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My Chemical Romance in 2007 and My Chemical Romance in 2025

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on being a fangirl

i predict a long post of rambling ahead! ahhhh!!! and warning i do talk about depression later on ahhh

one of my fondest memories is being stretched across the couch at ten years old and looking through oc templates on the aphmau amino page. typing this up right now is lowkey (highkey) giving me goosebumps because 1) it's been YEARS since i've even thought about amino and 2) it's also been YEARS since i've thought about aphmau and 3) when did i get this old?

i was introduced to the (proper*) world of fangirlism when i was knee-deep into harry potter in third grade. after finishing the whole series (albeit not understanding much about the last two books) i was a certified harry potter freak. everything in my nine-year-old life was about harry potter. the hand-made decoration in my room, free-writes at school, birthday parties for the next three years... every conversation and thought was all about harry potter.

*before harry potter, at the ripe age of 6 (or 7?) i was insanely obsessed with minecraft youtubers (specifically, stampylongnose and dantdm) but i was too young to be properly involved in fandom spaces so it was kept mostly private. i suppose. i don't know i was a baby

naturally, my parents got sick and tired of harry potter. every movie i chose for movie night was order of the phoenix and i was at that annoying point where i could recite the script from memory and would blurt out random facts whenever i deemed appropriate. i remember my mom telling me to 'channel this energy into something else', but i think what i heard was for me to 'channel this energy to online spaces at a dangerously young age'.

for me, it started on quotev. i usually hear from others that their journey started on amino or wattpad, but i was spiritually bound to quotev (as in, i was too scared of running into smut on other platforms).

i wrote my first fanfiction DIRECTLY IN quotev (YYYYYIKES! crazy to think about it now as a google docs fanatic) without even knowing what paragraph breaks were. i think it was a ron weasley x reader (probably x oc to be honest) and the plot was all over the place. i mean, naturally. i was, at tops, nine years old. and i didn't get much feedback or views or anything but i just kept writing for the love of the game.

i wasn't one of the popular kids at school. i had a lot of friends and people liked me, but there was a certain group of kids who started wearing makeup and watching tana mongeau and i couldn't see myself hanging out with them. i was too concerned about herobrine hacking my world or finding english translations of popipo or learning the lyrics to rockefeller street... and, of course, writing more scenarios about me and ron weasley holding hands (gasp..) at the great hall to reveal our secret relationship. tldr... i was just a little bit different from the other kids to fully fit in.

i think i remember promising myself not to share any of my real interests at school. i knew kids with minecraft roller backpacks were getting pushed on the way to the bus and cat-ear-wearing whisker-drawing dan and phil fans were expelled from playing tag and the kids who spent recess hunting for slenderman weren't generally favored by others. i didn't want to be left out. i pushed down everything i loved---aphmau, minecraft, vocaloid, harry potter---and went into fourth grade a completely different kid.

at this time (2012 to 20...16? 17?), i was obsessed with scene girls and tumblr. i didn't have an account so i was looking at popular posts through pinterest and youtube voicing compilations (usually from aphmau's mystreet voice actors). i brushed my hair into a side part, did the rawr hands, and begged my mom to dye my hair blue (which i did. i did NOT look good). but i was happy. so insanely happy.

i was like a secret agent. at school, i could engage in a shallow conversation about james charles (while stumbling through some details), but back at home i ran my quotev like the NAVY and was scoring higher in tumblr culture quizzes than in my spelling tests. and i was a good speller.

fourth grade was also when i got into musicals and theater. it started with hamilton and that led me down this dark path of heathers, dear evan hansen, be more chill... and one morning i think i woke up and realized, damn. i'm a kid of the internet. but i got up all the same and listened to sincerely, me and went to school and drew up another plot for a mystreet x reader fanfiction. and then i came home, turned on guns and ships and got to writing. (i'm pretty sure that by fifth grade, i was almost fully on wattpad and quotev was left behind. i was roleplaying HEAVY on wattpad and had some online friends from all over the world and wasn't so afraid of a larger pool).

