tried out some new hex on Aubrey Bertram and her head inflated, when they had no clue what it would actually do."

"Hey, we got detention for that one!" Sirius protested, "I didn't think that lecture on using new spells on the students was necessary," he finished petulantly.

Harry cut in though, determined to say all that was on his mind, about Lily hating him! Why had she married him?

Lily looked pitifully to her son. She wished more than anything he'd grown up knowing how untrue that was...for the last few years of her life anyways. She wanted to take the chance and answer him now though. "You know, he stopped asking me out in our sixth year."

Harry looked to her in genuine surprise for that, as she nodded slowly, now lost back in thought. "I noticed it at once, and I was so confused, and after the first month, I was even jealous. I couldn't understand, had he finally moved on? He actually did it, he went a whole year and left me be, and I actually missed the wanker, well when he wasn't being a wanker. He still had his moments like when he told Professor Vector the wrong calculation on purpose just so he could insult the subject, for the umpteenth time."

Harry burst out in surprised laughter as she affectionately recalled. "I was feeling really alone that year, not having made many very good friends outside of Snape, and now that he and I weren't speaking I'd gone back and subconsciously been expecting at least one thing to remain normal. Potter didn't though, and for once I started watching him instead of the other way around. I saw him actually interacting with his friends outside of insulting the student body, I watched him teach this little first year how to fly in a secret flying practice because he was crying he didn't want to be made a fool of. I actually watched James, instead of Potter." She finished with a winning smile at her suddenly flustered husband, he'd never realized that!

She finished with nothing but love in her tone, "that's why the next year, when I heard him talking about Nick's Deathday Party, I put myself into the conversation. I got a reflex reaction," she busted out giggling upon remembering his face when he'd been talking to Peter about this thing, both had gone silent as if struck dumb. "It worked of course, he asked me if I'd like to go with him, and I couldn't help but say yes."

"You nearly gave the poor man heart failure," Remus told her happily. "He wouldn't speak for the rest of the day, then he convinced himself all the next day you were pulling his leg, then-"

"Let's just say your first date with Cho wasn't even as bad a build up as poor Prongs'," Sirius finished with an old chuckle.

"Then I got to dance with her," James finally got his want back, as she curled back into his side, her red hair falling across his chest as she closed her eyes for a moment in contentment. "Glory I was living a dream come true, still am honestly," he finished with a peck to her temple.

Harry watched all of this as if living out his own dream, a childhood one he'd envisioned many times. Any kid at his school could tell a story of how their parents met, apparently it was quite the common thing for a child to know, but he felt like for the first time in his life he was really getting that answer.

Lily lazily opened her eyes back up to look at his hazel ones, but she did force herself to turn back to the book then. She considered it a mission success, if Harry still harbored any bad feelings towards his father after that, than they certainly couldn't see a trace of them now.

Sirius dismissed this, Lupin agreeing they'd started going out in their seventh year, Sirius agreeing once James had deflated his head a bit, Lupin adding on once he'd stopped hexing people for fun.

Harry confirmed even Snape?

Lupin was slow to answer this one, pointing out Snape never missed a chance to curse James, and his father couldn't take that lying down.

"I thought you'd already realized this from all we've said," James said uneasily, he hadn't been shy of sharing those kinds of facts in here, so Harry's extreme reaction again was bothering him for that.

"I guess I didn't put together how, dirty it got," he tried to explain. "I don't know, when you guys tell it, it sounds like you were just goofing off. That, wasn't," he finished bluntly.

James held his hands up in surrender, not looking for another fight with Harry, and if he hadn't spoken both sides fairly enough he supposed that was impossible anyways and done with.

Harry asked his mother was okay with that?

Sirius wasn't aware she even knew anymore,

Lily made a very obvious noise as she looked at him, and Sirius just looked at her dumbly.

"Did you think I was oblivious?" She demanded of him. "Yet I also got a far more, perspective look on them," she conceded.

"I never hid anything from her," James agreed, still watching Harry. "If we still dueled now and again, she was the first one at the hospital wing to tell me I was being an idiot."

"Rather than in the bed next to him like those idiots," Lily shook her head.

James had hardly taken Snape on dates to jinx him for entertainment for her.

"I suggested he should once," Sirius told her pleasantly. "It would be the perfect way for the three of you to really reconcile-"

He stopped with a sharp smack to his head from Moony telling him to shut up, sometimes that did work after all.

Sirius frowned when Harry still didn't look convinced, so he emphasized his best friend had been the best man in his life, a good person.

Lily couldn't stop her throat tightening off for a moment, she could feel the weight of those words, how true Sirius would always mean them. He loved Remus and Peter, but James was the first person he'd ever considered family. She just couldn't imagine for him what it would be like to lose that.

