#yussa errenis the man that you are

[balleater]

yussa might have the funniest brand of wizard hubris ever. dude isn't trying to have the most power in the world or overthrow gods and all the shit that the age of arcanum wizards and the assembly do. he's just the type of guy to see something called the "archmage bane" and think it couldn't possibly apply to him or that he can just take a little trip to the astral plane after getting told everything there is fucked and be fine. literally no one is doing it like him.

[critter-rarepair-reccs]

Hello all! I hope you're having a lovely day. Today I bring you our very first recc list, featuring eighteen fluffy fics! Some are pure schmoop, some come with a side of angst, and a few with a touch of smut as well. You can find them below the cut and I highly encourage you to check them out, and leave kudoes and comments to spread the rarepair love 🩷

To Keep It All In by rabbitxheart (2071 words, Teen) Pairing: Fjord/Caleb Widogast (Widofjord) Warnings: Drug mentions

Fjord touches a weird mushroom thing that makes him high and sick and has to be babysat until the clerics can heal him the next day. While Caleb is sitting with him he tries to make a confession.

Reccer Says: It's really cute and Fjord has sweet moments with Beau and Nott too. Just great sickfic fluff

lips pressed to the palm of your hand by vietbluecoeur (2410 words, General) Pairing: Yussa Errenis/Marion Lavorre (Rubygold) Warnings: None

Yussa does Marion's makeup for her before a performance. She returns the favor. They kiss about it.

Reccer Says: It's just SO beautiful. Every word feels gilded or done up in the cosmetics that cover Marion's vanity. The whole thing is poetry, not least of all the relationship between Yussa and Marion. They're so sweet and you can feel the affection they have for each other in every sentence. The way they banter and tease each other is adorable and Viet's voice for Yussa is also just so fun (let that old man say fuck! XD) Also, the way the title ties into the fic is just so sweet.

a place for us to dream by glossolali (1105 words, General) Pairing: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (Shadowidomauk) Warnings: None

Essek, Molly, and Caleb share a cozy and domestic summer afternoon.

Reccer Says: I am a sucker for cozy cuddly domestic fluff and for Shadowidomauk and this combines the two in the sweetest package. They're snuggly and in love and it's absolutely wonderful.

cheap wine and new beginnings by bunnymauk (2618 words, Teen) Pairings: Past Lestera/Mollymauk Tealeaf, Hinted Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss (Shadowmauk) Warnings: Referenced drug use, referenced car accident

Essek and Molly leave the club early and hang out at Molly's place together, there's cuddling <3

Reccer Says: I enjoyed it!

fledgling pledges by hanap (3100 words, Teen) Pairing: Astrid Beck/Eadwulf Grieve/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (Blumenshadow) Warnings: None

Caleb, Astrid, and Eadwulf go on a date with Essek, and each try to woo him.

Reccer Says: Its adorable

she said "take care", but i take more than i bring by MouseInTheCastle (3385 words, General) Pairing: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss Warnings: None

Molly and Caleb are together, and Caleb and Essek are together, but Essek and Molly aren't - Essek gets sick and Molly takes care of him

Reccers Says: Warm and fluffy and cozy, very very sweet <3

December's Language is Imprecise Grief by Marvelouska (2688 words, Teen) Pairing: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast (Shadowidomauk) Warnings: None

Molly, Caleb, and Essek staying in the dorms over christmas break, and Molly and Caleb try to make it a great holiday for Essek.

Reccer Says: I enjoyed it!

someone as lost as you by floralprintshark (6500 words, Teen) Pairing: Beauregard Lionett/Jester Lavorre (Beaujes) Warnings: None

Jester asks Beau about her first kiss. The conversation leads to a question Beau didn't expect.

Reccer Says: It's very sweet and has a lot of mutual pining and disaster lesbian Beau

Thread by Crewe (2256 words, General) Pairing: Fjord/Caleb Widogast (Widofjord) Warnings: None

Fjord and Caleb develop a routine at night, Caleb reading his books and Fjord mending his and his friends' clothes.

Reccer Says: It's quiet and domestic Widofjord from the very beginning of campaign 2.

Maybe by Tulikettu (3389 words, Explicit) Pairing: Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan (Vaxmore) Warnings: None

Vax thinks a good cuddle will really set him right. And Shaun must give the best hugs. (Fluffy smut ensues)

Reccer Says: I enjoyed it!

Vivere, Ridere, Amare by noconceptoflife (20189 words, Mature) Pairing: Yeza Brenatto/Veth Brenatto/Caleb Widogast Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Anxiety

AU where Caleb meets the Brenattos soon after leaving the asylum and hides with them in plain sight. Pretend poly marriage turns real.

Reccer Says: I enjoyed it!

The Maps are Gone (So Are Our Footprints Too) by J (6514, Explicit) Pairing: Yeza Brenatto/Veth Brenatto/Caleb Widogast Warnings: Consensual voyeurism

Yeza knows Caleb and Veth have something special, and decides to show Caleb how best to take care of Veth on their travels.

Reccer Says: I enjoyed it!

Not Fancy Stuff by CriticalRolemance (3216 words, Teen) Pairing: Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan (Vaxmore) Warnings: None

Vax and Gilmore take a moment to forget about the looming existential threat of dragons and have a picnic dinner on the roof of Whitestone Castle.

Reccer Says: All the fics in this series are simple sweet fluff, but this one is probably my favorite. They're just a pair of romantic idiots and they deserve to get to be stupid in love together.

something sweet by roundtriptojupiter (4988 words, General) Pairing: Percy de Rolo/Grog Strongjaw Warnings: None

An oblivious, and very confused Percy, becomes subject to Grog's tribe-specific courting rituals when the goliath gets a crush on him. (He eventually gets the hint)

Reccer Says: It's a very niche ship written in a way that feels very authentic to the characters. It also completely got me onboard to the possibilities of said ship! As well as that, it's just a well written, very sweet fic. A great way to get acquainted with what is probably one of Vox Machina's rarest pairings.

The Scientist's Guide to Being Loved by tangereen (1237 words, Teen) Pairing: Eadwulf Grieve/Essek Thelyss (Esswulf) Warnings: None

Essek tries to figure out if Eadwulf is in love with him using logic.

Reccer Says: Essek is a goofy little guy trying to use science to explain emotions. I think it's cute.

bifurcation of heart and bone by 917651827 (2372 words, Explicit) Pairing: Eadwulf Grieve/Essek Thelyss (Esswulf) Warnings: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics

After his pregnancy, Essek can transform his body and fuck his partner the way he prefers.

Reccer Says: This esswulf focused entry in an Astrid/Eadwulf/Essek/Caleb series is so sweet! After he gives birth, Essek is able to get his dick back and fuck Eadwulf. They're both so loving and gentle with each other. It makes my heart burst!

Through the Years by piratesPencil (5649 words, Mature) Pairing: Yeza Brenatto/Veth Brenatto/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast Warnings: None

Scenes of how Caleb and Essek and the Brenattos' relationship grows over several years and they eventually form a polycule.

Reccer Says: I love each one on one scene between Essek and the others. Also great demi Essek feels 💕

And we have two reccs for; Today I Love You Even More by wtgw (5687 words, Teen) Pairing: Yeza Brenatto/Veth Brenatto/Caleb Widogast Warnings: None

Yeza encourages Veth to pursue her crush and is surprised when he ends up developing one of his own. Takes place in Xhorhas between the time Yeza is rescued and the time they’re able to relocate him; a very sweet fic about Yeza slowly falling for and awkwardly romancing the Wizard boyfriend his wife picked up on the road.

Reccer 1 Says: I loooooove Yeza's characterization his dynamic with not just Veth and Caleb but the rest of the nein is great Reccer 2 Says: I always love any story fleshing out Yeza and his personality+motivations, and this one does it so well! His patience and kindness in letting Nott persue Caleb, and then his own developing feelings, are just so endearing and fun to read about.

Thank you for joining us for our very first recc list! We'll be doing these every Wednesday for the foreseeable future 🩷 All enclosed recommendations were submitted by the community via our submissions form, which you can find here. All fic information is as it was provided by the reccer, so it may not be accurate to the author's intent or the precise contents of the fic itself. Please assume good intent from all parties 🩷

Submissions for next week's list are already open! We'll be featuring Modern AUs. If you have any you'd like to highlight, you can send them in here. The week after that, the theme is Whump, and you can also submit fics for that now!

If you want more rarepair fic, check out @cr-summer-wildflowers and their event collections on ao3! If you want some friendship after all this romance, take a look at @critter-genfic-events and their recc lists! And if you're interested in everyone's favorite wizards, you can't go wrong with the lists at @aeor-is-for-reccing !

Thanks all and have a lovely day/night/timezone! 🩷

[strwpup]

i am a dragon. i am trans. i have gotten stuck due to curiousity several times. and i own this part of town

[captaincleverusernamehere]

YUSSA WHAT THE HELL??????

