#you won't have me believe that a thousand years of being alone and abused is going to have him be fine with a relationship straight away

[midnightswithdearkatytspb]

MidnightsWithDearKatyTSPB’s Recommendation List: April PT. 2

Welcome to part 2 of April’s recommendation list, down below you will find the link to part 1. Please send me a moodboard request for your work. I love making them. If you are interested in having your writing challenges featured here, your stories, or even your blog, please feel free to tag me in your works, message me, or use the hashtag MidnightWithDearKatyTSPB. I hope you are having a lovely start to spring or fall, depending on where you live.

<< April Pt. 1 🌷

May Pt. 1 💐 >>

Masterlist 📜

In My Hometown (Moodboard) >> Joel Miller x Reader - "I won't ask you to wait if you don't ask me to stay."

More Than Just An Heiress (One-Shot) >> Dougie Poynter x OFC!Greer Smith - Summary: Greer Smith, the best friend of Dougie Poynter, is turning another year older. She needs reminding that she is more than what she is labeled.

BLURBS/DRABBLES:

Easter Egg Hunt by @look-at-the-soul >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: The Shelby family has an Easter egg hunt for the children, and you have a special one for Tommy. (my summary) | It's so fluffy and sweet. I love it!

March Madness Drabble Challenge 2023 - Peaky Edition: Day 25 by @acewritesfics >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: Gif Request - Sneak Preview: “Then you know what to do, Tom,” she reminds him of what they last spoke about. | This needs to be shared again because, sometimes, Thomas Shelby needs to be told.

Takes One to Know One by @zablife >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: You are Lady Sarah of Connemara. At least that’s what you want everyone to believe. | You know the gif where the girl flings the newspaper and dances? That's me. Love it.

Tommy Shelby + Secret - Mood Board by @acewritesfics >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: Tommy Shelby has a secret he's been keeping close to his chest. (my summary) | Tommy Shelby is never late to anything, and I absolutely adore this moodboard and drabble.

ONE-SHOTS:

Home by @shelbyssins >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Request - Sneak Preview: Her eyes widened as he started to speak to her again, she couldn’t focus on his voice over the sound of her blood rushing in her ears, “If you tell me to leave you alone, I will,” is all she heard him say. | Prepare to have your heart broken and put back together within less than 8 thousand words.

Loud Sounds by @runnning-outof-time >> Tommy Shelby x Reader ft. Daughter!Thea - Summary: Gif Request - Sneak Preview: “Mumma’s not going to be happy that you got your shoes and pants wet,” she pointed out in a warning tone, making Tommy realized that the lower half of his legs were now submerged in the pond. | K writes what I feel would have happened in an episode had Tommy had a PTSD episode while being a wonderful father to his daughter Thea.

Pen Pals by @little-diable & @zablife >> Tommy Shelby x fem!Reader - Summary: Tommy and the reader have been pen pals as teenagers, though ripped apart by the war. Now, as she is trapped in an abusive marriage, she finds Tommy's old letters again, and she can't help but wonder if he had made it home from war, and if so, could he be the helping hand she's desperate for? | I thoroughly enjoyed reading. I just about melted right where I sat.

Ruined by @areyenotfondofmelobster >> Arthur Shelby x Reader - Summary: Arthur wants to love you, your scars, and all you are. (my summary) | The is beautifully written, and as someone who has scars and is self-conscious, I would love to have Arthur love me like this.

This Storm Will Also Pass by @runnning-outof-time >> Tommy Shelby x Reader - Summary: Tommy manages to calm down (Y/N) after he finds her hiding and riddled with anxiety during a late autumn thunderstorm. | K knows how to write a piece that could have occurred on the show. I'm not sure which is my favorite part, the ending or when he comes home to her.

SERIES:

A Different Sort of Man | Chapter 7 | Epilogue | by @evita-shelby >> Tommy Shelby x OFC!Eva Shelby - Summary: Or where Eva plays around with magic and Tommy wakes up in a universe where Grace is his wife while that universe's Tommy discovers just how different his life would have been if he pursued the pretty witch in 71 Watery Lane | What a perfect way to end the series with both Tommy and Thomas getting a happy ending, which they deserve. Very much enjoyed this series, and I think you will enjoy this read.

Family Ties | Chapter 17 by @peakyscillian >> Modern!Tommy Shelby x f!reader - Summary: The Shelby’s will do anything for family. | Such a beautiful way to end the series.

ONE-SHOTS:

soft morning sex with Frank? by @amhrosina >> Frank Castle x Reader - Reader sleeps in and wakes to Frank, and what follows is a pleasant morning together of soft morning sex. (my summary) | Love a sappy love-drunk Frank.

TED LASSO:

Begin Again Ch. 3 | Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 by @teds-mustache-wrangler >> Ted Lasso x OFC!Penny Fletcher - Summary: When Penny starts working at AFC Richmond as their new head photographer, she catches the eye of a certain mustached, happy-go-lucky, head coach of the team. But can their spark endure through the season’s pressures and the demons of their past? | I feel so lucky to get to read this story before everyone else does. Because I get to be so excited for you guys. Wren does such an amazing job forming relationships with her characters. You just can't help but to want more.

PEDRO PASCAL CHARACTERS:

DRABBLES:

Booby Trap by @zablife >> Joel Miller x Reader - Summary: Gif Request - Sneak Preview: "This is more than I bargained for," he said with a shake of his head. | I requested this from Lee, and she had me all smiles by the middle of it. It's a must-read Joel drabble that you don't want to miss.

ONE-SHOTS:

Breaking The Girl by @cinematicgf >> dom!Joel Miller x sub f!reader - Summary: as a casual photographer, you find the opportunity to go with your neglectful boyfriend to his hometown for the summer thrilling. Taking photos of his neighbors and friends whilst not blowing money on a huge vacation sounds perfect. A small job with his mum, neighborhood summer get-togethers, and weekend beach trips accompanied by your trusty camera, why not?! But when a certain charming Southern man, known as your boyfriend’s old boss, enters the mix, you can't take your lens off the fine older man, and he can't seem to take it off you either. | This piece was so scorching and enjoyable.

