#you people are so infinitely kind

[helloamhere]

hiiii, long-time reader, first time asker 🙋🏻‍♀️. i recently finished tmop (which is beyond words and launched me into an x-men movie binge i can only indulge in during the weekends 🥲) and was left with a question re: the smoke aspect of L’s teleportation.

after H’s initial arrival at the mansion, there’s a spark of fire against the tree L doesn’t notice, and a while after i think it’s mentioned he never quite figured out what it means? if i remember correctly?

so i guess i’m wondering if this is something explained in the comics/nightcrawler’s story line, or if it was a point meant to be fleshed out separately, though i did spot somewhere you’re on a fanfic semi-retirement [*tear*], or if it’s just one of the things you meant you would’ve gone about differently had you not posted as a WIP….i may have been (lovingly) snooping through your previous asks 🫢 anyway, i have a lot of thoughts, and hope this makes sense, so much love 💛

Thank you so much for reading!!!! Ah love this question. I actually did this intentionally -- showed this moment of extinguishing of a physical object from the real world, as something that Louis doesn't actually see and understand himself -- and it's meant to be never quite explicitly explained in the text, but I'm happy to share a little bit about what it meant to me!!

************Spoilers for TMOP below:

So, part of my conception for Louis' powers in TMOP is that his teleportation and "phasing" are both actually a manipulation of the world on the subatomic level. All of the time when he executes on his mutation and uses his powers, he manipulates and then puts the world back together. Usually just his own body--but as seen in his manipulation over the doomsday devices, he can do it to external objects too. Louis knows this on some level. If he ever really lost control in the middle of using his powers, he could create a destructive force on par with a nuclear explosion--disrupting the world on the level of nuclear reactions. This is something he doesn't fully understand specifically becauseit would be so dangerous to experiment with it -- hence the general constant tension throughout his inner dialogue, where he thinks about how he can never lose control and he wonders what it means to have powers that transcend your own mind's ability to even see them. And this is also part of why Louis lied about his powers and won't let himself become an "A class" Xmen: he's terrified of the possibility of anyone else finding out just how much he's capable of. He knows it's riskier to actually be on the frontlines of battle, which has led to him constantly taking a second position in the mansion. This has also led to a really hurtful perception, perhaps especially from Harry who can feel the potential Louis has to be a great fighter--the perception that Louis is perhaps just a little cowardly. Louis fights this perception and the hurt from it throughout the whole fic, and Harry and Louis dance a lot in their relationship back and forth over trying to figure out what they're hiding from each other. Louis is hiding a lot, all the time, not just his feelings for Harry, but also the burden of how terrified Louis is of his own powers. Part of Louis' being there for Harry--because Harry is also terrified of his own powers--has been creating this persona where he pretends that he's less powerful and more chaotic than Harry. In fact, he is desperately trying to be in control, all the time. This reversal of the two of them (is Harry the "dutiful" hero or is Louis?) is a big part of the character journey for both of them and their relationship from a very guarded, secret pining into a mutually vulnerable, truthful love, with all of its messiness.

The scene where Harry comes to the mansion was a really poignant one for me to write. I saw it as a microcosm of a lot of the choices that Louis made, and the fact that he makes them alone (too alone, really), in the way of abused kids who feel they have to fix the world. So that tiny moment of smoke and vanishing (the curl of bark disappearing after Louis phases through it) invokes Louis' hidden power, the power that no one knows in all its terrifying potential -- he can take things out of existence entirely, if he wanted to. Obviously he doesn't set off a nuclear reaction! But when this piece of bark vanishes, it's just a subtle little hint towards how dramatically terrifying his powers could be, if he actually did use them in this way. Rather than just phasing through something and leaving it untouched, in a moment of deep emotion, he accidentally takes it out of existence. He never does fully use the destructive potential of his powers, in the fic. I have some thoughts about how a future Louis in this universe would grapple with this mutation, but for TMOP itself, I was happy enough to leave it where it was, with the balance at the end of the fic that Louis finds in trusting himself and trusting in the people he loves around him to see him as more than this weaponized possibility. This Multiplicity of Powers

[lord-squiggletits]

Y'know the thing about writing feral/unhinged versions of Orion/Optimus, is that you can't go too far into the feral/unhinged direction to a point where OP's core character traits are lost or become too diminished. After all, in a multiple-continuity franchise like TF, part of what makes the stories make sense is that even if details change (sometimes major details), the characters are still recognizably themselves to one degree or another. (Although this isn't always the case due to executive meddling or some characters being such blank slates from their initial G1 appearances that there's basically nothing to model them off of, but I digress.)

