thearomanticbirdy

[thearomanticbirdy]

06/12/2023 - Page 2

I like to think god, or who ever created this world, didn't allow me attraction to people to let me feel. But sometimes it's too much, sometime i wish i wasn't so different, i wish my brain worked normaly. I don't know what i have, autism, adhd, chronic anxiety or any sort of mental hillness, but god i wish i never had to ask myself those questions. I feel so much, it annoys me that people would think i don't just because it's not romantic or platonic. I care about people, more stronly than love could ever do. And people always prefers loving over caring. I rememeber being 16 and crying to my mom asking her if i was annoying, if that was why i couldn't make friends. And i hate it. I hate being different.

[thearomanticbirdy]

06/12/2023 - page one

TW: discussion of internalised arophobia

I've realised i was aromantic almost three years ago. I was reading the first chapter of Loveless by alice oseman in a theater, waiting for the show to start. I couldn't concentrate on anything, my mind too focused on the words i just read. I was so scared back then, i rememeber feeling like i was gonna throw up. Of course i'm still scared sometime, but not as much. Three years ago i was still pretending to be alloace. You see, realising i was ace was easy, i guess i just knew when i was 16 that not feeling any sexuals...needs, wasn't "normal" for someone my age. It was even more weird that it didn't seem to bother me that much. But god, when i realise i was aromantic, when i googled "is it normal that i don't mind being single forever" and was met with "sign you might be aromantic" articles instead of a solution, i was defasted. Because suddenly, me wanting to be single wasn't a choice, it was because there were something wrong with me, something i coudln't change. I was navigating in online queerspace at the time, which is why i didn't really mind being asexual, it was something that people talked about and joked about within the spaces, but i had to search to find the word aromantic, as if we didn't exist in the community. It would have been so much more easier for me if i had both words at the same times.