the-thoughtdaughter

[the-thoughtdaughter]

that moment when you have a dream about someone and suddenly start seeing them differently…

[the-thoughtdaughter]

"the hangout was so fun!!!"

and the hangout was just intellectualising every single problem in your life for hours with your girls

[the-thoughtdaughter]

and when i finally think that maybe this life isn’t so bad after all, there it is again.

that sinking, revolting feeling.

something’s wrong. i messed up. i’ll never be free from my own thoughts.

[the-thoughtdaughter]

i think...

i think love is company.

on grocery trips.

at doctor's appointments.

on miscellaneous errands.

because isn't love meant to banish the loneliness that eats away at you?

but what do i know about love...

[the-thoughtdaughter]

i have retreated into the deepest parts of myself and there, i have found God.

for He has proclaimed:

“…and We are closer to them than ˹their˺ jugular vein.” (50:16)

[the-thoughtdaughter]

and when i am entirely alone and finally empty, i turn to God to fill in the void.

how shameful of me.

how merciful of Him.

[the-thoughtdaughter]

my hunger is, at once, disgusting, transcendental, sickening, and divine.

no matter, all i do is crave.

[the-thoughtdaughter]

i was not made for a solitary existence.

every moment of every day, my body longs to melt into yours until our flesh gives way to let our souls merge. i want to breathe the air from your lungs and feel the beating of your heart in my chest. i do not want to know where i end and where you start because there is no "me" or "you", just us and the forces of the universe paving our way toward each other; into each other.

oh, familiar stranger! oh, spectre who occupies my dreams - both sleeping and waking - find me soon. come home, darling. i want to know who you are and why i love you so.

[the-thoughtdaughter]

even the voices in my head have gotten tired of cursing such an exhausted existence.

[the-thoughtdaughter]

— Rudy Francisco

[the-thoughtdaughter]

i just want a moment of peace and quiet. i've been looking for it everywhere. i'm at my wit's end; perhaps, the only place left to look is in my grave.

[the-thoughtdaughter]

[the-thoughtdaughter]

[the-thoughtdaughter]

people will hear you talk about struggling with mental illness and say “you can do anything if you just put your mind to it”. brother what part of the body does the mental illness happen in. what do you think is the problem

[the-thoughtdaughter]

The most terrifying part of having memory issues is when you can feel something from 5 seconds ago be thrown out the window and there's an empty hole where it once was. You remember that you forgot something.

[the-thoughtdaughter]

Someone in an autism facebook group I'm in just asked "How am I supposed to earn enough to make a living without burning out?"

Someone replied: "You're not. Even neurotypicals can't right now in the system designed for them. We're the canaries in the coalmine. When we start failing, they know something is wrong."

[the-thoughtdaughter]

—mothers

ijeoma umebinyuo // hyatt moore // class of 2013 by mitski // i, tonya (2017) // ? // gustav klimt // ? // lady bird (2017) // i remain in darkness by annie ernaux