theheartsickdevil

[theheartsickdevil]

Vent - My apologies for not posting really much and what’s happening.

Tw: binge eating, ana(?), self harm, problems with school and mention of heavy topics like the mental hospital or mental breakdowns. I’m probably gonna delete this later like my other vents.

I’m so sorry for not being able to post much, I’m just not doing well in these days. I thought I was getting better but my issues with food don’t just magically disappear. Honestly? I wish that the day before the last day of school I didn’t keep my feelings to myself and that I didn’t let myself have a breakdown at school. I wish my teachers understood me. I wish I didn’t get laughed at my face for fucking cutting myself in front of a teacher and then resulting as the bad person just because of the illines IM DIAGNOSED AND THEY KNEW ABOUT. I can’t stop thinking about school even though it ended, god, I’m so tired, and stressed and I’m feeling way too much. I don’t have any homework since I literally failed the year and now I gotta repeat it again (thank god I don’t have to study all summer for the recovery exams). I wish I told that bitchass teacher that she was being a little too dramatuc but no, I had to keep it all to myself. I wish I told her what I had in mind, but since I didn’t tell her, I’m going to wrute them here:

“YOU LITERALLY PUSH ME TO THE FUCKING EDGE AND THEN YOU CRY WHEN I CUT MYSELF OR TRY TO KILL MYSELF. YOU ONLY DO THIS BECAUSE YOU’RE FUCKING SCARED OF ME, BECAUSE THATS HOW THINGS ARE. GODDAMN I SHOULD’VE ACTUALLY OVERDOSED OR SLITTED IN FRONT OF YOU ALL YOU BITCHES I DON’T DESERVE THIS FUCKING TREATMENT YOU KNOW DAMN WELL IM ILL AND YOU STILL DON’T FUCKING TRY TO HELP ME, NOW WHAT? U GONNA LOCK ME UP AGAIN? YOU WANT TO FUCKING EXPEL ME? REPORT ME? I DON’T GIVE A FUCK, COME ON, LOCK ME THE FUCK UP SO I DON’T FUCKING CARE. JUST KNOW THAT IF I HAD A BLADE RN I WOULD’VE FUCKING SLIT MY FUCKING THROAT IN FRONT OF YOU AND YOUR FUCKING CLASS.”

I’ve literally been binging a lot because of how nervous this makes me feel. I miss when last summer I didn’t eat and literally lost every single calorie and all my energy was given by some random monster energy drink. I miss when I didn’t binge. I miss losing 10 kilograms in a week. Why did I gain it all back? Why can’t I lose weight? Why do I keep binging? Why do I keep feeling like this? I wish I was okay, but I’m really not.

If you’re the person who requested the high school au, I’m so, so sorry but rn I don’t feel like writing anything about school.

I’m so, so sorry to everyone. I wish to get better so I can go back to writing fics. Thank you for reading, it means a lot.

(Also please don’t try to comfort me because it only makes me more nervous and uncomfortable.)

[theheartsickdevil]

Who does Rinnie write for?^^

Okok best question ever:

-Jujutsu Kaisen

-Blue lock

-Free!!! Iwatobi swim club

-Attack on Titans

-Hunter x Hunter

-The promised Neverland

-Blooming Panic

-Devilman crybaby

-The kid at the back

-14 days with you

-obey me

-Diabolik lovers

-Mystic messenger

-Inazuma eleven

-Yakuza (PLEASEEE)

Masterlist

BEWARE OF

- minors WILL be aged up OR platonic

- I WILL NOT do asks I feel uncomfortable with

- I WILL DO Nsfw but I do not condone kinks like: anything involved with R4pe, incest, murder and so on (so anything too extreme)

- EVERYTHING that is asked will be POSTED on my ACCOUNT. I take much time to do this and make it good for everyone to read, If I were to make something private for only someone to read I would've made commissions

©rinnieisthecutest

[theheartsickdevil]

Healing Together

{Ronin x mc who’s insecure about their mental health}

A/n: I’m actually kind if glad this won the poll, and yes since someone requested it too I’m going to write the high-school au. This is the 2nd fic of the night xD maybe I’ll try falling asleep after this.. maybe.. hehehehehe. I also wanted to write this as mc being one of Ronin’s childhood bestfriends (like ther) so yeah..

Tw’s: mentions of: depression, self-harm, bedrotting, loneliness and eating disorders. There are some references/spoilers to Gluttony Gods! so if you don’t want spoilers I recommend playing the game!!

*.• ☆ •.*

You, Ronin and Ther were best friends since you were little. You’ve always been such a nice trio. Even when Ronin and Ther started dating and when Ronin ran away, you didn’t divide and stayed togeter as a group. Everyone was happy, until Ther was forced to be the prom queen.. unfortunately when Ronin came back to Angelwood, it was too late to save Ther.. he just watched the scene of the prom queen and king’s coronation before noticing you weren’t there.. when the ceremony finished, he decided to look for you.. he started looking in some spots you used to hangout togeter, but he didn’t find you anywhere.. he ended up walking to your place, knocking on the door. There was no answer so he decided to just barge in from the window.. it wasn’t the best of the ideas but hey, he wanted to see you at the very least.. he barged in your living room, just to notice the bedroom’s door open and it smelling like rotten.. he slowly walked to your bedroom just to find you laying in your bed, your room was a mess. There were piles of clothes everywhere scattered on the floor with empty cans of energy drinks and some food packaging.. not to even mention your bed wich was covered in blood, some sheets who were half on the bed and half on the floor and an old plushie.. you were probably passed out. He decided to open the windows to let some fresh air pass and then he gently shook you awake.

