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[thehumanexperience8b]

September 7th, 2024: GOOD MORNING WORLD!

Hey guys!! I know it’s been sooo long since posting… The last time I posted something normal was May 1st showing off the baby leaves on my maple tree! Now it’s September 7th and the leaves are falling off the trees. I decided it was time to return and give a LIFE UPDATE!! It’s 3 o’clock in the morning so that’s probably why I have so much energy! 

So, important news! I graduated high school, and moved onto college! It’s a nice community college a few towns over, and I’ve been able to drive there all by myself! Yep, that’s right I got my official driver’s license! I don’t have my own car though… and I lost my job; but that’s okay because we’re working things out. I finally got my FIRST PHONE that actually makes calls! And even a laptop for college that I already put stickers on... I also have my own bank account and made $50 on Snapchat last night so I wanted to go to HOBBY LOBBY but the closest one is in Rhode Island… so I don’t think so! But I’ve been feeling sooo FESTIVE and I just NEED more autumn stuff-- the autumn equinox is on the 22nd this year! I’ve also been getting more into paganism and spending lots of time thinking and reading about magick, which is something I found hard to find time to do! My school has a big library and you can just… GO INSIDE and you don’t have to ask for anyone’s permission; you can also just WALK OUT OF THE BUILDING and don’t get chased down by security! 

So it turns out I might have ADHD, and I only found out because you need proof of diagnosis to get disability accommodations for class so I was gonna try and get a diagnosis for funsies so I can stop having mental breakdowns in math class, but instead my therapist said I might ACTUALLY have it so now I have an upcoming appointment with a psychiatrist. Thursday morning, the day of my second day of algebra class, I decided I had enough and I was going to change my major and get out of math class once and for all. Even though having to quit pursuing environmental science is heartbreaking. I stomp my way down to the “guided pathways” office and make an emergency get-together with an advisor. That day I dropped the class to exchange it for regional geography!! How fun, I love geography! I’ve never felt better about school. 

My mama told me this winter is gonna be hard because the state is cutting $300 off my dad’s disability check, so we won’t have any extra money. But that’s okay, because I already lost 6 pounds this month from cutting out sugar and too many snacks! Well there’s just so many things I wanna talk about, I will have to write them down and make new posts about them! I’ll definitely try to update you more frequently because I love my blog and I love writing!

Don’t have a good day, have a GREAT DAY!!

[thehumanexperience8b]

[thehumanexperience8b]

June 10th, 2024: I Am Stressed And I Need To Talk About It.

I haven’t been active on this blog for a while, like most things I get really into it and then go on hiatus for an indiscriminate amount of time. I do care about this blog, and have been meaning to update it for a while. To be frank with you, always writing about something positive can have negative effects. I was aware of this but not as much as I’ve realized now. I cannot think of a time I’ve ever been more stressed in my life, and I feel like an outlier because for the other students graduating soon; these final days are fun and stress free. You’re graduating and finally leaving the government required education level to start your life, the work is over, Summer is here; you’re ready for the world. But I don’t feel that way… I never had the greatest time in high school, some of the worst years of my life were here… but I still try to appreciate what it means. High school is like the final days of childhood, watching it fleeting and getting ready to stop floating through life and prepare for your future, actively. Right now, I have to finish finals, actually make it to graduation, get ready to start college, work (or keep my job), finish driver’s ED and pass the driver’s test. In the near future, I have to actually get the car and not only pay off student loans but a car loan and insurance too, learn to feed myself and cook, and just look at the state of the world! My parents can’t even afford food without assistance, no one can afford a home and rent in Connecticut is $600+ a MONTH for an apartment with running water. Living with other people in this world is scary because ever since COVID-19, the streets have been running rampant with rage, it seems like everyone is trigger-happy because the world is on edge, there’s a fentanyl epidemic in every corner of America, the Earth is dying and we’re running out of space for people to live, the wealth gap is getting bigger…

I feel like I could go on forever and then high school just pushes that aside and says, “do you want to decorate your cap though?” Like, yes! I do want to decorate my cap, I just wish I didn’t have to think about looming thoughts of crippling responsibility while doing it. AND THEY WON’T EVEN GIVE ME MY CAP UNTIL I TURN IN MY LIBRARY BOOKS AND GRADUATION IS IN FOUR DAYS!! I have no ideas on how to end this entry. I’ll update you later.