Editorial by @just-some-random-blogger >> Joel Miller x Reader - Summary: "Can I read your diary?" "No." "Please." "I said no." "Pretty please?" "Ellie." "P l e a s e?" "No." | You got your angst and fluff. It's too adorable for words.

Just Keep Breathing by @swiftispunk >> Javier Peña x f!reader - Summary: Javi finds it harder and harder to keep up with the more physical aspects of his job. Reader offers him some love and words of comfort. | It's so soft and fluffy. 🥹🥹

Let Me by @swiftispunk >> Javier Peña x f!reader - Summary: Reader is inexperienced, Javi helps you out. You know, like a gentleman. | Someone, please cool me down, stat.

Rare by @swiftispunk >> Joel Miller x f!reader - Summary: A rare find on a supply run leads to some new and unlikely experiences. | You guys are in for a treat with this one. It's all porn. I consider this Dom!Joel, and it's perfect. *chefs kiss*

Soaked by @joelscruff >> Javier Peña x f!reader - Summary: It's hard being an intern for a man who won't even look at you, but maybe there's something else to it that you don't see. | If people don't get soaked reading this, I don't even know.

Ultraviolence by @devilmademewriteit >> raider!joel miller x fem!afab!reader | Summary: Thank god—a handsome stranger saves you from the grips of a pack of cruel, cruel men. Unfortunately, said stranger, Joel Miller, is cut from the exact same cloth as the rest of them. | Sometimes you need some dark!Joel with filth in it, and this was it.

What I Need by @swiftispunk >> Joel Miller x fem!reader - Summary: Reader has a bad day. Joel gives you what you need. you know, uh, fuck it, Joel Miller knife play. | It's hot 🥵 and it's dirty. I love it! 🥰

SERIES:

Apothecary | Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | by @atinylittlepain >> Joel Miller x witchy!reader - Summary: Joel becomes curious about the woman running the medicine shop in Jackson and the strange rumors swirling around her. | I'm so excited to see where this goes. Witchy + Joel? Yes, please!

Fallacy: Reject Me, I Get It by @cherry-clafoutis >> Joel Miller x Reader - Summary: You're young, sick, and vulnerable after getting rid of your family with your own hands. Trying to survive in a broken world. When Joel Miller finds you, you swear he is your guardian angel. Falling in love with him was wrong but inevitable. | This series has everything you need in a reader insert for The Last of Us. Adventure, Action, Angst, Love, and Family. It’s just perfect. It was my binge of the day, and I’m glad that I did.

*In My Hometown | pt. i | pt. ii | @swiftispunk >> neighbour!dbf!Joel Miller x fem!afab!reader (+ platonic!Tommy and platonic!Sarah) - Summary: Tomorrow, you leave town for good. tonight, you cross the line with your neighbour, Joel. | This ripped my heart out, but like in a good way? It's the writing okay and the playlist that goes with it. Just oomph. It's a must-read.

Need To Know That I Want You by @joelscruff >> Joel Miller x Reader - Summary: Joel calls you his good girl for the first time. (Takes place after this) | This series continues to get hotter and hotter.

Night Walks by @toxicanonymity >> dark!creepy!Joel Miller x Reader - Summary: Joel, an older neighbor you've been walking with late at night, asks you into his basement to sell him weed but has other intentions. | Sometimes you just want some dark and creepy Joel, and @toxicanonymity does not let their readers down.

*September by @wheresarizona >> Joel Miller x f!reader - Summary: Joel Miller was the love of your life, your plans to spend the rest of your days with him derailed by the world ending. You got separated on the day of the Outbreak and never saw him again, not knowing if he survived until you find out the smuggler Marlene hired to bring an immune girl to your research hospital is none other than the man you thought you'd lost forever. | You will go through every possible emotion while reading this series. It's still in progress, and I love it so much.

TRIPLE FRONTIER:

BLURBS/DRABBLES:

A Better Person by @musings-of-a-rose >> Santiago Garcia x f!reader - Summary/Request: "You made me a better person." | The hopeless romantic in me was squealing. You're going to love it.

ONE-SHOTS:

Champagne Fulled Confessions by @violentdelightsandviolentends >> Will "Ironhead" Miller x Female Reader - Summary/Request: I have something to tell you and coming home drunk scenario. | I can never get enough of Will, but add Porn and I'm in heaven.

Save Tonight by @psychedelic-ink >> Santiago Garcia x f!reader x Frankie Morales - Summary: Frankie has a proposal for you that you're eager to accept. | This is very hot. 😅🔥🥵

MOODBOARDS:

Arthur's Angel, Everybody Eleses White Devil by @call-sign-shark

Arthur Shelby Modern AU by @call-sign-shark

John Shelby and Dangerous by @cillmequick

Tommy Shelby and Angel by @cillmequick

Tommy Shelby and Serene by @cillmequick

@swiftispunk - Hannah is a great writer getting you sucked into her various Javier Peña and Joel Miller works that she has written. Her current Joel Miller story, In My Hometown, comes with a playlist that helps you feel every bit of emotion she tries to relay through her writing, from the heartbreak to the angst. I highly suggest giving her masterlist a read-through and turning on her notifications.

@wheresarizona - Arizona writes for various Pedro Pascal characters, and through her works, she takes you to far-off destinations you never thought imaginable. I feel various emotions that keep me returning for more of her writing. When in need of a break from this reality, Arizona provides you one through her masterlist with various stories and one-shots. I suggest reading September, a Joel Miller series that is still ongoing, and Learned Something New, a Jack Daniels blurb that got me into Agent Whiskey. Whether in need of something long or short, Arizona has you covered.