It's pretty much another reason why I love IDW1 Optimus, bc he literally is a canonical feral/unhinged Optimus who's unhinged as a direct consequence of who he is as a person and what he's been through. Like, he still has those fundamental character traits of trying his best to be moral and make good choices, trying to be a role model, etc, except after 4 million years of war and untreated depression he's basically holding onto his sense of self by his fingertips. So when he "goes feral" e.g. losing his temper and beating up/killing people or saying hurtful things, he's feral in a way that's directly tied to his normal personality and not just as a random quirk he has.

IDW OP's feral moments arise from the gaps between "Optimus' attempts to be who he thinks he needs to be" and "the reality of the world that he can't fix/seems to only make worse" that cause him to lose hope, or become cynical, or lose his temper. But in this case, the unhinged-ness makes perfect sense because it arises out of Optimus trying and failing to be the best person or to make the most morally good choices he's trying to make. Basically, the "feral/unhinged" label is just another way of me trying to say that he's not just unhinged because he's weird or because he's a bad person, but because it's an emotional reaction (more like an emotional explosion due to pent-up emotions) to the context he exists in.

I'd also say that IDW OP's personality being generally reserved/stoic and (trying to be) noble works in tandem with those moments he has of going feral because it makes him more realistic. His psyche is treated in a way where the writers are like, "Hey what if the pressure of having to be everyone's idol and be the best person in the galaxy at all times actually broke Optimus down mentally and emotionally?" It makes IDW OP far more relatable. Instead of naturally being a perfect Christ-like figure who never wavers in his morals or convictions and is just naturally a nice person who always has the wisest and best answer, being a good person is something that IDW OP has to consciously strive to be. Even when he feels like it's useless, or the cycle of violence will never stop, or any attempts he makes to help only ends up with things becoming worse.

And I feel like this does a service not only to IDW Optimus as a character, but also as a sort of moral/philosophical perspective for the reader to ponder upon? I feel like culture at large (or at least my experience of it) tends to believe that "goodness" in a person is simply an innate feature that people are born/not born with, and that being "good" means that you must be good at all times, both in your actions as well as the way you feel emotionally about yourself and the world. Like, there's a tendency for our vision of "a good person" to be good in every aspect at all times without having to try to be a good person. So I think IDW Optimus' character stands as a good example of how someone can be good at heart but still struggle to maintain those feelings of optimism and hope and justice. It's a good idea to have such a paragon of a character (in-universe and out-of-universe) be so conflicted and to even be mistaken, misguided, or make things worse because it shows that goodness is as much about "trying to behave/act in a way that is good" and not just "existing as an innately good person."

It's way more realistic for a person to want to be good, try to be good, and sometimes/often fail than it is for them to just be a good person. I enjoy the fact that IDW Optimus is both a good person at heart, but also has to strive to be a good person and live up to other people's expectations of what they see in him. I like how he wants to be a good person and change society for the better, but he also spends a good amount of time either feeling hopeless and alone or being angry at/detached from other people because of how frustrated they make him. He's realistically portrayed as someone who wants to be good and hopeful and change things for the better, but is also mentally and emotionally broken by that burden because of how impossible it is for him to Fix Everything and be the Perfect Prime/Leader/Autobot that people see him as. It's this fascinating mixture of "yes, this is who he is as a person" but also "there are things he desires to be that he could never possibly become or live up to."

This got really far off based from feral/unhinged Optimus sdklfjaslkdlfkas. The TLDR is that if people want unhinged OP, I feel like they should give IDW OP a chance because he IS unhinged but he's unhinged in a way that's a realistic/thematic representation of how being an Absolute Good is impossible. And how being a good person isn't just about Existing And You Are A Good Person, but rather goodness is a constant state of flux in which you adjust, you make mistakes, you lose your temper and feel hopeless, but then you pick yourself up and try again.

Also IDW OP really likes climbing in dangerous wilderness and jumping out of flying vehicles which I think is very feral and sexy of him to do.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[metamelonisle]

i actually know about kirby outside the context of smash bros or memes this makes me better than literally everyone i know irl and i am not joking

[tlgtw]

Man that DLC's final boss has got me feeling kinda fucked. I'm kinda depressed about it now that I'm done. Everything else is, was, so good. But I do not like that plot development. I honestly think it is bad. Why did they choose not to foreshadow this in literally any way? Why did Miquella attempt to resurrect Godwyn at all in the first place, then? Practice? Was this really what was originally planned? There's no actual evidence to the contrary so you gotta assume it must've been.

So yeowch...