[thehumanexperience8b]

June 6th, 2024:

[Written May 10th, 2024]

Sometimes I wonder: does anything matter? Not in a sad kinda way but.. Is there really a difference if I use “sad” instead of “melancholy” in my entry? Why does it even matter if I make a difference in the world? Why do I have to think about my future, and what is the future anyways. Does it even matter if I post this paragraph, why do I do what I do. Maybe I question too much, is it better to live a simple life, or a life of complexity? I have no answer, right now I feel… nothing.

[thehumanexperience8b]

May 1st, 2024: Beltane..?

TODAY IS BELTANE. I have been… feeling like I’m just drifting through the motions right now. Unfortunately, today I had no time for celebration! I had school, then when I came home I had a scholarship ceremony. By the time I got home it was 7 pm and I’m tired now. Tomorrow… I have school and driver’s school! Oh my gosh… guys, Friday I think I will show you some stuff I did for Beltane. Look at this beautiful tree! This is my front yard's maple tree, the leaves are coming back!!!! Thank you for staying with me!

[thehumanexperience8b]

April 22, 2024: EARTH DAY !

I'm sorry I haven't been here. I don't know what's going on I just don't want to write and I've been sleeping a lot. I've been going through mood swings and my usual bipolar things so sometimes things happen. But today I planted bronze fennel and took a gander at the lawn to see what was growing ! Here's some photos I took !! (By the way... the bronze fennel I bought was infected with aphids!! But it's okay because it was a small enough plant were I could just cut them off and throw them in the trash.)

I'm sorry I can't finish this right now. My WiFi is so bad lately I can't get anything to load. Have a nice night though !

[thehumanexperience8b]

April 18th, 2024: NOT REALLY FANART BUT I'LL DO IT!

Sorry feeling a little crazy tonight it is 1 A.M. right now. I really want to be on The Orion Experience fan art page-- no... I NEED to be on The Orion Experience page! I'm an artist come on don't test me- OH! I've made some interesting works around T.O.E. maybe I'll post that! I made this I just wanted to share it because I spent I think an hour and thirty minutes on this and I can't even figure out what to do in Ponytown! I named her Bell Bottomz because I really want bell bottoms... also I just thought that would be a cute name. So enjoy my cute little pony. I have both the vinyl albums I really want Lush Life on vinyl side note.

[thehumanexperience8b]

April 13th, 2024: Homestuck, My Life Before THE GREAT AWAKENING.

So… Homestuck. I KNOW, I KNOW! We’re not supposed to speak of that webcomic ever since 2016. But since the pandemic in 2020, the internet was reintroduced to nostalgic aesthetics, games and media. People began regressing into the comforts of times long before the stresses of the modern age. And there, the trends of the old web were repopularized. 

I was introduced to Homestuck a while before November 2020, but ignored its existence because whenever it was brought up, it was never recommended. I don’t remember what came over me to decide “today is the day I start!” but beginning that day, which I believe was November 21st, 2020, my life changed forever.

(Not finished with this yet, BRB!)

[thehumanexperience8b]

April 13th, 2024: Recap on New York Trip

Hello you! Sorry for going rogue for a week and not adding any new entries. I had got home from traveling to New York for the eclipse about four days ago. I took some time to write about what the atmosphere was like while I was there, as it felt so different to me. Let me know if you’ve ever lived in a place like this! Let's set the scene:

The temperature in Plattsburgh, New York, off Moffitt Rd feels like the turbulence between Winter and Spring. There's a chill in the air and the wind picks up my long white shawl as I walk down the trailer park road. The leftover rain accumulates in the potholes on the street and makes my Winter boots muddy. It’s gray and sticky like clay; I’ve never seen that kind of unnatural street mud before. Although it’s sunny with veils of light, delicate clouds overhead; the landscape, along with the trees, road and trailers, are all shrouded in a dull gray color. I slowly walk by houses, barely one story tall, but bigger than a camper trailing on the back of an RV. All the lawns, or lack-there-of, are filled with muddied knick-knacks and rusted household items that were discarded outside. Not to use this type of language, but some people would describe it as a “white trash” kind of area. In front of me by 50 feet or so, there are two little girls walking; presumably sisters with long dirty-blonde hair who are both wearing pink. They run inside to another trailer home, and now there’s no one else outside other than an older man with a black and gray beard loudly coughing sitting on a foldable beach chair watching me as I walk by. I was nervous so I didn’t look at him for long. As I reach the end of the stretch of rocky, wet street, I look out and see what looks to be a full mile of barren cornfield. How the atmosphere had changed. I see no farmhouse in the distance like you’d expect, and other than roads in my peripheral; all I can see is a vast expanse of golden plain with tilled line markings ahead of me. Of course, my brain tends to make things seem so much more fantastical than some other people. But the land just captured the Sun's rays in a different way than the backyard trailer park grass. I wished that I could just run across the road ahead and leapt onto the grass but I didn’t, out of fear I might get in trouble on this important day. It might have been better that I didn’t take that chance though, as I would have ended up running all the way through the land until I reached a point I couldn’t cross. I turn around, breathing in the crisp air feeling refreshed. Although I wasn’t used to the scenery, I felt so excited to be in a new place, experiencing life from a different perspective.