[mutiara-05]

I really hate watching the time passing me by and I also hate having to witness all my years fly so I hold my pen and sit down, it's time to write time for me to sort whats wrong and what's right but my life has been so fucking dull lately now so Ima tell you about my past and Ima keep it raw ok so back to the year of two thousands and five the mid of that year where I almost didn't survive was still in the womb and they announced me dead they scheduled curettage but "no" grandma said did a second check up and surprise I haven't died I was just chilling in there, was laying on my side now skip to mid august to my time to finally come I took about two days being a nightmare to mom well it's no surprise since she didn't want me at all but wanting a son he went and pinned her to a wall a disappointment since first breath by being a female my pink clothes highlighted the devil's clear fail the doctor who brought me said "she's a miracle" AB negative blood type yet she's alive.. untypical was hours old laying down when a nurse barged in yelling "a bomb was located, leave avoid your fin" the first four years of my life passed by really fast almost died a couple of times but that's the past got a bunch of allergies and one can easily kill me reason of death: a little peanut she couldn't see was five years old and already having trust issues but that's nothing because at six starts the abuse I've always wanted him to go a little bit further To stab him I needed an excuse since he's my father required straight A's while studying three languages school was an hour away and filled by dumb bitches made fun of and pushed around but I stood still all alone cause mama was busy to notice how I'm ill started writing at 6 as a joke but picked it at 10 for real I was alone and scarred I needed something to heal a couple failed tries then I wrote something so cool rushed to her feeling proud but she made me a fool I didn't hold a pen for full three years after that and I lost my spark while losing all the extra fat on sixth grade I failed to write an essay, no surprise costed me but I fixed it following my own advice high school started and was nothing like the movies from a teenage dream to a hell where you pay fees only one year then everything went down hill for me no hope, no dreams, not knowing who I should be fourteen was when I tried to take my life away but failed so I guess god really wanted me to stay now became dead inside using a fake smile to hide then knew an artist who took me to hope on a ride felt understood having a hero who knows my pain kept going by thinking about him under the rain by using his voice I crossed a phobia off of my list While aware he doesn't even know that I exist was struggling still but his smile helped me endure 2020 he left to cure his old left shoulder injure I remember so clear how I cried scared for him but he came back saving my life from being dim now 2021 oppression logged in after my hair cut overwhelmed I held a blue something ready to cut really wanting to see some red while killing myself but blacked out then woke under my books shelf I survived again so I had to create a second face living two lives and switching was the daily race but it's fine I was pretty chill, wanna know why? was waiting to be 17 believing that's when I'd die nineteenth august of two thousands twenty two at a restaurant waiting for two "friends" I knew many things went wrong that day but I didn't mind party's over, had a fight at home he won't be kind took a deep breath and calmly laid on my bed slept with a smile was sure by morning I'll be dead but "it's nine o'clock am" announced by my alarm I woke up at morning safe and sound with no harm my heart sank in why the fuck am I still here? I'm still alive I haven't died that's my biggest fear

Dressed up kinda overshowing to cover my state a couple males tried to hit, I lied: I'm not straight but "boys don't bite" oh yes I assure you they do I ain't letting my guard down, y'all stay safe tho went out with no permission to watch the world cup cool day but the loud sudden cheers fucked it up like sorry dudes I ruined such an important match you enjoy hearing cheers but I see a bloody patch skip that now its exams time I'm expected an A plus but I've been quite and over sleeping ain't it sus Results came back terrible, it ain't no surprise "How sad" "how unexpected" are my little lies let that too pass since it's now my birth month they took my light away and now I'm lost in a labyrinth decided I won't be celebrating nothing this year because I can't enjoy anything if he's not here I'm slipping back to a shadow that's blue and grey I'm slowly digging the dark grave where Ima lay but I don't care if my knees are buried in mud or even if I'm out there drowning in my own blood you can always start a battle and turn it to a war then put me in it with no gun no sword nor armour I can face the snipers alone and slay them all standing over cold bodies, you know I never fall I really don't need nobody, I don't wanna be saved save your pity, sweetness wasn't something I craved was once just a little girl who needed a warm hug but now a tomboy as cold as my iced coffee mug today I finally accepted that I am the villain here so fuck all of the promises I've made, am I clear? I ain't staying and I ain't trying, we won't go out won't write for nobody won't live in the same route I do have a list for the promises so I didn't forget but when I go extra for people I end with regret she was innocent one day but they hurt her a lot I built her a castle with high walls, for her I fought all she ever wanted was someone to read her a story now she write those and overuse the word sorry Dear lord I'm sorry for not being the best believer sorry that I only pray when I get a strong fever I'm sorry to my cousin, I cant keep being your idol I'm sorry grandma when you were alive I didn't call and I'm so sorry grandpa if I was ever too cold sorry aunt I stopped loving you when I got old sorry to my uncle who died the month I was born I blame myself for it every day and I'm still torn sorry to my "friends" I never loved you enough so sorry to the boy I turned down, I was rough sorry to the sun and the star that I did wrong you'll both keep shining in the lines of my song sorry to mama that I'm not the perfect daughter and sorry but I hate you so fucking much father to six thousands five hundred and seventy four days of me existing while being dead to my core

[worstloki]

Loki in a relationship rather it be friends or romantic would pull tricks n pranks on his s/o/friend all the time for the chaos aspect of it but also as a show of affection

they would all be harmless things that the person would enjoy and he’d be gloating all “you have been fooled!! prank’d!! utterly bamboozled!!” for something like giving them hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows in it when they only asked for hot chocolate 

[smileyoongle]

Deception (A Kim Namjoon Mafia AU)

Summary: A damsel in distress and a lonely mafia leader. Different but not too different. The two worlds collide on a rainy night when Kim Namjoon, a renowned Mafia leader is called for an emergency and Y/N Y/L/N is on the run from her abusive father. Feelings stir and he rescues her. But one of them is a liar. And the other's life is on the line. It's only a matter of time until all secrets are out in the open.

Will love be born? Or will death conquer?

chαptєr ƒ⊕ur: Missed Me?

Character Count: 9266

Pairing: Namjoon×Reader (Appearances by the whole of BTS)

---------------------------------------

And all I loved, I loved alone.

- Edgar Allan Poe

----------------------------------------------------------

Do you think it'll be okay to go to his house?" Hoseok voiced, giving concerned glances to all the members. It had been two days and Namjoon had not interacted much with anyone. His phone calls were always short and abrupt, ending with him saying 'I am busy. I'll call you later.'

Hana stood near the window, staring outside at the bright sky while watching all the members through their reflection on the clean window.

"Why not? You guys have known each other for so long." She stated, turning around with a confused frown.

Yoongi sighed and rubbed his eyes. He felt utterly ridiculous with all the thinking he had done. Too many things were happening all at once.