“Hey.. are you alive?”

He asked, looking at your face.. you slowly opened your eyes and then tensed up. You immediately sat on the bed and tried to cover your body with some bedsheets. When you realized it was him, you relaxed but not completely

“When.. how.. why?..”

You had so many questions right now, but you didn’t even know where to start..

“I came to save Ther and rescue you too, but it was too late to save them..”

He explained, as he looked at you in the eyes.

“You don’t need to panic, I’m still me.. you know?”

“N..no it’s not that..”

You tried to explain.. but words didn’t dare to come out of your mouth.. you didn’t really want to talk about these kinda things with him since he went trough it as well.. honestly? You were embarrassed about yourself. You were 19 and you couldn’t take care of yourself.. you’d always end up either starving and counting every single calorie to binging and then regretting it all and ending harming yourself in any way possible, making you fall into an endless loop. You didn’t really know what ti say..

“I’m sorry, my room is a little messy..”

“Nah that’s okay, you didn’t even know I was coming in the first place”

You made some space on the bed for him to sit, and as he sat down you tried not to show your scars too much since you didn’t know if it would’ve triggered him or not.. there was a moment of silence, before you broke the ice.

“They’re gone, aren’t they?”

“Yeah..”

“I warned them, but they just didn’t listen..”

You said, as you started sobbing a little.. your head fell down Ronin’s shoulders as you started sobbing a bit.

“If only they listened to me right now we’d still be together like when we were young..”

“Hey.. don’t cry.. it’s..okay…”

He muttered, as he pulled you closer into a hug. He slowly traced some patterns on your back as he tried to soothe you. He hated it when you took everything as it was your fault.. sure, he was sad he was too late, but not he couldn’t just let you go, especially seeing how bad your mental health degraded since last time you saw him. You continued crying with your head buried in his shoulder for a bit more, before falling silent again.. you just hugged him more tightly..

“I missed you.. and Ther did too..”

“I missed you guys too.. but now, we need to escape..”

“Ronin.. you don’t understand.. I’ve been rotting in this room ever since you leaved.. I’m too weak to even get up..”

“I’ll carry you all the way if I have to”

“..I don’t want you to, I’d feel too guilty..”

“Oh, shut up.. if you need help getting dressed to taking a shower I can help you”

With that, you freezed. You immediately held a little tighter onto your bedsheets, trying to cover up your body..

“I can do it myself..”

“…”

“You’re hiding something, I can tell..”

“I-it’s nothing I swear..”

“Y/N. Take those sheets off yourself. No buts allowed.”

With that, you just sighed.. you knew it was useless fighting against Ronin, especially when he insisted like this.. you let go of your bedsheets and let Ronin see the scars on your body along with your unhealthy figure.. you didn’t like it. You hated having all the attention on you and you were just so embarrassed of yourself right now.. Ronin didn’t say anything tough.. he didn’t judge or say anything.. he just looked at you.. and you knew that look. He was worried about yiu but he tried not to show it too much. He just let out a sigh as he got up from the bed.

“Come on, I’m gonna help you shower and then you’re gonna pack something before running away. I was too late to save Ther so now I don’t want to be late saving you too..”

He said, as he helped you get up and get in the shower.. shame literally disappeared right now since he saw how you looked under those half-rotten sheets. You weren’t even embarrassed of being naked in front of him to be honest.. he just helped you to clean yourself, he was pretty delicate about it too, like you were a fragile porcelain doll. When he was done, he turned off the water and helped you get into some towels.. when you dried yourself off he helped you put on some clothes.

“I’m just bringing some soare clothes and my money..”

“That’s okay, you’ll stay over at my place so that won’t be too much of a trouble if you don’t bring anything else..”

You just nodded as you put some clean clothes in your backpack and your savings in a little box hidden in between the clothes. You looked at Ronin before nodding. He nodded back and he started walking to the door. You two ended up successfully sneaking away from Angelwood, and eventually going to Ronin’s new city., in his new place. It was pretty cozy to be honest, and you noticed blackjack and pepperoni being there too. It made you kind of happy to be honest. You finally ran away, and Ronin helped you trying to get better every day.. after some time you started working as well and going to therapy (luckily). You still think about Ther every day, though. You know damn well Ronin does too, that sure was a deep scar for the both of you two, so you never talked about it. You and Ronin ended up living together in his apartment, when he created the server you sometimes liked to join the calls as well.. and even when Ronin and Angel broke up, you were there for him, helping him like he helped you even if they broke up “happily”. You were happy Ronin saved you and helped you, you could really say you two were ‘healing together’ after all..