so, as you have probably guessed by now, i was very much on the 'weird kid' side of things growing up. i know that the term 'weird kid' is associated with kids who liked fnaf, gacha, minecraft roleplays, fanfiction etc... but honestly what kid isn't weird growing up? every kid has a weird obsession with something. for me it was harry potter and musicals and vocaloid and fanfiction. for others it was james charles and kylieskin and horseback riding. but listen i used to play bedwars with the makeup-youtube-channel kids and i learned how to do makeup from a hardcore bts fan in the school bathrooms so really what i'm trying to say is that we're all in the same boat here. we're ALL weird.

but anywho. 2020 rolled around and my middle school years were unforgettable in a dangerous way. as in, i started watching anime.

my cousin (who i'd always looked up to) always liked anime. we would watch aikatsu together, curled up by the living room tv and attempting to memorize the dances so that we could also pretend to be tweenaged idols. i'd grown up with my mom musing about candy candy and my dad raving about slam dunk because those were staple pieces of my parents' childhoods. it was not shocking to them when i started watching haikyuu or playing danganronpa. what shocked them more was how emo i got.

most of my fond memories are the ones i had online, roleplaying and writing and chatting with strangers (DANGEROUS! but i didn't know any better!) about my 'niche' interests that was a secret at school. i was used to being online and knew my way around the cyberspace, so suddenly when school penetrated into the very spot where i sought solace, i got confused.

and as you all might remember (?) there was a strong alt/straight tiktok divide. i was, of course, on alt tiktok (and dressed like it too, with my minimal budget). i attended my classes with a bunny hat on my head and a collared shirt under my nasa hoodie with belts of silver chains and spikes. i begged my parents for a pair of demonias, dyed my hair every other week, and started looking into what being bisexual meant.

woahhhh. pause. this was a pivotal moment in my life, to be honest. for the first time, i didn't feel like i had to hide being myself. everybody was online, nobody could berate me, and so many people were being vocal about what they liked---anime, minecraft, vocaloid---it was practically heaven. the things i liked suddenly weren't cringy or weird, but actually more normal. my tsukishima fanfiction blew up on wattpad, i started practically living inside discord, and i was slowly losing a connection to the real world.

during covid, i was angry all the time. i got fidgety when i was away from my comfort servers and living in asia i got weird looks for my fashion sense. i was a classic emo teenager. nobody understands me, i need to be online, i don't fit in... the works, and a little more. honestly speaking, i was so depressed during this time that i don't exactly remember much about my middle school years. my music taste revolved around my chemical romance, i'd tried shifting into haikyuu multiple times to no avail, and i was glued to my laptop either writing fanfiction or chatting with my online friends, but i have no specific recollections. so... yikes. 2020 was hard for everyone, huh.

and here it came. the big gender crisis. as i got into mychem and will wood (and also just on tiktok), there was a lot of talk about being lgbtq+. i suspected it, but i had never really played around with my identity personally. i remember going by he/they pronouns online and changing my name and testing out labels and feeling so, so confident... online. in reality, i was terrified of outing myself that i resorted to not speaking and hated my homophobic community. i felt that once again, i was an outsider that nobody could predict. even though i don't remember much, i do remember being lonely.

during this time, i moved to ao3. it was a big leap from wattpad but it was the right choice. similarly to how this all started, my life was consumed with fandoms---except this time instead of harry potter, it was haikyuu. it was the same cycle of dedication and pure love that it was the only thing keeping me going. through a rollercoaster of identity mishaps and late nights on discord and severe writer's block, i leaned on haikyuu like the monolith it was in my life and i practically worshipped tsukishima kei like a god.

what drew me to all of these fandoms though was the fact that during a time when i felt so alone, these characters made me feel seen (sappy). they provided me some kind of comfort that i couldn't find in my community and gave me something to relate to---something i could use to feel human. they were going through struggles, ups and downs, had good and bad traits all like me, and they were pioneering through their stories. i had a connection, a distraction, a kind of genuine love that sprouted from a desire to feel 'not alone'. and that's honestly why i love fandom culture and fangirlism so much today---because i could rely on it when i was down, and i can still love it so much as i'm going up.