Harry finally agreed with this, saying he'd just never expected to feel sorry for Snape.

Lupin decided to change the subject by asking how Snape had reacted to find Harry in that thing?

Harry gave an indifferent answer that he'd just shouted he'd never teach him Occlumency again, not like he was disappointed-

Sirius shouted that back so loudly Harry coughed ashes.

Lupin demanded if Harry was serious?

Lily kept reading loudly over her obnoxious friend, she didn't want to hear any variant of the same joke in two breaths, honestly thinking no amount of time should have stopped Remus from losing track of that joke.

Harry looked at the two overreactions in surprise, saying he found it a relief-

Sirius declared he was going up there, even getting to his feet as if to do so that moment, but Lupin pulled him back down;

"Wow," James said the word slowly and carefully.

"I, think we've been underestimating this crap," Sirius agreed with a creased brow.

"I think Dumbledore was really confident Occlumency was supposed to help more than we were thinking," Remus corrected. "So if we believed him," he trailed off with a miserable shake to his head, though at least their past actions made a bit more sense now. Taking Dumbledore at word would mean sharp fears of what was happening to Harry now they were hearing otherwise.

"I'm not sure why you stopped him," James told Remus with a slight pout, then he quickly stopped the rest of his train of thought escaping, now very much aware James provoking a fight between Snape and Sirius would not be received well by his son.

Saying firmly if anyone was going to have words with Snape, it would be him.

"I wouldn't recommend that one anymore though!" James said with honest fear. Not after the last time Snape had been around Remus, or almost Moony.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Remus demanded. "I can handle myself just as well."

"Sirius has more practice," James said shrewdly.

First though, Harry was to go back and tell Snape he was not to stop! When Dumbledore heard-

"He'll sack him?" Sirius offered hopefully.

"How would that fix his problem of, he stopped giving Harry lessons," Lily reminded him of why he was being an idiot.

"I can still dream," Sirius huffed.

Harry said back he couldn't do that, Snape would kill him!

Lupin was being stern though, there was nothing more important than this!

Lily still couldn't help but frown at the intensity of that. Rather than that tone, she wished Remus would just explain already why Dumbledore was so convinced Occlumency would work, that was the only thing she could put together for Remus' tenacity of the same.

Harry agreed, if still annoyed doing so.

"Doesn't seem to have had much of an impact," Remus said tersely, clearly Sirius should have been the one to say that.

Sirius looked to him in sympathy, many things he wanted to say to Moony for this moment bouncing around in his head. He wished as much as him Harry felt more for James' last friend, he knew he felt plenty of gratitude that clearly Remus was still coming back in to check on him. That killing blow of a reminder James may not always be in his life left him more grateful than ever to still have Moony even in this bleak future, but he held himself back for the simple wish this would never have to come true, they would always be around for none of this to ever have to take place.

Then he heard footsteps, and asked if that was someone coming into the kitchen?

Sirius said no in surprise, must be from his end.

"Bloody hell," James yelped in a sudden upsurge of fear.

Harry's heart skipped a beat as she shouted he had to go before wrenching his head back.

"Bloody hell," Sirius couldn't help but parrot, but he had quite a look on his face that wasn't all fear for Harry. "You do realize," he told Remus, "he actually didn't explain much of anything to us about why he was there. Just stop for a moment and think what we would have said to each other when Harry just popped out like that."

Remus did smile, for just a moment, at imagining him and Sirius reminiscing for hours about their good times, trying to even move past that and make even better plans for their future. This finally was that warmth they'd been missing between them since that third book, some promise their lives couldn't ever break apart. James had been the glue to pull them all together in school, and Remus knew he'd still be enough to do the same without even having to be there.

He bolted at once under his cloak as Filch muttered to himself just outside the door how grateful he was she'd left it open.

"But she didn't!" Lily squeaked in concern. "Now she'll know someone was in there."

"She's no proof it was Harry," James tried to placate, though that made none of them feel better, as Umbridge had never needed more than a passing glance to go after Harry after that first day.

In an honest effort just to distract the two, Sirius instead offered the question, "what if the door wasn't open for him though, how would Filch get in for, well whatever even he's there for."

"If Umbridge sent him there, that means she's got a reason for not doing it herself," Remus reasoned out slowly. "Perhaps in her haste of casting him off, neither of them realized the roadblock of her magicking her door shut."

"He'd just have had to turn around and go get her anyways," James agreed with the logic even if he was still on edge.

"Still a warning I would have heard," Harry told soothingly, he had an odd smile on his face. It was very clear that just talking about all this with Sirius had helped Harry out of his misgivings with his dad, and now there was going to be something quite savory to finish off this night...

