the-fae-folk

[the-fae-folk]

what are your thoughts about snakes

Well, generally my thoughts upon meeting one tend to be something along the lines of, "Stay away from the easily agitated hissing thing." Occasionally I'll find the snake in a place where I wasn't expecting it, and where it probably shouldn't be. My response on those occasions is usually, "How dare you?" In the one instance where I discovered that a small hissing fellow (who turned out to be completely harmless in the end) had made its bed in my sleeping roll, my thoughts were entirely comprised of incomprehensible feral screeching. Does that sate your curiosity? Or were you trying to ask about the folkloric history of snakes in connection to the Fae? Because that's an entirely different question.

[the-fae-folk]

I’m writing a story where a group of paranormal investigators suspect that a supernatural occurrence (which is not caused by the Fae) might be. I’m asking if there’s anyway that a supernatural occurrence, characterized by unnatural silence during the day and unnatural darkness and loud creaks during the night could be confused for being caused by the Fae. Thanks for helping out!

Generally people who know about the Folk tend to attribute most if not all supernatural occurrences to them in one way or another. It's one of those rather peculiar things that humans do. It's partially the fault of confirmation bias, where people who believe that the Folk are out to get them (regardless of whether or not they are correct) tend to search for, interpret, and favor or recall information and evidence that supports their views or values (or fears). However, in this case it is fed into by apophenia, which is a tendency to perceive meaningful connections between unrelated things. To a certain degree, apophenia can be considered a perfectly normal brain function, and in some individuals can even be an effective tool for creativity or problem solving, but taken to an extreme it is considered a psychiatric dysfunction which can cause people to perceive hostile patterns in ordinary actions. I am not suggesting that people are suffering from psychiatric dysfunction; rather I am saying that there is a rather strong pattern of people who are governed by fear and superstition to start to seek out patterns and evidence to support their worldviews, to the point where they are often willing to seek out and attribute patterns and connections that either aren't relevant or aren't even real to the thing that they fear. There are many instances in both folklore and documented historical accounts of disasters and inconveniences being attributed to all sorts of supposed malevolent beings. "My crops have failed despite ideal conditions and I found white stones in strange patterns by the river, so that means it MUST be a faery curse!" This sort of example often ignores other available evidence such as the that farmer's crops were diseased the previous year and crop diseases linger in the soil afterward. The white stones could easily be attributed to children playing near that stretch of river, or creatures (probably corvids) who are going about their business. There is very little logical reason to attribute the disaster to the Fae, and yet a few unrelated occurrences that seem mystical or strange enough are more than enough for someone already paranoid to convince themselves that it's definitely the Fae. We see this same phenomenon happen with witches too, or demons, or ghosts, or angry gods. Certainly if the Fae or any of the others exist in any capacity it's not entirely out of the realm of possibility that they might be the cause of such things here and there. We do have folktales that provide examples of what sorts of circumstances might occur for such people who find that the supernatural is angry with them and how they deal with it (or suffer from it) and often what happened to cause it. But the sheer range and volume of accounts of unfortunate incidents being attributed to the supernatural, especially when other evidence to provide better explanations and solutions is available, borders on the absurd.

It's not at all a leap to conclude that if perfectly ordinary circumstances and happenings can be wildly and vehemently attributed to the Fae with very little logical or conclusive evidence, then so can actual supernatural events. Yes, even by professional "paranormal investigators". In fact, I would generally count such persons as being more susceptible to misattribution than most due to the fact that they're actively searching for answers. That's entirely normal. When the Scientific Method is working correctly you will find that scientists are quite often wrong, yet eventually through careful experimentation and analysis they are able to continuously revise their theories to be more accurate. Naturally, this doesn't happen nearly as often as anyone would like. Stubbornness, lack of vital information, a paradigm that hides certain possibilities, something unable to be measured or tested...there are a lot of reasons they might persist in an incorrect conclusion. Its rarely malice, just a facet of life.

Addendum: This really does not cover the many many incidents where such persecution of individuals accused of the supernatural, witchcraft, or magic was actually done out of malice. That topic is much longer and there are entire libraries about it.

[the-fae-folk]

I have a story where the protagonist befriends a fae who’s pretending to be human. They’ve been friends for years but the fae’s origins have so far been kept a secret, which gets revealed at the beginning of the story as the inciting incident. Does this have any foundation in the actual mythos, or will it just be one of the changes from the original mythology that need to happen to make the story work? Also, the protagonist is a digital artist, and I’ve heard the fae tend to kidnap artists, so would that be applicable in this situation? Greatly appreciate the help (not saying ‘thank you’ to anyone connected to the fae).