writing fanfiction made me feel good about myself and not embarrassed of my interests. the people who left comments and kudos were people like me---people who also loved haikyuu, given, and final fantasy---and the people who i chatted with online reassured me that i wasn't 'weird', i just wasn't around people who had the same interests as me. as much as my chronic internet presence in my middle school years drained and changed me, they most importantly reinforced an idea into me that i wasn't weird, something i kind of always needed to hear. i stopped repressing my interests and started expressing myself.

when i moved to a different high school halfway across the world, i had gone through most of my metamorphosis. my hair was growing back because i realized that i didn't want it short and i didn't want to go by he/him. my fanfiction writing lessened (though my quality went up) and i started selling my manga. i barely touched my discord and tumblr accounts and dyed my hair back to black. i started listening to billboard artists instead of emo and bedroom pop. essentially, i was afraid again.

at my new school, i was determined to keep my second reality a secret. i would only sneak glances at the miku exhibition but not say a word. i would hide under my blankets to play final fantasy. i went on ghost mode to listen to mafumafu's new releases and never in my entire life did i ever let on that i was involved in the fanfiction community.

and to be honest, i'm still kind of there. i'm not the angsty but proud middle schooler i once was, and i'm definitely not the innocent elementary schooler. as i'm heading into my senior year, i've been thinking about a lot of what makes me me. and if i'm being honest, it's the things i love---kpop, fanfiction, haikyuu, vocaloid, the works. and i love being involved in fangirl culture! i love going to my kpop artists' concerts and trading photocards and learning fanchants. i love writing high school aus about my favorite anime characters. i love rereading haikyuu every summer and relating to different pieces of the characters that i've loved for so long as i grow up with them. i love listening to mafumafu's new songs and listening to new utauloid covers and supporting young producers. i love being able to be involved in a community that loves something as much as i do and i love feeling that camaraderie. yes! humans ARE social creatures!

at school, i still only show a fraction of who i really want to be. people are judgmental and intimidating and i've had my fair share of horrible experiences and i'm not as brave as some people to be my unapologetic self. sometimes i do still think about my old identities, the days where i was a boy, and i want to invite him back to sit with me but i'm afraid. i'm infinitely proud and slightly envious of the people who can be themselves because i am still trying to reach that peace within me. there are traces of an angsty teenager left in here and i'm picking up after it! kids amiright

but i watch from afar and occasionally let myself get back into it. every time i come back, things are as i remember them and i love every moment of it. my home is where my miku figure, my cloud strife plushie, my tsukishima shrine, my stray kids posters, my mcr pin, my laptop with thousands of discarded works and old horrible fanfiction is. my home is where i can let loose.

of course, i have also found love where i've least expected it. in middle school, i used to look down at 'normies', but honestly this kind of thinking is what divided me and led me down further into depression. like, hellloooo middle school ten, olivia rodrigo is pretty cool just give that girl a chance! sabrina carpenter is SO cunty! almost as cunty as gerard way! seventh grade me would've died at the thought of manchild and nanana having the same mv director LOL

if all goes well, i want to major in creative writing. my college applications demand an answer from me: why? and i've thought about all the different ways i can answer this but if i want to be true to myself there's only one way i can be honest about it. and that means revealing to all these adults that my passion started in my family's computer room after reading the harry potter books back-to-back. my passion was reignited when i was isolated from the rest of the world, exploring myself, exploring the media that kept me from losing myself. in other words, isn't it crazy that i'm relying on fangirlism to get me into college? i'll update on how that goes lol

i want to learn to own the things that i love. i want to share my enthusiasm with people and not be embarrassed. i want to shed that layer of self-consciousness that i spread so thick to protect myself in middle school. and i want to keep on loving these 'cringy' fandoms and do 'cringy' things because writing fanfiction is fun, rereading volleyball manga is fun, and kagamine len has a beautiful voice. and i hope that all the 'weird' kids of the past, present, and future can always feel this refreshing kind of love in their fandoms and in their daily lives. i love all of the artists, writers, musicians, creatives, and lovers that the world of fandom-space has to offer. because personally i have never felt happier than when i'm writing for haikyuu or decorating toploaders for my photocards or blasting nightcore. yeah thats right i also liked nightcore!

so i guess what i'm really trying to say is... i like your shoelaces!