[utilitycaster]

Wizard breakdown tracker

Welcome to a new and wholly unasked for feature, in which I procrastinate what I should be doing (currently: reading about MRIs, finishing up some Passover kitchen cleaning) in favor of providing a status update on our wizard NPCs, who are as a rule getting their lives flipped and turned upside down in part by the the Mighty Nein. I intend to keep up with this nonsense until such time as Trent Ikithon is dead or as good as.

Note: Caleb Widogast, as a PC and member of the Mighty Nein, is not included on this list. Vess DeRogna is assumed to be still dead unless otherwise indicated. Wizard NPCs who have not made an appearance nor been mentioned in some time will not be included but may be put on the list in future weeks if they turn up.

Ludinus Da’leth: haven’t heard from him in a while but Astrid mentioned him; last we heard he’d lost the Nein in Eiselcross. Probably hanging out and having a great time knowing that Vess DeRogna is missing, presumed dead and that Trent Ikithon is having a miserable time. I bet that smug bastard doesn’t realize his overture to Caleb just made him more complicit and a storm’s a-coming.

Conclusion: 0/10. Pretty sure this man won’t believe he can die until a sword is stuck through him and even then he’ll have some doubts.

Trent Ikithon: according to Astrid, he’s a little twitchy; Caleb’s shown that even when quite literally backed into a corner he’s uninterested in making bargains, and also can capably counterspell him. Plus his underlings let the Nein go and even if he doesn’t know this was intentional, seems like it would be a rough day.

Conclusion: 4/10. Not pulling out the big guns yet, probably, but starting to ramp things up.

Essek Thelyss: Oh, Essek. You poor, poor elf man. Yes, you laid the groundwork, but I have to say I think pacing via floating would be uniquely unsatisfactory in relieving stress. Jester’s messages have made it worse, you’ve been expecting to die every day for the last six weeks, and what exactly did Trent do to you?

Conclusion: 8/10. Please give him some whiskey-spiked tea and sympathy in the tower tonight.

Astrid Beck: Well she’s betrayed Trent like four times in the last week already and, initial reunion conversation with Caleb aside, the Mighty Nein have been fucking up her shit ever since that dinner, so.

Conclusion: 8/10 and rising. Help her Bob, she’s having a mental breakdown in the alley. (god I hope people know sea shanteys other than The Wellerman or this is going to be a joke only I enjoy).

E(a,o)dwulf “Then Perish” Grieve(?): Wulf is a mystery wrapped in an enigma, isn’t he. Here’s what we know: Big. Strong. Forearms. Cut his parents’ throats as a teenager. Sometimes does work at Vergesson. Keeps saying “you look good” to Caleb like he’s a romanceable video game character. Raven Queen, but not sure of whether he multiclassed or is just a religious wizard who lifts. Knows wristpocket and uses it to hide his flask. Joined Astrid in Nicodranas, so in on the plan, but she seems to be the one in charge.

Conclusion: 5/10. Fewer betrayals than Astrid, but he’s definitely at least guilty of aiding and abetting.

Pumat Sol: Missing the Spice Girls already. Some weird guy in a cloak keeps stopping by his shop. You know, the usual.

Conclusion: 2/10, probably a little nervous he’s going to get audited for illegal high level spells. On the other hand, the Assembly’s been leaving him alone - no Vess DeRogna threats for a while!

Allura Vyesoren: I mean, it’s not the first time that a rag-tag bunch of misfits has asked for her help regarding a world-ending power and so far it’s gone pretty good! Also this woman has watched Scanlan Shorthalt cast Wish and survived, she’s got a great marriage and a cool tower, she’s on the Tal’Dorei council; it’s going to take a lot to truly unsettle her.

Conclusion: 3/10. She doesn’t have her staff, and the city is indeed a concern, but she’s been through worse.

Yussa Errenis: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Conclusion: ∞ /10. AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

[primrose-path-of-dalliance]

psa: trent ikithon is not as competent and powerful as he makes himself seem.

(cw: discussion of abuse)

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i'm not sure how to get into this in a way that's natural, so i hope you don't mind if i go for the straightforward route.

trent ikithon is an abuser. that means his tactics all center around—and rely upon—making vulnerable people believe that he has far more power than he actually does. and when it comes to our pov, the m9's pov, ikithon is trying his damnedest to accomplish the same.

now, i don't know everything that's in matt mercer's head when he has played or characterized trent ikithon. i'm sure there's some depth to his motivations and intelligence, and i don't doubt that ikithon ideologically believes in strengthening the empire. but this is not relevant to the abuse tactics i want to discuss.

because the reality is this: abusers do what they do because they enjoy victimizing and controlling the vulnerable.

that's why you get abusers like archivist zeenoth who are attracted to positions of authority. those positions facilitate structural imbalances of power between them and their potential victims. trent ikithon, too, is doing the same thing—as an archmage of the cerberus assembly, he is exploiting the authority of his position to gain victims for abusing. he is not doing what he does because he's a brilliant mastermind focused on a goal. if he was, he wouldn't abuse his students.

think about it in terms of effectiveness. no matter what people like ikithon try to assert, his volstrucker are not in any way stronger or more capable from his 'tutelage'. caduceus clay roasted the man in his own dining room for this lie. what the volstrucker are are an organization of ruthless, skilled spies built from deeply abused and damaged people. they aren't healthy; they aren't stable. caleb widogast spent eleven years in a sanatorium because he was one of many recruits who broke under the abuse (see EGtW), and then five years as a solitary, paranoia-ridden mess in a filthy coat. he spent months trying not to self-sabotage his growing friendships and had a panic attack as soon as he left ophelia mardun's mansion in shadycreek (e27, 2:55:21). he has ptsd from using fire magic to burn people to death—considering his statement on executing traitors to the empire as a trainee (e18, 2:48:12), it was probably an everyday part of the job.

even the minority of volstrucker that do get through the training stage aren’t functioning well. only a few episodes ago, we watched astrid finish a conversation with caleb and then duck into an alleyway so she could curl up and have a five-minute breakdown before putting the composed mask back on (e126, 1:50:47). abuse makes being alive harder; good luck being a sustainable espionage program at that point.

so that's one lie. how about another?

at the dinner in ikithon's tower, ikithon implied that he has guided every step of caleb's path to recovery and ever-growing power. that caleb's plans to murder ikithon are exactly what he wants; that he even arranged his escape from the vergessen sanatorium (e110, 2:52:58).

i think enough people have recognized that ikithon's first claim is utter bullshit, considering that caleb and the m9 had just arrived from a random island on which they hosted a cult gathering festooned with phalluses. but the implication that he arranged for caleb's escape from the sanatorium was just that: an implication. he never says outright that he did so. he only couched what he knew in gaslighting platitudes and handed over the holy symbol of the cleric that healed him. you won't sense a lie that hasn't been spoken. he let caleb and the m9 make their assumptions, and the assumption worked in his favor.

let's consider the actual circumstances of caleb's escape (e18, beginning 2:51:54). a fellow inmate of the sanatorium who was a cleric suddenly grabbed him and healed him of his madness before returning to her own ravings. caleb then pretended he was still insane for two weeks before killing a guard, stealing the amulet that kept him hidden, and fleeing. how would any of these events work in trent ikithon's favor? the number of absurd assumptions here are off the charts.

first, you would have to believe that a cleric could permanently heal a man who'd been insane and probably experimented on for eleven years.

second, you would have to assume that this man would still be competent enough to pass general scrutiny and break out.

third, you would have to believe that he'd totally survive on his own without any resources whatsoever,

after eleven years of being institutionalized,

while first beginning deep in the pearlbow wilderness—

all without raising the suspicion of this apparently still hypercompetent ex-patient that his escape was too easy.

and fourth, you would have to believe that this man would actually accomplish something in your interests instead of, say, dying or remaining a vagrant beggar forever.

if this was all on purpose, then trent ikithon is really an idiot.

another truth: caleb was not special. both liam and caleb have said so (talks for e88, beginning 28:00; & e110, 29:06), with the examples of other volstrucker supporting this. all of them are talented mages and good at spycraft! they have to be to graduate in the first place! ikithon's assertions that caleb was extra special (e110, 2:52:11)? also a lie—specifically, a great tactic for convincing a victim of abuse not to think about it further. of course they're being hurt again. of course they're being targeted again. not to mention how abusers selectively compliment in order to confuse the people they’re hurting (relevant here: e88, 3:28:25). caleb having an unhealthy amount of hubris and thus open to being diagnosed with protagonist disease doesn’t help.

ikithon would have easily deduced the details of what happened and obtained the holy symbol after an investigation of the break-out. not too hard to piece things together if you simply ask about unusual events prior to the escape and learn that he'd had an altercation with another patient two weeks ago—and oh yes, that patient used to be a blasphemous cleric.

caleb widogast basically reappeared next door healthier, much more powerful, and more capable than ever. ikithon doesn’t have control over caleb’s entire past and future—but he wants him to believe he does. it’s a gaslighting attempt to make caleb question his own accomplishments and attribute them to ikithon so that ikithon can regain some control over his ex-student.

another truth: trent ikithon is already on thin fucking ice. no one in the cerberus assembly likes each other, of course, but a consistent point was made again and again that everyone deeply dislikes ikithon. he's stayed because he made himself useful, but he could and would get taken care of should he be a detriment instead (see e88, 3:19:27; & e97, 3:19:32).