-🦉

Oh yes, there are countless stories that involve faeries pretending to be human, and in many of them they succeed at it quite well. Those that get caught usually involve the faerie not entirely understanding a particular nuance of human culture very well and acting in a strange manner, or even more often they are depicted as being forced to go to some specific human for help with a very fae problem and then swearing said human to secrecy (something that doesn't last very long). I don't particularly know that the Folk kidnap artists any more than they kidnap anyone else. Actually, they tend to have a history of taking children most of all, and then farmers come second. Though it's likely because farming was a very common profession in the areas where these stories would circulate. But I see no reason you can't say that your depiction of the fae tend to grab artists more over other people. After all, I can think of a great many reasons they would find artists more of a prize if they're after entertainment.

[the-fae-folk]

hello! i'm writing a story about a changeling who was driven away from the human family they were placed with, but who also cannot go back to the fae and are forced to wander the human world for centuries upon centuries. except i'm not sure how plausible the latter portion is since whatever i find about changelings, it's how people would drive them out and not really what happens to them afterward. would there be a reason why a changeling cannot go back home (so to speak)?

Imagine being very much not a human, yet being raised with human morals, being raised to value things that humans believe have value, to understand human culture (as well as anything not human can understand it), to have human wants and desires and perspectives... and then being chased away from everything you've ever known. Your only choices are: To go back and find another group of humans somewhere that will actually accept you despite your oddities or to go to the beings who abandoned you in a dangerous and hostile world so they could have a little human plaything. Perhaps some things, those innate things you've always struggled with when your human family didn't understand or accept them and you couldn't change them, would be easier with the Faeries. But there's still so much that you have taken up from the human world that is not so easily cast aside. You would have to face their complete disregard for human ideals, for YOUR ideals, again and again. They wouldn't understand why you couldn't just be like them, why you couldn't just toss aside the last of your quaint little human ways of seeing things and just be the Fae you were always born to be. They will do this, ignoring entirely that it's their fault you face this challenge in the first place. Their fault that you suffered, that you felt isolated and alone, that you had to face prejudice and hatred and betrayal, that you never could quite feel like you belonged. Tell me, Child. If you were in such a situation and were given the choice... What would you choose? Some would go, face the unknown in the hopes that perhaps they can build something better. Others would stay, preferring to keep to the familiar, regardless of how challenging it might be.

[the-fae-folk]

The one speaking poses a query. Would the recipient of this question regard this manner of speech something that may benefit a speaker if faced with the fair folk? Referring to the self by something that is true for the time, but can change in an instant? And this one also wonders, would the Fae find curiosity and questioning curious in of itself, perhaps entertaining? Or would they have the chance of finding another questioning every word in every sentence aggravating, even if these queries come primarily from a place of curiosity? Would this be dependent on the mannerisms of the one being spoken to?

The one who is speaking is appreciative of the recipient's time and effort, and would wish this being an existence that fulfills them.

My my, you are not unskilled at the art of court language, I see. Certainly some do find it helpful when it comes to dealing with the Folk. Acting as a lawyer might, or a politician, with the utmost care towards the exact phrasing and intention of every single word to prevent twisting and deliberate misinterpretation wherever possible. It'll help, if you're good at it. But if it's not something you have a particular talent in, you might find that you end up confusing yourself more and that is where they shall get you instead. They have had millennia to perfect their skills with contracts and words, you have not. It really comes down to what you are good at, and whether the Faeries in question actually willing to work with you at all. And can you get them to help you and then go away without ever actually suggesting that they might have malicious intent? As for curiosity, many will find it quite interesting or endearing. Perhaps interesting enough to keep you like a plaything. Put the little human pet into a room with all kinds of curiosities and watch as they poke and prod their way through, trying to figure things out. Put them in a maze or a little prison box and watch them try and escape. Drop them into a faerie social event such as a ball and then watch with glee as they struggle to keep up with social nuances and dynamics that they couldn't possibly comprehend without centuries among these people, like a small child who wants to play the game with all the older children but has no comprehension of concepts like game pieces, rules, game boards, or turn-taking, etc. As a human, you simply don't have the tools to do things their way. Though perhaps natural talent and developed skills can get you quite far. In the end, however, it must come down to your ability to adapt quickly and to think things through. You must use the skills you do have to leverage a specific situation as best you can, and then hope that luck will be on your side.

[the-fae-folk]

Hi! I'm working on a story that with involve Fae at some point, so I have a question that will help with that.

Do you know how you're supposed to escape the Faerie realm?

I've read that Faerie circles are an entrance, and that you shouldn't step into them- I've also learned that you should never accept food from the Fae. I'm not sure how true these two are, they're what I'm going with for my book from now (still in the planning process!), but I can't find much about how to actually ESCAPE the Faerie realm.