"The last time we saw him, he seemed a little distracted. I think there's something on his mind." Jin said, narrowing his eyes and staring at the ceiling. It was true. In all the years that the gang had spent together, this was the first time that Namjoon seemed so out of it.

"Maybe you should just tell him that you found me. He'll definitely come, right?"

Yoongi gritted his teeth and gave her a glare. He didn't know why he felt so uncomfortable around her. He just knew that she wasn't the same. She had become tougher and.... selfish.

"We're not gonna do that. Especially since you won't tell us where you were all this time." He said coldly.

Everybody nodded in agreement while Hana sighed and shook her head.

"I just....I think he should be the first one to know." She replied, her voice strained. Jungkook clenched his fists and looked at her. After everything that he had done for her, this is what she had to say?

He stood up and walked towards her, watching as she gulped and took a step back.

"Why? Because none of us suffered? Because none of us blamed ourselves for your death?!"

Jungkook looked like he was ready to pounce on her but his anger was justifiable. Since the past two days, everyone had been trying to ask Hana where she was and what she was doing, only to get the same response.

'I won't say unless Joon comes here.'

Jungkook was the most effected but he tried to understand. Of course, Namjoon had known Hana for longer but that doesn't mean her bond with Jungkook was less special. Hana was the first woman Jungkook cared about, he saw her as his older sister and swore to protect her. After her supposed death, he had taken the longest time to recover. He was the one who didn't give up when everyone else was trying to move on.

Yoongi stood up and placed a hand on Jungkook's shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. With a disappointed shake of his head, Jungkook stormed out of the gang's house, Hoseok following him right after.

With a sigh, Yoongi turned his attention to Hana, feeling satisfied on seeing the guilty look that she sported.

"We all searched day and night for you, Hana. I hope you know that."

With that, Yoongi left the room, preparing to call Namjoon again.

∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆

You flicked through the channels on the TV, sighing in annoyance when you couldn't find anything worth watching. Namjoon was currently talking to someone on the phone. You guessed it was business stuff cause he looked a little frustrated.

The last two days, Namjoon had spent a lot of time with you. You got to know him more and you would be lying if you said you didn't like his company. He was a gentleman in every way possible. And you remembered every single conversation that you had with him. Why? Cause it was the first time that you had a normal conversation with someone.

Cause he was worth remembering.

You switched off the TV and turned your attention to the window, admiring the expanse of greenery that covered Namjoon's house. Now that you thought about it, his house was a little too isolated. Also, you didn't see anyone around the area. No mailman. No newspaper guy. No girl scouts. Nothing.

It was the house. Maybe Namjoon was just fond of peace and quiet, you figured. Or maybe he just wanted to avoid the cameras. Cameras that'd watch over him like a hawk only to give rise to a number of scandals which never really happened.

He was a businessman after all.

You turned your head away from the window when you felt the couch dipping beside you. You smiled at Namjoon warmly, making his heart flutter.

"What were you thinking?" He asked, leaning his head on the back of the couch as he faced you. You shrugged in response and busied yourself with your fingers.

"Just...things."

"A penny for your thoughts."

You bit your lip, not looking up at him. Because you knew what would happen if you looked at his eyes. Your heart would jump out of your chest and you'd melt under his gaze. You hated that feeling.

Clearing your throat, you sat up straighter.

"I wanna work." You confessed, slowly looking at Namjoon to note his reaction. He raised his eyebrows at you in question.

"I mean I can atleast get a part time job, right?" You asked, clenching the hem of your shirt tightly. Namjoon opened his mouth to say something but ended up pursing his lips.

After a minute of silence, Namjoon chuckled nervously.

"Why-why do you wanna work?"

The problem wasn't with you working. The problem was that someday someone would find out that you were living with him. They could hurt you just to get to him. And even though he shouldn't feel so protective over you, he couldn't help himself.

"I never had a chance to live life like a normal person, you know. Going to work, hanging out with friends, going on dates....I had none of it." You explained, looking at the floor with a sad smile.

Namjoon felt his heart sink. If it were upto him, he'd give you everything in a heartbeat. He didn't like the idea of you going on dates but he had to suck it up.

Suddenly, his eyes lit up as an idea came to his mind.

Date.

"You wanna go out for dinner tonight?"

Your eyes widened and you looked at him in surprise.

"Me?" You asked, pointing at yourself. Namjoon chuckled in response and nodded. You turned your eyes away as you tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. You were hesitant. Of course, you had warmed up to Namjoon in the past couple of days but this was new to you.

If anything, you were probably the most socially awkward person on the planet, blame it on the lack of communication you had with the outside world. You felt your chest tighten when you thought about your life before Namjoon. You needed a fresh start.

"I'd like that." You muttered.

Namjoon was on cloud nine. Even if it was just a friendly dinner, it was a start. He was determined to get you to warm up to him. He couldn't tell how serious his infatuation with you was, but he knew that you were a ray of hope. You were a sign that he could live life normally. He could pretend that he wasn't a mafia leader with you. He could keep you safe with him and he could make his own small world within the boundaries of his house. Only if it was that simple.

∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆

Namjoon tugged at the jacket, brushing off the nonexistent dust from it. He sighed in content on seeing his appearance. This had to be a good night.

He was surprised at how he had changed in just a matter of three days. He never cared about his appearance, never thought about how he looked but now he was happily spending an hour in his closet, deciding what would make him look good and what wouldn't.

He left his room, patiently pacing in the living room as he waited for you to get ready. Namjoon felt giddy and anxious, his emotions getting the best of him. While he was busy, glancing at your door, he didn't notice the incoming call on his phone. Yoongi's name flashed across the screen but there wasn't any ringing. Just because Namjoon had decided to put it on silent.

After what seemed like hours to Namjoon, the door to your bedroom opened and you descended down the stairs, biting your lip and fiddling with the lace on your dress. Namjoon's heart skipped a beat. The baby blue dress made you look like an angel and he absolutely loved it.

You stood in front of him and smiled, thinking of things to say to lighten the atmosphere. But the doorbell beat you to it.

You and Namjoon glanced at the door. You were beyond surprised since no one ever came to Namjoon's house. This was a first.

