#you know what. rant over. I'm done
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Me: So yeah, in the Sacrifice AU in order to cope with her trauma Suiren develops an alterhuman thing where she thinks of herself as a malevolent swamp spirit, both to feel invincible and to prove everyone who turned against her right, in a "you want me to be the villain? Fine, I'll be the villain" kind of way. They think of her as evil and rotten and an omen of doom? Okay, so be it, maybe she is all those things and more, much more than they can ever imagine. She'll show them all
My brain: Mhm, mhm, and I suppose your intense self hatred, the endless criticism you face from everyone in your life, the unyielding sense of impending doom hanging over you like a dark cloud, the hysterics you fall into whenever you think about how this endless every day battle won't end with highschool and you still have to go to uni afterwards and then work every day of your life until you eventually drop dead, all the while knowing you will never be loved like you want to because there are more As in your aspec identity than in your report card which, combined with everything else, makes you want to say "fuck it" to every last expectation, stop putting in the effort, ignore assignments and stop caring about receiving bad grades, not do any studying at all and wing your exams and fail to get accepted anywhere with the low scores you'll likely get if you do that, effectively throwing your whole life away, just so your parents can finally be justified in calling you a disappointment, just so you can actually be as bad as they make you out to be and so much worse... has nothing to do with any of that, then?
Me: ...... oh for FUCK'S SAKE–
#just once. can a storyline NOT involve some very personal and very sensitive part of my fucked up psyche? PLEASE??#where did this even come from#I wasn't the one who came up with alterhuman Suiren. how did it line up to my thought process so well??#anyway#guess so just sobbed for an hour straight because they didn't want to write an essay for literature#which spiralled into all of this#I don't even know HOW to write essays!! it wasn't something we did these last two years!!! I'd rather not try at all than embarrass myself#I don't care what that woman says. let her fail me. let her see that I'm not being self deprecating when I say I suck#and NO I DO NOT GIVE A DAMN THAT I'M SOUNDING LIKE RENNY RIGHT NOW#APPARENTLY I'M INCAPABLE OF SOUNDING LIKE ANYONE ELSE#you know what. rant over. I'm done#I'm gonna go grab myself a snack and get it together#(because apparently I need to make myself fatter than I already am. great plan Nia)#(хороший план. надёжный блять как швейцарские часы)
0 notes
Text
Just to clarify my thoughts (since I've had a number of people ask me about it) re: Job and cursing God. There's a big difference between cursing God as used in Scripture and how we generally would think of cursing at God today.
Cursing someone, in the Bible, has a lot of depth to it. It's not just saying "screw you " in anger, it's got a sense of forsakenness to it. It's the opposite of a blessing, a removal of blessing. If the blessing is presence, your face shining on the person you're blessing, then a curse is absence. In some translations, Job's wife tells him to "renounce God and die," which I honestly think makes a lot more sense to modern ears.
Job says a lot of unpleasant things to and about God in his anger and grief. So do the Psalmists. A number of the Prophets. So can we. God can take it if we come to him with honest expressions of our emotion, including those not-so-nice ones directed at him. I don't think there's anything wrong with getting mad at God and saying, "How dare you, you bastard" when you suffer unjustly. You can say much worse, I think, without sinning, though I don't feel particularly inclined to give examples. But as long as it's an honest expression of your heart, I think you're doing exactly what prayer is for. You're presenting him your heart with an open hand. He can use that. Opposite of love is not hate but indifference, etc.
Job doesn't renounce God. Neither should we. But I think when you're truly suffering, you're gonna have those feelings toward God either way. He'd rather you address them with him directly than try to avoid them. Cursing at God in the modern sense is actually a great way to keep the relationship strong and not end up cursing/renouncing him in the Biblical sense.
#i did try to draw that distinction in the original post but I didn't really go into detail#mostly bc i was trying to be concise and just focus on how the church talks to sufferers#so here's the long version#pontifications and creations#only thou art holy#also side note: there was someone yesterday who responded to that post with the suggestion that suffering is generally the sufferer's fault#and it got worse from there#just an absolutely rank response that had me immediately blocking that person and googling if there was a way to remove someone's addition#idk to what degree that person is an active member of this broader christian community we've got going on here#but if you see that post (and you'll know it when you see it) please as a favor to me don't interact with it#there were some lovely responses and additions to that post yesterday too#but that one made me mad#idk. to a certain degree i wanted to vent#they're blocked now though so whatever#anyway. I've sort of been percolating on these various thoughts for a few weeks#since i went to a really fluffy women's talk on suffering#and now i kind of want to give my version#I'm far from the greatest sufferer in the world. i am well aware of that#but as I've been sick I've just done So Much Thinking and reading about theodicy and struggle with God that i feel qualified to opine#unlike the giver of that talk#anyway#tag rant over#...for now#theodicy
205 notes
·
View notes
Text

Young justice fashion week 2025 day 5: horror themed
Final girl Cissie is going to have to come up with one heck of a plan to save Bart and the rest of her friends before the mutating plant virus changes them past recognition.