Thank you! I love your blog btw 🥰

Generally that's because there really isn't a particularly good way to escape the Faerie Realm once you get yourself there. A lot of advice centers around what to do to avoid going there in the first place, and then what sorts of things we can reasonably try to avoid while being stuck there for a bit. But you might notice that in many stories the characters who come into contact with Faerie usually only manage to escape by the skin of their teeth, or sometimes leave that strange Otherworld with side effects that tend to overshadow the rest of their life. There are exceptions, of course, but those stories are exactly that. Exceptions. The characters portrayed therein are meant to exemplify the virtues and traits that the tellers of that culture admired, and thus could use those talents and traits to their advantage in escaping successfully. Cleverness, wit, kindness, and so much else. There are often even conflicting traits depending on the particular story and teller. One story might reward a princeling for his generosity to an old woman on the roadside, while another punish him for being so naive or easily tricked. The point, I think, would really have to come down to the specifics of the situation. First off whether or not you are even in your right mind anymore, hence all the warnings about not eating their food and trying to stay out of enchantments and magical circles and the like. Secondly to use your skills and talents to their best advantage to try and figure out a way home without getting yourself cursed or worse. If you are to be successful in such an endevour, you'll need to realize that the specific means of escape will probably be different for everyone.

If, what you're asking, is more about what kinds of boundaries you might have to cross in order to leave... well that could look like almost anything. It could be something obvious like a gate or doorway, a tree-lined path in the woods, a cave entrance or waterfall. Or it could be entirely unassuming, barely a boundary at all. A simple field or meadow, a pool of water whose reflection is another world entirely, or anything else. I do believe that there was a strong tradition for rivers and mountains to mark the boundaries between worlds as they did between natural territories and biomes in our world. It ties in heavily to our human interest in the concept of Liminal spaces. Boundary spaces such as rivers, often with a bridge over them, or a ferry, are a very powerful symbolic and literal boundary line which one must cross like a threshold. The place between one side of the river and the next is the in-between, the liminal, the divide. Neutral territory. Exactly what you might expect to find in a boundary between worlds, though also just as capable as being a boundary within a world as well.

[the-fae-folk]

i’m planning on making origami flowers as a gift to the fae and was wondering if they had a repulsiveness to paper as they do to iron

i remember this blog mentioning previously that it’s not the metal itself that repels but the process the ore went through, and i wondered if it’s the same for paper as it’s made from trees.

is it the same? and if so, are paper flowers still an acceptable gift?

What traditionally repels the Folk, as far as metals are concerned anyway, is supposed to be "Cold Iron". Which is a term that has surprisingly little real weight to it. Not because we can say that the Folk are not repelled or scared away by it, but rather because there is absolutely no consensus whatsoever on what "Cold Iron" actually means. It could mean what I suggested in my earlier post, iron that has been worked by human hands into a blade or other form that isn't raw ore. At the time my research definitely suggested that this was the case. However, It could also just as easily refer to any type of iron that HASN'T been worked by human hands. It could be a reference to the slightly more modern method of forging metal that involves hammering iron into shape without heating it, resulting in what we refer to as "Cold Wrought Iron". But that's not even the end of possible meanings, not even a little. We also have a possible literal meaning of the words. Cold metal vs warm blood. This can be noted by a quote from the Current Literature (1:3, November 1891), in a section titled "The Superstitions of Fishermen", that delved into the topic of the phrase "cold iron" and its connection to the power to repel witches in superstition:

The saying [aloud] of "cold iron" originates from the belief that if warm blood be drawn from a witch, her power to hurt you is past; as cold steel in all probability, in times when people were less amenable to the law, was the weapon most commonly used for this purpose, the name of the weapon in these days has come to be considered a sufficient and only protection. In reference to this form of superstition, I quote from Brewer: "By drawing the blood of a witch, you deprive her of her power of sorcery."

We know already that much of the superstition towards witches was bound up heavily into faerie folklore over time, regardless of where it might have actually been connected originally. But this also leads us to the consideration of whether or not "Cold Iron" is merely a poetic way of referring to a bladed weapon. We certainly use that interpretation when we say the phrase "cold steel". Indeed, if that's the case we might well understand why the Folk wouldn't particularly like the idea of someone trying to stab them with a sword. It is not unlikely that you too would object to someone trying to do the same to you should the occasion arise. But then, a more interesting snag has been thrown into the mixture by the fact that "Cold Iron" was used as a substitute name for various animals and incidences considered unlucky by Irish fishermen. Beyond all that, you must understand that the ties between iron and the ideas of magical protection or healing are far far older than you would think. In 79 A.D. in his Natural History, Book XXXIV, Chapter 44, Pliny the Elder mentioned that iron was used both in medicine and in preventative magic. "Iron is employed in medicine for other purposes besides that of making incisions. For if a circle is traced with iron, or a pointed weapon is carried three times round them, it will preserve both infant and adult from all noxious influences: if nails, too, that have been extracted from a tomb, are driven into the threshold of a door, they will prevent night-mare."