Do you like my story?! Well not really a story but... I felt like writing what I saw while I was there. I love plains, and although I also love meadows and hidden sanctuaries, I think it’s fun to run around in a plain, with nothing but grass and small flowers. Maybe it’s because I can see if anything’s coming after me, and I know I won’t pick up any ticks along the way. Anxiety stuff. The eclipse was great ! I have a video of it one my channel... but it's mostly me yelling about "the rapture." I have some great pictures! Let me post them for you soon. I'll be back with another journal tonight!

[thehumanexperience8b]

April 7th, 2024: SOLAR ECLIPSE!

You’ve probably heard about the solar eclipse on April 8th, it’s become big news. Solar eclipse happens every 18 months, but it crosses America every 100 years, or so I’ve heard. My mom, my aunt, and I are traveling to upstate New York where I will be able to see a total eclipse! I won’t be online for about three days, I’m going to do an electronic detox while I’m there… Well, at least I’ll try. It might be boring because my brother decided not to go and I’ll be a little scared alone in a new place; at least I’ll have my mom though. If you’re going to watch the solar eclipse I hope it won’t be cloudy and it will be perfect weather!! We’re so lucky, it is sunny for Monday and Tuesday, but the rest of the month it will be raining constantly. My mom thinks the trip is meant to be. I’m excited!! I’m going to bring my cornicello necklace to be seen by the solar eclipse. I don’t know what to do, I don't want to waste this high energy moment. I’m very affected by energy and cosmic phenomena, I might just cry. I’ll be watching the whole time! Remember to wear your eclipse glasses! Check the link down below to see the list of official ISO-certified glasses, don’t hurt your eyes, and bring a jacket because it’ll get cold! https://eclipse.aas.org/eye-safety/viewers-filters

[thehumanexperience8b]

April 6th, 2024: Final Thoughts On The Little Mermaid Play!!!

The play was so good this year, I really did like it. I went to the play at my school to watch The Little Mermaid twice, once on Friday night and the matinee on Saturday afternoon. I went twice because my brother was so upset that it wasn’t like how he imagined (he does the soundboard). My family and I saw nothing wrong with anything, other than a few minor mistakes. But he bawled after the show and told us “please come back tomorrow you have to see it again.” My mom had to work, and my dad didn’t want to go again, but I thought about how important it was for him and decided to go back to see it again; I told him it was better than last time! But I wasn’t completely honest.. Now that I’ve seen it for the second time I noticed more differences, but I did get something good out of it that made me glad to go! The lead role was Bella, someone I consider a friend, but to be safe I’ll say she’s a peer. And the one who plays Scuttle, the seagull in the movie, was Faustina, a girl who sits next to Bella in English class. English is my favorite class of the day, and they’re always interested in what I have to say and hype me up when I get passionate about a subject. Bella, like I mentioned, was Ariel and she did a lot of singing and poses to look like a Disney princess. Faustina as Scuttle was perfect and she was so funny; she flew around via some cord connected to the catwalk the tech crew was on. I was glad I saw it twice because after the second show, I saw Faustina and yelled “Faustina! You were amazing!!!” and she said thank you! But the best part was that Bella saw me, she yelled my name and ran towards me. It just meant so much because it felt like she was genuinely excited to see me. I haven’t had someone excited to be around me like that in a long while. She also showed me that she was wearing the earrings I gave her during the performances. It makes me feel, kinda important. And not to mention she’s the LEAD ACTOR! I’m basically famous?! Just kidding with you. I was also hoping to be a background dancer this year, but I never committed. I went to one rehearsal though!!!! I left half way through because of anxiety... but I still got the role of mer-sister, handmaid, and mer-folk! I just wasn't ready to be practicing twice a week. But now I really wanna try again. Unfortunately, I was told there will not be another play this year. It makes sense, there is only two and a half months before graduation. Maybe in college I can be a dancer again. Honestly… I never thought I’d be friends with either of them. I hope they don’t see this eventually, it sounds kinda bad! But the first time I heard of Faustina was in health class Sophomore year. I was very bitter about the world back then, and I found her annoying really because she talked to the football guys and because she was loud. Nothing wrong with that obviously. And for Bella, the first time I remember her was from the previous play, Chicago. I think her role as Velma Kelly influenced my opinions about her, because I just thought she was probably mean. I remember when my brother told me she was Ariel; it kind of irked me because I thought this other girl should have gotten the role, but I really knew nothing about them. I made a lot of assumptions and I think I’ve learned that I shouldn’t do that. They’ve brought me a lot of happiness, and it made me more invested in the show because I knew them. I don’t know. I’m really glad  I went to go see it. The set and light were really good too. Oh, and the costumes were really beautiful! Compared to the plays from different schools, our theatre program is a step up. I like plays, I pretend I’m in Ancient Greece watching the first theatrical performances. Here’s some pictures of the girls, I hope they don’t mind their photos being on my blog!

