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Walric: I peed on your wife, xan, she’s mine now, that’s the law.

Xan: WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT, WHAT?!

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The Hero: The cashier had charged me for 4, yet I got 5 delicious sausage rolls. She was deceived by the bag. Alas, the universe fixed it in haste by tearing the bag, making me drop one sausage roll. But I wouldn’t let myself be meddled with so easily, so I ate it. The universe countered again by giving me food poisoning. Total equilibrium.

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Tomix: My toxic trait is that I truly believe I could win in a fight against anybody if I was mad enough. You might have the strength and size but I have pure, unfiltered rage.

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Artix: I’m an orphan. Lady Celestia: Not anymore you’re not. Artix: I’m adopted? Lady Celestia: Hi, adopted, I’m Mom.

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[“Inside the Garden”] Cysero: Look, you can’t make an omelet without pissing off a few chickencow-gods. The Hero: YES! YES, YOU CAN! Cysero: Hmm, I don’t think you’ve made an omelet before.

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Izaac: What are you doing? Riadne: Pokin’ around. Izaac: You can’t do that! Riadne: I can do anything I want. I’m cute.

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Cysero: I have a science headcanon. Lim: Can you just say you have a hypothesis like a normal person? Cysero:  Cysero: So my science headcanon is...

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Amadeus: Care to dance? The Hero: Love to. Amadeus: Excellent. The Hero: ...Let’s be clear, right? When you say “dance,” you mean “fight.” You don’t really wanna dance. Amadeus: Correct, fight, not dance. ...Sorry, did you wanna dance? The Hero: No! Really— come on, kinda weird! Amadeus: You know, sorry, this face-off isn’t going great. Would you mind terribly if we started over? The Hero: Yeah, sure. [Amadeus re-sheaths his sword, clears his throat and speaks in a loud voice] Amadeus: Well, well, well! If it isn’t the soon-to-be-dead Hero! The Hero: Oh, much better!

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Warlic, about Valen, the Hero, and Jaania: Heroes only come in three kinds: dead, damaged, or dubious.

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Galanoth: You know, Demento, you really ought to have armor with gilding. Or dragon scales. Or both! Demento: Would that not be impractical? Galanoth: It would be dramatic! Half the value of armor is intimidation. Demento: I prefer the half that keeps arrows out of my innards, personally.

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Artix: I am not trapped in a graveyard full of undead. You are all trapped in here with me!

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Tomix: It’s been nice knowing you. The Hero: …Are you going somewhere?  Tomix: No, I’m just saying, it’s been nice. Like, so far. The Hero: I’ve thought it’s been nice as well.

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[“The Map Room”] The Hero: Ow! My hair’s on fire! What’s wrong with you?! You blind? Why didn’t you tell me?! Trey: Sorry, I thought that was your look.

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Lady Celestia: What kind of tea do you want? Warlic: There’s more than one kind? Lady Celestia: I have blueberry, raspberry, ginseng, sleepy time, green tea, green tea with lemon, green tea with lemon and honey, liver disaster, ginger with honey, ginger without honey, vanilla almond, white truffle, blueberry chamomile, vanilla walnut, constant comment, and… Earl Grey.  Warlic: Did you make some of those up?

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The Hero: I’m pretty sure you’ve worn that outfit four days in a row. Tomix: Or I own four identical versions of the same outfit. The Hero: No, you don’t. There’s an old lollipop that’s been stuck to the back since Tuesday.

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[After “A New Student”] Nythera: It’s okay, Belle, nobody’s parents are perfect. Nythera: I mean, my dad is weird and collects seashells. Your dad is in a cult that attacks innocent people. So... They’ve all got their quirks.

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Xan: Of course you should fight fire with fire. You should fight everything with fire.