Protection, healing, repelling of evil... iron has been attributed so many magical properties over time, yet still we cannot even nail down a definite context for what the people telling these particular stories actually meant when they said "cold iron". My personal take on the matter is this. It seems unlikely to me that a simple metal would be enough to repel the Fair Folk as they are described in the stories. Worked or not, blade or not, it doesn't really make much sense. In fact, I would say it makes about as much sense to me as the idea of someone trying to stab one of the faeries with a perfectly ordinary iron sword. If you are very lucky you might catch them off guard and possibly even hurt them quite badly, but more likely you are just going to make them very angry and you will almost certainly regret your mistake sooner or later. What does make more sense to me than the whole question of whether the iron is worked or not is the symbolism of the affair. Magic has always relied on symbols and ideas in one way or another. Often in certain practices the items and ingredients used are symbolic stand-ins for other things, or meant to create connections between two things via a pre-existing relationship. From my point of view, It makes more sense to associate the idea of Faeries being repelled by the power of iron with the idea of what iron has allowed humanity to do as a species. Iron as a metal has carried us so very far in such a brief flicker of time. It has helped us build up civilizations, create war, create medicine, art, architecture. The working of iron has contributed heavily to the deforestation of Europe, slowly chipping away at the Hercynian Forest over the centuries. Iron is a very powerful symbol of the progress humanity has made and will continue to make. If we imagine that the power such symbols might have upon those who are already far more in tune with the world and magic than we, then of course such a symbol would be enough to cause them discomfort and possibly even burn away at them. Even more so when its laid out with intent, for so much of magic emphasizes how very important intent is. So if you think back to all these people who were desperately afraid of the idea of fairies and other supernatural fiends coming to harm their families, is it really out of the way for us to imagine them finding things with many layers of symbolism and weaponizing them with the ideas of folk magic they had knowledge of? They very much used freshly baked bread to repel fairies as well, and various different plants and herbs for a variety of different reasons and explanations. Often so much of it contradicts with each other, and there is no clear consensus as to why any of it worked, nor any clear details as to specifics. So I am more inclined to believe that it simply wasn't as clear cut as we would like it to be. That it had more to do with the individual and their ideas, knowledge, intentions, and the symbols they chose to work with than it did with any physical properties of their tools and materials. I could be wrong, of course. Or it might not matter if the Fair Ones do not happen to exist at all. But I don't think your paper stars will mean anything ill towards them if you don't mean them to. Paper can be a powerful symbol, it is true. Yet a great deal of that symbolism is rooted in the idea of a blank canvas, an empty page rife with possibility for what might be written to cause change. So that part is left to you. What possibilities will you tie in with your paper flowers? What futures do you imagine? What meanings and desires are you imprinting upon these little gifts? That, I think, more than anything else, will dictate how the Faeries will see them.

[the-fae-folk]

If you had the opportunity, would you like to befriend the fairies?

While I would be absolutely fascinated with them, and eager as anything to learn more about their world and ways, I doubt very much I could ever truly become friends with them. Instead, I suspect, I would spend much of my time being suspicious of their every word and deed. Even should I be more willing to relax and get to know them, I'm afraid the best they could likely manage without at least a year or two in my company would be friendly acquaintances. I have a very very high standard for friendship these days, and those friends I do have are the people I would lay down my life for should they but ask. "Friend" is not a title I give out lightly.

[the-fae-folk]

Omg. I realised you had a guideline ask too late. I apologise to try to discuss topics which can be polemical. Besides, my first question was a little rude. Thank you for your patience. By the way, I read a little of your tales and they're cool! Can I keep asking another kind of questions? ^~^

Of course you can ask other questions. And do not worry. I felt that while your original question was a little on the edge, I did think that the topic was relevant enough that it deserved my answer, despite much of the answer being more related to my subjective perspective than my actual research on folklore.

And thank you for the compliments, it is ever so kind of you to say.

[the-fae-folk]

I think that the pronoun "fae" makes no absolutely sense. Even though if you perceive yourself as a fairy. It's like... Still identifying with a fairy is questionable, but.... in the case you were a real fairy the pronoun is still non-useful. Pronouns are for genre, not for specie or race. What do you think about?

Personally, I do not really find that it makes much sense to me either. However, there is little harm in letting people use whatever term, title, or label makes them happy. While it can be true that identifying with the folk could be questionable, it need not be a bad thing. While I have spoken extensively on the dangers the fair ones present to mortals in those old tales, there is still so much good that comes from them in other stories. Is it truly so terrible a thing to want to identify with something so complex and wonderful? To wish for something that can surprise us again and again each time we delve deeper into its mysteries? To long for something that can teach us as much about ourselves as it can another culture?