#youngjusticefashionweek2025#yjfw2025#vampiregokudera#young justice#cissie king jones#arrowette#bart allen#dc impulse#dc fanart#horror#creature#plant mutant#mutation#uhhh lemme know if i missed any warning tags on this one#anyway now that the main tags are done..look away cuz it is rant time#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ok so i'm NOT on good terms with horror and if anything this was a lesson#a lesson that i need to stay in my comfort zone cuz this was not a good time#i don't even know how to explain what tf happened with Bart. sonething aomehting plant mutation virus that makes you into a zombie thing idk#don't look at me i tried a billion other things and at the end this is what i got#i like how Cissie looks atleast#everything else is questionable at best#the plant thing is rly morbid and visceral tbh. like it takes over you and controlls you like a puppet and it only wants to consume#bart is also giving xlr8r vibes from ben ten and idk how to feel abt that...#ok time to hit post and shut up
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
guys ive been drawing so much lately I've been starting to actually hate it 🙁
#i LOVE drawing and always wanna do it#but lately I feel like I'm being forced to draw stuff 🥲 even if it's of my own doing#art class. the school project I just started. the animations I make. other stuff.#I feel like I'm constantly on time limits for them (and for some of them i AM 😭)#even if there's literally 0 reasons for me to rush myself i feel SO guilty if I don't#especially when I share the wips here and ppl leave rlly sweet comments like “this is awesome! I can't WAIT to see it done <3”#those comments make me SO happy#but once my motivation starts to wane after working on a wip for days I'm like “no I HAVE to continue I've basically promised everyone this#even if I didn't... actually promise anything to anyone.... 😬#when I asked for drawing requests a few days ago I was like “haha I'll probably only get one or two ☺️”#then they just kept on coming and coming and I'm like “FUCK. WE'RE REALLY IN IT NOW 😨 SWEET MOTHER OF PEARL WHAT HAVE I DONE”#and even though i KNOW I can take my sweet ass time on them#I'm still like “fuck. I NEED TO DO THIS NOW. I basically begged for drawing requests and it'd make them sad if I don't 😭😭”#if someone sent me a request and I havent drawn anything for you yet I'm sorry 😭😬#I know the logical answer to EVERYTHING would be “take a break doofus”#but the idea of *NOT* DRAWING OUTSIDE OF MY REQUIRED ART STUFF!!??? shiver me timbers#and now I'm just drawing. drawing. drawing. drawing. drawing. guilt. procrastination. more guilt.#I draw for SO MANY “pick how you do it” school projects outside of my art classes mostly bc its the easiest option LMAO#but then I get home after doing that all day and im like. fuck. there's more to draw. more to do. I don't wanna do it.#but I'm extremely bored and dont know what to do without it 🙁#you could probably write a poem out of that or something ngl LOL#anyways sorry for being a bummer. I'm gonna keep drawing for my school project after this bc I havent learned a thing 🥲 ciao ✌️#rant#rant post#vent post#artist vent#blog#*falls over dead*#I'll post like normal after this dw
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's disappointing seeing people continue to choose to get food for stuffings from places on BDS boycott lists (McD's being the most common one I've seen) but man, despite my disappointment I'm not surprised I keep seeing it. Some of y'all still can't boycott Chik-Fil-A and we've known about their shady homophobic shit for YEARS.