[theheartsickdevil]

Iloveyou.exe | Ronin x mc that got a virus on their pc

A/n: first thing first I wanna say thank u to the person who suggested me this name, if ur reading this ur a diva (and thank you!!). In these days I couldn’t write a lot so I’m really sorry for not posting!! I will write and post all the fics I suggested in the poll as soon as I can!!

No tw’s!!

*.• ☆ •.*

It was pretty late at night, no one in the server was active so you decided to play one of the games you happened to crack in one of those sketchy sites.. you’ve been using this specific one for some years now, and it never brought you any problems.. until now. You literally just tried to open it but instead of running it literally opened a terminal tab. That’s where you immediately understood you fucked up. It was over. You immediately turned your wi-fi off and checked the server again on your phone to see if someone was online, since you actually needed help rn. Lucky for you, your amazing boyfriend Ronin was up. You immediately opened his chat and voice-called him

“Ronin.. I need your help.. I kinda fucked up..”

You said, your voice sounded weak as you were scared for your pc..

“Darling calm down.. what did you do?”

“I downloaded a game for free in one of my sketchy websites and I got a virus.. I don’t know what to do now.. I turned off my wi-fi but I don’t wanna touch anything..”

“Do you want me to come to your place or help you on call?”

“I..I don’t know.. I just know that I’m scared..”

“Mhh.. I get it..”

He mumbled, he sure was a little tired but never too tired to be with you

“I’m coming over rn, I will stay the night”

He said, as he hung up and not letting you answer. You were kind of happy that he would come over. You just waited for him in your room and after a good 15 minutes you heard a knock on your door.. you’ve immediately rushed to the door and thank god it was Ronin and not the hacker in your pc..

“Missed me?”

“A lot..”

You said, as you hugged him. He just chuckled and picked you up as he walked to your room.

“I’m gonna fix this rq and then we’ll go to sleep since it’s late, I don’t want the love of my life having a bad sleep schedule.”

“Mm okie”

When he got to your room, ronin sat into your gaming chair with you on his lap.. one hand was around your waist and the other was on the mouse.. his head was on your shoulder as he just helped you delete the infected files.. He didn’t take too much time since he was a pro at these things.

“Damn, you got a trojan.. what website did you even use?

“Ehh.. it’s named streamlocked..”

When you said that, Ronin became a little more serious and scolded you a little

“Do you know how dangerous that site it? You’re lucky you have me or else you would’ve said bye-bye to your 1000€ setup, darling”

“I know!! But I’ve been using it for 4 years now and nothing happened.. I swear this was my first time I got a virus..”

You explained, panicking a little

“Darling, it’s okay. Nothing happened and everything is okay now.. I’m here with you.. Just.. promise me next time you want a game you tell me so I’ll make sure you get no virus, okay?”

“Okay, I promise”

“Great.. let’s go to sleep now.. it’s almost 5 am..”

“Mhhm..”

You mumbled, you were a little sleepy and you knew it. Ronin laid in bed next to you and spooned you, he kissed you goodnight before pulling you close.. you ended up falling asleep cuddled up together in eachother’s arms.. there sure was an happy ending today.

[theheartsickdevil]

“You’re so desperate, Darling” {2/2}

A/n: so.. this is the part 2 of one of my fics. I have so many more planned you guys don’t have any idea. I hope y’all will like this fic as much as the others! (Honorable mention at my friend for giving me more ideas for this fic 🙏🙏) I’m so, so sorry for taking a lot of time posting this but let’s just say that I was a little busy with my pc since I accidentally got a trojan and I almost got a ransomware as well so I had to fuck up my sleep schedule even more just to fix my laptop all by myself. Again, I’m sorry if this took long and it’s not as good as my other fics, but I hope y’all will like it. :’)

Tw’s: smut, nsfw and public sex (at the beach)

•.* ☆ *.•

It was the day. It was the day where you finally met Ronin after a year of long-distance. The night before you had a call with him while he was driving to the airport, and you kept checking the time and where he was until you passed out from the lack of sleep. You woke up when you heard someone ringing the bell on your door.. you had totally forgotten Ronin was gonna be there so you just got up and opened the door thinking it was the doorman. Inestead, you look up and notice Ronin. He just chuckled as he saw you blushing and your disheveled state.

“Don’t tell me you just woke up-“

“What if I did..”

“I could notice”

He said, as he laughed, but then shook it off and hugged you, picking you up. You bear-hugged him back and kissed him as you smiled. You were happy you finally got to see your boyfriend after a year.

“Let me down so I can help you with your luggages..”

You said, as you looked at him.

“Nah, I can bring them in myself”

He said, as he laid you on his shoulder and held you with one hand and with the other he got his luggage and closed the door. You pouted a little as he did that, but you didn’t really mind.

After Ronin finally put down his things, he sat down on your bed with you straddling his lap.. he was playing with your hair..

“Is there any place you wanna go to?”

“Hmm.. the beach is like 5 minutes by feet from here. We could go there. It’s even prettier at night and plus there aren’t many people.”

“Sounds cool.. when do you wanna go?”

“Mhh.. maybe in a few hours.. how about 9 pm?”