You say that even for a real fairy the pronoun would be non-useful. I disagree on that. While perhaps you or I may not be able to make much use of it, as we cannot find our sense within it, even you cannot deny that others must have found something in it that gave them more than they had before. Else why would they cling so desperately to it? They must see a bit of themselves within it, or at least the self that they wish to become. That seems useful enough to me. Identity is so fickle and strange. Our true names are ever-shifting and dancing as we ourselves grow into new people at every moment. Yet change and the unknown are frightening to many. Being human is so very hard, and so many feel like they may lose themselves to the demanding flow and ebb of the world around them. So they grasp at the things that help them to create the person they wish to be, regardless of the sense or the linguistic rules. It is something they do so that they may create at least one thing to anchor them to the known and the safe, they can craft themselves as they wish to become. Pronouns exist in many forms and types, and in many languages. There are ones that indicate gender, but there are ones that indicate a level of formality, or politeness, inclusiveness or exclusiveness, and which noun phrase you are referring to in a complex sentence. They have so many uses, but the one thing they share is that they are intended to bring some kind of clarity to the language being spoken. So...if we find that we cannot understand, and see no sense in such things, then the question we might ask ourselves is this: Who is this intended to bring clarity to? Is it me? Or is it them? They are using these many odd pronouns like a signpost set to mark the way as they explore the paths of their identity. To help themselves navigate the twisted mazes of the self. Certainly they might ask others they meet to call them by whatever pronouns they have chosen, but that too is so that they might hear you calling and know that it is truly them you have met along the road and not a stranger they do not know how to be and could never wish for. So, in an unexpected way, the nonsense they have crafted out of whimsy and self-discovery has found a sense in itself after all. Unconventional, and certainly unexpected, but perhaps not so bewildering and frustrating as we might believe at a glance.

And even if that is so, perhaps you should reconsider your stance upon the sense and nonsense of life. I have wondered at so many things in this strange and hauntingly beautiful world. Is it so very strange that I have come to believe that not everything must make sense, that not everything must have a well defined purpose? I believe that it is often enough for them to just be as they are, for no reason other than the joy in their existence. There is just as much beauty to be found the nonsense as there is the sense, one only needs to learn how to see.

[the-fae-folk]

I fail to comprehend how this blog continues to gain followers despite my current average of five months between logging onto it to post. You all baffle me. Who are all of you? Why have you come here to this place? What possessed you to follow this seemingly dormant blog? Will you sell me your souls in exchange for some hot fresh bread and cool spring water?

[the-fae-folk]

Hi there, I noticed your knowledgeable of Sidhe/Fairy/Fae (and previous posts of yours have been helpful about learning about them). I have a question regarding the 'True name' stuff. What constitutes a true name? I imagine First Middle and Last name, but would someone's true name change when they married? I.e. A woman trading her Maiden name for her husbands last name (traditionally).

Traditionally a person's true name was just their name. It came from the practice of using a name to find out where a person lived and who they were associated with. For instance if I was looking for a Robin of Locksley then I would know to look for him in the village of Locksley. If instead I were looking for Robin Hood, I would know of that name from stories about bandits in the king's forests. If I were only looking for a Robin, it would be harder to find them than if I had a more unique name, but it still helps. Anyone not named Robin can instantly be disregarded, which narrows down my search by millions of people. But even though our use of names has changed a little or evolved with time, the idea of a true name has stubbornly persisted, even as the understanding of the idea got a little strange when compared to more modern conception of culture and society. It is most reasonable, I should think, that the definition of what constitutes a true name should be the most direct and simplest meaning. No need to complicate things. A name that indicates YOU. If you go by Kate or Rosalind or Peter or Bernard... and those names feel right and comfortable to you, then those are the names that are true. Some people's true names are the ones they were given at birth. Others will find their true names later in life and take it up proudly or stubbornly as they firmly take charge of their own sense of identity. Still others will find theirs granted to them by others in the form of nicknames. If a woman takes up her husband's name upon her marriage and says "yes, this is me" then that is part of her true name. If she keeps her own family's name because that feels more right to her, then it is that name which is true. If, perhaps, she might choose to keep both, then both are true. A person who is reinventing themselves, such as someone who has realized that they are trans and are now trying to build a sense of self that actually fulfills them and matches their internal conception of themselves, they might choose a name that is different from the one they grew up with. And if it fits, as comfortably as the Glass Slipper fit upon Cinderella's foot, then that name is true. Perhaps you might be spending time with some good friends and they fondly begin calling you some small nickname. If, upon hearing the name, you find that it feels right somehow, that when you hear it it's obvious that it's YOUR name and that it's who you believe you truly are, then that name is true. Identity is not a static thing, but ever-changing. And as we ourselves change, the name that is true for us can change too, or perhaps it can stay if we feel that it's a great enough name to contain all that we are. Some folk gather many true names while others keep only one. Some names change as swiftly as leaves in the wind, while others are as immutable as words carved into stone. Remember this, my curious child, when you wander faerie wilds. When the name feels right to you, you can be sure that it is true.