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back at home looking through yearbooks finding old keychains wearing old clothes being your old self while also being an entirely new person

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eugene looks like hongjoong

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my dream as a fanfic writer is for one day, one of my fics to be someones comfort fic. like the fic that they reread when they don't feel good and want to be happy. i want my words to comfort someone one day

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the first sound of the future

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HD nuko decome

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🐟🐟🐟

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this will be recession summer

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back into my mcr grind

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↷　　pngs/resources 　++　f2u no creds

All sourced from pinterest, cut out by me want credits or removal? dm me.

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special songs!

may 12 2025 -- i've been revisiting my old playlists lately and i've rediscovered lots of songs that i like. so here are some of them and here are some memories about them and lyrics i like and things i love :) !!!!!!! i discuss suicide in this post! careful!!

one. mowgli's road by marina

> one life with one dream on repeat. > do you think you will be good enough / to love others and to be loved? > and i don't know don't know don't know don't know who i wanna be!

i discovered marina way back in the trenches of middle school when i had cut my hair short and started experimenting with my pronouns and gender identity. this was, naturally, in (or around) 2020. i remember trying to rebuild my music taste and discovering marina with her famous song, 'oh no!' i was like, oh hell yeah this woman gets it. i don't really know what made it click but i was into it.

mowgli's road (to me at least) handles uncertainty with identity, future plans, and overall feeling a little displaced in your own life. which, mind you, was everything i was going through at the time. and even though i grew and i feel like i almost-fully found myself, this song still resonates pretty deep with me.

i made my mom listen to this song while she drove me to the mall so i could get some new clothes. i was thirteen years old and i was highly convinced that the pinnacle of fashion was black leggings, h&m graphic tees, and form-hiding clothing. i also wore mom jeans at this time (why? i don't know.) so i remember her driving me to the mall and i turned this song and she was like, "oh wow. this is cool. this sounds like some lesbian artist i used to listen to in the 80's 'cuz of this cool voice." and this story has nothing to do with the song or me but honestly it's a cute memory i have of me and my mom during covid and listening to this kinda brings this memory back to the surface. love u mom xx

two. marutsuke (まるつけ) by given

> you are wonderful / you make me feel both strong and weak. > i wonder if we can live as good "people"

ok quick backstory. in 2021-ish i discovered the manga given. i looooved manga and anime in 2021 and consumed just about anything that was circulating on tiktok, and tbh given was kinda underground for that time (tooting my own horn). anyways, i fell in LOVE with this story, and it's one of the only mangas i really still read. i'm sure i'll write a huge post about it soon because i recently reread it, but basically the story follows this guy mafuyu satou who has inherited a guitar from his dead boyfriend yuki. uenoyama ritsuka, mafuyu's classmate, decides that it's his god-given mission to 1) teach him how to play guitar and 2) fall in love with him.

so it's a cute story with a lot of complicated love stuff and insights on like human nature/love/homosexuality. at the time that i found this, i was HELLA depressed. and by hella i mean HEEELLLAAA... i was on discord almost every hour and venting with the spoiler alert things so my words were blacked out and i vented about everything -- i was not straight for sure, but i had a hard time coming to terms that i had a crush on a girl. at the time, i was also not 100% a girl and i found it uncomfortable and scary to be in my own body. i was also incredibly suicidal for a whole bucketload of reasons. so like, yikes, right?? and all these characters in given were kinda going through the similar things as me and i watched these guys fall in and out of love and grow into a billion versions of themselves and i was like... oh hell yeah this is exactly what i needed to see.

given still holds a huge place in my heart because it essentially caught me before i could drown any further and like... lunged me back into hope.

the song marutsuke (as i interpret it) is mafuyu singing about what it means to be a good person, if it's okay to live the way he does, and if it's okay to love the way he does. the song is made up of questions and also reflections and it's got this absolutely heart-wrenching melody that kinda triggers a switch in my brain like a sleeper agent.