[thehumanexperience8b]

April 4th, 2024: You're Gonna Win It All

Your heart’s been broken and your life's in disarray. You wanna take back all the bad, mistakes you made. It doesn’t seem you have a soul worth being saved; all of your dreams, are slipping away… Your clock is ticking and you’re running out of time. A voice inside you says you’re done, you’ve past your prime. Fairweather friends have gone and left you far behind. Seems like your world, is slipping away. But woah, woah! I need you to know, that you, you, will always be a star; you’re gonna shine again like a supernova. It ain't over. Til’ it’s over!! When the world pushes you down? You get back up! And when it knocks you around? You get back up! And now you fight a little harder… You get back up! And now you see a little farther… You get back… up! On your feet every time you fall. So please don’t give up now! Cause you’re gonna win it all. You’re gonna win it! You’re gonna win it all. You’re gonna win it! You’re gonna win it all. You’re gonna win it! You’re gonna win it all. You’re gonna win it, You’re gonna win it all. When you were young, the world, it seemed so different: a happy time before you lost your innocence. Where did it go, how did you fall so far from it? Look at yourself you’re slipping away… And now the streets you roam are cold and desolate. The only company you keep is your regret. You oughta run, you wanna put an end to it! Look at yourself, you’re fading away. But, woah, woah,, I need you to know. That you, you, will always be a child. You’re gonna smile again, my lucky clover. It ain’t over. TIL’ IT’S OVER! When the world pushes you down? You get back up! And when it knocks you around? You get back up! And now you fight a little harder… You get back up! And now you see a little farther… You get back… up! On your feet every time you fall. So please don’t give up now! Cause you’re gonna win it all. You’re gonna win it! You’re gonna win it all. You’re gonna win it! You’re gonna win it all. You’re gonna win it! You’re gonna win it all. You’re gonna win it, You’re gonna win it…! All your life you’ve wondered, baby: When’s it gonna be your turn? Always tried, and been denied; it’s like you’re always getting burned. Just remember this, my friend… It’s darkest before the dawn. You may see a victory, so baby, just hang on. Just hang on! You’re gonna win it. Just hang on… You’re gonna win it! Baby, just hang on. You’re gonna win it. (You’re gonna win it all.) Just hang on! You’re gonna win it… (You’re gonna win it all.) Just hang on! You’re gonna win it! (You’re gonna win it all.) Baby, just hang on! You’re gonna win it… you’re gonna win it. All. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uc19ld5Npq4

-Win It All. The Orion Experience

[thehumanexperience8b]

April 2nd, 2024: Simple Acts That Make A Difference

Today, I gave two peers gifts to commend them for the best roles in our upcoming school play on Friday ! I'm glad I did it today, because they're meeting kindergarteners on Wednesday, and on Thursday (and presumably Friday) they won't be in class so they can prepare for the show nights. The two girls I wanted to give gifts to are Bella, who plays the lead role of Ariel, and Faustina who plays plays Scuttle. On day at breakfast sometime a month ago, Bella told me she loved my earrings (they were big UFO's abducting a cow), and she said she wished that she had funky earrings like that. I immediately thought of giving her earrings as a gift. I had a lot of earrings, and I don't wear them too often because I get nervous putting them in. I also am practicing decluttering because I have a problem collecting everything I buy or am gifted. I wanted to give Faustina a present as well, because she sits next to Bella in English class (my favorite class of the day), and she and Bella are always interested in what I have to say, and make English class so much better. I was trying to think of something to give her, then when I was lying in bed I thought of a stuffed animal. How do you go wrong with a stuffed animal?! Then Faustina added me as a friend on Snapchat, so I asked her what her favorite color was. She said yellow, and because she plays a bird in the play, I thought a bird would be the best animal. But I couldn't find just the right stuffed animal from my room, so I bought her a plushie of an American Goldfinch from WILD REPUBLIC. Then I got attached to it and decided to buy the package of three backyard birds so I could have a Goldfinch myself... and a Black-capped Chickadee and Cardinal.