[the-fae-folk]

Met a friend once who woke up as soon as she got off the plane in Ireland. Incarnated fae wonderful person. Your thoughts?

My thoughts? I'm afraid they're worth quite a few pennies, perhaps even a few sixpence pieces as well. As for your friend, they sound like a delightful person, I hope you treasure them.

[the-fae-folk]

I'm writing a story where a girl goes to a faerie and gives her her name and identity willingly in exchange for the fortune of another in her life, leaving her to slow non-existence as the fae takes over her identity. Yeah, I know it's kinda inaccurate but I'm going with fantasy tropes and whatnot, you think the concept is alright or something or any ideas on how to tackle it? I have vague ideas in my head but writers block got me down bad :((

This is, perhaps, more than a little late. But I suppose I shall answer it anyway. I think it sounds an interesting idea for a story. Certainly a familiar one, you are not the first to depict the Folk in such a manner, and you will not be the last. But even ideas that have been done before can be wonderful and new when a writer pours a bit of themselves into the tale. You are suggesting a tale of identity and non-existence... it seems to me that even as the events play out in her life, you might explore this young maiden's efforts to understand the nature of identity and names. In fantasy, at least, the Faerie Folk can still be outplayed and outwitted at their own games.

[the-fae-folk]

How do marriages between faeries and humans come to be? What could fae possibly gain from marrying a human in the first place?

Well they could gain quite a lot of different things from it.

If they're cruel and view humans as things rather than people, they could gain a toy, or a slave, or a trophy.

But if they truly love the human, it's very rare but it does happen sometimes, then they can gain a partner, a friend, a companion.

It all really depends on the faerie in question. And the circumstances in which they are marrying a human. Remember that the Folk must generally obey any contractual agreement that they enter, they are bound to it. While there are a very few instances in traditional folklore where the faerie-like being cheats or disregards an agreement or promise they made, an overbearing percentage of the time multiple cultures depict these faerie-beings as being forced to abide by the terms of the contract.

No matter how many semantic ideals humans layer on top of the concept of marriage, it is still an institutional practice which has a contractual agreement at its core. While the definitions and practices surrounding marriage vary from culture to culture, its general point is to lay the rights, obligations, boundaries, and protections between the two parties as well as their families, and their children if they happen to have any. It is a way of protecting oneself from harm. It could be future harm such as someone leaving you to fend for yourself if you have an accident that cripples you, financial harm if you lose all your money to a thief and without your partner you would be on the streets, or emotional harm if you need someone you can trust and your partner decides to betray that trust. The method of protecting against this, at least a little, is the marriage and its outline of what you agreed to do.

While the exact forms might vary between cultures, what you will need to look for is the places where you will be making some kind of contractual agreement. Often this takes the form of a Marriage License, Prenuptial Agreement, Wedding Vows, or some combination or variation of these.

For the more legal side of things you could have an agreement over such details as: Who may have control of or a say in the other's wealth, property, or business dealings. Joint responsibility for debts. Visitation rights if one member is incarcerated or hospitalized. Control over each other's affairs if they are incapacitated somehow. Establishing the right of legal guardianship over any children conceived in or brought into the marriage. Establishing a joint fund of property for the benefit of any children.

There may even be additions to this depending on cultural nuances, such as establishing certain relationships between the families of the spouses, or obligations required of them as a family unit. And this is all if the actual marrying couple is entirely in control of their own situation. In some cultures a family or a family member could choose your partner for you, and you could be forced into a marriage you didn't want as long as someone who had control of your rights agreed to the terms of the contract for you.

When it comes to vows made during a ceremony usually different kinds of promises are made, though they often still have some roots in practicality. Wedding vows are not universal and are mainly rooted in the traditions of Western Christianity, though they've had larger influence on Western Culture as a whole than some would think. Most western traditions derive from the Sarum rite of Medieval England.

Man's Vow: I [Name] take the [Name] to my weddyd wyf, to have and to hold fro thys day forwarde, for better for wors, for richer for porer, in sikenesse and in helthe, tyl deth us departe, yf holy Chyrche wyl it ordeyne; and thereto I plyght the my trouthe.

(I [Name] take [Name] to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold for the days forward, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part, if the holy Church will it ordain; and thereto I pledge thee my troth.)

Woman's Vow: I [Name] take the [Name] to my weddyd husbonde, to have and to hold fro thys day forwarde, for better for wurs, for richere, for porer, in sikenesse and in helthe, to be bonoure and buxum in bed and at bord, tyll deth us departe, yf holy Chyrche wyl it ordeyne; and therto I plyght the my trouth.

(I [Name] take the [Name] to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold for the days forward, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to be bonere and buxum in bed and at board, till death do us part, if the holy Church will it ordain; and thereto I pledge thee my troth.)