[osaumu]

some info about jjk dazai :)

he’s Just Some Guy, never formally trained in jujutsu, naturally gifted and honed his below abilities by himself with the guidance of his mentor (most likely mori) .

toying with the idea that if he hones his technique enough he might be able to rid a person/spirit of their cursed energy completely (which for the spirit would result in their physical body being rendered almost useless and therefore easier to exorcise) and due to the nature of this ability and the ones below, he’s classed as an unregistered special grade

his cursed technique is cursed energy nullification and renders the users cursed energy output, you guessed it, NULL. it’s limited to physical touch with an after effect of around 5 seconds, enough for him to land a quick physical hit on you or begin making an escape, likewise though that cursed techniques that don't require touch cannot be used against him (think chuuya's gravity maniplation and how it doesn't work on dazai)

cursed tools will work on him in the sense that the tool itself may slash, cut, ?? shoot ?? at him and he can be physically harmed by the action, but the cursed energy imbued in the tool will not effect him and again, the cursed energy on the tool will be rendered null for an after effect of 5 seconds if it touches him

his domain expansion is No Longer Human, a dark and vast space that renders all inhabitants cursed energy captured within it useless, they’re just like regular people. the same goes for cursed spirits caught either in his technique by touch, or his domain expansion, because while their physical body is there they simply cannot use techniques, so you’re just fighting a monster without any special cursed skills

within bsd it's shown that if an ability user possesses an ability that they can trap their opponent inside, dazai is still able to nullify that too, this would work the same for his opponents domains, he cannot be kept inside them - or rather the effects of them

don’t work on him

to avoid the destruction of his domain, the domain itself it creates two other mirror images of dazai, therefore making it harder to discern which one to attack to break the domain (taken as there are three ages which are significant within his canon timeline. 15, 18, 22)

the pm and the ada still exist in this universe and simply work in tandem to protect yokohama from cursed spirits. the pm do their regular business alongside this at night and the ada during the day, whilst also taking on cases related to cured spirits / energy. some members of either affiliation may have at one time been aligned with jujutsu society but left of their own volition / other circumstances

dazai was aligned with the pm, following a similar journey in his story he later leaves and joins the ada or whatever they'd be called in the jjk verse :)

if you asked him, hey dazai how would you solve the main jjk storyline, he's handing you a loaded gun like ???? EASY ????

[1ncend1ary]

leon "what did they mean by that" kennedy

bonus of my friend outing me

[starwarjotta]

there’s a special place in hell for people who take the time and go through the effort of leaving negative comments on fanfics, like-- what is wrong with you, what is LEGITIMATELY wrong with you? I’m so angry and so devastated on behalf of everyone who has been harrassed like this and who is going through something like this right now. There’s no excuse for shitty behavior - if you intentionally leave a hurtful comment on something someone created and put out there for other people’s enjoyement, for free, after spending probably HOURS if not WEEKS or MONTHS or longer on it, you’re an incredibly shitty, disgusting, miserable waste of space of a person be better

[asgardian--angels]

you know it's bad when tumblr's being the more mature social media site when it comes to rancid takes on izzy's death

[helloamhere]

Hello, Hello! First, congratulations on your wedding, I'm glad you had the one of your dreams and beyond. How I wish we could see a picture of you and your wife in your finery. And second, the Fic of Bad Feelings is here, oh happy day, oh holy night, etc! I love it already, trademark you. I started to type what I think is your trademark and I can't really put it into words, a beautiful spiderweb of complex emotions. A captivating character study. I don't know, that's just a fraction of it. I love your writing and the heart and intelligence you pour into it. Thank you for giving us more 1D fic joy even as you are working on your own novel. Happy new year! ❤️🎉🌈

Thank you so much!!!! I have been feeling some nerves about posting it so this helped. Sometimes you draft a story a million years ago and then you are like, NOW IS THE TIME and I can't explain why and then you post it and then you're like wait is this awful

I appreciate the kind words so much even more in these moments

And honestly I wish I could've invited you all to the wedding

[decamarks]

The fake game anomalies post is amazing, how did you get the videos to look so convincing as working video games?

AHHH thank you so much!!! ^u^ I think a lot of it comes down to just knowing and keeping the way video games work in mind while animating, as well as being aware of what limitations the 'game' would have.