any sort of thorough investigation into the volstrucker and the vergessen sanatorium would reveal exactly how fragile all of his agents are and how frequently he fails in conditioning his recruits. ikithon gets the pick of the crop when it comes to nationalistic, talented students that enter the soltryce academy. to find out that he drives a significant number of them insane? well, that's a pure waste of unrealized potential. and for what—a program of spies who are paranoid enough and opportunistic enough to turn on each other if prodded the right way?

and now... trent ikithon, as part of the traitorous beacon research, has been under heavy investigation from two fronts: the augen trust and the cobalt soul (e125, 2:31:10). and he has been getting very nervous recently (e125, 2:41:42).

the final truth i want to point out: trent ikithon is just as control-obsessed as any other abuser. we got the most obvious example of this yet from e128—his pursuit of the m9 to nicodranas and tidepeak tower. think about the circumstances again.

he was apparently so curious and so annoyed by caleb rebuffing all of his attempts at ‘conversation’ that he made his excuses before teleporting directly to nicodranas,

through a circle implied to be arranged diplomatically between the empire and the clovis concord,

with a plan to break into the lavish chateau, one of the most high-profile locations of the city, to potentially kidnap or kill everyone,

including the famous and beloved ruby of the sea.

he then chased the m9 and their families to the equally high-profile tidepeak tower on the open quay, all of which is owned by yussa errenis, an archmage himself who’s learned far more about local politics than he ever wanted to know,

intimidated his “man”servant,

and broke in.

and they did all of this possibly with some very confused members of the zhelezo following right behind them.

other people have gone through the potential political consequences of this more thoroughly than me, so suffice to say that trent ikithon has gotten himself into some deep shit. you can’t negotiate or magic yourself out of being witnessed by hundreds of people breaking into the tower of an archmage who is infamous among the locals for being a bitchy recluse.

if he was smart, and clever, and a brilliant mastermind, he wouldn’t have done any of that. what he could have done: continue to handle caleb from an ominous distance through spells like sending. allege to the cerberus assembly and king dwendal that the break-in was an underhanded cobalt soul mission because of beauregard’s association with the m9. or just straight-up say that the m9 broke into his facilities because they have a vendetta against him and have them at least investigated the next time the empire can hold onto them for a second.

but he didn’t do any of those much more clever possibilities. he acted impulsively and rashly and may well be on the way to a lot of trouble now. all because ikithon just could not handle caleb being saucy.

with all this in mind, i want to go back to one last detail: astrid and eadwulf. because these two would suffer terrible consequences if they ran away—allegedly.

because i want to ask... what exactly could ikithon do to them?

they’ve already killed their own parents. so far, we’ve had no sign either that they have anyone else important to them in his reach besides each other. they have nothing tying themselves to him besides years of abuse and the crimes they’ve committed as volstrucker. they might want some power of their own, sure, perhaps they want to kill him while they’re still close. but we certainly know that eadwulf and astrid are not invested in the volstruckers as it stands. they doubt ikithon. and they already have their own amulets.

so what else could make them so terrified by the idea of leaving with the m9 except the way that trent ikithon has abused them and convinced them that he’s powerful enough and capable enough to catch up to them?

don’t be fooled. he hosted the most embarrassing excuse for a dining-with-the-enemy scene (seriously, i hope someone reading this cringed the entire time as well from all the long pauses and terrible topic transitions) and then teleported away to flee caduceus clay’s scalding tea. no retort, no blackmail. he acted recklessly in nicodranas and appropriately pushed two of his own volstrucker to betray him, losing his one opportunity to capture the m9′s family there. and now ikithon is between a rock and a hard place in terms of political standing, with a spy network he has openly encouraged to turn against him.

there is no terror waiting in the wings anymore, no more strings he can pull. just an abuser playing up his own grandeur. at this point, the only thing he hasn’t reached his limit in yet is his high-level spell slots.

[saphirered]

I absolutely love you're writing and would love just general headcanons for Yussa and his Bard SO. Please and thank you!

Sorry this took so long. Hope you like it! 😘

-

When Yussa first met you, or heard you he almost spilled the contents of his latest carefully planned, prepared and measured project. You made him jump and almost set him back weeks worth of work so when he found himself angrily looking out of the window where that angelic voice came from, it turned out it came right from below, in the square near the Tidepeak. He couldn’t deny you not only had a beautiful voice but knew out way around a lute and lyre too. The music had been beautiful but came at an inopportune moment, no matter what he did he couldn’t block out the sound.

When the music returned the next day during his reading it was very much pleasant. So pleasant he actually moved his chair over to the balcony so he could see you play from the square. Now with a better look, not only were you a great musician, you’re gorgeous at that too and he was not at all surprised to see the crowd gathered below watching you play and hanging onto every word of your song. He’d sent Wensforth to deliver you a generous reward for your entertainment. He’d seen the donations people left in a hat at your feet but deemed your skills rather undervalued. If you wanted to you could gather a crowd contesting those who attended the Ruby of the Sea’s performances, in his opinion.

Day after day, this nicely dressed goblin would bring you a most generous amount of coin that provided you not only a stay in a lavish inn, but also paid for all your daily expenses and then some. In the middle of your performance you couldn’t go after the goblin to thank him for his donation but on a particularly rainy day you were able to follow where he went; into the tower people had warned you of, the one without doors and only a balcony and some windows that seemed to move every day or even hour.

So after your performance you went knocking. Of course there was no door so you felt a little stupid knocking against the stone tower. When no answer came you just sat down at the base gently plucking away at the strings of your instrument. You’d wait to see if someone came home or left. It was nightfall when you saw someone on the balcony and you shouted up.

Little did you know this would be the beginning of something life changing. The Tidepeak would not be a place you’d distance yourself from and its master even less so. He’d ask you to play for him, revealing he had been sending you these generous donations. Yussa Errenis had offered you more than triple what he had given you for no more than an hour of musical entertainment once a week, more than you’d make in that same week alone so how could you refuse.

Those once a week for an hour extended to several times a week and long conversations after as not only were you an expert musician, you made for company just as good and for the first time in a long time Yussa realised he might not be as much of a solitary creature after all. He was simply lacking the company he needed and could appreciate. There was a mutual understanding and trust between you two, and a honesty he had not found anywhere else.

You let Yussa hear the new songs you’d been working on and pieces you were composing first before you played them in the open, and even left some of them just for his ears and realising this may just have made the stoic wizard blush like never before. You’d managed to break that attitude and while a man of manners and a head held high attitude, he wasn’t as cold nor distant with you. Though, not even you could tame that arrogance. Nor did you want to. There was something attracting about that.

You’re both smart enough people to know when an infatuation grows into something more and this is it. So you did what any reasonable adult would do; sat down and worked it out, communicated and figured out where you would stand in this. When the feeling turned out to be mutual it worked in both your favours as you could simply engage in that instead of keeping up an air of professionalism between musician and patron.

That did not mean your private concertos stopped. If anything they grew more frequent and if you weren’t on the road, had another place to perform or the weather was just simply bad, the door of the Tidepeak would be open to you day and night, and Yussa’s company at your side be that to listen to you play, you gently strumming away while he worked, or the two of you talked until the early hours of morning about your lives, your songs, his work or the hardships and frustrations you’d endured since you last met.

Physical affection would have to go slow. You might not be as opposed, it’s something Yussa needed to be eased into. Having lived alone and without the comforts of another for so long, he quickly got overwhelmed and needed a moment for himself. Never would you shame or judge him for that. You understood and that’s when he knew for sure he could see a future with you.

From that moment on, no more would you sleep in a tavern or an inn or wherever else you found suitable. You’d get your own space at the Tidepeak to do with as you pleased and while he had given you your own sitting room and balcony, you’d still most often found your way to his study even if just to sit there. Yussa wasn’t at all opposed to this as he rather enjoyed your company regardless of volume. He’d gotten used to it and would miss your presence when working.

Kisses were a rarity for the first few months and Yussa let you take the lead when it came to them but over time he grew more daring and eventually even came to initiate them of his own volition and without a feeling of needing to satisfy you but simply because he enjoyed them. You’d find yourself sitting on the couch, Yussa using you as a pillow while he read and he’d press a kiss against wherever was most convenient from his position. It never failed to make you smile and he’d do it just to see you smile, taking pride in getting such a gentle response.

Yussa is not a trusting person and that doesn’t mean he doesn’t trust you but old habits do die hard. Sleeping in the same space had been something he just couldn’t do, not even the meditative trance of his elvish blood. However, when you two fell asleep on the couch together, that made that easier. A bed was still a big no for sleeping purposes but the couch had become better and better and no longer would he lie awake while you slept.

Going out in public with Yussa may have been a bigger step in your relationship than physical intimacy of any kind. Yussa knew the opinions of the sharks around him and what lengths they would go to get into his good graces and he wanted to shield you from that, if not for your own sake then for his. But he couldn’t simply act like you didn’t exist and his changes in attitude came out of nowhere as those sharks also weren’t fools.