((side note: The phrase "To be bonere and buxum in bed and at board" is a matter of some contention. Bonere means to be gracious or gentle, and buxum means to be obedient. While some have interpreted this as a reference on how the wife will conduct sexual practices within the marriage, it is important to remember that bed and board is an idiomatic phrase that refers both to the place where one sleeps and gets a daily meal, as well as to the house as a symbol of the duties and sanctity of marriage. This suggests that one could interpret the phrase as meaning they are making a vow to be gracious and obedient in the marriage as a whole, as well as to remain faithful to their husband.))

As time has passed the actual form of the vows has changed, but should one wish to use the formal vows, their original form is still recognizable if altered. These vows, while not universal and not necessarily legally binding, are still a kind of agreement being made for the marriage. To be there for one another and to honor the other, to stay whether the partner gets sick or not, to stay if they're rich or poor, and to remain with the other faithfully until mortal death. As in the case of the original set of vows, many make this set of agreements directly under the authority and witnessing of their religious organization, effectively making their deity the highest authority and the one who is allowed to revoke any blessings, privileges, or rights to the marriage should either one break the agreement without getting an annulment from the church itself.

Before this kind of wedding vow, one might have found traditions like handfasting, where a couple would take hands and declare themselves then and there as husband and wife (sponsalia de praesenti form), or alternatively they could declare their intention to marry one another at a future date (sponsalia de futuro form) and then seal the marriage through sexual intercourse. Often what little ceremony found could be done, or was done, with an authority or witnesses to the marriage. However it was not always considered legally necessary. From the 12th century to the 17th it was considered a form of engagement to be married, which would then be followed by an official ceremony in Church. However the practice is much older than that and is thought to be derived from the Old Norse handfesta which is literally "to strike a bargain by joining hands".

This idea of bargaining, of contractual agreements, vows, pledges, and promises is so integral to our ideas of marriage that it's difficult to separate them, and maybe not entirely possible. It is there that you can try to understand what it is the Faerie Folk want from the union. What is it that is being agreed to? And by whom? What do they get out of the things promised, what is the exact wording given and what does all of it mean within the specific context and cultures you and your faerie spouse find yourselves in? It is no small task, of course, considering how tangled the history of faeries is with that of contracts and bargains, but anything even remotely resembling a marriage will definitely come with strings attached when they are involved with it.

[the-fae-folk]

I struggle with depression and anxiety a lot. I take antidepressants and all that. These are just some random thoughts I had. If I went to the Fae and they offered me happiness in exchange for my free will I’d take it. They could do whatever they wanted I’ll be a slave fine as long as I’m happy. Cuz I experience freedom and being miserable so I’d swap it for happiness and no free will

My child, I am most heartily sorry to hear that you struggle so, and I wish that I could fly across the world or through the realm of words and symbols we call the internet to come and bring you comfort. And yet I am even now restrained by the cruel chains of reality and physics. To be in such a mind that you would willingly go with the Folk should they offer you such a thing as happiness, even knowing that they would be cruel and are likely to take advantage of you, is not the healthiest of minds to be in. Truthfully, no faerie could give you happiness as you imagine. It is not something that can be given or taken like we give and take coins. Happiness is not something that can be found in places when you go to search them. But one might be fooled if in the act of searching one suddenly is possessed of happiness. For you see, happiness is created within, in the act of doing things we love, being with those we care for and who care about us, we can create happiness for ourselves. All the faeries could ever do is enchant you to believe that you are happy. But it would not be real, it would not be true. It would only be illusion, and in your heart of hearts you would bear the knowledge that underneath it all you would still be suffering. It is easy to be tempted by cruel promises, even when we know their falsehoods, when we are afflicted by such horrors as depression and anxiety. Especially when it seems that happiness is always just out of reach, beyond our grasp no matter how we try to lay claim to it. Yet I can assure you that while the struggle is one that takes enormous strength, it is possible to grow past the weight of depression, possible to burst through the clouds and climb up into the clear light of day. It will take time, and stumbles along the way are certain, yet it is possible to make yourself once again into a person who can create the joy and laughter and happiness within themselves. I wish you all the hopes and wonders of the world. Good luck, my child.

[the-fae-folk]

hi there! i don’t know a lot about faerie folklore, but i stumbled across your blog and i was hoping you could shed some light. i had a super vivid dream that i was walking thru a cave because a spirit told me that if i got thru to the end, i’d find the loml. i got there, but then i fell through a hole that took me to what i assume now i faerie land (?). it was very warm & happy & i felt weirdly electric and energetic. i met a man ( faerie ?) and we had a baby, but then he and the baby disappeared. it felt like i was looking for my baby for years but then i got yanked back into the cave and i wasn’t allowed to come. no time at all had passed in the “real” world.

any thoughts on what the baby means? i can’t find anything online about people who have had similar dreams, but i couldn’t stop thinking about my baby. he looked nothing like me and his eyes were so bright green like diamonds (mine are brown). i know it’s such a long Ask but it has been driving me INSANE what folklore could say about this. THANK YOU !!