#sorry to get political but come on y'all#yes there is no ethical consumption under capitalism but some choices are less ethical than others#esp if you live in a place with a lot of options- there are so many better places you can choose i promise#yes boycotting is a small action when done individually but it adds up#and i don't know about you but i'm critical of damn near every place i spend my money! that's not a bad thing!#ethical k*nk relies on critical mindsets and where you choose to eat if that's what gets you off should be a part of that analysis#rant over... for now
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
guys its finally done
after exactly like 3 months the killer analysis is FINALLY done......oh my trio we're so back WE'RE SO BACK!!!!! in exchange for this long awaited victory i will be working on a little comic.........killer WILL be featured there will be no more of excluding him here ‼️

here's a wip panel from it x3
#tricule rant#killers mischievous face at the end 😒😒😒 explodes him for all he's done to me#oh he did some things and worked some magic to be able to get horror's blood and dust's dust#what are those things now you may ask??? well thats something between the murder time trio i cant tell you about......... go ask them 🙂#i feel so clever finally being able to come up with dialogue for killer and make him DO things in my head#also i have a SHITTON of headcanons now. around 100 drafts i'd guess but who knows 😇#it was a cold winter without mtt and spring was unbearable without the trio but we are SO back#we're so back guys i'm so back this is legendary#also also new art for my banner coming soon who knows x3 who knows#and over this whole process i've realized just how much i absolutely fucking LOVE my mtt fic#actually no i just love my mtt take in general. mtt fic is only just the beginning#this comic i feel is a tad affectionate for killer but also its very implied the trio have been together for a while now#sooooo.....yk.........EVENTUALLY they have to get along..........#i would like to thank ena dream bbq for giving me inspiration to finish the killer analysis#i saw a quote from the game that reminded me of killer and it gave me the needed push to finish it#ALSO ALSO along with this comic and the possible banner art#triglycercule maayyyy or may not have been cooking up some character designs#you know.......for every popular sans au........just a tad who knows#i originally did it to draw characters i never did before (like delta) because i really only draw mtt all the time#but also its just so sososoooo fun to come up with character designs i love coming up with the outfits#the full list is uhh mtt and then dream and nm (young versions too) classic fell swap ink error geno color delta epic cross farm outer reapr#yeah i think thats all of them!!! everyone has an individualized design (except for classic because hes sans undertale)#even though majority of these guys are just sans continuations i dont like leaving them all to have a hoodie and shorts and thats it#even objectively good designs already like cross and epic got the triglycercule touch on them :3 least favorite has to be color though#its just because its kinds hard to give the guy an aesthetic like everyone else..... had to lean into the rainbow flames HEAVILY :p#outer is probably one of my favorite ones though he looks soooo cute x3#anyways anyways thats all for today tumblr like and subscribe for more and ill see you in the next post (i gtg do homework now 💀)
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
You ever see a post that you agree with and you wanna add on your own two cents but your brain is like "Hmmmm.... nah. I wanna watch House MD clips instead."
#Like it's a good discussion about V3's narrative and why it doesn't work in some parts#Especially because from what I can remember#V3 was written and then Kodaka said “I'm done with Killing Games”#The bitterness/exhaustion of upkeeping a series when he clearly wanted to move on to do bigger and better things is probably--#--why V3 is the way it is#Why it's even called V3 in the first place#V3#53#53 seasons of a show/game#I wonder if part of Kodaka dreaded the idea of getting stuck on the same franchise for that long#That feeling of dread and resentment towards your own creation because people won't let you do the things YOU want to do must've felt like.#Really soul crushing#People joked about 100 Day Academy being just like DR but it's not actually like it. It's a whole different genre from what I know#it's a Survival Game. /Not/ a Killing Game.#And this is the game that Kodaka is putting his heart and soul into from what I've seen#Like he went into DEBT over this game you DO NOT go into debt over a creation unless you are insane about it#People joke about how he wants to write more DR content so bad but. I really doubt he actually does. Apparently nothing is stopping him.#I think he loves the thing he created sure#But he doesn't want to create anymore for it#He's /tired./#His exhaustion shows in how V3's narrative functions#As a creator he wants to do other shit and he was essentially being forced to create more of the same content. He was creatively stunted.#Editing the tags because apparently tumblr decided the other part of my rant was too much LMAO
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