Attending a ball with Yussa was always something, you’d be stared down like the main show of the evening, or as if you just entered the room stark naked but you were very sure you weren’t. You’d be swarmed by people in a matter of moments, people wishing to hear the latest gossip and figure out your exact connection with the master of the Open Quay and during Yussa’d be internally screaming absolutely exasperated by these intruding annoyances and simpletons. Luckily he had your charm to save yourself and him. You’d deflected all advances, questions and unpleasant encounters like a protective shield with ease and grace and if those failed you a simple discrete spell to charm them into leaving you the hell alone was not out of the question. He couldn’t be more thankful. Maybe he should bring you along more often as you had proven to be his saving grace.

You may not be a politician nor were you schooled in his kind of magic. He may not be a musician nor was he particularly schooled in the ways of the bard’s colleges. None of that mattered because you were both willing to learn, showing an interest in the life of the other. Admittedly certain practices would never be the thing for the other but that didn’t matter because you could still appreciate the other’s love for it.

At the end of the day you were happy and would be happy, be that because you wrote a new song or Yussa cracked the code to a spell of his own making, you for scoring an invitation to play at some famous place in front of some renowned individuals, or him for making way in his practices and helping a group of curious individuals end a threat looming over this world. You were content with your wildly different lives and happy a song and an annoyance began it all.

[fortunes-favor]

As if I Am Looking in a Mirror

Co-written with @nottthebest

Paring: Essek thelyss/Caleb Widogast 

Word Count: ~2.8k 

Rating: T Summary: Caleb Widogast and Essek Thelyss both have plans to facilitate spending their lives together. Yussa helps.

Read on Ao3

Caleb and Essek are together for years. And though time is his specialty, Essek finds it slipping through his grasp.

As the weeks and months go by, Essek starts to notice strands of grey hair among a sea of red. And then another. And another, until Caleb’s hair is a mess of orange and red and white and silver.

It hurts seeing Caleb get older when he stays much the same age, at least in appearance. While Caleb is far past middle-aged, Essek is still only barely halfway into his second century.

So one day, he makes up his mind. It comes to him as they sit and study together, Caleb leaning against Essek’s chest, with Essek’s fingers absentmindedly running through Caleb’s salted strands. Caleb’s reading a book, and Essek has his own, though he hasn’t been able to concentrate on it. His fingers come to a stop, catching Caleb’s attention. Caleb leans his head back to see Essek’s thousand-yard stare.

“What’s the matter, liebling? I know that look,” Caleb teases lightly, his voice more gravelly with age.

Essek smiles in return. “Lost in thought. My mind’s been drifting so much these days.”

“Where to?” Caleb puts down his book and shifts to get a better look at the man he loves, causing Perle, one of their three cats, to yowl in protest before jumping off of Caleb’s lap. Caleb mutters a soft apology at the white cat before turning back to look at Essek’s face.

“Oh, places. I wonder what our friends are up to.” He deflects.

If Caleb knew his real train of thought… Well, that conversation will happen later.

“I’ll be visiting Beauregard at the Soul tomorrow. I’ll give you a rundown on what she and Yasha are up to.”

And at that moment, an idea strikes Essek.

“Perhaps I will go pay a visit to Jester and Fjord then. I hear Veth could also use a hand with her summer camps. Maybe a day or two on the coast would be nice.”

Caleb places a quick gentle kiss on his temple. “That sounds lovely. Just, make sure to take your parasol. We don’t want a repeat of last time.”

Essek scoffs, unappreciative of the reminder of the sunburn incident, but gives Caleb a soft smile followed by a sweet kiss on his lips anyway.

The following day, Caleb packs his things and, with a kiss goodbye, teleports directly to the Cobalt Reserve.

Knowing now is his chance, Essek gathers his spellbook and some gem dust. He puts precisely hundred-and-twenty-seven pounds of clay in a vault of amber. And he teleports to Nicodranas.

Jester and the others receive a quick visit, just in case Caleb asks about it later. He’s sure Jester will have sent him a message the moment he walked out the door. But he has a mission for today. With an illusioned disguise—not of Dezran Thain, he never wants to be him again— he quickly makes his way to the monumental tower he knew a friend of a friend would be at. He only hopes he can convince the mage to help.

He greets the goblin servant at Tidepeak, introducing himself as Essek of the Mighty Nein. He says that he has a spell to share with the goblin’s master, one that he’s sure the mage will find fascinating. The goblin lets him in after some persuasion. Once inside, Essek drops the illusion.

“Um. One moment.” Wensforth politely gives a slight bow before scurrying up the stairs, leaving Essek in the foyer. After a few out-of-earshot comments are passed, Essek’s ears perk up.

“Essek Thelyss,” an amused sounding voice rings from somewhere above the entryway. “I’ve heard a lot about you. Come upstairs. Please.”

The mage looks different from when Essek last saw him, but the last time Essek saw him, his face was a void, and his soul was trapped by a living city, so it’s not surprising.

Now, Yussa Errenis sits with thinly-veiled interest on his very-much-there face. “What can I do for you?”

“I have a favour to ask of you.”

Yussa’s interested look turns to one of surprise. “And why would I do you a favour? Do you offer me anything in return?”

Essek grins. “I am a member of the Mighty Nein, as well as one of the people who helped save you from the Astral Sea. I’m sure we can work something out.”

He luckily convinces Yussa to perform the transmogrification ritual to turn him into a fifty-seven-year-old human. Same age as Caleb. Yussa doesn’t quite understand why he would give up the many centuries he has left to live, but it’s fascinating magic that Yussa hasn’t yet had the chance to test, and if the drow wants to be foolish, he’s not going to stop him.

An hour later, Essek is human, skin darker than Beauregard's but cooler in tone, and hair still snowy white. His facial structure is as similar as it can be without raising suspicion. He’s a little taller but not enough to make much of a difference. The wrinkles are new. His skin feeling too loose on his body is new. His ears are definitely going to take some getting used to, and he’s going to have to stop wearing some of his ear cuffs and caps, specifically ones meant to fit pointed elf ears.

At the end of it all, Essek is packing his belongings, still trying to get used to the new body. He is exhausted but also feels like he’s floating, content. He will be able to spend his life with Caleb.

He suddenly stands up straight. “One more thing.”

Yussa’s humoured sigh is not well hidden at all. “Yes, of course, I am at your service. what else?”

Essek hesitates for a moment. “Do not tell Caleb what we have done here today.”

That interested look from before returns to Yussa’s expression. “I hesitate to ask for clarification on that request.”

Essek gives him no clarity, and after a quick thanks, disappears in a show of teleportation magic.

Through the elation of practicing an advanced spell, a similar happiness comes with a thought.

He can grow old with Caleb now. Even if they have very little time left, their time is going to be spent together. And if there is an afterlife, one won’t have to wait long for the other to join him there.

*********

Not too long after, Yussa has yet another visitor. He’s fully expecting the drow––human?––to be back, regretting his decision and asking to work on a reversal of it, see if they can revert him back to an elf, without having to wait the one year. It surprises him to see, instead, a slightly nervous Caleb Widogast, shifting his weight lightly from one side to the other.

“What a coincidence, Mister Widogast. I was expecting-” He shakes his head faintly, remembering his promise. “Nevermind that. What can I do for you?”

Caleb looks skeptical for a second before his expression turns neutral. “I have a favour to ask of you.”

Deja vu is not something Yussa has experienced much in his 400 or so years of life, but then again, it's not often you befriend– no, become indebted to a group as unpredictable as the Mighty Nein.

“Of course.”

Further to Yussa’s surprise, Caleb is asking him much the same thing as his partner did. Except, Caleb is asking to be turned into an elf. Yussa doesn’t know why they wouldn’t have just done this in the first place, if the goal was to match the other’s life expectancy. Then it dawns on him.

He considers divulging Thelyss’ secret, but he did swear to him he wouldn’t tell Widogast about it. And the thought of them seeing each other's plans after they’ve been carried out is amusing, to say the very least. Plus, what’s the harm in watching the world burn just a little? He’s not beyond wasting someone else’s spell components to have a little fun, especially when that person is convinced that this is the thing to do. What’s another point of exhaustion compared to a good joke?

So he agrees. And the ritual begins and ends with expected success. Caleb’s silvering hair is now returned to its coppery brightness, the skin stretched more taught against his sharper, slimmer, ever so slightly more elegant features, his ears now pulled to fine points.

Oh, Yussa would very much enjoy seeing their reactions to each other’s new forms.

Yussa stifles laughter that’s building up at the thought. It really is too bad that both Thelyss and Widogast still wear the amulets that would keep him from Scrying on them. Oh, well, he will surely hear about it later, if not from the pair of knucklehead wizards then from their blue friend who is all too enthusiastic to Send to him.

He’s once again surprised that he’s looking forward to hearing from them.

*********

Essek returns to an empty home several hours later, having enjoyed the Nicodranas sun for the first time in his near-century-and-a-half for a while before returning. Faer, Perle and Fate filter into the room that houses their teleportation circle and all come to a confused halt upon seeing Essek. Essek is unsure of the reason for the change in behaviour for a moment before it hits him that he’s no longer in the body his cats are familiar with.