Namjoon unlocked the door, frowning in confusion because no one really knew where he lived. Except for the rest of the gang of course.

But the minute he opened the door and saw who stood on the other side of it, he stopped breathing.

"Hana..." He whispered, not being able to believe that his best friend was really back. His eyes turned glossy and he couldn't move anymore. Not even when Hana threw her arms around his neck and cried into his chest.

Whereas you. You didn't even know how to feel. A number of emotions flooded you but you stood there gawking as the strange girl hugged Namjoon while crying. Judging by how Namjoon's arms slowly wrapped around her waist, you could tell they were close.

You slowly backed up the stairs, concluding that maybe it was best to leave them alone. You closed the door of your bedroom just as Yoongi entered the house, followed by the rest. They all sympathetically glanced at the affectionate exchange, keeping quiet even though they had a thousand questions in their mind.

You sat on the edge of your bed, knowing that there was gonna be no dinner tonight. That's not what you cared about actually. For some reason, you couldn't shake off the uneasy feeling that engulfed you after watching that girl hug Namjoon. You felt really betrayed. But you had no right to.

Namjoon probably knew that girl for a long time whereas you, you just came into his life. You lay on the bed, letting your thoughts consume you even though you knew it wasn't good for you. These thoughts would lead to dangerous nightmares later and your sleep schedule would be completely messed up.

You heard the front door shut followed by complete silence. Everyone had probably left, including Namjoon.

You sighed and closed your eyes, falling asleep with the image of his eyes gazing into yours.

∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆ ∆

Everything was long forgotten as Namjoon sat in the gang's house, waiting for Hana to begin her story. He still wasn't sure how he felt after seeing Hana alive, but he knew that he was grateful for it. The agony of being reminded every day about his best friend's death had finally come to an end, although Namjoon would have appreciated it if it would have been sooner.

"So, care to tell us where you had been all this time?"

Taglist: @uwunamjoon @shadowstark @addy-nerd @tzuyyyuuu @stressedinmedschool247 @ifellinluvwithdorks @min-t-posts @floofwrites @pretty-in-pink-just-because @bts-d-onut @fangirllbookworm @mystical-writer @it-is-dana @ximaginx @kpopgirlbtssvt @pearylove @wtfkimbab @anothermisspark

Tell me if you wanna be added to the taglist! Hope y'all enjoyed this part..!

-XX

[dailyaudiobible]

11/06/2019 DAB Transcript

Ezekiel 14:12-16:41, Hebrews 7:18-28, Psalms 106:1-12, Proverbs 27:4-6

Today is November 6th. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian. It is wonderful to be here with you today as we continue our journey through this week. And…well…yeah…as we’re getting fully moved into this month, I trust all is well wherever you are, but this I know, we’re around the global campfire now and things are well here. So, no matter what's swirling around outside, this space that we have to allow God's word to speak to us and just wash into our lives and into our hearts, no matter what’s swirling on outside of here, inside of here, around our proverbial global campfire, this is a safe place. We can let those things go. They’ll be there. They’ll be there. They’re not going to go away. They’ll probably try to rush in upon us as soon as we leave this space that we’ve created to hear God's word, but we may leave here more ready for what those things have to say and we may have a lot more strength than when we came in. So, let’s still ourselves and let God's word speak to us today. We’re reading from the Contemporary English Version this week and continuing our journey through the book of Ezekiel. And today we’ll read chapter 14 verse 12 through 16 verse 41.

Commentary:

Okay. How…how many of you within the sound of my voice have feelings? Right? How many of you have emotions or an emotional life? We all have to raise our hands because emotions, this is something that is highly developed in the human species. And although we’re not the only creatures on this planet that have feelings, we do, and what we do with them is sort of a matter of the story of our lives. I was…I was taught all through my child not to trust my feelings. So, like I was raised to suppress my feelings because they couldn’t be counted on because they could lead me astray. And then I reached a point where I was like, “man, I’m not feeling much of anything, I need to get in touch with my feelings.” So, it was like this back and forth emotional part of our lives. Does…does God have feelings, though? Does God have an emotional life? I mean, on the one hand we’re created in His image so He must, right? Then on the other hand, He’s is God so He wouldn’t have to feel anything. Like if we come to Him and say, “I've sinned Father and this is what I've done”, then he just forgives us and we don't think about it, we just move on, He doesn’t have any feelings about it, we’re allowed to release our feelings from it. Like He's too perfect to feel distress, but that's not the story we find about God in the Bible. We don't find this being who checks in from time to time but really doesn't care, He’s just completely aloof to it all. Even the Bible that we’re reading, like if God didn't care at all to put down the things that He felt about things, and the right paths to walk, then we wouldn't be having the Bible. So, if He didn't feel something toward us we wouldn't be reading the Bible and since we are reading the Bible it's pretty hard to find this aloof, dispassionate being who couldn't care less. At least the way I read the Bible God is very passionate in the Bible. And passion that like…that's an emotional thing. So, we have been working our way since we've gotten into the profits into a lot of warnings and we’ve heard a lot of horrible things that that are potentially out in front of the people who are hearing the prophecies because they won't…because they won't return to the One that they entered into covenant with. And to understand the heart of God, the way he feels about things, is…is no more vivid than what we read in the book of Ezekiel today in all of the Bible. God was speaking to His people, the Hebrew people, and He told a story about his little baby girl. And she was born, and she didn’t even have her umbilical cord cut. Like, she was unwanted and…and so she had been abandoned in a field to die or…or…or to be eaten by a wild animal. And God said He came by and He saw her kicking in that field in her own blood and, quoting from Ezekiel, “as you lay there, I said live.” And, so, the story goes on and the baby moves out of infancy and…and becomes a lovely beautiful young woman under God's care. And when she's old enough, God enters into covenant, a covenant of marriage with her and He bestows all kinds of wonderful things upon her. She has lack for nothing. She's cared for. She is loved when she should have perished in that field. And now she's grown up to be as beautiful as a queen. And this is the imagery that God is choosing to use prophetically to speak to his people about what has happened in their relationship. And, so, He says, “like, you grew up. Things were great. We were in love. But you started noticing you were beautiful, and you started noticing people notice that your beautiful and you liked it. And, so, before long…before long she’d committed adultery, she'd stepped out on the relationship. But it wasn't just this one-time kind of accidental…if there is such a thing…slip up. She began to prostitute herself, she would sleep with anybody and she was taking all the good things that God had given her and she was using those things to commit adultery with the other nations and worship the other gods of the other nations who had become her lovers. And, so, God is basically, “like…I can’t…I can’t believe this is happening.” Right? “How could such a thing ever happen? This is unbelievable.” We should be able to be tracking with this story. I mean like, some of us have been walked through stories like this, but whether we’ve actually walked through a story like this or not, we should be tracking with this story. It's like this story of…of a little baby girl that shouldn't have lived who grew up to become as beautiful as a queen who left the one who saved her life and loved her and was just promiscuous all over the place. So, it's like a terribly ungrateful story. And if it just ended there, that would…that would be enough. But let me just read God's words. These…these are the words He spoke through Jeremiah. “Then you took your sons and daughters, the children you bore me, and you sacrificed them to your God's. Wasn't enough to be a prostitute. Do you have to slaughter my kids by sacrificing them to your idols?” Like, in all of your years of adultery and detestable sin, you have not once remembered the days long ago when you lay naked in a field kicking in your own blood. What sorrow awaits you says the sovereign Lord.” So, if at the beginning when I was like, “does God have any feelings?” If you were like, “No. I don't really think He does.” Well then go read Ezekiel chapter 16 again. It seems as if he very much does. And from the perspective of the story that God told, one that we can really deeply relate to, even though it's thousands of years old it's as relevant today as ever. We can see why He sent the profits to tell the people this is going nowhere, this isn't going to work, we are in covenant. This is not how this relationship is designed to operate. You are going to destroy yourself and I'm watching you do it and I'm getting so…I’m getting so angry at what's happening here. This is not gonna work.” So, we can say like, “yeah, there’s a lot of promises of judgment in the prophets”, but we have to know that they’re…they’re the outcome of the path the people are on. If the people are gonna continue on that path then God is prophetically, in advance, saying what is going to happen. So, rather than this God with a thunderbolt so angry that He’s scorching the earth, we need to understand that God is upset because His beloved is cheating on Him. And He’s saying, “if you’re gonna go that way this is what it will look like. However, you don't have to go that way. You can come back to me. You can return to me and I will actually take you back. You don't deserve it at all, but I will take you back because I love you.? And all of a sudden, we can see that this story is an ongoing story. It's a story that would send Jesus here to rescue us. So, if we want to…if we really really want what's going on here, what's being said here then we need to look at ourselves as the little girl in the story, which…which should make us uncomfortable. And maybe as we end our time here and we kind of all go away from the global campfire out into the world, maybe we should just stay here by ourselves for little bit just around the campfire alone. Maybe there's a conversation with God that needs to happen because now maybe we’re seeing that He really does love us and what we do does matter to Him and does matter to his heart.

Prayer:

Father…Father forgive us. We don't know what we’re doing, and this was Your prayer as You were being executed on our behalf. This was Your prayer. And, so, we ask forgiveness. Your words spoken in the book of Ezekiel certainly bring this home and bring this close. It's just so easy to think of You as the eternal forgiver, that that You will overlook all of our faults, and You will. It’s a love that is so beyond our capacity we can't even comprehend it, but we confess that we've abused Your mercy and grace and kindness so many times we wouldn't even know where to start to count. And now we’re seeing what that feels like for You from the book of Ezekiel and that changes things because now we’re seeing what we haven't seen before. Forgive is God. Take us back Lord. We come running back to You asking for forgiveness, not forgiveness so that we can turn around and cheat on You, as it were, again tomorrow, but so that we understand that we have entered into a covenant and it is all that we are in exchange for all that You are and it's so lopsided in our favor, why would we ever walk away? And yet we confess we have sinned against You in thought, word, and deed by what we have done and by what we have left undone and we are truly sorry and we humbly repent. Come Holy Spirit and lead us into all truth we ask in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Song:

Gungor – Ezekiel

I found you naked I found you lying there In blood.

Your mother left you, Your father threw you out. Unloved.

I clothed your body I washed the blood and dirt From your hair.

I gave you jewelry I gave you everything I had.

I gave My heart My heart, My love I gave my heart, My heart, My love

You became like You were a stunning Bride The world, they saw you And how you loved their wives My Bride

You broke My heart My heart, My love You broke My heart My heart, My love.

You sold your body; Exposed to all, My love You slept with Stranger You gave them everything we had.

Come back, My love My love, come back. Come back, My love. My love, come back.

[deuce-duce]

So, after thinking about the way things have unfolded over the last couple of weeks I have established what my life work would be. Am I going to change the world... am I the second coming... am I a world famous gay pornstar.... ya know these are all things that i have never said to anyone but yet others believe that is my intent! My goal with all of this is to establish the groundwork so that no one and I mean NO ONE ever has to go through the things I have while the entire world sits there and watches.... funding the madness. I've mentioned before maybe not here and maybe nowhere public before but this world will chew you up and spit you out...! Now after partially digested im supposed to function on the same level as everyone else. Hmmm well I guess i get hints and clues about who's going to help and who's just setting me up... one of the main arguments of the opposing side is that i was just after their money so i made up this giant lie to get them in trouble and make them cough it up! No body ever got in trouble they just used an isolated incident i was justified in filing as the excuse to start this manipulative famous people money grab!!