“Sounds awesome, darling”

He said, as he smiled and looked at you before kissing your forehead. You two stayed like that for a while, and after a bit you had dinner before getting ready for the beach. You two just brought an umbrella and some towels to put down on the sand. After a bit of walking you two eventually got there. Ronin helped you with the umbrella and then you two went into the water.. there were some waves but you two had fun in the water, splashing eachother and swimming together… well it was all fun and jokes until your swimsuit’s laces loosened and you ended up almost losing it.. you blushed immediately and looked away from Ronin..

“Can you help me tie it back up?..”

You asked, as you tried to look up at him

��Mhhm come here”

He mumbled, as he walked to you and helped you tie it back up..

“Is it too tight?”

“No, no.. it’s perfect don’t worry..”

“Mhh okay then..”

When he tied your top up, he placed his hands around your hips and leaned against you.. you could feel how hard he was and you knew it was probably your fault but everything just made you even more excited because everything was going like planned.. you’ve been waiting for him for a whole year and now that you got him you could finally stop fantasizing and do everything you wanted with him.. you didn’t really move away, but you let out a little squirm..

“Are you sure we should? I mean.. we’re at the beach..”

“Darling.. it’s gonna be fine.. we’re alone and plus it’s almost night so no one will notice even if they see us..”

“You’re gonna be the death of me..”

You mumble, as you turn to face him and wrap your arms around his neck, leaning in closer and kissing him passionately. He kissed back with the same amount of passion and maybe some desperation too?.. his hands went immediately down to your ass, grabbing it but making sure it won’t hurt too much.. he slowly pushed you against the rocks and started kissing your neck, slowly going down to your chest, leaving some marks.. after marking a good amount of spots between your neck, shoulders and chest he finally freed his member.. he pushed your swimsuit’s bottoms to the side and went in. He slowly positioned you as he grabbed one of your legs up so he could push deeper into you. He was still going slow.. for now.. you two were trying not to be too loud even though moans still came out of eachother’s lips.. it felt so good.. he felt so good.. you never wanted this moment to end..

After a bit, he finally filled you up with his sweet seed and then he kissed you on your forehead.

“You were so good”

He mumbled, as his breath was still a little heavy. You just hug him and lay your head on your chest as you catch your breath too. After that you just cuddled before going back home.

[theheartsickdevil]

Thrust and Furious

{Ronin who forgot his lunch at home x Y/n}

A/n: this name was suggested by one if my friend’s friends and I honestly loved it, it was so funny I couldn’t not name my fanfiction like that. Also, this fanfiction is inspired by the oiled up ronin fic by npookie0 so credits go to them and their beautiful writing <33 (and I will write that part 2 pf my other fic tomorrow and maybe there’s gonna be another fic planned so stay tuned!)

Tw’s: nsfw, handjob, bad writing, semi-public sex

•.* ☆ *.•

It’s been months since you started dating Ronin, and sometimes you go to visit him in the station he works in.

Today, was a bit special though. He forgot his lunch at home.

1 new message from goreboy

Y/n I forgot my lunch at home can you bring it to me? You have my keys so that won’t be too much of a issue.

Yeah sure I’ll be there in half a hour

Good. Thanks Darlin’, see you in 30..

With that, you start walking to Ronin’s apartment since you lived pretty close and then got to his place, you grabbed his lunchbox from the fridge and then started driving to his workplace. When you got there, you didn’t hesitate to walk to his office since that’s where he spends his time when he knows you’re gonna come to visit him soon. When you opened the door, you blushed a bit. He was sitting manspead on a office-like chair while looking at some new spare parts to buy on his job’s pc. He had his shirt dripping in oil and sweat laying on the desk. He didn’t notice you yet since he was very focused (and also kinda tired). After some seconds, you finally decide to tap on his shoulder.

“I.. brought you your lunch..”

You said, as you held it up for him while you tried not to look at his body too much.

“Thanks Darlin’”

He said, as he smirked. He grabbed your chin and kissed you on your cheek before he got the lunch from your hands and then put it away in some mini fridge, then he went back to sitting back in his chair, pulling you on his lap, with your back pressed against him and his face laid on your shoulder as he continued looking for parts. His free hand was around your waist and you felt like you could explode.

“What are you looking for?”

You asked, as you tried to not look too aroused..

“Nothing.. just some parts to put into a client’s car..”

He mumbled, as he slowly moved his hand on your thigh, he smirked a little as soon as he saw you blushing.

“You don’t mind, do you?”

He mumbled, as he slowly started tracing patterns dangerously close to your inner thighs.. as soon as you shook your head and gave him consent he moved his other hand on your waist and the other finally started rubbing your core from your panties. You let out a low moan but you quickly covered your mouth since you didn’t want Ronin’s co-workers to hear you two.. Ronin just chuckled at that and moved your panties to the side, stretching you out with two and then three fingers.. you were trying hard not to moan, you tried to grip into Ronin’s pants and cover your mouth but everything was so overwhelming in a good way.. got he did nothing on you and you already felt on the edge..

“You gotta stay silent, Darlin’, you don’t want my coworkers to hear us, do you?”