“Oh, it’s me,” he quickly says in Undercommon, kneeling down in front of the three cats with a hand reaching out to them. “I, ah, look––and smell I’m sure––a little different, but it’s me.”

Perle starts taking tentative steps toward Essek and cautiously sniffs his hand before gently nuzzling her head against Essek’s hand in a show of trust. Faer and Fate soon follow suit after being assured that Essek means them no harm, even if they don’t know it’s him.

Oh, gods, would they ever recognize him again? Would they think that Essek abandoned them if they never notice Essek’s human form to be the Essek that they know?

Essek shakes his head to dismiss the thoughts. Even if the cats never know it’s him, this will have been worth it to not have to live a life without Caleb at his side.

He feeds the cats before grabbing his book from the study and making his way to the bedroom. He trades his day clothing for his flowy pyjama pants, noting the slight difference in fit to his new, slightly less lithe body.

A while after he gets comfortable on the bed and starts reading, Faer jumps onto the bed and curls up at Essek’s side. Essek smiles softly to himself and lays a hand on Faer’s dark grey fur, petting him softly. Over the next couple of hours, while he reads, the other two cats join him on the bed. Perle making biscuits on Caleb’s pillow for a few minutes before settling on it, and Fate lies at the foot of the bed, almost at the very edge. Essek knows he will have to be careful not to kick him off the bed in the night.

Sleep takes him not long after he thinks; It seems there is hope for me with the cats after all.

*********

The next day, Essek hears Caleb come home before he sees him. Essek’s in the study, mulling over scenarios of how best to tell Caleb what he’s done when he hears his partner. Fate jumps off his spot on the desk next to the journal Essek’s jotting down ideas in, presumably to welcome Caleb home.

“I’m in the study, ussta che,” he calls out, standing up promptly. He dusts off imaginary lint from his leggings and wills his hands not to shake. “I, ah, have something to show you!”

“As do I,” Caleb says. Essek waits for rustling, the telltale noises of his wizard going through his bag in search of one thing or the other. It doesn’t come. Instead, Essek hears the approaching footfalls of Caleb.

When Caleb appears at the door, Essek is about to give Caleb a sheepish hello. However, he is shocked out of it the moment his eyes land on Caleb’s elven face. Caleb seems to be faring similarly as his mouth falls open in surprise and his long pointy elf ears twitch.

“Was..?” Caleb manages to get out weakly.

“It, ah, appears that we had a similar train of thought, chathtiu.”

Essek tentatively starts walking toward Caleb, never taking his eyes off the elf. Caleb Widogast is an elf.

“You’re human.”

“Oh,” Essek says, realizing the hilarity of the situation. He is a human now. And Caleb is an elf. Oh, gods. “Yes, I am,” he remembers to respond. “You’re an elf,” he adds immediately after.

“Is this one of your disguises?” There’s a trace of worry in his laugh.

“No.” He laughs in return, trying to ease the weird tension. “I paid our friend Yussa a visit. Something I assume you may have done as well?”

“Ja,” Caleb confirms and cradles his face with a smaller-than-Essek-is-used-to hand. “Schatz… You did this... You would have given your centuries away for me? You have such a long life to live.”

“No,” Essek says, wrapping his arms around Caleb’s neck. “Centuries without you would not have been living.”

“You didn’t think that I might also want to spend centuries with you?”

“I know you wouldn’t want to make your parents wait for you that long, Caleb. I also do not wish for you to have to watch the rest of the Nein die one after the other. I would never ask that of you.”

“I am offering, mein sternenlicht. You would need only accept,” He says, pressing a kiss at Essek’s temple.

“Caleb,” Essek protests softly and lets his eyes fall shut with a deep sigh.

“Unless that is, you find yourself not wanting to spend an elf’s lifespan with me,” Caleb amends, pulling back from Essek. Caleb doesn’t go too far, but Essek feels his warmth pull away anyway and snaps his eyes open.

“Caleb, you know I would stay with you through everything. But elves grow up knowing that they are going to be alive for hundreds and hundreds of years. Humans… You… I fear that you cannot fathom just how long those centuries are.” He runs a loving hand through his partner’s once-again-fully-copper hair and causes his hair tie to come undone, letting down strands as bright as the sun. “I do not want you to grow to regret your decision, chathtiu.”

“It’s good to know that you don’t have enough faith in me and our relationship that you would believe I might regret you if I am given more time,” Caleb teases, but Essek can still feel his hurt through the playful tone.

Essek rubs his temple and carefully chooses his next words to avoid any further miscommunication-related hurt. “Caleb, my love, that is not what I am implying. I trust in us enough to know that you will love me through the remainder of your days. I simply mean that I do not want you to regret this decision.” He gestures at Caleb’s elven body. “You will be the last of the Nein; even Caduceus will have a shorter life than us. Perhaps it is selfish of me, but I do not want to see you go through that.”

Caleb’s face softens. “We,” he says.

Essek tilts his head in question.

“We would be the last of the Nein,” Caleb says, punctuating his words with a kiss on Essek’s lips. “Even still, I see your point, schatz. As much as I would love to spend centuries with you, I did not think about how lonely we both would be without our friends.”

“We could turn them into elves too,” Essek says, joking.

“That is a tempting idea.” Caleb smiles. “But maybe we could meet in the middle.”

“What did you have in mind?”

*********

About a year after he helped an elf become human and a human an elf, Yussa watches two half-elves walk towards the entrance of his tower, one with bright red hair and fair skin, the other with white hair and ashen brown skin. He tells Wensforth to go put some tea on and that he will greet their guests himself, before making his way down to the door.

“Mr. Widogast, Mr. Thelyss, I see you’ve worked something out.”

[microcosmtoxin]

how about a coming out prompt for fjorester?

He really was never good at keeping secrets from Jester, obviously Beau and Cad knew first, Cad helping him and Beau being moral support.

No matter how normal in Exandria it was, famous wizards such as Yussa Errenis, famous performers such as Jester's own mom, even from what he'd heard several politicians and members of the council in Tal'dorei, Fjord still felt his heart freeze when he wanted to tell her.

Even in their own group, Caleb, Veth, Beau all telling their stories about themselves and their changes, Jester accepting them and seemingly not caring.

It still struck him as impossible.

Of course it had to happen by accident.

Fjord didn't take his shirt off much, even after his conversion to following the Wildmother and the gifts she gave him, changing his body like that still left scars.

They were something he wanted, he had plenty scars, not enough that left him happy when he saw them.

So he asked Her to leave them.

It was all well, he'd tell the Mighty Nein eventually.

Until, he went and fell in love with Jester Lavorre, and the idiot he was, kissed her.

And strange as life was, she kissed back.

They fell into the routine of falling asleep on Fjord's bed or hammock. The first few times, he kept his shirt on, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

As they grew more comfortable, he went back to what he had done, leaving his shirt off before bed after his bath.

He heard a knock on his door, a quiet "Fjooord, they're all asleep open up." from Jester and another knock for good measure.

Fjord opened the door with a smile, his tusks poking a bit out over his lips and beckoned for her to come in.

"Hey... Fjord... Do we need to talk?" Jester asked hesitantly, she stepped in and away from him.

"What?" Fjord was confused, talk about what? They did this every night.

"Your... um, chest." She stumbled, transfixing her eyes to the floor.

oh OH OH

"Shit" Fjord exclaimed, all of a sudden realizing he forgot to put on his shirt.

He stumbled back until he landed sitting on the edge of the bed, his breath quickening and eyes darting around, searching for something.

"Hey, hey, Fjord, Fjord. Don't worry, Fjord." Jester reassured, sitting next to him on the bed. "Can I touch you?" She asked, hand hovering over his shoulder.

He nodded, taking a moment to catch his breath before saying "I- I was going to tell you I swear-"

Jester rubbed his shoulder, "Fjord- you don't need to tell me anything I will let you get on a shirt and forget this all happened."

"No, no, I want to tell you. All of it."

"Ok, just as long as you're sure." "I am." Fjord took a deep breath. "I was born as a girl, like Caleb. Obviously I'm a man, and this..." He motioned to his chest, "Are gifts from the Wildmother."

"You know I don't care right?" Jester asked.

Fjord took a deep breath, "Yes."

"And I'm not mad you didn't tell me?"

"Yes."

"Good, because I'm stealing your moment."

"Wh-" "I wasn't born like this, potions and this necklace-" She held up her sapphire necklace, "Make me look different, more like me." She took off the necklace and focused on it moment for it's momentary dispell, revealing Jester's chest to be much smaller and her face to be more carved, less soft.

"Oh-"

"Yeah. Only Beau and Veth know, and my Momma of course. She never made a big deal about it, you know her situation." Jester's voice was quieter now, more small, a bit more scared.

"Jessie, I don't care either. You're beautiful, magic or not."

"Thank you."

"Of course."

[stickandthorn]

Lulu. Lucy. My guy. My man. Yussa fuckinf Errenis got devoured by it, why the fuck do you think you won’t?

[duskydestra]

Destra's Faves: Critical Role NPC Power Rankings

AKA: If they die, I may just let the whole show go. This list excludes guest characters. Otherwise, Reani would be on here.