i once listened to this song really really late at night in 2021. it was such a dark night and most of the city lights were off and i remember crying because i felt so lonely. it not my prime. like at all. the only thing that really brought me comfort was immersing myself in media, so i did just that and i listened to marutsuke and i texted on discord the whole night and i fell asleep at around five in the morning. and in the morning, i felt so much better.

i'm so so so happy that i can listen to this song in a happier light lmao. your life's situation really affects the kind of songs you listen to and how to interpret them.

it gets better..... it's soooo cliche but it really does. i thought i would never get better and i would forever be stuck in that goop of depression. but you grow and you change and so do the people around you and soon you'll find yourself completely different.

three. save yourself i'll hold them back by my chemical romance.

> you're the broken glass in the morning light / be a burning star if it takes all night > i'm the only friend that makes you cry / you're a heart attack in black hair dye > we can leave this world, leave it all behind / we can steal this car if your folks don't mind / we can live forever if you've got the time > let the walls come down, let the engines roar > salute the dead and lead the fight

on a much more.. cheery (?) note, here is a song about rebellion. i take this song to be teenage rebellion, being so sure of something in a time when you're not sure about anything at all. there's a lot of doubting language in this song (if your folks don't mind, if you've got the time...) but also so much commanding (leave this world, live forever, you are...) it combines the strong wants of a person who so desperately wants change with all of the hormonal insecurity and uncertainty of a teenager.

according to genius, this song is... "Thematically, the song is oriented around empowering the band’s fans to conquer the hate and oppression that their community receives from the world as a whole." i didn't know that btw that's pretty cool. #stopemohate

this song is one of the songs i loooove playing on the drums because of the fun crash action but also because it's got a funky syncopated rhythm lol. honestly the lyrics here tell the story itself.. i don't have much to say except that this song is kinda like love personified.

four. cross from bare: a pop opera

> i've tried to be strong, i've tried to belong / but i won't or i can't, i can't. > it's not okay, not for me. > what do i do now? tell me, tell me! > why won't you answer, why won't you tell me, God?

LMAOOOOOO okay so this is my favorite musical of all time. a little known secret about me is that i am a little bit of a theater kid. i've done and i do theater and i will do theater. it's just something about me that is super mysterious and nobody knows about.

this musical, bare, never really took off to say the least. like 99% of people when asked 'do you know bare: a pop opera?' say 'what the hell is that!' which is honestly a crime because bare solos just about everything on broadway right now (may 2025). i say just about because honestly nothing can or will beat out the book of mormon's standing in the theater world.

the story basically follows two high schoolers in a catholic boarding school, named jason and peter. the former is a star athlete and the most popular guy and the school's golden child, while the latter is like an average joe dude. they're roommates by the way. oh but here's a twist. they're actually boyfriends, which goes against everything God has ever said ever!!!!! omg!!!!

so yeah the story is about them coming to terms with the fact that they're gay and navigating something they've been told is 'sinful' in the early 2000's when everyone kinda hated and kinda loved gay people. and this song specifically is about jason talking to the priest in a confessional and basically begging for someone's forgiveness.

i found this song almost immediately after my three year anniversary of my first horrible queer relationship. i somewhat dated a girl for the first time in eighth grade and due to our fears of being judged, intense bouts of internalized homophobia, and her mom claiming that a demon has overtaken her, we messily ended everything and i moved halfway across the world. for three years, i wondered occasionally about where we would be now if none of that horrible bullshit happened, and how we'd be different as people if we were raised differently, maybe told that being gay wasn't all that bad..? imagine! so yeah this musical and this song kinda hit home like babe ruth and i was awoken, to say the least. i watched jason and peter go down the same spiral that me and my girlfriend did, all packaged up with the fear of getting found out, judgment from peers, and the never-ending internal struggle. this was the first time i truly Felt Seen by a piece of media. that's right given, bare: a pop opera might be better than you. (maybe. juuuust maybe. i love both queer medias a lot!)