He teased, as he kept going until you ended up finishing.. worst oart is he wasn’t even done yet.. he licked his fingers clean before making you face him.. he kissed you on the lips this time, with one hand pulling you closer against your head and the other unzipping his pants. When he pulled away from the kiss, he carefully placed you on him.. you immediately higged him by the neck and buried your head on his shoulder trying not to moan too much.. he love all of this.. he loved how you took him so well and how tight you were.. he started to move a bit under you as you held him. His hands were on your waist as he guided you to move with him. It wasn’t your first time with him, but it sure was your first time doing it in his office.. all of this was just even more arousing to you.. you leaned in to kiss him again as you tried to move with him, both of your hips slowly going faster.. he was as desperate as you were.. you two moaned into the kiss.. it was pretty clear that you were both on the edge.. you ended uo finishing together, both of you exhausted.. you wanted more, but you knew it was probably time to wait for him at home for that.. you didn’t want him to get caught and fired..

“You were so good, Darling..”

He mumbled in your ear he was probably a bit wore out from how eager he was.. you were 100% going to stumble when you got up, but it was totally worth it..

“Can we continue at home?”

You mumbled into his ear, you were kinda tired, but you wanted, no, needed more even if you knew you had to wait. As soon as he nodded he kisses your forehead

“Mhhm.. but now you should go.. don’t want my coworkers find out the person in the calendar* is my partner..”

He teased as he continued peppering your face with kisses before actually letting you go. You kissed him goodbye before going back home, really happy with what you two did..

*: in italy, most mechanics have some calendars of some “ladies” ifykwim lmao

(Anorher) A/N: the calendar thing was inspired by my friend too since we had a small chat about that and I definitely had to put it in this fic because it fir just so perfectly HAHAHAHAHA

[theheartsickdevil]

“You’re so desperate, Darlin’ “ {1/2}

A fanfiction where Ronin caught mc “self-loving” in call with him

A/n: my period just ended and I can see the stars so I needed to write this. I wrote this for myself ofc so if the idea weirds you out just don’t interact. This is my way to cope with my trauma and emotions so leave me alone lmfao.

Tw’s: masturbation, self harm mention, and bad grammar ofc since it’s 23:21 and I took my sleeping supplements lmao (I finished writing this at 23:56 🔥)

.*• ☆ •*.

It’s currently been a year since you’ve been with Ronin. Unfortunately you’re long-distance and couldn’t move out to his apartment since you were kinda low in money and couldn’t be able to book a flight to his city. Luckily, you two always called every night and sometimes even on the day when he had the day off. You literally ruined your sleep schedule for Ronin, you were like a damn dog for him. If he wanted something you didn’t even hesitate to do as he said, you didn’t leave the call until he gave you the goodnight not even if you were literally sleeping with your eyes open.. sometimes when you felt really needy you even masturbated in call with him, luckily without him noticing.. until this night.. He was in video call with you but you had your camera off, and then you accidentally let out a little moan and when you realized he actually heard it you freezed.

“Darling what was that? You didn’t hurt yourself, right?”

He asked, you couldn’t tell if he was seriously worried or just teasing you. You just let out a sigh and trued to open your mouth but closing it again. You just sighed.

“Nono I’m fine.. I-I mean it..”

You said.. maybe you sounded a little too needy. Gosh you were acting like one of those teenagers with too many hormones.. you just couldn’t help yourself.. he was so hot when he was tired, and his sleepy voice? It made you want to fuck him even more..

“Are you sure? You aren’t cutting yourself or something are you?!”

“What? No!! I.. I said I’m perfectly fine I just.. uhm..”

“I don’t believe you.. open your camera.”

He said, a little more stern. He knew damn well you had problems with self harm in the past and still had them nowdays, but you knew you were fucked. You literally had nothing on but an oversized t-shirt who happened to be one of his.. and your hands were surely not clean..

“N-no my room is messy..”

You tried to make up something as you at least tried to clean your hands with some tissues and put on some shorts..

“No, right now.”

He said, a little more stern.. he surely was worried, and you surely were embarrassed about this whole situation..

“Fine..”

You said, as you got on camera. Luckily you put on some shorts and your hands were clean, but you knew Ronin suspected something..

“Darling.. what were you doing?..”

“I-I told you.. I wasn’t doing anything!!”

You tried to protest, but the blush on your face and the way your hands were in between your thighs told him otherwise. It took him a second before realizing when you were doing.. he ended up blushing a little but he quickly shook it off..

“You know, you don’t need to be embarrassed for doing those things..”

“I’m sorry it’s just.. I miss you and I kind of need you right now and I wish I was there with you and omg this is so wrong..”

You said, as you hid your face in your hands as your elbows were on your desk.. you knew Ronin wasn’t mad oe anything, but you also knew that maybe it was better to do that when you weren’t in call with him..

“Hmm.. what if next week I take some extra days off and come to your city? You know, I have some days off so maybe I could visit you..”

Your expression immediately lightened up, but you ended up blushing again thinking of all the things you two could do.. all the things you would want him to do.. you bit your fingers as you let your mind wander a bit before going back to reality and looking a bit to the side after realizing

“A-alright then.. I will try to clean my room and actually stop rotting away in my bed”

You said, as you smiled at him.. god he was so hot it made you want to rip your hair out..