Dairon: Needs no introduction. Truly my ideal character.

Leylas "The Bright Queen" Kryn: The leader King Dwendal imagines he is. She doesn't want this war, and yet the colonizers Empire has given her no other option. Her people come first, and she's making the best decisions possible with the info she has. I simply have to stan.

Essek "Trade Secrets" Thelyss: He's got my favorite internal arc so far. The richness, the dimension, the narrative tension.

Yussa "And What About It?" Errenis: There's a consistent theme in this campaign of "When wizards reach a certain level of power, they begin seeing morality as optional." Yussa's one of them. He alludes to using people, but he's not malicious about it. The man just lives/studies in his magic tower full time and drinks tea. If that ain't a mood, Iono what is.

Halas "Back in My Day" Lutagran: What can I say? I fucks with the necromancy, especially as a valid interpretation of healing. Also, the idea of getting locked out of your body for 800 years in a pocket dimension you created, only to be found and roasted by the Mighty Nein? High comedy.

[seafleece]

essek keeps it in the back of his head— caleb’s strong, even if he’s the only one that sees it. caleb tells him about growing up, about being an only child, about how work was work and studies were studies, and he blinks and thinks dreamily of retiring to somewhere in whatever the empire will be after all of this— empty fields, under the sun, perhaps— and growing something, in the earth. creating something, plain and uncorrupted.

something to hold onto, he tells himself, even if the others don’t quite trust him yet. even if the end of a war might mean nothing at all.

he and caleb go to meet the mage in nicodranas, once between excursions. the others run off immediately, fjord and caduceus to their mother’s lighthouse, beau and jester to see jester’s mother and veth tagging along to see her family. yasha stays for a moment, says something quiet to caleb, and ducks out again— after jester and beau, he thinks.

and they do talk business, for a while, talk of the tenuous nature of peace. the end to the war has not tipped the balance into the positive, you see. trust is tangible, a positive, and war a negative. but this? this halt of combat, it’s just. nothingness. so easily tipped to either side.

caleb has been missing a teacher, essek thinks. not just since— well, since before all of this— but his whole life, someone who believed in him properly, not just belief in what he could do for them. it makes him sad, to think he can’t quite be that for caleb, but, well, he can do other things for caleb. he can see the spark in caleb’s eyes, speaking to yussa about what he’s learned since last they spoke, and, not wanting to interrupt, retires to the corner.

essek watches yussa for a long time— he shows his age in ways caleb likely does not recognize. it’s hard for anyone to know, and yussa is not kryn, but essek knows he was the teacher of oremid hass, and spends a time trying to guess how old he is.

he gets nowhere.

the information seems to be conflicting— he doesn’t have many wrinkles, slight as they would appear, to his face, only a few around the eyes. nothing there.

from his ears, though, essek would guess older than that— they’re especially long, and curl back against his head.

and yussa’s eyes, well— they seem ancient. it’s rare essek would call something truly golden, but it seems appropriate, here. he regards essek almost the way that leylas does, that his mother did. as someone who, until further notice, finds him so comparatively small, so young, that they expect nothing new of him, nothing of magnitude. yussa hides it well, at least, better than an umavi. at the very least, essek thinks, he feels a reason to hide contempt. it still makes his skin crawl.

what has yussa errenis done, he wonders, to warrant such a look to his eyes? how long has he lived?— and is about to ask him this, tunes in to the conversation again.

“—ja, well, i got a late start, i suppose. blumenthal is not exactly a place of higher learning. i grew up tending fields.”

“caleb’s very strong,” he says, surprising himself. “stronger than you, i’m sure. it wasn’t a waste.”

caleb flushes immediately, bright pink down to his open collar. “um— i—”

he expects yussa to be nonplussed, to seem scandalized. to admit it, at best. this, he can gauge.

but yussa errenis tips back his head and laughs, loud and sudden. he looks over at essek with those ancient eyes, and then to caleb, and rolls up the sleeve of his robe, the arm beneath thin and unassuming. a caster’s arm, not a worker’s. perhaps that of an old man.

“well, then, shadowhand. care to make a wager?”

there are things that do not fade with age— not until the very end, at least, or when otherwise stolen. the mind, the tongue.

strength, though. strength leaves you years, decades, centuries early. especially if one is not— and he looks at yussa for another moment— in constant upkeep.

“a secret,” he says. “if caleb wins, i may ask you a question you must answer truthfully. if you win, the same from caleb. or me.”

“deal,” says yussa. “dangerous, don’t you think?”

“only dangerous if i believe caleb will lose. i do not, though.”

caleb has said nothing this entire time, but the color drains from his cheeks again. this, too, is some guard in this matter— caleb knows what he has to lose, and will do almost anything to keep him from losing it. his eyebrows pull even lower over his eyes as he looks at essek, and essek just nods.

caleb takes a breath, and then flattens the fingers of his right hand into his palm until the knuckles pop. it is intensely alluring.

yussa has a smaller table, and they take either side of it, hands clasped in the middle. essek needs to be sure— he takes a moment and casts, expands his sight, sees the careful nothingness of caleb that originates from the amulet. it had been his bane, in previous months, trying to ascertain where they were, less directly, trying to look in on these people he wished to know so badly, but now, knowing the danger caleb has always been in, that he is in even in this peaceful moment, he finds it comforting.

yussa, though, glows entirely with a thin sheen of transmutative magic. he racks his brain— it seems innate, somehow, certainly not put on for this moment. he decides to save it for his question, when caleb wins.

essek reaches out to hold both of theirs, steady them in the middle. they’re both holding loosely, for the moment, but he finds himself more focused on where his fingers meet caleb’s than on who seems to be stronger, in this moment.

“ready?”

they both nod. yussa’s posture is relaxed, but caleb is all tension, all fear, some confusion as to why this has happened.

“begin,” essek says, smoothly, and releases their hands.

he almost doesn’t see it, it is so quick. there’s a momentary— truly momentary— motion to his side from caleb, and then caleb’s hand is flat against the table, forearm twisted back, with a loud thunk.

there’s a moment of silence. caleb looks absolutely horrified, and yussa just smiles, a lazy thing. it feels as though the floor has fallen from under essek.

“well, that’s that,” yussa says breezily, and releases caleb. “my question, shadowhand—“

the moment feels sluggish, suspended— not warm, or friendly, anymore, more like the time essek’s first advanced tutor had used time stop in their room and spent his created eternity flicking essek’s forehead with a grin while essek tried to blink.

“—how are you enjoying the city? i have never truly grown accustomed to the majesty of the sea when she balances the sun, not in my many years here.”

he knows, essek thinks. first, what essek had meant to ask, and everything he had wagered to try and ask it.

then, everything clears in his head.

the robes, the tower, the eyes, the strength, the magic covering him like a second skin— it had looked for all the world like scales. that phrase— ‘the sea when she balances the sun’— it’s from a book. a fable, well-written enough to be considered a classic, about a kingdom of islands, and the great gold dragon that ruled it.

he looks at caleb, who is young enough to still show confusion the moment he feels it, and thinks that caleb has perhaps stumbled upon the best teacher there may be anywhere. he has never met a gold dragon, but one this reserved is old indeed, old enough to have outgrown his greed, his ostentatiousness. he wonders if he and leylas have met, him only slightly younger and leylas someone else entirely. he wonders if his mother has met this dragon.

“i love it here,” essek says, and moves to press his side against caleb’s shoulder. “and yes, the sun in the morning. it turns the entire ocean gold.”

yussa’s grin widens. the glint to his eyes, it changes in that moment, from politely hidden contempt to genuine, muted surprise. delight. essek wonders if anyone in this city knows. if anyone in the world knows.

he must be lonely, essek thinks. a loneliness he at once feels in his bones and cannot fathom. yussa asks them to stay for dinner, and caleb says he needs to check on the others, wants to see how veth is doing, and kisses essek in the foyer before he goes, brief— “we’ll talk, later,” he says, and essek knows he will not tell him. he might lend him the fable book, though, the worn copy he keeps in his vault.

“i’d be glad to stay,” he says, and yussa’s face breaks, for a moment, into something fragile, something genuine. something mortal.

there is much to talk about.

(for the shadowgast discord server, love y’all)

[critmasexchange]

Post Deadline Pinch Hits #1-3

PINCH HITS #1 - #3

We have three (3) Post Deadline Pinch Hits. These are due by 23:59 on December 27th.

To claim, please direct message the comm with which PH(s) you’d like and your AO3 name (DMing is required to preserve anonymity).

Crossposted to the Dreamwidth Comm

PINCH HIT #1

For Owlmoose

Request 1 Art or Fic Fandom: Critical One-Shots: Bar Room Blitz   Jayne Merriweather

Summary Given Jayne's loyalties, I'm really eager to know what she's been up to during the time of Campaign 2. Mix it up with any other characters you like, but please keep it gen, and if there is violence I'd rather it not be too detailed or graphic.

Request 2 Art or Fic Fandom:Critical Role Campaign One   Pike Trickfoot & Grog Strongjaw

Summary Friendship fic please. I would love a story or artwork about the two of them growing up together, and getting into and out of trouble in Westruun.