I haven't really done much art for tumblr (at all) lately, cus life, but! Here's a lil something I've been working on (it's a Xmas gift) 💙

(also peep that lil January calendar painting 👀 i did mini squares for each month for myself, because I need to have a physical one always, and they each have their own colour 🥺)
#sometimes i forget i'm a painter lol#this is just the base so i'll still add some cool stuff (colours and some gold leaf details hehe)#usually my thing is more flat/less busy painting (with more mixed media) but i've been digging this vibe lately#my art account is completely wiped cus i private everything earlier this year (same with personal)#but i wanna start posting again. not just old stuff but actually *make* something new everyday#like a little challenge i suppose#since i'm not currently working in my field and have being going through a bit of a rough adjustment period about ✨things✨#(plus the whole depresh spiraling)#i barely have been making any art at all that isn't just sketches/silly stuff#i miss painting. i miss making murals and working on an actual project etc#now that *some * things have been settled AND i finally have my own space i feel a lot more keen on working on it#i know i hardly ever talk about that part of my private life cus i do wanna keep it somewhat separate from here#but i guess i'm in a good mood and kinda ready to admit some stuff#??? that didn't make sense#i'm feeling hopeful for next year and have a semblance of a plan. That's what I meant there you go#i can already feel myself cringe cus everytime i share these type of things something ALWAYS bites my ankles#and that's why i hardly ever share anything at all with anyone ever until it actually is done or underway#which is! not good! i'm aware! but. ya know#ANYWAYS. rant over. look at the pretty colours and ignore my rambles#hmmmm my band crush guy (platonic) (guess who) (🕊️🥁) said my name and loved my super insightful question and i'll probably dream about it#(and the other really liked it too. MY BABE. it was kinda silly so very unexpected)#(okay i think this is buried deep enough to not make myself look like a 12 with a stupid crush) (hehehehehe)#darya does art#<- sure in the art tag it goes#blue#(it was a coincidence! i've never done anything exclusively blue before actually!) (in this capacity i mean)#traditional art#abstract painting
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
hey guys so I just started reading Flatland by Edwin A. Abbott and OMG AHSBNSBSBSNSNBSHZHSHDBFHGGHFHGRJ2KSHSBSNSK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THINKING ABOUT THE RELATIVITY BETWEEN DIMENSIONS!!!!!!
#probably the nerdiest thing i will ever read in my entire life but I AM SO HAPPY#Its the unabridged and corrected 1992 republication btw. if you wanna get specific#the only book in which i have actually decided to read the introductory notes and i do NOT regret it because the editor's one IMMEDIATELY#brought up the “oh but surely the second dimension has thickness how else would flatlanders see anything” AND GAVE A REALLY GOOD ANSWER.#which i cannot tell you here. bc it is several paragraphs long and idk how i would shorten it. i would hit tag limit. if thats a thing.#anyways. I'm only a little bit into the first part which basically explains how Flatland works as a society so i haven't even gotten to the#sphere yet but OH MAN I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED ABOUT A ROUND OBJECT IN MY LIFE#IM LOSING IT OVER THIS BOOK AAAA :D#me: im so glad i dont have a math class during my senior year! now i dont have to learn anything math-related!#also me: but what if i started studying a complex and almost entirely theoretical part of geometry#bc YEAH i didn't just buy this book bc of gravity falls. I BOUGHT IT BC IVE BEEN RESEARCHING THE 4TH DIMENSION WOOOOOOO!!!!!#one thing i will say i dont like. introductory note suggests the the 4th dimension might be time. this is ok tho bc its followed up with#also saying that time is not a spatial dimension and exist across the 0 1st 2nd and 3rd dimensions which. that epuld mean we live in 4d#already. so. i was worried for a second but THANK YOU THANK YOU OH MY GOD PEOPLE TRYING TO SAY “OH THE 4TH DIMENSION IS TIME” I HATE THAT SO#MUCH AAAAGGHHHH AT LEAST RECOGNIZE ITS NOT SPATIAL!!! TIME IS NOT A SPATIAL DIMENSION!!!!!!! IF IT WAS THEN 4D TRAVEL AND TIME TRAVEL WPULD#BE FHE SAME THING AND DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MUCH COOLER POSSIBILITIES WPULD BE THROWN AWAY IF THAT WAS THAT CASE!!!!! AND. AND. IF THE 4TH#DIMENSION IS TIME. THEN WHATS THE 5TH?? 6TH?? YPU CANT KEEP GOINF ON FOREVER LIKE THAT. YPURE JUST MAKEING MORE 3D WORLSS WITH STUFF IN#ADDITION TO TIME. INTERESTING BUT THAY IS NOT ABOHT HIGHRER DIEMSBSJSNSBAKAJSHDHDHHDHDHDJ#sorry for the rant. jsut. agh i want a spatial 4th dimension. i dont think tesseracts exist through time that would just be an aged cube#anyways yeahhh i love the 4th dimension. new hyperfixation or new special interest? ill have to wait and see. anyways i have done it i have#an oc whos 4 dimensional now and she is the coolest ever i love her#but yeah this book is sosososo good i am literally gonna bring it to school to read instead of draw bc i would lose it if i didn't#10/10 would recommend to anyone who wants to Think
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ooof
Looking at old posts, sometimes you just ask yourself what was I thinking 😅