When working on a hempfarm about 1.5 years ago I was approached with 2 questions... the first was if I would sell my soul for 10's of thousands of dollars... my response was only tens of thousands...??? Obviously my answer was no never no matter the amount!! On a different occasion I was not really presented with a question but more of an insult saying what do you think your special...?? And thinking about that initially I though no im not I should have to work for any and everything I want and need in life. Then over the last year and a half with countless opportunities continually passing me by i sat there and contemplated what the fuck is wrong with me!! I know what your thinking... you have to be queer!! Right?! I know I was thinking the same thing! Or maybe I am fucking special!!?? I didnt reach the level I am at today by not being special... right?! Why tune in then right?? If I'm just like everyone else then why tune in?? I really dont understand what the attraction is. Making this unknowing the reason I initially wrote this post the day I said fuck everyone!! Why i was stopped or told not to i still can't figure out. But it obviously wasn't by someone who wanted to help. I say that because the people that want to help gave no idea what i write before its posted... so then why... i was even told a few times today that I should stop! Thats all that was said... STOP!! you know how many times i have asked them to stop!! Over and over again and then some more!! And more!! But to no avail i never get anything i want!! A guy I used to rent from told me one time why don't you enjoy your life... and i though about that?? Like I guess i do get a lot of opportunities then I came to the conclusion of ya know the sad thing is when you might be too fucked up to enjoy what's laid out in front of you. Not only that but whats expected in order to obtain said opportunities just isn't how your wired... not that you weren't at one point but that you just aren't anymore... so that obviously means I'm a queer. So be it!! Its not like you honestly thought any different before meeting me... so why the sudden change of ❤ now?? It really doesn't matter to me tbh I have a feeling no one will ever think out of the box enough to get my attention so I'll just keep gawking as you walk by. "Making the same mistakes hoping that you'll understand..." is it frustrating for me knowing I lack in areas where everyone else has no difficulty or just has everything handed to them... (money, power, prestige...) watch God's Not Dead and then tell me why you think that is... or at least how its described in that movie makes a lot of sense to me.

Its been 4 years since this claim to fame began. Im tired exhausted and won't mind being alone on a deserted island the rest of my life. I remember when I first started posting I mentioned I really never wanted to tell the story and make myself a victim of circumstance. It just finally got to the point where it was apparent this was never going to get better unless I stood up for myself and fought back. Now at this point all I have are my words while I'm sure you see and experience on a daily basis the different types of abuse I experience mentally and physically and yet im being told to stop posting my thoughts and life events that have happened to me??!! Why is that??!! Ill let you be the judge. Hence the reason why I don't act on any clues or hints from either side good or bad... because if something were real it would be in my hands. The funny thing is that when I have gone to psych wards and they diagnose me with their schizo active or undefined schizophrenia all the interference goes away! There's no more seas of colors or horn honking or anything resembling what we are seeing today. So is everything just a facade to make me stress out and worry that im letting people down that are trying to help me...??? Id say so! Thats why your efforts are rendered useless and I try not to let those things affect me. Besides you know what the primary symptom of schizophrenia is???? Deriving meaning out of normal everyday occurrenxes that would not have any meaning to anyone else. So by operating under these premises your just aiding in the psychological warfare... so call me an idiot all you want. Or just stop and let me deal with this bullshit the only way I know how... to forget it! If you want to help then fucking help!! Thats really all I have for tonight heres the post I promised!!

[treadmilltreats]

Why are  you still there? Staying in a Domestic violence relationship 

This month is National Domestic Violence month and since this is near and dear to my heart I wanted to write about some of the reasons why we stay.

It's really easy to say to someone "You should just leave or why do you put up with this?"

Believe me it is definitely easier said than done. If it was that simple we wouldn't have a whole month just for this epidemic.

First of all it doesn't start all at once, you didn't meet him and right off the bat he was abusive.  No, the abusers are slick, they know their job and they are experts at it.

They will wine and dine you, they will make you think your the only women in the world, they will say all the things you want to hear.

They will be romantic, they will sweep you off your feet so much so, your head will be spinning and before you know it your in love, deep in love with this person.

That is when they will start their game, little by little, one comment at a time. First they will say that they don't like this friend or that one, but they will make it seem like they are doing it for your good. The reason being is that they love you and want to see the best for you. They will point out all the wrong your family has done to you, how many times they put you down or fought with you, telling you, that your own person and need to live your life without them. They want you to pull away from any support systems you have, they don't want anyone speaking things into your ears about them.

Then they will start making comments about your cooking or cleaning or the way you look and because you love them so much and want to please them, you will try to do better. You will kill yourself to always have a clean home or to look good or to wear what they like.

Then they will threaten to leave you when you have a fight, they will threaten to take your children away. This will tear you apart because your in love, crazy in love with them and so you will do anything for them to stay.

In the beginning when they say something or do something towards you, they will apologize, they will bring you flowers, gifts, profess their sorrow with sweet things you long to hear. They will say it will never happen again, that they didn't even remember what they said but are truly sorry for it.

Even though their words cut you like a knife, you forgive them because you love them and want this to work.

Let me explain something here, they are buttering you up for the kill. After they know they got you where they want you...like when you gave up all your friends and family, you have children together or you left your career to spend all your time doing everything for him and now you truly are dependent on him, that's when it's over.

Now he can say anything he wants to, he can verbally abusive you, he can and will slap the piss out of you and he knows your not going anywhere. You are truly his prisoner even though your windows do not have bars on them, you are his captive.

They will start to withhold love and affection, they will turn it around to make you think it's your fault and you'll end up apologizing for something you didn't even do. Yes, they know all the tricks, they are masters at the game.

He is now no longer your lover, he is now your captor and your his prisoner just as sure as if you were in jail, except he doesn't need bars.

No, he has beaten you down so much and for so long, little by little, that your afraid to leave. The door can be wide open yet you are afraid you can't make it without him, that you literally won't survive because he's programed you to think this.

Now you may be thinking this only happens to poor women or uneducated women, again your wrong this can happen to anyone. I was an college educated, middle class women with her own home and business.

I was independent and outspoken and I never let any man get away with any kind of nonsense ever, yet here I was in this situation. I never in a million years thought I would be here.

Over the years as I've spoken out on this very subject, I've heard from thousands of women. These were professional women,  Professors, Doctors, women with MBA's, intelligent, independent, street smart women from all walks of life, all economical backgrounds yet we were all sisters in this horrible life. We all fell for it, we were all taken in, we all should have known better but yet it happened to all of us. 

I am here to tell you it can happen to anyone. I am here to tell you to listen to your gut as all of these women said the same thing. They knew something was off, that they shouldn't get married, that they should leave but that their man was so charming, so sweet and they were so in love that it blinded their good judgment.

So today my friends remember these words, listen to your intuition and run, don't get sucked in to their game.