Request 3 Art or Fic Fandom:Critical Role Campaign Two   Group: Caduceus Clay & Fjord & Melora | The Wildmother

Summary I'm quite fascinated by this entire situation and would be eager to see nearly anything focused on it. Gen only please.

Request 4 Fandom:Critical Role Campaign Two   Group: Fjord/Jester Lavorre

Summary This ship is getting really adorable and I'd enjoy pretty much anything focused on it. I prefer vanilla to kinky and character-based stories to porn without plot.

PINCH HIT #2

For Wiccy Request 1 Fic Fandom:Crash Pandas: Too Trashed Too Curious  Ringo, Sass Car, Guy on Motorcycle, Reggie Burns Group: Rhinestone & Albert T. "Baldpaw" Skunk, Group: Izzy/Vin Diesel

Link to Dear Critter Letter

Request 2 Fic Fandom: Critical Crossovers   Group: Beauregard Lionett & Grog Strongjaw, Group: Lockheed & Nugget & Professor Thaddeus & Trinket, Group: Melora | The Wildmother & Professor Thaddeus & Trinket, Group: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Shaun Gilmore, Group: Mollymauk Tealeaf/Taliesin Jaffe, Group: Nott the Brave & Scanlan Shorthalt

Link to Dear Critter Letter

Request 3 Fandom:Critical One-Shots: Thursday By Night   Fic Group: Vampire Liam O'Brien/Vampire Sam Riegel, Group: Vampire Liam O'Brien & Vampire Sam Riegel & Vampire Travis Willingham, Vampire Matthew Mercer

Link to Dear Critter Letter

Request 4 Fic Fandom:Critical Role Campaign One   Group: Grog Strongjaw & Scanlan Shorthalt, Group: J’mon Sa Ord/Shaun Gilmore, Group: Keyleth/Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III, Group: Shaun Gilmore/Vax'ildan, Tiberius Stormwind

Link to Dear Critter Letter

Request 5 Fic Fandom:Critical Role Campaign Two   Group: Animals of the Mighty Nein, Group: Animals of the Mighty Nein & Melora | The Wildmother, Group: Animals of the Mighty Nein & The Mighty Nein, Group: Avantika & Uk'otoa, Group: Beauregard Lionett & Professor Thaddeus, Group: Caduceus Clay & Fjord, Group: Caduceus Clay & Fjord & Melora | The Wildmother, Group: Caduceus Clay & Jester Lavorre, Group: Caduceus Clay & Pumat Sol, Group: Caduceus Clay & Pumat Sol & The Simulacra, Group: Fjord & Beauregard Lionett, Group: Frumpkin & Sprinkle & Nugget & Professor Thaddeus, Group: Jester Lavore & Nott | Veth Brenatto, Group: Jester Lavore & Sprinkle, Group: Pumat Sol & The Simulacra

Link to Dear Critter Letter

Request 6 Fic Fandom:Critical Role Campaign Two   Group: Beauregard Lionett/Dairon, Group: Beauregard Lionett/Keg, Group: Caduceus Clay/Caleb Widogast, Group: Caduceus Clay/Eadwulf, Group: Caduceus Clay/Fjord, Group: Caduceus Clay/Fjord/Melora, Group: Caduceus Clay/Melora, Group: Caleb Widogast/Essek Thelyss, Group: Caleb Widogast/Essek Thelyss/Yussa Errenis, Group: Caleb Widogast/Jester Lavore, Group: Caleb Widogast/Mollymauk Tealeaf, Group: Caleb Widogast/Nott | Veth Brenatto, Group: Caleb Widogast/Nott | Veth Brenatto/Yeza Brenatto, Group: Fjord/Melora | The Wildmother, Group: Jester Lavore/The Traveler

Link to Dear Critter Letter

Request 7 Fic Fandom:Critical Role Campaign Two   Frumpkin, Henry Crabgrass, Jourrael | The Inevitable End, Keg, Kiri, Marius LePual, Orly Skiffback, Professor Thaddeus, Sprinkle

Link to Dear Critter Letter

Request 8 Fic Fandom:Critical Role RPF   Group: Dani Carr/Taliesin Jaffe, Group: Laura Bailey/Sam Riegel, Group: Liam O'Brien/Sam Riegel, Group: Marisha Ray/Matthew Mercer/Taliesin Jaffe

Link to Dear Critter Letter

Request 9 Fic Fandom:Yeehaw Game Ranch   Any Character

Link to Dear Critter Letter

DNWs which apply to all requests: Hard core BDSM (including things such as nipple clamps, butt plugs, strap-ons, gimping, kinbaku, testicle/genital torture and humiliation), Big/little dynamics, age play, Lactation, Blood play, vore, inflation/stuffing, sounding, medical kink, body modification/body horror, descriptions of broken or breaking bones (saying a bone is broken is fine, detailing the sounds/feelings or descriptions of what it looks like after are not), description of eye trauma (saying eye trauma occurred is fine, describing it happening or what it looks like after are not), bestiality, rimming, water sports, scat, feet (as a kink or really any descriptions of them), Death!Fic (mentions of canonical death(s) is fine), unrequested setting AUs, unrequested non-canonical pairings, unrequested gender/sexuality identity headcanons/fanons (I do not consider WOG to be canon in most cases), heavy gore, mpreg, pregnancy/birth, characters under the age of 13, genderswap, first person pov, 2nd person POV (unless otherwise requested), poetry, clowns, underage (under 18) romance or sex, descriptions of child abuse, blood relative incest, cannibalism and zombies.

PINCH HIT #3

For Wildheartsneverdie Request 1 Fic Fandom:Critical Role Campaign Two   Group: Beauregard Lionett/Jester Lavorre

Summary Request 1: Beau and Jester. Friends to kissers, baby! Does Jester realize she doesn’t need a stinkin’ man? Are they college roommates? Do they mutually realize their feelings might be more than just friendship? Anything focusing on them becoming more than friends will melt my heart, so get creative with this one.

DNW: Please nothing with graphic violence, character death, non-con, scat, vore. No a/b/o. No incest.

Link to Dear Critter Letter

Request 2 Fic Fandom:Critical Role Campaign Two   Kiri

Summary Request 2: The continued adventures of Kiri. What kind of shenanigans does she get up to after departing the guardianship of the Mighty Nein? Does she make any new friends? Give me lots of fluffy fluff.

DNW: Please nothing with graphic violence, character death, non-con, scat, vore. No a/b/o. No incest.

Link to Dear Critter Letter

Request 3 Fic Fandom:Critical Role Campaign One   Group: Taryon Darrington & Vex'ahlia

Summary Vex and Taryon Darrington. What do these two besties get up to at the Slayer’s Cake? Do they have a mysterious customer? Do they need a special ingredient for a special bake? Best friends forever!

DNW: Please nothing with graphic violence, character death, non-con, scat, vore. No a/b/o. No incest.

Link to Dear Critter Letter

Request 4 Fic Fandom:Critical Role Campaign One   Keyleth, Pike Trickfoot, Vex'ahlia

Summary Ladies Night Out, Vox Machina Edition. I want to see the ladies of Vox Machina hanging out together, having a nice time or getting into trouble. Is there a little romance on the side? That’s for you to decide!

DNW: Please nothing with graphic violence, character death, non-con, scat, vore. No a/b/o. No incest.

Link to Dear Critter Letter

Request 5 Fic Fandom:Critical Role Campaign Two   Jester Lavorre, Beauregard Lionett, Yasha, Nott | Veth Brenatto

Summary Ladies Night Out, Mighty Nein Edition. I want to see the ladies of Mighty Nein hanging out together, having a nice time or getting into trouble. Is there a little romance on the side? That’s for you to decide!

DNW: Please nothing with graphic violence, character death, non-con, scat, vore. No a/b/o. No incest.

Link to Dear Critter

[essektheylyss]

Essek fic prompt, if you're interested: anything with animals. Essek and Frumpkin, Essek and Sprinkle or Nugget, Essek getting his own familiar... idk Essek and the freakin moorbounders. Essek realizing he can show affection to a creature that won't go tattle on him and ruin his reputation.

This,,, so aggressively got away from me and I wasn’t totally sure how to end it but it was so cute and I really just want soft afternoons with puppies for Essek forever

They’d left him, for the time being, where it seemed they’d left many of their unwanted problems and strange adoptees over the months—with Jester’s mother.

The sunlight streams in through the open window hard enough to give him a headache, but he welcomes the sharp sting in his brow as he sits on a very pink bed that he’d gathered had been Jester’s growing up, with several books collected from the wizard’s tower, the one who’d looked him up and down with an upturned nose and humphed loudly and sent them on their way without another word, and Essek didn’t know what kind of judgment he’d really expected.

“—so sorry to do this to you, Marion,” a sheepish voice he recognizes but fails to quite place floats through the cracked door, followed by a thump and the boisterous bark of a dog. “Luc and I have quite a few errands to run, but he’s been chewing all of the furniture and I feel horrible when Veth comes back to the house destroyed—“

Ah, Veth’s husband. He doesn’t remember his name, and a nauseous feeling washes over him when he realizes that he absolutely should remember Veth’s husband’s name, considering the man had spent a week in Essek’s prison.