There are several different aspects that go into this dream that we might need to pick apart before we can really try to answer your question. Firstly, the fact that your dream baby did not look anything like you is a common theme in stories that surround humans that have children with faeries, or humans whose children have been replaced by faeries.

And there are many stories where humans have fallen in love with and/or copulated with a faerie to produce a child. Generally they don't end terribly well with the child having all sorts of odd behaviors and abilities. Changeling stories are even worse and usually contain rather gruesome depictions of how the child, perceived as a fairy trick, was brutally murdered. Now the dream aspect is a little more difficult to pin down. There are several possibilities about what could be happening. One, it could just be a dream. Dreams themselves take a variety of forms and are theorized to be your mind's way of not only processing all of the things you've seen and done during the day, but trying to contextualize all of the knowledge into the stuff you already possessed, and a variety of other functions that only take place during the deepest part of your sleep. While true scientists don't have a clear consensus on what exactly the point of dreams are, they do suggest that dreaming appears to be a vital part of normal human functioning, and that the mind does seem to take a lot of things you're processing and spin them into a narrative because narratives are what it's good at. We do this while awake as well, but with more restrictions about the narrative we allow ourselves to spin. Most of the time. However while i'm personally more inclined to believe the above, there are other possibilities. One might be that you actually went through the events that took place in your dream. Either in the past and you are now remembering the events through sleep, or possibly you are metaphysically journeying to other realms while your body slumbers. This definitely has a precedent. Take the story of Peter Pan, for instance. The Neverlands (yes, plural, it wasn't a single island) were an archipelago of islands that existed in the minds of children. Everything was all compact and close together so that adventures had almost no time between one and another, and that a map of a child's mind would resemble a map of the Neverlands, without any boundaries at all. And each Neverland would be different from another. For instance, John Darling's Neverland had "a lagoon with flamingos flying over it," while his little brother Michael's had "a flamingo with lagoons flying over it." In the story of Peter and Wendy, we learn that it is difficult to mark the passage of time as there are a great many more suns and moons in the Neverlands than at home.

While Disney's depiction places Neverland out past the stars of the sky, Barrie's description of its location is somewhat different. He only says that it is "second to the right, and straight on till morning." The children are only said to reach it because it was "out looking for them." This blurring of the imagination, of the fantasy, with the reality is what's vitally important here. Barrie didn't come up with this association of Faeries and dreams in a vacuum, no there were numerous novels, stories, and even plays that made the connection between the Fairyland of folklore, which had always been described as having a dream-like quality, and the actual realm of dreams and imagination.

Consider Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream". The story's primary tension is caused by a fairy dispute (over a changeling of all things), and this disturbance of nature, for the fairies are depicted as being closely related to nature, blurs the boundaries between fantasy and reality. The whole play takes upon itself a dreamy quality because at a certain point it becomes difficult to separate the dreaming from the waking. This effect is compounded upon by the use of the magic flower by Robin Goodfellow to cause mischief and confusion among the human lovers and the fairy royals. The mechanicals, who are preparing to put on a play for the wedding of the Duke and the Queen, are performing a play within a play. And when Robin turns Nick Bottom's head into that of a donkey, the other players run screaming at the sight of him when he comes to speak his next lines.

When Oberon orders Robin to fix his misdeeds and restore the lovers to their proper love, he says that their memories of the events will be as if it were a dream. When Nick Bottom wakes and finds his head returned to normal and no enchanted fairy queen making love to him, he assumes that it must have been some kind of dream. The play they are putting on is the tragic tale of "Pyramus and Thisbe", yet the mechanicals are so truly terrible at acting their parts that the lords and ladies laugh as if it were a comedy. It is important to note that the characters are actors who are brilliantly playing characters who happen to be bad at acting, and that the audience for the play has another audience, you, watching them even as they watch the play. As the play comes to an end, Robin speaks directly to the main audience, saying that if any of the shadows (referencing the allegory of the cave) have somehow offended them, they can simply imagine that everything, the whole of the play, was just a dream and they've been slumbering in their seats since the curtains opened. But if they did enjoy the story he's brought to them, and are therefore his friends, he invites them to applaud. There is so much literature that ties faeries and fairyland to dreams. But what exactly those ties are is purposefully unclear and impossible to pin down. One final possibility is that the dream is prophetic in some way. But I've always found myself to be somewhat skeptical of Oneiromancy as a practice. Not because I believe that such a thing can't be real, I have no particular belief about it either way, but rather because I tend to take a rather skeptical view of most people today who claim to interpret them. But who can say? Perhaps I am wrong. I hope that, if nothing else, this has given you a possible direction to follow in understanding your particular situation. Good luck, you'll need it.