the-batblog

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this is fryiinnggggg meeeee helpppsdfpsp Batman/Superman: World's Finest #39

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Black Canary by Bruno Redondo

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the Bat-family by Dan Panosian

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Eldritch!Alfred finally revealing himself to the Batfamily after decades of service except Bruce takes one look at the claws and glowing eyes and just says "Good God, Alfred, is this about your salary? Do you need more days off?" And the only reason Alfred reveals himself is because he finally snapped and locked Bruce in his beloved Cave and Refuses to let him out, so no, it is not, Master Wayne.

Bruce proceeds to pout by the monitors like he's 16 again instead of 46. He is taking the revelation that his butler/father/friend is an Eldritch Abomination so well he's not reacting at all. It's a non-issue. He sees glowing eyes and claws all the time. Alfred's meddling doesn't even crack the top ten of strange things he's seen this week.

"Alfred," Bruce whines when the industrial laser he was about to use to break open the Cave exit disappears. "Are you still making lemon chicken for dinner?"

Slipping the laser into a pocket dimension, Alfred lets out a sigh from six rattling mouths. Darling boy. Darling boy.

"...Yes, sir."

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Battle makeouts 💋

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I refuse to let DC reboot their way out of a warped timeline. No explaining it away, lean into it.

Tim drake is a 90s kid. He is seventeen, he grew up alongside computers and listens to terrible rock rap. Jason, one year older than him, is from the 80s and the height of the AIDs epidemic. Dick, maybe six years older than Jason, is from the 40s. Babs, five years older than dick, is from the 50s. The year is 2025. Bruce Wayne has just turned 40.

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I can't explain it, but Batman needs to be mythologized. In Gotham, that is.

Logically, they know he's just a man, made of skin and bones and blood, like all of them. Those who met him, who had the ill luck to, say he feels like the city itself.

When danger approaches, with the click of a gun or hiss of a knife, it’s not the police people pray to. There's a single name that rivals Gotham‘s, and it’s not them.

So much so, there's whispers of what might happen, about guidelines being stepped. Kinda like how if you're compared to Aphrodite, you might die.

Such as:

If you see a wounded bird, of any kind, take it to a vet, or nurture it back to health. You’ll get robbed otherwise.

Don't wear pearls. Just don't.

Never let your son walk alone at night. Never lay your hands on them, either. The Bat doesn't take kindly to it.

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Clark shaves his face with his own laser vision.

This is because a razor is not strong enough, even for his facial hair.

Earthly grooming tools cannot groom a Kryptonian.

This would include nail clippers.

Therefore:

Clark Kent is a nail biter.

[the-batblog]

the Batfamily / military comparisons and Bruce/Batman as head of a family of soldiers has some flaws I’ve already covered but the problem with the whole connection isn’t that it’s not accurate. nah. my problem with making Bruce the Batfamily drill instructor is that drill instructors have the most fucked up sense of humor you will ever see. drill instructors will give you conflicting instructions just to watch you fall on your ass and give you a highly specific nickname related to how you fucked up that day that they then make all your friends repeat back at you. they will make you do pushups until you fall on your face and then call you a pussy for having your arms shake. they want to break you. it’s enrichment for them.

Bruce isn’t the Batkids’ drill instructor. He’s like if John Wick was a part time yoga teacher who recently skimmed a bunch of books on gentle parenting.

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Cass and Dick are such an interesting dynamic especially when you compare their dynamic with each other to their dynamic with Tim. Tim barged into Dick's life an annoying kid talking about incredibly painful and personal moments in Dick's life and then quickly became his beloved little brother. Tim was nervous and wary of Cass at first but soon apologised and they became friends and later siblings. Meanwhile Dick and Cass started so positively, he was kind and empathetic and caring, she saved Comissioner Gordon and gained Bruce's trust and was willing to help Dick whenever he needed it. And then the conflicts start. Dick breaks up with Babs and hurts her and Cass is obviously team Babs. Cass gets brainwashed and Dick doesn't do much to help, which isn't his fault the whole family is written like that, but when she comes back he's massively protective over Bruce and Tim and Babs and Alfred while being suspicious of her, drawing a clear line between his family and her. And then they fight and Bruce sides with Cass and adopts her and promptly dies. And if this was early Dick and Cass they probably would have been able to lean on each other and rely on each other and comfort each other. But it's not the good old days where Dick would read her fairytales and Cass would handle Deathstroke for him whenever the creep came knocking. So instead Cass forms the Network and Dick fights her over it and Alfred literally has to drive out in the pouring rain to tell them both to knock it off. And after that they confess some of their insecurities regarding each other and slowly start rebuilding that sibling bond. And when Gates of Gotham happens Dick, Cass and Tim work as a comfortable, well-oiled machine.

And then the universe reboots and Cass disappears for years and the very first thing she does when she returns is kick Dick's ass <3 They love each other and they're functional caring siblings now but they're also the two most likely to get into a slap fight over the last slice of pizza. And I love that.

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🤏 clark.... he was magically shrunken but that won't stop him from Boyfriend Time

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there is something actually hilarious and sad about Bruce 1) knowing that Clark is completely invulnerable 2) knowing that punching him means he’ll probably break his hand 3) still deciding to just fucking deck him when he’s pissed. it keeps happening in canon — Bruce loses it, breaks some fingers, and Clark’s just standing there like ☹️ are u done yet

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Honestly Tim cheating has been blown out of proportion.

Tim Drake’s hasn’t actually cheated in his comics. He has been accused of cheating twice and was once surprise kissed by Steph while dating another girl after he told Steph he has a girlfriend. That being said, Tim having messy relationships is a defining character trait. He struggles to balance his obligations as a hero and a person; work life balance is not in his toolbelt.

He has never had a romance go well and he shouldn’t start now. He will forget your birthday, dinner with your parents, your favorite flower, and if you’re allergic to peanuts and he will not apologize. He’s busy saving the world.

Tim Drake shouldn’t cheat on Bernard. He should miss six dates in a row to save New York from a herd of ManBats and have a weird situationship with another hero where they play flirt for six months. But when they ask him on a date, he should say “sorry I have a boyfriend” and then dream about them in a totally homoerotic way that’s weirdly platonic.

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Jewish Family dynamics and the Batfamily:

“Why the hell would you do that?” grabs your ass off the ground and takes you home

“What the fuck are you doing bleeding everywhere? I just washed that carpet!” bandages your wounds while complaining the entire time

“I told you not to try that jump!” gives you ibuprofen every four hours without asking

“You look stupid with all that shit on your face.” tenderly reassures you that your face will look exactly the same when you wake up at three in the morning terrified about the reconstructive plastic surgery

“Don’t do that again.” holds you when you cry

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WAIT YOURE THE ONE THAT WROTE THE GHOST MARTHA FIC i love it so much!!!!!! when jason mentioned that his date invited him over and he just fixed her door? and the rest of the batfam was like "yeah that sounds very reasonable".

martha will get grey hairs before she manages to set jason up with a nice jewish girl

That was such a funny scene to write! Especially since the payoff on the joke is like three chapters later.

The joke being that she thinks Jason is being unreasonable so maybe Jason even believes her when she complains, but then everyone in the Batfamily agrees with Jason and Martha just has to live with that.

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Also based on real life events

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ur nonverbal dick posts make me so happy🥺🥺💚💚💚 can u draw him w clark?

Poor Clark doesn’t know this is a compliment :(