He rummaged through Umbridge's desk, Harry staying where he was, crouched and invisible as Filch muttered to himself to find the form for approval of whipping, they'd had it coming to them for years!

Lily inhaled sharply as she read that. Of all the laws the Ministry had been passing of late, even the stupidest of them all, she still hadn't believed they could ever approve of something so cruel!

"He wouldn't really go through with it though," for the first time, James sounded uncertain, this was just so above anything he'd coped with at school, "right?" He finished pitifully towards his friends.

Neither had the breath to answer him, the idea of actually whipping a student wasn't bearable, and they'd thought they'd hit that limit after what Umbridge had done to Harry!

He finally seemed to have found it, as he grasped a paper and began kissing it before shuffling back away faster than Harry had ever seen him move. He waited carefully before following, waited until he was a safe distance from Umbridge's office, and then took off the cloak to continue following him to the Entrance Hall, and found a scene very much like before when Trelawney was being sacked. The two differences were Peeves floating above the crowd, and the twins in the center.

"Oh no," Sirius muttered, his eyes widening in concern. He couldn't imagine the scenario of what happened for Harry walking in on, but it was nothing good. He'd become incensed over Umbridge going near Harry, but he adored the twins as if he'd personally gotten to know them as well. The idea of Filch actually-

They were all grateful when Lily kept going even if it was in pitch fear for the twins well being. Then again, if so much as one lash was given to them, thanks to that clock of hers; Molly was likely to appear in the school and start murdering whatever was pink in sight, so nothing too bad could happen.

Umbridge was again slightly up the staircase, gazing down at them as she spoke of how funny they must think themselves, setting up a swamp in her school corridor?

"They did what!" James demanded, actually wrenching the book from Lily's grip to see this with his own proud eyes.

"Give that back," Lily scolded, holding her hand out impatiently as he reluctantly returned it.

Still, she couldn't help but pause at an all new level of the twins' genius. She'd give them credit where it was due for originality.

Fred agreed it was pretty amusing, without the slightest trace of fear.

"The proper response then," Sirius still managed with chipper even as his eyes tracked Lily's every twitch, waiting for the blow to fall one way or the other.

Filch elbowed his way closer to Umbridge, almost crying with happiness.

Lily was as disgusted with Filch as she was with Umbridge. Everyone had always found the man a joke, but now that it was clear he was being given his free reign to do as please, he wasn't just trying to spook kids anymore, he really meant it.

He begged the headmistress to let him do it now!

Umbridge agreed Argus could go fetch what he liked, telling the twins they would be her example of wrongdoers in her school.

Fred gave the pleasant return he didn't think so, George agreeing they'd outgrown full time education. Fred decided it was time they test their talents in the real world.

"What on earth," Remus only just had time to string together at what those two were up to when Lily kept going, hardly pausing for breath.

As one, they raised their wands, and summoned their brooms with the Accio charm.

There was a resounding crash, and Harry only just ducked in time as the two objects came hurtling forward, one even still dragging it's heavy chain that had it bolted to the wall.

James was vibrating in his seat, the urge to laugh being smothered so he could hear every word almost leaving his head ringing like a gong.

They mounted in the shocked silence, with one last parting word to the students that their premises for Weasley's Wizard Wheezes was to be found in Diagon Alley,

"One last shot of upsells, in case anyone's missed it by now," Remus gave an approving nod even as he felt like his head was floating above his shoulders from such unending feelings about this.

and a special discount to anyone from Hogwarts to use their product to rid this bat.

"But by the time they'll be able to go to the store, she'll be gone," Sirius reminded viciously, as the last break of the school year had already passed, and they could not wait for the rest of this book to be the same.

Umbridge came to her senses and shouted for them to be stopped, but no one had time as they went up into the air, that iron peg nearly taking one of the Inquisitorial Squad members head off.

"I hope they never took that off," Harry whispered, blinking slowly at the book as finally some happy memory was restored to him again.

They only stopped long enough to ask Peeves to give her hell from them.

Peeves, whom Harry had never once seen taken an order, gave a bow of understanding.

Then Fred and George wheeled off into the sunset.

Then they all promptly collapsed with laughter.

HPHPHPHP

Dang this was an emotionally heavy chapter, though good practice for a particular one to come...

Anyways, hope this chapter was worth the wait, but I really did feel like these were a two part chapter more than any others before or after it. Like this and the previous all could have been one mega long chapter. Okay, to the point, I know some people's minds will never change, and they'll always view what James and Sirius did as the worst act possible and they're just terrible people. I never saw them that way, and even if you still disagree, I hope I at least offered a new perspective even if you didn't agree with that either.

#Harry Potter #fanfiction #reading the books #OotP #Marauders #James and Harry talk #James Potter #Remus Lupin #Sirius Black #Lily Potter #Jilly

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