“Mhhm.. okay then.. anyways, it’s kinda late.. I need to go to sleep since tomorrow I gotta go to work and then on a lottle killong spree..”

“Alright.. good night then, I love you”

“Night night, and try not to act so desperate”

He let out a laugh as he teased you, and hanged up on you before you could say something else. You just sigh as you lay on your side and look the your chat before turning your phone off and going to sleep.. You couldn’t wait for the next week to come..

(Another) A/n: Should I write another fanfiction as the part 2?.. (spoiler yes I did)

[theheartsickdevil]

“You were everything”

{Ronin x Mc that didn’t survive an attempt}

Tw’s: heavy mention of sh, depression, bedrotting, suicide and overall a bad ending.

A/n: this is more like a vent. If it can trigger you, please don’t read this fanfiction. I am not mentally stable and I’m trying new coping methods so this is a kind of an experiment to see if ‘letting out my feelings’ like this can help me.

Remember! Your mental health matters. If you relate to some of the things in this fanfiction, or just struggle with mental health please seek help. You matter. You are valid. I know damn well it can be hard as someone who struggled with some mental health disorders since a very young age. If you are suicidal, please don’t hesitate to call the hotline and seek help.

.•* ☆ *•.

You were in your apartment, you lived alone. From the very first moment you turned legal, you immediately moved out of your parent’s house to find some peace. You’ve always struggled with mental health since you were 9. Eventually you found many unhealthy ways to feel a little better, but the one who worked better was self harm in every way, especially cutting or sometimes starving yourself. “”””Luckily”””” your parents eventually found out and you stopped for a bit.

When you moved out, you thought it would get a little better, but it didn’t, or, at least, there were highs and lows. You wanted to write a novel about serial killers, and you ended up joining a serial killer server while browsing the dark web for some info’s. The killers there were actually pretty friendly, and surely helped you a lot. Eventually you ended up dating one of them, his name was ‘Ronin’ but normal people knew him as “the devil’s butcher”.. he loved you and you loved him. Eventually you two met in real life and made it official to the server too. Ever since that, he would’ve always help you with everything. He never judged you, or forced you to do anything. He knew damn well about your problems with depression and self harm, and how bad it was. If you didn’t get online for a bit too long he always visited you and helped you clean the mess in your room and the blood on the sheets from your self harm. He hated to see you like that but he knew that you didn’t want to seek help, and he couldn’t force you.

Right now you were sleeping in his arms, it was 3 in the afternoon ans you haven’t woke up yet, it’s been a few hours but Ronin knew damn well why. The night before, you had a meltdown because you saw yourself in the mirror for the first time after months, luckily Ronin was on call with you and immediately ran to your apartment to calm you down.. you cried the whole night until you fainted and fell asleep..

After a bit, you finally started to stir..

“Mhh..”

You mumble, as you snuggled up more against Ronin’s chest. He gently plays with your hair as he looks down at you and you slowly open your eyes to look at him..

“Are you feeling better?”

He asked. He surely loved to tease a lot of people, but after knowing you, he decided to try to act more serious with you around as he didn’t want to make you do something extreme.. he moved your hair away from your face and adjusted you to straddle him..

“Mhhm.. just because you’re here..”

You mumbled, as you wrapped your arms around his neck and buried your head in his shoulder.

“Are you hungry? When was last time you ate something? Did you binge again?”

He asked, he was calm, he wasn’t mad at you. Seeing you not answering he just sighed as he got up, picking you up with him and carrying you to the sofa, sitting you down. After that he walked to the kitchen and started making you an omelette with some cheese and ham in it. After he finishes cooking, he put the omelette on a plate and then sat next to you on the sofa, slowly cutting a piece of it and bringing it to your lips.

“Open up, eat.”

He said, a little more sternly as he waited for you to eat. You hesitated but after a few seconds you gave up and let him feed you. You took long to eat but he didn’t mind. After that, you two watched a movie together while cuddling. You loved this feeling even though you knew it wouldn’t last forever.

{And this brings us to what is happening right now..}

You finally ended up posting your novel and it actually blew up. You ended up making a lot of money with it and it made you happy, until, after some days you realized that people now gave you attention, you were famous. That stressed you out really damn much. You were uncomfortable with people giving you too many attention. You hated it. You hated being at the center of the spotlight. Right now you were sitting in front of your laptop, with the server open.. you tried distracting yourself reading some of the messages your friends sent, but you started feeling dizzy and eventually shaking.. the box cutter next to your laptop was literally calling for you. You just sighed as you tried to resist a little more, but eventually gave up. Your shaky hand grabbed the blade, as you looked at it. Before doing anything though, you decided to write a goodbye letter, at least to Ronin. You opened his dm’s and slowly started texting.. tears down your cheeks as you wrote your last goodbye and thank you. You didn’t hit send. yet. Your hand just grabbed onto the blade and started opening some old wounds since there were so many you couldn’t do any new ones. After your legs and arms were literally red, your vision started to get blurry and your body started to shake violently.. you felt weak. You regret what you did. You couldn’t hit the ‘send’ button in time as you were bleeding too much. You eventually passed out on your bedroom’s floor, next to the piles of empty energy drinks cans and dirty clothes.