and have i mentioned that this is a ROCK musical. a POP OPERA. please go take a listen omg

five. red moon by will wood

> well i walk the equator, chasing the light / little do i know it orbits close behind. > the constellations form infinite paisleys in the sky / the condensation tumbles down and erases my sight. > if matter's in then i might space out / why can't i take in what you've been putting out?

wanna know a secret? i have no clue what this song is about.

but i've loved will wood for almost four years now and this is my favorite song. is it the fun jazzy-vibes i get? is it the old-timey scratchy microphone that gets pulled out? is it the buzzy sax? i don't know. i love ALL of it! especially the bridge!

according to mr wood, this is what red moon is about:

The song is about… I guess it’s about the hedonic treadmill, which is, like, this psychological principle that says that human beings have an emotional baseline that regardless of their life circumstances they ultimately return to, that we’ve evolved to have in order to suffer appropriately in difficult situations that may prevent us from passing on our genes and feel joy appropriately when we succeed in doing something that helps up pass on our genes.

so do with that as you will!

something about this song is just incredibly beautiful. like 0 clue what it is, but i love it to the moon and back (loooool). again, it's one of those songs made up of questions and it feels like a monologue.

i guess this was red moon's five seconds of fame. i wish more people would listen to this song because it's so relatable and so not. red moon fans unite..?

six. give me your tmi by stray kids

> i'm trying to connect with you, but it keeps lagging again, why do i keep crashing? > i wanna know more about you, give me your tmi.

this song is my favorite stray kids song for three reasons!

it sounds like fnaf song

it reminds me of the summer i listened to it on repeat (it was a good summer. like a reaaally good summer)

it's a love song!

stray kids is my favorite kpop band and i actually have a bit of an unhealthy back-and-forthing obsession with them. like right now i'm in a bit of a stray kids drought to be honest, but that means that the next time it hits me like a semitruck i'll be knee-deep in kpop content and it will be the only thing i listen to until something else sweeps me up.

i love stray kids because they make songs in kpop that keep it real with people. and, even though people love to hate, i love their hot-garbage-fire sound. they really shine through that's for sure!

there are tons of stray kids songs that deal with heavy stuff #emo and that i could definitely relate to about like. suicide and insecurity and stuff. but this is my favorite one because it so accurately portrays the feeling of being in love. you feel stupid and like a bit of a freak and also like a special unit of the fbi. special stuff.

seven. toosenbo (とおせんぼ) by mafumafu

> tomorrow, towards the sound of demon’s hands, let me live strongly. > overflowing all alone, chasing only shadows. > if you treat me so kindly, i might end up crying.

okay this song is admittedly a little #emo. but is that not who i am! and is that not who mafumafu is!

i found mafumafu in 2022 when i was, once again, depressed. there's a depressing and horrifying nature in mafumafu-esque songs that make you feel not alone and also a hundred times more alone. there's usually no fix-it to his songs and it's more like, 'yeah i'm sad and i'll probably always stay this way.' it's very, very hopeless. so it doesn't really help with depressive episodes!

toosenbo is basically about mafumafu's insecurities about himself and sort of a reflection on all the bullying he's endured and how he feels like he deserved it. the word toosenbo means 'keep out', and mafumafu talks about how he's been hurt so many times that he won't let anyone get close to him again (hence, keep out). it's pretty self explanatory--i felt this exactly same way and when things get bad again, i still sometimes do. bro keeps it pretty #real

mafumafu is a genius guy who writes either really sad and world-ending songs or bullshit songs about princesses. take your pick and come back to me about him :,)

eight. drop pop candy by giga/reol

> i am dancing, the whole wide world shaking up goes round and round! > although the guy from yesterday isn’t here in the early morning light, that’s okay, that’s all okay. > i love you more and more with every day.

i loooove love love this song! ending on a more positive note, this song to me is about powering through the fucked up days and just keeping your eyes on the horizon. it's not often that vocaloid songs are so happy >>

okay but also apparently it's about unrequited love (according to vocaloid wiki dot com). i don't want to think about romance in this song actually and i'm going to interpret it how i like, which is that this song is just about hope and happiness and making peace with the things in one's life. wonderful.