#only then you realize maybe i did change a bit#i'm feeling embarassed about some of the things i said#maybe i really was an insufferable person at times 😅#but maybe that retrospective opinion is also normal#i really really should have worded some things better#altough i still stand with some of my opinions but i definetly would argue in a different way#like god was i overdramatic i know i might still be sometimes today but not as much#i feel like now i'm much more logical and level headed in comparisson also in how i try to get my point accross#and i got so worked up over things i got no control over like yeah sure some things may be very unfair but you have to move on#like i still feel my rants about gregor's treatment from ösv and it makes me very upset when i think about how it ended#but at the end of the day there's no way you could influence such decisions in any way altough ranting helps yes#but like now in football if i get worked up over some coaches decisions which harm my team in my opinion ... yeah frustrating but ...#i can't change it#or some athlete who is hard done by their club or whatever no matter how unfair it might be i can do nothing#can only hope they make the best of their situation but ultimately no things i have no controll over are sth i should think abt all day#doesn't mean i never get upset ... i still do sometimes very much but i'm much better at distancing myself from these things after some time#tbf it does help gregor my alltime favourite isn't involved anymore but i still believe i would act differently#like yeah some things sucked but he was a more than capable and great athlete and smart person who had to deal with all that stuff -#and i could do nothing about all the things i felt were unfair#also not just related to these things i remember in school i blamed my teachers sooo much for bad grades#i had some really bad teachers one who i am sure disliked me but i underestimated the hand i played in this#like sure she was all that but i completely put all blame on her and convinced myself there was nothing i could have done better#when now i know SURELY i could have studied more bc i really didn't know what studying a lot even meant in school#i was so lazy and also instead of trying to make an effort to get on my teachers good side like hers i just thought it's pointless anyway#... thinking to myself she won't ever like me no matter what i do ... not that i'm the person now to kiss up to others but just be polite#and put in your best effort it does wonders ... like if your uni professors like you makes life sm easier and getting better grades as well#or extensions on papers lol#i almost did the opposite in school i was not outright rude or smth but i don't think i was very good at hiding my dislike for here#well anyways#besides also so many of things i liked and hobbies i had i really couldn't imagine having this life anymore 😅
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#ohhhhhh my fucking god. omg. omg#i really need to learn to trust my own instincts about people#there's this dude - let's call him biff - who lives in my city#he's always been very consistent about staying in touch with me over the years even though we don't really have any shared interests#i met him when he was dating this girl i was friends with. then they broke up & he wanted to hang out with me#then he started dating someone else & they got married and had a kid#and after a while he stopped messaging me (fine by me)... UNTIL#i posted on fb the other day that i was starting the process of quitting everything Meta#and that people should comment if they wanted my contact info elsewhere#after making this post i thought 'hmmm maybe i should have restricted the audience to the only people i actually WANT to stay in touch with'#but it was too late. biff had already messaged me and asked for my number#stupidly i gave it to him. he (a german) joked 'still no german number i see?'#(it is clearly a german number. also i live in fckn germany. and have done so for 7 years. how the hell would i not have a german number?)#then he realized that & added me on whatsapp (kinda silly bc i explicitly said i'm going to quit the whole metaverse eventually but oh well)#first message: 'how u doing?' this man is in his 40s and has still never learned to type properly#second message: he said that he (singular) had recently moved to a new apartment and was not doing great#which makes me think that maybe he's gotten divorced and that's why he's suddenly so eager to reach out to me again#and he added apropos nothing 'but the good thing is that now i'll finally get to see the harry potter movies!'#ummm... great? fuck that transphobe but have fun i guess? what a weird thing to mention#third message was - just fucking WAIT FOR IT - 'what do u think about what's going on in the US recently? are you planning on going back?'#if y'all know me by now you know that this kind of question drives me bonkers#so i replied 'no i'm never going back. i live in germany. kinda sick of people asking me that. I LIVE HERE'#and i just... godddd my intuition is so depressingly good sometimes.#the moment his name popped up in my messages i had this sinking feeling of 'why did i give him my contact info'#and then what do you know... in his next two messages alone there were at least three minor red flags#NOTE TO SELF: TRUST YOUR FUCKING INSTINCT#why haven't i learned this yet? i do not need a 'valid reason' to softly let someone slip out of my life#cosmo gyres#personal#tag rant