That same night, Ronin decided to visit you. He barged in from your window.

“Darling how are you f-“

He freezed as soon as he saw your passed out figure, before walking to you and kneeling down..

“No.. it can’t be true..”

He mumbled, as he slowly picked you up and examined your body.. he started sobbing as he slowly wrapped his arms around you. He laid his ear against your chest hut there were no signs of life. He stayed like this for almost a hour, before pulling away and looking down at you as he called an ambulance.

“Hello? This is ____ hospital how can we help you?”

The other line answered, as Ronin started crying again.

“My partner’s suicide attempt succeeded, they’re not breathing.. I found them like this when I visited them..”

He explained, as he still looked down at you. As soon as he gave the informations to the hospital he hanged up and picked you up, laying you on your bed before noticing your laptop being still on.. he got up from your bed and looked down at it, reading the letter you weren’t able to send. He tried so hard not to break down even more, but he couldn’t help it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come to check up on you earlier, I’m so. Damn. Sorry..”

He mumbled, as he kneeled in front of your bed and laid his head down..

Ever since that happened, Ronin went a lot quieter on the server. Angel surely helped him a lot, but even though he said he was fine, he never really got over it, and still missed you to this day.

[theheartsickdevil]

the killer chat! expanded kickstarter is live! :D

hello all! i'm super psyched to say that our kickstarter for killer chat! expanded edition is now live! pledge our kickstarter now and go grab all that you desire, what are you waiting for? ;3

but what does that entail, rosesrot, you may be asking?

what are the rewards, rosesrot?

we've got a range: from game keys, posters and keychains to making up your own server events and even a whole new ending for your serial killer lover! 😳

(a tiny peek at what we've got to offer...)

you can see them on the page or read all about them here!

we've got a lot going on! oh and also… oiled up love interests… i see you…

got any questions about our kickstarter?

we've got a handy-dandy FAQ here!

and last, but certainly not least!

as a reward, we've got a new major demo update for you! it's a little showcase of the features and content we'll have in the expanded edition ;) you can download it on…

🤍 STEAM

❤️ ITCH

please know that this update is not compatible with your old saves! loading an old save will corrupt the game.

if you have any problems, please report them in this bug report form here !

thank you so much! i'll see you on kickstarter :D

also chat why are we already £14k 😭 funded? i love u guys 💖

[theheartsickdevil]

As sweet as honey

Ronin x Reader who is a kind of messy eater..

{A/n: I had this thought while I was on the bus checking if I had some leftover chocolate on my lips so I wanted to write something about it LMFAO}

No tw’s or nsfw! There might be a bit of bad grammar lmao

___________________________________________________

You always was a messy eater, ever since you were little.. even if you ate a simple sandwich with some kind of sauce or melted cheese in it, you’d get some of it on your lips if not your face. Ronin didn’t really mind that, instead he just found it funny to tease you for it and then wipe it off with his thumb or just lick your lips before kissing you.. it really depended on the mood.

Right now you were eating a crêpe HE made (since you’re not allowed to even lay a foot in the kitchen after almost making some cookies catch fire) and in the one you were eating right now there was some honey in it.. he was still finishing to cook the last crêpes and damn. He looked so damn cute with his apron and focused expression.. you just ate your crêpe sat in the kitchen island in silence as you watched him cook.. and when he finished cooking and turned to you he couldn’t help but chuckle.. you had honey dripping from your fingers and a bit from your lips too..

“What am I going to do with you?”

He said, as he shook his head and chuckled, as he walked in front of you and while leaning on the island he wiped the honey off your fingers and lips with a clean napkin..

You just pouted a little as he did that, but you didn’t actually mind.. you just looked at his hand..

“The crêpes are really good..”

You said, as your eyes met his

“I could tell you enjoyed them by looking at the mess you did..”

He teased, as he threw the napkin away and sat next to you, with you leaning your head against his arm/shoulder and putting some other honey on another crêpe.. he kissed your head as you leaned on him before putting some jam on his crêpe..

You ended up getting some honey back on your face and fingers and you let out an annoyed pout while Ronin just chuckled.

“Do you want me to feed you?”

He offered, still teasing you as he put the crêpe in his mouth and wiped the honey off you..

“Hmmp fine!”

You mumbled as you gave up.. you ended up with your beautiful boyfriend feeding you as he tried to eat his crêpe too.. after that he made you clean the dishes though, with “I did all the cooking and plus I helped you to eat without having honey all over your top” as the excuse (he was just too lazy to)

[theheartsickdevil]

Intro post <33

*•. ☆ .•*

Hii! My name is Lilith and I will post a bit of everything, idk very well how to make posts on tumblr but I hope I will learn very soon!

I mostly write for myself and my hormones and yeah if you have any request you can ask in the question box and if it inspires me I’ll do it :3

Fandoms

I’m in a lot of fandoms but these are the main ones!

{TW some are problematic but idc if I like it I like it}

Killer chat!

Wonderend 0/Wonderend

14 Days With You

The Kid At The Back

Obey Me! (I’m a retired player from the first game..)