The games in my post were meant to resemble games with graphics somewhere between the PSX and original Xbox (Playstation 1.5, essentially), so I tried to keep poly counts close to what you'd expect for something of that era, used subdivision sparingly, and composited them with varying levels of pixelation effects to resemble game engine aliasing. Since these nonexistent games are for nonexistent consoles, I didn't try to adhere to what the actual technology would/wouldn't allow, and instead focused on what you might expect to see. Game-like lighting in particular is tricky to nail down and I definitely could've made it more 'accurate' with further adjustments, but overall I thought it was okay. As long as you think it looks visually appealing, I think it's fine. (Also it's kind of hard to be accurate to something that doesn't actually exist, LOL)

That's more about the technical side though, and like I said, you can fudge a lot of that stuff since, y'know—it's not an actual game. I think what really makes something like this more convincing is simply conveying aspects of how the game is played or being played; stuff like seemingly functional UI elements, or a player's actions appearing to influence the game in some way.

Interactivity is what distinguishes games as a medium, so this is the key component to keep in mind. Most media doesn't tend to involve active influence from its observers because the medium simply can't accommodate such a thing; printed ink and paper isn't as infinitely malleable as pixels and bytes. So things should be designed as if they are able to be altered or interacted with, even if an actual 'player' is absent. You don't need to build the engine—you just need to imply that it exists, and operates.

In my little clips, I tried to pay special attention to the supposed 'player' as well. You can't see them directly, but rather through proxy of the character or cursor they're controlling. In the first clip, the player character quickly stutters in movement, shown as a sudden stop and start in their walk cycle. You would never have a character move like this in a normal animation because it's unnatural and nonsensical on its own. But in the context of a video game, this movement is instantly recognizable. The player is pausing, tilting, and flicking the analog stick to get a better look at something—or to get away from it.

The character isn't programmed to stop and squint, and the camera isn't programmed to cut to a shot of their shocked face. The character is only a puppet for the player to interface with the game's world, and the unpredictability of a player cannot be accounted for in a preprogrammed narrative. These movements appear nonsensical and unnatural because they represent something not entirely intended. This is only one manifestation of the infinite movement possibilities within a game engine.

It's something trying to be expressed by someone that does not have the direct means to do so. But even indirectly, you can tell what is being expressed, because nothing would move like this by itself. It implies the existence of certain things beyond what is directly observable: a controller and constraints—the player, and the programming.

I think the moment you assume a player exists is the moment it becomes a game.

[butterflieswhisper]

hhelp wait this is so funny. didnt you follow me forever ago after a scott themed october song analysis . sorry if you dont remember that and this ask doesnt make sense but this is still funny to me

hi!!!! yeah. it was the cherri crane lives art i think and also where you made your flower husbands tag! I have never really interacted with fh outside of you (and like, seeing pretty fanart) but i am nonetheless deeply invested in your interpretation specifically!!! I honestly haven't watched jimmy outside of rats and the beginning of empires2 either i genuinely have no clue what they get up to you just seem to have a lot of fun with it

[tommyssupercoolblog]

to be honest? I've never even understood the rationale for fake-claiming in any context. There are millions of people, more dying and being born every day, and you really think we can invent enough genders, identities, disorders, words and categories to cover every possible type of human that's ever been born or will be born in the future???!! of course not, there's gonna be people who fall outside of the boxes we have because there can never be enough boxes. like there physically cannot be enough boxes.

"but they're weird and cringe that's how i know." buddy. buddy come here lean in close i have a secret for you, crazy girlie.

*whispers* everyone who isn't neurotypical, ablebodied, cishet, and fitting the beauty and societal standards for their culture, is considered weird by default. and EVEN people who ARE fitting of those standards can ALSO be weird in other ways. you can't tell me someone isn't lgbt or isn't plural or isn't autistic because they're "weird" when everyone is constantly being called weird anyway. being plural is weird to people. having NPD is weird to people. having skitzohphrenia is weird to people. Being a boy who likes girly stuff is weird to people. being a lesbian is weird to people. having no legs is weird, being fat is weird, there are always going to be people calling other people weird and cringe. you simply CANNOT use "weird" or "cringe" as a basis to judge validity. you just can't???

I literally do not get it like how does that work how do you like...think that you can tell if someone's faking something. what do we have left here, like, tone of voice and body language? autism is a thing and anxiety disorders are a thing so we already know that can vary and be untrustworthy. you literally can never tell as an outsider looking in??!

[andrewknightley]

replaying da2 after bg3 is really just like. go kill this irredeemable villain (character that could perfectly be just durge). this magic is mega evil someone who can do this must be killed (spells thay my goody-two-shoes paladin did in bg3 constantly)

[shrekyaoi]

Both intimidated and intrigued by how Price is worse than Ghost and Makarov

i’m gonna be dead fucking honest i think price killed his dad

[honeysunchild]

People fucking suck

Why can't people just be fucking nice or polite

What's so fucking difficult about not treating others like shit