thespritewithin

[thespritewithin]

The L.C. Endeavor

I got my first prop in the mail tonight for my next cosplay endeavor. (I seem to have a thing for completely outdated video game characters)

I've spent only about 20 min so far dolling it up, but I'm happy with them so far. Etsy can be pretty cool sometimes.

Join me for this ride? Constructive criticism welcome but please make sure it's actually constructive.

[thespritewithin]

Conor Kenway

In 2013 the Assassin's Creed video game franchise released it's newest installment, Black Flag.

The main character Connor is an antihero who spends pretty much the entire game on a redemption arc that never quite seems to level off to where he started. At the time I found Connor super relatable, not least of which is because I had a huge victim complex and always felt like the world was working against me. This is years before my identity journey would even start, and I had a plethora of other undiagnosed issues adding fuel to that fire. But that's a different story for a different blog post.

Back then, toyed with the idea of working on a costume to bring Connor to life, in my own way. Over the next decade or so I slowly pieced together props and costume pieces to make my idea a reality.

In 2023 I finally had the money, the, means, and just enough queer audacity to finish this project once and for all.

Connor Kenway isn't a good person. And in 2025 he and his story don't really stand the test of time. He's flawed (obviously) but also contradictory, selfish, and views the world as a zero sum game. His only redeeming quality might be his dogged determination, his stubbornness, his unwillingness to take no for an answer no matter how bad he is losing and no matter the cost. This is where I think I see myself in him still in 2025.

While my project isn't quite complete, and sure as hell isn't perfect, I've spent the last decade or so trudging along for no good reason only other than I wanted to and told myself I would, through financial hardship and personal pain; through ups and downs and good times and bad (mostly bad).

Connor is my white whale. He's something, someone I don't admire, and don't see much of myself in any more. But something I've chased for so long, that the chase itself sort of became a part of me.

I see this project as a sort of new beginning. If I set my mind to it I can do it. If I try hard enough, for long enough, and end result is inevitable. I am a little proud to be here, and to see what else I can set my mind to....

[thespritewithin]

Hello World

Xanga, Live Journal, My Space, Facebook, Instagram... Snapchat, vine, TikTok, the list goes on

This desire to communicate, to express oneself, to broadcast your existence, to shout into the void "I'm here and I think I matter, and here's my opinion" seems inevitable. Why do we crave this? Why do we desire to be known? And yet, we have bring perceived?

So here I am on another new (to me) platform. I'm here because I want to talk, and I'm not sure I really want a ton of people to listen. I mean that in the sense of I want to express myself but I fear judgement so I'd love to just do my own thing quietly in the corner and if you think this is neat, then come hang out, I guess. I feel compelled to talk about my fun and my success, my desires and my failures. And tomorrow I'll probably forget this space even exits until another few years have elapsed and this weird self expression need bubbles up within me again.

Please come hang out, but please be nice. If you're here to ridicule, shame, or punch down, just keep moving. But if you want to chat and critique, and share similar interests, please pull up a chair.