So when the right time came I asked to see them outside the room, and I told them I got them gifts to congratulate them on the best roles in the play! They were so excited I got nervous that they where expecting to much. But when I gave Bella her earrings, she thought they were so cute and perfect. When I gave Faustina her bird, she was so happy and she turned to Bella with her jaw dropped. ^u^

So what I mean to express with this entry is... the joy of giving is really greater than the joy of getting. It's one of the reasons I talk about the giving that I do; people say that "a good deed doesn't count if you tell someone about it." But it absolutely does!! When I donate money to charities, the money doesn't stop being useful because I talked about it. I talk about it because I want to share that giving makes someone so happy, especially since they might not have much, or they might wonder why no one gets them gifts. It's nice to be thought of. Especially if it's unexpected like today, the surprised look on their faces is totally worth it! Although I have a lot of stuff... I still wish to receive gifts; not because of its contents, but because of what it means to be given to.

"We should give as we would receive, cheerfully, quickly, and without hesitation; for there is no grace in a benefit that sticks to the fingers." -Seneca

[thehumanexperience8b]

April 1st, 2024: Sunrise!

I couldn't help it, of course I took photos with my movie camera. This was the 6 A.M. sunrise! I wanted to dedicate a separate post to it because I couldn't pick just one to share! None of the pictures are edited.

[thehumanexperience8b]

April 1st, 2024: Happy April First!

Buonasera! 

It’s April 1st today. Beautiful sunrise this morning! Time to get “busy” with those stirring Spring energies!!! April fools! Sorta… 

I’m excited for Beltane though! Beltane Eve is Tuesday April 30th this year. Cannot wait, I have some ideas for celebration. I don't have much going on this month other than the SOLAR ECLIPSE April 8th! We're going to upstate New York to get the best view. I'm nervous!!! I need to take advantage of this super powerful energetic moment. Whatever it is, I got seven days to figure it out! Are there any holidays you celebrate in April?

[thehumanexperience8b]

March 31th 2024: Happy New Arrivals!

Look at all these people, they were just born. That's adorable!! May each new person arrive at a happy home!

check it out! = (from: https://www.worldometers.info/watch/world-population/region.php)

[thehumanexperience8b]

March 30th, 2024: Simple Kind Souls

I just wanted to add a quick entry before rest tonight. I was looking at this book I was gifted today, called “Birds” by A Golden Guide. I was even given two, that book and “Birds” (again) by Pockets, two small pocket-sized books for identifying Northern American wild birds. These were given to me by my supervisor at my job because she said she had extra, and that I might like to use them. I asked her if she wanted me to return them, but she said they were for my keeping. I work on a small business farm, I work with her all the time and it’s very energizing for me; being around all the animals just living care-free lives, not having an ounce of understanding of how much time is put into caring for them!! But anyway.

The two people who run the farm are older folk, a man and a woman who had a child in their 20’s. She comes to work on the farm once and a while, but not too often. It’s only myself working there as an intern, they have never had another worker besides their daughter, Jenny. I started to feel like I was a real part of the family; she always worked with me and was forgiving, in the way my mother is, when I made a mistake. It feels like I’m a part of a family, and not that corporate “we’re like a big family” speech I hear they give you when you’re hired. When I had my first official day of work, I was given a company shirt that said “(brand name) Farm. Fresh. Local.” and a dozen eggs for free. She lets me collect the feathers the birds lose if they’re on the ground, and she’s given me big turkey feathers that she sells at the farmer’s markets. Her and her husband have drilled holes into coffee bins to make plastic bird nesting boxes for me, and have given me extra spare wool to hang on a tree for birds to use in their nests. She’s given me a chunk of finished product wool yarn that was a little bit torn up by her dog but still good! And two days ago she had given me two seed potatoes to cut up and plant because I told her I bought normal grocery store potatoes in hopes of planting them. (She says it probably won’t work with potatoes from Walmart). I like working there; I get to work with animals and pet bunnies, help out a small business, choose my own hours, get a workout, and get free stuff? Sign me up!

I was told that my life was interesting, but I never really thought about it. I just love life. But anyways, I just wanted to show my appreciation for these gifts, as they are not only a nice gesture, but a symbol from the universe of love, effort, my hard work, and gratitude.

Love you! Thank you local farmers.