The Coffin Of Andy And Leyley

Crush Crush

Yandere Simulator

Super Sonico

Needy streamer Overload (yes I played the game and got a few endings)

Love Angel Syndrome

All the Class of 09 series

…and more I can’t think of rn lmao

Facts about me!

-I’m mentally ill and so if I vent or write overly depressing fics don’t bully me, I can’t do nothing about it.

-I don’t care about others opinion about my interests.

-I love cheese with honey on it so it may be mentioned in some of my fics if they’re not requested by anyone

-I will post whenever I want and whatever I want

-I don’t use character ai and other chatbots..

-Futaba is my oc’s name: Futaba Mirai

- I DO NOT support 1ncest, r4pe, n3crophilia and p3ds so if you request something with any of this I will ignore it if I don’t throw up first <33

And yeah that’s all lmao, I hope I will be accepted by the community and yeah have a nice day/night.

[theheartsickdevil]

never seen a more accurate thing on tiktok

[theheartsickdevil]

Ronin x reader | (nsfw fic)

Guys idk I was feeling extremely horny tonight (I wrote this at like 1 AM LMAO) and I wanted to make my thoughts into a full ass fanfict, it’s the first time I write one so don’t judge me and my hormonal mess 💔 This it what me and YOU ALL get for me not taking my sleeping supplements at the right time 😔😔

Tw: nsfw, begging, bad english and grammar lmao

You and Ronin lived togeter.. it’s been a few years now since you moved to his apartment, and you usually got to see him after his work and maybe get him for a whole night when he didn’t go out to kill someone.. You two literally did EVERYTHING.. from baking together to literally almost having sex at the beach at night..

You usually had this habit of sitting on his lap while he was on his computer, you were hella attached to him and wanted all of his attention to you. When you saw him getting too focused on something that it wasn’t you, you’d get a little jealous and force him to pay at least a but of attention to you too..

And here we are, you were sitting on his lap (with your back on his chest) as he was programming another bot to bully Angel.. he looked so cute while he was focused, you wanted to eat him.. well more like him to eat you but yeah.. after a bit, you started to get bored and looked up at him..

“Ronin, you know, I want you to give me some attention too..”

*you pouted, as you teasingly moved his mouse with your finger making him almost close the tab with 30 mins lf work..*

“Y/N, I’m already giving you attention while cuddling you in my lap..”

*he said, he literally had one of his hands wrapped around your waist and it was hard already programming with one hand*

“No, I don’t want this kind of attention right now..”

*you pointed out, a little annoyed he didn’t get it first try.. well maybe it was because you never got so needy, but damn rn you just wanted, no, NEEDED to see stars..*

“Please Ronin, I really, really need you right now.. I’m happy with fingers too as long as you make me feel good.. I’m gonna return the favor too if you want me to..”

*you pleated, as you lifted your head up and looked at him with puppy eyes..*

*Ronin let out a sigh, but smirked a little*

“Alright, alright.. seems like my darling can’t wait a little more for me.. but are you really sure?”

*he tried to tease you a little more, he loved to tease you.. but as soon as he saw how eager you were and how fastly you nodded, he just realized that he wasn’t going to finish the bot rn..*

“Alright then..”

*he said, as he looked down and he moved his hand on your waist to the hem of your (in reality it were his, you just loved to steal his clothes..) sweatpants and then in your underwear.. He slowly teased you with his fingers before pushing two inside your core, his movements slow, at least for now.. you just moaned a little as he did that, and gripped a little on his pants as he stretched you out..*

“J-just like that.. haa..”

*you moaned, everything was so damn good, damn, you loved this man, you just wanted to kiss him rn but before you could even lean in, he pushed another finger in, making you let out a loud moan..*

“Shh.. you don’t wanna wake up the neighbors, do you?”

*he whispered in your ear, as he started kissing your neck a bit just to tease you..*

“F-fuck Ronin.. I need more..”

*you manage to say in between the moans, as you tried to lower your voice just to make him happy.. before you could say anything else, he just pulled his fingers out of you and picked you up bridal style to the bed, making you sit down on it and crawling in between your legs.. you just looked up at him and his damn smirk.. ugh you were down bad for him, and you knew he loved that.. you felt him slowly undressing you as he kept the eye contact before undressing himself as well.. he just threw the clothes on the floor before getting back in between your legs.. you looked up at him with that needy expression of yours, and before you could ask for anything, he kissed you, first softly and then a little more passionately as he stroked himself.. after a few seconds of kissing, he slowly pulled you a little more down on the bed and slowly pushed into your entrance, making you squirm in pleasure.. you just held tightly onto him as you pressed your head against his neck trying to muffle your moans and desperately trying to get him to go deeper..*

“Fuck, Ro, you feel so damn good..”

*you moan, as you look up at him*

“You’re so tight, darling..”

*he groaned, even tough it didn’t take a lot, it was pretty obvious that you two were both close.. You two started to move together a little faster, desperately trying to reach your climax.. after a bit, you both let out one final moan before finishing and collapsing one on top lf the other..*

“It was so good..”

*you say, as you lean into him, cuddling up to him and playing with his hair..*

“Mhhm…”

*he just mumbled, as he cuddled up against your chest, hugging you like the most precious thing he has..*