He’d had very different priorities then, but that doesn’t feel like an excuse anymore.

His face burns, and he holds his breath, hoping that he will not be found here by Mr. Brenatto, even with the knowledge that Marion could reveal him at any time.

“Of course, Yeza,” Marion’s voice replies—oh, thank the gods, he will remember it now—and Essek has spent enough time here over the past few days to recognize a slight strain in her voice, though she speaks warmly. “That’s not a problem at all. You and Luc run along and leave him with me.”

Essek sits very still as thanks and niceties are exchanged, until soft footsteps mean that the halfling has exited the room.

And then, as he’d feared it might, the door swings open.

Marion Lavorre stands there in an elegant black dress, one hand on the collar of an absolutely enormous puppy, ears still a little big for his body, panting excitably. His tail thumps against the doorframe as she scrunches her face a bit, a proactive apology, and then the dog—blinks. He’s seen the effect on at least one occasion, and in a snap its eyes glow blue and it vanishes from her grasp and appears on the bed beside him, its not quite clean hind descending on what he surmises is a very old and very delicate book. He’s certain that Yussa Errenis is a man who does not lend out books that he does not have backups of, but he still imagines trying to explain why its illuminated pages are crumpled.

“Oh, Nugget,” Marion hisses, and the dog blinks back to her side, but not before dragging its huge tongue across Essek’s dumbfounded face. She looks at him, as sheepishly as Yeza Brenatto sounded, and it seems that the parents near to this group have similar views on this… Nugget. “I’m so sorry—I really am able to take care of him for the afternoon, but I have rehearsal shortly—“

He blinks at her, feeling his face flush in confusion. “You… rehearse?”

Her smile is a little devilish, and he can see her daughter in her more than ever. “Singing, dear. I have a rehearsal for a performance.”

His ears burn with embarrassment. “Ah. That makes… more sense.”

“Anyway, I have a rehearsal and then I can watch him, but it would be so helpful if you could—“

Essek swallows hard, and remembers that Marion is like her daughter in more than one way—it’s very hard to say no to either of them when they’re asking nicely.

He nods and wonders how he’s going to take care of a blink dog. “Of course.”

A relieved smile floods onto her face. “Oh, thank the gods,” she says, and looks down at the overly excited dog. “Nugget, Essek is home.”

And she points to him, and the dog meets his gaze with the biggest puppy eyes he’s ever seen. Oh, luxon. This is already a mistake.

“Okay, all you do,” Marion says, and he has to wrench his eyes away when he realizes that she’s talking to him now, “is say home.”

He quickly folds his books shut and sets them aside. The dog is almost as large as he is, and he frowns, thinking about the halfling who is a head and a half shorter than he is. “This is… Yeza’s dog?”

“Well,” Marion sighs. “Technically, it’s Jester’s dog.”

With a name like Nugget, he should’ve known.

“Nugget,” he says slowly, with tremendous hesitation. This is the last thing he wants to do with his afternoon, especially with his headache only building. “Home.”

It blinks to his side, and its tongue is on his face in an instant. He fights it off with several undignified shouts, and when he’s finally situated, Marion smiles apologetically.

“Thank you so much,” she says, and closes the door, and it dawns on Essek that he is now alone in Jester’s room, tasked with not killing Jester’s dog, and he feels all the blood drain from his face.

Nugget looks at him happily, tail thumping against a very pink pillow, and Essek takes a moment to pat it gently on the head a few times. “Good dog,” he says hollowly, and Nugget nuzzles into his hand, and it only takes a few minutes of hesitation before he’s figured out that Nugget will flop down sideways on the bed if he keeps scratching a certain spot behind his ear.

And for a little while, his fingers itch to pick up the book he’d been in the middle of, an analysis of ethics in the Age of Arcanum to do with attempted time magic—he thinks that Caleb and Yussa might’ve picked that out especially for him, but it’s interesting enough so he doesn’t mind—but he doesn’t want to risk the dog chewing up Jester’s childhood things. And he finds, a while later, that sitting there scratching Nugget’s ears is almost like meditation, something his tutors had tried to teach him as a child that he’d never been very good at, with his mind buzzing constantly and too many ideas to chase.

Now, though, he’s stuck here, and he’s not thinking about his books anymore—he’s watching the rise and fall of Nugget’s chest, the easy trust he gives a man he’s never met, the pleasure he takes from such a small affection.

Sprawled out on the bed, he’s the image of bliss.

“You’re a very simple creature, you know,” he says, and finds that talking to Nugget is not as awkward as he would’ve expected. He’s never spoken to an animal in his life, and had assumed it would be even worse than talking to someone else—but no, it’s like being alone in his tower and musing to himself. A little arrogant, sure, to speak knowing you are your own answer, but there’s no one around to judge. And when he speaks, Nugget’s tail thumps again, and he lets out a heavy sigh of contentment.

It is not a response Essek is used to from anyone, when he speaks—his words are weapons, more often than not, whether he wants them to be or not. He has armed himself with them for too long, and people tend to flinch when he opens his mouth.

“Are you lonely, to be so willing to open yourself up in exchange for love?” he asks, and knows that it’s rhetorical, but still wonders what the answer might be. “Or do you simply know nothing else?”

Perhaps Essek is not as complicated as he thinks he is—he, like this dog, sees the world transactionally. He is trying not to, with his friends guiding him, to believe that not everything must be earned or exchanged, but he looks at this dog, and he thinks that it’s natural to view the world that way.

And who is he to think he’s better than this puppy, snoring sweetly beside him, occasionally peering up at him with those doe eyes?

The sun is still pounding a tattoo into his eye sockets, but the ocean breeze is very unlike Rosohna and the stuffy confines of his tower, and he leaves the window open. Instead, he slides down to rest below it, the sun no longer hitting him, and curls up against the dog.

Nugget shifts his head until it rests on Essek’s stomach, and he absently continues to scratch his ears. It’s the most relaxed he’s been in… years, he thinks, even before the business with the Assembly, before he had ended up as a fixture in the Bright Queen’s throne room.

He thinks of Caleb, reading on the ground of the Xhorhaus library, with Frumpkin curled up on his stomach. It has always seemed rather inconvenient, but Caleb does it for hours.

Essek reaches for his book, set on a shelf at the end of the bed. Instantly, Nugget lifts his head and whines, then rolls over until his body is on Essek’s outstretched shoulder, nosing at Essek’s chin.

“By the light,” Essek snarls, falling back into undercommon, and returns one hand to the dog’s ear. When he immediately quiets, and releases Essek’s trapped arm, Essek blinks at him. “Ah. You only act out when you’re being ignored.”

He breathes out the barest hint of a laugh through his nose. Perhaps he and this dog really are quite alike.

One hand still offering enough affection to keep the dog sated, he retrieves his book uninhibited, and holds it over his head. It is perhaps harder to focus this way, but it is soothing to have Nugget’s gentle movement of breath on his stomach, and the breeze coming in the window, and a book in his hand.

He remembers his father telling him that a pet was a lot of responsibility when he’d told Essek as a child that he couldn’t have one, but Essek thinks now that having a pet is no more responsibility that keeping oneself content. In fact, perhaps it is easier to be satisfied, with such satisfaction as a model.

“Essek, we’re on the way back! Are you okay with Mama? Are you having a good afternoon? Caleb wants to know if you like the books—“ He thinks Jester may have had more to say, but he answers anyway.

“I’m not getting through reading particularly fast, but I am having a pleasant afternoon. I ended up watching over your—Nugget.”

He looks down at the dog, whose tail wags at the sound of his name, whacking him in the head. He can’t bring himself to be mad.

“You’re watching Nugget?! Isn’t he a good boy?! Isn’t he so cute, Essek? Oh my god, I can’t wait to see him when we get back—“

He imagines the rest of the Nein shaking their head as Jester is cut off once again, and he smiles as he sets the book down and turns his attention to scratching Nugget’s fey ears with both hands. Nugget writhes with pleasure as Essek lets him lick his chin this time.

“Yes, he’s very cute. He’s—” he trails off for a minute, and almost forgets to finish. “He’s a very good boy.”

[catalists]

for the ask meme, how about 19 not including essek, and/or 29?

19. Favorite wizard NPC (not including Essek)

Excluding Essek my beloved, favorite wizard NPC is a toss up between Allura Vysoren and Yussa Errenis. I love Allura dearly and I especially love how delighted the cast was to see her again (and I hope they give her shit back!) but Yussa is just Peak Wizard. I can't believe how often this man gets into trouble. He pretends to be all aloof and cool but he has all the finesse of Fjord pushing bright red buttons everywhere. You could put a giant mouse trap and bait it with a book that says WEIRD MAGIC STUFF and he would stick his hand right in. I love him.

29. Favorite deity interaction?

Caduceus's first-ever divine intervention! It was so beautifully described, and he had been having absolutely the worst day(s) leading up to it, so he was seriously due a win. And the Wildmother DELIVERED. Thanks, Wildmom.