i used to listen to this song while walking home in golden hour sunsets. isn't that perfect???? this song makes you want to skip and stuff. this song is all sunny days and splashing in puddles and eating popsicles that run down your face. it's good, good stuff :)

eight songs! lots of writing! i started this because i had a bit of a writing bug that wouldn't go away and i didn't feel like working on any big projects. anywho... here are some:

extra song recs that were not mentioned here but still mean a whole lot to me! - make room!!! by mcr - straight （ストレイト) by syh - bare from bare: a pop opera - boy comics by xdinary heroes - hitomodoki (ひともどき) by mafumafu - manjushage (曼珠沙華) by mafumafu - come to your senses from tick tick boom - isombard by declan mckenna - spring thief (春泥棒) by yorushika

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MORE ocean/fish graphics

because why not.

let me know if you made any of these and want credit/removal.

animated fish divider by @animatedglittergraphics-n-more!

minecraft squid blinkie by @blinkees

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every gimmick stamp I've found so far :>

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collection of music

april 24, 2025 -- in a midst of a depressive episode that is sort of fucking things up, i've collected a bunch of music and lyrics that i like.

! not in any particular order or mood

music

pluto projector (rex orange county)

boy comics (xdinary heroes)

save yourself i'll hold them back (my chemical romance)

marutsuke (given)

tomboy (hyukoh)

night of fireworks (xdinary heroes)

the light behind your eyes (my chemical romance)

desert song (my chemical romance)

matsuri (fujii kaze)

bullfighter jacket (miniature tigers)

rio (duran duran)

fate (gidle)

if i'm s, can you be my n? (tws)

antidepressants (bbno$)

the giver (chappell roan)

party 4 u (charli xcx)

balloon (tyler, doechii)

hammer to fall (queen)

because dreaming costs money my dear (mitski)

beautiful life (xdinary heroes)

sober (bigbang)

come over (le sserafim)

check (bbno$)

if i say i love you (boynextdoor)

make room!!! (my chemical romance)

red moon (will wood)

friday kids chinatown (nishina)

mesmerizer (32ki)

telescope (cavetown)

wet hands (c418)

lyrics

does not knowing my truth turn my words into lies? (cover this song, will wood)

you're the broken glass in the morning light, be a burning star if it takes all night (save yourself, mcr)

he puts his hand to the glass, "what's it like outside?" (telescope, cavetown)

the constellation forms infinite paisleys in the sky, the condensation tumbles down and erases my sight (red moon, will wood)

good times are singing, they sang, they sang (just take my wallet, jack stauber)

summer heat burned our bodies out, fierce winter froze us to death (matsuri, fujii kaze)

don't dare regret anything (because dreaming costs money, mitski)

if you stay, i would even wait all night, or until my heart explodes (summertime, mcr)

you can run away with me anytime you want (summertime, mcr)

you don't need a music box melody to know what i mean (come to your senses, tick tick boom)

love is only for people who feel the same (wi ing wi ing, hyukoh)

how am i supposed to pretend i never want to see you again? (campus, vampire weekend)

can you tell me what's real anymore? (can i call you tonight, dayglow)

it's just in my nature (the giver, chappell roan)

and you can't tell what you're feeling, i think i know how you feel (girl so confusing, charli xcx)

did your mother always seem to hate me? (out like a light, the honeysticks)

white hair and white shoes, neoprene beached around a faded blue (cabo, ricky montgomery)

it's the life that we choose and we still break the rules (just fine, backhouse mike)

her name is rio and she dances on the sand, just like that river twisting through a dusty land (rio, duran duran)

i could be hurtful, i could be purple, i could be anything you like (grace kelly, mika)

it's okay to just admit that you're jealous of me (von dutch, charli xcx)

we sure are cute for two ugly people (anyone else but you, the moldy peaches)

will i wait a lonely lifetime? if you want me to, i will (i will, the beatles)

you're too shy, shy, hush hush, eye to eye (too shy, kajagoogoo)

you were only waiting for this moment to arise (blackbird, the beatles)

[tensbowl]

getting hit with a depressive episode is like a bullet straight to the heart. #bruhmoment