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#hello i come with an unpopular opinion. a complaint if you will.#i'm fully aware that what happens on (nsfw) tumblr is never serious. or almost never.#i know most of us talk to or have talked to our mutuals before. we've flirted. maybe sexted why not#and we've probably reused compliments on different people more than once#but believe it or not some of us like to be made to feel special sometimes#and when someone is VERY openly telling every hot person the same things over and over i find it discouraging lol#like why would i talk to them if they're gonna use the same compliments I CAN SEE them using on literally everyone they reblog from 😭#again i know tumblr is unserious and we talk to a lot of people all the time#i've done it before and will continue to do so. reusing compliments i mean. but i don't make it obvious cause i VERY rarely reblog people#anyways please ignore me i'm just ranting#i don't like to feel like i'm literally just one more from the pile of hot chicks around here#i think that's why i only talk to a couple of mutuals lol#I SAID MY RANT WAS UNSERIOUS OKAY i know tumblr is just for funsies and (most times) nothing real comes out of it but still.#have a good day everyone love yous
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
sometimes I really wish there was a mandatory emotional support and grief counselling training course at uni the way that "pour distilled coffee over some sugary pills and prescibe those to a fictional cow" galenics session was mandatory
#idk. might help with the rampant mental health problems that have been known to be an issue among vets for years#but for some reason still have to be studied first before anything substantial can be done about it#of course this isn't the only factor leading to the scale of the problem.#but telling your students “oh yeah. you will be doing that btw” does not prepare you for#spending minutes and sometimes even hours with people who are about to lose their beloved pet#and guiding them through the process#or unload their entire trauma on you while you're just trying to treat their pet#the pets and the diseases and the figuring out what's wrong and how to make it better is the easy part honestly#at least i know what i'm doing there and if i don't i'll just ask a colleague or look it up#but people? people are hard.#and i suppose from their reactions i do reasonably well but more often than not i feel way out of my depth#always glad to have a coworker with me so i'm not alone#but it's still incredibly draining#and sometimes the weekends are barely enough to recharge#very glad to have two weeks off very soon#okay rant over i just needed to get this off my chest#gonna go and see if my bread has cooled enough to no longer be an injury risk now#vet med
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i don't feel like looking for it rn bcus of the mood i find myself in but i need to like. tattoo that post about wishing your mind would be kinder to you and then remembering that you have to do that on my fucking eyelids.
#little rock.txt#venting#it's not even. specific. i've just been in kind of a shitty mood for a few days#like i thought i knew what had triggered it so i walked myself through some thoughts on that#but i'm still just. vaguely pissed off all the time.#i don't feel particularly motivated to write the important things or talk or draw or do fuck all#like i Have done stuff. i did my laundry bcus i have work and if i didn't get a clean bra together my chest dysphoria was going to get Bad#but i've stayed up until 7-8 a.m. and woken up at 2 p.m. both of my days off#i'm supposed to be helping plan a pathfinder mission and i can't think that hard about fucking anything#i'm just tired and angry and trying to keep up appearances bcus i don't want to be tired or angry anymore#but sleeping and trying to nurse myself through my feelings don't Work bcus i'm Not Good At Them Yet#i know people love me and i'm trying so fucking hard to love myself too bcus i don't want to let them down#anyway. sorry. rant over. if you live with me uuuhh sorry i've been like this the last few days. i don't. super want to talk about it.#i need to call my doctors is what i need to fucking do but i'm gonna try to do that after work
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#so im writing a fic and it's just a lil short thing right#except now that i'm 95% done w it i start overthinking#bc once i post it then i can no longer potentially in the future write the same thing but slightly to the left you know?#(or like i COULD technically of course but you know what i mean)#it's the perfectionism i know it is ugh#anyway i will get it done tonight because i want it off my chest#the whole point was to have fun and do some non academic writing anyways#and to dip my toe in the water when it comes to contributing to the cycling fandom/fanspace/fan-something#bc i like the energy here but im also shy about this being a kind of new interest for me and argh. yeah.#anyways rant over#let's see how late it'll be before i end the *checks ao3 stats* SEVEN YEAR WRITING DROUGHT OMG#are you fucking kidding me that's wild#anyways#sam talks
2 notes
·
View notes