And if your in this situation now, trust me there is a life out there for you. You can do this, don't listen to him, that is his control speaking in your head. You can do this, you can have a life that you love, that is truly yours without having to walk on eggshells every day. A life of peace, of no fighting, no putdowns, of not trying to make someone happy who will never be happy. 

I cry almost every day now, not because I am lost or broken anymore but because I am free. I am grateful for everything I got, even if it's not what I use to have before, I know that it's mine and it didn't cost me my soul.

Get help, go online, call the Domestic violence hotlines, there are plenty of us out there, who got out, who are willing to help you out.

Email me, I can give you numbers and people who can help.

This is my life mission and I can speak for the others that have been there as well, we will help you, we are sisters for life.

Don't stay in it one more second! Life is too short and your life is worth so much more than you think it is right now. Remember you are not alone!

Here are some links to get you started:

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

http://www.newsafestart.org

https://www.domesticshelters.org

"Be the change you want to see"

  

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed

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***Now available***

My 1st book The blessing in Disguise 

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[treadmilltreats]

Leah Remini's Scientology

So recently as I was flipping through the channels I saw docu-series about Scientology. If you know me, then you know that I started out as Catholic. I grew up in the Catholic Church and even did a short stint in Catholic School. When I met my ex-husband who is Jewish and we decided to get married and raise a family, I converted to Judaism so that the whole family would be one reglion.

When I was going through my divorced I found this church,  which was Christian and it saved my life, literary. So after my divorce, I decided to give my life over to God and I was baptized in the Christian faith.

So as you can see I'm always been interested in a lot of different religions because I practiced a lot of different religions.

Scientology was always this phenomena of what a made up religion was. So to say the least, I was very interested in watching and seeing what was the real story behind it as I knew nothing about it.

According to Wikipedia:

Scientology is a body of religious beliefs and practice "invented" in May 1952 by American author L. Ron Hubbard. Hubbard initially developed a program of ideas called Dianetics, which was distributed through the Dianetics Foundation. The foundation soon entered bankruptcy, and Hubbard lost the rights to his seminal publication Dianectics: The modern science of Mental health in 1952. He then recharacterized the subject as a religion and renamed it Scientology.

So that was an interesting start to learn that L. Ron Hubbard was a science fiction writer and he decided to make up his own religion. In it he believes that you live multiple lives, and that his religion was trying to make the world a better place, they were going to change the world.

You have to remember this was in the 60's, there was a war going on and many people wanted peace, they wanted the whole peace, love and happiness thing, so they bought into it.

Since there was no other religions out there like this one,  he decided to start his own and asked that people who joined to sign a billion year contract.

Yes, you read that right, a billion years because you are coming back over and over again so he's keeping you for every one of your lifetimes you come back to.

That alone makes you shake your head, how does a person start his own religion? After being a fiction writer and then have the balls enough to ask you to sign you into it for a billion years? Well he must have been a very charismatic man to be able to do that.

After watching this series what really disturbed me, which also disturbs me about other religions as well, is that when your family doesn't want to be in this religion anymore, and they want to leave, all of a sudden you have to cut off all ties to that person.

Literally, no one can talk to you anymore, so none of your friends, none of your family, not even your wife, your husband even your own children. It doesn't matter, they won't be able to talk to you once you decide that you don't want to be in this religion anymore. Is anyone else shaking their head going WTF?

To me, with any religion, when there's somebody telling you you can't love a person because they are of a different color or because of a different religion or because of a different set of belief patterns, to me that is not a religion, to me that's a cult.

Who are you to tell me that the God you want me to believe in it's so small-minded that he could only love a certain sector of people or that he would want to rip families apart. To me that doesn't sound like a God of love and it definitely doesn't sound like a religion that I would like to follow.

Be that as it may, lots of people believe in many different things and trust and believe they have millions of people that are following them and living in this religion.

There are many things that had me shaking my head, you are required to take and retake all these courses, which you must pay for, amounting in thousands and hundred of thousands of dollars. You are required to buy books and programs, you are required to pratice for hours a day. You are required to go to these meetings where they will interrogate you and you must pay for this privilege!

If this wasn't bad enough, the really scary thing I've learned about this "religion" is that if you start questioning the religion,  they will bring you in interrogation, again at your cost. Then they will put you in a sector or on a ship and make you do hard labor until they get you to admit or change your mind. Wait a minute that sounds like prison doesn't it?

If you do happen to escape, they will hire PI's to follow you, to harass you. They will literally drag you back and again punish you. If you escape again they will make websites, post things on the internet, talk to all of your family members to tell them to cut you off, like your dead.

They will make your life a living hell for years. Is that a "religion" you would want to be in? Not me! I know a good friend of mine who was going to a church like that. It was my birthday, and people were flying in from all over, we planned this for months and she told me that she couldn't miss Sunday service. Wtf?? Your my best friend, they will get over it, you have to be there. Well she did and they punished her by making her sit in the back of the church and taking away her role as usher for months. Hello!! If that isn't a controlling church, who is cult like I don't know what is, well.... obviously this Scientology is.

This is total mind control, from the breaking up of families, to the abuse, to the hard labor, all forms of control. We must know what we are getting into when we start to "follow" someone in the church. They are not God and hello, this is a made up religion for fucks sake, yet millions of people are giving their power away day after day.

I am glad Leah Remini is shining the light on this and others should do the same thing if it is happening. The God I believe in loves families, he wants you to put them first, he wants you to be happy, he is not going to force you to be there, to honor him. He wants you to know of other religions, because he is confident of his teachings.

I am saddened by the families torn apart because of Scientology, and I hope this docu-series will shed the light and help other's heal. We all need to be brave and stand up for what is wrong. We need to be the voice for those who have  none.

So today my friends, open up your minds, don't blindly follow someone, do your research, learn what's going on and then without fear, without bullying,  without consequences, do what's right for you.

I highly recommend this docu-series on A&E and also now playing on Hulu called

Leah Remini's Scientology

"Be the change you want to see"

 

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed

https://www.amazon.com/Blessing-Disguise-Revealed-story-faith/dp/1074340493/ref=sr_1_19?keywords=the+blessing+in+disguise&qid=1561392004&s=books&sr=1-19

***Now available***

My 1st book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:

Http://www.treadmilltreats.com

And on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

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